#don't let anyone or anything deter you from using them if you need them

[rafeandonlyrafe]

heat rage

words: 1k

warnings: 18+ only, smut, male receiving oral, fwb, hooking up, mentions of drinking/partying and hooking up while drunk

“topper, will you shut the fuck up?” rafe yells, making topper physically jump, eyes widening as he looks to rafe.

“i didn’t even say anything.” topper argues back, his voice almost sounding whiny.

“and yet you’re still being too fucking loud!” rafe growls, looking like he's seconds away from standing up and hitting topper across the face.

“alright, come on.” you stand, gesturing to rafe to join you.

“what?” he grunts out, the heat and stress of the day clearly having gone to his head, making him frustrated and angry for no reason, ready to lash out at anyone.

“you're being a dick because you're all upset.” you say, reaching your hand out for rafe to take, but he just swats it away.

“im fine.”

“fine.” you shrug, turning away from the boys and walking towards the stairs. “i guess you don't want me to give you head.”

rafe is scrambling off the couch to follow you up the stairs towards his bedroom, eyes on your ass as you make your way up each step.

“you're gonna be more relaxed after this right?” you question as rafe closes and locks his door behind you. “because if you're just gonna be an asshole all day im going home.”

“yeah, promise.” rafe nods, leaning forward to press a smearing kiss across your lips. his version of a thank you, since the words will never actually leave his lips.

you're not a couple, but you don't exactly just hook up either. you guess it would be defined as friends with benefits. rafe often says you're the one girl he can actually stand to hang out with, and it certainly helps that you often end up hooking up after parties where you drink a little too much.

rafe places a hand on your shoulder, shoving you down to your knees, indicating just how needy he is for your mouth.

you smirk when you realize he's tenting in his shorts, having grown hard in just minutes. you tug at the two sides of his pants, opening them to reveal his boxers.

“come on.” rafe grunts impatiently.

“rafe, you said you'd be nice!”

“after you give me head i will be! come on, i need it.” rafe pushes his pants and underwear down his hips in one swift motion, his cock popping up from its confines.

you place your hand around the base to hold it steady as your lips and tongue tease over the head, kissing and licking as rafe moans. you wonder if topper is able to hear his sounds as you sink down on his cock, allowing it to fill you mouth.

“fuck, we should do this sober more often.” rafe tangles his hands in your hair, helping guide your motions up and down.

you're determined to make this good and memorable, not just because rafe is pissed off and needing the relief, but as a reason to continue hooking up without the influence of alcohol or drugs in your system, wanting to experience rafe fucking into you without being sloppy drunk.

you force rafes length down into your throat as you bob your head, his hands tightening and loosing in your hair like he keeps losing control only to quickly regain it.

“god, that's fucking good.” rafe moans out, his voice low and when you look up to his face you aren't surprised to find his eyes closed, face one of bliss.

you place both your hands on his thighs, giving yourself a good base as you use your whole body to move off and on his cock, truly getting into the motions.

“damn.” rafe curses. hes inclined to let you do all the work, but he's too into the way it feels that he can't help but begin to thrust his hips forward and back.

you feel yourself choking around his cock and try to hold back the gagging noises as he rams into your throat, but you can't hold them back for long.

the noises don't deter rafe, only spur him on more, his hips pumping faster as you feel his cock swelling in your mouth, the telltale sign of his imminent release.

you try to suck, rub your tongue against the underside of his cock, or give some sort of extra stimulation, but ultimately you end up letting rafe fuck into your face, mouth ajar and wet for him, drool dripping down your chin.

“fuck, cumming.” is all rafe can get out before his cum is spurting down your throat in long ropes that you're eager to swallow.

you pull off the second he's finished, taking deep breaths intermixed with coughing you wish you could control, not wanting to seem like you couldn't handle it.

“you good?” rafe asks, attempting to fix your hair by smoothing his hands over the curls he was gripping tightly into.

“yeah.” you nod quickly. “just get me a drink of water.”

you move from your knees onto the bed, breathing deeply as rafe puts his bottoms back on before heading into the bathroom, coming back with a cup of water for you.

“thanks.” you mumble, taking it from him and gulping it down.

“no, thank you.” rafe says, leaning down and in a moment of rare softness pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

“we should get back down to topper.” you say, wiping your mouth and taking one last drink.

“shit, kinda forgot he was here.” rafe laughs, helping you stand before walking down the stairs with you, back into the living room where you flop onto the armchair, stretching yourself out and giving your knees much needed relief.

“damn, if i knew all i had to do was get all pissy to have my dick sucked i would have been an asshole this whole time.” topper chuckles, meaning it as a joke, but rafes relieved calm face quickly turns back to one of anger as he growls out.

“oh god.” you drop your face into your hands, all your hard work undone with one sentence from topper.

[scarletwinterxx]

but on a wednesday in a cafe i watched it begin again - kim mingyu imagine

hiiiii - okay i'm so so so inlove with this one. may i say this is half inspired by real life scenarios haha anyways i hope you like it!

alsooo just a thought, would anyone want to be mutuals on X?

for my other svt fics, check them here

if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

10 years ago

"Kyeom, I'm gonna go. I have assignments to do"

"What noooo, the game's just about to start" he mutters, he even kick feet like a little kid

"Then stay, but I'm going" you didn't even give him a chance to say anything because you're already out the gym doors. Your bestfriend used to your attitude at this point, he lets you be.

You pull your bag on your shoulders as you walk towards the school gates, some students were also on their way out since classes are done. Just as you were about to exit, someone calls your name making you look back.

When you spot who was calling you, confusion took over your face. Wondering why Kim Mingyu is here running after you when he should be inside with the basketball team.

"Hey, glad I caught you" he smiles at you.

Kim Mingyu, the guy who's known across all campus. He's the star student, all the teachers like him, he's never missed a class, he's good at studying, never the troublemaker, has a big circle of friends and an even bigger number of admirers from all across the school.

"What's up, do you need something?" you nonchalantly replied but that didn't deter him one bit

"Yea uh actually I wanted to ask you out" he scratches the back of his neck, looking down at his shoes as he waits for your answer

"Me?"

"Yea, I like you"

"Oh uh thanks. But I'm not really looking for that type of thing right now"

You watch the smile fall from MIngyu's face before it comes back again, it doesn't quite reach his eyes though. You notice.

"Oh"

"Yeah, sorry but uhm goodluck on your game though. I'm gonna go now" you wave goodbye before going your way. Not once turning to look back where Mingyu was left standing.

The rest of your high school life flew by like that. You still mostly kept to yourself, a few close friends, never really wanting to have any eyes on you. Mingyu never contacted you after that. You two acted like strangers once again, his confession something only you and him know.

Present Day

"Did you get the invite?" Dokyeom asks the moments he enters your apartment. After all these years, he's still your bestfriends. Most of your 'friends' from high school you've already lost contact with, you realized you were only friends with them only because you saw them everyday. Not many of them really made the effort to keep in contact, you can't blame them though since you didn't either.

But that's life. People come and go.

"For?"

"Our high school reunion, please tell me you're going"

"I did get it, and no I'm not going"

"What? Why? It'll be fun" he still does this thing where he stomps his feet like a kid when you say no to him, annoying but he's your bestfriend so you learned to put up with it.

"I don't even talk to anyone from high school apart from you"

"I'll be there, you can talk to me" he weakly reasons out, trying to plead with you is like trying to move a cement brick wall. He knows it's a losing battle but he still tries anyways.

"You won't stop bugging me unless I go, won't you?"

"You know me too well"

"Fine, but I'm not staying long"

"3 hours tops"

"2, take it or leave it"

Leave it to Dokyeom to make sure you're actually coming because by 5pm the day of the reunion, he came to your apartment even though you're taking your own car since you don't plan on staying as long as him.

"Oh you actually got ready" he says when you open the door

"I don't want another long message from you, let's go before I change my mind"

The two of you drove separately to the venue, as an introvert you admit when you got there you already want to go home. You see the familiar faces, already dreading the amount of small talks you have to do for the rest of the night. Cursing Dokyeom in your mind.

Your bestfriend didn't even give you a chance to step back inside your car before he's pulling you inside, saying hello to everyone on your way in. He's always been the nicer one between the two of you.

The two of you grab some snacks and drinks before continuing on meddling with your former schoolmates. Your social battery draining drastically by the second when you hear Dokyeom almost scream from beside you,

"Kim Mingyu! Yo dude you made it"

You look over where Dokyeom went, watching him give a bro hug to the guy. There Kim Mingyu stands, still as handsome as ever. A lot of years passed by but he still looks the same, just even better now.

The years have indeed been kind to him.

With everything happening around you, you can't help but feel overwhelmed. A few moments away from sneaking out but Dokyeom catches you once again before you can even give it a try

"Y/N's here too, you remember Mingyu right?"

You wanted to step on your bestfriend's shoes to make him shut up but instead you just shoot him a tight lipped smile before turning to the taller guy,

"Hi"

"Hey, it's been a while. I haven't seen you since... graduation"

"Yea, you too"

End of conversation.

You're still the same, Mingyu thinks. You're still the same girl he liked back then, you're still just as hard to read, still answering with single sentences, still beautiful like the day you broke his heart.

He wonders how you've been since then. Are you dating anyone or are you still out there breaking other guys' heart with your cold demeanor. He's still friends with Dokyeom and last he heard you've been doing okay. No mention of a boyfriend.

You don't give him a chance to ask any question, you say something to Dokyeom before walking towards the door

"Is she alright?" he can't help but ask

"Oh yea, she's being her usual self. It's a miracle I even got her to go tonight so I won't even be surprised if she's about to sneak home now, I'll just call her later"

"You two still close?"

"She's my bestfriend, dude. Of course we are, we're like twins ya know. Anyways how's the cafe going"

Mingyu hangs out with Dokyeom for the rest of the night, they didn't really run out of things to catch up on. He can't help but wonder how two very different people manage to stay close friends. But then again it's Dokyeom, one of the nicest guy he knows. At the end of the day, he's glad you're friends with someone like him.

The next day Dokyeom calls you to bombard you with stories about the reunion that you missed when you came home, he goes on and on about catching up with Mingyu then some other people from your batch you don't even talk to anymore but you listen anyways.

After the phone call, you get ready to go to work. You go on with your routine and before you know it you're done with your 9-5. That goes on for the rest of the week.

Some people hate it but you liked having a routine, it drives you crazy when things don't go your way.

Like tonight, your workmates all but forced you to come with them for afterwork drinks. You wanted to decline but you already done so many times so they made sure you come with them this time.

"Okay okay so what if you're in a room full of all the people you ever liked, who would you go to?"

Everyone take turns to answer until all head turns to you, "Oh me?"

"Yea, come on spill the details girlie we won't tell" one of your workmate jokes, clearly drunk

You take a few more seconds to think before you say your answer

"I guess this guy I rejected in high school"

"What? Oh my gosh whoooo, tell us tell us what happened" they excitedly ask

"Oh no big deal, just a guy. He was nice, like really nice. I liked that about him, but uh I guess high school me wasn't ready for any kind of commitment so I rejected him. I choose him because I want to apologize, that's all"

"Aw did you hear that? that's so cuteee"

"So where is he now?"

"I don't know, I never really kept in touch"

You grab your glass so you can avoid any more questions, after an hour to tell them goodbye since you still have to go to work tomorrow.

And as expected you woke up with a slight headache, even though you wanted to stay in bed for the day you know you can't. You get up and get ready for the day, planning to stop by this cafe your workmates keep on mentioning on your way to work.

Good things it's still early, when you got the cafe there were only a few people inside. You can smell the freshly brewed coffee and pastries on the stand.

"Next, Hi goodmorning what can I get you?"

"Hi, can I get an iced Vanilla Latte and a bagel with cream cheese to go? Thank you" you say your order while the cashier notes it down "Okay, for a moment I'll just get your order ready"

"Sure" you wait on the counter for your order, checking the other pastries and the menu board.

Mingyu was at the back, getting some stocks ready for the day when he spots someone on the counter. He had to do a double take to make sure it was you standing in his cafe, immediately a smile forming on his face as he watch you look at the display case.

You're too lost in your own world to notice him now standing Infront of you so he clears his throat to get your attention, "Can I get you something else, see anything you like?" he asks

He can see you weren't expecting to see him here, out of all places.

What in the twisted fate was this, you think to yourself.

"Oh uh the other barista already took my order" you tell him, Mingyu goes to the other guy telling him something before returning to the register with your order, "One iced vanilla latte and bagel with cream cheese, here you go. Anything else?" he asks again

"I think this is all for now, so how much?"

"On the house" Mingyu says with a smile, makes you wonder if he does this on a regular basis but you shake the thought away.

"What? No, come on I'll feel bad. Tell me how much" you tell Mingyu but he just shakes his head at you

"Free coffee for the pretty lady"

"Do you tell all your lady customers that?" you ask him, the words already out before you can stop yourself. You can feel your cheeks heat up but Mingyu just chuckles, again he shakes his head

"Just you, tell me next time how's our coffee and baked goods are then we'll call it even" he tells you, pointing at the suggestion box

"Are you sure? My workmates recommended this place and they said the coffee is good but I never really went with them" you tell him,

"You work close by?"

"A few blocks from here, I sometimes pass by here but it's always so busy. I guess I got lucky today"

All this time you were this close to where he was and he never knew. Mingyu mentally agrees with you, indeed it is a lucky day because for the first time since he met you you finally said more than one sentence to him.

17 year old Mingyu would be pouting and kicking his feet out of jealousy, he would never believe this day would come but here you are.

"Thank you for the coffee and food, uh see you around"

"You too, Y/N. It's nice to see you again" he smile again, you shoot him a small smile before going your way.

He watches you go out the door, the scene of you walking away hitting him like a Deja vu. A scene from 10 years go playing in head. Just as you were about to exit the door, to turn around to look at him behind the counter then shoot him another smile then you were gone.

This time though Mingyu wasn't left with a heart to mend but something to look forward to. Maybe just maybe this time it'll be his chance.

"You're down bad" Hoshi, his co-owner and other barista, says from beside him

"Huh?"

"Really?? Coffee for the pretty lady? so original" he laughs

"What? I never used that on anyone" Mingyu mumbles, "I know, that's why I said you're down bad. Who is she by the way?"

"Someone very special, call me when she comes back" he pats Hoshi on the shoulder before going to the back to resume his re-stocking duties.

Mingyu didn't want to expect (but he was), he would be lying if he didn't tell Hoshi he'd open tomorrow and man the register just in case you come in early again. He would be lying if he says he looked up every time the bell dings signaling another customer came in only it wasn't you.

It took you a few days before you visited again, and this time luck wasn't on Mingyu's side because he was not on duty.

"Hey, you're Mingyu's friend" Hoshi remembers you from the other day, greeting you with a big smile making his eyes almost disappear. He seems like a warm person, very friendly.

"Yeah, you can say that" you shyly answer him "Oh right sorry, what can I get you?"

"I'll get another iced vanilla latte. The last one you made was really good" you tell him

"Thanks, make sure to drop that inside our box" he jokes "Anything else?"

"Can you recommend any pastry for me to try? They all look so good"

"Honestly, not to be biased, everything's good here but that chocolate cake is extra special. Mingyu makes it himself everyday, want a slice?"

"Sure, sounds great"

Hoshi, you learn his name, goes and make your order like before then returns to the counter "Okay here you go, and the man says it's on the house"

"Huh?" you ask confused "Mingyu said it's on the house if ever you come back"

"Oh I can not not pay, he already said that the last time" you said, already getting your card out

"No really, he insists. And between us, I'd be in bigger trouble if I let you pay. If you want to scold him, feel free to do so and drop it in the box"

You chuckle, finally taking your drink and food "Thanks again, let me write something" you seat on a vacant chair to get a paper from inside your bag, writing a quick note before going back to the counter to drop it in the box. You say goodbye to Hoshi before going.

You feel your phone ring in your pocket, Dokyeom's name flashing on the screen "Barbeque later"

"Are you asking or are you telling me?"

"I'll come by after work" then he hangs up.

A few hours later, your bestfriend shows up with a few grocery bags and a loud mouth. You two catch up on what you missed on the few days you didn't get to talk, he likes staying up to date with your life even though nothing really ever happens. He's like the brother you never expected but you're now stuck with.

"Do you have any sweets here, chocolate or something" you hear him scrummaging through your kitchen

"I have a cake slice in the fridge"

Dokyeom finds it then walks back to the dining table, setting it in the middle to share between the two of you

"Oh gosh this is so good, where did you buy this?"

"At Mingyu's cafe, did you know he had one?" you ask back, Dokyeom's head springs up to look at you

"You went there? Mingyu did mention he had a cafe. So you two talked?"

"Yea he was there the first time I went, it was really nice the coffee is good. The other barista said Mingyu baked this" you tell him, taking another bite

"You know, you never told me why you rejected him"

Dokyeom suddenly mentioning that made you cough out loud, "You said you liked him right? Then all of a sudden you were telling me you rejected him"

"Are we really talking about this? It's been 10 years"

"Yea"

"Like I said, I didn't have the time and I got overwhelmed. Everyone knew who Mingyu was, I didn't want that kind of attention on me too. I guess 17 year old me got scared"

Dokyeom listens to you, watching you stab the piece of cake before taking a bite "For what it's worth, he really liked you back then. He even asked me what your favorites were, I said you liked cakes more than ice cream"

Back at the cafe, Mingyu comes in after Hoshi closes so he can start on baking tomorrow's batch of cake. He's in the kitchen getting the ingredients ready while Hoshi cleans the display case and front of the house.

He was humming to himself when he hears the kitchen door swing open, "Oh by the way Y/N dropped by today"

Mingyu forgets the number he was on, now he has to measure the flour all over again. He turns to look at his friend with an annoyed expression, Hoshi holds his hands in the air

"Hey don't blame me, not my fault she went here on your only day off. But I did say it's on the house courtesy of you, so you're welcome"

"Atleast you did something right" Mingyu says

"And she got the chocolate cake, she also dropped something in the box. Go check it when you're done, I'm going now" he waves goodbye before going to the office to do a few more things before leaving Mingyu alone at the shop.

He tries to focus first on what he's doing, going back to measuring the ingredients and putting it in the oven before going to the counter to get the box.

How will find your note here when there's about 30 others in here, he's not so sure. He reads through a few of them when finally he finds one

Coffee is great, maybe even better with company. On me next time I come back, thanks Gyu :)

He knows it's from you because of the nickname, a lot of people from highschool used to call him that. It may be common but it sounded extra special when you're the one calling him that. He takes the note and put it in his pocket before putting the others back.

Tonight's cake about to be extra good.

When Mingyu comes in the shop the next day he was expecting you to come, he wasn't going to lie about it this time.

It might seem silly but he never really got over his crush on you. There's something about you that he admired so much, even though people said you're the 'ice queen' with your stoic expression and one line answers he thinks you're just always straight to the point.

He never harbored hard feelings even after you rejected him, he understood your reasons. He knew you were focused on your studies but he just wanted to shoot his shot.

That day when he asked you, he already saw you in the gym before the game. He thought you were going to watch only for you to disappear a few minutes before they started, he chased after you with high hopes only to be handed his heart back in a few pieces. But even then he still liked you, he continued on admiring you from afar. Cheering you on your academic victories and cheering for you on your graduation day when you gave out your valedictorian speech.

He liked watching you achieve your goals, you always had that laser focus and determination. The entire class knew you deserved it.

Now a decade later, you're still the same in some ways. The night during the reunion party, he didn't expect to see you there. You didn't age a day, you still look so beautiful. You now carry this confident but reserved aura around you, he admits he was a bit intimidated to approach you so he thanks Dokyeom for being there.

The day passed by and still no sign of you, when he turns the open sign over to close he lets out the biggest sigh. Looking at the last slice of cake on the stand, ironically very similar to him. Waiting for you to come by.

He's busy mopping the floors to notice he didn't lock the front door, you just got out of work and decided to check if the cafe was still open. The sign said closed but you spot Mingyu inside so you try to knock on the glass door but he couldn't hear you so you let yourself in.

You walk closer to where he was before tapping him on the back making the tall man jump up in the air with mop in hand.

Mingyu turns around, holding his hand to his chest as he looks at you blinking back at him "Fuck you scared the shit out of me, sorry" he mumbles the apology after letting a few curses out

"Sorry, I didn't mean too. I knocked but you couldn't hear. Uhm is it a bad time?"

"No, I mean no it's good. I was just cleaning up. Do you want anything?" he asks you, putting the mop in the bucket before walking towards the counter with you following. He stands by the cashier while you stand on the other side

You spot the last piece of cake like it's calling your name, Mingyu following your gaze. Smiling to himself while he waits for your order.

"I'll get the last piece of chocolate cake, please. Hoshi recommended it yesterday and it was really food. Glad I got the last one" you smile

Little did you know he made that recipe with you in mind. He knew you liked chocolate cakes. "Chocolate cake coming up, anything else? Our cookies are good too, let me get some for you"

"As long as you let me pay for it"

"Not a chance, miss" Mingyu smirks, putting the remaining cookies in a box along with the cake before walking back to face you

"Not this again, you already got it for me the last few times I was here. How will you run a business if you keep on giving it out for free"

"I don't always do it" Mingyu shrugs

"Just let me pay please" you say giving him your card but he just pushes it back

"No"

"Mingyu"

He smiles, looking over at you. For a second you were taken back by his stare. The only way you can describe it was sweet, he looked so sweet like the cake he baked. He looked so soft and gentle like he wouldn't break a heart.

"Come back next time, I'll let you pay"

"You said that the last time"

"Then keep coming back, maybe one day I'll let you" he confidently tells you, the underlying message of wanting to see you again lies in the air. He holds his breath waiting for your next words,

"If you don't let me pay the next time, I won't come back" you threaten him cutely, finally taking the bag from him. Mingyu smiles walking to the other side to walk you out.

Before you reach the door you stop, "Actually, there's something I need to tell you" you turn to look up at him

"Go ahead, I'm listening"

You take a few seconds, again surprised with how he's staring right at you. Like he's seeing all of you.

"I would like to apologize for what happened before, you know the whole rejection thing. I know it's a bit overdue, actually it's very overdue but I've always wanted to say sorry. Someone asked me if I was in a room full of all the people I liked, who would I run to I said you. That's because I wanted to say sorry... so yea. I'm sorry" you mumble, now you're looking at his chest. Too shy to look at him

"You like me?" Mingyu mumbles

This make you look at him again, "That's all you heard?"

"I mean I appreciate the thought, apology accepted. Now back to my question.. I heard that right, right?"

"You're not wrong"

You and your one liner answers.

"So how many are there in the room" he asks, now he's teasing you. You can't help but scowl at him, rolling your eyes.

"It's a very short list and you're missing my point"

"No I get it, and no need to apologize. I respect your decision back then and I still do now. No need to say sorry over that, no hard feelings" he smiles at you.

Mingyu wanted to reach out and hold your hand but he stops himself. He didn't want to mess this again with you, if this is finally his second chance then he's not going to do anything to mess it up.

"I really am, it's been 10 years but I just wanted to tell you that. So yea.. that's uh that's all"

"Can I ask something?"

"What?" you ask back "Who else would be in the room with me, do I know the others"

"Oh my gosh! It's a very short list"

He laughs at your answer, reaching up to tuck the loose hair than fell on your face behind your ear.

"I believe you, tell me about it next time you get coffee"

"Seriously making me rethink about coming back here" you pout, this made Mingyu's heart pound like crazy. A hundred shots of espresso got nothing on you. Only you can make him feel this way, so alive.

"I'll bake you a cake" he bargains

"Chocolate?"

"All yours, on the house"

[victoria-grimesss]

Hello! Do you think you could write 141 + konig with a tall fem!reader who has a crush on them but is so used to taller men not liking taller women that she starts “preemptively rejecting them” (self sabotaging herself lol) but is still clearly crushing hard

Or alternatively maybe even someone else shamed her for her height when she mentioned the crush and now she’s acting more distant because she’s second guessing herself now

masterlist

->Warning: slight violence, self doubt.

->A/N: I'm chipping away at the requests but I love writing them so have patience I will get them all out, and don't feel afraid about asking for as many as you want! (I got a little carried away with Soap's).

->Price:

Price has a lot on his plate so I feel like he wouldn't care too much about the height difference. If anything that's what started his attraction to you. He would hate to see you bring yourself down especially if you were on the team and worked closely with them. Hearing the way you would talk about yourself when you think no one could hear. Or when he heard the talk in the locker-room, other men snickering about your crush on him and how he could and would never entertain the idea of being romantic with someone who's so much taller, when he could have anyone. He would find himself Infront of your door late one night, the lines of ranks and right and wrong blurring as he brings his hand up to your door. He would hear no noise after a second and third knock so he would turn to leave until your soft voice alerted him. He would notice you've been more distant than usual, not coming to the usual team drinking events and speaking less to him. Under a veil of tears that would fall from your eyes and a hurried confession of your feelings and a spew of word vomit about how he could have anyone and more self doubt would come out of your mouth before it was silenced by his embrace. He would give you the warmest hug, a hand stroking your hair as he lead you into your room to reveal his own confession. And through that someone beautiful would bloom.

->Ghost:

Ghost is quiet by nature, your lingering stares that would stay on him for longer than normal, how you would find yourself nearby to him in almost every briefing room. He would find himself irritated at first but as he got to know you and work more with you he found himself enjoying your company and in turn developed a small crush which festered its way deep into his heart. You being tall was just an added bonus. He enjoyed you being tall in fact because when standing side by side he could glance over and admire your profile. Although his head was filled with thoughts of you, your head was filled with doubt and insecurity. You noticed him staring more and being closer and it scared you, so you did the only thing you knew, you distanced. You didn't come to the rec room for the group chat, nor the pub that weekend to celebrate he grew concerned. He found you on the rooftop one night, his footsteps quiet as he approached you. He would question you on your lack of appearance lately, he thought he had done something wrong, maybe he read you the wrong way. Maybe he let his feelings get ahead of himself. You would brush him off saying you were too tired. He called bullshit, saying if he had to be there around drunk Gaz and Soap so did you. Your mood would lighten the slightest before telling him why you had become so distant, fearing your height would scare him off, deter him from you. He laughed then, his eyes casted down on you as he crouched down next to you. “That’s what you’ve been fuckin worried about?” He sounded exasperated when he said it but a sniffle from your nose answered for you. A hand clasped on your shoulder before he spoke again, “If you think you being taller is going to drive me away you’re wrong, now let's go, Soap’s been asking for you and I need you down there to get through this bloody night.”

->Gaz:

I have a feeling his type is taller women, from the moment you met he was drawn to you. You had a welcoming air to you and he could never quite get enough. He would be conjoined at the hip with you if he could. He didn't believe you could be insecure about something that he found so attractive about you. Well until he heard some guys talking shit to you after training, he was walking towards you, bringing you a spare water bottle since he knew today was a longer day for you. They were crowded around you as you laced up your boots. Gaz knew you could handle yourself if you needed to but something within him sparked to life as he watched them talk down to you about something that was far out of your control. He pushed his way past one, shoulder roughly bumping into one of them and his dark gaze centered on the one currently speaking to you. Your face grew heated, now embarrassed to be seen under these circumstances. “If you have something to say to her you can say it to me.” You had stood up by now, a hand on Gaz’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him. “It’s not worth it, c’mon let's go.” You pleaded with him but he was still burning. “All we was sayin’ is how no one would want to be with her, especially you. Guys are intimidated by tall women.” The other man wore a smirk on his face as he finished his sentence but it didn't last long before Gaz’s fist met his nose with a sickening crunch. The man clutched his face and to say you were flattered Gaz came to your aid would be an understatement. You both left the room in a hurry, his fury burning slightly dimmer as you walked. “Won’t you get in trouble for that?” You asked him and he looked over to you and smiled. “Maybe, but it’ll be damn worth it, seeing that guy get what he deserved. Can’t be talking to you like that.” You sighed, “Maybe he’s right though, don’t guys feel intimidated by taller women, I mean my dating history shows.” Gaz rolls his eyes, “Well then you’ve been hanging around shit guys. Let me take you out and I’ll show you how you're supposed to be admired.”

->Soap:

I think Soap would love having a girlfriend that’s taller than him. But your self-doubt really came into play when your crush on Soap grew to an immeasurable size. He’s a ladies man, confident, funny, and good at his job. Being on the team you had heard about his conquests and the women he found attractive, none of them being as tall as you.. Although since you had joined the team and grown to be better friends, he met up with random women at night less and less. You would ask him why and he would blame it on being too busy or not finding it as fun anymore. But the real answer was that he found himself head over heels for you. He had tried to distract himself with other women for a bit but he always thought of you. Even if you're taller in general or taller than him he would still be just as attracted, He would notice you would be less inclined to be around him, and he wouldn't know why, he craved your attention and admired you. His feelings for you had been growing and growing until he felt like he was going to explode. He found you in your room, still in your day clothes. You had seemed surprised to see him, not expecting him at this time. “Come to tell me about another girl?” You faked a smile as you let him in. “No. I wanted to talk to you, I was looking for you.” You sat down roughly on the sofa and patted the spot next to you. “Well here I am. Go on.” He sat next to you, his heart racing being so close to you again. “Where have you been bonnie? Been missin’ ya lately.” You rub the bridge of your nose, a headache blooming. “Just tired Johnny. That's all.” He scoffs. “That's a load of shit, ya know if something is wrong I’m here for ya.” You stand up, and turn to him, finally letting all your feelings out. “That's the problem Johnny! You’re always around and it drives me mental because I hear all about the beautiful women you sleep with and how they don’t look like me and how I’m too tall for you and you would never be with me and it kills me because I’m in love with you!” Your hand clasps around your mouth and both yours and Soap’s eyes are wide. Until a devilish smile breaks his lips and he stands as well. “You mean it bonnie? Ya love me?” You don't say anything but he steps closer, eyes glimmering. “Please say ya do, because fuck, do I love you too. I love everything about you, I kept trying to find what I wanted in other people when you were here right in front of me the whole time.”  You break into a smile then too and you confess that yes you do love him. He holds you the whole night and definitely takes a million candid pictures of you to hold onto.

->Konig:

He’s tall, incredibly tall and broad so anyone is going to be short to him. He would find his gaze drawn to you especially if you’re taller than a majority of the other guys on the team. His gaze would make you flush, beating yourself up for getting caught up in feelings for such a high ranked officer. Konig is confident when it comes to his job, yes but he’s on the quieter side when it comes to casual conversation. Unless he likes you, which he does, very much. He uses his rank as an excuse to be around you more, who's going to tell him no? He would oversee your training. And since you were taller it was easier to train you on his level. During these training moments you would talk, most of the time it was just the two of you in the area, others wanting to avoid having to train with him. But you never minded. You would be honest with him about your insecurity about your height and he would be able to relate to you. He was insecure about it until he was able to use it to his advantage in the field. He advised you to do the same, he told you to be confident even when you don’t feel like it. You also told him about the guys that turn you down or flat out criticize you for your height. His accent would grow thicker as he got more heated, and he did as he talked about how stupid those men would be for turning you down, how they should treat you with respect and admiration for all your hard work on the team. How he would never treat you like that. And he plans to show you. He most definitely talks to those guys that made you upset later, they're on bathroom cleaning duties for the next six months.

[torialefay]

hi your astrology post on chan are absolutely amazing, what do you think he will be like when jealous. I mean we all get jealous when it comes to some people but given how possessive chan is it can be bit overwhelmingly intense emotion for him and it can lead to steamy situation. So can you write a little about what he would be like when jealous in regards to astrology, please.

Thank you💕

of course, anon! i actually have v strong (and maybe not so popular idk) opinions on this.

yes yes yes! you are 100% right that channie can get super jealous & possessive. but the thing is, he is VERY good at hiding it. and let me tell you why:

• his venus in scorpio: this one is the most obvious and why i think a lot of people suspect his jealous/possessive tendencies. and duh, we know venus rules love & beauty, scorpio rules deep emotions, passions & desires, etc etc. BUT, scorpio also has also always been associated with manipulation. i feel like this is 100% the case with chan. he may not outright say that he feels jealous over something that you did, but he will twist things so that you end up feeling guilty and don't do it again (but that wasn't his intentions of course, you came to that conclusion on your own 😉🤭 sarcasm if you can't tell). he may even have this obsessive/possessive quality to the point that he subtly manipulates you into ONLY caring about him really. for you to put him before anyone else and make you feel like he's the only person in the world that can truly take care of & provide for you. very veryyyyyy subtly of course. but he may plant those seeds. why? because it makes you fall in love with him more & become just as obsessed with him as he is with you.... of course you're gonna know he has this side of him, but you don't know just how deep it goes

• his gemini rising & sagittarius mars: these signs are more about freedom & friendliness. making a wide array of friends & coming off as a "people person." very open-minded as well. these definitely aren't the first signs that come to mind when you think "possessive and jealous." but here's the thing, neither of these planets are necessarily WHO you are. they are more so who you come across as. who you present yourself to be. so channie's gonna come across as light-hearted and a super trusting boyfriend. he knows that & that's what he wants. he wants to be seen as someone who trusts you & lets you do what you'd like without making a big deal about it (after all, he's our sweet little channie and he would never try to control us like that! 🫠🤥).

• i also wanna mention his libra sun and moon. obvi we know that libra is all about balance & is definitely the type to run away from conflict. SO, if there's something chan doesn't like, he's probably not gonna outright talk about it. libras are also the "people pleasers" of the world and are greatttt at conversation, so more than likely, he's gonna tell you exactly what you want to hear. he's gonna struggle a lot bc at his very core (his moon), he really just wants to be loved and accepted. but he may feel like, in love (venussss), the only way he can do that is through manipulating you into seeing him as the only person in the world for you. libras love that shit too. feeling validated? feeling needed? they can be prone to manipulating the situation a little bit too. so yes, channie is gonna really have a tough time with it.

how i see this playing out:

• he will plant little seeds in your head. for example, he may say something like "i love you so much more than anything else" simply for the fact that he wants you to say it back. he wants to hear you say that he matters more to you than anyone or anything else in the world. he wants to be the only thing on your mind, but he'd never admit it.

• he wouldn't outright say anything if he saw you with one of his friends/another idol and got jealous... he doesn't want that confrontation. instead, he'll make snide remarks about them (again, tiny little pettttty things) to deter you from thinking ab them. like "oh you were talking to mingi at the party tonight? i heard he was pretty bad off tonight, got into some shit with one of his members" etc etc. just any petty thing he can think to bring up that isn't exactly putting that person down.

• let's say for example that you go out for the night & go clubbing and chan doesn't like it bc he wanted to stay in with you (but of course he's never gonna tell you what to do, right?). he MAY (depending on the day) do something that he knew you wanted to do without you. you wanted to watch that new movie on netflix? he totally forgot and he already watched it. "you would have loved it," he'd say. or maybe he'd hit up the cool new restaurant that you'd been dying to go to, and when he tells you, he'd brag about how cool it was & what a great time he had. basically, he'd make you feel like you were missing out by not being with him.

that's all i'll say for jealous & possessive channie, but i do want to end by saying that he doesn't have these tendencies ALL the time. and tbh, he's probably very unaware just how toxic he's being. he may even have conflicting feelings about it bc he DOES KNOW that you need your freedoms, and probably does TRY to gove you that. but sometimes, he just can't help himself. when he's in love, he wants you to himself & he wants to protect you.

[monst]

Da rules

     I go by Monst and I guess I’m writing again: I do read faster than I write so enjoy all the reblogs lol

I like the color orange it's not relevant, just thought I'd put it out there

Uh the bnha master list is definitely not up to date and needs a revamp (I will probably get to that eventually, someday...soon...) Speaking of it Here's the DC one

Here's the BHNA one.

Here's the Kinktober2024 one

Anyways if you're interested below is basically the what's what. Stick around if you want.

 Okay cool! Let’s get to it:

All characters for nsfw stuff are aged up 18+ (If you’re one of those (Can't separate reality from fiction/fantasy) then the unfollow/block buttons haven’t moved from their location and you are free to use them at your discretion )  

If you're a minor while I can't stop you from reading I will block you if I catch you interacting with any of my 18+ content posts. As a matter of fact for my peace of mind and your safety I would prefer you didn't reblog/comment on my sfw stuff too, they're are dangerous people on the internet so please understand and don't take it personally-Thanks💕

Moving on-

     I’m cool with: 

Requests- Hcs, Scenarios, thirst posts, Ya sending ideas and recommendations👀

For requests I might not get to all of them in a timely manner and I might not do some I’m not feeling. I write for F. Reader, GN. reader and M. Reader. Ships are cool too so you can request Character x character or poly reader- character x character x reader.-Genre: all of them tbh

I’m okay with dark content- (Dubcon, noncon, yandere, somno, etc.) and everything should be labeled appropriately. You can always ask that I tag something if it is missing. I do like a challenge/learning so even if I'm not personally into something I'll definitely give it a whirl (Kinks and or tropes)

Sfw- Fluff, angst basically anything that tickles my fancy and isn't risque or full on smut.

* In regards to requests the things I do fuck w might be prioritized 👉👈

    I’m not cool with: 

Scat

Underage/PDF

I'm generally cool w being uncomfortable, especially in regards to what I read or write whether it be by being grossed out or scared. I've always been ridiculously curious mostly to my determent but fiction is a safe way to explore shit so I'll give most things a fair shake in other words the sky's the limit but use your discernment⁉️

Extra:

Random shit- You telling me about your day, thoughts, opinions on whatever ig. ask for advice (trust me bro I got you✌️) or info dump👀 I love to chat. 

Music! Tell me what your listening too! (Yes I'm one of those 'I listen to everything' I need new stuff to listen to)

Also! I miss the whole deviant art/Quizzilla shit so I might do a whole seven minutes in heaven thing lmao (This doesn’t belong here but scream at me about it cause I need it to happen for nostalgia’s sake) 

Also, I'm kinda using this space as a chill/fun mostly nsfw diary? lmao so it's just mostly gonna be vibes :p That being said keep your fandom discourse and weirdo hate bs to yourself cause I will clown/ignore you if you come at me w some sideways ass energy. I'm just as nice as I am mean so don't try me ☯️❤️

So here’s the fandoms&Characters if you wanna request: 

Mha- 

Shocker, but I do have some old asks that are too good to just let’em go ya know?  

Shinsou (I started this blog cause of him so.. yeah) 

Villain/Yandere Deku sorry

Bakugou

Endeavour 

Dabi

Hawks

Tokoyami 

Shoto

Dc- 

Please, please, please send me shit about Tim Drake. (Need him biblically) Literally hopped back on for him. 

Jason Todd

Dick Grayson

Bruce Wayne

Selina Kyle 

Poison Ivy 

Joker (Nothing good is coming out of anyone requesting this I just know it) 

Constantine 

Diana (Wonder woman my beloved) 

Amanda Waller 

Cheetah 

Slade Wilson… 

JJK-

Nanamin 

Gojo  (He's like crack to me istg)

Inumaki 

Invincible- 

Mark Grayson 

…Nolan...

Debbie

Alan! 

Naruto-

Kakashi ‘blow my back out’ Hatake

Itachi 

Shisui (My love)

Madara

Tobirama’s messy ass

Ask for more but these are my faves 

D- gray man-

Yuu Kanda!

Tyki Mikk

Kingdom Hearts-

Riku

Vanitas 

Most of the organization tbh

FF7-

All of them. 

But especially Sephiroth 

Any type of monster lmao 

Kenji Sato lmao

You can ask for others not listed in different fandoms I just think this has gotten a bit too long  

And Yeah, Let’s have fun! ^^

New Tags: 

         This bitch is yapping - Any asks answered or just general shit

         Thirsty bitch juice - Small scenarios, thirst,

         Pretty things- Art 

         Oh la la that’s some good shit right there- Fic recs & reblogs

         On my monster fucking bs - Monster fucking lol 

         Lock that shit up in the basement pls- cursed asks and stuff 

Uh random bullshit go! - My newer writing

And if you made it this far down here's a cookie 🍪

[cowboylor]

meet cute

you need an emergency boyfriend and ross happens to fit the role.

warnings: language, creepy men? in uncomfortable situations?, implied alcohol consumption, fake dating blurb yay

wc: 1.5k

note: this was just for giggles but i'm gonna post it. cheers! :)

Your life mantra is not to wish ill will on anyone but—

“Bet you we could set up your crypto account tonight. Hell, even chicks like you need to get in on this.”

Fuck this guy. Absolutely fuck him.

You're trying to be positive; trying to look for any part of him that you think you can stomach. But you hate his hairstyle and the way the gel clings to it like a different entity. And you don't like his voice when he talks over you. Or the trickles of spit that spew out of his mouth when cutting you off.

Worst of all, the more time you spend listening and narrowing your eyes the more trapped you feel.

It wasn't exactly your friend's fault for finding someone exciting and she had to make a swift exit with them through the back door. In any other setting, you'd commend, even applaud her for getting laid but now—

Todd is here. Or Tim.

You're barely tipsy but can't recall his name for the life of you. But he doesn't seem to mind; talking your ear off about his bitcoin investments and how his independent company is finally taking off after years in practice.

You bring your glass to your lips, muttering sardonically, “Even chicks like me?”

He grins. “Certainly.”

Fighting off a snort, you set your drink on the bar top. You busy yourself with anything to avoid more small talk; checking the time on your phone, scrolling through old emails, and even jotting down a few miscellaneous items for your grocery list.

When have Friday nights become this cruel to you?

“Then, how ‘bout it?”

You perk up. “Sorry?”

He stands by your side with a toothy grin and an eyebrow raised that makes your stomach churn.

You avoid his eye again out of habit, laughing uncomfortably as he steps closer to you to press his shoulder to yours.

“Us taking this somewhere else.”

You blink.

The word 'no' threatens to spill out of your lips, along with 'eat shit' and 'not in this economy' but alas—you're silent and shifting your eyes uncomfortably again because you are not too sure any of those options would deter him anyway.

He barks a laugh and your face warms.

“I need to make a call.” You end up saying before quickly retreating to the other side of the bar.

He lets you go with a raised glass and smirk.

You wander over to the corner. You try calling your friend once before the voicemail comes and you're cursing lowly. Glancing up at the exit sign, you weigh your options quickly before looking back across the room.

You watch as Todd, or Tim, picks up his draped coat from the bar top and tops off his drink with one last swig.

Shit.

Your eyes skirt over rows of people. Past the obvious bachelorette party that you could realistically get lost in and get a shot of tequila out of it. Past the pretty bartender with a sleeve of tattoos, and past the middle-aged man who sports a green cardigan over his button-up.

The door of the bar opens and you're walking over before you can think twice.

“Babe!” You jeer loudly and then immediately close your mouth.

'Babe' is tall and looks kind, which is already enough to rival Tim (you're ninety percent sure it's Tim). He checks behind himself, craning his neck to see if anyone is behind him because you definitely couldn't be talking to him. He lets out a sound of surprise when you clash into him, wrapping your arms around his middle as you awkwardly embrace.

“Can I ask a favor?” You say in a hushed voice, peering up at him through your hug.

“Uh,” He opens and reopens his mouth before landing on a simple, “Sure?”

“Need you to be my fake boyfriend,” You say, resisting the urge to roll your shoulders in disgust at the way it sounds. You glance over to Tim. “Please?”

He follows your line of sight, before immediately wrapping an arm around you.

“Been looking for you!” You gush loudly.

“I'm here now,” He assures, letting you grip his shoulders like you're taken with him.

And partly, you are. With your face buried into the front of his coat, you can't help but notice how good he smells. Woodsy is the word you land on before he's tapping his index finger against your lower back until you whip around to face Tim's furrowed brow.

“Oh,” You breathe out.

You shift, detangling limbs from your fake boyfriend's body to lean into his side instead. Awkwardly, he rests his arm around your waist.

“This is my friend,” You say to him before your eyes flit back to Tim.

He nods before extending his hand. “Ross.”

Good to know. Really good to know.

You watch as Tim undecidedly takes his hand before roughly shaking it. Fighting the urge to roll your eyes, you open your mouth to explain an early exit.

Tim interrupts, “Are you two–”

“Yes!” You both say.

Tim’s gaze hardens. “Oh.”

He looks indecisive; as if debating whether or not he wants to say something more that could possibly get him into trouble. He would if Ross wasn't here—or if Ross happened to be a foot shorter. Yet, Tim just purses his lips and nods.

“We would love to stay...” You trail off before glancing up at Ross.

He catches your look. “But we have plans.”

You nod enthusiastically.

Romantic ones, you want to quip to really drive it home. You settle for a hand on his chest to get your point across.

“Right,” Tim says, eyeing you directly. It looks like he finally gained enough courage because he takes another step closer to you. “So no–”

“Have a good one, mate.” Ross interrupts, stepping in front of you.

You're only able to exhale when he retreats to the other end of the bar. Then, you're reactively stepping away from Ross and his gaze is falling to the hand that held you by the waist.

“Thank you,” You say like you're out of breath. He looks up at you with a smile that would put any other person at ease, but for you, it has you screwing your eyes shut in embarrassment. “And I'm so sorry."

He laughs. “For what?”

“I'm sure you didn't expect to be terrorized when you were just coming here for a drink,” You explain in rush, your words running together in an effort to get them out all at once. “I got ditched and trapped and none of that was going great—”

You know you sound like a case, but Ross listens to you go on until you’re sighing and looking at him apologetically again.

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” He frowns when you say it again. He hesitates before adding, “I’m just glad I didn't get throttled by anyone.”

You blankly stare, eyes running up his stature. “You would’ve been fine.”

His eyes light up.

“Saying I could’ve taken him?” He teases.

You laugh quietly. “You’d have a fighting chance.”

There's a brief pause of silence between the two of you that has you thinking this is where it ends. Before Ross ends up bidding you a quick goodbye and making his way to his group of friends or painfully informing you that his non-fake girlfriend is waiting for him at the other end of the bar top. You're prepared to apologize again, the "s" word is on the tip of your tongue—

“What’s my girlfriend's name?”

Your mind stutters momentarily, and you look at him in surprise. He's peering down at you and you realize your assumption that he looked kind was completely accurate. His eyes fucking radiate it.

You give him your name and hand sheepishly.

“Can I walk you to your car?” He asks after, still holding your hand. Then he nods to the bar, “Or buy you a drink?”

You chuckle shyly. “Shouldn’t I buy you a drink for what I put you through?”

“If you’d like,” He shrugs. “If that gets you to stay.”

You spare a look away from Ross to survey the bar. You can't see him anywhere but your eyes still skirt over every bar seat just to make sure.

“I'll hold your hand the whole time,” He adds lightheartedly, following your eyes as you glance around the room. Then he quips a quiet, "Don't think he'd try anything anyway."

“Boyfriend of the year,” You muse at him with a smile.

You swear tints red at this but you don't linger on it too long, letting his hand brush yours as guides you back to the bar. He ducks his head down, murmuring something along the lines: “Would be a pretty shitty one if I didn't.”

[albertfinch]

DEFEATING THE GIANT IN FRONT OF US

As many are facing giants today, we need to learn from David -- a man who knew how to handle giants.

As God gives us the spirit of David, He wants us to be personally offended at anything or anyone that keeps us from fulfilling His CALLING on our lives.

Saul and the army of Israel were all controlled by fear and their hearts melted.  But David said, "Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him." (1 Samuel 17:32)

Saul had even tried to talk David out of the showdown with Goliath (see verse 33).  Even so, the devil has tried to get you to quit or talk you out of fighting a certain giant in your life -- ignore them!  You do not have the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind (2 timothy 1:7). 

When the spirit of BOLDNESS comes upon you, you will not let any giant deter you; rather you will focus on the power of God's name (vs. 45).  God will give you courage to face every giant.

HOW DO WE DEFEAT THE GIANT IN FRONT OF US

Look around, you will see some stones (weapons) within your reach:  God's Word, Truth (Jesus' name) and faith (Ephesians 6:13-17).  You have all the weapons you need; simply pick them up.

DON'T LET DISTRACTORS HINDER YOUR CALLING

David's brother Eliab got angry with David and criticized him (1 Samuel 17:28).  David ignored his brother's criticism because David had a pure motive.  What was David's reaction?  He said. "Is there not a cause?" (Verse 29).

Eliab couldn't see David's true motive, and don't expect everyone to see yours.  His brothers did not believe he would actually ascend to the throne.  Some do not believe you will succeed.  Like David's brothers, they are wrong.

GOD GIVES US ANOINTING TO FIGHT THE GOLIATHS IN OUR LIFE

We prophesy victory over our giants.  David said, "This day will the Lord deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee..."  (1 Samuel 17:46)

David prophesied to that giant in front of him.

The devil tries to intimidate Beilevers, but we need to intimidate the enemy.  Jesus dealt severly with the devil and gave him no space.  We must do the same.  We deal harshly with the devil and stand our ground.

Paul instructs Believers to "therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to STAND your ground, and after you have done everything -- to STAND." - (Ephesians 6:13).

The word stand is mentioned TWICE. We need to dig in firmly and stand our ground!

THE SPIRIT OF GOD RESTING ON US MAKES THE DIFFERENCE

Rely on the Spirit of God..  The same Holy Spirit that rested on Jesus is the same Holy Spirit given to us.  Jesus said, "As the Father has sent Me, so I am sending you," (John 20:21).  God is looking for people who will receive His Spirit to the fullest.

Make sure your heart is given over to the Father completely:" ... I have found David son of Jesse, a man after My own heart;  he will do everything I want him to do" (Acts 13:22).

David was an "abider" (John 15:4-7); so must you be.  He actively sought after God (Psalm 27); so must we.

"And David took out his sword and cut off Goliath's head..." - 1 Samuel 17:51

"Do not change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but be changed within by a new way of thinking.  Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to Him and what is perfect." - Romans 12:2 NCV

Sometimes the events of life seem to distance us from the awareness of His presence and we feel cast into a wilderness.  In the wilderness, we tend to tune into the bitter past of life rather than the sweetness.  However, it is in the wilderness that God speaks most clearly and opens the portals of heavenly revelation.

"That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened that you may know what is the hope of His CALLING...." - Ephesians 1: 17,18

We can position our hearts to become an open portal to Heaven -- where God infuses us with His presence and revelation abounds -- flowing to us and through us.

Like Moses' encounter with the burning bush, new direction often becomes clearer in the wilderness and DESTINY unfolds through the oddest signs along the trail.

As we move into the sweetness of His presence, we exit the wilderness of circumstance.

REACHING THE CENTRAL PLACE OF OUR INWARD WALK

By not speaking, desiring, nor reasoning, we reach the central place of the inward walk -- that place where God speaks to our inward man.  It is there that God communicates Himself to our spirit.

"For God alone my soul waits in silence." - Psalm 62:1

We recall that Jacob wrestled with the Lord all night, until daybreak. THEN it was when the Lord blessed him. We persevere against any and all difficulties which confront us in our seeking the Lord's presence in our spirit. We are steadfast until the Lord gives our spirit His blessing.

Job 26:14 - "And these are but the out fringe of His works; how faint the whisper we hear of Him!  Who then can understand the thunder of His power?"

A revelation of the thunder of His power catapults us out of our wildernesses, shatters the realms of darkness and releases the awe of God through signs and wonders -- through us as we walk in His authority.

As our heart becomes an open portal of His love -- the awe of His power thunders around us and we find ourselves walking IN THE FULLNESS of Him, not just alongside of Him; but carrying this authority to release the realm of Heaven on earth.

AFFIRMATION:

My heart is a portal for His love.

PRAYER:  

Father, I abandon myself to You.  You love in me Your only begotten Son.  You see Him in me.  You embrace Him in me, because He has willed to identify Himself completely with me by that love which brought Him to death, for me, on the Cross.  Amen

ALBERT FINCH MINISTRY

[aueternus]

They've  danced  this  dance  a  hundred  times  ——  held  a  blade  at  each  other's  throats  and  promised  death  by  each  other's  hands.⠀⠀This  time  though,  it's  not  malice  and  disdain  which  thickens  the  tension  between  them,  Lila  begins  to  understand...⠀⠀and  dread.⠀⠀She's  not  built  to  care  for  anyone  else  but  herself;⠀⠀taught  from  a  young  age  that  people  would  deceive  and  manipulate  at  any  chance  given  to  them.⠀⠀Five  was  nothing  but  cunning  and  sharp,  and  yet,  she  was  finding  her  hollowed  out  heart  was  softening.

Even  as  he  spits  out  the  words  that  should  deter  her:⠀⠀❛  you’re  a  fucking  nightmare.  kiss  me.  ❜⠀⠀and yet, it  does  anything  but.⠀⠀A  sardonic  grin  graces  her  lips  instead.

❛ Going  soft  on  me,  are  you? ❜⠀⠀she  purrs,  voice  equal  to  honey  as  she  inches  closer,  fingers  finding  themselves  tangling  in  the  fabric  of  his  tie.⠀⠀❛ Don't  you  know  the  dangers  of  letting  your  walls  down? ❜⠀⠀Hypocritical  or  self-projection?⠀⠀Possibly  both,  but  nobody  needed  to  get  into  the  semantics  of  it  right  now.⠀⠀Lila  crowds  into  Five's  personal  space,  using  her  leverage  on  his  tie  to  draw  him  close  and  her  lips  ghost  over  his,  taunting  him.

❛ Unless  you  like  all  the  danger. ❜⠀⠀she  continues  to  tease,  dark  eyes  flicking  up  to  meet  his  gaze  ——  she  wasn't  about  to  make  it  easy  for  him.

@maimedaffair⠀+darker vibes prompts

[arrancxr]

Pet Au, maybe the Espada learning that their owner has a stalker who’s been sniffing around a little too closely and unfortunately their owner doesn’t recognize it. Could be a tossup between one who’s obsessed with their owner or someone who could dispose of them in order to steal their pet? (mostly asking cuz Nnoitra, but I’m curious about the others as well)

I'm going more with the "obsessed with their owner" option~

. . .

Starrk — As much as he wants to ignore it and leave the human problems for you to handle, this seems like an actual problem. Growing increasingly worried, he tries to make you aware of the issue, hoping you'll believe him before anything goes wrong.

Halibel — While she'd rather simply alert you to the problem and let it end there, if you won't recognize the severity of the issue, well, she is capable of protecting you if the situation calls for it. She'll just have to stay on guard and try to dissuade the stalker from their efforts.

Ulquiorra — At first, he believes it's your business and your business alone. There's no need for him to intervene. But the longer the problem goes on and the more aggressive the stalker gets, the more displeased Ulquiorra becomes. He'll tell you about it soon enough.

Nnoitra — His first instinct would be to just kill the person and deal with the problem quickly... but that would just cause more issues. If you won't recognize what's happening, though, he'll settle for threats. From him, that would be enough to deter just about anyone, right?

Grimmjow — He has one solution to most problems, and that solution is violence. If telling you about the stalker doesn't do any good, Grimmjow is going to maul them. Regardless of if he gets in trouble, it fixes the problem, right? And it keeps you safe.

Szayel — If you don't believe him, he will set some kind of homemade, horrible trap to catch the person in the act. And maybe hurt them a little in the process, just to make a point. It's partially to show off, and partially because he's grown quite protective of you.

Aaroniero — Humans generally find him highly disturbing... and that can be used to his advantage. If it's necessary, Aaroniero will simply make sure that the stalker never wants to go near you again, for fear of what might be waiting for them should they attempt it.

[pridewishes]

i wanna try to get into enstars bc i like pjsk (even tho i am so bad at it) and also am gay but i find it overwhelming and confusing can u give me some tips or something

Absolutely, I will do my best to help! It's very, very overwhelming and a lot so I don't blame you at all! I'll put everything under a cut because I'm autistic and very excited and have a Lot of links and things!

First, absolutely watch the Enstars anime. This will go over the main points / ideas of the Main Story of the first game (aka ! era). Strongly recommend watching in sub because the dub isn't very good.

Then, watch Element. This goes over the Element Arc of ! Era Main Story. They cover this in the main anime but not as good.

There's also a movie, which I have but I don't have a link for it. If you'd like the download + subtitle file for it, just shoot me an ask or dm me at @shinobukawajiri and I can help out! But it's not super lore important or anything so don't worry.

Alright! So you've seen the anime! Now you can get into the music. You could also listen to songs before the anime, really whatever you want! For this, I'd suggest going to the wiki and picking a Unit! Check out their discography, which you can view from their wiki page and give the songs a listen. You can find all of them on YT! I'd definitely listen to a couple songs from all units to get a feel because they all have very different sounds! If there's a music genre you like let me know, and I can recommend some songs / units! There's also some Temporary Units + Shuffle Units, which have music as well that you can listen to! If you'd like some recommendations, lmk!

Now, after viewing the anime, and listening to songs, pick a Unit or some characters you like and focus on stories for them! Since there's a lot of stories it's better to just pick some favorites and go from there. Crazy:B and Alkaloid were introduced in !! era / the second game, so you won't see them in the anime, if they're of interest to you. Here is a guide for important stories from the first game for the characters in that.

To access stories for the first game / ! Era, you'll have to use the wayback machine, or you can just look up (story name) tl / translation on Google, and you should usually be able to find what you need, since they were forced to take down any tls on the wiki.

Now, there's two games as I've established. The first game is completely in Japanese, and I'd rely on Story translations from the wayback machine wiki. As for the new game, you can play in English! It's accessible from the appstore, but remember, this takes place AFTER the other game! You absolutely do not have to know all the lore / read all the stories or anything to play! I'm just mega autistic so lmao. But the English version of Enstars Music doesn't have the best translations, but it is more accessible. Though, if you become super invested like me and my partner, you can absolutely download the Japanese version of the game!

There's lots of people on Twitter who translate and things for the stories + general game things and id be happy to direct to them if you find yourself super enjoying the Series!

Basically it is VERY difficult bc there's also drama cds, stageplays, manga, but finding things translated or just finding them can take work but ofc all that isn't required. In general just have fun!!! Don't be deterred and like I said I'm more than happy to help find things or whatever anyone needs! Since my partner has been more invested for longer than me, we both can do our best to help!!

Also a note from said partner ;

to my wife’s autism anon: i am also autistic . enstars has been my favorite thing in the entire world since the ripe and beautiful year of 2019. this source is beautiful , fun , indulgent , deep as all hell , and So So So much to unpack . there is no such thing as a background character in enstars . there are 50 characters who are all so deeply fleshed out and have so much content and backstory to them so i am absolutely certain you will find somebody that appeals to you . enstars can have some pretty heavy topics at times it’s not your run of the mill happy idol franchise, but if you like project sekai (which i also LOVE) you will Love enstars . the game is so much fun , the characters are so deep and interesting and real , the stories are engaging and silly and wonderful, you will love it. you Have to. for me . stan knights

[beea-idiot56]

Let Me Know, I need to make a decision.

Some of you may be confused if you do not personally know me/follow me on Discord, but I've been seriously obsessed with Minecraft Diaries recently. yes. the series was made 8 years ago by a creator who has now been making childish to the point of cringe videos on youtube. The series ranged on for 237 episodes and has 3 series, was discontinued, and then remade(which I don't know but I don't believe it was ever finished). specifically, I've been obsessed with Garroth. GARROTH..... I mean why does my heart hate me so? why must I be obsessed with him if all characters, it's really bad.

So in my fanfiction writer abilities, I've been thinking of/daydreaming/conjuring up a plotline for a possible Garroth x reader. I wanted to know if this was anything even SLIGHTLY exciting and if it was I was planning on maybe writing out a few chapters, and then going from there. I am well aware that this post, nor any chapters I may or may not post, would get any cred. but to the people who may see this, let me know! I'm super curious and if it piqued anyone's interest then I'll explore the possibility of putting Perfect Hit on hold for a little while to divulge my hyperfiction.

well, here we go, some little snippet weird prologue summary thing I've conjured up

First things first, Aphmau IS alive and well in this series, heck shes even the lord! however, at some point on one of her journeys, she returned with someone who looked a little down on their luck. they didn't respond to anyone and seemed to stick to aphmau like glue.

"Oh dont mind them!" aphmau would excuse anyone who questioned them. however one day Garroth let his concerns get the better of him "Lady Aphmau, I mean not to pry more than my position allows me, but I worry for your safety. Who is this person?" he would ask, and the person would look at aphmau with wide eyes that were full of fear. she would sigh and hesitate before speaking.

"Im sorry, Garroth. i cant tell you before they are willing to let me, ut rest assured they wont hurt me." aphmau would say. silence would pass between the three for a few moments before the person sighed, they opened their mouth, shut it, then opened it again and this time words followed.

"Im Y/N." they started, their voice cracking a little since it wasn't used to being worked, "I come from a village far off south, I was a guard for a long time, but the lord became corrupt and would turn against the villagers if they didn't look at him the right way. so when aphmau came by, i had tried my best to deter her from entering the village, visitors were not particularly welcome, especially lords." Y/N had begun, the words flowing out of their mouth in a tidal way of sudden information. "She had refused to listen to my pleas and came in any ways, stating that she needed to talk to the Lord for some sort of potion. In reality, she was looking for the past lord who had been killed. not under my watch, but rather the lead guard at the time, who was then executed as it was found he had been the one conspiring against the lord. that was when the lords son rose to power and appointed me to be the head guard." y/n sighed, rubbed their arm, and then continued, "Well aphmau came in and found the village in complete disarray. so she decided to help with her utmost kindness. I was thankful to her and began to talk to her more as she stayed the night in my village. I found out she was a lord and immediately wanted to follow to her village. so she helped me escape."

"How did you escape?" garroth had asked, being curious considering he himself had gone under something similar. "Well, it wasn't particularly hard. i simply told my lord I wanted to leave, for a long time it was a back and forth between her and him as they argued for who would take me. Eventually, it came to the point I decided to simply leave, so I asked aphmau to take me in a golden lasso and go home."

"Before you say anything garroth, it took a long time to convince me, it felt wrong to take away the head guard of the town, but y/n assured me that the apprentice guard that was training under them would help." aphmau spoke, smiling as she reminisced in the old adrenaline that followed their daring escape.

"so why don't you reside bear the title of guard now?" garroth asked, curious as to why he hadn't been training this person as a guard if they were previously a head leader.

"oh that's easy!" aphmau spoke, smiling, "because they don't want to be!" with the words released in the air everyone paused for a moment, but aphmau quickly started speaking again. "they made a deal with me actually, they did not want to be a guard that was out in the open about it, but rather a personal guard of mine that would be there in disguise. they would carry weapons but conceal them. we both agreed it would be easier on future trips and in general, it would provide more protection if Y/n was under the premise of being seen as a mute follower!" aphmau smiled.

garroth had nodded, then reached across to hold his hand to y/n, "well then Y/n. welcome to the guardship of Pheonix drop, you are officially aphmaus secret bodyguard."

from there the two had a blossoming relationship. y/n had continued to be silent, but would show up more to guard meetings and had stated to talk a little more to the other ones. laurence, dante, garroth, and aphmau were the only ones who knew of this arrangement and they kept it well in secret.

however, one-day aphmau asked to go on a trip by herself, she had wanted to go to bright port, it was only to be a four-day trip to check up on the people of the town and visit the wolf tribe. so y/n had stayed back, and suddenly they found themself bored.

What were they supposed to do when no one was around? looking around aphmaus property they sighed, before looking up to the guard tower, ah, that's right. they could go up there. they smiled thinking about it, deciding they would bring some paper and a quill and draw the scene that lay at the top of the tower.

so they went, grabbing the materials needed and climbing the large staircase, they hadn't expected anyone to be there. since it was mid-day many people were either eating lunch or hanging out in the plaza, so most guards would most likely be in patrol or joining their families in lunch. however, when they climbed to the top, they found garroth sitting on the side and looking out into the ocean.

"oh, hello there Y/n" garroth spoke, his voice grim and his face downcast. he had obviously been shuffling around in an attempt to put on his helm when he heard the trap door open. "hello there, garroth. i apologize for intruding. ill be ff" they spoke, a little disappointed they would have to go somewhere else, the tower produced the best scenery. "no need, you may sit with me if you'd like, you seem to need the company" garroth spoke, leading y/ns gaze with a wave of his hand towards the chair next to him. y/n nodded and sat down, taking out their quill and beginning to do a light sketch of what lay before them. making sure to include the wide arrangement of objects that were seen on the horizon.

"do you often come here to draw?" garroth asked, which earned a shrug in return. garroth looked at them before a small chuckle erupted from his lips. "I feel as though we are not a good match when it comes to socialization." garroth spoke out loud, his voice seeming more upbeat. rather than grim as it was before. "it is because neither of us seeks out a conversation unless sit is of importance. we are simply comfortable with the silence of the world or the conversation being held by someone else." y/n stated, having noticed this very thing on other occasions. it was not often the two were alone. however, when they were it was always an awkward silence. Neither of them were outgoing, and neither of them were willing to break their old habits of being quiet to cure the silence.

"well, should we try?" garroth asked, "to communicate better" he spoke, clearing the air of questionatore. "We both work together so I feel as though it would be worth it. additionally, you seem lonely"

"sure..."

(also this story would probably be in season 1, but not in war and before they enter the dimension with rene and shz)

so let me know, honestly, i think I could write a really cute fluff heavy story :D

[your-divine-ribs]

Ice Cold Part 19

Words: 2.6k

Lyla is tasked with an important assignment… but can she do the right thing?

Ice Cold Masterlist Main Masterlist

The day of the meet with Simon I woke up suddenly, already mentally preparing myself in my head as I made a meagre breakfast of a single slice of buttered toast. I could never stomach eating much before an important operation, the adrenaline made sure of that, curbing my appetite.

It was now three days since I'd last seen Van, and each morning I awoke the ache inside me grew stronger. I'd half expected a phone call from him after his sudden departure from my hotel room but there was nothing.

What was he doing? How did he feel? Was he yearning for me like I was for him? Missing the feel of our bodies pressed tightly together, his breath hot on my skin, the desire burning bright like a fire that consumed me?

I wanted him. There was no denying that now. And not just physically. I wanted to explore the depths of him and uncover all of his secrets, no matter how dark. Break down those barriers of control he'd carefully constructed, and know him for who he really was. I knew the cost would be great, but that didn't deter me.

Tensions were running high in the office. Paul was pacing continuously, running a hand through his thinning hair, chuntering on about open lines of communication between me and the tactical team and possible sniper vantage points.

"I don't need to wear two-way comms," I protested. "If the team are going to be as close as you say I can just give the signal for them to move in."

It was second nature now for the lies to roll off my tongue, and it pained me how easy it was becoming to lie even to Paul. I'd thought long and hard about this meeting, hoping to glean some information from Simon about Van... and the sorts of questions that I wanted to ask I didn't want anyone else from the agency being privy to.

Paul reluctantly agreed, grabbing a bulletproof vest off the rack and proceeding to hold it out for me to shrug into.

"I'm surprised the meet wasn't planned for night-time," I said, tightening the Velcro fastenings and slipping my handgun into my holster.

"Yeah well, there's a reason for that. There's less dark shadows in the day for one of those bastards to hide out in." Paul huffed out a deep breath as he saw that I was ready to go. "Right... looks like you're all set. Meet's at 10am on Sloane Street, under the railway bridge. I'll drive you down and park out of the way on Boundary Road. Remember your training Lyla, if anything looks out of place you raise the signal and the team will be on you so fast you won't even get chance to draw a breath."

I nodded, taking in Paul's instructions, feeling the familiar thrill starting to send flurries of nervous excitement through my body. Paul carried on as we made our way outside to the car park.

"I'm still in two minds about whether to pull Simon out even if he doesn't think he's been compromised. I feel responsible for every goddamn one of you lot. It's a tough call."

I offered him a smile. "It's good that you care, but let's not be too hasty. We'd be completely blind if we didn't have anyone on the inside."

"Even with someone on the inside it feels like we're losing this war," he sighed. "McCann always seems to be one step ahead of us. It's a priority for us to find out his next target. If we get to him, we might stand a chance of finding out who's running this whole organisation. Make sure you get as much information out of Simon as possible, but whatever you do, don't take too long. This whole thing makes me nervous. I hate to think of you exposed out there."

By the time Paul had pulled up two streets away from the rendezvous point the heavens had opened and I pulled my coat tightly around my body, walking quickly with my head down to try and minimise getting drenched. Nevertheless I was still soaked through by the time I reached the railway bridge on Sloane Street. I pushed my damp hair back off my face as I took in my surroundings.

This part of the city was run-down and shabby. An old industrial estate with businesses long gone bust was situated at the end with boarded up premises and dilapidated buildings. The only visitors to this area now were delinquents up to no good, squatters and junkies. I grimaced as I crushed a used syringe under the heel of my boot, swiftly kicking it away. The archway of the bridge above me stretched upwards steeply, leaving shadowy depths high up on elevated ledges and I screwed up my eyes, trying to see into the gloom. I couldn't see the tactical team but they were out there somewhere, hidden amongst the shadows or concealed behind cracked, dusty windows. What filled me with apprehension most was the fact that they might not be the only people watching me.

I buried my hands deep in my pockets, hunching over to shield myself against the blustery wind when I heard the scuffling sound of heavy footsteps disturbing the gravelly path which ran down from the railway tracks to the road below where I was waiting. The figure approaching was tall and broad, and I felt relief course through me as it moved closer and I recognised it to be Simon.

He glanced around furtively as he approached, not making eye contact straight away but walking straight past me to the end of the road, where he stood for a good few minutes, looking all around whilst he lit up a cigarette. I pressed myself back against the brickwork of the bridge, waiting for him to come to me. Finally, satisfied that no one was going to lunge out of the shadows he sauntered over, taking his place next to me with his back against the wall.

"Alright Lyla? Surprised to see you here instead of Paul." He spoke with a thick West Indies accent, his face cracking into a wide grin as I turned my head to him. "Shit girl, how long has it been? You're looking good."

"Wish I could say the same for you Si," I teased. "What the fuck happened?"

Simon had always been a smart individual and in contrast he stood before me now a very different man from when I'd last seen him, his clean-shaven face now sporting a wiry beard and his usually close-cropped hair had sprouted into small knotted dreads. But the most striking thing was the deep scar on his cheek which could easily have been four inches in length.

"Oh this?" Simon followed my gaze and raised a hand up to run a finger along the freshly healed wound. "Bad day at the office you could say. Pissed off a co-worker! Comes with the job unfortunately!"

His gruff laugh rang out loudly, bouncing off the underside of the bridge and I glanced around uneasily.

"Hey, chill out," he said, his lazy smile a stark contrast to my creases of concern. "No one's lurking."

"That's just where you're wrong. Armed support are here today. We've got the whole works."

Simon's grin slipped off his face quickly, to be replaced by a somber look. "Ah, yeah... 'cause of Scott. Poor fucker. And his missus too... that's some next level evil shit right there. Savage."

I nodded grimly. "We're being targeted, hunted even. They're desperate to know who we've got on the inside. Has there been any sign that Scott might have talked?"

"I wouldn't be standing here right now if he had, I can tell you that for sure. These people do not mess around." Simon took a long exhale on his cigarette and then flicked the butt to the ground.

"Even so, Paul's still thinking of pulling you out. You know how he worries about us."

"Yeah... good old Paul. Say... how is he? And the rest of the team... Raj? Jen? I do miss you guys. Not that tosser Jason though. He still giving you shit, huh?"

Even the mention of his name made my hackles rise. "Some things never change," I frowned. "Now come on, it's really good to see you but I'm not here for a friendly chat. You know that."

Simon sighed. "I know, I know. It just feels good to speak to a normal person for once. Honestly, it's kinda fucking with my head being in there. You're surrounded by it 24/7, you start talking like 'em, even thinking like 'em. Can almost smell the stink of corruption on me." He mimed sniffing his jacket sleeve to demonstrate with a look of distaste. "Christ... I can't wait for this whole operation of theirs to come crashing down."

"It's gonna happen, just hang in there. You're doing amazing and you'll be out before long. I just know it."

I just wished I meant what I was saying. In reality there seemed no end to it, and if there was... what would that mean for Van? I pushed the unwelcome thought away.

Simon's serious expression dissolved as a thought seemed to occur to him. "Tell ya what, me and you and the others... we're heading straight down the pub when all this is over... like old times, eh?"

I glanced around again, getting impatient with Simon's laidback approach to the meet, like we were just two old friends catching up, not agents tasked with infiltrating and bringing down a criminal network. I liked Simon and had missed our chats, but that was the trouble with this life. You couldn't relax and pretend your life was normal, not even for a minute. This was important. And there were still things I wanted to know aside from the mission that I'd been given.

"Sorry Si... but I really need this information. Do you know who Van's next target is?"

He reached into the inside pocket of his leather jacket, bringing out a small folded piece of paper. "It's all there. Tomorrow night at the Ritz Club on Main Street. You know that shipment of coke that got seized at the docks? Well, someone's got to pay for that loss. Word is it's cost the organisation at least £10 million. All the info's written down there... names, times, everything."

I listened with baited breath, my heartbeat quickening at the knowledge that I had a chance to see Van again so soon. My mind was already working overtime, making plans. I slipped the piece of paper into my jeans pocket, burying it deep.

"I've gone and outdone myself this time. Even got the exact location and method of the hit," Simon added proudly.

And that should have been it. Short and sweet, an exchange of information and a goodbye, but I lingered, taking advantage of Simon's friendly nature and willingness to chat. There were some things I just had to know.

"Do you know... the hit on Scott... was it him? Was it Van?" As soon as the words left my lips I felt my whole body tense, my breath sucked in and held hostage in fear of what I might hear.

Simon pushed off from the brickwork to stand in front of me, scrunching up his face. "Nah... that wasn't Van... he refused that job. Can you believe it?"

My exhale burst from me with obvious relief, but Simon didn't seem to notice. He was too busy digging in his jacket pocket for his cigarettes again, shaking his head.

"Don't know what's got into 'im lately. Something's going on."

"What do you mean?" I blurted, aware that time was ticking on and I'd already spent too long on what was supposed to be an in and out job.

"He's always been so detached, like a fucking robot. Nothing ruffles him... ever. You know they say he can slit someone's throat without his pulse ever raising a beat..."

I swallowed, hard, and waited for Simon to continue. And he was only too happy to.

"Something's changed. People are talking, high up in the organisation. They say he's losing it." He tapped the side of his head. "He flares up over nothing, goes AWOL for days on end. The latest word is he's refusing jobs. Like he has a choice! You do what you're told. Reckons he's got something more important to take care of. I heard that someone dared to challenge him the other day and he put their head through a glass coffee table. I tell ya, he's cracking up. He's more dangerous than ever."

My mind started whirring, raking through possibilities, discarding each one until the same thought kept surfacing. Was the change in him all down to me?

"Do you... do you ever see him? What's he like? What's he really like?" I was aware my questions had strayed way beyond anything we should be discussing. I was wasting time now, stretching out a risky meet, putting everyone in danger the longer I lingered.

Simon looked mildly bewildered, but he humoured me anyway. "No one gets to see him Lyla, not unless he's got business with them. And trust me, no one wants business with him. I just keep my head down, keep my ear to the ground, pass on the intel to you guys. Hey... we'd better arrange the next..."

It all happened so fast I didn't even have chance to register what transpired next. The sharp whizz of a bullet's trajectory a split second before it found its target. The warm splatter of blood and viscera spraying my face from the huge exit wound on Simon's chest as it burst open like some hideous bloody flower. I dropped instantly to the ground, flattening myself against the floor whilst I heard another bullet hit the brickwork just where I'd been standing, a silent scream caught in my throat.

The tactical team broke cover in an instant, bursting from nearby buildings, guns raised, crouched down low, swarming the area like ants. One reached me and placed a hand on my back, urging me to raise up enough to flee the scene. But I wasn't going anywhere. I was staring at Simon, searching for a glimmer of life in his brown eyes which stared back at me unseeing. I scrambled up, drawing my gun out and flattening myself against the brickwork, head whipping around to try and discern the position of the shooter.

The loud crack of another gunshot suddenly sounded, causing most of the armed agents to drop to the floor, then the roar of what sounded like a motorcycle engine and the screech of tyres as someone gunned away at speed. The sound of many footsteps erupted around me with a sudden cry of "OVER HERE!"

I darted away from the wall, quickly following the crowd that were descending down to the opening of the street towards a dark blue BMW parked at the kerb. I could see a figure inside in the driver's seat, slumped lifelessly over the steering wheel. As I got closer I could just make out dark clothing and brown hair through the windshield which was cracked open with a bullet-hole, splintering the glass. A huge sob burst from me unbidden as my strides turned into a fast sprint.

No. NO. It couldn't be. I reached the car just as someone pulled open the drivers door...

[falke-marlowe]

M U N I N - The Raven of Odin - CONCEPT POST

THE RAVEN OF MEMORY AND MIND

Name: Falke Munin Odinson

Age: ???

Sexuality: Homosexual

[ Note - this is a concept character as of now, he is a Supernatural OC as I've only just finished off Season 2 Episode 21. It's also my first viewing. ]

The concept is that one of Odin's ravens is on earth from Asgard, at the moment it's unclear as to how he got there however it is clear he was sent. Similar to what I know of Castiel's introduction.

The personality - he's rather playful even in human form and is often quite distracted. He's extremely intelligent yet comes across a bit of an airhead, and he'll protect anyone and anything that gives him a good vibe. If you respect him, he'll respect you. If you love him, he'll love you.

The story - He's fallen to earth in search of an artifact with his brother, Hugin - Mjölnir. At this point in the story they don't find it whatsoever and Munin proceeds to camp out and try to blend in with the environment around him. With him being a raven - he's often seen playing in the snow and acting out with other ravens. When he's human, he's a biker, constantly on the road and looking for his objective. He's a supernatural entity but he isn't a harmful one. Not one to be detected on any kind of radar until Ash does.

From there, there's a record of where he had been to up until that point. (His Story more or less is stuck at S2 E22 as of now.)

Often his tell is actually in his linguistic abilities, he can speak every language known to man but he's known best to converse in Scandic languages, such as Norwegian, Swedish, Icelandic and in some cases: A Uralic language like Finnish will suffice. Especially when he connects with his other self or brother, Huginn.

The Raven of Odin is typically a kind and noble being, but will not hesitate to use force if need be. Especially as Odin did struggle with retaining memory and information from time to time.

Munin was great at that, almost a savant - he could remember a date and time pinpoint, and knew exactly where someone was at each interval in their conversation.

But ironically enough - he's constantly distracted. But don't let that fool your character, he'll pop one in between their eyes if he suspects something's amiss.

If he were to meet the Winchesters he wouldn't exactly be deterred by their presence, thinking they were just ordinary brothers who were on a road trip together until slightly later on when small details don't match up. Say Dean embellishes a story or Sam misplaces a detail - he's going to notice, and will keep a close eye on them from afar.

I also will probably say that this oc will also have MASSIVE inspirations from other pieces of media i.e. SIGNALIS.

That will be a MAJOR inspiration on the character as I'm planning an arc for Muninn and Huginn based on that. Especially regarding FKLR and LSTR, if you know, you know.

Either way, that's the concept post - hope you guys enjoyed.

[missmitchieg]

beer & boyfriends

ao3

"After that case, I need a drink. Anyone wanna join?" Tara announced as she scooped up her gray blazer and purse, looking more than ready to leave and get smashed.

Penelope looked up with a smile, always up for a drink with her friend. "I'm in!" She said quickly, adjusting the peach cardigan she wore over her baby blue dress with peach roses along the skirt.

"Me, too!" JJ nodded, draping her black jacket over her shoulders.

"And me." Emily breathed out, rubbing a tired hand over her face.

"Ah, not this time, ladies. I'm exhausted and I got a bottle of scotch with my name on it at home." David smiled kindly, waving at his team.

"Oh. Bye, Dave." Penelope pouted as she waved back at him.

"Maybe next time." Spencer gave everyone a smile. "Love you guys."

"Love you, Spence." JJ nodded and patted his shoulder.

"I love you, Reid." Emily grinned.

"Love you, Boy Wonder." Penelope smiled at Spencer and watched him leave.

"I gotta get home to the kids. Promised we could watch a movie before bed." Matt shrugged. "You know how it is with the little ones."

"Aww, yeah. Give everyone hugs from us." JJ smiled as Emily draped an arm over her shoulders.

"Will do!" Matt promised as he followed behind David.

"Can I come?" Luke asked as he approached the group, bag slung over his shoulder.

Her smile drooping, Penelope groaned softly and looked at Luke, crossing her arms. "Seriously, Newbie?"

"Aww, come on." Luke ducked his head to look at Penelope, giving her a hopeful smile.

Penelope let out a small noise as her lips parted, feeling her resolve weaken. With furrowed eyebrows, she looked at her friends, who were smirking silently at her. She looked back at Luke and sighed, rolling her eyes. "Ok, fine. But only because my friends seem to like you!" She insisted.

"Sweet!" Luke cheered as he draped his own arm around Penelope's shoulders, chuckling softly as he swore he could feel his crush leaning into his touch.

"To O'Keeffe's!" Tara announced as the group of friends left, heading straight to their favorite hangout.

"Oh, thank God. I need whiskey!" Emily announced the second she stepped foot inside O'Keeffe's.

"Ooh, same." Tara agreed.

"I got you, ladies! Two whiskeys coming up!" Penelope offered and walked toward the bar to order their drinks.

"I need some Jack. What about you, Luke?" JJ asked.

"I'll just have a beer."

"Got it." JJ ran up behind Penelope, ready to order the Jack and a beer before noticing some guy watching Penelope.

"Hey, pretty."

Penelope furrowed her eyebrows and glanced over her shoulder, looking for a pretty girl that wasn't there. She looked at the source of the gravelly voice, tucking a strand of her behind her ear. "Uh, hi."

"Hey! Uh, Jack Daniels for me and a beer for my guy friend over there." JJ scurried to get herself between her best friend and the greasy stranger, pointing over her shoulder.

"Sure thing, Doll."

JJ smiled and placed a protective hand on Penelope's back, but it didn't seem to deter the man at all. If anything, it spurred him on.

"My Name's Collin." He smiled, a collection of fake gold teeth scattered throughout his mouth.

"Uh, I'm Penny."

"Jennifer."

"Pretty names for pretty girls." Collin nodded.

"I'm married, dude." JJ rolled her eyes, unamused.

"And what about your friend, Penny?"

"Here's the drinks you ordered, ladies."

"Ah, thank you!" Penelope grinned kindly and grabbed the whiskeys while JJ held the Jack and beer, taking a step back. "Hey, uh, why don't you meet our other friends? I think you'd really like them." She suggested and gestured with her head.

"Yeah, sure." Collin grabbed his half drank Gin and followed the girls to their table, sipping his drink.

"Guys, meet Collin. Collin, this is, uhh, Tara, Emily, and my boyfriend, Luke." Penelope smiled as she and JJ strolled back toward the table where Tara, Emily and Luke stood, placing their drinks in front of them. "Here you go, Honey." She said softly and gave him a pleading look she hoped was subtle enough that Collin wouldn't notice, looping her arms around his bicep.

Thankfully, Luke got the hint quickly and gave Penelope a smile, his eyes crinkling as he gripped the beer she handed him. "Thanks, Chica." He said, his voice equally soft before he leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Are you ok?"

Penelope smiled at his question and nodded quickly. "Yeah, I'm ok." She whispered back, squeezing his bicep appreciatively as she felt Collin's gaze harshly.

"So, Collin. What do you do?" Tara asked, her voice casual as she sipped her drink.

"I'm a truck driver, ma'am. Just in town to visit my sister." Collin answered, not noticing the way she almost cringed at being called "ma'am".

"What's that like? Being a truck driver?" Emily asked, resting her chin in her hands in a way that showed off large rings that would hurt if you got punched by them.

"Oh, you know, drivin' takes a lot of concentration and you never know when there's gonna be a group o' kids or animals on the road when they shouldn't be."

"Mmm, true." Penelope nodded, giggling as Luke pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Babe."

"What?" Luke smiled. "I can't help it. I just love you so much." He said honestly, giving her another kiss on the forehead.

"Luke!" Penelope laughed and leaned up to kiss Luke's jaw, her face flushing as she did so.

"Oh, these two." Emily shook her head, her eyes fond. "We can't keep them off each other."

"Seriously. Believe it or not, this is them toning it down." JJ joked with a chuckle.

"Is that so?" Collin inquired, quirking an eyebrow.

"Mmm-hmm. Just last week, I caught these two canoodling in my bathroom." Emily snickered, and Penelope almost shrieked at the false accusation, her face bright red.

"Oh, my God! That was one time!" Luke huffed, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "How many times do we have to apologize for that?"

JJ couldn't hold back her laughter and spit out some of her drink, giggling into her hand. "Oh, my God! I remember that! You two looked so embarrassed!"

"Well, it's gonna be a little embarrassing to get caught kissing your boyfriend, who you really love, when you're in a bathroom!" Penelope defended herself and took a swig of Luke's beer for herself, pouting cutely at him. "Honey, the girls are being mean!"

"Aww, poor baby." Luke cooed and pressed a kiss to Penelope's cheek, giving her a hug.

"Hey, refresh my memory. Was that before or after I found Luke sneaking pictures of Penelope in that little red dress?" Tara asked.

"It was after." Emily answered easily. "Pen, you picked a good dress to wear that night because your man really loved it."

"Ehh, it was better on the bedroom floor." Luke shrugged, delighting in Penelope shrieking again and lightly smacking his shoulder.

"Oh, my GOD!" Emily snorted into her hands, unable to control her laughter as JJ giggled into her shoulder.

"Dude! That is the literal definition of TMI!" Tara admonished, though she grinned, shaking her head.

"Lover, not in public, please." Penelope begged and buried her face in Luke's neck, who turned to watch Collin type something into his phone and then look up, taking another drink.

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry. That was a little too far. I'll stop." Luke promised, topping his apology with another tight, protective hug. "I'm sorry. I love you."

"I love you, too." Penelope said, almost breathless. "You're so sweet, Luke."

"Aww, I wish Spencer was here for this." JJ lamented, a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Ah, he promised next time, sort of." Tara waved her off and noticed Collin typing on his phone again out of the corner of her eye before he picked up a call.

"Hello? Hey, sis." Collin smiled, gripping his drink. "Oh, what? A pipe burst?" He asked, his eyes comically wide. "Your place is flooded?" He scratched his chin, biting his lip. "No, I gotcha. I'm comin' over."

"Somethin' wrong, buddy?" Tara asked, her tone uninterested as she watched Collin chug the rest of his drink, throw some money on the table, and start walking away.

"Uhh, I'm sorry, guys. My sister's having an emergency! Nice meetin' you's!" Collin called as he ran out to his truck, speeding away.

Penelope watched the door shut behind him and smirked, laughing into her hand. Her laughter set off everyone else, and she giggled into Luke's shoulder. "Oh, man! That was so funny!"

"Ha, 'it was better on the bedroom floor', Luke Alvez?" Emily cackled, wiping a tear away.

Luke groaned and face palmed, shaking his head. "God, I'm so sorry, Garcia. I don't know why I said that. That was too far. I swear I'm usually not that crude." He grimaced, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Hey, you were saying what you had to say to keep your girl safe." Emily said simply, gesturing to Penelope.

"We've all had to do worse at some point in our job." Tara agreed.

Penelope nodded, her arms still wrapped tightly around Luke's neck as she watched him. "You protected me. Thank you, Luke."

Luke stared at Penelope, her sweet tone catching him off guard. "Anytime, Penelope." He promised, glancing at her lips. He smiled as she nodded and leaned in, pressing a kiss to her lips.

With wide eyes and a jaw on the floor, JJ repeatedly slapped Emily's shoulder lightly as she, Emily, and Tara watched Luke and Penelope kiss. "I... Need to call my husband. Suddenly, I feel like I drank more than some Jack Daniels."

Emily scoffed and patted JJ's back, pulling out her phone to call the man she might've trusted more than anyone else, watching Tara place a large tip on the table.

"Come on, ladies. Let's wait outside. I think our friends will appreciate the privacy." Tara insisted, tugging Emily and JJ outside.

Penelope giggled almost silently as she pulled away, her eyes shining and her lips tingling. She blushed as she bit her lip, ducking her head. "Thank you, Hunky Newbster."

Luke laughed at that, his eyes crinkling again. "Hey. Anything for you." He vowed, kissing her cheek. "Anything."

[matrixxsystem]

Terrapin Soup Part 4 (1/3)

After a bit more time at the park Usagi packed his things and took Leos hand as he led him towards his house, "Y'know. I'd been thinking, about out chat the other night." He started as Leo used his free hand to text his brothers that he'd be out late again tonight. To no ones surprise. "Oh? Which part were you thinking about." "Us being boyfriends. Of course, I know you'd meant it more in a.. Pretend situation." "Right.. I mean, it'd be a little weird to date someone you just met that day. I mean we'd been talking for a while but I couldn't just ask you something like that forward as soon as we met and-" "You're rambling." "Hm? O-Oh.. Sorry I uh.." "It's alright, I find it kind of.. Endearing."

"Is.. That a good thing?" Usagi chuckled giving his hand a little squeeze, "Yes Leo, it's a good thing. Endearing means to inspire affection. I like listening to you. Which brings me back to what I was saying. If you'd like, I think it would be beneficial for us to date. But as an honest couple rather then a mask to deter suspicion." "Beneficial..?" He asked, raising a brow and hoping his face markings would be enough to hide any blushing. "Yes. On each of our ends we'd be supplied with plenty of alibis, someone to collaborate with, and a real relationship with someone who shares many of the same preferences. Seems like a fair deal, seeing as neither of us mentioned having feelings for someone else prior to this agreement. And seeing how your family already has a good impression of me it'd be easier for us to stick with each other for a while instead of trying to find someone else, and slowly trying to ease them into these kind of.. Dietary preferences. And... You aren't exactly awful to look at so, that would be a plus as well.." Leo laughed a bit hearing the last bit, his eyes scanned over Usagi, having already called him hot it wasn't a lie to say something similar.. And they already had quite a bit in common. Who else would like him as he was? Who else would treat him as kindly as Usagi had? Probably no one.. "Well you make a solid argument, but I would've said yes if you asked me out normally too y'know~"

"Well, far from normal seems to be our thing. Why bother with it?" "I love how you think.."

-_-_-_-

Once the brothers set foot on the other side of the portal they headed off to do their own thing, doing their daily training exercises then right to goofing off as usual till later that day when Leo finally texted letting them know he wouldn't be home till later that night. [R (Raph) D (Donnie) M (Mikey) for texting]

R; 'Hey what are you all up too'

M; 'I'm writing down the pizza puff recipe for the next time we see Leos boyfriend'

D; 'At the moment I'm doing some upgrades, why do you need something?'

R; 'I mean, it's not like important or anything. I just. So what did you think of Usagi?' D; 'You wanna gossip about Leos boyfriend? I mean hey I'm all for it I love drama but it's kinda random' 

M; 'Yeah I thought he was great! Oh! And he's soooo fluffy too! Did anyone else get to touch his fur I'm so jealous we aren't mammals :C'

R; 'I don't wanna gossip! I was just wondering.. If anyone else got like... A weird feeling' D; 'I mean he didn't like. Impress me, but he was better then most guys Leo's been fanning over lately, and he's real so I can't ask for much else. And he did bring us food, that was an unnecessary kindness. Why? Did you get a weird vibe?' R; 'I dunno.. I mean not really I just.. Raph's brain is thinking a lot right now.' M; 'Well tell Raph that Dr. Feelings says it's okay to be conflicted, just don't overthink it okay? He's our brother so it's normal to feel a little uneasy about him going off with someone else, but you can't let that feeling interfere with something that makes him happy if there's no tangible sign of danger' R; 'I guess you're right.. It's just weird. He's not here that often anymore and I mean he's here for missions and stuff but don't you guys miss him?' D; 'I don't usually interject when emotions are involved but I think I have something to contribute, this once.'

D; 'When we were younger me and Leo made a promise, an oath if you would. To always be there for each other, no matter how mad we were or how far away, we'd always be brothers and always have each others shells. Even to this day that idiot still stands behind me when we get attacked as if its second nature to cover me even I wear my battle shell. Despite his absence from recent activities, I don't feel like he's MIA in our lives, because I know that if I need him he'll be there, in the most flashy and annoying way mind you, but still.'

M; 'Awww Dee :'3c ' R; 'That was.. Surprisingly heartfelt. Thanks Dee.' D; 'Mhmm are we done here I need to keep this core stabilized or it could blow up so Imma brb'  R; 'I'm sorry what-?' -_-_-_-

Usagi led Leo into his house, not far from the garden they'd had lunch in. It looked surprisingly normal, its was a mix of a modern New York style house and a Japanese apartment. Leo smiled a little as he was led in, he wasn't sure why but his mind had made up this dark and ominous house he thought Usagi would've lived in that sort of unnerved him, but this of course was the much more realistic place. "Please make yourself comfortable, my teacher is the houses owner but he is not here often, and will not mind if I have guests. He is a tall lion yokai, which may look a bit intimidating but he's harmless." Leo nodded, glancing towards the kitchen as he listened. "You can look around if you'd like?" "Hm? O-Oh, no it's alright. I was just.. Curious." Usagi chuckled and took Leos hand again leading him into the kitchen, it was surprisingly clean- Well.. Usagi did say he liked to be organized. He mentally cursed himself out for thinking such harsh things about Usagi and what kind of things he might do in his own time. "I like that you're curious." He said with a little smile, letting go of his hand to show him around, "It's no fun to sit in silence. Ask anything you want, and I will answer." "..You will, no matter what it is hm?" "Correct, as long as I'm comfortable doing so of course." Leo nodded, leaning against the island counter in the kitchen, "Do you cook regular stuff and.. Other stuff, in a separate place?" Usagi went to the other side of the counter  leaning forward, "That would waste time, I do all food prep here. And in the basement where we have a bigger freezer, but it's also very well kept down there." "Oh? What kind of prep do you need to do there?" Part 4.2 Part 1

TS Master Post

[lingshanhermit]

Ling Shan Hermit: A Micro-Scale Perfectionist

A friend once told me about the existence of such perfectionists in the world who displayed the following traits: If their water glass was accidentally touched by someone else's lips, they would refuse to use that glass again, come what may. If they had guests over—which was a rare occurrence, because this perfectionist demanded that anyone entering her house put on shoe covers, deterring many from visiting a second time—they would serve guests with disposable paper cups instead of regular ones, with the advantage of being able to toss them out after use. If, unfortunately, their toilet was used by a guest (which means that their derriere had made close contact with her toilet—what a horrifying prospect!), they would go through a complex routine of repeated cleaning until they believed it was completely clean. Regrettably, toilets don't fall under the use-and-toss category. Why has no one invented disposable toilets?

When they ride the subway, they never let their hand come into direct contact with the handrail. If possible, they would grab the hem of their boyfriend's clothes, or if there's no garment to hold, they would wrap a piece of tissue around their hand before holding onto the rail. When they dine out, they would never allow their buttocks to make direct contact with the restaurant chair. They would put a tissue on it, even though there were already several layers of clothing between their buttocks and the chair. If those layers of fabric couldn't resist the imagined horrific dirt, it's hard to believe that a thin sheet of tissue would make any difference. If they need to go to a hospital, they would avoid touching anything within the ward. If the light switch in their house is touched by anyone else, they immediately feel compelled to clean it. It is rumored that the sofa in such a perfectionist's home has never been used, out of fear that it might become deformed.

Don't laugh, these people really exist in our world, and perhaps one lives right below your apartment. As you are reading this article, she might be down there, cleaning the floor (which someone just stepped on, despite wearing shoe covers). Basically, these behaviors are signs of an extreme form of obsession with cleanliness. We may have similar tendencies, just not to such an extreme extent.

We are micro-scale perfectionists, the kind who might feel upset if a boyfriend comes home and lies on the bed without changing his clothes first (because in our minds, he's bringing all the outside germs into the house. Strangely, we all seem to think the outside is dirtier, but if you were to use a microscope to look at your home, you'd find it's not much different. Don't forget, about forty thousand types of bacteria are living on your pillow). We might also complain if a book we've finished reading hasn't been put back in its place. Thankfully, we're not so extreme as to scream hysterically at a few drops of urine on the edge of a toilet seat as if it were the end of the world, nor do we insist on all visitors to our home wearing shoe covers.

As micro-scale perfectionists, we must be careful not to let our habits dictate our lives. If we allow them free rein, they may grow stronger, until one day we find ourselves unable to tolerate even the smallest flaws. That would indeed be a terrifying realization. This indicates a degree of fragility where one is ready to fall apart at a touch. A perfectionist is someone full of vulnerabilities, an extremely fragile individual. They harbor too many expectations, are easily discontented, and are quick to feel attacked.

Generally speaking, wealthy people have a higher chance of developing extreme perfectionism than poor people. Many poor people don't have many choices. Even if they hope for something, they might not have the opportunity to arrange everything around them according to their ideals. So, they learn to compromise. Such individuals are not overly stubborn about everything, simply because they lack the resources to insist on their way. When there's no rice, they can eat bread, but those with means would not do the same. They have the capability to refuse bread when there's no rice because they have the luxury of choice. Sometimes, having too much ability isn't necessarily a good thing. It can stimulate your desires and make you restless.

The so-called perfection of a perfectionist is to have the world turn according to their wishes (women might not have such grand ambitions; they just hope their homes turn in the way they want) and to have everything meet their standards. Towels should be hung there, toothbrushes should be placed in the cup, used sugar jars should be put back in their original place. Everything should go as they wish. If things do not go as planned, pain ensues. Perfectionists are always trying to fight impermanence, to make the world constant rather than changeable, hence they are exhausted.

We can think about when we started to believe that things must be this way or that way to meet our standards. When did these habits form? I don't think you were born this way. If you were born so picky, your mother would certainly have gone mad. If it isn't inherent, then it must have been formed later in life.

Think carefully; these are habits developed by humans, and you initially had no knowledge of them. When you enter society, you inevitably get influenced by those around you. Your mother tells you: "Put things back where they belong after you're done using them." Your teachers, your friends, they all tell you different things, and you gradually begin to accept their perspectives. You start absorbing the beliefs you think are right, forming your standards, cultivating your habits—like needing to change shoes when entering the house, having to take a bath at night, and so on. Over time, you consider these to be the standards of civilized people, the norms for every person.

But are these habits and concepts really that reliable? We know that even on this earth, the standards of civilization vary greatly. In certain African tribes, painting one's face with white ash and adorning one's head with bird feathers are considered symbols of beauty and power. If you do this in Africa, you would be considered incredibly attractive; the more feathers on your head, the greater your perceived power. But if you do the same in mainland China, you may lack admirers; no one would consider this beautiful. If you appear in this way, it's questionable whether your mother would even let you in the house. No one would think you're returning in triumph. Have you ever seen a Chinese politician with bird feathers in their hair? Yet in African tribes, they believe having bird feathers on the head and ash on the face is the standard for civilized people, the norm for every person. This shows how unreliable the things you take as truths can be.

Even within China, different people have different habits and preferences, so people from different regions often argue over their individual lifestyles after getting married. Everyone believes that what they're accustomed to is inherently correct. But actually, every habit is just what you and the people around you are used to, and what you've grown accustomed to you take as natural and right.

I'm not trying to judge which of these habits are right or wrong. From my perspective, there is no right or wrong, only different habits developed by different people.

This allows us to see that the things we consider correct, necessary, and righteous, could be seen as wrong, outlandish, and shocking elsewhere. This suggests these habits have no intrinsic nature; their meaning is subject to our interpretation, and people from different regions would understand them differently. If they had an intrinsic nature, there wouldn't be different interpretations.

You are fixated on these things that have no essence, and it has escalated to a pathological level. As a result, you become very unhappy. You constantly worry about your beloved home being polluted, and your rules being overstepped. Any tiny change can upset you. Simply moving a table could make you very angry, because you believe it disrupts the overall aesthetic of the room. Your worst nightmare might be someone defecating in your bed.

If you want to be free, you must realize that these things are not substantial. Of course, this is difficult. You've been enslaved by your habits for so many years, it won't be easy to break free from their control. But you can try to rebel. You can try to break a habit each day. If you have many habits, many "must-dos", it is necessary to rebel against them.

If you used to be intolerant of anyone entering your house without changing their shoes, you can try letting them keep their shoes on. If you never used cups others have used, never ate food that others served you, never touched the handrails of a bus directly with your hands, you can try to resist these habits. You'll find that you are only trapped by your own habits, unable to turn over. These habits bind you tighter and tighter. But they essentially have no essence. If you believe they are real, they will bind you. If you realize they have no essence, they will disappear. It's like dreaming; when you realize you are dreaming, your dream ends.

First posted on Lingshan Jushi Blog, July 25, 2008.

灵山居士：小规模的完美主义者

一个朋友告诉我这个世界曾经存在着这样的完美主义者，她们具有这样的特征：如果她喝水的杯子不幸被别人的嘴唇碰过，那么打死她也不会再用那个杯子喝水。如果家里来客人的话（一般来说这种情况很罕见，因为这位完美主义者要求每个进入她家的人都套上鞋套，所以很多人去了一次就不再去了），他们会用一次性纸杯而绝不是茶杯来招待客人，这样的好处是用完就可以扔掉。如果很不幸家里的马桶被客人用过（也就是说他们的屁股和她的马桶亲密接触过，多么可怕的事），他们就要经过复杂的程序进行反复清洗——直到他们认为已经彻底干净为止。很遗憾马桶不属于用过就扔掉的东西，为什么没有人发明一次性马桶？他们坐地铁的时候从来不会让自己的手直接接触扶手，如果可以的话，他们会抓住自己男朋友的衣服下摆，实在没有衣服抓的话就用一块纸巾包着自己的手，然后扶着扶手。出去吃饭的时候，她们绝对不会允许自己的臀部直接接触饭店的椅子，她们会在上面垫上一块纸巾，虽然在她的臀部和椅子之间本来就有了好几层布挡着。如果那几层布都无法抵御那想象中的可怕肮脏，很难想象一张薄薄的纸巾会起作用。如果上医院的话，她绝对不会让自己碰触任何病房里的东西。如果家里的电灯开关被其他人的手摸了，她们就要马上去擦一下。据说这位完美主义者家里的沙发从来没有被人坐过，为的是怕沙发变形。

不要笑，这世界上确实存在着这样的人，也许她就住在你楼下。当你看这篇文章的时候，她正在你下面擦地（那地方刚刚被人踩过，虽然那人套着鞋套）。基本上，这是洁癖发展到极端的表现，我们也有类似的洁癖，只是没有变态到他的程度而已。

我们是小规模的完美主义者，我们会为了男朋友回家没换衣服就躺到床上而不快。（在我们看来他把外面的细菌全部带到家里了，很奇怪，不知道为什么大家都认为外面比较脏，其实如果你用显微镜看一下你家里，你会发现其实跟外面差不多，不要忘了，你的枕头上生活着大约四万种细菌）我们也会为了看完的书没被放回原处而抱怨。但还好，我们没到那种程度。没到那种看到马桶的边缘滴了几滴尿就歇斯底里大喊大叫好像到了世界末日的程度，也没有变态到让每一个进你家的人都套上鞋套。

作为小规模的完美主义者，你必须警惕，不要让你的习惯带着你走，如果你顺着他，它可能会变得比现在更强壮，直到有一天你发现自己不能容忍任何一点瑕疵，那是很可怕的事。那表示你脆弱到一触即溃的程度。一个完美主义者是一个浑身弱点的人。也是一个极端脆弱的人，他们有太多期待，很容易不满，很容易遭受攻击。

一般来说，有钱人发展成极端完美主义者的机会相对于穷人更大，很多穷人没有太多的选择，即使他们希望，可能也没机会让自己的周围的一切都按照自己的理想转，所以他们学会了妥协。这样的人，对任何事情都不是那么执着，因为他没有执著的资本。没有米饭的时候，他可以吃馒头，但是有条件的人就不会如此，他有能力，没有米饭的时候，他会拒绝吃馒头，因为他有选择的资本。有时候能力太大未必是好事，他会鼓动你的欲望，让你蠢蠢欲动。

一个完美主义者所谓的完美就是让地球按照他的想法去转，（女人可能没那么大野心，他们所希望的是她们的家按照她们想的方式转）让所有的事物都符合自己的标准，毛巾要搭在那里，牙刷要插在杯里，用过的糖罐要放回原处。一切都要如我所想，如果没有如愿以偿，痛苦就会产生。完美主义者总是试图和无常作战，让世界变得常而不是无常，所以她们疲惫不堪。

我们可以想一下，从什么时候开始你开始这么认为：必须要这样或那样才合乎你的标准。这些习惯是何时养成。我不认为你一出生就是这样。如果你一出生就这样挑剔，你妈妈一定会疯掉。如果不是与生俱来，那一定是后天形成的。

仔细想一下，这些都是人类发展出来的一些习惯，你最初并不知道这些。当你进入这个社会，你不可避免的收到周围人的影响。你的妈妈告诉你：用完的东西要放回原处。你的老师你的朋友他们都在告诉你不同的东西，你开始不知不觉接受他们的观念，你开始吸收那些你认为正确的观念，你开始形成你的标准，养成你的习惯——例如进屋必须换鞋晚上必须洗澡之类。时间长了你会认为这是文明人的标准。正常人的标准，每个人都该如此。

但这些习惯和观念是否真的那么可靠，我们知道，仅仅在这个地球，文明的标准都非常不一样。在非洲的某些部落，把脸上涂上白灰，把头上插上鸟毛被认为是美的象征。同时也是权力的象征，如果你在非洲这么做，会被认为帅呆了，你头上插得鸟毛越多，象征着你的权力越大。但是如果你在中国大陆也这么做，可能会缺乏欣赏者，没有人会认为这是美的。如果你以这副尊荣出现，你母亲是否会让你进门都是问题，绝不会认为你是衣锦荣归。你是否看到过中国的政治人物头上插着鸟毛？但是在非洲部落，他们会认为头上插鸟毛脸上涂灰是文明人的标准，正常人的标准，每个人都该如此。由此可知你认为是真理的东西多么靠不住。

即使在中国，不同的人也有不同的习惯和喜好，所以不同地区的人结了婚之后往往会为了各自的生活习惯而吵架，每个人都认为自己习惯的是天经地义的正确。��其实每一种习惯都只是你和你周围的人习惯了而已，习惯了就觉得天经地义。

我无意评说这些习惯哪些是对的，那些是错的，从我的角度来说，没有任何对或是不对，只是不同的人发展出来的不同习惯而已。

我们由此可洞见那些我们认为是对的，必然的，天经地义的东西，换一个地方可能就会被认为是错的，突兀的，会震惊四座的。这表示这些习惯毫无本质，它的意义有待我们的诠释，不同地区的人会对他有不同的理解。如果它具有本质，就不会产生不同的理解。

你执著于这些没有本质的东西，并且发展到病态的程度。这样的结果就是你变得非常不快乐，你需要时刻担心你可爱的家被污染你的规矩被逾越。任何细微的改变都可能让你不快，只是挪动桌子的位置都可能让你非常生气，因为你认为这破坏了屋子整体的美感。你做过的最可怕的梦可能就是有人在你的被窝里拉了一泡屎。

如果你想解脱，必须要认识到这些是没有实质的东西。当然，这很难，你被你的习惯奴役了这么多年，没那么容易摆脱他的控制，但你可以试着反抗，你可以试着每天破除一个习惯，如果你有很多习惯，你有很多“必须这样”，你有必要反抗它们。

如果你以前不能容忍任何人进你家不换鞋，你可以试着让他们不换鞋，如果你以前从不用别人用过的杯子，从不吃别人给你夹的菜，从不用手直接接触公交车的扶手，你可以试着反抗一下自己的习气。你会发现，你只是被自己的习惯困住了，无法翻身。这些习惯把你绑得越来越紧。但他们本质上是毫无本质的，如果你认为他们是真实的，他们就会束缚你，如果你认识到他们毫无本质，他们就会消失。如同你在做梦，当你认识到自己是在做梦的时候，你的梦就结束了。

2008年7月25日首发于灵山居士博客。