#dont take this too seriously because i noticed a pattern and decided to make a joke about it

[jinxedshapeshifter]

Has anyone else noticed that every prosecutor in the Ace Attorney series has at least one hyperfixation/special interest

Edgeworth's is Steel Samurai

Franziska's is whips

Godot's is coffee

Klavier’s is rock music specifically

Simon's are birds and samurai

Nahyuta's seems to be Khura'inese hells

van Zieks’s is vintage wines

Eustace's is classical music

Portsman's is athletics/sports

Excelsius's are fire and motorcycles

Conclusion: all the prosecutors in Ace Attorney are autistic

[chuyasthighs0]

Hello! I dont know if you are taking requests rn but if you feel comfortable could you write the bsd characters helping/comforting reader through a bad panic attack? Maybe reader has been super stressed w/ school or work and has just been bottling things up until they snap. Personally my panic attacks are intense: hyperventilating, shaking, tears, digging my fingers into my arms and legs almost bruisingly, unable to hold my weight- just in case you need ideas. If this is uncomfortable for you then dont worry about it. Love your writing!!!

Thanks for requesting!

Bsd characters comforting the reader with a bad panic attack

Ft.Dazai,Chuuya(I would’ve done more but I’m still analysing most of the characters so I can write them as accurately as possible)

No established relationship so take their comfort as however you want to see it maybe s/o or friend like comfort

Dazai:

He knew that you were busy with work assigned by Kunikida and it honestly mad him sad you guys couldn’t muck around when you took it seriously

So with barely hanging out with him you slowly felt yourself slipping down

He didn’t notice it on the first day but when it got to later on into the week he noticed something was going on with you

So he’ll wait for you to fess it out to him or when your not so busy,but that eventually made him grow more impatient so he decided to wait til everyone left the office when work supposedly ended knowing you would stay behind to finish yours.

This had drove him into a mixture of worry and panic as he went to go look for you,oh boy it took ages to find where you were

When everyone leaves he makes himself comfortable at his desk that was besides yours but then realises you weren’t in here,somehow he didn’t notice you slipping out amongst everyone to the closet.

He eventually found you in one of the storage closets,breathing heavily as your body shook

Would catch you in his arms the moment your knees bucks from shaking too much

He’s running his hands soothingly through your hair or up and down your back creating patterns,letting you hurry your face into his shoulder not caring about if his shirt would be soaking up

Comforting isn’t his forte but if it’s with someone extremely close with him like you he’ll most certainly try his best

Chuuya:

Your both a Port Mafia member and a University Student but sometimes that was a hard life to balance.Working there to afford tuition and a place to stay,then the harder part of not letting anyone from outside of the Mafia know your Mafia

Lately things got stressful when you had papers to write but also promotional stuff going on at work and you tried your best to cover up the stress

But failed because it didn’t slip pass your superior’s nose,Chuuya who always kept a watch on how you were doing after all he did want to make sure his best subordinate was doing well

He certainly noticed how shaken you were and when you would dig your nails into our during the meeting he brought you to

So he brought you to your office after and began with some small talk until he slightly pressed the personal questions a little bit making sure you were still comfortable at the same time.

It wasn’t long til the tears started trickling and you confessed that both work and university was stressful,he knew you did study in fact it was only him,Mori and Koyo who did

He’s removing his gloves from one hand as he makes his way over with a handkerchief in the other wiping the tears as his ungloved hand is cupping your cheek

And your holding onto to his shoulders as your breaths become more heavy and ragged

He whispered to you comforting words,affirming you that you’ll have less work(by that he’s dumping your load that Mori ordered him to give to you onto his other subordinates knowing they’ll handle it)

After that he made you promise to come to him if you need comfort or help

[artificialqueens]

Girl I Met On The Internet, 6/6 (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n: and it’s a wrap! for now anyway bc i totally dont have a fic coming based on the good news nicky had for jaida! i just want to say thank you to every single person who read, liked and reblogged this story. it means so much to me, i’m so glad people enjoyed the strange idea that came into my brain. <3 (also! i wanted to let you guys know that i’m planning on posting this fic on ao3 as well, probably after this chapter is posted on here. my username on there is drivingmecrazy !!)

crystal: does everyone’s spring break start this weekend too?? anyone doing anything??

jan!: mine does! i’m staying home all week, jackie is leaving me :(

nicky: my spring break isn’t until late april!! wtf :(

heidi: ha loser

heidi: i’m going to play animal crossing all weekend i can’t wait

Jackie: I’m going to Canada to visit family on Sunday. Jan, if you want we can hang out on Saturday if you’re going to miss me that much. :P

nicky: i’ll hang out with you jackie

jan: i hate you nicky

jaida: i have a pageant next week!!

jan!: yaas gorg

nicky: bring home the crown!

crystal: GO JAIDA!

nicky: also jaida call me. i have good news for you :)

gigi: crystal you already know what’s going down

crystal: do i now?

gigi: GOOD LUCK JAIDA!!! NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE OUR WINNER

Crystal had somewhat of an idea of what was going down. She had been granted permission to sleep over at Gigi’s house, and they would be going on their date the following day. Gigi would not tell Crystal anything about where they were going, and refused to give her any hints no matter how much Crystal begged. 

The next morning, on their walk to school, Crystal finally got a hint. 

“You tweeted about it. That’s all I’ll tell you.”

“That’s not helpful at all!” Crystal had almost 30 thousand tweets, her Twitter was her space to say weird things without being judged too harshly, and she had a lot of things to say! She thought about things she might’ve tweeted about wanting to do, or places she wanted to go, but came up empty handed.

“Well, you have the whole day to think about it. I’ll meet you after school, yeah?”

-

Gigi’s mom offered to pick them up after school, even though the walk from their school to Gigi’s house wasn’t far. Crystal finally met Nancy, Gigi’s beloved dog. Crystal didn’t want to do anything besides hold the dachshund to her chest all night, but Gigi wouldn’t let her, saying it wasn’t fair for Nancy to get all of the attention even though Gigi does the exact same thing with Tic Tac.

They made homemade pizza for dinner, and played monopoly with Gigi’s parents and her brother. Gigi’s brother thought Crystal was cute, and hit on Crystal; trying out a ridiculous pickup line on the green haired girl every chance he got. After they called off the game, Gigi excused her and Crystal to her room.

“So quick to leave, Georgina,” Crystal teased, sitting down next to Nancy who was using Gigi’s strawberry cow pillow pet as a headrest. 

“Wanna spend time with you. Can we cuddle?”

“Yeah, of course.”

They sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company until Gigi spoke up.

“I couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what?” Crystal asked, lost.

“Come out to my friends. I thought I was ready but obviously I’m not.”

“It’s okay, Gigi. You’ll know when it’s time, don’t rush it.”

“I just want to be more open, I guess.”

“That’s good, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You have to take baby steps, G.”

“Was it hard? To come out?”

“To who?” Crystal snorted, “You know I don’t have any friends. I’m pretty sure everyone at school already knows, though.”

“Does your mom know?”

“Probably. She got a little too suspicious when I started liking Poppy.”

This turned into revealing who their first gay crush was, and how and when they figured out they liked girls like the rest of their friends liked boys. Crystal told Gigi about how she originally tried to fake like One Direction so no one would suspect anything, and Gigi told Crystal about how she refused to listen to any music sung by female artists for half a year before they decided to go to sleep.

-

Crystal had woken up first. She didn’t bother waking up Gigi, going to scroll through Twitter instead. It was still early, but the group chat was on some bullshit, Jan changed her display name to Nicky and changed her profile picture to Nicky’s to mock her. Nicky did not find this funny in the slightest, but Jaida did.

nicky: i’m nicky i’m french i love stealing my friends gfs

jaida: omg period!

THE REAL nicky: JAIDA THAT’S NOT ME!!!

jaida: proof?

THE REAL nicky: I HATE IT HERE!!

nicky: croissant

crystal: HELPDGNJKFNJ

THE REAL nicky: i cannot stand jan. this is why jackie should date me instead

Crystal couldn’t stop laughing, which ended up waking Gigi up. Gigi was grumpy at first, but that changed when she realized they needed to get ready to go on the date she had planned.

After they had gotten up and dressed, they sat next to each other in front of the giant, floor length mirror next to Gigi’s closet to do their makeup. Gigi stopped doing her makeup after putting on her foundation, deciding that watching Crystal do her eye shadow was more entertaining than finishing the look she had in mind.

“Stop looking at me, you’re making me nervous!” Crystal giggled when she noticed Gigi’s stares, not actually wanting Gigi to stop.

“I’ll think about it,” Gigi paused, pretending to think, “I will not. You look beautiful.”

Crystal squawked, “I barely have anything on my face!”

“So?”

“What are you, gay or something?” Crystal teased, making Gigi poke at her sides, “Stop being a dork and finish your makeup!”

“Fine. Only because we need to get going soon.”

-

“Wait, you know how to drive?” Crystal asked, getting in the passenger seat.

“Yeah! I don’t have my own car yet, but I got my license on my 16th birthday. I am not enforcing the stereotype at all!” Gigi grinned, opening the garage door and starting her mom’s car.

“I’ll be the judge of that. Can I play music?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Gigi handed her the aux cord and started backing out of the driveway. 

“Okay. This is the ultimate test,” Crystal stated, starting to play a song. “Which One Direction song is this?”

The song in question was good, but Gigi didn’t recognize it. She had only listened to ‘Midnight Memories’ because it was Crystal’s favorite album, and she knew for sure Crystal wasn’t playing a song from that album. “Is it from ‘Made in the A.M’?”

“Trick question! It’s one of Niall’s solo songs. It’s called ‘Dear Patience’!” Crystal laughed, thinking she had pulled off the biggest prank in the world.

“Oh, fuck. I should’ve known there was only one person singing.”

After fifteen minutes of driving, and Gigi almost running a stop sign, they finally pulled up at a cute little thrift shop on the outskirts of town, and Crystal was just about shaking with excitement. “I love thrifting! I’ve only been once, but it was so fun! I found that jumpsuit I wore that one day while thrifting!” She rambles, rushing to get out of the car and inside.

“Wait, when I did tweet about this?”

Around the time they had first started talking, Crystal had tweeted about how her dream date was going thrifting. Gigi naturally stored this information in the back of her mind, even though at the time she never thought she would need it.

On their walk from the parking lot to the store, Crystal held her hand out, which Gigi hesitantly accepted.

“We should play a game! We should split up and pick out an outfit for the other person without them knowing and then meet up and try them on!” 

Gigi’s heart swelled, Crystal was so cute. “That sounds fun, but how do I know this isn’t just a trick to dress me up in something hideous?” Gigi teased, making Crystal blush.

“I would never, don’t be ridiculous,” Crystal scoffed, “I’ll save that for the next time we go thrifting!”

Crystal let go of Gigi’s hand to open the door for her, splitting up as soon as they walked into the shop.

It didn’t take them very long to pick out their pieces. Crystal stayed true to her word, picking out a light green, halter top dress for Gigi. Gigi, on the other hand, had picked out a hideous pair of neon pink, zebra print leggings and a red flannel shirt.

“Gigi, what is that?” Crystal scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“You like patterns, why not clash them?” Gigi tried to defend herself, but could barely finish her sentence before bursting out laughing.

“No! I’m not getting that! I’m not even going to try on that outfit. It’s yucky.”

“That’s fine, give me the dress you picked out for me. I need that.” Gigi snatched it from Crystal’s hands, walking quickly to the dressing room.

The dress looked gorgeous on Gigi. Crystal was so glad she took their game seriously. 

They looked around together for a little bit before wandering from each other yet again. Gigi somehow ended up with a pile of clothes that you would only see in a very successful thrifting haul video on YouTube. Crystal had stuck to the men’s section, immediately claiming some loud button ups and with a little digging, she found a very specific, out of place t-shirt that said something about how ‘real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper’ that she found hilarious and needed to own.

“What does that say? Some grandmas play bingo, real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper?” Gigi questioned when they finally met back up, “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, but it’s sending me. I need it!”

“So you hated my outfit I got for you, but you’re buying that?” Gigi teased.

“You do not understand the art of highly specific shirts, like these, babe. I’ll have to teach you all about them later.”

Gigi thought Crystal was an idiot, but she couldn’t stop smiling.

-

After paying for their clothes, they got back into the car. Gigi started driving, not telling Crystal where their next stop was. The stop happened to be the Taco Bell drive thru, which Crystal was excited about. “Okay, I do remember tweeting about wanting to go to Taco Bell.” 

When they got their food, Gigi placed the bag in the back seat, making Crystal raise an eyebrow. 

“You’re a messy eater, so we aren’t eating in the car. My mom would kill me if we made a mess.”

While Crystal tried to convince Gigi she was not a messy eater and her mom’s car would be fine, Gigi pulled up to a park.

“Can you find a spot to sit down at so we can eat it there?” Gigi requested. It took Crystal about two seconds to travel from the car to the grass, settling down in a shady spot underneath some trees. Gigi joined Crystal, holding a blue blanket as well as the brown paper bag.

“It’s not a picnic blanket, I couldn’t find one but I hope it works.”

“It does! I love picnics!” Crystal hops up so Gigi can lay down the blanket, going to retrieve the drinks that they forgot in the car. 

Their lunch was filled with flirting, stupid inside jokes and Crystal loved every second of it. She knew for sure by the end of the day she would not be single anymore, but the lack of confirmation was making her antsy.

Once they were done eating, Gigi collected all of the wrappers and cups, walking across the grass to the nearest trash can to dispose of them. When Gigi came back, she had a huge grin on her face, “Well, Crystal Elizabeth. I would like to think that I successfully wooed you, if only you could do something for me in return…”

“What do you have in mind, Georgina?” Crystal giggles, hoping Gigi couldn’t tell how nervous that statement made her.

“Crystal Elizabeth, I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend?” 

“God, yes. I’ve been waiting for this for months.” Crystal exclaimed, immediately being pulled into a kiss.

They stayed at the park after that. Crystal’s inner child had jumped out after the kiss was broken and she wanted to play on the playground. 

“Wait, Crystal! Come here, the light looks good right now and we need to take our reveal selfie!”

-

Their date came to an end when Crystal’s mom texted her asking to come home. Crystal’s mom had no idea what she was interrupting, as Crystal did not tell her mom what they were actually doing.

“I hate it here, I would let this date go on all week if I could.” Crystal pouted, buckling her seatbelt.

“If there’s any other place you want to go this week, we could go on our second date.” Gigi smiled, reaching out to hold Crystal’s hand.

“Be careful, I know steering with one hand is peak lesbianism, but I don’t know if you’re a good enough driver to do that yet.” Crystal joked, even though she gladly accepted Gigi’s hand.

“Oh, shut up. Like you could go ten minutes without holding my hand.”

Crystal kissed Gigi again when they got on her street, Gigi parking a few houses down for privacy.

“This was fun. I really am happy with everything. You completely wooed me, Georgina.”

“I’m glad. Does this mean I can call you my clown girlfriend now?” Gigi jokingly asked, making Crystal let out a tiny scream.

“As dumb as that sounds, yes. You can.”

Gigi did not let Crystal get out of the car without getting another kiss.

-

Crystal entered her house, her grin slowly fading when she saw her mom waiting for her.

“You took a while to come home.” Crystal’s mom started, under the impression she was at Gigi’s house. “What took you so long?”

“Yeah, sorry. I couldn’t find my charger.” Crystal felt bad for lying to her mom, but she didn’t want to tell her what happened yet.

“Oh, your generation and your phones. I was starting to get worried.”

“Mama, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I’m going to my room now, is that okay?”

“Yeah, I’m about to start dinner. We’re having your favorite!”

The second Crystal got into her room, she locked her door and jumped on her bed, logging onto Twitter.

crystal: good evening l a d i e s

jan!: HEY!

jaida: crystal!

Jackie: You haven’t been active today, what were you up to?

heidi: not jackie demanding answers

nicky: ooooh

gigi: well, since you asked…

crystal: :D

gigi: my girlfriend crystal and i went on our first date today. isn’t she beautiful??

The group erupted into chaos the second they saw their selfie, congratulating the new couple for finally getting together. Crystal wouldn’t have it any other way. She would be forever grateful for being added into Elites Only, and even more for the special girl she had met there.

gigi: so, any ideas for our second date?

crystal: tons, babe. i’m gonna blow your mind.

[baekterflyeffect]

beginning of may ― b.b.h [tw!]

losing you is hard, but baekhyun knows ― you’re finally free from every pain and burden you’ve been carrying, and it is enough reason to continue with his life with a smile. a smile that you gave him.

characters: baekhyun and female reader genre: angst, slice of life word count: 2.6k warnings: major character death, mentions of: nicotine addiction, self harm, and suicide. ― note: most of the time, people write as an escape from their real life. and i am one of those people. please take the warnings seriously. i know it is some major, extremely triggering warnings, so please, if you couldn’t take it, do not read this fic. ― disclaimer: i am in no way romanticizing, glorifying, and normalizing all the warnings above. this piece is written for everyone who ever loses someone precious to their life. please stay the strongest, every storm will pass, eventually. for everyone who is struggling, please do not be afraid to seek help, either from friends or professionals. you might think your life didn’t matter, but always remember that you will never be alone and you are loved.

Baekhyun woke up at the feeling of a tongue being pressed against his cheeks; licking around the juncture of his nose. It was hard to open his eyes as he felt the drying tears stuck in between his lashes. He doesn’t remember the last time he didn’t go to sleep without tears in his eyes, neither he remembered when was the last time he woke up to your warmth. Today, as many other days before, he woke up with only An―the cat he rescued all those years ago―by his side. 

“Okay, okay, stop, I’ll wake up now.” Baekhyun said as he placed his hand atop of An’s head, slowly scratching the back of her ear. When he was finally able to open his eyes, the whiteness of An’s furr and the brown eyes of hers filled his vision. He smiles, a genuine one. 

Getting up isn’t hard, he did it for twenty nine years already, but today is different. It always was different every time he woke up a week before his birthday ever since you were no longer by his side. Today is the beginning of May, a day he will always treasure, because he knows, the first day of May is the month where you feel the happiest. 

With a smile on his face, Baekhyun finally gets up to do his morning routine. Today is slower than his usual day, after all, he took the day off from his nine-to-five job. Because today is your day, and he will do everything to make it as special as it could be.

Baekhyun starts off by washing up, getting himself ready for the day. He couldn’t help but to notice how empty his bathroom is now, there are no longer traces of you, only your pink toothbrush stays in the mug together with his. The sight of your toothbrush able to make him form a smile. He remembered the first time you bought it, proudly showing him the couple toothbrush his strawberry patterns all over its handle; the only difference was, his is in blue. His mind wandered to all those days where you stood in front of the faucet, your short pink hair with black roots that he admires so much, formed into a bird's nest after a night's sleep. 

Your body wash is no longer present in the bathroom, he had thrown it a long time ago as it already expired. The only remembrance of your scent is the vanilla scented shampoo he still purchases for himself. Memories of the both of you laughing together in the bathroom flashes through his mind, how you always playfully style his shampooed hair into a punk-rock style, how he press gentle kisses around the skin of your back. 

When Baekhyun finishes with his shower, he walks to the kitchen, passing the balcony of the living room of his apartment. Nothing changes there, the white translucent curtains are still hanging, the round table with an ashtray on top of it is still there. The only difference was the lack of your presence. He decides to take a walk towards the balcony after he places the food for An, stepping outside to let the warm breeze of spring hit his skin. There’s a sense of familiarity when he looks around to find a pot of faux orchid flowers resting at the corner of the balcony, of course, it was your doing. 

The ashtray that you used to snub your cigarettes is clean from its residue, having the owner no longer use it. Baekhyun traces the edge of the ashtray with his fingertips, remembering how happy you were when he gave you the pink ashtray as a present. 

“You know, you’re going to ruin every bottle we could recycle because you decided to make it as a makeshift ashtray.” Baekhyun deadpanned, receiving him a series of laughter from you. 

“I don’t care enough to buy myself an ashtray.” 

Baekhyun shook his head, for an avid smoker like you, you really were careless. He let his eyes wander to your figure, seated nicely with both of your legs up, looking as tiny as ever. The light of the balcony accentuated the pinkness of your hair. You looked beautiful, with your eyes reflecting the glimmering lights from the city, a stick of cigarette between your fingers, and smoke coming out from your mouth. For Baekhyun, looking at you like this brought him a feeling of contentment. Because he knew, you’re most comfortable when you are smoking. 

“You know,” Baekhyun starts, still looking at you as if you’re his most prized present, “I never ask you how does smoking feel.”

You turned his head to look at him, dropping the used cigarette inside the bottle you used as an ashtray. “It feels calming,” you slowly start, voice ever so soft as you take another stick from the pack, “like every problem in my life is gone, and it makes me think clearer.” Continues you after you light up the new cigarette. 

“Ironically, I know smoking is bad. It destroys my body in ways I dont understand and refuse to acknowledge, but the taste of nicotine in my mouth enables me to forget about everything. I always feel like I couldn’t function whenever I didn’t smoke. And in a way, it is the most calming method of harming myself.” 

The first time Baekhyun learned that you were an avid smoker, every fiber of his body wanted you to stop. He still does up until this very moment, but he knew you. He understood you, and if smoking is the only way for you to be able to feel peace, Baekhyun would never want to be the one who took it away from you. With a smile―a tight one―Baekhyun places a pink ashtray on the table, gaining your attention. 

“I see. Here’s a little present so we could still recycle the bottles we have.” 

You smiled at that, right away pressing the burned side of your cigarette in the ashtray to jump and hug him, telling him how grateful you are for him, “I love you, so much.”. With vanilla and a hint of nicotine smell filled his nose, Baekhyun hugged you back. Ever so tightly, because he never wants to let go. 

For the first time of the day, his smiles sadly. Because at the end of the day, even nicotine was unable to save you from all the pain you’ve dealt with.

Today is a good day, the sun shines ever so brightly and it becomes Baekhyun’s companion as he walks inside the cemetery. His hands are full, with one hand holding a bouquet of your favorite, and the other carrying a bag filled with your favorite food and a cake. Baekhyun memorized the way to your resting place, having to visit you for way too many times for him to count. 

Once he arrives at where you are resting, he places the bag down on the floor, taking a key from his pocket to open the glass that keeps your ashes safe. There’s a framed picture of you in it, you were smiling so happily that it made Baekhyun’s heart churns in pain. Of course, he remembers what happened in the picture; he was the one who took it when the both of you visited a strawberry farm. The last trip that you went with him before everything went south. He knows, in the full version of the picture you were holding a basket of freshly picked strawberries and the other was holding his hand. 

You looked so happy in the picture, the pink beret you wore matched the washed out color of your hair, eyes crinkled into crescent moons. Beautiful, was the word he muttered after he took the picture. Because you are, always will, be beautiful in his eyes. Despite your permanent wounds, your emptiness.. nobody will ever be as beautiful as you when you looked the most carefree in Baekhyun’s eyes. 

Baekhyun places the bouquet he brought inside the glass box, replacing the old one. The pink orchid flowers complimented your hair in the picture, after all, pink was your color. After he is done, he takes a box from inside the bag, opening it to reveal a slice of your favorite red velvet cake. There’s a candle stuck on the center of it, in which he lit up with a lighter he bought earlier. 

“Happy birthday, princess.” Baekhyun says as he closes his eyes, making his prayer before he blow off the fire.

The start of May is your day. It is a day that Baekhyun treasures, because it is the day where you were born, and the day where you finally reached peace. The day where you are finally able to be happy, without any pain and burden to carry. 

“Today, you are officially twenty-six. But it doesn’t matter, because today is the third year you are finally able to be at peace. It was hard at first, that I don’t see you anymore. You should know that your annoying stash of pink hair dye is still inside the cabinet of our bathroom, I bet it’s expired now though.” Baekhyun shook his head, then he smiles, a genuine one with happiness and contentness. “I’m living well, in fact, I just got promoted. If you were here, you would squeak so hard in happiness and my ears will definitely bleed at it, huh?” In the beginning of May after you reached your peace, Baekhyun stood in front of your ashes. Filling you in about his life journey, how everything hasn’t been the same yet everything is finally okay. 

Hours passed, the cake and food Baekhyun brought with him all finished alongside the story of his journey. With a final look, he smiles once again. “I miss you, though. Every single day I missed you. Though, I am happy. So happy that you’re finally free from all the pain you’ve been carrying. And I know you’re still here, inside my heart. ‘Till we meet again, princess. I love you, always.”

"Baekhyun? Hey." You nervously run your fingers to the messy tangle of your hair, pushing it back making the natural color of your hair show. "This is so awkward, I apologize for doing this.. I know I must be the worst person ever to do this. At first, I didn't plan to leave you a video message like this, but I realized it would be way too unfair if I didn't." With a sigh, you paused.

"Baekhyun. Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun. Baekhyunnie. Hyunnie. Hyun. Baek. Ah, your name sounds so beautiful that I know I will miss calling it. Remember that one time you got so annoyed at me for repeatedly calling your name without any purpose at all? Yeah, I do remember." A soft, yet sad chuckle left your lips. "I remember you tackled me to our bed to tickle me until I couldn't breathe, you're so mean for that!"

Your mouth was parted for a good minute, not being able to say the words you needed to say. But with a smile that was sadder than the previous one, and your eyes gleaming with fresh tears, you continued. "Being with you... I feel every sort of thing that I didn't know I would be able to feel. The love you made me feel is so beautiful to me, Baekhyun. Because you don't only love me for the good in me, you learned, you tried your hardest to understand all of my flaws, all of my scars, all of the things I hate about myself.. and it is beautiful. The times we spent together are the reasons why I manage to survive to this day. You taught me so many things in life, you showed me the light I never thought I am able to see. I appreciate all of that."

A choked out sob escaped from your mouth, making you exhale for a brief minute.

"Baekhyun. I love you, I love you so much. There is nothing I love more on this earth except you. I don't only love you for the love you give me, but I love you for the littlest things. Like how your lips stretched into a lopsided smile after you teased me, how your laughter sounded so breathless, how even though you have the worst haircut you are still able to pull it off. Then to your amazing personality. Your kindness to people, the way you are never arrogant and always humble nonetheless how successful you are. How loyal you are to your friends, and how you always remember your roots. I love all of them."

On the screen, you were now fully sobbing. Tears running down your face and breathing seemed hard. "Please," you whimpered as you clutch your own chest, "please forgive me for leaving you. For not being brave enough to go pass through the storm that continuously hit me."

You stopped yourself, trying your best to even out your breathing, and once you were done, you looked at the screen again. Now with a smile that no longer looks sad or painful, but a smile that makes you look ever so beautiful. "But, Baekhyun.. This decision that I made.. believe me, it is for the best. I want you to trust me, that I will be okay. Free from everything that chained me and hurt me. Please don't beat yourself over my decision, because it is not your fault. Sometimes, the pain is too much to bear, and I want to be at peace. Regretfully, this is the only way."

With a shaky hand, you placed a kiss on your index and middle fingers before pressing it right where the camera was located. "I love you, Byun Baekhyun. Please don't ever change, please don't ever lose your light. Live the hardest, because even though I am too far away to reach, I will always be by your side. Thrive, Baekhyun. That is my last wish for you. Once again, I love you. And this is not goodbye, because one day, in another lifetime, in another universe, we will meet again.. when that time comes, I hope you will welcome me with the tightest hug and a kiss that leaves me breathless. At last, thank you. For loving me, guiding me, being in my life. Being able to spend my years with you isis the most wonderful gift I will ever receive. I love you, Byun Baekhyun, until the day I stop breathing. Always, and forever."

additional note: +  the beginning of may = 1 may = my birthday + “an” is a part of my real name, yes, i want to be a cat +  the strawberry patterned toothbrushes are the ones i used, pink for me and blue for my brother +  my favorite color is pink, and i have a pink beret that match with my hair color (obviously, pink) +  plastic bottle as a makeshift ashtray is something that i always use, then my boss gifted me a pink ashtray +  i have boxes of pink hair dye and i know my mom would never throw it away even though its expired and im no longer around

whoever you are, wherever you are, i know some days are hard, and some days are too rough to handle. it’s okay to be vulnerable, you’re only human and vulnerability is not a weakness. but please! always remember to reach your hands out to people to ask for help, because i am sure somebody will take your hand to help you.

be brave. be fearless. make the impossible, possible.

thank you for reading this piece, stay strong, whoever you are.

[cynical-amphisbaenia]

yes hello amygda i've been lurking here for quite some time and it's lovely but honestly i don't feel like saying the usual wOw YoUr BlOg Is 100% GuD and i AdOrE iT stuff. i mean your blog actually is and i do but it almost feels obligatory when every single ClasspectMe ask does that. and le oops, i spilled it - it'd be nice to hear your ideas about my Mythological Role! i've been searching for the right one for some time now. i trust your knowledge, though.

anyway personality is the first thing i want to describe. and the hardest one as well. you see, a common thing in my life is that i can't remember anything. like literally i remember less than 1% of everything that happened to me, ever. it's easier to describe what i was feeling than what actually happened. it's a genetic thing iirc because my mom has that too, but that's beside the point. i'm quite a talkative person and i tend to do the thing i did like a sentence before a lot. i used to be described as "impulsive and agressive" but that isn't true anymore, i can contain myself. that's probably the thing that led to my emotions being kind of, uh, separate from my mind. by that i mean i actually know i felt something a little bit after the fact, i just, i dunno, ignore it so hard i don't even acknowledge the feeling. that led to me joking about "selling my soul to a demon" as an explanation and the joke is still running

i kind of roleplay an arrogant piece of shit? not as a Knight-type persona but like for fun and not actually annoying anyone too much, and basically everyone knows i do. no self-worth problems though

surprisingly i don't have any problems typical for people my age and my family isn't a bunch of assholes, which has both led me to living a life in "easy mode" and to me being spoiled enough not to give a shit about basically anything. it's not a depressed thing: there are little to none things that motivate me besides "i have to" and "i'll literally die if i won't", and even the ones that exist don't seem to have any relation to one another. i'd say i'm an ambivert, but that would imply that i get energy from both being alone and from being with people, and i don't get it at all. i'd also say i'm a pessimist, but honestly i'm just an optimist that tries really hard to be pessimistic and it really shows sometimes, like when i tell my friends some edgy sarcastic shit and then help someone for no reason or give a stranger a chocolate bar or something. i do that a lot for my actual friends though and i actually have no problem making friendos and opening up to anyone

i use mutedHypocrisy as my chumhandle-ish nickname because 1. i don't really judge anyone out loud? i have are a lot of bUdDiEs with DEBATABLE opinions but i just don't discuss it almost ever, keeping to myself. not really a reason for this. and 2. because of my extremely unique memory i usually dont havr or don't remember any opinions of my own except for some really important ones, which had led me to saying two opposite takes on the same thing to a single person, them going "what the fuck", and that happened more than a single time.

on to symbols. well, the tarot cards mark me as The Star and my fate as a fate of The Fool. which is shown by me being, well, talented enough and having a lot of freedom but not enough ambition to really use it, making me basically useless. also the star thing? its number is 17 and the one before is 16, which is the Tower, which is a fucking cataclysm, and the thing is me being a few hours away from being born under "the tower" is also reflected in the situation in which i was born. i won't elaborate though cuz thats personal shit.

i guess fate kind of likes playing with me? in a friendly way. like i'm always in the best circumstances possible BUT i get trolled by luck along the way. like that friend who pranks you a lot but is actually a nice person and is fun to be around, the world around me feels, as i already said, "easy mode". a lot of people have it worse. i feel bad because i've got everything one could ever want but zero motivation and ambition to do things. and it's not even a "willpower" problem, because that thing helps me do A LOT and is the only reason i'm still functional.

i seem to have an affinity for the things i hate, even though this sounds stupid as fuck. i may despise something completely but i'll be like the meme about a guy who says "disgusting" and keeps looking anyway.

i perceive things as a play, making myself a fourth-wall-breaker type of character. i don't think i take it too seriously but that's kinda fun. i think it started when i noticed that my life and the projects i participate in have some patterns that don't change at all. it's not a thing about some situations always being the same, it's some specific things -- the beginnings and endings of ppl's relationships in the friend group, their roles there and my relationships with the people on em, for example. that's some conspiracy theorist shit right there though.

i don't think i can describe my arcs? i don't remember them. like i mean i was literally babied throughout my whole life, even if not in a way i hate or in an overbearing/limiting way. i had some anger issues and despised rules, but that's a teenager thing mostly -- i respect them now for the most part.

if there's anything important i forgot please tell me!!! can't describe my own ass right if i don't remember 95% of my life. love your work anyway.

Well, as much as it's appreciated, it's definitely not obligatory! And I hope no one feels that it is. Now, there's a few possible options. The main things to consider are Rogue or Mage of Heart and Heir or Maid of Mind, though you may also want to consider Void or Breath as the aspects.

You lack Heart in various ways, though not completely. You still try to take on various opinions or roles. This could be due to being a Rogue of Heart. Rogues tend to lack their aspects, and the taking on of opinions/roles could be stealing Heart. You do seem to focus on things like emotions and relationships, and especially your lack of motivation. Mages can also lack their aspect, but this tends to cause them to suffer - you don’t appear to focus on suffering too much, so it’s not as likely as Rogue. However, if you feel that you attempt to experience Heart to learn about it rather than simply just taking it on, then you might want to consider it. 

Alternatively, you could be an Heir of Mind - this is less likely as you only seem to have focus on the roles and adaptability of Mind while you focus on many more parts of Heart. However, if you were so caught up in those things like an Heir could be, it might explain why you ignore those things and lack parts of Heart as well. A Maid is also likely to get caught up serving only particular parts of their aspect - again, this is less likely than Heir as you seem to change Mind rather than create it, but you might feel differently on this. 

To decide between the Heart or Mind would depend on how you define things like your roleplay - does it feel like an exploration and taking (or experiencing) of Heart or does it feel like a changing/creating of roles which would suit Mind?

You could also consider Void if it feels like the circumstances of your life causes you to live in confusion and if it feels like your lack of memory is the main focus rather than it causing you to miss parts of Heart. Reading what you gave me it doesn’t seem to be the case, but you could decide otherwise. In a similar way, Breath could be an option if you feel disconnected from things, especially as you do focus a bit on freedom. For both of these aspects you could consider Heir, Maid or Mage as an option, especially as with Breath you’re clearly not connected to parts of it like motivation.

Hopefully this helps! Sorry it’s a lot of options, so feel free to ask me anything to help you narrow it down. ^^

[fairycosmos]

have you ever struggled with indecisiveness? it seems to take up all the space in my head and stupid choices like silver/gold jewellery can make me question my entire identity idk what to do with myself anymore - so if you have any tips or something pls share. your thoughts/opinions on things matter to me. if not thats okay too !

omg YEAH and i hate it so fucking much. i cant choose what songs i want to listen to, what i want to eat, what to watch without feeling paralyzed by indecision and worry :/ idk if its cause im a gemini or bi or mentally ill or if it’s just a personality trait lmao! but it’s really the bane of my existence and i can definitely relate a lot, i think a lot of people probably can. you’re not alone. unfortunately it’s something i still struggle with on a daily basis so i dont have any like tried and tested methods of getting around it. but i guess speaking generally now that i think about it, i have noticed some thinking patterns or ideas that have helped me with it a little. i suppose i can use this to self reflect too fjdkslfj anyway - the first is consistently reminding yourself of nuance and shades of grey. every single person is a walking mass of contradictions, conflicting tastes/ideas and viewpoints. nothing is straight forward, or black and white, so you dont have to expect yourself to be. you can choose silver jewelry one day, and gold the next and still be the multidimensional person that you are. such choices don’t dictate your whole self because we as people aren’t defined by the inconsequential, subjective opinions that we hold. this kinda leads into my second suggestion. it may help to take some time to figure out what you actually want to root your identity in. rather than allowing your mind to panic over how others may be reading you, look inward and decide for yourself who you want to be. throughout the course of our lives we are many different ‘selves’ and different situations bring out numerous versions of who we are, so instead of feeling like you have to constantly stay the same, it could be healthier to instead have a looser self image. everyone perceives each other differently, anyway. so anchor yourself in the deeper aspects of your personality - your morals, who you relate to, your core beliefs, who you are when you’re alone - everything else is a lot shallower and subject to change, and that’s okay. we’re not just one thing or one decision, you know? another point to consider is the root of the fear and being able to identify what you’re so afraid of. what is the worst case scenario, why is it wrong to explore your likes/dislikes, how can you actively work on subverting this behaviour, where does the guilt come from? i feel like having low self esteem feeds into this a lot, because we tend to look for the validation of others to inspire confidence within us, so we want to be predictable and easy to digest. so working on liking yourself as you are without the need for outside approval may make a big difference. ultimately though, i think it’s just about recognizing this unhealthy pattern within yourself and doing what you can to act against it when possible, even if you don’t always achieve it every time. try out different exercises and see what works for you next time you’re confronted with having to make a choice. pick without thinking, pick based on the weather, pick based on how you feel in the moment, pick based on what you enjoy. there’s no wrong way to be you. of course, this may be something that is more deeply rooted than you realize, indicative of more serious mental health issues. and if that is the case i really think you should bring it to the attention of a professional (a counselor, a mental health hotline, your doctor, a therapist) when possible, even if it takes a while for you to be able to get to that point. if it exacerbates other emotional problems you have, or if it’s impacting every single part of your life, it’s ok to reach out and talk about it. they may be able to work through it with you and allow you to understand why you are this way and what you can do to combat it. i know it’s all a lot easier said than done, and i’m realizing that these processes are basically life long tasks that we must actively work on every day. that there may never be total equilibrium between every part of who we are. and it’s a hard pill to swallow, seriously. but as long as you’re trying to tackle the issue from a place of patience and self understanding, rather than from a place of self hatred, then you’re doing better than you think :) you don’t have to have it all figured out right now, so take it a day at a time and focus on how you can help yourself feel more comfortable with being a three (possibly four, five, sis, seven) dimensional being, in the present. if you need a friend or if you want to talk about this properly, my inbox will be open. i’m pretty relieved to hear someone else talk about this, cause i’ve dealt with it for so long and it’s exhausting. sending you a lot of love and warmth x

[metaphorical-love-for-a-car]

Marry You-- Joe Mazzello x Reader

Request; “How about a joe mazzello based on the song marry you by Bruno  Mars? Idk” ( @hi-i-dont-know )

Warnings; some language, the song is fem! specific but the story itself isn’t

Word Count; 1.8k

Notes; sorry it's taken me so long to get around to this lol

You couldn’t believe it. You had worked so hard for so long, and you finally did it. Here you were, standing on a stage, accepting an award at a prestigious ceremony. People were clapping, and cameras were everywhere. Never in a million years did you expect this to happen. 

You stuttered through your acceptance speech before scurrying back to your seat. The rest of the awards ceremony seemed to go by in a haze as you continued to try to wrap your mind around the evening. You were in desperate need of a drink, and the after party couldn’t come soon enough.

Dozens of people came up to congratulate you, and you only recognized about half of them. You quickly gulped down your drinks in an attempt to make yourself calm down. It wasn’t the wisest idea, but it was all you could do besides leaving the party, which you obviously didn’t want to do. You were tipsy, borderline drunk, and still feeling overwhelmed. That’s when he decided to approach you. The last thing you needed was your childhood celebrity crush to show up, but that’s exactly what happened.

Your first introduction to Joe Mazzello was when you watched Radio Flyer shortly after it came out, then you saw him again in Jurassic Park. Your younger self thought he was cute, thus your childhood crush formed. As years went on and the two of you started to become more successful in the world of entertainment, you had met each other once or twice, but it was always in passing. Neither of you really spoke to each other much. The most interaction the two of you had was via social media, occasionally liking each other’s posts. 

Needless to say, you were worried about embarrassing yourself because you had too much alcohol in your system for your mind to properly function, and it didn’t help that you continued to drink. “I’m sure you’re going to be sick of hearing this by the end of the night, but congratulations!” Joe flashed you a bright smile. You laughed before thanking him. “Mind if I sit?” He nodded his head towards the empty stool next to yours. You shook your head.

“No, not at all!” Joe sat, and the two of you chatted about basic stuff, like ‘Have you tried the shrimp? It’s pretty good!’ or ‘I’ve been going ninety-to-nothing tonight and can’t wait to finally get home.’ You normally felt awkward during small talk, but this was nice. Maybe it was just the alcohol that was making this feel so comfortable. Maybe it was just his charming personality. Either way, you didn’t care. You were enjoying it. 

“Hope I’m not bothering you. I’m sure a ton of other people would like to talk to you.” You scoffed at Joe’s comment and dramatically rolled your eyes.

“Oh, please! I’m having way more fun talking to you than I would have if I were talking to some of them. Besides, it’s not every day that you get to hang out with your age-old celebrity crush.” You brought your glass to your lips and froze. Did you seriously just say that out loud? No, surely not. You weren’t that drunk, right? You slowly lowered the glass, glancing over at Joe. Shit. You did say it out loud. His mouth was open, looking shocked. And his cheeks were red. 

“You... wait. I’m your celebrity crush?” You felt the heat rising to your face and nodded. He ran a hand through his hair. “No fucking way. This is crazy. You’ve been my celebrity crush since we first met at that movie premiere a few years ago,” Joe said enthusiastically, very much resembling a child telling their friends about the cool toy they got for Christmas. You covered your mouth in an attempt to stifle your laughter. Joe’s brows knitted together, but his goofy grin remained. “I’m serious!” 

“This is too good to be true. It sounds like something out of a fanfiction book on Wattpad or Tumblr.” Joe laughed, stating his agreement. He suddenly grabbed your hand. His eyes were wide and mischief danced across his features.

“I’ve got an awesome idea, and it’ll really make life like a fanfic.” You pursed your lips, eyeing him suspiciously.

“What’re you planning, Joe?” 

“It’s a surprise! Now, where’s the closest Walmart?”

Who cares if we're trashed Got a pocket full of cash we can blow Shots of Patron And it's on girl

The two of you managed to find an Uber at the ungodly hour of the morning it was. People gave you odd looks when you first walked into the store. Some because they recognized the two of you, and some because you were both in incredibly formal attire... while drunk shopping in Walmart. You headed straight towards the candy, and Joe disappeared. As you were paying for the mountain of candy in your arms, you felt someone tap on your shoulder. It was Joe, nervously shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “You okay?” you snickered, grabbing the plastic bag from the worker before thanking her. 

'Cause it's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you Is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you

“Actually, there’s something important I want to ask you.” You raised a brow at him, and he took a deep breath. When Joe got down on one knee, your jaw dropped. He pulled out a ring that had a little silver frog on top, its back made of a green gem. “Let’s continue with the fanfiction themed night, shall we?” You laughed, nodding. Joe beamed up at you and slid the ring onto your finger.

“Is this actually happening right now?” you asked in between laughs. Joe shrugged. 

“Dunno. That sounds like something for our sober selves to figure out. Wanna check out the Redbox movies?”

I'll go get a ring Let the choir bell sing like ooh So what you wanna do Let's just run girl If we wake up and you want to break up That's cool No, I won't blame you It was fun girl

Your head was pounding. Bringing a hand to your face, you rubbed your eyes before squinting them open. How much did you drink last night? You could hardly remember a thing... that is until you realized you weren’t in your hotel room, nor were you alone. An arm was wrapped around your waist, and the person’s head was nuzzled against your back. Fucking shit. Your mind was reeling, trying to remember what had happened. A part of your mind tried to rationalize that maybe you didn’t hook up with someone. After all, you were still dressed. Then again... the sweats and baggy shirt didn’t belong to you. 

You were worried about waking whoever was beside you. You were desperate to avoid any awkward and embarrassing interactions. Slowly reaching out, you went to pull your phone off of the bedside table. That’s when you noticed the ring. Your breath got caught in your throat as a sudden sense of urgency flooded your system. You tried to turn your phone on, but a black screen stared back at you. Of course, it was dead. Well, there was only one thing you could do. You started peeling yourself from the person’s grasp. As you did, the person stirred. When you were finally able to turn and look at them, it felt like someone dumped a bucket of rocks into your stomach. “Damn... my head’s killin’ me,” Joe groaned while rubbing his face. Your mouth open and closed. You couldn’t think of anything to say. Joe removed his hands, finally meeting your gaze. His eyes widened. “Oh my god...” was all the could muster up.

“Joe, what the hell happened last night?” You showed him your hand, and his face reddened. 

“Well... I-- uh-- don’t remember much. I don’t think we had sex, but I don’t know about that.” He pointed at the ring. Joe quickly sat up, snatching his phone from the floor. Thankfully, it had been charging. 

He had multiple missed calls and unopened text messages from his friends, most of which said something along the lines of ‘Joe, what the hell is going on? Is this real?’ Joe swiped through his camera roll, but most of the pictures were goofy selfies or short videos of the two of you wandering around Walmart. It didn’t really offer much information. You suggested looking through your social media accounts. Lo and behold, it was the jackpot. Your twitter was filled with cringe-worthy levels of cheesy and sappy pickup lines, all of which had Joe tagged in them. He responded to a few, but his replies only consisted of various heart emojis. Joe’s Instagram story had dozens of photos and videos of you two, most of which you had already seen in his camera roll. Then there was one post that had the caption ‘I liked it so I put a ring on it (guess we’re engaged now)’, and you had commented ‘#couplegoals’. You decided to take a look into your own Instagram account, clicking through the story photos you remembered posting. When it finally got to something new, you couldn’t help the butterflies that formed in your chest. 

It was a video of Joe, laying in bed next to you. Your head was on his chest, and you had an arm draped across his torso. You were out cold, and Joe had a soft smile on his face. “(Y/N) fell asleep in the middle of our Night At The Museum marathon, so I decided to hack their insta.” He glanced down at you, his smile growing even wider. “They’re so adorable, even when they’re snoring like a freight train. But don’t let them know that I told you guys that,” he said the last part with a serious expression. Joe pressed a kiss to the top of your head, then the video ended.

“So I guess we got engaged,” you mumbled, examining the little frog ring on your finger. “We know that much happened.”

“What now?” Joe asked, his voice barely above a whisper. You glanced at him, and he was idly tracing a pattern into the bed’s comforter. 

“Well, first, I think we should get some breakfast. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Then maybe we could start with a date and see how that goes?” Joe looked up, meeting your gaze. A smile spread across his lips.

“I like that plan.”

Don't say no no no no no Just say yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah And we'll go go go go go If you're ready, like I'm ready

Just say I do Tell me right now baby Tell me right now baby, baby Just say I do Tell me right now baby Tell me right now baby, baby

Tag List;

@mothermercuryy @mmmmmitslikeadiseaseson

[hellscookies]

Thing about dreams is they slip through your hands too fast. If you dont actively hold on to them and store them fast, they're gone forever. I think you can learn a lot about what's going on in your life by writing them out.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

I think I'm going to start posting my recent dreams/nightmares for therapeutical value from time to time. I'm sorry for anyone trying to make sense of them, or my writing, as I'm usually still waking up as I write them out.

🌜Backache Fueled Nightmare🌛

Where: Sitting at the park with a friend against a concrete "square" with "vents"- I think it's proly air filtration system that attaches from/ to the high school (or a neighbouring ?elementary school)where I'm a student.

When: Highschool, which was many moons ago for me, but oddly enough it feels like I never left in this dream.

What and Who and not really a why: Said friend and I smoke a joint and have a good conversation. Both of us venting about school politics. Although we both note that we're feeling invisible today, there are many people at the park right now doing their own thing. There are no adults around to worry about as we hang out. Many kids are in groups, or cliques, but there are also others that are on their own, studying, or reading, or just with their headphones on, and then there are others in pairs like us. There is even a pimple faced couple making out on the bench in front of us 🤯

I stand up and ask my friend to wait there for me because we have so much more to talk about, but that I need to go back into the school to use the washroom. I grab my bag, and as I get up from where we've been sitting, I notice she is one pack short of having a full carton of ciggies sticking out the top of her backpack. She says she'll wait for me, that I'm her ride or die.

What a coincidence that we both smoke the same brand of cigs and I've just bought a carton myself this a.m. and I have already dug into the first pack.

No wonder we are friends I think, and laugh, dismissing it.

I enter the school and out of laziness, I try to use the women's washroom attached to the school's faculty lounge.

No one ever goes in there after school, I should be good I think.

I'm immediately grabbed sternly by the arm by a creepy janitor. Pain shoots through my right arm. Annoyed, I tell him that stings! He does not even try to apologize, he says students are strickly not permitted in the faculty lounge. I notice the lounge is full of teachers and staff. I can see there is a huge sheetcake(no cookies🥴) and coffee being passed around, and a lot of balding big bellied men, and older women wearing awful floral patterns and heavy makeup. Note to self...dont cake on that makeup(or the cake)when I get older. As I turn around to leave, he tells me again, and I roll my eyes but I dont argue. What a condescending prick. My tummy rumbles a bit. I decide to use the washroom on the second floor near my locker so I can grab the lunch I didn't even touch.

On my way, I think back to my friends carton of ciggies. Was it just a coincidence that she has the same brand of carton with only 1 pack gone? Is it possible she took mine? I've never doubted her loyalty. She's always been so trustworthy, so I quickly dismiss the thought with a lol.

I'm so caught up in these thoughts, I accidentally open the door to the boys bathroom and as Im about to go in, some dude follows in behind me. I say, omg is this the boys washroom? He says oh yeah and I say something about it being a rhetorical question. The dude has such a pretty face and a huge head of hair that I almost mistake him for being a girl. The hairy legs give it away.

I turn around and go into the girls washroom. Every stall has a mirror in it. I pick the stall at the very end of the room hoping it will shelter me with the most amount of privacy. I need to check my bag for that carton of ciggies. Sighing, I find it exactly where it's supposed to be. I silently wish I could be a better friend, but it's so hard to trust people. I use the toilet, apply some lip gloss and high tail it out of the school.

With my doubts about my friend behind me, I hope she's waited for me because a good half an hour must have gone by! Funny thing is I knew she'd be there.

With a sense of relief, I see her sitting on the same cement block where I left her, smoking a cigarette and listening to her ipod. She has a journal out and seems to be sketching something quite seriously. She tucks it away quickly tho when she notices me walking up. I place my bag on the opposite side of us against the concrete wall and light up a ciggie. I sit down next to her with her backpack lodged between us. I notice her carton is now a couple packs lighter.

I'm more interested in her sketch, so I don't ask her about it right away. What was she sketching anyways? She's hesitant, but shows me the drawing and it's really incredible and I tell her so. She's sketched the couple making out from earlier, who are now no longer there. She says she wonders if she'll die a virgin.

Proly got themselves a room I say, and we laugh.

There is some small talk as we decide where to go from here because we've been here long enough - we already spend half our lives at school and it's the weekend. Although there are still some people in the park, most have left. I get this creepy feeling like we are being watched. I tell her about it and she says she feels the same way. She admits that she put her headphones on after I left because she swore she heard someone laughing behind her, but when she turned around to look, no one was there. I ask her now what happened to her carton of cigs? I feel a bee sting pain on my hip as she notices her smokes have disappeared. She's really upset. As she's saying something about how stupid she is, and that someone's upped them, I look over to my bag on the left and see a hand reach through the vent slits in the concrete wall we're sitting against. Everything moves in slow motion. In an absolute dream of a haze, I witness the hand eerily loop a finger around the strap of my phone and my phone disappears through the vent slit along with the fingers of that hand.

I now notice that my friend is sitting against solid concrete and that I've been sitting along the vent slits along with my bag. I know someone is behind me in those vents, but I feel like I'm pinned up against them and I can't move. I try to say something about it, but I choke and the words don't come out. I feel drugged. I am becoming instantly aware that I've been drugged with something very potent. Is this what heroin feels like? I try to reach my purse but I cannot extend my arm or even move from where I'm sitting. The hand appears again and this time it pulls my wallet from my bag. I'm screaming on the inside. Then the hand takes everything else-parts of my lunch, my keys, and then packs of ciggies while all the while my friend is still rambling on and staring out into space. I can't believe she doesnt see me and what is happening. I cannot believe NO ONE sees what is happening. I try with all my might to move away from there but I can't.

Strangely, and foreboding, I hear laughter and I am awake.

😱

[mikmikisnotcrack]

BTS as your Overprotective Brother

Maknae Line || Hyung Line

Pairing: Brother! BTS

Warnings: None

▪▪▪

Park Jimin

"(y/n) where are you going?" Your brother, Jimin, asks as he watches you take a few mirror selfies of your outfit. You were going to go to the karaoke bar with your friends, so you wore a simple spaghetti strap black dress that reached mid thigh, a beige varsity jacket and knee high boots. "Karaoke bar" You say as you turned around to face Jimin. "Do I look tarted enough?" You ask, adjusting the hem of the skirt as Jimin eyed you down suspisciously. "And why must you dress so... tart? When you're just going to a karaoke bar with who?" He asks. "Ah, I'm going with Hye Jin, Ji Woon, Hyung Min and Seo Woo." You reply, looking at Jimin.

"Could you at least wear something, I don't know, more conservative? I know I told you you could wear anything you want and have no shame, but you're our baby sister and you're going with mostly males. Now, as a male, you never know who could hit on you" Jimin says as he enters the room and closes the door. "Oppa, relax. Those three guys are head over heels for this one girl, you don't need to worry too much. Besides, if they did touch me anywhere, I'd do what you say. Kick em where it hurts" You say, raising up your fists to immitate a fighting stance. Jimin smiled widely at your cuteness, but dripped it after a few seconds. You tilted your head in confusion, why did Jimin suddenly frown? "You're cute sis, but seriously, wear shorts" He says. "Wait what?! I thought you were fine with this!" You whine. "I never said that it was fine!" He countered, walking over to your closet to pull out a white sleeveless top that could be tied in front and cotton peach shorts that had a lace pattern. "Here you go"

"I refuse!"

"What?!"

"I dont wannaaaa"

"Park (y/n) I am not playing this game with you!" Jimin placed the shirt down on your bed and looked at you, holding the shorts in front of you "Seriously, this looks way better" He says. "No! I already did my makeup to match this one!" "Oh for crying out loud, (y/n) just change your lip tint to a lighter pink rather than purple!" He says. Jimin inwardly groans as he rolled his eyes in a exaggerated way. "Fine, if you don't want to wear it then..." You eyed Jimin nervously. He had this mischevous glint in his eyes, the kind he had when you two were gonna wrestle for the last bag of chips in the kitchen.

"Oh no, oh no no no no no, we are not starting this oppa! I just finished my hair and makeup!" You exclaim, trying to make an excuse for the two of you not to strangle each other. Didn't work, you ended up running around in your room, screams, pillows, plushies and what not were thrown in the room. "JUST LISTEN TO YOUR BROTHER YOU LITTLE SHIT"

"NO!!!"

Jimin tackled you to the ground (luckily you decided to wear cycling shorts underneath) and tried holding your wrists down so you could surrender and wear what he wanted to.

"THIS IS ASSAULT! HEELLLPPP!! OPPA'S TRYING TO KILL ME!!" You thrashed around, trying to get Jimin off of you, throwing some kicks and punches at him. You managed to get him off by yanking his hair, but as you were about to make your escape, he grabbed the back of your leg and dragged you back down to the floor.

"Hey Hyung, Maknae--" Your other older brother, Jihyun says, walking in on you and Jimin clawing at each other. He gave you two a judgemental look and proceeded to back out of the room "Y'know what, I'm not even- I'm not even gonna ask"

"ALRIGHT FINE I'LL WEAR YOUR DAMNED SHORTS!"

"SUCCESS!"

Kim Taehyung

"You're going on a what?!" Taehyung exclaims. He had gone out with Jeon Gyu this morning to buy some stuff in the morning market when he walked in on you about to leave the house. When he had asked you where you were going, you said you're going out on a date with one of your classmates.

"And what does dad think about this?" Taehyung says, placing the groceries down on the floor. He crossed his arms as he waited for your answer.

"Okay so, I may or may not have told him that it was a study date. But don't tell him." Taehyung looked at you giving you an intense stare as you looked at your phone. He was about to scold you for lying to your dad and not telling him as well, but you cut him off "Oh hey, Junwook is probably waiting for me. Talk to you later oppa!" And with that, you walked out of the house, dodging the bags in front of you in the process. While you were leaving the house, Jeon Gyu passed by you, but you had ignored his hello. He noticed how you were walking towards the direction of the cafe down the street. He shrugged, bringing in the bags inside the house where his older brother was staring intensely at a cabbage that he was putting away. "Uhh... Hey hyung, where was (y/n) going?" He asks, setting down the bags on the counter.

"She was going on a date" Taehyung replies. He placed his palms on the counter and sighed "Which direction did she go?" "She's probably going to that cafe down the road if its a date... Why?" Jeon Gyu asks as he started putting out the contents of the bag. "Wait here" Taehyung says, then proceeds to go upstairs, leaving Jeon Gyu in the kitchen incredibly confused.

Taehyung came back down in a beige trench coat, slacks, a beret and shades. "Here, wear this" He says, handing over a blue button down with white vertical stripes, black slacks and dress shoes to his brother. "Wait, why?" Jeon Gyu asks, looking at the clothes and shoes that were obviously too big for him.

"We're spying on that date" Taehyung says, lowering his shades to wink at Jeon Gyu "Um... Sure, but why do I need to wear something expensive?" He asks. Taehyung rolls his eyes and playfully slaps Jeon Gyu's shoulder "It's a disfuise. (y/n) knows that we wear comfort clothes when going out."

"Why do I have to partake in this?" Jeon Gyu asks "Because you're my little brother and (y/n)'s older brother. Now hurry and go change" Jeon Gyu rolls his eyes and goes to the bathroom to change.

Which is how your two brothers ended up in the farthest corner of the cafe. It had a good view, your back was facing them so you wouldn't notice the two. Taehyung was calmly eating cheesecake while Jeon Gyu struggled to drink his coffee due to the face mask Taehyung made him wear. Taehyung said he could drink but make it 'discrete' and keep the mask on at all times. Taehyung watched this guy like a hawk. He watched every movement. From the way he tapped his feet on the ground, the pattern of his hands, and the way he stared at you. Taehyung glared daggers at the boy as he reached out to hold your hand. "Hey, (y/n) thanks for going on this date with me" The boy says, and you just smile at him, rubbing circles on the back of his hand "Don't mention it, Junwook." You reply. "Okay so... I've wanted to tell you this for a long time and--"

"AH CHOO"

Junwook sighed the moment he got cut off by an obnoxiously loud sneeze from someone in the cafe. You thought that sneeze sounded familiar, but decided to ignore it due to your crush sitting in front of you. "As I was saying. I've li--"

"AH CHOO!"

Junwook looked up very irritated at whoever kept sneezing. He glared at the man over your shoulder but soon paled the moment Taehyung lowered his glasses and stared back at him. "Hey Junwook, is there something wrong?" You asked, making him stare back at you. He smiled nervously as he looked back at Taehyung, who pressed his index finger up to his lips. "Uh- I... Um... Really like the waffles they have here!" He exclaims, letting go of your hand as he shoved a mouthful of the waffles. You looked at your date shocked, you did not expect that from him. You turned around and saw an empty seat at the corner of the cafe. You shrugged your shoulders and proceeded with your date, obviously disappointed that it was all just a friendly date.

Meanwhile, Taehyung and Jeon Gyu high fived as they went back home, their mission a success.

Jeon Jungkook

Jungkook swayed back and forth on his heels as he waited for his little sister to be dismissed from classes. He recently came home to visit his family, and the first thing his parents made him do was fetch you. He sighed, messaging Yugyeom about how long he's been waiting for you. He glanced up and noticed that the Highschool students were now dismissed, so he put his phone back in his pocket and waited until you spotted him.

He smiled the moment he saw you walking out of the school doors, waving a farewell to your friends. When you turned your head, you spotted an all too familiar face in the middle of the parking lot waving at you. "Oppa!" You exclaimed, running at your brother and giving him a hug. "Hey sis" he says, putting his arm over your neck to hold you in place as he placed his knuckle on your head "OW OW OW OW OW, SCREW OFF JUNGKOOK" He let go of you and watched you pull back, rubbing your head where he gave you a noogie. He looked at you with wide eyes, one hand was on his chest and one over his mouth. "Y-You didn't call me oppa!" He gasped, sounding offended.

"Oh hush, oppa. Don't think I don't see you running away from girls on those youtube videos" You say, punching him on the shoulder. He laughs as he slings his arm around your shoulder as you two walk to the exit. "So how're you holding up in Highschool?" He asks "Better than you ever will" You reply, smirking at him as he laughed nervosuly, remembering all those times he skipped and failed classes. "Aish this kid is a pain in the neck" He mutters, making you scoff. "I learnt from the best~"

As you were walking, you noticed that at the side of the parking lot gates where a group of boys were hanging around. You glanced at them, your grip around Jungkook tightening. "Hey sis, your grip's getting a little tight" He wheezes. You hated those guys. They always cat called you. You frowned as you saw one of the guys spot you. Jungkook looked down on you, concern grazing his features.

"Hey doll!"

"Hey gorgeous, you free tonight?!"

You sighed, choosing to ignore them. Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at those guys who threw cat calls and wolf whispers directly at you. He sighed, heat creeping up to his ears as he felt his anger boiling up at every word they said. "Wait- Jungkook what are you doing?!" You whisper as he dragged you over to them, making them laugh and hoot in satisfaction that you were coming their way. Jungkook's grip on you tightened as he walked over to them. "(y/n), who are these boys over here?" He asks. "And what's in it to you buddy?" One of the guys ask, standing up as he placed his hands in his pocket. "Look here pal, I don't appreciate the crap you guys were shouting at my sister" Jungkook says sternly.

The guy scoffs, looking back at his crew with a smirk "What? Can't your sister take a compliment?" He says. Jungkook sighs "Well, a compliment are supposedly sincere words directed at a person. There is a big difference between that and cat calling. Cat calling consists of explicit words, while compliments are kind ones. If you were to compliment my sister, you should've went up to her and say 'hey you're really pretty today' instead of yelling 'hEY GORGEOUS!' And looking like a complete fool while doing it." Your eyes widened at Jungkook's words. Foe a guy that got an eight out of a hundred number test, this guy was spouting pretty smart words.

"Anyways, come here buddy" Jugkook says with a smile, releasing you from his grip and walked towards the guy, wrapping his arms around him. "This world is a pretry good one. But it's kinda getting ruined by pimples like you" Jungkook says, turning so he and the guy are facing his little crew. "You kids clearly never listened in class because you're sitting by the rusty gates, trying to look badass but really you are not" The boy scoffs, pushing away your brother. "Look here you shit, I'm--" Jungkook tutted and used a hand to grab the guy's uniform collar.

Jungkook's eyes narrowed as he stares into the boy's eyes "My sister is for the record, way out of your league, sorry to burst your non existent ego. But kindly find someone who's low enough to sleep with you and your micro dick, thank you" Jungkook pushed him, making him stumble back into his group "Now, stay away from my sister because I promise you, I'm just not in the mood to pick a fight with immature shitheads who think they're cool" Jungkook turned around, slung his arm back on you and proceeded to walk back home. "You know, you were a little hypocritical when it came to your speech" You say

"I SAVE YOUR ASS AND THIS IS WHAT YOU TELL ME?!"

▪▪▪

Requests are open!

[thefallenarbiter]

READ ME!!!!!

>>>>>>> NOTE!!! DRAWING WITH EVERYONE's CHARACTER WHO WAS NOTIFIED TO THIS POST IS TOWARDS THE MIDDLE!!<<<<<<<<

SPEED PAINTS/ PROCESS OF ART

---------HERE 1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_ZxtQ6RhA4 HERE ---------

2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vys4D71bgAw&feature=youtu.be

  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=592zJhAAFok

STORY WITH DRAWING DOWN HERE

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Midnight Trick and Treat

“This is the perfect chance to take all those snacks,” Olive said with such glee that I had to glance over to make sure they didn't hear her. Evia hushed her before she could let out another booming cry of desire. Olives ears quickly perked down, a pout was on her face from being hushed. I watched as Evia rolled her eyes but gave a quick lick to her ears. The fur on Olive's cheeks somehow turned a rosy red from blushing. But her ears perked back up, a wolfy grin was on her face again.

I held in a groan. This was was not a good plan. We were hidden between the grass, its long blades kept both me and Olive hidden but Evias horns poked through when she shifted her weight. Looking back at the ground I watched as they chatted between one another. I noticed a pattern as one would move their mouths and the others would laugh not long after. Olive followed my gaze but her eyes were stuck on the unguarded bags of treats.

A devilish grin formed on Olives face, ”We gotta get those treats. Ill split all the bags with you two.” she said.

“I dunno Olive, It doesn't sound like a very good-” I stopped when I looked back over at Olive. A grin was placed on her mouth while her eyes tarted between me and the treats. I nearly shivered when I looked at Evia. Half her face was hidden behind Olives but I could see her eyes narrowed dangerously at me with a scowl. When our eyes met she started to mouth something to me. I stared at her mouth, what is she trying to say to me-..Oh. Her claws began to tap the ground impatiently.

I laughed softly, ”Oh god Olive, I knew leaving all the ideas to you was just a fantastic idea! Nothing will go wrong!” I said with the biggest, fakest smile I could muster. You couldn't blame me for lying. You really couldn't when you were stuck between pleasing a giant warrior and a tiny dog who could make you regret anything if you upset her.

“S-so what's our plan?” I asked, the tapping stopped. I held back a sigh of relief at least one of them is pleased with my answer.

“Oh it's pretty simple, we're gonna sneak up right up to them and they won't even notice a thing! It's gonna be great!”

Oh my god, we're going to die. Were so dead. Dead,dead,dead. She's going to get us killed! I laughed nervously. Maybe I can eat a few candies before they catch us. Yeah, that sounds less bad than dying on an empty stomach I thought. The panic I was feeling felt less bad when I thought of this.

“Well, we better get this over and done with! I'm just DYING to get all that candy.”

Olive must have agreed with me because her face lit up but quickly disappeared in the mass of grass as she crawled away.

Evia smirked at me, ”If all hell breaks loose and I have to choose one of you, I'm choosing Olive.” her smirk widened when my eyes grew in size with my mouth agape. She quickly slithered after Olive. I stayed where I was for a moment before following suit. The grassed softly brushed my sides as I crawled through slowly. When I lost sight of Evia I peeked my head out to see a large white wolf sitting on a bench. I tilted my head as a bag of candy was right under them. They were distracted by the messages on their phone. I peered at the candy and nearly sighed in relief. The wire was under their leg to keep it from falling which meant one less person after us during the run.

I quickly hid back into the safety of the grass and proceeded to follow the scent of both Evia and Olive. My ears tilted towards the left at the sound of rushing water. I suddenly felt thirsty but pushed on. I spent a few seconds crawling before stopping. Evia was facing me and when she saw me she pushed me past her. When I was right next to Olive she stopped, I glanced around than stared at Olive puzzled.

Her eyes moved to the area ahead of us, I followed her gaze than wished I had made them both upset. The group was right in front of us, each one chatting away as their bags laid helplessly on the bench closest to them. I looked back at Olive who looked at me expectantly. I quickly looked away so she wouldn't see my panicked expression.

I slowly began to crawl forward and paused when one of them shifted more than 60 degrees. When I made it to the bench safely, I observed the bags, each had different animals which held the candies inside. I slowly moved my head forward, grabbing of the largest bag which Evia helped me put down. Once it was released she had a firm hold on the end. I then grabbed ahold of two sets of strings, I pulled softly until the bags were softly nestled on the ground. Olive reached forward, bit onto the wires and held them in her mouth like Evia.

I glanced at the last bag, it's pumpkin eyes staring intently at me. I gulped nervously. I

slowly took a step forward with my head outward to bite the string. With a snap, the twig underneath my claws broke in half. Any conversation that the group had halted, they all turned towards me all at once to see the source of the noise.

I smiled nervously, ”Hello! My name is Sona. It's nice to meet all of you-” I paused when Olive and Evia made a run for it. The group let out shocked cries looking between me and the runaways. I bit into the wire and made a dash for it. The sounds of feet stomping and yelling were right behind me. This is all Olives fault.

Birthday gift for @Spoopy-snek

Don't kill me pls

So For your bday, I decided to draw a group picture that involves your friends. Side note I'm sorry if I forgot anyone. I tried finding everyone and drawing them but again I'm sorry if I forgot anyone.;n; But If I did miss any close friend go ahead and comment saying that you were forgotten so when I do something big like this again I can add all her friends.

Happy Birthday old lady!!!! I hope you have a fantastic bday and get to celebrate it, friends and family. DONT DO DRUGS. Drugs are restricted on your bday and I will steal all dem drugs for myself >: ) BUt ANyway… Happy birthday to my closest buddy! <33333 You mean so much to me and always got to use your bday as a way to spoil you with love and art cuz you deserve it!!! Even tho you're a major butthead but two can play with fire!!! I really hope you have a fantastic day!! you so much. I'm so thankful to have met you and I can't believe we've been friends for 6 years???!!! Wow, time really flies I can't believe we're so old now. You meet me when I was basically a smol gorl. Like much wow were both getting so freaking old. (as my lollipop decides that falling is a better idea than living,,,) But again I'm so freaking thankful we're friends, you've been there for me for so long and I can't thank you enough for sticking with my ugly butt. You helped me through much whether it be mentally or with anything. You've been there for me and when I get money I'm gonna try to repay you for everything that you've helped me through with gifts. You're my closest friend Olivia and without you, I would be in a different place. I doubt I would be the same if it weren't for you. You always had my back no matter once. Every time I lost someone close to me whether it be family or relationship wise you've helped me stay strong and keep going. Honestly ilu so much you big softy and I'm so sorry we don't hang out enough. I really want to return the favor and help you in any way I can because you're my best friend Olivia. Were both total nerds and goofballs who love videos games way to much and basically kill our characters lmao. I can't wait to spend the rest of our life as besties. We need to seriously meet in person tho. We have been friends for so long but I only ever see you through your photos. We have to meet eventually because your my best friend and we've been through thick and thin together. If we don't meet I'm sending the squirrel after you!!!! I'm so glad we have each other even if we lost all our other friends through time even tho I miss them, I can't wait to spend our time together through hell and heaven. We're gonna kick life's butt and get through everything together. Hopefully, we both can hang out more often because we're both busy bees and never get the chance ;n; I still can't believe we both happened to join DA around the same time and managed to start talking right after. If it weren't for you I would have been dead on that website a year after I joined. Anyway, ilu and I wish you the biggest Happy Birthday you spoopy butt. I would attempt to give you the biggest hug I can muster but my arms are too short :,,,D

Explanation of each drawing

Golden Skull Zayn with Olive ----- When I did the three doodles in the speedpaint I was planning a creepy vibe with each one. So for this one I wanted to show off the fact that parts of Zayn are indeed made of gold. It was meant to go with his design just to fit the color combo but I decided that any character that has future sight have gold parts to them. It would be very rare for a kaian to have all gold bones but I figured it would fit the prophet when they start to loose their mind to the visions. There's always a price to pay when you can see into the future. Poor Olive just happened to be around when he ripped the skin off during one of his major visions. But don't worry she lives and he gets his face back.

Sona and Loch ------- I wanted to have Sona soothing one of Lochs sessions of pain. Not much to say here other than I wanted to have her kind of grumpy looking and comfort him since in our story for them she kinda uses him for bad to get what she wants so she gets a body.

Olive's Secret Protector ---------- Again not much to say other than Evia is using her dark powers to blend into the shadows to keep an eye on olive.

Run Run from the Scary Mob ------ The main drawing that I spent the most time on that comes with a speedpaint. For this one I wanted to show off our main characters plus a side character that she loves. When I made this I realized I wanted to make it big just for Olivia so I decided to include all her friends that I could think of or find. Each character is dressed in something to show off the fact that each one is trick and treating for Halloween. I'm pretty proud of how everyone turned out and how most the background turned out.

Experiment Brewing ------ A little sketch where I had an idea that maybe Olive wasn't a real Kaian and was actually a experiment made by the banished shadow go. I like the idea that maybe he made her so he could put himself into a form onto the home planet of the Kaians than seek the other gods out for revenge. This was before he used Evia as a host even if she's in control. He hoped that when Olive was ready he could take her body over. Sadly the scientist who made her on the home planet did not complete the project and Olive had gone missing when the lab was destroyed. Funny thing is that not long after Olive was found by Evia when in a field of flowers. The god believes Olive is dead but I like to think that he takes over Olive during the final battle to use her to summon him when the other banished god is summoned by Calla. If he did succeed in taking her body over than she would look like her portals. I like the idea of the gods portals and powers looking like this but his are purple. The crystals on her help power the portals and powers she uses which are basically just like the gods expect weaker since she couldn't handle all his power in her body.

Selfie ----- A head doodle to show off Olives looks frontview. First concept sketch of how she would look. Also based on one of Olivia's doodles of Olive with crystals imbedded in her body. I decided to expand on that.

Design ---- A design for Olivia to repay the design she made for me >:0

Thirsty as heckles ---- Olive ready for some Evia but decided on the way to bed that she also likes Zayn a lot. Evia stops what they planned to go find Zayn.

Official Design for Olive as a experiment ---------. I wanted to show off the fact that she would be constantly dripping from the gods powers that she barely holds in her body.

This is War ------- Zayn has a vision in a different timeline where Olive chooses Evia over him and betrays him by killing him. He mistakes it for it being in this timeline and plans to repay the debt by killing them first. Looks like everyone has to fight with the person they love eventually.

Left to right are the corresponding characters belonging to their creators

Big brown and green wolf, Evia dressed as Dracula belongs to me

Tiny yellow doge, Olive wearing snake onesie belongs tp @spoopy-snek

smol purple and blackbird, Sona dressed as a messed up Egyptian belongs to me

spooky dog on a broom, Ney dressed as a witch belongs to @neyzilla

Purple dragon in sleeping wear, Hobbes dressed in a dragon onesie belongs to @hobbledragon

Tall skelelly boi being attacked by hungry doggy, Calabaza dressed as a skelly belongs to @anxietywithaspook

The white dog that shakes, Milk belongs to @milkfake

Mummy that is so done with you, Wilhelm dressed a mummy belongs to @wilhelm-the-undead-man

A woman who wants her candy back, Shaman dressed as a literal Shaman belongs to @missmcgregor

[bi-writes]

version 3.01 — peter parker

not my gif

category: blurb summary: “And what chapter did we learn about...hm, what was it? Web fluid version 3.01?” warnings: maybe language, so much fluff

masterlist

dedication: @parkerscupcake i am so sorry to hear about your negative experiences on tumblr — i just want you to know that not everyone is like that, and i dont want you to be discouraged because a few ignorant and stupid people decided to cross your blog — stay beautiful and lovely and amazing — this is for you

Your mind was a mess of chaos and unorganized clutter. Due dates and tests and quizzes were thrown around carelessly inside your head. It was almost as muddled as the mess of papers shoved into your chemistry book, daring to tip over and fall off the precarious tower you had built on your forearms. 

“Excuse me!” You called out, dodging a group of seniors clad in varsity jackets. The warning bell had rung, and you still had a few hallways to turn into before you made it to class. “On your left!”

You swiveled out of the way of a drone. The robotics team offered you a few apologies as you smiled nervously. You skidded into the last hallway, hurrying into your class just as the last bell rang. You flashed an apologetic smile at the instructor before making your way to your seat. 

You dropped your books down onto the table loudly, and it made your lab partner jump in his seat. 

“Whoa!” He cried out, looking up from his notebook. You scrunched your nose.

“I’m sorry, Peter,” you breathed, taking your seat beside him. He gave you a flushed smile, a little embarrassed he didn’t notice you were coming. He was a bit too distracted with whatever he was doing, and you let your eyes wander over to the pencil in his hands. When he realized where your eyes were going, he quickly closed his notebook. “Hmm. That looked like an awful lot of stoichiometry.”

“Uh, y-yeah,” Peter chuckled nervously. “It’s all, you know...right there. All the...stoichiometry your heart desires.”

“Hmm,” you pressed, leaning your head into your hand. You looked up and furrowed your brows in thought. “And what chapter did we learn about...hm, what was it? Web fluid version 3.01?”

Peter bit his lip as his cheeks burnt a fiery red, an embarrassing contrast against his usual milky skin. He shook his head at you.

“Listen, it’s not what you think,” he tried. You rolled your eyes as you pulled out your chemistry notes from inside the tower of books balancing on your desk. 

“Peter, what’s the rule?”

“(y/n)—”

“What’s the rule, Peter?” You interrupted, flipping through the pages before you found a blank sheet. You pulled the lab worksheet out from between the pages, turning to narrow your eyes at him. He let his bottom lip go free as he let out a defeated sigh.

“No Spidey stuff on school premises,” he recalled. “I know the rule, I just—” 

“Then why are we having this conversation, Peter? I thought we agreed to keep everything on the down low,” you scolded him. “The bare minimum?”

“Yeah, I know,” he tried. “I just thought that since we were in class, I would just dabble in—”

“Oh, we are so not discussing this,” you giggled, shaking your head. Peter’s pleading expression fell into a pout, and you dared not to look.

“Please?” He begged. “Please, please, please? I just wanted to see if this one equation will work, I really—”

“Peter, we have had this conversation before,” you scolded him. He bit his lip again, and you again avoided his eyes. You knew you would give in if you caught one glimpse at him. “We keep that out of school so you don’t get caught with a web up your—”

“Okay! Okay, okay, no Spidey stuff, I got it,” Peter hissed. You gave him a winning smile, leaving over on the desk to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. You made the kiss dramatic and loud, making a smile tug at his lips. 

“Now that that’s over with, can you please help me convert fifteen moles of oxygen to grams?” You questioned. Peter gave you a nod, pulling out his own lab worksheet and moving his pencil along as he did the calculations you asked. You turned to your own paper to convert benzene into grams.

You finished working through the equation, leaning over to look at Peter’s work. You noticed your answers were the same, like you expected. Your eyes made their way to Peter’s, but he was still staring at his worksheet. His brain was going a mile a minute, the numbers solved before his hand could even write them down. His brows were furrowed, and his look was serious. Much too serious.

Peter and you didn’t have a long history. You weren’t childhood friends, you hadn’t grown up falling in love, you didn’t even live in the same building. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and finding out his alter-ego forced the both of you into getting to know one another. 

It was a platonic relationship. You would fall asleep on his bed some nights, much to your mother’s dismay. He would come to you for advice, to vent about his adventures, to have you patch him up even. You would mumble his name as you daydreamed, and he would watch you from your window’s balcony just to make sure you were okay. Kisses and light touches, gazes that lingered for a little too long and smiles that never ended were not unfamiliar.

Peter Parker had become that childhood lover you never had in as little as a few months. And you were sinking much faster than you even realized.

You sighed as you tapped the eraser of your pencil against the side of the desk. Peter let out a breath, nearly to the end of the page when you put a hand on his forearm. He stopped writing, looking up at you expectantly. His eyes were light with expectation, as if he knew you would give in. 

“Okay, superhero, tell me what you need,” you sighed in defeat. A grin broke the hard expression on his face, and you grew almost giddy with delight when his eyes lit up like a star. He opened his notebook hurriedly, and your eyes scanned over the bubble letters that read web fluid. 

“O-Okay, well, I think I got these numbers right, but I really just wanna improve it,” Peter said excitedly. You smiled at his enthusiasm. He pointed to a few of the equations, nodding his head as he spoke. “The reaction works. It does. I mean, of course it does, I use it everyday, but it could always use some extra...something.”

“Well, okay,” you said thoughtfully, biting the end of your pencil. Peter looked up at you, his eyes going over the skin of your cheek as you thought. He let his stare create invisible patterns, excuses just so he could look at you a little longer. “Like improving the actual web or...?”

“Not exactly,” Peter pointed to the list of properties he wrote. “I like that the web is thin, but really durable and flexible, but I feel like maybe the actual reaction is slow?”

“So, you want it to go faster?” You clarified. Peter nodded his head. You laughed a little, your eyes trailing over the jumble of notes and ideas scattered across the pages. You pursed your lips. “What about potassium iodide? Or hydrogen peroxide? Or...well there’s a lot we could choose from...”

Peter’s smile widened, and he drew the chemical formula over the arrow in the equation. “So, a catalyst? That’s a great idea!” He chuckled. “Because then, it doesn’t need as much energy to react while—”

“—still maintaining its physical properties, so your reaction will be theoretically accelerated rather than manipulated,” you finished. Peter shook his head at you in almost disbelief. He moved to tap his pencil on your forehead, and you scrunched your nose in response.

“You’re so smart, you know that? Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because you got your head so far up your eight-legged—”

“I really hope you both are talking about the combustion of hydrocarbons and oxygen gas,” a stern voice interrupted you. You jumped a little in surprise, looking up to see the instructor standing not even a few feet away from your desk. You smiled sheepishly, shaking your head as you focused back on the worksheet in front of you.

“Yep,” you replied curtly. You were given a scolding glare, and as soon as they joined another table, both you and Peter burst out into a fit of giggles and elbow nudges. “Oh, God, that was bad.” 

“You’re telling me,” Peter sighed. Both of you smiled at each other as you reached for safety goggles, opening Peter’s hidden bottom drawer. You let out an annoyed sigh as you found remnants of his past experiments littered all over the wooden compartment.

“Seriously, Peter? Behind my back?”

“You were sick last week, and I...couldn’t help myself,” he blushed darkly. You shook your head before waiving it off, watching as Peter placed an Erlenmeyer glass inside. He measured the reactants carefully while you prepared a sample of a catalyst in a test tube. 

You and Peter made eye contact before nodding. You dropped the catalyst inside, letting out a gasp as an explosion of white netting launched at your face. The experimental webbing attached to your safety goggles, and you struggled to pull away. Peter broke out into a laugh, and he couldn’t stop.

“Peter! Peter, get this off of me!” You whispered harshly. His face was going red with laughter as he watched you jerk your head back and forth. You gave up after a few moments, moving to take the goggles off instead. Your hair tangled in a few different directions, and Peter continued to wheeze with chuckles. “I seriously hate you.”

“I-I...I can’t,” he sputtered, his smile contagious as you began to bite back your own grin. Peter held onto his stomach now, doubling over in a second round of laughs. You began to laugh a little yourself, shaking your hair back into place as you dropped the goggles into the drawer. 

“I hate you,” you repeated, pouting a little as you turned back to your worksheet. Peter took a few deep breaths, wiping the joyful tears that had escaped his eyes. He shook his head, a smile still hurting his muscles as he stared at you.

“No, you don’t,” he chuckled, shutting the drawer with his foot. You rolled your eyes, moving so your shoulder faced him instead. Peter sighed, but he still couldn’t wipe that stupid smile off his face. “C’mon, (y/n)...it was funny!”

“Whatever, Peter,” you feigned the hurt in your tone, trying not to giggle yourself at the memory. Peter nuzzled his nose into your arm, leaning his head on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he whined playfully. You shook your head, and Peter leaned forward to kiss the side of your jaw. “But you love me, you know it.”

“Stop it, Peter,” you breathed harshly out through your nose, biting your lip as you focused on the worksheet and not on the rumble of butterflies trying to break free in your stomach. Peter’s kisses were not helping, and you were already turning sheepish with embarrassment at the effect he had on you.

“Don’t make me say it, (y/n).”

You looked at him through your peripheral vision, narrowing your eyes.

“Peter, don’t,” you warned. Peter grinned stupidly at you, winking.

“If you’re gonna stay mad at me, I’m gonna have to say it.”

You were struggling to fight the smile already creeping onto your lips. “Peter, do not say it.”

He licked his lips as moved closer, his breath fanning the skin of your ear. You whimpered a bit as he chuckled low, your senses on overdrive as his lips grazed the cartilage.

“Babygirl,” he teased, making you smile finally. “Please.”

You groaned in frustration, the pet name making you laugh almost immediately. He knew how much you loved it when he called you so, and he kept the tactic as a secret weapon to use sparingly. It made the name all the more special, and all the more enchanting.

You turned your head to look at him finally, and the grin he was wearing was so dumb and yet so handsome. A lopsided smile that told you he knew exactly what he was doing to you. You rolled your eyes at this, and Peter licked his lips quickly as he leaned forward.

Your breath was caught in your throat as you realized he was going to kiss you. Another tactic, another secret weapon, that both of you used rarely. It made his kisses so desirable and lovely, dream worthy and sickeningly sweet.

Your lips grazed his, and you shut your eyes so you could savor a Peter Parker kiss.

“Parker!”

taglist: @tohollandback @vibraniumass @lukescool @aussie-mantle @laughingismydrug @royal1958 @curiouspeterparker @spidey-schxyler @kingstomholland @the-crime-fighting-spider @wowspideyholland @wtfholland @fairydustparker

[mongniel]

roommates w. ong

part 1 / 2 / 3

warning: suggestive sexual content mentioned(?) no smut kids.

ong suffered from crushing on you for another six months.

you never dated within that time frame but he can’t find it in himself to tell you. he fears that it will make your friendship/living arrangement awkward.

meanwhile, you were constantly hearing from your friend that was on the couch with you when ong was grumpy. he kept telling you that ong totally had a crush on you.

you laughed at that guy’s face because you knew ong for so long and there was no fucking way he liked you. 

he was just stressed that day, you thought.

“you’re stupid. you didn’t see the way he glared at me before he stomped his way back into his room.”

“he was just being a baby. i bet he’ll be okay with you now.”

ong was okay with him when he met him again. he was normal, but your friend was still skeptical. he saw how ong looked at you when you were looking away. that boy had the hots for you.

also, ong figured that your friend was just a friend anyway, so there was no reason to be jealous.

anyway, you never believed ong liked you because he always treated other people the same way in your eyes. plus, have you seen the list of people on his contacts? or the amount of people he flirts with? you have. and so,,, out of all people, why you?

honestly, that’s probably what prevented you to even like him in the first place. he had too many people in his life and… i guess, you had internal insecurities?

your friend ain’t the only one that thinks that ong had the hots for you. seriously, most of your friends do and are always surprised you guys haven’t had sex yet.

like you guys live a room away from each other.

(but also you were pretty sure some of your friends had crushes on him too… so……… like why wouldn’t you sleep with him?)

you never wondered why he wasn’t in a relationship until your friends started pointing things out between the two of you.

“ong can have anyone he wanted but he’s not dating anyone right now…. and he’s living with you...”

“we’re just friends and roommates.”

“but you don’t have the slightest amount of feelings for him?”

“…”

you didn’t. (right?)

“well?”

“i mean, he’s good looking and funny.”

“bitch, and totally your type.”

AHAHHA, you laughed until you realized holy shit??? maybe???

you started looking at ong differently. you’d get butterflies when he smiles at you. you noticed how much you secretly like how he tackles you with tickles sometimes.

also, your heart skips a few beats knowing that he’s always considering you when you’re all alone in your room when friends are over. ong goes above and beyond trying to get you to have some fun and brighter memories.

and then holy shit, you realized you might actually like this idiot.

neither of you ever say anthing though, but everyone sees how differently you guys are around each other now. it’s more playful, longing gazes, and just small sweet moments where you guys just stare at each other.

you kept thinking that he liked you too…. like you knew it but your head couldn’t wrap around the idea.

but you know those internal insecurities that were mentioned earlier?

yeah those hit you when you remember you’re not the only one he treats like that. he teases others, throw sarcastic remarks to anyone, and has the tendency to make others feel welcome.

so, did he really feel such ways towards you? or was this just how he treats everyone?

but there was one night where the scary movie you guys watched was a little too scary for you and you really couldn’t sleep alone.

you were constantly whimpering in bed that ong got up to see if there was something wrong with you.

he barges in which causes you to scream and eventually cry because you were in that much fear.

ong’s half asleep state was fully awaken and he rushed over to you, hugging your head into his chest.

“oh my god, what’s wrong? why are you crying? i’m so sorry. did i scare you?”

you’re gripping onto his shirt and making sure he doesn’t leave because you had a wild imagination once it was just you alone in the room.

“it’s all y-y-your fault!! i told you so many times i can’t watch scary movies.”

you continue to cry into his chest and he just mumbles his apologizes.

“i’m sorry i didn’t think it was that scary. we can watch something else next time…”

when he tries to leave, you held onto the end of his shirt, asking him to stay because you swore something was going to crawl into your room once he left.

he stayed in your room and tried sleeping on the floor but you were still freaking out and asked him to sleep on the bed with you.

fuck shame. something was out to get you and you’re not dying tonight.

ong was hesitant at first but you blamed him for making you watch it and guilt tripped him into sleeping with you. (nothing dirty kids)

he was nervous. you might think he doesn’t get nervous but he was in the same bed as you while you were holding his hand (you got paranoia every time you closed your eyes so his hand was to assure you).

he looks at how your face crinkles up a bit and how your breathing patterns were more normal now that he’s with you.

and he just loved that?? like that you were leaning onto him mentally and physically??

he fell in love with you. no doubt. he wasn’t even sure if he could hold it in any longer.

ong wrapped his arms around your waist and snuggled up closer to you and he planted his lips between your brows when you fell asleep.

he’d hold you forever to make you feel safe.

it was getting harder for ong to be normal around you. he wasn’t sure if he could pretend any longer. i mean, not like he did a good job trying to hide it anyway.

the sight of you opening your eyes at first light, looking up at him. god, his heart wouldn’t stop racing.

like even days after, the mere thought of that one moment had his heart flutter.

he didn’t even have to imagine it often though. you often asked him to sleep with you because you were still scared.

i see you

you really had to swallow your pride to ask him though. like it was either avoiding feelings or fears. you choose to avoid fears.

but bitch, it got to the point where you were just pretending to be scared now because you got over it and you were still asking him to stay with you.

you were getting used to holding his hand before you sleep and having your faces really close together.

just date already

anyway, there was one night where you guys were just talking because neither of you guys could sleep because you were both so in love with each other and neither of you cared about dreamland no more

“you flirt with everyone, ong.”

“i do not.”

“right.” eye roll

“i’ve significantly stopped flirting with a lot of people!”

“so you admit it!”

“stop, i’m no longer that guy!”

“right.”

ong is seriously looking at you now because he really doesn’t want you to think of him that way anymore. flirting ong was only for you. “i’m really not. i changed.”

“…and why’s that?”

“well, there’s someone i like…….”

oh my god, you felt your heart dropping and your hand was slowly slipping away from his. you directed your eyes towards his chest now because you swear if you looked at him any longer you can feel your tears welling up.

“sorry. i shouldn’t be asking you to sleep in my room if you like someone.”

“wait, no, it’s alright.” ong was like kind of panicking because he really didn’t want this to stop.

you were dejecting him though. “seriously, if you like someone and they might like you back, i don’t think they would like to find out that you slept in the same room as your roommate.”

“you’re scared though...”

“i’ll be fine.” you were getting up and not looking at him because you felt like you were just gonna hurt yourself by just looking at him

omg you bitch dont give him the cold shoulder

ong was getting so frustrated but like bitch me too. he sat up and made you look him by gently turning your face with his fingers. he was seriously done hiding what he felt about you.

“no, it’s you. i like you. it’s always been you. it’s been killing me for the last half year now. i practically in love with you.”

FINALLY

lmao even hearing it though, you found it hard to believe. you were in such disbelief like he actually liked you. out of all the people, it was you.

so because of all the times he was a little shit to you, you decided to be one back to him.

“so what exactly do you like about me?”

ong is grinning because he’s taking that you liked him back.

i mean, you weren’t rejecting him

[tumblunni]

Ah, here’s the pillowsnake! It’s called Rashab, I totally forgot!

beware, like 40 paragraphs of long rambling about the game below:

I never realized how the naming schemes actually work. All the different variants of a particular genus share a name ending- Nushab is the weird 8 shaped long neck snake, Rashab is the super rectangular chubby one, and Mukshab is the sticklike one that just looks like a real snake but with the trademark weird head that this monster has. And then the sub-breeds of each sub-breed have a totally different naming scheme! Only the main Rashab is Rashab, the other three elementals are all something-moaj instead. And Nushabs are something-oots, and Mukshabs are something-mines. Its an interesting way to do it, though it’s pretty hard to actually figure any of it out ingame when all the pure sub-breed forms only appear as enemies and you’re gonna be fusing your own variations for your party. I think pretty much anything fuses well with the snakes, they look awesome with any texture! And when they fuse with bugs they can actually gain lil wings and look like Dunsparce!

OH OH OH and ALSO I love how monsters in this game actually grow up! Like, they dont evolve, they just grow up like actual animals! They have very very subtle model changes in size for the first 20 or 30 levels, to symbolise reaching maturity. Its hard to even notice it happening unless you compare save files! And often you’ll be fusing monsters rather than keeping them in your party for a long time anyway. So I’m glad that the Shabs have some of the more noticeable changes! Their baby selves start off looking a lot more similar, and they only gain their giant variation in body shapes when they’ve matured. (Though you can still tell what one its gonna become)

OH AND ALSO ALSO The shabs look even cuter in the concept art, yo!!! Ingame it maybe loses a bit of the appeal cos of the low resolution and how everything is textures rather than model detail. (A necessity considering how the fusion system works, yknow?) On the concept art their faces look less like an eyeless snake with dot patterns, and more like a snake with eight buglike eyes. ITS REALLY CUTE!! Thats why I said they look like leeches! Cos they have the super light coloured undersides and the three-pronged jaw and the bug eyes! They’re scaly big leeches! they’re leechly small snakes! THEYRE THE BEST OF MY TWO FAVOURITE LONG ANIMALS!!!!

OH AND its good worldbuilding but I’M SAD The shabs The shabs get the honor of being in the worldbuilding in A SAD WAY The basic MP restoration item is called a Shab Liquer :( Yeah, its nice to know that they thought about how these magical monsters might be a part of everyday life even outside of a battle setting. But its sad to think about how they’re killed and used in medicine! And you have to use hundreds of this medicine, there’s no way to survive without MP restores! I DONT WANNA MAKE MY SNAKE FRIEND A CANNIBAL Tho I do appreciate how the name Shab Liquer just implies a lot of worldbuilding on its own. Like, you don’t just know that they make a medicine from the snakes, its implied its quite literally a snake oil. Like, does that mean snake oil is an idiom for a totally reliable and true thing in this universe? And Liquer is just a rather archaic and fancy way to phrase it, it fits very well with the setting! But seriously WHY DO I HAVE TO FEED MY SNAKE BABY DEAD SNAKE BABIES TO KEEP THEM ALIVE

OH OH OH AND that reminds me of another Fucked Up aspect of the worldbuilding! Your most reliable way of gaining money in this game is selling the monsters you catch. Which is dumb and impractical anyway cos I mean YOU WANNA FUSE THEM ALL!! And you get more money from selling your ones that you actually already fused and levelled up, like NO WAY am I doing that! I love them!! Even if I’m not using them, I’m just gonna keep them at home with Mahbu! NO MAKE ME SELL MY SNEKS But the REALLY FUCKED UP PART is that its explicitely said that by selling them you are killing the monsters.

...Okay so.. this kinda needs some explanation of more of the worldbuilding first...

The way you catch monsters in this game is by using magical cocoons, hence the name of the story. Monsters are meant to be like spiritual creatures, they’re called Minions cos they’re literally the minions of this setting’s deity, Elrihm. The religion of this culture states that humanity (or ‘The Beasts Of Knowledge’) committed a great sin in the past. We were god’s attempt to grant free will and intelligence to animals, but we used it to do evil and he decided the whole species was beyond saving because of the actions of a few. So he created these monsters/demons/avenging angels in snake form, and their mission in life is to destroy all of humanity so that the world can be reset. Which is why minions attack humans on sight, yet coexist perfectly peacefully with animals and plants in the forest. So like... humanity obviously Did Not Want to all die for the sins of one or two dumb kings, yknow? We stubbornly persist! We hold out our vanguard and keep our little towns amidst the Doom Forests, living life as normal with just the Doom Forests being a thing in the background, yeah. Defending against occasional attacks of minions banding together into swarms and chewing on the walls a little, but yeah, no biggie. And sometimes one of them manages to get in and eat some of our garbage or something. People live normally in these fortified wall villages, and the religion still worships Elrihm, and revolves around begging his forgiveness and trying to prove that humanity deserves to live. And never advancing too far with industrialism. lest we be punished again! And I mean, maybe that actually IS how everything happened, or maybe its just a story and Minions have always existed as a natural part of the ecosystem and they’re not evil things destined to destroy us or whatever. Its ambiguous! Even when you get to see Elrihm’s avatar at the end of the game, it’s just a big magical tree that the monsters come from, you never get any idea if it’s sentient and you’re not able to ask it if our legends have the right idea about it’s role as god. (Or if its gender is actually male, or if it even has one XD)

Anyway, that’s the legend of where the monsters come from, and it kinda explains why people might be a bit callous towards them, if they can be tamed as cute friends but also the wild ones are such a big threat to civilization. And if mythology says their threat to civilization is the natural order of existance, that they exist to kill us under orders of a god who abandoned us centuries ago... But yeah! Anyway! There’s a bloodline of magical people called the Nagi who have the power to purify the anger out of minions and make them friends. And the game has a cool way of keeping the usual mons show aspect of ‘catch a monster inside a certain item that has a limited amount of uses’, while making it fit with this ancient times mythological setting! Instead of the pokeball equivelant being some sort of manmade machine, it’s... cocoons! Since Minions are spiritual creatures, they can be like.. de-manifested and have their souls stored, to be re-summoned later. And for whatever reason, the way the magic works is that their souls have to be contained in cocoons. It’s... actually never fully explained? Where do the cocoons come from? Is it like you take any cocoon from a regular bug, and you seal the monster soul inside? But how would you even get an EMPTY cocoon? Is there a special bug in this universe that makes cocoons not for metamorphosis? or do you like.. fuse the soul with the bug inside the cocoon, and thats why all the monsters in this game are inspired by bugs? But they have the same bug-inspired designs even when you find them in the wild before catching them. So is it like the Nagi magic can create magical cocoons and you use those? or is it like you dont actually carry the empty cocoons, you carry something or other that turns into cocoons when a monster is sealed inside it? the catching animation is very vague, the protagonist is only holding his magic flute and a nebulous white glow in his hand. Then the cocoon forms around the monster and its sucked into his hand... ANYWAY I’M GOING OFFTOPIC SORRY! The point is that Nagi people can purify minions into friends, fuse minions into new powerful forms and (probably?) create the magic cocoons that can catch them in the first place. But it doesn’t mean that Nagi people are actually equipped to fight and catch the monsters themselves! the usual setup is a married couple where the Nagi can stay at home and focus entirely on their magic, and the regular human partner learns warrior arts and catches the monsters for them. Also catching monsters requires magic music, so you need to be a damn good bard too! I liked that they even showed that different Cocoon Masters (official name for peeps like the protag) can use whatever instruments fit best with their soul. The protagonist has an ocarina and [important endgame character] has a fancy lute guitar thing? I wish the game had told me what those are called... I think a name for an ancient japanese string instrument is a shamisen but i have NO IDEA if the one shown ingame is actually that or there are more different ones..? I mean its only shown in cutscnes so there’s no good ref image for it- I’M GOING OFFTOPIC AGAIN Anywaaaaaayyyy, its also in the worldbuilding that (for some reason) Nagi men are unable to use magic, and thats why the mages are always the wives and the warriors are always the husbands. Its interesting how this mythology is kinda presented as an opposite of adam and eve, too! Men who try and use magic are sinful and will be punished for stepping out of their assigned roles by becoming demons. Its the sad story of the protagonist’s parents, alas! His mother was the previous Nagi priestess of the village, but her husband committed the ultimate sin and then all we know is that his corrupted self fled into the forest and was never seen again. And everyone marks you as a failure for what your father did, so becoming the new cocoon master is quite hard at first. And its SUPER DUPER SAD cos your dad did it because performing minion purification is painful for the Nagi, and he couldn’t bear to see his wife hurting herself for his sake. So even though he knew the risks, one day he just tried to purify his minions himself so she could get some rest. And.. like.. ultitmately it did work. Cos she could never bear to remarry, and thus the village didnt have another cocoon master until their son grew old enough to marry. At least he succeeded in letting his wife never have to do magic again, even if it was because she stopped doing it out of grief for him.. :(

ANYWAY Now i’ve explained that worldbuilding and why it is cool and awesome and sad, I can explain the worldbuilding of a random gameplay element and why it is also cool and sad! So yeah, like I said before LONG TANGEANTS... The only really reliable way to make money in the game is to sell your monsters. And it makes me feel SO BAD! Cos the game very much outright tells you that selling them is killing them. And I guess it makes sense cos I mean, only Nagi wife-husband pairs can actually summon the monsters, there’d be no point trying to sell living ones to anyone else. So, since minions are sealed inside cocoons, in order to sell them you spin their cocoons into silk thread. This village’s primary export is weaving, so you can sell these silk spools to the big ol building of spinning wheel people and make money to keep going on your journey. Apparantly silk infused with monster souls is higher quality and can grant various effects and stuff, hence its value. Its a shame they didnt make a crafting system with this! Instead its just a standard ‘more powerful weapons and armours appear at the shop as the plot advances, for no real reason’. I mean, wouldnt it have been cool if you could add your monsters’s particular resistances to your main character’s armour? i would feel less sad about betraying them so utterly if they could protect me from beyond the grave. BECAUSE SERIOUSLY THIS IS SO FUCKED UP Seriously! These monsters faithfully served you! You purified them of their anger against humans, and instead of taking that opportunity to love them and show them the good sides of humanity, you just kill them! You kill them after they gained free will! You specifically HAVE to give them free will in order to kill them! Poor babies... I mean seriously I know that animals have to die to provide humans with food and materials and stuff, this is just how society works. But there’s something so much more viscerally terrifying about imagining taking an animal and literally weaving its SOUL into thread, then wearing it! There’s so many metaphysical questions that need to be answered before you can even figure out how much pain they would experience! And like.. god.. even the way they do the gameplay is so.. even more sad. Like, you can’t just hand the monster to someone else and its implied that they kill them. You have to hit an actual button to turn it into a sellable item. You have to cull it yourself. The death blow is on your hands, even if someone else weaves its dead soul into a nice scarf... So yeah, I pretty much always deliberately play ‘hard mode’ on this game, and refuse to make any damn money. Well, I mean, you can still find items in forests and sell them, but its infinately harder that way. You really are supposed to be selling your monsters to progress. I SAY NO! Big ol giant interface option sitting there on the menu unused forever. I love my sneks. You will not take them!!!

Oh but MAN I do really like the moral ambiguity of this worldbuilding, aaaaa!! The whole setting is so.. like.. realistic. There’s the dark realities of life in an ancient times setting. They take care to establish how the society functions and what their main trading export is, and what role monsters play in a non-battley setting! And seriously even the lil Shab Liquer thing! The casual implication that other villages might have different industries with their captured monsters, and someone somewhere out there found a way to make this medicine out of snakes. it manages to imply a wider world even as you’re confined to this one single village and the long forest that divides it away from every other human settlement. Plus.. like.. I really like the ambiguity it gives to HUMANITY. That seems like the MOST realistic of anything! Seriously, the game starts off establishing that in mythology humans are said to be evil, that the creation myth says we’re living in a post-fall society as the corrupted form of what true humanity should actually be, that god has abandoned us and we follow religion because we have to prove ourselves good enough to regain our former status. Like.. seriously, its refreshing compared to how boring and samey a lot of fictional religions are! They’re often just copies of existing religions, or of the general most popular religion template of There Was One Or Two Creator Gods And They Made Humans And Humans Are Destined Important And Animals Were Made To Serve Us. Instead in this game humanity’s mistreatment of animals and the environment is our absolute sin, and the definition of holiness is to be more similar to animals. And big scary demon monsters are GOD’S HOLY CREATIONS, SENT TO PUNISH US! No stereotypes here! No corner-cutting bullshit stolen from real life religions! And then like.. its nice how ambiguous it makes humanity nowadays, even beyond the ambiguity of the mythology and history. Humanity is trying to redeem itself, humanity is following this religion worshipping the god that cast them down for being corrupted. But still, it shows that some people believe in this doctrine, and some people believe that the things that are ‘corrupt’ about us are actually good. Cos it shows how some people believe that like.. ALL progress is sinful, any sort of machine is sinful, any attempt to improve society or change on what’s traditional. And it shows how some people who believe this are the bad guys, and some people believe this in a way that actually makes sense. And similarly, some people who follow the traditional ways are good- like Mahbu and her grandma. But then there’s the village chief who just follows religion blindly and doesnt seem to actually understand what’s morally correct at all, he’s just like ‘if I do what I’m told, I’ll be freed!’ instead of getting the goddamn lesson. And he tries to pretend to be a reasonable authority figure at first but then he gets more and more corrupt as the game goes on. He’s the representation of how forcing our two heroes into an arranged marriage is a morally ambiguous thing, even though they actually were in love and would have got hitched anyway. They’re still way too young to get this destiny of being the only ones who can save the village, AND keep the economy alive by spinning poor lil monsters into silk! And then he keeps giving you more and more orders, and they go from the actual duties of a cocoon master into just fullfilling the chief’s own greed and paranoia. And its interesting that him and the vizier lady who represents ‘lets abandon the rules and do everything for the benefit of humanity’ actually end up teaming up in the end and becoming even more goddamn corrupt together. Excessive progress and excessive stagnancy are both evil, and honestly they both have very similar selfish motives! Tho I do think the only problem is that they put a bit too much emphasis on this whole ‘these two looked like reasonable authority figures but were really evil’ thing, and don’t have enough good people in the town representing the other side. So its harder to care about saving this place when its literally just your wife and your mom who represent the goodness of the human race. And like.. technically I dont want the asshole lil kid to die, cos even though he’s a jerk he’s too young to be 100% responsible for his own actions. Even if I dont like him as a person, I’d still rather wanna take him away from this trash town and hope he can get raised by better people...

But seriously goddamn THOSE FUCKIN ASSHOLE CHIEFTAIN AND VIZIER PEOPLE!! Even after me and mahbu just saved the city from a deadly disease, after like 12 hours of gameplay and three forests worth of fighting for my life against monsters, where I’m expected to have sacrificed like 30 monsters to feed their stupid fuckin silk industry, even after ALL THAT they show no gratitude! The opposite of gratitude! The chief is still paranoid of the Nagi people for being foreigners, even though they dedicate their whole damn life to leaving their families and going on journeys to settle down in different cities and give their power to protect un-magic humans. And they’ve been doing this for all of history despite persecution, and like.. they lost their home and now the only ones who exist are the nomads and various half-nagi children who’ve never seen anyone of their own race before and are losing all the culture. Mahbu is an orphan who was just found by her ‘grandma’ and raised here, the only other Nagi in the village are the protagonist’s mum and technically the protagonist is half Nagi. (Tho like I said, the worldbuilding is that men cant use the magic, so protagonist is classified as a regular human and would just pass it on if he had a daughter.) So seriously Mahbu is a GODDAMN ORPHAN who was raised here all alone and hated by the village even as a kid! And the protagonist was her only childhood friend cos he could understand the feeling of being hated for having this blood, so no wonder they ended up falling in love. And then their love is at risk cos they were forced into this political marriage when they’re really young, and now have to risk dying everyday to protect this town that still hates them. And they work so hard to prove they don’t deserve to be hated, they don’t even think ‘the town is assholes’, they think ‘this is my home and i love it and it must be my fault everyone hates me so i have to work harder’. And the game doesn’t give you any option to do otherwise!

And it progresses even worse than just not getting gratitude! After you save the village from the disease, the evil chief and vizier wreck the day that you just saved, by pulling their goddamn bullshit evil plan! The chief decides to cut down the god-tree because of his paranoia, the vizier decides to cut down the god-tree because of her greed. And like... GAHHHH but its SO GOOD cos its all moral ambiguity still! The evil duo are definately evil, but they get to be evil for different reasons. They represent the two darkest sides of humanity, and no matter how much you represent the light of the world you cannot change them just by passively obeying them and hoping they’ll react like goddamn rational people! But you can understand why the masses might be tricked into following them, yknow? Humanity has been living in this tough life for as long as human memory, and mythology says that we’re being punished for the sins of our ancestors and we’re just BORN EVIL even though we weren’t the ones who did that shit. So you have good reasons to be angry against god, even if the evil duo DONT have good reasons, and they’re not doing something that will actually help.

Anyway so yeah thusly they trick mahbu and the protagonist into helping them trap the god-tree so they can cut it down. Again its a lil annoying that the game doesn’t give you a choice, though! And they dont even bother writing it a bit more ambiguous so the player could be fooled too, its pretty damn obvious you’re being tricked yet the only way to progress the game is to keep going. So you accidentally end up casting the evil magic on the god-tree and its like HOLY SHIT NO! And as you run back to the town you cant get back in time to stop anything, and you just get to see cutscenes of what’s happening while you’re gone. The evil duo cross the line EVEN FURTHER by MURDERING MAHBU’S GRANDMA! Mahbu’s grandma is the BEST CHARACTER, you fucking fuckface! She was such a nice helpful mentor and one of the only people who genuinely treated you two like human beings even though she wasn’t related to you. And she tries to stop the evil duo from doing their evil plan, she tries to reason with them, and she even gets desperate enough to try and reason with them within their own logic. Even if they’re sacriligious and selfish enough to not care that they’re trying to kill god for personal gain, they should at least understand that their plan WON’T FUCKIN WORK, and they’re just gonna bring god’s wrath and ruin humanity’s only chance at redemption! You’re gonna lose all your goddamn money and power if you get bitchslapped by the heavens, dumbass! AND you;ll kill the rest of us too, who never did anything to deserve it! And they ignore all her attempts to be reasonable, and ritually sacrifice her to try and save their own asses once their stupid attempt to kill god backfires. FUCK YOU TWO, SERIOUSLY!

And then something I really like is the revelation of grandma’s backstory! Cos seriously, who exactly was this mysterious woman who found this orphan and rescued her from the forest? She wasn’t a citizen of this town, she just stayed here to raise Mahbu once the town residents acted like assholes and tried to kick the poor kid back out. It turns out that grandma is actually the mortal incarnation of one of the minor deities! She’s basically this world’s psychopomp. The evil duo were actually RIGHT when they said she was a demon in disguise, but NOT when they thought that she was the evil one and they were good. The psychopomp figure of this mythology is hated, but it seems to be that she gained that reputation because she disobeys Elrihm and tries to help humans. She saved this Nagi girl from dying like the rest of her people, and even bound herself in human form in order to try and redeem this town of jackasses. And even though she was part of their village for so long and did nothing but try and protect them, they still ultimately betrayed her... And it was a very vague plot element that was only casually mentioned here cos its Endgame Time and we have to move very fast now. But it was implied that the chief and vizier are the reincarnations of the original evil king and evil sorcerer who did the same sinful nonsense all those centuries ago to get humanity kicked out of god’s domain in the first place. I dunno if its just meant to be that they’re naturally stuck in a cycle of reincarnation as punishment for their sins? But I always liked to interpret it that psychopomp grandma chose to never take their souls, because no matter what they do to her she still believes that one day they might be able to be redeemed in their next life. I feel like maybe she’s gambling with god, she’s keeping humanity alive by holding this one last wager to prove that they’re worth saving...

And then spoily endgame stuff happens and ultimately the protagonist fullfills some ancient prophecy and calms god and etc and MAKES UP FOR THE BULLSHIT ADULTS RUINING ALL THE SHIT, SERIOUSLY And seriously i haaaate how abrupt and rushed the ending is, and how that in this abrupt rushed ending they had time to show that the trash town comes back to life but not show that Mahbu does! You’re told beforehand that she will, but like.. with how many times you get lied to in this game, it would have been nice to get some damn confirmation in the end. Plus seriously, I cant even be happy seeing the town come back! Thats not a very climactic ending! Seeing protagonist smooch his poor long-suffering girlfriend would be way better! Seriously SERIOUSLY everyone else fuckin died cos of their own fuckin fault cos they MURDERED A GRANDMA my nice sweet ETERNAL GRANDMA, the ANCIENT DEITY OF ALL GRANDMAS, the fuckin DEATH GOD SATAN FIGURE WHO SACRIFICED HERSELF TO BECOME A GRANDMA AND PROTECT US AND THEN THEY KILLED HER, AAAAA they fuckin deserved to all die and be frozen in stone unable to even find peace But Mahbu’s life was instead in danger because she used too much magic purifying monsters IN ORDER TO SAVE THE DAMN TRASH TOWN And after all that they had the goddamn gall to be ungrateful and just cause a second disaster and ask us to fix it again! THAT is why mahbu was gonna die! Because she was a good person who listened to your bullshit and tried to save you, and loved me, and just SERIOUSLY SO MANY EMOTIONS you repayed her by KILLING HER GRANDMA

And i mean seriously her form of death was quite literally death from being TOO HOLY AND MORAL. She wasn’t strictly ‘dying’, it was more like a death of personality, I guess? Becoming something holy and leaving this world, when she didnt want to leave you. Everyone called the painful Nagi markings ‘cursed’ and shamed her for it and made her cover them up so their poor goddamn eyes wouldnt be offended by having to look at them. And poor mahbu was worried her goddamn love of her life would be disgusted with her if he saw! So it was like.. simultaneously cathartic and sad to learn that tradition was wrong in this respect. That it was still a BAD THING, but it was holy markings instead of a curse. Nagi priests who succum to the ‘curse’ are just shedding their humanity as a reward for their service, because from Elrihm’s perspective this is a good thing. So Mahbu becomes a tiny fairy angel type Minion, and then its just sad and intense because soon she’ll lose the ability to speak and forget about you and grandma :( So you have to seal her inside a cocoon in order to halt the spread of the holy markings, and can only let her out to talk to her for very short amounts of time in case it starts up again. And then you have to face the gauntlet of the penultimate dungeon alone without the ability to fuse monsters, until you get through it and find the original Nagi hometown whose demise was greatly exaggerated. And then nobody there has any time for character development cos its endgame time, but seriously it was thematically really damn cathartic to walk through that door and see the place! And meet this actual good guy chieftain who actually finally answers some goddamn questions and helps you! Even if its super sad to have to do fusion with these new stranger shopkeeper twins, instead of the wife you’ve grown to love. And also SERIOUSLY just imagine how fuckin atmospheric that whole penultimate dungeon would have been if the player character got to have a voice! It was all atmospheric to me cos I got really into it and imagined it, but I wish it coulda been canon, yknow? I’m just imagining the poor protagonist dude fighting through this horrifying gauntlet all alone with his final team of monsters, struggling to keep up without any of the magical reinforcement they usually get, unable to restock the last few items he has left in his bag. Fuckin DESPERATE HORROR, fuckin having to sleep overnight in the forest for the first time, fuckin terrified. Fuckin.. clinging to the soul of his wife sealed in a cocoon, keeping it safe against all costs, fuckin wakes up in the middle of the night and just how terrified he’d be that he can’t find her, until he remembers what happens T_T And then like.. imagine him summoning her and only getting a few minutes to hold her tiny fragile fairy self in the palm of his hands, and strain to hear her quiet voice as it gets fainter and fainter, and she struggles to remember herself. Thats somehow EVEN SADDER than if you could actually use monster-Mahbu in your party to fight alongside you! (tho that would have been AWESOME) I felt so bad that after all the horror these two had to go through, we never get to see the happy ending they earned, and instead the game wastes time showing the trash town coming back and just... GAHHH

oh and also that is THE ONLY THING about the sequel that i agree is bad! I liked the sequel a lot! And.. I mean.. in theory its a very interesting concept to have the protagonist of the last game be this sadman morally ambiguous broken mentor man. But seriously fuckin hell give the man a break! They literally say that he got blessed/cursed with immortality cos he fullfilled the prophecy in the first game, so Mahbu died long ago and he desperately wants to die too. Thats such a fuckin sick thing to do to your protagonist! And I mean, he doesnt even look like the same person anymore, and so much about the gameplay and the setting and etc are wildly different so it doesnt seem like the same world in th future, why even bother trying to claim its the same world in the future... I mean even.. monsters come from eggs instead of cocoons now, and you cant catch them or merge them, only buy them in stores! Shoulda just made it a separate game and let it stand on its own merits, it would have actually succeeded. I love all the characters in JC2, there’s no problem of ‘man i dont wanna save these guys’, the only character I dont like is fuckin... SADMAN FORMER PROTAGONIST WHO WANTS TO DIE At least in the ending after spoily stuff he gets to pass away. But lets just say the spoily stuff spits on the poor man’s legacy even more, sheesh...

ANYWAY I FEEL A LOT OF EMOTIONS FOR PROTAGONIST AND MAHBU And this game has great worldbuilding and i love it even if the ending is rushed and you’re forced to fall for stupid villain assholes’s stupid tricks ok end of bunni’s rambling

[hsunshineafterdark-blog]

West of Nowhere

Friday

I can't sleep. It seems to be a trend these days; I wish it was as chic as my mind is making it out to be. This isn't some fight club insomnia story. I'm not going crazy, at least I think I'm not. As far as I've noticed I'm stepping out of crazy and back into normal life. But the lack of sleep at night has become my only bridge to crazy and back into normal life. I've grown too used to being abnormal. I have suffered the difficulties of being different and I've grown used to the pain of standing out like a yellow buck tooth. Staying up late and forgetting how to sleep is all I have left of my mental missteps.

It started when I became ill briefly. It only lasted about a week but my schedule never quite got back on track. Then the depression came. Oh! The solitude of the lonely nights, I could hardly stand it. I logged myself into silly dating apps and found myself looking for the perfect stranger. It felt like begging to be noticed in some way; no, it feels like begging to be noticed in every way.

"Please, sir, will you tell me I'm beautiful and witty and amazing?" My pictures and bio beg like an orphan begs to have parents.

Maybe the perfect strange will be my knight in shining armor. Maybe they will send me dick pictures and ask me to send my private body back to them.

"Let me see your titties." They demand like there aren't millions of beautiful breasts online for them to ogle. I suppose it means more to them that they've had text exchanges via tinder with the breasts in question...

I know the perfect stranger doesn't exist for me right now and the knight in shining armor is a figure of speech; mostly because knights don't wear armor any more. See, being west of nowhere I've learned that I am that knight, if you will. I am simply unwilling to acknowledge that I am the only person who can rescue me from this pain. It's difficult to be the knight and the damsel, I tell ya.

I'm trying, I really am.

He's dead, ok? He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. He's as dead as someone can be, unless your name is Jesus or Lazarus. He will not be back. I'm safe from him here... West of Nowhere. Don't worry I didn't kill him, I told you this isn't like every other suburban insomniac story.

West of nowhere is the name of my mind palace. Sherlock Holmes had one and I decided I might as well have one too. I guess Happy Gilmore kind of had one but that was more of a "happy place", I don't have a happy place. I guess this isn't so much a palace as it is a prison. In my mind prison, West of Nowhere, he is dead; it's the only way to cope- well, that and my little white antidepressants. Oh, and the insomnia.

Why is he dead in West of Nowhere? Because he ought not to have ever lived... at least not to my knowledge. It was the only way to escape the pain and havoc he created in my life. He was dead in West of Nowhere before he was even out of my real life. My mind palace always knew he was not the rightful heir to the kingdom. He was an imposter and he needed to be banished with no hope of returning; punishment by death was the only way.

Again, I didn't even kill him there. He was one day and the next he simply wasn't. There was no graphic imagining of him being tortured in an ironmaiden or hanging in front of the village. There was no head on a steak. It was just common knowledge that he was no longer alive; the knowledge of the palace; the resident, only one; me. Except for the knight I keep seeing out of the corner of my eye.

I see the knight dressed in armor, head to toe, walking through the palace exactly parallel to me. If I turn my head he vanishes. I walk the long halls and he is there. Sometimes I see him in the reflection of glass and mirrors, only out of the corner of my eye. He is in my peripheral, with me every moment, though I dare never speak. I want to keep his company here.

Wow, how overwhelmingly immersed in patriarchal society am I that even in my mind palace I fear speaking to a man I made up? What? My imaginary friend in my imaginary palace is going to leave me if I say the wrong thing? Shaking my damn head, I'm gonna talk to him.

"Hey," I say to the long corridor in front of me. I hear my footsteps echo back toward me and my words linger like snow in a shaded place. Maybe he needs an invitation. "Do you want to talk to me or are we not that serious yet?"

The knight chuckles. (Because I never bomb in my palace) I turn to face him and he stays. I can see him, literally, in shining glory. My eyes widen as I view him. I can feel the tension leading up to him speaking and my heart begins to race.

Ding.

I open my eyes, to a dark room. Was I dreaming? No, I was in my mind palace. I look around a bit confused and reach for my phone. I unlock it with my fingerprint and roll over to read the message. The ding was the infamous "u up?" text from a new lover of mine. Ah, Jimmy, he is rather uninteresting aside from his apparent lack of confidence, which I find endearing. His face is as neutral as they come, not quite handsome but not awkward enough to be ugly. He is white and has dark blonde or is it light brown hair? I've never seen him in the light of day, so I am not sure. He has a basic haircut. He is a tall man, which might be the only interesting thing in his appearance, that and his nose is Roman shaped but rather short and his upper lip is quite long in comparison to beauty standards today. Someone might find him to be beautiful, but that someone is definitely not me.

I tell Jimmy- that's what his friends call him, he asked me to call him by his given name and I do- to come over and kiss me good night. He asks when and where. We go over the details redundantly. I have a feeling he deleted my messages because he has a full-time lover or significant other but I don't care. It wouldn't be my mess to clean. Jimmy might just be a normal single guy who doesn't want to scroll up and read an address on their phone. I can't tell you how many times I had to give... well, never mind, I don't want to think of him right now.

Jimmy calls me when he arrives. I walk out the front door, he already knows he will not be invited in this evening. He doesn't know that I have another man sleeping in my bed. I don't care much for that man and can guarantee I will not respond to any messages, if he ever sends one again. I'm hoping he will leave as soon as he wakes up, not like the last time where he woke me up and had me make him breakfast. The lazy bastard. I hate being woken up when I am finally sleeping. I mean, in today's hookup culture who sticks around in the morning? Everyone knows, you just leave.

I am happy to see Jimmy. He is becoming a familiar face and I now link that face with pleasure in my mind. I can feel my pussy warm as he steps out of his Audi. I lean in to hug him as I say hello and he raises his arms high in the air. I am clutching the back of his ribs as he stretches and yawns, I become increasingly uncomfortable as he doesn't greet me. I drop my arms, look at my feet, and giggle with discomfort. I feel my cheeks flush; am I seriously blushing from embarrassment in front of Jimmy? I am. Damnit.

"Well, um, hey." I say to gain some kind of a grip on myself.

"Hi." He leans in to hug me, I am tempted to not hug him back but I do, and I kiss him. His mount tastes like mouthwash and his cheeks smell like aftershave, I don't know which kind but it is intoxicating. "Sorry, I've been cramped in here all night. I needed the stretch."

The way Jimmy talks, it seems like his body isn't quite sure if what he's doing is ok. Like, an alien trying to fit in in a human suit because being human in the mirror works but being human in public is harder. I assume he had a rough home life and wasn't exactly adored by his parents. I could be wrong but he definitely wasn't a cool kid or a high achieving nerd. I've never met a man who was as old as Jimmy that still didn't know how to comfortably move in their body. Maybe, I haven't met enough men. I wish I could just look at Jimmy and not try to read into everything but that's just how I am. What I like about Jimmy is I know he wants me for sexual connection, for physical closeness and nothing else.

I sit in his car and we begin kissing. Who hurt you? Kissing him is an absolute delight. He is soft and brushed his tongue across my lips when we start. His hands caressing my head and shoulders inviting my body closer to his. He wisps his lips and breath up and down the left side of my neck when the kissing becomes slightly monotonous. While he does that he holds my right shoulder down and away from his head, simultaneously pulling my hair with enough pressure to immobilize me. I sigh into this pleasure, I trust him. When he is done kissing my neck he moves back to my mouth, this time with more aggression. I find it sexy as we repeat this pattern a few times; my pussy is also flattered.

Jimmy and I hardly talk. We just kiss; slowly, then passionately, then lightly, then roughly. We kiss. He touches me everywhere. I want him to touch me everywhere, I want to beg him. I want to lay in the snow bank next to his car and beg him to take me under the street light. I don't, I just let him touch me. I unbutton the front of my jean shirt as his head dives for my right areola. He kisses, nibbles, licks and sucks on my nipples. I am beyond aroused. I can feel my clitoris pulsing as he continues pleasuring me, it is like my breasts and clitoris have a direct link to each other. Am I going to come? The thought stops the feeling and my energy seems to stop Jimmy as he works his way back up my chest and neck and kisses me on my lips.

Jimmy has to go back to work. I dont want him to leave. I want him to stay with me. I want him to be all mine. I want to keep him as a little pet. I kiss him again as a plead. No, I kiss him out of defiance, I need to regain control of this situation. I place my hands on his cock. It is rock hard beneath his pants, I tell him he needs to start acting in his big dick energy because he owes it to his big cock. I meant it, he's HUGE! This gives more aggressive passionate kissing. If we weren't in this car, I would have wrapped my legs around him like an anaconda (or is that a python, both maybe?) but I can't. The only way to gain control is to stop kissing him.

I stop. He moves down my body and kisses and caresses my other breast. This side feels even better. I hear a song come on, my God it sounds amazing.

"My dopamine levels must be high in my brain right now." He doesn't stop he is continuing his pursuit of my pleasure. "All of these songs sound so amazing. I've never even heard this one but it's a good song. Black Kennedy."

He kisses me again. I hear my phone go off, I am afraid it's what-his-name asking me where I am. I make an excuse that it might be family and I have to check my phone. It wasn't what-his-name, it was a different man from tinder. I ignore it. We kiss with heat and fire. He has my pussy in his hands and it feels like I might melt into a spinning ball of rapture. I stop him. I remind him he has work tonight.

"I don't want to go to work, I just want to fuck you now." He says this in a whinny almost childish way I was not expecting. I mock his words and actions by overly dramatizing it by sounding exactly like a 4 year old and I stomp my feet on his car. Then I laugh so he knows I am only being playful.

"Here, let's have a cigarette. It's cold outside that should help you. Do you want one? I bought a pack today and I need to get rid of these." I hand him my pack of stupid smelly cigarettes. He accepts and we step out of his car. I walk around to the driver's side and see he is fiddling with his pants, his cock is probably in an uncomfortable position. Ah, and that position is erect. I stand close to him and gesture like I am gaurding anyone from seeing it, although I am the only one around. I can't resist the temptation to rub against him. My God, he is hard. I kiss him after I take a drag of a cigarette. It reminds me too much of... never mind. I take a step back.

I gaze at him. I must be high on endorphins because Jimmy is looking so handsome right now. My eyes must be a little too dilated to see all of the imperfections. I lay my right hand on his chest, he flinches. I am surprised by this, our hands have been everywhere on each other tonight. I crinkle my nose and furrow my brow.

"I don't know why I did that." He says as confused as I am.

"Don't worry," I chuckle, "Your heart is safe from me." I touch his shoulder and lean into his cock again like before. I kiss him without emotion hoping to convince him that he doesn't have to love me. I am the ice queen.

I kiss him on the cheek and tell him to text me tomorrow. I walk away from his car and hear my footsteps on the asphalt. A tree shades the streetlight and I enter the shadows, I feel a sensation come over me to turn around. No, I won't turn around. Turning back to see if they are still there is how you catch feelings and I don't ever want to catch feelings for the wrong guy again.

I go inside, lock the door behind me, the dogs bark and I quiet them. I lay on the couch and I masturbate until I climax. The next thing I know, I'm asleep.

[billennial]

shitty self experiment

i did the color oracle test right before and right after writing the Final Essay i had been procrastinating. (the last of the semester! my last task before holidays!)

Procrastinating Essay: Pleasing Colors

Red - vigorous effort is important to me now (i rise to challenges)

Orange -  i’m working hard for purposeful improvement in the situation  (i wish to do more enjoyable things)

Black - i’m determinedly striving for unwavering stability (determination not to be dissuaded, resulting from shaken faith)

Pale Pink -  i can get help from optimistic self-encouragement to avoid panic (creating goals and ideals to stand up against hardships)

Deep Purple -  in order to move forward positively, i need joyful fulfillment of my desires (compelled into action by yearning for peace)

Dark Teal - i believe that the magic formula for happiness is alert self-protection (scrutinizing and fending off anything that might hinder personal development)

Procrastinating Essay: Unpleasant Colors

Olive Green - i feel most anxious due to my inhibiting limitations (i feel deprived of agency and pleasant things)

Yellow - i would like to be free of my fear of rejection (i feel disconnected from others, but my distinctness allows me to stand out from the crowd)

Gold - i feel uneasy due to my exhaustingly stressful situation (i am currently forced to deal with things that cause me stress, but i am holding on)

Grey - my momentum has slowed due to my worrisome aprehension. (perfectionism and pessimism impede my progress)

Silver - i am worried by my adverse existential uncertainty (i have wants and needs but decided to spend my money on something more important, leaving me without funds)

Lime Green - i am unsure what to do about my fear of misunderstanding (i’m confident in my own viewpoint, needs, and plans, but i fear no one else will understand them)

Essay Finished: Pleasing Color

Dark Blue -  satisfying my needs undisturbed is important to me now (when stress has taken a toll, i want to retreat to a quiet place)

Green - i need deliberate self-determination most right now (i want to establish my own life and sphere based off of my own observations)

Lime Green - in my own interest, i strive for enrichment through expanding my horizons (i seek relevant information through the screen, and personal development through a change of scenery)

Light Teal- self development is unthinkable for me without objective assessment of the situation (i analyze everything i perceive critically to ensure its benefit)

Pale Yellow - one thing is clear to me: i need to nurture useful relationships (i am stuck in a genuinely unpleasant situation and seek support)

Silver - i believe that this situation can be helped through my intelligence, and by obtaining sufficient funds (i am spending more time deliberating my finances because i need money in order to do what i need to do)

Essay Finished: Unpleasant Colors

Brown - i feel most anxious due to my uncomfortable immobility (i feel chained to people or circumstances which restrict my agency)

Red - I feel uneasy due to my fainthearted fear of failure (seriously challenged by stressful conditions, i press on, masking an immobilizing fear that i won’t make it)

Gold - since i find my fear of failure embarrassing, i don’t let on anything about my exhaustingly stressful situation. (i overextend myself to deal with something stressful, refusing to quit or admit i’m bothered)

Dark Blue - my momentum has faded considerably due to my frightening lack of power (i feel like i can’t overcome the mountain before me, so i employ every strategy i can think of to take the next step uphill. powerlessness thirsts for power)

Black - i also feel powerless in the face of my heavy burden of problems (i feel burdened by personal problem, but my biggest is internal.)

Grey- i would prefer not to admit to is my worrisome apprehension (i hide my fear that something will go wrong and ruin everything)

Observations

there was a significant difference in the colors i found pleasing from before and after my test, and, retrospectively, i believe the psychological basis for that is my sleep deprivation. earlier on, i was seeking energy and wakefulness so that i could do the task before me, but after i turned in my essay, i just wanted to relax. i think this had the biggest affect on the early colors of each round.

specifically, before i wrote my essay, i preferred colors that i typically wear for confidence: black, red, orange. i did not prefer colors that were yellowish at that time, i remember them seeming physically harsh on my eyes, as well as sort of sickly. probably because this was about to be my third essay of my waking period, and my eyes were too sore.

after i wrote my essay and turned it in, i preferred colors that felt physically relaxing to look at, especially at first: greens & blues. the reds and oranges that i preferred before suddenly seemed too bold and abraisive.

in both cases, i found the gold color they used, some ugly pattern, to be visibly abraisive, and each time i didn’t notice it until i had already picked 2 other unpleasant colors. 

as for the meanings of the colors as given by the website,, HYPOTHESIS: it seems fairly obvious that these are barnum phrases. all of the pleasant colors essentially are just “you want [good thing], and here’s a paragraph of vagueness that increases your chances to relate” and all of the negative colors essentially mean  “you’re dealing with [bad thing], and here’s a paragraph of vagueness that increases your chances to relate”

i think that it’s possible that there is a system to the specific statements that are associated with each color, especially since the associations to each color remain constant across different trials of it, but i think everyone feels or has felt every way that is listed.

i related to the statements, sure, but being “stressed” and “scared” and wanting “success” and “survival” are things that everyone experiences. i think the only color that was a miss was the black in unpleasant colors, since the description insisted that i’m blaming my main internal problem on the outside world. i’m fairly sure that’s not the case, and i don’t need some color site to tell me that i should be more pissed off at myself for being fucked up, thanks.

anyway, because the rest of the results were so agreeable, i did one last version, with randomly generated answers.

Random Generated Pleasant Colors

Pink - optimistic self encouragement is important to me right now (i want to devote my time to things i like and live a life without care)

Dark Red - to forge ahead in good spirits i need the pleasurable satisfaction of my desire for enjoyment (i am driven by a need to indulge in sensual pleasures and sexual desires)

Yellow - i want to make my life more satisfying by making pleasurable contacts (i want to leave burdens behind to have fun with others)

Goldenrod - i prefer to love attention, rather than hang my head (i want to draw others to me with kindness and share a pleasant life with someone i can love)

Light Teal - I hope my life will become more agreeable through objective assessment of the situation (i choose skeptically to avoid being misled)

Silver - my present situation requires obtaining sufficient funds (to do what i want to do and experience what i want to experience, i need money)

Random Generated Unpleasant Colors

Light Brown - i feel most anxious due to unpleasant contentiousness (the behavior of certain other people is a huge thorn in my side)

Red - my mood is gloomy due to my fainthearted fear of failure (i face the challenge of my emotional problems bravely)

Dark Blue - because it’s embarrassing, i don’t tell others about my inner restlessness (sensitive by nature, i distract myself from/repress unpleasantness through activity.)

Olive Green - i am unable to find inner peace due to my inhibiting limitations (deprivation from things that make life pleasant makes me feel disappointed)

Light Blue - i would like to be free of my inner tension (i’m constantly running in a circle over the same unfinished tasks and emotional problems internally)

Light Yellow - i am unclear what to do about my distressing relationship problems (aware of my personal needs worries and problems, contact with others is more difficult. i need loving attention more than usual)

Well! Fuck me I Guess!

i could not relate with this randomly generated set of colors if my life fucking depended on it

I did like 12/12 and 11/12 on the other two sets, and this one was like 1.5/12

I didn’t realize how much the transition sentence on the end of each color’s blurb affects the next color’s tone so much, and thereby the mood of the whole “analysis”. (i.e. “my mood is gloomy due to” comes from the end of Light Brown, + “my fainthearted fear of failure” comes from the beginning of Red, so I wrote “Red - my mood is gloomy due to my fainthearted fear of failure”

i always think that these things dont take account of romantically/sexually disinterested people like me, but the random gen came out super romantic, which surprised me because i saw nothing romantic in my own trials.

Results:

i honestly think the site is like 90% barnum statements applied cleverly alongside color psychology. i’m impressed with the stark difference with how much i understand and relate to my own cohesive tests, both pre and post essay, compared with the completely alien world of someone who is similar to the random generated colors.

[peristeron]

so y’all its time for the rare “maybe i need to re-examine my dæmon form" time with mala, thoughts under the cut

right, so. for those not in the know, who happen to decided to poke into this out of curiousity — i use the dæmon forum’s methods, which are basically taking the whole thing as a personality typing dealio, for self-reflection and shit. for the past several years i’ve been solidly settled as a tawny frogmouth, and before that, before the shift in analysis style i was a palm cockatoo

BUT recently i’ve been noticing some thought patterns i think i’ve pretty much always had but never entirely paid much attention to or noticed, namely some stuff relating to being image-oriented, particularly when i’m actually dealing with conflicts and not running the fuck away or otherwise avoiding the shit out of them. this isn’t something i ever considered about myself because generally i hate the spotlight and am so conflict-avoidant that the competitiveness that almost always goes along with being image-oriented doesn’t fit me At All

however

i’ve been noticing as a pattern through the past few months just how much i am Deeply Concerned with how things will Look, even when i feel generally past the point of going through the motions/playing the social game/doing my usual sugarcoating that is a lot more purposeful and careful than it probably seems. i Care about how i’m going to look to a theoretical Audience, to the point that it will utterly stress me out in some environments to the point of turning into a slug (see: dreamwidth). i want to make sure my shit is water-tight, i want to make sure that i come out looking Good. which, given internet culture (and especially dreamwidth and tumblr cultures), makes sense, especially for someone whose brain spends 75% of its activity centered on Avoiding Stress/Conflict/Unpleasant Things. if facing something Unpleasant and actively getting involved, it makes sense to not want things to get More Unpleasant due to one’s own phrasing or actions, etc.

anyway

one of my biggest problems with form finding, right, is that my cognitive functions are INFJ and my enneagram is 6w7. that isn’t a combination that’s very common and, from what i can tell, is viewed as kind of weird. i’ve re-examined both of these things (bc i try to avoid quizzes with personality typings and instead try and figure out how the systems work to pick The Most Accurate One, bc im that nerd), and i’m pretty heckin solid on it. but because its an uncommon and weird combo, it can make form finding difficult — bc finding an analysis that has the right combination of weird INFJ/6w7 traits is ............ yeah

NOW FINALLY ON TO THE GOOD SHIT

so i’m poking around on the spreadsheet, bc i know it isnt infallible but its a handy resource to get started with, and i keep pulling up things that are absolute duds. and then im like, “coyote, sure, lets just fuckin look” bc its listed as infj and 6. the analysis linked to that needs some editing, but doesn’t seem egregiously wrong and ... weirdly ... fits more than i expected. so out of curiousity, i popped over to the other two coyote analyses, both of which were written by forum analysis experts

and i stare. because this is............ hmm. it isnt a Perfect Fit, at least i dont think so, but its............... its more on point than i really expected. wtf. the other analysis doesn’t fit nearly as well, which i wonder how much of that is really down to differing interpretations or if it’s because of............. something else idk, but ironically that’s the one that has infj listed in the coyote’s possible mbti. this one doesn’t, but is more accurate to me. /scratches head

this is just So Weird to me bc i’d largely like. not........... considered a canine for myself before, not seriously, not since i got started and went through the “Maybe I’m A Wolf” phase. i’ve been birds for the longest time. but the birds that worked for me before (tawny frogmouth, mourning dove, though that second one fit a lot less closely) are distinctly missing the image-oriented stuff. and the bird analyses i know that definitely do center on it too much. so looking outside of birds, let alone finding one that fits as well as that coyote analysis, is just.................. Weird. it feels so Weird

it even nails something that, like. i never looked too closely in regards to myself bc i didnt like it:

¤ Possessive (revisited) Only some coyotes are territorial year round, but all are territorial during breeding season. Although there's not a lot of information out there on the subject, it appears that coyotes are territorial of the core 10% of their territory year round (usually where the den is located). How aggressively a coyote defends its territory will depend on available resources. In times of plenty, they're more lax; when food is scarce, they're less welcoming. Similarly, coyote people are not Possessive with a capital P, but they are possessive of things they see as uncommon or unique to them. The more obscure the interest or thing, the more possessive they are. Finding someone who shares these interests makes them feel like their individuality is being threatened. In contrast, when something is really popular or common, they don't expect it to be "their" thing and aren't upset by others embracing it. Basically, you could call them conditionally possessive.

SWEATS..................... LOUDLY. i. yeah. this is a kneejerk reaction i have. its not as uniform/regular/predictable as that, and i really need to pay more attention to that feeling and analyze it more when it happens, but i uh. sometimes........... i......... yeah

like. typically, i am not a jealous person. 97% of the time, i dont get jealous about my relationships, to the point that polyamory is a very real possibility for me and has been a thing for me in the past. but occasionally. occasionally. i’ll get... possessive a bit. and a bit jealous, wanting to helicopter and wanting to demand All The Person’s Time, No, Play With Meeeeeeee. i dont let myself do this, ever, because i know its Bad and it feels extremely uncomfortable to feel it to begin with. and there are some things i’ll get weirdly possessive about, usually more along the route of ideas kinda thing. i get the whole insecurity about “if this other person does the thing, then everyone’s going to like them more than me, and no one will like me any more because that person is better than me.” which is bullshit but i haven’t figured out how to bury it yet

squints off............... also i wanna talk about this:

¤ Competitive  ... Coyote people are competitive by nature. They want to succeed and have trouble enjoying themselves if they're losing or struggling. This might cause them to drop activities they find difficult while focusing on what they're good at. They have a habit of comparing their achievements to their peers', which can lead to motivation or jealousy. They want to be the best in their field (or at least feel comfortable with their status), and they'll do what they can to stay there.

again, like i said earlier — being competitive isn’t something i typically consider a trait i have. i dont like conflict, competition feels way too much like conflict to me, i dont like negative attention, etc. ..................... but. b u t. the way this is phrased here? the bolded shit? which is pretty much the entire thing? y...eah. this hits it right on the fuckin head for me. i avoid competition because i hate losing and dont trust my reactions when im not doing well in a competition situation. i avoid things i’m bad at for the same reason (and bc feeling like a failure, bad thought spirals, perfectionism (which is also a trait in this analysis), etc). and, here’s the kicker, even if i’m not participating in something competitive at all, i’m still constantly comparing myself to other people, esp other people who are doing similar things to me (such as, say, role-playing courier six, the most open-ended player character in the bethesda fallouts and thus why am i comparing my OC to other OCs that’s fucking stupid). i may not feel like i want to be The Best One (is that bc i have no ambition/drive, which is a thing, or is it bc i have a huge amount of self-worth problems and therefore can’t imagine myself as being The Best and besides i wouldn’t want that pressure to be and stay The Best) — but i want to feel comfortable and safe in a status of being One Of The Better Ones, or even just One Of The Good Ones. and i want to maintain that status because i hate change (even if i can deal with it after some adjusting)

again — all of this is shit i’ve never wanted to really look too closely at or even admit too much, but it’s been there for a very long time, so its not like i’m magically developing this. its just............. that i’ve ignored it. and now im starting to be more honest with myself about it and its raising a lot of questions

anyway i may not be a goofy af looking bird guys i may be a clumsy, goofy coyote. ???????????????????????????????????