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hello! i apologize in advance this is probably something that you get asked a lot. but do you have any recs on literary magazines to submit to? im a trans poet, ive been writing for over a decade but never shared anything and ive been wanting to try to send my stuff to get it published somewhere. obv ive been google searching but theres so many big and small publications and i was wondering if you have ones you like especially and/or tips on how to choose a magazine/journal to submit to. thanks a lot! <3
no worries, thank you for reaching out!! i've been publishing for like 8 years + an editor for almost 4, so i always appreciate the opportunity to help people new to the world find ethical publications that will treat their work with the care it deserves.
first and foremost: there are going to be pubs out there that are awesome and i don't know about. you may be the one to discover them for yourself! one aid in finding the best mag for your work is the wonderful, writer-created chillsubs. it's a fantastic platform that keeps a huge list of mags and presses and their relevant stats, and lets you create an account and bookmark those you're interested in. everyone i know uses them, and it's very worth it given the sheer volume of mags out there.
i also have some recs of my own, ofc. i'm going to list them below. if they pay (which i prioritize) I'll mark them with a $. some are trans/queer focused and some aren't, but all are pubs i've either edited and/or published with and can confirm their ethics + respect for writers.
manywor(l)ds - my mag! i'm co-founder and eic. break genre _ shapeshift with us. ($)
Sinister Wisdom - old, well-regarded lesbian+ lit mag, now open to everyone who is/loves a dyke. I'm guest-editing an issue on Madness with them, now open for submissions!
fifth wheel press - run by a beloved friend and comrade of mine. i've published here. excellent transparency, care, great for first-timers. ($).
kith books - headed by trans literary icon kat blair. a mag/press/community centered around bodymind non-conformity and noncompliance.
Honey Literary - QTPOC-centered, unabashedly pop-culture + social justice oriented. the vibes are simply immaculate.
Whale Road Review - not queer/trans focused, more oriented toward....'grown up' poetry/prose/pedagogy papers. Katie Manning (eic) is a fucking gem.
Graphic Violence Lit - just had my first experience publishing with them, and their care + consideration for the whole writer is amazing. they publish boundary-pushing work.
beestung - one of the brainchildren of Sarah Clark. nb/gq/2s SFF. I just edited a few guest issues w them and have published with them. amazing work. ($)
A Velvet Giant - genrequeer work. the editors are experienced, enthusiastic, and amazing at promoting writers long after publication. it's a family! ($)
Ethel Zine + Press - handmade with love by Sara Lefsyk (as you can see, trans/nonbinary/2s sarahs dominate indie publishing, as well we should :3). Sara is a sensitive and care-full editor and bookmaker whose every publication is a work of art.
Protean - pro- as in proletariat. awesome left mag with a mix of politics and culture and everything in between. they take reprints! ($)
Mudroom - publish your work along with a picture of your mudroom/shoe rack. very responsive editors who will hype you tf up. ($)
The Institutionalized Review - for psych survivors. the editors concreteness of vision and dedication to their community know no bounds.
Just Femme + Dandy - queer and fashion-focused! led by the inimitable Addie Tsai. They pay *handsomely*. ($)
In addition, there are also some "big" mags I have had excellent experiences publishing with and wanted to shout out. These are harder for a beginner to break into, but worth keeping on your radar + have been fantastic to me as a writer.
Electric Lit
Split Lip Magazine
The Offing
Nat. Brut
Santa Fe Writers' Project
Bodega
New Orleans Review
Augur Magazine
I hope this is helpful to you + others! the literary world is ever-changing and this is just a snapshot. Hopefully you find some that you like!
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On the topic of game reception, what are your thoughts on the current state of pokemon?
OK THIS ASK WAS SENT BEFORE THE HUGE LEAK LOL but I have a lot to say:
I watched VHS tapes, played the games, and owned merch since a young age so the series is very special to me. But I don't like the current direction at all and it's not because of the designs or nostalgia. The quality and game performance plummeted so how can I enjoy playing when there's mad lag or low frame rate that hinders my progress and worsen the experience??
It took too many years for them to realize they need to put quality over quantity after the SWSH mess, seeing that they can get away with pretty much ANYTHING and still make huge profit. You see people say that Pokemon should've never went 3D and stay 2D but tbh, it's a series that improves it's graphics as technology advances so it's not a surprise for them to finally go 3D and personally I think that's fine but just keep it looking good and fun (though I would love a 2D/3D hybrid). XY introduced a lot of new features but still lacked in some aspects that still haven't really been solved or added.
Reusing assets is common in the industry but only to a certain extent. They claimed that SWSH was taking a while to make because they were making brand new models which turned out to be a lie and they look like bootleg figures with the new lighting. The 3DS models were ripped from Pokepark, including some animations, but a lot of them still barely have any character. They have their own in-house team (Creatures Inc) so they made the decision NOT to have pokemon properly animated or look alive.... Also they made spin-offs like Ranger, Colosseum, Pokepark, and Pokken which look AMAZING
FRLG took only one year while HGSS was being developed at the same time as Platinum and took 3 years to finish that turned into one of the best games and remakes ever made. As the franchise expands, the team also needs to add more manpower but Game Freak can definitely afford to get more resources to help them?? They can't continue having a ragtag team of like 20 people to make a game back then and do the same now then expect good results... Hire more people who know how create with current gen consoles IT'S COMMON SENSE PLS also I can't believe they had a different company create BDSP knowing how beloved and groundbreaking DPPT was?? No redesigns like the previous remakes and thought it was a good idea to keep it looking a carbon copy to the DS style...
Also it's shocking to see how fan reception can change how the devs direct the next gen ESPECIALLY when it's not even real constructive criticism?? When Unova came out, I remember seeing all the online outcry about "OH THEY HAVE AN ICE CREAM CONE POKEMON AND A TRASH BAG, THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS EW" then actually hear it being repeated at school.... I WAS TRYING TO SURVIVE SINCE DAY 1 IN THE TRENCHES DEFENDING THIS GAME IT WAS ALWAYS GOOD AND DIDN'T NEED 10 YEARS TO AGE WELL. It's crazy how these are the same people who want another Kanto when Trubbish is Grimer (garbage waste) and Vanillite is Voltorb (based on literal items) then you could not catch any other pokemon from different regions in the main game. And the leak confirmed that the disgruntled hate from the west made the devs not release new pokemon in B2W2 and move them over to XY instead AND NOT GIVE A SINGLE GEN 5 MEGA EVOLUTION. So we were robbed because of genwunners who were fixated on the wrong things and ignored all the great content Unova brought us. It's strange how players keep complaining they want a different and fresh game, but want it to continue being super formulaic and binary like wtf do you want make up your mind
None of the switch titles really got me invested and I always end up replaying the older games but hopefully PLZA will break the curse and finally give us a nice game. Also why don't we have more spin-offs on the switch if there's so many of them floating around like the DS had a bunch??? STOP BEING COWARDS I WANT A POKEMON NINTENDOGS GAME OR THAT FIRE EMBLEM CROSSOVER WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET. I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN AGAIN ;w;
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Yuletide 2024
Running against the clock here so putting this placeholder post. The letter itself should be here and completed in a day or two, unless something happens and I can't update on time, so here's 2023's letter. My tastes haven't changed at all.
Yeah, some stuff happened.
Thank you for taking on this pinch hit. 🙇
Special 2024 Request: “Bechdel test”
I was originally gonna post this at the end with a fun little graphic but it’s probably better to put this upfront. I know most of my requested characters are male and are from overwhelmingly male-dominated fandoms, but I’d love if the story could pass the Bechdel test. Pull up some canon female characters or make up some original ones for the story at hand! I love all the characters I requested, but I’d love for some ladies to get some love, too.
If you feel this just can’t work with the story that you want to write, that’s fine. Optional details are optional. For these exchanges, the story I’m waiting to read is the story that only you can write, after all.
My tastes haven’t changed from 2023’s list so if you need some more ideas or the kind of stories I’m into, that’s always a good starting point.
Rockman | Mega Man Classic
Sorry, Tundra Man is my dearly beloved blorbo and I’m feel like I’m still starving for fics about him. I’d just be happy to read a mostly solo fic about him. I wrote way too words about him on the previous list so definitely check that out!
But I’d also love some fic where he plays off another Robot Master. This story I’m imagining is has him interacting with one of these three:
Bounce Man - He’s my second favorite of the Mega Man 11 bunch, and he’s just sweet and cute and totally underrated in my opinion. I’m leaning toward something maybe cute and shippy with Tundra, but platonic is more than fine. I do believe their respective backstories are ripe for interesting character exploration.
Cut Man – I just think he’s neat. As an older and more established Robot Master, he’d probably be more familiar to Mega Man fans and in-universe, he’s a Light Labs bot. What would one of the earliest sentient robots, a lumberjack, have to talk about with an arctic explorer-turned-figure-skater? Did Cut happen to meet him by chance while at Dr. Light’s lab? No, seriously, what WAS Tundra Man doing, having his checking up over there when he’s a—
Bright Man – Cossack robot! Bright’s my favorite of the Mega Man 4 Robot Masters and I will never get enough of Tundra Man and Cossack Robot Laboratories stories and associations, no matter what form it takes. What would Bright have to say about the newest canon member of the family? Maybe Kalinka (and Roll) is there for some chat and/or adventures?
If you could somehow come up with a story featuring all four characters, that’d be amazing, obviously, but the story I’m imagining is something more intimate and revealing between Tundra and this other character. I’m guessing most people would want to write sweet and heartwarming moments, but I’m not opposed to some sadness and lingering heartache.
Advance Wars
Jess x Jake has been my OTP since forever and there is nothing for them and at this point, I’ll take anything. Anything. ;_;
No, no, backup, backup! Advance Wars recently had a remake come out last year: Advance Wars: Re-Boot Camp, but I’ll politely ask you to ignore that. Jess does appear there, but I’ll be honest, I’m not a fan of how she’s depicted there. I’ll instead ask you to take cue instead from the Nintendo DS 2005 release: Advance Wars: Dual Strike, technically the third game in the series. Jake and Jess both appear there and is my basis of my eternal fandom and shipping for both of them.
I went on more about them in my post last year, but my take on them is more of a teacher-student relationship—gentle and lowkey. The story I’m imagining for them is something as quiet, subtle and lowkey—the moment and spaces in love and war, maybe realizing they’ve fallen in love and never finding the right moment to say it out loud. After the Omega Land War, Jake has to deal with rebuilding with his homeland and Jess, she’s a commander from another country—how could they really work? But they love each other deep down? Now what?
Or you know, they could be geeking out about tanks. I’ll be honest as happy with cute and funny story with they just nerd about tanks, land vehicles, tanks tanks tanks!
Colin is also there.
(Colin is completely optional in this story request but I do love him so much. He’s sweet and earnest, and funny!)
About the “what’s the airport again” meme: I’ve explained it before but I love jokes, have a weird sense of humor, and a big fan of memes. Now I can see how a well-meaning author might use that to drop a so-funny reference of that particular meme in a fic, thinking I might love it. I won’t. I’m sorry, it’s just so unfunny to me. It will immediately ruin any story, no matter how good it is.
Famicom Wars
This is Caroline’s profile.
This is Billy Gates’ profile.
This is Yuan Delta’s profile.
Read all that? Good. That’s all the information the game provides you. Go wild.
Super Famicom Wars is the enhanced Super Famicom/SNES remake of the original Famicom Wars, featuring new maps, and for the first time in the series, playable Commanding Officers. There is still no campaign mode or any story for the game, so all the possible info for the characters is just based on their profiles, sprites and maybe music (you can change the music of any CO, it’s just each CO has an associated default track, unofficially, their “theme music”). Yuan Delta has a bit of an interesting and fun history to him but it’s very missable.
So why did I request Caroline x Billy Gates as a ship? It’s honestly based on nothing, haha! Over the years I just sort built of this fun rivalry ship between a smarmy billionaire and a wild-child lucky girl who face each other over and over again, on and off the battlefield. In-game, Billy’s monetary advantage tend to steamroll any other character but in-universe, I like to imagine that Caroline sometimes wins with her luck.
The story I’m imagining is an encounter between with lots of…uh, Foe-yay? A Mr. And Mrs. Smith kind of faceoff (I’ve never seen the film though…), Spy vs Spy, my perfect rival kind of deal. Caroline and Billy as two battle-happy rivals who clearly are attracted to each other, but would never want to admit it. However, the only thing worse than losing to the other, would be actually losing each other. They’re each other’s perfect enemies and they’d want to keep wanting to fight each other, forever if possible. Maybe it’s an actual military battle where they’re hired/convinced to fight for a country as freelance COs; maybe it’s a battlefield over something more mundane like they’re shopping for dinner in a supermarket (why would a billionaire be slumming with the poors…unless…). Maybe they’re rival shippers on AO3!
Like Colin, Yuan Delta could also be there. (I really like him! And it would be fun to see him in an actual fanfic.)
Go wild!
The airport joke again: yeah, so Re-Boot Camp kinda implied Caroline could be Nell’s mom, which I’m ambivalent about. That was actually my headcanon way, way back: that Caroline was Nell and Rachel’s mom (and their Billy was their unknown dad, drama!) but I didn’t like seeing actually being made canon, no matter how dubious. Anyway, with that somehow more concrete connection the Advance Wars game, a well-meaning author could be thinking it might be fun to put that airport meme in, but sorry, I’d just hate it.
Smiling Friends
Hey guys, before you scurry out of here and go full swing on your Yuletide assignments, I’d like you to read my request about someone. That’s right, it’s him, my favorite character, The Boss! I loved watching him in season 1 and had me pumping my fist and rubbing my chin for every drop of new lore in season 2. I enjoy the juxtaposition of his adorable voice, sweet nature, and how he’s mostly a good boss and father, versus how utterly dark, deranged and violent he can get. He’s just really fun to watch and I’d just love more that, to read in a story.
I think Mr. Boss might be a tricker kind character to easily write about versus all the others I requested here, but the story I’m imagining is one where it showcases why Mr. Boss is the head of Smiling Friends, with him taking the lead of making someone smile. The episode “Frowning Friends” showed how formidable Mr. Boss truly is, being able to make his competition smile after threatening to kill them, so what is he like in a more normal case, whatever the meaning of normal is in the Smiling Friends universe? Exploration of canon moments could be good too, like what he was up to whenever he was off screen in any episode. Go as sweet and fluffy with as you like with just the barest hint of darkness or maybe even opposite, maybe it’s full on weird and upsetting with just the glimmering of sweetness at the end. This is the Boss, after all.
I don’t have any ships for this series, but if you like pairing any of the rest of the boys together (Charlie, Pim, Allan, Glep–Smormu and Taylor whenever they were around) or want to write them with their canon relationships, that’s good with me.
Just kind of a heads-up: I’m one apparently few people who have no idea of who Zach Hadel is or whatever he was up to these years internet-wise, so any references to him or Sleepy Cabin or whatever a Tomar is would be lost to me. You could still put them but I probably won’t get it, haha. On the flipside, I have watched and enjoyed Michael Cusack’s YOLO series (Crystal Fantasy and Silver Destiny, looking forward to Rainbow Trinity) and Bushworld Adventures.
Once again thanks for writing for me this Yuletide. I’m kinda expecting whatever my story to be more on the light/sweet side on things, but YOLO/Bushworld Adventures/Smiling Friends is a good benchmark for how weird/dark you can get, if you want.
Sidenote: I’ve edited this post for better clarity but I certainly did not finish in a day or two. I apologize for any more inconvenience this has caused you. Also, sorry for having to pinch hit someone like me.
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For the last post of 2024, I present: The Tierlist
WAIT WAIT WAIT HEAR ME OUT—
So. I guess im staring from the lowest tier.
Not Played: Never owned a Gameboy/Gameboy Advanced. Skipped Diamond and Pearl since I already had Platinum, and Black 2 was too expensive to play without an emulator, which leads me to-
Didn't finish: Technically I played the opening of W2, but my laptop sucks as an emulator, so I didn't even make it out the first town. As for Let's Go Eevee, it wasn't due to the catching method, Kanto is just mid.
Worse Than Predecessors: I also didn't finish these two, but I hold these two with more contempt because unlike the previous two, I actually got close to the end with both of these.
BDSP is a “faithful” remake of Diamond/Pearl, and that's the big issue. I know this has probably been talked about to death, but GF should've gone a HGSS route and incorporate Platinum into the story, especially since that's the Sinnoh game. I'm thankful about The Grand Underground and the improvements from the previous gens were kept, but it's just not enough. Compared to ORAS, this is just an awful remaster that keeps the bad and none of the good. And you're paying 60 dollars, when the original DS games—yes, even Platinum—can be found between $20 and $50. I received Platinum alongside SP, and I enjoyed playing Platinum way more than SP.
As for Ultra Sun—while being visually prettier and having Zossie—it didn't need to exist. Would've been just fine as DLC, or even a sequel, but instead they decided to rewrite the story so Lusamine's good actually, which ruins Lillie's arc. Exggecutor Island? Lillie confronting her mother? Nehilgo Lusamine? Nah, let's sideline her and go fight Necrozma! And to top it all off, they still didn't add a skip cutscene button. Dropped once I reached the elite four.
Nemona Save: The only saving grace of this game is Nemona. The graphics are shit, the lighting is shit, everything either looks washed out or eye-searing neon (looking at you AREA ZERO). The game is… fun, but that's because it's a pokemon game, the premise of going out and befriending monsters will always be fun. The story is honestly alright too, it's just sad that it’s in such a sloppily put together game. I wasn't even play this one, the only reason I did was because I got it as a gift. Didn't get the DLC either, no point in putting more money towards a game that I feel ambivalent towards at best.
Cutscene Hell: I have conflicting feelings towards SuMo. I did enjoy playing the game, and I love Lillie's arc, but the cutscenes. Whoever decided that the game should have as many as it does without a skip button needs to be fired. I tried replaying Moon during a blackout, and I didn’t even make it to the first Kahuna. It’s even worse a second time because I've already done these tutorials damn it let me play!!!
5/10: the most controversial of the placements, I'm sure, but let me explain. White was my second ever pokemon game, I have loads of fond memories with the game. I even enjoyed my replay of Black! It just… many pokemon fans treat Gen 5 with such reverence, I feel uncomfortable even mentioning my issues with the games. For example, bane of my existence, Audino Grinding. Got a new team member? Are you under-leveled for the next gym? Hope you’re ready to run back and forth until shaking grass appears, which ends up taking longer than it does to KO the Audino! And you better hope you’ve leveled high enough, or else you’re going back to the grass! Gen 4 also has this issue with level grinding, but that doesn’t excuse the issue, it just makes it worse. Now, uh, this is the other part I'm hesitant talking about, because I know these characters are very beloved. I don't like BW Cheren, Bianca, or N. Let me explain. From a story point, Cheren questioning his strength and Bianca being unsure about her place in the world through the game, and then getting to see their characters fulfilled in the sequels is really cool. From a gameplay standpoint? You get Cheren going "what is my strength, how do I get strong?" every time you meet up and Bianca doesn't do anything until N's Castle. They get better in the second games from what I've seen in pokemas and secondhand, but still. And N, as cool as his character is, never gets the chance to really show why liberating pokemon is needed. Like I get Ghetsis is manipulating him, pokemon and humans are in a symbiotic relationship, yada yada, but that doesn't mean to discard the dilemma entirely. Why can't we see N doing more than talking about his goals? Maybe we meet him in a shelter for abused pokemon, or N calling out a cruel trainer, or even calling us out if our pokemon’s friendship is too low. Obviously, Gamefreak doesn’t actually want people to consider N may be right, since Team Plasma gives up the ghost almost immediately. Which. Sucks. IDK, I've got more thoughts, but this section is long enough already.
Good, But Could Be Better: Alpha Sapphire was my first exposure to the Hoenn region, and it did a damn good job. The main story, the redesigns, the DexNav, it's overall fun. The only reason it's not higher is some minor issues of mine. Mainly the "let's address the multiverse with Zinna" and—not to be IGN—the water routes. After playing the Alola games and surfing around the whole island with no loading screens, said screens get really noticeable in ORAS. Which is a shame considering how many surfing areas are in Hoenn. As for the whole multiverse thing, that was not needed. At all. Why would you take a story that's about the balance of the Earth, Sea, and Sky, and then stable on the multiverse. We could've had another reason why Zinna needed to summon Rayquaza than "we need to explain why mega evolution and fairy types weren't in the previous games." And I would've not had to listen to people hating in the Delta Episode and Zinna because they broke the timeline or whatever.
Amazing Games: Ironically, both games are in Sinnoh. Platinum deserves its reputation as one of the best pokemon games. I had always been hesitant from how much people gas up the game, but they were right. I'm sure I don't need to explain why it's such a good game, you've heard it a million times before. What I want to add is why it's not in S or S+ tier. See, while this game is great, it's held back when considering all the QOL improvements in the newer games. Like, TMs being limited sucks when trying to play around with team members, especially if it's one per savefile. Move reminders also don't include TM moves, which I unfortunately learned when I replaced Steel Wing with Close Combat on my Staraptor. Then there's The Grind TM, another annoying issue when trying to play around with members. You want to train up a new member? Okay, first go get a pokemon with the Compound Eyes ability, use the Thief TM (That's one per save so make it count), then spend forever to get a 5% Chansey, use Thief and then hope it's a Lucky Egg. "Oh but what about EXP share?" that only works if you have one pokemon that needs to get leveled up. If you're trying to keep a team all evenly leveled, it's not as effective. Plus, the Lucky Egg gives 1.5x the exp, so less time running around hunting for Chansey to slay. Though, I will admit, some of this may be Skill IssueTM considering this was all based off my first playthrough. But really, if Platinum had a remaster that gave it the better movepools of later games, reusable/easily available TMs, and the exp share of Gen 6, it would be perfect.
Legends Arceus was a surprise, but a welcomed one. I love getting to just run around and catch pokemon to my heart's content. I'm not randomly dragged into the story, I can do it at my own pace. There's no random battles that interrupt my adventuring. And it's never been easier to get shiny pokemon! It's just. There's really no point in replaying. I mean, since the main point is catching pokemon, there are no gyms to switch up team members, and the Noble Pokemon can be defeated without ever needing to battle. Even after 2 years, I still haven't replayed the game, since I can just do massive mass outbreaks whenever I get the urge to run through Hisui. S, Replaying Constantly: oh boy. SWSH is really the black sheep of the Pokemon series. Getting saddled with the infamous Dexit controversy, a story that really needed more polish, and the wrath of a fanbase that had grown increasingly angry at Gamefreak over the years, SWSH got the shortest stick imaginable. So, why is it this high? Simple. Ease of replaying, and the DLC. "Easy replaying? But the beginning takes forever!" Every pokemon game has a slow start. From going to Sangem Town to deliver a map, to us needing to get a Wooloo out of the dark forest. It only feels longer because, unfortunately, we can't really button mash out. (Did I mention they didn't add a true cutscene skip in this game?) But once you're out the starting town, you can immediately enter the Wild Area, The Isle of Armor, and The Crowned Tundra! I've had multiple playthroughs where I ignore the main quest and just run around the DLC areas. Which are so pretty, it shows what we could've had if this game spent longer in the oven. Are the game's completely carried by their DLC? Yes. Should this have been in the main game for the price we paid? Also Yes. But that doesn't mean I don't have gripes about the story (I could write a whole essay about it.) But in terms of gameplay, I will be replaying for the 50th time. (I, uh, kinda went SWSH crazy during COVID.) X is my favorite 3D pokemon game. Best customization options, the introduction of Pokemon Amie/Hyper Training/PPS, skating, chain fishing, shared EXP, reusable TMs, MEGA EVOLUTIONS- Can the game get super easy at times? Yes, especially if you use all every gift pokemon you get. But am I gonna complain when I can get a trenchcoat dress and pet my MVP Vivillon, no! Aside from the nonexsistant story and incomplete threads (Seriously, what did that sign mean??) There's a lot of details put into the game. Lumiose city has so much stuff I didn't even know about until reading about it on bulbapedia. Berry mutations are a thing. Parfum Palace has a protrait of young AZ. You can make so much money from the Battle Chateau ie the building Trevor introduces to you and then we all forget about. It's so AGGHH PLAY X RIGHT NOW
Obvious Pick is Obvious: Be honest, is anyone surpirsed? I will be frank and say SoulSliver was my first pokemon game. I fell in love with the Johto region, and can firmly say had I not recieved the game for my birthday, I wouldn't be the pokemon fan I am today. Gamefreak put their whole pussy into this game. Incorpoating elements of Crystal into the remake, adding walking pokemon, the sick ass cutscene where Lugia/Ho-oh appear after being summoned, making an exclusive safari zone, Voltorb Flip- Look I don't need to explain why its so great. Aside from issues carried over from Gen 4 and the OG games (Limited TMs, HMs required for progress, odd level curve where the 5-6-7th gym are all around the same level while the 8th is higher leveled) This is THE pokemon game. Honestly the best one to introduce a newcomer with, granted you find one for a decent price (Or emulate with a decent computer)
Also LYRA BEST PROTAG FIGHT ME
#LAST POST OF 2024 BABY#happy new year#pokemon#pokemon tier list#Long post#like I am not joke the read more is there for a reason#I'm assuming I don't need to spell it out for people that this my opinion#Im saying that because I have SEEN shit
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TERRORPENNED ––> WIDOWSHILL.
i do a lot of dark shadows posting. sometimes i write.
multimuse featuring gothic media, with an emphasis on the television series dark shadows and disney theme parks. LASCIATE OGNI SPERANZA, VOI CH'ENTRATE. this blog features regular content like murder, suicide, and cannibalism, as well as a narrative background of infidelity, period homophobia, questionable consent, and incest (among other staples of the gothic genre). if any of this is not your speed, this blog may not be for you.
sideblog to emcads (follows back from here, etc). graphic by my beloved @finalslay banner template by @gentlesource. icon by @flameandignite.
typical rp etiquette encouraged. personal blogs, I ask that you don't rb dossiers and ic writing, but other than that, go wild. I'm also liveblogging my ds watch through here, posts will be tagged "ds liveblogging." for convenience <;3
*a special note regarding roger & victoria: this is one of my main ships on this blog & I do want to make it clear I don't write her as elizabeth's daughter. I have a longer write up in v's dossier, but the tldr is i follow the hanscombe storyline with some canon divergences.
DARK SHADOWS - high activity THE LOVER. josette dupres / dark shadows. dossier. tag. ic. fc: vittoria puccini. THE GOVERNESS. victoria winters / dark shadows. dossier. tag. ic. fc: alexandra moltke. alt: diana s.ilvers. arc: mrs. collins. arc: mrs. de winter. THE SAILOR. lieutenant nathan forbes / dark shadows. dossier. tag. fc: joel crothers. alt fc: dan stevens. THE MATRIARCH. elizabeth collins stoddard / dark shadows. dossier. tag. ic. fc: joan bennett. alt fc: helena bonham carter. THE PRODIGAL. roger collins / dark shadows. dossier. tag. ic. fc: louis edmonds. alt fc: jack davenport.
DISNEY PARKS - medium activity THE STARLET. magdalena temor / tower of terror / oc. dossier. tag. fc: gene tierney THE BRIDE. constance arceneaux / the haunted mansion. dossier. tag. fc: dominique mcelligott THE BYRONIC. captain bartholomew gore / the haunted mansion & potc / dossier. tag. ic. fc: toby stephens
OTHER - low activity THE BAKER. nellie lovett / sweeney todd 2023 revival. dossier. tag. fc: cate blanchett. THE SCHOLAR. edith cushing / crimson peak. dossier. tag. fc: mia wasikowska. THE SONGBIRD. cora dawson / the devil's carnival. dossier. tag. fc: lyndon smith. THE PROPRIETRESS. eleanor guthrie. black sails. tag.
NAV edits & art. ds aesthetic tag. memes. rog&v / barnabas&v / burke&v / maxim&v / j&jos / b&jos / r&l&b platonic: rog&liz / rog&carolyn / v&david
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Mario Kart DS, launched in 2005 on the Nintendo DS, is a cornerstone in the beloved racing franchise, blending classic Mario Kart elements with innovative features tailored to the Nintendo DS's unique capabilities. Its introduction of online multiplayer through the Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection marked a groundbreaking evolution, allowing players worldwide to compete, significantly enhancing its appeal and replayability.
The game featured a wide selection of tracks, both new and classic, grouped into different cups. It notably introduced retro cups, bringing back favorite tracks from the series' past, all updated with improved visuals and gameplay mechanics. This diverse range of tracks appealed to fans seeking nostalgia as well as new racing challenges.
With a varied lineup of Nintendo characters and customizable karts, the game pioneered the ability for players to modify their racing setups, affecting crucial performance aspects like speed, acceleration, weight, handling, and drift. This added a rich layer to the racing experience.
Utilizing the DS's dual screens innovatively, the game displayed the main racing action on the top screen and a strategic map on the bottom touchscreen. This setup offered players a strategic view of the race, enhancing engagement with race strategies and item use.
The introduction of Mission Mode presented unique challenges, from collecting coins to battling bosses, adding variety and depth to the gameplay. This mode, unique to the DS version, broadened the game's appeal by offering diverse goals, enhancing its longevity.
Graphically, Mario Kart DS impressed me with vibrant, smooth visuals that pushed the DS hardware to its limits, providing an engaging racing experience complemented by a lively soundtrack that matched the game's fast-paced action.
Reflecting on Mario Kart DS, its substantial contributions to the Mario Kart series are clear. It adeptly utilized the DS's features to deliver a rich and enjoyable racing game, securing its place as a key title in the evolution of portable racing games and a pioneer of online multiplayer in the franchise.
While Mario Kart Super Circuit holds a special place in my heart as my preferred handheld Mario Kart game, the DS version remains notable for its fun gameplay and significant impact, setting a high standard for future entries in the series.
#retro gaming#retro gamer#retro games#video games#gaming#old school gaming#classic games#old but gold#back to the past#I want to go back#those were the days#good old days#mario kart ds#nintendo ds#racing games#handheld gaming#love gaming#gaming life#gamer guy#gaming community#Youtube
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[Review] Star Wars The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels (Wii)
The waggle is what gives a Jedi her power.
I’m looking forward to Jedi Survivor, so I thought I’d knock a few other Star Wars games off my backlog before it releases. Starting with this, the final game based on the Clone Wars animated shows that I haven’t played yet (apart from an old MMO that is long since shut down, a mobile game that I couldn’t find a non-crashing version of, a handful of Flash games, and Disney Infinity... hmm). I’ve previously played Lego Star Wars III on both console and handheld, Republic Heroes on console and DS, plus the other DS game Jedi Alliance. The latter was actually the companion release to Lightsaber Duels, although they’re in totally different genres. This one is a one-on-one fighting game, mostly centred around the no-brainer concept of translating Wii Remote swings to lightsaber strikes. And, it was made by beloved Aussie studio Krome!
The game was in development at the same time as the show, so it’s only able to pull from first season episodes and the movie. The story mode is fairly brief but adapts certain fights that were seen on screen, with framing cutscenes made up of footage along with new narration by Tom Kane’s narrator. All the characters are voiced by their show counterparts in fact, and the graphics match the show’s 3D animation as well, so it’s nice and authentic. I would have liked to see more new content, but there is one unique scenario at least, with the final battle featuring an advanced dual-saber-wielding droid.
The cast plays pretty safe with the main saber-compatible heroes and villains from the show. Mace Windu, Plo Koon, and Kit Fisto are unlockable by engaging with the Challenge mode, but I couldn’t be arsed. The stages are fun with dynamic layouts and events happening, like droids popping out to ineffectually shoot at you, or bits and pieces exploding and such.
It’s really the core gameplay that lets this down, as waving the wiimote and nunchuck around just never translates to a satisfying and deep gameplay experience. There are combos you can do if you can somehow get the correct directional waggles in sequence, and there are technically dodges, force fling powers, and so forth, but in practice I got through the fights by flailing madly and spamming force attacks while hoping the bot player didn’t just block everything.
Let me pull out a few choice tidbits before wrapping up. I was amused by the tutorial, where Anakin is training Ahsoka on the basics; his fully modelled hands appear on screen holding a Wii Remote and nunchuck to demonstrate the controls, which of course establishes that they exist in the Star Wars universe. The characters pepper quips throughout each duel, which are sometimes surprisingly crass insults, and can be pretty silly when a character is versing themself. Finally I recommend inputting cheats to unlock the concept art gallery, as there’s some good work in there; I wouldn’t mind seeing a comic illustrated by the Krome artists in fact!
Lightsaber Duels works in theory and Krome did a decent job filling the game out in certain areas. But relying too much on motion controls is sadly a fundamental flaw to any game design. As part of the Clone Wars project they could have gone further in the game’s content, but it seems this was compromised by the schedule and even supposedly not wanting to spoil the events of then-upcoming episodes! An absurd concern 15 years later. Still, as a fan of the show I enjoyed the character interactions and how well the game fits the show’s style, even if it’s just a bit of waggly fluff.
#star wars#The Clone Wars#star wars the clone wars#star wars the clone wars lightsaber duels#Krome Studios#review#wii
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Lukewarm take is bdsp wasn't actually all that bad
The graphics/art style were really good I love the chibis sm! (Also love the outfits! Customization my beloved)
And as someone who didn't get to play the og games I had alot of fun playing it
I think the issue is that they weren't really for people who got to play the og games if that makes sense so people who did didn't see much sense in playing it
But for what they where faithfull remakes I think they where good
And if someone wants to play Dimond and pearl it's better to just get the remakes since getting authentic copys of the ds games is more expensive
#pokemon#pokemon diamond and pearl#pokemon bdsp#bdsp#erm what else#is this a hot take or lukewarm take?#i said lukewarm but is it a hot take?#i dont know 100% what people think of this gane now#hehehe#(-.-)zzz・・・・
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Just Some Video Game Related Thoughts
Well winter has began, it's getting colder, and I'm still feeling the effects of my surgery. I naturally retreated inside and have taken shelter under a heated blanket with a cup of tea. During this time I ended up thinking of these random ideas that I can't really make a full post on, but I can put them in a big compilation like this and avoid clogging up the feeds of my five followers. Shout out to my alt accounts!
Remember when the trailers for the original Sonic movie dropped and we were introduced the the horrific man-hog? For those somehow unaware the original design for sonic was...something. The internet proceeded to lose its collective lunch and redesigns had to be done and now the soon to be trilogy is one of the most beloved video game movies right next to Detective Pikachu and the Illumination Mario Movie. The redesign situation also means that somewhere out there, there is a nearly completed cut of the movie that follows a swamp creature, and I want to see it. I need it.
You know how in Pokemon, any Pokemon that is capable of breeding lays an egg. Doesn't matter if they are a mammal or not, you're getting an egg. Does this mean that humans lay eggs too? If they don't that would make them the only animal that doesn't lay eggs and that would make them doubly weird creatures. Also Delia would absolutely keep the egg shells.
Remember back in the 90's how Toads had so many different designs? I miss that, these days toads all look the same but with a different color palette. I remember the village square in Mario Party 1 having a unique toad in each building. The remaster of Super Mario RPG only highlighted this for me. Sure they do follow a pattern, but there was enough to be satisfying. Now the only two unique toads are Toadette and Captain Toad. We even lost Toadsworth, he was even set up as a pretty important person in the Kingdom, running the mushroom houses in New Super Mario Bros, and setting up a lot of things that help the players in Mario Party DS, all on top of being Princess Peach's most trusted advisor. #justicefortoadsworth
The DS had something pretty unique going for it when it came out. It was the only portable system that could display 3D graphics. At least until the PSP came out. Now I love the DS, my favorite game on it was Spirit Tracks, but let's be real, the 3D graphics were hideous on this thing. The only full 3D game that looked decent was Mario 64 DS, all the others were not looking too hot. The Pokemon games looked alright, being half 3D, but the 3D environments really put a strain on the performance. Meanwhile we also got some of the best pixel art on that same system. I think a game devs should have leaned more into improving pixel art on the system, I'm looking at games like Drawn to Life and they look absolutely delightful.
I am currently convinced that my PS2 is dead built like a baked bean. Seriously, I keep finding stories of people struggling to boot up their PS2 after just ten years of heavy game playing. I've only had one problem with it almost twenty years ago, and all is needed was a good air dusting. My model is the original fat man model with the sliding tray, and my brother and I have abused that thing since my dad brought it home.
This year I started playing a DnD campaign with my friends based on the Call of Cthulhu. This version is very heavy with D100 rolls, now those dice come in two variants. Two D10 dice, or what I have started referring to as the golf ball of destiny. You roll it and it rolls off the table if you don't have a dice tray. It is unwieldy, impractical, the guy who designed this should walk in Lego shoes and I love it. Don't worry I got the two D10s in my rubber ducky set.
Have I ever mentioned that I met Mario? Well at Galaxy Con 2023 in Raleigh I got the chance to meet Charles Martinet, and he was such a joy to meet. He was doing the Luigi voice as he was signing my poster, he had a little bit of fun with it half way through writing HEEEEEEEEEEELP to catch his breath and turn the poster I was so tempted to get back in line to meet him again.
Well there's some random thoughts I had that I couldn't do much with. I'll probably do this again at some point on various subjects. There's something to look forward to in the new year!
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duck anon: out of curiosity (and mercy for my poor bank account) out of the 3 souls games how would u rank them… i might get all three solely because they are on sale but i am curious as to your perspective :00
MY BELOVED DUCKY!! <3 <3 <3 you just ordered a yapaburger asking me about the rankings LMAOOO ;----; but i'm gonna try and keep it short! :3 (an absolute lie) BUT TYSM FOR ASKING EEEE im kicking my feet and giggling.....
okay before i start just lyk the dark souls games are on sale rn 50% off on steam up until oct. 10 so U HAVE TIME TO DECIDE dw!!
TLDR; i do recommend getting all three!! because it would essentially be like the price of getting one game (literally the price of dark souls 3 deluxe LMAO [INCLUDING THAT]). and the dark souls games RARELY goes on sale lmao. like it does but its very periodically long sometimes ;-; and i have been waiting a year ish now basically to get them again on my pc to replay!! :3
HERE'S OPTION 1 (IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT): i would say if you have NEVER gotten into the souls like games / soulsborne genre in general (and i'm not just talking about the 3 Dark Souls games) i usually would recommend playing elden ring first! it's not on sale now LMAO like the ds games BUT i feel like most people go for that one as it's the most popular and like it basically got people who have never been into the genre to give it a go and play the other games (like the dark souls games, sekiro, lies of p, bloodborne, etc)!!
most people also like to say elden ring is pretty souls beginner friendly, like kind of just introduces you to it lmao but also meh not really idk. (this is such a fat lie they don't know how much i died to fire giant and radahn /hj :3)
OPTION 2: now if you want to start off and just play the dark souls games and no elden ring, that is also perfect dude! you deadass don't need to play elden ring (LIKE ITS VERY PEAK DONT GET ME WRONG im biased) but ds existed before elden ring obviously so it doesn't matter which you go for first. again i just said elden ring cuz that's the game that gets most people into the genre :3 and its PHENOMENAL and does not disappoint at all
if you want to play dark souls and care about lore / in order; then obviously get dark souls 1: remastered and go from there! even if its old, playing it for the experience goes hard lol. i honestly don't know if you'll like the games so asking you to buy all three of them would be a bit of a risk AND I CARE ABT UR WALLET EVEN THOUGH ITS A HUGE STEAL LMAO
i don't recommend this but if you don't care about lore you can honestly go for dark souls 3 but tbh no lol don't do that KJSDHF i honestly really recommend playing them in order so you build up your understanding for the mechanics and world and difficulty and story and also the graphics!!! etc etc. IT WILL MAKE SM SENSE DOING IT THIS WAY even if they are so mid in the first one (obviously cuz its old even if its remastered) AND IT DOES GET MUCHHH BETTER i promise.
the first game is amazing dude even if its old lol. most people actually like ds1 more than ds2 (and if you're gonna get 2, get the scholars one because its the improved version of the game with extra content/dlc - same price as the game on sale rn) ^_^ [a lot of ppl are annoying abt ds2 because they're always like ErM aCtuaLLy ThE VaNiLLa VerSiOn (basically the original) is BetTTer but deadass scholars is the same game but with extra and better stuff lmao. and rn its the same price of the vanilla (og version) W THE SALE LOL so its like. why get it then regret it and be like ugh i want the dlc so u spend 15 extra bucks BOOO
ANYWAY SDJHF
MY PERSONAL RANKING (from best) dark souls 3, dark souls 1, dark souls 2 !!! IM SO HAPPY U ASKED LOL
#I AM SOOO EXCITEFD FOR UUUUU AHHHHHHHHHHH#ty for asking ;v; WHICHEVER U DECIDE OR U HAVE MORE QUESTIONS LMK <3#I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!!!!!!!!!#sora.inbox#sora.anon#ducky <3
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My personal ranking:
MySims SkyHeroes in general (the DS version is actually extremely similar plot-wise, so I’m going to just lump it into here too, but the Wii version has better graphics, weapons, and great characters like Raphael. This game and its DS counterpart needs more love imo. A big reason I like this game is that the main character feels way more complex compared to the other games.)
MySims Agents Wii (my favorite part is the mansion)
MySims PC (favorite townie character is Ray probably. My favorite commercial sim is probably Shirley.)
MySims Agents DS (unlike MySims SkyHeroes DS, the plot for this one is extremely different; it’s wholly a different game. Joshua my beloved. I played this game a lot as a kid.)
MySims Kingdom Wii
MySims DS
MySims Racing DS
I have MySims Party Wii, MySims Racing Wii, and MySims Kingdom DS but I haven’t really played them so I can’t comment on those. Meanwhile, I played the heck out of MySims Racing DS. 😆 I also used to play MySims DS a lot as a kid… which was extremely different from the PC/Wii versions, but not in a bad way. It was fun.
Just curious what the most popular game is. My personal ranking:
1. Agents
2. Kingdom
3. MySims
4. SkyHeroes
Haven't played: Party, Racing, all of the DS versions.
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I’ve found the ideal way to experience re:coded for the modern gamer, by which i of course mean emulating on pc, except i don’t have a high end gaming pc, i have a semi-shitty laptop nearing the end of its life, which leads to fun stuff that with a game like re:coded just. enhances the experience so much
- during animated cutscenes the screen will occasionally flicker. i did not realize it wasn’t intentional till 10mins in
- every time a cutscene starts the music stutters
- trying to juggle the camera between arrow buttons and abxy with the right hand, except i just put the R button next to the arrows to adjust camera with movement
- the hilariously pixelated portraits because no ds graphic was meant for a sceen this big
- the ultimate highlight: losing to the first boss because data sora decided that movement was for losers. only wasd as assigned for the keypad didn’t work. every other button still did.
#Feli speaks#the game is so CRUNCHY goddamn gamers r spoiled for graphics#i'm not even mad as i usual am at kh1 assets they're so pixelated to hell and back. i love it sm#DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE CRUNCHED SOUNDBITES#the ds rpg font for subtitles during cutscenes#just the aesthetic of it all combined with my superb gaming setup#HE JZUST DIDNT WANT TO MOVE HE JUST STOPPED AND GOT CLOBBERED TO DEATH BY SHADOWS#i wish i had screen record so bad#the way i experienced re:coded originally was#a let's play of the game that spliced in HD cutscenes whenever applicable#so i had no clue how hilarious the portraits are#the pixel hp icon is a friend though. he looks good in pixelart#comparing portraits between gba com and ds codedis so funy#neat lil pixelart vs 3d model screenshots#i'm adoring this game more now than i already do#data sora my fucking BELOVED. he has no clue what's going on he's just here for a good time#'hey sora i'm mickey i'm your friend. can you do me a favor'#'hi voice from the abyss. this makes absolutely no sense and i don't know who you are. OF COURSE I'll do it.'
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72 Hours In Montreal [Part I]
A/N: Many moons ago, the incomparably lovely @im-an-adult-ish pitched a Montreal concert fic idea (jokingly, I think), and quite a few of my followers fell in love with it. They were even kind enough to vote on which Queen member should be the love interest, and there was a clear winner: John!
I couldn’t get the idea out of my head, and at last, here is the first of three chapters of this new mini-fic. I’m going to tag some of my past readers, but I WILL NOT TAG YOU AGAIN unless you ask me to. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy. 💜
Series Summary: John Deacon is a rock star at a crossroads. Y/N is a world-weary employee at a Yankee Candle shop. They’ll only ever have three short days in Montreal together...or will they??
Chapter Warnings: Language, sexual content (not graphic).
Word Count: 6.8k.
Other Chapters (And All My Writing) Available: HERE
Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii @bramblesforbreakfast @culturefiendtrashqueen @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark @escabell @im-an-adult-ish @queenlover05 @someforeigntragedy @imtheinvisiblequeen @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhyee @deacyblues @tensecondvacation @brianssixpence @some-major-ishues @haileymorelikestupid @youngpastafanmug @simonedk @rhapsodyrecs @joemazzmatazz @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhyee @namelesslosers @inthegardensofourminds @sleepretreat @hardyshoe @sevenseasofcats @jennyggggrrr @madeinheavxn @whatgoeson-itslate @herewegoagainniall @anotheronewritesthedust1 @pomjompish @allauraleigh @bluutac @johndeaconshands
The obnoxious British men are still laughing. The one with the mustache, suspenders, and illogically tight red leather pants is standing on the tiptoes of his equally red Adidas shoes to paw candles off the top shelf so he can sniff them. The blond one has no less than eight jars balanced precariously in his wiry arms. Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing is billowing through the shop speakers.
“Oh my god, he’s gonna break something,” you moan in a whisper, covering your eyes but peeking through your fingers. Your apron is suddenly too tight around your waist; your cheeks are roaring with blood as you envision the inevitable confrontation: Sir, unfortunately you ruined some of our giant tacky overpriced candles and so now you have to pay for them. So sorry. Paper or plastic? We take Mastercard.
“Who?” Kevin asks. He’s holding a broom in one pudgy, pinkish hand and a dustpan in the other. He has surrendered.
“That one. Suspenders and moustache guy. Red shoes guy. Dorothy without Toto.”
Kevin cracks a smile. “That is frighteningly accurate. He is rather whimsical, isn’t he? Maybe he’ll click his heels and disappear back to London or wherever.”
“We aren’t in Kansas anymore,” you mutter in commiseration. Actually, to be perfectly literal, you’ve never been to Kansas in your life.
“Wait, I think I might have met that guy before somewhere.” Kevin squints with great concentration. “He looks oddly familiar…”
“Hm.” You check your eyeliner wings in your reflection in the cash register screen. From what you can tell, they’re every bit as tragically asymmetrical as you remembered. Spectacular.
“Staring won’t make it better,” Kevin notes, very unhelpfully.
“I know,” you reply, miserable, toying with your bangs so you can hide behind them.
“How does that even happen? The right one is practically a 90-degree angle. The left one looks like you drew it on with a Sharpie.”
You groan. “I’ll try to scrub them off during my break.”
“If you’re not too busy helping me sweep glass off the floor, sure,” Kevin says. “I told you, I took an electrical engineering class as an elective once. I could totally take a look at your bathroom.”
“I thought you said you failed that class.”
“No, I said I got a D in that class. Ds aren’t failing.”
“Well now you’ve convinced me.” You scrutinize your reflection again, frowning. You rent a rather dilapidated one-bedroom apartment above a bakery just a few blocks from the Yankee Candle shop. The apartment always smells like powdered sugar and baking bread, which you like. What you don’t like is everything else about it: the peeling paint, the low water pressure, the windows that you can’t wrestle open, the occasional mice, the shoddy electrical wiring. On any given day, there’s an approximately 27% chance that the bathroom light won’t turn on when you flip the switch. This morning you had been on the losing side of those odds, and with the only mirror in the apartment being the one mounted over the sink—and the overcast November skies outside offering painfully little natural light—you had haphazardly guesstimated your way through your makeup routine before dashing off to work. Your guesstimation skills, apparently, are not all that great.
“If he’s The Wizard of Oz...” Kevin points his broom handle from the snickering moustached man to the gangly, poodle-haired one who has been trying to decide between two candles—Christmas Cookie and Cinnamon Stick—for twelve uninterrupted minutes. He’s wearing a parka spotted with patches: a NASA emblem, a soaring rocket, a smiling green extraterrestrial face, Saturn and its rings. “That guy’s gotta be Star Wars.”
“Or Alien,” you suggest, clutching your chest and pretending to die melodramatically.
Kevin laughs. “2001: A Space Odyssey.”
“Close Encounters of The Third Kind.”
“What about that one?” Kevin nods to the guy who has large blue eyes and bleach-blond, fried tufts of hair sticking out in every direction and a grin that is simultaneously childish and foxlike. Under Pressure comes on the shop speakers, and the British men all start cheering and high-fiving each other, leaving their candles momentarily tucked under their arms or quivering precariously on the edges of wooden display tables. You are entirely mystified. “God, he’s gorgeous.”
“Bye Bye Birdie,” you decide. “Beautiful. Charming. Beloved by all. Perhaps a little dangerous. I can picture teenage girls sobbing themselves to sleep as he gallantly marches off to war.”
“You think he’s gay?” Kevin asks hopefully.
“I don’t think he’s dressed well enough for that.” The blond man is wearing a shapeless, polka-dotted sweater that has ‘NIVEA’ spelled across the front, for reasons that are difficult to fathom.
Kevin sighs, crestfallen. He suffered a nasty breakup with his boyfriend Patrick two weeks ago, and is enthusiastically on the hunt for a rebound to distract him. “You’re probably right. Okay, last but not least.” Kevin aims his broom handle at the fourth and final British stranger. “What shall we call him?”
You consider the man who has wandered away from the others. He’s wearing Levi’s, a black bomber jacket, aviator sunglasses, a mop of unwrangled auburn hair, thoughtful lines that break around the corners of his hidden eyes. He is browsing unhurriedly, perhaps even distractedly, through the fruit-scented candles. He picks up a jar of Macintosh Apple, sniffs a few times, then sets it back down precisely where he found it. He even spins the jar so it’s label-side-facing-outwards again. You warm to him immediately.
“One of the James Bond movies?” Kevin offers. “He seems…enigmatic somehow. Esoteric. Yet still clearly leading man material.”
“Casablanca,” you say, not tearing your gaze from the stranger. “I can imagine him waving off some old flame on a foggy, night-draped airport runway, breaking hearts with sparse words of wisdom. Can’t you?”
“Oh, that’s exactly right!” Kevin sighs again, dreamily, yearningly. And whether he’s yearning for his ex-boyfriend Patrick or Bye Bye Birdie a.k.a. NIVEA-sweater man or passion or sex or love or maybe just the ineffable high that accompanies the beginnings of things, you couldn’t say.
You peer at your reflection in the cash register screen once again, feeling more self-conscious than ever. “Maybe if I—”
“Freddie!” Star Wars cries, and you whirl just in time to see The Wizard of Oz, whizzing around and giggling and preoccupied with teasing NIVEA-sweater man, stumble into the six-foot-tall tower of Christmas Tree-scented candles and send countless jars crashing to the tile floor.
“I knew it!” you unleash in a rush of misery and exasperation, the biting threat of tears in your eyes and the back of your throat. And of course, it isn’t just about the mess on the floor, it isn’t just about having to tell your manager and hoping to God he doesn’t fire you. It’s about your derelict apartment, it’s about your fucked up eyeliner, it’s about everything that’s happened in the past eighteen months; it’s about the never-ending feelings of helplessness and inertia and predestined ruin, it’s about not being able to get fifteen meters down the street before life throws up another red light, another jagged sinkhole gaping like ravenous jaws. And none of that is these ridiculous British men’s fault; yet still, in that moment the fury you feel towards them is overwhelming.
“Jesus christ,” Kevin mumbles, stepping out from behind the counter to survey the damage, his hands still clutching the broom and dustbin.
“You couldn’t just mosey around and ask which candles are on sale and maybe sniff one or two like a normal person?!” you explode. “You had to come in here acting like goddamn animals and destroy like a third of our inventory?!”
“I’m so sorry,” The Wizard of Oz sputters, looking at you and Kevin with wide, profusely apologetic dark eyes. Star Wars and NIVEA-sweater man are helping him to his feet, albeit with very spirited chidings. Kevin is grudgingly asking if he’s alright. Casablanca is already trying to sort through which candles are broken and putting those that survived aside. And when he casts furtive glances from behind his aviator sunglasses, they’re directed not at Kevin or The Wizard of Oz but at you.
“Freddie, bloody hell,” NIVEA-sweater man laments.
“I’ll pay for them all,” The Wizard of Oz tells you. “I’m so, so, so terribly sorry, you’re absolutely right to be cross with me, and I’ll pay for everything. Here, let me get my wallet…” He digs around in the pockets of his preposterously tight red leather pants.
“Uh…sir…” Kevin begins uncertainly, not wanting to break the bad news.
“It’s going to be hundreds of dollars,” you inform The Wizard of Oz. “Maybe over a thousand. You’re really going to pay that? Or are you just going to wait until we start sweeping up and then sprint out the front door the first chance you get?”
“Hey,” Kevin warns you quietly. He wants you to keep this job probably even more than you do. You are, by his own admission, far and away his favorite coworker.
“No, no, darling, please, let her scold me, I deserve it.” The Wizard of Oz at last locates his wallet. He sashays to the counter, brushing nuggets of glittering glass off his clothes, and counts out two thousand Canadian dollars in hundreds. “Will that do? You can keep the change as compensation for the inconvenience. And we’ll help clean up as well, has anyone got an extra broom?”
As you stare down at the money, shocked into speechlessness, three hulking men dressed in black come barreling into the shop.
“Lord in heaven, Freddie, what happened?!” one asks. He has a thick beard and an Irish accent and closely resembles a grizzly bear.
“I made a complete ass out of myself and am now trying to win the affections of this marvelous creature,” The Wizard of Oz replies, flourishing a hand towards you. “Is it working, dear?”
“Kind of,” you admit, still stunned.
“Oh my god.” The broom tumbles out of Kevin’s grasp and clatters on the floor. He points at The Wizard of Oz. “I know where I’ve seen you before. You…you…you’re Freddie Mercury, right?”
In reply, The Wizard of Oz only flashes an enormous, toothy, dazzling grin.
“Oh my god,” Kevin says again, a starry, awed smile rippling across his round face.
“Please don’t make his ego any bigger,” Star Wars pleads.
“And you’re Brian May!” Kevin replies. “And you’re…” He turns to NIVEA-sweater man, snapping his fingers, trying to remember. “Robbie…no, Ronnie…uh…Ricky…?”
“Roger Taylor.” But it comes out like ‘Rogah Taylah.’ NIVEA-sweater man extends a hand for Kevin to shake, not the least bit offended. “It’s a pleasure. Sorry about the candles.”
“No problem, sir!” Kevin squeaks as he takes Roger’s hand, beaming. The men in black—the band’s security, you’ve gathered—have descended upon the crime scene, confiscated Kevin’s broom and dustbin, and are rapidly clearing glass and chunks of candlewax from the floor and discarding the mess in a trash bin that usually collects only chewed gum and unwanted receipts.
“So I guess I probably shouldn’t have yelled at you,” you tell Freddie Mercury guiltily, all the venom in your voice evaporated. You’re no Queen superfan, true, but everyone knows the words to Bohemian Rhapsody and We Will Rock You and We Are The Champions. And Another One Bites The Dust. And Killer Queen. And Crazy Little Thing Called Love. And Somebody To Love. Your thoughts are suddenly a racing, indecipherable blur. Your knees are boneless. You’ve never met a celebrity before. Well, not unless you count professional hockey players, which you definitely don’t.
“No, you absolutely should have,” Freddie retorts. “I was dreadfully discourteous. I’m positively mortified about it. I should be punished severely. Have you got anything behind the counter to whip me with? A riding crop, perhaps?”
You laugh, shaking your head. “Not that I know of. I’m sorry I called you an animal.”
“I’m sorry about the candles. There, now we’re even. Wait, not quite yet.” He calls over to Kevin: “Darling, how would you and your friend like front row seats at our show tonight?”
The squeal that bursts out of Kevin is not human.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Freddie Mercury says, very pleased.
“This is really too generous of you,” you protest, although your heart isn’t in it; Kevin might legitimately strangle you if you screw this up, and you’re finding that you want to see Queen in concert too. It’s something to interrupt the powerless, unrelenting monotony; it’s like something that might happen in a movie or a dream.
“Nonsense!” Freddie announces cheerfully. Star Wars and NIVEA-sweater man—or, rather, Brian and Roger—are chatting with the security guys and nodding along as the bearlike Irishman reviews the day’s itinerary.
You peer over at Casablanca. Now that the floor is mostly clear, he’s migrating towards you and Freddie. You glance apprehensively down at your reflection. “Goddammit,” you mutter, manipulating your bangs again, wishing you could disappear. “I meet a rock star for the first time ever and I look like this.”
“It’s not that bad,” Kevin says, obviously lying.
“I like it,” Freddie tells you, propping his elbows on the counter and resting his chin on his knuckles. “It’s very goth raccoon chic.”
“My bathroom light wouldn’t turn on this morning and I was late for work and I guesstimated and that was clearly a poor decision.” Poor decisions are my expertise, you think instinctively, and feel a tug of something you don’t quite have the words for. Shame, grief, disappointment, a raw sting like a flame beneath your palm, a dread like a child who’s lost their mother’s hand.
“I’ve offered to take a look at the wiring!” Kevin exclaims. “I told you, a D is passing!”
“Kev, babe,” you reply. “I really, truly appreciate your enthusiasm, but you’ll probably just make it worse. And then my landlord will hate me and keep my security deposit and write me awful references and I’ll have to live in an endless string of ancient, hideous apartments until I die.”
“It’s an electrical problem?” Casablanca asks, pushing his aviator sunglasses up into his unruly hair. His unveiled eyes are a blueish grey—they remind you of one of the candles, maybe Beach Walk or Bahama Breeze—and very direct. He stares at you and you stare back, and at some point you realize that everyone is waiting for you to answer.
“Oh, uh, yeah, I guess so. Sometimes nothing happens when I flip the switch. That’s the extent of my handyman knowledge, unfortunately.”
Casablanca nods. “I could take a look, if you like.”
Not Beach Walk. Not Bahama Breeze. Warm Luxe Cashmere, maybe. “Now that really is too generous. I couldn’t possibly put a rock star to work on my terrible apartment.”
“John’s got a degree in electrical engineering, that’s right in his wheelhouse,” Brian counters.
“Yes,” Roger says, grinning, teasing in a way that has absolutely no malice in it. “He’s more of an engineer than a rock star anyway, isn’t he?”
“Seriously?” Casablanca—John, you mentally correct yourself—doesn’t seem much like an electrical engineer. But Roger’s right: he doesn’t really seem like a rock star, either. What John seems like is steady and abiding and perceptive, attentive, unflinching. He studies you like some people study paintings, like you once studied paintings; not in a passing-by-in-a-crowded-hallway type way but in a patient way, a methodical way, with the quiet that comes from knowing that vision in the frame is older than you will ever be and will still be hanging on that wall when you’re bones in a box somewhere.
Freddie lights a cigarette and puffs on it decadently. Smoking definitely isn’t allowed inside the Yankee Candle shop, but you aren’t about to snap at Freddie Mercury for the second time today. “Oh, let him tinker around in your flat, darling. It’ll make his day.”
“Is it far?” John asks you.
“No, really, Casa…uh, I mean, John, I appreciate the offer more than I could possibly express but I—”
“It’s just a few blocks north,” Kevin says, and tosses you a wily smile.
“How convenient!” Freddie trills. “When does your shift end, dear?”
“Not until 5:30.”
“She can take a long lunch break.” Another smile from Kevin. “Honestly, there’s not much to do around here now that the Great Candle Massacre of 1981 has been remediated.”
“Splendid!” Freddie says, radiant.
You shake your head, very slowly. “This is the weirdest day of my life.”
“Then you clearly haven’t lived enough,” Freddie quips.
“Fred!” Roger presses. “Are we going to the bookstore down the street or not? That was the whole deal, we suffer through your candles, you suffer through our books.”
“You didn’t seem to be suffering,” Brian says.
“Of course I’m suffering. That cashier over there almost murdered me,” Roger slings back.
Freddie sighs and rolls his large, dark, expressive eyes. “Yes, darling, of course, don’t give yourself an aneurism. We’ll go to the bookstore, John can rendezvous with us later.” Now he turns to you. “We’ll send a car to your flat at 7 to pick you and Kevin up for the show tonight. Don’t let John leave without knowing your address. Wear something deliciously opulent. Lots of sparkle. Maybe furs.”
“I make eight dollars an hour,” you tell him.
“Or you could just wear nothing.”
“Sparkle and furs it is.”
Freddie chuckles and turns to the men in black. “Chubby, my dear?”
The towering bearlike Irishman replies: “Yeah, I’ll go with John. Don’t wreck anything else while I’m gone. Don’t get yourselves deported before the show. EMI will have your heads on spikes.”
Freddie pretends to be scandalized. “Causing destruction? We would never.” He saunters towards the shop door, jingling the bells as he swings it open, and waves like royalty. “See you tonight, darlings!”
“Bye!” Kevin shouts after him. And then, after Freddie, Roger, Brian, and the two non-bearlike men in black have departed: “Oh my god I just met Freddie Mercury and he’s amazing and he knows I exist and he spoke to me and tonight he’s sending a car to take me to a concert and I’m going to have front row seats and what if he invites me to have a drink afterwards oh my god.”
John, evidently unaffected, prompts you: “So your place is just a few blocks away?”
“Yeah. Just let me get my coat…”
The man in black—Chubby, as Freddie had introduced him—fetches your coat off the rack by the door and holds it up so you can slip inside it. No one has ever done that for you before.
“…Thanks…?” You button your coat, feeling a little like royalty yourself at the moment.
John pulls open the door, the tiny metal bells jangling, and gestures out into the streets of downtown Montreal. He’s wearing his aviator sunglasses again; the November wind gusts through his hair. You catch threadbare ghosts of cigarette smoke and cologne that the breeze lifts from his skin like pages of a book. And he smiles, just barely. “After you.”
You walk north together along the path of the sidewalk with your hands in your pockets, your breath fog in the cold, weaving through the bustling crowds of tourists and holiday shoppers, Chubby trailing not far behind and displaying his talent for keeping watch while not letting on that he is. To even your own horror, you can’t seem to shut up.
“John, this is so kind of you, this is completely unnecessary, you really shouldn’t feel like you owe me anything because Freddie already paid for the candles twice over and I was totally unprofessional for yelling at customers, even annoying customers, and Kevin and I are already getting a free concert tonight and so—”
“Okay,” John says firmly. “You have to talk about something else now.”
“I can’t talk about anything else. All I can think about is how ridiculous this is.”
“Have you lived in Montreal long?” he asks, very casually, as if you’re strangers in line next to each other at Starbucks.
“My whole life.” Minus a little over three years, but you don’t need to get into that. “My parents live over in Verdun, right on the St. Lawrence River.
“Sounds scenic.”
“It certainly is.” You’re trying not to look at John, because every time you do it’s hard to stop. You look at the cars rolling by instead. “This is super embarrassing, and I don’t mean to offend you, but what exactly do you do in Queen?”
He’s not offended; he thinks it’s hilarious. “I’m the bassist.”
“Oh, that makes sense.”
“Does it?”
“Yeah, bassists are quiet and reliable or whatever. Bassists don’t terrorize Yankee Candle employees.”
“You’re not a Queen fan?”
“I’m a casual and appreciative listener, but I wouldn’t call myself a fan. I couldn’t pick any of you out of a lineup, clearly. Roger is the drummer, right?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Drummers are feral, almost universally. Which means Brian must be lead guitar.”
“And what do you think of lead guitarists?”
“Word on the street is that they are brilliant yet micromanaging egomaniacs, but I don’t want to bash your friend or anything.”
John chuckles, like there’s some joke you aren’t in on yet. “No, please, bash away. So you prefer bassists.”
And finally you do look at him, and you regret it immediately; because now you’re caught in the thoughtful crinkles around his eyes and the barely-there stubble of his cheeks and the playful curve of his lips and how the wind ruffles his auburn hair the same way it steals leaves off of slumbering trees. You almost walk right past the bakery. “Oh, wait, we’re here.”
You lead John and Chubby upstairs to your chronically irritating apartment. John removes his sunglasses, inspects your bathroom light switch, then asks if you have a specific kind of screwdriver. You bring him the toolkit that has lived beneath the kitchen sink since before you moved in and he roots around, finds what he’s searching for, and unfastens the light switch plate from the wall.
“Please don’t electrocute yourself,” you fret, as Chubby meanders around in the living room and tries not to intrude. “If you die your groupies will never forgive me.”
“Who says I’ve got groupies?” John replies, amused.
“I just assumed all rock stars do.” Your eyes flick down to his hands as he fidgets with the wiring; and you notice randomly—or, maybe, not all that randomly—that he’s not wearing a ring. You’re still ruminating over that when he returns the light switch plate to the wall, secures each of the four screws with a few deft twists of his wrist, and performs a test flip. The light turns on immediately.
“Mission accomplished,” John says mildly.
“What?! No, no way, no freaking way.” You flip the switch again. The light turns off and on obediently. You try it at least five more times. Perfection. “…How?!”
“Just a few loose wires. No great hardship.” He tucks the screwdriver back into the toolkit.
You gape at him. “That took you…like…two minutes.”
“Aren’t you glad my band wandered into your candle shop and almost demolished the place today?” He rests his hands on his waist; his sturdy, skillful, ringless hands. “Anything else I can fix for you?”
“Definitely not.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
He stares at you. You stare back.
“Stop looking at my fucked up eyeliner.”
John laughs. It’s a delightfully clear, disarming sound. “That’s not what I was doing.”
“I should fix my makeup and go back to work now. And you should probably go help your friends burn down the bookstore or blow up a Starbucks or do whatever else is on your agenda for today.”
“Soundcheck and dinner, actually,” John says. He slides the toolkit back beneath your kitchen sink, meets Chubby by the front door, and pauses there to give you one last lingering, laden gaze. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“In my best furs,” you purr in your most convincing Freddie Mercury impression.
“Or nothing at all,” John suggests levelly. And then he’s gone.
~~~~~~~~~~
It turns out better than you thought it would. Your tan, knee-high suede boots are celebratory without being too uncomfortable. Kevin brings you a faux fur jacket that he stole from Patrick during the breakup. You find a glittery black dress in the back of your closet that you once loved, then couldn’t stand to look at, then forgot existed entirely; but tonight it’s like you’re seeing it with brand new eyes. It fits even better than you remember. In the mirror, you look like a stranger and a hauntingly familiar acquaintance and yourself all at once.
Chubby arrives in a black limousine at precisely 7pm, parks along the curb next to the bakery, and honks the horn twice. You and Kevin dash down the narrow steps and climb into the backseat, finding complimentary cigarettes and bottled water and chilled champagne. As the limo rolls though Montreal under changing traffic lights, Kevin prattles on about the band, their history, their albums, their tours…and John in particular. He tries to tempt you. You resist valiantly…for the first fifteen minutes, anyway.
Finally, you sigh in capitulation. “Okay. Fine. I get it. What do you know about him?”
“I know he’s divorced,” Kevin says, wiggling his eyebrows. “I saw it on the cover of a tabloid a while back. Very contentious, spicy stuff. He’s got like eight kids.”
“He does not have eight kids!”
“Okay, maybe not eight. But he has a lot,” Kevin insists.
You rearrange your hair with deliberate flippantness. “What do I care if he’s divorced?”
Kevin grins. “You know why you care.”
“Stop,” you plead.
“Look, all I’m saying is that he definitely likes you. And you like him. And I haven’t seen you like anybody, ever, in the…wait, let me count…the nine whole months that I’ve known you. When was the last time you even had a boyfriend? When was the last time you got laid? Oh my god, it hasn’t been nine months, has it?! That’s way too long to go without sex. No wonder you’re so serious all the time. It all makes sense now. You poor thing. You’re in dick withdrawal.”
“Assuming that’s my problem—which it isn’t, by the way—if I wanted to get laid there are far easier ways to accomplish that.”
“Sure,” Kevin says. “But you don’t want just any dick. You want British bassist dick. John Deacon dick. Casablanca dick.”
“This friendship is terminated.”
Kevin cackles, pouring himself a glass of champagne that bubbles over the top and spills onto the limo floor. “I’m really glad you’re here with me. I’m glad we can do this together.”
You fill a champagne flute with bottled water and clink your glass against his, smiling. The limo is turning into the parking lot of the Montreal Forum. “Me too.”
~~~~~~~~~~
The backstage room that Chubby escorts you and Kevin to after the show is full of chatter and heavy smoke and roadies and fans and musicians and journalists, trays of hors d'oeuvres, wine and Stella Artois and vodka and tequila and rum, the electric promise of things that will go unmentioned in the morning. There are stacks of stereo speakers in the corner rumbling out Another One Bites The Dust. You and Kevin camp out on a green velvet couch—making small talk with each other to avoid making it with anyone else—until the band arrives.
John is still wearing his concert outfit: blue pants, blue shirt, a black leather jacket that gives him an edge like a knife. He passes out a few polite nods; but Freddie and Roger are undeniably the suns in this room, and the guests their planets. Freddie is soon surrounded by a constellation of followers and whisks Kevin away with him. John, meanwhile, comes straight to where you’re sitting on the couch and stands in front of you with his messy hair and his veil of cologne and his mystery-candle-blue eyes.
“Can I get you anything?” he asks in that calm, measured way that you’ve learned he has. “Rum and Coke? Moscow Mule? Hurricane? I’ve been on a mojito kick recently.”
“I don’t drink.” And you wait for the inevitable awkwardness that usually follows that sentence, when he says why? or seriously? or maybe just oh in wilted disappointment.
Instead, what John says is this: “No problem. Rum minus the Coke?”
You smile up at him. You can’t help yourself. “That would be perfect.”
There are innumerable drinks already poured on a table, dark carbonated liquid trembling in red plastic cups as the bass from the stereo speakers quakes through the crowded, droning, smoke-hazed room. John moves from cup to cup, taking tentative sips before shaking his head and putting them back down on the table. After each attempt, he casts you a rueful smirk before continuing on to the next cup. At last, he finds two unadulterated Cokes and brings them to the couch: one for you, and one for him. He sits beside you with one of his legs crossed over the other, a lit cigarette in his right hand, a red plastic cup of Coke in his left, and his eyes on you in a way that isn’t hungry or arrogant or restless but merely, benignly contemplative. You find yourself thinking of paintings in museums again, you even start to feel a little like one; and you wonder what colors he sees in you, what types of brushstrokes, what signatures scribbled in the corners of the canvas, what shadows painstakingly penciled in to mimic the angles of the sun.
You tell John about growing up in Montreal, about autumn strolls along the St. Lawrence River, about snowfalls and Mont-Royal and Chinatown and the Notre-Dame Basilica, about the exhilarating turmoil of the Summer Olympics in 1976. You tell him about how Kevin is in his last year at Concordia University and works part-time at the Yankee Candle shop for money to invest in his hair gel and travel fund. You tell him so many things he doesn’t notice all the parts you leave out. In return, John tells you about himself; not about John Deacon the bassist of Queen, but about the understated man who likes cars and electronics and the Beatles and tea in the evenings beside a roaring fireplace. And when his arm comes to rest on the back of the green velvet couch, and then across your shoulders, and then around your waist, it doesn’t feel strange at all. You lean into him as you exchange stories and clandestine giggles until you’re nearly in his lap, and that doesn’t feel strange either. And you haven’t had a drop of alcohol—you haven’t in almost a full year, in fact—but you feel a little drunk tonight, because your cheeks are hot and the room is blurry and the world is brimming with a pure, rose-gold, uncomplicated happiness.
The other band members periodically stop by to say hello, clutching their drinks and making stilted pleasantries as you and John smile drowsily up at them, looking nothing like the soberest people in the room. Chubby and the rest of the men in black are simultaneously omnipresent and scarce, which you are beginning to think is a requirement inked into their job description. Kevin, having been fully absorbed into Freddie’s entourage, is beaming and flushed and extremely, blissfully tipsy. And they all watch you and John not with scandalized sideways glances but with warm approval swimming in their gleaming eyes.
“I don’t think I’ve properly thanked you yet,” you tell John when you are alone again. “For improving my dreadful apartment. So thank you. You really didn’t have to do that. I hate that I marred your time in Montreal with unpaid labor.”
He shrugs it off. “I like fixing things. It’s what I’m best at.”
“Besides being an internationally acclaimed rock star, you mean.”
“I’m honestly not so sure I’m cut out for the rock star life.”
“You are, though. I saw you. I watched you all night.”
John just stares at you, and then he leans in even closer, inhaling deeply. You can feel the heat of his breath on your collarbone, your shoulder, your neck; goosebumps spring up across your skin like stars at twilight. “What the hell is that? Perfume? Lotion? Shampoo?”
“It’s probably sugar and baking bread, because I live on top of a bakery.”
“Does Yankee Candle make anything that smells like you?”
You laugh, shaking your head. “They definitely do not.”
“They should,” John murmurs. And with the rough whirlpools of his fingertips he turns your face to his so he can kiss you.
It should be kind of humiliating, right? Making out with some guy you just met on a green couch in front of thirty strangers, your hands getting tangled in each other’s hair, your lips meeting again and again, taunting darts of the tongue and quick painless bites and stifled moans and grasping tugs at clothes that you’re starting to wish weren’t there at all. It should feel embarrassing, you should feel overexposed, here in this land of unfamiliar expectations and accents and faces. But no one seems to be watching too closely. This must be so tame in the world of rock stars, it occurs to you; almost wholesome. And you can’t remember a time you’ve ever felt more at peace.
“There’s a pool table in the next room,” someone says, startling you, and you break away from John to discover Roger perched on the arm of the couch, grinning coyly as he sips his emerald glass bottle of Stella Artois. “I mean…you know. If you’re into that. John’s got all sorts of moves, we played for days at a time at Ridge Farm. You could challenge him to a round or two. Place bets. But be warned…he’s a total pool shark.”
“Is he?” you ask mischievously, clasping the lapel of John’s leather jacket. Even if you freed him, he shows no indication of retreating. He’s raking his knuckles back and forth along the length of your thigh that your little black dress leaves exposed, never venturing above the hem.
Roger winks. “Just thought you might want to know.” Then he hops off the couch and disappears into the crowd again.
John is trying to keep his eyes locked on yours, and no lower. He’s trying to not be even vanishingly forceful. He’s trying not to sway you. But you know exactly what he wants. “Do you…?”
“Show me how to play pool,” you whisper. And you lead him through the shuffling bodies and boisterous, increasingly intoxicated laughter and cumulus clouds of cigarette smoke to the door on the other side of the room.
Beyond the threshold you find a pool table and not much else. It’s terribly unceremonious; it’s absolutely perfect. You can hear Blondie’s Call Me playing back in the packed room where the rest of the band is still reveling, the bass crawling through the walls to radiate in your eardrums, your bones. You lock the door and reach out to flick off the harsh florescent lights, but John stops you. You don’t have to ask him why. He wants to be able to see you. He asks if this is okay—again, wordlessly, with the forthright blue of his eyes—and you nod. And then he kisses you as you drag him in, breathing in his cologne and nicotine, tasting the virgin Coke on his lips that he drank just for you.
John tears off his leather jacket. You toss the faux fur that Kevin lent you to the floor. You climb up onto the pool table, and John follows you. You yank off his shirt, link your suede boots around him as he positions himself between your naked, down-soft thighs. And then John stops.
“Look, I have to be honest,” he says. His hands tremble as they cradle the small of your back, just barely. “I’m newly divorced, and I’m really out of practice, I mean really out of practice, and this is not at all my usual way of doing things, and if I’m total rubbish or only last like thirty seconds or something I just want to apologize in advance and swear that I’ll do absolutely everything I can to make this worth it for you. Because I like you. I really, really like you.”
“I’m a little rusty too,” you confess with a small, sheepish smile. But he doesn’t need to know exactly how rusty you are, or in how many ways, all those layers of blood-hued ruin that spin webs from the skin down to the marrow.
John seems relieved. “Then maybe we’re even.”
You’re not even, you’re nowhere close; but it’s comforting that he thinks you could be.
John kisses you again. His hands find the zipper on the back of your dress, and then the tiny metal clasp of your bra, and then the black lace of your panties…and then everything else as well.
~~~~~~~~~~
Afterwards, you return together to the green velvet couch in the next room, not with bashful swiftness but with your hands entwined, your eyes satiated and calm, your clothes unapologetically rumpled. The partying is winding down. The song pouring through the stereo speakers is In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins. And now you and John don’t talk very much at all; you just sit there with fresh cups of Coke, your head resting against his chest, his left arm draped around you, watching the rest of the universe spin on like a carousel as your feet stay rooted to the earth.
“So you’re the smart one,” you say eventually. “You must be, with an electrical engineering degree.”
“You’d be surprised. We’re rather erudite, as far as rock stars go.” He smiles drowsily down at you. “Freddie’s got a degree in graphic art and design. Roger has one in biology. Brian has the better part of a PhD in astrophysics. He might even go back to finish it one day. He probably will, just to be able to lord it over us.”
“Wow,” you reply, distantly, suddenly feeling very small.
“What did you study?” he asks you.
In truth, you never finished college; but you aren’t going to tell John that. “Something useless.”
John is intrigued, and perhaps a little concerned as well. His brow furrows with grooves like lines of fortune in an open palm.
“I wanted to be a painter,” you explain, smirking at the absurdity. “But the world doesn’t need painters anymore. They have pictures and videos that are just as clear as real life. They don’t need my fantasies or interpretations. They have reality.”
“I think we still need painters,” John disagrees, his calloused fingertips tracing lazy circles around your bare shoulder.
“Really?”
“Yeah. For when reality requires improving.”
You let a few moments of silence tick by. And then you put on your faux fur jacket, finish the last of your Coke, stand and find your balance on the low heels of your boots with exhausted, shaky calves.
John jolts upright, somewhat alarmed. “Hey, you don’t have to—”
“This was great, John. This was the best night I’ve had in a long time. So thank you for that. But I have to go home now.”
“Okay.” He studies you, processing. “Okay, okay. I’ll have Chubby drive you.”
“That’s really not necessary, I can get a cab…”
But John has already waved Chubby over, and the massive man appears serendipitously with an impossible degree of stealth. Kevin finds you, staggering, babbling breathlessly about all of his adventures, showing you where Freddie and Roger and Brian signed his chest with a black Sharpie, repeating the same stories on an identical loop every few minutes. As you leave, you offer John a brief parting wave; and he returns it, like a reflection in a mirror, but he’s wearing a pensive frown and eyes dark with thought. Then again, maybe you are too.
Chubby leads you and Kevin outside to the waiting limousine. You slip into the backseat, ply Kevin with bottled water, open the sunroof so moonlight and cold, reviving November air can flood in like a river.
Kevin is coming down now from the high of the champagne and the concert and the carousing with Freddie Mercury. He blinks, soaking you in, really seeing you for the first time in hours. “Wow, you had a good night with Casablanca. You had a really good night.”
“Yeah,” you reply softly, resting your head against the window and watching the stars and streetlights pass by above like seasons. “And it will never happen again.”
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As excited as I am for Mega Man Battle Network Collection, I wish we were getting MM Legends Collection as well. I feel like Capcom is toying with us honestly. First they cancelled MML3 and now they won't even do a legacy collection? Ugh.
oh shit it's a MegaMan ask in my inbox. Thanks for that, never had one before, LOVE this property.
I think it'll probably happen eventually. It's just that Legends is, sadly, down there with ZX in the least-selling sub-franchises for the brand. :( That's probably why it's not been their priority; it makes sense that Capcom is focused on the ones that have historically made them more money first, because those are the ones with the most established fans.
I really wish they'd gone a little farther with this release, though; why not throw in Battle Chip Challenge? Or, in my perfect world, how about Network Transmission? Or HEY, how about finally giving us a localization of the DS remake of the first Battle Network, "Shooting Star"? Since it contained a new crossover with Star Force, maybe they'll see fit to include it in a Star Force collection someday...
I think the treatment of ZX might provide us a hint towards how we'll eventually see Mega Man Legends collected. They threw the ZX games in with the far more successful/beloved Zero series, so maybe they'll pair the Legends games with something more successful in a future collection. It's just hard to figure out what that'd be, exactly. I mean, Zero + ZX makes sense because they take place in the same universe, and ZX was the direct sequel series after Zero in the timeline. But it's not like Star Force + Legends would make much sense as a collection; they aren't even in the same universe, after all!
In a best-case scenario, I'd like to see the three games of the Legends universe get something similar to the "Klonoa: Phantasy Reverie Series" release. As in: Give us remasters of the original games with uprezzed graphics. But that first Klonoa game sold better than any of the Legends games did... so again, that seems like a longshot.
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saw the rf5countdown questions and wanted to do a few since i am always down to answer questions <3
99. favorite rune factory game so far?
rf4 will always be #1 in my heart, selphia is my home <3 i really really like rf3 too!!! sharance was suuch a pretty setting
98. rf4 vs rf4 special? did you play them both? why or why not? is special worth buying?
i played both! i like special since you can start the third arc immediately heheh <33 i do like the characters in crunchy ds graphics though
97. what was your first rune factory game?
rf4 my beloved <3
95. if you could eat any of the foods you can cook in the game, what would you pick?
Failed Dish
91. favorite member of the de-saint coquille family?
HOW DO I CHOOSE. i love porco he’s like a weird uncle to me. evelyn, rosalind, sofia, and max are up there <3 they’re all so fun
89. character in the series that you wish you could romance but can’t?
stares directly at gaius barrett and zaid
88. favorite rune factory 2 character?
JULIA :] i’m not too far into the game so i haven’t gotten to know her that well yet but i love her she’s so cute <3 i also really like cecilia, barrett, dorothy, and mana!!
87. favorite rune factory 3 character?
MARIAN!!!!!!! she is so beloved to me i love everything about her. silly chaotic witch <333 other favorites are zaid, gaius, and pia!! rf3 has such a lovable cast <3
86. favorite rune factory 4 character?
DOUG!!!!! that idiot….. he’s so ridiculous i love him. also love meg & lest <333 i like everyone in the rf4 cast. they’re my family
85. favorite protagonist?
LEST 100%!!!!!!!! i like micah and frey too!!! they’ve all got the Gender Swag. sorry ares you could never
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2020 Favorite Video Games
I don’t know if I am an outlier or if this is the same for everyone else but I really did not play a lot of games this year. 2020 was a very harsh year for all of us, especially for me for some personal reasons. So to get to the chase, I am just gonna say it left me not doing much in what little free time I did have, and I didn’t play much either. Usually I try to keep my lists for ‘favorite of the year’ to only titles released that year but since I played so little this year, screw it. I am gonna include any game I played this year regardless of release date.
Collection of SaGa
By far a flawed rerelease. It’s bare bones: there are no advance features you would usually expect out of these kinds of emulated rereleases like save states, fast forward, or rewind, and there was no real effort made to touch up almost 30 year old localizations that had to meet Nintendo of America’s then harsh standards. This really is just 3 roms slapped into a nice looking interface with an option to increase the game speed (which by the way you better use, the characters walk very slow in these old games).
I am bit harsh here, but only because I thought the Romancing SaGa remasters and the upcoming SaGa Frontier remaster all looked like they got a great budget and a lot of love while this is just another Collection of Mana situation (moreso specifically talking about Seiken Densetsu 1/Final Fantasy Adventure/Adventures of Mana part of that collection). I would have loved to see Square Enix do a bit more for these older games. Or at least include the remakes. Seiken Densetsu 1 had two great remakes, both unused in Collection of Mana, and all three of these original SaGa titles have remakes that have never seen the light of day outside of Japan. How great would it have been to get the Wonderswan remake of SaGa 1, as well as the Nintendo DS remakes of Saga 2 and SaGa 3?
But my gripes aside, these games are still fun as they ever were. Replaying SaGa 1 specifically during the holiday season really helped calm me down and made me feel at ease. It’s easy to forget but even in their Gameboy roots there are a lot of funky and weird experimental choices being made in these games. They aren’t your run-of-the-mil dragon quest (or considering the gameboy, maybe pokemon would be more apt) clones.
Raging Loop
Perhaps my favorite game of the year, Raging Loop is one of the best visual novels I have ever played hands down. The level of creativity and splitting story paths that went into it is simply mind blowing. The basic premise is both a wonderful throwback to the old days of Chunsoft sound novels while still modern and somewhat reminiscent of both Higurashi and Danganronpa. Essentially you play as Haruaki, a poor slub that got lost in the mountains with no clue where to go until you stumble upon an old rural village with a strange history and even stranger superstitions. Before you know it there has been a murder and the Feast is now afoot.
The less said about Raging Loop the better, although I do want to say a lot about it one day if I ever can write a proper review of it. This is a gripping game that will take hold of you once you get into it though and never let go. I actually 100%-ed this and I very rarely do that. I got every ending, every bonus hidden ending, played the entire game twice to hear all the hidden details it purposely hides on your first play through, played all the bonus epilogue chapters, unlocked all the hidden voice actor interviews, collected all the art work, etc, etc. I was just obsessed with this game, it’s that damn good! And the main character is maybe the best troll in all of video games, god bless Haruaki.
Root Double
From Takumi Nakazawa, long time contributor to Kotaro Uchikoshi’s work comes a game any fan of Zero Escape or Uchikoshi in general will probably enjoy. Root Double, like its name suggests is a visual novel with two different routes, hence Root Double. The first route stars Watase Kasasagi, the leader of an elite rescue team in the midst of their greatest crisis yet that could lead to nuclear devastation as they try to evacuate a nuclear research facility that has gone awry.
The other route stars Natsuhiko Tenkawa, an everyday high schooler whose peaceful life is thrown into turmoil when he stumbles upon a terrorist plot to destroy the nuclear facility in the city and his attempts to stop them. Together the two separate plots weave into one and creates a really crazy ride. Part Chernobyl, part science fiction, any fan of the genre will easily enjoy it. And hey it’s kind of relevant to include on this list too since it just got a Switch port this year (I played it on steam though).
Snack World
I was shocked upon starting Snack World as it is instantly incredibly charming, witty, and downright hilarious at times yet I heard almost zero people talk about it. EVER. This game is Dragon Quest levels of quirky though, and the localization is incredible. The game has such an oddball sense of humor that works really well with its presentation right down to the anime opening video that sings about the most bizarre things. Instead of the usual pump up song about the cool adventure ahead we get stuff like wanting to go out to a restaurant and eat pork chops.
The self aware/fourth wall breaking humor is just enough to be really funny, but doesn't overstay its welcome and always makes it work right in the context of the dialogue. And finally, just everything; with the menus, the name of side quests and missions, and the character dialogue -- are all just so witty and full of quirky humor. This is one hell of a charming and funny game and addictive to boot.
Trials of Mana
Trials of Mana has gone from one of those legendary unlocalized games, to one of the first major breakthroughs in fan translation, to finally getting an official English release complete with a fully 3D remake. In a lot of ways from a western perspective this game has had an incredible journey. As for this remake itself, I really found myself having tons of fun with it. I loved the graphics, and the voice acting while a bit on the cheaper side almost kind of adds to the charm since both the graphics and acting really give it an old PS2 vibe. I know that is probably just more me being weird but yeah, I had to say it.
I really hope Square Enix sticks to this style of remake more often, instead of just doing Final Fantasy VII Remakes that break the bank and involve extensive tweaking to both plot and game play. I’ll take smaller budget projects that play more like the original game any day personally. I wouldn’t mind if they also deliver a brand new Mana game all together in this engine either.
Utawarerumono Trilogy
This year saw the release of the first entry in the series, Utawarerumono: Prelude to the Fallen--and thus finally after three years since the sequels Utawarerumono: Mask of Deception and Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth came out in 2017 the trilogy is now complete in English. I ended up binging through Prelude to the Fallen very fast shortly after it came out and immediately jumped on to the sequels. Perhaps the best part of 2020 was that I finally played all three of these fantastic games, and did so back-to-back-to-back. Playing the first Utawarerumono was an experience I will never forget, it was like visiting old friends again that I haven’t seen in ages, by and large thanks to the fact that I saw the anime adaption of the game when I was much younger, nearly a decade ago. Back then I would have never of dreamed that I would get to play the actual game and get the real experience.
And it only got better from here, as all three games are such wonderful experiences from start to finish. The stories are all so deep, and by the time you get to the third entry, Mask of Truth, it’s crazy to see how they all connected over so many years and weaved together into a plot much bigger than they ever were. What carries it beyond all that though has to be the fun and addicting strategy role playing game aspect, which while a bit on the easy side, is still so much fun and helps make the game feel better paced since you get to play the conquests your characters go on and not just read about all the battles they fight. Beyond that the games are packed full of awesome characters, and I know I’ll never forget the amazing leads in all of them. Hakuowlo, Haku, and Oshtor will all go down as some of the greats to me.
Ys: Memories of Celceta
Ys: Memories of Celceta is a full 3D remake of Ys IV, a rather infamous game in Falcom’s Ys series. Not to get bogged down too much into the history of Falcom but by this point they were facing a lot of hardship and had to outsource this entry to other developers, and thus passed it on to two particular developers they had a business relationship with, creating two unique versions of Ys IV. Tonkin House who had worked on Super Famicom port of Ys III with Falcom ended up creating their own YS IV entry, Mask of the Sun for the very same system, where Hudson soft who had produced the much beloved Ys Books I & II remakes for the Turbografix (PC Engine) CD add-on created their own Ys IV entry Dawn of Ys for that console. Both games followed guidelines and ideas outlined from Falcom themselves but both radically diverged from each other and turned into completely different games.
Falcom finally putting an end to this debate on which version of Ys IV you should play have gone and created their own definitive Ys IV in 2012 for the Playstation Vita. I played the 2020 remastered version of this remake on my PS4. I even bought this on the Vita when it first came out but I am horrible and only horde games, never play them. So it was a lot of fun to finally play this.
Memories of Celceta is probably one of the best starting points for anyone looking to get into Ys, especially if you only want to stay with the 3D titles as out of all the 3D entries this explains the most about the world and series protagonist Adol Christian. Beyond that it’s just another fantastic entry in a wonderful series that has a few good twists hidden behind it, especially for long time fans of the series.
Random Video Game Console Stuff
Xbox Has Blue Dragon: I actually got an Xbox One this year for free from my brother. Because of that I started to play Blue Dragon again and there’s a lot I would love to say about this game. I don’t know if I am fully committed to replaying it all the way through however but I find myself putting in a couple hours every few days and enjoying myself again. Does anyone else remember Blue Dragon? I feel like it really missed its audience and had it come out nowadays and probably for the Switch it would have really resonated with the Dragon Quest fandom a lot more instead of being thrown out to die on Xbox and constantly compared to Final Fantasy VII and the like which it had nothing at all similar with.
The Turbografx 16 Mini: This was probably one of the best mini consoles that have come out and I feel like thanks to the whole 2020 pandemic thing it was largely forgotten about. That’s a shame, it has a wonderful variety of great games, especially if you count the Japanese ones (god I wish I could play the Japanese version of Snatcher included), and a wonderful interface with fantastic music. One of these days I would really like to be able to play around with the console more seriously than I have already.
Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon Never Existed: So Nintendo localized the first ever Fire Emblem game on Nintendo Switch which is awesome to see them touching Famicom games again--I haven’t seen Nintendo of America rerelease old Famicom titles since Mysterious Murasame Castle on the 3DS, but their trailer hilariously made it seem like this is the first time ever they released Fire Emblem when in fact they had already localized the remake Shadow Dragon on the Nintendo DS nearly 10 or 11 years ago. I and many other fans I talked to all found this really hilarious, probably solely because of how much they kept repeating the fact that this is the first time you will ever be able to experience Marth’s story.
All that aside though I have to say the collector edition for this newly localized Famicom game is probably the most gorgeous retro reproduction I have seen in a long time, and I really spent many many hours just staring at the all clear glass mock cartridge. I have found myself really obsessing over retro reproductions during 2020, and obtained quite a few this year. I really hope this trend continues to go on in 2021 as recreating classic console packaging and cartridges is a lot of fun.
#video games#collection of saga final fantasy legend#SaGa#SaGa I#SaGa II#SaGa III#Raging Loop#Root Double#Snack World#Trials of Mana#Seiken Densetsu 3#Utawarerumono#Ys#Ys IV#ys memories of celceta
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