#drew this real quick bc i had a vision and had to post it for today

[rystiel]

happy fall-summerween

[oldcastielrip]

Let Me Go (Dean x Reader)

Title: Let Me Go

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

warnings: angst all the way omg

summary: reader appears to dean as a ghost.

You would think that dying in the hunting business, you would get a proper hunter’s funeral. But that wasn’t what seemed to happen the many months ago when you did die.

“Dean, this isn’t what she would’ve wanted.” Sam warned his brother, looking at your lifeless body sadly.

“How do you know what she’d want?” The eldest Winchester challenged, sending an angry glare at his brother.

“Because Y/N was a hunter, she would want to be salted and burned.” Sam answered calmly.

He wasn’t trying to start a fight with his brother. He was just trying to state what he thought you would’ve wanted.

“Well she’s not here anymore, is she?” Dean sneered lividly, tears flooding his vision as he took another swing from a whiskey bottle.

Your death wasn’t easy for Dean. It took a toll on everyone, honestly.

You had always managed to keep everyone smiling despite all the shit that would happen. Now you were gone and so was the light you brought to the world.

You had begged to Sam to keep an eye on Dean. No matter how much it hurt, you did not want him doing anything to bring you back to life.

It was basically your dying wish.

And Sam did everything he could to keep it. It didn’t even matter how big of a wedge it drove between him and his brother. This was something he could not allow Dean to do.

There were very occasions where the hunter came close to it. To selling his soul in exchange for you.

“Dean, no!” Sam yelled, jumping out the car to stop his brother.

The demon knife gripped tightly in his hand as he ran up to his brother.

“You’ve got no part in this Sam.” The hunter grunted frustratingly.

He was drunk out of his mind, acting on pure grief and hurt.

“Tick tock Dean or this deal is gone.” The demon pressured, clicking her tongue as she looked between the brothers.

“Dean, no.” The youngest Winchester stopped him, pulling him away from the demon.

Though Dean refused, roughly pushing Sam away from him.

“Y/N will hate you if you do this,” Sam called out in a panic, not really knowing what else to do to stop his brother.

“At least she’ll be alive.” Dean responded in sorrow, giving his brother an apologetic look.

“Sorry Dean-o, deal’s off the table.” The demon grinned wickedly. “I’ve decided that seeing you suffer is much more entertaining.”

“You fucking bitch.” Dean shouted enraged, running towards the demon but it was too late. She was gone.

This is what his life consisted of now. Pure heartache and grief.

He had lost you, the only person who brought balance to his world. You were what kept him sane, helped him deal with all the pressure and guilt.

Dean was at a lost without you.

It was like he had hit the lowest of the low. He had completely turned into scarier version of his dad.

He spent the first few weeks hunting the thing that killed you. And when he finally caught up with it, he killed it.

He thought that would relieve some of the pain but it didn’t. It only brought more.

It was like the reality of your death was finally setting in. With his mind now unoccupied, he could feel every inch of your absence.

He could still sometimes feel your touch against his skin, the ghost of your lips on his. Or he would hear your laugh.

The hunter swore he was going insane.

Every night he would stare at the only photo he had of you. Every night wishing he would’ve taken more.

It was a picture he had taken of you without you even realizing.

You hair was thrown up in a messy pony tale and you wore one of his white shirts with nothing else underneath. You were sitting on the edge of the bed, your long tan legs folded beneath you.

He remembered that day so clearly.

“Wait, it’s probably my mom.” You giggled softly, Dean pampering kissed on your neck.

“Call her later.” He mumbled dismissively.

“Let me just send her a quick text then I’m all yours.” You laughed again, pushing Dean away from you.

You quickly got out of bed, picking up his white shirt off the ground and putting it on over your naked body.

Dean sighed softly, sitting up in the bed. A small smile played on his lips as he watched your brows furrow in concentration as you looked at your phone.

He grabbed his own phone, hoping to distract himself in the meantime.

Dean somehow found himself in the camera before he angled it towards you, snapping a quick picture.

The rest of that day was spent comforting you. It turns out that your mother had called you to let you know that your brother had died.

That was the first day he really saw you cry. He was sure you cried all those times he died but he never really saw. This day was the day he did.

And he was sure it hurt him more than you. His heart ached with each tear you cried and each sob that fell from your lips.

That’s when he vowed to make sure you never cried again. And he was sure able to keep it, until your death of course.

“No, no, no.” Dean whispered in alarm, dropping to his knees.

He carefully picked up your head and rested it against his legs. His hands caressing your hair and face.

“You’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.” He repeated quietly, kissing your forehead.

You coughed, blood spluttering out your mouth. Your insides were hanging on by a thread and you knew there was no way you were going to make it.

“Dean, baby, no I’m not.” You told him, reaching up weakly to touch his face.

He helped you, grimacing as you realized your usual warm touch was now cold and clammy.

Tears clouded your vision and you blinked them away, wanting to keep a clear sight of your significant other.

Dean gripped your hand tighter as he saw the tear roll down your face.

“I love you Dean,” You cried out. “I love you so fucking much, it hurts. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave you.”

The hunter choked back his own tears, pulling you in closer.

“I know baby, I know.” He whispered, his voice breaking. “I’ll bring you back.”

“No. Don’t your dare try Dean,” You sobbed, shaking your head. “I don’t want to come back if it means I’ll lose you.”

You pulled him down, your dry lips crashing against his for a desperate kiss.

You only lasted a few more minutes after that. At least you were able to say goodbye. To Dean, to Sam, to Cas.

Though when the reaper finally did come for you. You couldn’t go.

You knew it would ultimately lead up to you becoming one of the things you hunted, but you just couldn’t go.

Seeing Dean so broken after you drew your final breath. You just couldn’t leave him.

You stayed by his side, watching all his up’s and down’s after your death.

He wore your dog tags, the one’s you had kept after your brother’s death. You tethered yourself to them, pretty much knowing that Dean wasn’t about to stop wearing them any time soon.

As the time went on, the more you fell in grief. It finally got to the point that you appeared to Dean as a ghost.

“Y/N,” He murmured under his breath, his eyes widening.

He thought he had finally got to the point of insanity that he was imagining you. But when he saw you flicker, he knew you were real.

You were a ghost.

“Hey baby,” You whispered, your spirit sauntering forward. You braced your hands on either side of his face, feeling such a relief to be able to touch him again.

“You’re a ghost,” He pointed out, leaning into your touch involuntarily.

You kissed him with all your force, using whatever was left in your strength to stay touchable before disappearing.

You reappeared across from him.

“I miss you so much,” Dean told you, his green eyes looking at you painfully.

“I know baby, I miss you too.” You responded quietly, tangling your hand with his. “But you have to let me go Dean.”

“I can’t,” He whispered in response.

“You have too,” You urged, tearing up slightly. “It’s the only way I’ll be at peace. Only if I see you moving on with your life.”

“I love you Dean.”

And with that you disappeared again. Loosing all your strength to stay visible.

It was like his heart and soul broke all over again. Now that he knew you were a ghost, he knew he had to burn your body and all your belongings.

He had to learn to let go.

“I love you.”

A/N: i just spent the last six hours writing this and i have no idea how i feel about it omg

let me know what y'all think

A/N: hey y’all ok so due to some difficulties.. i have moved blogs so this one will no longer be active, i’ll just keep it up bc of all my old posts

so please feel free to follow me at @castielrip​ and feel free to send me REQUESTS there as well

sorry for the inconvenience

thank you!