#dont mind me. using OCs i havent talked about before to vent some of my own shit thru

[pumaskulls]

"Every little thing you do I see

Doesn't feel quite like your relief

I find it hard to sit this still

You've left another hole to fill

I hear you well and I won't pretend

That every other word held ill intent"

[mookiexoxox]

Where do i begin with this ?

Well ... ehmm... yea... fuck... why? NO! how do other make it seem so easy ??? xD

(I am overthinking... ignore that)

Hi ! I am mookie :3 and I love to draw and recently i started posting mpreg drawings ^^

My mind is kindaaaaa.... well... i am undecided on a few things... like my main accs is just me posting drawings/images... and I want to make just text posts too but I dont think they would fit in with the main posts. Does that make sense ? hope it does...

Anyway xD

I am starting a new blog acc to post about some things i wanna talk about like:

- What am i working on ?

- Whats on my mind ?

- Updates on a few things

-Story ideas

-Venting

- Random ass shit :3

- bla bla bla ... bla bla bla bla

If this is something that you would like to read :D

You are welcome to follow my fall into madness :D

Ehe :D

Hehe :D

1st update !!!

The last few days i have been feeling kinda weak/sickly and RN i feel sick af and I dont think I can finish the commission I took without making the people who commissioned me wait like a long time.

A few weeks ago when the commissions first started i made 3 people wait like a week or longer to finish the art :( and i dont want that to happen again...

i really try to keep the wait for commissions 1-3 days long...

I kinda want someone to tell me that its ok ? That I dont have to finish everything in the time i have given myself... but on the other hand i dont want to dissapoint the people who are waiting for them ...

How long is the waiting time for commissions anyway ? Whats the standard ? Am i failing ? Should I just never ever take commission again ?! Holy fucking shit I AHVE TO BE THE WORST PERSON TO COMMISSION EVER

sorry overthinking again

Should I just finish the commissions and not take any new ones ?

Anyway ... moving on

2nd update

Before I got sick I was doing some research on hkw to make games... more specific dating sim games ;3

I hope you know where I am going with this hehe

I plan to make a dating sim using my ocs where you can go on dates with them and well... get them pregnant in the good ending x3 having a happy family and all that hehe

A friend of mine suggested that the boys are pregnant from the start and honestly i like the idea. And from the story of the ocs i can make that xD ( sometimes I forget i havent shared all my ocs stories with anyone and that the last part doesnt make any sense to anyone rn but ok... i will work on that :D)

Would anykne be interested in a dating sim ? Tell me pls xD

1st vent !!!

I took on a what I would like to call huge number of commissions... and I wont lie It was a pleasure and very fun working on most of them !!! I meet so many nice people, saw soo many cute/pretty ocs, got introduced to a bunch of games and shows i didnt watch or hehe had on my to watch list x3 i never expected for the commissions to go so well !

But mookie, why is this a vent then ?

You see i had to work with some people who... yea... i am glad some people asked me to keep the art private ...

The people were pleasent all good... but after I delivered the art they turned straight up into horny ass bitches sharing all the stuff they would do to their oc or the characters... like wtf man ??? I didnt have to know all that shit !? Eww ... eww... and to whoever is reading this... (if anyone even reads this) I am not someone who wants to kink shame or is in any position to do so... but like COME ON !!! Did I really have to read all that stuff ? Eww... like ... EWW ...

Just like... keep it to yourself next time ? ...

Bc of people like that I really started overthinking each commission I took and I feel like I fell into making some kind of kink/fetish art... like

A few people asked me if I can draw xy being pregnant and stuffing themself with cake or some other food ... is that like feeders ? Did the person who commissioned me even want them to be pregnant or like chubby ? Getting bigger ...???

There were some other things too but thinking of it as i am writing this it would be best to keep it with this example just cuz ... i feel uncomfortable with some of the other stuff...

Maybe more on that later?

MY FUCKING GOD I THINK I NEED TO WASH MY EYES OR MY MIND

I THINK I AM GETTING SICKER RN EW EW EW EW EW EW EW anyway

2nd vent !!!

I respect my commissioners privacy and wishes...

So far i didnt tag anyone in the commission made for them or even mentioned anything about them... i never ever posted someones public or private oc, if the commissioner had any specific wishes i followed them and (almost) all fixes that were asked for were made... but there is one thing... one thing i am slightly mad about XD

When someone commissions me for a character i already planed to draw and tells me not to post it... like maaaan its not your oc xD pls let me post it xD i am too lazy to make another drawing of the character xD LET ME POST IT XD

Or or xD when someone shows me a character from a game and they are pretty af and I soo badly want to draw them, i put my heart and soul into it and send it to the commissioner and they say "oh thank you !!" And I am like "np uwu, can I post it ?" and they are like "ohhh... can we keep this one between us ?" Like bitch why are you gatekeeping xD let me post it so other people can see the pretty character and pretty draing too !!! I cant make a better version xD and if I try to copy the delivered drawing it looks shitty xD

How can people gatekeep like that ? úwù

And like when I pour all my soul into it its just like... I want to post it so potential new commissioners can see what I can do xD

You are leaving me with nothing to post xD

Big thank you to everyone who said i can post their commission <3

Love you all xD

3rd vent + pls tell me if I am not in the right i feel like I am going crazy

Soooo about the kink/fetish commissions...

There was this one person... who... commissioned me for a drawing of them getting impregnated by their oc.

Honestly. I see nothing wrong with it ... but yea...

After delivering the first drawing ...

They asked me if I could draw the oc in a furry suit or straight up in their animal form.. and them as a human-animal hybrid ...

Are you taking a moment to let that sink in just like I did ? ...

Anyway i told them I wont do it bc like that something that I cant and wont do

They asked why ?

Am I creazy ? What did they mean why ? In the thing I made for commissions I say I wont do any zoophilia thing D:

I told them that I am bad at drawing furrys and that this goes agains my rules

They got offended and started saying that I am homophobic

I explained to them that I wont draw animals and humas having it...

And they said that its not an animal and a human since they identifie as a wolf and some other animal hybrid and they i should make the drawing since its their oc and the oc is conesnting to the deed ...

Pls take a moment to let that sink in ... i need it too

Anyway...

I tried to explain in the nices and most reasonable way i know that I dont give a fuck that its their oc or that they identifie as a mix of animals... they its agains the rules and that even if I was comfortable drawing that I am unable to since my furry drawing skills are shit.

I got blocked...

Maybe thats for the best ?

Like what was that even ??

Am I in the wrong for not wanting to draw that ?

Everyone else who i denied didnt make such a big deal out of it...

Next time someone comes with such a request I will just ask them to sighn a document where they agree to pay me 10.000,00€ for the drawing and there will be no more than 1 fix and no refunds xD

Am i selling my morals rn ? Hmm ... am j selling them for too little ? Hmm... anyway tell me what you think

4th vent (warning gets a bit dark)

This week was sooo bad D:

1. I had another fight with my sis (that was resolved, we are cool again)

2. On my work place they changed xy in the system and now I need to get used to the new stuff... like some of it is good but the most important thing of all is all wrong now D: like on my job there are a few different tasks and now my favorite taks is my least favorite task bc of the new system... i want to do the taks where I dont have to use the new system things but nooo mookie ... that task is not the main task... you need cant do the side task if the main task isnt done !!! D,:

3. Demons from my past are comjng back... like a few years ago ... life felt really shitty ... like really shitty ... shitty to the point where on new years i wanted to go jump off a bridge kind of shitty... and before I went to do it i talked to almost every friend i had... cant go without a goodbye, right ? And after sending almost everyone a huge text, expainjng my situation, how i felt, how they made me felt, how i wish for them not to miss me ... bla bla bla (everyone got their personal text) i unfriended them so they dont try and talk me out of it (they would do that, maybe not all of them but yea xD) as you can see i am still alive :D something made me turn back that night (sometimes I feel regrets about turning around but thats a can we dont want to open hehe i am glad j am the poin where I can joke about jt xD) why am I telling you this ? Well a girl i wasnt that close to sended me a discord friendship request ... since I wasnt that close with her i only told her that j will erase my self from the world and asked her if i should delete and throw away all my things (so my friends and family dont have to look at my things when I am gone) and she was online when I sended it and said to not do it, that I should seek therapy ... i dont know jf she sended anything else after that as I unfriended her ^^' (we werent jn any servers together anymore too) yea... a few days after the failed erasing i added most of my friends back ... really had to think through who I would still like to be in contact with ... and that girl wasnt on my list... for a few reasons... but mostly bc we werent that close of friends in the first place... if I can be honest ... a mutual ex friend of mine and hers is one of the reasons why i wanted to.... yeaaa everytime i see the pic of her pfp i get reminded of that person... and I want to punch a wall and hang my self :D so I dont know what to do ... should I accept her friend request to see what she wants from me ? Should I just block her ? Should I add the person who is making me want to off myself so I can settle some things with them ?

4. I never ever thought someone would show interest in me since i am insert bad image of my self (i am not gonna write that xD) and since some people thin of me as insert other peoples bad opinions od me (i am not writing that xD thats a trauma dump xD) and for the longest time i was soo comfortable with the idea of being forever single and potentialy starting a cult (i am joking or not) but then a few people started showing interest in me and i felt so uncomfortable, but at least it was an easy rejection... or better said it was easy to avoid the people after I rejected them since some of them didnt take it that well... but now there is someone showing jnterest again... and its not that easy to avoid them since they have my number :D and they text me :D and they trauma dump on me :D its taking a tool on my mental health :D especially when they said "j ended up in the hospital after my gf broke up with me a few years ago and I am aftraid i will die alone" I told them that I wish to be friends as I do not seek romantic relationships :D i am waiting for a respond :D omg what if they didnt text me bc they killed themself ? :D they texted me like we were already married :D i never showed sighns of interest :D the guy isnt a bad person but the random unwanted/uncalled trauma dumping and the giving me advice when no advice was asked for and traditional views and the red flag hobbys are making me questioning if j even want to be friends with them anymore :D also a friend of mine was erased and I was going through some bad shit and needed space from everyone and that man called me like 10 times and got his mom to call and text me 200 times too :D i didnt pick up any of the calls :D i dont know what I should do with this :D should I ghost him or would that be cruel :D how to get rid of an emotionaly unstable person :D help :D

Once upon a time i did a sexuality test bc like isnt it weird that I have no romantic interest in anyone ? And it said I am asexual or pansexual and well I dont really see a conection with these two... what am I ? Is there something inbetween them ?

Anyway I am stressing about that guy thjs week ... like ... is he ok ? Should I call his mom to chek if I killed someone ?

5. I feelt sick all week and now its hitting me hard... fuck my lungs, fuck astma

6. I didnt manage to finish everything i wanted to do this week ... other than the commissions I failed to go work out, write some stuff and well do everything in a game I play :(

7. I managed to embarrass my self twice in a store

Yea ... there were some work related things too but I cant talk about them as its work and customer privacy things that made my week shitty... it can be worse... but yea... lets see what will happen next week xD

1st idea

Ok. So I really need help on this idea xD

I want to share posts with the story of my ocs !!

My idea is to post it in form of text and drawings ... would anyone be interested in that ? Or should I just write it ? Or should I make like short comics ? Or should I get back to animating and make it an animated thing ? Its been soo long since I animated ... and animation takes a long ass time... bad 3fps animations it is xD

Only if anime would be interested ifc :3

Whats the best way to share a story :3 ?

2nd idea

I would like to open a server on discord :3 but I have no idea how to manage one :'3

3rd idea

I have a ytc and I was thinking of maybe streaming, having a chat with you ;3 👉👈

4th idea

I am thinking of making one of these send me your ocs and then I draw them pregnant things :3 or instead of making commisions I post like a template and then people send me their oc to use for draw them in the template 👉👈

5th idea

I would like to make art colabs with people but I am to shy and I dont even know who to ask... if you are reading this and would like to colab ... lets do it ? 👉👈

Ok... that would be all for this post...

6th idea

Since I have a following... can I give you guys a name ? Pookies or lil munchkins ? Other names ? Too early ?

Pray for me as I am unable to sleep... i feel like if I fall asleep i will die ... god is really testing my will to live here xD jk jk I want to rest hopefully I will just pass out and wake up 15h later feeling better xD

Also sorry for any spelling mistakes or bad Word choice I cant care about it rn and I felt like I needed to get some things off my chest :P

[idreamofwolves]

Old Times -Part One

Summary: Negan stumbles upon a familiar face from life before the end of the world.

Pairing: Negan (The Walking Dead) x OC

The dead walk the earth, the living survive on nothing but fuel in the form of safe houses and scraps of food they find or hunt. It wasn’t the way Emily ever thought things would be, or anyone for that matter, but there she was, hiding out in some old, abandoned cottage in the middle of the woods. She thought this would be her safe place, somewhere she could feel comfortable sleeping without the fear of being eaten by walkers in her sleep. She was wrong.

Emily had woken in the middle of the night to the sound of pounding on her front door that she’d hardly reinforced given her false sense of safety. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two came when fear started to override rational thought. Instead of running for weapons when the door cracked open, she attempted to hide herself in a small closet.

As the dead drug their feet in, they became frantic, or as frantic as the dead could be, in search for the living flesh they smelled and craved. Her hands shook and tears ran down her face. “This is it. This is how it’s going to end.” She thought, feeling more hopeless than ever.

Just when she had given up all hope, she heard something that would change the course of her awful night. The croaking sounds of walkers dying tang through the cottage, making her perk up and wonder what on earth was going on out there.

When the sounds of smashing and crushing finally came to a close, foot steps could be heard around the area. It seemed like only one person, but Emily couldn’t imagine a scenario where one person could kill so many walkers. And although it was against her better judgement, she slowly and quietly crawled out of the closet. She gasped as she was quickly met with the rotting face in hers. She threw herself into her back and took in the bloody scene around her.

Just as she started to get overwhelmed, a figure in the doorway took her attention. “Ho-ly shit!” The man exclaimed, oddly amused somehow. A barbed wire covered bat was sling over his shoulder, dripping with blood. He seemed unfazed by this. “We got a live one.”

“You did this?” She asked, not sure what she was more horrified by, the graveyard around her or the man above her that caused it without a flinch.

“Yeah and saved your ass in doing so.” He chuckled as he rest back on his heel. “What’s your name, doll?” The room was dark and she couldn’t see much, but she recognized that voice from somewhere.

“Emily.” She answered without thought, his demeanor and authoritative stance made her feel afraid, but he’d just saved her life. She couldn’t be anything less than grateful. “Thank you, for this.”

“Emily.. Have we met?” She was taken aback by the question, but upon really looking at him, she realized he was right. They’d met before, long before the outbreak.

“Negan?” She answered, trying to hold back a smile. She stood up and brushed herself off quickly before going back to the conversation. “You’re alive? What are you doing here?” She hurried to him and hugged him out of a rush of relief and joy.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He hugged her back, almost dropping his beloved bar in the process. His smile was still there, but it wasn’t the normal, cocky grin he often wore. He was shocked to find someone from his old life, relieved even. It suddenly made him miss the old days.

They’d met long before the outbreak, looking at her was like looking into the past, into a place he dearly missed when he let himself think about it.

He pulled away from him to look him in the eyes. He looked almost just as he did the last time he saw her, except maybe more muscular now. “I haven’t seen you since..” she trailed off, remembering exactly when she saw him last but didn’t want to say.

“Since the bar.” He finished, and in the back of both of their minds they remembered their first and last meetings.

Negan’s wife, Lucille, was harsh and demanding and every part of him felt his marriage had failed. They fought so often that he barely knew what it was like to laugh with a woman anymore, until he met Emily. He’d often go to the bar to get out for a while and let things cool off at home. That’s where he met her.

She was shy and new to bar tending, she wasn’t cut out for it but she was pretty and men tipped well. It wasn’t what she really wanted to do in life, but it paid the bills.

It was a slow night when Emily came into work. It was the last shift, and a short one at that. She was ready to go home as soon as she came, until she noticed the tired looking man at the end of the bar. A few others lingered as they sipped their drinks, but it was him she was interested in. “Hey.” She smiled as she gained his attention. “You okay?”

“Doin’ great doll.” It seemed like he’d actually meant to sound more honest, but it came out sarcastic. “Mind filling this up?” He slid his glass over to her, and motioned toward the nearby bottle of whiskey.

She lowly watched him as she poured the whiskey. She slid his glass back and checked on the other bar dwellers. After a few moments of contemplation, she went back to him. “Want to talk about it?” She pried, making him chuckle.

“That obvious, huh?” He rubbed his eyes with his hand and took a deep breath. “Think I’m here for the same reason most of these lonely, alcoholic bastards are here for. Angry wife.”

“Ooh. That bad, huh?” She rested her elbows on the bar and sipped on her soda. “By the look on your face, I’m guessing it’s one of two things. This is your first big fight with a wife you’re crazy in love with, which I’m going to doubt since I’ve seen you here once or twice, or this is becoming so common that you don’t know what to do anymore. Am I close?” She found it easy to talk with him, despite her normal reserved nature.

“Spot on, sweetheart.” He chuckled and sipped his drink, looking confident but deep down she knew he was feeling down.

“It’s Emily.” She smiled and lightly tapped her name tag. She got a smile out of him, which was really all she wanted.

“Negan.”

From that moment on, they bonded over broken relationships and their off sense of humor. It was an unexpected friendship laced with some kind of flirtatious nature, as time went on.

Negan quickly became attached to Emily, as he was able to use her as therapist and friend. She reminded him how to laugh, and she helped him forget about the rest of the world outside of the bar. And although the friendship was innocent enough, he knew himself enough to know he had feelings for her.

Emily, on the other hand, was incredibly oblivious to Negan’s flirting. She saw it as a joke most of the time, just friends kidding around, even if it did make her heart beat out of her chest. He wasn’t someone she ever imagined she’d want to be with, but she couldn’t help but imagine it at times. She found safety in him, as he was always there to ward off the seemingly sexual predators that frequented the bar now and then who always wanted more than a drink from her. She found solace in him, knowing she could vent if she needed to and ask for his opinion. He was honest and caring, something rare, she thought.

The last time Negan saw Emily, he knew it would be the last. The news of Lucille’s cancer made things hard for him, and he knew he couldn’t keep seeing this girl anymore. As much as it hurt him, he knew he had to let her go.

He walked into the bar, his composure slightly different than normal. His confident stride and cocky smirk had completely vanished. “Hey you.” Emily greeted him as he took his normal seat. He mumbles out some sort of greeting, but it was incomprehensible. “What’s up buttercup? Bad day?” She asked, thinking he and Lucille must have gotten into some kind of major fight.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Definitely a bad day.”

Emily frowned, she hated seeing him upset. “Whiskey kind of day, huh?” She poured him a drink but he put his hand out to stop her.

“Look sweetheart, I’m not staying today. I just wanted to drop in and give ya this.” He dropped a folder note down on the bar for her to read. He didn’t have the courage to tell her what he desperately needed to say, especially knowing it wouldn’t get him anywhere anyway.

Emily picked up the letter and looked him in his sad eyes, somehow knowing she wouldn’t see him again. “What’s this?” She asked, not really wanting to open it.

He sighed and looked away for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. “Read it later, okay? Lucille’s got cancer so I won’t be around much anymore. Just thought I’d say ‘bye’ to my favorite bar tender.” He tried to make it light, but this didn’t feel good for him, it felt like a break up.

“Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that.” She nodded, squeezing the paper in her hand. “Well I hope I see you around some time, Negan.” She forced a smile, even though no part of her felt like smiling.

“Me too, princess.” He walked out, feeling more broken than he ever had. It was hard, knowing she was about to find out what he’d been feeling, and not being able to do anything about it. Not to mention the guilt he started to feel about having feelings for another woman while he was married.

It was tough on the both of them, but they never saw each other again. Not before the outbreak, that is.

“Yeah. The bar.” She said, slowly. She didn’t want to remember that night, but she still had his note. She carried it with her the moment she’d been forced to flee her home, knowing it was all she had left of him and the old life she’d lived.

“I’m real sorry about that Em.” He started, but she didn’t want him to finish.

“How’s Lucille? Is she-“

“Dead.” He said, abruptly. “She died while all the shit started hitting the fan. Turned into one of them.” He shrugged, feeling a little defeated. He hadn’t really talked about it before, but he knew he could trust her.

“Oh. I’m so sorry.” She hadn’t expected that answer, somehow.

“Don’t be. I’m glad she didn’t have to deal with this shit show.” He motioned around them, and she knew where he was coming from. Part of her wished she never had to deal with it too, but the other option scared her more.

“Right.” She nodded and looked out the window. She felt nervous, never did she think this opportunity would come. Honestly she figured he was dead. “So what are you doing here? On the run?”

“Never.” He said, confidently. “I run a place called The Sanctuary. It’s an old compound we fenced in. We take in everyone we can, make deals with other communities, you know.”

“Thats sounds amazing. I’ve been on my own since this started. Somehow I’m still not any good at fighting these things.” She laughed, knowing her weaknesses.

“How the hell have you been living in this without fighting?” He asked, semi amused but mostly worried.

“I just go from house to house. I board everything up and live on the food and stuff there until it runs out, then I venture off to a new home.” She wasn’t proud of the way she’d been living, and honestly she had very little contact with anyone since the beginning. It was amazing to her not only seeing someone, but seeing someone she knew.

“Come on, come to The Sanctuary with me. We got food and hot water, even beer.” The offer was enough without the luxuries he’d mentioned. She realized she still had feelings for him, and she wondered if he still felt the way he said he did in the letter. There was only one way for her to find out.

“I’d love to, thank you.”