#dr glass upon psychically intuiting that I have posted this somehow

[elodieunderglass]

hello elodie. please enjoy this high expression of grass fandom in the form of an entire chapter on cricket pitch grass : link dot springer dot com / chapter / 10.1007 / 978-981-99-2913-9_6 what do you think the funniest alternative cricket pitch groundcover would be

Article here: https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-981-99-2913-9_6

This was published in Springer Transactions in Civil and Environmental Engineering. The article's abstract starts off with a completely new series of words:

One of the main reasons for a fast and bouncy wicket is uniform, deep-rooted grass growth in turf pitches. 

It has long been understood that academic language makes all things preternaturally serious, and writing in this style conveys things with accuracy and precision. It is also well-known that any description of cricket, whether oral or written, is almost impossibly silly. Writing about cricket in academic terms instantly creates a sort of battery-acid cocktail! The "fast and bouncy wicket" spontaneously reacts with the seriousness of the premise, and curdles, instantly. I think everyone should drink this.

After reading the abstract alone I genuinely can't recommend another plant for cricket pitches. The considerations are hyper-intersectional, they're intersectional on dimensions I can't even comprehend, there are factors reaching into the seventh dimension of spacetime. We have to consider so many factors: pace, bounce, spring, tension, wickets, stickiness. I can talk about rhizomes, but I am utterly undone by cricket. You can explain to me the difference between a googly and a doosra as a form of psychological torture and I will simply look up at you, like a weasel in a trap, saying back to you, "I will escape from this and learn nothing." What other groundcover should we plant for cricket pitches? I am already gone. I am leaving. I have evaporated from this place by transposing my molecules. I think we should pave cricket pitches in trampoline material