#drew that a bit longer ago and just got lazy editing and posting sorry :(( and also insecure lol

[horrendousmustard]

Drew a little over the past month! Kaneki eating soap, some darker lit scenes, and him drinking kitten milk replacer. Going to work on some sketches of Kaneki’s morning routine later. It’s been a while since I last uploaded something so I hope these are sufficient 🫡

[irageneve]

I know that sometimes it is better to let your praise stand alone but I can't help but respond again. Because it is not just that piece I mentioned. You always produce such detailed artworks (even for free which is mind-blowing and making me wish I had enough money to pay you.). You invest so much time and love and it shows, each piece seeming to have a soul of it's own. May I ask how long you already draw? I would love to know about the road you've taken so far while pursuing your passion :)

you will literally make me cry you’re so so kind i don’t know how to thank you enough T__T feel free to come around and ask me anything, my heart is yours

story time, Ira’s art journey (it got way longer than I expected and I also got sappy lol, I’m sorry)

like any other kid I started to draw when I was little. I used to spend a lot of time in hospitals as a child so coloring books where how I was spending my time. after that I continued to draw just for myself, ugly drawings that back then were full of thoughts that I was proud of haha. besides that I was always drawing on something, notebooks, napkins, my hands, tables. even now I draw floating eyes and random hair shapes on my notebooks lol

I continued to draw by pausing different anime scenes on TV and drawing them on paper, trying to reproduce it as accurate as I could only by studying the paused episode. looking back I realize I was doing art exercises without even knowing what I was actually doing, back then I was just drawing what I was admiring (I remember even now the anime Slayers, I drew Lina one night and then I wrote down every one of her spells that I was remembering)

I was never the best at traditional art, I’m pretty clumsy, smudging everything or painting everywhere that shouldn’t have paint on it. watercolors hated me (literally, once I had a watercolor tube explode in my face when I tried to open it)

I started digital…12 years ago I think? I started in paint and for good years I mastered that. my first ever digital art was an anime schoolgirl I reproduced from the cover of one of my notebooks. I drew that in paint and I remember it took me several days to finish. and then after a while I discovered Paint Tool Sai

I kept drawing for myself and for my friends for the longest time, mostly my OCs and my own stories. after a while, with school getting stressful and losing motivation because I had the mindset that art is just a hobby and it won’t get me anywhere, because society and family and etc told me that, I stopped. for 3-4 years I haven’t touched anything art related (I used to draw with a mouse back then)

then, I got into mystic messenger where I met people outside of my group of friends. I started to want to draw again for that fandom and even if my skills were really rusty I was enjoying it. I started to post art online two years ago under the name of Cheebs. for a while everything went fine. I was drawing and a friend that I considered very close to me was doing the backgrounds, we called them collaboARTs. but when I started to feel art was more like a chore than a passion plus some other details that I won’t go into now (regarding the friendship between me and this person) I realized it was toxic for me. things went south, we “broke up” and that was the moment I decided to never leave my arts with a white background anymore. even the simplest backgrounds are fine, but no more lazy

around…August/September I think, 2018, I got my first tablet. man the difference between a mouse and a tablet is HUGE. I felt like I was rediscovering drawing all together

wanting more of my art I started to watch speedpaintings on youtube, to search for different ways to do backgrounds, how to make the composition in order to enhance your art and not to make it heavy, color theories, etc. I started working on my technical side, I always drew just how I felt like it looked good (I never got art classes, only in elementary school which were more to play around than to learn art)

my art improved in the last year while I realized I was drawing for myself and that it never should become a chore, more than the entire time before that. I worked on my fears of “what if” (what if won’t come out good, what if they won’t like it, what if someone will find this trash) and that helped me more than anything. I improved in anatomy, perspective, colors, backgrounds because I wasn’t afraid of failure anymore and I pushed myself to go out of the comfort zone. it really helped

now my next step is to make my art a bit more…lively. I love when I hear people saying that they are feeling things when seeing my art or my writing, cause that’s what I’m aiming for. but I feel like I don’t have the dynamic I want, I feel some of my pieces are…stiff. I want more fluidity in my art so lately I’m trying to draw in a different way, to use more lines of actions

and now because you mentioned the free art part, I’m going to be a bit honest: giving free stuff (art, writing, edits, readings, any free content) it’s always going to be tricky. there are going to be people who demand, who are pushy, who want things their way. I opened requests a while back because I wanted to get better and to draw more, and I don’t regret that, but it was hella stressful and it burned me out in half a year because I didn’t know when to tell them to stop. I was making full illustrations daily. then after I stepped up for myself and changed the rules I felt much more better and now I can do up to 6 requests per day. of course, not top quality, but that doesn’t mean I don’t put love in them. love, and time and thoughts

there are wonderful people coming into my inbox almost daily and I love to draw for all of them for free, but there are always people making you question your choice of doing it in your free time. this is why I always fire up when I see people being mean towards learning artists. no one just knows how to draw, not even pro artists. who says “do it” never ever tried to do it themselves

I like to say that creativity is a muscle, if you don’t train it and challenge it it won’t evolve. but the pace of doing that it’s different from an artist to another. who cares if a young artist doesn’t know how to draw latino characters but still wants to draw that certain person cause they like them? let them try, let them fail, let them learn

ahh this got off track but I got a bit sad and angry today because of this topic and some discourse, I guess I just had to let it out. I saw people bloom when they got a bit of support to start drawing, after years of putting it off because teachers or family told them they have no talent. they only needed a bit of push and while they aren’t Picasso they are drawing, it looks great and they are using their creativity. they are enjoying it. that’s all that matters

it’s late and idk why I’m sappy but I really hope people would start appreciating creativity more and would let people enjoy and discover the world without any labels or judgements or unnecessary drama. I’m so sorry if I bore you, thank you for your kind words and I’ll stop here before I’ll write a goddamn novel hahaha

much love to you anony, you’re truly an angel 🧡

[nerddface]

Never Trust the Elevators

Characters: Bucky, female!reader, Tony's virtually present too

Warnings: nothing that I'm aware of

Word Count: 1930

Notes: Civil War never happened. Nope. Never. Forget about it entirely. Bucky’s brain is perfect and healthy and no combination of words will turn him into a crazy punching machine.

I apologize if Buck sounds a little OOC, Seb is nothing like his character and it’s a little harder to work out a feel from what little we’ve actually experienced of MCU Bucky (specifically non/post-Winter-Soldier-Bucky). I am trying, and I hope this suffices in some sense, although I did get a little lazy around the end of hour 2 it’s 1am as I’m editing this.

This doesn't cover all 8-12 hours, but I'm an undergrad psych major and I like to think I know how your brain works kinda sorta, so this time frame seemed a little more plausible to me in terms of sexual tension and Tony's impatience.

Based off of this (or these) (x)

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Hour 1

Elevator rides were supposed to be short. They’d always been short. They’d been no more than a couple rapid seconds when she was on the ride up to her interview a couple months ago, it was short every morning when she came up to work. It was (thank her lucky stars) short that one night Clint had too much to drink and was being helped up to his room by a slightly tipsy Natasha, and the morning that Tony had clearly not gotten adequate sleep and had quite nearly fallen over on her.

It was this knowledge that Y/N armed herself with when Bucky slid into the elevator that morning. She could survive standing in an enclosed space with her crush for sixty seconds.

She could.

Could, gould, good— good?

“Anyone awake in there?”

She jerked her head back and fluttered her lashes in surprise at the hand waving before her face. The amused smile on Bucky’s lips made her heart skip a beat.

“There you are. Good morning.”

“Oh, um, yeah, good- good morning,” she squeaked, shifting the thick strap of the bag on her shoulder. Inside her head, she was stomping a foot and throwing her head back in exasperation like a petulant child. Come on, Y/N! She could replace the teres minor flawlessly without shaking, but she couldn’t exchange causal salutations with Bucky Barnes.

Just a few more seconds…

Suddenly, the elevator shook and shrieked. Y/N braced herself against the tall handrail, hoping the audible whine from her chest would be blamed on the sudden jerking and not because Bucky’s solid arm had flashed out across her torso to steady her.

In a (pounding) heartbeat, a gentle voice spoke through the intercom—F.R.I.D.A.Y.

“It appears the elevator is experiencing a slight malfunction. You are in no danger, but it may take some time to identify and alleviate the problem.”

“Oh, God,” Y/N breathed. Bucky pulled his arm back, but it seemed hesitant.

“How much time?” he asked, settling into his own space again, with something that she dared say might have been a blush across his cheeks.

“That has yet to be determined, sergeant. When a diagnostic has been formed, I will be sure to alert you.”

F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s cool voice smoothed Y/N’s taunted fight or flight response, but spiked her heart rate up in nervous fear. They were stuck? For how long? Would she die in here? Why, oh, why did it have to be her? With him? Why couldn’t she get stuck in here with the other nurse? She was nice, and she didn’t freak her out this much.

“You seem to get lost in your thoughts often,” Bucky said, pulling her out of her head for the second time that morning.

“I’m sorry, I’m not—“she drew in a breath “—not usually like this…” she excused half-heartedly, looking away from his face to study the metal floor.

It was quiet for a moment before she heard the shuffling of cloth. Bucky slid to the floor beside her, looking up almost expectantly.

“Well, we’re stuck here for who knows how long,” he reasoned. “May as well settle in.”

She took his advice somewhat tentatively, setting her bag down beside her and smoothing her blouse across her front.

“Do you have your phone on you?” Bucky asked. Y/N furrowed her brow and nodded.

“Yeah?”

“Try calling someone. I doubt anyone knows we’re stuck here yet.”

He had a point. She shifted and tugged her phone from the front pocket of her bag. She tried Tony first—it was his building, after all—but to no avail. Clint was out for the day with Natasha, Sam was across town, and Thor didn’t have a phone at the moment (he accidentally smashed the delicate glass screen of his last one). Steve picked up and told her he’d see if there was something he could do, but he seemed strangely lax about it after she mentioned she was with Bucky and not in immediate danger.

Somewhat sated, and sitting in still awkward air, Y/N locked her phone and drew a deep breath. Looks like she was in for the long haul with this one.

Hour 2

“Can’t you just pry the door open?”

Bucky looked over at her, one brow quirked. “Sure, I guess. But we’re halfway between two floors. Best we’d open up to is a solid wall.”

Y/N pursed her lips and huffed, pulling up her knees and crossing her arms over them, letting her chin fall to her forearm.

Bucky sighed deeply. Y/N wanted to start some kind of conversation, but oh, Jesus, I can’t do that. I’m going to say something stupid.

“So, you’re a medic?”

Y/N had to unfreeze herself. “Um, yeah.”

“What made you want to do that?”

“Well… I guess I wanted to… help people? I grew up on the property next to Mr. Barton—Uh, Hawkeye—and I would help, um, remove stitches or change bandages. I was interested in how the body worked and how well it worked to heal itself, you know? Mr. B—Hawkeye mentioned working with Doctor Cho, and I’d read one of her papers, and I just couldn’t let the opportunity pass up. So… here I am.”

Bucky nodded thoughtfully. “Interesting.”

“What about you?” she asked tentatively. “Like, with the Avengers, how did you—I mean, I heard about the whole Winter Soldier thing, and there was this one time you—“ her eyes teared up a bit in embarrassment. “Oh, no, that came out all wrong, I’m sorry—“

“No, no.” he waved a hand in dismissal. “It’s alright. It’s a long story, and it’s complicated. An old friend never gave up on me, really. Not sure you’d like to hear it.”

“I’d love to hear you talk,” she murmured, before she realized what she’d said. “A-about your—um, your arm! Your arm, how does that work?”

“You want to know?” Somehow, he seemed surprised. Y/N nodded enthusiastically.

“Well..”

Hour 3

“Okay, guys, I’m getting seriously bored.”

Y/N flinched. “Tony?!”

The billionaire on the other end of the elevator intercom snorted. “Yeah, kiddo, did you think my building would actually just, kind of, malfunction like that?”

Bucky spoke up. “So you trapped us in here for what reason?”

“Ooh, you make it sound so harsh. You needed a gentle nudge, so to speak, and since the both of you could probably strangle me with two fingers or remove my beating heart from my body while I watch, I figured a metaphorical nudge from a safe distance was a better bet.”  

“Who’s to say we won’t do it anyway once we’re out of here?”

Tony chuckled. “You won’t. You know, tell you what—you two kiss, and I’ll let you go on your merry way, no strings attached. Or, maybe only a couple, like those invisible strings they use in magic shows. But! The point is, make me happy and admit that you’re in love with each other and everything will go smoothly.”

Y/N watched, almost slack-jawed, as Bucky adjusted his beautiful arms over his knees. “If we don’t?”

“Oh, please, grandpa, like either of you can hold out much longer. Or, I mean, maybe you can, in which case you wouldn’t mind staying in here for the foreseeable future, because you’re both tough, emotionally constipated, stubborn adults.”

“I-I’m not—in love with him,” Y/N protested. Tony laughed.

“Would you like me to prove it to you? Not sure if you’re both aware, but I have security cameras in every public space, I’d be happy to play back some stuff, you know, I’ve got it right over here—“

“No!”

Y/N was pretty sure it came from both of them.

Tony cackled over the intercom. Not a second later, a dreadfully familiar saxophone was siphoned through the speakers.

The noise from Y/N’s throat was something between a groan and a whine of pain. The back of her head hit the elevator wall and she brought the heels of her palms to rest over her eyes. She could be having a quiet coffee with Doctor Cho right now over some new study material, wow, did that sound nice.

“Hey, man, you’re stressing her out!” Bucky barked.

“Oh, what? What’s that? There’s been a malfunction?” the music increased in volume more, so Tony had to shout over it. “I knew F.R.I.D.A.Y. was a bust, man, if J.A.R.V.I.S. were here none of this would have—oh, dear, looks like I’m breaking up on you—!”

And then he was gone, as Careless Whisper blared over her head.

Shit.

Bucky didn’t know for sure, right? Tony could just be spouting nonsense, for all he knew. There was no way that both of them felt the same way about each other, really, just look at—

He was smiling. Why was he smiling? It was soft, gentle, almost knowing. His head was tilted just the slightest bit to the side, eyes warm, nearly smug. She blinked at him, hoping her face wasn’t as flushed as it felt. He could hear her steadily increasing heart rate, she was sure of it.

He said something, but Y/N shook her head hopelessly, resting her hands on her knees. She couldn’t hear him. He shifted closer and her head floated up to somewhere up the elevator shaft. She swallowed and tried to listen to him instead of ogling at how damn nice his face was, and how close it was to hers. She couldn’t turn towards him completely, but watched him from the corner of her eye.

“I’ve learned,” he breathed to her, “that it doesn’t do any good to just wait for something to happen.”

“What do you mean?” She wasn’t sure she wanted an answer.

His warm, gentle fingers turned her jaw to face him. He was so close she could see a tiny fleck of brown in the speared blue of his right eye.

“I think you understand.” His face got close enough that she couldn’t focus on anything anymore. She could feel his breath on her mouth, but as much as her brain might deny her feelings, it seemed as though her body couldn’t, as she found she neither could nor wanted to stop him.

“I don’t—it really—I mean—”

Bucky’s mouth stopped her rambling, and she let it. He hadn’t shaved that morning as he usually did, but his sandpapery chin was somehow incredibly pleasant. Her legs fell into a crisscross position as she relaxed into the sweet, lengthy gesture.

She didn’t realize her hands had come up to brace his chin until he pulled away. Her eyes fluttered open to see his just in focus, sparkling and contented. His hand had moved from her chin to cup her cheek, and the cold metal of his other fingers was brushing her knee.

“That was nice,” she breathed, before she could stop herself or even become aware she was saying something.

She leaned forward for another kiss before her nervousness could catch up to her sudden confidence and smother it.

“I think,” Bucky said between kisses, “that this time—Tony may escape— consequences.”

“I’m personally going to thank him,” Y/N hummed, her eyes still closed. “Who would’ve thought…?”

Before either could say anything more, Tony’s voice piped up from the intercom once more.

“Hey, newly-discovered lovebirds, so, remember when I said if you kissed I’d cut you loose? Actually… there’s an actual problem.”

“I don’t think that’s a problem anymore,” Bucky grinned as he pulled her close again.

People should get stuck in elevators with each other more often.

[nardaviel]

a shipper’s manifesto, kinatsuen edition

@crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer said I should write an essay about Kinatsuen so I have. I'm sorry it's taken so long ;-;

I intended to write this with a ship_manifesto format, but then I realized that y'all don't need an introduction to the canon or characters. So I'm just going to skip to the good parts: My take on Kinatsuen, and why I think it's such a great ship.

It can be summarized like this: To me, Kinatsuen is a ship about probable initial drama leading to harmony and joy, and the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. That is to say, everyone gets more out of it than they would out of a couple. It's good for them all. The triad also mends flaws in each couple that comprises it.

Please note that although I love Kinatsu, Enatsu, and Enkin, this is, in part, a post about why I think Kinatsuen is better than any of them. Therefore, I talk about what I see as shortcomings in all those couples. If that'll make you sad, don't click the readmore. I don't want to make people sad :c

(Also, a brief explanation of why I call the ship Kinatsuen throughout this essay and in general, as opposed to the many other options: I considered Enkinatsu for a bit because it's the most logical ship name (Enkin + Kinatsu + Enatsu), but it sounds ugly. Kinatsuen is much more euphonious.)

So, as this is somewhat based on ship_manifesto, the first question is: What's the canon or subtext support for the ship?

The answer is: Not a lot. Pretty much all we've got is the fact that there's a whole lot of Enatsu subtext, but also, especially after season 2, a lot of Kinatsu subtext. You can ignore or reinterpret one or the other, but it's hard for me to see either of those relationships as anything but romances waiting to happen. So how to resolve the issue?

(I know I didn't mention Enkin. That's because, except for that one time when En tackles Kinshirou and Kinshirou blushes bright red, there's not any particular Enkin subtext that I can find. I meant it when I said there's not a lot of evidence for this triad.)

To be honest, what first drew me to Kinatsuen back in season 1 was the desire to reconcile the Enatsu and Kinatsu dynamics. I didn't want any of my faves to be sad or left out, and I didn't want Atsushi to have to choose. But once I started thinking about it, I realized that the character dynamics are really compelling in themselves. Instead of being a patch, a quick fix, Kinatsuen is a viable ship.

More than that, all three of them benefit from the triad more than they would from a couple, and the addition of the third person fixes problems in each of the component twosomes. Kinatsuen is just a ship that works, beautifully. I'm going to go through all those things, one by one.

First up, how the triad gives each of them what they need as individuals, whether that be personal growth or just some breathing room.

Kinshirou:

The obvious answer is that Kinshirou needs people to love him. The more, the better!! The more loved he feels, the more he's surrounded on all sides by people who adore him, the happier and more secure he will be. This doesn't have to take the form of romance, but it can, easily. If not one but two people want to spend their lives with him all together, imagine how much that would mean to him. Imagine him being held close by two people at once.

The less obvious answer is that Kinshirou is a very jealous and sort of unbalanced person, as perhaps you have noticed. I obviously think he could be very happy in a poly relationship, since I'm writing this essay to begin with, but... I think the learning curve would be steep. Let's put it that way. However! If he's willing to make the effort, I think he'll end up less fragile and easily wounded than he was before. He'll have a better understanding of how you can love someone with all your heart, even when you're spending time with another person you also love with all your heart. Because he will have done that himself.

Atsushi:

Again, an obvious and a less obvious answer. The obvious: More people to take care of. Both the people who need him most under one roof. The nature of their relationship gives him ample excuse to dote on them both.

The less obvious: Despite that, he actually has less work to do in the triad than in a couple. Individually, Kinshirou and En can be pretty demanding. Kinshirou has tendencies that can be emotionally exhausting, and En is... En. But they'll both curb each other's excesses—"Kinshirou, he's only five minutes late, don't pester him, he's had a long day." "En, the kitchen is five feet from your chair, get the chips yourself."—and with both of them there to hang out with each other, Atsushi can have some guilt-free alone time when he exhausts himself.

En:

In some ways, En is like a more subtle Kinshirou. No, listen, stay with me. En is insecure, and, all comments about being handsome aside, he seems to have a pretty low sense of self-worth in most regards. He can also be needy. (If I need to expand on any of this, I can. But this isn't really meant to be an En character analysis, so I'll just leave it at this unless someone wants me to clarify.) En benefits from having more people to cuddle and take naps on. He benefits from having more people who get all starry-eyed when they see him.

Also, En needs to grow a lot as a person. Not the way Kinshirou does, but he's kind of a leech. I don't want him to stay that way his entire life. I don't think it would be good for him or whoever ends up taking care of him. He'll always be lazy, but things like telling Atsushi to go get him a coffee, or eating bread for lunch so that Atsushi has to worry about his health and give him food from his own bento—those are no good. He needs to learn to take care of himself. So! Atsushi alone is likely to spoil him too much and not give him any reason to change. Kinshirou alone is likely to be too harsh. Together, they can balance each other out, and help En become more independent without being hurtful.

Now, the couples. Another way to think about this section is, what does each person contribute to the triad?

I want to say first that I do think all these couples can be very happy on their own. My claim is just that they'd be happier in the triad, and usually healthier.

Enatsu gain emotional resonance

Enatsu is a sweet ship. Whenever I think of it, I picture late afternoon sunlight, warm and glowing and gentle. But it's a little placid. Atsushi teases En and En bugs Atsushi for things, but there's never any real drama. There's deep emotion there, but it's a calm emotion, like they've already been together for a long time. Drama is usually what leads to change and emotional growth—for an example, just look at episode 8—but that's not its only purpose in a fictional ship. What I'm trying to say is that Enatsu is kind of boring.

I'm sure they don't find it boring. Their first duet song is about how much they enjoy living calm lives. But Kinshirou is a dramatic person who feels everything a lot, and is prone to blush brilliantly or give his loved ones soulful, shiny-eyed looks. He adds nighttime to Enatsu, brilliant stars and deep blues. He brings the depth of emotion to the surface and lets them all feel it more keenly.

Adding Kinshirou to the equation also adds some sparks and excitement. That's the nature of Enkin. With Atsushi there, and with all of them in love, it doesn't get out of hand; it mostly remains as playful bickering and teasing.

Kinatsu gain dynamism

Some of what I struggle with regarding Enatsu is actually worse in Kinatsu. They're tooth-rottingly sweet, but they're such a serious ship. And with the way Kinshirou adores Atsushi and will do anything for him, and the way Atsushi is so accommodating, there's never any drama. I realized a while ago that this is why I struggle with Kinatsu fanfiction. The relationship doesn't generate plot. They don't do anything. They would have very peaceful, serene lives and be happy, but even their friends, who loved them, would think, "Wow, they never do anything interesting. They just drink tea and go stargazing all the time." They're a good ship for fanart, because they're so sweet, and for very short fanfics. For anything longer, there had better be an external force creating a plot, because they aren't going to do it on their own.

And on an in-universe level, as long as they're happy, that's all fine. I'm not saying they would be sad, or that I don't ship Kinatsu. But they could be happier. They could still be glowingly happy and in love, but with more laughter and more surprises as En adds his unique perspective to conversations. They could expand their own interests by paying attention to En's. They could relax. Because Atsushi, with Kinshirou, would become more serious and earnest, and also more uptight. If nothing else, this is a reason to add En: En is good for them both. He keeps Atsushi from getting so wrapped up in Kinshirou that he forgets to chill out. He might annoy Kinshirou with his laziness, but Kinshirou still learns to take it easy sometimes.

Also, importantly, he's there to puncture Kinshirou's ego when Kinshirou gets self-righteous or pompous. Atsushi might be willing to hesitantly suggest that he consider other points of view, but he's too nice, frankly, to take Kinshirou down a peg or two when he really needs it. Kinshirou won't hear gentle correction, or at least won't take it to heart. He won't become a less prejudiced, less elitist person (or at least not for a long, long time) unless someone straight up tells him to knock it off. He needs to be shocked out of his bubble every now and then.

Enkin gain peace and genuineness

The thing about Enkin is that it can go a couple of ways. They have a lot of chemistry, but it's the kind of chemistry that makes for a contentious relationship, with lots of bickering that sometimes escalates into outright arguments. En is much, much less patient than Atsushi, much more likely to comment or tease when he sees something silly instead of thinking, Oh, well, everyone is different, that's just Kinshirou. Kinshirou, though, is way too sensitive to be teased all the time. He'd also react poorly to En losing patience. Meanwhile, he'd get frustrated with En a lot himself, because En is so lazy and so careless. They would have trouble.

What's more, they're from different backgrounds, and Kinshirou has a tendency to be an unthinking classist. He wouldn't intend to hurt En, would in fact try hard not to, but it's hard to unlearn something like that. It takes both time and the ability to see that you're wrong. I think that for this to really happen at all, both En and Atsushi need to be there to help him along. En can snap at him for being awful about his family, but that will only do so much if Atsushi isn't there to mediate and pull Kinshirou out of his defensiveness.

That struggle is a big part of how I interpret Enkin, but I know that it's not as important to most people. Still, I think the rest of my analysis is enough.

Another thing about Enkin, and something that might make it go a different direction altogether, is that, as I discussed, both of them need affection. They need cuddles. They need someone to pet their hair and be sweet to them and make them feel loved. In a couple, they would have to fill this role for each other. And they can. They can be sweet and loving. They can cuddle, Kinshirou can gaze at En as if En's the most wonderful thing he's ever seen, &c. But, as I alluded to before when I discussed Enatsu, this isn't the natural state of their relationship. For the most part, I think that in an ideal non-AU Enkin situation, where they can both act naturally, they kind of poke at each other, trying to make the other one laugh or roll their eyes. Then one of them (99% of the time this is En) grabs the other and pulls them in for hugs while the other one SIGHS but is secretly pleased. Except not so secretly, because they both know full well that the other one likes it.

In an Enkin couple, they can't do that, both because it might escalate and because they both need tenderness. But I don't believe they need tenderness from every relationship they're in; they just need to have a place to go where they can get it. Therefore, in the triad, Atsushi can fill that role. It'll happen without any conscious decisions on anyone's part; that's how Atsushi treats them anyway. That leaves Enkin free to be themselves, in a situation where Atsushi is there to step in if things get out of hand, but where neither of them are likely to get too harsh to begin with because Atsushi's happiness is at stake.

So, to me, Kinatsuen is a relationship of complementary personalities. Most ships are like that, to the people who ship them, but the thing that makes Kinatsuen uniquely beautiful to me is that there are three of them, but they work together better than any two of them would alone.

Of course, the balance of personalities is more complex than a couple's. Kinshirou is very serious and a bit rigid until you get him to relax. Atsushi is the slightly sassy mom friend who just wants everyone to get along. En is the laziest man alive, but he's interesting to listen to. So! En helps Kinshirou relax. Atsushi smooths things over if the atmosphere gets tense, but otherwise contributes to the conversation. He and En tend to think very much alike, but Kinshirou thinks along different lines, which can spin conversations off in interesting new directions that En and Atsushi wouldn't think to explore alone.

Atsushi has some hobbies in common with each of them, but in truth, all of them like quiet. Kinshirou wouldn't quite put it that way, but his hobbies are mostly solitary, and when they aren't, like tea ceremony, he's so contemplative and focused on philosophy that it becomes so. Even kyudo is at heart a solitary affair. It's easy to imagine Atsushi and Kinshirou happily reading in the same room, glad to be in each other's presence but enjoying their books, occasionally commenting to each other about what they read. The best parts of alone time, without having to actually get lonely. En could be reading manga, or he could be napping. They aren't exactly a triad that wants to go out every weekend.

I've done some reading about poly relationships since I started shipping Kinatsuen, and I remember reading that a triad isn't just three relationships. It's four: all the individual relationships between the members, and then the overarching three-way relationship. That's a lot going on, compared to the one relationship in a couple.

It could be chaotic; that fourth umbrella relationship could be a tangled mess. But Kinatsuen's personalities mesh so well that there's harmony instead. En grounds them, despite his flights of fancy; he's laughter, he's levity. The strength of Kinshirou's emotions is unmatched between the three of them, possibly between all the main characters in the show. He gives the relationship a depth and beauty that mixes well with En's teasing and casual gestures of affection. Unfortunately, Atsushi is the sole source of practicality. But he's also the peacemaker: He steadies Kinshirou. He brings out En's fluffier side.

His love is bright and affectionate and calm, whereas Kinshirou's love is deep, unadulterated, and very serious. En mostly expresses his own through touch, and "whoa, that looks good on you", and cryptic comments ("You're like air." "Is that a compliment??"), and trying to keep someone in bed with him longer for morning cuddles. Kinshirou and En can complement each other beautifully, or they can scrape against each other's nerves; the calm vibe Atsushi contributes encourages them to complement. (I know I'm mostly paraphrasing things I said in the previous sections, but I'm trying to pull it all together.)

But no relationship is perfect. Kinatsuen has its flaws. Kinshirou sometimes struggles with jealousy, and En, with feelings of inadequacy. Atsushi occasionally feels overwhelmed. But in all cases, the others are there to help them through it, in different ways depending on their personalities.

There's a bit of a learning curve for them, too, as I mentioned earlier. Firstly, communication is crucial to the success of poly relationships, but Atsushi has a hard time speaking up about things that are bothering him. He has to learn. On the other hand, that means the triad encourages him to grow as a person too.

And Kinshirou has romantic ideas about monogamous love. His journey is the longest. First, he has to realize that polyamory—not a triad, necessarily, because I believe that except in AU situations, Kinatsuen needs to start out as a vee—is a viable option that will make everyone happy (i.e. Atsushi, and by extension himself because it's horrible to see Atsushi sad... also En, he supposes, but that's a lower priority). Then, he has to think about it, and think about it, until the idea is something he feels comfortable enough with to try. He imagines it as a struggle he will endure for Atsushi's sake, which is not a great idea, Kin-chan. Not a great start. I don't recommend going into a relationship with this mindset, but... he's Kinshirou. And actually, the reality is a lot easier than he expects. Livable, frequently even pleasant. It's much easier to be around En, as well, now that the situation is resolved. And from there, their relationship slowly grows until the vee with Atsushi as a pivot becomes a triad.

This is therefore a relationship that takes a long time to happen. Years. I don't picture Kinatsuen as a triad that immediately falls into place, and I have a feeling that some of the struggle people have with the ship is that they try to imagine it happening within weeks and can't make it work. Well, of course not. It needs to be taken way more slowly than that. Kinatsuen requires patience. But the reward is so, so worth it, for the three of them and for the shippers as well.

As for a rec list à la ship_manifesto, I'm very lazy so I would suggest going to the AO3 tag or looking through my /tagged/kinatsuen. There's not enough content that I can be picky about what I recommend.

That about wraps up this post. Thank you for reading! I hope it was thought-provoking, even if I haven't converted you into a Kinatsuen shipper. If anything needs clarification, I can elaborate, although not necessarily at once.