#done is better than perfect but im so scared of being mediocre

[lastyeararound]

[aromanticannibal]

amateur art advice from an amateur artist.

disclaimer. this isn't for people who want to make art their jobs (some of the advice may be useful to you, but some will very much not be). keep that in mind.

1. it's okay if you're not good. seriously. what matters is that you're creating and having fun (and if you're not having fun, perhaps there's something wrong).

good is subjective. when I was 13 and I drew big pretty anime eyes for the first time, I was super happy! and for me, it looked good. and it still looks good for someone out there, just like how people tell you how good your art looks when you think it's mediocre. it's not. your art is good, because you made it. Its true quality does not matter until you need it to for work. You're still learning, be good to yourself.

2. you've heard the PRACTICE advice from everyone ever, so I'll go with something different : try new stuff.

for all the summer holidays of 2021, I didnt draw at all, only doodled silly cats because yknow. mental illness. when I drew again, I tried drawing a full body pose, which I never succeeded in doing before. and I did it! obviously it wasn't perfect, but it was the best ive ever done. and now im pretty okay with drawing poses!

so try new stuff. try to draw busts from another angle, try to draw profiles. draw noses, draw combat poses, draw folds and old people and fat people and black people because i know most of the starting artists start with one type of character and stick to it (for me, it was front facing busts of skinny white girls with straight hair and no nose).

this also counts for objects, and animals, try to draw them (and try to draw people if you've only ever drawn animals or objects)

and again, it does not matter if it doesn't look good at first. don't get discouraged. your favorite artists have something they struggle with, the most famous and respected artists have struggled with some things and probably still disliked some parts of their work at their peak.

3. look at people. try to draw who you see. if you don't get out much or are scared to draw people when they're with you, then draw from photographs you have, or references (im begging new artists to look at references of actual human people. I'm on my knees. references are important, study what you see).

study your own face! when you take selfies or when you put on makeup or even just when you see your reflection - if you can, look at your face, the shape of your eyes, your nose, your lips, your face. I rediscovered this year that I actually have freckles and realized I have more of them on one side than the other. I realized my face is actually pretty androgynous and I have a soft square jaw. look at people. look at yourself, look at everything around you.

4. learn and try the tips other artists give you. once someone said that to draw both eyes the same way, you had to draw them at the same time, step by step, instead of doing one then the other. and it works! for me at least. don't be afraid to try stuff. you don't even have to keep doing it if you don't like how it looks or doesn't fit with your style, that's fine! just try to do things for a while, and if in the end it doesn't work out, you at least know this is a thing that exists and you know it doesn't work for you. knowledge is useful.

5. STOP. BEING. SO. HARD. ON. YOURSELF.

no one cares there's 10 years old kids who can draw better than you. no one cares you're starting at 30 years old, or 40, 50, any age that isn't teenagehood. and if there's people who care, they should not. you should draw because you want to. if drawing isn't making you happy, then stop, or try something else. if you are able, take art classes! do whatever makes you happy and stop thinking what you're doing is cringe, or bad, or ugly. it does not matter. what matters is if you're having fun or not. how "cringe" or "basic" it is does not matter.

I hope you keep loving art and I hope you keep doing art because there are people who want to see it. even if you think it's mediocre, even if it really is, even if you're a beginner. I hope you never stop doing art because you think it's never going to amount to anything.

good luck doing art, and have fun!

[034463]

daniel, the prodigal son. the should’ve-been. bright and extravagant, believed to be destined for greatness. the one who could’ve carried the torch. surrounded with warmth and love all his childhood, the cold hard metal of the trophies was the only cold he’s had all his childhood.

max, the golden son. the predestined champion. born and raised into this perfect cookie cutter of a formula 1 winner. all his childhood deprived of warmth and love in exchange for cold hard metal in the form trophies and over-bulging pride. and its fine. hes fine. who needs friends anyway when you’re the winner. friends and games are for losers, max. you’re better than this dont you want to make papa proud?

call it fate, call it jos verstappen but awkward, gangly max is finally stepping his foot into his dream. the very position he find himself dreaming of everytime he closes his eyes. And not only with anyone in the paddock , he’ll be up there with big and shining daniel, the sun of the grid. In theory they shouldn’t have work. max's skin was cold to the touch and daniel is the sun.

but the thing is, they do. maybe its pity maybe its curiosity but daniel, big bright daniel took him in and no one could ever deny that blinding smile, not max, even if he tries.  and thats the thing with daniel, it was the first time since ever that max wants something for himself. he wants to be daniel’s friend, he wants to be the reason for daniel’s smile, and that revelation scares him. like the wall he builds since childhood, daniel managed to chip it one by one and for once in his life max feels Warmth.

they scuffle and tumble and scrabble like schoolboys off track and max is having the most fun he’s ever had with daniel. though all is not always sunshine and rainbows. on the track, max races to the death. he takes and he takes and he takes, without thinking what or who hes taking it from because thats what hes been raised to do. driving 300 km/h headfirst into a turn with reckless abandon pushing daniel out into a spin and he never apologizes. and daniel is angry, of course he’s angry. he’s angry that max pushed him off the track, he’s angry that max gets to wear the winner's cap, he’s angry that he lets a kid 9 years his junior best him, but more so, he’s angry at max for driving so aggressively like death is just a second thought. like there’s no use of being alive if he’s not winning. like there’s not more to life than the cold hard trophies. but he couldn’t stay mad at max for so long. how could he when they stepped down from the podium all that false bravado just melts out of him and what left is still his shy max.

so he did what’s best for them. he doesnt care if half the world thinks he’s stupid, that he wasted all of his potential by leaving redbull for some mediocre team, that this very choice would be, as he now knows, the start of his downfall. he made this choice for them. for future max and daniel who doesnt let the pressure of winning get in the middle of  whatever they have together and leave them bruised and battered and cold.

and he promised. they promised that nothing will change, but promises are meant to be broken. it started with constant messages every night, driving in max’s private plane like old times, to hey sorry im busy can we take rain checks, to messages only everytime max wins, to happy birthday every year.

when did it all go wrong? he did it all for them but during the way has he fallen so far from grace that he’s not worthy of max’s attention anymore? or that max is flying so high now he doesnt have time to look back at him anymore? 2 championships and counting under his belt and meanwhile he doesnt have a seat for next year. and it hurts. it hurts so bad. the jealousy ever seeping into his bones, the restless nights of that could’ve been me. but what's done is done. the marks he’s left on the track will be washed away with rain but the mark he left on max, he hopes will last forever. that if it couldn't be him, then he’s glad it’s max.

[randomliven]

Im addicted

Episode 5 : rewatch play back

All the spoils

*Opening scene: hello Hillary

Ruby freaks

Throws on williams robe

Issa like a bad dream

Runs into the boy

Cops QUICK

Ruby puts her hands up

* cops auto think the boy has done something

*protects the white woman

Did you molest her

No one even intervenes everybody saw but no one spoke up

*Ruby realizes she HAS A VOICE

*lets get you somewhere safe

Willtina didn't mean for ruby to run off especially knowing the potion would wear off.

How did Ruby end up on the Southside as Hillary and her robe and slippers

Willtina just scoops up hillary

Cutting her out. On tarp because its messy

Metamorphoses is not death

The locust:

Shed their skin. develop their wings. after 7 days they will reach full sexual maturity. Destin to devour everything in their path

*6:13 when William stabs inside Hillarys mouth you see Rubys eye

*tic burst in. Blood on his hands

Leti you naive like that

All those years of getteg his ass whooped& whooping Tic Montrose ate that

*15face punches

*leti got the bat

* a butterfly lives a full life before it dies

A caterpillar emerges from the same cells

I wanted to apply this metamorphosis to the human

But ( my) research is all theoretical ( as in William cuz tina said she perfected it)

I met a disgraced professor. Beyond his reach so he created doorways (truth)

Magic and science

Wonder what spell William is saying..???

William disappointed face

"I kno your awake"

**The spell they says is the Regeneration spell which brings the butterflies to life

( they wanted Ruby to see em)

*The potion you just mimics metamorphosis

*They weren't scared of me (willtinas eyes flashes)

They were scared for me

They all treated me like ..."a human being" willtina

*It wasn't pain it was like being unmade

*there won't be a next time

*am i free to go

* you are free to do whatever you please

Leaves potion and money

*For Colored Girls who committed suicide when the rainbow wasn't enough...

Plays as Ruby struts as Hillary

Unsure at 1st

Get a cone of ice cream in a white establishment

Reads the paper at a park

Confidence girl

*Leti brings the negatives

* I don't think that violence was in me until the war

Please don't be scared of me.

They for real 1st time

Ruby had a Divine day

Willtina watching her

*I don't believe I'm special enough

*why Not You

*SPONGE BATH

* first time I laid eyes on you, was the first time I felt magic when there wasn't any.

( the first time , Willtina went to that bar knowing Ruby would be there(date) which meant they had been there before

*i will need a favor for a woman friend

(Ruby shows jealously, willtina suprised) is that a problem?

Depends?

Do as you please.

go as you please

*In WHATEVER SKIN you like.

( doesn't sound like Christina is encouraging Ruby to be white)(but Ruby chooses to be Hillary for the job she's always wanted

* the only currency I needed was whiteness

* I don't know what's more difficult being colored or being a woman

* the real keeps interrupting

*MONEY Cardi

*RUBY IN RED

* Ruby resume is loaded

The best way to lie is to tell the truth slightly

Having to correct her story

What if she's Qualified and Hardworking I don't see the problem offering her the same opportunities.

(Even as Hillary Ruby would have said the same thing, she believes it)

Ruby needing the potion. Drops it

So she rips out of the skin inside the elevator

*Montrose Needing pity on himself

Taxi Driver be my shrink for an hour plays

No I still can't get over that loogie

* this is literally as raw as raw can get. Sammie taking that shi

Sammie tries for a kiss. Rose instead sucks him off

* Ruby senses the manager's a little touchy

You're not in any trouble

She looks uncomfortable

7th grade education

No accounting courses

Ashy hands

White woman are mean to each other

Get to try on leather stilettos

Paul is attracted to the "blackness inside Hillary"

Tuttie fruity ol rudy

She's ready for the colored version

*well that's help their more qualified

Then she has to swallow her tongue

*It'll be like a safari

* were you scared to be around all those ... (People

* the white American man

*side cheeked

Can't just be showing up

I didn't embarrass you how was your first day of the white woman at your dream job

* better than being someone's charwoman ( maid)

* you don't want me to kiss you as Hillary?

* I want to kiss whatever you want me to kiss

Lol speaking of that favor

Can you be a charwoman

*the way William grabs Hillary

The nose touch

Wish they showed wills expressing

* where the fuck is this bitch?

(This is her introduction to Christina herself)

* Ruby sizes Christina up. Softens her tone

You were supposed to be here an hour ago

* William does like a demanding woman

*the way Christina grabs Ruby

( something familiar, something she dosent snatch away from)

* do you care for him at all beyond the opportunity he provides you (ruby snatches away

(Confidence check)

* William is a rightful heir...

(When really its Christina speaking of herself. She's her father only child)

*shot him in the back

( William has no bullet room in his back because its Christina)

And dumped his body in the river but he was a piece of trash..

(Soooo Emmitt you wanted to connect)

William survived with my help ( through me)(words shaky)

& with your help he will have his revenge

Tic dreams of Hannah in his suite

Initials are engraved in the ring

Decipher for the protection simple how did he not recognize it to be the same one that Christina showed him

Keeping her against her will with no better than Titus

He starts to defend his father

Is not inherently evil is what you do with it

Look at what your fathers did to protect you

All the flowers in the office.

Ruby being nosey as how she got stuck

Wonder what happened to his entire torso that he needed a new one

Dude stole some money so they cut out his tongue

Your best isn't good enough

you have to be better than mediocre

Them white folks are more fucked up than 'we' think they are

got to be exponentially better than them

Everything is fine

Ruby sucks for mentioning the south side

Sammie girl

Yall finally together

Haven't even kissed yet

The locust migration dance

*Ruby & tam both drinking

Regret (gulp)

*Denies the vial. Changes on purpose

This time she is learning how to crawl out of the white skin stronger in the transformation

*Over hears the manger harassing tam

Watches as he composes himself

She knew it

Him. Her. Spirit

Montrose watches Sammie be free

Engages in freedom

Ruby wasnt expecting Christina to walk out of Williams basement.

Looks as if Christina didn't expect Ruby to be sitting there

*Looks like Ruby got interrupted again

* he told you that (feeling dumb)

No reply cuz it was her all along

You cant relate

We want to be you and you want to be us

*Invitation to do whatever the fuck you wanted to do

[hegglespeggles]

How to write an essay you could not care less about in 10 steps

Hello. I have an essay to write.

I am also, (unfortunately) the kind of lazy, apathetic burnout who will only do my FUCKING work if I get really worked up. Usually that ends up meaning all of my papers are spite-fuelled tirades but my profs seem to like them so fine. I hope you find this particular raging tirade useful.

Today, I would like to educate the 4 of you that will actually see this on a fine art I have perfected over the years. Writing a paper, about which, you do not give a single, solitary, crumb of a fuck about. This is (you may have guessed) and excellent way for me to procrastinate doing a paper that *I* do not give a single solitary crumb of a fuck about. For best results, I recommend doing this NIGHT-BEFORE-PANIC like, a week in advance so you can fix all the NONSENSE that your more reasonable brain will undoubtedly find. But if it’s the night before and you are shit outta luck, this will get ‘er done. And with practice, you can even pull good grades outta these bitches.

 Dissociating? I gotchu. Woke up the day of the deadline to feel like absolute utter garbage? Search no more friends.  

  FAILING GRADES ARE BETTER THAN ZEROS JUST FUCKIN DOOOOOO ITTTT

1.    Go get the prompt.

I fucking mean it. Even if you are like 1000% sure you know what the prompt is asking, go to the FUCKING assignment, and copy that shit into your word document. Got the assignment on paper? TYPE THAT SHIT UP MOTHERFUCKER.

(Do you see what I fucking have to deal with)

Boom?

BOOM.

Congratulations, you now have a document, and whats more, there are WORDS in it!! You aren’t starting from scratch anymore kiddo. Fringe benefit, you always know EXACTLY what the assignment wants because its fucking Staring You Down. Not saying you have to do exactly as it says, mama didn’t raise no BITCH and I aint scared of fuckin CALLING PROFS OUT but if you wanna break the rules you gotta know what they are first

(Disclaimer: I have also been kicked out of class on numerous occasions for fighting with the prof and had full classes where the lecture WAS me arguing so maybe take my opinions of conformity with a grain of salt.)

2.    Math THE FIRST

I know, this is an essay and not a fucking calculus test. But some of this shit is USEFUL OKAY

Take the paper in question. How long does it have to be? Mine is 5 pages. A page is generally accepted to be 250 words (double spaced because we FUCKING LOVE OURSELVES) so 5 x 250 = 1250 wds. That’s the goal. That’s the pinnacle. That’s your new holy grail.

Time to split this bitch up

  3.    Yarrrrrr, CONTENT

And finally, we get to the part that is the reason why you are being an absolute bitch baby about this essay (maybe. I might be projecting. Your life is your life and im sure youre doing your best.) I Hate this part, but now with our magic number we don’t need to pull 5 pages out of the ether.

This part really requires you to know your vibe. Is this something that you have a lot of little opinions (read: evidence) about or like, only 2 or 3 big bois? Look deep into your soul and figure out which is the easiest for you to shit out, a rant or a list. a  great way to do this is to WRITE ANYTHING YOU GOT OUT

Here you can see I’ve put all of the thoughts I have about the question into a list, slapped some standard “opening” and “closing” shit around it so I can FUCKING FIND IT AGAIN and given it a good hard look. Whats the common thread in all of my opinions? That the prompt is fucking stupid and makes no sense is asking 2 different questions. Congratulations: you found your thesis. This essay, like many of my essays, bears the thesis “this is a weird question to be asking” (which falls under my broader category of “bitches aint shit” essays.)

Congratulations you have the bare bones of your skeleton.

  4.    MATH THE SECOND

 The magic number returns. All hail our glorious leader. 1250 right?

So heres how I break this down. Break off a small chunk at the beginning. For this essay im gonna split off the 250. Split that baby in half. Congratulations, now you have a word count on your opening and closing. Personally, I know I like a lil extra space at the end to get all ranty, so Imma split this puppy up 100 for my opening and 150 for the closing. WARNING: You will think that you will be able to write enough in your opening and closing to take up lots of space. You will feel the urge to give them both the same amount of words that you give your points. This is misguided and foolish. Not only will you 1) not be able to do it but 2) even if you did, that’s like getting a sandwich which is all bread. No one wants that. Don’t be that dude. Fight the urge.

 RIGHT SO. We’re still left on the other 1000 words.

If you have an idea that like, is bigger than the others, go ahead and give that puppy more of the word count than the others, fractions are your friend here and you wanna think about how much of your final product each of these babies will be. If you, like me, are an utter buffoon with no clue what youre doing, open your calculator up. Divide the remaining word count by the number of points you have. Congratulations. Youre doing the essaying.

If this is enough to get you started, GREAT! See you at step seven. BEFORE YOU GO I would like to give you this tip

5.    CITE YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU ADD IT IN.

It doesn’t need to be a full citation, just literally a footnote with something that will help you remember where its from and for the love of god WHAT PAGE IT IS ON. The you of 3 hours from now will thank you.

  6.    Filling in the skeleton

 I don’t know about you, but I cant exactly riff off of a single sentence. Like, I know what the VIBE of my point is, but like, I cant pull it out of a hat. The name of the game here is whittling down your arguments into thinner and thinner chunks that are easier and easier to bullshit. This is how you avoid that “burning building found in flames during Brooklyn fire” bullshit that memes. You don’t wanna meme. You wanna pass. So, figure out what the things you are gonna say and in each bit, keep track of how many words you are gonna write. EITHER

a)      You put how many words you think you can write on any point beside the point as you go and just keep developing points and shuffling word counts around until it matches the total for that section

or

b)     You evenly breakup the word count between all the points and keep breaking them down until you look at a subject and a word count and go “yeah that’s doable. I can do that.”

I prefer the second so LEGGO.

Ta-Da!

7.    Write ‘er up

Ahhh glad to see we’re all back together again. Try-hards who can ACTUALLY bullshit papers, glad to see you’ve rejoined us! This is the part where you take all that shit you’ve broken up into nice little chunks and you turn it into something worth reading. You can do it. I believe in you. Try and keep your citations in place.

I like to do this as a question answer thingy, like an exam, so halfway through writing mine is gonna look like this

 The handy part about the numbers is that it gives you a frame of reference for how your bullshit is going. Realized you had a lot more to say here than you thought? Dope! Less bullshit somewhere else, take it out of a weaker point. This point didn’t give as much as you thought it would? Split the difference elsewhere! This way you have checkpoints and you can see how your essay is going

And then you can go ahead and delete your skeleton work. Its time. Its served you well. For extra drama, whisper menacing nothings to it as you send it into the darkness. Personal favourites include “no one will mourn you,” “your fate belongs to me,” and “so this is what you have come to”

  8.    Citations

Theres like a million ways out there to find out how to do your citations and its gonna depend on what kind of a paper you are writing. I use Chicago most of the time, including here. My advice? Use a site like, bib.me or something to do your bibliography, and then plaster that in the bottom of your document. Use that as the building blocks to do your footnotes. Let Purdue Owl be your guide. Purdue Owl Style Guide Is A Mighty Friend Indeed.

 Also your welcome for that, “putting the page numbers in as you put the info in” shit. That took me alarmingly long to figure out. It’s a wonder theyre giving me a degree.

  9.    Proofread that shit, ya bougie bitch.

If you wanna be time effective, getting a friend to proofread while you do your citations is a great way to go. If you have a few days, put your paper away and come back to it. If you are out of friends and time then https://www.paperrater.com/ is your last hope.

  10.       Slap a title page on that shit and GET IT SUBMITTED

 No joke, I have been using the same template for a coverpage all through highschool and my undergrad. There is only one title page and every time I write an essay I take the title page from the last paper I wrote. There is no beginning. Only title page. Title? Topic of paper: point of paper. For example, If I had to title this screed I’d call it Essay Writing: An exploration of mediocrity. slap the date and your name and the course and instructor on there and BAM. YA DONE.

 Anyway submit that shit an go to bed youre done goodnight

EPILOGUE

I’ve gotten this essay back, and when I wrote it, I was barely a human being. Barely capable of human speech let alone a coherent argument. I would forget the end of the sentence by the time I typed out the beginning. But I still for a 70%! is it the best mark I’ve ever gotten? no! but it is a hell of a lot better than the 0% I would have gotten if i hadnt done this. I get it. And i hope this helps. 

[coffeeandmoonthoughts]

free flow thoughts

We’ve all had those people that we care about, but they are stuck and for whatever reason refuse to be saved or begin to save themselves. We might have even been that person at one point in time. We see someone who shows us a solution like they are drawing back a curtain and yet we refuse to walk through the doorway and we aren’t sure why. Or maybe we are the one holding the curtain open and begging someone to follow but their feet remain glued to the floor. I’ve been both of those people. The truth is, only we can take care of ourselves. We will repeat old patterns until we break them ourselves. No one can walk in and do that for you. Maybe I just hold a very ruthless view towards this now, but my view is built upon actually being there where I didn’t want to be. It makes me want to passionately slap sense into everyone who comes to me bleeding from a self inflicted pain, demons or stuck in a pit of quicksand and wont grab onto the life preserver. But the situation requires grace and patience. What do you do when someone believes that they would be better off if they had someone else to manage them. Lead by example and leave it at that. I’m not withholding some magical “get your shit together” potion. Accountability can help, but that shit has to come from within. You usually create it when you find out exactly where your rock bottom is. I’m working now. I’m building and creating. I’m taking big bites into life and trusting that based on what I know I’ve done, I’ll be able to chew and swallow because I know the days ahead of me might be harder. I need to be able to tackle whatever I have to. My capacity has always been bigger than I thought.

When I share my personal dreams and motives sometimes I’m met with people who inform me it’s vanity and ego that drives someone towards accolades and accomplishment. But you aren’t understanding that its not about accolades. Yeah, its all pointless in the very end, but a pointless life isn’t a life at all. I want to give my life meaning. To create it. To help others. To make a living to do what I want. I practice holding myself together, I drown myself in good thoughts that grow me. I find peace in tracking what I do, it gives me a target to aim at. Feeling accomplished is an intrinsic part of human nature. Regardless if that’s in love or work or health or whatever you want to apply it to. YOU create it. I know what happens already when I let myself rot in the mud. I don’t want to ever go back there again. At one point, I let people and circumstances destroy me. I’ve been a pawn, I’ve fed fragile egos, I’ve also been the user, been the ego. I’ve been both the prey and the hunter. Not anymore. When I relay this sometimes it’s like people are hearing it but not listening. You cant force someone to open up their ears when they aren’t ready. They complain, tell me they want something and then go about half assing it. You have to whole-ass it or you didn’t want it badly enough. I get the impression that if you can find obstacles that stop you (to a reasonable extent), then maybe it wasn’t what you truly wanted at all.

I have to actively avoid certain people. I love them but they will literally drag me down to their mediocre level and beat me with experience, as they say. I actively have to practice tuning them out. I take precaution, learn to differentiate between people like that and the ones that shine when they see others shining. People who tear happy, successful people down, do it because they are mad they didn’t get it themselves. They see their potential reflected and are driven by insecure hate. And I’m truly truly sorry, but I cant fix that. I will burn myself to the ground before I apologize for my fire. They expend my energy. They suck it all out, leave me feeling exhausted, depleted and no one wins. I grow to resent when that happens. It tears me apart. Thoreau once said most men live lives of quiet desperation. Although nothing is guaranteed, you can still sort through what is in your control and avoid living in quiet desperation. I don’t judge people like this. I once was exactly where they are. I cant hate on it and I have no right to. Every day I still wake up pissed, fuming, angry at where I once was, and what I lost or what I did. But I don’t choose to stay there. So many things scared me. I lived in a world of fear where I was the prey. I formed bad coping mechanisms, i was blind, i was scared but I never stopped trying until one day it clicked. I was afraid of my potential, i saw both my dark and light, i was afraid of my potential for love, knowing that once i released it it would be stronger than anything I’ve ever felt. I have to live with that now. Learn from it, adapt, feel for those people where I once was, help where I can, draw boundaries and respect the boundaries of others. I cant have people around me that don’t fit into the puzzle of my life anymore. I can only risk so much. I wont lose myself again like that. “I wish I could go back, I fucked it all up”. No. Even if everything was perfect and your dream life was staring you in the face, you still wouldn’t have been in the right headspace until you failed. Im learning how to take inventory and turn it all around. People have to learn how to be their own hope, their own hero. You write your own story and if you don’t like what you’re writing you can reverse it.

What do you do when you see someone’s perspective is all off, but you cant change it? I cant grab someone’s face and flip it for them. Its frustrating, its exhausting. You are your own hero. Start living your life that way. I don’t have super powers and any average human who you bestow that kind of power on, you are doing them a disservice. The fact is as long as you are trying you are on the right track. So you failed? Okay well now you know where your breaking point is. Now you know exactly where that lays. So now you can apply that knowledge to your future. Abandonment sucks. I’ve dealt with abandonment since I was very young and then repeated it my entire young life. This isn’t a contest of who’s more fucked up, but I’m trying to explain that most people are stronger than what they have gone through. I feel so much compassion now, so much understanding but I am only just a human who can do so much. I want to lift the world’s sprits, but I cant if I’m getting dragged into quick sand faster than I can climb out. 

[gilberthampton]

OC memes from vent

im in class idc 🎆 40 too specific 🎆 fictionkin questions created by @.nyasori 🌙 Your kin of choice: 🔥nia rosewell 🔥 Turned OC meme and im sorry 🌙 1. If you could punch one person from your canon in the face right now, who would it be? JAHHJSJND her older brother 🌙 2. Do you like your hairstyle from your canon or would you rather have a different one? permanently unsatisfied w her hair but never changes it till post cain drama and then she goes full out, gets a magical girl bun cut, dyes her hair pink n loves it. basically an Important Haircut bc she's done being stuck in the past 🌙 3. If you had to prepare a lunchbox for your kintype, what would be in it? Lunchbox - homemade but somehow perfect anyway, everything is in it, packed till it's full, lots of sweets and snacks 🌙 4. If your kintype would be an animal, which one would they be? hummingbird. or wait, a bunny 🌙 5. Your kintype suddenly rules a kingdom. What is the first thing they would do? she's dreamed about being a princess but has no idea how to actually run a kingdom so.. enjoy the good life, proceed to freak out when pressured to make heavy choices 🌙 6. Who's your kintype's best friend? Why? alice n mina n nia r Squad 🌙 7. What's your least favourite ship involving your kintype? Why? the person she hates the most is.. odin 🌙 8. What was the very first memory you've gotten from your canon? 🌙 9. What do people think of the media you're from? Is it popular or obscure? 🌙 10. What was your kintypes relationship with their parents/guardians? she loves them dearly but probably subconsciously pushes all the blame on them bc they didn't do a very good job stopping odin from hitting her when she was younger 🌙 11. What would your kintypes Myers-Briggs personality type be? INFP 🌙 12. Someone insults your kintype badly. How do they react? she criesssssssss and cries and gets all self conscious and her instinct is to go to other people so they can pity her and make her feel better. gets all shy around the person afterwards. if she thinks about it too long she starts crying again 🌙 13. If/When they were in school, how good were they? Would they be a nerdy outsider, a social butterfly or something different? a friendly but fragile classmate. that one girl who always wears frilly dresses. probably cries at least once a day, easily excited but just as easily upset, mediocre with grades. 🌙 14. If your kintype was in a classic RPG, what would their class be? ranger / long distance 🌙 15. What is the most obscure or funny memory you have as them? 🌙 16. You suddenly switch roles with your kintype. How well would they handle your life? she'd miss her friends but she's kind of easy to get along with! so like, normal. probably would not like my parents at all 🌙 17. If someone tried to hit on your kintype, what would they have to say to make their heart melt? just compliment her -- anything 🌙 18. Does your kintype have any strange hidden talent that wasn't mentioned officially? she's double jointed ? 🌙 19. How would your kintype react to someone confessing their love to them? blushy, nervous, flattered, so happy she could cry, 100% ready to kiss even if she doesn't reciprocate. If she likes someone else, though, she'll inevitably turn u down. (Looking for that perfect manga romance) 🌙 20. If you could ask the creator of your canon's media one question, which would it be? get a life? 🌙 21. What is the most obscure ship you've ever seen your kintype in? 🌙 22. What is your kintype's zodiac sign? Does it fit? ill figure out their birthdays sometime, okay 🌙 23. If they had an elemental alignment (fire, air, water, earth), which one would it be? water 🌙 24. Your kintype and their best friend get stranded on a lonely island. What would they do? FREAK OUT and probably be a useless baby bc her friends r too nice to tell her to stop whining 🌙 25. Has your kintype experienced any trauma? If yes, did it affect their personality? in her childhood. odin didn't really understand other people's point of view, and he would grow harsher and harsher with his younger sister bc he couldn't fathom _why_ she would be so upset about things, and he would get furious. oh yeah. has a lot of unresolved anxiety and memory issues, scared to death of her brother, whatever 🌙 26. Do you share any physical traits with your kintype? ugh... Nah? 🌙 27. Who's your kintypes biggest enemy? Why? 🌙 28. Does your kintype do any morally questionable things? How do they justify it? she gets too caught up in things and gets kind of stalkery-ish, guilt trippy and passive aggressive without realizing it. her defense is that she doesn't do it on purpose, which is true, but it doesn't excuse her from it. 🌙 29. If your kintype was at a party, what would they do? start messing around with her friends. or shyly look around for her crush the whole night. if she doesn't know anyone, she's mostly in the bg, but being around people she's comfortable with influences her into a louder state 🌙 30. What is the favourite season of your kintype? spring 🌙 31. What does the name of your kintype mean? Where is it from? "Nia is a feminine given name with multiple origins. It is a Welsh variant of Niamh, an Irishname meaning 'bright.' It is also a Swahili Name meaning 'will.'" Basically i just chose it from a list bc it sounds nice. though it _is_ her nickname? 🌙 32. What did your kintype do if they were sad, exhausted or angry? 🌙 33. If your kintype would have a pokemon type, which one(s) would it be? grass fairy 🌙 34. Were they in a romantic relationship with someone? What did other people think of it? she was crushing hard on cain and (unnamed) for the longest time, but cain fucked her up pretty badly. gets a crush on milo and they start dating after a VERY LONG TIME. their friends find it cute and they're like, took u long enough!!! outsiders find it weird bc they're so different in personality?? 🌙 35. How quick were they able to form bonds? Why? probably really quickly bc she's friendly and chipper and ^____^ 24/7, but i feel like she also gets on people's nerves. so True friendships, eh, casual school friendships, lots 🌙 36. Does the fandom ever misinterpret your kintypes? 🌙 37. Do your canon and the official canon match up? If not, what are the differences? 🌙 38. Did your kintype ever feel guilty about something they did? Why? i think she blabs too much and is too loud and not considerate enough of other people -- which can irritate and hurt them. she definitely feels some regret for that 🌙 39. In what ways do you act like or relate to your kintype? we're both sensitive and cries, we love cute shit, uhhhhcffggh i don't know i put a little bit of me into every oc 🌙 40. Finally - tell us a fun fact about your kintype that not many people know! she's obsessed w anime shit Tagging: YOU i think i did this meme for Alice already ┌··┤ oc survey ├··┐ ┗• made by @jem •┛ do not _edit_ or _remove_ the credit please ! fill out this survey for your original characters using this symbol ( ● ) to indicate what applies and specify if you wish ! http://name : mina discofever http://age : 16 http://birthdate : 2/14/01 http://height : 5'6 http://gender ○ male ● female ○ other: ________ http://sexuality ○ gay ○ lesbian ● bisexual ○ pansexual ○ aromantic/asexual ○ other: _______ THERE'S NO HET OPTION DNDNNFNDNF http://hairstyle ○ short ○ pixie ○ bob ○ shoulder-length ○ elbow-length ● hip length or + ○ other : _______ http://hair http://texture ● straight ● wavy ○ curled ○ very curled ○ other: _______ http://eye http://colour ○ brown ○ hazel ○ blue ○ green ○ gray ● other : pink http://body http://type ○ muscular ○ toned ● average ○ scrawny ● curvy ○ overweight ○ other : _______ http://skin http://tone ○ pale ● fair ○ golden ○ tan ○ dark ○ other : _______ http://markings ● scars ○ tattoos ○ piercings ○ beauty marks ○ other : _______ http://posture ● upright ○ neutral ○ slouched http://face http://shape ○ round ○ oval ● heart ○ square ○ long ○ other : _______ http://direct http://family ● mother(s) ● father(s) ● brother(s) ○ sister(s) ○ son(s) ○ daughter(s) ○ other : _______ http://strong http://point ○ brute force ○ agility ● stamina ○ intelligence ● wisdom ● charm http://weak http://point ○ brute force ● agility ○ stamina ● intelligence like she's not DUMB she's just bad at school ○ wisdom ○ charm http://perceptiveness ○ oblivious ○ dull ○ average ● sharp ○ mind-reader http://speech ○ vulgar ● basic ● average ○ polite ○ educated ○ pretentious ○ other : _______ http://education http://level ○ less than high school ● high school ○ college ○ masters ○ PhD ○ other : _______ http://moral http://code ○ self-interest ● universal law ○ religious ○ other : _______ http://preferred http://environment ● big city ○ small town ○ suburbs ○ arid desert ● woods or rainforest ● mountains ● open fields ● beach ○ the confines of hell ○ other : _______ http://residence ○ dorms ○ city house ● suburban house ○ mansion or manor ○ trailer ○ farmhouse ○ other : _______ http://housemates ● family member(s) ● friend(s) ○ landlord/lady ○ none ○ other : _______ http://mode http://of http://transport ● public transport ○ taxi ● motorcycle or scooter ○ car ○ other : _______ http://preferred http://drink ○ water ○ alcohol ● natural juice ○ coffee or tea ○ carbonated drinks ○ other : _______ http://preferred http://food ● sweets ○ meats ● fruits ○ vegetables ○ carbohydrates ○ other : _______ http://social http://class ○ ○ ○ ● ○ ○ ○ low middle high http://affection http://for http://others ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ● ○ low middle high http://social http://interaction ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ● ○ low middle high http://favourite http://genre ○ comedy ● romance ● thriller or horror ● mystery ○ science fiction or fantasy ○ contemporary ○ historical ○ literary ● action or adventure ○ drama or tragedy ○ other : _______ http://criminal http://record ● underage drinking ○ drunk driving ○ assault or arson ○ manslaughter ○ murder or attempted murder OKAY SHE'S NOT A MURDERER BUT TOTALLY IN ANOTHER AU ○ protest or activism ○ false accusations ○ _nothing they can prove_ ○ other : _______ http://learning http://style ○ nature ○ music ○ numbers ○ people ○ self ○ picture ○ language ○ body i don't know what this means http://deadly http://sin ○ pride ○ wrath ○ gluttony ○ greed ● envy ○ sloth ○ lust http://heavenly http://virtue ○ humility ○ patience ○ temperance ○ charity ● kindness ○ diligence ○ chastity http://self http://discipline ○ what is that ○ no ○ when it suits them ● decent ○ intense http://creativity ○ ○ ● ○ ○ ○ ○ low high Will's more of a thinker so she leaves it to him http://cleanliness ○ ○ ○ ● ○ ○ ○ low middle high http://usual http://outfit ○ formal ● casual ○ lazy ● sporty ○ other : _______ http://likeability ○ non-existent ○ when they attempt ○ pretty okay ● cool person(tm) ○ god-like http://luck ○ ○ ○ ○ ● ○ ○ low middle high http://common http://fears ○ spiders or insects ○ wild animals ○ darkness ● death ● ridicule ● abandonment ○ other : how enjoyable was this survey ? ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ● bad good 🐌🐌🐌 ┏ ┓ ♚ another kin meme ♚ ↳ created by @.mut4nt don't remove credit ┗ ┛ tagged by: MYSELF ♞ if you don't want to or can't answer a question, skip it and please don't delete it! ♞ ┏ ┓ ♚ about your kin/id ♚ ┗ ┛ • kin/id of choice • ↳ milo zersuit. his last name is just so bad and i tried to make a samus reference but it's just so bad • canon of said kin/id • ↳ merrverse • gender + sexuality of said kin/id • ↳ I... THEY'RE ALL STRAGIHTH HORRIBLE BOYS • age of said kin/id • ↳ 16 • emoji used to define said kin/id • ↳ 🎹 • emojis that remind you of them • ↳ 😴💤🥀🌿🌌🌃⚓⌚🌒🌚☔🎑🏒⚙️ • favorite canonmate(s) • ↳ he hates everyone but nia. probably is somewhat amused by prince • favorite places in your canon • ↳ • your kin/id's aesthetic • ↳ blue, blinding lights that seem so bright as night swirls around you; the breath of a sunset and the melancholy that follows with it; glow aesthetic street signs; gas stations at 2 am; unopened cigarettes and broken promises and the cold hand of someone you once loved in yours in the dead of winter; winter but no snow; winter but no glory... • songs that remind you of your kin/id • ↳ do i wanna know - artic monkeys • colors that remind you of your kin/id • ↳ all shades of blue, a never pure white • favorite item(s) from your canon • ↳ he cherishes his hoodies • favorite memory • ↳ • have you met any canonmates? • ↳ • do you want to meet canonmates? • ↳ ┏ ┓ ♚ this / that ♚ ┗ ┛ • coke or pepsi • ↳ coke • dog person or cat person • ↳ cat • pop music or rock music • ↳ neither, but probably rock • morning or evening person • ↳ evening • sweet or savory • ↳ savory • stay at home or always on the go • ↳ stay at home man.. • introvert or extrovert • ↳ introvert • wine or beer • ↳ he doesn't drink, but would probably like wine • super strength or super speed • ↳ s.....peed • always bored or always tired • ↳ oh my god both. mostly tired • chocolate or lollipops • ↳ chocolate • pulp or no pulp • ↳ he is a straight up pulp hater • video games or board games • ↳ vidya games • sneakers or flip flops • ↳ sneakers • snapbacks or baseball caps • ↳ ugh, I dunno • black or white • ↳ white • mountains or beaches • ↳ mountains • pasta or rice • ↳ rice • sports cars or trucks • ↳ he doesn't really care for cars but probably sports? • piano or guitar • ↳ PIANO , that's like his only talent • hot weather or cold weather • ↳ cold • laid back or strict • ↳ laid back strictness • melee weapons or long distance • ↳ long distance • gemstones or metal • ↳ gemstones • sarcastic or sincere • ↳ sarcastic • galaxies or planets • ↳ planets • easily excited or easily tired • ↳ HE HAS DEPRESSION ♚ tagging ♚ ↳ youuu "merr for the last time stop doing more kin memes and changing them to oc memes" y'all mind if i just ┏ ┓ ♚ another kin meme ♚ ↳ created by @.mut4nt don't remove credit ┗ ┛ tagged by: i stole this from dave ♞ if you don't want to or can't answer a question, skip it and please don't delete it! ♞ ┏ ┓ ♚ about your kin/id ♚ ┗ ┛ • kin/id of choice • ↳ colton scott but im definitely changing his name so it's alliterative. ive been reading a lot of scott pilgrim • canon of said kin/id • ↳ uhhh.. merrverse • gender + sexuality of said kin/id • ↳ he's cis. and has never been really knowledgeable to consider *gasp* dating another guy?!!!!?? • age of said kin/id • ↳ i tend to set them all around 16 • emoji used to define said kin/id • ↳ 🎸 as it is this guitar kind of annoys me but shdbdbd • emojis that remind you of them • ↳ ✌️💫👔🌻🌆✨🎖️⚽🎮🎸🎹🎧🖱️💿 i hate him • favorite canonmate(s) • ↳ HE LOVES HIS GF VERY MUCH OBVS...colton has a different social group outside of the main cast but he likes most of them, sure. • favorite places in your canon • ↳ probably his garage/room • your kin/id's aesthetic• - it's really really indie rock... half assed music; the obvious plucking of a guitar, and less than perfect perfectness; a bunch of lyrics on aesthetic images; bruised limbs, knuckles; contemplating your life past the normal extent a teenager should go • songs that remind you of your kin/id • ↳ ......indie rock bands THAT ONE SONG by the artic monkeys, the strokes, front bottoms • colors that remind you of your kin/id • ↳ a darker yellow-y green • favorite item(s) from your canon • ↳ 🎸🎧🎮 • favorite memory • ↳ AJAHAJS I DON'T KNOW • have you met any canonmates? • ↳ • do you want to meet canonmates? • ↳ ┏ ┓ ♚ this / that ♚ ┗ ┛ • coke or pepsi • ↳ i feel coke but he likes sweet things so...Hmm • dog person or cat person • ↳ DOG • pop music or rock music • ↳ rock ajsjjs • morning or evening • ↳ evening • sweet or savory • ↳ sweet • stay at home or always on the go • ↳ he's sociable and friendly but i feel like he'd spend a lot of time by himself • introvert or extrovert • ↳ introverted extrovert