#drunkish. drunk as I ever can get

[seilon]

text them shit about ur ex then, ruin his rep right back

just talked to one of my friends on the phone for a while and dw they already know everything I have to say more or less about him it’s just. I can’t force them to cut contact with him or anything especially without sounding like exactly what he makes me out to be (manipulative, controlling, whatever) so. as much as my friend has reassured me in a lot of ways I’m still sort of stuck at an impasse when it comes to Him

[evanpeterswhoresblog]

Old Friends (pt. 2)

Max Cooperman x f!reader

warnings: smut, unprotected p in v, oral female receiving, dom max, underage drinking, underage smoking, rough sex, drunkish sex, pretty smutty guys you are warned

summary: after what happened between you and max, you can’t stop thinking about it… but he hasn’t called you since. whats gonna happen when you go back for a much smaller gathering?

word count: 3.3k

a/n: i’m finally back after like 4 months… hope this was worth the wait ;)

~~~

Your heart is racing. You’re in the back of Baja’s car. You, her, and Jake just pulled into Max’s driveway. It’s been two weeks since the Fourth of July party, two weeks since you’ve seen or heard from Max. You’ve been waiting for him to reach out, for him to tell you he doesn’t regret it and that he wants to see you again. But he hasn’t. You know he’s changed; you should’ve seen it coming, but it still hurts you that he was so willing to throw away your entire friendship for a one-time thing.

“Y/N? Come on, we’ve been sitting here for like five minutes get moving,” Baja says, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You nod and get out of her car. Did Max know they brought you to this hangout? Baja told you it was just going to be like the old days again. However, you doubt it’ll be like old times given what happened. The four of you were going to get crossed and watch movies. Max’s parents weren’t home again, so you guys are going to have the place to yourselves. You’d be excited if you weren’t already so nervous.

You follow Jake and Baja to Max’s door; you can hear your heartbeat in your ears, your stomach is full of nervous butterflies. You wish you didn’t agree to come. The only reason you did was because if you didn’t, Baja would’ve suspected something happened between you and Max. She already knew you hooked up with a guy at the party, but you refused to tell her who. You felt bad lying to your best friend, but it’s better this way. You didn’t want anyone to know about what Max considers to be that one mistake, it would make things awkward. So, you kept it secret.

After a few seconds of standing at the front door, Max opens it wide. He greets you all with a warm smile, but you can see the way his eyes shift when they meet yours. All you can think about is the way those same dark eyes looked into yours in his car, it’s all you’ve thought about for the past two weeks. But now, seeing him in front of you, makes it ten times worse. You regret coming.

“Finally, you guys are late,” Max says.

Jake pats Max’s shoulders and laughs. “Sorry, Baja took forever as usual to get ready. Then we had to get y/n too. But we made it.”

“Yeah, yeah, get in,” Max replied, pushing Jake inside.

“Nice to see you again Max.” Baja smiles and follows Jake in.

Max’s eyes meet yours again as you slowly enter. You don’t know if you’re glad or upset at the fact that he doesn’t say anything to you. It doesn’t matter. You brush it off and follow Jake and Baja into the living room. Max already set a few bottles of alcohol on the coffee table along with some cups. The sight makes you happier than ever. You jump onto the couch and start to look more specifically at each of the bottles.

“Jesus, you already want to get drunk?” Baja asks with a small chuckle.

You look back at her and nod. “Hell yeah, the last time I drank was here and that was too weeks ago.”

You set on the bottle of pink lemonade Smirnoff; it has the highest percentage of alcohol on the table. You unscrew the top and pour yourself a shot. Baja and Jake sit on the couch and start to look at the bottles as well. Without another thought, you take the shot. You love the way it burns your throat, but you hate the sweet aftertaste it leaves. However, it’s a perfect distraction from the boy who’s now sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

“What are we watching?” Jake questions the group.

“I was thinking horror,” Baja answers.

“That’s fine,” Max agrees.

Their eyes turn to you. You simply nod.

“Great, let’s get this going,” Jake says as he grabs the remote.

You glance at Max again and see he’s already looking at you, a strange look in his eyes. You quickly avert your eyes. It’s going to be a long night.

~~~

After the first movie, all of you are drunk. You lost count of how many shots you took, and you have no idea how many times you hit Max’s bong. This was the first time in two weeks you weren’t worrying about what your status with him was, so in simple terms, you felt amazing.

Baja is passed out on Jake’s shoulder, Jake is trying his best to find another movie to play, and Max is lying back on the couch with his eyes closed. You know he’s not asleep because every couple of minutes he speaks. You don’t want to think about how many times already this night you’ve looked at him. You feel ashamed, it’s as though you can’t keep your eyes off him. It’s awful.

“Guys I think I’m gonna pass out,” Jake says. He stands up, stumbling a bit. “Can we crash in one of your guest rooms?”

“Of course, just don’t fuck too loud. The walls are very thin,” Max replies, his eyes still closed.

“Noted.”

Jake picks up Baja carefully in bridal style and starts to walk out of the living room and down one of the halls. You giggle as you see him stumble into a wall slightly. When you turn back to the TV. the realization hits you. Now that they’re gone it’s just you and Max... alone. If it weren’t for all the alcohol and weed, you’d be freaking out right now. You’re able to keep your composure though, deep down you’re nervous something awkward will happen.

You grab the remote, trying your best to be quiet and not make Max open his eyes. You almost succeed, but just as you settle back into your spot away from him, he sits up. He turns his head toward you, meeting your eyes for the millionth time that night.

“Are you putting something on?” He asks, his voice alone making your stomach fill with butterflies.

“Yeah, if that’s okay,” you reply.

He slightly nods. “Go ahead.”

You pick the first movie you see and settle into your spot more, pulling a blanket over your body. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Max is watching you and every so often he shifts just a little bit, making the space between the two of you smaller and smaller. You try your hardest to keep your attention on the screen, but once Max is only a foot away from you, you can’t take it any longer.

You look at him, annoyed. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing, just enjoying the movie like you are,” he answers casually.

“No- I mean...” You struggle to find the words, the alcohol still affecting you. You shake your head and stand up. “Never mind, I’m going to bed.”

You begin to turn but Max grabs your wrist. You swear it’s as though his hand is an electric fence. Tingles travel throughout your body at his touch. You instantly turn your head and look down at him, the memories of the last time he did this replay through your head. His eyes are dark, they look the same as they did in his car moments before everything went down. You don’t know what to think of it.

“Stay,” he mumbles.

“Why? You clearly aren’t interested in me,” you snap. “I shouldn’t have even come tonight I’m so stupid.”

“What makes you think that? Do you not remember what I said to you the last time we saw each other? You’re the one who hasn’t called me since the party,” he says.

You shake your head again. “You never called me. I waited and waited and didn’t get a single word. If you wanted it to just be a one-night stand you could’ve told me that before I left because then you would’ve spared me all those hours waiting for a simple fucking call.”

“Woah hold on. I was waiting for you to call me,” he replies.

The two of you stare at each other for a few seconds. You’re confused. Was all of this just a misunderstanding? Had he really been waiting for you to make the first move? From the way he’s staring up at you, you believe what he said. Part of you feels guilty, you shouldn’t have simply expected him to contact you first.

“I’m sorry I just thought that you were going to call me,” you apologize.

Max moves his thumb across your wrist, you almost shiver. “I’m sorry too. I really wanted to see you again all those days.”

“You did?”

Your heart begins to race as it did mere hours ago, but this time for a completely different reason. He continues to move his thumb on your skin, the simple contact making the pit of your stomach fill with that familiar warmth and your panties begin to dampen.

“Of course, I did. You’re all I can think about. I know I said I wouldn’t care if it was only that one time, but I lied. I need it again, I need you again,” he says.

He pulls your wrist gently, guiding you back onto the couch next to him. You don’t object. When he leans closer to you, you don’t dare move. His lips are only inches from yours now, his other hand gripping yours tightly. You’ve never wanted another person more than you want Max right now.

“Can I have you again?” He asks under his breath.

You nod, you’re too lost in the way he’s looking at you to speak.

“I need to hear it y/n, use your words,” he whispers.

“I’ve been yours to have Max, and I think it’s going to stay that way for a while,” you reply, so quietly a person a foot away from you wouldn’t even be able to hear.

“Good, because I’m going to want you again, and again, and again...”

Your lips meet, and you feel that same spark flow throughout your body. You kiss him hard, your hands instantly finding their way to his soft curls. He reciprocates in all the right ways. His hands move to your breasts, your waist, your neck... caressing, fondling, and pleasing every inch of you that they touch. You can’t get enough of it.

He slowly lays you down on the couch after a few minutes, his body filling the space between your legs instantly. You fight back moans as his lips begin to travel down your neck, sucking the spots he quickly learns drive you insane. One of his hands finds the bottom of your shirt and he starts to pull it up.

“No, what if Jake or Baja come out?” You question. His lips are still on your neck, it takes everything inside you to not make a noise. “Max?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep watch, just wait a minute,” he answers, his breath tickling your neck.

You trust him, so you simply close your eyes and let the feeling of his rough hands on your bare stomach take over. He lifts your shirt up enough to expose your breasts, you aren’t wearing a bra. You sigh as he kneads one of your breasts in his hand. His hands are so big, so rough, so warm. He pinches your nipple, making you squirm. You were surprised the first time by his dominance, Max always used to be a follower. But now he seems even more dominant, it only makes the wetness in your panties grow.

You let him pull your shirt over your head, you let him throw it on the floor, you even let him suck your nipples out in this open area. The thought of Baja or Jake walking out and seeing the two of you like this excites you, though you know it shouldn’t. It’s wrong, and if you were caught, you’d face major consequences. You don’t think about that though, in fact, you don’t think at all at this moment.

Max pulls back and takes off his shirt. Your eyes travel up and down his torso, his body still receiving that same surprised reaction from you. You press one of your hands onto his chest, your fingers move down his body slowly. He’s so warm, so inviting. He leans back over you and captures your lips in another kiss.

You continue to move your hand down his body till you reach the waistband of his shorts. You can feel how hard he is through his clothes; it almost makes you squirm. You move your other hand down and pull at his remaining clothing. He doesn’t object, and in a matter of seconds, his shorts and boxers are on the floor. A soft moan leaves his lips as you gently wrap a hand around his hard cock and stroke.

“God, I need you,” he mumbles against your lips. The tone of his voice sending a shiver down your spine.

He leans back so he’s kneeling on the couch and begins to unbutton your shorts. You lift your hips as he drags them down your body, kicking them off once they reach your ankles. A woman in the movie screams just as Max begins to play with your soaking cunt. You’re glad, because the second his fingers find your clit, your silence is over. You practically whimper at the sensation. He toys with you for a few moments, making your toes curl when he finds that perfect spot inside you with his fingertips.

“Max,” you moan, one of your hands gripping his wrist. “I’m close.”

He removes his hand instantly and your eyes shoot open, what is he doing? You’re about to say something but that’s when he starts moving down the couch. You watch his head fall between your legs. His eyes meet yours as he sticks out his tongue and tastes you for the first time tonight. A soft sigh escapes your lips, your head falls back on the couch.

Barely five have passed by the time you feel your orgasm approaching again. Something about the way Max is so willing to go down on you makes you so much more turned on. You don’t say anything, you don’t have the time because before you can speak, you’re already falling apart on his tongue. You cover your mouth with your hand, your body shakes as you cum.

He stops a few seconds before you’re overstimulated and returns to his kneeling position between your legs. Before you even catch your breath, he grabs your hips and flips you over onto your stomach. He pulls your hips, so your ass is in the air. You arch your back, half on your own, half from his hand that moves up to your lower back and pushes down so you bend more. It hurts, but you can’t get enough of it.

“Are you good with no condom again?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

You feel the tip of his cock line up with your entrance, it makes goosebumps appear on your skin. This is the moment you’ve been craving for two weeks. As he slowly begins sliding inside of you, you gasp. He stretches you almost to the point of it being painful. You bite down on your arm to keep yourself from screaming from the pleasure. You hear Max softly moan, the sound of his raspy voice making you clench around him.

“Be quiet baby, like I said the walls are very thin,” he says. You can practically hear the smirk in his voice. It only turns you on more.

He begins his slow thrusts, the pace both agonizing and glorifying at the same time. You want more, you need more. But you know he’s doing it to taunt you, to hear you beg him for more, so you bite your tongue. Max must realize you’re on to him because he slows down even more, not even going all the way in. It hurts, and not in the way you want it to. You give in.

“Faster Max, harder Max, stop fucking me like I’m some untouched virgin,” you whisper.

He laughs. “You’re the first girl to insult me while my dick is inside you.”

You look over your shoulder and can’t help the smile that takes over your face. It was almost like you forgot it was Max you were having sex with. The same Max that you used to make fun of for being a virgin, the same Max you used to have to convince your parents wasn’t gay. He’s not a stranger, no matter how much his appearance changes he’s always going to be your best friend Max.

“Just fuck me please, before they come out here for water,” you reply after a few seconds.

“Your wish is my command.”

Max rams his hips into yours so hard it hurts. You moan, too loud for your liking. Neither of you say anything about it though, you’re too caught up in the moment. He fucks you rough, his skin slapping yours at an incredibly fast pace. You bury your face in the couch, your hands gripping the couch hard. He hits that spot inside you with every thrust, each time he hits it making you closer and closer to finishing.

He places one of his hands on your shoulder and pulls you back, so his dick moves even deeper inside you. You can’t help the loud whine that leaves your lips. The pain is almost unbearable. Almost. He lets go of your shoulder after a few thrusts and instead slaps your ass. All these sensations drive you crazy, blurring your mind and your body.

“Max I-I'm close,” you whimper after a few more minutes.

“Me too baby, me too,” he replies, his breath ragged.

When you finish, your entire body shakes, and you struggle to keep yourself up. Max finishes only a few seconds after you, his dick pulsing hard inside of you. Once you’re both finished, he pulls out and you fall from your position. Your heart is beating rapidly, your face is flushed, you can barely breathe. You’ve never experienced sex so rough in your life. And you can’t believe how much you enjoy it.

Max lays down next to you, covering your naked bodies with a blanket. You just stare at the TV. as the credits for the movie start to play, your breath finally catching up with you.

“If Jake and Baja ask about the noise, do you just wanna tell them it was a movie we had on really loud?” Max eventually asks.

You chuckle and turn your body to face him. “No, let’s just tell them we were having incredibly rough and loud sex.”

“Are you serious?”

You chuckle again. “Obviously not. We can’t tell them anything about this unless we start dating, but I doubt that will happen.”

“Why do you doubt that?”

“Well, I mean, I’m gonna be leaving the state again and you’ll be back at your school. I wouldn’t want to hold you back from all the girls who’ve been missing what I just experienced,” you explain.

“Well, I don’t want any other guy to touch you like that,” he says, his words causing you to blush.

“Is long distance really something you’d want to do? We wouldn’t be able to do this until the holidays you know.”

“I know, but that’s what’ll keep it special. Imagine how good it’ll be after months of not doing it. But it’s not even just about the sex, I’ve wanted to be your boyfriend since like junior year,” he reveals.

You smile. “If you want to try then so do I, but I want it to actually work out. I don’t want to break up and then have the friend group split. I want it to last.”

He wraps his arm around you and pulls your body against his. “I think it’ll last.”

You couldn’t agree more.

[jamesbuchannan]

Underneath My Skin | jbb

A/N: howdy! i wanted to make this super angsty and without a happy ending but i am simply unable to do such a thing. so happy ending bc i said so. nevertheless, i hate the ending i’m so bad at ending a fic someone pls teach me. also stream the band camino for clear skin.

Warnings: slight adult themes if u squint, implied smut i guess, drunkish reader, not proof read bc i’m lazy :)

Summary: Bucky and Y/N are constantly on and off. Y/N always breaks things off before they can get too serious, but can’t see to stay away. Bucky wishes he could move on, but Y/N just gets underneath his skin. (Underneath My Skin, The Band CAMINO).

When you call me up in the dead of night, saying

“Wish that we had never said goodbye”

“Bucky, c’mon! I swear I’m not drunk, I only had a few drinks.”

You had called him at approximately 2:34 AM. He knows the exact time because you woke him up. This also isn’t the first time this has happened.

You and Bucky are what you would call on-and-off. You never get too serious before you break it off. You love him, you really do. But you always break it off before you think he will. You know Bucky has troubles with expressing his emotions, and you don’t want to force him into anything serious if he isn’t ready.

But little did you know, he loved you too. And to him, you only used him when you wanted attention.

And just like clockwork, you get just drunk enough to gain the courage to call him again.

“Fine, I’ll call a cab now. I’ll be there in about 20.”

I’m so sick of all the promises you make when you’re wasted

But I fall for it ever time that I see you naked

You open the door for Bucky, dressed only in a big t-shirt and panties. It’s a weakness of his, and he knows you know it. Not being able to actually see your panties but knowing there isn’t anything covering them always sets him off.

You pull him in, giving him a quick kiss, “I’m so happy you came, I’ve missed you. I promise this is the last time, I just needed to be with you.”

“Y/N I don’t think we should do this, especially if we aren’t going to get back together. It’ll just be painful for b-”

His voice cuts off as soon as you lift the shirt over your head, and yeah, he can’t argue with that.

Every time you say

You wanna do it again

I’m falling right back in

I don’t know how you

Always find the way

To get stuck in my head

I hate how long you’ve been

Underneath my skin

“I wanna get back together.”

“We can’t keep doing this, Y/N,” he sighs, as he holds you to his chest, “You can’t keep leaving me and then calling me a few weeks later to get back together.”

“I know, I know Bucky, I’m sorry,” you turn to look at him, your chin on his chest, “I swear I want this. I just –”

“You just what? Like hurting me? Only like me when you want attention?” Your chin quivers when you see the hurt in his eyes. You never thought it affected him this much. You never believed he could care about you this way.

“No! I just, I love you. I love you so mu-”

“Oh yeah? You love me? How can you sit here and tell me you love me when you’re constantly leaving me? Baby, I don’t know how much more heartbreak I can take.”

“Of course, I love you. I just never thought you loved me. I thought you wanted casual and when my feelings would get too strong, I thought you’d leave me. So, I left first.”

“So, let me get this straight,” at this point he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, you’re next to him, just watching him “You thought the solution to me possibly leaving you, was to leave me? How does that make any sense, Y/N? Why didn’t you just talk to me, ask me how I feel? Because if you just took a second to think, and ask me how I feel, I would’ve told you that I love you too.”

“You do?” Your eyes are wide, full of hope, scared of rejection.

“Yeah I do, you get so under my skin and all I ever think about is you.”

-

Master taglist:

@criminallyautumn​

[chaoticminhos]

drunken mistakes

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: smut

warnings: drunkish sex, friends to lovers, size/strength kink

words: 1.6k

a/n: for anon! i hope this fulfills what you had imagined, love!

you couldn’t form a proper sentence past the giggles leaving your mouth, and you’d honestly already forgot why you were laughing. maybe it wasn’t anything. you tended to think everything was hilarious once you’d had a drink or two.

hyunjin laughed right along with you, falling to lay on his back beside you on your small bed. you were squished between your best friend and the wall, but hey, that’s college living for you.

you propped yourself up on your arms and smiled down at the boy beside you. man, was he pretty. who allowed him to have such perfect eyes and plump lips and those cute dimples? you pouted, and he noticed. he laughed, slurring his words.

“why’re you pouting?”

“you’re prettier than me.”

the bed shook as he let out a loud laugh.

“yeah i am, huh?”

you grabbed the pillow from under his head and smacked him across the face with it, to which he obviously had to retaliate. he ripped the pillow from your hands, easily overpowering you and gaining control over the situation. he had your back against the mattress and arms pinned above you before you could even think of cussing him out.

you tried to glare up at him, but a smile found its way to your lips, and the smile turned into a laugh and before you knew it the two of you were back in a laughing fit.

hyunjin kept his body secure above yours and his hands pinning your wrists down as he laugh, leaning forward and burying his face between your shoulder and the pillow as he laughed. you felt his breath on your neck as he laughed, not even noticing when your breath locked in your throat at your current position and the feeling of his lips so close to your neck.

he raised his head, locking eyes with you, that big, gorgeous, stupid smile still on his face. god, he had perfect lips. you almost just wanted to kiss them.

so you did.

he pulled away the second he registered your lips on his, distancing his face from yours but remaining in his position atop you. his grip on your wrists loosened and he let out a nervous laugh.

“what was that?”

you shrugged your shoulders the best you could given your position, shifting your body uncomfortably under him. through your drunken haze, you could still tell that you fucked up.

he flinched slightly when you wiggled under him before crawling off of you and quickly sitting up and holding a pillow in his lap. it was a nervous habit he had, always needing something to play with.

he repeated himself in the same soft tone, this time laced with confusion instead of amusement.

“what was that?”

so he wouldn’t just settle for a shrug, huh?

“you have nice lips.”

he nodded slowly, silently asking you to continue. you stared at him for a moment. his hair was messy and his arms looked godly in the sleeveless shirt he was wearing. you couldn’t deny that you had one hell of a looker for a best friend, and you’d be lying if you hadn’t thought about doing some... more than friendly things with him. but you wouldn’t ever, because he was your best friend. wouldn’t ever sober, that is. now was completely different.

ah, fuck it.

“we should have sex.”

he opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no words came out. you hadn’t expected him to give in and agree right away, but you pouted anyway.

“come on, jinnie,” you scooted closer to him, hand reaching for the pillow in his lap and tossing it away from him. he immediately jumped to cover his crotch with his hands. he had an obvious and growing problem.

you smiled. you’d be getting what you wanted in no time. this was turning out to be way easier than your 5 seconds of less than sober calculating had predicted. or so you thought.

you reached to remove his hands from his lap, but you were stopped by him grabbing your wrists and returning you to your previous position under him with your hands pinned above you, his timid demeanor long forgotten.

“y/n, we’re drunk-“

you cut him off with a whine, “no, m just a little tipsy! what do you want? you want me to beg? i’ll beg. jinnie, please please please fuck me. everything about you is so pretty, your lips and your cheeks, your hands. just wanna feel your pretty cock in me, just this once, please.”

he snickered, causing you to frown.

“you’re that needy?”

unfazed by his teasing, you continued.

“hyunjin please, i just wanna feel you inside of me.”

he laughed again, but you could feel how turned on he was.

“i never took you for one to beg, y/n.”

you whined again, trying to free your hands from his grip, but you had no luck. you were no match for his full body weight. honestly, you knew he could probably pin you down with less than half of the strength he was using now.

you opened your mouth to plea again only to be shut up by hyunjin crashing his lips to your own. he wasted no time deepening the kiss, biting your bottom lip as a request for entrance. you’d normally tease him, but you had your mind on one thing: getting his dick in you as quickly as possible.

he pressed his body further against you as he moved his lips to your neck, tongue exploring the skin and hunting for a sweet spot. it didn’t take long before he was biting down and sucking harshly onto a particular spot on your neck, causing you to moan out.

with his body pressed flush against you, you could feel just how turned on he was. and to be honest, having his hard cock pressed into your thigh didn’t do anything to calm you down, either.

“hyunjin, can you please fuck me already?”

he chuckled against the skin of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine. he removed himself from you and rid himself of his shirt, followed by the rest of his clothes. you got the hint and followed his actions.

once again he had your back pressed to your mattress, caging you between it and his bare body. he attached his lips to yours once more as he brought a hand to your core, slipping two fingers in with ease.

he smiled as you moaned into the kiss, involuntarily bucking your hips to meet his movements. he pulled his fingers from your heat and brought them to your lips. you opened your mouth, allowing him to slip his fingers down your throat. you struggled not to gag as tears pricked in your eyes.

he hummed, “what a good girl, taking my fingers so well in both her holes.”

he took his fingers from your mouth and ran them over his dick, spreading a mix of his and your juices and your spit along his length before slowly pushing into you.

both of you moaned at the feeling. you couldn’t help yourself from moving as he picked up his pace and pleasure overtook you, but he didn’t appreciate your movements messing up his rhythm.

he gripped your hips hard enough you were sure there would be bruises later to remind you for the future to hold still. effectively stilling your movements, hyunjin continued his assault to your walls, finding your g-spot in record time and building up a knot in your stomach tighter than you’d ever felt before.

“god, you take my cock so well, why haven’t we done this before?”

you didn’t reply and he didn’t expect you to.

“you’re so small, fuck, how do you take me this easily?”

he brought a hand to your core and rubbed harsh circles to your clit while continuing his thrusts into your walls, and you came undone in his hands.

the way you felt around him and the chorus of his name coming from your mouth threw him over the edge along with you. he pulled out, stroking himself a few times as he released himself onto your stomach.

when finished, he ran a finger through the mess he made across your stomach, scooping some up and bringing it to your lips. just as before, you obediently opened your mouth and sucked his fingers clean, moaning at the taste.

he reached to the floor and picked up the shirt you had been wearing and wiped himself off of your stomach the best he could before crumpling the shirt up and tossing it into your laundry basket.

“hey!” you whined, “why’d you use my shirt, dickhead, it’s your mess?”

“you’re the one who seduced me. plus, this is your house, you can just get another shirt. i only have the one here.”

“bullshit.”

you had at least half a dozen of his shirts around your apartment. he was your best friend and he stayed over practically every weekend.

he gave himself a minute to catch his breath before standing and reaching out his hand for you. you took it, standing and following him to the bathroom where he started your shower running and lead you into it.

surprisingly, taking a shower with hyunjin didn’t feel weird. to be fair, you had his dick in you minutes earlier and that really didn’t feel weird either.

you let him spread soap across your shoulders and stomach, cleaning off the mess he’d made along with the scent of alcohol from your body. you watched as he intently took care of you and a smile found its way to your lips.

maybe drunken mistakes weren’t so bad after all.

[startingtodayyouareahost]

Drunk Headcanon

Im tipsy. Work is stressful . Have drunkish (me) you with hosts!

Haruhi

           "Did I ever tell you your face is really, really daaaaamn cute?!"

           "Yes, several times."

           "Ok. BECAUSE………..your really cute~"

           " ok, how about we go to bed now."

           Haruhi sends you to bed because she's no fun

Tamaki

      "Hey!"

           "Princess we're indoo-"

           "HEY!. . .Are you single?"

           "……..No."

           "damn it! Which bitch is it I'll fight her for your hand!"

           "Its you."

           "I'll fight me!"

           Tamaki would probably die of laughter.

Kyoya

      "Perhaps you had enough today."

           "No."

           "Yes."

           "Fuck you no."

           "….No"

           "Your right take my glass."

           He knows how to play you just right to get his way.

Hikaru

           "Your drunk babe."

           "No im not!"

           "Can you tell the time?"

           *Turns to clock* "IM NOT DRUNK!"

           *Hikaru died laughing RIP*

Kaoru

           Is drunk with u he's a good boi. No one will save either of you.

           Disaster gays????

Honey

           "Hey lets go to bed ok?"

           "Fight me."

           "No, its nappy ti-

           "FIGHT ME!"

           ". . ."

Puts you in a headlock till you pass out.

Mori

". . ."

"Hey wanna see my impression of you?

" sure."

". . ."

"?"

"Good right!?"

You won't remember but he actually held back laughter.

"You should rest now."

"Only if you carry me."

[imaginepirates]

Drunken Confessions

A Jack x Reader where the reader gets drunk and says some things they really shouldn't. Jack avoids them for a while before they confront him about it. This one's a bit on the short side, sorry. I've been feeling awful lately.

@bonjour-frens @tesserphantom @claireshepard67

~2600 words

~~~~~~~

           The sand had just cooled off. Earlier in the day, it might have burned your skin, but it was cold under the night sky. It was churned up by dancing feet, and your toes sunk into it. You'd taken off your boots as to air out your feet and remember the feeling of land beneath them. 

           Jack had 'important business' to attend to on land. As part of his crew, you followed him from place to place, going on wild adventures anyone would dream of telling their grandchildren. However, typical business was obtaining rum. 

           You loved sailing on the Black Pearl. She was a beauty, and the crew was the oddest assortment of people you'd ever met. Unfortunately, your adventures rarely yielded treasure. But, as Jack said, treasure wasn't always silver and gold. For you, it was the relationships created along the way. 

           Presently, you were dancing in the sand with a good portion of the crew. You were still, for the most part, sober, but you planned on remedying that. Sea shanties were sung at the tops of people's lungs. It sounded awful, really, but you were having fun. 

           Jack stood to one side of the revelry, staring down into what you speculated was an empty bottle. He was pouting; it was an attractive habit of his. 

           You skipped over to him. "Rum's gone already?" You asked. Your feet were getting a little crossed under you, but you managed to keep your balance. 

           He hummed. You took it as a yes. 

           "You should come out here," you said. "Sing. Dance. It'll be good for you."

           He eyed you, one eyebrow traveling up his face. "Can't get too distracted." He burped. Obviously, he was rather tipsy himself. Or full-blown drunk, but you could never tell with him. "Someone's got to watch me ship."

           You doubted he was watching the Pearl any more than the rest of you were, but you let it go. Another song started up, and you joined back in with everyone else. 

           Your bottle was empty, and you were handed another. Every ounce of wit in you had disappeared. You hardly knew if your limbs were moving anymore. You supposed they were; you would notice people passing you if you weren't. Most of your surroundings were a blur, though. You could hardly tell where the treeline was. 

           Your mouth was moving, and though you were singing, you really couldn't say what. 

           An arm threw itself around your waist. You weren't sure you liked it, but you weren't enough in your senses to push it away. Your legs were starting to give way beneath you, and if weren't for the arm, you might have pitched into the sand. 

           If only you'd seen the stares. Hungry gazes turned toward you. Hot breath tickled the back of your neck. Looking up at the face beside you, you noticed it wasn't someone you recognized. Others must've joined the festivities. You might not have minded if the man wasn't so close. 

~~~

           It was exactly the kind of thing Jack didn't tolerate. Someone slinging their arm around his woman. Well, not really his. Not yet. But he wasn't about to let anyone else have a chance. 

           His brain was foggy, but not so much as everyone else's. He'd built up such a tolerance to drink that a glass; or two, or seven; didn't do all that much. Really, it made him feel tired. And it made him slur his speech, but his thinking was as clear as mud. 

           He sidled over to you, unwrapping the arm around you. He pushed the man away, leaving him to stagger in the sand. 

           You promptly collapsed. He hadn't expected that. When you didn't move to stand, he picked you up by your arms. Your eyes were still mostly open, and he set you on your feet. One arm around you for support, he started heading back towards the Pearl. A night of sleep would do you good, he felt. 

           It might have been the rum, or it might have been the way the entire side of your body was pressed against his, but Jack felt heat climb to his face. He hadn't experienced that before. 

           You were mumbling incoherently to yourself. Jack wasn't listening much, intent on getting you away from stating eyes as quickly as possible. 

           You staggered alongside him. Jack contemplated picking you up, then realized that he'd dropped his empty bottle in the sand somewhere. Carrying you would be of no use if he dropped you. Besides, he didn't need anyone seeing such a thing. Rumors spread around a ship quickly. 

           Which was why, even when escorting you to your rooms, he was worried. A nagging feeling at the back of his head told him that someone was bound to say he was taking you to bed. It shouldn't have bothered him; captains were accused of such things all the time. In most cases, they were respected more for it. 

           For some reason, he didn't like the thought of being accused of sleeping with you. He didn't like the idea of being with someone without their consent. Especially not you. 

           There were many days when the crew found themselves unhappily lost at sea. Lost, perhaps, wasn't the word, but they were definitely without a heading. This had to do with Jack's compass, his alcohol consumption, and the feelings he denied having. 

           He turned back to you, hearing your voice. 

           "Then, we went back to him," you burped, "and said- and said 'here's your bloody statue, now where's the grail?'"

           It took Jack a moment to understand you were talking about him. More specifically, your adventures with him. That one had been particularly fine. You returned a statue of the Virgin Mary to a priest in exchange for the Holy Grail. In return, you were given a silver chalice that wasn't even made of real silver. 

           For the record, you had returned the statue covered in bread batter, feathers, and flecks of coal.

           "Or the time those Aztecs- hic- tried to sacrifice me to the gods." You babbled on, oblivious to the world around you, including the one under your feet. You nearly fell flat on your face, dragging Jack with you, but he managed to steady you both. 

           Jack hated that story. They had been Mayans, not Aztecs, but the difference was trivial. Although, Jack reflected, the Mayans didn't have cursed gold. What they did have was an affinity for unnecessary sacrifice. He hadn't taken kindly to their tendencies, especially when they put you in harm's way. 

           "You really saved me on that one." Your voice was growing fainter, as if you were slipping out of your body. Jack suspected you were, or at least you felt that way. Enough drinking and you could convince yourself that you didn't exist. 

           He tensed. Of all the things for you to say, he hadn't expected that. Oh sure, maybe recounting more adventures, but being sentimental was never on your agenda. Or it hadn't been, until now. Jack hated how drawn he was, how much he wanted to hear more. 

           "You took me back to the- hic- ship. And you told me you weren't going to let me set foot off it again until I…" your eyes glazed over, looking for the rest of the sentence in thin air. "Until I could keep myself out of trouble. You made me stay in bed. Your bed. Because it's the only real bed onboard." Yawning, you slumped harder against Jack's side. You were almost on deck. "You're my favorite pirate. If only we'd done something as more than captain and crew."

           It was a whisper, not exactly meant for Jack's ears. He heard it all the same. 

           A feeling spread throughout his body. It wasn't a good feeling, if he was being honest, but it wasn't a bad feeling, either. It was a confusing feeling, and he didn't like it. 

           Jack hated feeling confused. It was why he had the compass. When in doubt, which he never was, his opinion was the right answer. But whatever he was feeling, he couldn't identify. 

           In truth, it made him a bit panicky. Hastily, he walked you to your hammock. He picked you up haphazardly and set you in it, relieved he hadn't dropped you. 

           He tried not to contemplate all meanings of 'as more than captain and crew'. 

           You were drunk. He was drunk- well, drunkish. There was a good chance you didn't know what you were saying. 

           Part of him was afraid you did. 

~~~

           You awoke, rubbing sleep from your eyes. Your hammock nearly dumped you on the floor at the first sign of movement. You were so tangled up in it, you hadn't the slightest idea how to get out. 

           After many minutes of awkward maneuvering, you put yourself on your feet. It was then that you noticed the slight throbbing behind your eyes. You wondered how drunk you'd been. 

           You didn't remember coming back to bed. In fact, you didn't remember anything beyond the slightly uncomfortable weight of a stranger's arm around your shoulders. A certain fear gripped you, but you reasoned that if you were back in your hammock, nothing bad could've happened to you. 

           Your plan of action was to eat and fall back asleep. The Pearl didn't leave for another day, and you thought it best to spend it nursing your hangover. 

           The deck was scattered with both the sleeping and the conscious. You were in better control of your body than most of them, but your tiredness made your feet feel like lead. 

           The mess hall was empty. The door to the kitchens hung ajar, but nobody was inside. You helped yourself to bread. Fresh bread, not hardtack; one could buy more than rum at port. The only other edible thing about was a can of sardines. You groaned. It looked like you'd have to go hunting for food after all. 

           It hadn't taken long to find a vendor selling fresh fruit. When you got back to the ship, more people were up and about. Most of them were out talking in the sun, playing friendly rounds of cards. Someone had started a game of liar's dice, though there was no betting involved. 

           You still held two peaches. Upon spotting Jack, you moved to offer him one. He stood to one side of the stairs. As you moved towards him, he moved away. You weren't sure if he'd seen you, but he disappeared below decks before you could call out to him. 

           Things continued much the same way for the next few days. That was to say, Jack avoided you. You knew this because there were numerous times when he made eye contact with you before quickly leaving the scene. It was starting to get on your nerves. You hadn't done anything that should prompt such behavior. 

           That was, said a little voice in your head, unless you'd done something when you were drunk. 

           You didn't like to think about it. You'd been drunk before without having done anything stupid. On multiple occasions, in fact. Besides, Jack hadn't been anywhere near you the entire night. He'd been off to the side, 'minding the ship'. 

           You were about ready to storm up to him and demand to know what was going on in that jumbled brain of his. If only you could get close enough to do so. 

           The truth was, you valued your time with Jack. You liked him as a friend, though you wouldn't mind being more. He was fun; 'fun' here meaning a tad on the crazy side. But it made him worth knowing. The last thing you wanted to do was to lose that. 

           Faking confidence, you knocked on his cabin's door. There were a million sentences running through your mind. Where to begin, you didn't know. 

           The door was flung open. You hadn't expected him to open it, if you were to be honest. You took your chance, slipping in through the doors before he could close them again, shutting them behind you. 

           A rather affronted look sat on his face. It wasn't that he truly felt it, you knew. 

           "What's this all about? You've been avoiding me like the plague! What did I ever do? I don't see why I deserve such treatment, especially from you." It felt good to get things out. You hadn't even given him a chance to ask why you were there. 

           "I don't know what you're talking about," Jack croaked. He'd already been drinking, you saw. He turned swiftly away from you, pretending to busy himself with something on his desk. 

           "You're an awful liar." You crossed your arms, unimpressed. "Explain. You owe me that much, at least."

           He turned to you, advancing until he was nearly on top of you. "Am I your favorite pirate?" He retreated. "You seemed to think so last time we talked."

           "As I recall, the last time we spoke, you were refusing to have fun."

           He wiggled his fingers around. "That's what you think." He continued speaking to his fingers. "In fact, there are many, many things you don't remember saying to me." Here, he turned to you, smiling wickedly. 

           You felt your face turn a deep shade of red. "What-what do you mean?"

           Jack shrugged. 

           "What did I say?" You were scared of the answer. 

           He leaned in, right next to your ear. "Do you really want to know, love?"

           You nearly squeaked. He was very close, and his smirk did nothing for your nerves. Then, you thought of what he might say next, which was quite sobering. Instead of answering, you asked, "Did you mind? What I said?"

           "I did not."

           "Oh, good." You were relieved, but Jack was still very close. He pouted. Clearly, he'd been expecting you to say something else. "What did I say?" You asked, throat dry. 

           Jack pulled away. "Something about doing things together."

           You could only imagine what that entailed. Hit by a wave of mortification, you spluttered. 

           "I don't know what all that included." He flopped his hands about. "Unless you'd like to show me," he said, suddenly more serious. 

           For perhaps the first time in your life, you found yourself at a loss for words. "What do you want me to do?" It came out as a whisper. 

           Jack softened. "Only what you're comfortable with, love."

           You stepped forward and placed your hands on his chest. Slowly, you tilted your head up, leaning in. You stopped yourself just before his lips, staring. "Are you sure?" You asked. 

           Jack hummed. Then, softly, he kissed you. It wasn't what you had imagined kissing him to be like at all. A hand tilted your chin higher, fingers tickling your neck. 

           "You've no idea how long I've been waiting to do that," Jack breathed. 

           If it had been anything close to how long you had, you knew his feeling all too well. 

           When he pulled back, you missed his closeness. "Can we agree," he began, "that this arrangement will continue?"

           You nodded. It was exhilarating, when you thought about it. He wanted you! "I think I could make it work," you teased. 

           "Good." He grabbed two glasses and a bottle. "Maybe my damn compass will work now," he mumbled. You hadn't the slightest idea what he meant. 

           He turned back to you, advancing with two now-full glasses of brandy. "Can I persuade you? If I get you drunk enough, it might trigger… other memories of things you want to do to me."

           You didn't need the brandy, but like hell if you'd tell him that. 

[arabellaflynn]

I am not drunk enough for this entry.

I am stuck on a thing. Not because I don't know what to write, but because I have no idea why I'm writing it. I used to not care, but then Colbert said a thing in an interview about working "with intent" and now I feel wholly inadequate because that seems like an important step that I keep skipping.

I also don't normally care about conforming to other people's processes, but everything I've seen of his is a terrifyingly accurate mirror of how I do these things. I tripped over this a while ago, which is a reel of BTS/raw footage from an interview he did (in character) when Jon Stewart was asked to host the Oscars. They clearly told him what they wanted to talk about when they called him up, but also clearly did not bother to hash out a script, so he's running the character improv. There's a bit near the end where he knows what the character's response would be, but hasn't quite settled on how to phrase it, so he just runs it over and over, tweaking the phrasing and diction, until he gets a take he likes. 

If any of you ever wondered what my editing process looked like, there it is. I sit in the corner and talk to myself -- or, when available, rats -- until I get a sequence of noises that sounds like an essay. The typing part is just transcription. I've tried using voice-to-text, but OK Google and Cortana are both various shades of bluenose. Google Assistant won't read the swear words back to you if they occur in the text, but Cortana won't even admit she knows how to spell them. Although she must do, because she always gets the number of asterisks right.

Colbert writes his jokes for the day by front-loading the past 24 hours of news-cycle crap into his head on the drive to work. He quotes huge wadges of poetry, play dialogue, Scripture and Tolkien off the top of his head, spontaneously and at such length that he has to either be reading it off an eidetic snapshot of the page or playing the audio back in his head. He pops in and out of character like it's on a single-throw switch. He once landed a part that involved playing French horn, an instrument he had never touched before, so he cadged one from the company and taught himself in a week. He's told people he doesn't speak Spanish "that well", which seems to mean he understands it fine but can't spit it out fast enough to sound like himself. He took a Meyers-Briggs test on his show once and came out INFP, which I could have told you from the way he dodged every single question of even remotely personal import. Most of the self-editing he does when he hosts things is not for content, but for focus, keeping himself externally-oriented rather than falling back to rattle around in his own head. He spent his childhood fucking breaking standardized tests, until a major life event alerted him to the cosmic unimportance of school, at which point he stuffed his nose into a book and ignored it. He is all over the friends who let him do that, he tells people he loves them point-blank in front of the camera, and if you think I harp on that a lot, you should see him do it -- I don't have my props department print nice framed photos to show the audience in case they don't know what I'm asking the guest about. He almost seems to find it easier to work without a script than with one, to the point where he once stood up on stage, tired, cranky, drunkish, and probably on the verge of tears, and delivered a nine-minute completely extemporaneous monologue, 100% live to undelayed broadcast, that came together more cohesively than most people's multi-draft polished writing.

[In re: The standardized tests. He describes here being given an exam one-on-one where the administering teacher was timing his responses. That is some sort of childhood aptitude test -- the Stanford-Binet IQ test is mainly aimed at adults, so it was more likely a WISC, or the new-at-the-time WISC-R. The score on those is calculated not just from the number of correct answers you give, but the speed at which you spit those answers out. In the segment of tape they play, little Stevie is answering faster than the teacher can even deal with the stopwatch. This alone would knock his IQ score quite easily over 130, the threshold of "Extremely High" intelligence on the WISC scale, and also the point at which they stop giving you real numbers and just regard you with a mix of trepidation and awe. I ought to know; breaking the scoring algorithm on those things was also one of my childhood hobbies.

If your first thought upon reading that is, "130? Really? That low?" then congratulations. You also broke that test.]

Whenever I make observations like this, my knee-jerk reaction is, "That cannot possibly be right." Surely I am misinterpreting the context or the import of what the other person is doing, or my self-assessment of the level of similarity is inaccurate. And it makes no difference here whether I'm watching a celebrity on TV or just some rando who happens to have intersected my life -- I am so accustomed to being the alien that it knocks me completely off balance to see things I recognize. It doesn't mean people don't like me fine, but it does mean they don't generally grok my thought processes very well. It is discomfiting to see another person show so many of the same tells I know I have, not because I have flagged them internally, but because other people have alerted me to them over the years by remarking on the things I do without thinking. 

Colbert is doing all of this in a very public forum, where I can see other people's equally public reactions to it. It brings up the uncomfortable question of whether people react the same when I do these things, and I just don't know it because there isn't a YouTube comments page on my life.

I don't have heroes. I don't even really have role models. What I do have is a long list of people I think it would be useful to steal from. Clearly I should be stealing a lot from this guy.

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[snootch]

Late night drunkish soft post

It’s 3am and I’m kinda drunk and for the first time in a while, instead of feeling sad and lonely I just feel soft. I don’t post on tumblr much anymore, usually if I felt the need to post something feelings related I’d probably post it on Facebook since I don’t really have a personal connection to Tumblr anymore and I don’t really have many followers here that would actually care to read something like this.

But I guess this feels too deep inner thoughts to post for just anyone to see? I’m not sure how to word it. But I want to write about it anyways.

The past couple of years have been so hard on me. Sometimes it felt like I was never going to come out of this rut of hating myself and hating life and constantly being surrounded by the most awful people. In so many ways, I was a sharp person, with so much anger and hatred, but in the really important ways I was too soft.

I was such a mean, bitter person, but I had such a powerful need to connect with people and help anyone I possibly could. I put myself in so many toxic environments trying to help people, hoping that would somehow make me feel better. I kept bringing these people into my life that I thought I was connected with and who I thought understood me, only to be really hurt by them. Someone who I viewed as a soulmate turned out to be the most evil person I’ve ever met.

It was such an incredibly powerful experience. I was put through things I never thought would happen and felt emotions I didn’t know existed. It may seem overdramatic, in comparison to the things that happen in this world and to other people. But it changed me so deeply.

After that happened, I felt so lost and empty. In the period of only a few weeks, I’d lost a large chunk of people I’d, at the time, considered to be my most cherished and beloved people in my life. It made me feel cut off from parts of my life that were so intrinsic to who I was as a person at the time, I didn’t know who I was or how to move forward from that point.

I lost huge parts of my identity and was left with a gaping hole in my support system.

And I was so unbelievably lucky to meet such incredibly important people so soon afterwards. I became reconnected with someone who introduced me to someone who is now one of my best friends, and together those people, and the person I now live with (that I met through them), have become my close family and trusted support system. And at the same time, a truly magical person came into my life who I am now in a relationship with.

I’m very vocal that this person, my partner, saved my life. I’d never met someone so soft and so genuinely kind. After time and time again of growing close to people who only held our friendship as a tool to gain something from me, I was stricken by how this person only ever asked one thing from me, and that was just the opportunity to spend time with me.

In the time I’ve known them, they’ve been unworldly kind and selfless to me. When they came into my life, I changed as a person. I wanted to be more like them. I was tired of being this angry person who sought out relationships with like-minded angry people. I suddenly understood that I didn’t need to find people who could understand my anger and hurt, but that what I truly wanted and needed was people who could teach me how not to be controlled by it.

Comparing the kind of person I am now to who I was at the end of 2017, I feel like I’ve become utterly unrecognizable. I’m hung up on my past, but now instead of it being out of a place of hatred for what had happened to me, it’s out of awe of how much I’ve grown and changed into a person I never thought I’d be.

I’m still unhappy a lot. I’m still immensely disappointed in the way my life turned out, where I am, how I’m living, but I’m no longer living in a state of belief that that’s where I’m stuck with no way out. Even in the small steps I take, I feel motivated and positive that growth is possible and within reach. 

I feel so much genuine joy in life. It makes the bad times hurt worse, but they’re so much fewer and far between. I had the chance to truthfully tell my mom that I felt genuinely happy for the first time in over a decade. The difference in who I am now is so obvious even in the littlest things in my life now. 

I do make a lot of comparisons to my past, I talk about this topic a lot, though never this in depth. I think maybe sometimes it comes off as self-involved, or like I’m bragging my recovery to other people. But what I really am is simply amazed. It’s a difficult thing to say, but I’m proud of myself. I’ve been at so many points in my life that fell so low that there genuinely didn’t feel like there was a way up, and that my experiences were my destiny to repeat over and over again for the rest of my life.

I was afraid I’d never be happy, and that I’d never meet people who didn’t treat me like garbage, and that I wouldn’t be able to become someone people didn’t hate. Hearing other people point out the change in my personality and tell me they’re proud of the way I turned my life around is one of my most treasured experiences in life. It doesn’t matter how many times I get told this same thing by the same people, it means more to me than can possibly be put into words.

I’m so thankful for the people that came into my life. I’m so thankful for the kindness I’ve been shown, the forgiveness and apologies I’ve received, the things that have come into my life that I can take joy in and feel relief from.

I’m thankful for a lot of little things that feel too silly to say, but to explain in detail the reasons they’re so deeply important to me despite their outwards seeming uselessness and ridiculousness... I’m thankful in knowing people will understand and grateful in knowing no one asks for that explanation.

All I can say to end this is that I hope I can someday, hopefully soon, look back on this post with the same sentiment of gratitude that I’ve made so much positive progress. I’m now someone with hopefulness for my future and I’ll be glad if I can be equally as unrecognizable in a couple years as I am now compared to then.

[simplicitys-bliss]

it’s kinda funny

depression i mean.

*heres a disclaimer before you continue to read this if you chose to: this post is kinda sad. Like, not really, but it’s h e l l a personal, and if you don’t feel like reading about any of that, or seeing how my thought process is all over the place when I talk about stuff like this, id just stop reading now. Go back to looking at memes, asthetically pleasing pictures of fashion/places/food, dogs, and porn bc you won’t enjoy this*

So back to depression; to me, it’s like one minute I’m super happy, I’m ready to take on the world, and ready to do great things, but the next I feel as if im drowning..or rather, i can’t breath.

You see, i haven’t felt genuine happiness in a long fucking time, and it fucking sucks. I have however felt euphoria, and that was neat. Euphoria in a moment, in a person, in a time.

In a moment, it was when I was accepted into college. It’s crazy to think the number one thing that causes my anxiety and my fears of failing in life were once the source of complete and udder euphoria. It was as if in that moment, wow man all my hard work over the four years that was high school actually meant something. That it was actually worth it. And that to me caused this sense of self acceptance that I have yet to feel from a specific moment in time again. Maybe one day something will happen to cause it, but nothing has really matched the feeling of making it into my top school after convincing myself that I wasn’t good enough.

In a person, oh man. Have you ever met someone equally matched with you? Ya know, someone who matches you on most everything; humor, sarcasm, love. It’s fucking great. And idk. I felt like I had found that. To quote Marroon 5’s Sunday Morning: “livin life gets hard, Sunday morning raining is falling and im callin to you...” blah blah blah. What I’m trying to get at is yes I have found utter euphoria in someone so bad I think of cheesy 2000s love songs. that’s pathetic. What’s pathetic is it’s not the same on both ends, at least not anymore. I have not met one person like this, and it really really sucks that shit like circumstances and time and place have put a road block in an otherwise blissful highway of love. again, its corny as fuck. and pathetic.

In a time? Shit last year. I would give anything to go back to this time last year. Timehop has a funny way of drudging up things from the past you forget about after the moment passes and it doesn’t come out of your long term memory until a day when you’re really low and you see that at this same moment you were once in cloud nine. This time last year was that, and again I would give anything to go back. Another time that I wish I could go to would have to be the beginning of this summer. I will never ever forget this summer, except for the beginning of it. When everything was just starting to come together. I didn’t even realize in that moment that I had set myself up to feel completely in sync with people I would’ve never guessed myself to be friends with.

I guess you could say I have a lot to be happy for. But the thing about depression is that it all becomes like a giant blind spot. Depression takes the front seat and puts my emotions in drive, while happiness and reasons to live and reasons to feel like I actually matter become a blind spot in the road.

Like school. Holy fucking shit school makes me want to die, like real life death. I feel out of place, I feel overwhelmed, and I feel alone. But at the same time, I’ve never had a group of peers like my a capella group. And if I dropped out, they would definitely be missed. But the problem I’m coming to is that they seem to be the only reason I’m still here. And i feel like that’s not a good thing. NOTA is my happiness blind spot and I wish they were my main view.

And then there’s this whole lonely business. What the fuck is up with this. I used to consider myself pretty self dependent, but holy shit i find myself wanting love and assurance and acceptance so bad all of the time and it sucks. I have my good days where I appreciate the solo lifestyle, like not having anything to owe to anybody, or being able to do whatever I want like being away from my phone for hours and no one yelling at me for it. But okay, the other night I went to a party with my a capella group, and went back to my friend Jerry’s house with my other friend Haley. I was drunkish, but Jerry was blacked and I didn’t trust him alone so I stayed till he fell asleep. I got on a bus around 2:30ish and I was alone. Then this couple came on the bus along with two other loud drunk men all staggering from Pickles(a downtown bar). I kept looking at this couple, and even these two guys, and kept thinking about how nice it’d be to have someone to check in with when I leave alone on nights like these. Or when I’m at work(I work at a restaurant as a Host/busser) and I sit old couples. Not even really old, but old enough so that you know they’re at least 10+ years into a relationship. I find myself thinking “damn being marrieds gonna be so neat what the fuck. having someone to eat fake Italian food and bool with? someone who I’m completely comfortable with who accepts me for me? fuck that’s nice.” And idk. I guess that’s just because I came out of a relationship with I though was it for me; the kind where you never saw there being a time without them but now you’re alone watching Betty and Kevin eat arugula salads talk about their mortgage and looking for happiness in people who could care less about your feelings and your well being. sad.

I’m drowning in loneliness and sadness and putting my happiness in my blind spot, and it’s no bueno. I can’t breathe. It’s like if depression is a pool, I took a cannon ball into that bitch. Happiness is the air right about level the water line, the light you can see when you’re underwater and your ascending up, but for me my light is just glass. Like I’m in a tank and there’s light everywhere, but I can’t get to it.

Does this make sense? Am I reaching anyone? Does this hit familiar to anyone, or am I alone on this. Iunno. But then again, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters lol.

[scorrigan]

just another numbered post

the last: 1. drink: COFFEE 2. phone call: my sister 3. text message: “oh no thats like 10 years or more" 4. song you listened to: Last Tango in Dub by The Toasters 5. time you cried: Watching The Big Sick starring Kumail Nanjiani

have you ever: 6. dated someone twice: Nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: yeah 8. been cheated on: I’ve had girls break up with guys go out with me and go back to the guy?  I guess I’m the cheater, years ago? 9. lost someone special: Yes 10. been depressed: Yup 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Drunkish, yes, dead drunk no, thrown up no.

3 favorite colors: 12. Duck Blue 13. Forest Green 14. Cream

in the last year have you: 15. made new friends: I dont think so... 16. fallen out of love: yeah 17. laughed until you cried: yup 18. found out someone was talking about you: recently! 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your friends are: nope 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope

general: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Kids, I have a confession.  I never signed up for facebook.  23. do you have any pets: not currently. 24. do you want to change your name: Yes, I want to add a letter. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: My sister actually won free tickets to a broadway show.  That was decent.  26. what time did you wake up: 8:40 am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: watching a terrible tv show. 28. name something you can’t wait for: its secret. 31. what are you listening to right now: A podcast 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: several. 33. something that is getting on your nerves: polite aggression.  Nazis in our streets and government. 34. most visited website: tumblr 35. hair colour: brown 36. long or short hair: standard 39. piercings: ears none 40. Blood type: I dont know 41. nicknames: mr pencil stubs 42. relationship status: single af 43. zodiac: aries 44. pronouns: Dude/him 45. favourite tv show: I’m highly anticipating the Tick, I hope the dude finally gets it right.  I’m watching Twin Peaks. 46. tattoos: none 47. right or left handed: left 48. surgery: tooth extractions, none otherwise. 49. piercing: none. 50. sport: running from zombies 51. vacation: take time off to look for new uh, ployment. 52. pair of trainers: Running with asics? wear converse black on black and adidas.

more general: 53. eating: I might have a slice.  I had a banana. 54. drinking: coffee 55. i’m about to: buy a shirt 56. waiting for: work to be over 57. want: new ployment so I can move. 58. get married: doubt it.  59. career: Im at a loss right now. 60. hugs or kisses: both, dude 61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: I am exactly median 63. older or younger: I am exactly median 64. nice arms or nice stomach: stomach 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: yeah 68. drank hard liquor: I like mixed drinks. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: in the OCEAN!!! 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: sure, if its going super amazing well 72. broken someone’s heart: more like soured someones stomach 73. had your heart broken: too often. 74. been arrested: no. 75. cried when someone died: yup 76. fallen for a friend: yes. 

do you believe in:

77. yourself: sure. 78. miracles: maybe 79. love at first sight: those are bad words but... magnetic attraction? 80. santa claus: this is how children learn about society’s lies. 81. kiss on the first date: if its going well! 82. angels: hmm.

other: 83. current best friend’s name: Scott or Kelly 84. eye colour: brown 85. favourite movie: Raising Arizona... I GUESS

Tagging @i-want-to-be-wonderwoman @idrils  I dunno  tag your own self.

[bibleforboys]

Do all of the asks :)

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

“how tf did you get to new york”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

hes not responding to me

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

not at all

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

yes

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

drunkish

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

obviously

7. What does your last received text say?

“ok then”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

once

9. Where was your last kiss at?

a bar

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

dont have one

11. What do you drink in the morning?

water and coffee

12. Where did you sleep last night?

my bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

they shouldn’t be

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

meh

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

dont think so

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

sunny

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

lots

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

who knows

20. Does anyone like you?

probably

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

yes

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

im assuming

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

yes

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yes

25. In the past week have you cried?

maybe

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

i dont fucking know

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

out

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

maybe?

29. Do you think you’re old?

no

30. Do you like text messaging?

yes

31. What type of day are you having?

average

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

septum yeah

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

warm

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

plenty

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

depends on the situation

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

this is a dumb ass question

37. What song are you listening to?

i’m not

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

usually not because it’s at work to customers39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

no40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

hes hot41. When did you last receive a text message?

20 minutes ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

everything43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

ive only met her once44. Does anyone disgust you?

yes45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

yes46. Are you in a good mood right now?

sure47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my friend erin48. What color shirt are you wearing?

red49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

ehh no50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yeah51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

no?

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?yep

53. Do you like rain?

sometimes 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

nope55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

yep 56. Do you like to cuddle?

yep57. Are you shy?

depends 58. Do you get along with girls?

yep59. Have you dated the person you texted last? nope

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

phone, wallet, keys 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

yes lmfao 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

yes 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

no 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

yeah65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

yeah i got really drunk

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

i have no idea for any of them

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?   

pay 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?   

neither 69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

what car bitch70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

wayne71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

iphone

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

4 years73. Do you like diet soda?    

no74. What color are the walls in your room?

white    75. Are you 16 or older?    

2176. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

no77. Do you have a job?  

of course...    78. What are your initials?    

cjf79. Did you ever have braces?    

yes80. Are you from the south?    

no

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

“champagne or bleach either way we're popping bottles tonight”82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

not really83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

mom84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

no85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

deadpool i think lol86. Do you smoke?    

sometimes87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

flip flops88. Is your phone touch screen?    

yes89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

its wavy90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?  

no  91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?

pool    92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

i dont know probably93. …Had sex in a car?    

no94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

single95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

falling asleep96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?

4th of july?    97. Do you like the camera on your phone?   

sure 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?

yep    99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?

nope    100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?   

nope 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

nope102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

i dont know103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

nope104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

yes it sounds like fashion

[myvelouri]

This will be long

So

Tonight was utter shit.

Where to begin

I don't even know.

I fucked up. I drank again. I'm drunk as I type this

It's so hard not to cry but I've gotten good at holding back. The most fucking pussy shit you'll ever hear a grown man say. Probably. I don't give a fuck though. I realize it. And I don't care. This is me.

So. I went to work. My buddy that always gets all the girls. Remember how I got that gorgeous girls number? And he was so stoked that he hyped me up? Well he showed me his tinder account. He already had hundreds of matches and a BUNCH that matches with him that he hadn't matched with yet. Imaine seeing his account with "100+" likes/matches awaiting and me with "3+" that aren't really there because it glitched out. And he showed me his profile. He looks so beautiful with short hair, wow. His profile is amazing. He's very like, alpha in personality, not that he's actually alpha, but he's not like me where I can joke and be gay with him, you know? He has that side of himself locked down. It's why I know why we can't be close. He's too closed off. Like, hell think shit is gay. I can't even tell him "bro you look hella good with short hair" without him being bothered. I mean, okay. But whatever. We still cool. But I was surprised how good looking he was with a buzzed head and he had some topless shots of him playing basketball, they were great. He has a great body. Girls are all over him. It's insane. Uh, he said his pics are two years old. He actually kinda looks like Napoleon Dynamite in person right now haha. He's like 8 years younger than me. But like. He does extremely well on tinder and seemingly in person, I've posted that before. About him. If he wasn't so self conscious about coming across as super alpha, straight and testosterone-full, he could put in a bit more effort in his appearance and become a really fuckin amazing looking dude. But I can't even tell him that. It sucks. I can't be open with him. He's a chill dude. I like the dude. He's like 22. He's had a great life. He's white, blue eyes, 6'5" and attractive. Like, duh, he's never had to deal with any negativity or rejection like I've had to. It's not his fault though. I'm not upset at that at all.

Alright on to the next part. That beautiful girl who's number I got? Well I texted her and she never responded. So much for all that hype that me and my buddy had. I didn't tell him though. I probably will. I feel so immensely ugly.

There was another girl I was texting but she fucking stopped talking after I stopped... But I told her I was out with friends. I mean, ffs, I only met her 2 days ago. But okay, whatever.

Where am I at

I'm.gonna cut it short

So I am at the bar. Drunk already. I sat by myself and this girl came in alone too, Brenda, I talked to her for a bit.. but I left her to talk to others. She was so offended that I left her. I'm sorry wow. Godamnit. I don't know. I was with my other buddy Ronnie, I bought us shots too. I love him. I told him about my musical ideas and he's so into it but goddamn he always shies away from it. So yeah also, I went up to Brenda at the end of the night and she totally wasn't happy to see me. She walked away. Kinda fucked up for her to be so offended..I mean I just met her that night godamn.

Okay so I told Ronnie, in DEPTH about my musical ideas, it took 2 seconds tho cause we listen to the same shit and he's a musician too. I basically told him about my idea of my chemical romance/taking back Sunday type choruses but still HEAVY and then it goes into OLD Slipknot type breakdowns. And he was so into it. I have a lot of musical ideas but I want to explore this very badly with other friends/musicians. He was like, really into it too.

I was more excited about that than any damn girl. I swear.

Okay so when I was with him, all these girls ran into him and are always flirty with him, he's very attractive. And I'd be like, dude who is that, and he's like "LOL I DON'T KNOW BRO" so it seems girls just flirt with him right away.

But it's okay. I love him. He invited me out tomorrow night to ren fair but I'm working unfortunately. I got to fuck around with that waitress I love and she was sweet to me asking how my night was. I was shocked that someone was caring towards me in person. Haven't had that in a long time.

Wow I'm drunk. I'm so sorry.

Okay when I was with Ronnie, there was this group of gorgeous girls who were with these two douche bags, they were like, attractive, but not in a way I like, but I can see the appeal. I totally judged them. I'm sorry. Lol.

But they had these gorgeous girls with them.

So I was outside with Ronnie. And I saw Sherwood, you know, the super intelligent dude who thinks I'm a misogynistic piece of shit. It sucks. Because I love him. I actually hugged him like crazy. And he joked how I'm boney so it doesn't work. And I joked back, is it better if I under hug you, under your titty? (He's a big guy lol) and it was funny. He was actually talking to THAT hot girl that was alone with that douche bag guy I mentioned. She actually say with us. And told us that that douchebag guy left her to go get drugs with these other girls he was trying to fuck all night. And she said he brought her out this night and he's been trying to fuck her for so long. She was upset. She was drunkish. And it was fun talking to her. I helped her out. So did Sherwood and I can't remember the other guys name, I'ma call him D. And we kept talking. It was great. I even told Sherwood how this is how one of my bad dates went down. And that dbag finally came back and got her and said "hey are you ready?" And she actually went with him. She shouldn't have. He left her man. He's such a douche. That poor girl was alone for so long. That she sat alone. And she joined us of her own accord. I bonded with her quite a bit. Yeah she's super attractive. Well, after the dbag took her away, D and Sherwood were joking like "yeah that guy probably wasn't happy that she went to go sit with a 40 year old, a fat guy and a guy with zero self esteem" I mean it's fucking funny. Sherwood said that. So 40 year old was D, the fat guy was Sherwood referring to himself, and the guy with zero self esteem was directed at me. But I was like, I mean my self-esteem IS Shit but I have a lot of confidence. But D and Sherwood shot that down saying how you can't have both, and said it's false confidence, and said that I have an "image" which I found offensive. And Sherwood said that my family treats women like shit and apparently I do too. I was so upset and angry about that. He based it off ONE date I had with a girl WHO LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER GUY THAT HIT ON HER WHILE WE WERE ON A DATE. Apparently I'm the bad guy. I never fully even told him the story. But apparently I'm misogynistic. According to him and Ruth who think I'm a piece of shit, misogynistic crap face. I'm totally not. They misunderstood me entirely. If they only knew me. If they did. Honestly. They have this wrong idea of me and judge me for it and it's hard to fight them against it. They are these highly intelligent people who think they can't be wrong.

It's frustrating.

Alright. So at the end of the night

I saw Brenda again and she was talking to 4 other ppl. She felt weird with me saying hey to her again. I met the dude she was with and I was like bro, I've met you before and he said we haven't. I was like oh.... Okay. But apparently he knows of me. I stick out. I met another dude. And he said he's seen me here often. I've never seen him before. We were talking about video games before he mentioned that. Ya.

He was cool.

So anyway, I met these 3 people, Morgan, she's cute, Kim, she's cute and TANNER THIS DOUCHEBAG. and so, Morgan and Kim are girls and Morgan was telling Kim "omg that guy, wow he's SO HOT" and kim was like "what do you expect at a BAR" and Morgan kept saying she just turned 21 and she just came to this bar. She was astonished, amazed at how many hot guys are at bars. She kept saying how it's her first time. She was SO CUTE WOW. she looked at me and said "I like your chain" I have a chain on my jeans. I said "omg thank you for real" and she said "I love your nails" and I said lmao they got FUCKED at work. (I paint my middle finger and thumbs with black matte nail polish every now and then) and she was so into it. So, they were with TANNER. This white, fucking older douchebag, totally looked like a racist republican asshole piece of shit. And his attitude was like that. I mean, he was just so shitty. So maybe he got mad I was talking to Morgan and Kim. We shook hands and introduced each other. And he referred to me as "sup painted nails" and Morgan was like "wtf don't be mean" and he said "no I wasn't being mean" and his judgemental ass tried to get out of it. He was trying to teach Kim how to be mean. He said "tell this guy to shut up" and he was saying how gay guys SOMETHING something and I said "I like how you're fucking pointing at me while saying gay guys" and he's like, being a dick about it. I told him "well, I'm not gay, but I'm not totally straight." And he said "stay away from me" and I can't remember what I said but he wasn't clever at all and I kept stumping his dumb fucking ass, because I ACTUALLY AM clever as fuck. And the girls loved it. Here's where it got irritating. He was saying to Kim how you have to protect yourself from creeps. And I was saying I think she's strong enough to say no to creeps. And he said to me "I think girls think I'm creepy, I think it's my brassness and my voice" and I was nice to him. I said "nah man, you're good, I don't think that" and he was just so shitty back to me. And the girls were still there. And I said I come across scary too. And he said "yeah it's because of your hair. But if you shaved your head, you still have a... A gaunt face" and that hurt me a bit because I totally realize I'm skinny af now and not as cute as I used to be when I weighed more ( lost weight when I got dealthy ill, seriously). And then I was just being my ol cute self and I said "okay, but I'm still adorable" and the girls were like "you REALLY ARE" and Tanner said "I don't THINK you're adorable" and he was being so rude and saying I was ugly. I was like, wtf.

We were talking about Kim being careful of creeps. But as that whole conversation ended he slithered his way into telling Kim he lives at this place. And she is really too nice and said "um.. do you need a ride?" And he said yes. And I hope he didn't fucking take advantage of her. I feel so gross that I let her take him home. Do you know what he said as he left? He was like "next time, do as I say, pink, pink next time" and I said something like "I'm sorry, I dont listen to bitches telling me what to do" or something. I wasn't scared of him, I was ready to fucking destroy him. I'm a bit crazy. Don't ever forget I'm a grown ass MAN with crazy testosterone and I'm JUST as stupid as most guys when it comes to stupid fights like that. Remember how he was telling Kim to tell me to shut up? Well, he said something rude and something something and I told him "shut up" and he's like "what did you just tell me?" And I said in his face "shut up" and he kinda had no real come back. Fucking bitch. I'd destroy him. I'm stronger than I look. I kind of wanted to fight. I feel so much animosity in me. Especially for pieces of shit like him. Sherwood and D are not rude like that, I still consider them acquaintances. But tanner? Nigga I will kill you mother fucker, I'm fucking old as fuck, I don't take shit from pieces of shit I don't fucking respect. Pink nails? Bitch you're fucking jealous that the girls you're trying to get with like me more than you or SOMETHING. and trust me, I know how that feels but I'm not a fucking bitch about it.

I mean I wasn't hiding anything, I was in his face too. You can't really fuck with me.

Okay.

This is long.

I'll post the second half tomorrow or something

I have work tomorrow too. All the girls stopped talking to me. I don't know why. I didn't do anything wrong. I went out with my friends like, what the fuck? Also I got Morgan's Snapchat too. She's so cute. Lol she just turned 21 and she's so excited about bars and hot guys. Hahaha. I think she's very attractive.

OH! that girl with those douchebags. The hot girl that came to us, me, D and Sherwood? Yeah she randomly came up to me at the end of the night and hugged me so hard and said "thank you for watching out for me" and I got her instagram. She's so gorgeous lol. I can't believe she told us that that dbag has been trying to get with her for so long and ditched her like that. Sigh. She shouldn't have went back to him when he came back.

I'm still upset too, about Sherwood saying I have an "image." Cause it makes no sense. He was roasting me about how my top doesn't do anything and my tank top doesn't do anything. I'm like dude, this is my style, it comes form what I think is aesthetic and a lot with the music I listen to. I dress with what I like because it's what appeals to me. I mean how many guys fucking wear nail polish? For fucks sake, image? What image do you think I'm trying to present? Get the fuck out of here with that. It's so ridiculous. I'm way more confident than you could realize. And it makes no sense but it's just true. My self esteem sucks but I'm just real with what I see. I don't like it, I don't like parts of me. But I'm still confident. I don't see how why that's hard to believe? I'm just real with myself, if I don't like parts of myself I'm just like, yeah those parts suck ASS, BUT I'm still adorable, so what the fuck ever.

I hate that they are bringing me down by saying I can't be confident. It's really enraging. I'll have to have a talk with them.

It won't work cause they are so full of themselves. They say my insecurity comes across too. And I'm like, that's bullshit. I've only been deeply open with Sherwood, D, and Ruth when my HEART was broken after a break up. And instead of being supportive friends they judged me for it and misunderstood a date I had with a girl. Meanwhile Ruth bitches about her bad dates and shit. I mean Ruth cheated on her GF for fucks sake. How are you judging me

It's bizarre

It's bullshit

It makes me so angry

[nofeelingsandallthefeelings]

Even more dissapointing, my bestfriend of how ever any years goes on a drunkish rampage of how i am better off financially and it hurt me, not becasue of what he said but what he meant it made me feel so naked and sad at the same time. I have beeen telling him how i feel about my lifestyle and my goals and the green showed itself, envy is not a pretty color. I dont want to tell him anything anymore and that might be the reason why we were both on one tonight, I dont know where my lifestyle is taking me but i know it is what is best for me and as proof tonight was a perfect example. I tore up that picture because it reminded me of a terrible and dark time in my life. I know better so i need to do better. My goals right now are to 1. get a job 2. get away from the eastside 4. cut off the toxic ppl in my life strategically. I dont trust anyone in my life anymore its official, idk how people handle this but it is the most dissapointing thing ever. i feel betrayed and so many other things. I do better i do better, i dont make up excuses for myself, ido better, and i am responsible for everything that I allow to happen, I make the choices, and I choose my path, I have the power and I can say no. I can say no, I say no no no no no no no

I am upset and learning. Sometimes I think wow like i like being my age but when it gets to this degree i am disgusted. I want nothing to do with activities as such, I find no enojoyment in going to strangers cars, begging for free drinks, making friends with randoms, getting drunk for no reason, and doing anythign without intent, i dont like it therefor i dont accept it... i just walk away i walk away like i almost did. I walk away and dont look back 

5.13.18

[twerkhammett]

ALL. OF. THEM.!

Ohh shit. Fine!!!

Going to make this a read more so I don’t annoy people.

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Why are you still here? lol

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

We’re friends

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

Hard drugs yeah

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

Yes

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

Drunkish

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

No, they messed up

7. What does your last received text say?

I’m not tellin y’all that lmao

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

No idea

9. Where was your last kiss at?

My room

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

About a week ago when I was in Florida

11. What do you drink in the morning?

Water and coffee

12. Where did you sleep last night?

My bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

Yes

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

Yeah, I would’ve finished those last two projects for school lol

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

Not really

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

Sunny

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

Maria’s a pretty common middle name so yeah hahah

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

Jeans, I need to change into some comfy pants tho

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

No clue, either way idc

20. Does anyone like you?

Duh I’m cute lmao

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

Yes, this girl I met in a bar last month ahah

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

Nah

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

Too many to name

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

Yes, I’ll probably have one by the end of the year.

25. In the past week have you cried?

I don’t think so.

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

A mutt haha

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

In the shower so I don’t get the floor wet.

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

No

29. Do you think you’re old?

Nope

30. Do you like text messaging?

Yeah

31. What type of day are you having?

Pretty decent, I’m sick but I ditched work and got pho and a smoothie.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

Yeah, I think the lip piercings are enough for me tho.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

Warm

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

Quite a few

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

As of right now just a fling, but a relationship down the road would be nice.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

Isn’t everyone complicated to some degree?

37. What song are you listening to?

Hvite Krists Død by Satyricon

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

Yes39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

Several girls40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

I like a few people41. When did you last receive a text message?

Like ten mins ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

I’M SICK BRUH43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

Not super well, we work together.44. Does anyone disgust you?

Donald Trump, among many others.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

Depends on the person, but I think I need more time after my last relationship anyways.46. Are you in a good mood right now?

Decent, I’d be in a better mood if I could breathe.47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

Cynthia, my roommate.48. What color shirt are you wearing?

Black as usual lol49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

Yup50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

Yes51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

No, I just hate the way he behaved towards the end.

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

Probably53. Do you like rain?

I love the rain.54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

Nah, unless it’s always excessive. That would probably get old.55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

So many times ahaha56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES57. Are you shy?

Not really, kinda introverted tho.58. Do you get along with girls?

Yes I love girls are you kidding??59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

Nope60. What do you carry with you at all times?

Keys, chapstick, wallet, phone, headphones61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

Hell yeah!!62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

Yes, I have lol.63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

No, but I was still trying to work things out for some stupid reason.64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

Sure65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

Yes I looked in the mirror ;D

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

27, 30-something, and 29

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

I don’t paint my nails.68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

Leopard69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

I don;t have a car :(70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Who tf is Luke Bryan? Lil Wayne I guess.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

iPhone cuz that’s what I have72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

Maybe a month or two ago?73. Do you like diet soda?    

No, I don’t really like soda. If I want fizzy I’ll drink beer.74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Black and gray bc I’m an emo little shit.75. Are you 16 or older?    

Older76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

No77. Do you have a job?    

Yes, I barista at Peet’s coffee.  78. What are your initials?    

AMD79. Did you ever have braces?    

Nope80. Are you from the south?    

Yeah, Florida.

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

I shared a video about Chuck Berry if that counts.82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

Noooooooooope83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

My dad84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

Nah85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

I think Fantastic Beasts?86. Do you smoke?    

Marihuana87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

Heels so I can be tall.88. Is your phone touch screen?    

Yeah89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

It’s curly, I don;t straighten it anymore.90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

Many times91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

Lake92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

I think everyone has93. …Had sex in a car?    

Yeahh94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

Single af95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

Sleeping I think.96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

Last week bc fucking Florida.97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

Sure98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

Yes99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

Yeah lol100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

No wtf101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

Yes, once.102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

??????103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

Not really104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

I know I’m from Florida, but no!!

Thanks I guess ahaha :)

[shadeandadidas]

Red 🌻

wait fuck for some reason it deleted my answers. I’ll start again!!

How was my first kiss?

It was still probably the most intense kiss I’ve ever had!! :P It was in spain and i was drunkish at a pub crawl and i met this Swiss boy who was also drunk and then many mojitos later, we were on the dance floor making out :P

Last time i warmed my hands in front of a fire?

My dad used to own an observatory (basically like a giant telescope and astonomy research base) in the mountains of california. Well one day we went and got caught in a snowstorm. So once we finally made it, we made a fire and huddled with it for hourss. Still great memory thought because once the storm had passed, we had a clear view of the meteor shower!

Sunrise or sunset?

Sunset bc good luck getting my ass up for the sunrise :P

Favorite thing about summer?

Napping in a hammock in my back yard. When you can feel the breeze in your hair and for those summer days, its like you dont have to worry about whatever else is going on. Pure relaxation,