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firebird-inkheart · 5 years ago

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I had a dream with Kaka/shi in it and, much like all my other f/o dreams, it sure was, ah, vividly interesting.

―――

It started off with the two of us meeting up again after a long time. He said something teasing to me and in retaliation I denied him a cookie (yes, a pleasantly odd start, but still endearing to me in ways I can’t explain). When he sat down though he got quite serious, apologizing to me for not being around to “protect” me when I needed it most. I went on to explain a situation I had been in in the past― which now that I think about it, was actually the state of mind I had been in before I had graduated high school, though it had been phrased as if it had only happened earlier this year; depressed, anxious, and a mixture of angry and afraid due to the circumstances occurring at home at the time ―which made him feel worse. But then I’d gone on to speak about how I’d recovered from it, how I was doing so much better and actually taking care of myself now. I was glad that he’d come back and that he seemed earnest to make things up to me.

He told me that if I ever needed him then he’d just be a call away.

Then there was a bit of a skip here in which I don’t remember how the dream transitioned, but I distinctly recall Prince of Egypt vibes for some reason. I remember a very small scene where I was looking at a file with Kakashi’s info on it, but he was called “Cain” or “Cein”, as if to reference canine I think. And then I was moving on again.

I had been invited to this mansion as part of a research program. What it was for I can’t recall, but there had been something fishy going on with the organizers of it, and I had happened to overhear a conversation I wasn’t supposed to hear. I was part of something big, no more than another experiment myself.

There was a bathroom nearby. I hid in it and locked the door as the man, one of the two organizers I’d overheard, moved down the hallway.

The door unlocked and popped open just a little bit as he passed by. I panicked, but didn’t make a move, hoping he hadn’t noticed a thing. The man kept going. As quickly as I dared I shut the door again and locked it.

A blade ran through the door, and then, to further my horror, the lock popped open again, the man on the other side unlocking it. I tried locking it once more but it did nothing to help as he just unlocked it again. And then he began to hack the door apart while I tried to keep the door pushed shut myself.

I was trapped, weaponless, and terrified out of my mind. I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want to die. The door was giving out in an unnervingly easy manner. I barely remembered what Kakashi had told me; I slammed a drawer from the nearby sink open and used it to block the door while I called him.

It was stupid to think an actual phone call would work. He hadn’t answered. He wasn’t “just a phone call away”.

There was only one way out now, and that was a long way down from the window to the ground. My fear of heights outweighed the fear of the man hacking his way through the door with the intent to ram his sword through me― Of course the acrophobia wins out against the more immediate and pressing danger of death by brutal murder. What else did I expect from myself? I can only sink to the floor, crying and begging to be anywhere else, be with anyone else.

“Kakashi!” I sobbed as the man finally broke through the door. “Kakashi please! I need you!”

To be on the precipice of death is an experience I detest in dreams. My heart would rather give out first from beating so fast― fast enough that it almost seems slow, yet hard enough that it could almost break from it’s cage of flesh and bone, and each beat sends a fire so searing through my chest that I have to wonder if that’s what it feels like to swallow lava before bursting into flames ―before I die of whatever is trying to kill me in the dream. Fearing death at the hands of stranger whose face I can no longer recall, for reasons that don’t make any sense other than I had happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time hearing the wrong thing. It was only a dream, but it had felt real in the moment. Too real.

And then the saving grace arrived, late as usual.

“Yo. Sorry I took so long.”

Tears of fear turned to that of relief; I was still shaken though, too paralyzed to do much more than tremble at that point. Kakashi smiled briefly at me before turning to the adversary, the flash of rage shining brightly in his eye. He wordlessly exchanged blows with the man― wordless because there was nothing he could say that could truly convey the sheer acrimony of what he felt in that moment ―and he knocked the enemy clear out of the room. Then he was at my side, pulling me up and helping me stand. Kakashi bore no reservations about jumping out window if it meant escape. But then again, Kakashi both possessed a set of skills which allowed for him to pull such stunts as well as didn’t possess a glaringly strong fear of heights like I did.

We were running across the lawn, a space so ridiculously vast and it only seemed to keep growing. The man that tried to kill me had only been stunned for a moment, not enough to get a proper lead, especially not with as sluggish as I was. It became a race, a game, then. The pace in which we ran and which they fought was brutal. At times I was running on my own as Kakashi forced the man further back, to keep him away from me. Other times I was only aware of the sensation of his gloved hand wrapped tightly around mine, tugging me forward.

We reached a pond surrounded by lava rock― a feature I only recognized simply because I had grown up surrounded by it my whole life. Kakashi had broken away from me again to clash with the man and his sword. I lost track of them as a blinding light blazed across my vision.

When I could see again, there, standing upon the rocks, was the other organizer, a woman, who had called for my death. She tried to convince me that if I surrendered then and there that I could still be an important asset, that I didn’t have to die, but there were traps filled with razors lining her pretty words. If an asset was so important then murder shouldn’t have been the first means of resolving conflict.

She had a gun cocked and ready. I was right to not believe her.

There was a blur again where I lost notion of how things transitioned, only the brief recollection that I hadn’t been shot, just merely shot at, and that the woman’s head had made personal acquaintance out of the rocks she’d tried to use as a pulpit.

Kakashi had won his battle, nothing to be seen of the man except his sword sticking straight up from the water. But he had not gone unscathed. His shirt was torn, and he had collapsed against the rocks. I managed my way to him on shaky legs, practically crawling towards him near the end. When I had reached him I collapsed on top of him. My arms snaked around his neck and I clung onto him for dear life. There seemed to be no end to my tears that night.

And he wound his arms around me.

Physical sensation is a rarity in my dreams, unless it’s pain, or a bodily reaction to fear. But when he returned my embrace, he felt solid. Whole. Real. There was a pleasant warmth to be found in the arms of someone you loved and who in turn loved you; peace of mind, serenity, safety― An ease in which we simply existed and nothing could hurt us. A feeling I have not often felt in waking life, but treasure always when it visits me in my dreams.

“I’m sorry I was late,” he apologized again, this time with less bravado and more sincerity. “Thank you, though, for believing in me this time.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled into his chest, “for coming running when I called for you.”

The edges of sleep were fraying away into awareness of the world outside. I only had a few more precious moments with him. He seemed to know this too, his hold growing just a little tighter as he whispered in my ear:

“For you then I’m always just a call away.”

#honyo writes #f/o; Kakashi #self shipping #self ship #ask to tag #long post #self ship fic #dreamship ship dreams

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