#dressing decent so if i spontaneously alivent ill be nicely dressed for whatever happens when you d!e
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ace-with--a-mace · 4 years ago
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im just so tired man :/
#nobody would care they'd get over it in less than a couple days#idek atp#everything is goin downhill#dressing decent so if i spontaneously alivent ill be nicely dressed for whatever happens when you d!e#sjsjskask thats a joke im sitting in pajamas crying over things im overreacting about lol#dont know what defines mommy issues but i think your mother telling you that you being genuinely sick because (even tho shes a nurse)-#-she decided to have a group of people go out for her birthday n everyone got sick for a couple days but you had it worse cuz you've always-#-had health problems that youre overreacting and if you end up w covid and die nobody in the family will care because youre selfish-#-and a burden counts#the relationship i have w my parents is... very complicated#i can never please her or do anything right w her#i cant have any opinions w both of them too like#i told them about how my teachers are actively deleting my homework submissions and dont read my emails so i get tons of 'missing work'-#-and they dont teach the online portion of the class; but its /my/ fault because im not 'paying attention hard enough'#and even with the bundles of 'missing work' im getting; i have to make sure my siblings finish all their work and if my sibs get bad grades-#-(B's or below) then its my fault and i get in trouble while my sibling gets little to no punishment#make it make sense#so yEah im spiraling in the dark trying to Aliven't but also not cuz thats selfish but its also not because based on my own mom's words:#i could end world hunger and find the cure to cancer but get punished for leaving a plate in my room and get told to 'be more like my young-#-er brother" because he 'washed the dishes' (he doesnt do jackshit i do everything but he gets the credit for existing#honestly the worst part is that the 'rents continue to belittle and insult and threaten me for the smallest fuck up in the other language-#we speak cuz they think i dont know how to speak it. like??? and if i leave so i dont breakdown i get in trouble for being disrespectful#lmao basically legally being able to move out is way too far and i cant take this bs anymore but im afraid of what happens after death so-#im contemplating whether or not i should od lol#tw od#tw suicide mention#tw suicide#oversharing in tags because i can#l speaks#shut up l
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cassandra-acton · 7 years ago
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ORIGINS & FAMILY:
Name: Cassandra Alice Acton.
Nickname: Cassie, Cass.
Birthday: November 8th, 1986.
Age: 31.
Gender: Female.
Place of Birth: Oxford, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom.
Places Lived Since: London, United Kingdom.
Current Residence: Tower Hamlets, London, United Kingdom.
Nationality: British. 
Parents: Michael and Anita Acton (née Redgrave)
Grandparents: Edward Acton (grandfather, paternal, deceased) Renske van Ardenne (grandmother, paternal) Harold Redgrave (grandfather, maternal, deceased)  Hélène de Broglie (grandmother, maternal, deceased) 
Aunts & Uncles: Kathleen Acton-Fortescue (aunt, paternal) Charlotte, Georgina Redgrave (aunts, maternal) Lambert Redgrave (uncle, maternal)
Number of Siblings: One older sister, Elizabeth Acton.
Relationship With Family: To be honest, she doesn’t really have a relationship with anyone except Elizabeth, and her mother tainted it so much that even that one isn’t healthy. It’s a shame, really. As much as she knows she’s better off without them, she still misses her father, in particular. Cassie definitely envies people who are close to their parents.
Happiest Memory: When Harrison proposed to her, without a doubt. I’ll write about it someday. Getting her internship at Goldman is definitely second, though.
Childhood Trauma: I mean the parents definitely fucked her up for life, so there’s that.
PHYSICAL:
Height: 5'4”
Weight: 120lbs.
Build: Slim but very fit.
Hair Color: Blonde.
Usual Hair Style: Whilst working, she almost always wears her hair up in a ponytail, but she hates it. Much prefers to have it down. Keeps it just a little longer than shoulder length because of her dislike of short hair. Is too lazy to style it beyond neatness unless she’s going somewhere.
Eye Color: Blue.
Glasses? Contacts?: Neither.
Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): For work: neat, formal, and inexpensive. Lots of form-fitting skirts, blazers and blouses in blacks and whites. Out of work: a fuck load of jeans. Baggy jumpers and quirky shirts. Picks up a lot of her stuff from charity shops because who has time for fucking shopping.
Typical Style of Shoes: Cassie is never without heels. Prefers bright colours and eye-catching designs to contrast with her typically monochrome/ greyscale outfits during work. About the only part of her outfits she ever spends a decent amount of money on.
Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: The only piece of jewellery she constantly wears is her engagement ring, which she has on a chain around her neck. She has three tattoos. ‘Hip to be Square’ in tiny font on the inside of her right wrist, Harrison’s birthday on her left shoulder blade, and a matching tattoo she got with her friend, Jessica, back in school, on her right forearm. Each got a hand from The Creation of Adam. As for piercings, she has her left ear pierced twice, her right four times, as well as her bellybutton.
Scars: A thin scar that cuts through her right eyebrow; a result of a drunken night out in university during which one of her friends fell down the stairs, and dragged Cassie with her.
Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: When she’s stressed, she has to play with her hair; pulling it, twisting it, whatever. It’s about the only good indicator she’s about to rip your face off because she will do that shit with a smile.
Athleticism: Very high. Cassandra naturally has a lot of energy, and so expends a lot of it keeping fit. Rowed competitively for LSE, and still competes regularly with many of the girls from her old crews, as well as having joined a new rowing club. She also plays a lot of rugby, though never competitively. Loves running and endurance, and almost always competes in the Tough Mudder when it’s nearby, as well as taking part in the London marathon annually. Also gets involved with a lot of charity races.
Health Problems/Illnesses: I think she seriously wavers into depression sometimes, though she’s far too proud to ever get it officially diagnosed. PCOS and all its friends, which is not a fun time. Does over attachment to her dog count? Definitely counts.
INTELLECT:
Level of Education: MSc in Economics and Management from LSE. Cassie finds studying relaxing, however, and often self-teaches about subjects of interest in her free time. Currently, she is working on a course in Arab Finance.
Languages Spoken: English natively, Dutch fluently. French and Mandarin intermediate. Is determined to take up learning Arabic at a later date.
Level of Self-Esteem: Very low. It’s why she aggressively overcompensates with an arrogant attitude. Partly to convince herself, but mostly to convince others.
Gifts/Talents: Surprisingly, she’s actually a pretty good violinist.
Mathematical?: Definitely. It’s sort of her thing. 100% could get a job on Countdown.
Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Usually, emotions, though she tends to berate herself afterward, because she knows—especially given the career she has now chosen to pursue—that she needs to learn to be more logical.
Life Philosophy: Someone else is happy with less than what you have.
Religious Stance: Was raised Anglican, but isn’t particularly religious.
Cautious or Daring?: Absolutely daring. Naturally, she’s a spontaneous person, and I     don’t think being cautious really lends to that.
Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: Being told she’s not good enough. Being criticised when it comes to her work. Being compared to her sister. People bringing up what happened to Harrison. Terrorism in general.
Optimist or Pessimist?: In between, leaning slightly toward the pessimistic side.
Extrovert or Introvert?: Extrovert.
RELATIONSHIPS:
Current Relationship Status: In a relationship with Adam Hassan, Shadow Health Secretary, and MP for Bethnal Green & Bow.
Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual.
Past Relationships: Before Adam, the only person she’d ever been in a real relationship with was Harrison. They on-off dated their whole young lives. They briefly broke up when he joined the army and she went to university because they were worried about ‘distance’ but wound up missing each other too much for it to be a permanent thing. Dated one guy briefly, Matt, a few years after his death, but it scared her so much it took her until Adam to try again.
Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: None.
Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: Not having moved on.
Ever Cheated?: No.
Been Cheated On: Not really. Unless you count that one time, by Harrison, when they were little kids. He kissed another girl on the playground because Cassie had been off school for a week. She pouted and promised she’d never date a boy ever again after that.
Level of Sexual Experience: Cassie’s slept with five people in her life, so limited-ish. Harrison, a brief fling during her first year of university, Matt, Silas, and Adam.
Story of First Kiss: His name was Richard and she only kissed him because all of the other girls wanted to.
Story of Loss of Virginity: The first time she and Harrison tried, they’d attempted to make it a ‘romantic evening’ that wound up being so awkward, they couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually, it happened spontaneously at a school social after party.
A Social Person?: Absolutely. Even though she needs some time to herself every now and again to process all the shit that’s going on in her life, she couldn’t go any extended time without her friends. Cassie has to be in a pretty bad place to cut herself of from people.
Most Comfortable Around: Jessica, and her old work friends at Goldman—they’re the people she’s closest to, and are still like a family to her.
Oldest Friend: Jessica Mirzoyan, a friend she grew up with in Oxford that now also lives in London. She can’t remember a time in her life when Jessica wasn’t in it, they’ve known each other for so long. Basically a sister to her.
How Does She Think Others Perceive Her?: Cassie has an incredibly skewed view of what people think of her. She automatically assumes people think the worst. Look at her like she’s not good enough, just like her mother always did. I think that’s why she keeps most people at arm’s length, because she’s so scared of letting someone in only for them to wind up criticizing her.
How Do Others Actually Perceive Her?: Depends who you ask. Amongst the public she’s very popular for her honesty. Amongst her colleagues back at Goldman she’s respected as a professional cutthroat. As for her critics, they probably just see her as a stuck up bitch.
SECRETS:
Life Goals: To help as many people through her political and charitable work as possible. That’s really all she cares about. Personal goals seem fairly irrelevant to her right now. 
Dreams: To be happy again would be rather nice.
Greatest Fears: Polystyrene and spiders. Why do either of those things exist?
Most Ashamed Of: How bitter losing Harrison has made her. How she still hasn’t been able to get over the anger and the hurt it left her with.
Secret Hobbies: Cassie kind of loves to knit? It’s a good stress reliever when she’s too tired to go running. Not that she’d admit to it, mind you. She’s also not very good. All she can make are the really simple scarves.
Crimes Committed (Was she caught? Charged?): None.
DETAILS/QUIRKS:
Night Owl or Early Bird?: Night owl. Begrudges being alive in the mornings.
Light or Heavy Sleeper?: Heavy sleeper.
Favorite Animal: Hedgehog.
Favorite Foods: Steak. Cheese and crackers. Orange jelly.
Least Favorite Food: Avocado.
Favorite Book: American Psycho – Bret Easton Ellis.
Least Favorite Book: The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Favorite Movie: Burn After Reading. Gladiator. Mars Attacks!
Least Favorite Movie: Shitty horrors in general.
Favorite Song: Mr. Roboto – Styx. If you play that to her, she doesn’t just sing along, she fucking performs it, okay. (Honourable mentions for The Boys Are Back In Town – Thin Lizzy, and What Is Love – Haddaway.)
Favorite Sport: Rugby. Cassie can get pretty shouty about rugby and is a very dedicated Saracens fan.
Coffee or Tea?: Tea.
Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Neither, thank you. That stuff is nasty.
Type of Car She Drives: A dark green Mini Cooper.
Lefty or Righty?: Lefty.
Favorite Color: Pink.
Cusser?: Pretty badly, although she does well to hold her tongue in public most of the time. Has had a few slip-ups that made the headlines. Luckily the general opinion was that it made her seem more normal, and it went down pretty well with voters, if not her critics.
Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: Never used drugs. Occasionally smokes if she’s incredibly stressed and has been drinking. Drinks fairly regularly.
Biggest Regret: Letting her parents fuck her up so badly. Cassie wishes that she hadn’t taken it so much to heart, now that she knows better.
Pets: The love of her life, Brody the Corgi.
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