#dont bother them theyre hopeless(ly in love)

[puppetgearing]

lovestruck gaze....

[actualbird]

Reverse fake dating... brotzly.....

alright LET’S DO THIS

dirk and todd, for some convoluted reason, have to pretend theyre rival detectives. maybe the case involves some really sneaky kinda espionage that entails getting information/gaining the trust of somebody and they can only do that if theyre not seen as a team? or seen as somebody other than themselves? honestly, a motive for this is blurry at best in my head, i just want them pretending to be rival detectives because IMAGINE

dirk voice: IMAGINE!!!

todd voice: i dont have to, youre already set on us doing it

what to imagine? well first off theres the whole fun of making cover identities and cover stories which dirk would have a blast with. plus, he’s always wanted to do a cool acting sorta shtick. then he can say he was a spy and technically not be lying!!! and todd goes with it because there isnt really any other plan, and, well, how hard could it be?

anyway, once the whole thing is a go, they both realize their mistake because the whole undercover as rivals means they cant be seen holding hands or kissing or any of the little pda things todd has grown to love. hell, they logically shouldnt even be seen together very much, which is excruciating for both of them. all throughout the case, when theyre doing theyre own investigations, dirk will send todd texts of pictures of things that remind him of todd, as if dirk is in another continent and not in the same area. todd texts him at some point “miss you” and sends it before he can groan about how stupid it must sound before dirk texts back “miss you too”

when they start making contact with the mark, they start respectively planting information about how they Hate each other, how theyve been rivals for years, how you shouldnt give that guy info, instead give it to me. please imagine the plot makes sense, im just in it for the reverse fake dating. 

anyway, this eventually leads to them having to Interact in front of this person who thinks they hate each other, and they vastly underestimated how hard this whole pretend thing was gonna be. todd thought it would be somewhat easy cuz all he had to do was channel his energy when he first met dirk. dirk thought maybe the universe would guide him through it.

they are both Wrong. todd gets this subtle Look in his eyes whenever he looks at dirk, and it’s a look nobody would be able to place or recognize unless that person had also been ridiculously in love. and dirk is just downright hopeless. not even the universe could help dirk not love todd brotzman

the mark: oh shit, look, it’s that other detective you hate

dirk: ah yes, he’s the scum of the earth

the mark: why are you smiling?

dirk, panicking: because i cant stand him

dirk and todd actually talking to each other and keeping up the front is even Worse because their words say “i despise you stop bothering me” but their Energy has this Palpable Romantic Tension that is SO OBVIOUS that it gets to the point that when the mark asks dirk about it, dirk just blurts the first thing that comes into his head, which just so happens to be “HE’S MY EX”

and now i guess i introduce a new tangential trope: FAKE EXES

todd: you told him WHAT

dirk: I DIDNT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY

so theyll have to pretend that too which is at least a little bit easier because they can do shit like bring up habits that annoy them as past dating history. “he doesnt like tea, any tea, can you believe that??” “he broke into my apartment and cant drive for shit.” 

it’s a whole mess, but maybe it works. who knows.

i like to think that on this case, they still stay in the same hotel room, or something. theyre both very careful not to be seen coming in or out at the same time, but when they get back every night, theyre back to their usual unadulterated love-y selves. 

when todd leaves every morning, an hour or so before dirk does, he kisses dirk before he’s out the door. 

“Love you,” Todd calls out. It’s become a habit for him that Dirk can’t get enough of.

“I think you mean ‘hate you’,” Dirk says, jokingly. A little. He and Todd have been together for a while now, and he’s sure of so many things now, Todd’s feelings one of them, but insecurity is a hard thing to shake off completely, especially with the whole annoying habits warfare thing they’re playing vicariously through their mark.

Todd stops for a second and looks back. “No, I don’t. I really don’t.”

“Oh.” Insecurity can take a hike. Dirk knows when Todd means something, and this is something he means with all his heart. “I love you too.”

(if dirk is a little bit more lovestruck towards his ~rival/ex~ on that day, wellllll he can just blame it on some kinda old anniversary he’ll make up on the spot)

so theres my ridiculous take on reverse fake dating brotzly sjdksjhksd