#drove home at that 🤣

[roses-and-elixir]

[allofuswantgwinam]

work was crazy today, i was so stressed bc the weather is bad asf. I had to tell my top store manager “if I wreck my car I’m paying for it, not Kroger” for him to be like “fine, just text makayla when it starts snowing” even tho me and my coworker were liek “BRUH ITS FUCKING SNOWING STFU YOU MONEY BUNGRY DUMBASS” but in nicer words 💀 he never takes me seriously until I have to say smart ass shit like that idek why he likes me 🤣🤣 jking bc im a smart ass when he brings me there but i be right so he can’t be mad 😭 but we would’ve been fucked if I wouldn’t have pushed for it, my coworker even said i made a good call bc they only let us out an hour early so the roads were still pretty fucked. I drove 10mph the whole time 😅 but I loved that we closed early bc one of our favs came like 10 minutes after we locked the doors but we let him in bc he pays with his card and he’s so nice ���🏼 he was almost to his car once I finally got the door unlocked and I was like “nooo come back!! you get a pass” 🤣🤣 as soon as he was leaving the front door me and my coworker felt so bad so luckily he’s a debit card guy bc it made me happy that he was so grateful and he deserves everything good in this world tbh

[larentslovechaos]

was without my phone for hours 😅😅

[keen-li]

"Come here baby girl"

Synopsis: just a little imagine of when you're so frustrated with work and someone hooted at you on your way home which lead to a whole crying session. Jungkook comforts as you rumble through tears.

Warnings: unedited, possible errors.

Jk x fem reader.

_

Jungkook had noticed it from the way you aggressively opened the door and how you rushed to carelessly take your shoes off.

He turned his head to watch you, keeping his questions to himself first just so that he could try and trace your mood. Then when he noticed it.

Your little sniffles and tear stained face.

He furrows his brows in confusion and sits up fully as your figure fully disappears into your shared bedroom.

His heart dropped and as he walked closer to the bedroom he could hear your muffled cries grow clearer.

"Baby what's wrong?"

You hear Jungkook speak hands kept to himself for the moment. He wants to hold you but first he needs to know if you'd even want him too.

Your cries grow louder when you feel him sit down next to you.

You didn't expect to take it that serious but again you didn't expect it to cause you to cry as well. You were coming home from your already tough day at work and some dude on the road almost rear-ended you and had the audacity to hoot at you and cuss you out.

You didn't want to take it seriously cause you've already had a bad day at work, but soon you couldn't control the river of tears that followed after. You were frustrated and anything at that point would've push you over the edge.

You continued to cry lightly as you drove and walked up to your apartment. Which added to the tears cause the elevator wasn't working.

Today was just not your day.

You knew jungkook would be home so you did try your best to keep your crying down. But you were soon to make it obvious and jungkook was soon to notice.

"Can I hold you? " He whispers, voice soft and delicate to suit your emotions. You and jungkook have Ben together for a good amout of time but he still likes to make sure that you don't mind him trying to hold you.

Once you nod, giving him the yes he needed. He places a hand on your lower back and caresses you.

"Want to tell me what happened?" You don't respond, but jungkook is patient enough. You did text him how tough work was, but he hadn't known the extent. As you continue to cry he gets a little kpre worried.

"Baby what happened?" He narrows his brows getting worried.

"It's not fair" you sniffle amd he listens."I was driving and this dude hooted at me and cussed me out like I did something" you lift your head from the pillow to sound more clear.

"I didn't want to cry but i had such a shitty day with my boss and Co workers so that guy really just ticked me off."

The tears roll down.

Jungkook pouts at your puffy face.

"Awwh, come here" He coos as he pulls you into his arms and you move into them willing and choosing to stuff yiur face in his hoodie covered chest. His warmth and comforting scent helping you to calm down. Jungkook rocks you in his arms and your sobs turn to whimpers.

He cuddles you like you're a little baby. His little baby. Legs folded into his lap, arms wrapped around his torso and head on his shoulder.

You stopped crying at this point, and now just relishing in this moment.

"Feeling better?" He looks down at you.

"Mhm"

"I love you okay? " He stokes your cheeks with his thumb, slightly lifting your chin up so that your eyes can meet.

"It's not your fault, okay? " He speaks against your lips still holding your chin up.

You nod.

He places a little peck on your lips gently and you melt at the touch of his lips with yours.

"You should take a bath to calm down and relax" he suggests and places one ore liss on your lip.

"Yeah, that sounds great. If you join" you give him a cheeky smile.

"I was planning on it."

-

Lol this was so plain🤣 but who cares, just wanted to push something out.

Got a 17k project for you guys coming up.🥴

[vivwritesfics]

Poly!Landoscar where they’re on winter break and reader takes them to her home town which is super snowing, ski/snowboard village type vibe? (I’ve got Colorado in my head for some reason🤣) Maybe she’s got a really big family and they all share a cabin for a holiday in the winter?

Making my way through blurb requests tonight (don't be surprised if this is the only one I end up doing)

Snow. It didn't often snow in England, where Lando spent a lot of his Christmases before he met his partners. It didn't snow where Oscar was from, either.

So, when Y/Ns family invited the boys up to the family cabin in Denver, they jumped at the chance. A snow day was exactly what they needed this Christmas.

With the length of the flight, Y/N, Lando, and Oscar decided it best to spend at least two weeks up there. A week with Y/N's family and a week in the cabin.

During their week in Y/N's home, the three of them shared Y/N childhood bed. It was a squeeze for the three of them, who were used to one of those bigger than normal beds. But it was cosy and comfortable in the cold climate that the boys weren't used to.

Lando and Oscar were like kids out in the snow. Lando threw snowballs as Oscar tried his best to build a snowman (but Lando kept aiming for the snowman, hitting the head off of the body). When Oscar was finish, Y/N came out with a spare hat and scarf. She wrapped it around the snowman, standing back to admire Oscar's work.

On the second week on their holiday, the throuple, along with Y/N's parents, set off for their holiday cabin. Y/N's siblings and families were to meet them their. Her brother and her sister both had families of their own, partners they had married and a gaggle of kids each.

Y/N had warned Lando and Oscar about the gaggle of kids on the drive up. "They are wild, feral demons," she said, driving behind her parents. "Don't let them bully you, okay? Because, you show one sign of weakness, and they'll be on you."

"Should we be scared?" Asked Oscar. When Y/N drove (which wasn't very often, only when they were in the states for insurance reasons), Lando would be in the passenger seat and Oscar would be in the back. If it was Oscar driving, Y/N was beside him and Lando was in the back. And, if it was Lando, Oscar was in the front with him.

"Terrified, more like," Y/N answered as the cabin came into view.

The cabin was a part of one of those skiing villages. It was owned by the entire family, Y/N's parents, aunt and uncles on both sides. They just had to stay coordinated enough to ensure it was being evenly shared.

Y/N parked up beside her parents. "Game plan is we settle in and hit the slopes," she said and pushed open the car door.

The boys grabbed their things from the back of the car. They didn't let Y/N carry anything as she led them into the cabin, following her parents.

When they got inside, Y/N's parents were stood in the foyer. "We've been thinking," said Y/N's mother as the boys set their things down, "that, because there are three of you, you guys should get the master bedroom."

Y/N's brows furrowed. "Are you sure?" She asked them.

With his jaw clenched, Y/N's father nodded his head. "Just remember, we'll be in the room next door," he said, staring past her, at Lando and Oscar.

After they unpacked their things, Y/N took the boys skiing. They started on the easiest slope, since Lando and Oscar didn't have as much skiing experience. They had some, but not a lot.

Once the skiing was done, Y/N took Lando and Oscar to the café in the skiing village. She'd been going there since she was a kid, most of the staff being friends she knew from high school.

After ordering three rounds of hot chocolate, Y/N joined the boys by the window. As she sat down, they were by the window, watching as the snow fell. "This is amazing," Lando muttered as he cupped his hand around his hot chocolate.

***

Y/N's siblings had arrived that evening. It had taken the kids three hours to break Lando and Oscar.

Y/N and her siblings had all been ice skating since they were children. The sisters had played hockey while growing up and now the kids did the same.

As soon as they'd met Lando and Oscar, the kids had been trying their best to get them to take them skating. It didn't matter that they couldn't skate, but it was what the kids wanted. They'd been screaming, jumping up and down on the sofa as they screamed at Lando and Oscar.

And then the boys agreed.

The kids settled down for the night, with the promise of going skating the next day.

The skating... wasn't going well. Lando and Oscar were like bambi on the ice, with the kids skating circles around them. They were tripped up, falling flat on the facing several times.

Y/N's laugher wasn't helping. She stood on the side lines, watching and high fiving the kids as the skated past her.

And then she got onto the rink. "Osc, grab a hold of Lando," she said as she grabbed Lando's hand. Oscar placed his hands on his shoulders as Y/N began skating backwards, pulling them along. She was constantly looking around, keeping an eye on her nieces and nephews.

They managed to trip her up once, with her, Lando and Oscar falling into one pile. But they didn't mind, the three of them erupting into giggles. "Kind of the best snow day ever, right?" She asked and leaned forward to kiss Lando.

She kissed Oscar, too, the kids behind them letting out a series of 'ew's.

[ashonheavenscloud]

crazier things || h. hyunjin

: a drunken confession from your friend, hwang hyunjin, leaves you questioning everything a week before your transfer home.

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ contents: hwang hyunjin x fem!reader, college au, friends to ??, INTENSEEE ANGST, mutual pining, two idiots and unfortunate circumstances </3

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ word count: 14.6K

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, mildly suggestive content and a toxic relationship (hyunjin x oc), this whole fic is kinda heavy and angsty😭

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ a/n: this was written WAYYY back in 2021 and posted on my other account, but i’m moving it here to keep all my fics in the same place🤣 this is the longest oneshot i’ve written and i’m quite proud of it. enjoy!

now playing - crazier things - chelsea cutler

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Hyunjin was drunk, you knew.

That was the only explanation for why he would call you at such an ungodly hour as 2 am, slurred words barely audible in between the loud music and cheering crowd that joined his voice through your speaker.

It had been awhile since he’d called you at a party- but definitely not long enough, you thought a little frustratedly. But you were mostly worried as you drove to the address you’d managed to coax out from the drunk boy’s babbling.

He was falling back into bad habits as the peak of winter approached and snow had yet to fully take its leave from the suburbs of New York- and it didn’t help that finals were approaching, and he was clearly stressed.

And that girlfriend of his putting way too much pressure on him.

Yet another worry as you pulled up to the house, music booming from the place as you hurried to where Hyunjin was leaning in the yard, no girlfriend in sight.

He hadn’t brought her, and he hadn’t called her- again.

“Hyunjin!”

It took a couple shouts of his name over the crowd for him to look up at you, and you felt a tiny bit of relief at seeing him somewhat alright.

“Y/n-” his attempt at walking over was short lived, as he stumbled with a giggle and you rushed to catch him.

The weight of his body made you sigh, grunting out, “Stand up, we’re going home.”

“Home? What home, not home.”

He barely made sense, but you understood. “Not your girlfriend’s, I promise.”

He slowly nodded, dazedly blinking as your words processed. “Okay.” He mumbled, voice small.

“Just… just take a rest here, okay?” You murmured back, as you dragged the boy from the crowd and found an unoccupied bench by the side of the road to sit him on. Quickly, you pulled a plastic water bottle from your bag and handed it cap off to him. “Drink.”

He did as he was told, and with your gentle help he downed a good quarter of it. Sighing once more, you plopped onto the bench beside him, suddenly very weary.

Hyunjin was drunk- very drunk. He had to be, when he slid closer to you on the bench, cheeks flushed and eyes heavy from the aftermath of the college party and the alcohol. That was the only explanation; for why else would three forbidden words suddenly tumble from his dazed, plush lips?

“I love you.”

Your eyes jolted to his face; his eyes were flickering closed, a small intoxicated smile on his face, his fingers finding the edge of your sweater sleeve and tugging at the material. He clung to you, smile slowly widening as he chuckled; and all you could do was stare at him, heart racing and sinking all at once.

You really might have been able to brush it off as some false drunken claim if he had stopped there, or if you’d had the courage to speak and lead the conversation away. Lead it somewhere safe, somewhere that didn’t blur the already complicated relationship you both found yourselves in- the very messy situation you should have gotten out of right at that moment.

But he didn’t stop there.

And it sounded so genuine when his head lolled onto your shoulder and he murmured, “Ha. I’m so in love with you, and you don’t even know it.”

He was drunk, you had to repeat to yourself multiple times as you drove your black Civic through the busy neighborhood streets, occasionally glancing at his sleeping figure in the passenger side. He was completely still, save for the small breaths that made his lips pout ever so slightly. With a start, you realized he was still gripping your sleeve.

And you were suddenly scared.

Because I love you too, Hwang Hyunjin. And I think maybe you meant it.

…

When it came to alcohol of any kind, Hwang Hyunjin was a lightweight. It barely took him a couple swallows to be completely wasted- and the day after was just as bad.

He groaned when he opened his eyes; despite the blinds being closed, the tiny streams of light around the edges sparked a massive headache. He closed his eyes immediately, his small glance around the room enough to assure him that he was safe- and, once again, had been stashed in your bedroom. 

He didn’t remember getting here at all. God, how many shots had he taken? He’d sworn to keep it to a strict limit. What kind of alcohol had it even been?

Groggy but guilty enough to get up, Hyunjin forced his eyes open again and stumbled out of the bed. He was sweaty and nauseous, but hey, you’d seen him worse. Upon leaving the bedroom and stepping into the living area of your studio apartment, he was met with the sight of you passed out on the couch.

You’d probably been exhausted after helping him out last night.

Another wave of guilt ran over him. He didn’t usually drink, but when he did you always seemed to be the one cleaning up his mess. Hyunjin vaguely remembered calling you part way through the night- although he couldn’t recall any of the conversation. Once again, though, you’d had his back.

He approached as quietly as his heavy feet could manage, and crouched beside you. A light blanket was half draped off your figure, and your face was smashed into a pillow. He watched your expression, noticing the crease of worry in your brow and gently massaging it away with a sigh.

He was stressing you again. He hadn’t meant to; and at this point, his guilt was overwhelming.

He decided to let you sleep, feeling he at least owed you that. He fixed the blanket, tucking in around your shoulders before stumbling away to the kitchen. First he found a bottle of Advil and downed the pill, before checking in your fridge for any food. Eggs and toast was manageable, right? He wasn’t the most experienced cook but he could damn well try.

Almost subconsciously, he peeked behind his shoulder to look at you once more. Your forehead was wrinkled with worry again. Even though he felt bad, he couldn’t help but think about how cute it was. But to be fair, you were always cute.

So damn pretty.

You suddenly shifted and Hyunjin whipped his head back to his cooking, heart pounding and ears flaming. Focus on the food, Hyunjin, he scolded himself.

But that image of you curled up behind him couldn’t leave his head as he cooked, no matter how hard he tried. He shouldn’t be thinking of you so much, especially not now- with you here, and with the symptoms of his hangover a bitter reminder of the trouble he’d caused you. Especially when each new thought definitely crossed the friend line.

After meeting you at the university library, your phone numbers had been exchanged- and oddly enough, you’d been kind to him. Kind to the boy close to failing half of his classes. Kind to the boy with a reputation of trouble. Kind, even after the first party you’d stumbled upon him- and he’d been drunk then, too. And somehow you’d started being the one person he could really talk to, and the one person that his intoxicated brain thought to call.

His reminiscing was interrupted by movement, and Hyunjin glanced back again to see you groggily sitting up, blinking open bleary eyes, the cutest yawn scrunching up your features. He caught himself smiling ridiculously, just in time to hide it before your eyes found his own.

There were the worry lines again.

“Are you okay?” You asked him quietly, standing and approaching him. Against his will, his heart thumped a little faster.

“Yeah. I guess.” Hyunjin responded, watching you survey him, eyes checking him for any sign of damage.

It seemed you didn’t find any, because after a minute you sighed. “Good.”

You reached to yank him closer by the collar of his button up, nearly making Hyunjin lose his balance as another wave of dizziness greeted his senses. Either you didn’t notice or you didn’t care; probably the latter, because you were shouting, and you looked mad.

“What the hell? You scared me half to death, you told me you were going to stop doing this!”

“I… I know.” Hyunjin weakly replied, but he didn’t have time to add anymore when you came at him again.

“You said you wouldn’t go the next time, at least not alone- and the next time, and the next time, and on and on. I’ve been covering for you, rescuing you from parties and bad dates for the past year. But I’m gone next term, and I’m not going to be here to save your sorry ass anymore.”

As if he needed the reminder of your transfer. As if he hadn’t been thinking about it since the day you’d told him last month.

“I’m sorry, really.” Hyunjin murmured, meeting your eyes to try and convey the honesty in his words. “It’s unfair to you. I don’t know why I call you every time, but… it’s not fair.”

There was silence, and oddly enough you seemed a bit caught off guard. What? Because he called you, even now? But then Hyunjin realized at last your close proximity, your nose almost touching his, your warm breath on his face. His eyes widened.

You jumped back, and Hyunjin ducked away at the same time, heart doing back flips as he tried to regain his composure, glancing at you. You, the calm and sensible one, the out of reach one… flustered.

Was it possible for a heart to swell with foolish hope, at the same time it shriveled with an undeniable sense of guilt?

But before Hyunjin could figure it out, you were running to the stove, shouting at the smoke that billowed from the eggs that Hyunjin had forgotten about. The moment was dismissed in the scramble to clear the smoke and discard of the burnt eggs, relieved that at least the toast turned out okay.

And once the toast was buttered and on plates, you turned back to face him. You opened your mouth, hesitating for a moment before quietly saying, “What are you going to tell her this time?”

You didn’t need to say who. Hyunjin bit into his toast, with no desire to answer the question. You sighed, but thankfully didn’t push it.

He didn’t need to hear your thoughts to know what you were thinking while you silently drizzled honey on your bread. Why are you with her if you always need to lie to her?

Because I don’t deserve any better. And I certainly don’t deserve you.

He avoided your eyes as you chewed on your toast, gathering enough courage to timidly ask, “I really am sorry. How can I make it up to you?”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I do.” Hyunjin argued, watching you sigh and drop the toast onto your plate. “I broke my promise-”

“And you’ve apologized. I know you didn’t mean it.”

“But that’s not enough.” He whispered, watching you turn your gaze to the floor, expression unreadable. It was so often that he couldn’t figure out what you were thinking, and he’d pay every penny for your thoughts. You gnawed on your lip, and Hyunjin wondered if you might not answer. At last, you lifted your head to meet his gaze again.

“Okay, how about we just say you owe me?”

Hyunjin breathed a sigh of relief, glad you had relented. “That’s more than fair.”

“Okay.” You rubbed your temples- from stress or tiredness, Hyunjin couldn’t tell. “Good.”

Another ‘sorry’ almost slipped from his lips without thinking, but Hyunjin managed to bite his tongue. He knew that another apology would only frustrate you. But it still echoed in his head, the guilt that swam there even as he watched you tie back your messy hair, heart fluttering endlessly.

He was a mess.

“I… guess I should go.”

“I can drive you.”

“No, I can walk. I have work today.”

You whirled to stare at him. “Today?”

“In an hour, actually.” Hyunjin replied, wincing at the very idea of the headache he was bound to suffer through today. The intense smell of flowers in the shop probably wouldn’t help, either.

You were silent for a moment; Hyunjin didn’t want to break the quiet himself, so he simply watched you harshly bite your lip again before you stepped closer. Once again, his heart stumbled as you neared.

Gingerly, you reached towards him, and Hyunjin subconsciously closed his eyes as your fingertips grazed his forehead, then massaged the area between his brows.

So you weren’t the only one stressed. He hadn’t even noticed; but he did find himself slowly relaxing under your touch.

When he opened his eyes, you still looked worried- but a small smile flickered on your lips.

“So you’re going to show up to work in that?”

Oh. “How bad is it?” He asked, sheepishly.

“You stink.” And then you had your arms around him, carefully resting your head against his shoulder as you pulled him close. The rare moments you did this, Hyunjin never knew how to react to your affection- but it did send his mind spiraling, his heart dancing and leaping in his chest at your closeness.

At last he let his cheek fall on your head, letting a minute pass before whispering. “Thank you… for everything.”

Was it his imagination, or did you hug him slightly tighter? “You’re my friend, and this is what friends do.”

Yeah… it’s what friends do.

Bullshit. You’ve gone above and beyond the requirements of friendship.

You pulled away from him, and turned quickly- he noticed the small tinge of redness over your ears but was too tired to question it. His headache, though dulled, was slowly returning. 

“Go shower.” You told him, heading towards your bedroom. “We’ll figure something out for your work clothes.”

He nodded, murmuring another small thank you before ducking into your bathroom, towel in hand. He paused in front of the mirror- gosh, he really did look like a mess.

Just like how he felt.

When he stepped under the cold water, splashing his senses awake, his thoughts ran a different way. He recalled leaning against your head; your hair had smelled like citrus; he’d sworn you’d held your breath.

7 days. That was all he had left before you were gone.

…

The distance between New York City and Los Angeles was exactly 2789 miles.

You knew this because the number had been dancing through your head since the moment you’d realized you would have to move back home to California to study.

Stupid finances. Your tiny apartment was fairly cheap for its Lower Manhattan location, but it still sucked away at your funds- funds you didn’t have. At the beginning of the term, it became apparent that unless you found money fast, you wouldn’t be able to stay.

Praying for a miracle had turned out to be hopeless. Your parents, having never approved of your moving away, hadn’t offered any help. Your bitter old manager refused to give you a raise, and no other opportunities presented themselves. In the desperate last stretch, you’d taken on different gigs- tutoring, walking dogs, cleaning houses, anything you could think of- but it wasn’t nearly enough. With a month left of the winter term, your only option became evident.

You signed the forms, you received the email of congratulations! You would be attending the University of California in the New Year!

Hip fucking hooray.

Oddly enough, Hyunjin had been the first to find out. The same day you’d received the email, you’d run into the boy at the university library. Where you’d usually be able to mask a smile, fake some kind of emotion to keep him from suspecting anything was wrong, you hadn’t had the energy.

Was that considered irony? The first person to know- to comfort you, to offer you support- would be your hardest goodbye.

When was it that you’d fallen for him? You couldn’t pinpoint between the sharing of homework answers- you were both English majors- and those moments at a cafe or that beautiful library when he seemed to be the only spot of colour left in your graying life. He had the unique ability to make you forget about all your worries and troubles even just for a few minutes with a single smile- a smile so kind and genuine and warm that it felt like an embrace on its own. Meeting him had been like… finding the first crocus in spring, and knowing that the frost was fading at last. It had been hopeful; somehow knowing this person standing in front of you would touch your very soul.

And he had- in so many ways. Ways he probably didn’t realize in the moments he’d surprise you with coffee on a cold morning, or let you borrow his gloves when you forgot them. He’d touched you so deeply that you’d found yourself slipping into daydreams far too often with him involved- and with no girlfriend in sight.

The girlfriend was actually a recent development; Ava had come seemingly out of nowhere, apparently another English student that Hyunjin had taken out a couple times. Ava herself wasn’t too bad- but you still found her a tad single minded- and too invested in Hyunjin’s academics. The boy didn’t always have the best grades, and she had no reservations when it came to reminding him. Maybe she meant well… but sometimes you really did want to slap her.

For more reasons than just that.

She’d come along just shortly before you’d found him at one of his parties, dead drunk with vomit still damp on his shirt. He’d touched your soul in a different way then, and you’d never forget what he’d said to you as you’d tried to drag him out of your car, and his weary eyes found yours.

“Do you know how to float?”

“What?”

“Float. Like, not drown.” He mumbled something that you couldn’t hear before saying louder. “I drown. I drown a lot of times, even though I got everything I need to stay up. I was given those… like, those floatie thingies, but I just poke holes into them.” He clumsily pressed an index finger to his side, tapping several times. “Poke. Poke. Poke. And then I drown.”

You tried to figure out something to say, but came up empty at a loss for words. Hyunjin had only chuckled bitterly. “Grades aren’t everything, right? What a bunch of bull-”

You’d held his hair away from his face as he vomited onto the grass. As he wretched, your mind spun; this beautiful, sweet, outwardly confident boy… was just as much a mess as you.

Perhaps everyone was a mess, and some had just gotten very good at hiding it. 

Now, sitting on your couch as the sun sank lower in the sky and turned the horizon into violent shades of orange and red, your mind spiraled back to one thing.

I love you.

Ha. I’m so in love with you, and you don’t even know it.

Just when you thought things couldn’t get messier…

You shifted in your spot, glancing at the half eaten carton of food on the coffee table as you recounted your morning with Hyunjin. Why had you hugged him? You were supposed to be mad at him- but you just couldn’t be for long. You knew how hard he was trying, and that he beat himself up enough for the both of you. And anyways…

You didn’t want to waste your time being angry at him. 

The hug itself had felt like magnetism- one minute you were watching him with a small smile of endearment, and the next your arms were around his waist, pulling him close. He'd been so comfortingly warm; you’d been able to hear his heartbeat in your ear, pounding a rhythm much too fast to stop you from wondering…

I love you.

You stood abruptly from the couch, snatching the carton of food and stashing it back in the fridge. You needed to stop thinking about this; you needed to clear your head.

It was bitingly cold outside, tiny snowflakes drifting through the chill air that buzzed with noise. You’d always liked how busy it was here, even at night. You didn’t understand it, but something about how awake the world was at ungodly hours made you feel more alive, too.

You hurried down the sidewalk, keeping your hands in your coat pocket to stay warm, burrowing your chin into the patterned scarf around your neck. You let your feet carry you any which way, no real destination in mind. Music poured from the doors of small cafes and busy nightclubs still ablaze with life. You contemplated stopping at one of your favourite coffee shops, even if just to sit and drown in the warmth, but passed by with a shake of your head. You were too restless.

You forced your mind to wander to other worries as you walked- like the upcoming winter exams. Classes ended tomorrow, and the following four days were filled with studying and the actual exams. Then the morning after, you’d be gone.

It felt surreal. The month had flown by underneath a looming shadow, and you swore you’d missed several weeks. Granted, you’d been busy- often studying with Hyunjin, or working your ass off at your job. But only the sleepless nights had felt long- the rest had passed in the blink of an eye.

You couldn’t deny how attached you’d grown to the city in your time here. As much as you’d loved your home city, New York had a certain feel to it that fed into your very soul. You’d never been able to pinpoint why; you only knew that if it had been possible, you might have never wanted to leave.

For more reasons than one.

But now it seemed unlikely that you would find the funds to come back. Even the price for a visit… you didn’t want to imagine a price.

His smile haunted you. The first real friend you’d made. The one you’d hopelessly fallen for, and now found yourself in an impossible position.

There you go again, you realized with a jolt. Thinking of him.

You stuffed your hands in your pockets, forcing your mind elsewhere. The apartment complexes in front of you, the bubbling laughter from a nearby bar, the rumbling of car engines as the lights flickered from red to green. The tiny shops on the corners, and the takeout places to the left. Ah, I liked that sushi place. Hyunjin loved it too.

And it was obvious when you rounded the next street corner, eyes turning upwards as snow fell heavier around you, that walking hadn’t helped anything.

Except to make you feel even lonelier.

…

Classes ended on a solemn note for Hyunjin. He didn’t miss a single one of his teacher’s judgemental glances in his direction at the last chime of the bells. He certainly didn’t need them to tell him that most of his grades were currently sitting at dangerous spots- and these upcoming exams would be extremely important.

He needed to pass.

Whispers followed him in the halls. He didn’t miss their glances, either, as a group of students passed.

“He’s not even trying- doesn’t he know others would kill to be in his place?”

“Seriously, he received enough bursaries for me and my sister to attend a year of college.”

“He’s just a pretty face, no brains.”

He ducked out of the hall, desensitized to the phrases he was used to hearing. They’d batted inside the back of his head since he was in high school, and it had been his parents saying the same things.

Just a pretty face.

His parents had been the ones to ensure his place at the university, complete with bursaries to keep his finances well taken care of. They had connections, see, and had high expectations for Hyunjin’s future. Too bad they had such a disappointment for a child, he thought bitterly. 

Still, it was easy enough to let the words pass from one ear and out the next. He’d heard them enough times that he was almost numb to them. Almost.

Hyunjin sighed as he readjusted the bag slung over his shoulder and hurried down the steps away from campus. He had work again, and he couldn’t dawdle. He already owed his coworkers enough; Seungmin, a fellow student, had been kind enough to lend him an extra shirt for his last shift, and he didn’t want to cause any more trouble.

Luckily, the shop wasn’t too far. He arrived a few minutes early, greeting Felix- a younger boy with blonde curls and heaps of freckles on his cheeks- with a small smile as he ducked inside the warm shop, a pleasant contrast to the bitter cold outside.

“You beat me.” Hyunjin panted, pulling off his coat.

“The Professor let us out a few minutes early.” Felix explained, busy arranging a basket of flowers with careful precision. “Where are the scissors?”

Hyunjin crouched behind the counter, digging through the bottom door to find a pair of scissors and hand them to the boy.

“Thank you.”

“Hey!” This was Jeongin, a younger kid whose parents owned the shop, appearing from one of the back rooms with a cardboard box filled with labelling cards. “You’re out!”

“Except for exams, yeah.” Hyunjin agreed, fondly ruffling the boy’s hair. He pulled away, shaking away his hand. 

“Hey, you were at that party yesterday, weren’t you?”

Hyunjin hadn’t expected that. “Yeah- yeah, and you were?”

“We both were.” Felix sliced a red ribbon and tied it carefully around the handle of the basket. He stepped back, smiling as he admired his handiwork before adding. “We thought of stopping to talk, but…”

“You looked wasted, dude.” Jeongin finished, setting the box on the counter before turning eyes to Hyunjin.

The long haired boy shifted his feet under Jeongin’s gaze. “I… might have had a bit too much to drink.”

He turned to pluck his apron from the peg on the wall; Felix chuckled behind him.

“Good thing y/n was there. That’s who it was, right?”

Hyunjin avoided looking back, clumsily tying his apron. “Yeah. Why?”

“Nothing, just…” his voice trailed away.

Now Hyunjin glanced back, frowning at Felix’s hesitation. He looked a little… apprehensive? “What? What happened? Did I do something-”

“Oh, nothing bad.” Felix chuckled, his worry crumbling enough to ease Hyunjin’s shoulders back to relaxing as he turned away again. Until Felix added. “It’s just that you told her you loved her.”

Hyunjin froze with his fingers still pulling the strings tight. The words echoed in his head- taking a moment to process before the gravity of what Felix was saying took hold. He let the bow fall slack, turning slowly to face the two boys. “What?”

“She sat you down, gave you water and then you told her you loved her.” Jeongin laughed, clearly finding this very amusing.

But Hyunjin found this anything but funny. He’d said… to you…

Was that why you’d been acting weirdly? Wait, more importantly- did that mean you knew he’d meant it?

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Jeongin shrugged. “You were drunk, people say stupid things all the time when they’re wasted.”

Right. You had to think that.

Right?

“You must have been pretty drunk to forget, though.” Felix picked up his basket, nudging Hyunjin on his way past. “Hey, don’t worry about it too much. I’m sure she doesn’t care.”

Did you care?

That was the question that circled Hyunjin’s brain as he ducked away, finding recluse in the storage room to think. He’d told you- actually told you to your face- that he loved you. Sure, he’d been drunk, but he’d still said it.

Did you care that he’d said it?

He cursed his foggy memory, that hadn’t clung onto to that moment. He had no idea how you’d responded- he had no idea if you’d brushed it off or not. And he had no idea what to do now that he knew vaguely what had happened.

He recalled your flustered state yesterday morning; the tinge of red on your ears, the tenderness of your eyes when you’d looked at him…

And his wild thoughts desperately hoped that maybe, maybe that meant you loved him too.

Could it be possible? He’d wondered before, but never with much hope; only a hopeless romantic’s dream of gentle kisses and shared smiles and tight embraces that he figured would only ever exist in his imagination. And after your announcement of moving back to California, even those hopeful thoughts had disappeared. His time had run out- long distance relationships never worked out anyways, and that was even if you’d wanted one. And if so many other things didn’t stand in the way.

“Hyunjin?” Felix’s head popped through the door, his features twisted into a frown. “It’s your girlfriend. You left your phone on the counter- she wants to talk to you-”

Shit. “Tell her I’ll call her back.”

“Ah- okay.” Felix pulled out again, and the reality of his living world fell back on him like a heavy weight.

What to do now? Nothing.

He would go home. He’d call Ava, maybe find a distraction. And he’d try his very best to forget again.

5 days. He had a lot to worry about in the next little bit, that was for sure.

…

It was another two days before you saw Hyunjin. You’d promised to study with him before the exams, arranging a meeting at one of the nearby libraries in the afternoon to pore over notes and books and cram as much knowledge as possible into your brain. As usual, you arrived earlier than Hyunjin and found a free table to set up for your study session- including a few small muffins to feed your appetites. 

But today was already starting out much different than you’d intended. Once seated, you had the time to wait and realize that you were oddly nervous to see him.

In fact, as the minutes ticked closer to 3 o’clock, you swore there were butterflies dancing inside of you.

Gosh, you needed to get a grip. He was the same Hwang Hyunjin as he’d been before that drunken confession- unavailable and unreachable. This changed nothing.

But when you spotted him walking towards you with his navy backpack slung over his shoulder and black jacket making him look way too cute, you knew it changed everything.

“I brought coffee.” He smiled as he slid into the chair beside you, plopping two drinks on the table- Americano for him, steaming cup of Espresso for you.

“Thanks.” You took a sip, relishing the taste and praying the hot liquid would drown those stupid butterflies as you flipped open your first notebook. 

“Well, we can’t have a future famous journalist low on caffeine during exam season!” He exclaimed with a teasing grin- and you felt relieved that he seemed to be in at least somewhat decent spirits.

“If I get through university.”

“You will.” Hyunjin assured, sounding so confident you glanced at him in surprise. He just smiled at you. “I believe in you.”

What was it about those words from his mouth that made you feel ridiculously flustered? Those butterflies had evidently survived the coffee. You quickly spoke to hide your sudden shyness. “Well, don’t neglect your own caffeine then.”

“Ah.” His smile faltered, and you caught it easily. You didn’t need to ask to know he doubted his ability to pass. With a firm exhale, you pressed his coffee closer to him.

“We’re both going to smash these exams. Okay?”

Slowly, Hyunjin nodded and released a tense breath. “Okay.” He replied softly, lips curving upwards slightly. “I mean, with you as my study partner how could I not?”

You slowly grinned, tossing your hair dramatically. “Aren’t you lucky to have me?”

“Very.” He giggled, but the sincerity in his eyes still reached you- and you didn’t quite know what to do about that, so you cleared your throat.

“I suppose we should get started.”

You waited for Hyunjin to pull his books from his bag; his long dark hair fell before his eyes as he bent down, and you tried not to care too much about it, and the urge to run your fingers through it. At last he plopped his textbooks and scattered notes onto the table with a sigh. “Right.”

But looking over notes and exchanging questions proved to be more difficult than you’d expected. From the get go the atmosphere felt different; electric, and noticeably so. It was nearly impossible to concentrate for reasons beyond you- was it lack of sleep that made your eyes wander to watch Hyunjin flip a page, take a sip of his coffee, or mouth words to himself? Time was hazy while you couldn’t help but watch, mesmerized by the small furrow of his brow, the bright focus in his eyes. You’d always thought he was absolutely stunning, but today it was harder to ignore.

You shook your head slightly, scolding yourself to get a grip. You turned back to your pages, eyes glaring at the notes you’d scribbled about Pride and Prejudice and War and Peace without really soaking any of it into your brain. 

An hour passed slowly. You worked mostly in silence, occasionally exchanging thoughts and points and sipping your individual drinks. You helped him with a few of the analyses and quizzed him (quite distractedly). The muffins were devoured in no time, the chocolate taste lingering on the tip of your tongue as you worked away for another hour. You thought you might be going brain dead when Hyunjin suddenly laughed.

You looked up quickly, confused. “What?”

“Wait, did you do that?”

He was pointing to his notes and with a start, you realized there were small drawings in the margins- doodled eyes and flowers and flames and whatnot. Your expression broke into a smile as warmth flooded your chest with the memory.

“You fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up. Remember, when Professor Watson was giving that speech about-”

“Provision and prosperity.” Hyunjin groaned in remembrance, before looking back at the pencilled designs. “I never noticed these.”

His fingers traced the outlines of the sketches, a faint smile pulling at his lips. His eyes held an undeniable fondness that had your heart doing back flips as you attempted to return to work.

But damn, he was so distracting. You couldn’t help but look back at him, still intently focused on your drawings. You once again had the urge to brush the loose strands of his dark hair behind his ear, and maybe kiss the corner of his gentle smile-

Then his eyes glanced your way- shit-

He opened his mouth, but you blurted with cheeks flaming, “Are you cold? It’s freezing, isn’t it?”

Ha. Lies, you felt like you were burning alive.

Hyunjin softly smiled. “You’re so silly, why didn’t you bring a jacket?”

You shrugged. “I don’t live too far, I had a hoodie and it’s not that cold-”

Suddenly he was sitting back shaking off his jacket. Your heart stammered and your breath caught at the sudden closeness as he turned to face you, leaning forward slightly and sliding his jacket over your shoulders.

“There.” He murmured; his eyes met yours as he paused his movements.

Yes, there it was. Electric.

He pulled back quickly, grabbing his pencil and turning his gaze away. Thankfully so, because it was that moment that your fingers curled around his jacket sleeve and heat swam to your face- it smelled just like him. Dark musk, with a slight hint of something floral.

“Thank you.” You managed at last, bending your head to look back at the book and away from the boy before you could make eye contact again- and he might notice the intense blush painting your cheeks.

He hummed in acknowledgment, scratching something down with his pencil. Otherwise it was tensely silent, leaving you room to wonder why, why, why did you pick the library? It was like your senses were on high alert in the near complete stillness of the room, your every nerve absolutely focused on Hyunjin’s small movements, the smell of his jacket, the faint brush of his knee against yours under the table; again you were drawn to slowly look at him, and with a jolt you realized he was staring back.

His words echoed relentlessly in your mind. I’m so in love with you, and you don’t even know it.

You couldn’t pull away this time, like your gazes were magnets with an unstoppable attraction. You searched his eyes, hoping to dig through the emotions in them and find answers. Had he meant it at all? His lips were slightly parted, and it took every fibre of your self control to stay still in your seat.

What are we even doing here? You silently screamed. It feels like torture, but I can’t stop wanting you.

Hyunjin’s phone chose that instant to buzz on the table, lighting up with a caller ID you recognized before Hyunjin picked it up. Ironic, for her to be the one to interrupt… whatever the hell that had been.

“Ava?”

Her voice crackled from the speaker, but you couldn’t make out any words as Hyunjin hummed into the phone. “Yeah. Okay, sure. I’ll be there soon.”

With his gaze no longer on you, you slumped back in your seat, feeling rather foolish and small. Were you just reading into things? He had a girlfriend, after all.

A girlfriend he never talks about. A girlfriend he doesn’t seem to trust.

Did it matter?

Hyunjin turned back to you, and you had trouble meeting his eyes again- this time, for a reason unknown to you. “Sorry. Ava…”

He didn’t finish, and you couldn’t help it when you looked up and asked. “Do you love her, Hyunjin?”

His eyes snapped to yours, and he seemed taken aback. “What?”

You merely swallowed, kind of wishing you could brush away the question. Where had it even come from? Curiosity? Jealousy?

Hope?

Hope for what? You damn idiot, none of this matters!

“No.”

It echoed in your head and it burned in the way that he looked at you when he said that; like he needed you to know that, like he’d been begging for a reason to tell you. Or maybe it was wishful thinking. Still, you ignored all the warning lights in your brain and all logic of your situation- because yes, it didn’t matter- and you pressed on anyway.

“Then why…”

“I don’t love her. I never did, and she knows that.” He murmured, completely unreadable as he closed his textbooks. “We just both needed someone when we felt especially lonely. That was the agreement all along.”

Your throat felt suddenly dry, and no words found their way to your tongue. Speechless, you sat silent as Hyunjin watched you, completely unreadable.

And what now?

Shit, this isn’t how it’s supposed to go. 

You needed to process, to clear your spinning head. But you still felt frozen in your seat.

Luckily Hyunjin spoke first. “You can keep my jacket. I guess Ava’s coming to pick me up. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

He stored his books away, and finally a bit of sense returned to you. “Ah, okay. Get home safe.”

He half smiled in your direction, then almost seemed to hesitate stepping away. That small hesitation nearly broke something in you, but you remained firmly in your seat.

“Goodnight, y/n.”

“Goodnight.” You whispered, and let him walk away.

3 days. 3 days that would feel like an eternity and a second all at once.

…

Hyunjin wrapped his arms around himself, shivering from the cold as he scanned the parking lot for Ava’s vehicle. He quickly spotted the maroon coloured Sedan, and jogged towards it. As he approached, he could make out her figure through the glass. Her thick curls and wide eyes, which turned to meet his own when he knocked on the window.

“Hey.” She gestured and he slipped inside, buckling his seatbelt as she started the engine. 

He nodded back, asking, “You said you needed me?”

“Yep.” She raised an eyebrow in his direction. “And you sounded less than happy about that.”

He had, hadn't he? He bit his lip, trying to figure out what to say- but he didn’t even know what the problem was.

Hyunjin’s relationship with Ava was almost as complicated as the one between him and you. He’d met her several times in class, and then outside of class for a casual coffee. She was bold, and although a little pushy, she was one of the few students who didn't seem to resent him. When she’d suggest a kind of ‘friends with benefits,’ he’d been surprised to say the least- and his first instinct had been to say no. After all, he was well aware of his feelings for you then, so why would he agree to sleep with Ava?

But one day, after a particularly dismal week, you found him at a party far more drunk than he usually was. It was the first time you’d helped him- and when he took a look at himself in the mirror the next morning, he knew. He couldn’t do this. You already had your own problems to deal with- you didn’t need the weight of him and his feelings on your shoulders, too.

Was that dumb? Maybe. But Hyunjin had agreed to Ava’s offer, and the rest was history. He’d been honest from the beginning about his intentions, confiding his affection for you to her to make it clear that he wasn’t looking for anything more than casual sex. And it didn’t happen often- only when both of you were particularly stressed- but soon enough word had spread. Ava and Hyunjin, a couple.

Like every other rumour, he let the words pass through him. Except when it came from you- then it hurt more than he’d wanted to admit. But if that’s what it kept to hold himself back, he could find a way to push aside the pain.

Still, he’d never felt as guilty about it as he felt today. For some reason, the idea made him feel… wrong. Maybe because of what he’d said to you at the party. Or maybe because of whatever tension had lingered in the library just minutes ago, and he’d almost thought he might…

Hyunjin didn’t realize he’d fallen silent, drifting into thought until Ava nudged him back to the present.

“Sorry-”

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?”

Hyunjin looked up, as Ava pulled into the lot connected to the first few dorm halls. She turned off the engine and turned to look at him, dark eyes void of emotion. “Y/n. That’s why you’re hesitating today.”

Hyunjin wet his lips and opened his mouth to speak- but he couldn’t find the words. His mind still felt muddled from your earlier question.

“Do you love her?”

Why had you asked him that? And why had he told you the truth?

“I’m… just not up to it today.” Hyunjin responded- since that was technically true. “And I have to study some more.”

Ava didn’t say anything for a minute, just stared at him. Hyunjin felt an odd frustration boil up inside of him, although he was unsure where it was coming from. “You can’t ask me to-”

“I’m not.” She replied, pulling the key from the ignition and shrugging. “It’s your choice. But you know it doesn’t matter, right?”

Hyunjin couldn’t look at her as he spoke, fingers clutching the door handle. The car was beginning to feel suffocating. “It’s just friends with benefits. No strings attached.”

“Hyunjin… it’s never been that simple.”

His eyes jolted to find hers, staring at him intently. He noticed the nervous tapping of her fingers on her thigh, and the tiny crack in her facade in the depth of her irises. It’s never been that simple.

She… “Ava-”

“We could be good together- actually together.” She exclaimed, crossing her arms and looking away. He thought he caught a flash of desperation in her eyes. “Everyone believes it already-”

“I never meant to lead you on-”

“You didn’t.” She shrugged again, but Hyunjin was starting to think her indifference was her type of armour. He knew about that all too well. “But think about it. She’s leaving, and then what? Long distance? How long do you think that would last? If she even wants you.”

Hyunjin was frozen as the words pounded inside his brain, a chorus that he was all too familiar with, the things he quoted to himself. Ava was right, as much as he hated to admit it.

“I-” his grip on the car handle tightened as he tried to stop the trembling of his body. “I can’t.”

Ava merely sighed and waved him out of the vehicle. He clambered out, shutting the door behind him quickly. But she rolled down the window anyway and told him, “Think about it.”

He didn’t know what to say- his heart just ached, and he needed space. “See you.” He murmured, turning quickly to leave. 

It hurts. Everything hurts.

Ava called after him, her words clinging like a shadow as he walked away. “Whether you’re willing to accept it yet or not, she’s going to be gone soon- and then I’ll be all you have left.”

…

It was actually a relief for Hyunjin to have the upcoming exams to occupy his mind and suck away most of his free time. If not for the constant distraction he had from the diminishing time you had left in New York, Hyunjin wasn’t sure what he would have done. Already he thought of your departure far too often for his confused and aching heart. Two days, that was it, and he was completely torn in every way concerning you. Only one thing felt certain; there was no way to stop this. You were leaving- and you were leaving for good. Hyunjin held no power to stop it. Ava’s words flooded his brain, too, but he was determined not to dwell on that. He had more pressing things right now.

He could only watch as your last day dawned, flooded near full with exams. Hyunjin carried his worries with him even as he completed his tests, mind having trouble focusing at first when he spotted your hunched figure in one of the seats. You didn’t look his way, but he could still see the tiredness in your gaze, lack of proper sleep evident in the dark circles that were like bruises under your eyes. He chewed absentmindedly on his lip until the overseer cleared their throat, glaring at Hyunjin- the exam had already started.

From there, he tried his damned hardest on each task. He wasn’t confident by the end- but then again, he never was. When he at last handed in his paper, one of the last students in the room, he found your figure had disappeared. 

It was just as well, he decided. His next exam was the most important to do well on. You’d only serve to distract his mind.

Yeah. So why do I feel so heavy?

The next exam, somehow, passed smoothly. Maybe last minute panic and pressure had helped with his focus, or maybe you really had been quite the study partner. But by the end he was cautiously optimistic that he had gotten a decent score.

Regardless, leaving the university grounds was extremely relieving. At least now he could leave this burden behind- he’d done his best, and he supposed the rest was up to fate now. The day was cloudy and warmer than yesterday- maybe even warm enough for rainfall to replace the snow. He sent a silent prayer against it, and hurried down the sidewalk.

His dorm had never felt more welcoming; Hyunjin dropped his bag in the entrance and promptly collapsed onto the nearest surface- his couch- with a heavy exhale. His eyes closed, a headache stinging at the edges of his brow. 

And here his thoughts of you resurfaced. The horrible realization that you were leaving tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

It felt surreal, like a dream he’d wake up from soon enough. Reality would return and you’d be staying, finances taken care of- and Hyunjin would be better, the hollowness in himself somehow filled. No problems, no worries; just the two of you, strong and whole enough to face anything the world could throw at you.

“If only.” He whispered to the empty room, returned only by dull silence.

He couldn’t just sit here, or he would go insane. 

He was seeing you off tomorrow at the airport, but the time that stretched until then was sure to be agonizing. He wondered if he’d be able to sleep. He wondered if he would be able to bear the steady march of time; sixteen hours to go.

His hands itched to grab his jacket and run out the door to find something heavy to drink. He wanted to drown his dread and anxiety in bouts of alcohol, the feelings caged in his chest threatening to shatter his rib cage with its pressure. Instead, he stood abruptly with a resolute shake of his head, heading for the kitchen. If he just kept himself busy, he would be okay. He wasn’t about to show up at the airport with a raging hangover. That wasn’t fair to you and was hardly how he wanted his goodbye to be.

Goodbye.

His fingers twitched. Hyunjin blew out a breath and pulled a package of ramen from the cupboard.

Fifteen hours and fifty-eight minutes. He ripped open the package and set to work.

…

You had one more exam than Hyunjin; you took it later in the day, late in the afternoon. Your previous exams had all been haunted with the shadow of your approaching departure, and you’d desperately pushed them away. You’d had a tough sleep the night before, which didn’t help your already foggy brain, but you were still fairly optimistic as you stepped out of your last exam room. Tests were your forte, something you’d always excelled in. Even the opinion essay hadn’t proved overly difficult. You were almost cheery as you walked away from the school grounds.

Almost.

At the main gates, you turned around and simply watched. Students huddled in groups big and small, laughter carried by the wind as celebrations ensued, grateful for exams to be over. A light layer of snow glistened over the ground, melting around the edges; a sparrow hopped over its branch, carefree. Your smile faded as your eyes trailed the area, every building, tree and person.

“See ya, I guess.” You murmured, absentmindedly tapping one of the gate’s stone pillars. The first of many goodbyes you’d face today. Already you felt heavier.

Your feet dragged slightly over the sidewalk as you trudged in the vague direction of your apartment. A couple students waved and shouted farewells, but none of them were close enough acquaintances to offer anything more. You stopped off by your work on the way home, and it was almost relieving to have a final farewell. It was like tying everything up; exchanging thank yous and good lucks that made it a little easier to smile as you found your way to your apartment afterwards. Upon entering the silent space, however, you felt your smile fade as your mind wandered to your most difficult goodbye.

And Hwang Hyunjin, you certainly aren’t making it any easier.

You busied yourself with packing, stuffing all of your belongings into a large suitcase and travel bags. Accompanied by gentle music and the fading light outside your window, you felt slightly more at ease. Slowly your flat was emptied- the only food, a few cartons of Chinese food and sushi, was quickly devoured- and your bags were ready by the door for the following morning. A last sweep of the rooms later, you flopped on the floor exhausted. 

By now, the sky had darkened significantly. The lights of the city stretched out to the horizon, a faint golden glow rising from the busy streets that rushed on without a care in the world. As if one of its residents wasn’t seeing this view for the last time.

And here they were; tears that filled your eyes and blurred your vision of the rising skyscrapers and bustling cafes below as you pressed your fingertips to the cold glass of the window. Damn. You shook your head when the first tear slipped over, wiping your eyes. You would not spend your last night crying. If you had to leave, tonight would be one to remember, you were determined.

But how? How, when the hole inside you felt so vastly empty? You swore nothing could make you forget it. Hell, nothing ever did.

Except… 

You sat up straight with sudden clarity. Maybe you did know exactly what you wanted tonight. 

Maybe it’s foolish. Maybe it’s selfish. 

But even if it was, you couldn’t help it. Shit, Hyunjin. You couldn’t begin to understand the grip you have on me.

Your phone was out of your pocket in an instant and before you could chicken out, the line was ringing. You waited, breath held, for several tones before… click.

“Y/n?”

You’d never been more happy to hear his voice. You swallowed, fingertips sliding down the glass. The city really did look so pretty tonight.

“You owe me, remember?”

“Anything.” He replied, and the genuine care in his tone nearly broke you. You blinked back more tears as you struggled to answer. LA would be so lonely without him.

Your voice was quiet when you at last spoke a little shakily into the speaker. “Can I come pick you up?”

… 

When the phone call ended, Hyunjin’s mind flew into a frenzy.

As soon as you’d asked him, he hadn’t hesitated to say yes. He didn’t need a reason to see you- but now that you’d hung up, and the silence of his empty apartment greeted him, he began to worry.

It was very unlike you to call out of the blue like this- and request to see him instantly. Was something wrong? Had something happened? He quickly changed into something nicer- a red button up and black jeans- before anxiously waiting in the lobby downstairs, coat in his arms.

The minutes seemed to stretch on for ages before he finally spotted your car pulling into the parking lot. He hurried out the door and jogged towards your vehicle, greeting you first by your rolled down window.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, breathing heavy from his short run.

“I’m sorry this is so sudden- I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, slow down.” Hyunjin stared worriedly at your face; you were trembling and almost as out of breath as he was. “Take a breath.”

You nodded and inhaled slowly, before blurting out, “Let’s go somewhere. I want my last night here-” you swallowed roughly. “I want it to be special.”

You didn’t have to tell him twice. Hyunjin timidly took your hand and squeezed it. “Where are we off to then?”

You smiled then, and Hyunjin wished he could capture that moment in his brain forever- the way your eyes softened around the edges, and he could almost feel a bit of your stress melt away. “Get in and you’ll find out.”

Whatever little luck brought you here to me tonight; thank you.

And his heart hammered a little faster as he took his spot in the passenger’s seat and realized that for your very last night in New York, you’d wanted to spend it with him.

“Alright.” Hyunjin strapped on his buckle. “Ready.”

You glanced sideways at him, and a little grin pulled at your lips. “What do you say to sushi?”

…

Of course Hyunjin held no complaints about ordering from your favourite sushi place, and in no time you were wandering the streets of New York, sharing a large tin of sushi rolls. You’d abandoned your car in favour of walking, and it was oddly easy to forget about your upcoming departure in Hyunjin’s presence. For now, at least, you were with him and you could pretend that it could last forever. You fell into a natural rhythm quickly, even down to the last piece of sushi that you- of course- fought over.

“It’s my favourite kind!” You whined, as Hyunjin laughed and held the tin out of your reach.

“I’m sacrificing my evening for this.” Hyunjin teased, as you rolled your eyes. He laughed, making you smile grudgingly before he lowered the tin and offered it to you. “I guess you can have it, though.”

You made a point of enjoying your last piece as Hyunjin discarded the tin and you moved forward again. Your eyes observed the busy city with its towering skyscrapers and buzzing cafes and the nearby park. It was still weird to you how quickly this place had grown to feel like home. 

You noticed Hyunjin watching you, and raised an eyebrow in his direction. He simply shrugged with a bashful smile. “Everything’s really pretty tonight.”

You nodded, ignoring the sudden urge to hold the boy’s hand as he walked beside you. You crossed the street while fighting the tug in your chest, before resolutely stuffing your fist into your coat pocket. “Look at the fountain.”

Both your eyes turned to observe the bubbling fountain as students and couples and friends balanced on the stone ledge surrounding the clear water. It was oddly quiet today as you trailed behind Hyunjin to stand beside it. You watched him stare at the water, a small smile on his face.

“Remember when you fell in-”

“Yeah, you promised never to mention that again!” You exclaimed, smacking his arm as the boy laughed.

“You asked me to take a picture, but when you turned to pose-” he was giggling uncontrollably now, and you couldn’t help but smile at that. “You tripped and fell-” 

“I got soaked, and the water was freezing.” You replied indignantly, as Hyunjin settled on the ledge as his laughter subsided. You joined him after a minute, and all was silent again. 

“We used to make wishes in the fountain, too.” Hyunjin murmured, almost too quiet for you to hear. “But I don’t think I have any coins now.”

You turned your head so you could see the water ripple with the next gentle breath of wind. “Maybe we’ve run out of wishes.” You whispered.

Was it the dim lighting, or did Hyunjin have faint tears in his eyes? But then he blinked and they were gone, and he was standing. He gestured away with his head, smiling. “Come on, let’s go somewhere else.”

You stood, looking down each of the paths. Each one held memories that you’d shared with your classmates and various acquaintances- and more than any of them, with Hyunjin. You didn’t know if you had the willpower to move yet.

“It’s okay.” You tilted your head to look at Hyunjin, who smiled gently at you before looking back at the scenery and adding, “Take your time.”

His thoughtfulness always caught you off guard. Again, you felt the urge to take Hyunjin’s hand in yours. It was nearly unbearable because he didn’t even notice your struggle, still staring out at the park grounds.

Ah, what the hell-

Before you could lose your nerve, you grabbed Hyunjin's hand and quickly intertwined your fingers with his. His head whirled to face you, eyes wide as they stared at your hands locked together. You braced yourself, half expecting for him to pull away. Instead, he squeezed your hand lightly and smiled before joining you in watching the bustle of the park one last time.

Maybe you were only making this harder for yourself- for the both of you, even. But his hand in yours felt so good in this moment that you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

…

Hyunjin could tell how difficult this was for you, even before you’d stopped by the fountain.

He wondered if he’d been in the right for bringing up the incident- but you’d been smiling, and that was what mattered tonight. Helping you to enjoy that last bit of time you had in this city, painted with memories.

So he pulled you forward into a light run, an idea tugging on his brain as you called after him.

“Hyunjin- what-”

“Trust me, I have an idea.” He replied, glancing over his shoulder at your chasing figure. He was relieved to see you smiling again. “Let’s hope it’s still cold enough, though.”

Your curious expression was adorable. Hyunjin just hoped you’d be as thrilled with his idea as he was.

At last, he found what he was looking for. Your eyes stretched wide as you took in the ice rink- luckily still usable- and Hyunjin waited nervously for you to speak. “Well? What do you think?”. 

“You remembered.” You said softly, turning to Hyunjin with your eyes aglow. You slowly smiled at him- and Hyunjin thought he might do anything to earn that smile from you again. “You remembered I wanted to try ice skating one day…”

“Why not now?” He tugged on your sleeve, and immediately you nodded.

“But… we don’t have skates.”

“An easy fix.” He responded, and in minutes you’d rented two pairs of skates. Another few minutes as you laced them up, and then you were both standing before the rink, empty save for a few other people.

Hyunjin stepped carefully onto the ice first- a little melt-y around the edges but ice nonetheless. “Here.” He offered you his hand, suddenly feeling shy when you stared at it. At last you took his hand, and his fingertips tingled at the touch. 

“Here.” He grabbed your other hand, ignoring the heat on the back of his neck and ears as he helped you onto the ice. You wobbled slightly, gripping his hands tighter. Hyunjin chucked at your wary expression. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

You didn’t look assured but nodded anyway. “Alright, now what?”

“Skate!” Hyunjin faked releasing your hands, and you gasped, reaching to take his fingers in a death grip. He felt a rush of immense pleasure run through him as you pulled him back to you, even as you muttered curses at him.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself-”

“Asshole.”

“I promise, no more tricks.”

“You’d better mean it, Hwang Hyunjin, I swear to god-”

He laughed, and slowly started to skate backwards. You inhaled sharply, but attempted a step forward, then another. It was shaky, for sure, but after a minute or so you started to loosen up.

“There! You’re a natural!” Hyunjin grinned, watching as you pushed out slightly with your next step. You looked at him, eyes wide with wonder.

“It’s like…”

“Flying. Isn’t it?” He murmured, and you nodded. “Ready for me to let go?”

“Okay.” You said, and Hyunjin released your hands.

He watched breathlessly as you inhaled before lifting your right foot. With a small push off the other foot, you were sailing forward- a small wobble, but you remained upright as you took the next step. And the next, and the next.

“Hyunjin!” You shouted, beaming, and Hyunjin’s heart was soaring with you as you attempted to turn and come back to him. But he beat you, too excited at your success. He skated to you and before he could think better of it, he’d pulled you to his chest in a tight hug.

“You were flying.” He said with a soft laugh, while simultaneously feeling a lump in his throat as you wound your arms around him. He felt oddly emotional as he held you, before having at least enough sense to let you go after a brief moment. “You did it.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to without you.” You replied, softly.

And for some reason, those words made his heart ache.

“Come on.” He murmured, reaching to take your hand again. “Let’s skate.”

And keep pretending that tomorrow will never come.

…

Hyunjin knew that you both spent hours on the ice, but it passed by in the blink of an eye. You were a fast learner, and after a while you were both whizzing over the rink, chasing each other, and spinning one another in circles. Every time Hyunjin’s eyes met your excited ones, it left him breathless; he was just that in love with you.

However, your feet grew tired eventually and you retired from the ice. After you returned the skates, you continued down the pathways of the park side by side. You were practically glowing, and Hyunjin found himself feeling proud that he’d been able to make you smile like this tonight.

The sky was dark now, and the park was growing quieter as more people retired for the night. With the late hour returned Hyunjin’s sense of dread. He was again made aware that he had such limited time with you, and it was gnawing at his mind feverishly. He wanted to hold your hand again, but he felt hesitant now. Why would he, when he’d have to let go again anyways?

“Look!” You exclaimed, bringing him out of his thoughts. You were pointing to a shaded booth ahead; a short line of people were waiting for a turn for photos. 

“Do you want to?” Hyunjin asked, to which you immediately nodded.

“It’ll be a nice momento for tonight before we have to head home.” You murmured as you approached the line, and the pair in front of you stepped inside the photo booth.

Hyunjin felt a sharp pang in his chest at your words, but made sure it didn’t show. He merely smiled, determined not to bring down your mood. “That would be nice.”

And as it turned out, it was exactly what you both needed. Between goofy faces and funny props, you were both laughing again as you tumbled from the box and received your photo strips.

“You look ridiculous.” You gasped out, pointing to one of the pictures.

“Hey, speak for yourself.” Hyunjin replied, and you collapsed into a fit of giggles again.

Eventually you calmed down again, and you realized just how late it was getting. Hyunjin wished you could have an eternity to spend here, just soaking in each other’s presence, but all too soon he was back in your car. The streets were painfully clear, bringing back Hyunjin’s sense of dread as a few raindrops began to fall, before evolving into a slow drizzle.

He’d see you tomorrow too, he tried to assure himself as he watched the rain fall. 

But for some reason, this still felt like the end.

And when the triad of dorm halls came into view, an easy goodnight seemed increasingly more impossible. Hyunjin frowned when you stopped by the side of the road- just outside of the parking lot- grinding to a stop and turning off the vehicle. He glanced at your face, half hidden in the darkness, but with visible wetness on your cheeks.

“Y/n?” He murmured gently, deep concern rising in his already tight chest. When you didn’t look at him, he carefully took your hand. You flinched at his touch, but when Hyunjin moved to let go, you only gripped him tighter. It was completely silent, save for the faint sound of the rain on the car roof.

“What’s wrong?” He whispered, rubbing your hand with his thumb, hating how utterly hollow your eyes looked at this moment. He wished he could somehow take away every pain that burdened you, and fix every shitty thing that tore you from this place and from him. You deserved so much more, and if he could give it to you he would in a heartbeat. Now, all he could do was watch as you slowly looked at him and locked gazes.

The rain pounded in time with his heart that suddenly spud up. There was something unfamiliar in your eyes; something blazing in them. Something like a spark.

How it happened, Hyunjin didn’t know- but then your lips were firmly attached to his, moving slowly to capture his own perfectly. And he was kissing you back, and nothing else mattered anymore except the roaring fire of adrenaline overtaking his body as he quickly moved to grasp your face in his hands and kiss you harder. It was deep and passionate and raw with emotions that now burst into the open; months upon months of yearning and longing and at last he knew exactly what you tasted like- and he could tangle his fingers into your hair and press you closer, closer, ever closer.

You were lightning, and you’d set him ablaze.

And just as suddenly as it had started he was pulling back, finding his own cheeks tear stained, gasping for air that hadn’t seemed important seconds ago but now felt impossibly needed.

“No, we can’t, we can’t-“ he sobbed, hating every word of what tumbled from his lips when his heart screamed anything but ‘no.’ “I’m sorry, y/n, I’m sorry but we can’t-”

“Why not?” You choked out in a fervent whisper, a desperate gleam in your eyes that were also muddled with tears. “Crazier things have happened, right?”

“It’s impossible.” Hyunjin whispered, almost choking himself, on the words and his hatred of them. But if this world had taught him anything, it was that life was never, ever fucking fair.

“I can’t love you.” His breathing was ragged as he blinked harshly against tears, trying to keep his composure, keep strong like he’d always made himself be; yet those crystals of pain dripped down his cheeks anyways. “You’re going to California and you’re going to graduate and become an incredible journalist. And I’ll only stand in the way.” Hyunjin tried to collect himself again, fighting the raw feeling of his throat- but he’d never felt pain as horrible as this. You’d been so perfect in his embrace.

“I could never deserve you anyways.”

“Hyunjin… that’s not true. We….” But your words were aimless and you fell silent again, biting your lips as another tear trickled down your face. You knew it, too, didn’t you? Things could never have worked out between you- it was a horrible, bitter truth.

It was his fault, he convinced himself then. His fault this was so hard for you. 

He had to let you go, if only for your sake.

But before he did, he allowed himself to gently brush away your tears, and softly kiss your stained cheeks. You closed your eyes as he gently kissed your forehead- when he tore away from you at last, his aching heart tore, too.

“I’m sorry.” It was all he could manage before he pushed open the car door and stumbled out of the vehicle into the drizzle of rain. It was mere seconds before he felt the too familiar ache in his chest welling up again, and he dashed towards the dorm buildings before you could see him break.

He forced himself not to look back- for your sake or his own, he wasn’t sure.

…

Hyunjin’s mind was spinning as his feet carried him into the nearest building. He didn’t even realize that he wasn’t in his own dorm hall until his phone was in his hands, and he was speaking into it.

“Can I come?”

It hurt too much. The wrenching pain in his heart was unbearable as flashes of that moment in the car ran through his mind like a film. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream; more than all of those, he wanted the pain to go away.  It was instinct that took him here, knocking on the door and hearing her soft voice tell him, “Come in.”

It was dark inside, only a sole lamp giving light to the room. Ava was perched on the edge of the couch, black skirt riding suspiciously up her thigh as she twisted her hair. Her catlike eyes found his own. “That’s it then.” She whispered as Hyunjin found himself reaching for the doorframe, feeling weary. “She’s gone, isn’t she?”

Your hand had been so warm in his.

Numbly, he nodded. Ava exhaled, biting her bottom lip as she stood, languid and feline in her steps towards him.

“Come on, baby.” She murmured, leaning in to mumble in his ear. “Let me help you.”

He let her pull him forward, mind warring against itself as she made fast work of his shirt, kissing down his collarbone and sighing against his skin. He was pushed down onto the couch, his own hands acting instinctively- mechanically- to crawl over her skin. She hummed in approval, looking at him with gleaming eyes. “I’ll take care of you.” She purred, climbing on top of him and trailing kisses along his jawline as she raked her fingers through his damp hair. Her lips ghosted over his as his shaky hands unclasped her bra, fingers trailing her skin as her warmth pressed closer.

And Hyunjin felt utterly cold.

Every night he’d done this, it had been out of hopelessness. A way to distract himself- from school, from his own misery, and most importantly from the girl he could never have. And maybe he was an asshole for it, but it had been the only thing he could think of to keep himself from chasing after you. He’d known right from the first moment he’d fallen for you that you were way too good for him and he’d been sure he could only bring you misery if you knew of his feelings. So he’d hidden them, and with Ava’s help he’d kept himself busy. 

But now he’d tasted your lips, and for a split second it could have been you in his embrace. It could have been you as his lover. And no touch of Ava’s could make him forget that feeling, and the intense loneliness in his heart could no longer be buried without you.

Hyunjin pulled back instantly, pushing out of Ava’s grasp and whirling to stand. He stumbled, light headed, suddenly needing so much room away from her and the act that he could no longer play a part in. He mumbled out a mindless apology as he leaned heavily against the nearest wall, the huge hole in his chest rapidly expanding. He looked back at Ava, her shadowed figure frozen on the couch.

Strangely her eyes held no surprise, only resolve. The room was silent for several beats- just heavy breathing, and Hyunjin’s heart racing in his ear- before she spoke.

“I knew you didn’t love me when this started.” She murmured, gathering her discarded shirt over her knees as she glared at the wall. “I didn’t expect it; that wasn’t the deal. I guess I just hoped that somewhere along the way, you might start to.”

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin whispered, shaky hand finding his hair- then running over his face, his neck, anything to distract from the ache in his heart. 

She merely looked at him, expression like stone. “Save it. I don’t want your pity. And I don’t think I even want you anymore.”

He hardly registered those words, the pain in his heart so overwhelming that he thought nothing else would be able to shake him. He just took it, feeling guilty and pathetic and broken.

“Go home, Hyunjin.” Her voice trembled as she turned away again. “And don’t talk to me anymore.”

When he stepped outside, he didn’t even feel the rain. He paused under the frigid drops, staring up at the sky for who knew how long. It had never been so hard to take a step, but Hyunjin forced himself one by one to walk away from the hall.

Eventually Hyunjin arrived at his own dorm, soaked and shivering as he shuffled into his room. The door slowly closed behind him with a click, and the dripping bag in his grasp slipped to the ground. 

He stood numbly in the doorstep for several seconds, mind trying to process his surroundings now that he’d been greeted with quiet and calm for the first time that night. At last he moved robotically to remove his shoes- but his foot caught on the lip and he stumbled, knees hitting the ground painfully hard.

Oddly enough, it was this moment that broke him.

It started in welling tears and trembling hands as he ripped the shoe off and dropped it to the floor, trying to catch a breath that continuously escaped him. It all hit him in a wave, emotions too strong for names; the first sob burst from his lips, followed by another and another and another. Once it started, he couldn’t stop- he slowly rocked his body and subconsciously lowered himself to the floor, too weary to stay upright. He found his arms curling around himself, head burying into their cold embrace and finding little comfort as the emptiness of his room and his heart consumed him.

As tears fell faster and his sobs wretched harsher, his mind screamed at him. Pathetic. You’re so pathetic. Laying on the cold floor by his door, crying so hard he nearly vomited, Hyunjin certainly felt that way.

He wore himself out crying, with too little energy to pull himself any farther than the kitchen. Exhausted, he collapsed with heavy breaths on the tile; he could still feel your photo booth pictures in his jacket pocket.

It was a relief when sleep came and allowed his mind to drift away, momentarily giving him peace from the bitterness of reality. When he eventually awoke, the sun greeted him with bright happy rays that he could not smile for. Today was your last.

He’d promised to see you off, hadn't he?

Pathetic.

Yeah, he was. And he couldn’t bear to follow through.

Ten minutes before your flight left, he was still on the ground, miserable and guilty and hollow.

I’m sorry, y/n. I’m so sorry.

…

You strained your neck to see over the crowd as yet another warning reminded you that you needed to board your flight immediately. But desperate hope made you stay, clinging to the plea that Hyunjin would come. He had to.

“This is the last call for flight 325, departing to Los Angeles, California in ten minutes. All passengers please ensure you follow…”

Your grip on your bags tightened, but the crowd was thinning and as you scanned the area again- no Hwang Hyunjin.

You couldn’t wait any longer.

Holding your bags, you raced to board, eyes sweeping the area one last time before you entered the cabin, heart sinking.  You found your spot, packing your bags into the overhead compartment before falling back into your seat. Now that you were still, you had a minute to process.

He hadn’t come.

You glanced out the window and found the scenery slightly blurred. What, tears? You blinked quickly to clear them, swiping at your eyes with a sudden wave of frustration. So what if Hyunjin hadn’t come? So what if he’d broken his promise? It didn’t matter now. You were leaving for good, and you could hardly expect him to bid you farewell after everything. 

You didn’t want to admit it, but as one stupid stubborn tear dripped down your face- it hurt like hell leaving without a proper goodbye.

Why hadn’t he come? Was he so ready to cut ties and move on now that you were leaving? The ghost of your shared kiss lingered in your brain, and you had to wonder; why had you done it? It had been stupid and selfish, but you hadn’t been able to help it. He’d looked at you with so much warmth and concern that you’d acted on impulse- and once your lips had touched his, you couldn’t have pulled away if you wanted to. But why had he kissed you back, and why hadn’t he come today, and why couldn’t you have had more time? More time to kiss him like that. More time to love him, and share coffees and muffins, and share glances across lectures that were particularly boring. You wanted him close, and just when he could have fallen into your embrace, you were dragged away- and now you’d messed up a relationship with someone you loved for a stupid kiss. Idiot.

Perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be.

But damn, you’d so hoped it would be.

The plane jolted as it began to move, heading for the runway. You wanted to swear to yourself no more tears, but as more and more memories of New York flooded through your mind it was impossible.

Silent droplets traced your cheeks as the plane’s speed picked up, and then you were off the ground. At that very moment, it hit the hardest.

Goodbye, New York. You stifled a sob, eyes squeezing shut as not to see the city below fade from view. Goodbye, Hyunjin.

…

A month later

Hyunjin wanted to call you, he really did. 

He missed you every day, but he couldn’t call you. Couldn’t even muster up the courage to text you, because it wasn’t fair to you. Why would you want to hear from him after he’d broken his promise and left you hanging? He would go to the ends of the earth if you asked him to, but he would not chase after you- not if he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t hurt you again.

He had never deserved you. He didn’t know if he ever would have, either.

He collapsed on his couch after work, exhausted from the day and the heavy snow that had been dumped on the city and made travelling much harder. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he released a long sigh. His eyes fell on his phone, sitting on the coffee table and his heart clenched. 

What he wouldn’t do to see your smile again. 

He made himself shake his head and stand up. Walk to the kitchen counter, find a mug from the cupboards. He carefully poured boiling water into the cup with a tea bag and brought the steaming drink with him as he settled back on the couch. The silence immediately consumed him.

He couldn’t even try to lie to himself; it was so much lonelier without you. Everywhere he looked had your fingerprints all over it; the fountain, the university, his dorm. Even the flower shop housed your ghost from the days you’d stop by, complimenting the baskets and clipping the ribbons with him. He remembered how happy you’d been in summer when the first of the roses had bloomed and you’d had stores upon stores of them. 

“I’ve never seen so many roses in my life-” you breathed, mouth open. 

He was tempted to tease your gaping expression as a resemblance to a fish, but he was too endeared by your wonder to mention it. “You should see the store during Valentine’s.”

“There’s more then?”

“There’s hundreds of them, in every different colour.” Hyunjin grinned when you plucked one and observed it.

“No thorns.”

“We clip them.”

“Ah.” You put the stem experimentally between your teeth, and this time Hyunjin couldn’t help himself.

“You look like a beaver.”

You frowned, pulling the rose from your mouth. “It’s supposed to be charming.”

“Yes, a very charming beaver.”

You threw the rose at him, and Hyunjin clumsily caught it with a laugh. “Hey, don’t be mad. I’ll even make it up to you.”

You’d raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

“I’ll give you the rose for free.”

He offered it to you, and watched the tips of your ears flame. With sudden shyness, he shrugged. “If you want it.”

“Yes.” You murmured, carefully plucking the rose from between his fingers. A second of tense silence passed before you blinked, and smiled. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” If it makes you smile, then anything.

Would the ache in his heart ever heal? He missed everything you’d been together, back when California hadn’t been a part of the equation. More than anything, he just wished you were beside him again.

If you hadn’t left, what would have happened? Would you still have kissed him? Would you be what he woke up to every morning? Or would he have messed it up anyways?

His eyes trailed to the sealed papers that lay beside his phone- midterm marks he’d received the day before and hadn’t yet found the courage to open. He didn’t know what would happen if his marks had suffered, but it certainly wouldn’t be pretty.

But… he would have to face them sooner or later. With hesitancy, Hyunjin grasped the papers and turned them over. After pausing for a breath in and out, he folded them open.

His eyes scanned the pages, desperately finding each grade mark as he held his breath. His first few had remained the same, or improved by barely a couple points. And the very last one, his most worrisome class…

Had improved. 

Improved.

He grinned at the terrible mark, in all its glory, and laughed. Relief swept through his body as he sank back into the couch, letting the paper fall away with his anxieties. Maybe he wouldn’t flunk out, after all.

And who helped him to study for it?

The smile faded slowly as your face swam into his mind with a sharp pang in his chest. This time, however, it came with a realization- of you.

You, who’d touched him in so many ways. Who’d always had his back and had always believed in him, even when he didn’t believe in himself. Who’d meant so much to him, so much that he thought he might even love you - and he was just going to let you go because of a few mistakes? Because of a little distance?

He still owed you at least a dozen apologies, and there was so much left unsaid. And he didn’t know what the future held for the two of you; he didn’t know if you’d be able to pick up all the broken pieces and carry forward or if you’d only be separated and splintered further.

All he knew was that a part of him was out there, 2789 miles away. And it hurt too much not to try and fix it.

I must be the biggest idiot in the world. He thought with a shake of his head. Whether as your friend or your lover- or something in between- no matter what happens with us, it’ll be worth it if I have you.

So he steeled his nerves, took a deep breath and let it out again. Then he picked up the phone, and dialed the number he’d had memorized since the day he’d met you.

His heart raced in his ear as the tone rang. He didn’t know what you would say. Hell, he didn’t know what he would say. He really didn’t know anything. 

But maybe one day, if the universe decided to give you both a break, then maybe- just maybe- you’d see each other again. You’d be beside him again, and he’d be able to wrap you in his arms, place his head on top of yours and his bleeding, broken heart would slowly start to mend.

He could believe it; he could hope. Because your tentative hello that crackled over the speaker sounded cautiously hopeful, too.

After all, crazier things have happened, right?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

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[echoingbirdsofprey]

Delicate (Jake's Version)

3 - Just A Lil' Bit

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman Seresin x OFC Samantha Kazansky

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Sam and Jake fighting for dominance by insulting each other, swearing as usual

WC: 3.2k

A/N: The dreaded date...or maybe not?

Playlist

The view was nice, staring down at the pilots, especially when Jake unzipped his flight suit and took his white t-shirt off and wiped himself off with it.

Disgusting and hot.

Sam couldn't believe herself. She broke her own promise to herself, and all to go out with this handsome asshole. She texted her friend back at Harvard, Shelby. 

Sam: hey

Shelby: hi baby gorl

Sam: what are you doin

Shelby; working 🤦‍♀️

Sam: is it bad?

Shelby: just annoying, it's like no one knows what they're doing and I'm the only one that can function properly...how's Cali?

Sam: gorgeous

Shelby: and the military guys??? 👀

Sam: gorgeoussssss

Shelby: sleep with any yet?

Sam: going to dinner with one tonight he's a fucking asshole

Shelby: well if it isn't that your type

Sam: I hate that thats my type what the fuck why am I like this

Shelby: Ugh sorry I gtg text me later after your date if you're not fuckin him

Sam: 🤣🫡

Sam pursed her lips and checked the time. Three. She couldn’t believe how fast the day had gone by, and as Ice stood stiffly from his seat, Maverick had appeared in the doorway. Her father looked tired, and Mav knew that so he offered to walk down to the truck with them.

“Sam, you just let me know if any of my pilots get out of hand. They're all great, but I know they can be rowdy sometimes. Especially Hangman.” He said and Sam smirked and shook her head.

“He's persistent that's for sure. Is he like this with every girl that he meets?” She asked and he nodded. She glanced at her father who had a smile on his face. His expression was soft otherwise. She couldn't help but think maybe he was thinking of her mother in that moment, and about the story he'd told Sam of how he'd finally gotten her to go out with him, after many attempts and rejections. 

“They usually don't play so hard to get. Good for you for making him work for it. Might help him grow up a bit. You know where he's taking you to dinner?” He asked as they headed down the stairs. It took Ice a few extra minutes and he was breathing a little heavier at the bottom but still seemed happier than he'd been in a while. Sam had taken one of his hands and Mav, the other as they headed out into the afternoon sun.

“He mentioned a place called The Marine Room. It's on the waterfront I guess.” She said and Maverick gently rubbed her shoulder.

“He must be pretty smitten with you. He doesn't take any girls to restaurants that fancy.” He said as they came up on the truck. Mav helped Ice into the vehicle and then he gave Sam a hug before letting her know he was around if she needed anything. She nodded and they parted ways. Ice grabbed her hand over the console and smiled at her. He held his phone up.

If you get uncomfortable at all, text me, and I'll have Mav rescue you.

She smiled and shook her head. “Thanks, dad.” She said. They drove in silence on the way home. She helped her father from the truck and he motioned for her to go get ready when they entered the house. She had an hour or so, so she took her time. Ice sat on the couch and turned the tv on. Sarah, Mark, and Alexandra wouldn’t be home for a little while longer, so it would be just Ice to greet Jake. She heard her phone buzz.

Nat: are you going on a DATE with Hangman????

She smirked and made her way up the stairs and took a quick shower just to freshen up. She dried her hair only slightly and sprayed a beach hair spray in it to create soft curls and waves. She texted Nat back.

Sam: call me?

She pulled a dark gray dress from her closet, one that she only wore to special occasions. It hugged her curves perfectly, and had a slit that her thigh showed through. The middle had a ruched band, and it had quarter sleeves, with both sides off her shoulders. Her phone rang and she answered.

“Are you for real?” Nat asked over the line. Sam could hear some other chatter in the background and wondered where Nat was. 

“He’s so fucking annoying, Nat, I had to do something to get him to stop.” Sam turned a couple times in the mirror, looking at her own ass. “And it’s an excuse for me to dress up and be hot for the night.”

“You could dress up and be hot for a night with me. I can find you way better guys.” Nat said, and Sam heard someone say ‘hell yeah’ in agreement with her. 

“I don’t know...there’s something about him I find charming.” Sam said, fixing her dress a bit. 

“Gross. He’s just such an egotistical prick.” Nat said with a small chuckle and then she heard Bob’s voice saying ‘is she really going through with this?’

“Yeah but I feel like that’s all a facade.” Sam said and she heard Nat make a noise in agreement. Nat did actually agree with that. There was something in the way Hangman...Jake...was inconsistent in his assholery. Sure, it was easy for him to be an asshole, but she felt like that came from a place of confidence. Nat hated to admit it, but Jake was a great pilot. He had the stats to prove it.

“Sammy...just don’t do anything you don’t want to...and if you get uncomfortable, just text me. Bob and I will rescue you. And then you and I are gonna hang out tomorrow night and you’ll tell me everything.” Nat said softly and sincerely. Sam thanked her and said bye, hanging up after Nat told her ‘good luck’.

Sam left the rose gold jewelry from earlier and redid her makeup, again just eyeliner, mascara, and a little bit of a faint bit of metallic gray eye shadow this time. She pulled out a milk chocolate colored pair of heels, t-strap stilettos with a rose gold chain around the ankle and open toes. She didn't bother with a bag, just her phone with the wallet case was perfect. Less was more for this look and Jake said fancy, so she was going to give him fancy.

Jake was nearly shitting himself. She'd sent him the address and when he pulled up his mouth dropped open at the two brand new trucks in the driveway, and the sheer size of the house. He got out, fixed his shirt again, and began walking up to the door. He'd picked black dress pants, a white button up dress shirt with the sleeves rolled and a black vest. His hair was perfectly quaffed. He was going to bring her flowers, but he didn’t have time to grab any, but then he thought maybe that was too much. 

He knocked on the door and it took a few minutes before it opened and there stood Fleet Commander Tom Kazansky. The Iceman . The color flushed from Jake's face and for the first time in a long time, he was nervous as fuck. He held his hand out to shake Ice’s. The Commander smiled and motioned for the Lieutenant to enter. He disappeared for a few moments and left Jake to look around. The foyer was huge, with a beautiful staircase that spiraled up and there were pictures of Ice and his co-pilots all over. There were pictures of Ice and Sarah, and Ice with his kids. There were graduation pictures from Harvard of Sam. Pictures of Sam and Ice at the base when she was younger. Pictures of Sam on horses with tons of ribbons. Pictures of her other siblings, Mark from baseball and football, and Alexandra doing lacrosse and horseback riding. Picture of the whole family as Ice accepted his promotion, and so many more. 

Holy fuck, Jake thought, just as Ice had ambled back into the foyer. He wasn't a small man, but Jake imagined he'd been wider in his younger days. The Commander was frail now, thin even, and his clothing, though well fitted, hung off of him in a slightly haunting manner. Jake knew the Commander had cancer and defeated it, but it looked like it had taken quite the toll on him. Jake thought the worst then in thinking what if Ice was going to die soon? He shook that from his head as he saw Ice typing something on his phone. Then Ice stopped and backspace and put his phone in his pocket. He straightened up and got in Jake's space. He smirked his classic Iceman smirk and glanced up and down at Jake. He offered his hand for him to shake and Jake did and then Ice did something he really wasn't expecting. He spoke. 

“Don't. Hurt. My. Girl. Understand?” Ice rasped, his words coming slow and hard. Jake's eyes widened. Realization hit him that this was a man who did not say anything if he didn't have to at this point. The fact that he was speaking to Jake was astounding. He'd heard Ice didn't speak because it was painful, so the simple fact was that he would not waste words if he had to. 

“Yes. Sir. I promise you, I only have the best intentions. I will treat her with the utmost respect.” Jake said. Ice nodded to him and they both stood for a few more moments waiting for Sam. 

Rocco seemed late to the party, only barking a few times as he walked up to Jake and then sat at his feet, expecting pets. Jake kneeled down and scratched the little long dog's back for a moment before hearing heels clack down the stairs. He gazed up and stood at attention with a goofy smile on his face as Sam came down. 

“Damn.” He muttered. Even with the heels she was still a half a foot shorter than him. “You look stunning.” He said out loud and she smiled. He looked over at Ice, who had a look of pride on his face as he watched his daughter.

“Night, dad.“ She said, kissing Ice on the cheek, and then she walked past Jake and out the door. Ice shook his head and saluted the Lieutenant. Jake saluted him back and headed out the door.

As he stepped outside, his breath hitched and his heart pounded in his chest at the sight of Sam leaning against his truck. Good thing he'd washed it recently. As he got closer, she shot him a smirk and he could've just died right there. Enemy SAM's could just take him out and he'd happily go. 

Calm down, Jake. For fuck’s sake.

He opened the door for her and offered his hand to help her up. His truck was decently tall and it had steps that folded up and down when the doors opened. She didn't take his hand, instead pulled herself up gracefully by the handle above her head. Jake pursed his lips and shut her door for her. 

He hopped in and started the truck. As they drove, it was silent, but Jake’s eyes kept flickering over to Sam. He was surprised when she did speak.

“So what's the plan for tonight?” She asked and his eyes went wide.

“Just dinner.” He said, confidently.

“Really.” She said, almost sounding bored, then for the rest of the drive, she kept her gaze out the window. All she could think about was how nice and well put together Jake looked but she didn't dare admit it to him. That would boost his already gigantic ego. When they arrived, Jake hurried around to Sam's door and opened it, offering his hand again. She hopped out without taking it. He grinned, appreciating her act of defiance against him. Jake shut the door and walked next to her, deciding the best place to put his hands was folded behind his back. He opened the door for her and followed her in. At the front desk, he smiled at the hostess.

“Reservation for Jake Seresin.” He said, as if everyone should know who he was. Sam raised a brow as she wondered how long he had the reservation for. The place wasn't terribly busy at the moment, only a few couples here and there, and it looked like the patio looking out over the ocean was empty. And that ended up being where they were sitting. 

“Did you reserve the whole patio for us?” Sam asked as Jake pulled the chair out for her. He smirked as he sat down across from her. The waitress brought over a bottle of wine and two glasses, popped the cork and left it on the table. Jake gave it a few minutes and then poured a glass for Sam and then himself. When he didn’t say anything, just kept smiling, Sam asked again. “You reserved the patio for us? The whole thing? Seriously? Jake...”

“I did.” Jake said, taking a sip of his wine. Sam played with the bottom of her glass.

“Why are you going through all this trouble?.” Sam asked and he shook his head. Jake reached across the table to where her hand was. He covered hers with his and she didn’t pull away, only looked into his pretty green eyes as he spoke.

“When I see something I want, I go after it. I know I’m an asshole...everyone thinks I'm an asshole. But I’m an asshole because I know I’m damn good at what I do. When I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and I knew you weren’t just gonna give me anything. That’s a challenge for me and I thrive on a challenge. A good relationship isn’t worth it, in my eyes, if it’s all easy and nice. You need to be able to face challenges together and come out the other side...” He explained and Sam noticed the sincerity in his voice as he continued,”And I didn’t want anyone else goin’ after you. And I had no idea who your father was, but even now, I don't care. It shouldn't matter. What matters is how you and I feel about each other. I’m not looking for a one night stand...I’m not gonna force you to do anything...I don’t even expect or want a good night kiss after this. But I just needed a chance...so I’m glad you gave me that.”

Sam sat in stunned silence, feeling her cheeks heat. All she could think about was Jake’s hand over hers and how she wanted to jump across the table and kiss him, but she knew she couldn’t. She understood him a little better now. If he wanted something, he went for it, until he got it. Jake pulled his hand away and opened his menu and glanced through it quickly, obviously knowing exactly what he wanted. He smiled at Sam.

“Get whatever you want.” He said, closing his menu. She blinked and flipped through the menu. There were no prices so that usually meant it was expensive.

The waitress came over and took their orders. Jake got Filet Mignon. Sam got Swordfish, which she hadn’t had in a long time. As they sat and watched the setting sun dip below the horizon, Sam gazed over at Jake. 

“So how's this gonna work?” She asked and Jake raised a brow. Sam continued. “Us. Say I decide I wanna see you again, assuming this all goes well. Or...what if I'm the one that wants the one night stand?”

“I'd say that would suck because I'm really not looking for those anymore.” Jake said and Sam grinned and glanced around. She placed her elbows on the table and twirled her finger around the rim of the wine glass as she bit her bottom lip. Jake's eyes lit up as he watched her.

“Listen... Lieutenant Seresin ...every guy I've ever been with, has been boring. Fucking boring. They try to do these big gestures...they try to win me over...they try and try and try and they've all failed. And they're all scared of my father. Money can't buy me. Why the fuck are you so special?” She asked, her tone even but somewhat sultry, as if she was gently teasing him. Jake saw some of his own arrogance reflected back at him. Something he'd never seen in the opposite sex. Many had tried but none could pull it off quite like Sam could. He liked it, in fact...he thought it was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. Jake’s nose wrinkled as he leaned over his own glass, their faces only inches apart now. His voice took on a low and lascivious tone as he answered her.

“Well...Samantha Kazansky...someone has to be...why not me? I've got the looks. I've got the talent. I've got the drive. I can peacock with the best of them, but when it comes down to it and action is required, I come through. Every. Single. Time. And I won't be intimidated by your father. He's an honest and honorable man and I think he recognizes that in other men as well. I don't think he'd have let me take you if he didn't think I had some redeeming qualities.” He said and Sam smiled and her eyes darkened. God he's the biggest asshole I've ever met and I'm so fucking turned on right now, she thought as she watched his lips turn up into a sinful grin. And that was, unfortunately, the moment that their food arrived. 

They both sat back in their seats, both taking a heavy breath, and thanked the waitress for putting their food down. The first bite that Sam took made her reconsider everything she'd said for a second. Maybe, just maybe Jake's money could buy her...just a little bit. They were both quick to finish their food and that made Sam sad. She didn't really want the date to end so soon, but she definitely wasn't going to ask Jake to take her anywhere else. Maverick was right. Make him work for it a bit. Jake paid the check and on their way out, he took a hold of Sam's hand and she let him. He helped her into his truck and she allowed that as well. 

They'd only been out a couple of hours, and she'd expected her father to be asleep by then, which he was. Her siblings had also gone to bed, and her mother had waited up for her. Rocco too. Jake walked her up to the front door and he took a hold of her hand, pressing a kiss to the back.

“Goodnight.” He said, his green eyes locking on her chocolate ones with a fierce intensity that had her wanting so much more than just a fucking kiss on the hand. The only thing she could think of then for the rest of the night, was Lieutenant Jake Seresin's grin as he walked back to his truck, knowing he had driven her crazy. Knowing he had frustrated her, because he wasn't going to be another boring guy. He was gonna make her work for this too. And that was all worth it to him.

🛩🛩🛩

jseresin90: so can I have your actual number now???

whitehotkazansky: yeah I guess

Sam sent her number and he sent her another message. 

jseresin90: ill text you I the morning when I'm on my way to pick you up for breakfast

whitehotkazansky: wait what

jseresin90: and I had a great time tonight I hope you did too

[dolgoyangi]

Dear Father | Art masterpost

Author: Salamitsunami1 | Artist: dolgoyangi (hi, it’s me)

Here it finally is!!! My Pinefest collab with @destielpiebitch 🥰

I can't even begin to tell you how extremely happy I am I picked this fic!! I had been literally talking about priest Cas with a friend a couple of days before claims, and it was THE hardest thing ever to keep quiet about the story 🤣

It has been a delight to work with Sam during these few months, she has been so incredibly lovely and patient with me and I really hope my art can do her amazing work justice 🥰

There's SO many good scenes in this fic, I literally wanted to draw all of them but unfortunately this annoying thing called 'real life' kept me from doing that. (rude.)

But anyways, please go read this masterpiece! You will not regret it 💜

Dear Father

Summary:

It’s 1973, and it’s the middle of spring, and each passing day is warmer than the one before it. The troops are returning from Vietnam in droves, and the American shores they stumble upon are just a little more accepting of homosexuality than the ones they left all those years ago. But Father Castiel Novak has never even stepped foot out of Salvation, let alone out of the Midwest, and as the only priest in this very small town, he’s determined to remain in the closet until his very last breath. Things take a turn when Salvation’s newest resident confesses to having urges for other men. Dean Winchester wastes no time in asserting himself as both intolerably arrogant and an ungodly temptation, and Castiel’s only defense is to keep his distance. Despite his best efforts, a friendship still ensues, and it’s a very slippery slope then, with things going from bad to worse when Dean offers his self-proclaimed good hands to help bring Castiel’s family home back to life.

[thefallennightmare]

I don’t know why but I NEED a HC of Motorcycle Noah. Its an itch I need scratched 🤣 I saw a video of a motorcyclist with his partner and she couldn’t keep her hands to themselves and ever since then I just couldn’t stop of thinking of it.

Hopefully I made sense, just a HC of Motorcyclist Noah will be more than enough 😭

Ty!

omg I love this idea.

"No way, angel!" Noah shook his head.

"Please love! Just one ride," you begged with your widest eyes.

You'd been begging Noah for weeks to take you out on his new motorcycle but every time, he declined. He was worried about how you'd hurt yourself.

Eventually, you won in the end because he finally agreed.

He made sure you wore your helmet and hung onto him the entire ride; which you did.

Feeling the vibrations from the bike and the warmth from Noah made your body ignite with life. You slinked your hands underneath his shirt to claw at his skin.

"Angel," he warned through the coms that were connected through your helmets. "Not on the bike."

You kissed his shoulders before sliding your hand over the thick bulge underneath his jeans. "The vibrations and your body against mine are making me horny."

That was all Noah needed to hear before he pulled off the side of the road, hidden from prying eyes so he could have you spread out on his bike, legs wrapped around his neck as he ate you out.

After that, he made you sit on his cock as he drove the back roads back home, spilling himself inside of you the second he pulled into the garage.

[melanieph321]

Hey, can you do when Ruben finds out that you smoke (⁠^⁠^⁠)

I LOVE THIS REQUEST!!!🤣🤣

Ruben Dias x Reader - Where There is Smoke

Enjoy!

You and Ruben had been together for two years, and on the surface, your relationship seemed perfect. You were young, in love, and successful in your respective careers. However, there was one thing that you kept hidden from Ruben, a secret that you had kept locked away, afraid of how he would react.

Every time you had a stressful day at work, you would indulge in you favorite guilty pleasure - smoking. You used to be an avid smoker, indulging at least a package of cigarettes a day. But after you and Ruben met your unhealthy lifestyle changed drastically. Ruben kept nothing unhealthy in the house, not even flavored gums. Naturally you felt a need to keep up with his compulsive lifestyle. Isn't that what a relationship was about, give and take? But on a stressful day like the one you had today, a puff from a cigarette was a must.

You left work thinking nothing of it. You had gotten away with somking many times before. After a long shower and a splash of perfume Ruben would suspect nothing when he returned home from training.

"Y/N, over here!"

You were about to cross the street from your office building when you spotted him, Ruben, leaning against his car.

"Ruben? What are you...?"

He looked handsome, dressed in a jacket and tie.

"I thought I'd suprise you." He said, holding the door open for you to get in.

"But..." Panic struck inside you. From where you were standing he couldn't possibly smell you, but if you jumped in the car with him. "You didn't need to pick me up, we live like two blocks away."

"I know." He smiled, insisiting that you get in the car with him. "I have a suprise for you."

"Shit." You cursed and walked towards the car. Ruben closed the door behind you and got into the drivers seat.

"How was your day?" He leaned forward, pecking your lips.

"Fine."

"Just fine?" He chuckled.

"Jupp."

Ruben's eyebrows furrowed.

"What?" You asked.

"What's that smell?"

"What smell? I don't smell anything?"

"Yes. You smell like..." Ruben's eyes left the road as he leaned towards you. "Why do you smell like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like the back of a night club?"

His choice of words made you chuckle.

"Y/N, seriously."

"Ruben, seriously."

"Why do you smell like you've been smoking cigarettes?" He said a serious expression on his face.

"Oh that?" You heart was in your throat. "You know how it is?"

He raised a brow. "I do?"

"Yes. Alot of my colleagues smoke during lunch break, it must have rubbed off on me."

A sigh of relief looked to escape Ruben's mouth and his next choice of words left you feeling even more guilty for lying to him.

"I don't want you hanging around your colleagues that smoke. Second hand cancer is real, you know that right."

"Right." You muttered.

The car ride resumed in silence. Ruben drove you to a nicer restaurant located in a exclusive part of the city. He told you that his teammates recommended it, that the chefs there were really good and the food a hundred procent organic, just how "both" of you liked it.

As you sat down to eat, you couldn't help but feel anxious. You knew that Ruben would eventually find out about your secret, but you were so unsure of how he would react. You tried to push the thought out of her mind and focus on your conversation, but you just couldn't shake the feeling of unease.

As you finished your meal, Ruben reached over and took your hand. "You're being really quiet tonight," he said, looking at you with concern. "Is everything okay?"

You hesitated, unsure of what to say. You knew that you couldn't keep your secret hidden forever, and you knew that Ruben would eventually find out. You took a deep breath and decided to tell him the truth.

"There's something I need to tell you," you said, voice shaking. "Something I've been keeping from you."

Ruben looked at you, his eyes filled with concern. "What is it?"

You took another deep breath and let it out in a rush. "I've been lying to you."

"Okay, about what?" Ruben set down his knife and fork, indicating that you had his full attention.

"I know it's not healthy, and I know you wouldn't approve, but every time I have a stressful day at work, I enjoy a cigarette...or two." Or three, but it was better to ease him into the idea. "I tried quitting but failed. I've been doing it for months, and I've been hiding it from you."

Ruben looked at you, his expression a mix of shock and disbelief. "Cigarettes?" he repeated, not really impressed by the fact. "Why would you keep that a secret from me?"

You shrugged, feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over her. "I didn't want you to think less of me," You said, looking down at the hands resting in your lap. "I know it's not healthy, and I know you're always talking about how important it is to eat healthy and be healthy. I didn't want you to think that I wasn't taking care of myself."

Ruben reached out and took your hand, his expression softening. "Y/N, I love you, no matter what." he said, his voice filled with kindness. "Am I angry that you've kept this from me, yes. Do I think your habit is disgusting, yes. But never do I want you to think that I would judge you or think less of you just because our lifestyles aren't the same."

You looked up from your hands. "Really?"

Ruben brought the back of your hand to his lips and kissed it. "Really. Now let's enjoy this wonderful dinner."

You felt a wave of relief wash over her. You had been so afraid of Ruben's reaction, but his response was nothing like you had expected. He was understanding and kind, and not as judgmental as you thought. You leaned over and hugged him, feeling grateful for his love and support. Maybe he could help you beat your nasty habit, surely with Ruben's support you would give quitting another try. Even if it resulted in nothing, you knew that Ruben would still love you the same, and that's what a relationship was all about!

[mermaidchansons]

So, I got married on Sunday…

Here’s some of my favorite things that happened:

1. Making jokes about Brooklyn Nine-Nine with my husband during our first dance 🤣

2. Seeing my husband’s cousins get absolutely zooted in the smokers lounge lol cousin Christina was absolutely LIT.

3. I was absolutely enamored with myself, I loved everything about my look. My platonic partner did my makeup, my little cousin that I practically raised did my hair, my dress squad was amazing!

4. Having one of my poly partners do security. Him and his girl helped all of us feel so safe and I love them so much.

5. Spending the last hour of our wedding alone. It was a Sunday so a lot of folk left home early. It was nice to kick our feet up and enjoy our private DJ set together.

Bonus: setting up the ancestor table myself! I drove to the venue early so I could do so. It felt amazing to connect with my ancestors like that.

Anywho, that’s all lol. I know this is long but I am in a state of euphoria. I married the love of my life and he’s everything. Queer black love is everything.

[taytrashmouth]

Jeremiah as your boyfriend

(The lack of Jeremiah content on this app is shocking, so I’m here to make some 🤣)

He always hugs you from behind, and it always makes you smile.

He is completely in love with you, and anyone could see it from a mile away

Conrad and Stephen tease him for being a ’simp’ but it never stops him.

Before you were dating you mentioned how dates nowadays suck, you get a text from the guy, you drove yourself to the place, you talk for two hours and then repeat the next time. You wanted a real date, where you get flowers and he opened the door for you,etc.

Jere being jere he remembers this, on your first date he knocked on your door and when you answered there he was, your favourite flowers in hand, in a dress shirt. “Will you go out with me?” He smiled. You smiled so wide you giggled, you nodded. He opened your door for you, played your favourite music, and drove you to your favourite restaurant. It was perfect. And when he dropped you off at home, he made sure you were thinking the same thing, and he kissed you on the porch.

Dates would include: movie nights cuddled on the couch, late night swims, picnics on the beach at sunset. Dancing around the kitchen whilst you both baked cookies. Going down to the boardwalk.

Whenever you saw him he would have something for you, a printed picture of the two of you, he would write notes on the back (I love you or Hi :) or I think you’re cute, etc) or a flower he’d picked. Normally small things but sometimes it’d be jewellery or his hoodie.

He Is clingy and loves cuddles.

He would def drop anything he was doing to hang out with you, he once even stopped playing games with Steven just to go hug you.

He would tell you you’re beautiful, gorgeous, hot, cute. Funny, smart, etc all the time, and what’s better is he really believed all of those things and you could hear it in his voice.

He would always put on your necklaces for you and then he’d lean down and kiss your collar bone or your shoulder.

You went overseas for a while to visit an old friend and when you came back home, he met you at the airport, and had made a big sign with your name on it. He dropped it as soon as he saw you, you ran to each other and he lifted you off the ground spinning you around as soon as you made contact. You wrapped your legs around his waist and kissed. It had only been 2 weeks but it felt like a lifetime.

Whenever you made out, he would always pull you in by your waist.

When it rained he’d always insist on going out and dancing in it. You’d dance and splash each other forever until you went blue in the lips and he pulled you back inside. You’d both go get into warm clothes and make some hot chocolate. He’d push the couch right up to the window and you’d sit there, watching the rain and you’d read to him

You’d often talk for so long the stars would turn to sunrise unbeknownst to the two of you.

He would teach you how to play his video games, and even when you struggled he never became irritated, he’d help you and say “it’s okay, you’re still better than Stephan.” Which always made you laugh.

You’d teach him your hobbies and you would take turns picking movies.

Often he would hold your hand and brush your cheek or push hair behind your ear.

He lived for cuddles, you’d fall asleep on his chest when watching a movie or watching him play a game, he wouldn’t dare move.

He always kissed you and hugged you when you wore his hoodies or shirts.

You liked stargazing and he’d join you to keep you company.

For your birthday he gave you a huge box filled to the brim with photos of you two together, and a necklace with his initial on it (your favourite Taylor swift song) most of the day was spent with him helping you put the photos up on your wall in a collage. And then driving around to get all your favourite snacks and watching your favourite movie.

When you got a good grade or learned how to cook something new, any new accomplishment, no matter the size. He always kissed you on your head and congratulate you.

You enjoyed cooking and often made him dinner, he’d always hug you from behind and stay there the entire time you were in the kitchen and claim he was helping. You didn’t mind.

You were comfortable being silly with him.

He would always wait to do everything with you, never wanted you to feel left out.

He’d kiss you at midnight on New Year’s.

He let you play with his hair or paint his nails, he didn’t mind. 

You went to pride marches with him, you knew he was bi and supported him fully. He was nervous coming out to you at first but quickly realized that you loved him no matter what. When you hugged him so tightly and told him he never had to be scared talking about it with you.

When you were on your period He would give you a hot water bottle and buy your favourite chocolate.

Sometimes he’d scare you, hide behind the door frame when you got home. You would jump and scream every time, and then you’d laugh as he hugged you. You quickly learned to get him back.

When you cried he would let you talk it out and hug you like the world was ending. He would always listen so carefully.

When he cried, which wasn’t often, you would hold him tightly. You knew he didn’t like talking about this stuff but you let him know you were there to listen anyway.

You weren’t that close to your family but the fishers slowly became family. You would go to dinner with Susannah, Conrad and Jeremiah at least once a week.

[uswnt5]

Everyone’s good energy really helped me yesterday so thank you. I’ll try to make this as brief as possible lol. I’d like to say that being a weekday and knowing we both worked the next day I didn’t think we’d spend the night together. She picked me up and brought me flowers which was so cute and all but I don’t own a fucking flower vase so I put them in a mixing bowl before leaving. She looked stunning! We grabbed dinner and then we went to a board game house. She insisted we play jenga again and I won one of the three times we played🤣 The place was pretty spacious and so we were pretty much alone in our corner. We got to talking and she asked me if I voted. I told her I did and she asked me for who. In my head I was like *bro this is about to go south* I told her I voted Harris Walz and she said “oh thank god, I thought i was going to have to cut the date short but thankfully not” and then I was like “huh got big plans”, bro she gave the EYES. We played a couple more bored games because I unfortunately do not know how to play any of the card games she wanted *I felt so much shame 🙃 like I don’t remember how to play go fish*

We walked around for a bit holding hands and it was all really nice. She’s so smart and kind. She drove me back home and I invited her in. I give her a tour of my place and on my desk she picks up the postcard that ACFC handed out at the last home game. And I let her to see if it prompts up her knowing of the team or recognizing Christen. YOO she says “I know her! I’ve seen her naked” when I tell you I cracked tf up. I asked her why and she tells me she lived in Chicago for two years and her friend took her to a Red Stars game!! I was like omg wth! I guess she saw CP and told her she was hot and as a birthday gag gift the friend gifted her Christen’s body issue and she kept it since then. I was like “wow what a coincidence I also think she’s hot” I then gave her a brief rundown on why I have the postcard, Christen, and being an ACFC STH. She doesn’t know woso and that game was her first but if things work out I’ll make sure it isn’t her last 👀

We chilled and then slept together 😩 I told her to stay because it was pretty late (or early depends how you look at it). She agreed and then we went out to her car and she had an overnight bag stashed in her trunk with her night stuff and clothes for work 🤭 I told her “ wow you came prepared” and we went inside got ready for bed and she did her whole night time skin care routine in the bathroom and it felt so nice doing such mundane stuff with someone. We cuddled and when I woke up this morning around 6:45 she was gone no note or text. I was like okay wow and she calls me 30 min later to open the door. SHE SHOWED UP WITH A FUCKING FLOWER VASE from the Vons a couple blocks from my place, looking so gorgeous in her clothes for work. I made some omelets and smoothies for breakfast. And then we both got ready and went about leaving for work.

I have now changed my plans and will be watching the pink flops game tomorrow night at my place with her. I’m just hoping they don’t let me down tomorrow because depending on how the game goes I could very well give her the ick. 🤣 I asked her out for the 2nd date on Sunday, so feel free to leave suggestions. thank you all for your interest in this

P.s I need advice on when to tell her I’m not out to my family 😔

-Age gap body issue french toast hookup anon

Oh my fucking god anon you hit the JACKPOT with this one! lol wow, I am very impressed with her game! How sweet is it that she went to get you a vase!

So happy for you! Sounds like you really like her and she CLEARLY really likes you! All these shows of effort! I tell ya, the dream!

Here you go, anons. I know you've been waiting on an update lmao!

[dudadragneel]

Oh I too need a cozy Felix fic for the sheer sake of my mental health 🥲🤍lately he’s been bias wrecking me SO bad. I think of him getting a cold from the winter and having a bad fever, his little red nose and bare face with freckles showing. You trying to get him to eat but he doesn’t want to and ends up throwing up the minute he tries…

- 🧚🏽‍♀️

hello, dear 🧚🏽‍♀️!

Let's go!

This was supposed to be a little drabble, but I got a little carried away AGAIN and now you have a full surprise fic 🤣

COLD AFTERNOON

Winter came, stronger than before, just in time for the boys' rest period. It was the end of the year, meaning they had finished all their performances and could now go home and rest before their activities returned.

Performing at MAMA, Gayo Daejeon, Gayo Daechukjae, and Gayo Daejejeon, during winter was not easy. Not only because they were practically back-to-back performances, some in different countries but also because some of them were outdoors. And that was something that upset a lot of fans and you as well.

Given how hectic their end-of-year schedule was, it wasn't a surprise that their immune system was weakened. Meaning that a few after their official schedules ended, Felix came down with a really bad flu.

Usually, depending on the situation, you would head to the dorms to take care of him along with the boys, but since you were also on vacation this time, you decided that it would be better to bring him to your house so that you could give him the full-time attention he deserved.

You went to pick him up at the dorms and were met with a very sleepy and flushed face Felix, who was being supported by his Chan hyung. You knew he was feeling bad but didn't know it was this bad, to the point where he felt so weak, he had someone support him.

Hey Chan. How is he?

Hey! He is pretty sick. He felt faint when coming down that's why I'm here.

Oh honey...Here let me help.

I put some spare clothes in his bag and some of the medication we had here. I'll help you take him to the car.

Thank you.

You grabbed Felix's bag while Chan guided him to the car and carefully helped him set in.

Get well soon, mate. See you!

Thanks...

Thanks Chan.

Before you drove off, you put the seatbelt on Felix and reclined his seat so he would feel more comfortable. He could barely keep his eyes open.

The drive to your house was rather peaceful, apart from his coughing fits every now and then, he was coughing to the point where he gagged and those coughs were very productive. You knew what that meant so you were already preparing for later, since it would be inevitable.

Once you got to your apartment, you helped Felix out of the car and supported him all the way to the elevator. And you could feel he was hot and pale.

Babe, I feel dizzy...

I know honey, just a few more steps.

You helped him to your bed and lay him down and covered him. He didn't dare open his eyes because his head was hurting from all the coughing and the mucus in his eyes area. You closed the curtains and gave him a kiss and then went to prepare some light soup so he could eat later.

When you got back to your bedroom you saw how much the situation got worse in the few minutes you were out. His face was even more flushed than before, he was sweating and panting. You got closer to him and placed a hand on his forehead and he shivered under your touch.

oh my god babe, you're burning up.

You knew his fever was high but you got the thermometer anyways.

39­°! Babe, you need to take some medication to help bring it down.

But my throat hurts and my stomach feels weird...

Then let's take a bath? Do you think you can do it?

Yeah...

Come on.

You took him to the bathroom and he sat on the toilet while you prepared the bathtub for him, thank god for that bathtub, it was expensive but it's always coming in handy.

You helped him undress and guided him to sit in the bathtub.

Agh! It hurts.

His fever was so high the smallest touch hurt his skin, the water or even your touch.

I'm sorry babe, just hold on for a while.

You stayed in the bathroom and helped him wash his back and just stood there in case he felt dizzy again.

You got him a set of hoodie and sweatpants and left in the bathroom so he could change while you waited outside. Once he was done he called you.

Babe...can you come here...I feel dizzy....

You entered the bathroom and immediately went to his side to grab him as he was beginning to fall.

gotcha.

He clinged on to you like a proper koalla and you couldnt help but smile. His flushed face and those freckles made him look extra cute, even though he was sick.

You broughT him to bed and carefully lay him down and covered him. You caressed his face and felt that he was still a bit hot, you traced the freckles in his face gently, earning the cutest expression a human being could pull off.

I love you. I want you to be okay.

I love you too...

The medication you have for your overall symptoms is rather strong. You need to eat something before you take it.

I don't know...my stomach feels weird.

Weird how?

It's like I've been swallowing saliva all day long, because of the coughing fits, along with phlegm and now it feels like it's full. It feels like there's no room for anything...

I know that feels horrible, been there done that. But we need to try. I dont want to see you shivering like this. I'll be right here with you, don't worry.

You went to the kitchen to grab a bowl full of the light soup yo umade earlier and returned to the bedroom. Your senses were telling you that this might not work so you brought a bucket with you, just in case.

Here babe. I tried to make it as light as possible. Don't worry if you can't eat everything or if you throw up, okay? But give it a try.

Okay...

Given his state, you fed him, which made him feel like he was in heaven. You let him take his time to chew and swallow before giving him another spoonful. You managed to give him at least 6 spoonfuls before he felt full.

I don`t want anymore.

are you sure?

hm...

You placed the bowl away from him because you knew what was going to happen. Felix sat back and hiccuped one time, he could feel his mouth filling with saliva, so he started to swallow convulsively.

You noticed the distress he was in and grabbed the bucket and placed it on his lap. You grabbed his hands and started rubbing them in circling motion, trying to help him feel a little better, since you didnt want him to throw the very little amount he managed to eat.

He didn't answer you, afraid that if he opened his mouth he would definitely throw up, so he just nodded a little no. But that was not what his body wanted. He tried taking deep breaths while squeezing your hand trying to calm down. However the nausea only grew stronger, his stomach jumped and sent liquid up his chest, faster than he could react and it hit the back of his mouth. Before he could even process what was happening vomit escaped through his fingers, thankfully hitting the bucket you had put on his lap.

He felt hot liquid coming up his chest so he instinctively squeezed your hand in an attempt to control his body. He tried swallowing it but it triggered his stomach even more so he started gagging into his hands. You moved yourself so you were now by his side and tied his hair in a ponytail and beggan rubbing his back.

- Honey, if it's making you feel sick it's best to get it out...

You rubbed his back and squeezed his hand back as he kept holding onto yours. You could see the pain in his face as another wave gushed out, mixed with phlegm, hurting his already sore throat.

Oh baby...you're doing good. I'm right here.

You said as you rubbed his back then massaging his nape, you could feel him trembling under you touch, which meant his fever might've spiked again. You noticed there were tears forming in his eyes.

Baby...what's wrong?

My throat...it hurts too much...

He said between sobs and leaning on your shoulder, you wiped his tears with your sleeve and brushed his bangs from his face so you could look at him and then carressed his cheek.

Baby...it's okay. You'll feel better soon. Are you done?

n-no-

As if on cue, his stomach jumped again making him duck his head inside the bucket, back arching as a strong wave made its way out followed by another one, ripping through his throat. He couldnt help but flinch in pain. After that, the only thing he kept throwing up for a while was thick saliva and phlegm. And eventually he was left dry heaving.

Babe, I think you're done. Let me get this away from you. Let's rinse your mouth. Now, straighten your back for me. Take a deep breath in and out, with me.

He followed your instructions until the remaining nausea went away. But now his throat hurt even more than before and he was burning again, his face flushed from the fever and strain he just went through.

I'm tired...

He said still leaning on you, panting a little from the exhaustion he felt.

I know baby...Let's get you some sleep...

You said as you carefully guided him to lay down, covering him with a blanket. Once he was settled you disposed of the putrid contents in the bucket and came back with it, some water and a wet cloth to put on his forehead to help reduce the fever, since taking pills right now would just result in him throwing up again.

You put the wet cloth on his forehead, placed the bucket near the bed, and proceeded to stroke his hair. He looked at you, eyes barely open, and gave a soft smile, while holding your hand.

Thank you, babe. I love you.

I love you too, honey.

You gave him a kiss on the cheek and within seconds he fell asleep. And you spent the rest of the day nursing him back to health and spoiling him the way he deserved.

[sirthisisa-wendys]

I’ve once again been thinking thots.

Draken and the reader reunite after the reader returns from a long work trip. Reader was talking big shit/flirting heavy through texts prior to heading home (she may have sent a nude or two). He can’t keep his hands off of her once she arrives. Practically fucks her against the front door, but they eventually make their way somewhere in their shared home and he blows her back out.🤣

Yes yes yes yes THINKS THESE THOTS

Hot Stuff: Ken Ryuguji x Fem!Reader

wc: 1.7k

tw: NSFW, reader isn't making it out of this one without a back brace, sorry

masterlist

On my way home.

You send the message without much thought, settling into the back of the Uber and tucking your phone into your jacket. Almost as soon as you send it, your phone vibrates, as well as your watch.

You look down at your wrist and read the message. You re-read the message, and the stirring in your gut gets stronger.

Hope you caught some sleep on the plane because I don't have any plans to let you rest.

You want to lean over and tell the driver to speed up, but you know he'd ask why and you'd be at a loss for what to say. Would you admit that you'd been teasing your husband all week with flirtatious messages, scandalous videos, and what could be called a deluge of sexy photos?

I don't have any plans to let you rest

The Uber comes to a stop in front of your house, and you consider waiting in the car to see how long it would take Draken to come out and get you. But the answer to your speculative question is "no time" because the door to your house opens almost immediately.

"Hey," you smile, grabbing your bag from the seat beside you and hoisting it over your shoulder. Draken takes the bag from your shoulder and smiles at the Uber driver before ushering you into the house silently.

"Everything okay?" you wonder when you step inside, and Draken tosses your bag aside before turning and pressing you against the door. What begins with a gentle movement - just a simple hand caressing your jaw as he hovers over you - becomes hungry and feverish, with his hips grinding into yours.

"Everything's fine," he replies, leaning down a little. The kiss starts off slow and sensual like most kisses are between the two of you. "Couldn't wait for you to get home," Draken breathes between kisses. "You drove me crazy this week."

"Did I?" you tease, wrapping your arms around his neck. Draken hums his response while his cock hardens, the obvious sign pressing into your thigh.

Draken stops kissing you to nip at your earlobe, and you feel his fingers pulling your legs around his waist. "You know I want you." His heady whispers make shivers roll down your spine. You're left hovering in the space between the closed door and Draken as he pushes down his pajama pants with one hand.

"Commando?" you chuckle at the feeling of his cockhead bobbing against your leg. Draken huffs and smirks, shrugging.

"Gotta get it as soon as possible, babe." Your leggings come off one leg at a time, and once they're peeled away from your skin, his hands paw eagerly at your shirt. Your sports bra is pushed up with it, and when Draken sees your breasts, he can't help but lean forward for a taste.

His hands move to your ass, where your thong is still hanging on by a thread. Draken's mouth sucks harshly on one nipple, and you gasp, closing your eyes as he sucks it over and over again. You look down at his face and see him looking back up at you, eyes focused with intensity on your gaze.

"Ken," you whimper, but he doesn't let up. His left hand comes up to massage the other breast, plucking at the nipple roughly and rolling it between his fingers. Your mind goes blank as he demonstrates how much he adores your flesh, and every second is pure bliss.

Draken goes from one breast to the other, sucking and flicking his tongue over the nipple while his other hand steadily stimulates your breast. You begin to squirm, hoping Draken would stop beating around the bush and just fuck you already. When he doesn't catch the hint, you whisper,

"I need your cock right now."

It's as if a switch goes off in his head.

His mouth departs from your breast, leaving it cool and wet, while his fingers snake up the length of your leg.

"A little patience goes a long way..."

"Ken," you protest, but his free hand slips past the thong and pushes it aside.

"I should make you beg for it." The wicked look the blonde gives you makes you want to melt, but you have a need that has to be sated.

"If I beg," you begin. "You'll fuck me, right?"

"You're really going to do it?" A finger sinks into your cunt, and you exhale, leaning your head against the door. Draken looks down at you and raises a brow. His finger pumps back and forth, and you shamefully look away, trying not to draw attention to how wet you are. "You gonna beg, princess?"

You gasp, but Draken continues his little game, adding a finger to your already thoroughly prepared cunt. "Oh," Draken muses, his eyelids lowering just a fraction. "You don't need to say anything. Your pussy's talking for you." it's then that you notice - beyond the blood pumping in your ears - that your cunt is actually squelching. Loud.

You bury your face in Draken's chest, and he chuckles, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Let me get you more comfortable. I'm sure you're dying to lay in the bed."

Draken doesn't let you down. In fact, he simply keeps you in that same position and walks toward the bedroom, kissing your warm cheeks and still fucking your pussy with his fingers.

When you land on your back in the bed, you watch Draken's arm extend and continue to stroke your insides. You're not sure if it's the way he looks at you or the way his veiny arm looks in the dim lighting, but the edge of an orgasm approaches.

It's like a slow knife through cold butter - the feeling, that is - and every second feels like a minute or more with the way Draken is teasing your orgasm out of you. His chain hovers mere centimeters from your face, the gold links shuddering with each movement of his hand.

And you're suspended in limbo, gripping his free arm tight in your hand. As you pant and moan, Draken's mouth opens slightly, and you can see the dare to cum written all over his face.

"Do it," his voice chants in your mind. "Cum all over my hand, baby," Draken adds in real-time, and your legs quiver.

"C-cant--!" Draken seems to understand the crux of the issue and reaches down to pay with your clit.

"Like that?" The cheeky bastard. You cum almost instantly, clenching around his fingers and shouting his name at the same time. Draken doesn't let a second pass between your orgasm and pushing his cock into you. It's raw, it's lusty, and the only way you can keep some semblance of your composure is to bite down on your lip and squeeze your legs around him.

"Don't want the neighbors to hear us, huh?" he murmurs, kissing your cheek again and licking down your neck. "I don't know how much help I'm going to be tonight, then."

"Please, Ken," you whine. "Please, please."

Draken responds by going faster, pumping his hips into yours with so much force that the bed shakes. You reach down to play with your clit at the same time, and Draken doesn't knock your hand away. He simply presses your other hand around his neck and latches it onto his braid.

When you pull on it, he groans loudly. It's almost as loud as a roar, and the thought of your neighbors hearing - though they're in the house next door - makes you pull even harder.

"You want them to hear?" Draken cries out, lifting off of you and gripping your hips in his hands. You nod, but he's too focused on the sight between your legs to catch it. "Needed this pussy all damn week," he grumbles. "Sending me pictures n' shit..." Your pussy responds to him with just as much need, and the sounds of your flesh smacking together drives you insane. "You lost your fucking mind on that trip." Finally, Draken looks back up at you, his mouth set in a hard line as his cock throbs viciously inside of you. "I'm gonna help you find it, though." He pulls out of you, and you instinctively turn over onto your stomach, placing your ass in the air.

"No." His hands turn you to the side, and he lifts your leg in the air. "This way." When Draken enters you, you scramble to find purchase somewhere that's not his rock-hard stomach. "Give me two minutes right here. I'm trying to see something." A tongue swirls around your toes, and you gasp loudly, looking over as Draken's mouth sucks on your toes.

"Holy fu--" He hums around them, and suddenly, you're not in your body at all. You feel like you're outside of yourself, watching something from afar. It still feels good, it still feels pleasurable, amazing even.

Only when he stops sucking on your toes do you realize you just had another orgasm. "Up." You're hoisted to your feet, and like a baby deer, Draken walks you toward the vertical mirror in the room. He guides your hands to the wall, presses them on both sides of the fixture, spreads your legs with his feet, and then pushes right back into you, getting balls deep with one stroke. You raise onto your tiptoes, and Draken looks at your shared reflection over your shoulder, holding your waist with one arm.

"Look at you," he purrs, smiling. "You look fucked out, just like you should be."

You can barely mumble his name. All you can and want to do is watch yourself get fucked in the mirror, your gaze listless. "You... haven't cum?" you wonder, and Draken shakes his head, still fucking you senseless.

"I'm not cumming until the very end," he huffs, wrapping your hair around his hand. "It's only ten o'clock. I've got an hour and a half to go."

You whimper, but it's not out of fear. You spread your legs even more and bend a little deeper, and Draken grips your hair with a grin.

"Good girl; you get the picture."

[nicistrying]

Monday 16th Dec

What a fucking day. Up early, got the kids ready and out to school, walked them out with the dogs. Niece went to catch her bus, nephew met his friend to walk to school. Me and dogs marched along to the river and back, got in the house at 8.25 and I started work at 8.30.

A LOT of letters were sent over the weekend so we were crazy busy today. And yet, I had to spend nearly 3 hours writing up a statement re the harrassment - it was 70 pages long with all the screenshots 😬 I'm kind of worried I included too much but realistically it is all relevant, I included everything that showed my friend was uncomfortable and that the guy was taking no notice of her boundaries. I hope I didn't fuck up but I want to do her justice bc it is not fair what she's put up with so I refuse to downplay it.

Drove home on my lunch break, made it just in time to log straight back on for the afternoon. Finished 30 mins late

Had dinner, tidied up, had a bath and a cuddle on the couch bc I felt so stressed out by everything. My heart has been pounding all day from sending the kids out. Like I found it so stressful to make sure they had their uniforms, PE kits etc for one day 🤣 Idk how anyone with their own kids does it every day, you guys are superheroes. I'm glad to be back home with just mine and Matthew's shit to worry about lol. Feeling v grateful to be going for a 6am walk and having an hour to myself before I start work tomorrow!

Last week before Christmas, we can do this 💪