#double edged sword--esp since (i forget what i was going to say)

[theloveinc]

Do you ever feel sad when moots deactivate their acce/ disappear? Do you ever miss them or their stories

i do!—though i wouldn't necessarily say it's sadness that i'm feeling... more like, a bittersweet melancholy-ish emotion?

it's changed that i've become more of a writer than my previous years though, as now i really understand the urge/reasons for leaving cites + accounts, but still recognize each as a loss for all reasons (author and reader).

luckily, due to the format of tumblr (in terms of shorter things, at least), i'm a little less sad about the disappearance of specific works... however there's a few writers from my past (some not even fanfiction related) whose work i mourn OFTEN.

it really just depends on who or what has left, you know? thank you for asking, and wbu?!

[bpd-shuichi-togo]

What are your thoughts on each member of the Summoners (Arc may count as well)? I have just finished all the dungeons and read fan translations Shiro’s character quests and it makes me wonder how others view the protagonist’s guildmates.

aside from toji and to a lesser extent shiro, i don't have much to say about most of the summoners, sorry. they're neat, i like them, but they're not very interesting to me i can't really Get Into It with them. ryota is nice. i like hanuman, he is like a baby cousin to me. the whole 'stupid, violent brown person' thing with kengo is kinda...... super crazy racist? hi? hello? i honestly keep forgetting moritaka is with the summoners.

actually i..... don't have much to say about shiro just off the top of my head, except that the ways his and shuichi's characters reflect each other (wrt knowledge, alienation, distrust, etc.) makes me want to start gnawing things. i meant to say something more about him and the d-evils, i'll finish that later ig but i'd probably need prompting for anything beyond that. i LOVE when he has an autism moment i LOVE when he's scary and i LOVE when he's a cunt. (protag voice) my advisor is a bitch and i like him so much :)

100% i do not fw a lot of Toji Likers... that said of the summoners, far and away toji's character has the most depth and is the most interesting/compelling imo. it's genuinely too much for me to put it into words concisely like... i love how everything is a double-edged sword with him. it's best illustrated with how, in chapter 6, he declares himself the enemy of those who rely on blood-ties... thanks to his own lineage and the artifacts passed down through his clan and finally to him, both of which cause him sooo much pain. as SHITTY as he can be, and for the love of god you have to acknowledge how SHITTY he can be, toji himself is the first victim of all his flaws-- flaws stemming from how he was abused/exploited by his would-be surrogate father/the police in general since he was a recently-orphaned child-- and suffers more for them than he ever actually manages to inflict on others, bc he is at the bottom of the hierarchy within the system he adheres to, so even on the very rare occasion where his condemnation of someone is even remotely justified, he can't actually do shit about it. and once you get past seeing him as threatening, he's honestly.... sincerely pathetic, particularly when he's at his lowest in chapter 5, esp when you remember he is a teenage boy who is the way he is bc he's been exploited since he was a recently-orphaned child. his life was set to be a tragedy. and then the protag derailed that tragedy and now we get to see him grow and change and recover :) though it is a process. he is my poor little meow meow, basically, and a portrayal of trauma i really appreciate :) one of my favorite characters

and ARC arc arc my friend arc :) i love arc! i love all of the finishers, but they and babalon are def my favorites of the guild, and some of my favorites of the game in general. i can't really go in-depth on them on a dime but 'incredibly fucked up guy who is INSANELY devoted to their loved ones' is a type of guy i tend to find myself endeared to, if you hadn't noticed. arc was another portrayal of trauma i really appreciated in a game where the characters just shrug off what should be major traumatic events, particularly how lw had the balls to explicitly have them... quietly nursing suicidal ideation. their being catholic is HYSTERICAL to me for some reason, though appropriate with their whole Guilt thing. i like that they're selectively nonverbal i LOVED their interactions with the protag in chapter 8, the GENUINE ANIMOSITY, and how they're one of few characters who honest-to-god dislike the protag, and with their reason for disliking them they could have had SUCH an interesting dynamic, though that isn't as present in the main story as i'd like (the animosity between them felt very one-sided). like i've said before, at length, i don't like the direction lw seems to be going with them since chapter 9, basically completely smoothing over their trauma/neurodivergent traits to the point where they're basically Snarky Teen #28... after they experience the death of their entire family again -_- let me not get started on this actually i'll start tearing my hair out. arc is also my poor little meow meow, basically, even though they're fr*nch

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

now i'm curious what about junpei? (Aside form the sexist shiz with the FeMC 'cause like, that's pretty self explanatory)

Tbf, most my issues arose by playing the male side (which does carry over to the female side, the EXTRA sexist stuff on the female side is just sprinkles on his character). I'm gonna have to give this post the same treatment as Yukari and just....give a gloss over of my issues (mostly from my first time around, and then a small retread I did a few years ago).

As I said before Yukari and Junpei are the ones that made me quit P3 the first time around. Mostly because....they aren't good people and I wasn't having fun with them. ("What about the side chars" They weren't bad I just wasn't invested, and in part it was because I needed to know more about....you know my current team, but the game wasn't letting me.....which was frustrating...cause I'm like "if I could just SL maybe I could see a GOOD side of them".....haha nope.)

People will say Yukari and Junpei are "well written characters" with "flaws" that are "realistic." Yeah.......but they aren't really good people. And they aren't great friends.

"Oh who cares?" You may say. "They're still good characters!" And I would say.....that's subjective. I think they are well written outside the context of P3, and a bit within the context. But if the point is for me to root for them, feel like I AND the MC are suppose to have an everlasting bond of friendship with.....then it falls flat. THAT isn't well written at all.

No a Social Link does not fix things outright. Take Junpei (I mean this is his post haha), he has an SL with the FeMC. Now, with the FeMC......I do enjoy BOTH of Junpei/Yukari's SLs. There are a few good moments. Recall them? Haha they aren't that iconic. I just know every time I go through it-it's not 100% hatred (or like pregnant women do, forget after they experience is over....maybe my psyche is just trying to protect me u_u or maybe I'm just....not THAT engaged in P3's SLs that aren't Rio/Saori and a handful of other's....I still get Fuuka's confused and block out half of Mitsuru and I like those chars!).

Anyway, back to the rant. Regardless if I do have some good fun times with them in the SL......the main story is still an issue. Now it's not that FeMC ruins it ("Oh Silly! Heaven forbid she ruin anything in your eyes!" u////u Oh you know me so well! but I'm not just blindly defending her in this case), but it's that it's a double edged sword. On the Male's side....I can't buy him and Junpei as friends. It's all tell not show with them. But on the FeMC's side? I can buy it....BUT now we have an issue of him acting THE EXACT SAME (with an added dose of *~sexism~*). Which isn't kosher. Neither side is.

Where one lacks, the other picks up the slack. One side fixes something, but then there's a new issue. Now tbf, FeMC side does have these things called "roadblocks" (that happen in the middle of the link), which I hope later games adapt (esp since it'll help with "story 2nd tier awakenings" like in P3), but they aren't prefect in P3P (they work well for Ken/Aki tho!), Junpei/Yukari's? Liiiiiiiittle funky. I'm in the middle of verifying Yukari's again (it's early game, after rank 2 you are blocked into rank 3), Junpei....I think is timed rather than rank restricted (aka, you can max him as soon as you want as long as it's before Chidori shows up....once she shows up, you gotta wait).

Ok ok, I know I said I would probably focus on Male side more than Female, and now I'm going off on a tangent with technical mechanics of the game (please be kind to my sleep deprivation lkfdasjflkj;a, I just finished another 5 hour drive back, little sleep, it's 6 am as of typing most of this, and I'm not sleeping and just gonna roll up to work like I am).....but it's something worth noting because....not much changes between the Male and Female sides, and by talking about this....we show that there would still be issues for the Male even if he got an SL with Junpei. Such as....if we max him ASAP.....and the implications of that.

A lot of people have issues with P4/5's SLs/CoOp (fuck the word CoOp, they're all called SLs from here on out), mainly that a "big part of a characters arc is in the SL and not in the main story" yadda yadda. I agree, it does stink that if you max Yosuke, it'll take awhile in the story for him to reach the same beats of maturity he showcases if you speed max his SL (probs not the devs intentions for you to speed max them....but again...roadblocks are our friends here game!). But at least it's memorable, again, I have issues with recalling a lot of P3's SLs (mostly my teammates than the NPCs) because they're just kinda there. It'd be better if we could get a good happy medium between P3 and P4's way of doing SLs (P5? oh no, we're talking about separate characters when you talk about P5... >.> we don't want to emulate P5). BUT here's the thing......the issue with say...Yosuke.....it's now Junpei's issue.

You can speed max Junpei and now "Mr. I'm your best friend with an unbreakable bond" gets all huffy with the FeMC????

"But I like that he doesn't lick the MC's boots like Yosuke/Ryu does!" But he's actually her friend????? How would you feel if your friend kept playing hot and cold with you for a whole fucking year???? Acting like it's your fault for their own insecurities???? That doesn't add up? You'd def be like "What the hell man???" You def wouldn't feel like you had an "unbreakable bond" you'd feel like a punching bag.

That's just on the FeMC side, the one where we see the friendship actually develop (if we removed the SL, then we remove her one issue, but gain the Male's issue instead, like I said above, it's a double edge sword.....). Now let's talk about the other edge and look at the Male (aka my original perspective). You don't SL with Junpei. All your interactions are mostly in the story mode, anything with talking to his idle char is optional ("But you should always talk to your teammates in the dorm!" why? Not everyone is going to do it, it's optional for a reason. And there will be days you miss them, or don't see them around town. But sure, it's MY fault for missing a key part of scribbly bibbly's character development in an optional dialogue because they were hiding in the back alley of Port Island station (a place the player will rarely go)/or in a diff spot from the ACTUAL SL you are trying to SL, on a specific day >_> Or you forget to talk to them because you THOUGHT you talked to them after talking to everyone at the dorm)....

BUT I DIGRESS! Again, YOU the player, only interact with Junpei in the main story, the MC will talk with him off screen or we see a silent convo happening in front of us (PS2 ver only, thanks to seeing the models) before a plot point cutscene starts. Sure we get some bonding scenes, like the beach....and the hot spring.....but.....that's really it. We get forced along with it, and we can easily disagree with him. All if this is shown to us, but the game tries to tell us something different. But unlike the FeMC, it's got nothing to back it's claims up!

So when the game is like "yeah who thought I'd be friends with you!" I'm sitting there like "Haha no we're not friends, we've never been friends, fuck you."

So on the FeMC side, we have "Guy who is are friend, acts like an ass, constantly apologizes for acting like an ass even tho it HURTS US, but we forgive him because???? He's our friend????" Sounds toxic.

On the Male side we have "Guy who isn't really our friend, acts like an ass, constantly apologizes for being an ass even tho it HURTS US, but we forgive him because????? The game says so? Then tries to claim we are friends even tho we've never hung out???? What???"

None of it makes any logical sense.

"But I still like that he doesn't kiss up to the MC." And??? He's still not our friend. Friends can disagree, yes. But Junpei isn't disagreeing with us. He's having insecurity issues all on his damn own, and decides to take it out on us. That's not disagreeing, that's needing therapy but instead of going to it you act like a bully to the person you are jealous of.

Disagreeing is choosing an option that isn't "Yeah let's rush in like a brain dead idiot" like on the Priestess train fight (even then he rushes ahead EVEN IF YOU AGREE WITH HIM!) Plus, P4 did an actual better job with the disagreeing thing. P4, if you don't make the right answers (no bearing on the plot) everyone will just....figure it out without you. But when times actually got tough with Nanako, Yosuke disagreed with the MC. Hell, you had to convince that side of the team to not do what they were about to do. What's great is you kinda want to side with Yosuke. And it's an actual disagreement! And you understand why! And the apology is sincere! P4's not perfect but gd does it have it's high moments and this is one of them! "What about Ryuji" I have issues, but you don't always agree. He does things, you can call him out on it (you can also be unfairly mean to him??? same with Anne and Yusuke??? but that's a diff matter). Nothing happens tho, but at least you don't have Ryuji just bullying you because of his own issues.

It feels like what everyone has in mind with this whole not getting along thing and what actually happens is a big ass disconnect.

Junpei, like Yukari, is selfish. "Oh but he gets better!" No. Mf does not get better. He blows up/gets pissy at you at least 3 times in the game. One being as late end game because he found out he's going to die.

"Oh but he found out he's going to die!" Yeah well we're all going to die. But, he once again, chooses to channel it at the MC. It shows he still didn't get over his insecurities. "But he's scared!" But isn't it odd he always takes it out on the MC? MC is just there, s/he's a victim too. There are better people to blame, hell this could've been a time he gave EVERYONE equal opportunity blame. NOT just MC (thus showing it's not just his inferiority complex taking over). He could've blamed Mitsuru for her family creating Death. He could've blamed Yukari's for her father having a hand in creating Death. He could've blamed Aigis for sealing it in the MC. He could've blamed Ikutsuki for dragging the MC to Port Island. And then he could've blamed the MC for being so oblivious about what they were carrying.

But no, once again....All MC's fault.

(Ok interesting how easy those portraits lined up for the MCs O//_//O)

Junpei is just a selfish bully, who takes out his insecurities onto others that he's jealous of. (wait you might be able to say the same about Yukari in relation to Mitsuru, didn't she say she was jealous of Mittsy for having her dad still? jsaldfja jk jk, I'm gonna keep an eye out for this tho on my next playthrough, this is just a theory)

"Ok but how does this relate to the Answer or your last playthrough?" Oh yes yes, my 'last playthrough' (aka a few years ago when I did it with college friends, and even tho I hated Yukari/Junpei I did try to "defend them"....as best I could.....I kept my mouth shut on my own opinion and played devils advocate for them, hmmm yeah no one cared they didn't like them still). I realized while replaying at the time that....Junpei is wishy washy. "Oh but he develops!" Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah not really. Not even in he Answer! I still found him wishy washy. I think they were going for "mature voice of reason," but instead we got "wishy washy devils advocate." Gonna need to replay that again. This was just a recent playthrough I found this way of looking at him. I'mma give him another chance tho.

Oh and another thing I hated was his relationship with Chidori. She deserves better. He really didn't improve that much by being around her (take the hot spring scene for example, that I could probably go into detail on). And it was something I found to be wishy washy about his character.

And you should totally be allowed to date Junpei. I wouldn't but it should be doable! "But he likes Chidori!" Yeah but he has a crush on Fuuka and mf thinks he has any right to voicing anything about my relationship with her on the male route so *starts throwing hands*. "There will probs need to be new scenes with new rewrites if you make those choices that lead down that route." Yes do it. Let me fuck it all the way up. And yes, that Fuuka scene predates the FeMC.

*cough* Anyway, in summary. I think Junpei is a very selfish person, and not a very good friend. And it feels like he constantly gets away with things. He may be a butt monkey at times, but his retaliation for it doesn't seem like it's ever aimed at the right people, instead its usually aimed at the innocent bystander who is just existing (aka the MC). Despite this, we're suppose to think they are the bestest friends and it's the most ideal friendship eva~! And none of that sits right with me.

It doesn't help that I view SEES friendship as a whole on the weaker side. Something that isn't just my subjective view point, but is LITERALLY a B plot point on the P3 side of PQ1! Regardless, I find their bonding very.....lacking (with FeMC barley having some glue to hold the idea of them being friends and having a bond together, even I think her glue is very shaky). But when the game tries to lie to my face about Junpei I can't help but eye roll all the way back to the stone age.

I think I got everything I could think of before going to work.......obvie, again, it's not SUPER in detail with evidence, I'm just giving you a quick and dirty review on the character.

Oh....Also I'm preeeetty sure PQ1/2!Junpei is an imposter. I don't blame SEES for ignoring it too. I'd also just be happy he hung up his assholery hat for a few hours.

P3MC: Psst Are we sure that's our Junpei? Everyone sans Junpei: Yeah why? P3MC: I mean he's not being a total fuckwit towards me is all. EsJ: Yeah? And? Oh, right, should we do someth- P3MC: No no.....no this is fine. EsJ: But then what if the real Junpei is in tro- P3MC: No I said this is fine. Let me have this.

Ok ok, done with that joke, and done for now. Sorry it's a mess, I'm barely awake. XP

[jamisonstarr]

Today I made a friend....and I want to keep it that way. I've been in a real funk these last few weeks since coming home from South Africa, but this weekend was one of the hardest in a long time. I cried until I couldn't breathe, until I feared my chest would collapse inward, begging them to let me come home. Pleading for them to release me from this Earth realm into their care without penalty. I asked my pendulum if they'd allow it. No reply. So instead I called my mother and asked her to sit with me and and just be present; being honest I've been here so many times, I know how to talk myself off the ledge, through my own shit, I just need someone there to witness me through this process when I'm that close. She's been calling me every day since then (even though it's only been two days). But I've been feeling better. Cleaned my room moderately, put in my storage cabinet, and have abstained from alcohol.

Today I went to a village event for brujxs, body workers, and healers as a safe space for trans, queer, and gender-queer folks of color. Vendors, Queer Advocacy, and Classes for managing mental health. I got some much needed bodywork done (thank the GOOOOODDDSS) and visited 2 different tarot readers. The first one was awesome! She definitely had a drier energy, but gave a very funny and candid reading of my life (she probably got virgo somewhere in her chart 😂). She explained that as a very intuitive and introvertedly introspective person, there is a deep part of me that wants to find balance, not only through delving into the deep parts of me that need healing, but also through avoiding some others. Double edged sword of a good and bad thing. INTUITION 🤦🏾‍♀️. And there's been something I've been stagnant, unmoving, and unyeilding about where I'm waiting for the situation to unfold for itself (Cyd) which is exasterbated by my trust issues. Her advice was to 1.) SET AND RESPECT my own BOUNDARIES, while still not being a shut-in who won't allow love and 2.) To learn from my patterns, especially with people who I'm associating with so that I'm not digging myself in a deeper hole. I needed these things, and they came at the right time for me, but this was only the slight read.

My second reading came from a person named Tsai. We had been connecting sight throughout the night (as did me and the body worker) but I kept averting my gaze to do other things. By the end of the night, I had gathered the courage to ask for a reading. Turns out I had already signed up for their table anyway. Before they get into the reading, they meditate over the deck and I can feel myself tuning into the energy of the table. They begin by asking me how my day was, and considering how my weekend was, shit today was marvelous! We chuckled because apparently both our weekends had been a wreck, overhauling all the bs in our lives. Astrologically, they explain that thisis recent season is pulling for a purging and rebirth, almost violently. Greaaaaaaaaattt!

They pull cards and say that this is the moment I'm beginning to gather the building blocks of my foundation, that this is a very integral moment for my growth. They can see I've been dealing with a particular challange, a back and forth with someone where we're going head to head (Javon), but in the end, I have the strength and internal support to be triumphant if I so chose, but there is soon to be resolution so smile. They see that the worst of my situation is over (thank the GOOOOODDDSS, because idk if I'd be here if it got much worst) but that in order for me to elevate, I have to enlist my INTUITION 🙄😂 which is actually very strong but that I haven't learned to trust. Part of what will help me through my journey though is a connection to my childlike joy. They see that I've recently been very depleted but my relationships (esp. Angel) through giving too much of myself and not settling BOUNDARIES for myself and gaining solitude. The word discipline pops up over and over again for them. By this time I can feel the ground vibrating through my feet and my heart heating up in my chest, which is a little startling... But I just tell myself to connect deeper to the moment and energy to make the reading as accurate as possible. They begin to ask my about the specifics of my life to have a better understanding and context for what the cards are saying (which at this point is about 22+ of them on the table already) and I just blerb it out in the most concise way I can. In this moment, I literally felt a fire ignite in my belly and the energy surge through my upper body down through my feet, into them. Like it was the most strange, connected, intense sensation I've ever had at a reading because I could literally feel them receiving my energy and information. As they're taking it in, I can tell it's like pouring onto them, almost to the point of overstimulation, and they just laugh this strange laugh of "same". At this point I'm beginning to recognize we have much more in common than I (or they) had initially expected. The rest of the reading pretty much closed in us having these spookily ironic connections that were almost unreal. All the way from the reading her dropped/my lost rose quartz as me needing more greenery, and less focus on my heart chakra (odd notion, I'm aware) to the depressions/elations we both had this weekends... both surrounding our names. My name is Swahili/Arabic means "Life" or "she who is life" (which I was painstakingly reminded of for 15 whole minutes the morning I though to OD). Tsai had just had a reality shaking reading of their name which showed that theirs means "She who brings the water".....I'm spooked at this point because in South Africa, my professor gave me a Zulu name Nomvula which means "She who comes after the rain"... We just sat there for a moment, in complete awe, confused, elated, shocked...

They gave me their business card and their personal number because there was just no way we couldn't connect after a reading like that... But just like, wheeettt?!? I sometimes forget it's possible for me to connect to other people on these deep, unexplainable, spiritual levels that bring power and intuitive connections out. But for this relationship, I want to be friends and nothing even remotely more. I'm working on building friendship with intimacy and connection that don't have to include any of the other fluff unless that's specifically what the relationship is calling for, not just some compulsory inclination.