#don't really feel like tagging this as anything else. hoping next year is better! can't wait to get on hrt n stuff

[bellhopping]

nearly christmas so here's my 2024 summary of art!!!

I think this year was pretty good for me overall. Designed a buncha characters I really like, & finally began pushing my art in a direction that I both prefer & find easier to draw. Kinda stumbled on Cat-Astrophe this year, but as a tradeoff I found the motivation to begin doing yt again I guess. Also I opened a bank account & began doing commissions!!! Once I get my kofi in order I will continue doing more of those.

When it comes to art related resolutions: design & draw more human characters, flesh out my worlds & document their lore, finally settle into a proper style for my speedpaints, and lastly just do more commissions in general really.

Also I'll leave each individual piece under the cut. I hope you enjoy :]

Still insane that the first one transed my gender huh. Anyways all of these go hard asf I think

Also to be clear: the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 7th, 10th, and 12th include characters that aren't mine.

[mydarlingclaudia]

every word I meant to say

note : ermmmm hi. don't ask where I went for like almost a month work is eating me alive and I was sad. this was inspired by that the unsent project thing andddd idk if I really like this it's def ooc but I was thinking about it again today and this has been in my drafts since September so I figured why not

wc : 2.1k

tags : @luvrgreyy @clitorphosis @sonya-semyonova

desc : letters that went unsent. kind of unrequited love, angst (???), more Leon focused, re2r!Leon - DI!Leon, fem!reader, ooc, not proofread

"I meant to write sooner, I really did. I know it's been a year, my life is so different now, I don't think you'd even believe me if I tried to explain it. I hope you're doing better than I am, I'm happy you weren't able to move to the city with me."

Leon hasn't written a letter since, what, his first few years in the academy? Maybe the end of his senior year of high school? He can't really remember, but he knows that this letter is important because it's to you, his friend he hasn't seen since the night he left for Raccoon City. This isn't even an actual letter, he's scribbling out what he thinks might be good excuses as to why he hasn't talked to you in a year on the back of pieces of scrap paper he took from the office.

He's supposed to be asleep right now, same as everyone else in boot camp, but it's been a year since Raccoon City and he's wondering if you ever tried to reach him. Maybe you tried to go to Raccoon City to look for him, only to see the pile of rubble that stood in its place, sectioned off by the government. Maybe you thought he was dead, he wouldn't blame you.

You and Leon had stuck together all throughout high school, even managed to stay friends when he went off to the police academy and you moved a few hours away for college. He doesn't even know if your address is still the same, he really hopes it is, there's no phone-books in boot camp if he wanted to try and call you, you're supposed to have your loved ones numbers memorized.

The last time Leon saw you was the night before he was supposed to move to the city, before he got a letter in the mail the next morning telling him not to come in, he really wishes he had listened. You were so happy for him, starting out as a city cop was a big deal and he had worked so hard to get there, you and a few friends had thrown him a going-away-party, telling him not to forget you once he got to the city. Leon couldn't forget you if he tried.

You had talked about moving to the city with him for a short period of time, it was really just ramblings the two of you kept bringing up. "Oh, when we live in the city..." "I can come visit you at work..." "I'll handle dinner, you'll handle cleaning..." Nothing ever really came of those ideas, but it gave him a warm feeling in his stomach knowing you wanted to come to the city with him.

He hopes you’ve been well, that life has been kinder to you than it has to him. Leon hopes you got that job you were gushing about the last time he saw you, he hopes you still think of him on his birthday because he thinks of you often.

He shouldn’t have gone to Raccoon City, he should’ve stayed home the day he left and instead stopped by your house to bother you about going to see a movie. Or he should have taken you to lunch, anything would’ve been better than walking into a city that was beyond saving.

"I’m not really sure what I’m saying, but I know I miss you. How have you been? I hope I’m able to come and visit soon, everything’s been moving so fast, but I’ll figure something out. Maybe we can get dinner, or something. Whatever you want, I’ll pay for it, don’t worry."

Leon's hands shake a tiny bit when he thinks of you, it's that school boy nervousness that movies portray whenever there's a boy with a crush on a girl who he knows is probably too out of his league. You were friends, at least.

"You're done with school now, right?" He knows you are. "I wish I was there for the graduation ceremony, I know your parents are proud. Do you remember my graduation party? Someone spiked the punch and we both ended up passed out in the bathtub at your house, you looked really pretty that night. I hope your graduation was better than mine. This would probably have been better as a phone call, but I don't know, you said letters were always more thoughtful.

– Leon"

–

That letter never got sent. Every letter needs an envelope, Leon just never got around to finding one, but he kept that scrap piece of paper tucked inside his pillowcase on the odd chance that he got his hands on one. He had stricter rules to follow than the other recruits, being legally dead and all.

But even after he got out of boot camp, he kept the letter. It's hidden away in some drawer in his house, he's not sure where, though.

He didn't make it into the army, he's not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but being in the position he was in now wasn't much better. He's stronger now, hardened, more mature.

Leon's written a few more letters to you over the years, ones that still never got sent because he either deemed them unworthy or because he became unsure of himself halfway through writing it. But he hasn't thrown any of them away, he'll send them one day, he swears it.

Leon's not using you as a way of journaling, either, even though he should find some way to actually write down his thoughts to get them out of his head. What he writes to you is mostly memories, telling you that his life keeps changing and that he misses you. He knows you're different by now, too. You're both grown, no longer in high school, no longer in college or the academy. If he could turn back time, go anywhere other than Raccoon City, he would. He thinks that's selfish of him, him not being there would've left Claire and Sherry in that city, but how would he have even known?

"Me again, hope you're doing better than I am." Leon's way with words gets worse and worse by the week, not that he cares. "I met someone who kind of reminded me of you, she's a sweetheart, like you. You'd probably become fast friends if you were ever able to meet."

Leon's not allowed to tell you about his mission in Spain, or about the president's daughter. President Graham is putting more body-guards in place for his daughter once she steps foot in D.C. again, Leon's sure the president considered appointing Leon as one of them at some point since breaking the news that she was going to be coming back home safely.

Leon should stop thinking about you so much, it's not like you were his only friend in the world, you've probably forgotten him, anyway.

"My life is still different, but yours probably is, too. This probably sounds stupid, but I miss being in high school. You probably don't, your mom was up your ass all the time and you worked yourself to the bone. Has that changed at all?

I remember that one year I went to Thanksgiving at your house, your uncles were all drunk and your cousins kept trying to get me to come sit with them, your grandpa was trying to get me interested in football. I haven't had a holiday like that since then, your family was always really nice to me."

He's not sure what to say anymore, these letters always just end up dragging out, but Leon has a lot of memories and he hopes you think of them as often as he does.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited. It's harder for me to get time off of work these days, even though I could really fucking use it. I promise one day I'll come back, it's just not going to be for a little while. Just don't do anything dumb.

– Leon"

–

Those letters he's been writing you have piled up in the drawer of his nightstand.

He's definitely sure that your address has changed by now, you're probably not even in the same state anymore. He could always try to find you on Facebook, explain everything that's been building up over the years in a simple text, but there's still rules he's supposed to follow even in his personal life.

Leon didn't stop writing, though. The letters did eventually get shorter, he's not sure if you like the same things anymore or if you'd even be interested.

He writes now mostly about how different his life would be if he was with you, if he had just asked you out in high school or kissed you the night he was supposed to leave for Raccoon City. It almost feels real to him when he goes to sleep, but that might just be the alcohol numbing his brain, not the dream of you sleeping next to him or the feeling of your breath on the back of his neck, not even the little pitter-patter off tiny footsteps coming from down the hallway.

It does make him feel a bit pathetic, dreaming of a life with someone he hadn't talked to in years. Leon can't help but think of you, he always thought you were pretty, and the past always lives in the back of his mind, but it comes alive late at night.

You're an entirely different person by now, someone who he hasn't had the opportunity to meet yet. You're probably married, maybe you even have a few kids running around, Leon's jealous of that. That could've been him, but it's not. But he's not even sure if you'd recognize each other if you passed by on the street, so is it even worth it to dwell on all the maybe's?

"I'm not sure I'll get to visit you for a while, not without a lucky fucking twist of fate, anyway."

All these letters are starting to sound the same, but Leon clings onto the thought of someday sending them to whatever corner of the country you were hiding in and hoping that there's still room in your life for a stranger.

"Do you still want me over for dinner? You don't know what I'd give to just eat a shitty meal with you right now."

You don't know what he'd give to do anything with you, really. He knows that there's a lifetime worth of things he's missed out on and that maybe every once in a while you think about him in the same way he thinks about you.

"I don't know how to ask this, but are you married? I know you'd look stunning in a wedding dress." You probably are, you're a catch, who wouldn't want to put a ring on your finger? Your husband's probably a better man than he is, too. One who hasn't had years worth of trauma jammed into his brain with the proof of it marked across his body, your husband probably takes you out on a date every week, maybe even surprises you with breakfast in bed and kisses the nape of your neck to gross out your kids. "I really hope you're happy, in my head you are.

I wanted that to be us, I never told you, but I was a chicken-shit kid and didn't know how to say it. You show up in my dreams sometimes, you deserve nothing but the best. I meant to get back in touch with you forever ago, but I think it's probably too late.

– Leon"

–

Two years after his last letter and Leon's still thinking of you, seventeen years after Raccoon City and the image of you sitting across from him for the last time still loops in his mind. He doesn't really remember your voice but he knows that you thought handwritten letters were romantic, and he still reads over the ones he meant to send to you but kept avoiding.

He's done with the letters, hasn't written one in a long time. But he just got back from California and your old favorite song is playing on the radio, and he's remembering how in love he is with your memory.

"I don't know what I'm doing. I'm too old for this and I'm sure you'd tease me if we had somehow kept in touch. I don't blame you if you thought I died in Raccoon City, I hope you're still alive and that life is good to you.

You were always important to me, I think you've given me something to cling to over the years. This letter won't find you and I'm not even really sure if I want it to, but I hope you'd still call me if you were able to. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen, but I'm happy you never got to see them.

Love, Leon

p.s. I'd say I love you but it feels like something you'd say in person"

[steddieas-shegoes]

if you call me back

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'mutual pining' rated: T wc: 864 cw: angst with a happy ending, mention of being drunk tags: mutual pining, long distance friends, friends to lovers

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

"Hey, Eds, just me checking in. Dustin said you lost your job and I didn't know if you already had another one or not. Uh. Just call me when you can."

"Me again. Heard you got a new job! I didn't even know a record store opened in Hawkins. You must be happy about that. Um, well, I guess call me when you can?"

"I know this is kinda the worst to get a lot of voice messages, but I just...miss you? Sorry, I just. Needed you to know that. If I upset you or something, you can tell me."

"Eds! Listen! If you call me back, I gotta tell you something! Robin said I can't say it over the phone though! Ouch, sorry, just stubbed my toe. Uh, okay wait. I think I'm drunk."

Eddie listened to every voice message on repeat every night before bed.

He didn't know why he didn't call Steve back, especially after the last message that left him dangerously hopeful that he would admit he had feelings for him.

They'd naturally drifted when Steve moved away with Robin, though they'd kept up weekly phone calls for months. The highlight of Eddie's week was getting to talk to Steve about the kids and hear about his exciting life in the city.

But after a few months, the calls got shorter, and then Eddie decided that he had to pull away completely before Steve unintentionally broke his heart.

It wasn't Steve's fault he couldn't keep things strictly platonic.

The phone ringing startled him out of his thoughts.

He looked at the clock and frowned. It was much later than Steve usually called, even the one drunk message was from closer to ten instead of one in the morning.

He answered, hoping it was just Wayne checking in from work.

"Hello?"

"Edward."

Robin.

"How're things, birdie?" Sounding casual would work for him, right?

"Things for me would be a lot better if I wasn't dealing with the mopiest human being on the planet right now."

He could hear the crossed arms in her voice.

"Oh?"

"Oh? That's all you've got? You don't return Steve's calls for almost two months and all you've got is 'oh'?"

Had it really been that long?

"I-"

"Don't wanna hear it. Can you please at least call him back and break his heart so he can move on? I cannot deal with the pining anymore."

She hung up before he could respond.

Well.

He dialed the number for their apartment, hoping Robin would at least explain more of what she meant.

"'Lo?" Steve's voice, rough with sleep, answered.

"Uh."

"Eddie?" Steve sounded like he'd just had cold water thrown on him, much more awake. "Holy shit. Hi."

"Hey. Uh-"

"I'm sorry," Steve interrupted.

"Sorry? For what?"

"Whatever I did to make you not wanna talk to me."

"Steve, I-"

"No, I just. I know sometimes I'm needy or clingy or whatever. Robin doesn't mind it because she is, too, but I know it's annoying. Like, you have a life that I don't belong in and I just have to get used to that. I should've taken the hint sooner."

Eddie's heart was racing.

Now. Do it now.

"Why would you think you don't belong in my life?"

"It's just that you always talk to everyone else, but not me. I kinda got the message, just, maybe later than you hoped."

"Stevie..." Eddie sighed, his grip on the phone tightening. "I miss you every minute of every day. I just thought...you seem happy there. I don't wanna make you feel like you owe me anything."

A whimper could be heard on the other end and Eddie felt his stomach drop.

"Eds, I." A pause. "I didn't wanna do this over the phone, but I won't be back in Hawkins for another month. I'm sorry this might change everything, but I can't keep doing this. I love you. I love you so much that some days I think about packing up and moving back there because having you laughing next to me on the couch sounds worlds better than anything this city has to offer. You've been one of my best friends for a year, and not having you next to me is like my chest is actually trying to cave in on itself."

"Oh." Oh.

"Oh?"

"Oh."

"Is that...all?"

"No, sweetheart, I just think I'd like to say the rest in person. Think you can make time for me to visit tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Don't you have work?"

"Not anymore. Tell Robin to stay somewhere else."

"Oh."

Eddie smirked as Steve let out a breath and cleared his throat.

"I have a shift in the morning, but I can be home right after lunch?"

"Perfect." Eddie started pacing as he mentally planned what he needed for his four hour drive. "Grab some lube if you don't have some. We've got a lot of time to make up for. Oh! And before I go, I love you too."

"You do?"

"Yeah, Stevie. Kind of been head over heels for the better part of a year."

"Oh."

"Mhm."

"Tomorrow?" Steve was smiling and Eddie could feel his heart melting.

"Tomorrow."

[and-the-times-we-had]

As a somewhat newer member of the Silmarillion fandom (I've been here for two years but compared to a lot of people I've come across that seems pretty recent to me) I'm not entirely familiar with the history of arguments and discourse in this fandom but I feel like I know enough at this point to have thoughts about it. I know it's there because I've seen discourse posts on here as old as 2011. I know the feanorians v lathrim/Thingol's line discourse in particular has a nasty history (including fans verbally attacking other fans) and I know that this fandom has had an issue with misogyny in regards to female characters (and even more importantly in regards to female fans).

I just have to wonder when we as a fandom and as individuals in the fandom are going to make the choice to stop doing this. Because it seems like it's been going on an awfully long time, and it comes back in cycles. And because of that, every time someone new comes into the fandom and says anything even vaguely adjacent to that discourse (and others), someone who has been around longer and experienced that discourse inevitably jumps down their throat about their take. A take that is clearly not connected back to that old discourse given that they are new to the fandom. A take that they most likely came up with while engaging with the text themselves (yes, even if it sounds similar to a take you've seen before. of course it is. We're all working off the same text/story).

How is this in any way welcoming or helpful? All it serves to do is drive away new fans who do not want that drama, add tension to a space that should be fun, restart the discourse that people say they are tired of seeing but do absolutely nothing to stop, and make it difficult to have any interesting discussions without worrying about inadvertently causing drama.

I've been in a lot of fandoms and been involved in discourse before (even in this fandom to an, in my opinion, limited extent) so I'm in no way going to say I'm above it but like, aren't you guys tired of this? Because I am. I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to be lambasted every time I post something. That's no way to engage with a hobby as far as I'm concerned. I could choose to leave the fandom out of the sheer level of frustration I feel about this, but there are still lots of things that I like, and honestly, I don't really want to. I dont think I've ever felt as creative or engaged in thinking analytically about the source materials in my fandom as I have in this one. I just want the fandom to be a generally more positive experience for myself and others.

I'm going to do my best to not contribute to the discourse issue and while I can't tell anyone else what to do, I hope you guys might also take a few moments to think the next time a post you disagree with comes across your dash or you see it in the tag. If nothing else, can we please avoid bashing other fans during the course of the discourse? It sucks to see the characters we like questioned/disliked/villainized/etc, but it sucks even more to be an actual person being bashed and told that they shouldn't even be able to consider themselves fans because they don't agree with your take on the text.

Can we just try to be better about this? Please?

[maochira]

Hii hello! Hope you’re doing well! Could I request the coach trio (with snuffy if you’re alright with that) as father figures reacting to the reader being sad and heartbroken after a breakup? You can do hc or drabbles, anything is fine! Thank you so much!

Snuffy is part of the father figure series now so I'm putting him into every request!! Also I kinda got a comfort in writing breakup comfort stuff shdnnfns I went through a rough breakup last year so this stuff is nice to write!!

Requests open! - father figure series masterlist

Tags: gn!reader, breakup stuff, comfort

Noel Noa

-he didn't see your breakup coming at all, so he was surprised when you told him about it

-doesn't know what to do or how to help you. He doesn't like asking you "How are you doing regarding the breakup?" or anything else related to it because he's so afraid of triggering you

-but he made very VERY clear that you can talk to him about it at any time, so he waits for you to approach him if you ever struggle regarding this

-it breaks his heart to see how in the first weeks after the breakup, you lose interest in the things you loved before and he ust notices how you lack some of your usual habits. He gets so afraid of you losing yourself

-he really can't stand seeing you like this, so he puts extra effort into finding ways to help you. Depending on what you need that day, either distraction or he lets you vent

Chris Prince

-you didn't tell him about the breakup immediately when it happened. You didn't tell anyone, actually

-Chris noticed how something about you started feeling off and you haven't talked about your ex-partner in a while, so he asks you about it and as much as you try to keep yourself together, you break down in front of him and tell him what happened

-he's never felt his heart hurt as bad as when you told him everything and he feels so guilty. He thinks he did something in the past that gave you a reason to not tell him about the breakup when it happened. But it was really just you being afraid of everyone's reaction because you were seen as "the perfect couple"

-Chris puts so much effort into helping you heal. He lets you put on breakup songs in the car, he buys you your favourite food all the time and randomly checks on you by texting or calling whenever he thinks of you, which is very often

Lavinho

-your first thought right after the breakup was to call him. He panicked so much when he heard your crying voice on the phone and stopped whatever he was doing to pick you up from your place

-he didn't have any ideas where to go, and the first thing that popped into his mind was the soccer field, so that's where he took you. Not to play soccer (unless you want to) but to sit down and talk. He knows that's one of your safe spaces

-you talk to him about the breakup and other things that happened during the relationship for hours. Lavinho even canceled an interview that day so he can stay with you. He really doesn't want to leave you alone like this until you feel a bit better

Marc Snuffy

-you didn't come to your last soccer practice and started isolating yourself in general, which got Snuffy worried about you

-when he asks about it the next time he meets, you lie and tell him you were sick because you don't feel ready to tell him about it

-but the longer you're around him, you feel more and more guilty for lying to him, so you tell him the truth

-Snuffy actually kind of expected it because for the past weeks and months he realized your relationship didn't go as well as it should have, so he was prepared with what to say and how he could help you

-he has SO MUCH good advice and listens closely to whatever you tell him. He figures out very quickly what helps you heal and without him you'd definitely feel much worse

[transthadymacdermot]

Tagged by @saturnine-saturneight for an OC deep dive! Doing it for Donal, Eoin's cousin from TNG.

Phobias: Claustrophobia

Other fears: He doesn't respond well to explosions after the whole war business. Also he doesn't like water because he can't swim.

Pet peeves: He really doesn't like repetitive noises like finger tapping, whistling, etc, and he absolutely cannot stand any form of inefficiency.

3 items you can find in their bedroom: His bedroom is not separate from the rest of the one room cabin but around his bed: sabre, pipe & tobacco, poetry books.

First thing they notice in a person: 1. are they a threat; 2. if yes can the threat be neutralised.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance? 12. After the eye incident very little fazes him.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? Fight!

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person? He's one of ten children #catholicism but he's not terribly close to his siblings, preferring the company of his cousin Eoin and his family

What animal represents them best? Maybe a guard dog... the ghost of victor hugo looking over my shoulder as I justify this with the fact that man brought in a wolf from the cold and turned it into a guard dog and then set it on the other wolves. much like another organisation Donal was once in I could name

What is a smell that they dislike? Hates the smell of blood. He goes outside when the Whiteboys are committing acts of extreme violence in small spaces and people think it's because he's mysterious and brooding but actually he's trying not to pass out due to the blood smell.

Have they broken any bones? He's broken an indeterminate but surely large number due to his career in the army.

How would a stranger likely describe them? From Sarah's first chapter in TNG:

"...a one-eyed fire-haired man in a striped blue and white shirt near the window, inspecting a half-empty bottle in his hand. He seemed somewhat drunk as he looked up at her with a bloodshot eye... Even sitting, he towered over her—a giant of a man, whose thighs alone were just about as thick as her waist. His former career as a soldier had been well-chosen."

Are they a night owl or a morning bird? Night owl #insomnia

What is a flavour they hate and a flavour they love? Doesn't like fish DOES like oatcakes and butter.

Do they have any hobbies? Drinking No not really. Which might explain a few things tbh.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? He's genuinely appreciative and touched by the gesture, if someone self deprecating about how he doesn't deserve it. He has a great time and hopes to do the same thing again next year :)

Do they like to wear jewelry? I don't knowww... probably he leaves it at a very simple crucifix and doesn't wear much of anything else.

Do they have neat or messy handwriting? His handwriting is surprisingly very neat and clean.

What are the two emotions they feel the most? Guilt and shame 😀

Do they have a favourite fabric? Linen...

What kind of accent do they have? Welcome Back Fuckass Armagh Accent. However note that he only speaks a few words of English so it's probably a bigger deal to say that he speaks the Ulster dialect of Irish.

Open tag!

[yavvana]

There's a photo that exists that I had forgotten about. I blocked it from my memory for twelve years. And then in February, Facebook regurgitated it and threw it at me, and I have not been able to stop being angry about it.

I hate that fucking photo. I hate it because I am so clearly fucking uncomfortable, I look like I want to crawl out of my own skin, and I remember everyone laughing when it was taken. He never took no for an answer when it came from me. Never listened when I said stop. The photo is fucking proof. And I hate it because the person who took it saw so little wrong with what was happening, she not only took that photo while giggling up a storm, she posted it and tagged me in it.

I removed the tag. But the photo still exists.

And if I ask why she did it now, I'm "dredging up the past," and "why didn't you say anything back then?"

I DID!

But my discomfort was and is a joke to them. I am a joke. And when I begged for help to make him stop, because he actually respected the two of them enough to listen, I was told I needed to stop reacting to the harassment.

"He only does it to get a reaction from you. If you stop reacting, he'll leave you alone."

Because it was MY fault. Everything was always my fault. Is my fault.

And when we got home from that trip and I climbed into my shower and scrubbed my skin raw so that I could erase the memory, and then adamantly refused to hang out with him ever again, I was the asshole. I was breaking up the friend group. Again. Because when people hurt me, it doesn't matter. It's not important enough to bother anyone else.

"Well, he's never done anything like that to me."

Great. So fucking thrilled for you. But he did do it to me, and he's a vile little man, and I don't believe in Hell anymore, so I can't say I hope he goes there, but I can say I hope he fucking ROTS.

But that's not how anyone else saw it. I mean, clearly I deserved the harassment, right? Because I was too weak to stand up for myself? So why should anyone else, right? And how dare I ask for help, anyway! Don't I know that asking people to "white knight" for me is fucking insane?!

I'm tired. I haven't slept in like three days. I want to scream or cry or something, but no one wants to hear that, and even if they did, I don't want to inconvenience anyone.

So I'll swallow it until my next therapy session, where my therapist will AGAIN tell me I REALLY need to start talking to people in my life again, and stop bottling shit up, and I'll AGAIN tell him that it's not that fucking simple. That I used to try, that I spent years trying, and being made to feel like a fucking inconvenience for wanting to talk. That I was raised being told by both friends and family that I'm too sensitive and I need to get my emotions in check and grow up. That my tears brought someone I thought was my friend fucking JOY for a year, and that now I can't let myself cry even when I'm alone. That I'm aware that it's stunted me. That swallowing those emotions and pushing them down and remaining stone faced has kept me from actually learning how to process them. That I understand that the bottling them up and feeling suppressed and depressed and so fucking alone led me to drinking too much and making stupid fucking mistakes and becoming the most annoying person anyone has ever known. And that, fuck, according to 80% of the people I have ever cared about, I was already, at least, most of the way there, so that just made it worse. And that it's why I'm even more alone than I was before. And fuck, I was so alone before.

That I'm not worth the time it takes to read this post.

That I know these things. And I can't unknow them.

And I have tried really, really fucking hard to be better. I stopped drinking earlier this year, but now my sleep schedule is fucked and insomnia is awful, and that's made it worse and it's a really fucking annoying cycle that I can't break. And that when I try to explain this cycle to people, they look at me like I'm an idiot and tell me to just step out of it like I'm not in a fucking whirlpool that's pulling me down and slowly drowning me.

And that picture...that fucking picture still exists. And it's eating me alive.

And I want it gone. Burned. Destroyed. Erased from the internet. But I also want it printed, and stored somewhere secure where I don't have to look at it. Because it's proof. It's proof that when I say that even when I ask for help, I don't get it, that when I fucking BEG for someone to take my fucking side for once, it doesn't happen. It's proof that all the times I've been told I'm "overdramatic" and that if I just asked for help instead of "just expecting it," maybe someone would help me. It's PROOF that that was never the fucking case.

It's proof that I'm worth even less than I make myself out to be.

And the worst part is, if either of the two people who were laughing while it was taken had been in my shoes, in that situation, I would have killed him. I could have killed him. I would have reached across the aisle and pulled them out of that situation before it ever got that far. I sure as fuck never would have taken a photo.

But because it was me...

[larrydoinglaundry]

2022 writing self-evaluation✍️

Thank you @greenblueish for tagging me 💜

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 4

2. Word count posted for the year: 189 907 (woah)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Larry

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: love is a word, you gave it a name

Bookmarks: love is a word, you gave it a name

Comments: love is a word, you gave it a name

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

I mean it has to be love is a word you gave it a name because that was a journey and somehow I finished it😭 and obviously because I took a biiig bite with that. The whole gender aspect, internalized homophobia, mental health issues, falling in love... there was a lot going on and three chapters in I wanted to give up so bad. But I didn't !

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

this does in no mean I am not proud of this work, I just wish I would have been able to write more for it. so it has to be I'm insatiable it's all your fault

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

I love every single comment on ao3, I am beyond grateful for every single person who reached out in dms on twitter, and everyone who keeps hyping my fic up.

I can't share a favorite, I have so many.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Chapter 3 in love is a word. It was constant writing, deleting, crying, writing, deleting, crying... 💀 there wasn't even anything particularly difficult to write in that chapter ! It just didn't seem to flow at all. I had never wanted to give up so bad.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Didn't really surprise me per se, but I finally dared to put cunningulus and vaginal sex in my abo 😂 I had been hesitant to be very descriptive about it before, being too worried it turns my readers off. But I loved every second of it ! Pussy, folds, lips... �� and judging by the comments and kudos, people didn't hate it.

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

"I won’t forget you. And that you were, will always be, my first love, and my baby. My sweetest dove," Louis murmurs, fingers softly digging onto Harry's jaw. With a soft smile, he whispers, "Will always be my bumblebee."

Harry should be able to say something equally sweet, something just as beautiful, but he can’t, because his brain is short circuiting, and his throat is burning again with the sobs that will probably never end.

Much to his relief, Louis sees it all, and chooses to kiss him to spare him from having to come up with something to say.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

hmmm. I think my general skills as a storyteller developed a lot. I feel like on some parts IIIAYF is written way better than LIAW. And while I haven't published my wip yet, I think for the most part it's a lot better than anything I put out this year.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I hope, again, that I could stop being so hard on myself but that will probably never happen.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@stylesthebrave my beloved, and everyone I met on twitter this year.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

hehehehe. Always. Yes. Something. One shall never know what.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Don't worry about cliches, stories that have already been written, authors that are getting more attention... The story that's planned in your head is unique, and no one else can write it the way you do. Your mind is beautiful.

And most importantly, your worth is not measured by statistics.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Finish the sequel to LIAW ! Hallelujah ! And starting my cliche fic heheh.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I feel like everyone has already done this so I don't know :(

[persage]

Can't Say It Back-S. HARRINGTON

Summary: At eighteen, Steve Harrington has learned how to really love someone. That someone it's not you. At nineteen, Steve Harrington breaks your heart and this time you hope it will be the last (six moments that led to this)

Words Count: 4k

Tags: Mentions of dyslexic!Steve - Set before Season 4 (currently thinking about doing a part 2)

Seven years old Steve Harrington has big brown eyes, a beautiful backpack and finally his first friend: Y/n Cunnigham. Tommy doesn't count, he is more like family and neither does his babysitter Becca, even if he really really loves her. He has discovered his mum pays her to be with him and that doesn't sound like something a friend should do. But Y/n, she's brand new. You sit next to him at school and compliment him when he does every stupid little thing. You help him when he can't write something correctly cause you are clever and play with him even if you don't like basketball. That makes him happier than ever. He shares his box of crayons with you 'cause he likes the way you draw and sometimes he steals jewels from his mom and gives them to you. Steve doesn't read  well, sometimes words and letters just don't make sense him, they all mix with each other and it's a mess. When he has to read in class, you hold his hand so he doesn't give up.

Nine years old Steve Harrington sits next to someone else even if you keep waiting for him. "You're finally with the cool ones Harrington." Tommy says. Steve looks you in the eye intensely before laughing. You get mad and you hate him, 'cause you know him well enough to recognize that he is just pretending to be someone else and you are clever enough to understand that he grew up before you, even if it's not fair, even if it's too early. In class now he doesn't even try to read aloud anymore, Tommy and the others would make fun of him and you're not there to hold his hand.

At eleven you and Steve share math class. He is no good with numbers and so are you. You pass your time drawing as he looks around laughing with his friend. You both need help from a tutor to pass every test and have this obsession with math being useless, something invented just to make some people feel better then others. That's the only thing you have in common lately. So your professor pairs you up, assigns you more homeworks and somehow expects you to just magically get along and help each other. And you try, 'cause at least you undestand something about numbers, you just don't like studying them. "You're doing it wrong, you need to do the calculations in parentheses first." 

"You're not my boss y/n. " 

"I'm not trying to be. It's just math Harrington... and you are doing it wrong." On opposite sides of the same table, you keep working on your assignment and he won't give you a red pen, even if he has one that he doesn't need. So you laugh when you see him fail again. "Yeah...it's math and you suck too at it." He replies without even looking at you, eyebrows arched in an angry.and maybe at least a little bit - hurt expression. "But you suck more". He pauses, finally his eyes are on you and you think he is ugly and stupid, like every other boy your age. "Sorry" He murmurs, smiling lightly. Now he is not that ugly anymore. You shrug. "It's fine."

"You were right" He confesses. "I'm doing it wrong." 

"I know, Steve." You reply, proudly. "You're not stupid, why are you here?" He asks. You look at him bewildered. "And why are you?"  

"Because I'm stupid, Y/n." You would like to tell him that it is not true, that you don't like hearing these things. That he is intelligent, it's the others who don't know how to explain things to him in the right way. Instead you sit in heavy silence, flipping through pages of your book, cause in the end he still hasn't give you the red pen and he doesn't share his crayons with you anymore just like he doesn't share anything else.

At thirteen you are Steve Harrington's first kiss, even if it doesn't count cause it's just a stupid game at stupid Tommy Hagan's birthday party and you've complained from the moment the bottle of destiny - as Carol calls it- has chosen you two. "It's Harrington." You protest putting on a disgusted expression, because deep down you don't want anyone to see your embarrassment or the blush on your cheeks and you're terrified that your heartbeat could be heard even at distance. "I really have to do this? "

"Believe me, I don't want to kiss you either Cunnigham. There are way prettier girl in this room" You roll your eyes and he notices you do this a lot when he is around. "I'm not kissing him." You state. He is even uglier now, with little hairs on the chin and under the nose that he likes to call a beard. "It's a game Y/n you have to follow the rules" Tommy intervenes. "Not everyone knows how to play fair" Harrington comments. His words sound like a challenge, his face morphs into a grin and -again- you hate him. All eyes are on you and your friends are taking bets. Your eyes flit down to his lips for just one moment, then you get closer and he can't really believe this is actually happening. He waits for you to take a step back untill he can feel you hot breath on his own mouth. He keeps staring right past your shoulder where Tommy is laughing hard, He is afraid he will lose himself if his eyes met yours and then everybody would understand the horrible truth: Steve Harrington wants to kiss Y/n Cunnigham. Your lips meet without even realizing, a bit hesitant but soft. It's chaste, a simple touch of wet lips, steady hands, open eyes yet it's everything you've ever dreamed of, a stupid boy kissing you without even wanting to. None of this should matter, but...the boy is Steve Harrington of all the people, so you care. 

At sixteen, Tina has organized the most amazing birthday party: a camping night in the woods with tends and wine, cans of beer, music and even a bonfire. It's something you've never done before and you are way too excited. It's been a good day so far and for once in your life you want to do something wrong. More than usual. When Tina offers you a cup full of cheap wine, you drink it all in one sip and immediately fill another glass only to throw that down perhaps too quickly.  "Don't we have something stronger? " You ask. A guy you don't know makes you some fruity drink and the two of you stand close, he caress your hand as you take your cup with a loose smile. From faraway, behind the bonfire's flames, Steve Harrington smiles at you, raised eyebrow. It's stupid but it makes your heart stops and you suddenly feel warm. He his not the same as the kid you've kissed once, he is grown and it's no a coincidence that they call him King Steve now. He is the most charming boy at school, funny, handome, cool and you can't help but feel something for him, you can't even find a name for that emotion. It's an old affection and a stubborn bitterness, cause somewhere along the way you lost him and now you can only be a little part of his life when you used to be his all world. Everyone is talking too loudly,  breathing in smoke, singing, dancing. People start slipping away slowly, disappearing in pairs or groups, holding hand or already kissing like nobody else is there. He moves closer to you. King Steve sees you alone, sitting there, and when you feel his body so near you pull your gaze away from the campfire and focus on him, the way the light defines the curve of his jaw, the slope of his nose, and the highpoints of his cheeks. He's perfect. "You shouldn't be here all alone Cunnigham. It's a party"

"I'm partying" You reply, showing him you cup full of alcohol. "What a funny girl, life of the party" He is sarcastic, and you know it, but you still smile. "I am, just not with everyone. Not everybody deserves me"

"Guess who'll be lucky enough."

"Not you, Harrington." He shakes his head, takes your cup and drink it all. He needs liquid courage, you stir him un and he can't help but feel this need of being near you and it had hirt him for so long it's driving him insane yet he never manages to really be with you, he just stand there somewhere between your friends. You go out with the same people and in the same places, but maybe that's not enough for him anymore. He laughs. "Obviously, you hate me."

"You've dumped me"You reply, hiding your smile. "I was nine, Y/n"

"Still haven't heard you say sorry." You get closer, blinking and putting on a puppy expression. "Sorry, really, I didn't mean to broke your tiny baby heart" He moves is hands dramatically and it's funny,  it feels so right to be with him, to play together like children. "Mhh seven years late Stevie boy" After an embarrassing silence, you dedice to ask what you've been secretly questioning all night. "So where's Paula?" You know, just like everybody, that Steve Harrington doesn't have real releshionships, but still you wanna hear it with you ears. You wanna hear that the girl he's been seen kissing at the cinema it's nothing more than one of the many. It's stupid, maybe even bad, not feminist at all but... You can't help but feel that way. And you are way to drunk to be ethical. "I don't know, I don't care... She's not really my problem. "

"And that means...?" Steve rolls his eyes, leaning a little too close to you. "I think you know what that means, Y/n. You know me" He pauses, staring at you. "I don't know you Steve. I know the child Steve Harrington, not King Steve."

"It's not that different. "

"It is, like a lot" You breathe out, the air around you has never felt warmer, Steve Harrington never as unfamiliar as he is now. "I'm still him, the same boy who adored you." His eyes scan your face, they are everywhere, following imaginary roads on your skin and you lean on, your nose touching.  You feel like you're floating somewhere between a memory and a dream. "You're such a good liar Harrington." So you kiss him, lips on his, as you smile. You move away before he can reciprocate. "Y/n, what are you doing?" He is breathless, confused and excited. "Nothing"  You reply, laughing. He lets his fingers help through your hair, grab your head and gently brings you closer to him again. "I enjoy this nothing"

At eighteen, Steve Harrington has learned how to really love someone. That someone it's not you. And you are not really surprised cause it's always been so difficult between you two, bad timing and complications, silence and pride. So, eighteen years old Steve Harrington who knows how to love someone else - the most perfect girl in the whole universe if that makes it any better - it's your first time among the other things. And even if the premises are not the best, to tell the truth you could not imagine someone else in his place. He shows up at your door one day in  the November of your senior year of high school. His face is swollen, his skin marked by blows, bruised he looks like someone who hasn't slept for too long. He rings at your door, regardless of the possibility that your parents will open, but luckily you are the one to do it. "Oh my god" Is all you can say. "Steve." You whisper, your hands shake, you place fingers on his warm skin. You haven't really spoken to each other from your kiss, nothing more than superficial conversations from acquaintances and no reference to your situation, of any kind. You are friends, perhaps and now he is in your home. He moves his head even closer to you, like a cat. "What happened to you?" You are scared. He looks at you for a while as if he is thinking about what to tell you or how to do it. "Nothing special, just a bad encounter with Hargrove"

"That bastard."

"Don't worry, really. I don't even know why I'm here"

As he's sitting on your bed he tells you about Billy's threats to Lucas and that he got beaten up for those kids, you have the feeling that something is missing, a piece of the story, but you say nothing and you keep applying ice to his wounds. "I wasn't the hero they needed ... Max had to think about it in the end" "Steve, Lucas would probably be in hospital if you weren't there. You're their hero, heroes don't always win ... Especially when bad guys smash a plate in their head." He puts his hand on yours and strokes you with his thumb, leaving you speechless and breathless. You don't know what's going on, you just know you don't want to be anywhere else. "I don't know what to do without you" You close your eyes, trying to calm your heart before making reckless gestures. "Steve" Your voice is thin. "What are you doing here?" You ask "I needed to see you ... I didn't want ... To be alone" He confesses, sincerely, letting his fingers run down your neck.

"Why me Steve? You should be with her ... Nancy"

"We broke up" he replies, you see a flash of suffering pass in his eyes but you decide to ignore it. "I'm sorry"

"But I'm here because I wanted to be here, with you. Not because we broke up. "

It makes your heart flutter You shouldn't care, this is all wrong, yet you want to pretend for a moment that you are different people entirely. He is not Steve, not Nancy Wheeler's ex boyfriend, not you childhood friend. His lips are on you neck. His lips are on your lips. He's breathing out your name like it's his religion. His warm skin against yours all that matters now.

"Are you s.. " He starts, breathless, his eyes flitting up and down your face, to your lips, always back to your lips. "I'm sure. I am " You cut in, gently. He leans in again and you do the same and God, you think while he undo your bra, his expert mouth kisses your breast  and plays with your nipples. It's Steve Harrington, its always been Steve Harrington.

Nineteen years old y/n Cunningham says I love to a guy who can't say it back. You are back from college, on vacation you tell people, never going back you think. You always thought you know what you want, what you can do, who you want to be. But here you are, back at Howinks, lost and absolutely not ready to face your ex. You and Steve have been together for a short period after your first time, but again bad timing and too much insecurities made your relationship a living hell.

You had to go to college, he wasn't even accepted. Obviously it wasn't a problem for you. It was for him. "You deserve someone better" He'd whispered before letting you go, kissing tears away from your cheeks. You meet him again on your birthday, you have been in town for a few days and you decide to go and see the new shopping center, Starcourt mall, with your little sister Chrissy. Harrington wears a ridiculous uniform and despite this you can't help but find him handsome and sweet, you have to count to ten to not rush to hug him. He walks towards the parking  next to a girl, dressed exactly like him. You've seen her a few times at school. He looks at her with admiration, Dustin is with them and he laughs with her.  You can't help but feel your heart breaking. "Sorry I forgot to tell you, he works here." You don't reply and try to hide before they see you. "Y/n" Dustin's voice surprises you. It's too late. With a quick run Steve reaches you while you walk away. "Y/n wait!" You turn to him, trying to smile.

"Hey, Steve. How are you?"

"You're back" His voice is soft, he's studying you carefully. "Just for a little while" You hide your shaking hands behind your back. "Now I have to go" You tell him, running away before he can see you cry.

It happens a few days later. News of the Starcourt fire spreads in Hawkins quickly. And so you run and run, the car doesn't even seem to go fast enough. When you arrive, ambulances are everywhere and you can't see Steve. Filled with panic, your eyes shoot around the parking lot, gaining a worried glance from Steve's coworker who's sitting in the back of a truck. You keep looking around for any sign of the boy, your stomach churns as you begin to think of every possible thing that could've happened to him, tears begin to pool in your eyes. The girl who works with Steve places a hand on your shoulder, "Y/n?" You turn to face her. "You..."

"Yes, of course I know you. Steve talks a lot about you." She says. She'a mess, she's got bruises on her face and arms and she seems like about to break down, so you put a hand on her shoulder and squeeze it lightly to comfort her. "Are you okay...?"

"Robin, I'm Robin and yes, thank you. I'm okay, we all are" You smile, keep searching for Steve. You need to see him, to know if he really is okay. "Looking for somebody?" You can't bring yourself to answer, but it doesn't matter because Robin speaks up once again, "He is over there, see." Your head snaps forward, locking eyes with Steves. You run to him,  quick to close the remaining distance between you, wrapping your arms around his body. He lets out a quiet cry and circles his arms around your waist. "Sorry.. Sorry are you hurt?" You ask, your face buried in his chest. He shakes is head. "I'm okay" His voice is raught and he trembles

"I-I thought... "  You cry. "I'm fine I'm fine baby. Shit, I'm so glad you're here," He holds onto you tighter, almost as if he believes you would  disappear if he lets go even for a second. You don't know what has really happened or what he has seen but you do the same thing, feeling in the exact same way: like you almost lost him for real. A relieved sob escapes your mouth as he leans back to gaze at you, taking in every inch of you face. Now you can fully see him to. He has been beaten, no fire - nothing but human hands- can do such a terrible thing. His face is a mess. "What... Steve what is this?" 

"It's nothing." He replies, but his eyes are lost in a memory, distant and hurt. You caresses his damaged skin with all the delicacy and the dedication you have." Stop saying that Stevie, this is important. You are. Who did is to you? Fire don't do such things." He let's out a sob, the kind of sob so heart wrenching it hurts you to hear. He feel like he can't breathe, he can't focus on anything else besides the Russians beating him, the fear of dying and the fact he couldn't protect Robin and he have sold Dustin to them and they almost died cause he wasn't good enough to protect them. And its all hell and he can't tell you, cause he can't let you get involved with this shit. All he can smell is the blood, there's so much blood - his own, Hargrove's one, the flayed one. He doesn't really know - and smoke. He doesn't even realize how badly he's shaking until a steady and warm arm wraps around his shoulder again soon. You are the only thing that's keeping him calm. "It's okay. Y-You're okay." You his his forehead. He hugs and pull you closer, burying his head into your chest, tears and blood leaving stains on your shirt. "Stevie what happened?" You ask again. He shakes his head. "I don't wanna talk about it, not now." When he calms down you can't stop staring at him. He's right there in front of you and he is all you ever wanted, all you will ever need in life and you can't let him go, not again. "What" He finally says, a half laugh caught in his throat, a smile forming on his face. "I love you" You say simply, like it's this obvious thing. This easy thing. You love him. You love the fact that his eyes feel like summer and sun, everything about him shines like a million stars and he can make you laugh and show you a way of seeing things in life nobody else will ever think about. He looks at you in disbelief. "I love you too" That's what he wants to say. He has loved you since he was a stupid kid, and maybe you are the only one he has ever really loved. Not Nancy. Not Robin. He was searching for you in them, in the way they talk, in the way their brains work, in the intelligence and the way they never take him seriously. It never felt the same anyway. You love him and that's the most beautiful - heartbreaking- thing ever cause he can't say it back. He can't. He has one job: to protect you, the only way for keeping you away from all this mess is for you to be as far away as possible from this haunted city and from him. Even if it seems to be over and maybe they've really won this time... How can he be sure?  They always think they can live their happy ever after but then there's always a new monster, a new danger to fight. People've died, this time way more than the others. Innocent people like you, living their life as always, not stupid kids who've decided to play the hero against the Upside Down. Maybe if he tells you the truth you would be safer, he could protect you, and for a moment it seems to be a great option, but now you live miles and miles away and in his heart he knows he must let you go. Even if it kills him. So he doesn't say it back, he just kisses you, trying to impress in his memory the taste of you lips, the softness of your skin and the perfume of your hair. Tomorrow will be another day and he will do what is neded. He will push you away forever, he will make you hate him.

"You don't love me" You say slowly. carefully. You don't know what to say, you could have believed it maybe when you they were nine or thirteen, or even seventeen even, now, though,  you've been stupid enought to let yourself fall for a childish fantasy in which Steve Harrington acutally loved you. He blinks over you, trying to stop tears from coming. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I don't I... Care. But I don't love you... I'm in love with someone else." That's the most difficult thing he has ever done in his life.  He has to pretend, pretend like there's no possibility for the future, but  he doesn't want to live in a world where he doesn't need you.  "Robin?" You ask, shaking. He nods, cause he doesn't know what to do or say. You smile. "She seems pretty cool" You reply, sobbing. "For a moment... I thought you..."

"It was egoistic but I wanted her here and... I've settled for you cause you were there" You close your eyes and back out of his bedroom- where you have spent the night with him, taking care of his wounded body, watching his restless sleep, calming him down during nightmares - and you walk down the stairs. He doesn't follow you. At nineteen, Steve Harrington breaks your heart and this time you hope it will be the last.

[floof-writes]

i love when tragedies are like “the love was there. it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there”

-Starpeace, tumblr

This isn't my normal type of post, but I just closed my high school's production of 'Puffs, Or: Seven Increasingly Eventful Years at a Certain School of Magic and Magic', and I can't stop thinking about it. This show broke me and put me back together and I don't know what to fucking do about it.

I played the role of Megan Jones, and she taught me how to be a person again. Skip straight to the next heading if you just want to know what the hell I'm talking about, otherwise, here's my Love Letter to Puffs: you deserve the world and the world doesn't deserve you, but every person reading this deserves to see this show at least once in their life.

First of all, this show is hilarious. Like, 'laugh until your stomach hurts and you can't breath and you start coughing up your sanity' hilarious. Your abs will hurt after seeing this show and your tear ducts will struggle to keep up with demand. But, despite that, or maybe because of that, it is also heartbreaking. Maybe the best kind, I think. The kind that rips your heart into pieces but then sews it back together, tells you that you have to carry on, but somehow that's worse, because hope hurts more than anything else.

And to see Puffs is one thing, but to be in it?

I don't know what to do or how to feel. For the rest of my life I will have carry this grief nestled next to my soul. The characters have the faces of people I know, and goddamn that makes it so hard to think about but just as hard not to.

I am changed, for this show. I am a different person at the other end of this nine week love-stained, obsessive hell. It found me when I was in a very vulnerable place, only halfway to healing, and picked me up and straight up told me to my Megan's face that I "shouldn't have to be alone"! Told me safety is love and loneliness is a lie we tell ourselves when we hate ourselves too much to see reason. That justice is the only pursuit that brings both self-love and heartache.

Live theatre is a powerful, powerful thing and yes, a professional recording of Puffs is available on Amazon Video and some pretty good bootlegs are up on YouTube, but if this show is open anywhere near you at a local high school, college, or community theatre, then I'm begging you to go see it in person. High school-age actors are uniquely suited to this show so don't let that make you wary!

If anyone, ever, wants to talk about Puffs, I'm more than available. PM me, ask me, tag me in your post. I don't care if you're seeing this post 2 months or 2 years or 10 years from now, if I am still on this hellsite, I will respond.

Go see Puffs. If everyone on this planet did, I think the world would be just a slightly better place.

Okay, hold on, what's Puffs?

Puffs tells us the story of a certain badger-aligned house during the seven years a certain orphan boy wizard attends a certain school of magic, plus ✨it was the 90's✨. If you can't tell, Puffs is technically a Harry Potter parody, and it very intentionally gives JKR no money and is not licensed with Warner Bros. Maybe that's a small part of why it spoke to me so much, because in the simplest terms: Puffs won custody of me in the great JKR/Fandom divorce. I really felt betrayed by JKR's transphobia and treatment of representation issues and this show was a bandaid and a kiss better for my aching, eleven year-old heart.

The story follows the Puff Wayne Hopkins, a young British orphan who was raised by his uncle in New Mexico. Wayne is the nerdiest, 90's-est kid you've ever met and well, as a fan of Star Wars and Dungeons & Dragons and Lord of the Rings, when he gets his school letter he gets this idea in his head that his life is about to become as awesome as that of the average fantasy protagonist. That he's gonna be a hero! Of course, he isn't. That's Harry. It's Harry at every single turn and Wayne and his friends are constantly being screwed over as unmentioned side characters in Harry's world-shattering and school-wrecking life, not to mention that the Puffs are the laughingstock of the school anyway, constantly failing classes and being bullied by the Snakes.

The Puffs work hard to become better but it rarely turns out. I mean, just look at Cedric, who plays a huge role in mentoring Wayne and his classmates the first act. Yikes. As the Puffs grow into their teen-hood it even gets a little spicy (in the hilariously awkward, teenage way), and eventually, they each come to understand that Puffs matter, Puffs are the best, in fact, Puffs are the "Mighty Ducks of wizards. No. The Mighty Ducks 2 of Wizards!"

[beautifulbows924]

It’s unbelievable to me that I'm here writing this, but it appears that I've reached over 2000 followers.

When I started this blog- I never really thought something like this could ever happen. I can't thank you enough for all your incredible support, kindness, and appreciation. I’ve always loved writing, and having the opportunity to share my work with all of you is absolutely amazing.

I would like to get to know everyone better & spread the love, so to celebrate this important milestone- I’ve decided to host a writing challenge! Whether you've written for years or are completely new to it, feel free to get involved and have a little fun :)

Rules + How to Enter

Reblog this post to get the word around, (you don't have to) but it would be really nice if you did!

This challenge is Moonknight related. That doesn't mean that you can't use any other MCU characters in your fic, but a Moonknight character must be the center of your story.

One person per prompt.

Once you choose, send me an ask (prompt + character) to let me know. Remember, the prompt can be used as dialogue, or you could write your whole story around it. It's entirely up to you.

Feel free to write anything from angst or fluff, to AU or smut, there's no limitation.

Any Moonknight Character- with a Reader insert, Ship, or OC.

Tag me, @beautifulbows924 in the A/N and make sure to put #roses2Kwc in the first five tags.

The minimum word count is 300.

No maximum word count, but if you hit more than 500 words, please use the read more function.

Include any appropriate warnings.

The deadline is May 8th, 2022. I thought it would be nice to celebrate Mother’s day with your stories (especially since it’s my first one), but if you can't make it in on time- don't worry about it. Just send me a message! Trust me I get it, Loki knows how many times I’ve needed more time to finish a fic, and 15 days is a fairly short period of time.

A masterlist of your incredible works will be created once all have been submitted.

Once you've posted your fic, I will reblog it within 24 hours. If I don't, send me a message! I either missed the notification or have been too busy working, so a gentle reminder is appreciated! Additionally, I reserve the right to not reblog any post that goes against the rules.

Prizes

I honestly wasn’t too sure what to do for these, so I hope these seem like fair prizes. If anyone has any other ideas let me know! I really just want to share the love I’ve received and help everyone get their writing noticed!

All entrants: For anyone that takes part in this challenge. I will share one of your fics/works to my page as a thanks and signal boost for getting involved (this is additional to the entry itself).

First-Third place: For the next 3 months (May-July), I'll reblog any fic you write onto my page for everyone to see.

You’ll find all the prompts down below!

Prompts

Angst/Hurt Comfort

“I know that you’re not okay! So stop telling me that you are!” @p-taryn-dactyl + Layla El Faouly

“Are you bleeding?” @takedownshoe + Marc Spector & Steven Grant

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” @just-let-me-fangirl-in-peace + Marc Spector (Steven Grant)

“Did you ever realize that by ‘protecting me’ you were hurting me? Or did you just not care?” @curezephyr + Khonshu

“I’ve always wondered why you chose me… And now, I know that all of it was a lie.” @xxfillerxx + Steven Grant

“I’m not the type of person you should give your heart to.”

“Why do you always get into situations like this?”

“Tell me if it hurts.”

“Just go.” + “Go! Before you ruin anything else.” @bloodmoon-bites + Khonshu

“You’ll find someone better than me, I promise you that.” @darklyndivinely + Marc Spector

“How do you pretend like you’re okay all the time?”

“Let me take care of you, please.”

“Give me one reason to stay.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you like that.”

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” @zephyrmonkey + Steven Grant & Marc Spector

“Why do you sacrifice so much for me?”

“We could have been happy.” @davosmymaster + Steven Grant (Marc Spector)

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile.”

“It’s okay.” + “I know you don’t love me like you do her.” @bibli0thecary + Steven Grant & Marc Spector

“Did you think I’d let anything happen to you?”

“I didn’t want you to hate me too.”

Fluff

“Why?” + “Because I’m in love with you.” @elliaze + Marc Spector

“You don’t think you went just a little bit overboard?”

“I’m never letting you out of my sight again.” @necromancer04 + Khonshu

“You’ve never called me that before, I like it.” @dearlawdimasimp + Khonshu

“Are you asking me on a date right now?” @xbamboowishesx + Layla El Faouly

“I always fumble over my words when I’m around you.”

“How many love letters have you written for me, just to keep them to yourself?” @darkened-writer + Steven Grant

“Was that your first kiss?”

“Stop laughing at me.” @dearlawdimasimp + Marc Spector

“I didn’t mean to say it- but yeah, I love you.”

“I trust you.”

“Friends don’t look at each other like we do.” @qjuiq-writings + Steven Grant

“It terrifies me- the things I’d do for you.”

“I can’t say it back, but I need you to know I feel the same way.” @startrekkingaroundasgard + Steven Grant

“You’re putting me to sleep, stop it.” @nyx-aira + Layla El Faouly

“Do I make you nervous?”

“I really want to kiss you right now.”

“Sorry- I know I’m talking too much.” + “No, not at all. Keep going.” @ahkillese + Steven Grant

“I will always keep you safe.” @raelwrites + Marc Spector

“I didn’t expect to get this attached to you.” @lilredniki + Khonshu

“I’m not sick because it’s cold outside, that’s just a myth.”

Smut

“If we weren’t in public right now, I’d have my head between your legs.” @stitched-mouth + Layla El Faouly

“Just friends- Do all your friends make you feel hot and bothered like this? Do they make you moan like this?” @dilfdarling + Layla El Faouly

“Did I say you could stop?” @gummywurme + Khonshu

“You better watch your fucking mouth.”

“Shh, you can take it.” + “You’re doing so well.”

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

“You look so pretty like this.”

“Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…”

“Don’t be shy, sit on my face.”

“Did you just moan my name?”

“Touch yourself for me.”

“Would you just shut up and kiss me already?”

“I haven’t even touched you yet.”

“Stop distracting me.”

“There’s so many things I want to do to you.”

“You don’t have to be gentle, I won’t break.”

“Beg.”

“Don’t hide yourself from me.”

“Against the window? Are you insane!?”

“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Sending my love to each and everyone of you, good luck!

I can't wait to read what you write and if you have any additional questions feel free to send me an ask or message!

Tagging a few people I thought might want to participate:

@raelwrites @darkened-writer @elliaze @n1ght5h4d3-24 @qjuiq-writings

[m-jelly]

Hi Jelly! Happy New Year >///<, Happy New Year to us!!!

Can I request a fic of angsssstt, Idk but maybe most of us loves angsssssst or maybe it's just me #_#- in which Levi and the reader are newly couple, just dating and not married yet. In this case, Levi is still hesitant to give love to the reader, so when he receives love, he just shrugs it off and he kinda doesn't care about it, like in instance when the reader attempts to kiss him, he would move his head away or he would wipe her kisses off, when the reader wants cuddles he would just shut her out, when she makes him tea and offer to help him with his paperworks, he would decline her or etc. His actions leaves the reader hurt and depressed. One day, he realizes the reader gave up on him, she stopped showing or giving her love, she is distant to him, she won't even sleep or get near him and all of that made Levi missed her love and her too much. By that, he efforts to prove and to show the reader how much he loves her and he hopes it's not too late. Now, he is the one who kisses her first, offering her favorites and cuddling to her, making sure she's not hurt and sad yet the reader is still distant.

One day on a mission, he was determined to protect the reader that he almost gave his life away to make her safe. His almost-sacrifice made the reader bawled and weep that he ends up crying as well; afraid that he can't see her again. It's up to you for the happy ending where all is well and both Levi and the reader are completely happy together.

I apologize that this is too long, Thank you Jelly! ❤

I got a lot of angst requests involving near-death stuff, or love troubles with Levi. Ya'll love hurting my man. Who hurt you guys? Are you all okay? Do I need to call someone? xD I love you all, I really do. I'm still gonna do these requests because I adore requests and normal life is full of good things and bad. Relationships aren't perfect and they will have their moments where we have to learn and heal. Alright, enough of me being an old lady with life reflections!

Love is hard, but I want to learn

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Genre and tags: Romance, Levi's first love, hurt, healing, emotional comfort, future AU, developing relationship, happy ending.

Concept: In the future with titan machines threatening to destroy the world, you still manage to find love. You and Levi are a new couple, but things aren't going smoothly. Due to you being his first love, he doesn't know how to love you. Things get a little cold between the two of you, so Levi takes the leap and loves you fully. Levi takes his love a little too far when he almost loses his life on a mission for you. The two of you have to find a balance, or things might break.

You were in love. Deeply in love, but your love wasn't easy.

Levi loved you back. Levi loved you to the ends of this earth, but he had no clue how to love you. He panicked whenever you showed him love and affection. He didn't know how to respond. He didn't take you on dates and didn't get you gifts. Levi was lost, but he was the one who asked you out. Levi was the one who wanted you. Yet he did nothing to show that.

You wandered into his office with a cup of tea in hand. "Hi, handsome. I made you a special tea. I went out into the city and bought you some."

Levi looked up at you and blushed instantly. "Tch, I don't want it."

You stopped in your path. "Oh, are you sure?"

He really wanted it, but his feelings just built up too much. "Go bother someone else."

You put the tea on his table, then you stood next to him and leaned over to look at his computer. "I can help you if you like? You know, with the paperwork."

Levi's cheeks burned as he felt your heat, heard your voice in his ear, inhaled your scent. "I don't need help."

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "Alright then."

Levi pulled his head away and rubbed his cheek. "Why did you do that?"

You pulled back. "Sorry. I guess I shouldn't kiss you while you're working."

"Haven't you got anything better to do?"

You sat down on his guest chair on the other side of the desk. "I've done all my paperwork and I've been training none stop. So, no. Which is why I made you that tea and thought I'd visit you." You nibbled your lip. "It's normal for girlfriends to do things like that for their boyfriends."

Levi looked back to his work. "Well, it's annoying."

You bit your lip and looked at your lap. "Sorry." You stood up. "I should go."

Levi frowned as he looked at you leaving. "Go, why?"

You waved to him. "I'll see you around."

"Will you be back later? You know, at bedtime?"

You stared at him, then nodded. "Sure."

You left Levi and felt your heart stinging. You were so confused. Levi had approached you about being a couple and yet nothing had changed. You'd always had a crush on Levi, but he never knew and nor did anyone else. You had kept it hidden. Before you were a couple, Levi would always be around you. Levi was glued to your hip and made you work with him, train with him and do everything possible with you involved. So, when you became a couple, it confused you. He sought you out, but all that changed was you were always with him now because he demanded it. You longed to be held by him, but he just didn't.

You returned to Levi's room and went to the back to the bedroom to see he'd lain out your night things. You pulled your things off, then slipped into your nightclothes. You smiled at Levi when he left his bathroom wearing only his PJ bottoms. You blushed a little and admired the muscles and scars. You walked over to him and hugged him from behind making him jump. You kissed his back a little so he could feel your love.

Levi pulled your hands off him. "Bed. We need to rest."

You clenched your jaw, then walked over to your side and got in. You lay there and waited for Levi to get in. You rolled over and cuddled him. "Did you have a good day?"

Levi blushed hard and felt a need stir in his lower regions. Levi was flooded with dirty thoughts about you. He had no experience with women, so he knew he'd fuck it up. He rolled his back to you causing you to let go. "Fine, so just get some sleep. I'm tired."

You lay on your back and fought tears. You quickly rubbed away the ones that escaped. "Do you even want to be together?"

"Tch, what are you on about?"

You got up and slipped out of bed. "Nothing."

Levi looked over at you as you picked up your clothes. "Where are you going?"

You stopped by the door and sighed. "Giving you time."

"Time? I don't need time."

You looked to Levi. "You need time to think. You know where to find me when you decide everything."

Levi sat there in the dark as his confusion washed over him. He didn't sleep for the whole night because he couldn't stop thinking about your words. He went to work with his paperwork and stared at his door now and then, but you didn't visit. Levi felt cold.

He missed your voice, your smile, your scent and warmth. He missed everything that was you. He waited for a few days, but you were acting like nothing was going on between you and him, nothing at all. You kept your distance and it hurt Levi deeply. He missed you and he slowly understood what you'd been talking about. Levi needed a plan and it'd involve him showing you the love you deserve.

You wandered into your office with paperwork in hand for a mission coming up to finally take back a town occupied by the titans. You kicked your door closed and walked forwards and smelt something nice. You looked up to see a large bunch of flowers on your desk. "What in the world?"

Levi said your name and stood up from his seat, he'd been sitting waiting in your office. He put his hands up when he say you jump. "I come in peace."

You sighed. "You scared the shit out of me." You walked over to your desk and dropped your papers on it. "What are these for?"

Levi walked closer. "I got them for you."

You lightly touched the flowers. "You shouldn't have, but thank you." You gasped when Levi hugged you from behind. "What, what are you doing?"

He nuzzled your back. "I'm doing things I should have done when we started dating." He clung to you. "I missed out. This is nice."

You blushed a little and placed your hand on Levi's as you smiled. "It is." You patted his hand. "I need to do this paperwork handsome. This is for the mission coming up."

Levi let you go and watched you sit and start working. "Can I help?"

You looked up at him. "Help?"

He nodded. "Please."

You let out a long sigh, then picked some papers and handed them over. "Here and thanks."

Levi blushed at your sweet and gentle smile. He smiled back at you. "You're welcome." Levi worked on the papers. He was slightly shocked at how much work you had to do and how hard you worked as well. He looked over at you and admired how beautiful you were. He got up, then walked over to you. He said your name, but you just hummed back. "Look at me."

You looked up at Levi. "Yeah?"

He leaned down and kissed you for the first time. He felt an energy rush from his heart throughout his body. He pulled back a little and gazed at you. He admired your blush, then pushed his fingers into your hair and crashed his lips against yours. He put his other arm around you, then pulled you to stand up as he kept kissing you. He nipped your lip, then slipped only a little of his tongue into your mouth. Levi wasn't sure what he was doing, but he was going to try and keep going with this kiss.

You were in shock that your first kiss with Levi was so shy at first but then passionate. You moaned when he held your bum, then pulled you flush against his body. You clung to his shirt as you felt your body go weak. His hands touching you told you that he had confidence, but only feeling a little of his tongue in your mouth showed he was a little shy and new to this all. His confidence increased when you kissed him back.

Levi pulled back, then lightly kissed you. "I shouldn't have waited so long to do that."

You blushed as you touched your lips. "I need to keep working."

Levi sat on your office chair, then pulled you to sit on his lap. "I have the perfect seat for you."

You got a little nervous. "Le-Levi, I should really focus on my work."

He hugged you and hummed in happiness, then he ran his fingers on you right under your bra. "You're so smart, brave and pretty."

You fumbled with your pen as you felt flustered. "Thank you."

He nipped your shoulder. "Can you come to bed tonight? I want to cuddle."

You blushed a little. "I will think about it."

Levi pulled you close, then whispered in your ear. "But I want you to come. Please come. I need you to come."

You flushed bright red. "Do you even know what you're saying?"

He frowned a little. "Yeah, I'm asking you to come to bed."

You sighed and flopped onto your desk. "I know, but the way you said it sounded rude."

"Rude?"

You whined. "Perverted."

Levi reflected on his words, then a bright blush spread across his cheeks. "I guess you're right. I'll say that another time, later in our relationship."

You let out a long sigh, then sat up and carried on your work. "You confuse me."

Levi watched you work, then he moved you when it was time for food. He got you and his dinner and sat with you in your room as you ate. He made you a cup of tea as well, then just gazed at you as you finished your work. When you were done, he became overly excited about going to bed. He'd never cuddled someone in bed before, so he was looking forward to it.

You changed into your nightdress and saw Levi was watching. "What?"

Levi shook his head and smiled. "Nothing."

You ruffled your hair and sighed. "Gotta be something."

He walked over to you and placed his hands on your hips, then he kissed your neck. "You're just so beautiful."

"Thank you." You pulled from him and climbed into bed. "I'm going to sleep now. It's been a long day with a lot of paperwork."

Levi quickly pulled his things off so he was just in his tight boxers. He crawled into bed and lay on his side facing you. "I've never been in your bed before."

You looked over to Levi and blushed at how close he was. "Well, it's because I always went to you."

"You did." He moved a little closer. "You always did a lot for me."

You rolled onto your side and faced him. "What's going on? I'm a little confused."

"I thought about it like you told me to." He grabbed your bum, then dragged you across the bed and held you against him. "I don't want to lose you. I care about you deeply." He kissed you making you blush. "I love you. I asked you out because I love you. I chased you because I love you. I didn't kiss, hold you and run from your love because this is all new to me and I didn't know how to be like this. I'm learning and I want to learn with you."

You nodded. "Okay. Okay, I believe you."

He ran his hand up the outside of your thigh to your underwear. He looped his finger around the lacy part on your hip and tugged. "I don't know anything, I really don't. So, when we have sex, I will be very new to it. I'm sorry in advance if I mess up."

You cupped Levi's neck and smiled. "Communication. Relationships, sex and love are all about talking. I don't know and you don't know if we don't talk." You blushed. "So, if you are touching me and I say slower, you'll go slow. If I don't, I'll lie there not enjoying it. Understood?"

Levi nodded. "I understand. Communication and listening." He wrapped his arms around you and held you close. "Can I hold you tonight?"

You hugged Levi tightly. "Yes."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mike hurried ahead with you quickly and quietly through the street, then you both came to a stop and hid. Mike looked over to you. "So, you and Levi?"

You blushed. "Getting better. We're talking."

Mike smirked. "You two fucked yet?"

You blushed harder. "Not yet."

He hummed a laugh. "But you have fooled around."

You peaked out and checked the way ahead. "All I can say is, that man has had a secret talent no one knew about. His tongue and hands are out of this world."

"Fuck me, I'm impressed."

You smiled a little. "He says he wants to learn everything about me before we go further." You nodded. "I can't see anyone. Use your nose."

Mike sniffed the air and frowned. "Odd smell in the air."

"What kind of smell?"

Mike sniffed again. "Shit, move. It's a explosives."

You ran with Mike as the first explosion went off. You both kept running as explosive after explosive went off behind you. You dove out the way and rolled just as a large sheet of wall metal slammed into the ground. You loaded your gun, then fired at the titan soldiers running down the path towards you. The titans looked like swarming ants.

You looked around to see Mike was lying on the ground clearly knocked out. You pressed your ear piece and shouted your name and rank. "I'm under heavy fire! I've got a soldier down here. I need extraction for him!"

Levi called your name through comms. "I'm on my way."

"Levi!? It's too dangerous for you to come here. I need air support."

"Tch, damn it brat, air support is too far away. I'm coming in. I can't lose you."

You pressed your ear piece. "Levi! Levi!" He didn't respond. "Damn it!" You fired at the titans getting closer with a machine too. "Fuck! I've got a machine now!"

Levi came through again saying your name softly. "I'm going to pull them off you. I'll distract them and you get away."

You gritted your teeth. "If you do that you could die."

Levi was quiet for a moment as he flew through the air using his gear. "I love you."

Your heart stopped. "Levi?" You looked over to the titans to see an explosion. The titans turned and started chasing Levi. "Levi..." You welled up and heard comms chatter coming through. You sniffed and pressed your ear. "I'm here."

Erwin said your name to you. "I've got a shuttle coming in now to collect you and Mike. I need you to get to a clearing."

"On it." You grabbed Mike under his armpits, then dragged him along down the road to a little opening. "I'm here!" You fired a flare up. "You got me?"

Erwin sighed. "I got you. Landing now."

You waited for the shuttle, then got Mike onto the shuttle. You looked out at the town. "Erwin? Was this worth it?"

Erwin stood at your side as Mike was tended to by Hange. "The town will be ours. Promise."

You shook on the spot. "I messed up."

Erwin put his hand on your shoulder. "You fought those titans off. You were incredible. You are an amazing soldier."

You turned and punched the metal wall of the shuttle. "I should have done better."

Erwin understood your pain. You felt like you had given Levi no choice but to self-sacrifice to save you, Mike and others. Erwin knew, because he often beat himself up internally about his choices and actions. "You would have held your own there and stopped all those titans, I know it. Levi chose to go in because he was thinking with his heart and not his head. He'll come back."

"I hope so."

You stepped off the shuttle once it landed, then you watched them move Mike to medbay. You smiled and waved at him as he gave you the thumbs up as a thank you. You looked back to the town and heard no more gun fire or titan machines. You hated how quiet it had gotten. You were scared you were never going to see Levi again. You'd both just gotten to communicate more and you were starting to open back up again.

You lit up when you saw someone using their jets on their armour moving closer. You walked over as they were surrounded by scouts. You hurried over and saw the scouts part to show Levi with a cut on his face. You stopped walking and stared at him. You felt like you were seeing a ghost. Levi walked right up to you and said your name. You slapped him hard across the face stunning everyone around you both. You slapped him again when he lifted his head.

Levi lightly touched his cheek, then he looked at your tear filled eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thrown my life away like that."

You threw yourself at Levi and held him tightly as you cried. "I thought I was going to lose you."

Levi held you back. "I thought I was going to lose you. I had to fight for you." He choked on his words as he cried. "I can't lose you. I was just getting you back into my life, but I felt like you were slipping from my touch."

You sniffed back tears. "We're both stupid, but you're the most stupid."

Levi pulled your head back and kissed you. "I am. I really am."

You smiled at Levi. "I love you."

Levi smiled back at you. "I love you too. You're my everything."

"No more holding back. I'm going to love you will full force Levi."

Levi lifted you up and carried you. "Me too. Nothing will stop me now."

[dark-and-kawaii]

𝓡𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓮𝓼𝓽 : Makki and Matsukawa would totally share the same pussy and that thought alone makes my brain go brrr 🥴 same with tsumu and samu sharing 💦 do you think ushi would share with tendo sorry my brain is on a three way kick

𝓟𝓪𝓲𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : Hanamaki x Reader x Matsukawa - Atsumu x Reader x Osamu - Ushijima x Reader x Tendou

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : NSFW - Fluff - I love them

𝓐𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻𝓼 𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓮 : I 100% agree they would be in a poly relationship with you xoxo and thats how it would be. But again I'm going to try and capture how they'd actually be when sharing xoxo I hope you like it!!! I hope I captured them xoxo!!!

Matsukawa and Makki 100% are both in a relationship with you and they love every minute of it.

They don't do anything with one another but they sure as hell do a lot to you. Making you break between them is something they both look forward to damn near every day.

Matsukawa works during the day and because Makki is currently jobless he's left to "take care" of you. Don't worry, Makki makes sure you're nice and satisfied before you leave the house. Makes sure you leave feeling full, if you catch my drift. 

Speaking of being full, you'll more than likely be with them for the long run because they honestly couldn't imagine being with anyone else… and they both want a kid… of their own. 

They will be filling you up with their cum till you're nice and pregnant, and there isn't really a plan. They both just fuck you and see who's kid comes first. 

If Makki's kid comes first then you're off limits until Matsukawa gets you pregnant… they aren't trying to raise more than two kids… Neither of them could afford it as much as they'd love to see you pregnant 24/7.

Both are protective of you. If you're at a bar with them and they see some guy getting handsy with you they will come up behind you- Makki snakes his arm around your waist while Matsukawa wraps his arms around your neck. 

They'll put on a small show for the ass hat who dared tried to swoop you up,  Makki starts to raise your sexy little dress and Matsukawa begins to mark your neck. 

After the guy hastily makes his way out of the bar -stumbling in the process- Matsu and Makki push you in the men's restroom to have some fun with you. 

Osamu and Atsumu will share you for about a year or two before Atsumu breaks down and forces you on the spot to pick one of them. 

You didn't ever see yourself being in such a  predicament, but here you were… stuck between the Miya twins as they fight over who gets to date you. 

Atsumu is the one who grabs you by your arm and pins you to his chest, his other hand running through your hair "(y/n) knows who the better choice is!"

Osamu is next to grab you by your arm and yank you to his own chest, "Do ya feel threatened by ya much better lookin twin!!"

Atsumu was furious and in a blind rage he thought what he was saying was the best thing "HOW BOUT WE SHARE HER THEN!" 

His plan was to prove to you he was the better twin…

Its not all the time, but now and then they will both tag team you and spit roast you.

Atsumu isn't a fan of sharing -even though this was his idea…  he's an idiot-.

Osamu isn't really a fan of it either. Samu however won't ever admit it… but he loves to smirk at his brother devilishly when pounding into your tight cunt. Making you scream his name and moan in pure bliss. He knows he's bigger than Atsumu and it makes him cum ten times harder knowing he can please you and reach deeper than his twin. 

Thus what starts to claw at Atsumu. He knows he knows much better tricks and moves in bed but the way you moan for Osamu is different.

Samu hates it when he's trying to sleep and Atsumu has you caged underneath him, pounding you raw and making you scream as he bites down on your neck. Osamu likes a sleep schedule and Atsumu loves fucking it up with your help.

There are decent days where they do actually enjoy sharing you. 

Osamu will make you your favorite for lunch and Atsumu will have you in his lap while you and him both eat samu's delicious meal. It makes Osamu smile tenderly, watching both you and his twin enjoy his food. 

Atsumu enjoys walking in on you and Samu playing video games, his twin laying atop of you lazily while smashing the B button. It makes Atsumu want to jump on the two of you, so he does :). 

Nights like those usually end with all three of you curled up. Osamu with half his body on you and Atsumu wrapping himself around your other half. Or you'll be snuggled into Osamu’s back and Atsumu will be spooning you. They don't admit it until it's the end of the relationship, but they both really liked sleeping like that. 

Both keep an eye on you when out in public and to be honest no one ever tries to mess with you when they're around, it's nice.

About a year and a half goes by and Atsumu is starting to make it big, more girls are trying to get him in their bed and he hates it. He wants you and only you. He wants a family. 

Osamu is starting to feel similar feelings, he wants a child to feed his food to, he wants you to himself in his own bed and he wants you to work at his restaurant with him…

You're all having dinner when Atsumu aggressively slams him utensils down and stands up dramatically, "Ya gotta pick (y/n), me or him." Both him and Samu's heads are hanging low… one of their hearts were about to shatter, they just hoped it wasn't theirs. 

You were originally JUST Tendou's girlfriend. He doesn't share, and you sure as hell didn't want some grimey girl to put their hands on him. 

But, things change and now Ushijima is on top of you pounding into you as if you were going to be his last lay. His cock slamming into your cervix as you cry fresh tears. 

Ushijima looks up at Tendou who is now caressing your cheek, wiping away your tears, "its okay, she's enjoying it.  My little bunny is just really sensitive and is trying to hold back her climax." 

Ushijima has never had a girlfriend before and he never really was interested in one until he met you. He was jealous of you and Tendou and eventually his guessing best friend caught on. 

Tendou is the one who offered Ushijima to join in the next time you and him had sex,  that it would only be a one time thing. But that one time turned into another time and then a third time until finally it was just a normal thing.

Now you have two tall men in your life who want nothing more than to please you and make you happy. 

When they're both out at the mall or grabbing groceries they'll both either find a small pin for you or some small trinket and bring it home for you. Or if they're at the grocery store they will both pick out a treat specially for you.

Ushijima sometimes doesn't know what to pickout for you though so Tendou will walk up to him smiling and help, "no no, this one! She'll like these the most!"

They both enjoy curling up with you on the couch to watch movies and fall asleep. Ushi and Tendou are big babies and it always makes you giggle when they both fall asleep on you.

Bedtime is HOT, and not as in sexy hot but sweaty hot. My god both these beast put out a lot heat and as much as you try you can never roll away from them. If its not Tendou pulling you back to them its Ushi wrapping his strong arm around you so you can't move. 

Best to sleep naked or in your undies babe.

~ 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝓚𝓲𝔀𝓲 𝔁𝓸𝔁𝓸

[therobotwriter]

Hello, its me again! The one who asked you to write Zed and Wolverine! Reader. And here I am with a new request. Can you write a Kayn x fem!Winter Soldier!Reader fic this time? According to the plot, Kayn and Y/N are childhood friends, but on one of the missions, Y/N "dies". The organization finds her and turns her into a weapon (like Bucky). Next come the crimes in Ionia. By that time, Kayn is about 20 years old. As in the movie, Kayn fights the Winter Soldier and knows that his friend is hiding under the mask. She doesn't recognize him. Then you can come up with your own. All in your hands! I'm sure you can! 💖💖💖💖💖💖(Bucky is Marvel's best boy)

Hi again! Ok I'm reeeeally late for this. So sorry, I think I'm not that fast for writing imagines like I thought I would be. But I loved the idea, and couldn't let it just pass.

It got a little bigger than the Zed one, but I hope you like this one too~

Oh, and thanks for coming back!

Pairing: Kayn X Fem!WinterSoldierReader

Summary: Kayn is following a criminal, but he didn't know that this person is was really special in his past

Word count: 1,7k

Tags: Kayn, childhood friends, violence, Rhaast!

Warnings: a little bit violence, I guess.

Childhood memories are something complicated. Mostly because sometimes they look like a dream or a complete mess, you can't say whats a lie and what was real.

But Kayn never forgot about his childhood.

Being used as part of the noxian army couldn't be forgotten, neither the person that was always by his side could.

Kayn knew you since he could remember. You two played together, and when he joined the army, you did the same. You two were a team, one always completing and helping the other.

A lot of times, he tried to look stronger that was feeling. Because of you. He was always there, holding your hand, and saying that everything was going to get better.

But it never happened for your two.

The friendship survived the time in the battlefield, but that day, when Kayn won his battle against a lot of ionians, he losted you from his view, and couldn't never redeem himself for this.

After some days, your name was listed among the dead soldiers, even without a body being found. It wasn't something new, in moments like that, anything could happen.

But that boy, that little boy who promised you every day and night, that he would make everything better for you, he never forgot about you.

The boy became a war hero, a teenager trying to learn the secrets of his new master, and then, an adult corrupted by an ancient force.

Life wasn't easy, but Kayn never had something like that, nothing was easy, he knew that.

Rhaast was always there, just waiting for a chance to take the control of his body. Sleeping or just taking a break was something complicated.

But that day... He managed to do it.

The view of that mountain was pretty impressive, and his mind could simply travel through the past, his questions, and how everything started.

Time didn't mattered at this moment, it was just a little and insignificant detail, he could spend hours remembering the moments where he was with you.

But Kayn wasn't really alone there. Don't took more than some minutes to Rhaast start with his teasing.

"So that's what you will do all day? Staring at nothing?"

Kayn took a deep breath.

"It's better than talking to you. I'm one hundred percent of sure that the silence is smarter"

"Smarter than you." The darkin's laugh reverberated "I bet theres something else in your mind. Or is this someone?"

The man didn't answered, he bited his own lips before any sound could came out, and his eyes turned a little opaque.

"It's nothing" He answered simply "We better get going, these noxians won't forget that they saw someone in the woods"

"They would if you had killed them"

Kayn took the scythe from the ground and after looking at that scene for the last time, he entered into the florest.

"I need to follow them if I want to know more about that crimes. They where the nearest people last time, and I can't follow dead bodies"

Rhaast didn't answered, and the silence finally began.

The footsteps weren't making any noise, Kayn knew how to walk without being noticed, and if it was necessary, he was ready to passing through some walls too, so he had nothing to worry about.

It was a peaceful day, in a strange way. But he wouldn't complain about the good climate, the lack of enemies or that Rhaast was in complete silence.

Minutes became an hour, and one hour turned into three. The florest ended, and they arrived in a lonely house.

The house structure was solid, but it didn't changed the fact that it was abandoned, with widows with broken glass and the doorstep almost falling apart.

"Great, we can spend the night here."

The man spoke, opening the door and taking a look around. The furniture, was left there, like it was waiting for the family to return.

"Pathetic" was the only word who came from the darkin, when the scythe was left in a sofa, but Kayn didn't cared about his words, and just continued looking into the house. No thing looked out of it's place, like the house was waiting for the return of the people who lived there.

No trace of blood in the floor or anywhere else. Something happened before they could arrive.

After some minutes of this research, Kayn simply sitted in a chair, looking directly at one of the windows, the moon was already there, and he could finally rest a little bit.

The man never had good and healthy eight hours of sleep, he was always alert, so after some time, when he heard some noise out of the house, his eyes opened in a flash and he took his scythe, preparing himself for a fight.

He took some steps, without making any sound, and after opening the door, he left the house in silence, analyzing all possible places where an enemy could hide, taking advantage of the darkness of that night.

When a figure leapt towards him, his instincts allowed him to use the scythe to block the attack and knock his enemy back.

The pale light from the house illuminated the battle. The scythe's blade glowed during Kayn's repeated attacks, which were deflected by his opponent. And after one of these attacks, the person, dressed in black, charged towards the Noxian, with a dagger in hands.

Kayn's free arm acted quickly, taking his enemy's weapon. But the moment his eyes caught those of the one who seemed interested in killing him.

Kayn knew those eyes.

He could never forget them.

"Y/N?"

His voice faltered and the dagger fell from his hands, giving the person a chance to back away, but the assassin was faster and wrapped his hand around his arm, trapping his rival there.

"Y/N, is that you?" He insisted.

The opponent's eyes were like blades, trying to understand the question.

"Who in the void is Y/N?"

the female voice asked sharply, while its owner squirmed in an attempt to get free.

"Just kill her already." Rhaast's voice reverberated once more.

But Kayn didn't obey. He was pressing her arm hard, he needed to keep her there.

He didn't understand how it was possible, how you could be here after all these years. But you were, and he'd recognize those eyes anywhere.

"Y/N, it's me, Kayn" He said with a smile, dropping the scythe and using his other hand to grip your other arm, with less force now.

His hands held you there, steady, close to your shoulders, but they didn't seem capable of hurting you, not with the force he was using.

"I have no idea who you are or who you think I am" your voice came out firm "I don't even have a name..."

He interrupted you, bringing your face closer, now more visible thanks to the light from the house.

"Yes you do, you're Y/N, you were born in Noxus, and you've been my best friend for as long as I can remember... I thought you were dead. But now... You're here. You're really alive."

His eyes stared at you, he looked completely different from the man you had faced a few minutes ago, he looked like a child.

But you didn't remember him. The certainty with he said all that, or the gleam in his eyes, none of that mattered, it couldn't be true.

"Let me go!" You snapped, irritated by the failed attack.

"I can't Y/N, I can't do this again."

"I AM NOT Y/N!"

Kayn sighed, lowering his head. How could you not remember who he was? That you couldn't remember him?

It hurt

It wasn't a wound, like so many he'd gotten during his life, it was a deep pain… in the organ he no longer remembered.

His heart ached.

"You don't remember..." He muttered "Don't remember but I can swear I've known you since we were kids Y/N we grew up together... We fought together"

Kayn's hands released you, but for some reason those words seemed to hold you there.

"You're wrong, I fight for myself."

Your voice faltered for a moment, his mind felt confused. Why did you fight?

"Then why did you attack me?" he quickly replied

A mission, that's what you remembered. Names, targets, that's all. Your current mission was to kill the man in front of you, so why haven't you already done so? And what else would you answer him?

"It was necessary" you limited yourself to a short reply, and for a moment, you thought you saw a tear in his eyes.

"Well..." Kayn sighed, and opening his arms, smiled at you "so do it. Kill me."

Your eyes dropped to the dagger on the floor, none of your targets ever gave you that opportunity, they never even got a chance to see who was attacking them, why did this man have to be any different?

Your hands retrieved the object, and as you took it, your face turned to Kayn's.

His expression was peaceful, for some reason you couldn't understand.

"Why?" you whispered

"After all these years, something put us in each other's paths. You need to kill me, and I was looking for the person responsible for the murders of masters of Ionia, which I can see now.... It was you."

You looked at him in a perplexed, almost stunned way. All these weeks, you thought you were letting everyone down.

The disguised Noxian soldiers served as bait so you could escape.

But nothing worked against Kayn.

"Y/N" he continued "I already lost you once. And I don't want that to happen again. Kill me"

You sighed. I needed to finish this.

Your hands gripped the dagger firmly, pointed toward his heart.

But before the blade touched him, your hands began to shake.

You felt a pain in your chest, and your eyes watered thanks to the tears that were now flowing.

You couldn't kill him.

"Kayn..." your voice came out as a whisper, his head hurt so much it felt like it was about to explode.

Flashes came to your mind, moments on the battlefield, nights when you feared the worst, the murders you committed...

That wasn't you.

Kayn was always present in her childhood memories. He didn't lie.

You remembered. Somehow now you remembered everything.

Your hands dropped the dagger to the floor, and the moment you looked at Kayn, he smiled, lowering his arms and wrapping them around you in a hug.

"It's ok Y/N" he said, as he had done so many times "Everything will be ok I promise"

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part VI

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, mention of blackmail, all characters are adults.

Words: 1567.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

________

You spent the rest of your evening like a somnambulist, barely able to concentrate on your projects before you went to bed, barely finishing half of the things you planned for today. Even the change of locks didn't make you as happy as you thought it would. It felt like something between a dream and a nightmare.

Lying in the dark, you stared at the ceiling, thinking of what happened just a couple of hours ago. Why did he do it? Was it just out of habit and didn’t mean anything? Naturally, with his appearance and easy-going attitude, he probably dated many girls and didn’t think much before kissing someone he liked.

Remembering the way he talked to you in the morning, you thought he must have pretended to be shy around you. Thor certainly wasn’t sheepish.

Was it all a sham? Was Loki right about all of them, playing their roles to get close to you? You couldn’t forget the way Thor looked the moment he told you about being smart. It was like something switched inside him, and for a second you saw the real Thor who was far from being your simple, good-natured athlete.

Why did you keep thinking about that stupid kiss even after seeing the man could be dangerous?

Aroused and angry, you tossed and turned until you fell asleep.

____________

Waking up was especially tough, despite the fact you didn't really do much yesterday, meaning you were going to spend your weekend studying. Shoot, and that's when you planned to visit that new chocolate boutique in the city. Maybe you could still make it if you spent more time studying today?

But then again, going to the city alone might be a bad idea. Even if the guys who stole your things were beaten, it didn't mean it had always been the same people following you. The school was full of weirdos, in the end. What if somebody went after you? Steve would definitely say you had to bring one of your guards with you.

Damn. It was better staying in the dorm then.

"Good morning! Are you ready?" Peter's voice broke through the silence, and you flinched, hurriedly applying some lipstick because you didn't have enough time to put your makeup properly.

Well, at least you were fully dressed.

"Just give me a second!" Picking up your bag, you put your shoes on and opened the door, looking at a young guy who's face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Hi!"

He definitely liked what he saw, and you felt your cheeks growing hot from embarrassment. From the very start of the semester Peter acted very sweet around you, and you thought you could be friends with him. He wouldn't do something as ugly as blackmailing, would he? Thor said it too. Clearly, Steve was exaggerating.

"Did you sleep well? I've heard you changed your lock, so now it'll be better."

"Ugh, I hope so. But I still sleep with my dresser blocking the door." Sighing, started walking, afraid to look in the faces of other students, hurrying off to school.

They must have been disgusted, watching you being friendly with one guy after being all lovey-dovey with the other just yesterday. Although you didn't see anyone in particular, you were sure somebody saw Thor kissing you. And now you were walking the corridors with Peter.

"By the way, what's your Insta?"

What? Your Instagram? Whatever for? Although you had no idea why he needed it, you let him add you, by the time leaving the dorm and walking towards the main building.

Suddenly, Peter got pretty close, his arm on your waist as he lifted up his phone and hummed, "Look here and smile!"

Before you realized what he was doing, the boy kissed your temple, and you heard the sound of a photo being taken by his front-facing camera. What the Hell?!

"Peter!" Pissed at him, you quickly break free and stepped back, but he was already looking at his phone, editing the photo and posting it almost immediately.

You heard your phone buzz when he marked you on the photo.

"That's a good one. You look very cute here."

"What are you doing?!"

"Making a proof we're dating, of course?"

You were taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and Peter smiled from ear to ear like an excited teenager, showing you the picture: it wasn't that bad, and you looked as if you were slightly embarrassed by Peter's closeness. Oh, of course. He had to convince his friends he was dating you, but he didn't kiss you on the lips that could make other people too suspicious. Instead, friends of Barnes or, say, Thor, would still think it was all for show, and it was their friend who dated you for real.

Shit, Steve's plan was incredibly complicated, and you didn't like it at all.

"Oh, alright." You mumbled, lowering your eyes to the ground, and Peter laughed.

"We'll make a TikTok dance later. If you wanna make people talk, just use your social media." He winked at you and put the phone in the pocket of his pants, resuming walking, and you moved along, your face still hot.

God, what did these guys got you into? You felt like you were lost in the middle of a play, not even having a script to read what was your role in all this.

Before you parted your ways, going to a different classrooms, Peter talked about videogames, the upcoming Resident Evil - apparently, his favorite franchise - and some Dota tournament, but you didn't know much about it, and Peter offered to show you his favorite games "because you can't spend all your time studying!"

He was as careless and sweet as always, but you couldn't get Steve's words out of your mind. Damn, if only you could know for sure that Peter didn't blackmail anyone. Who could you talk to about it? Obviously, not Peter himself, but every time he spoke you had that nagging feeling you needed to talk to him. You barely kept your mouth shut before he went to a different room.

Ugh, why didn't you transfer anywhere else when you still had a chance? Obviously, now you could only drop out of school, and it definitely wasn't something you were going to do.

Luckily, the next couple of hours you were busy with your classes, trying your best to prepare for the upcoming exams. The academy held high standards, and even though you were a good student, it still took lots of efforts to keep up the good work. How Thor even managed to get enrolled, judging by the fact he hated studying and often skipped classes?

Ah yes, he mentioned something about getting a scholarship from the academy for his success in the sport.

By the lunch time you were drained, listening to Peter chatting with an absent-mindedly epxression on your face. Funny enough, Peter's grades were better than yours, even though he spent much less time studying. What, was he some genius like Loki? You felt a little envy.

"I gotta go take my tracksuit, I have PE next," the boy said, and you nodded, throwing away the leftovers of your lunch.

As you stood close while he grabbed his sportclothes, you heard two guys talking behind the lockers to your right.

"Have you seen her today? She's with Parker!"

You tensed immediately. Of course, they were talking about you.

"Yeah, so what?"

"She was with Thor yesterday!"

Watching you froze on the spot, Peter stilled too, listening carefully. Oh shit, you hoped no one cared about who you went with - why should they, in the end - but, apparently, you were drawing too much attention simply because you were a girl among hundreds of male students.

"So what?" The other guy asked impatiently, growing tired of this conversation.

"Are you stupid? She's going out with them! I bet she's looking for a guy." The first student said with excitement, and you cringed. No, you weren't going out with anyone, you wanted to stop the weirdos from following you and steeling your things. Was it too much to ask?

"Yeah, who cares?"

"We have three fucking girls in the whole school, and you don't care if one of them could be going out with you? Besides, this one's pretty. I'd fuck her!"

You felt like you were going to puke any moment. Why on Earth did you decide to transfer to an all-boys school? It was like the whole school were a men’s room filled with stupid-ass guys, and you were locked inside, forced to listen them talk junk.

"You'd fuck a sheep, weirdo. Go get yourself a girlfriend if you can’t stop thinking with your dick.”

Laughing, the guy left, and his friend followed him, shouting something stupid while you breathed out a sigh of relief. Of course, you knew there would be some talk, but you didn’t expect it to be so... gross. Were you really gonna spend the two remaining years here?

Watching you getting frustrated, Peter gently touched you by the arm and said softly, “Don’t worry. They won’t talk rubbish about you.”

“What do you mean?” Suddenly thinking of Steve’s words, you blurted out exactly what you were thinking of the whole day, “Are you going to blackmail them with something?”

“I... what?”

Part VII

__________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi

[spikesbimbo]

Pretty Please

Req: may i offer the concept of - spike and his babies first time, when he took her v1rginity 🥺 sorta like a prequel type thing to your last spike fic? thank you sm for all your work bb!!

Pairing: Dilf Daddy Spike Spiegel x Reader

Tags: virg1n!reader , hurt/comfort, squirting, oral sex

wc: 2.9k

a/n: i love u anon, tks for making my dreams come true < 3

18+ Minors dni

-

“You okay doll?”

You nodded slightly, somewhat lying as you felt an ache in your core after he pulled you into his lap. Watching tv as his hand rested on your upper thigh, his thick fingers subliminally working there way up, higher and higher.

Adjusting yourself multiple times, feeling his length grow bigger with each movement, embarrassment rising to your face as you rested your head in his shoulder. Your legs still draped over his, calfs resting on the couch. 

He was ignoring the feeling too, not wanting to get his sweet angel worked up and scared of him after unsurprisingly finding out you've never done ‘it’ in your words, the day you two got a little more intimate.

His cock growing harder at the thought of you telling him you’ve never been touched, or even touched yourself before. Internally feeling pain knowing that his baby has never felt a high from cumming, wanting to bring you there.

As your little hands gripped onto the suit that was layed on his chest, your innocent doe eyes looked up at him batting your eyelashes.

Yes you had a crush on him, he was tall, handsome, always took care of you, and he was older. The peek of gray coming through his hair, his big arms lightly wrapped around you, his deep warm voice that soothes you to sleep. It’s safe to say that you were in love with him.

Ever since he snatched you up that day almost a year ago, he’s taken care of you. Wondering why you were different, knowing he usually didn’t favor women, after hearing him and Jet talk about them. And if he did he only kept them around for a night, ‘litteraly’  kicking them out the next morning.

It shouldn’t make you heart flutter as much as it does, knowing you were special. But it was obvious at this point, always holding you hand went you two went out, him saying “it’s because I don’t want you to get lost”, to you asking to sleep with him at night, immediately opening his arms for you to crawl in.

You felt him move you hips, feeling you panties get wetter. Shuffling around trying to get the thoughts out of your head, thinking about how you tried to do what he did last night. 

All alone in the shower as you ran your hands up your body. You fingers lathering soap on yourself as you pinky hit your breast, letting out a moan at the feeling. Thinking about how you were moaning out his name like a mantra as he kissed down your body, paying special attention to every nook and cranny, loving how worked up you got just from putting his lips on your nipples.

Your hands moved to your lower region, stopping at your clit like he did, heat rising as at the thought of him sucking on sucking on it. Sliding his fingers in and out, mumbling “you’re so wet for me baby”

But your fingers weren’t enough, nor could you do it right. Not knowing how to do anything yourself as he always did it for you. Trying to imitate the pattern he was working in, rubbing your fingers in a slight circle, even shoving your finger in only fitting one in, not succeeding in the slightest.

Leading to you crying, sobs muted by the water falling down, wanting to do something by yourself for once. Not wanting to rely on him even though you loved it, loved the feeling of his callused hands on you, but you felt burdensome if anything.

Knowing how he always came home tired and stressed, wanting to take care of him by taking care of yourself. Not realizing that they went hand in hand. Your pretty moans and pretty face twisting and turning were the only thing keeping him going.

He felt your wetness growing on him, leaving a patch behind. Remembering how tight you were even though he ate you out for hours trying to get them to fit in. Wanting to feel your walls around  his cock, not his fingers.

“You sure you ok baby?” He asked waiting for you to nod, to lie to him again. His hand gripping tighter around your thigh, one of his hands moving towards your waist “Cause I don’t think you are.”

“WelI, i was thinking…. about you.” The throbbing between your legs suddenly grows harder to ignore, almost painful. You cross your legs to try to make it go away because it feels weird. 

“Of course, what else would be going through that pretty brain doll?.” His smoky breath meeting yours as he inched closer to your face, knowing where this was going .“what about me, hmm?”

“Um… I-I want to make you feel good, too.” You muttered out, placing your hands on his neck as you turned his head towards yours, gleaming hopefully eyes hoping he would feel appreciated.

“Teach me how to touch you.”  You pouted, placing your palms on his crotch, fingers gently grabbing it through his pants. “wanna to make you feel good too.”  The throbbing in your core growing harder to ignore, faintly hurting as his knee was bouncing you on him. Trying to close your legs to try distract yourself, but your legs were locked with his, not letting you go in the slightest.

“You wet?” He groaned feeling your soaked panties bleed through his pants. His hand moving towards his cock, grabbing it to calm him down and he couldn't keep his eyes off you know. You don’t answer as you feel his gaze upon you, your confidence fading quickly as you decide to show him want you want though actions, placing your hands on his growing erection along with his. “Fuck, I--”

You look so endearing clinging onto him, batting your lashes as you wait for him to tell you what to do, just wanting to be his good girl. “You wanna make me feel good, make me happy?” He repeated, running his hands up to your lower back after stopping at your ass. 

“God angel, you’re driving me crazy” he said pulling you face to face with him now, straddling his big thighs as you couldn’t help but grind on them. Just being with him made you feel so much better.

“I was thinking bout... how good you treat me, I wanna do the same to you. I feel like I can't do anything...” His hand raises your sinking face, forcing your teary eyes to meet his soft gaze as you echoed. “I wanna treat you good, make you feel good too.” 

“You even know how?” He says waiting for you to shake your head no. 

“You gotta teach me”

“Fuck-. Alright baby c'mere.” he said standing up, holding your tiny hand in his as you followed him into the bedroom, the red and yellow tinted artificial lighting being much more soothing than out there.

You were on your knees, ignoring how the carpet burned against them as you saw his cock up close for the first time. The last time you saw it was when he ‘taught’ you how to touch yourself, being in awe that it was that big, now in your head thinking that every man was as big as him.

He went along with it after you said you couldn't do it alone because you only got off to him. He ignored the fact that it made his heart race in a way it's never before, cumming the fastest he's ever done since he was a teen, thanking god you were inexperienced.  

He grabbed your jaw gently, cheeks squished in-between his hand as tried his hardest to not just fuck your sweet little face. “Like this baby.” he said, after his thumb opened your mouth, bringing your lips to his tip. Catching on and kissing it, using your tongue like you he told you. Only staying at the head , too scared to take anymore, 

“God damn..”  he groaned, his hand being wrapped around the back of your neck. Slightly pushing your head down to which you gag, immediately pulling back, the string of drool still connecting you two. “You gonna be my good girl?” 

He took a hold of his cock, stroking it a few times before putting its attention back on you. “Open up” he said as you did what you were told as he slapped his fat cock onto your tongue hanging out of your mouth, precum and spit dripping off onto your chest. 

“You gotta use your hands, kiss and lick it.”

“okay” you muttered out, already doing it. Kissing open mouthed on the sides, stroking the vein under it while making it as sloppy as could be. Tongue flicking back and forth on the slit at the top, his moans acting as a guide, letting you know what he really liked.

You seal your mouth around his head again, barely fitting it in your mouth gazing up at Spike, seeing his face flustered as yours. He looks pleased, letting out a small grunt. "Pretty girl," he husks, fingers stroking your jaw. You thriving at the attention and praise, loving the way his voice was when he talked to you, just you.

"Keep sucking on it, and don’t use your teeth sweetheart.” he encouraged, wondering why this was a natural talent for you. You eventually closed your eyes after they were watering too much and sucked. It didn't feel as good as you thought it would, but the thought of making him cum gets you antsy, doing your best to accomplish your mission.

 He gives another low moan, while you do the same in response. Loving the idea that you're getting him off instead of himself. His cock barely halfway in while our too lost in thought sucking him dry when you suddenly smell the comforting scent of smoke flowing through the air, relaxing your throat more.

You're drawn off of his cock, held gently by the throat, need racing through your head, chills running down your back. A moan leaves your mouth as his jaw quivers, your breath gasping . His knees shift into a better position, guiding you back to his length. "Fuck. you like it now, don't you baby?" he puffed out, his eyes as hazy as yours. "Taking my cock so well, baby. Swallow like a good girl, okay?”

He slapped it against your cheek again, your drool flicked there along with your lips. You nodded as you took him in between your lips again, pushing teasingly. He takes it into his own hands and starts fucking your mouth. Not letting you catch a break, chasing his high. Snapping his hips in quickly, gagging through it, tears falling onto your cheeks from the pressure. 

Spit drooling down your chin, while his fingers dig into the back of your head, knees burning from rubbing against the carpet. You gag for the nth time, shoulders meeting his knees, as you feel hot ropes come down your throat, his curses becoming white noise at this point.

You turned your head down as you coughed up his cum, leaving your mouth falling onto your chest knees as he sputtered.  Feeling tears build up in your eyes, scared that hed get mad at you, take back what he said about you being a good girl, his good girl.

“m-m’sorry” you sniffled, feeling the tears fall down you face yet again, but this time from pain, not pleasure.

He crouched in front of you, wiping the remaining with his thumb before connecting his lips to yours. You sucked on his tongue, his cum being swapped between you two as you looked at him with your red glossy eyes. Your way of saying sorry. “It’s okay, Baby, it was your first time, you did so good, okay? Made me cum and everything.” he said kissing you again as you squirmed in his touch.

He stood up, grabbing you in his arms too. Your legs numb and bruised, but you settled yourself on the bed, him following,  towering over you. “You like thinking about me between your legs, like hearing what  m’gonna do to you ?”

You slide deeper under him, holding the pillow up hiding your face as you quietly admit it by letting out a soft “yeah”. Feeling helpless that he's the only one who gets you like this, is that what this feeling is, pleasure? 

You nodded and he moved his dirty hands, wondering all over your soft and pure body as he slowly undressed you completely. Wanting to take in your beauty just for himself, wanting to capture the moment he defiled you, replaying it over and over again in his head forever. Wanting to capture your sweet moans in his mouth as he kissed the pain away, cooing at you with his deep voice for taking a cock too big for your tiny little virgin cunt.

His cock already throbbing again at the thought, lining himself up with you. “Don’t worry, pretty girl” he cooed. “I’m gonna take care of you. M’gonna fuck you so good, angel. Gonna make you cum over and over. Gonna stuff you full just like you want.”

The reassurance comforted you more than it should have, him being the only thing you'd ever had, in a sense. Yes you two might have had sex, but that didn’t mean you two werent friends, event though you wanted to be more. 

 Wanted to wake up in the morning in his arms, giving him a good morning kiss before he left everyday. But all you did right now was wait; wait for him to get home with jet, and the dog. While you took care of him in the ways you could, but that's how friends acted right? Being on good terms and trusting each other, right?

“It feel good? Doesn't hurt?” he asked as you quickly nodded, wanting him to make you feel good. He dragged his lips to your neck, sucking on the skin, littering every inch with the numbing pain, tracing his open mouthed kisses down to your chest. His spit cooling the heat rising in your body. “Fuck,” he breathed bottoming out. “You’re so tight for me, baby. You like it? Like the way my big cock is stretching you out?

You nod gasps being held back, not being able to catch your breath. The ache between your legs beginning to ease. Grabbing his neck with your trembling hands, getting him to look down at you.. “faster….please” You whispered out, just loud enough for him to hear and it’s all it takes for him to connect his hips to yours. Your lips letting out soft, honeyed moans that already have his balls swelling again. 

The pain disappeared as his thrusts became more stable, having a rhythm. Your eyes gazing up at his filled out body, so strong. You were swooning at the man balls deep in you, loving everything about him from his graying hair and downturned eyes, to his smile.

“Wh-… what do I do, w-wanna be good.” you choked out, heavy breaths catching the remains of earlier in your throat. “Shh… lemme do the work, okay?  Your little holes clenching so wet and sloppy for me, so tight. Feels so good, baby.”

His hands hook under your thighs, locking you in place as he continues fucking you, getting rougher and rougher with your physical permission. Your back arches as he angles his hips different, his cock hitting you in a new way, his fast thrusts sending you into overdrive. Cum squirting from you, making the mess under you even bigger while he's groaning out at the picture before him. “Fuck baby, that was so hot, good fuckin girl.”

That was all it took for him to release, you precious little body being so lewd beneath him, fuck. Vision turning from black to white as he felt you push yourself into him more. Helping you, still temporary blind, eyes closed as he pulled your thighs closer to himself.

You whimpered in pleasure as you felt the hot liquid filling you up, the warm feeling in your tummy making your head spin. It had your brain turning to mush, the submissive part activating as you spread yourself even more, wanting to show off the filthy part of you.

“Did it feel good?”

God really blessed him with an angel. So pretty, dirty, so willing to please. The fact that he's the only one who has ever seen you like this is getting to his head, making sure it'll stay that way, as he flipped you over leaning your head against his chest. 

“You took me so well, sweetheart, so proud of you for taking me..”

You were so tired, jaw aching while keening at the praise. His hands resting on your bare body made all the tension ease, the feeling of him still in you making you get too attached to him.

He laid still, taking in your state as he felt you turn your head to look at him, while he was already admiring you. Flashing you his smile that you loved so much. He curled up with you with his warm body holding your cold one, easing you to sleep with a faint smile on your face. You finally did something on your own.