#dr boris habit made it better

[x-crowmancer-x]

Who???? Was gonna tell me????? my Smile for Me PS5 Physical Copy had things inside???????

Well, hurray surprises!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

[the-witchs-cafe]

Dr. Boris Habit from Smile for Me would turn into a witch in Puella Magi Madoka Magica!

Cause of Witchification: Trying to make the best out of his deeply troubled life - a life riffled with pain, hurt, shattered bones and teeth -, he tried to make everyone around him smile; his mind having made the connection between genuine happiness and good teeth. People like his parents and the other kids who have tormented him so all have beautiful teeth- why must they insist on frowning all the time? What have they done to deserve them?

He also wished to become a florist in order to achieve that dream and attain his own personal happiness, but his parents had forbidden him from pursuing that field and become a doctor just like them; whether that is due to possible classist beliefs or implied homophobia is currently unknown. Eventually, he ended up becoming one...he became a dentist.

He tried so desperately to make people happy; but, despite his best attempts, his patients would often run away oh-so afraid. His growing frustrations, his accumulating stress, his dissatisfaction with his job, and all his failures were weighing on his mind; it was just a matter of time before he finally cracked.

Also, have you even SEEN this game's aesthetic? If one hadn't known better, they would have assumed they've already entered a labyrinth.

Requested by anon.

[valleyross]

Author's notes: For @rhetoricalsoapbox for the Smile for Me Secret Santa 2023, it took me awhile to finish this as much as possible after my life been catching up.

I hope that the Russian accent is done justice here and thank you @sfmsecretsanta

"First Christmas with you." (College student! Boris Habit x Genderneutral Reader.)

Summary: You finally visit your boyfriend, Boris Habit in the holiday season after getting busy with other responsibilities in life.

Words: 1,500

Content warning: Abuse coming from family relatives(mentioned)

You knocked on the door of the house that belonged to your boyfriend. Assuming that since it's Christmas, he possibly has the most free time after all, being in college must have taken a lot of energy.

It doesn't take a while for him to open the door to reveal the restless giant green man with the hair silhouette for tree leaves.

“Ouh!! Ets… Ets uuuu!!” Without a moment, Boris pulled you into a tight hug before smashing your lips into his, it's been weeks since you haven't seen him during this break.

“Leet's com insid-e! I know u were com!” Dr. Habit smiles very wide as much as possible whenever it comes to you, despite it being Christmas currently, he doesn't seem to over-decorate it either.

Over the observations, there are his finished paintings hanging over the walls that are intentionally for the secret project he rambles on multiple occasions with you.

Dentistry isn't his choice, as if his parents can let him breathe for once. It doesn't make it any better that he's nowhere easy to comprehend his human needs.

Coupled with unfinished paper pieces over the ground, an incomplete living paper has the head shape of a pentagon.

“Remember zecret project em doing?” Boris asked playfully as the rest of the papers were scattered around the corners of the room, the paperwork in front of the couch, and the materials placed on the coffee table.

“There zhe esss!” Boris introduced the unfinished project enthusiastically in front of you.

“Ah! Incredible ” You were amazed at his extraordinary skills so far after the progress that's being made.

“Esnt Carla beautefull?" Boris fidgeted his fingers through the paper pieces he made that were intact with the rest of the body.

“Yes, she is!” You caressed the top of her head while observing the texture and Boris himself as there's ongoing worry building up in your stomach.

“Steel been vorkeeng on zhe rest uf zhem! “ Boris rambles at the speed of light, while you're catching up with it.

“Zhey buh-ries frooom atteeeen-dants, to! Zher lik my beeebies!!” He's at the high stakes of energy that he's going to implode at any moment.

“Does this mean that I also raise them?” You raised your eyebrow curiously, considering that it feels like this is how both of you start a family earlier 

“Of course, wee can do et togedzher!” Boris chuckles faintly, as a result, he's getting more restless as this conversation goes by.

Meanwhile, It shriveled you up at the condition of his place where you noticed that he didn't look content. Under those circumstances, in this case, this looks recent with the way his plans have gotten in this state. 

You turn around to notice the fragments of his broken cup over the floor, before scanning at the rest, additionally, you can also see the many plates at the sink.

Although it may be true that other responsibilities exist in life, besides needing to get a part-time job just to pay enough money for survival.

“Es dhere somedheng I said wrong?” Boris asked concerningly after the long silence. 

“Are you okay?” You're fidgeting your fingers, noticing the tense eyes of your boyfriend who has been looking for every single thing he needs.

“Uh yes, Em owkay!” Boris replied shakily, something restraining him from responding properly.

“Boris, You trust me right?” You are reaching into his cheeks to caress them, your breath getting heavier at every moment you take.

Boris was shocked for a second, before looking down, just trying to come up with anything.

“Why didn't you say how bad it was?” You were noticing how severe his state is becoming.

He froze in place, his eyes widened from how he was able to make sense of this situation.

On the contrary, this is something he isn't always used to…  Not even a one bit when he started dating you from the hassles back in college to this.

Boris wanted to make this work for once, he already failed at anything else and he's not going to screw this one either.

“Doont knov eef u are fene seeng me leke dis.” There have been overlapping thoughts through his mind, he wonders what you are going to feel about it.

“Does eveeerydhing matter anymore if em a boorden to you?” The tears are forming in his eyes, he's having a difficult time with his thought process on how to unfold them.

“Boris, no!” You leaned close to him before his body crumbled down right in front of you.

“Even if em a faeluuure? Everytheeng I do is uuuseless!” Boris started hyperventilating, furthermore, the emotional strain that's been haunting him everywhere he goes, every time he's almost as fine as he claims himself to be.

“I-I'll neeevor beee able to make theem happy! Everything I do is just a waste of teeme! They're not happy!” He brought the dead flower from his lab coat, hugging it with his palms towards his cheek.

“I don't theenk I'll do same to uuuhhh…” Boris sinks to his knees, a couple of thoughts are coming through his mind at the speed of light, the heaviness of the trauma, and the fact that he felt that he wouldn't be able to find solace in anything.

“Boris, Listen to me.” You circulate his shoulders to ease him down for a bit.

“You still matter...” Your eyebrows furrowed with your fingers intertwined into his.

“H-Hooow cooomes? It's noot leeke I chose dhis…”

“Everything about you is admirable, nothing can change that.” You are caressing his auburn hair curls that are wrapping around your fingers although he hasn't taken a shower, you don't care about it at all.

“Whatever your parents say doesn't define you. Boris!” Your eyes began soaking further, before planting a kiss over his forehead.

Boris suddenly hugs you tighter, not to the point of suffocation, in addition to this… He never gets to feel something new whenever it comes to vulnerability.

“There there, love.” You continue caressing his hair, holding him close that you both aren't going to let go for a long period.

“Pleease doon't leeave mee…” Your lover sniffles, he knows that you are all he has, 

“Shhh, I'll stay here as long as you want…” It's been about an hour and a half together with the comfort that's being wrapped between you and Boris, Only the beautiful ambiance and the sweet melody you whisper as he listens.

You shifted your focus into your boyfriend's eyes as he's finally relaxed after the intense breakdown, Boris was almost embarrassed to show all of it but you didn't mind it in the slightest.

“Do you want hot cocoa with me?” You raised your head with curiosity before Boris formed a smile.

He agreed that hot cocoa causes him to feel warm inside whenever it comes to the sensation. It's an opportunity for both of you for longing intimacy.

-----------

You were lying down on Boris’ chest while resting on the couch together, he was almost going to fall asleep from the amount of bliss he felt just being with you.

It's been intimate time between them, just drinking hot cocoa together.

“Lof?” Boris caressed the hair of his lover,

“Yes?” You glance at him curiously.

Boris sighed before opening his mouth.

“It's that when it's between us.” He gives a genuine smile, keeping that contact steady.

“Someedhing fulfeelled mee more dhan before.”

“Oh…” You shudder swiftly 

“Soory, am foorward with zheese?”

“Nope.” You shake your head. “Well, I suppose that this special day must been this nostalgic for you.

“True enoough,  et's something I've been lackeng in a wheele.” Boris takes a sip from his hot cocoa. 

“I vanna espreess eveerytheng hov muuuch you bloomed my garden from the moment I saw you.” He leaned closer to you.

“Oh, Boris…” You were taken back by how passionate he gets, no matter how much he pulls this, it's always endearing to see him worship you.

“Ur only peerson vho has faeth en me, I make sure to neeever leet you down”

“There's been seeds being planted on how bright your future would become.” You grinned up at him. 

“You mean so much to me, I'll never leave you alone… Boris Habit.” You hold him closer before nuzzling up to him.

Boris almost tears up from hearing almost every single thing you say as both of you are spending the night that makes his Christmas bring him joy. He's grateful for meeting you from the college, over time he grew to show something that Boris hasn't done to others.

He's formerly someone familiar with the certain emotions that pent him up but also reveals the majority of the ‘ugliest’ side that he's not comfortable with at first.

He's happy to love someone that will cherish him for who he is, rather than being dictated to by his parents to prevent him from making any change in his life cycle, new flowers growing in the fields.

[papercutsunset]

OKOKOK. You're going to regret asking, but you're going to get some answers.

riding a bone snake like a mechanical bull:

Tiff briefly went to Canada to fight a necromancer named Boris Covington. He sent her, a local teen, a dog, and a rat to a pocket dimension where he keeps all his extra bones for ease of access. Inside this pocket dimension, there's a pile of bones that was concealing a giant snake (also made of bones) that immediately attacked Tiff and Elton.

From THA, Chapter 22: Just Like Power Rangers:

jarring boris covington's genitalia:

Tiff works for a woman named Dr. Katherine Deseret. This means nothing until you remember that Kit's original field of study (aside from midwifery and then acting as a town doctor in a small mountain town) was kind of Frankensteinian. She caused Tiff to form two habits that are relevant here: creating wet specimen jars (like she did with some alien eggs in March) and collecting the research and journals of people like Dr. Garber, Zacharias Cain, and Boris Covington.

Tiff also has a pet rat who is also an alien (Em, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry. Don't be mad at me for what Cody and I did to him). Kepler has a habit of biting the genitals of wizards in an attempt to protect Tiff from them. For the record, he usually doesn't succeed in biting anything off.

So, he bit Boris Covington's genitals. They came off. Tiff had to cauterize the wound and perform an urostomy in a basement while calling Kit for help. This explains it a little better (THA, Chapter 31: Jarring):

getting married to 1997 tunnel massacre icon caroline bradshaw

In July 1997, a group of teens held a party (classic sex, drugs, and booze outfit) in the tunnels running under Lake Wonder (the town, not the lake). Caroline Bradshaw, AKA Bloodsaw, was not supposed to be there. She crashed the party at her girlfriend's request and was one of the characters who didn't drink a wine cooler. (I'm pretty sure she didn't drink anything, even though her plan involved that and violence.) The night quickly turned sour when people started massacring each other, including a local celebrity/katana guy called The Mermaid, who went to kill baseball player Harrison Bergeron. Bloodsaw intervened and lost her life in that particular incident (which is silly, considering that Harrison also died. I think it was a drug overdose. I really can't remember.) The only survivor was a teenage girl named Laura Mandarin (who was Bloodsaw's girlfriend, secretly).

In the months following this, Caroline Bradshaw took the blame post-mortem for what happened (since it was already easy to pin blame on her, given her various acts of homosexual violence).

Flash forward to May 2023. An angel named Almiel resurrects Bloodsaw, gets her a job working at her brother-in-law's bookstore, and tells her to just kind of hang tight. Bloodsaw being Bloodsaw, they absolutely hate this, they hate their new coworker, and they spend two weeks letting resentment build before they steal a computer, steal a car, and try driving to Wyoming to find Laura.

I swear to God that all of that's relevant-- because, unfortunately, Bloodsaw stole Tiff's computer, so she stowed away in the stolen car. That means she was there when the car broke down in Goldmire, Utah, and she's the one who dragged Bloodsaw to a carnival in the first place. It was, of course, full of killer clowns. The only way to infiltrate their cult was to declare their devotion to the cult and to participate in a marriage ceremony (because Tiff panicked again).

And, of course:

They keep forgetting to get divorced. I'm pretty sure the current state of things would be that they started the paperwork and then forgot to finish it.

pretending to be engaged to a christian guy version of your co-worker's girlfriend

In addition to working at the Book Nook, Tiff also has an internship at the morgue. (It's an internship at this point, since this is Beach Day and thus December 2022.) While the pathologist there is the aforementioned Dr. Deseret, there's an autopsy technician working there named Kay Clark, who is dating a mechanic named Mikey Sullivan. They're very sweet together, especially considering they only really met because Mikey killed someone, and Kay ran away because she didn't want to eat the body.

Tiff was fishing with her grandfather, who noticed that she was wearing a ring on her left hand (nevermind that it was white and on her middle finger) and assumed she was engaged, so Tiff panicked and ran with the lie. (She keeps doing this.)

From Beach Day, Chapter 22: Tiff Gets Engaged:

getting into a sword fight with your grandpa (who has a gun)

Zacharias Cain is not a great man, so when Tiff found out something he did back in the 1970s that flies in the face of pretty much any moral code aside from his, the only way to put a stop to any of it was to fight him about it. He had a gun; she had a sword that wasn't even hers. (I would put in a little excerpt, but this fight takes chapters and really only ends when she smacks him with a Baby Jesus outside his house.)

taking boris covington for a little drive after he killed somebody

So, after the urostomy, Tiff and Elton went back to the hotel she was staying at because she was bleeding out. While it wasn't going to kill her, it was very messy and not great for her very human body. While they were there and chatting with an elf and his author husband about a book of spells and a ritual they could conduct to heal her (since her bag got sent to the Bone Zone and she couldn't heal herself), Boris Covington apparently freed himself and made his way to the hotel where he killed the night clerk, attacked Elton, and announced that he was going to kill everyone in the room.

This, of course, means that Tiff threw a jar of formaldehyde at him, chased him down the stairs, hit him with a vase, and put him in her car. (This isn't even her car. She usually drives a motorcycle.)

THA Chapter 34: Tiff Kidnaps A Man (For Real This Time):

trying to bite boris's nose off and missing so badly

So, while she was driving, her heart stopped beating. This kind of resulted in her, you know, dying. Since the universe is keeping her alive (that asshole), she was just kind of... still around, albeit largely emotionless, and therefore remorseless. Since she tends to operate largely on wonder and remorse, this isn't great for her sense of morality, so she immediately tried to bite Boris's nose off when she heard he was going to die.

These are all, obviously, things I wouldn't do. I'm so marriageless, I wouldn't bite someone's nose off, I don't care for horses or mechanical bulls, and neither of my remaining grandfathers would ever try to fight me with a gun at an abandoned chapel in the woods. (Perks of having a JW grandpa, I guess. He's not going to fight me at a damn Kingdom Hall.)

There's a lot more that she's done (mostly murders), but these are just kind of funny to me.

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[pissmaster360]

I keep reading your habit birthday comic n it's so cute but I hope he has a comfy place 2 rest after passing out. Poor dude hchvf.

Gosh ah this ask made me so happy when I saw it thank you so much,I'm glad you like it so much!

Well I hope Kamal's mattress is comfortable. But heres how I think it might've gone down

[smileposting]

trying to make sense of my 3-year-long special interest in smile for me: a retrospective.

Foreword

jeezus creezus, what a journey this has been! if you’ve been following this blog for the past couple of months, you’ll recall that this was originally supposed to be a video essay - unfortunately, once i hit the video editing stage, it quickly became apparent that this was not feasible with the setup that i currently have now and the timeframe that i was working with. still, i was determined to get this out on may 31st somehow. i originally planned to publish this on another blog and then reblog it here, but most of the hype i’ve generated for this retrospective was generated on this blog, so i figured i might as well cut out the middle man and maybe reupload this on a neocities page some time in the future.

first of all, a quick content warning: this retrospective contains discussions of mental health, suicide, implied homophobia, dental malpractice, and obviously, spoilers for smile for me and its epilogue. also casual profanity. i don’t think anyone who follows me really cares about that last one, though.

secondly, i believe some thanks are in order! thank you to my friends arthur, freddie, gaby, and bri, as well as my wonderful girlfriend clover, for proofreading this back when it was a script! thank you to @coelpts​ for agreeing to answer a couple questions that ended up having a huge role in influencing how a certain section of this essay played out. and lastly, i thank all of you for giving me the confidence to see this retrospective to the very end, even if it wasn’t in the original format i was aiming for. i may gripe and grumble a lot, but i really do think starting this sideblog was one of the better decisions i’ve made in my adult life. getting to share my thoughts with people has done wonders for my confidence and my willingness to connect with others, even if it’s about a video game.

so. happy third anniversary! some of the stuff i talk about in this retrospective is stuff i’ve mentioned in perhaps less detail on this blog, some of it i think might be new, but i hope you enjoy it regardless. (and i promise there’s proper capitalization under the cut.)

1. The Descent

For a number of reasons, I wasn’t a very happy or well-adjusted kid throughout middle and high school. That’s not to say all of it was miserable, just that between the increasing demands of academia and spending the rest of my time in a semi-dissociative haze only occasionally broken up by whatever comic I was into at any given moment, I didn’t have much time or desire to cultivate a sense of self. It was only when I graduated high school in 2019 that I really began to consider the idea of being a person, not only because I actually had time to do so, but because college kind of demanded that I do so. And it was during the emotionally tumultuous but also enlightening summer of 2019 that I first encountered Smile For Me, the point-and-click debut of independent game studio LimboLane Games, founded by Yugo Limbo and Day Lane.

Smile For Me was released on May 31st, 2019, and on the surface, is a fairly simple game where you play as a flower delivery person visiting a wellness retreat known as the Habitat in the distant year of 1994. You have no known age, gender, or any other defining characteristics, and can only communicate by nodding or shaking your head. As you carry out a series of odd requests from the Habitat’s various residents and employees (collectively known as Habiticians) you learn more about the Habitat’s even more eccentric owner, Dr. Boris Habit - namely, that he is fucking weird. “Makes daily PSAs using a puppet of himself instead of his actual face” weird. "Divulges intimate details of his childhood trauma within minutes of meeting a Habitician" weird. "Cleans rusty machinery with toothbrushes and then gets mad at his employees for not keeping their teeth clean" weird - you get the idea. Eventually, you piece together that Dr. Habit’s master plan lies in the mysterious Big Event, in which he plans to harvest every Habitician’s teeth so he can use them to cheer up the world (somehow) and thus cure himself of his aforementioned childhood trauma forever (somehow.) Of course, it doesn’t really pan out the way he wants it to. With the Habiticians already having been cheered up prior thanks to your interference, they have no reason to stick around, and thus have promptly skedaddled the night prior. You face off with Habit while trying not to succumb to the effects of the laughing gas in the air, he yanks out a few of your teeth while monologuing about how this is for the greater good, then leaves to supposedly find a piece of medical equipment that he needs to finish you off, leaving you to free yourself and finally smack some sense into him, either literally or metaphorically. Depending on what items you use on him (either a punching glove, a kiss, or a lily) you can get a few different endings, but all of them end with him realizing “Oh, shit, this was a really bad idea, actually. Maybe I was just being kind of insane. Sorry about that. You should leave.” You do, and the game ends.

If that ending seems almost absurdly anticlimactic, you wouldn’t be the first to think so, and you most likely won’t be the last, either. Whether this is enough to break the game entirely depends on the individual, but it is by far its most divisive aspect. However, I’m less interested in dissecting other people’s reactions to Smile For Me, and more interested in why I myself became so fixated on it, especially when I can’t shake the impression that I should’ve gotten bored of this game ages ago.

I have to emphasize here that by no means did I go into Smile For Me expecting it to have the ripple effect that it did on the next three years of my life - it wasn’t like I hated the game, but at first, I wasn’t exactly in love with it. There just didn't seem to be enough to fall in love with; I liked the characters, the puzzles, the themes, but I found the pacing to be all over the place, and while I found the story unsettling and sweet in equal measure, its world felt two sizes too small for it.

But then I blinked, and suddenly three years had passed, and in that time I had joined and left like five separate Discord servers for the game, and had written fanfic for it when I hadn’t finished a single piece of prose writing in years, and I had bitched about every fan interpretation under the sun, and I had an entirely new friend group and a girlfriend(?!?!?) that I met through said game before we eventually kinda branched off into doing our own thing. And then when I got burnt out on Smile For Me, it only lasted a couple months before I came crawling back to it on my hands and knees, because fandoms scare me and I needed one that was small enough that I could feasibly scoop up a few friends and shut the rest of it out for my own peace of mind. 

Shit, I probably said to myself at some point. This game has had an irreversible impact on my life, hasn’t it? Whether or not I realized the extent of it, I was forever changed by this game, or at least by my fixation on it. My views on relationships, on analysis, on indie media, on myself - before I knew it, all of them had either been shaped by this game or by friends and loved ones I had found through it.

So, why this game of all games? I’m legitimately asking - I’m just hoping that by writing all of this out, I’ll finally understand why, but I have to reiterate that it’s been three years, and I still have yet to come up with a single comprehensive answer that doesn’t make me feel like some kind of insecure womanchild who thinks everything she likes has to be Super Deep or else it’s cringe, so when she likes a goofy cartoon game she needs some way to make it sound like an underrated masterpiece so she can feel justified in continuing to like it. But I really do think this game has a lot of intrigue to it; something that could become really beautiful in future LimboLane works - is still beautiful in Smile For Me, and I’m tired of letting my own insecurities hold me back from explaining where that intrigue comes from. So without further ado, let’s dive in.

2. The Great Divide (Pt. 1) 

As basic as it sounds, I think the first thing about Smile For Me that got my attention and kept it there was not only thematic consistency, but the presentation of its themes. Indie games with quirky art styles that are about the importance of mental health and empathy and helping others are about a dime a dozen these days, as are adventure games where the main setting is called something like Happy Fun Time Fun Land but the plot is some shit straight out of Soylent Green meets Black Swan, but I have yet to encounter any other instances where those are the same game. And as it turns out, combining those two premises makes for a pretty effective comedy - one that isn’t afraid to poke fun at its cast of weirdos and their various neuroses, but never puts them down for having those neuroses, and isn’t afraid to be sincere when it counts, either. I won’t act like I don’t think it could have been done better, but I think that duality, if not at the core of Smile For Me’s appeal, is definitely very close to it.

I don’t really see this talked about even among people who are also inexplicably obsessed with Smile For Me, but Dr. Habit kinda sucks at being a villain. Not in the sense that he struggles with being antagonistic towards the player - he spends most of the game antagonizing you - but in the sense that he sucks at being the kind of villain he wants to be. He tries to project the image of this demented Willy Wonka-esque cult leader; unknowable, untouchable, invulnerable, but hardly anybody seems to be buying it, at least not in the sense of “demented = powerful”. Boris Habit as a person is an emotionally driven, insecure wreck, one who’s constantly getting sidelined by his own paranoia and projection onto others, and this divide is felt everywhere in how the Habitat is structured. Everything about the Habitat as an actual location feels like a subconscious cry for help, from the haphazard fever dream architecture full of machinery that looks like it’s going to fall apart if you look at it cross-eyed, to the eerie self-portraits and PSAs, to the crumpled-up diary pages, to the secret area displaying a wall-to-wall recreation of Habit’s own childhood abuse, to the fact that the plans for the Big Event itself has more holes than a fine swiss cheese and straight up can’t happen at all until you manually trigger it. There’s something cruelly ironic, almost comical, about the fact that Habit is willing to go to these lengths to signal that he’s unwell, but unlike the Habiticians, he isn’t willing to actually work with people to get better, at least not until the game’s conclusion.

Speaking of divides, there’s a line somewhere in the game where Dr. Habit tells the player that you remind him of his younger self, and he hates that about you. At first, I thought this was just window dressing that the devs tacked on at the last minute to make his character look deeper than it actually is, but upon rewatching, I realized that this perceived dichotomy between you as the player and him as the antagonist is actually kind of the crux of how the game’s story unfolds. Think of what little information you're given about yourself within the context of Smile For Me: you’re a florist, everybody either likes you from the get-go or warms up to you eventually, and most importantly, you know how to make people happy even when your environment not only doesn’t make it easy, but is actively working against you. You are everything Dr. Habit wanted to be when he was younger - everything he still wants to be, right down to the florist bit - but feels he can never become because as far as he’s concerned, it’s too late for him. You aren’t weighed down by the ghosts of an abusive past like he is; in fact, as far as he knows, you barely even have a past. Or any other defining characteristics for that matter - you can’t even talk. Your presence in the game is defined solely by the impact you have on other characters. You’re a nobody, and to Habit, that means that unlike him, you can be anybody. Is it any wonder that he feels so threatened by you? Is it any wonder that the Lily ending is about him realizing that he has options outside of being a Big Bad Evil Guy? That he’s not too broken to become a good person, however abrupt that realization may have been?

I don’t know if this is a popular interpretation of the game, but it doesn’t exactly feel like a hot take to suggest that Smile For Me isn’t meant to be read 100% literally, and is instead at its strongest when read as an exploration of the downward spiral following and/or leading up to a mental health crisis, and how one chooses to resolve it. So, if the Lily ending is meant to represent the gap between Habit and the player - the dysfunctional but undeniably real self and the wonderful but painfully intangible ideal self - finally beginning to close, what do the other endings represent?

I think the Kiss ending, especially since it’s outright acknowledged as an anticlimax and you are explicitly warned to leave before Habit changes his mind, is meant to reflect no ending at all. Sometimes, when you’re at a low point in your life and you’ve pushed away pretty much anyone who might be capable or at least interested in helping you, you don’t always stumble across a life-changing epiphany that makes you realize you’ve been doing everything wrong and from this moment onward you’ll try to become the person you’ve always wanted to be but gave up on for some reason. Sometimes you just think to yourself, “Wow. I’m kind of an asshole.” And then nothing else really happens, because you don’t know how to stop being an asshole and you were never given the tools to figure it out. This is more likely to happen several times over until you finally have enough experience to have that aforementioned epiphany and at least try to start getting your shit together.

As for the Punch ending, considering it’s the only ending in which you can actually kill Habit by punching him off a balcony, and he immediately accepts death the first time you punch him to the point of actually getting a little frustrated if you hesitate long enough - with this reading in mind, it’s difficult for me to not read this scene as at least a symbolic suicide, and even then, with very big air quotes around “symbolic.” I don’t really care to dwell on this for longer than I have to, lest I run the risk of overdramatizing what is otherwise a very quietly tragic moment in-game and trivializing some deeply painful subject matter in any context, so let’s move on. I’ve seen a few people say they prefer the Kiss ending because it feels more realistic, or more rarely, the Punch ending because why should we have to be nice to someone who pulled some of our teeth out for his stupid mad scientist scheme that he’s literally too mentally ill to carry out anyway. But now that I’m looking at all three endings laid out like this, I’m kind of shocked at how well they work in conjunction with each other - even moreso after finding out that some of it wasn’t even intentional. According to episode 91.2 of the indie(Radio); podcast by indie(Function);, the Kiss ending was a last minute addition compared to the other two endings, because playtesters apparently really wanted to know what would happen if you kissed Habit. Without that knowledge, though, I would’ve thought it was part of the plan from day one because it’s such a perfect midpoint between the Punch ending and the Lily ending. The only wrench in that reading is that I haven’t actually seen anyone play the game in anything resembling a Punch-Kiss-Lily order? Most playthroughs just go for a completionist run from the get-go and thus ending up getting the Lily ending on the first try. Speaking of lilies, though:

2.5. Are You Guys LGBT Or Something?

At the risk of coming across as redundant, Smile For Me has a lot of queer shit in it.

It’s never super overt in the base game - you can tell the devs were still trying to figure out just how much they could get away with - but it’s still just enough to be noteworthy. It’s also a lot more blatant in supplementary material like the Steam trading cards and the anniversary epilogue. By no means is this the result of creators wanting the praise that comes with daring to include queer characters without having to actually follow through on it, either. Both of LimboLane’s founders either have been openly LGBT+ before the game’s release or have since come out as such. As for how this relates to the cast of Smile For Me, and in particular, Dr. Habit - like many other aspects of his character, it’s complicated. There apparently was a Team Egg Troop stream in which they talked about being fans of the idea that Habit could be trans, but from what I hear it was in a very “you can interpret him or any other character however you want and there’s technically nothing in canon that can stop you, wink wink nudge nudge” way, and the stream itself has since been privated on YouTube so I can’t even go back to hear exactly what they said. It’s not a huge loss, but I knew if I didn’t mention it, it would bug the shit out of me forever, so there you go. Regardless of the stream’s legitimacy in canon, there is indeed an abundance of subtext pointing to the idea that This Dentist Is Not Cishet, to the point where people can and have made readings of Smile For Me as an inherently queer narrative. I’m not just bringing this up as a non-sequitur, either; I think it adds a lot to Habit’s characterization as someone struggling to accept the fact that as long as he exists as himself, the world that he’s trying to be a part of will always reject him, and also that by trying to conform to that world’s desires anyway, he has become a more miserable person.

Probably the most blatant evidence of this in the actual game itself is in that aforementioned recreation of Habit’s own childhood abuse (aptly called the Trauma Room), in particular a memory of Habit as a child being beaten for doting on his favorite flower, a lily. Said lily is always referred to with he/him pronouns in Habit's letters, and when I say that he was caught doting on it, I mean that he was kissing it. In his final conversation with the player, he talks about being pressured by his family to abandon his interest in flowers for a more profitable - and more importantly, socially acceptable - career in medicine. He specifically uses the phrasing "I thought I destroyed all those seeds. Squashed them flat and buried them deep, deep where they wouldn't resurface," which seems almost deliberately chosen to invoke the idea of some kind of forced repression. There's also whatever's going on with Martha; the one we know in-game is a piece of machinery built by Habit, but it was named after a high school classmate whom we know next to nothing about. But whenever Habit talks about Martha the machine, this mascot, this thing that he runs himself ragged trying to keep looking presentable, he refers to it the same way one would refer to a girlfriend or a wife, almost like he's trying to prove something. But unlike his other creations like the Carnival Attendants or the Cowboy Bed, there’s nothing to suggest that Martha the machine is even alive. In general, a lot of the grief Habit causes for both himself and others seems to come from his attempts at embodying his idea of what a Traditionally Successful Man looks like (or perhaps what other people have told him it looks like) and his ensuing frustration with the fact that for Whatever Reason, he never seems to be able to get it quite right, nor does he ever stop to think that maybe he can just chill out and not do that if it’s not giving him any personal fulfillment, at least not until the ending rolls around.

[Image ID: A tweet from @DrHabit that simply reads “Gay”. I still don’t know if this counts as confirmation.]

I think it’s important to note, though, that this is never used to make Habit look more “deviant” than he would have otherwise, nor is he the only queer character in the game (not to mention that nearly every other character who falls under that umbrella is a lot more explicit about it than him.) In fact, it’s easier to argue that this side of Habit is tied more closely to his yearning for a sense of belonging and normalcy. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the only character besides A Literal Flower with whom Habit has any kind of romantic subtext, albeit mostly in supplementary material, is not only a man, but one who appears to be one of the most normal characters in the game. Kamal Bora doesn’t have a technicolor skin tone, or a name that sounds like you put two stereotypical rural American names in a blender, or a job that’s totally out of place for a supposedly professionally-run wellness retreat, and actually, why don’t we talk more about Kamal?

3. Kamal Gets His Own Section And I Refuse To Apologize For This

No, really, why don't we talk more about Kamal? He's decently popular among fans, and there's certainly much talk about his relationships with other characters, namely Dr. Habit, but until recently, it was hard to find nearly as much discussion about the man himself. "What else is there to say?" you might argue, to which I would reply that as a matter of fact, there's a lot to say, and also that you should go to hell. Because not only is there more to say about Kamal and his role in the thematic narrative that Smile For Me weaves, he is one of the most fascinating supporting characters in the game, period.

Kamal Bora is first introduced to us as Dr. Habit’s former assistant, having exiled himself to the terrace to get some time away from his ex-boss and/or stew in his own personal failings, and definitely not also because he’s afraid of stairwells. His anxious exterior belies a surprisingly snarky and observant personality, and thus establishes a core tenet of Kamal’s characterization in the game: that he is constantly at odds with himself. Kamal’s feelings are complicated and don’t always make sense, least of all to Kamal. Whenever he talks about other people - especially Dr. Habit - he tends to flip-flop between apprehension, exasperation, and begrudging but genuine concern, sometimes within the same sentence. You get the idea that this is someone who is intimately aware of how much of a fucking disaster Habit is as a person, but has long since reached his limit when it comes to trying to accommodate for him, and justifiably so. One of Habit’s many failings as the cartoon supervillain that he tries to be is that he is an absolute dogshit boss, with an extensive list of nonsensical demands for his employees but absolutely no interest in doing anything that would garner the respect necessary for them to carry those demands out, except for maybe providing them with a decent salary. No matter how concerned someone may be for their employer’s mental health, any reasonable person would eventually decide that enough is enough, and that’s before getting into the planned dental malpractice.

But, as mentioned earlier, this section is not about Habit’s side of the story. If Habit and the player are two sides of the same coin, in the sense that they are essentially the same person on two very different walks of life, then I think Kamal wound up being Habit’s inverse. What I mean by that is that in direct contrast to Habit, who seems to want to help other people but doesn’t want to put in the effort of understanding their specific needs, because that could mean getting vulnerable, and he can’t have that, Kamal seems to find most people to be a nuisance but still constantly goes out of his way to look out for them, albeit in odd or indirect ways. He reassures the player, if they tell him they’re nervous about facing off with Habit. He tells them to be gentle with the janitor Wallus, because they’re friends and he knows how sensitive he is. He’s the one who sets up the reunion in the epilogue (which we’ll talk about in more detail later) and is usually the one who prompts the more sentimental messages from the other characters. And even with his resentment towards his ex-boss, Kamal’s ultimate goal in the game is not to get revenge, but to get said ex-boss help before worse comes to worst, since he knows that he’s in no condition to provide it himself. Kamal gets people, more than he seems to realize - he thinks they’re strange, infuriating, and even scary, but none of those feelings stem from him being unwilling to understand them. It just so happens that as we see him in Smile For Me, he is very much out of his depth, and he knows it.

There’s something else about Kamal that I want to talk about, though. Something more… out of bounds, if you will.

You see, Kamal is one of the most adamant about stopping Dr. Habit before he gets either someone else or himself hurt, and is definitely wary of what he might be capable of, but he rarely seems to fear for his own safety, just that of the other Habiticians, as though somehow the possibility that he could get hurt rarely crosses his mind - and indeed, he can’t. He’s among the 11 Habiticians that are absolutely necessary to cheer up in order to progress the game. One of the only times he seems to even consider the idea of it is in the Punch ending, when Habit is already dead. And speaking of endings, he’s also weirdly casual about you killing Habit in the Punch ending - Habit, the guy that Kamal insisted we try to talk things out peacefully with, and he barely bats an eye at his death/implied suicide by cop. And in the Lily Ending, where we actually do (kind of) talk things out with Habit, Kamal is nowhere to be found. Why? Was it to emphasize the parallels between the player and Habit by making it so that they’re the only two characters left? Were the devs just that pressed for time or didn’t think it through all the way? And take a look at some of his dialogue - “Don’t breathe in too deeply tomorrow,” he says when we decide we’re ready to confront Habit, when no other character thus far has ever brought up the possibility of Habit involving laughing gas in his plans. “I think we were too late this time,” he bemoans when we tell him we don’t think things couldn’t have resolved any other way in the Punch ending. “Maybe next time’s the charm,” he sighs in the Kiss ending, and yeah, I’m dragging this out way longer than I need to - my point is that it is really, really tempting to think that Kamal is maybe about 60% aware that he’s an exposition NPC who’s there to encourage you to find other endings until you get to the Lily ending.

I say it’s tempting to think that and not that it’s what the game implies, because while I have seen people talk about these particular lines, I’ve never seen the fanbase come to a true conclusion on whether or not this was meant to be intentional or anything more than a throwaway gag. And even then, Kamal’s status as the only character to even lean on the fourth wall gets dropped in the epilogue, when everybody starts doing it. Still, it’s interesting - and if I’m being honest, pretty funny - how much of Kamal’s behavior is recontextualized through this reading. There’s something oddly endearing about a self-aware video game character who, instead of falling into existential depression or going murder crazy, just kinda shrugs their shoulders and says “Okay, so? Don’t you think I have enough to worry about already? I don’t have time to dwell in the existential dread of whether or not I’m real to God, because real or not, this shit still affects me.”

Even if none of this is really intentional and I’ve gone fully into Pepe Silvia territory, I still stand by the idea that Kamal is a way more compelling character than a lot of people give him credit for. Something about his general attitude of “Is this entire situation, objectively speaking, really dumb and undignified? Yes. Am I above that? Not even a little bit. Am I still wholeheartedly invested in making sure that everyone comes out of this bullshit relatively okay? Unfortunately, yes,” really resonates with me - it’s the anthem of every debilitatingly self-aware nerd who knows that they sound completely unhinged to anyone who isn’t in the know, but also knows that isn’t going to be enough to deter them, and it’s the position I found myself in with regards to this game by the time I had gotten to the terrace. Kamal’s apparent lack of proactivity in the base game feels less like a contractual obligation by way of being an NPC, and more like an implicit dilemma of how much self-awareness is too much self-awareness; at what point does someone become so aware of every minute possibility that it becomes more of a hindrance than a help and they just shut down, unable to really do anything until someone with a more linear point of view comes by to help them?

And like, look - I don’t fault people for getting invested in Kamal’s relationships with other characters, nor will I act like enjoying a ship and making genuinely insightful observations of the dynamic between two characters is mutually exclusive. When it comes to the Habitat’s staff in particular, there was clearly meant to be some intrigue there, a lot of which goes unanswered by both the game and the epilogue. Like, how close were Habit and Kamal before Habit’s condition began to deteriorate faster than Kamal could keep up with? How did whatever relationship they have begin to recover from that in time for the epilogue? Was Wallus quitting to go hide in the walls of the boiler room a deciding factor in Kamal quitting? Wallus did say they were planning to quit together, after all. And for that matter, how close were he and Wallus? How did the rest of the staff respond to these conflicts, if they knew about them at all? It’s legitimately very fascinating to think about! But I sometimes fear that approaching those questions purely from the angle of whatever is the most “shippable” runs the risk of doing a pretty huge disservice to the characters involved.

TL;DR: Kamal is a really good character. A great one, even. And to end this section on a high note, I’m going to share maybe one of my favorite facts about him, which is that not only is he not considered a Tumblr Sexyman despite his popularity, but in fact the Sexypedia Wiki has effectively banned him from ever being considered as such by placing him on their list of forbidden characters, an act that is either akin to defamation of character or being placed in witness protection, depending on how you look at things.

[Image ID: A photo of Kamal Bora, followed by his name and the title of the game he’s from. Kamal Bora is a South Asian man with wavy chin-length hair, a rectangular head, and a near-constant expression of vague discomfort. The reason given for his being on this list is as follows: “Because, let’s be real, some of these aren’t sexymen. They’re just your favorite characters you wanted to slap the label onto.”]

4. The Great Divide (Pt. 2)

Now, if you’ve gotten this far into the essay and you’re familiar with the game at all, you might have the question, “Hey, so, I played/watched the game, and I liked it, but what if I don’t really give a shit about any of this? What if my favorite character is the vampire dad, or the regular dad, or their respective bastard children, or that thing in the stairwell who really, really wants you to dump some pickle juice on him?” Which, in case I haven’t made it clear, is a totally valid reason to enjoy the game; there’s a reason that most players ended up doing a completionist run on their first try. The Habitat may be structured around Boris Habit’s psyche, but the game itself would be nothing without the Habiticians to breathe life into it. I’ve used the word “weird” to describe several things in this essay by now, but seriously - the Habiticians are just so weird, and I mean that in the most positive way imaginable. There’s something so effortless and more importantly, shameless about the way they’re written; more often than not, they’re simple folks with simple desires, but they believe in those desires with such conviction you can’t help but be convinced that there’s something deeper to it, and it makes you want to help fulfill them just so you can get one step closer to understanding whatever that something is. Long before I cared or even knew what Habit’s deal was, I was gushing over Nat admitting she still loved her dad and feeling oddly proud of Dallas’ character development over the course of the game and making note of each character’s relationships to each other in case they came into play somehow - which they do, in a sense.

Should you fail to cheer up a Habitician before triggering the climax of the game, they will appear during the Big Event - not as the characters we have come to know over the course of the game, but as eerie, collaged object head versions of themselves, delirious and only able to be considered ‘happy” by way of forgetting what they were initially upset about. It’s unclear if these collaged forms are real or only a gas-induced hallucination, nor is it clear what happens to them once the credits roll. Getting an 11/22 ending, in which you only help Habiticians that are absolutely necessary to progress the game without any regard for which ending you might get, involves splitting up several positive relationships that can develop or existed prior to the events of the game - both parent-child relationships, both potential romances, both past romances, and so on. This is another way the game tries to incentivize you to complete as many quest lines as you can, and in order to communicate how effective these methods are, and in turn how easy it was for people to fall in love with these characters, I’m going to share a piece of information that I learned just as I had begun writing this section of the retrospective:

You don’t need to do a completionist run - ever. It is possible to achieve the Lily ending with only 13 out of 22 Habiticians cheered up - only two off from a Punch ending.

I first stumbled across this thanks to a post by Tumblr user coelpts, who pointed out that there are exactly five Habiticians who don’t give you any reward for completing their quests (among other very concerning statistics) but didn’t seem to have posted any follow ups confirming whether or not this meant they were really optional. And when I saw it, I didn’t really know how to feel. It just felt like such a major oversight, especially for a game that I had previously praised for keeping its themes strong and consistent. In a game that’s about the importance of helping others, why wouldn’t you make it so that the best ending can only be unlocked by helping everyone? For a while, I wondered if I should even bother completing this retrospective at all. I already knew the game wasn’t perfect, but this was the only time in recent memory that I could remember being scared that this would ruin every point I was trying to make about it being good.

But then I messaged him, curious to see if he ever went through with trying to test this theory, and he said:

“I WANT to say that I did [...] but I just documented it in a Discord server that I did rather than a tumblr post. I DISTINCTLY remember watching the ending slideshow with a 13/22 Lily ending and remembering it being just Extremely Cursed because so many were missing but Habit wasn’t.”

It was the choice to use the word “cursed” that piqued my interest - and as he went into more detail during our (admittedly brief) conversation, even replaying the game just to confirm that it was possible, he kept saying similar things. That it was “eerie,” “utterly surreal” - that it just felt wrong. And I felt it, too. Before this conversation, I was even kind of hoping it wasn’t true, because even considering the possibility of it felt like a sin. It certainly hasn’t been acknowledged in any supplementary canon material. And the more I dwelled on this, the more I started to feel like there was something strangely fitting about it.

Before uncovering this information, my outlook on Smile For Me’s story looked something like this: Broadly speaking, there are two concrete sides that run parallel to each other. If Side A is a game about meeting a quirky ensemble cast of ragtag misfits with not particularly deep but certainly very memorable issues, then Side B is a game about learning all about one person’s psychological trauma, how everything in the setting was built to remind himself of it day after day after day, and what he chooses to do with it. And for a long time, my one greatest criticism of the game was that I wish there had been more to tie these two halves together, to bridge the gap between them, so that the final act of the game felt a little less abrupt and people would have more reason to care about whether or not everyone gets their shit together, Habit included. 

But what if this is the game’s way of uniting those two halves? Trying to fulfill one while neglecting the other results in an ending that feels hollow and disingenuous; of course it does. Focusing on Habit’s happiness exclusively and only cheering up as many people as you need to in order to ensure it feels just as wrong as cheering up all 22 Habiticians only to punch Habit off the balcony at the end, if not even moreso. It makes the relationship between Side A and Side B feel less like two storylines just existing in the same space and more like a symbiotic relationship, one that needs an equal amount of attention on both ends to feel complete. Even the Punch ending feels more likely to result from a player who just isn’t particularly invested in either side of the story. And again, there’s that idea of being presented with some kind of divide to mend. 

So, does that ever culminate in anything? Do we actually get to see what happens after we mend the divide - between the ideal and the real self, between what’s real to us and what’s real to others, between Side A and Side B? 

5. The Epilogue (Of the Game)

Smile For Today is a free browser-based interactive epilogue released on May 31st, 2020, a full year after the release of Smile For Me. It was created primarily to celebrate the game’s one-year anniversary and its overwhelmingly positive reception, being a showcase for fanart, fanzines, and let’s plays that boosted its popularity. I really like how they chose to canonize these, by the way; a zine is now a memoir, a let’s play is a dramatic retelling, fan-made characters are people that the player’s met since their time in the Habitat, Habit’s Twitter fans are - well, those are just Twitter fans. As far as I can tell, the continuity of the official Dr Habit Twitter is whatever Day Lane feels like it is that day. 

This isn’t to say there isn’t any closure for the characters themselves; the in-universe justification for the epilogue is that it’s a virtual reunion set up by Kamal exactly one year after the events of the game so that the Habiticians can catch up with one another. And they’re doing really well! Characters who were more closed off in-game are more than willing to interact with others here, relationships that were emotionally strained or just beginning in the base game have blossomed into something really beautiful here. That photographer who spent most of the game scheduling meetings with herself to avoid conversation? She talks to people now - willingly! Two other characters who were exes in the game are now going on tour together as friends. This macho sitcom dad encourages his son to be open about his emotions for once. Kamal readily takes charge of the situation, being the one who organized it in the first place, and his relationship with Habit seems a lot more equal and mutually supportive. Habit comes out of hiding to apologize, but doesn’t overstay his welcome, and he’s finally got a gig as a florist. Everyone’s doing really, really well - and they’d love to know how you’re doing, too.

Where Smile For Me was a story about providing some sort of support for a cast of odd but generally well-intentioned randos, Smile For Today is about those same randos paying that kindness back and being there for you. In return for giving them an outlet to voice their wants, their needs, their insecurities, they make sure that you know that your kindness, however small it was, was not in vain. You watch them thrive and congregate amongst themselves for most of the epilogue, no longer needing you to act as a proxy for them. They acknowledge the new experiences you’ve created since your time at the Habitat and the hand they might have had in them, but make it clear that it was always up to you. They play you a song, because words can’t do justice for how much you’ve helped them. The final message is left entirely up to you to write, because after spending so long as a silent, endlessly selfless benefactor, it’s only right that you get to express your desires for once. 

[Image ID: A message from Tiff Webber, which reads “We wrote you a song. Sure, that’s cheesy, but sometimes you need to be a little cheesy to be sincere, don’t you think? Give it a listen. Please?” followed by a link to the song itself.]

That line right there is the heart of Smile For Me as a whole, the linchpin of its appeal. It’s strange and goofy and at times, corny and cliche’d, but fuck, at least it’s honest about it. I’d much rather have this version of Smile For Me instead of a game that constantly apologizes for itself by winking and nodding at the player in a desperate attempt to convince you that it’s not like other quirky indie games about mental health - it’s self aware. Smile For Me knows what it is, and isn’t afraid to just exist as itself for anyone who might want or need it.

There’s no telling what will happen to you or the Habiticians when this reunion ends. They probably won’t resort to crackpot supervillainy, but nothing truly lasts forever. What happened in the Habitat probably wasn’t the first roadblock the majority of them have ever faced, nor will it be the last, and the same can be said for you. But with the right support systems, you can weather that storm, and moments like these are what make it worth weathering to begin with. Right now, in this moment, you’re okay. All of you are okay. Sometimes, that’s all you can really ask for.

6. Conclusion (The Actual Epilogue)

So, is Smile For Me a good game? …Eh.

Obviously, I don’t mean to say it was actually horrible all along - I just made a whole retrospective talking about why I like it. But even now, with the impact it’s had on me and so many others, I can admit that I still find some parts of it lacking; sometimes the original game doesn’t seem to know if it wants a blank slate protagonist or someone with a pre-existing role and relationships to the characters (though the epilogue makes it clear it’s at least intended to be the former) Habit's redemption happens way too suddenly to really feel rewarding if you're not actively hoping for it, and yeah, I think the Lily ending would have been stronger if you actually were required to help everyone in order to achieve it. It just feels like there should be more here.

But here's the thing: assessing Smile For Me based solely on the premise of "objectively good" or "objectively bad," in my opinion, would have made for an incredibly boring essay. I think it's far more eye-opening to look at Smile For Me as "ground zero" in the eventual larger body of LimboLane's work. It feels very much a test drive, one that heavily prioritizes thematic resonance over concrete, real-world logic; a way to see what they were capable of on a base level before honing their specific skills in future works. To crib another line from the epilogue:

“It's just a demo... but everything starts that way, doesn't it? Maybe someday it'll be a full fledged production, with a 10-part band and a trio of vocalists. A fancy illustration and a dozen remixes.”

And whenever a work that I like has that quality - that sense of urgency to say whatever it needs to say as loudly or as effectively as it can, coherency be damned, because its creators don't know when they'll have the chance do it again - I can’t help but be drawn to it even more, not only because I find it compelling, but also because I find it freeing. I’ve struggled with anxiety issues and perfectionism for almost as long as I can remember. I still struggle a lot with opening up about my hobbies and interests in real life, because the fear that I might be misunderstood usually speaks louder than my desire to find common ground with other people. But the idea that even if the reception is mixed, even if I end up holding back or saying too much, there will be someone out there with whom my work resonates and who will want to see more, is what keeps me going. And if I was able to convey even a fraction of how instrumental Smile For Me was in letting myself be comfortable with that realization, then I’m happy.

I’m really, really happy.

[paper-carnation]

My thoughts on Habit

Ok, I´ve been wanting to write this for a while now. Many, if not all of us in SFM fandom, love Dr. Habit, some in a romantic way. So i have been reflecting on my feelings for this character, so here it is.

I haven´t played Smile for Me, but I know some spoilers, kind of. So everything will be under the "keep reading" thing. Lots of text ahead.

Note: the (?) are there because I´m not sure those words describe want I want to say.

So, first, Dr. Habit, the man we know in the game as the antagonist. I have decided that he is my comfort character, based on my quick google search. I have made a post talking about it. The first week, just seeing some fanart made me feel really happy and energetic. I love him, but not in a romantic way. I want to hug him and give him kisses on the cheek and of course compliment him and telling him "I love you!" because he deserves it (plus, curly hair is pretty). This is because of his goofiness and his story. Just... someone who hasn´t been happy in a long time, and despite being so hurt, became better, started healing and finally starting to be happy. Isn't that... endearing(?)? maybe that´s the word.

Next, Boris Habit as a kid. Cuteness overload. Cheerful, innocent, precious child. He is adorable, in all the fanart. Makes me want to protect him, make sure he is happy, give him everything for his Lily, take care of him even though I can´t even take care of myself. Seeing this kid sad does make me really sad.

Finally, the one Habit I think the most as a self indulgence I guess: high school Boris Habit. Shy, nice, awkward, trying-to-fit-in Boris. It´s known he was bullied, specially from Martha. Despite being a bully and obviously resent (?) her, I find her interesting. She seems important, and I want to know why. Also, why and how she bullied Boris (part of the angsty stuff I enjoy, I guess). So I loved imagining my self-insert, or whatever, being his friend, helping him make more friends and stopping the bullying. Perhaps because the age gap is smaller, I have allowed myself to have a little crush on him.

BONUS:

Pabit is really funny, i would like to hug it like a teddy bear, but has my respect and fear, because of the PSAs and the headcannon that it is sentient. Like, he has the energy of those BOTW zelda statues: looks like the godess ones, but could give the dark energy from the... other one.

[pissmaster360]

OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU WHAT BFHHHHHHHHHDKHJJJJJJ IM CRYING THIS MADE MY NIGHT SO MUCH OH MY GOSH LOOK AT HIM!!! MY LITTLE RUSSIAN HEART IS SKIPPING SO MANY BEATS THANK YOU THANK YOU hbfnbfh...thank you so much this is so beautiful. The outfit is so nice and puffy and it's such pretty shades of blue...andthetinyfreckles hnk...Thank you so much💕💙

Happy Holidays, @zoya-katten! I was your @sfmsecretsanta!

Here's a little Habit for you♡

[lillithenettix]

Part 1

Part 2/?

Part 3

Flower Kid was attending the customer that was browsing the shop and inquiring about flowers and bouquets. They did notice Boris becoming quieter since he is usually such a chatterbox around them. Sometimes he still had little mood-swings that like that come and go though. They thought it best to let him be for some minutes and check in with him when they close the shop. Maybe it will blow over, or he will untangle whatever he is mulling over by himself. He’s been doing that in the recent months. Handling whatever problems he has in a healthy manner. Granted it took him some time to get there, but they were proud of him nonetheless.

Read the rest of the fic under the cut!

There’s ten more minutes until closing time. The last customer just left so they started closing up for the day, doubting any more people will be in need of flowers for today. There wasn’t lots to do, really- cleaning the floor, putting the money away, and watering the flowers in need of it. As they finished the chores, they locked the shop up. Boris still looked to be in a sour mood, with his back turned towards them. When they put the keys away they turned to check on the former dentist but before they could take a step towards Boris, a silent figure slightly taller than them passed by, directly towards the mulling man. 

Ah, Trencil!

Wait, Trencil? He came by just yesterday to buy some flower seeds and purple hyacinths. What brings him here today? Well, judging how he completely ignored them and continued forth towards Boris who is directly in his line of sight it probably has something to do with him. Oh no, did Trencil come by for a casual visit only to see the ex-villain hanging around?

They can imagine most of the ex-habiticians harboring some animosity towards the guy. They never really asked. They spoke about Boris only if others initiated the topic, actually. Maybe they should’ve tossed in a ‘Boris is doing so well these days, he’s so nice’ and ‘He cried watching the animal planet and spent the next day feeding all the stray kittens in the area, what a thoughtful guy’. Okay, maybe that would make them seem like they’re trying too hard, but still. It would’ve been better than saying nothing.

Trencil’s fast-paced walking made Flower Kid feel a bit uneasy. He wasn’t about to go one-on-one on a seven foot four giant dude, right? They quickly dismissed the thought. If anything, Trencil would give him a stern talking to, perhaps in a passive-aggressive manner, and Boris would run and cover rather than fight back anyway. They shouldn’t underestimate the vampire, he didn’t live all those centuries to not gain some wisdom.

Trencil was just a step away from Boris when Flower Kid decided to intervene anyway. Better safe than sorry. Before they could open their mouth Trencil paused and turned towards them as if sensing their distress, extending one finger up to his lips with a mischievous smile painting his face.

Well that was something new. The purple hyacinth he bought yesterday was adorning his ear. They knew he liked flowers but this was a first. Before they had time to react Trencil spun around and silently took the step remaining to reach Boris. He slowly and gently put both hands on Boris’ shoulders, as if to not startle him which didn’t stop him from flinching anyway.

Boris did hear Flower Kid locking up the shop. He wasn’t completely unobservant, but what he didn’t hear was someone approaching him. When he felt two hands land on him in what almost felt like a soft embrace, he was surprised to say the least. What he did know though was that it wasn’t Flower Kid. The hand was too big, with what felt like pointy fingernails lightly poking him through his shirt.

Before he had the chance to turn his head and see who the mystery person was he felt something pressed against his cheek. It was a delicate touch, but pleasant. Only when he felt and heard the faint smack of lips against his face did he realize it was a kiss. He wanted to melt into it. It’s been so long since he received his last kiss. Instead, the confusion kept him grounded for the moment.

Wait, a kiss? Not that he didn’t love those but who in the world would give one to him. While stunned he felt the other person letting him go and moving away with Boris lightly following their movement, not quite wanting to lose the touch just yet. He heard the person lightly fiddling with something.

When he finally turned his head to face the mysterious figure he felt something being pushed behind his ear, lightly tangling into his curls. Saying that he was shocked to make eye contact with Trencil of all people would be an understatement. They looked at each other for just long enough for Boris to make out a playful smile of the others face.

Without waiting for Boris to break out of his stupor, the vampire turned back towards Flower Kid and walked away, his cape fluttering behind him.

--------

To be honest, Trencil found the Habitat sketchy since the very beginning. The website for it was… unique, to say the least. Either this ‘Habit’ guy was barely literate, or he thought broken English was a cute way to be endearing. The whole stay is also free. Nothing is ever free. He lived long enough to know that. None of these things inspired him to seek happiness in a place like that but alas, his daughter insisted. Maybe ‘insisted’ was a strong word for it. She aggressively implied that she will go there no matter what and if he really wants to go too he can join her. Though the way she said it felt more like a command. So of course he came with her.

Checking in was an experience by itself. Escorted in by a decent fellow named Kamal, he started feeling a bit better about coming here. The boy was a bit too talkative for him, but at least Nat enjoyed the short chat she had, and he was pleasantly professional. Just like he expected from a doctor, or rather a doctor’s assistant. He brought them into a waiting room with colorful walls, posters, and graffiti. Some minutes later he announced Dr. Habit was ready to see them.

When they both stood up to enter what Trencil assumed was an office, something inside grabbed Kamal’s attention. He gave a thumbs up pointed into the office, and turned to address Trencil and his daughter.

“One at a time, ‘kay? ‘S just to fill out a simple form before I show ya to your rooms.” He gave a polite smile, as if to show there is no need to worry.

That was unusual. Nat is clearly a child, barely thirteen, so far he was always there to help her fill out with any forms if she needed it. Maybe it is a doctor thing. He decided to enter the room first. That way he will be able to check the waters, see if he should just take his daughter and leave. He’d rather his daughter is annoyed with him over it, than putting her in danger.

Meeting Habit left him dumbfounded. When you live for as long as he does, becoming speechless is something you think you can not experience anymore. Yet here he was, about five minutes into what felt like an interview, not being able to say a word to the sobbing man behind the main desk.

It started pretty normally. They exchanged greetings, Habit asked how he was, then they went on to talk about ‘how’s and ‘why’s. Somewhere along the line of explaining to Habit his reasons for checking in and how it is because of fatherhood, the doctor took over the conversation. With each sentence it turned more into Habit pouring out his life story, talking about his family, and his father. Towards the end he was crying and, frankly, all Trencil could do was watch and listen.

This was not a man that could help anyone. He was in need of help himself, if anything. He should just take Nat and go back home. He really should. No more of this nonsense.

As he was about to stand up and leave Habit turned his gaze to him, and Trencil froze. He felt like he could see through his eyes straight to his heart. So much sadness for such a young person. Maybe not young for a human, but for someone as old as Trencil? The doctor did not seem much older than a child.

His legs suddenly felt heavy. He felt no responsibility for him, yet he felt that leaving the man to suffer by himself would eat away at his conscience. He has his daughter’s love to worry about, not the mental health of some stranger who he met just minutes ago. But his heart did not let the low whimpers leaving Habit be ignored.

So he ended up staying. Pitying the doctor enough to stay, but not enough to do anything about it himself. Maybe Trencil was not as great and amazing as he hoped with his plenty years of experience.

Now, a year later, he and Nat each received a letter. They wondered who it was from, but as soon as they saw the drawings covering the letters they figured it was from the big green guy himself.

Honestly, he had half a mind to just throw it away. While his teeth were still intact, it wasn’t a secret among the ex-habiticians what went down on the day of the big event. But thinking back on everything- Habit crying, his diary, the pain he saw in him whenever they came across each other before he started hiding away in his office… Maybe he should at least give it a read.

The doctor did apologize in the chatroom Kamal invited everyone to. He said he was doing better, backed up by Kamal and the Flower Child. If those two who were wronged the most by the man forgave him, even vouched for him, then surely it would not be fair to not give him a chance at redemption.

Reading the letter, Trencil made up his mind. He will give him a chance.

-----

the fic is kinda split into two parts, i hope it isnt confusing! the first part is what going on right now, the second part is basically how trencil checked into the habitat and how he reacted to the letter :’)

anyway, i like to hc boris as a big softie who is touch-starved

[glttrpnk]

i made some very important transparents out of some of @/yugsly’s wonderful shadow habit art for @smileformeweek, and the people in the discord servers seemed to like these so i figure i’d post them here. these are free to use w/o credit, but reblogs are appriciated!

[image description: six transparent images of shadow dr. boris habit from smile for me. in the first he’s blowing a raspberry. in the second he’s standing on one leg with his arms stretched out wide and is grinning. in the third he’s blushing and smiling. in the fourth he’s walking. in the fifth he’s singing with one arm raised. in the sixth he’s holding a computer and grinning. end id.]

{click images for better quality.}

art used: x x x

[illusionlockarchive]

pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick! 

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

[crysicicleskori]

god i gotta write a mini ramble about smile for me cause its one of those games that stuck enough that i came back to complete it a year later with my better pc

spoilers obviously 

but yeah!!! i discord streamed it to my friend in i think march last year, wanted to show them since i thought it be cool.

off the bat we’d where a little confused but also laughing our asses off at the addition of the hand item

it was just fun running around, not realising the clock item existed because i didnt realise the bed talked 

helping all the fun characters like murphy and randy

man i love those 2

to put it simply i have no real clue what to think about him despite the fact the good ending made me kinda sad

but oh god the first time i missed the curfew...

i kinda forgot the game had the phycological horror tag

that set me up with fear for a good while, at least enough to be somewhat scared of dr habit for almost all the game

it only really changed when i got to the end and it where it changed quite suddenly

while i was panicking to find the boxing glove i jokingly went “what if i used the kiss??”

I ended up punching him, using the kiss and finally the lily (because i remembered it was there and in the slideshow) all in quick succession 

9/10 fun game if you aren’t a dumbass like me

he has too many teeth and it scares me

if i had to get to the top floor of a tall building and boris habit was also in the lift, i’d use the stairs.

no offence the guy still somewhat unnerves me

but anyway yeah theres my ramble

would love to erase my memory so i can play it again and hopefully be less stupid about it

needing a guide is kinda embarrassing... 

[sirpibbles-blog]

My Perfect, Little Flower  Dr. Habit/Reader

I wrote this instead of sleeping because It’s been 14 hours since ingesting coffee grounds and I’m still shaking! I’m so tired and not tired! I’m sure this has a ton of typos that I’ll fix after my body decides it wants to sleep. Rest assured I am fine though! Just waiting for this to stop.

This was requested multiple times but I apologize if this is not your thing. Please blacklist the yandere tag for your own safety. Thank you.

TW: Yandere-ish Behavior/Obsession, Drug Induced Sleep

An ever-present hissing of gas droned on. The synchronization of sharp footsteps added rhythm to the score of the night. It was a common tune Habit had grown used to, every night took on the same theme. After bedtime was announced, the sleeping gas could flow freely through the habitat, and the Carlas could take care of any silly habitants who lost their way to dreamland. It irritated the doctor to see how many disobedient downers seemed to wander astray every night. It was a simple rule, if not the simplest rule Boris had put in place for them. And yet, of course, they would let him down almost every night.

For the most part, the Carlas did a decent job of wrangling up the stragglers around the habitat. Unless a habitician fell asleep in a particularly tricky spot to find, Boris would never feel the need to intervene. Of course when that moment did arrive on occasion, it could easily be solved by searching on the cameras, and relaying their location through the loudspeakers.

This was one of those nights. All the habiticians lay snug in their beds, all except for one. Habit’s favorite one, you. But after a few moments of camera searching, your tiny, vulnerable, sleeping body could be spotted in the far end of the carnival yard. You were such a silly, little thing. He watched your days, spent doing chores for the rest habitants. This time, you’d wasted the day looking for “treasure” with an old metal detector that you now clung to, even in sleep. It was entertaining how different you were. Unlike the others, who would sulk and frown the day away, you were a ray of sunshine, determined to make others smile. Boris spent most of his time with a camera trained in your direction. You never sat still for too long, it was energizing, inspiring. Maybe it was the reason why you broke the rules so often.

This was far from your first time missing curfew. It was such an often occurrence, Habit practically expected it, looked forward to it. So much so, there was a rule for it. The Carlas weren’t allowed to touch you. The job of putting you to bed was strictly his, and his alone. On the rare occasion that you do go to bed on time, Habit can’t help but feel disappointed, like a privilege was robbed from him. And so the doctor still checks up on you, stands over your bed just to make sure you’re really asleep.

Tonight was beautifully routine. You fell asleep right on time, and he left to retrieve you, right on time. The gas had stopped flowing, but a mask was still a necessity. Habit couldn’t risk falling asleep before seeing you. After the elevator reached the ground floor, Habit bounded off in your direction like clockwork. He had done this so many times, it became practically involuntary to navigate the halls of the habitat. So it wasn’t long before Boris found you. A little, precious thing laying on the filthy ground in front of him. You deserved so much better, a far more sanitized haven than the habitat could provide. But that would have to wait. For now, Boris needed to focus on getting you to bed. He looped his arms under your back, lifting you effortlessly off the dirt and into his arms. The way your limp body fell into his was too perfect. How he wished he could hold you forever, enjoying the pressure your lithe weight against his chest. A free hand dusted the remnants of dirt from your backside. “Naughty, naughty Little habitician” He cooed. “This flower does’nt Belong in such Dirt” Boris chuckled at the joke only he could hear.“Hmm.. you don’t belong in this garden at all. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk silly Flower, making frends With ugly weeds. Don’t you know They’ll choke you Out?..and Drain my Pretty flower..” The doctor let’s his feet guide him to your room, a path repeated too many times. “At nite Your petals droop, You need my Love and care, and so I help My little flower.” Habit’s boots echo on the concrete stairs. “But you never lern.. you go Back to those weeds who Suck you dry, and leave You limp once again in My arms. You are Too delicate, too weak to grow in This garden.” The top of the stairs are reached, and he moves down the hallway. “One day, My lily. Sooner than you Think.. I’ll take you Away from this filthy Place.” Habit stops before the frame of your bedroom. The arms holding you move to lift you up, closer, closer, until Boris is resting his head against your shoulder. You’re limp form is cradled further into the man. He leans his face against your body, like a perfect little doll, and breathes in the scent of your skin. He’s so close to you. So close, and yet he wants more. You smell so sweet, of course you do, and so Boris presses his nose into the nape of your neck. “Soon, my Darling, my Perfect, little Lily, I’ll have moore of you...Soon.” His deep voice rumbles against your skin, tickling the hairs on your neck with his breathe.

Boris wished the night could last, so he could hold you so close forever. But time is a pitiless thing, and there’s never enough of it. He needs to lay you to rest once again, and fall asleep himself. It’s his least favorite part of the day, but at least it will give him the energy needed to watch you next morning. Although, no amount of time spent watching you through screens could beat this. The raw, skin to skin contact of touching you, feeling your chest’s rhythmic breathing under his hand…Just seeing you there. Yes, it was always intriguing to watch you from the mass of cameras that covered the habitat. But this was different. Seeing you sleep peacefully, helpless, and unaware of his presence was.. exhilarating. A feeling newly awakened inside the doctor, one he couldn’t ignore...and it ruled him. Habit walked to the edge of your bed before getting to his knees, holding you above the cot. It hurt to leave you like this. Every night he would have to leave your helpless body alone, here in this dingy room. Habit reluctantly laid your sleeping body on the bed, lovingly tucking you into the covers, before pressing a kiss against your temple. He wouldn’t dare touch your lips. That was for later, much, much later. Everything followed a plan, a long, carefully constructed plan. It pained him to wait, the desire to steal you was strong, but he needed to wait. For now Habit was tasked with leaving you to retreat back into the office. That was the plan for now. A short-term sacrifice he had made countless times before, with the promise of coming back always close behind. The doctor placed another kiss to your forehead before reluctantly pulling away. “Sweet dreams, love. To-morrow I’ll come Care for you again, and again, And again.” Habit’s cheeks pulled back into a tight smile. “And when The time is Right, and you've Finally bloomed… I’ll Pick you all For myself” long fingers caress the side of your cheek before the doctor pulls away and stands again. “Until to-morrow, My dainty, little Flower.” And with that last whisper, Boris turned to tread through your doorway and back to the office. There he sleeps, and dreams of you, the same as every night. Patiently waiting.. waiting for the right time, to finally steal you all for himself.

[merrysithmas]

mmmm hard and quick question who tops boris or theo

😂🤣sorry i just need to pick myself up off the floor after thinking about THEO topping anyone of his own free will. the only kind of person i can imagine Theo topping is like... Agent Q from the new Bond movies but even after that they're like, yeahhh maybe this isn't for us. Lmao. Bc Theo doesn't like... want that.

(disclaimer: as a gay, i personally don't really like analyzing this topic in fandom, there is no menu or standard to human behavior and everyone reacts to the world differently and experiences pleasure differently, esp in a queer dynamic, so im like... who cares, dynamics are fluid anyway. but for sake of analyzing text here we go)

Based off the context of their personalities and dynamic, it is obvious Theo is thrown into massive depression and self-loathing when sleeping with women (Carol, Kitsey, Julie). He describes the experiences of sleeping with women as something he is monotonously expected to do, something that makes him uncomfortable and ashamed, or something substandard, and he never colors his descriptions of his affairs with women with passion, relief, or pleasure. He is like an automaton, simply following society's rules of how he "should" act and behave (or what he believes is so), essentially a Live Action Roleplay of misery that he follows with total loathing but adament piousness to stave off the horrors of his PTSD.

Now this is a point because of the way Theo and Boris (1) feel power and (2) experience comfort. Theo feels comfort and safety and power when he is vulnerable. He spends the entire book presenting a tremelous facade of being untouchable, invulnerable, and aloof (sometimes forcibly) when all the while he is dying inside from post-traumatic stress. He is a monumentous wall that could crack if you rested a feather on it. Yet Theo desperately abandons that ruse when he runs and crushes the painting to himself, his only relief, his most vulnerable and relieving moments. Crying, curling his fingers over it, feeling safe and sound alone and soft and aching when no one is looking. His only peace. Well, until Boris. Until Boris came along and held and crushed Theo himself to his own chest (mirroring how Theo crushed the painting) as Theo would wake screaming, choked with sobs, lulled to sleep in Boris' comforting arms. Again, safe, vulnerable, at peace.

So what I am saying is, Theo feels emotional fulfillment and safety and comfort not from the expression of control or power (in fact his agency is very much deleted by those things, as he actively kills his soul little by little with his obsessive unhealthy control and perfectionism of his fake life). Theo is relieved by and emotionally fulfilled by the expression of vulnerability and reception of safety and love. His best self is brought out and his healing starts and he feels like himself - like he is whole, finally.

So while Theo was curled into Boris' arms accepting his vulnerability in front of one other person (apart from his mother aka the painting), Boris at the same time was also experiencing something he seldom received -- a feeling of power and control and guardianship and the actualization of his physical realness, the use of his body to not just be victimized by violence from his father and then depersonalized but the use of it to protect and care for another. A gigantic relief and comfort and avenue of self-realization for him (bookended in adolescence by his gutsy kiss when Theo left -- acts of bold physical interjection giving him a sense of accomplshment and emotional power... ahem: Shh, Potter).

Boris is the exact opposite of Theo, which is another reason why they likely got on so closely and keenly. They are compliments. Whereas Theo feels relief and freedom in vulnerability, Boris feels no safety or comfort in vulnerability. Boris deeply fears vulnerability as evidenced by: his unrelenting horrific physical abuse by his father, his playful childhood violence used to express emotionality, jerking away fearfully when Theo tries to attend to his wound, becoming ghastly terrified when Theo drowns him, his profession as a gang leader who is highly skilled in physical intimidation and defense weaponry (so much so that he saves both of their lives in the shootout and does in fact get the painting back, even if short-lived), his ultimately flippant and nonvocal reaction to being literally shot, his liberal use of a plethora of a drugs, his aesthetic presentation of imposing nicely cut dark clothes meant to exhibit an intimidating figure/presence, his deleterious dynamics with Kotku (physical violence) and Theo (emotionally fearful), his habit of frequent colorful lying, his theft of the painting likely for some insurance of livelihood as a starving child.

Boris does not feel empowered and safe when he is not in control of his physical body -- Boris feels comfort and pleasure when he is in a position of control and power over himself and others. He has adapted his developmental shortcomings to serve his life in what he sees as a positive way and find peace with it. He leads a gang, he is a wealthy man, he can fix Theo's problems, he says honestly he has a good life.

There is also the question of emotional vulnerability -- again, although Theo is hugely closed off and it is pretty much the premise of the book, when he is most happy and most free is when he is emotionally vulnerable. Theo writes that he, of course, loves Boris. He writes he is happy during their idyllic year together and is more emotionally forthcoming about it than anything else in the book. He becomes jealous over Kotku because she "assumes ownership" of Boris - the person he feels emotionally comfortable and safe with. His love for his mother is an enduring buoy in his life, the painting brings him emotional relief, he falls into Hobie's arms as a derelict child, he frets feverishly over Boris' wounded arm. He is most himself in vulnerability after a lifetime of emotional suffocation.

Boris is also highly distressed by emotional vulnerability, but in context of Boris&Theo, it is Boris who is more fearful of emotional vulnerability as children. Theo cries in Boris arms, seeks Boris out, finds emotional solace in Boris. Boris, unaccostumed to this safety flees it and searches out an eventually toxic dynamic between he and Kotku instead. Boris changes as he grows older: feeling guilt over stealing the painting, telling Theo to value his life - he is philosophical by nature. However this emotional cognizance does not translate to his physical life. In fact it is the other way around: Boris uses that physical power and safety he has cultivated to lend him strength and space and psychological protection so that he can be emotionally self-analytical. Theo has become emotionally hardened until reunited with the painting and Boris, having Boris brings back Theo's physical and emotional freedom.

so yeah, TL;DR Boris.

obviously life and relationships are complex and there is variation in any dynamic but it seems that would be their standard, mimicking their first cuddled childhood moments in a more adult manner (shh, potter). it's a reflection of their dynamic. Theo is open to giving himself physically to Boris (in many small ways) and Boris is upheld and strengthened (and made better physically and emotionally) by that trust. He craves it so much he longs for it for ten years. And that support makes Theo better in return. A positive cycle.

i have such a hard time even imagining Theo topping Kistey like, that poor guy. It must have been soooo dead for him. Kitsey on the other hand would've worn a strap on just so they could have even a little fun until their eventual breakup but Theo's third-eye isn't opened far enough.

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 8

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 211: I stayed up till 5am last night. The last thing I watched was Ronny Chieng, a Malaysian comic in the states. It was a Netflix comedy special and bloody funny. Other than that, a quiet night, nowhere near as fucked as Friday night. As I type, I am about to finish off spicy af sausage cassserole for tea and watch a film - all quite sedate. I’ve work tomorrow, after all!

Day 212: Every time I try and watch something on Amazon Prime, it errors or doesn’t load so I have to uninstall and reinstall, which is a pain the fucking arse. Glad I don’t pay for it. I watched half of the Tom Hanks film last night, A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood, based on a real life children’s TV actor. It’s good but weird. I’ll finish it tonight. Jo Broom called and told me (well, reminded me of, actually) some good info, especially about insulin lasting 4 hours and the liver producing sugar for when you wake up). Day 213: I didn’t watch the rest of that Tom Hanks film last night, doing so right now. I got a call @5.30pm from Tall Tom asking to pop round which he did (social-distancing at the front door). He dropped of a canvas print he’d ordered of on eof my pictures from FB. Fucking gobsmacked! That’s how much he likes them. I am still in shock. What a brilliant thing to do! Day 214: Finished  A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood last night, I enjoyed it. Today has been standard. Half way through the third week back from furlough and, while I am still very glad to be working, I now also relish pasrt of being paid 80% for fuck all! My walks have been tentative today, I have done something to my right ankle, it feels sore but OK when walking at pace. My phone and Google Fit are playing up - I am suddenly walking 8km/h! Day 215: Phoned Dad - Rita sent an email a couple of days ago telling of a lump in his ear which he had removed and they are going to check for cancer. When I spoke with him it was usual dad - nothing to worry about. He spoke very highly of the staff at Stamford Hospital where he had it done. They took skin from his nesxk to put on his ear lobe where they performed the op.  I had pie and veg tonight. It’s a real change and I am stuffed as I type this. SB pee-ed me off at work big time late this afternoon. Diary updated! Day 216: Dan’s in court today for his drink driving escapade. I think he’s pleading not guilty - I’m not sure, neither has he been each time I have talked to him about it. It was scheduled at 4pm and he’s meant to let me know how it went. As I type, it’s just gone 9pm. Fuck knows what’s happening. I guess he’ll let me know in his own time. Meanwhile, work was OK, nothing hectic, I am on my first Friday beer, just about to eat meatballs and pasta and watch Taxi, a film written by Luc Besson. End of my 3rd week back and it’s a bit like I wasn’t furloughed for 6 months!

Day 217: I switched off that Taxi film after 30 minutes. It was bollocks. Dan got a 20 month ban (reduced to 15, if he does a course, which he says he will) and £1100 fine. At least it’s over and done with now. I got up at gone 2pm today. I have to cut this late sleeping habit out at the weekends. That being said, it’s 8.40pm, just about to dive in the shower, eat and then get on it. Clocks go back later so I’ve an extra hour to play with!

Day 218: Still managed to stay up stupidly late last night, up at before 1pm (but in real terms, that’s just before 2pm!)  Had a video chat with Fog - I was meant to go up to his yesterday to listen to the footy but, ‘cos I was up so late, I didn’t. Anyway, during our chat, we’ve decidied to go to Honolulu when it’s safe, specifically to go to McDs. It was a bizarre conversation - I can’t actually remember the details!

Day 219: The lady (I think it’s a lady) from the Oundle Chronicle emailed to say she didn’t think William (the student) has contacted me (he has but is fucking useless), so she’s found some questions for me to answer and wants me to pick my favourite 4 (hi-res) photos. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs that answer her questions and I was to pick photos that have had the most likes on FB - finding that info out, without trawling back over my posts, is easier said than done! Got the car tyres sorted today - an advisory from the MOT that Julian did last week.. I do like Oundle Tyre and Exhaust centre. Work was fine. Marke had to deal with Eileen Baxter and chatted to me about it. I had it all the week before last. She’s delightful but the least IT savvy person I have ever known in a workplace whereby a computer is integral to the role!

Day 220: I’ve been doing press-ups and toe tocuhes after each exercise for a little while now. 7 press-ups, doesn’t sound much but when I did it before and rapidly increased the numbers (up to 22), it played havoc with my shoulder which I thought was becoming frozen. So, I will icrease the amount slowly. I can just about touch my toes now. When I started, I barely got past my fucking knees! Work was standard today and I had an interesting chat with a recruiter about a job at Jagex, a computer game firm responsible for Runescape which is, apparently, a big deal. Posh playing tonight. At one point, when leading at home to Burton we were top. Now it’s 2-2 with minutes to go and we’re third with fucking Lincoln top. Day 221: I sent an email to Shirley from HR (re) asking about the salary discrepancy between mine and Mark’s. She’s going to talk to me tomorrow about it. I had a lomng chat with Barrzy tonight, always good to catch up and reminisce. I’ve just had two sausage rolls (on the cheap shelf from Co-Op, Dauphinoise dotatoes (ditto), mixed green veg and onion gravy for tea and I am fucking stuffed.

Day 222: Typing at gone 4pm on day 223! Had a meet with Shirley. No dice on the pay until it can be reviewed next year. All pay reviews are on hold. She explained that the salary offer was based on available budget rather than a pay grade or bench mark. Day 223: Typing this very late on day 224. Usual Friday. Work, beers, bed at 5am. went up Fog’s for a couple and watched Train to Busan. Day 224: I swore blind, when I woke and got up (2.24pm) I would have a day off from exercise. Stair climb and 10km walk done! Leigh from Oundle Chronicle messaged chasing my answers for the article. Last night, someone posted such great pics on the Oundle Chatter group that it makes me think twice about posting my photos. I tell everyone I just point and snap with my phone camera and, while it is the phone camera, I do so much pissing about with Google photos I feel like a con, it doesn’t sit well with me. Made lasagne for tea. Fucking lush - lardons, scothc bonnet and an Oxo cube really helped, I think. It’s 11:44pm as I type, 15 mins and I’ll deliver K’s birthday card. Not sure what I am hoping to come out of that, really. Just can’t let go! Day 225: Stupidly late one again last night. Up at 2pm. I’ve responded to Leigh at the Oundle Chronicle - why I make it so hard, I do not know, I really overthink some things.  Eye appointment tomorrow, 9.50am, which Sam, Mr. Minos’s secretary offered me when she called on friday. Sueanne was very cool about it when I checked it was OK. So, now I am fretful of what will happen! More lasering, I reckon.

Day 226: Eye clinic was not great. I need lasering in my right eye, so that will be both eyes. Mr. Hussain, the consultant that ive seen loads including today, explained that the field of vision is affected that it can mean I am not allowed to drive. In one eye it doesn’t matter, in both the DVLA will order a test and, if the field isn’t wide enough, means I won’t get a license to drive. Shit! K WhatsApp to thank me for the card plus some ‘chat’ which ended uninvitingly (i.e., end of conversation!). I just replied that I was glad she liked it (the card),

Something is up with my left thumb, it’s sore by the nail, as if it’s ingrowing, but it isn’t. Fuck knows what it is and it’s really bothering me, very painful. Pretty shit day, all in all. Day 227: Called the surgery about my thumb and Dr. leijsen called me back, asked some questions about the photo (I had to take a pic and send it in), including whether there’s any pus, and then said she’ll prescribed anti-biotics. Later today, it started to leak pus, and feel better! But, it’s still not right so I’‘l take the course. Looks like I have got an interview for the IT support job at Jagex, got a call from the recruiter today, just need confirmation. Spoke with Shirley from HR about the fact I might not be able to drive in the future. She was pretty cool about it in a kind of cross-that-bridge way and suggested I run it past Sueanne.

Day 228: Spoke with Sueanne about my impending eye lasering which is on Friday ay 3.30pm, the hospital called to let me know, she was very cool about it and even suggested I take Monday off! More importantly, she spoke of the non-driving as no factor to worry about job wise, especially as we are all WfH nowadays. I have an interview at Jagex, well, Zoom, but it is on Friday, 1pm.

Day 229: Told Mark at work about the lasering adn potential non-driving. I think it shocked him a little. I am worried about tomorrow, big time, although it’s just lasering - I’ve had it done before. I cannot wait for this time tomorrow (9.40pm). I have been trying to concentrate on preparing for the interview but it’s all too easy to get distracted. Day 230: Interview went OK. Eye appointment was horrible but bearable. The doc wants me to book in for more laser but, only so it can be reviewed and ‘topped up’ if need be. Better than a going for a check up and having to book another laser appointment thereafter. It’s near enough 9.00pm and I am going to enjoy a bear or two.

Day 231: No after affects to speak of from the eye appointment but I know lasering has occurred. It’s like I haven’t got the full set of cells recieve information from yje pupil. It’s intangible but still perceptible. Great walk today, took some cracking photos - very pleasing. More booze and draw tonight and, hopefully, up tomorrow before the 2.20pm wake up time of today. Posh beat Oxford away (1-2) in the FA Cup 1st round.

Day 232: 2pm by the time I got out of bed. I’ve got to curb this habit. Missed calls from Dad but answered one from Rita just before going for a walk when I promised to phone tomorrow. Day 233: I think SB wa surprised was at work today. I ordered two rugs (from irugs.co.uk). They are 8x5″ and were 75% off, £58 ea. One for under the table (desk) and I put one in the spare room. Hopefully keep the house a tad warmer. Getting into Barry on Sky Comedy. Barry’s a hit man. It’s darkly intriguing. I took a couple of pics of a solitary poppy today, icuding a couple of macros. They turned out OK so will post one on Wednesday (11/11).  Talking of photos, two people (one is Alison Brighty) asked for a jpeg of one of the photos I posted on Saturday so they can get it printed. 

Day 234: Spoke with dad today, let him know the situation with my eyes which, I think worries him, so I hate to do it but, also, he needs to know, just in case.

Day 235: The poppy pic I posted was very well received, over 160 likes on the Oundle chatter page and Jo Langford wants the original (why she can’t take it of FB?) to print off, which is nice. I am working on Saturday - gotta attend a meeting at 8am. FFS! SB also agreed for me to back on call, cool!

Day 236: Average sort of day. I really wish I wasn’t working on Saturday! OH, Dan messaged...first I’ve heard from him for over two weeks...he’s got two days of so he can watch all the US Masters which started today, and was good watching. So, not that average a day afterall, now that I think back on it. Day 237: Woke up at 9.14am today, yikes! Messaged with Dan a lot as he is home watching the US Masters...told him abbout my eye issues and the fact there’s a chance of losing my driving license. Also, in a silly facebook post and comments, about me not being able to drink tonight ‘cos of work tomorrow, Scottish Ricky asked if I was OK. I replied, not really, meaning that I’m pissed off I can’t get pissed. He messaged to say if I ever need to chat. Fucking great bloke. I rang him to let him know I was not being serious on FB and we chatted for 30 mins or so. Top man. still, it does remian that I am missing a beer this Friday - roll on tomorrow night!

Day 238: Work thsi morning was OK, finished at midday. Watchung golf, having abeer or two right now (just gone 8pm). Posh lost away to Crewe 0-2. Day 239: Up at 2pm after a good few drinks last night (and some silly video posting on FB of me  trying shit lager - Corrs Light - with hot sauce). Just settling down to watch Dustin Johnson win the Masters - he’s -20 with 2 to play, no one near him.

Day 240: I ordered some slippers from Amazon that arrived today. They were also returned today. I’m destined to never find a decent, non-expensive pair.

DJ did win the golf.

I watched Jojo Rabbit this evening. A first class film.

[kensboytoy]

Smile, Darn Ya, Smile!

Title: Smile, Darn Ya, Smile! Fandom: Smile For Me Pairings: Dr. Boris Habit/Reader (Gender Neutral) Ratings: Explicit

Flower Child.

The name was almost an insult at this point when you heard that poor excuse for a Muppet turn to the camera and speak directly into your soullike it had been watching you night and day. You knew from day one that Dr. Habit wasn’t the goody-goody-gumdrops man filled with rainbows and sunshine - hell, most folks in the Habitat knew it too and were unsettled. So why did you all stay? Were so many people rooted in place from crippling depression?

Or maybe something intoxicating was in the air.

Either way, your campaign to brighten up these people’s lives wouldn’t stop with a few measly puppety threats. Simple requests led to big smiles. And wasn’t that the entire reason that you were there?

But a King sat on the ivory throne of pearly white teeth, scowling at how his kingdom was unraveling. How you were becoming the Flower Hero and he nothing more than a knave. A bubbling jealousy was brewing within the scorned man. He wanted to make everyone smile! They didn’t deservethe free-wheeling right to do so unless he commanded! The Big Event was almost here and you were ruining it.

[Continue Reading or Read on AO3!]

Oh, he could get rid of you easily. However, suspicion would grow if he didn’t plan it right. If you vanished without a trace? Well, he could say that you went back home. Although the people in Habitat were naive, there was no way they’d fall for that. You were too involved here - you had some sort of stake in Habitat now. Like a tick on a dog’s back. Sucking the life out of Dr. Habit and making his patience wear thin.

As night fell upon The Habitat, you sauntered your way through the halls to get to your room. You let out a languished yawn, your eyes growing heavy. The sun had only just started to hide behind the hills when you started to feel funny. Not the usual tiredness from a long day. You felt woozy. Steadying yourself on the guardrail leading up to your room, your free had clutched at your head. There was no one around to help you up the tedious flights of stairs that now felt like climbing a tall mountain.

Slowly, you crumpled, defeated by the sudden crushing weight of gravity. You called out. But nobody came.

”It’s so very totally rude to keep sleebing.”

The darkness that clouded your mind was starting to come back. A voice that sounded like TV static started to trickle into your ears. You swore that you were drowning in the abyss before your lungs finally reacted to inhale much needed oxygen. A few shaky breaths and you finally started to come to. The stinging smell of copper filled your nostrils as you took in long, greedy breaths as if they would be your last. What was that smell?

”Ignoring me! You’re ignoring me! May-be… I oughta wake you up, up, up!”

The voice was louder. Mocking you. A deep, mocking voice laced with an accent your dizzy brain couldn’t place at the moment.

Before you could find the strength or the voice to reply to the voice, you felt something sharp against your cheeks. They felt like daggers against your flesh but you weren’t quite convinced they had cut you. No, they were prodding you. Fishing around and then - then something was on your mouth. Pulling. Pulling your mouth open tight.

That was when your eyes snapped open with a sudden bolt of adrenaline. Panicked, your breathing quickened as you scanned the inquisitive face peering at you now. Green. Green…

“Ah, there you is! Wakey-wakey!” the madman giggled. It was his hands that were on your face. Sharp fingers that felt like claws were still adjusting whatever was holding your mouth open.

“Doctor?” you croaked, voice breaking apart from how dry your throat was. It felt like sandpaper just trying to rattle out that word alone.

Dr. Habit was smiling at you, though it wasn’t exactly sincere like all of the posters of him had been. There was menace behind it - a threat.

“Ah, look-y who the smarty-er-pants is!” Dr. Habit cooed mockingly. “Oh, so very smart for guessing who I am. But I bet you still don’t know where you are~!”

With your heart still racing and the new stinging of your face, you let your eyes frantically glance around as your vision came back to you. Sterile. Weirdly cramped. An office? Glancing down, you noticed your immobile form all strapped up to what looked to be an examination chair. Oh. You knew where you were now.

“Your-”

“Thaaaaat’s righty-right, Flower Brat! You’re in my office! A very special appointment for a very special little Flower.”

You heard a swift kick of his foot against the metal pedal of the chair’s release that sent your seat in an uncomfortable backwards position. A yelp of surprise left you as well as an alarming amount of saliva down your chin that your mouth was finally producing again. Dr. Habit was laughing at the sight of how pathetic you looked. He was circling around you now - almost prancing - like a shark to a minnow.

“How dee-sgusting! This is the freak that all the Habitians are smiling about? But look at you! You’re a mess.” He was brought to more laughter with a series of titters that he tried his best to keep inside. “And we haven’t even started the actual procedure!”

“Procedure?” you parroted.

Dr. Habit scowled at that, jolly facade slipping as his voice dropped to a low register.

“It ees not polite to talk with your mouth full.”

You were about to question him when he shoved dampened cotton balls into your mouth. The numbing effect of whatever they were soaked with hit you pretty quickly. It wasn’t like you were feeling any better from being drugged up previously. You had finally pieced together that the copper smell was laughing gas. Though, that was what you were hoping for.

A whimper pushed through all the cotton, filling the air. It was like music to him.

“Bettur? Just let your body realize your natural place, Flower Brat. I can see that it wants to let go of aaaaall those sill-ee thoughts you have! All those terrible worries. How preoccupied you’ve been with other people’s problems.”

Dr. Habit was closer to you now, one hand reaching down to cup your cheek. He rubbed you gingerly, pretending that he was filled with concern for the one that he had drugged up and tied down. You could see that he played stupid very well.

“Even after I told you not to interfere,” he growled, claws clenching against your skin. You whimpered, afraid of the power that he had. “You just don’t lee-ssen! What do you hope to prove, hm? That you are better than me?”

You shook your head frantically.

His eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring. It was clear he didn’t believe you.

“You do! You think you are better-er than me!”

Huffing like an impudent child, you felt his fingers back on you. They slipped into your open mouth eagerly and he bent down to examine. Dr. Habit frowned several times and made small ‘hmm’s’ and ‘oh’s!’ as he explored. The sudden focus on your dental hygiene was making you squirm under him. Though, perhaps it was also the intimate nature of a deranged man on top of you, prodding and poking your mouth with sharp fingers. You felt like one wrong move and he’d cut you open.

Dr. Habit could see that you were watching him - he smiled when he met your gaze.

“Curiouz creature, hm? Want to know what I’m looking for?”

Slowly, you nodded.

That certainly caused him to guffaw.

“Well, I am a dentist, silly-Billy! So I’m looking for any yucky-ucky cavities. Whiiiich-” He dug his index finger right into a molar.

You cried out, bucking against your restraints. Dr. Habit snorted at that and pushed down harder. Tears stung your eyes.

“Naughty, naughty! Such an ungrateful little Flower Brat, you don’t even bother to take care of your teeth!” His expression shifted again so that he was glowering at you. Practically a snarl. “Such naughty people always get to have their teeth. Why should you be so lucky, hm? You obviously do not care enough to take care of them.”

Another sharp push but, this time, it felt like he was trying to pull it back out. You quickly realized that the fluid in the cotton balls did not actually numb any pain at all. It indeed made it shock your mouth with more of an impact. Crying out, you begged for him to stop. Dr. Habit couldn’t hear you in his mad frenzy.

He reached for his tools resting nearby and produced a rusty pair of pliers. Panicking, you began to thrash. You knew the pain would be unimaginable if he pulled it out.

“Stop squir-erming! It’ll be over quickly…”

The rusted metal was tightened around you tooth and-

Yank!

You screamed. Howled in pain as the molar was plucked from you. With tears down your face, you shook and cried in Dr. Habit’s grip. He looked the molar over and tsked. It indeed had a large cavity in it, making it not perfect and shiny like he enjoyed. He let it clatter to the collection tray before he turned back to you.

“Pleasth!” you begged, mouth still forced open with drool and blood running down your chin. “I’m saw-wee!”

Dr. Habit paused, looking at you with a slight bit of pity. Well, you had thought so. But his finger went straight back into your mouth was the hole was.

You cried out again, screaming until your voice was hoarse. The stinging pain of the new wound quickly began to numb. It might have been your brain trying to process it into something that you could handle.

So neither of you had expected a moan.

Dr. Habit’s eyes widened in surprise, mouth agape and ready to question or belittle you. Curiously, he pressed again. Another loud moan fell from your lips in between your sobs.

“Oh? Whazzis…?”

He let your blood coat his finger and then slowly traced it on the roof of your mouth so you’d be forced to taste the stinging metallic taste. Then, he pulled away and sucked on it. He shivered. This was terribly naughty!

“Do you like this?” he whispered in a sharp, accusatory hiss.

You tried to shake your head.

Dr. Habit carefully cupped your face between his hands and this time let his thumb push into your mouth. You whimpered, body arching up towards him. With his hand clamping your jaw open, he touched the freshly opened hole and watched as you practically danced under him. Well, this was new, wasn’t it?

Never before had Dr. Habit had a patient that liked this. No, usually they screamed their little lungs out and begged for their lives. You would never know if this man spared those who he harvested or that he had more skeletons in his closet.

“Liar, liar, plants in a fire! I can feel your bod-dee twitching when I play.”

That sing-songy voice was enough to make your stomach turn. You wanted to be sick. However, the fire in your loins was far too distracting. You began to pant. Hard, heavy breaths meant you were inhaling more of that godforsaken gas into your lungs. But you couldn’t help it! This was entirely new to you too. You should have been screaming and sobbing and you were letting tears fall down your cheek, you were also leaning into Habit’s sickening touch.

Helpless eyes watched as the man examined you to try an re-calculate what to do. You had already ruined his first set of plans for the Big Event and now you had the audacity to make him change course for torturing you!

However, the morbid curiosity that Dr. Habit had in this precise moment was almost enough to let you off the hook. Almost.

“Even in my ah-tempts to hurb you and make you pay, you still-ee manage to screw it all up, Flower Brat!” he nearly roared with a snarl before that sweet smile came and stretched across his face.

Like nails on a chalkboard, he scraped his pliers against the metal of the dental chair to make you jump. You let out a gasp, dreading what would come next. He loved watching you squirm in anticipation. Your fear was so very palpable that it was yummy in his tummy. The cold metal of the tool that had robbed you of a tooth tapped mockingly against your cheek. He dragged it along your jaw and stopped at your chin.

“We could always see how many more teeth I can pull from your puh-retty leetle mouth to make you orgasm.”

Your eyes were wide open and looking at him in terror. The shock ran through you - or, at least you hoped it was shock and not something else.

“Wh-wha-”

Habit pressed the pliers to your lips to shut you up.

“Oh, leetle Flower Brat! You are having a big se-cer-ret from your dear Doc-tor! I cannot per-scribe the right medi-i-cine if you don’t fess up to all your dirty daydreams~!”

He yanked your mouth open again and carelessly plucked another tooth. You screamed, unable to take this flash of pain ringing in your jaw. Choking back another cry, you felt the blood drip down your lips before you realized that he had taken one of your front teeth. However, instead of shoving his claws back into your mouth, you suddenly felt his warm, stale breath pour over your face.

Now you were staring directly into those bloodshot yellow eyes as he was a hair’s breadth away from you. Body tensing up, you were frozen by that stare. You wanted to pull away. To try and jerk free from his grip. What was he trying to pull - aside from teeth, of course.

Before your anxious thoughts could get too rapt up in the ‘what if’ game, you felt his lips against yours. Startled, you moved to pull away but felt his hand encase the back of your head to hold you steady. Like a panicked animal, you began to fear the worst. Then you felt his tongue slide into where your tooth had been and it finally clicked.

He was trying to turn you on.

Using your own embarrassment was far more fun than just simply robbing you of your teeth. No, he wanted you to feel shame that you were enjoying this. Sweet little Flower Freak was getting off on the mutilation of your own body.

You began to weep freely and tried to ignore the white hot pleasure his tongue was quickly achieving. It slid directly into the fresh wound and pushed its slimy warmth with enough force to produce another lovely moan from you.

All your worries were starting to melt away.

Your body, perhaps from the sheer trauma of it all, was sending signals of pleasure rather than pain. The stinging sensation of the open gash in your mouth was beginning to welcome the sensation of his tongue. Like it was the perfect band-aid for your lil’ whoopsie.

The longer Habit kissed you and let his tongue explore your mouth, the more you finally let your body go limp in his hold. No more struggling. Dr. Habit knew exactly what you wanted and would prescribe the perfect medication.

“Theeeere we go, leetle on,” he cooed encouragingly. “Let your nasty body realize its place, hm? You know-e you cannot fight against such a strong Doc-tor like me! I would crush you easily.”

That dangerous look in his eyes was proof enough of that. But he was right. You couldn’t fight back. You couldn’t win. Trying to convince the mad doctor to let you go was a moot point. So you might as well just enjoy the last moments of your life and let the sick bastard indulge your newfound fetish.

“All you wanted to do was fix the smiles of everyone else… But maybe leetle Flower’s smile looks funnier than everyone else’s! May-bee…”

Habit’s hands pulled your cheeks so you were forced to smile your new broken smile as blood continued to dribble down your chin.

“May-bee Flowers do not smile right because there is something naughty behind those teefs! A perverted little freak who wants big bad Doctors like Habit to be making their smiles less dirty.”

Slowly, he leaned in and licked a stripe against the top row of still intact teeth.

“Habit could fix you,” he suggested, a darker tone slipping in again. “Fix you up-up-up! Make smile less dirty by cleaning it.”

With another push of the pedal connected to the chair, you were flat on your back now. The hulking figure was on top of you, blocking out the small light that had been shining in your face. He looked to be nothing more than a shadow creature now, leering down at you like a piece of meat instead of a ‘patient’.

“Yes, yes! Habit fixy! All smiles! Even naughty-naughties who wanna ruin ever-ree-thing!”

You were barely focusing on what he was saying as he slid your legs open. Fear washed over you again as you started to wonder what ‘fixing’ you meant. The answer was swiftly rubbed against you through the fabric of Habit’s pants, rubbing your inner thigh before he pushed it against your throbbing sex.

Letting out a choked cry, you bucked to try and shove him off you. But he was far too strong and was now pinning a good chunk of his weight to keep you still. The sharp zip! of his pants was enough to alert you to the terror and gravity of the situation.

“Don’t worry, leetle patient. Doc-tor Habit will indulge your icky fantasies with special medicine.”

A mewl left you as your body trembled. However, you found the arousal at the pit of your stomach branching off and seeping into every inch of you. The laughing gas made you feel as light as a feather and so easy to mold like putty.

Habit stared down at you tenderly as he rubbed his cock against your clothed body. The sensation was enough for him to sigh in relief. He wouldn’t have admitted it, but seeing you so fearful and horny really turned him on. And Habit so rarely took care of his own needs. So this was an extra special occasion!

He bent your legs upwards and let your thighs push together. There, he let his cock slip between them and start absentmindedly hotdogging them. The sight sent you further into your own madness. You begged for him to stop but your hips rocked to try and meet his. This was torture. Complete agony!

Deciding that you needed more pleasure, his hands went back to your mouth to play with you. Eager, you reached into his touch and let your face be cupped in the palms of his massive hands. His thumbs parted your lips and pushed in. It only took his sharp fingertips to push against your two new holes for you to greet him with little moans. You were already on the brink! You just needed more of his touch.

More of Habit talking down to you and degrading you. You liked being his nuisance if this is what it meant. You’d make everyone in the Habitat so happy if it meant he would get to reward you with these unwanted advances. The sick part in your twisted brain wanted to see how far you could push him before he’d simply take what he wanted.

You couldn’t tell if this was you or the effects of the gas anymore. With your brain turning into goo, you were helplessly in the hands of Dr. Boris Habit. You wondered where his filthy mind would go with a new pliant little patient underneath him. From how much his cock was throbbing, you guessed he liked this too.

And he was big. Of course he would be from just how tall he was. A towering giant over all of the Habitat. His shadow could have easily swallowed you whole! You dread to think about that creature you had seen in the corner of your room at night. Waiting for you to slip up. And now you had. Fallen right into the spider’s trap.

Small, drunken giggles left you as Habit played with your jaw. He pushed and wiggled the rest of your teeth to see if anymore needed to come out immediately. The force on one of your molars made you moan, realizing that you had another cavity there. Taking this opportunity, he tugged out that tooth too and fingered the new hole. Your blood was a lovely little lube that stained his green fingers nicely.

The adrenaline he got from hurting you like this was enough to make him moan. Habit joined in with your giggles, pleased as punch to see you finally so happy.

“Oh? I am making you smile by doing such naughty things to you? Do you like the Doc-tors special medicine, leetle Flower?” he crooned.

You nodded, eyes half-lidded and your mouth willingly wide open while he played. You were in heaven. The pain was pure pleasure now and making every nerve-ending tingle so delightfully. Having him do this to you was amazing! You were oh so grateful to be his patient.

“Good! Now you know how generous I am! You comin-k in here and ruining all my wonderful plans! I was oh-so mad at you, yes I was! I wanted to stra-ngle the li-iife outta you… But I like your broken smile.”

Habit was starting to drool. Strands of it fell into your mouth as he fucked between your thighs faster. Harder. So hard that it made the unstable dentist chair beneath you too creak and whine noisily.

“Because it is a smile for me! Mine, mine mine~! You are smiling for Habit now! And I hab it aaaaallll to myself foreber and eber!”

His own maniacal giggles surrounded you.

You were smiling at just how happy he was! It was so infectious to see Dr. Habit smile so much. You were finally making him happy too…

Pleased with yourself, you let yourself fully dive into your madness. You giggled and groaned, begging for him to keep you. You wanted to be his! Why waste time in such a silly world like the Habitat when you could stay with Habit forever. That sounded much nicer.

Habit bent down and greedily kissed you, swiping his tongue over your teeth and the holes of the ones he had stolen over and over, increasing his pace the harder he bucked against your warm body. He was close. So achingly close. The noises coming from him were guttural. Needy. He wanted you to cum to fully put you in your place. To overwhelm you with utter shame even after you came back to your senses.

Your arousal was hitting you so hard that it was blinding. All you could see were the rows upon rows of Habit’s teeth curled into a smile and his yellow eyes shifting to a deep red. His hands that grabbed the sides of your face were now letting those sharp nails dig into the soft flesh, poking holes in your skin with sweet new cuts that would punctuate your broken smile.

Then, all at once, as you felt the overwhelming darkness begin to eat you up, you came. You screamed out his name and begged for him to keep you and to fix your smile.

Habit watched in pure childlike wonder as you bucked wildly, gasping for air. The sight of what he had done to you - how he ruined your body all for himself and that you were begging for more sent him well over the edge.

Ropes of cum shot onto your stomach before he moved up, opening your mouth and letting the hot, salty liquid shoot into your mouth. The sting of it hitting the gaps in your smile burned. But your loopy smile was stretched out as you took every drop.

Dr. Habit panted for a moment before tucking himself away and standing at full attention. His hand came to pet your head in a more tender moment, his smile never fading. You had truly made him smile from your depravity.

“Round one of Dr. Habit’s speshul medicine was a sucks-yes!” he cooed proudly. “I think it is beddy-byes for Flowers before phase two…”

You were about to protest when you felt a syringe pierce into the crook of your arm. A warm liquid filled you before you lost your fight to sleep while hearing Habit sing a soft lullaby in his mother tongue:

“Bayu-bayushki-bayu, bayu-bayushki-bayu…”