#dude mustve felt SO guilty he wasnt there

[boxofthings]

I constantly think about how 09 Soap must've felt losing Roach on a mission he didn't accompany him on.

His journal entries made it clear that he cared about Roach, talking about wanting to break him in and feeling more comfortable with mentoring Roach than Price was when mentoring Soap.

Not to mention how he spoke about how he saw himself in Roach, noting how he was "raw, skilled and loyal to a fault" (and this was after one mission together) and wrote down how Roach was a quick learner, good at the snowmobile and at C4 detonation (this guy was totally pining)

the 09 timeline in general is SO angsty, the tone overall was just sm grittier and you could feel the stakes of every mission. So just think about all the close calls Roach has gotten himself in, dude got his name for a reason and Soap had to experience first hand on multiple occasions why that is (so just think about how terrified he constantly is, having to watch someone you care about get hurt so often and just barely escape death)

Might be misremembering things but I'm pretty sure on every mission we go on, Roach is always accompanied by Soap, which makes it all the more gutwrenching that the one time they're split up is the moment where Roach's life is taken. Devastating :')

I always think about the radio calls right after Loose Ends, where Soap keeps yelling for Roach and Ghost to answer, only to stop once Price yells that they're dead. He must've been so desperate to hear at least one of them confirm that they were alive, only to be met with silence.

Think about Hornet's Nest from his perspective, watching Roach fall behind and being so close to catching him but not quite being quick enough. Soap was probably terrified at the thought of having to leave Roach behind and having to watch him run for his life while guiding him from the safety of the carrier. The pure, unadulterated fear and anger afterwards must've been so potent. I'm imagining the hug afterwards, but also the yelling, probably just him calling Roach an idiot and just how many times are you going to miss a jump before it kills you??

His heart must've dropped the moment he realized Shepherd had turned against them, and Roach was heading directly to him with the DSM, miles away from Soap's location. He wasn't even able to say goodbye. And reading his journal entry right before they go after Shepherd makes me unwell lol

Anyways yeah :') no one talks about 09 soaproach enough. They make me so upset it's insane.

[nami-writes]

all of them???

kidding, but i can name a couple scenes with isaac and gavin that i loved off the top of my head and its totally not bc ive been rereading them over and over and they definitely dont live in my head rent free:

for one, the first chapter of honor bound that i stumbled upon in which gavin tortures isaac on camera bc whumperflies goddamn it drew me in so quickly with isaac begging his family not to come for him the whole time and gavin just drinking it up

then, still when isaac’s in his captivity, the one where gavin just wanted to talk and isaac was just so, so tired bc, once again, whumperflies galore— i could feel the exhaustion in his begging, imagine the complete submission he was forced into

then the one i probably love most, which i have to take directly from the chapter:

bc isaac being the protector of the family + gavin being a clueless terrified helpless idiot + their whumper/whumpee history = not good things for gavin but im such a sucker for (1) helplessness and (2) begging and this particular part hit both of those perfectly, especially bc i can imagine this scene so vividly

then, less isaac but still gavin:

!!!! begging!!!!!! fear!!!!!!!! yes!!!!!!!!!!!! the building panic as vera approaches, his frantic apologizing, his constant fear of being literally murdered— i love it all

and the caning scene hurt, gavin must’ve known part of isaac’s reason to take over was for some revenge and he mustve felt so awful about it, probably wouldve begged for forgiveness if he didnt think he deserved to be punished for it

but also less active, intentional whump is also so good like when gavin had that nightmare about his dad and vera and woke isaac up and gavin was both still afraid to overstep or say too much or say the wrong thing for fear of being hurt or killed, and also in need of someone to talk to bc altho he thought he didnt deserve to have people care that he was hurting, he still very much was, and altho isaac scared him half to death when he got pissed isaac still did listen to him and leave the light on

then when he actually didnt tell anyone about the dream other than vera and, when gavin panicked over it, reassured him that she wasnt mad and told him he didnt need to be so afraid all the time, nobody had it out for him and he didnt always need to walk on eggshells to be accepted

and then!! the kiss!!! poor dude gave into his impulse to kiss isaac and got straight up punched and then the odd dynamic between the afterward where isaac is battling with conflicting feelings toward gavin while gavin probably feels so guilty and bad for falling in love with someone he hurt so badly but both of them still care greatly for each other

and now that im on book 3, when colleen is literally torturing him by proxy to force him to tell her how to punish isaac for caning him and both he and isaac are trying to protect each other; gavin by trying to last as long as he possibly can despite the pain and blood and humiliation and guilt, and isaac by trying to tell him to just tell his mom what she wanted to hear bc he’d rather be waterboarded than have gavin suffer for him, and then gavin’s guilt and frantic apologizing when he breaks, only now his apologies don’t come from fear of him but from care for him

i was so hoping gavin would get the brunt of the torture when the syndicates caught them bc he is a syndicate traitor and a traitor to a powerful syndicate at that and thats pretty much exactly what ive read happen so far and its so good

also each of them (well, so far just isaac and sam up to where i’ve read, but) pretty much giving gavin permission to just tell colleen how to best torture them bc theyre protective of him to the point where they’re willing to offer up their own safety for his and i bet he’s gonna feel so ridiculously guilty about it for the rest of his life including the actual torture scene

isaac worrying about their family being angry at gavin for breaking, for being unable to withstand the torture, and basically thinking “please dont blame him, it’s not his fault, please don’t be angry at him” every single time he even thinks anyone looks mad at him, and then not a single one of them being angry at him

just. there is so much stuff i love about gavin and isaac and their dynamic i will never get over them

Honor Bound 2 - 39

This is a series. Start here, continued from here. 

This is a sequel to Honor Bound. 

AO3

Cw: blink-and-you’ll miss it consensual sex mention, home invasion, thoughts and discussion of death, gendered slurs (aimed at someone of the opposite gender as the one slurs usually indicate), blood mention, death threats, mention of suicide, gore mention (imagined), gun in the mouth, dismemberment mention, hanging mention

Gavin was alone in the house, alone with his thoughts.

He’d been alone more often than not the past few days. He knew the family was planning on going south soon, and they needed to prepare. They went into town on a daily basis now to meet with people who had recent updates on the syndicate movements, to gather food and supplies, to set up a home for Edrissa once they left. From everything Gavin could gather, Edrissa would be living with a young couple who had escaped the syndicates several years ago. One had been a “companion,” one had been a “pet.” They would know exactly the kind of care Edrissa would need. She’d be safe, for perhaps the first time in her life.

Gavin assumed the rest of the team would head south when they were ready. He’d heard Tori talk about possibly starting a safehouse up here, but he doubted she would follow through. Not that he didn’t think she could do it; he’d just seen how Tori was with Vera. How they touched each other whenever they could. How they would position themselves protectively in front of the other when one of them suddenly couldn’t breathe. How they shared a bed. How sometimes at night Gavin could hear the noises they made in bed together.

It all made him burn with longing.

Keep reading

[jaytodd1129]

Musings on the whole Brian May IG apocalypse of 2019 (aka: I’m Getting Way Too Fucking Old For This Shit. Literally.)

I’ve been debating on whether I should even say anything about this. I’ve been debating it for quite a while now. But since everyone seems to have their own opinion on the matter and to be sharing it quite freely, I finally figured hell!  why shouldn’t I?

So I read the initial comment that sparked this entire thing. I read Brian’s reply. Then I read Brian’s reply to his own reply. And then, finally, the post where he announces he will become less active on his IG account from now on (To say I read the heaps and heaps of hate messages on his comment section goes without saying).

So without further ado, here are my two cents on the matter. Let’s start this shindig!

I first came across this entire situation at around 2am when I was unable to sleep and I opened tumblr to see posts about how “Brian May was now cancelled”. My immediate reaction was “Oh no. WHAT DID HE DO??”. As I kept scrolling down and seeing more and more posts about it, I felt my heart sinking. Brian May? Justifying rape? Defending sexual assault? Taking a rapists’ side?? What the hell?? The more I read, the bleaker the view for one of my favorite rockstars of all time became, so I decided to confront the situation head on, and read the damn comment with my own two eyes.

I mean... it must’ve truly been a horrible comment to spark such a reaction.

Riiiiiiiiiiiight?

Wrong. What I came across was a mildly annoyed comment from a dude-- at its core-- being peeved at being told what to do. That was it. Add in a remark about “innocent until proven guilty” and we have our so very infamous comment.

The last part seems to be the thing that has riled people up the most. But you know what? I’m gonna get this out of the way now before I proceed with anything else: it’s true!! Is this really news?? It’s what american and many other countries’ judicial systems are founded on! If “innocent until proven guilty” WASN’T true, I could go to work tomorrow and accuse my boss of raping me and have him arrested by noon. For fuck’s sake, HE could accuse me of raping HIM and have ME arrested by noon! Anyone could accuse anybody of doing anything, and it would immediatly be held as truth, and we’d all be in jail right now.

Presumption of innocence isn’t the problem with the way that rape and assault victims are treated in court. With the way that offenders get to serve meager sentences for actions that forever cripple the minds--and sometimes even---bodies of survivors. The problem is that the people in charge of delegating these punishments don’t seem to understand the true impact that rape and abuse have on victims. They seem to hold it in the same light as mugging or aggravated assault which is ludicrous and an insult to such survivors. This is what we need to work on changing! THIS! Not a principle that has kept order in society and protected us all for as long as there has been a thing called law.

That aside. I think we’re all guilty of intolerance towards people that have an opinion that even SLIGHTLY differs from our own. It’s like we’ve become allergic to listening and asking ourselves “why would this person think this way? what could be this person’s point of view?”. Nowadays, we meet everyone who seems to contradict us with an attack and we assume the worst behind the reason they do it. I think that if people had actually stopped to think about what Brian May meant with what he was saying, no one would’ve had such a violent response. Because I fail to see how anybody that gave his comment 2 second’s thought could ever interpret is as meaning “Rape is good. I’m siding with a rapist”. They would’ve realized that he was reacting mostly to the way that he was being talked to... which is my next point.

I don’t think that the girl who made the first comment was wrong necessarily. That is not the point I’m trying to make here. But don’t you think you go a long way from saying “Do this. Thanks.” to treating someone like a reasonable human being and kindly laying out your point of view?  Wouldn't we all react better to someone trying to gently shed light on a certain matter, than someone ordering us to do something? I know I would. Seriously. I HATE it when someone (that isn't my boss) tries to order me to do something, and I can tell you right now, I probably would've had a very similar reaction to the one he had.

Lastly, I don’t know about Bryan Singer. I don’t know what he did or didn’t do. If he did what he’s being accused of, I hope he rots in a jail-cell for the rest of his life. I don’t care how wonderful The Usual Suspects is, I don’t care that he’s the father of most of my beloved X-Men movies. Being good at your job shouldn’t give you a free pass in the eyes of the law to do whatever the fuck you want. You’re still just a human being like the rest of us and should be held accountable for all and any crimes committed. 

But everyone is an individual and we are as such allowed to form our own opinions and reason through things without immediatly going along with what the vast majority is saying. Brian May questioning things isn't wrong. It's just proof that he is a thinking man. And I think we should all strive to be thinking people and not punish others for questioning things. It’s by questioning things that we get to the truth.