#dont mind me being sentimental vulnerable and open on main

[atearinspaceairlock]

i know people have been saying this a lot on here and et cetera but i'm truly so grateful to be able to discover and rediscover music over and over again

[actualbird]

idk if this is a controversial opinion but with all the au talk of a happier luke/luke without suffering, it's fun to think about but it feels like it undermines what the message from the benji card was trying to tell us? like my wish for luke is that whether he ends up with rosa or not... he'll be fine regardless (even if it takes him longer to realize or with the help of other people). it kinda feels like a "we have to save him" narrative in which the only happy ending for luke is that if he gets together with rosa (or in another case, if he never got sick in/got into nsb the first place? though not saying that non nsb luke wouldn't come with other sets of problems idk eeeee) i just want the little baby boy to be ok no matter the situation :(

hi anon!!! idt it's a controversial opinion and i agree with you!! tho i also dont think it's like....particularly mutually exclusive, if that makes sense?

i adore u bringing up SSR Dream of Benji because 1) man i love that card story and 2) i can super see where your coming from clearly when u bring up that card. the card where luke himself wonders so hard if only he made different choices, he wouldnt be "locked" into the the "destiny" of pain and suffering, the card where mc implores him to not focus so much on what-ifs and accept that there is always the hope and possibility for joy and love even in a life that will have pain. in terms of parallels, it's clear to see. when making aus, are we doing the same thing luke did in that card?

ehhhh not rlly? i think it depends? UHAJVFASLFHAV. like, forgive me for im about to get meta and whatnot but i think whats key here is intent and purpose. luke did all his wondering about happier/better what-ifs due to a mix of resignation to his fate and also self-loathing. it's why i used the word "locked" awhile ago; he thought his fate was inevitable due to his choices and that better things were futile. whereas, in exploring AUs it's less of like—and here is my belated note that ofc i can only speak for myself cuz im not a mind reader or anything kjHVKJSDF—it's less of being convinced of the futility of what timeline!luke we're seeing but more just a want to Explore. i love AUs and will always support its intent of exploration outside of the realm of canon, it's a place of curiosity and possibilities! and maybe the reason it's coming out a bunch now is simply cuz main story stuff has been quite emotionally jarring ajfvaJHLV I CANNOT FAULT ANYONE FOR WANTING FLUFF IN THESE TIMES YKNOW. I WANT THE FLUFF TOO.....I HUNGER FOR IT!!!

[EDIT: i realize a simpler way to word everything above is "miles morales voice: I CAN DO BOTH!!!!!!" yknow. we can love AUs and love canon!]

but overall i do very much agree with your sentiment; i also want for luke to get better, i want him to eventually live a happy life no matter what timeline hes in. in my mind's eye, his recovery is possible in All universes. it's just harder in some and easier in others. in timelines where he acquires his condition, i dont think the lynchpin-catalyst for him bettering himself is necessarily in a romantic relationship with mc, but in the general concept of just like.......connecting and allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable and honest with another human being, creating a support system with the people around him, letting himself be okay with needing help. im a big believer in platonic love and found fam so even in an timeline where nobody in the nxx team starts dating each other, so long as luke can make that choice to let people in, i think he'll get better. not perfect, not magically cured, and definitely not easily, but still better.

at the end of the day i actually dont see luke's most damning cause of suffering to be his condition (because as we can see from his personal story route, he can deffo find joy even with it). rather, it's his outlook on himself and letting himself be open with others. it just so happens that due to the romance genre of tot, that his outlook changes due to romantic love.

sorry to be a pretentious dweeb and bring up song lyrics jhvKJHVJSHDFVS BUT THERES JUST THIS SONG IVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH LATELY THAT CAME INTO MY MIND WHEN ANSWERING THIS, Complicated Creation by Cloud Cult

I called up the moon for a little consultation Yes, you know that I'm a happy man But something in me is burning I gotta push it, push it out, push it, push it out So much frustration The moon called me back And said "I'll give you some advice [...] If you rid of all your baggage you will likely float away But you can't know beauty if you don't know pain Gotta feel it, feel it all, feel it, feel it all There's your medication

i bring these up cuz at the crux of it.....to me, luke's entire narrative and character (regardless of timeline and AU) is hinged on the central conflict of "am i doomed to pain? how can i be happy if there is so much suffering?" and really the answer is "pain, one way or another, is Going to happen. and so will joy. but to get there, you have to open yourself up to both, you have to work through both, you have to let both in. no running away, no giving up"

i think luke will be okay

[m-jay-gee]

i dont know how to word this but it's been on my mind recently. context: i moved from a pretty generally bigoted school in a more working class area to a more progressive one in a very rich area for sixth form.

now, the main difference i have noticed other than the glaringly obvious ones are my own emotional expression. it's like ive gotten worse in an environment that's so unconditionally forgiving and welcoming. at first i sort of put it down to me being shy and needing time to open up as i got more friends but it's been over a year, i have really solid friends and i still have a worse time than other people emotionally expressing myself.

i think that at my old school it meant so much more to have someone you could be comfortable around and a lot of us had similar less than average backgrounds so we had that other layer to bond on. but like here everyone is so "you can always come to me to talk" and although the sentiment is there it isn't the same.

like today for example i was talking about how i got an email that i should apply for a scholarship bc im likely eligible for it and i was trying to complete my application during lunch. at the same time my friend who is so lovely but is a bit blind to our class divide is going through her photos to Just Me showing me her family and i have to keep saying give me a moment i need to sort out financial information for my education.

but like even though all these people ive met, bonded, CAMPED, been to pride, gotten blackout drunk with, i feel like there is a subconscious blockage in my brain that refuses to let me open up to them and be truly vulnerable. and i feel like it's class related even if there's not a real logical reasoning behind it.

this whole post is kind of a rant but also not really. just experience ig. feeling really disconnected from my peers post-ucas because of the class divide becoming so much more obvious. people talking about crazy work experience, volunteering abroad, talking to oxbridge advisors that are just friends with their parents, etc. showed me how different my experience of getting into unis will be and how difficult it's going to be in life.

tfw reality hits you