#drawings I'll regret posting immediately after doing so absolutely

[weaponizedmoth]

Congratulations, you still are alive. Most people are so ungrateful to be alive, but not you. Not anymore. ko-fi | inprnt | commissions

[gaybabything]

OOOH I love those AUs! Also, yessss to almost all of shows you listed. I really liked TOH but I've never really watched any other iterations of tmnt other then Rise.

Hmmm foods... I really like cherries. Also BBQ chicken!

And I do! I draw and write. :DD

What's the back story behind your profile picture? It looks very strange and fun. Do you have any AU ideas/ head cannons you'd be willing to share with me?

-🌻

I am also a big fan of cherries and BBQ chicken!

For my profile picture, it was just a silly little meme I found on pinterest like 3 years ago and decide I would use it cause it was funny!

As for headcanons, for some reason I always hit all my favorite characters with the transgender beam. Like, Jim Hawkins from treasure planet? Bam, transgender. Jim Lake from toa? Bam, transgender. Leo from every single tmnt iteration? Bam, transgender. Zuko? You guessed it, he transed his gender. The list goes on. (Also I forgot to mention Danny Phantom, Gravity Falls, and HTTYD on the last post)

Other headcanons include:

1. All of the Rise turtles besides Mikey love taking baths/swimming cause they're all aquatic. When Mikey was little he'd throw the biggest tantrums ever during bath time while all the others were practically falling over eachother to get in the tub.

2. There had to have been times when the boys snuck out and to the surface when they were little. (Probably how they met April). There was probably a time when they got cornered by a dog or something when they were still little and it was up to Raph to protect them. This gave him a crippling fear of dogs for years until he met a really sweet pit bull. Cause just like him, people look at those kinds of dogs and immediately think "big and scary and will hurt me" but in reality they're absolute sweethearts. Now he's pretty much over his fear.

3. Billy Bones and Captain Nathaniel Flint were totally gay and in love. I will elaborate if you ask but I'll just leave it at that for now.

4. When Hakoda finally properly meets Zuko, Aang, and Toph he just automatically adopts them. They all practically have "adopt me" written in bold letters on their foreheads. He is now the proud father of 5 kids, a lemur, a sky bison, and whoever/whatever else his kids decide to bring home.

5. Now I'm just gonna talk about Tales of Arcadia ROTT for a bit. If you have not seen the show or movie, then I'm incredibly sorry about this long ass rant I'm about to go on. Feel free to skip the next 10 paragraphs.

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING FOR TOA ROTT BELOW THE CUT

In the end of TOA ROTT, Jim was not thinking clearly at all. He had just watched his best friend, one of his father figures, and so many of his other friends die. His entire world was crashing down on him, and he just wanted things to go back to normal. When he used the Chronosphere, he wasn't actually fully in control of how far back it took him. He was just desperate to go back to a time where his friends and family were safe. The sphere picked up on that, and took him way back to the very beginning before anything bad ever happened to him and his friends.

When Toby showed up, alive and 2 years younger than the one he just watched die, all he could think was that he needs to keep him safe this time. In the first timeline, he had the amulet, Claire had magic, and all of his other friends (aside from Steve and Eli) were magical creatures or warriors. Toby was just a human with a hammer. In his messed up state of mind, the only way he could think to keep Toby safe was for him to have the amulet instead. The amulet had saved Jim's life a bunch of times, so it would protect Toby if he was the trollhunter.

I think after things had calmed down, and Jim had a chance to properly think about what he had done, he would regret this decision immensely. Because being the trollhunter puts a major target on one's back. Yes, the amulet protects Toby, but it also curses him with the burden of being some great warrior and protecting an entire species. This would just crush Jim with guilt, because he knows the struggles a trollhunter goes through and he just doomed his friend to them.

Also, the past 2 years of Jim's life was essentially erased. He's 2 years younger, has none of the scars that he's gained over the past 2 years, and is basically in a body that is no longer his own. People who were his friends, his family, the day before, are now back to being enemies or have simply no idea who he is yet. Hell, he was a troll for a year, and suddenly he's back to being a scrawny 15 year old with no proof of what he's been through other than the mental scars. He's barely the same person. He has so many issues. You know he has ptsd, anxiety, and probably body issues because again, he was a troll, and now he's back to being a 15 year old human boy. (Also I headcanon him as trans so him suddenly detransitioning by 2 years would definitely fuck him up a bit.)

His mannerisms have changed, he has different habits than before, and now he has a huge variety of triggers that no one else knows about anymore. For everyone around him, it must seem like he was suddenly replaced with someone else. This causes a lot of tension and issues with people like his mom and Toby.

And Claire. For him, just yesterday they were in love, they had spent the last 2 years of their lives fighting side by side, growing as individuals together. He was probably planning on proposing to her. And now she doesn't even know who he is. Not to mention he is mentally 18 now, and she is back to being only 15/16. I feel like even though he promised her before he went back in time that he would never give up on winning her back, he would be hesitant to do so now. He would probably wait until she's older to try and pursue their relationship again, which would likely tear him apart.

And don't even get me started on everyone else. Blinky was literally his dad. And now he doesn't even know who he is. I imagine that being around Blinky again would be difficult for him. Just yesterday, Jim could call this man "dad". Now, Blinky is back to having 0 parental instincts for this kid and is probably weirded out by Jim's behavior at first. With Toby being the Trollhunter, Blinky would be more focused on him. Jim would essentially be kinda cast aside at first. I imagine he would feel like he's being abandoned again just like with James Lake Sr. Same thing with Strickler. The guy was his step dad, and now he's suddenly back to being an evil changeling who wants to kill them.

And all the little things, that to him are perfectly normal, are no longer known by anyone else. All their inside jokes have lost their meanings. And he knows personal things about people who don't even remember his name now. I imagine that there would be times where they're all hanging out, having a good time, sharing memories. He'd bring up something that to him, is a treasured memory shared by all his friends and family. Only for no one else to understand what he's talking about. He'd have to play it off, say it must have been a dream or he was just remembering things wrong, and it would kill him inside.

And everyone who hangs around him would know that something is off. Something is wrong with him. They would all pick up on the fact that something happened to him, but he never says what. For Toby and Barbara, this would be especially distressing. To them, Jim just suddenly woke up one day a completely different person and they have no idea why. And it's not like he can just admit that he's from a doomed future and has experienced unspeakable horrors.

Okay I have so much more to say on this topic but it is getting long as hell. I honestly should make this a separate post but I'm too lazy for that :/ Also so sorry again if you haven't watched TOA and have no clue what I'm talking about right now...

Anyways! More questions for you! Do you have any au/headcanons you want to share? (Literally any fandom you want to talk about). What are your top favorite colors? And what do you like to write/draw?

[erigold13261]

Yo! I got SUPER spoiled for JJK today at work lol! (so like, kinda spoiler-y post here! So read at your own discretion!)

Eh, decided to put it under a cut because there are a lot more spoilers for the later parts of season 2 and it's a longer post than my liveblogs so someone might see a glimpse of something they didn't want to read before watching themselves.

So first off, I kinda got spoiled for Kento's... end thanks to a tiktok. I only saw a screenshot before I paused the video (and then saved it for later), so all I saw was Kento's face after SOMETHING happened (if I remember then uh, he kinda looked a LOT like Eve at that point, which is kinda ironic considering the Eriverse lol).

I told my coworker about this (and how a youtube video showed the start of Hanami's death less than like 2 seconds into the video that I wanted to save for later). When we were both on our breaks he told me WHO killed Kento and I was like DUDE! COME ON!

I wasn't actually mad lol. It was actually super fucking funny seeing his reaction and like INSTANT regret at me repeating/asking "Wait? ______ killed Kento!?" Absolutely hilarious.

And then later on I was asking if we saw any more cool scenes between the Hidden arc and the end of Kento and Hanami, and this same coworker says "Yea!" And then immediately proceeds to start giving specific detail about Hanami's death instead of a fun scene BETWEEN the death and where I am now!

Lol! I'm not the biggest spoil sport for spoilers, I was kinda hoping to go into Hanami and Kento's deaths blind, but it's not the worst thing that could have happened (also can't wait to see Mahito do a hand puppet Junpei mockery! Make me hate that little bitch some more lol! For good reasons!)

Also, FUCK SATORU! Can't wait to see that fucker die! Blue stopped Hanami from using her domain, and if my coworker is right then we NEVER get to see it! I AM SO UPSET AT THAT! WE GET TO SEE ALL THE OTHER MAJOR CURSES' DOMAINS! WHY NOT HER'S!? FUCK YOU GOJO! YOU RUINED MY GIRL'S MOMENT!

Also also, I can't wait to see Dagon cry over Hanami! OMFG! I want to see more of that little cuttlefish (and his little digimon evolution as my coworker put it lol).

I have the next 2 days off so I'm gonna try and continue the series. Though I do want to draw as well as play a game with another coworker (and possibly the spoiler coworker if I stay on late).

I'll get back to Homestuck at some point. I just keep opening it to Vriskra's introduction scene and then clock back out. Like I don't know why I'm doing this? She seems like a fun character (though a bitch) so I should want to learn more about her.

Don't know why but I think her and Mahito would be buddies lol.

Anyway, little rant over. Major points to gather from this is fuck Satoru and Hanami is love Hanami is life! (and Dagon is babygirl!)

[sorry-i-ship-drarry]

31. Would you come back to me?

Prompt used- doing a pinky promise. This post have been inspired by one of @drarry-is-my-therapy recent reblog and one of @fqirycircle drawing, which is absolutely amazing. TW- ANGST | HURT/COMFORT | Harry's heart had always belonged to the boy by the lake.

" dad" Albus said as he watched his father cleaning off the used utensils

" yea " harry replied looking over his shoulder to his son sitting behind the kitchen table.

" I- I was talking with mom the other day and she told me something " Albus nervously said

" oh yeah, what'd she tell ?" Harry chuckled

" why you guy's really separated " Albus replied. Harry stopped dead for a moment looking blankly at the utensils until he resumed washing, not replying anything yet.

Once done, harry wiped off his hands over his apron, handing Albus the cold coffee he had just brewed, taking one for himself, he sat down in front of Albus with a curious smile.

" so what'd she tell you ?"

" well- she doesn't want me talking to you about these things but I- think I'm big enough to know these things now, don't you think ?" He nervously asked once again.

" well- albus I think you are " harry gave albus a friendly frown and with that Albus immediately loosened up, giving harry a genuine smile.

" so what did she tell you ?" He asked once again pointing Albus to drink his cold coffee.

" well- she told me- that you guys didn't love each other " Albus said

" I do love your mom Albus-"

" just not the same way, right ?" Albus asked. Biting the inside of his cheek harry deliberated whether he should actually let Albus know or not, until he did, knowing if he were where Albus was, he'd want to know too.

Harry nodded hesitantly.

" but you guys seemed to love each other so much? Like all the things you did, I mean i don't get it how could you just fall out of love you know ?" Albus asked a little irritated by the fact that his parents had actually fallen out of love. Harry is suddenly strongly reminded of a very Vivid situation, the situation he'd been so familiar with.

" Albus- I think what you're trying to say is that we Always cared for each other. We often confuse love with care. At much later part of our marriage, before separation we had almost forgotten what was it like to love each other and simply cared for one another" harry explained.

Albus clenched looking at his father, " so you're saying one day we eventually fall out of love ?"

" what- no- Albus, no that's not what happened- hell " harry immediately responded.

" then what happened ?" Albus aggressively asked

" it's- it's just more complicated than it seems Albus but I want you to know that love is real, alright. Just because your parents didn't work out doesn't mean love cannot exists, look at your uncle Ron and aunt Hermione, I've rarely ever seen love like that and hell I can't even tell you how much time they had spent crushing desperately over each other for years. We're sorry- really for setting such a bad example but we're not perfect, nobody is. It's simply is we couldn't make it work and we regret it " harry sighed pushing his hair back from falling over his face.

Albus shoulder slumped down a bits, staring at the water ring on his coaster absent mindedly.

" just say it albus. Don't keep it in " harry encouraged knowing his son was deliberating about saying something.

Albus looked up at harry strangely, a look he had never looked at him with ever before, " she said- that you- you've never truly loved her. She said even though you loved her but a part of your heart Always belonged to someone else "

And everything stopped. Harry's breath caught in his throat, his hand stilled in the air, even his hair on his forehead became still. He was shook Ginny had told him something like that. It wasn't as if harry wasn't ever prepared for such conversations but the way it had twisted into something, it was unpredictable and he found it hard to focus on one thing.

" is it true dad ? That you loved someone else too ?" Albus contemplated nervously.

Harry looked up at albus, not realising when had he ever leant down and cleared his throat to gain his voice back.

" I never cheated alb-"

" I know. She knows that but she says she knew that you Always have loved Someone else too " Albus bit his lip nervously hoping he hadn't offended harry by saying something so personal.

" i- I never thought she'd actually tell you this" harry eyes widened in surprise as he cleared his throat once again.

" w- I shouldn't have bought this up- this is just-"

" hey hey, it's fine- you said you're big enough to know these things now- well then " harry interjected nervously " she's right. I- my heart as she put it, one part of it has always belonged to someone else " harry sighed closing his eyes, glimpsing back in his memories of that one Particular person.

" oh- who ?" He asked curiously

Harry raised his eyebrows, chuckling nervously, not believing it even for a second that he is infact about have this conversation.

" someone" he finally replied.

And with that harry is brought back into his memories from years ago, that one person's laughter resonating in his head, that one smile which was only reserved for him, that voice which echoed in his head every night, as if it was calling harry to it but just as he reached the bottom, there would be another bottom and he would be stuck. Everyday. And as harry started to finally tell Albus about his first love, he flows into his memory of the last day of 5th year after harry had recently lost Sirius and was extremely vulnerable, around the black lake away from everyone, in just his own little bubble with him.

The lake reflected with the red and yellow light of the dropping sun from across the mountain and a faint breeze drying Harry's face covered with tears. He has someone's arms around his shoulder, cooing him, reminding him one day everything would finally be fine but he didn't had it in him to even understand what he was saying. He was crying, heavily breathing because of the heart clenching pain, the void in his heart which had finally filled had now grown bigger, how was anything ever supposed to be fine..

" we need to end this " harry abruptly said

" what ?" He asked confused by Harry's sudden outrage with something complete nuisance.

" we can't- I can't keep doing this " harry replied numbly

" wha- why not ?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows, feeling slightly hurt by such abysmal suggestion.

" don't you see, I lose everyone one day and I- I can't- I don't want to deliberately lose you " harry replied looking at him.

He frowned " you're not losing me harry-"

" then will I not ?" They had never talked about future, only because it remained so uncertain that they hated the idea of future

" no- you will not " he replied

" and you are absolutely 100 percent sure ? Isn't there a possibility someone would find out about us and it'll spread like a wildfire and everyone would desperately try to separate us !" Harry exclaimed

" okay harry- first calm down. Nobody have found out about us in the last one year, it seems highly unlikely someone would-"

" voldemort knows " and suddenly both of their breaths came to a halt. One word and everything they owned collapsed onto the ground as if it was the fragile chandelier hanging on the top of a broken roof.

" how-"

" he can see in my head. We can't keep doing this-"

" then we fight-"

" I'll fight- can you ?"

And there was silence. He wanted to respond that he would but he didn't trust the world, even if he trusted himself. He hated the world. He was weak, fragile and in a fight against the world, he knew he'd always lose, over and over.

" we are on opposite sides of war. Voldemort's came out. He'll be rebuilding his army. Everything is going to change. Even us" harry tried to explain without wanting to break down. This was the first time harry after sirius had sensibly talked but it was self preservation speaking for him, he couldn't afford to lose someone he really loves, once again. For once he wanted to protect his heart, he couldn't roll it over his sleeves when his sleeves were covered with thorns. It would be a death call and he couldn't give in, just yet.

" you and I- people like us don't belong together. The world will never understand us and this is the first fight we'd lose. I want this but it's going to be difficult. We can't be together as Long as we are on opposite sides-"

"Then I'll be on your side- "

" you are " harry responded giving a weak smile

" but I belong on the other side" he replied looking far ahead over the lake as if the realisation had finally dawned upon him. Something he had always known but had now slapped him right in the face.

"yes " harry replied looking at him, Saving in his memories the last time what he really looked like, his smile, his long lashes, his crooked nose, his pale skin, his tinted cheeks, his soft ears, his soft hair, his storm filled eyes, his pink plumped lips he had kissed so often. Saving it away for one day what it would look like in a pensieve.

" we knew what we were getting into but we took the risk nevertheless. It was a deranged path and we knew it from the beginning " harry softly said clutching other man's fingers with his own.

He didn't reply, he just longingly stared at the waters, as if he was remembering them not harry.

" so we give up ?" He finally asked turning to harry with unseen part of his face wet with tears. Harry reached forward wiping away his tear but they didn't stop, they only flooded more with Harry's touch.

" no, we- we promise to come back once again after all this is over" harry smiled softly.

" and you believe there will be coming back after all ? What if one of us- dies " he hesitated In fear of only imagining it.

Harry started at him knowing it was one of the possibilities but wasn't ready for such thing. It was a huge possibility that one day harry might lose " I have hope for us " harry suddenly spoke out loud. The thoughts In his mind had unknowningly reached his lips and there wasn't a going back from that.

The other man stared at harry long enough, he too concealing this part of him for that one day they'd meet again.

" promise me then if we make it through, we'll come back to each other " he asked, his voice sounding not more than a quivering sound.

" I promise that If I make it through one day, we'll meet again and come back to each other" harry replied

" pinky promise ?" He smiled.

Harry chuckled, then nodded

" do you promise ?"

" I promise "

" what happened then ? How'd you wind up with mom ?" Albus asked curiously, a faint yellow light from the evening bouncing over his brunette head.

" did he- die ?" Albus asked almost heart broken

" what- no " harry chuckled

" then what happened ?" Albus asked again

" he- broke the promise. We belonged to someone else much before we could've even belonged to each other. When I met him after the war and his probation, he had changed completely " harry replied reminiscing about the specific day

" then didn't you ever ask him again ?" Albus asked almost jumping off his chair.

Harry gave a small smile " I couldn't "

" but why- what if he had still loved you ?" Albus asked

" as I said he was completely changed. He wasn't the man I fell in love with. He never asked either. It died out over time. Besides I'm pretty sure he had already forgotten about it. Also I think he was engaged by the time we met again, it didn't make sense" harry replied

" then didn't you ever like try to stop his wedding like In those romantic comedies mum watches ?" Albus asked excitedly

Harry laughed picking up their glasses and going over to the sink " she's always loved them. You've got to stop watching them if that's what you're cooking in your head Albus. Real love Is different than what they show, it's not just one fight and making it up. Its so much efforts, fights, pain, drama and so many other things"

" but If it's the right person, it'd never feel like that would it ? If you really love someone then those fights wouldn't be so bad or there wouldn't be pain or drama. It'd be a happy relationship, wouldn't it ?" And in that small sentence albus has unknowningly managed to define true love.

Harry looked at his now grown up son, crossing his arms smiling impressively. And nodded.

Albus sighed in relief, slumping down in his chair. Harry quizzically analysed Albus until his expressions changed to sometimes brief.

" who is it?" Harry asked knowingly

" what?" Albus blushed

" who's this person you're suddenly relating everything to ?" Harry teased poking Albus Playfully.

" there is no one dad" Albus blushed embarassed, jumping off the chair, taking a few steps back.

" come on- I told you my story. I atleast deserve to know who it is " harry smirked crossing his arms in front of him

Albus sighed rolling his eyes" he's from school"

" ooh, someone from school. Like father like son" harry teased

" dadd " Albus whined blushing

" okay- fine, fine. Who is it then ?" Harry asked giving up with the teasing.

" it doesn't matter, he doesn't like me " Albus sighed crossing his arms in front of him in disappointment.

Harry carefully analysed Albus's face again, remembering exactly the same way he felt "it's the Malfoy kid, isn't it ?"

Albus's eyes suddenly shot up in surprise.

" how did you-"

" you're my son. Of course I'd know" harry sighed uncrossing his arms and stepping forward and placing them in the kitchen table, leaning forward.

" don't make the same mistakes I did. Ask him out. Write to him maybe. I'm sure he'd agree " harry suggested.

" mistake ? What mistake did you make ?" Albus asked curiously.

Harry gave him a firm smile before he putting his hands away from the table to his sides " it's a story for some other day, your mom is gonna be here to pick you up in an hour. Do your stuff and we'll talk about it next week? What say ?"

Albus frowned before letting go and nodding.

" one last question dad "

" shoot" harry said as he started washing those used cups again

" did you ever love mom as much as you loved that someone ?"

Harry smiled this time not stopping " I- love like that happened only once. I loved your mom a different way. I loved him a different way "

" but who'd you love more then?"

Harry turned around to see Albus standing there leaning over the kitchen table curiously " I will not answer that. Now enough with my love life. Go do your homework " harry said a little sternly in his father like adamant voice.

Sighing Albus gave up.

" okay, just one question, I promise " Albus plead again. Harry sighed before nodding.

" if now he came back in your life and asks you for a second chance, would you go back to him ?"

Harry smiled Shaking his head" yes- yes I would "

The next week when Albus came back for the stay, he seemed far excited than anything else. As soon as Ginny had left, Albus squealed.

" whoa there squirrel, what's got your knickers in a twist ?" Harry chuckled

" I've got an invitation. Can we please go to scropius's place. He offered for a while. I'll promise we can come back and do homework, he really wants me to see his collections. Can we please dad, please ?" Albus gave harry his puppy eyes in desperation..

Harry sighed before nodding.

" for an hour.. "

And with that after an hour, they flooed to scropius's place. The Malfoy manor.

They were recieved with a rather very pleasant place. It was no longer a dark, submerged place, it had been refurbished with mostly white and brown. It seemed like an entirely new place. Not one part of Malfoy manor looked like what it did ages ago ,and yet harry liked it better. It was welcoming. And just then he walked in, with scropius.

" potter "

" Malfoy" harry sternly nodded at Draco, losing himself again in that brief reminiscents of the past. He hadn't changed even a little bit as he remembered him from the day by the lake, yet everything had changed. Everything.

" we're gonna go " Albus didn't even wait and ran off with scropius, leaving harry and draco alone, both staring at each other thinking how the other had forgotten of the promise..

( I've really been writing shit lately. Anyways hope you liked this one, I'd been very excited for this one but It haven't turned out as good as I wanted to, so .. )

Requests open

Part 2 & 3

Day 30- scared, potter | Day 32- reasons not to be in love with Draco malfoy by Harry

[justrandomselfships]

Little steps- my self insert Fic (S/I POV) with a bunch of silly illustrations! Oh did I mention that this involves Kaeya? Well he's the main focus here even though Lisa is mentioned shit ton of times! Might write something for her focus too someday.

I finished it ages ago but I was afraid to post it- I'm not anymore and also✨ it's my birthday ✨

~~

Ever since I joined the knights I decided to write in a diary, it helped me keep track of time. Lisa told me that it can help me in various ways, like for example remembering names of the other knights, or checking my personal progress. Now that I think about it, it was long since I checked my old entries. Nothing interesting happened today anyway so I might as well read some. I don't really remember anything that was going on when I started so I suppose I could refresh my memory.

Today Lisa wanted to introduce me to someone- she probably wanted to help me by looking for training partner for me, however I had to refuse. You probably remember why was that, I got scared of meeting someone new again. I couldn't get that mess on her shoulders when she has so much to do as it is! And there was no way I'd meet them alone it'd be too akward for both of us!

I remember the exact moment I tried to come up with an excuse for future me... It kinda made me giggle how stupid I am sometimes, but let's look at something else...

I've never felt as lonely as I do now, I don’t even know why. I don’t miss anyone nor I ever craved any interactions... But to make that feeling go away I thought about talking to Amber but when I left the house she was talking to Noelle and I got scared to approach them... Instead I decided to sketch something and stay inside for the rest of the day.

I immediately looked at my sketchbook, I don't even have to look inside, I was drawing what's outside my window like always. Maybe I'll find some better memory if I keep looking?

During my patrol I got a bit lost... It was scary... But I wasn't alone, an Adventurer found me... However he got lost too. It was a bit unlucky day since I picked the wrong maps, we also got attacked a few times by monsters. I kinda feel bad for him since he tried his best to cheer me up but I stayed silent. It should've been other way around a knight shouldn't le

Bennett! How could I forget his name when I was writing this? He was such a sweetheart I obviously had to mess it up and make him feel uncomfortable... But I did make up for it! Maybe I'll finally read something positive? I somehow can't remember how exactly that went... Or if I was daydreaming about apologizing?

I decided to bake something for Bennett as thank you and apology for acting so cold towards him. But I had no idea on how to find him... Or what to say... So after thinking for few minutes I decided to talk to Katherine and ask her to give it to him. After "talking" to her I locked myself in my room out of embarrassment, I messed up again. I just said "Bennett" placed my pastries and left. Now I probably won't be able to face her for at LEAST two months.

I cringe at the memory... Gosh now this will keep me up at night for sure... I finally forgot about it and now it'll haunt me.

Wait a second... Did I really not made any progress at all!? I was trying so hard to socialize with others and get out more but I seem to still not be able to do it right. No, it's impossible. I'm good friends with Lisa! So I definitely made any progress... Or is she just so easy to talk to? Time to take a final look at something recent for a change...

Capitan Kaeya Alberich wanted to talk to me outside work... It might not sound like a big deal but somehow I just froze... I wasn't able to respond properly and he probably guessed what I was going to say, not that he ever can't do that... I might be too predictable. Either way I feel bad, my behavior was really disrespectful and I knew better than that to just ignore someone like him. I still have much to learn and I'll need to properly apologize for staying silent.

I only ever failed... There is no mistaking it. Great way to note down progress huh? Too bad there is none.

Think, what do I need to do to finally do better? I am the problem for sure but what do I really need to change? Maybe I should just start observing how others act... After all I never bothered to do that. It might help in one way or another...

Obviously there's only one place where there is a lot of people and I won't look like a total creep if I'll just listen in the conversations and look at random people... It's no other than the tavern. I'm scared to go there alone... But I don't have to!

Lisa would be willing to go right?... Then again I rely on her a bit too much and going out like this could be an opportunity to break the ice with someone else...

Jean is always busy, Amber will be way too distracting and we might end up somewhere else, Eula is too scary, Venti... I don't even know why I'm considering him.

Maybe that offer from capitan Kaeya still stands? It's from bearly 2 weeks ago so maybe if I get lucky and he happens to still be interested, I can actually go...

What am I even thinking!? I didn't even apologize for the last time... But being around so many drunk people is terrifying... However I can't bet on the fact that he won't drink too much... On the other hand he seems to handle people and I'll definitely learn something.

Screw it. It might be scary but I need to do it. Tomorrow I'll ask him! That's for sure! He's the most respectable and trustworthy person who isn't always busy and will not distract me.

~⏳

I'm scared to do it but I have to! I need to... Did I really say that I'm gonna do it today? Or should I just pretend that I never thought of it. He's probably busy today. Yup definitely that no need to feel stressed.

I haven't seen him back at the headquarters nor did I see him around town when I was coming back from my patrol- that's a good sign. It's still pretty early but I don't think that I'll see him today... What a relief!

Before I left the headquarters after finishing some paperwork I hear a voice that belongs to a beautiful librarian I am lucky to be able to call a friend.

"Hey there cutie, are you okay?"

"Just a little bit nervous that's all, nothing new haha"

"Do you need me to pass a message again?"

"No need! It's something I need to say myself..."

"I see..."

"But if you happen to see capitan Kaeya it would be nice if you could tell him that I was looking for him" out of habit I grab my hair and begin to play with it. Lisa's warm soothing voice blessed my ears as she said "No worries darling, I'll let him know" before she left and giggled to herself...

Wait... Oh no.

Why did I say anything!? Is she that magical that I can't say anything but what's on my mind.

If she happens to meet him my request will be unavoidable! Even if I tried thinking of something else Kaeya will know that I'm lying. I can't avoid him either... Can't waste his precious time...

How do I even ask him!? Do I need to change from my work clothes before I go? What should I do...

I didn't realize that I started walking in circles before someone approached me.

"Heather?"

I turn around and see the man I was thinking about all day. Dammit... I have to say it. I can't think of an excuse and staying silent is now unacceptable.

"Oh-uhm... Greetings Capitan Kaeya"

"Lisa informed me that you were looking for me"

"Oh right!... That... Haha..."

"I don't want to rush you, however I do have some business to attend to"

"I'm so sorry! I mean- since you're busy then my silly request is irrelevant"

"Come now, I believe that I should be the judge of that" his smug look made it ever so slightly more challenging to say anything.

"I just... Ugh..." I took a deep breath "Look as you know I was trying to loosen up recently and well I realized that I wasn't making any progress at all. So I remembered that one time you asked me to go to the tavern with you and I refused... I mean ignored you, which I am VERY sorry about but now I think that it was a mistake and today I wanted to ask you to accompany me but since you're busy let's just forget about everything" I felt relieved getting that off my chest.

"I don't think that will do, in fact I was heading towards the tavern so if you really want to I suppose you can join me" Oh right... I forgot about him gathering some information there from time to time. So it might work after all! He won't pay too much attention to me and I could investigate without tons of distractions.

"Let's get going then capitan" I say before he smiles softly in response "Wait do you want to get going now or-"

"Yes" he cut me off, which was fair and I'm glad he did it before I said something dumb.

We're almost there. Before we get closer I suddenly stop.

"That reminds me!" I realized I spoke out loud, as he looked at my direction my confidence dropped dead "I've never actually tried any alcohol so would you be so kind to recommend something for me? I figured that since I'm already getting out of my comfort zone might as well try something new" I said under my breath but he definitely understood what I meant judging by his facial expression and well... response.

"Absolutely" my heart skipped a beat. I desperately tried to start a conversation topic... But choosing alcohol might be something I'll regret...

Kaeya started listing few drinks I could enjoy his words were poetic as he described the beverages, however the names of the drinks went over my head. It wasn't that bad but I just felt stupid over how clueless I was. He definitely knew what he was talking about and I'm more than interested in hearing more. The more he talks the less likely I am to say something I'll regret.

"Obviously since I don't know how much you can handle I won't be forcing you to try too much too soon" he paused "Your father probably wouldn't be happy either if you returned drunk" he said teasingly. It invited me to respond less seriously.

"Oh no! This means that we'll have to do it again, how awful"

"We didn't enter yet so you can feel free to leave now before you regret spending time with me of all people" his voice was now suddenly much more hostile... Did I mess it up!?

He laughed softly "I'm sorry did I go too far? While I don't want to force you to do anything, I won't lie... I'm a bit curious to learn something new about you tonight"

We were still outside standing right in front of the entrance to the tavern if not for chatting we could hear from the inside there would be total silence.

"I'm sorry for being quiet again! It's just that you caught me off guard haha" I look away "There isn't much to know about me so I feel like I'll only disappoint you"

"I'm not so sure about that part"

"Wait... Did my father tell you anything about me!?"

"Look let's just get inside, We'll discuss it later"

Nervously I followed him yet again. The atmosphere was warm and I could see different kinds of people all over the place. We sit down.

"So did he tell you anything?" I ask immediately.

"Relax, he didn't" he seemed amused by my desperation to know. It's understandable... And I'm probably overreacting anyway. I collect my thoughts "I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm just making this into some big deal for no reason. Maybe the reason is the huge amount of respect I have for you that makes me freak out"

"I see, well I don't see the reason to be so formal now. We aren't working after all" his soft smile was enough for me to calm down.

"Thank you" Maybe it was all I needed to hear, after that everything went smoothly.

I start feeling proud of myself... Maybe I can change after all? Either way it only shows that I have to write it down! And once I was back home I did just that.

Today I had enough courage to take a step in right direction! I went to a tavern with capitan Kaeya. It was fun and for the first time in years I wasn't that scared. It wasn't totally perfect but it was definitely worth it.

[callioporstrider-blog]

Admin 2/4: Muse

Hello loves~ I am the brains of this operation. Haha no. Just kidding. Really I'm more like the left hand. Kinda just there to keep things rolling along. Unless you're left handed like me that is. If that's the case. Lefties unite so we may slowly take over all offices of government and rule as the dominant race. We already have the majority in the presidents office. He (speaking about presidents historically in general) ties his shoe laces with OUR HAND first when loop de looping that bunny rabbit.

Getting off topic. I do that alot.

Anywho, I'm not called Muse just cause I have a tendency to roleplay and strongly identify with a certain Muse of Space. After long hours of inner monologue-style debating I've come to the conclusion that am a Creative. I enjoy doing the art draw-y thingy and writing. I also enjoy playing piano and singing. I'm not the best but it's what keeps me moderately sane.

I'll be posting headcannons here from time to time along with art and the occasional story when I'm half asleep and ready to be filled with immediate regret. I may not only post Homestuck as I'm pathetically obsessed with musicals and anime. But aren't we all here? At least on this side of Tumblr? How deep are you delving into the rabbit hole to even be reading this??? Honestly.

Also. My friends are absolute beans and I love them. Unlike Daddy I am perfectly fine with gushing about them. And since best friends day was not 24 hours ago I might as well summarize that if I was trapped on a desert island with a single chocolate bar and a postage stamp and I somehow found out one of then skipped breakfast I'd ship that delicious mofo to them in a heartbeat.