#dont apologize for that anon I’m happy to give explanations if somethings confusing

[royaltea000]

I'M SO SORRY BUT I'M A REALLY SLOW NEURODIVERGENT AND UH IS GIL TRANS OR SOMETHING?? I LOVE YOUR ART BUT IM SO CONFUSED 😭

Sorry I'm really damn stupid :[

Oh dude don’t worry about it :D usually when I draw Gil I like to leave some stuff up to the viewer so if he’s trans to you he can be trans, nb, a dyke, whatever - but usually I just put a pussy on him when I’m drawing 🔞 stuff cuz that’s what I’m attracted to lol. I also just use feminizing language on fictional guys in general so I can see why that would be confusing or2

[lollybliz]

Uhh, Anon confession/plea for advice I guess? Around the start of the year I joined this amazing group of people! And we became super close; Like found-family close. The thing is- I recently only turned 12 and I feel so bad for deceiving them and they have a right to know but I don't want to upset them either. So it's just a constant cycle of lies and guilt. Do I tell them and leave? I'm worried that I'll ruin everything for them. Thanks for listening 💛

heya duckling. you really got yourself into an interesting fix here, eh? I’m not the best person to come to for this sort of problem, unfortunately. i would probably suggest a therapist if you have one but ultimately its kinda between you and your friends. i’ll do my best though!

The most important thing to figure out, I think, is why you felt the need to keep your age from them in the first place. are they very much older than you? do you feel safe around them? you dont every have to tell anyone your age, except doctors and the like, if you dont want to- no one can force you to share personal information. but why you chose to keep your youth to yourself could help determine how to handle this situation now. for sure we want you to be free of the guilt, whatever that takes. a cycle of guilt is an awful thing to be stuck in and i wouldnt wish it on anyone.

if you dont feel safe with these friends, regardless of their age, i would suggest you leave the group. you dont owe anyone an explanation, you dont need to excuse yourself, you wouldnt need to apologize. i doubt thats the problem you’re experiencing but i wanted to cover that just in case. you never ever have to participate in a friend group that is hurting or scaring you to make them feel better about themselves. you deserve to be happy and safe too, duckling.

if you do feel safe with them, then you’ve got some thinking to do. do you want to tell them your age or do you feel obligated? i will say again: no one can force you to share personal information. if you dont feel safe sharing, if you feel you’re not in a good position to share, heck, if you just dont want to, you never have to unless its medical staff or in rare circumstances legal authorities. if you want to tell them, consider the timing. maybe its classic to make announcements with an @/everyone and all that but maybe you’d be more comfortable saying it quietly at 2am and waiting for them to find it. think about what method and timing would make you the most comfortable. personally, i dont think you need to apologize or acknowledge any ‘lie’ if or when you reveal your age because keeping it secret wasnt really a lie and was well within your rights. you say in your ask that they have a right to know but like, no, not really. its personal information. if they’re much older than you or including you in chats and servers that are inappropriate for you thats another issue but its a lot like sharing your name, it can make people feel very uncomfortable to reveal something that important and thats fair.

if you want to tell them but arent doing it out of a sense of obligation, if you have a method you like for telling them, if you’ve thought of a time and a place that you’re comfortable with, then i would suggest trying to go through with it, as i think ‘coming clean’, for lack of a better term, is the best way to alleviate your guilt cycle. i cant promise things wont be a little weird for awhile as your friends find new boundaries and figure out a way to respect your youth while not treating you like a baby. things will be weird. if some of your group is on the older end they might wig out just a little and go overly mother hen on you. if you’ve been let into adult spaces by accident somebody is going to worry about that. everyone might be a little awkward for a little while as they overreact to the new information. but if they really are like a found family to you, they’ll fall back into a comfortable system shortly and everything will settle into a new normal. new information and changes are always weird and confusing and sometimes complicated, but the people who love you will figure it out and find a way to give you the respect and care you deserve.

so TLDR, only tell them if you feel safe and want to because you do not need to, its private personal information and no, they dont have a right to it. if you do tell them, be prepared for a little awkward for a few days, maybe a week, as they figure out what your youth means in relation to their actions around you. and if they really care about you, they’ll figure it out. 

i have a little sister who’s 10 years younger than me. my relationship with her is very different from my relationship with the sister who’s only 2 years younger than me, and my relationship with her equally young friends is wildly different from my relationship with my own peers. that being said, i do not believe it is impossible to be a friend to someone young. i think that that sort of situation is a bit case by case, and complicated, but not impossible. my best friend when i was 9 was a ninety-two year old lady from our church named Miss Dolly, and i miss her dearly. if you feel safe around your friends, if they’re good people, i think you’ll be just fine. i think they might be surprised, i think You might be surprised if they’d already guessed, but i dont think they’ll be really upset, and i dont think you could ‘ruin everything’. you’re gonna be ok little ducky. im proud of you for reaching out, and i hope everything goes super well and you wonder what you were ever worried about!

(for whatever reason it wont let me tag this, i’ll edit in tags in a moment)

[ozaiphobic]

Eye color anon here. Im really sorry with how I worded the last ask. I vented without thinking because Im used to people trying to protect poc but also not allowing poc characters to have alterations as opposed to irl. It didnt cross my mind that it was intended for characters aside from korra and katara. I dont speak up for anyone else and it was wrong of me to do that. I didnt find your post offensive/def I was upset bc I felt like I was being creatively restricted (which I wasnt being)

Again, really sorry. You can put the eye color thing back. I shouldn't have taken offense to someone trying to be helpful and mindful of poc in the community. I'm happy there are people like you to watch out for us since many of us aren't here to really give our input. I'm sorry for causing any problems and please dont feel bad at all. I was being too sensitive to something that wasn't an issue.

omg anon I’m so sorry for taking so long to respond tumblr never showed me the notification.

Please don’t be sorry!!! I totally understand where you are coming from!!! It’s my fault to because I definitely should have worded things more clearly because people were getting confused and I can totally see where the confusion was coming from (I made it late at night thinking it wouldn’t get that many notes because I made it at like 2 in the morning but when I woke up to clear up confusion/add things  it had exploded in notes so no one would reblog the fixed version) 

And I’m glad you didn’t think I was being defensive I’m really trying to unlearn things and learn new things to help poc (and be a good ally) but I know I am gonna mess up because that’s a part of learning/growing, and I wanted to respond in a good way because I’ve seen so many shitty apologies/explanations *cough youtubers cough* and I want everyone’s opinion to be heard!!!