#duck is a damn fatty bird

[airyairyaucontraire]

I posit that half the problem with turducken is that they gave it a name with "turd" right at the start.

[vahilor]

Jamie’s Story

First chapter of the story I am working on. 

Beyond

Chapter I

"Sometimes everything seems hopeless, empty, meaningless. You feel alone, always afraid that everyone hates you and despises you just because you are not what they expect you to be.

But there will be a moment when you can prove that against all odds you are the one who survives, your chance to show who you really are.

Never give up hope because if you give up hope, you also lose yourself."

- Jamie

Everything was dark, only the soft sound of waves tickled Jamie’s ear. He felt warm sand beneath him, as well as water lapping his bare feet. It surprised him. He vaguely remembered that he had never lived by the sea, even if the memories were strangely blurry and tattered. Almost like a large puzzle where only the ragged edges are left. He tried to open his eyes, but a blinding brightness dazed him.

He felt a throbbing pain in his head and the light made it worse. Jamie closed his eyes again. He could make out soft voices he barely recognized in the distance, something felt strange about them. He opened his eyes slowly this time, to protect them from the bright light. His head pounded, but he could make out distant silhouettes of what looked like rocks. In the distance, a darkness, perhaps the edge of a forest. The young man took a deep breath and tried to sit up slowly, a stabbing pain shot through his head. He moaned softly and touched his temples before looking down, horrified to find out he was naked.

Jamie desperately tried to cover up his bareness, ashamed of his weight. Much to his chagrin, while still trying to cover himself, he heard a man’s laughter. It was a familiar laugh, one that he had heard a lot in his life. "Oh look, Fatty finally woke up." Someone else joined in the laughter, this time a female voice he knew as well. "We are in the middle of nowhere, why is that jerk with us, too? He’ll only eat all the shit they left us. This isn’t going to be any fun." The women was bitching around like she often did when things did not work out the way she wanted. Jamie looked in their direction, feeling totally daunted, wishing the ground would swallow him up. "I don’t even think there are enough clothes to cover his fat body.” bitched the female voice, Peggy, Jamie suddenly remembered … she had made it a passion to pick on Jamie, because he did not fit into their picture of an ‘ideal’ world. "Leave him, guys, it’s not his fault, he’s stranded here just like the rest of us.", sighed a rather calm woman's voice that Jamie could not place. It belonged to a young, rather inconspicuous, dark-haired woman who had a red trekking backpack beside her. She searched through it, only taking a moment to come up with a pair of pants and shirt that she thought suited the young, chubby man.

The woman stood up with the small bundle of clothes in her arms. She walked over to Jamie, whose face turned the color of a ripe tomato the reason not being the prevailing heat, which he was suddenly aware of. She handed the bundle to him, he thanked her in a pitiful way and took the clothes awkwardly with one hand, covering his body with the other. Upon closer inspection, he found she’d handed him a pair of cargo pants and a simple T-shirt, which at least seemed to fit. Jamie clumsily slipped the clothes on, which looked strange, as he tried to hide his nakedness, the group roared with laughter. Only the kind, unknown woman did not laugh. When Jamie finally got into his clothes he observed the group, who’d lost interest in mocking him, sitting a few yards away. There were a total of 6 people, two women, one being Peggy. He also recognized Peggy’s, boyfriend Clint, who plays in the University's Rugby team. His two cronies Brian and Kevin were also there, sitting nearby. All were popular and good looking, not a geek like him, he thought. It was strange that he remembered all of these details, while the rest of his memories just were a blurry mess in his head. The fourth man was unfamiliar to Jamie, this man was also handsome but seemed rather arrogant. Jamie suddenly felt like a fat little duck, surrounded by swans.

Jamie felt his upper arm start to itch while still sitting in the sand, drawing his attention away from the group. He peered under the sleeve of his shirt, a tattoo appeared. He’d never had any tattoos. Where did the damn thing come from? Why did he not notice that right away? Why did it itch so miserably? He fought off the need to scratch, not wanting to draw attention, he’d already done that enough. He pulled down his sleeve and fought the urge to scratch. While he was still pondering, he suddenly felt a painful kick in his side.He immediately flinched and held his side. "Ow," he wailed softly. "Move your fat ass and get some wood ... or are you afraid to get stuck between the trees, Fatty?" Kevin grinned. "I .. without shoes?" Jamie asked cautiously, which only made the man roll his eyes. "Without shoes ...." mocked Kevin Jamie and laughed again. "Yes, without shoes you geek." Kevin growled and kicked him again to make his annoyance clear.

Jamie scrambled to his feet and looked at the woods, then back to the others, none of them tried to help him. The young man carefully walked to the edge of the forest. He was scared. Jamie knew nothing about this place, maybe it wasn’t safe. He spotted some driftwood on the beach, which he decided to collect, allowing him to avoid the forest. He felt hostile looks dart from the group as he did. A trilobite caught his attention as it scrambled away from him. Strange, Jamie thought, he knew that this creature had gone extinct a long time ago. He frowned in confusion, tapping one with a stick, causing them to flee quickly into the water.

Jamie watched the creature disappear in the shallow waves. He collected a few branches of driftwood, and brought it back to the group. "That's not enough ... go get more, Fat cheeks." Kevin laughed again as he tried to start a fire. "This time, run.” He laughed, “Oh, and I want to have a stack that goes up to my shoulders." He pointed to his shoulder and made a scolding gesture. Jamie trotted off, aware that they were just sending him away to be rid of him. He did not fit in, he was not slim and fit, he did not play rugby team or have rich parents. A vague memory reminded him that he was adopted, and did not even know his biological parents. He continued to collect wood and noticed strange lights in the sky, which flashed now in then in the blue sky. It was hard to tell if they were airplanes or something else.

Towards evening, the young man's back and arms ached and the tattoo had started to itch again. It felt like a swarm of ants were constantly biting into it his shoulder. The left side of his back felt the same and Jamie could not explain why. Meanwhile, the group had managed to start a fire and warmed up one of the cans they had found in their backpack. To Jamie's grief, they had not even left a spoonful for him. Clint ate the last drop slowly in front of him.

"You are fat enough." Clint said smugly, sprawling out beside the fire. They made sure they left no room for Jamie, so he curled up in the sand, in front of an old tree trunk a few yards away. He looked sadly at the water, feeling rejected. He wanted to leave, yet he knew that without the group he’d never survive, or find his way back home, wherever they were. He could hear the group’s soft murmurings. They obviously didn’t want Jamie to understand. Sometimes he could hear laughter, he suspected, at his expense.

Jamie tried to ignore them, but it wasn’t easy. He felt hurt and had trouble holding back the tears that luckily the others could not see. He just wanted to go home. Being stranded with a group of people who only saw him as a pile of dirt was a horrible feeling. Why were they here? Why was HE here? The ground was hard and uncomfortable, and after tossing and turning a while he finally passed out from pure exhaustion.

Jamie felt a rough kick, waking him abruptly. His headache had returned, but seemed a little weaker than the day before, he felt as if he’d been hit by a truck. Everything ached from carrying the wood the day before, his back and shoulder itched terribly. He felt sticky and would have liked a shower or at least to rinse off. He blinked into the bright sunlight and could see Kevin standing above him. "Gonna sleep all day?" he asked directly. Kevin seemed to be in a bad mood and apparently had not slept much. "If you want to eat something, take care for wood you little asshole. None of us needs a fat sea cow sun bathing on the beach." The fact that the others did not do anything did not seem to bother Kevin. Brian, Peggy and Clint had apparently decided to go swimming in the ocean. Kevin himself seemed to enjoy commanding Jamie around while the guy Jamie did not know was eating some of the canned food. Only the young woman, Kira, Jamie had overheard, was trying to carve a spear.Jamie sat up before slowly standing, which made Kevin kick him again. "Faster .. I want some hot food today." he snapped, causing Jamie to stumble back. Jamie decided to walk down the beach, hoping to find something to eat there. There were a lot of unknown sounds to him here: birds cried overhead, strange, smaller animals squeaked and ran into the forest before he could get a good look at them. The loudest noise, though was a weird gurgle, which came from some very ugly birds, that he discovered about a mile down the beach. Dodos, he recognized quickly. Funny that he had kept that knowledge, where he could barely remember simple things like his parents. He took a deep breath and tried to remember what he knew about the birds, at least they were a harmless, extinct species. Seeing them here was as inexplicable as the trilobites.

Just one of the large birds would be enough to feed the whole bunch, but Jamie would never have the heart to kill one. He watched the Dodos for a while, until he noticed they were picking at a blueberry bush. He carefully approached one, and plucked one of the remaining berries looking it over before putting it in his mouth. The berries were slightly sweet, Jamie waited a bit until he ate another, they seemed edible so he gobbled down a few more. They did not really sathe him, but were better than nothing.

Jamie sighed, the hot sun beating down on him. He looked out across the sea, where the morning sun mirrored at the surface of the water. Maybe he could sneak in a swim, to refresh himself and above all to wash away the sweat. He just had to walk little further, then he would be out of sight. He hurried a little along the beach, away from the group. Big boulders stuck out of the sand, casting a little shade which some of the dodos had made themselves comfortable in.

Since Jamie was not wearing shoes, he strolled closer to the water to let the shallow waves wash over his feet. The water was cool and refreshing and felt good, though it took him a while to regain the courage to remove his clothes. He waded deeper into the water, where he could see smaller fish darting away in all directions. If everything hadn’t have been so confusing, he would have described it as beautiful. The water was crystal clear, revealing coral reefs deeper in the water. Jamie sat down and began to wash himself, while a few smaller fish bravely approached. They swam around the young man to survey the strange creature in their habitat. Jamie leaned back, so that some water touched his back, which immediately started to burn on his left side. He jumped and tried to catch a glimpse of his back. Did he hurt himself or did he have a rash? At least that would explain the itching, which still occurred from time to time.With a couple maneuvers, he managed to catch a small glimpse, and what he saw made him flinch. Someone had tattooed the entire left half, and only recently, it was still red and healing. How could he not have noticed? Jamie swallowed hard and started shaking. Something was really wrong.

Jamie stood up, and carefully put his clothes on. He would have liked to ask someone about the tattoos. He could hardly see the one on his back, but on his arm he clearly recognized a Utharaptor. It was an extremely delicate tattoo, he couldn’t help admire the artistry. He didn’t understand why someone had tattooed him, what did it mean? He shook his head and went on, lost in his thoughts. His stomach pushing him to find something more to eat. There was nothing apart from the dodos, some gull-like birds and fish. The berries were useless, as long as he had nothing to collect them in and catching fish without a rod was impossible.

Jamie made his way back. Only now did he realize how far he had gone, it took him almost two hours to get back. Kevin was waiting for him, his eyes growing darker when he saw that Jamie had brought nothing. "How dare you come back empty handed!?" Kevin snapped. "You little fat jerk, you didn’t bring anything?"Jamie looked to the ground, stammering for words. "I .. I .. there are berries .. and fish .. but .. but I had nothing to transport them or to catch the fish .. with the knife .. you could make spears." Jamie glanced at Kevin, who became significantly angrier, and without warning punched Jamie into the stomach. The young man writhed, whimpered and collapsed on the sand. "You're as useless as a sack of shit." Kevin growled, leaving Jaime on the ground. "Weakling .." Jamie could still hear softly as Kevin walked away, back to the others. He rolled on his side. The blow hurt badly and Jamie felt like throwing up. He crawled back to the tree trunk where he had slept yesterday, curling up into a ball. He could not understand what he did wrong, he blinked several times while listening to the others argue. "Just be glad he found something, you could stop being so hard on him and do shit for yourself." Kira yelled angrily. "Make your own damn spear to catch fish!" she growled at one of the others. “I'm not your monkey .. Fatty needs to make himself useful, otherwise we could just leave him. He’ll only eat all our stuff, leaving nothing for us! " "Idiot." was the last thing Jamie heard from Kira before she stomped off.

Jamie fell asleep from pure exhaustion and stress, he slept until late morning, waking only from the beating sun shining on him. Kevin had let him sleep in today. Maybe he decided to look for something to eat himself. Jamie took the chance and layed a moment before he sat up. It was already hot again and only the shadow of the tree trunk had saved Jamie from an even worse sunburn. He looked around and wondered why he could not hear the others. He leaned against the trunk of the tree and only then realized that one of the combat knives was stuck in it. There was also a blanket next to him, as well as a backpack. He carefully opened it, but it was light and he knew there wasn’t much to be found inside. Some flint, steel, a second shirt, as well as a belt and a can were all that was left. The strangest part however, was a pencil and a small book that contained mostly blank pages. The first page had "I'm sorry." written on it in beautifully curved letters.

Jamie was confused, the note made no sense to him. Why should someone apologize? He shook his head and got up slowly. He looked again at the place where the group usually sat, no one was there. The fireplace was deserted, empty cans were strewn about. He stared at the extinguished fire for a while before it dawned on him: he was alone. Dazed, he took the backpack and the knife, following some tracks that led to the edge of the woods. He stopped, realizing that he would never find them again, even if he did, he was sure they would just chase him off. He wiped his eyes that stung with angry tears. He turned back towards the beach, walking aimlessly. The small canteen from the backpack was nearly empty, so he turned his attention from his loneliness and onto surviving, his first task was to find water.

[atypical60]

Christmas is arriving in less than a week– time is flying by at such a rapid speed that I feel I’ve been doing everything……………………………………….and nothing!

Time.  It’s fleeting and I’ve so little of it–but I feel like I’m not getting anywhere!

The house is decorated as tastefully and as discreetly as I could possibly make it with the tree being the center of attention.  I didn’t even load the tree up with all the ornaments we have amassed—I wanted to take it a bit lightly.

All the bannisters in the house are dressed and lit up…

The tree has settled in nicely and is decorated but not overdone…

Sofas, loveseats and chairs are festooned with holiday pillows, blankets, and throws!

It’s the small touches and little nuances that are adding a festive look to our home this year.

A plaid tablecloth, a very large poinsettia, milk for Santa and more…

A basket on the wall with holiday greens and berries..

Ribbon and garland on the cupboard..

And the Master of the house admiring it all! That Chippy!

Work has been crazy-busy.  And as much as I thrive on a busy and productive work day, during the holiday prep days, I kind of wish that I had more time. Time.  We all need it during that stretch of year between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Am I right?

Sometimes not having enough time turns me into a Scroogette.  But not for long!

The list for Christmas dinner has been created and Bonaparte and I will head out to cross the food items off tomorrow as we do the final shop. Luckily, I’m off from work and will be able to get this done!

The kids begin to arrive on Saturday.  I’ll pick Jake up at the airport and Oona and Sam will arrive with their new puppy, Gracie, by car.  Roman will get here on Sunday.

And with that means three nights of family dinners pre-Christmas!

Christmas Eve dinner?  Since we are not big on Christmas Eve and I’ll be preparing for the next day with guests coming over, Christmas Eve is usually relaxed.  When we lived in New Jersey, Christmas Eve was a gathering of neighbors and was wonderful.  Everyone has since moved on which is sad in a way.

But—my new Christmas Eve tradition is take-out.  What’ll it be this year?  Chinese or Asian fusion?  Middle Eastern food (I vote for that)?  Buffalo Wild Wings? We’ll all figure it out together.

What’ll Christmas Eve be–Chinese?

Middle Eastern? (yes)

B-Dubs wings? …or all three?

Sunday’s dinner will be a very-much requested meal by all three kids. Vietnamese Lemongrass Chicken.  Always a winner!

The very well-loved Lemongrass Chicken. Spicey.  Lots of Heat and delicious.  I’ll have to triple up on the recipe and quadrupe on the sauce and rice! A great Sunday night dinner!

But—Saturday evening’s dinner will be slightly different.  At first, I was going to go very casual with a big pot of chili.  But the thing is that Oona can’t stand beans in her Chili.  I love mine with a ton of beans.  And then she added that since she and Sam are driving, they’ll arrive later so they could pick something up.

My first choice was chili–mmmmm.  But Oona doesn’t like beans in hers!

That left me, the Frenchman and Jake to dine together.  What could I make for Jake that could be special?  Since his move to L.A., I don’t get to see him at all (which makes him happy, I think) and he’s really busy traveling between the coasts to meetings.  He deserves a nice home-cooked meal from mommy!

And so, I decided upon duck.  He loves duck.  Bonaparte loves duck. I love duck.  And the more I thought about it, the more I was determined to make duck.

I’ve made duck breasts with an orange sauce but not a whole roasted duck with orange sauce1

Now—understand my kids and I have a group text.  When Oona got hold of the duck thing her reaction was a very sibling kind of thing.  But I assured her that there would be plenty of duck for them when they arrive.

Actual text between me and Oona.  She’ll take the duck!

Now—about the duck.  Have you any idea how difficult it is to buy a friggin’ duck on Philly’s Mainline?  First of all, there are no duck farms around here.  Secondly, I don’t think many people even roast a whole duck anymore.  Thirdly (is that even a word?), I couldn’t even depend on our local Wegmans for duck.

Let me explain something. People think that Wegmans is the be-all and end-all in grocery.  It isn’t.  In the first place, the company insists on product placement in odd areas of the store.  Furthermore, the help, as amiable as they are, have no idea what is in the bowels of the stock area.

I swear my chances of finding a golden egg are better than finding a duck at Wegmans!

I went in to Wegmans two days ago in search of duck.  Now—the store usually has the ready-packaged D’Artagnan brand duck breasts, duck fat and duck sausage. On this particular day, I picked up the last breast as a safeguard. There was no duck fat (thankfully I have some in my fridge) and…there were no ducks in the frozen weird food’s freezer.

If I couldn’t find a whole duck, I would scour the Mainline to find a few of these!

This is a freezer set apart from the frozen foods section.  In this freezer, the store has shelves of bone marrow, beef liver, gizzards and other meat oddities.  There had to be about thirty frozen gooses (or is it geese), frozen capon, but no frozen duck.

I then walked over to the “fresh meat” counter—the one where Wegmans fancies it up to make one think there is an actual trained butcher.  But there isn’t.  Anyway, I walked over to the counter and asked the pretend butcher if there was any duck in the back because I didn’t see any in the freezer.

Either this guy’s name was Thomas, aptly named after the doubting Apostle, or he thought I was a student on the short bus who didn’t know what a frozen duck looked like.  He walked over to the freezer to find a duck…and ended up validating my works that there were no frozen ducks.

Truthfully, I was Jonah to the meat man at Wegmans (even though I DID have my lip waxed over the weekend!)

Stunned at the site of an overabundance of goose, he scratched his head and told me he would go into the back to see if any came in.

After ten minutes he appeared and told me that ducks had, in fact, been delivered but he couldn’t find them.  He took down my name and number and promised me he would call when he found the ducks.  It’s been two days now and he hasn’t called me.  I feel like a rejected date.

No!  He didn’t.  Duck him!!

Acquiring this duck was now becoming an obsession.  My husband offered to see if he could get one  or two at the Wayne Farmer’s Market when he gets the chicken for Sunday evening.  For me, it’s the principal of the thing.  I declined his offer because I wanted to find the duck and the Farmers Market duck would be very expensive.

Then I thought about my days growing up on Long Island. Duck farms were plentiful out on the East End and now only one is left.  But—at least I know I could get a damned duck if we lived out on Long Island!

If only we lived out on Long Island.  I would be a regular at Crescent Duck Farm.  The Corwin family would think I’m a duck stalker!

And on the way to work yesterday I had an epiphany.  I could bet that Whole Foods would have duck.  It would be overpriced but perhaps not so much as the Farmers Market.  If I purchased the duck before work, I could store the duck in the office fridge.

Whole Foods in Devon.  They got the goods!

Have you ever been to Whole Foods?  It’s a trip, that store.  What Walmart is to the common, basic and under-salaried folk, Whole Foods is to the well-salaried, trendy, hip and “I-only-buy-the-best” crowd.

Thrillist.com got it right about the sterotypical Whole Foods Shopper!  Where we Walmart Shoppers tread in five-buck leggings–Whole Foods has the Lululemon contingent–but they don’t eat–so who are they buying this food for?

I arrived as the store opened.  My Toyota Rav-4 nestled between the Land Rovers and Beemers.  My red coat stood out like the outerwear of a seasoned walk of shamer in the crowd of blonde (real hair too—not wigs like mine), almost anorexic-thin, Tory Burch clones dressed in activewear.  I wondered why they were in a grocery store at all since all they probably consume are two green shakes a day and maybe a raisin or a grape for added protein.

Not kidding.  99 percent of the women in Whole Foods were Tory Burch lookalikes.  The other one percent was me!

Note to self:  Next time you are going to shop at Whole Foods please wear a blonde wig! Also. Lose thirty pounds and don activewear.  Only buy ingreeds for a green shake.  Then buy a duck!

Then I had a ray of hope—these women would never eat a duck—there’s too much fat!

And speaking of fat…look what I found!  At Walmart!!  This spray duck fat is greatness!

And so, I sauntered over to the butcher (a real one) and inquired if I could get a duck.  Well..I must have been one of a rare breed who actually asked for a fatty bird because he seemed very happy to help me—either that or he hadn’t seen a woman with meat on her bones in a while. After all. this Whole Foods is on Philly’s Mainline where women live in activewear unless they are attending a wedding, funeral or formal fundraiser for their child’s private school.

He led me to a refrigerated section that was loaded with ducks.  Succulent, fatty, undressed ducks that were waiting to be placed into a cart and roasted or grilled or cooked confit style.  Ducks that would be slathered with a citrusy syrup of orange and Grand Marnier or a Cherry sauce or an Asian sauce.  Duck that would put a smile on those who consumed it.

This is better than the golden egg. This is Saturday Night Dinner!

I purchased not one, but two ducks.  Two will feed five people perfectly.

My ducks!  I can’t wait to roast these babies!

And the breast I picked up at Wegmans?  It’s in the freezer for another time!

Cooking for my grown kids is even more fun than cooking for them when they were young.  They appreciate a fine meal these days.  We can share wine with dinner and aperitifs before.  Yes. I miss the days of Santa but these are the days when we can enjoy each other as adults.

Whatever preparations you are making for Christmas, I hope you are having a great time doing so!

True dat!  Those memories linger on.  I’m sooo sentimental that I cannot bring myself to get rid of this pretzel and photo ornament Oona made for me when she was in second grade. Look at the pretzels–they faded!  And they are broken but my memories aren’t broken!

The holidays come and go but oh..those memories linger on!

    The Christmas Chronicles 2018. WTF?? All I Want is a Freakin’ Duck! Christmas is arriving in less than a week-- time is flying by at such a rapid speed that I feel I’ve been doing everything……………………………………….and nothing!