#doodles are all i can do because of fuckass SCHOOL!!!!!

[grapegoggle]

sorry all ive been thinking about lately has been agent 4 and cowboys. their so fucking cool.

[bbydemjin]

a shitty harry styles and david mazouz fanfic: chapter 1

this is all a joke, please don’t take any of this seriously. i made this for a joke for my friends and for some reason i have decided to post. be grateful.

My alarm clock let out a screech of agony as it woke me from my crack induced slumber. I lifted my head from my pillow and opened a single eyeball to view the shitty display of the digital alarm clock I brought from the Khanvenience Store that I spotted when I visited Small Heath to see if the Peaky Blinders were still around. Fuck, it was nine o clock! I leapt out of the bong littered heap of teenage odour I called a bed and rushed into the bathroom. I twisted my knee-length brown locks into a messy bun on top of my hair and gazed into the mirror. I was ugly- anyone could see that. My pointed nose, full lips and cheekbones so sharp that l accidentally killed my dad when he cut himself trying to kiss me goodnight at age 8. I was as plain as could be. The worst was my eyes: emerald green, blue if you looked at them in the sun, blood-red if you looked at them in Hell and surrounded by the souls of the Wronged. Men wrote poems about my eyes. I retched from the sight of them and pulled on a loose baggy sweater I nicked from Primark and went down the stairs, careful not to wake my alcoholic stepdad. As I walked over to the front door, my mum screamed at me from the kitchen. “MAEVE YOU FUCK, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING BLACK TAR HEROIN IN THE FUCKING LIVING ROOM”. I flinched slightly and let out a small whimper and scuttled out of the house like the measly rat I am. I ran all the way to school, scared of being late, though as I walked into the school gates, no one seemed to give a fuck because the whole ‘being late thing’ was a shitty plot device used by the writer because she is tired, writing this at midnight and has no other way to introduce Love Interest 1.

I ran down the hallway, my bag the size of a small bag thumping against my ribs because I have a BMI of -5 and am unhealthily skinny to appeal to the paedophiles on Tumblr reading this. Suddenly, I collided into a large object with an exact height of 5ft 9”, the weight of 74kg and shoe size of 10(US). I looked up and met the eyes of someone I had never seen before. They were green. I thought they were sexy. They happened to belong to a boy that I had somehow never met despite being in this school for years now. He was dressed in black (more specifically the black suit Harry wore for the 2019 Met Gala but he does not get dress coded despite being in a generally conservative high school somewhere in Michigan). “H-hi”, I stuttered, focusing my emerald green eyes on the conveniently placed pile of dog shit across the hallway (we are in Michigan remember). “Oh hi”, the brunette boy answered, giving a small smirk. “Sorry, for bumping into you,'' I mumbled, tugging the sleeves of my jumper down nervously. “No problem”, he grinned, “my name is Harry Styles, I’m new here” “My name is Maeve” “Nice to meet you Maeve”, he chucked, “do you know where Room 34 is? I have maths in there” “Oh, yeah, that’s mine. I’m going there anyway”.

Me and the green-eyed, brunette male with the shoe size 10 (US) walked through the halls, silently. I wasn’t like other girls, I physically could not talk to boys. I once had a spastic attack when a boy asked me if he could copy my homework. I went to a doctor but I couldn’t afford the 5 grand consultancy fee. I opened the door to our classroom and walked in and sat down, with no reaction from the teacher despite literally being two hours late. Harry took a seat right next to me, also with no reaction from the teacher. I ignored him and did my work. Suddenly, a piece of paper landed on my desk. I opened it and, in handwriting that looked like someone had put ink on a spider’s legs and watched it die on the paper, it said the words “dumb bitch whore slut cunt piece of shit dickhead prick absolute fucking spastic retarded asshole smartass dumbass fuckass piece of honky donkey doodle shite GO KYS!!!!1111”. I looked back and saw Satan herself grinning at me. Her long blonde hair and pale Aryan skin glowed as she let out a cackle at my face. She was Stacy Smith, my childhood bully for as long as I can remember. On my first day of school, I accidentally called her autistic instead of artistic and the Aryan bitch has hated me ever since. I turned back around angrily. I heard that bloke Harry whisper to me. “Maeve are you okay?”

I, on the verge of tears, stormed out of the classroom and into the men's bathroom. I wept loudly in front of the mirror, scaring off some twig limbed boy using the urinal next to me. I heard loud footsteps behind me, ones that could only belong to a size 10(US) foot. Harry put his medium-sized hand on my bony shoulder. “Maeve, what’s the matter?” “That blonde cunt Stacy Smith threw some paper at me that said I was a dumb bitch whore slut cunt piece of shit dickhead prick absolute fucking spastic retarded asshole smartass dumbass fuckass piece of honky donkey doodle shite” “What? That’s horrible!” “I know-” “But it wasn’t Stacy that threw it” “What?” “It was this other boy in front of you that threw that paper of your desk” “Who was it?” “I’m not sure, I literally got here approximately nine minutes ago. But he was short, scrawny and had matted curly hair. His kneecaps looked tasty.” Then, it hit me who he was describing. He was known across the school for his crimes: bullying, threatening, kidnapping (free my mans starlit rn), murder, musical theatre. Before I could say anything, a dark figure appeared in the bathroom doorway. The shitty flickering light of the budget cut affected bathroom illuminated his features and my worst fears were confirmed. The long stick figure of the one and only Mazodave stood in front of me.