#dont worry Link gets in on the polycule of course

[nicki0kaye]

I got through election night by drawing Sheik/Ganon brainrot

fellas, is it gay to take the evil warlock who overthrew your family captive and aid your mentor in torturing him in hopes to find the magical sword he spirited away, only to realize he was groomed from birth and was sacrificed by his parental figures to an evil patron, and can now only feel complete feelings because you've cut him off from his evil patron, and has admitted under duress his interest in you is the most selfish and possibly only thing he's ever wanted for himself, so when your mentor decides to behead and de-hand him and turn his corpse into a hate battery, you jailbreak him and race away together to the local woods that EAT PEOPLE, unintentionally landing the two of you in a lost kingdom stuck in a timeloop, where of course you both immediately begin stumbling through the process of building a sub/dom relationship where he follows your every order and you become increasingly possessive of him and his happiness? Is that gay?

[sklerbkl]

i might be polyamorous and my gf is ok with me dating other people and although i dont have anyone in mind at the moment, that could change so i was wondering if you could share some of your experiences being polyam? i want to know more about what its like dating more than one person. thank u! ^.^

Ah that’s awesome I’m excited to hear that!! Of course, I love talking about being poly, but wow where do I start? I literally could talk about polyamory forever so apologies in advance for the long post.

When I first opened up my relationship with Owen we didn’t have anyone in mind either, and we weren’t actively looking, we just ended up adding people naturally. It sounds like that’s what you’re doing too, and personally I think that’s the best way to go about things. I view being poly as less about searching to create the poly structure and more about being open to possibilities and new meaningful relationships should you come across them. 

We did end up finding new people pretty fast, and ended up in a polycule of five people for a while, which even though it didn’t end well (not because it was poly, just bc some of the people were shitty) I was very happy in it at the time. I think my favorite thing about being poly is the feeling of having a large chosen family, and having multiple people around me that I know love and support me. I feel very loved and safe in a polycule. It’s also helpful to me in supporting my partners, because I don’t feel as though I carry the sole responsibility of taking care of them, it’s distributed through multiple people. If I’m having a rough day and can’t take care of a partner who is sad, then their other boyfriend can be there for them (and vice versa). I also don’t feel the need to be perfect - if there’s something I can’t provide to a partner, then I can rely on someone else to provide that and I won’t have to worry that my partner will leave me for being inadequate… I know that there are things that are special about me that I can offer my partners, but I know that there are also things that I can’t offer them. So having multiple people balances that kind of thing out in my eyes.

I think the being special thing is important in polyamory, I try to emphasize what makes each partner special to me and why even though I’m with multiple people, I could never replace them, because they’re unique and add things to my life that no one else could. And in general communication about jealousy in polyamory is super important, because it does happen and it’s important to address and work through. That’s something I actually also really like about polyamory, because I feel in traditional relationships there isn’t an emphasis on discussing or working through jealousy, you’re just expected to know somehow exactly what makes your partner jealous and what doesn’t and then never do the things that make your partner jealous, even if the jealousy is irrational. The only set in stone rule Owen and Howie and I have is “don’t date anyone new without talking to the others about it first” (though now, because of CERTAIN PEOPLE, we’ve had to add “don’t get ENGAGED with anyone without talking to the others about it first”), but we make sure to talk and check in about anything we’re feeling or think is relevant as well.

Just in general I love that polyamory has a higher stress on communication since communication is so important. I also love that since polyamory doesn’t have “traditional expectations” in the same way that monogamy does, you more or less get to make up your own rules. I coined the term “linking,” which is like dating but with a much lower commitment. Someone you link with is someone you have a mutual romantic attraction to and want to make an official acknowledgement of being more than friends with, but someone that you’d rather have a more casual relationship with than dating. I generally structure my relationships based on commitment level, so someone I’m dating is someone I expect to stay in my life for a long time, and someone I’m linked with is someone who is a very positive romantic force in my life at the moment but we’d both be okay if the relationship doesn’t end up spanning the ages, so to speak. I’m also currently in a relationship structure that involves me and a couple others considering ourselves a polycule, despite none of us being dating. We function as a polycule, so even though none of us want to commit to a title like “dating” it’s enough to refer to ourselves as a polycule and make that distinction between our relationship and a normal friendship. There’s also tons of other terms and relationship structures people in the poly community have been using and coming up with. 

And, well, in general for how it’s like - it’s really fun! I love group dates, I love dates with a group of people who are all in love with each other. (Of course, two person dates are still a thing as well). I love group cuddle sessions. I love all holding hands and forming a massive chain, and then joking about how we’re advancing the gay agenda. I love jokingly ganging up on a partner to tease them. I love the way we build up a network of in-jokes and phrases specific to the polycule as we all unintentionally pick up each other’s mannerisms and speech patterns. I love the feeling of family and community. I love the openness and freedom and ability to pursue new connections and meaningful relationships. I love introducing new partners to each other and watching them get along really well, and I love seeing my partners be really happy and cute with their other partners. 

Sorry for rambling, I definitely said way to much stuff. Hopefully I covered some of what you wanted to hear about. Polyamory isn’t for everyone (neither is monogamy) but I do find it to be incredibly rewarding. Please feel free to send me a direct message if you have questions or just want to talk about poly stuff! (or if you just want to talk in general cause ily Sylvie)