#dont bitch. pick a answer its very straightforward

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

hello! can i get a match up? i have brown eyes and hair. my resting face looks like a mixture of a resting bitch face and sad face lol i dont know if that makes sense. basically i look annoyed and sad most of the time. oh yeah im also bi

personality wise im not really sure what my personality is 🧍. im quiet and reserved at first but once i get comfortable with someone im a huge tease. i like to poke fun at my friends and jokingly flirt with them. i enjoy playful banter too since i rarely get offended. i can also be straightforward and blunt at times and it sometimes makes the things i say sound mean.

im also very lazy so i never like to do anything that involves moving around too much. i hate socializing and i suck at it lol. i prefer to spend time alone most of the time. im that friend that replies really late but if you text me at 1-4 am i'll most likely answer fast.

im actually empathetic but i also not at the same time?? its really hard to explain lol. i try to be empathetic but sometimes i straight up just dont care. especially when im annoyed or in a bad mood, i'll be brutally honest with someone and not really care. but there's also times where i am and i try my best to comfort people even though i suck, the most i can muster is ask them if they want a hug. i also bottle up my feelings and dont even mention anything about what im going through unless it's through a joke but no one takes them seriously lol.

i tend to zone out and get distracted a lot. so i randomly zone out in a middle of a conversation without realizing. im also very VERY forgetful, i would forget what i had said 5 seconds after i said. i even once forgot what i was talking abt in the middle of a sentence.

hobbies: i picked up a lot if hobbies that i ended up dropping lol. i play guitar and love listening to music. i spend a lot of time watching twitch streamers and video games while having music on the background. i also draw. oh! and i like books, i find it hard to read but i like hearing people rant about books.

🍰 for @no-mms19

Romantic Matchup

Ushijima Wakatoshi

How y’all met

Our little Chicken tendou introduced you two

You we’re both his friends

He saw the similar aspects of your personalities

And was like

ThIs iS A grEaT iDEa

Omg when you first met each other

It was legit like

🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️

Very very awkward

So for the first couple of hangouts

Tendou had to be the backbone of this trio

But as time went on

You and ushi started warming up to each other

Then tendou had gone to travel with his family

So that just left you and ushi

You guys grew super close over this period of time

And eventually started dating

Tendou when he came back to you both dating: 👁👄👁✋

What they love about you

He loves how blunt you are

To him blunt=honesty

He would honestly prefer you just tell him how it is instead of beating around the bush

And he loves how he can do the same to you

He could tell you how it is

And you won't ever get offended

Ushi really appreciates this about your relationship

He loves how your more of a homebody

Ok this is THE Ushijima Wakatoshi were talking about

If he goes out into the public

He's gonna get recognized

So he prefers to stay at home

Which your all for

Screw going outside am i right

Favorite things to do together

He likes to just stay at home with you and watch streams

Yall will pile on the couch with a shit ton of blankets and pillows

And just cuddle and watch streams all day

He also loves to cuddle and read with you

He loves those comfortable silent moments with you

Random Hc

When you both DO go out you always get bombarded with questions

However when this does happen and your uncomfortable

He’ll step in and tell anyone to back off

He honestly didn't understand your short term memory

Like if it ever happens he's just like

Y/n you just said that

He can always tell when your in a bad mood

Because bb you get VERY blunt with EVERYBODY

To the point where its kinda mean

He tries his best to calm you down during these moments

Overall Aesthetic

Homebodies

Songs-

May I Ask - Luke Chiang

Flowers - the deli

Hallelujah - oh wonder

Lovesick - BANKS

[failes-xtra-bits]

Prince's Gambit Review Ch 3

Chapter 3 opens with Damen trying to get some sleep. Laurent returns and Damen gets up unsure of Laurent needs him, but Laurent ignores him. Laurent writes a dispatch and seals it before snuffing out the candle with his finger tips (wouldn’t that hurt?????).

They wake up the dispatch has been sent off while everyone else is doing the prep. Everything seems fine and dandy. The suddenly Laurent appears (dramatic bitch) and Damen makes his way over because the atmosphere is getting tense. 

We hear Aimeric (almost auto corrected to America) apologising to Laurent who asks him what provoked him to which Aimeric doesn’t give a straightforward answer. 

Laurent then calls for Govart and sends Orlant to look for him. 

Orlant was so long in searching for Govart that Damen, recalling the stables, silently gave Orlant his sympathy, despite their differences.

Govart is a complete dickwad is all I have to say. Anyway they wait.

“Things began to go awry. A silent communal snigger sprang up among the onlooking men and began to spread across the camp. The Prince wished to have public words with the Captain. The Captain was forcing the Prince to wait on his pleasure. Whoever was about to be taken down a notch, it was going to be amusing. It was amusing already...The longer Laurent was forced to wait, the more his authority was publicly eroded.”

This reminds us of Lauren’t precarious position and perhaps even indicates at a lack of respect which is probably what the regent wants.

Govart arrives thinking he’s the shit (he is a shit but not the shit mind you) for having just had sex (rape? Was it consensual? who knows, I dont think I’m allowed to go all lawyery here.) 

“Am I keeping you from fucking?’ said Laurent.

  ‘No. I finished. What do you want?’ Govart said, with an insulting lack of concern.

  And it was suddenly clear that there was something more between Laurent and Govart than Damen knew, and that Govart was unfazed by the prospect of a public scene, secure in the Regent’s authority.”

Once again we are reminded of the politics at play here (really Pacat could give GRR Martin a run for his money). Then something interesting happens.

“Before Laurent could reply, Orlant arrived. He had, by the arm, a woman with long brown curled hair and heavy skirts. This, then, was what Govart had been doing. There was a ripple of reaction from the watching men.

  ‘You made me wait,’ said Laurent, ‘while you bred your get on one of the keep women?’

  ‘Men fuck,’ said Govart.

  It was wrong. It was all wrong. It was petty and personal, and a verbal dressing down wasn’t going to work on Govart. He simply didn’t care.

  ‘Men fuck,’ said Laurent.

  ‘I fucked her mouth, not her cunt. Your problem,’ said Govart, and it wasn’t until that moment that Damen saw how wrong it was going, how secure Govart was in his authority, and how deeply rooted was his antipathy for Laurent, ‘is that the only man you’ve ever been hot for was your broth—”

  And any hope Damen had that Laurent could control this scene ended as Laurent’s face shuttered, as his eyes went cold, and with the sharp sound of steel, his sword came out of its sheath.

  ‘Draw,’ said Laurent.”

This exchange is interesting for many reasons. We are reminded of Veretian culture regarding bastards. Further we get the beginning of the fight. But we also get the incest rumour here. We know that Laurent worshipped his brother and weirdly enough I was like “hey this might be true" when I first read, considering how fucked up Vere was and how much I hated Laurent. But as you read, this view also breaks down. I love the unravelling of Laurent. 

Anyway Govart and Laurent start fighting and we get a very worried Damen.

“Damen’s heart jammed itself into his throat—he hadn’t meant to set this in motion, for it to end this way, not like this—and then the two men came apart and Damen’s heartbeat was loud with the shock of his surprise: at the end of the first exchange, Laurent was still alive.”

I like to think this where Damen started to  care, just a little bit. Sure its mixed with his own goals, but yeah this is what I like to think.

“ he was, persistently and remarkably, still alive, and watching his opponent calmly, measuringly.

  This was intolerable for Govart: the longer Laurent went unscathed, the more the situation embarrassed him, for Govart was after all stronger and taller and older, and a soldier. This time Govart didn’t allow Laurent any respite when he attacked, but pressed forward in a savage onslaught of cut thrust attacks.

Which Laurent turned back, the jar of impact on fine wrists minimised by exquisite technique that worked with the impetus of his opponent rather than against it. Damen stopped wincing, and started watching.

  Laurent fought like he talked. The danger lay in the way he used his mind: there was not one thing he did that was not planned in advance. Yet he was not predictable, because in this, as with everything he did, there were layers of intent, moments when expected patterns would suddenly dissolve into something else. Damen recognised the signs of Laurent’s inventive deceptions. Govart didn’t. Govart, finding himself unable to close as easily as he had expected, did the one thing that Damen could have warned him not to do. He got angry. That was a mistake. If there was one thing that Laurent knew, it was how to prick someone into fury and then set about exploiting the emotion.

  Laurent turned back Govart’s second surge with an easy grace and a particularly Veretian series of parries that made Damen itch to pick up a sword.

By now, anger and disbelief were really affecting Govart’s swordsmanship. He was making elementary mistakes, wasting strength and attacking in the wrong lines. Laurent was physically not strong enough to weather one of Govart’s full-strength blows straight on his sword; he had to avoid them or counter them in sophisticated ways, with those angled parries and shifting momentum. They would have been lethal, if Govart had landed any of them.

  He couldn’t manage it. As Damen watched, Govart swung, furiously, wide. He was not going to win this fight with anger driving him to fool”ish mistakes. That was becoming obvious to every man watching.

  Something else was becoming painfully clear.

  Laurent, possessing the sort of proportions that handed him balance and coordination as gifts, had not, as his uncle claimed, wasted them. Of course, he would have had the finest masters and the best tutelage. But to have attained this level of skill he would also have had to have trained long and hard, and from a very young age.

  It was not an even match at all. It was a lesson in abject public humiliation. But the one teaching the lesson, the one effortlessly outclassing his opponent, was not Govart.

  ‘Pick it up,’ said Laurent, the first time Govart lost his weapon.

  A long line of red was visible along Govart’s sword arm. He’d given up six steps of ground, and his chest was rising and falling. He picked up his sword slowly, keeping his eyes on Laurent.

There were no more anger-driven blunders, no more wrong-footed attacks or wild swings. Necessity made Govart take stock of Laurent, and face him with his best swordwork. This time when they came together, Govart fought seriously. It made no difference. Laurent fought “with cool, relentless purpose, and there was an inevitability to what was happening, to the line of blood blossoming this time down Govart’s leg, to Govart’s sword lying once more in the grass.

‘Pick it up,’ said Laurent again.

Damen remembered Auguste, the strength that had held the front for hour after hour, and against which wave after wave had broken. And here fought the younger brother.

  ‘Thought he was a milksop,’ said one of the Regent’s men.

  ‘Think he’ll kill him?’ another speculated.

Damen knew the answer to that question. Laurent was not going to kill him. He was going to break him. Here, in front of everyone.

  Perhaps Govart sensed Laurent’s intention, because the third time he lost his sword, his mind snapped. Throwing aside the conventions of a duel was preferable to the humiliation of a drawn-out defeat; he abandoned his sword and simply charged. This way, it was simple: if he carried the fight to the ground, he’d win. There was no time for anyone to intervene. But for someone of Laurent’s reflexes, it was enough time to make a choice.

  Laurent lifted his blade and drove it through Govart’s body; not through his“stomach, or chest, but through his shoulder. A slice or a shallow cut was not going to be enough to stop Govart, and so Laurent braced the hilt of his sword against his own shoulder and used the whole weight of his body to drive it in harder and stop Govart’s motion. It was a trick used in boar hunting when the spear wounded but did not kill: brace the blunt end of the spear against the shoulder, and keep the impaled boar at bay.

Sometimes a boar broke free, or snapped the wood of the spear, but Govart was a man run through with a sword and he went to his knees. It took a visible effort of muscle and sinew for Laurent to pull the sword out.

  ‘Strip him,’ said Laurent. ‘Confiscate his horse and his belongings. Turn him out of the keep. There is a village two miles to the west. If he wants to badly enough, he’ll survive the journey.”

I know I know I know, long excerpt but I love this fight scene. There is a lot to unpack here, but I love the bit where Damen notes the difference between Laurent and Auguste.  I also love the men growing respect for Laurent and basically driving a knife through the Regent’s plans.

Anyway the regent’s men move to obey Laurent’s orders without hesitation (another bit that shows their fear if not respect)

“The response among the Regent’s men was more varied. There were signs of both satisfaction and amusement: they had perhaps enjoyed the spectacle, admired the show of skill. There was a hint of something else too, and Damen knew they were men who associated authority with strength. Perhaps they were thinking differently about their Prince and his pretty face now that he had displayed some of it.”

  Lazar breaks the tension by tossing Laurent a cloth to wipe his sword. Laurent addresses the men gathered there and takes advantage of their new found awe and gives the order that they will ride hard and fast. Laurent then appoints Jord as captain and Jord starts giving orders. 

“Lazar, who had thrown Laurent the cloth, didn’t look as though he was going to be mouthing off about Laurent again. In fact, the new way he was looking at Laurent reminded Damen unmistakably of Torveld. Damen frowned.

  His own reaction had him feeling oddly off balance. It was just that it was—unexpected. He had not known this about Laurent, that he was trained like this, capable like this. He wasn’t sure why he felt as though something, fundamentally, had changed.

  The brown-haired woman picked up her heavy skirts, walked over to Govart, and spat on the ground beside him. Damen’s frown deepened.

  The advice of his father came back to him: never to take your eyes off a wounded boar; that once you engaged an animal in the hunt, you must fight it to the finish, and that when a boar was wounded, that was when it was the most dangerous animal of all.

  That thought nagged at him.”

Our thoughts about Laurent as well as Damen’s are unravelling. We are also starting to grudgingly admire this kid who managed to get the whole army to respect him. (Side note I like how the woman spat at Govart, you go girl, which reminds me. I wish we had more female characters here). The bit at the end reminds us that all is not over though.

Laurent sends riders to Arles, in order to inform the regent of what had happened. 

The company start to ride towards Vere’s eastern border with Vask. We learn that the men are more willing to obey Laurent’s command. 

Damen reports to Jord and we get this exchange:

“I could tell from your face. You didn’t know he could fight.’

  ‘No,’ said Damen. ‘I didn’t.’

  ‘It’s in his blood.’

  ‘The Regent’s men seemed just as surprised as I was.’

  ‘He’s private about it. You saw his personal training ring, inside the palace. He’ll go a few rounds with some of the Prince’s Guard occasionally, with Orlant, with me—laid me out a few times. He’s not as good as his brother was, but you only have to be half as good as Auguste to be ten times better than everyone else.

  In his blood: that wasn’t quite it. There were as many differences as similarities between the two brothers: Laurent’s build less powerful, his style built around grace and intelligence, quicksilver where Auguste had been gold.”

We gain an insight into Laurent’s abilities. It’s not because his family were warriors or something but there is something more calculated behind it (whispers: its revenge). We also get another comparison between Laurent and Auguste which I live for bc ngl love Auguste.

They arrive at Nesson and Damen notes the difference between it and Baillieux. Damen goes into the bedchamber and lights the candle. Here he contemplates public punishments (both Laurent’s ‘embrace the slave’ and Govart’s recent punishment).

Laurent arrives and we get this:

“He said, ‘Did you pay that woman to fuck Govart?’

Laurent paused in the act of stripping off his riding gloves and then, deliberately, he continued. He worked the leather from each finger individually. His voice was steady.

‘I paid her to approach him. I didn’t force his cock into her mouth,’ Laurent said.

Damen thought about being asked to interrupt Govart in the stables, and the fact that there were no camp followers at all riding with this troop.

Laurent said, ‘He had a choice.’

‘No,’ said Damen. ‘You only made him think he did.’

Laurent turned the same cool look on him that he had turned on Govart. 

‘Expostulation? You were right. It needed to happen now. I was waiting for a confrontation to arise naturally, but that was taking too long.’

Damen stared at him. Guessing at it was one thing, but hearing the words spoken aloud was something else. ‘“Right”? I didn’t mean—’ He cut himself off.

‘Say it,’ said Laurent.

‘You broke a man today. Doesn’t that affect you at all? These are lives, not pieces in a chess game with your uncle.’

‘You’re wrong. We are on my uncle’s board and these men are all his pieces.’

‘Then each time you move one of them, you can congratulate yourself on how much like him you are.’

“It just came out. He was in part still reverberating with the blow of having had his guess confirmed. He certainly didn’t expect the words to have the effect on Laurent that they did. They stopped Laurent in his tracks. Damen didn’t think he’d ever seen Laurent caught completely “without words before, and since he couldn’t imagine the circumstance was going to last long, he hurried to press his advantage.

We get an insight into exactly how intelligent and meticulous Laurent can be. We realise that he orchestrated this. In Littlefinger’s words, he fights every battle, everywhere in his mind. Also rereading that little jab made by Damen must have hurt considering what know about what the regent did (kill him with fire).

“If you bind your men to you with deception, how can you ever trust them? You have qualities they will come to admire. Why not let them grow to trust you naturally, and in that way—’

  ‘There isn’t time,’ said Laurent.”

I like this bit because we get a contrast between Laurent and Damen. But we also understand that they fundamentally share very similar cores (those of goodness). We know Damen is honest but its weird that this quote insinuates that perhaps if Laurent wasn’t in desperate and  had the time and resources he perhaps would not result to deception but rather be like Damen and do things with honesty. Once again unravelling our perception of him.

“There isn’t time,’ Laurent said again. ‘I have two weeks until we reach the border. Don’t pretend that I can woo these men with hard work and a winning smile in that time. I am not the green colt my uncle pretends. I fought at Marlas and I fought at Sanpelier. I am not here for niceties. I don’t intend to see the men I lead cut down because they will not obey orders, or because they cannot hold a line. I intend to survive, I intend to beat my uncle, and I will fight with every weapon that I have.’

  ‘You mean that.’

  ‘I mean to win. Did you think I was here altruistically to throw myself on the sword?’

  Damen made himself face the problem, stripping away the impossible, looking only at what, realistically, could be done.

‘Two weeks isn’t long enough,’ said Damen. ‘You will need closer to a month to get anywhere at all with men like these, and even then, the worst of them will need to be weeded out.’

  ‘All right,’ said Laurent. ‘Anything else?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Damen.

  ‘Then speak your mind,’ said Laurent. ‘Not that you have ever done anything else.’

  Damen said ‘I will help you in whatever way I can, but there will be no time for anything but hard work, and you will have to do everything right.’

  Laurent lifted his chin and replied with every bit of cool, galling arrogance he had ever shown.

  ‘Watch me,’ he said.”

The chapter ends there and we are shown how dire the straits really are. This scene also solidifies the dangerousness of Laurent and his and Damen’s relationship changing.

(SIDE NOTE: I love that Laurent is arrogant in this, wot a king).

[identitycris1s]

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:) 

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i  think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh 

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice  and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes. 

[shoppingmauls]

whyd i make a banner for these?? who knows tbh. anyway uh, i was tagged by @funfettisims​, @mothmagesims​ & @yuyulie​! so i have abt 30 questions to answer, which is fine & dandy, thats what cuts are for

lesgeddit

rules: always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, then write 10 questions of your own, and tag some friends!

@funfettisims​‘s questions!

what is one of your biggest pet peeves?  i hate repeating myself the most, i think. a close second would be ppl who constantly complain? and i mean constantly

most recent unedited sims screenshot? an outtake from the most recent cas edit of dae i posted! (you can edit this if you wanted, i wouldnt mind)

what is your least favorite food? i hate hate hate cauliflower

besides sims, what are some of your other hobbies? play other games, ig? i like to read and write too, tho i havent written anything in months. writers block is a bitch

what is the last song you listened to? last.fm says it was as if its your last by blackpink!

are you a dog person or a cat person? both! both are good

what is your favorite memory? teaching my younger brother to swim when we were kids

what is something that you miss from your childhood? tbh i miss the excitement i used to feel over getting mcdonalds happy meal toys. they seemed so much cooler and more worthwhile back then (but yknow. i was a kid)

if you had to eat the same thing every day for the rest of your life, what would it be? pizza. or mac n cheese

where do you see yourself in 10 years? napping probably? but honestly i want to start my own blog & have it be successful

@mothmagesims​‘s questions!

fantasy or scifi? both definitely. i love middle earth but then like. space? aliens? strange planets that could look like anything at all, completely unlike earth? spaceships? sign me tf up

if you could have a superpower what would it be? the ability to fly! or to travel thru time, either one would be rly cool

favorite superhero and/or supervillain? superhero is definitely batman, im a batman stan. supervillain... hm. i think amanda waller from gothamverse is a rly solid quasi-villain. (shes prolly more like an antihero but) most ppl would pick one of the more obviously evil characters prob but theres smth so insidious abt waller. shes meant to be a good guy but her actions & motives are never rly straightforward/clear cut? & i think thats so cool

which tv shows were your favorites as a kid? hmm... zoboomafoo, the magic school bus, codename kids next door, pepper ann, martin mystery, totally spies & then i watched a bunch of animes too

best color combo for fashion/design/decor/etc? i looove how pastel colors + white/grey look together. but bright/vibrant yellows, purples, oranges and blues are great too

favorite sims 4 expansion/stuff/game pack? atm i rly love city living! ive always be partial to downtown areas

favorite sims trait (from any sims game)? squeamish is honestly a rly neat trait, i like that one a lot. if mooch & daredevil from ts3 made a reappearance tho, i wouldnt be mad

star wars or star trek? (or both? or neither?) star wars!! 1000%, ive always love star wars

best and worst school subjects? best: english. or anything humanities/social sciences related. worst by far was math. math used to make me cry

do you believe in ghosts?  absolutely, ive encountered a few

@yuyulie​‘s questions!

Favorite Snacks i like cheetos & the purple bag doritos (idr what theyre called okay). i also love sweets, especially yanyans & maple candies

When did you start your blog?  this one i started a month or two ago? my old one i had for years

What is the worst movie that you’ve seen?  IT FOLLOWS WAS A GARBAGE MOVIE & ALL THE GOOD REVIEWS YOU MIGHT HAVE READ FOR IT ARE LIES. the neon demon is also trash, dont bother w it

iPhone or Android.  android! B)

What was your favorite subject in school?  i loved law, actually. and anthropology, i only got to take that for one semester tho. but it was fun

What is a short/long term goal of yours?  short term... idk. a long term goal would be to learn to not procrastinate so much tho. does that count?

What was your favorite subject in school?  answered this one! (you asked this twice, oops)

Do you have any pets?  yes, a bichon frise named dion! (thats not a picture of my dog, that ones off google lmao)

What were you really into when you were a kid?  i used to be obsessed w digimon. i had cars and the lil digivices you could buy... wow. good times. i miss digimon tbh

What three words best describe you?  “very creative and sleepy,” put it on my gravestone

& finally, my questions!

what’s one bad habit you have?

pick one: wear nothing but black forever or never be able to wear black again?

which season is your favorite?

which fictional character do you think would be super boring irl?

what would you write on your gravestone?

what genre of music is your fave?

are you usually late? or early?

have you ever read a fanfic? (doesnt matter what it was for!)

if you had to pick a movie franchise to never exist, which one would it be?

what’s your worst pet peeve?

i tag @cranberrrybog @bratfish @novemsims @elk-bees @sevthe @dadjoke-sims @simsluname @musicalpixls @paper-lioness!