#done you can discard me like the others always do / and i will nurse my wounds until another artist stains me new / i will always reassemble

[stevethehairington]

lonely is the muse by halsey goes sooooo hard

[iamnotawomanimagod]

And I will tear apart your bedroom, I will call you in the night

I will exist in every second just to decorate your life

And when you're done you can discard me like the others always do

And I will nurse my wounds until another artist needs me new

[metaphoricalcolours]

when halsey said

if you knew it was the end of the world, could you love me like a child? could you hold me in the dark? if you knew it was the end of the world, would you like to stay a while? would you leave when it gets dark?

and

if there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?

and

when you're done you can discard me like the others always do and i will nurse my wounds until another artist needs me new

and

i'm way too nice and too forgiving, i wanna go back to the beginning when it all felt right

yeah... i know i'm not ready for H5.

[kpop---scenarios]

Whiplash (5)

Pairing: Felix x Reader x Hyunjin

Genre: Street Racing, Gang, Friends to Lovers

Warning: Some violence, swearing, etc

Word Count: 3.5k

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

“I'm sorry.” You whisper. “Who are you?”

The two men look at you in shock. Who were they? Why don't you remember them?

“I'm Felix..this is Hyunjin. We're your.. boyfriend's.” Felix explains to you. You're taken aback, staring at them, confused.

“No.. No, I don't think so. Where's San? We're seeing each other, I need to see San.” You whisper. Your head hurt, your body felt weird. You felt as though you recognized the two men standing in front of you, but you also didn't. You knew San would be able to tell you what happened. He was always honest with you. “Pass me my phone.” You say.

The doctor hands you your phone, and you dial the number you knew well.

“Hello?”

He answered.

“San.” You whimper. “Something is going on.. I'm in the hospital. There's two men here who say they're my boyfriends and I'm just really confused. Can you please come?” You ask.

“I'm on my way.” He says. You can hear him grab his keys before he hangs up the phone. You look up at Felix and Hyunjin, and a knot forms in your stomach. “Can you guys please go? I just need some time.” You whisper. “I have to figure things out, I'm just so confused.”

The two men look heartbroken as they stare at you with sad eyes. They both turn for the door, the doctor holds it open and they leave you all alone.

Twenty minutes later, A sweaty San rushes into your room. He stares at you, the bandage wrapped around your head, The tubes running from your arms and nose, the machines you were hooked up to. He had never felt so guilty in all his life until now, as you laid there and smiled up at him. He hated himself more than anyone else possibly could.

“San..Hi.” You whisper. He walks over to one side of the bed, sitting in the chair next to you. He grabs your hand and starts whimpering.

“I'm sorry Y/N..I'm so fucking sorry.” He cries.

“Why are you sorry? You didn't do this.” You say, squeezing his hand.

And that's when it hit him. You truly didn't remember anything in the last few weeks, months, maybe even years.

And you had no idea that he was the one who pushed you.

“I should have protected you. I failed at that.” He says, sniffling as he looks up at you.

“Do you know what happened?” You ask him. He nods his head. He turns his head, looking at the door before looking back at you. He was internally fighting with himself on how to tell you..or what to tell you. This was his chance to get them back. He needed to distance you from those two, breaking you down and having you hate them is the perfect way to throw them off their game and that's exactly what he wanted.

“It was..Hyunjin and Felix.” He whispers. “They pushed you. You fell and hit your head on a rock.” He tells you.

“What?” You ask, a pang in your heart hits you like a tonne of bricks. “They.. no, that can't be it. They just..i feel like that's not right. They wouldn't do that.”

At least they didn't seem like they would do that to you. Or Would they?

“You can't trust them, Y/N. It was over the stupidest thing too..you called them out for cheating in the race.. they got upset, you got in their face and then they pushed you. You fell back and hit your head.” He sighs.

“But if they were my boyfriends, why would they do that to me?” You whisper.

“Because they don't really love you. They were using you and they were done with you a guess. They decided to try and discard you like trash.” He finishes. Your heart fucking hurts right now.

San’s phone begins to ring loudly, he pulls it from his pocket, answering it quickly, talking quietly enough that you can't hear anything. After he hangs up, he looks at you, pouting. “I have to go.” He says. “But I'll be back to see you.. like I have been the whole time.” He smiles.

As San leaves, a nurse comes in to check your vitals. Something feels off, the way San is acting, it feels sincere but fake. You look at the nurse as she checks you over. “That man.” You begin. “The one that just left..”

“He's handsome! You seem to have some very good looking men in your life.” She chuckles.

“Ha.. yeah.” You reply. “Has he been here the whole time?” You wonder. “Like since I've been in the hospital?”

“Him? Oh no. That's the first time I've seen him. Those other two though. Phew, we practically had to kick them out of the room to eat, shower or do anything. You're a lucky girl.” She smiles.

You give her a half smile as she finishes up, but your mind is racing. You hate that you don’t know what is the truth and what is a lie. Just before she leaves the room, she gives you a few pain pills, and minutes later, you're pain free and in a dead sleep.

The next morning when you wake up, you stretch a little, glancing out the window on your door. You see two familiar faces talking to your doctor. Those two.. how could they?

“Hey!” You yell. They look over at you. “Yeah you two! Come here!”

They walk over to your room, opening the door. “Hi bab..” Felix starts but catches himself.

“Hi Y/N, how are you feeling?” Hyunjin asks. They both look so sad.

“You guys say you love me, right?” You ask. Tears forming in your eyes.

“Yes, of course.” They both answer.

“Then why would you do this to me?” You ask, tears falling already. You couldn't hold it in. “Why would you push me!? Is what he told me true? Were you just using me and this was your way of getting rid of me?” You sob.

“What are you talking about, Y/N!?” Felix asks. They both look worried, their brows furrow as they replay in their head what you had said.

“We didn't do this to you!” Hyunjin says. “It was San! You called him out for cheating!”

“We would never hurt you, Y/N. Ever.” Felix says. Your head is spinning, you feel like you can't breathe. “Get out! How can I believe what you say!?” You scream. “Get out! Go!” You sob.

Both men stare at you for a second, their hearts breaking along with yours. They knew the truth, they told you the truth but why would you believe them? You didn't even remember them.

As Hyunjin and Felix walk out of your room, leaving you behind while you sob. They're walking down the hallway when they see San, heading towards them.

“Son of a bitch.” Hyunjin mutters. Felix walks straight up to him, grabbing San by the collar and slamming him against the wall.

“You fucking lied to her. You told her this was us!? You're such a fucking piece of shit.” Felix yells. San shoves Felix back, walking up to him. “Hope you said your goodbyes, next time you see her she'll be in love with me.” San whispers, laughing as he walks towards your room.

There's a knock at your door and San comes in with a smile on his face, hearing what the doctor is saying. “You're going to be discharged. But you need to take it easy. If you feel dizzy, nauseous, or anything, come back.`` He smiles.

“Yes doctor. Thank you.” you grin. You were feeling better, just weak still.

“Here, I got your clothes from the night of the accident.” he says, handing you a few items. He helps you walk towards the bathroom, letting you get dressed in peace.

Once you're dressed, he grabs your bag, helping you carry it and your shoes, as the two of you leave the room. His hand rests on the flat of your back as he helps you down the hallway, where you see an angry looking Felix and Hyunjin standing, watching the two of you. They watch as you and San pass them, but you don’t notice San turning his head to smirk at them, sending them a wink before the two of you turn the corner. The two of you get in his car and you cannot wait to get back to your own house and be in your bed. You look out the window, and you know this isn't the way to your house.

“Where are you going?” you ask San as he drives down an unfamiliar street.

“You're not staying at your place.” he says, staring at the road.

“I want to go home, please.” you say. “Turn the car around.”

“No, what if something happens? You're not staying there all by yourself.” he says.

“Then I'll call you. Please just take me home.” you say, again.

“No! Fucking listen Y/N!” he snaps, slamming his hand down onto the steering wheel. You turn your head, looking out the window instead of at him. You didn’t want to look at him. For the rest of the ride, neither of you said a word. As you get to his house, you notice a few people passed out on the lawn. It was the afternoon, how were they still out? You get inside the house and it was exactly how you expected it to be. Almost like a frat house, booze everywhere, mismatched furniture. It made you feel sad, like you were missing something, or someone. San led you into a room that had a bed, dresser and a few things scattered around the floor. You walked in, almost gagging at the smell of balls and sweat. He helped you into the bed, as gently as he could. He made you nervous. You worried about saying the wrong thing. He seemed to have a temper and you didn't want to aggravate him.

“Lay down. I'll go get you some water for your pain meds.” he says with a smile. “I'll be back in a few minutes.”

He comes back, water in hand, with two pills. He hands them to you, along with a glass of water. “Drink it all.” He smiles. “You need to stay hydrated. Do you want me to stay here with you?” He asks. You shake your head no, it would only take the pills a few minutes before they made you feel groggy and you'd want to sleep. “I'm going to sleep soon.” You say. “Can I have my phone?” You ask. You had forgotten he had slipped it into his pocket.

“It's in the car. I'll get it and bring it to you.” He says, leaving the room. You lay there and wait. You continue to wait, and wait, and wait. You just wanted to check it, but you couldn't keep your eyes open any longer. You tried to stay awake but you were tired of fighting it now.

San sat on the couch, thankful that you didn't have a pass code on your phone. He read through the messages Felix and Hyunjin had been sending you, telling you not to trust San, and to please be careful. They wanted you to call them if you needed them. San scoffs, yeah right. As if he'd let you see any of those messages. He sat there deleting the incriminating texts, you couldn't be second guessing him, that wouldn't work for his plan.

“Hey man, you wanna game?” Mingi asks, plopping on the couch next to San.

“Yeah, let's do it.” He says, turning on the game, tossing your phone beside him.

“I gotta ask, dude, what the fuck are you doing?” he asks San.

“What’d you mean?” San laughs.

“With the girl? Shes got a fucking head injury, not to mention two boyfriends in a rival gang.” Mingi says.

San laughs loudly. “She won’t have those boyfriends for long. I just need her long enough to ruin those two. Weaken them while I decide what to do with them.”

“And Y/N? What are you gonna do with her once you're done” he asks.

“I don't know yet, I'm kinda liking having her around. Maybe I'll keep her or toss her, I dunno yet.” San laughs.

Mingi chuckles. “Maybe I'll keep her when you don't want her. We could have some fun.” He laughs.

“When I'm done you can have her.” San chuckles.

**

“I can't choose, and I won't choose. I'm falling hard for you both and I want you both. If you're okay with that then I'm all in, but if you're not then it won't work.”

You can see Felix and Hyunjin standing there, looking at you with nothing but love in their eyes. This is familiar, you vaguely remember this night.

“I'm in.” Hyunjin smiles.

“I'm all in.” Felix says.

You remember the pure bliss and happiness you felt in this moment. You remembered sitting at the restaurant with them, terrified they were going to end the friendship with you. You remember the knot you felt in your stomach, the pain you felt in your whole body.

“I'm falling in love with you with Y/N.”

“Falling in love with you Y/N.”

the words keep echoing.

“In love with you Y/N.”

“Love with you Y/N.”

“With you Y/N.”

“You Y/N.”

“Y/N.”

“Y/N.”

You shoot up in bed. Beads of sweat dripping down your forehead. San looks at you with a weird look, like he was so annoyed with you.

“What The fuck were you dreaming about?” He asks. “You were so fucking loud.”

“Sorry.” You whisper, rubbing your eyes. “What time is it?” You ask.

“8pm.” San says. “I brought you some water. Drink it all.” He says. You chug the glass quickly, with your eyes shut, missing the smirk on San's face. He leans on the dresser, watching you. Minutes later, you're asleep again.

“Too fucking easy.” He chuckles.

The next day, you wake up later in the day, still feeling groggy. You didn't know how though, you had slept for over 16 hours. Maybe it was too much sleep? But now you were tired and fucking starving. You shuffled out of the room, and into the living room, seeing San sitting on the couch.

“Ahh you're up. Hungry?” He asks. You eagerly nod your head. He leads you to the kitchen, having you sit at the kitchen table while he pulls out some things to make you a sandwich. Suddenly memories of sitting at an island while someone makes dough in front of you flashes through your head. Who was that? Someone used to cook for you and bake for you but why couldn't you see their face?

San places a sandwich with some chips in front of you, and you eat it. You weren't about to be picky with someone you barely know but acts like the two of you are close.

San has his back to you, while he's at the counter. You can hear him doing something over there before filling up a glass of water and setting it in front of you. “Drink it all.” He smiles, watching you chug a glass of water. You didn't even get to finish your sandwich before you felt exhaustion take over. Your eyes closed with your head on the table. San picked you up over his shoulder and carried you to his room. You tried to keep them open but you couldn't, and you missed seeing the 4 empty pill capsules on the kitchen counter.

**

“Why are you trying to pass the blame, San?”

“I saw you. You started going before the fucking flagged dropped.”

Anger. You remember seeing the pure rage on San's face as you called him out. Of course it wasn't Felix and Hyunjin. of course San was lying.

“Why don't you just shut the fuck up!?” You remember San screaming. The terrifying look he had on his face before shoving you - hard.

You were scared as you fell back, you could feel your head smacking the rock and then nothing.

You shot up in bed, practically hyperventilating. It was dark out now, the clock read 11:34pm.

You remembered. You remembered everything and you needed to get the fuck out of there. You get out of the bed, looking down at your clothes, he had changed you into one of his shirts and it made you feel gross. You can hear the music thumping in the living room, you really fucking hoped they were here. San still had your phone. you walked out into the living room trying to cover yourself the best you could but you needed to get your phone.

“You're up again.” You hear from beside you. San looks annoyed as he grabs your wrist, pulling you towards him. You scanned the room but saw no sign of Hyunjin or Felix. Your heart sank. You knew you told them that you needed space to think but you had hoped they would have showed up if not to just check on you.

“Can I have my phone please?” You ask, San looks surprised.

“Why? Why do you want it?” He asks.

“Because its my fucking phone and you have no right to keep it from me.” You say, your voice getting a little louder.

“You just want it so you can text your little boyfriends. Right? That's it? Why do you want to leave me? Huh? I've been there for you, I was at the hospital for you! Taking care of you! After they hurt you! So why are you trying to go!?” He screams. Everyone has turned to look at the two of you. You're raging. You can't control it. Not since everything came flooding back to you.

“You? Taking care of me? That's fucking laughable San, cause you know what?” You say, getting closer and in his face. Someone cuts out the music. “I remember. I remember everything. Like you cheating, and you shoving me down for calling you out.” You whisper, but your voice now is getting increasingly louder. “I bet you felt like a big fucking man, didn't you? Putting your hands on me. You've got a temper you can't control cause you're an insecure little boy, and you're gonna get yours, believe me. Now give me my fucking phone so I can get the fuck away from you.” You scream.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” San yells. “You've gone fucking delusional. Go back to bed.” He scoffs, lightly shoving you.

“Don't fucking touch me.” You grit. “Where's my phone!?” You scream, pushing him. He looks at you, shocked that you actually put your hands on him. You had barely made him step backwards but he didn't like that you felt like you could do that. He stomps towards you, shoving you back again. You fall to the floor, this time you protect your head.

“Wow again? Didn't you learn from last time?” You snap. San stands there rubbing his face with his hands, running them through his hair as he tries to decide on a course of action. He hadn't anticipated you'd get your memories back so soon.

“Come on babe. Just get up and go back to bed.” San says, his voice trembling as he tries to remain calm. He forgot there were tons of eyes on him that had just witnessed him pushing you, again.

“Babe?” You both hear, followed by chuckling.

“Don't call her that.” Felix snaps, making his way through a few people, Hyunjin behind him as they're now standing by you and San. You could see it in their faces, how mad they were at that moment. You really hoped none of their anger was directed at you.

“You really have a hard time keeping your hands to yourself don't you?” Hyunjin asks.

“He just likes to pick on women, he's a woman beater.” Felix yells.

“I'm fucking not! She wouldn't stop!” San yells.

“So your solution is to push her down, again? You shoved her so hard last time, she had a brain bleed and was in a coma for two weeks.” Felix snaps. “So here's what you're gonna do. You're going to give Hyunjin Y/N’s phone, and we're going to take her back with us, where she belongs and you're not going to contact her, think about her, nothing. Understand?” Felix says. His voice is calm but scary. .

“And if I don't?” San asks, with a laugh.

“I'll make your life even more miserable than it already is.” Felix whispers.

“Fine, take her.” San grunts, tossing your phone to Hyunjin. Felix helps you up, then pulls you into a tight hug as he breathes a sigh of relief. Hyunjin pulls you into him after holding you so tightly. You finally felt safe, relaxed and loved. You started to walk away with the men, but San grabs your wrist. You never wanted to be back here, ever again. San was scary, he wasn't the man you'd previously known. Before you can get away, He pulls you into him. “Don't worry, you'll be back real fucking soon.” He whispers, pushing you back towards the two men.

If you ended up back here again, you were sure you wouldn't make it out alive.

[badlustskies]

And when you're done you can discard me like the others always do

And I will nurse my wounds until another artist stains me new

@tiredandlonelymuse

[eggynsfw]

rot bonus

warnings: 18+ only, minors dni, chapter four of rot reposted but with the smut written in the first scene, gagging, sub/dom power dynamic, slight degradation if u squint, kind of out of character for rot if u even care

an: this may be hard to believe but this is actually my first time writing smut ever actually so please please please be gentle with my pour soul i also wrote this drunk so that probably speaks to the quality of it. if this is bad dont tell me or ill kms. actually now that i think abt it no one fucking read this.

She’s become an on-call nurse.

It’s never anything worse than the stabbing (which she’s grateful for, because she’s started having reoccurring nightmares where every towel she owns becomes oversaturated with blood, but the flow never slows).

If there’s any sort of silver lining, it’s that her skills have improved. No longer are the wounds she stitches up angry, crooked red lines of over-agitation slathered in too much Neosporin to compensate for it. Her precision and steadiness have both improved; she figures she’s just gotten used to threading through skin.

She would go to nursing school, if she had any semblance of drive or determination. But she doesn’t, so she doesn’t. She just sits on her couch and waits for the call to come so she can go complete some of her back-alley medical procedures.

Iwaizumi’s her favorite patient. Kunimi complains the least and Kyotani has the best pain tolerance. But Iwaizumi’s still her favorite.

He’s sitting on one of the kitchen stools in his apartment, one of his hands lazily grazing against the back of her thigh as she stands in between his legs, focused intensely on the gash that decorates his cheek. He’s had plenty of these, she can see the faint markings of them underneath her fingers as she works. Most of them were never deep enough to become anything other than a faint mark you can only see if you squint. Some of them are pale and in stark contrast to his tanned skin.

You see him and you see them.

There’s no sound but the overworked rotating fan that spits and gurgles and begs to be put out of its misery. Iwaizumi watches her as she works to close his wound. “You know you always do that when you concentrate,” he says, tired voice rough and low. He draws circles just above the back of her knee with his thumb.

“Do what?” she asks, reaching for a pair of old kitchen scissors on the counter. She resolves to disinfect them later. But it’s not like Iwaizumi has actually ever cooked anything in his life. At least nothing edible. She snips the end of the suture.

“You stick out the end of your tongue,” he tells her, grinning. And she abandons her task of tearing into her alcohol wipes in favor of narrowing her eyes at him. “Like this,” he says, and pokes the very tip of his tongue out between his two lips, brow furrowed in a bit of mock concentration. “It’s cute.”

He winces slightly as she cleans off his wound with the alcohol wipe. He tries to play it off like he doesn’t, but she notices, and smiles, just a bit. “You think everything I do is cute,” she tells him, as if he needs reminding.

And it’s true. Iwaizumi’s liberal with the word. Everything about her gets the label. When she wakes up in the morning and her hair is a mess and there’s still sleep in her eyes. When he drives her home from work and she tugs at the collar of her uniform, complaining loudly about how much she hates it. The way she eats. How she texts. Everything.

“Cause you’re cute,” he asserts. And she deposits the now rusty alcohol wipe onto the counter with the remainder of the discarded medical equipment she’s used on him.

He doesn’t say anything else as she places a bandage over the stitched-up slice on his cheek and she doesn’t go anywhere when it’s done. Even though there’s nothing left for her to do. Even those there’s no reason for her to be standing in between his legs still, she doesn’t want to leave.

Iwaizumi doesn’t ask her to, so she doesn’t. She stays, and his hand slowly creeps up the back of her thigh. “Thanks,” he tells her, grinning. “I’ll pay you.”

“Fuck off,” she rolls her eyes. “You and me both know you don’t have money to pay me with.”

His hand squeezes slightly. “I’ll get some.”

“Don’t do anything that’ll get you hurt again,” she chastises lightly, and raises a hand to cup his cheek, and she brushes her thumb just under the bandage, careful to dodge any bruises that have blossomed. “Swear to fucking god, you’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

“Aww,” he coos, and uses the grip he has on her thigh to pull her forward. She stumbles, just a bit, and a hand automatically goes to his shoulder to steady herself. “You’re worried about me.”

There’s no part of her that is inclined to take her hand off of him. She slips it behind his neck and lifts her other hand to meet it, fingers twining together. “Course I’m worried about you,” she tells him, unashamed. “You dickhead. How could I not be?”

Iwaizumi studies her. His eyes are bright and green and as they scan over the details of her face they’re all she can focus on. He has pretty eyes. They might be one of the prettiest things about him. Iwaizumi blinks at her, and then swallows. “Can I tell you something?”

She nods, still thinking of his eyes. “Yeah.”

“I think I might be in love with you.”

“I know.”

He uses his free hand grip the tip of her chin, softly, but in a way that gives him control. She can’t look away from his eyes, and she doesn’t have to say it.

When Iwaizumi kisses her, it doesn’t feel like it’s the first time. It feels familiar, like she’s returning to something she didn’t know she had. It’s chaste for only a second. Like Iwaizumi got a taste of her and then could not hold back for even a second longer. The hand on her chin tangles in the roots of her hair, the one on her thigh shoots up to her back, inching up under her shirt.

Iwaizumi’s something special to her, she thinks, as he nibbles on her bottom lip. Something she doesn’t quiet understand. All of her life has been rot and decay. It has been death and violence and blood and those are all things that are tacked right alongside Iwaizumi’s name. They come with him just as they come with her.

With his hand knotted in the roots of her hair, and pulls her head back, exposing the bare skin of her neck to him. He takes the tip of his tongue and drags it along the length of her neck, up to the corner of her jaw, and it’s all she can do to breathe deeply, her chest heaving with inhalation. Iwaizumi nibbles at the bottom of her ear once he reaches it, and whispers, “Tell me you love me, too,” he pleads. “Say it.” 

She swallows, her throat feeling thick. “Earn it.” 

Iwaizumi takes the challenge that presented to him. He grabs at the bottom of each one of her thighs, fingers pressing neatly into the soft skin, and lifts, hauling her up and pressing her close to him, all the while his lips firmly attached to her neck. He doesn’t look up as he approaches his bedroom door, and instead uses the heel of boot to kick the door open. 

He then, unceremoniously, tosses her onto the bed. She recoils, bouncing off of the plush surface and settling back down again. Iwaizumi watches her with a smug sort of satisfaction, gripping at the bottom of his shirt and pulling it over his head in one swift motion. “Take your clothes off,” he commands of her, no room for argument. 

And, like the obedient girl she is, she does as she’s told, hands reaching for the buttons on her jean shorts. She feels stupid as she squirms to pull them down over her hips, but Iwaizumi stands at the edge of the bed, watching her with this glint in his eyes that makes her feel like prey. Once she kicks them off and onto the floor, she pulls the t-shirt that hung loosely on her body over her head, leaving it discarded to the side, and her completely exposed. Iwaizumi doesn’t break eye contact as he tugs off his own belt, tossing it to the floor and letting his jeans fall straight past his hips and straight to the ground, leaving him in boxers that hang low on his hips. 

He pounces, then. 

Iwaizumi hovers, elbows on either side of her, drinking in the sight of her, almost completely naked and vulnerable beneath him. She thinks he’s going to kiss her again, but instead he reaches down, looping a finger around the cotton panties that sit on her hips. Without being prompted, she lifts her hips, like she knows she’s meant to, and he pulls them straight past her thighs. 

She’s again proven wrong when Iwaizumi doesn’t toss them off to join the pile of the rest of her discarded, suddenly useless clothes, but instead, balls them up in his hand, and stuffs them into her mouth. He presses his clothed, hard cock to her core. “I don’t wanna hear a fucking sound from you, unless its you telling me how much you love me, understand?”

She already wants to cry. She already feels dizzy with desire. She tries to squirm against the slight pressure he’s applied, but the slight movement from her has Iwaizumi jerking his hips away. He holds his weight in his knees on either side of her hips, and uses his hands to pin both of her hands above her head. “Understand?” he asks again, more impatient this time.

The underwear stuffed into her mouth blocks any words from her mouth, and the only thing that comes out is this strangled sort of noise. Iwaizumi, seemingly satisfied with this, lets out a hushed, “Good girl,” before he dives back down to resume his assault on her neck.

When his teeth drag along the soft flesh of her neck, goosebumps erupt on her skin. When his tongue trails down between the valley of her breasts, she gets impatient, her hips rising for some sort of friction. And Iwaizumi raises his head to look at her as he uses his free hand to press down on her belly. “Be patient,” he chides, the pressure on her lower stomach doing nothing but making the aching between her thighs worse.

Iwaizumi lowers his head once more, teeth leaving marks all over her neck, her chest. He takes his time in tasting her, in unraveling her. Iwaizumi works his tongue over her like he’s been waiting for the opportunity to, like he’s been plotting his path and biding his time until he had the perfect moment to execute it. All the while she squirms and moans and tries to plead underneath him, trying to release her hands from his grip, trying to find any sort of release. She tries to squeeze her thighs together, and Iwaizumi responds to this by placing each one of his knees on the inside of her thighs, parting her legs and allowing her no reprieve.

He takes a nipple between his teeth and pulls. Her back arches, and a guttural moan comes from deep in her chest. And she can feel Iwaizumi chuckle, rolling it between his teeth before releasing.

With her wrists still collected in his hands, he rises up to look her in the eye. Her vision is blurry, stars in the corner of her eyes, but she can see how his nose sits crookedly, can see the deep gash in his cheek that she had just stitched up moments before, can see the old, paled scars that decorate his features. He places a soft, gentle kiss to the center of her forehead. “You want me, baby?”

She nods, as enthusiastically as she can manage. Iwaizumi takes a thumb and drags it along the skin of her cheek. “C’mon, that’s not good enough. Use your words. Or did you forget how?”

And, despite the panties still shoved into her mouth, she tries to form the words. It comes out muffled, unintelligible, and she feels stupid. She’s pretty sure a bit of drool is starting to leak out of the corner of her mouth. Iwa chuckles, and presses his hips against her once more. A shudder runs up her spine. “Try again, baby. Tell me how bad you want me, and then I’ll fuck you.”

And she tries. I want you, I want you, I want you. She says it over and over, desperately and wriggling, trying to feel as much of him as he can. Iwaziumi laughs again. “Alright, since you said it so nicely.”

Iwaizumi releases her wrists to tug his boxers down past his hips, and when he does, she leaves her hands in the place that he left him, like she knows she’s supposed to. She’s rewarded with another, “Good girl,” as he aligns himself with her entrance, using one hand to hold her hips down as he does so, the other reaching back to hold her wrists in place. “Ready?”

She nods, and that’s all he needs. Iwaizumi thrusts, and the string of words that leave her tongue might in a language she doesn’t know, incomprehensible even without the gag.

Iwaizumi doesn’t fuck her like he loves her. He fucks her like she is flesh, molded and designed for this exact purpose, a sheath for his cock, and object for his pleasure. And her eyes roll back, definitely drooling now. She tries to say it then, as Iwaizumi circles an arm around her hips and lifts them slightly off the bed. She tries to say it, over and over.

His eyes shoot up to her face. Iwaizumi releases her wrists to reach down and pull the gag out of her mouth. “Say it again,” he tells her, his hips snapping into her. “Now that I’ve earned it.”

“I love you!” she cries out, thinking that maybe the neighbors might hear, but not really caring either way. “I love you, I love you, I love you!”

Iwaizumi’s something special to her, she thinks. Something she doesn’t quiet understand. All of her life has been rot and decay. It has been death and violence and blood and those are all things that are tacked right alongside Iwaizumi’s name. They come with him just as they come with her.

But he doesn’t make her feel like the wooden boards that hold her home up are soft and wet and termite ridden. He doesn’t make her feel like the flesh of every fruit she touches is squishy and leaking and smelling of something foul. For the first time in her life, she feels like she’s tasting something fresh.

The persistent summer heat melts them both, sweat sticking to their skin. The fan still sputters. A small cut on Iwaizumi’s lip makes him taste of rust and iron. The integrity of the walls around them are soiled, and one day, maybe someday soon, they will fall in on themselves.

But still, in his sheets, she feels fresh.

★⋆. ࿐࿔

[blush-and-books]

realized that the "ha-aah" vocals in lonely is the muse after the chorus are the same vocals from the people disappear here chorus..... when you're done you can discard me like the others always do and i will nurse my wounds until another artist needs me new...... i tried to let her be someone, hoping when the morning comes she's not another hit and run... i hurt myself to make sure i exist i need someone to tell me how i feel .... i can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you or anybody that decides that im of use.... she has my name but not my face.... i was built from special pieces that i've learned how to unscrew.....!!!!!!!!!!

[bellafemme]

I spent years becoming cool

And in one single second you can make a decade of my efforts disappear

I'm just waiting at the bar and you rip open all my scars

By saying something like, "Didn't know you were here"

I always knew I was a martyr and that Jesus was one too

But I was built from special pieces that I learned how to unscrew

And I can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you

Or anybody that decides that I'm of use

Lonely is the muse

Lonely is the muse

So, where do I go in the process when I'm just an apparatus?

I've inspired platinum records, I've earned platinum airline status

And I've mined a couple diamonds from the stories in my head

But I'm reduced to just a body here in someone else's bed

I always knew I was a martyr and that Jesus was one too

But I was built from special pieces that I learned how to unscrew

And I can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you

Or anybody that decides that I'm of use

Lonely is the muse

Lonely is the muse

And I will always be a martyr, I will fill your life with songs

I'll be a wind chime in the window, catching life you throw around

And I will tear apart your bedroom, I'll call you in the night

I will exist in every second just to decorate your life

And when you're done you can discard me like the others always do

And I will nurse my wounds until another artist stains me new

And I will always reassemble to fit perfectly in you

For anybody that decides that I'm of use

Lonely is the muse

Lonely is the muse

Lonely is the muse

Lonely and forgotten aside

@tiredandlonelymuse

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; The Great Impersonator (Part II)

I NEVER LOVED YOU

It wasn't enough.

They couldn't save her.

It wasn't her fault.

It was there from the start.

Trying to love you through an open wound

If you only knew how bad it hurt me too.

You can take the money.

You can rest your head down and not feel any shame.

I never loved you.

I never loved you in vain.

We argued a lot.

You drove off screaming on the night you were caught.

You left me standing in the parking lot.

I took off chasing you down Route 22.

You never listen and I'm terrible too.

You kept on driving far away from the issues.

If you stopped, I would've kissed you.

I almost thought I heard you call my name.

DARWINISM

There's lots of fish out in the pond.

What if I'm from outer space?

I have fire in my bones and in my veins.

I let it show and scare my suitors far away.

They say that God makes no mistakes, but I might disagree.

If everyone has someone, then the math just isn't right.

I'm the only outlier, the lonely archetype.

If everything is by design, well, I might disagree.

You all know something that I don't.

You all learned something that I fear I'll never know.

What if I'm just cosmic dust?

I was born all by myself, it's not unlikely that I'll die that way as well.

LONELY IS THE MUSE

I spent years becoming cool.

In one single second, you can make a decade of my efforts disappear.

Didn't know you were here.

I always knew I was a martyr.

I was built from special pieces that I learned how to unscrew.

I can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you.

Lonely is the muse.

So where do I go in the process when I'm just an apparatus?

I've inspired platinum records.

I've earned platinum airline status.

I'm reduced to just a body here in someone else's bed.

I will always be a martyr.

When you're done, you can discard me like the others always do.

I will nurse my wounds until another artist needs me new.

I will always reassemble to fit perfectly in view for anybody that decides that I'm of use.

ARSONIST

Arsonist burning down the world to feel its heat.

The arsonist doesn't feel the embers on his feet.

Your human starter kit came incomplete.

My apologies, arsonist, you loved me.

Fool me twice, the shame is on me

Am I a victim in your game?.

Will you pass me through your bloodline with your ornamental rage?

Can I take the blame for everything you hate?

The punishment and crime are not the same.

Somebody will love me for the way that I'm designed.

You don't love the flames, you just want them for yourself.

You smothered out the glow I grew for you but it was mine too.

Alchemy's not love, it's playing God.

Have you ever been broken and thrown down?

Have you ever given the world to somebody as a gift and had it returned?

Did you know the father's DNA stays inside the mother for seven years?

Have you ever waited seven years?

Have you ever woken from a dream just to realize that you're still asleep?

Do you ever wish you were still asleep?

Do you ever wish you wouldn't wake up?

LIFE OF THE SPIDER (DRAFT)

For several days now I've been living here.

I feel like a monster.

It doesn't help that you will treat me like I've got the venom in my teeth.

I came for shelter from the cold and I'd thought I'd stay a while.

You'll kill me when I least expect it.

God, how could I even think of daring to exist?

I worked real hard on the last one but the last one got me here.

I'm minding my own business but my presence makes you curse.

I should be getting better but I'm only getting worse.

I know you hate the sight of me.

You would break me if you tried.

HURT FEELINGS

My dad is almost home.

I'll perpetually believe that any man who says he loves me is hidin' somethin' up his sleeve.

I'll be changin' like the weather.

I'll never be like him.

You know my father isn't dead, but it don't feel like he's still here.

It's strange now that he's grey and getting older by the day.

My eyes tell me that he's harmless despite what my heart has to say.

Maybe this is just another trick that hasn't happened yet.

Blood is thick but water is forever.

That girl will be a problem only if you let her.

I left her back home but I cannot forget her.

I thought that it was my fault, and now sometimes I still do.

I can't bear to fake a smile when you walk into the room.

LUCKY

I am so lucky.

My self-loathing so deep-rooted.

Truth is I'm not suited for it.

I hope that you still love me.

I'm a star.

If there's nothin' missin' in my life, then why do these tears come at night?"

I feel her, but I can't relate.

I'd never end up in that state.

What do you do with a difficult grownup?

I thought I changed so much, nobody would notice it, and no one did.

I told everybody I was fine for a whole damn year.

That's the biggest lie of my career.

She's so lucky.

Haven't you heard?

LETTER TO GOD (1998)

Please, God, or whoever you are.

These days I get less calls 'cause no one wants to hear my voice.

I miss the days when I was gettin' texts that I could just avoid.

I've been tryin' to be calm and not pre-emptively destroy.

Every time I'm in the real world, I just end up paranoid.

I don't ever wanna leave him, but I don't think it's my choice.

I'm basking in these moments where I feel a shred of joy.

I don't think my pleas are heard because I'm screaming in the void.

Oh, you've gotta be sick.

Why do you make it hurt, and why's it over so quick?

I'm finally loved.

I finally found somebody I don't wanna get rid of.

You took a little while to respond to my prayer.

Please, God, no, this doesn't seem fair.

I'm tryin' not to show it, but I'm terribly scared.

THE GREAT IMPERSONATOR

No one has to know.

I could always hide.

They don't know I'm lonely.

They don't know I'm kind.

Every single truth I sing once started as a lie.

Does a story die with its narrator?

Surely it's forgotten soon or later.

Hope they spell my name right in the paper.

This is a cry for help.

You can't tell I need it when you’re watchin' from a distance.

[sluttynfemme]

my favorite lyrics from halsey’s new album, below the cut if u care :p

only living girl in LA

i think i’m special 'cause i cut myself wide open as if it's honorable to bleed

ego

feel so low but i’m high at the same time / i can’t keep my feet on the ground and i’m nervous what you’ll think of me now

dog years

well, they say all dogs go to Heaven, well, what about a bitch? what about an evil girl left lying in a ditch?

letter to god (1974)

please, god, i wanna be sick, i don't wanna hurt so get it over with quick, please, god, i wanna be loved, i don't wanna be somebody that they wanna get rid of

panic attack

and i would love to love you but my body's keepin' score and i don't know if i can see you anymore

the end

and i know it's not the end of the world, but could you pick me up at 8? 'cause my treatment starts today

i believe in magic

back in the day, my dad and i would share a laugh at all of her mistakes but that alliance didn't save me from her fate

letter to god (1983)

because i never would have said it if i knew i’d have to wait until the moment i was happy, then it all disintegrates

hometown

like the others from my high school, all those sad suburban ghosts trapped in a cross next to a highway, while the rest of us get old

i never loved you

‘cause you never listen and i’m terrible too. you kept driving away from the issues. if you stopped i would’ve kissed you.

darwinism

if everyone has someone, then the math just isn't right and i’m the only outlier, the lonely archetype

lonely is the muse

and when you’re done you can discard me like the others always do and i will nurse my wounds until another artist stains me new

arsonist

i’m glued to a building that's on fire handcuffed to a narcissistic liar, empty space and leather jeans, eyes are blazed with apathy

life of the spider (draft)

too tired to sleep, too sick to eat, i feel like a monster and it doesn't help that you will treat me like i’ve got the venom in my teeth

hurt feelings

you know my father isn't dead, but it don't feel like he's still here, it’s strange now that he's grey and getting older by the day and my eyes tell me that he's harmless despite what my heart has to say

lucky

did it all to be included, my self-loathing so deep-rooted inner child that's unrecruited, truth is i’m not suited for it

letter to god (1998)

and i don't ever wanna leave him, but i don't think it's my choice so i’m basking in these moments where i feel a shred of joy. i don't think my pleas are heard because i’m screaming in the void

the great impersonator

this is a cry for help, callin' for assistance but you can't tell i need it when you’re watchin' from a distance

[love-kurdt]

the song “lonely is the muse” by halsey is seriously giving canon AND timt mike. i’ve been crying for the past hour send help

like seriously…

“I spent years becoming cool / And in one single second you can make a decade of my efforts disappear”

“I can always reassemble to fit perfectly for you / Or anybody that decides that I'm of use”

(timt specific for these last few)

“And I've mined a couple diamonds from the stories in my head / But I'm reduced to just a body here in someone else's bed”

“I will tear apart your bedroom, I'll call you in the night / I will exist in every second just to decorate your life / And when you're done you can discard me like the others always do / And I will nurse my wounds until another artist stains me new”

“ANOTHER ARTIST”??? I CANNOT BREATHE

[merlatealeaf72]

Trying to fit the "song that is currently on repeat in my head" shaped block into the "interest that is occupying a portion on my brain" shaped hole umm

PvpCiv! Evbo anyone?

"When you're done you can discard me, like the others always do. And I will nurse my wounds until another artist needs me new."

[thebloodbringscolorandfluoresce]

And when you're done you can discard me like the others always do, and I will nurse my wounds until another artist stains me new...

[iamnotawomanimagod]

What are your top five favourite Halsey lyrics?

SO HARD to choose, honestly. I'm probably going to forget some that I really love, but off the top of my head:

1 - "My heart is massive but it's empty, a permanent part of me, that innocent artery is gasping for some real attention, some undivided hypertension. Tell it quiet down you're being loud but it beats harder every time you come around, well do you love the sound?" - Easier than Lying

2 - "And I will always be a martyr, I will fill your life with sounds. I'll be a wind chime in the window, catching light you throw around. And I will tear apart your bedroom, I will call you in the night. I will exist in every second, just to decorate your life. And when you're done, you can discard me, just like the others always do, and I will nurse my wounds until another artist needs me new." - Lonely is the Muse

3 - "Well King Midas put his hands on me again. He said one day I'll realize why I don't have any friends, why I find myself alone at night, unless I'm having sex, that he can make me golden if I just show some respect. But I don't let him touch me anymore." - 100 Letters

4 - "He says, 'Ooh babygirl, you know we're gonna be legends. I'm the king and you're the queen, and well, we'll stumble through heaven. If there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes. I know you wanna go to heaven but you're human tonight.''" - Young God

5 - "Why do you need love so badly? Bet it's because of her daddy, bet she was brutal and bratty, bet that she'll never be happy. I bet that you're right, and I'll show you in time, but I sabotage the things I love the most, camouflage so I can feed the lie that I'm composed." - Whispers

Thanks anon <3

[sellingdreams]

A reading of Lonely is the Muse from the perspective of Ashley vs. Halsey (inspired by what h said in a recent interview: ‘Why do I feel like I’m playing Halsey?’ It’s meant to be just a stage name, not necessarily a persona, and I realized at that point it has kind of grown into a persona, which I never really intended for it to.” you can read it here: https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/music-news/halsey-acting-helped-disconnect-stage-name-britney-spears-1235992941/)

So basically I read all the song from the perspective of Ashley talking to Halsey. I’ll explain it verse by verse

I spent years becoming cool

And in one single second you

Can make a decade of my efforts disappear

I’m just waiting at the bar

And you rip open all my scars

By saying something like “didn’t know you were here”

Ashley is saying they spent years becoming “cool”, becoming Halsey maybe? But in a second Halsey can take it all away by denying Ashley has a place at all anymore, like it’s almost as if Halsey is surprised that Ashley is still a presence at all, and it’s not just Halsey anymore

I always knew I was a martyr

And that Jesus was one too

But I was built from special pieces

That I learned how to unscrew

And I can always reassemble

To fit perfectly for you

Or anybody that decides that I’m of use

So, I always knew I was a martyr I interpret as Ashley knowing that her pain is always free to use for Halsey, she’s dying for the sake of the art. The comparison to Jesus I find interesting, and maybe this is a stretch, but seeing as God made Jesus, and Ashley made Halsey, I think it’s interesting that she compares herself to the son instead of to God, because Halsey has become more the more powerful self. The next sequence I find pretty clear, Ashley is saying that they can reassemble themselves, be ever reborn, for Halsey (or anyone else, I’ll get into that in the next verse) to use for art

So where do I go in the process

When I’m just an apparatus

I’ve inspired platinum records

I’ve earned platinum airline status

And I mined a couple diamonds

From the stories in my head

But I’m reduced to just a body

Here in someone else’s bed

Here the apparatus imagery reinforces Ashley’s crisis of identity that there is no space for them in process, they are only something to mine the story from. Inspired platinum records makes me think of both Ashley’s stories being used for Halsey, but also for other people (like the feature with The Chainsmokers? Esp since the links to LITM led to their website?). But in the end she feels reduced to just a body in someone else’s (Halsey’s) bed. She is second place in Halsey’s life, just a body or a story to mine etc.

And I will always be a martyr

I will fill your life with sounds

I'll be a wind chime in the window

Catching light to throw around

And I will tear apart your bedroom

I'll call you in the night

I will exist in every second

Just to decorate your life

And when you're done, you can discard me

Like the others always do

And I will nurse my wounds until

Another artist needs me new

And I will always reassemble to fit perfectly in view

For anybody that decides that I'm of use

Here it switches to anger and also acceptance of the role, a sort of conclusion of all the things I’ve discussed before. Ashley feels like she's just a decoration in Halsey's life, only returned to when she can be used

And I left Lonely is the muse for last, because I think this can have 2 readings. I either read it as [Being] lonely is the muse, so, feeling lonely is what creates the inspiration, or The muse is lonely. Either way, the art comes out of Ashley’s loneliness

I’m honestly not sure if anyone else sees it this way, it can honestly be reverted to switch the roles too, i think, either way, i thought it made for an interesting reading of the material? Idk if it's interesting to anyone else really, but I thought I’d put it here, so yeah

[thegreatimpersonator]

and i will ALWAYS BE A MARTYR, I WILL FILL YOUR LIFE WITH SONGS, I'LL BE A WIND CHIME IN THE WINDOW CATCHING LIFE YOU THROW AROUND AND I WILL TEAR APART YOUR BEDROOM, I'LL CALL YOU IN THE NIGHT I WILL EXIST IN EVERY SECOND JUST TO DECORATE YOUR LIFE AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE YOU CAN DISCARD ME LIKE THE OTHERS ALWAYS DO AND I'LL NURSE MY WOUNDS UNTIL ANOTHER ARTIST STAINS ME NEW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!