#don't tell me my characterization is whack i know what i'm doing

[oodlyenough]

6-3 turnabout... whatever

i finished this case a couple weeks ago but i've been super busy and now also have covid so i haven't gotten around to it. but for posterity. i must document.

this one really tested my patience lol. WHAT a mixed bag.

the good:

maya... i missed u so much .... it's so unbelievably stupid they wrote you out for so long. welcome back babe

the investigation days were genuinely pretty fun. i loved having rayfa as an "assistant" lmao, reminded me of nick investigating with franziska in 3-5 which was PEAK, and i find rayfa herself is perhaps the most compelling new character aa5/6 have thrown at me. phoenix works really well with a horrible little girl having an existential crisis. she is actually imo quite a well-characterized character having a coherent emotional journey that i am interested in. groundbreaking

the lore around khurain and spirit channelling and how the feys are apparently superior to everyone here lol, like, it's all very silly but... i guess.jpeg. there certainly Is a plot at least. the bar is on the ground courtesy of dual destinies

i think the twist at the end here was ... interesting at least. i don't recall having "actually it was a suicide" as a plot resolution before, so kudos for breaking new ground, lol. the puzzles were mostly a decent level of challenge. that there is gameplay and puzzle solving at all is, again, a huge victory over dual destinies.

i don't know what's going on with ema and nahyuta but honestly it's cracking me up. i keep imagining ema consulting the lesbian masterdoc trying to decipher her feelings

however

the bad:

i made a post about it while playing but phoenix is so fucking dumb now!!!!! it used to make me so irritated that fanon treats him like a dumbass but now it's literally canon. grown ass man needs a 14 year old to tell him what moss is. it's SO goddamn annoying to see a plot resolution / twist / answer / whatever four hours ahead of the playable character, who most of the time now never even gets there himself, bc his 1 personality trait now is "bluff". christ. phoenix baby i'm sorry all your traumatic brain injuries are catching up to you it's not your fault this isn't the real you

what is WRONG with the pacing in these cases. honest question. why is it i can go from being like "this is pretty fun" while investigating to "actually i think we should just take the death penalty, nick" in trial. something so so so tedious about how this new guy handles testimony and i can't pinpoint what it is. there were certainly times in the og trilogy i found cases tedious and trying, especially the third cases lol. but this feels... worse? it was that way in AAI1 and DD too so i think it's this particular writer.

speaking of whack pacing: it's insane that after this obviously arc-heavy case, which leaves khurain in disarray and should have given rayfa and nahyuta existential crises, we're going to do a pointless tutorial-style case with athena and blackquill in japanifornia. why the hell. i like athena, but capcom clearly doesn't, and it just makes everything with her kind of excruciating.

[trillgutterbug]

ellic 4.0?

Tbh I'm like, there is Tanis fic?!?! Which, of course there is, it just never occurred to me to look for it 😅

there BARELY is tbh, and only one good nic/ellis fic (this one), which is really too bad because i ship it ferociously!!!! and i would love it if anyone wanted to come talk to me about it 👀👀 i really hope i finish this fic someday, but unfortunately doing so will require actually listening to tanis again lmao. i just did a whole relisten and barely survived it. (to be fair, i could just totally halfass the rest of this fic and that'd be about as canon-compliant as i could get, but i can't bring myself to do that.) anyway, it's set in season..... idk, 2...? whenever nic is working at pacifica, and so far it's all just ust.

(tw: aftermath of animal death)

At the end of Nic’s first break, Ellis stopped him on his way out the door. He was wearing his jacket again, zipped to the neck. His cheeks were flushed with exertion and he smelled of bright, fresh air. 

“Nic,” he said, hands tucked in his pockets. “I’d like to show you something, if you have a moment.” 

Nic hesitated, already gripping the door handle. “Okay… I’m just going out for my second period, though.”

“I know. What you need to see is in the woods. A discovery an employee just made.”

Something began squirming in Nic’s chest. A fluttering dread. “What is it?”

“I would prefer to show you.” Despite its gentleness, there was no room for negotiation in Ellis’ tone. His gaze was very direct, the position of his body next to the door as clear a message as the bright red EXIT sign above it.

Nic chewed the inside of his cheek, weighing his options. Without any surprise, he found the scales entirely unequal. As usual. “Alright,” he said at last. “Sure.” Taking his hand off the handle, he gestured Ellis forward. “After you.”

~*~

It wasn’t a long walk - seven minutes by Nic’s watch. Still, that was a third of his shift. He’d never known twenty-two minutes could fly by so quickly until he started this job. Ellis said very little, leading Nic down a winding series of trails that were vaguely familiar in the way every trail in these woods was familiar. The shades of dirt and trees, the shape of the land, were as recognizable to Nic as the quality of light in a Rembrandt.

“Where are we going?” he finally asked, when the quiet and the briskness of Ellis’ pace had worn through his last nerve. He'd turned on his voice recorder as soon as they left the facility, but so far it had mostly recorded dead air and a few birdsongs. 

“Just up ahead,” Ellis replied without looking back. 

“But what is it?”

“You’ll see.”

That was hardly a satisfactory answer, but, as it turned out, it was an accurate one. Nic knew what was coming before he even saw the clearing. Between one step and the next, he knew. His whole body seized. His muscles clenched like the hard involuntary shudder of incipient hypothermia. His feet dragged, slowed, and stopped. The Blur rushed up on him, snatching him under its thick cotton cloud before he could even consider fighting it. Distantly, through a high-pitched haze, he watched Ellis turn around. 

Ellis didn’t seem surprised he’d stopped. He regarded Nic with a calm, curious expression. “Nic? What’s wrong?” 

“I don't want to,” Nic heard himself say. His voice was low, firm. “I don't want to do this.”

Ellis took a step toward him. “What don't you want to do?”

“I don't want to see.”

Ellis watched him without speaking. It was unbearable, the inescapability of his gaze. Nic’s fists clenched. His heart began to pound. He thought about turning and running with an urgency so visceral his breath caught. If he was fast, if he was smart about it, he could get back to the facility before Ellis could stop him. He could get back to the road. He could run all the way back to his car, he could -

“It's alright,” Ellis said. “There's nothing here that can harm you.”

Nic shook his head. His chest hurt like his heart was going to burst through it. “You don't know that.”

Ellis came closer. He took his hands out of his jacket pockets. “Nic, what do you think I'm about to show you? What do you think is out here?”

Tears stung the back of Nic’s eyes. His mouth filled with the taste of salt.  “I don't know,” he whispered.

Another step. “Are you sure about that?”

Nic shut his eyes. “I don’t want to know.”

“I think it's important that you do.” Ellis touched Nic’s wrist. “May I?” 

Nic tried to say No, but when he opened his mouth, nothing came out. His throat had shut tight.

Ellis drew him forward with a warm, unyielding grip. “I'm right here with you,” he said. “I won't let anything happen.”

That was bullshit, of course. Even if Ellis had been trustworthy, he didn’t understand what the Blur was capable of, what Tanis could do. He just didn’t understand. But Nic obeyed the tug of his hand anyway. He followed, blind. 

It was only around the next corner. Nic nearly walked into Ellis’ back when he stopped, then stood as still as he could, holding his breath. If he didn’t move, it wouldn’t see him. It wouldn’t catch him. 

“Nic?” Ellis’ voice was very quiet. “Open your eyes.”

He didn’t want to. But he did as he was told. 

Ellis was standing between Nic and the clearing, but Nic could see it over his shoulder. He could see the corpses, the piles of fur and feathers, the guts and the bones. He could smell rot. And, as if that seeing and smelling was an inoculation, an exorcism, the Blur receded. It drew away like a wave sucked back down a long beach. Nic was left standing cold and sick in the woods with dead animals at his feet and Cameron Ellis next to him, alone in his own mind. 

“I didn't do this,” he said, before Ellis could speak. “I didn't.”

Ellis took a moment to respond. His hand, still on Nic’s, tightened. His thumb touched the bone of Nic’s wrist. “I’m afraid evidence suggests otherwise.”

The smell roiled in the back of Nic throat, churning his stomach. He turned his head to gag, but nothing came up except some sour spit. He breathed fast and ragged until he thought he could speak again. “What evidence?” he asked. It emerged as a croak. 

“The test results for the blood swabbed from you on Friday,” said Ellis. “It's all animal. Birds and small mammals, some reptiles. The scraping from under your nails contained fur and feather keratin.” 

Ellis’ soft words permitted no misunderstanding, even though Nic very badly wanted to misunderstand. He chanced another glance over Ellis’ shoulder. It was no less horrific this time, but he forced himself to keep looking, to comprehend what he was seeing. The eviscerated birds dangling from branches, the heaps of sticky flesh among the roots. Flashes of white bone, piles of feathers, torn flesh and fur. The flies. The flies were buzzing so loud. 

“I couldn't do this,” he said. Even to himself, it sounded more like a question, a plea for agreement. “How could anyone do this?”

Ellis didn’t reply. He was looking at Nic, not the carnage around them. 

Nic swallowed, twice and then three times. He began to shiver. “You don't think I did this. You can't think that.”

“I think…” said Ellis, measuring his words, “that you were not in your right mind when you were involved in what happened here. Whatever that was.” There was nothing judgmental in his gaze, only concern. Nic wanted to shrivel beneath the weight of it, recoil like something delicate and wet withdrawing from the sun, scalded by perception. “Do you remember anything at all?”

Nic shook his head. “No. No, I -” He trailed off, distracted again, aghast. “How would someone do this?” He felt like a broken record, the needle of his mind trapped in this one deep, gouged groove. “How would someone even catch…” There were crows, sparrows, squirrels. He saw the dull stretch of something spotted and leathery, a frog or salamander skin. A rabbit’s head, attached to the stump of its spine by a thin string of flesh. Was that the bloody, disembodied leg of a wolf, or was it... 

His voice cracked. “How would I even catch all these animals?” 

“I don't know, Nic,” Ellis said. “That's what we were hoping you could tell us."

[beastenraged]

i want to say that tempests!terra would be confused but not surprised that ruse seems to dislike him for whatever reason. mostly he's just trying to make sure ven doesn't make more unversed than is advisable from ven's dislike of ruse's dislike of terra alone. (on a different note, imagining how the tempests characters would interact with tell me characters is very fun. i wonder how alt!xehanort meeting guide of departure would go, since they are very technically kind of the same person, made drastically different by life circumstances?)

Ooooh, all very good thoughts. Here, have a ficlet under the cut! (Pardon me if my tempests!ven's characterization is whack, I'll do my best!)

I lean back against the wall, trying not to expose my limp. It'll heal up soon enough, even after this Ven hamstringed me earlier.

Man, I really hate Keyblades. They suck.

"Look, I just have one question, if you can answer it as simple as you can. Why do you like Terra so much? Why him?" I spread my arms in efforts to show no offense.

Thankfully, the scrappy Unversed doesn't try to go for my kneecaps. Probably more for Terra's pleading sake (after our fight) than for me. Which is fine. I can watch the blood pumping through their veins, through his kind of translucent skin, as they tilt their head in thought.

Hm, wonder if Unversed humanoids are the same where I come from? Reminds me of the weird deep sea beasts in the ocean.

I guess... they start, He makes me feel safe.

Safe? Hmm. I rub one finger along my cheek. Tracing the scars. "And never...trapped? I mean, he's around a lot. All the time. Isn't that too much?"

Ven's face screws up in confusion. Why would he do that? He's my dad.

Dad. I do not flinch at that, because whoa, that's a really strong word to use. Weren't Ven and Terra just bros in my timeline? Wonder what changed here.

(Moron. I know what changed. Look at how pale Ven is, how cold his skin is to touch. Even with a Keyblade...weak. Sick.)

My chest aches.

Something about those eyes, looking at me. Older than the rest of him. Insightful. I don't like those eyes.

Don't you have someone that makes you safe?

"Safe?" I laugh. "I'm fine, I can take care of myself. I don't need someone else to do it for me."

Sure.

I shift backwards. Grit my teeth as my leg almost goes out from underneath me. Ven notices. Of course he does.

You're hurt. Do you want help?

I snort. "Nah. It'll be healed up soon. Us Replicas have to bounce back, you know?" I pat at my facial scars for emphasis.

How ugly they are, how terrible. Look, we may be monsters, the two of us, but I'm worse.

(Someone tried to put me down but I still got up. I walked away.)

Still like how he's looking at me. And whoa, there's Terra looking at me in the background. I fight the urge to stick my tongue out (don't want another fight yet) and simply...walk away.

I don't need to be around these people who think they can fix this.

(Not when Ven doesn't know how his protector will fail him.)

[alliterative-albatross]

So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".

Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.

But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).

AFTERSHOCKS

Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.

IF I FALL

Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?

But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.

You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.

Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).

A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.

I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.

PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.

JAVIER PEÑA

My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.

OCs

I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.

And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.

HANNAH AARONS

Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.

Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔

PARTING THOUGHTS

Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.

You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪

~

My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again. 

That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.

Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise! 

I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.

I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory. 

On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.

Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.

Mad love and soft hugs, 

~ Jay