#doubt it will do well but i really live this ep and tbh idc that much

[salswisteria]

SPOILERS FOR MALEVOLENT 45

(malevolent bingo bonus as the end)

THIS WAS SUCH A CUTE EPISODE IM SCARED FOR 46 😭

The way Arthur and John are just commuting they're being sweet to each other, they're being nice, they're activity treating eachother with such care ITS SO WIRBKEBDLSBRE

The deep level of care you can hear in their voices as they talk to eachother with so much comfort. Opening up to eachother about themselves, while taking care to make sure that they don't hurt the other with some long dragged out misunderstanding like they used to do so often back in the day.

The level of progress that these two have made within themselves— as well as with eachother— is just so heartwarming to see. The fact that we now fully have confirmation that Arthur has absolutely wanted to kill himself because of what he did to Faroe, and Faroe's spirit being so darn happy that he doesn't feel that way anymore! Faroe has always been with him and she loves her papa just as much as Arthur loves her.

For John, one was that small moment where he said something about camp fires being so "human." to which he and Arthur respond with laugh and agreement. It's such a small but heartwarming moment where you can just hear the character development brimming out of John. I'm personally not able to put it into words but for those who get it, get it.

I'd love to keep expanding on this because even though this episode is so much more melancholy then how our usual malevolent episodes are like, it means so much for our main characters as a whole and as well as their relationship.

This episode shows us that John and Arthur are different now. Their relationship is different now. They are no longer the John and Arthur we knew for so long, and that's wonderful.

But I am unfortunately burnt out but still have work to do so I should save my energy TT

Now IF Harlan and the Patreons decide to ruin this for us— I will absolutely riot in more even kidding— BUT IN ALL HONESTLY....I don't think they will. BUT WHO KNOWS WITH THIS PODCAST ANYMORE.

(also I think the "M" guy was talking about Alexander the owl when he said "He's not what he seems.")

Malevolent bingo card after EP 45

Photo raw:

[survivorpacificislandallstars]

Ep. 18 - “I am so sick of being perceived as a goat” - Sara

Last night? The biggest mess on the planet. I burnt my bridges with Jordan officially but you know what? I don't care! He makes it seem like I'm the one constantly fucking him over when in reality he's just been doing it to himself. Like I'm sorry you're not playing a good game but don't take it out on me. I wasn't here for that double tribal that you're still pressed about anyway. And you have a damn idol and are beast at the comps so what the fucks your damage? At this point it's just funny because Jordan keeps making bad moves and it just looks worse on him if he gets to the end. Check this game off the list of games Jordan has no chance at winning! Anyway, I almost voted out Sam. But the gag is, I think she wants to f2 with me. Steffen obviously wants to take Sam to the end because duh but I would hope Sam would see the benefit in taking me. I've been so fucking messy that honestly? On the surface I think it looks like I really cannot win. But if I somehow get to ftc, I think I can pull a solid case. But people will be bitter. It's just that, at this point I'm mad that Sam and Steffen are both still in. Like, I'm hoping they're numbers for me but... They're still a dangerous duo. There's no question. And yeah Jordan, I know they're a fucking duo. I know the threat behind them. See, last night I just really wanted to be in control of what happened. And I was! I was supposed to go home. But I make Jordan think he's doing me some favor for me and gets votes on Sam. And then all of a sudden Drew wants to do what I tell him? Sweet! I go from being the target to deciding who goes. There was absolutely no way I wanted to go to rocks but I got to pick if Sam or David went. If Sam had gone, I would have broken up a duo. But then Sara would return and I'd be up against Jordan/David/Sara. And Drew would probably just follow them in voting me out. I kept my numbers together this round not only through keeping Sam and Steffen but also trying to get closer to Drew. He had a hand in deciding who went because he asked me who I wanted gone. Now of course that could be a way for him to make it seem like he'll do what I say, but at the same time I'm hoping there's a way we can work together. I think/hope he's sick of Jordan and sees that Jordan will probably want the goat in Sara over himself who literally JUST beat him in Westeros. And then there's me being fed up with Sam and Steffen so like, if we come together to take out the people we've been allied with then idc. Idk. I realize I've been very selfish this game. But it's only because I haven't trusted any of these hoes! And I'm not really bothered by what happens to anyone this game because I feel like I was underestimated. Like, I love the people playing. Even Jorda Pine. But LISTEN. NO ONE HAS HAD MY BACK IN THIS GAME. Sam B debatably has and I guess Kevin did before he was slaughtered in that double but we'll never know. And even with Sam seeming like she'd take me over Steffen, I seriously doubt that. When push comes to shove, I don't think she'd go through with taking me. Which is why I'll be pissed if I left that duo only for them to get to the end. This is a game about not only getting to the end, but getting to the next vote. I'm a day by day person. You do what you have to do to see the next tribal. Deal with what you're given. That's what I did last night and I feel like it's not being understood. People are looking too far ahead to see what's in front of them, and I feel like I'm demonized for getting the homework that's due tomorrow done over working on the final project due in 2 weeks. It's just dumb. And I'll do what I have to do to get to the next vote until I hit ftc. IF I hit ftc. I'm tryin y'all.

I am so annoyed. Jordan won AGAIN. I'm so tired of him. And instead of sending sara (which we all thought he would do) he sent steffen. The one person I trust to NEVER vote me out. So now I feel screwed at this tribal. So the big worry I have for tonight is Sara playing an idol. I don't know if Jordan would give his to her, he has been very selfish all game, especially to someone who is literally playing for him (aka sara, you have no game and you will lose). I have a feeling that sara found the merge exile idol. Jordan wouldn't have sent steffen if he felt like 1. Steffen could have a chance to look for the idol, and 2. Jordan's only ally would be vulnerable at tribal. I have been thinking so hard about this vote and it seems like I'm going home regardless. If drew, andrew and I vote sara and she plays an idol, it'll be 2 votes for me and I'm gone. And I'm not just speculating that it's me, I know it because Sara told me. She literally is throwing away her game for Jordan, when honestly I don't think either of them deserve to win. But anyways, so say we don't vote Sara. If I team up with Andrew to vote out Drew, then it ties 2 votes for me, 2 votes for Drew and 1 for sara (assuming that Drew doesn't flip on me). If he does, I'm screwed, but if he doesn't, I'm also screwed! A revote with me and drew not voting would make it jordan and sara vs andrew. Same scenario if I switch Drew with Andrew. My only hope is that 1. Sara is lying to me about voting for me because she wants me to flush an idol (which I highly doubt) and 2. Sara doesn't play an idol or have one played on her, and Drew and Andrew stay loyal to me. I know I have said this a most tribals lately but I feel like I'm going home tonight. I hate Jordan Pines. And I actually wanna talk about this a little. I don't hate him in the sense of "he's a terrible person" even though he low key might be. I just hate how he is in this game. And from what I have heard from others, he's like this in a lot of games. He is very condescending. He is also really bad about whining when he doesn't get his way. He loves threatening people to work with him, or he will get them out. I have never threatened anyone because I don't find it necessary ??? My social game is good enough to convince people to want to work with me. I have never told someone "do this and I might trust you" and that is exactly what Jordan did to me the night of the double tribal and ever since I stood up for myself and said no, he has had a problem with me. I play to win, not to be managed by a powerhouse who is good at comps and finding idols. Because lets face it, that is all his game entails. Honestly if I go home and then in jury, I have to vote between a f2 of Sara and Jordan...Fuck. I cringe at the thought at that. Two of the most undeserving players in this game potentially winning. Yikes. If that happens, I will be the most bitter juror you can imagine. I will drag both of them for filth because if they want to claim sole survivor in an all star season with 32 cast members, they better fucking deserve it. As of now, we have 40 minutes until tribal. Sara won't message me back, after she told me she is voting me out. I asked for any other options and she simply said "I wish it wasn't like this but I have to vote for you" aka "I don't want to but Jordan does so that's what I'm going to do" It's truly sad that she was once considered an all star but whatever, I didn't pick the cast, I'm just playing with them. And since I don't have the capabilities to threaten and scare people into working with me, I'm probably going home tonight. 

Tonight's the night I go out. I can feel it. Jordan said it was between Sam and I and like. Idk. Drew said he'll vote Sam with me so I'm putting a lot of trust in Drew. He says he wants f3 with Steffen and I which I really want to believe. I'm just worried I fucked up because I told Jordan I'm thinking of voting Sam. But then Jordan can go right around and tell Sam I'm voting for her. Which ya know, she probably assumes because she's not dumb? She says she's voting Sara but I think she's just voting me. And tbh I'm probably voting her. So it comes down to who Jordan and Sara decide on. Oh excuse me. Jordan** because Sara's so far up his ass her legs can't even hit the ground to actually follow him! She's literally just his accessory at this point. I do love Sara. But oh my GOD it's frustrating. I'm just gonna be upset with myself if I go out tonight. Like I'm proud of my game but? It still sucks ass that Jordan and goat Sara and Sam/Steffen (as a duo - one of them alone is fine) are getting farther than me when it's literally the people I've wanted out. Like I would not in the slightest blame Sam for voting me tonight. Vote Sara and she could very well be dead. Vote me and take out an ally you really like but still feel like shit. Risk death eating the raw meat or cannibalize and live. Both great options! Now I'm in a moral dilemma of telling Sam I voted Sara. And the thing is, if I do, it needs to be heartfelt. Like "yeah fuck Jordan! Even if this doesn't save you I don't wanna listen to him!" I fucking hate lying like this. But I just need to get to the next round. I'm day by day. Just trying to see tomorrow.

I am so sick of being perceived as a goat. Everyone is probably right 

I know I just made a confessional but fuck. Voting for Sam tonight if she really did vote Sara and lying to her has to be giving me the shittiest feeling I've ever felt in a game. Like this fucking sucks because I love her so much. If it really is her tonight... I wanna throw that courtesy vote to Sara so bad. But I need Drew's trust. And I need to make myself feel as safe as possible. Did I mention this fucking sucks? Like I'm getting guilt feelings so bad. Sam keeps saying she loves me and i i i i i ii iii ii iii ii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiioefri0`00``01010101 10 01 0 10 100101001 10 10 10 100100110 11 010 010010 101010 110 01