#don't forget they were friends for like 7 years prior to when we met them for the first time

[crxzytogether]

I'll never understand the people that question how Will fell in love with Mike when this

is the Mike that Will grew up with. How was he supposed to not fall in love like cmon- it's also the Mike that came back a little st4 and is fully coming back st5 :DD

also this is just s2 and s4

[penseesauvage]

7, 16, 20 and 22 for the ask game😊

Tyyy 🖤

. How old are you ? I'm nineteen years old (born in June 2004)

. Do you have any tattos ? If not, would you like to ? I don't have any tattos yet, but maybe I would like to have one. All I need is enough money and to overcome my fear of pain, which is almost impossible.

. What's your relationship statues ? I'm single : never been kissed before (except one time in elementary school but that guy forced me to do it) and never been in a relationship prior. I still haven't hold hands ! When I was a teenager, guys at my school disgusted me. They acted not only immature (we were all immatures as fuck in middle school), but absolutely mean and gross. That, and during this period, I had a lot of shit to deal with (horrible stepmother, performance anxiety, bullying from other classmates), so having a boyfriend will complicate it more. Highschool was easier to me, as most of us gain with maturity, but finding love still wasn't a priority. But now, seeing most of my friends in happy and healthy relationships made me realise how much I crave for someone to hold me in their arms, to tell me they love me for who I am, to kiss me until I lose my breath, etc. I don't really go out unless it's with my friends or at the library or at the record store, the two places I love going to, so I don't meet that much of new persons. Also I am extremely shy and anxious when I fall in love : that happened only once, last year. This guy, Oscar, not only looked so beautiful to my heart, with his freckles and big brown eyes and gorgeous smile, but he was also one of the shyest person I have met. They were a few people at uni that were able to talk to him actually. I was one of them, and it was for an English project. Before starting it, he told me that with our arguments (it was a debate), we would complete each other. That melted my heart. After that project, our only interactions were eye contacts during lectures, because none of us tried to make a move. Sadly, Oscar left my uni (he probably paused his cursus for a year and will comeback, I hope), and I'm trying to forget about him as I think he doesn't love me back, but I'm still not over him. It was like being heartbroken without being in a relationship. As I'm still young, I tell myself that one day, I will found THAT one person that would make me giggling, kicing my feet in the hair when I think about them.

. Best memory you could think of ? Out all of the good memories I have, the best so far might be my sister's birth. When I first hold her in my arms, I cried of joy : after my mom's passing due to cancer, she combled a bit the void I had in my heart. I was singing to her a song my mom used to sing me when I was a child, and SHE SMILED. Thinking about it is still making me emotional. To this day, my sister is one of my best confidents and one of my comfort persons : just seeing her makes me happy.

[omnium-gatherums]

hi! I was wondering if u know what exactly is normal to not remember in childhood? like did can cause memory gaps/amnesia in childhood but I hear people also say it is normal to have gaps. so I don’t really know what is the normal and what is the amnesia?

Yes, most people have at least some memory gaps in their childhood. It's not unusual. However, usually those memory gaps are mostly only present for ages 5 and under. Different sources will say anywhere from "3-4" to "3-8." Generally, personally, I feel like it's more normal for people to not remember things under the age of 5. Anything over that age is like yeah you'll probably forget some things, but the average person won't have a ton of gaps in the way people with DID/OSDD will.

It's also normal to have memory gaps around traumatic events specifically, but people with DID/OSDD will have many more gaps and will have gaps for things that aren't traumatic (I have memory loss for video games I played, the things I liked, my hobbies, the feelings I felt over those things, etc.)

I can't really say for sure what's "normal" versus "abnormal", but I can give some personal experiences.

I always felt like my memories were like a giant puzzle with broken, missing pieces and mismatched pieces. Or like burnt photographs. Or like shattered fragments broken down into the tiniest pieces. Etc. etc.

I have many, many memories that feel like they are missing context, don't make sense, are "unfinished." Like a half of a memory, or vague memories. Or memories that I "know" happened, but can't really remember. Or feeling like there are many, many "holes" in my memories.

I have evidence of things I did, said, felt, etc. as a child, but I do not remember ever saying, doing, thinking, feeling those things. For example: I have evidence of me roleplaying as a kid. I distinctly remember telling people around those SAME ages that I didn't like roleplaying, never roleplayed, and found it boring/uninteresting/didn't like it. Even though just like a year or so prior, I apparently really liked roleplaying and did so frequently with a close friend of mine at the time? (Looking back, that ""roleplaying"" was definitely very likely just alters fronting and we thought it was just roleplaying lmfao but like I said I have no memories of roleplaying, ever).

I have amnesia for my teenage years and adult years. To my knowledge, amnesia for teenage years and adult years isn't common/normal for the average person. Unless you're, like. Super old I guess, but I've met way older people who remember a lot from their teenage years still

My family would directly ask me if I remembered something from my childhood and I would tell them I have no memory of it, while my brother (who is only a year older than me) did or something

In general my family will tell me about things that happened in my childhood and I wouldn't remember it

I have to rely on outside, objective things to be able to remember things like "I lived in this house around ages (xyz) because (abc)-". That probably makes no sense, so for example: I remember playing Spyro: A New Beginning around maybe ages 6-7? And upon Googling the release date of that game, it was released when I would've been 5, so I may have been around ages 5-6 when I played that game. Or, another example, "I don't remember what age I was when I played Poptropica, but that game came out in 2007, so I must have been anywhere from 6-8-years-old, likely 7 because I remember playing that game when Ilived in this house and I lived in that house at-" you get the picture. I hope that makes sense? Like I have to rely on objective stuff like "when did this game release, that will tell me how old I might've been when I played it" or something.

Memories feel "out of order." I can't put my memories in order. Like they're all jumbled and all over the place and I have to figure out the timeline myself, I have to figure out the timeline but the timeline keeps changing because I remember so little and have so many missing memories and out-of-context fragments and such and. It's all confusing.

Talk to other people about their childhoods, people who you know do not have DID or OSDD. It might become a bit more obvious to you how little you remember when you start to talk to other people about what they remember about their childhoods. At least for me, when hear people talk about their childhoods, I'm so shocked by how much more they remember than I do.

I grew up changing homes and schools a lot so this might not apply but I basically remember Nothing about most of my elementary schools beyond maybe the name and a few vague memories, etc. and I have many memories from schools that I cannot place WHAT school these memories are from, what age, etc.

Many memories that I can't remember the age, where I was, what was going on, etc. in general. This kinda goes back to "out-of-context memories, memories that don't make sense, etc."

Just a hunch. I always felt like I remembered so little about my childhood, barely remembered things, etc. and I always felt like I had a lot of ""repressed memories""/that it wouldn't surprise me if I did

These are my own personal experiences and since I didn't link any sources here to back these up and I myself don't actually have a lot of understanding of what amnesia for childhood is normal versus what's abnormal/etc., I'd take this post less as scientific fact and more personal experiences.

[hobbitsnapes]

YOU GUYS ARE DATING

Corpse x MGK!sister reader

(Found this image on Pinterest so all credit goes to artist, if you know who it is please comment below so I can credit them)

A/N: this was requested by @heyitssab

Tree is tall of sex in this, but it’s more in a joking matter, plus corpse has stated he doesn’t mind as long as you are not a minor or send or tag him. I’m literally 2 years younger than him, and have no intentions of ever tagging him or sending him any of my work XD

Summary: how many idiots does it take to tell the brother and friend they’re dating? Apparently takes 2 very forgetful people, who kept their relationship secret without knowing it.

It had just been by chance, a small chance that he had been scrolling through his tags. liking and reposting art, when he saw a tag from someone he followed. He wrecked his brain for when he had followed her, coming up empty. She was cute, no denying the beauty she had as she laughed in the video. It was a clip from a stream that he didn’t know she had, as he couldn’t even remember her name, wearing his merch as it fit her snug. It fit her perfectly in fact, the large hood covering her face, hiding the flush to her face from her rather large chuckles that left her body. He couldn’t help but like the photo, and he couldn’t help but to press message either.

It was first only small likes to posts, an Occasional message, and a view on their livestreams, but that all changed when he spoke of the song he was working on with her older brother.

It all started that night, when both lay in their beds as they talked, laughed, and felt their hearts flutter each time they heard one another speak.

Her phone rang violently in her bag, nearly making her drop the to go bag all over the ground as she walked. “Hello?” She asked, as she held both bags with her hands as her shoulder gripped the phone as if it’d fall down a cliff. “Hey bug!” He exclaimed, making her chuckle as she heard the booming sound of his voice. She had always detested the nickname, as he gave it to her as kids due to her horrendous fear of the creatures. But, it brought more joy to her, as it reminded her of their youth. Having been adults for years, it was fun to hear such a childish name that’s stuck.

“Hey mopey.” She chuckled, as that was the name she gave him when he was in his emo phase that he never outgrew.

Both talked as she walked towards the elevator, mainly about how his day had gone as she silently listened.

She had always been this way, always the shyer of the two, the one to listen to others first before she said a word. He had teased her for it most of their childhood and teen life, but he had grown to love it, as he could let loose or rant to her about anything, and he knew she’d be there just to listen to him.

“So what’re you doing right now?” He asked, as she got into the elevator. “Just grabbed some dinner a few minutes before you called and nearly made me shit.” A smile painted on her face at his boisterous laughter.

“Are you at home?” He asked, as he heard the sound of the elevator beeping in the background. “No, I’m spending the night with my boyfriend.”

She had mentioned about a month prior that she was seeing someone, the joy it brought him to hear the excitement and joy in her tone as she gushed about their first date.

If this was 7 or 8 years prior, he would be bombarding her with questions about the man, who he was, where he lived, where he could meet him to find his intentions with his baby sister. But, in the last few years, he found himself feeling calmer whenever she’d mentioned her love life. He knew she was smart, and would never date a man who treated her poorly. The few breakups she had, they always ended amicably, her head still high as she told him. So, he never asked her any questions about the man, as he could tell from the few times she mentioned him, he could feel the love this man had for her, and Vice versa.

The strong barreling of her phone alerted them awake, both groaning out as she reached for her phone without lifting her head from his shoulder. “Hello?” She mumbled, voice slurred as the saliva was thick in her mouth, barely awake as she fought to listen in on who dares to wake them up.

“Hey!” He exclaimed, making her equally exhausted lover groan. She shifted off of him, laying on her back as he turned away from her, as to hopefully shut his eyes and fall back asleep. She was used to her brother's large voice, as it hardly phased her after growing up with him. “Colson, why are you calling me this ungodly hour?” “Oh come on, it’s not that early.” “Col its-“ She pulled her phone from her ear, eyes shutting violently as the bright light blinded her “5 o’clock in the morning. So again, I’m going to ask you, why did you call me at the asscrack of dawn?” “You don’t remember?” He asked, making her irritation grow. “No, that’s why I’m asking.” She says, as she rubbed her sleep crusted eyes. “You were coming up today to hang out with casie, remember?” Her hand stopped rubbing her face, as she felt her heart stop momentarily. “Wait, you mean today? I thought I was coming Friday?” “No, both of you settled on today, remember I told you that’s perfect because I have a day off?” She felt her heart pain as she heard the sadness in his tone, knowing he’s expecting her to bail. “Yeah sorry, I thought you meant Friday so I mixed it up, let me get ready and I’ll be out the door okay? Love you” she said, as she hung up the line.

Before she could even move, she felt his arm wrap around her body. A tired groan leaving his lips. “Nooo stayyyy.” He groaned, pulling her body to his. She smiled as she looked down at him, wrapping her arm on his chest and the other behind his neck. “I wish I could live, but I can’t.” Planting a soft kiss against his lips. “Stay in bed for a few more hours, please?” Her heart pulled at his tone, hearing just how tired he was. “I can’t, casies wanted me to come up for weeks now. And it takes a good 3 hours to get there. I wanna spend as much time as I can with them before it gets dark so I can get back safely.” He groaned at this, wrapping his arms around her. “Yeah but it’s only 5, it wouldn’t be safe to drive since we went to bed like, 2 hours ago.” “Yeah, and whos fault was that mister?” She teased, “hmm, sorry but I just couldn’t keep my hands to myself after not seeing you for a few days.” He mused, pulling her body closer to his, planting his lips against hers. A small hum left her lips as he pulled her thigh over his, grabbing the flesh harshly as their lips cascaded together. “Mm, no no no, you’re not gonna convince me to stay here just to go another round.” She said, as she got off from his warm body, throwing his large hoodie over her bare body. “Oh come on babe, are you sure about that?” He said, making her turn around to him. A small gasp left her lips as her eyes took in his milky white complexion. His honey brown eyes looking back at her with a small smile etched onto his face. His hair a tousled mess that resembled a bird's nest, some pieces falling onto his face. “Honey, I’ve been wanting to see my family for weeks now, I see you almost everyday and practically live here. I’ll be back tomorrow so I can grab more clothes from my place okay?” She placed a kiss to his lips, both holding one another in their arms. “I don’t know why you don’t just say fuck that place and just move in.” He mumbled, making her chuckle and heart warm. “Don't you think it’s a little soon though? I mean we’ve only been together a few months love.” “Yeah, but you’ve practically lived here since we got together, you literally just go there to get more clothes that you end up leaving here.” She looked into his eyes as she thought about his words. “Hm, I’ll think about it today okay?” She mused, planting a kiss to his lips. A soft okay leaving him as she got up.

“And babe, remember if you live here, we can have all the sex we want and not have to worry about driving to get one another.” He exclaimed, laughing at the loud honey she screamed from the bathroom.

She couldn’t help but laugh out as she watched, as her niece tried her hardest to braid her fathers grown out hair. It was near impossible not to, as pieces would fall out, resulting in her pulling them harsher, nearly pulling his eyelids back due to the tension from his temples. “Okay okay you’re gonna fuckin scalp me.” He chuckled , as all three bursted out in large laughter.

“So how’s school going this year?” She asked her, as she delicately painted her nails. Both of the girls had found themselves on the floor in front of the nice coffee table, as colson sat and chatted with them. “It’s going really well.” “Oh yeah? Make any new friends?” She teased. “I mean, kinda.” She couldn’t help but hear the wavering in her tone, spotting the faint blush dusting her skin. “Ohh, so there’s a someone eh?” She teased to her, making the preteen hide her face as to conceal the flush. “His names Garrett, and we both take social studies together. He always sits next to me at lunch, and we’ll draw on my notebook.” She gushed, making her smile. “Soo, do you think he likes you?” “I mean, that’s what everyone keeps saying.” “Yeah well don’t worry about it to much cas, you’re not dating anyone for many more years. You’re still a kid.” Her das said, making the young girls face fall.

Y/N knew he was only saying this to protect her, as he said the same thing to her growing up. “Hey, don’t be bummed out about it. He is right, you both are only 12 and should focus on school. But don’t worry, he’ll come around. He was just like that with me up until my current boyfriend.” She whispered, making the young girl chuckle.

“Speaking of which, how are you guys doing?” He asked, as she hadn’t mentioned hun to her in a while. He didn’t think it’d hurt to ask. “Great actually, we’re thinking of moving in together actually.” “That’s great! I’m really happy that y’all met.” “Yeah, I am too.” She hummed, a flush dusting her cheeks.

Both men laughed as they chatted on the phone, talking about anything that would come to mind. What was once only a collaboration for a song, turned into an amazing friendship that caused both of them to call at late hours just to shoot the shit.

A yawn left his lips, as he listened to colson ramble on about another song he was making. “Woah, you tired man?” Colson asked, shocked to hear the sound. “Yeah sorry, was up most of the night last night.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Were you feeling alright?” He asked, worry laced in his tone. He knew all about his friends illnesses, even once being on the other end of the phone during a bad spell one day.” “Oh yeah yeah yeah, was just, up with the misses last night.” He chuckled, a flush blooming on his cheeks. “Ohhh yeah? And how was it?” This shocked him, nearly feeling his heart stop. Like, does he usually know about his sisters sex life? He didn’t think much of it, as he knew just how close both were. “It was absolutely fucking amazing. Like I thought we’d be done for the night, fully tapped out but after like 5 minutes she’d be right back on me for another round.” He chuckled, his flush even worse than before. “Ayyyeee good for you corpse, glad to hear that puss is bussin.” He laughed at this, throwing his head back. “Yeah, it’s bussin bussin.”

Both men talk as they read from their phones, eyes wide in absolute awe of the love they received from the song. They had just dropped it a few days prior, not expecting the cry of joy from both fan bases.

He didn’t even look up from it when she walked in, until she bent down to plant a kiss to his forehead. “Sorry I had completely forgot about the tea I made you an hour ago, but I put it back on the stove to heat it up so if it’s twisting funky just tell me okay?” Before he could even thank her, both their heads whipped towards the loudness from the other line. “Y/N? Is that you? What in the hell are you doing there with corpse!” He didn’t sound angry, more shocked than anything, both of them looking at the phone in confusion. “I, I love here? Remember I told you like a month ago I was moving in with him?” “WHAT!” Both jumped at the loud scream. “Wait so you guys are dating!?” Both we’re even more perplexed, until it dawned on both of them. Their eyes wide as they turned their heads to one another slowly. “Wait you didn’t tell him?” “No? He’s one of your best friends so I thought you did!” “He’s your brother! So I thought you did!” Both whisper, until all three lay silent. That was until, the large cry of laughter that leaves the two, leaving colson even more confused. He wasn’t mad, not at all actually. More shocked and confused than anything. Until he started thinking, it does make sense, all the times they spoke about one another without him knowing, all the times they mentioned-“OH GOD!” He yelled, gagging violently, making them stop their laughing fit. “What's wrong? Why are you yelling?” She asks “like a month ago corpse was talking about how he was tired cause he was up all night having sex AND I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU! OH GOD WAS THAT WHY YOU WERE LIMPING THAT DAY WITH CAS AND I!” Both laugh even harder, as they listen to his ever growing gags.

“So yeah,. That’s literally how we had no idea we were keeping the relationship secret from her brother.” He laughed, as he red the comments and listened to his friends' laughter. She sat beside him, head laying on his shoulder as he told the story. She couldn’t help but to look back up into his eyes, as he glanced down at her, planting a soft kiss to her lips. “Keep it pg guys.” Colson said from the other line, making them chuckle.

[t3tsubaby]

Hiii can you do tsukki one where reader is vv shy and insecure about herself anddd she's always been told she's annoying and talkative and she stays awake all night and just forgets to eat sometimes kinda basically not taking care of herself and can it be angst to fluff w tsukki just using all this and more against her but then regretting ofc and boom fluff alsooo can it be in uni????

Thank you smmm for doing thiss

yes this is basically me plz don't judge 😭😭

Aw, this is such a cute idea, I hope I can give you what you requested!! Also, I’m not judging dw haha I’m the biggest fan of angst to fluff fics.

Tired

Tsukishima Kei x Reader 

Word Count: 1.2K

Genre: Angst to Fluff

Typing up your final paragraph for your English Composition class, you clicked submit and shut your laptop. Finally, you were feeling free from the burden of university. For now of course. But you decided to make the most of it and wanted to go visit your boyfriend who lived in a different dorm hall. After cracking your back and stretching your body, you changed into a casual yet very relaxed outfit compared to your previous pair of pajamas. 

You began walking outside, feeling the rays of the sun on your body. This just added to your happy expression. Not only were you excited to see your boyfriend, but the weather was nice, and you finished all your work for the week. You sped over to his dorm hall and got one of his friends to open the door for the building and his room. You saw him on his computer, probably doing some research for internships. You slowly wrapped your arms around his shoulders and greeted him.

“Hi Kei, what’re you doing?” you asked curiously. It was almost as if you could see the lines of irritation growing on his forehead.

“Just on my computer, you can sit on my bed or something,” he replied with a flat tone.

“Oh alright. Well actually since it’s Friday do you wanna catch up on Jujutsu Kaisen? The season finale comes out today and I’m really excited. I know we haven’t been able to watch the last few episodes so we can watch them today. From what I’ve read in the manga, I’m pretty sure we’ll see-,” you rambled on, but were cut off.

“God can you shut up you’re so annoying right now! I don’t want you here. You’re so talkative and irritating, shut up and go back to your room!,” Tsukishima yelled. Left in shock, you didn’t know what to say. Your brain completely blanked and suddenly you felt your body feeling hot with embarrassment. 

“Oh.. uh sorry. I’ll jus-,” “Do you not understand simple language? Are you that dumb? Get out.” he hissed at you. You looked up into his eyes for some support, even a glint of love, but you were only met with cold and hateful eyes. Not wanting to cause any more problems, you quickly walked out of his room, shutting the door. Your hands were shaking and you felt very uneasy.

You got some stares from people on the streets as a few tears were slipping from your eyes.

Once you reached your room you shut the door, took off your shoes, and flopped onto your bed, not bothering to turn the lights on. His words were replaying in your head.

You’re so annoying. You’re so talkative. You’re so irritating. You’re so dumb.

Another tear slipped out but you were quick to wipe it away. You spent the entire night thinking about how much his words hurt. After all, how could you sleep when your heart felt like it was in your stomach? You only realized it was morning when your 7 AM alarm began making noises. You turned it off and sat up to check your phone. Having a shred of hope that maybe he texted you to apologize, you had come to realize Kei hadn’t messaged or called. Not a single notification or sense of acknowledgment. The unsettling feeling in your stomach grew, which filled your stomach with any food your body may crave. How could you eat when your boyfriend thought of you so low.

You laid back down in bed and decided to stare at the ceiling. This routine had continued for a few days. You didn’t even realize the toll it had taken on your body until you decided to get up and get ready to try and distract yourself. Those past few days your thoughts were only consumed with what Tsukishima had said to you. You had barely slept and you were eating barely anything, often forgetting to drink water. Standing up, you felt your legs begin shaking underneath you and the last thing you saw was the carpet in your dorm before passing out.

Tsukishima had just woken up from his slumber. After pulling two all-nighters in a row, with his diet only consisting of $1 ramen and red bulls, he deserved lots of rest. Feeling a blush on his cheeks he got out of bed, excited to see you. However, as soon as he pulled himself out of bed he remembered just what he said to you a few days prior. He felt guilt and shame ooze out of his head and quickly came to the decision to go see you. He felt like his heart was beating at 20x the normal speed as he sprinted to your dorm. After getting a friend of yours to open the room for the hall, he opened the door only to see you lying on the ground.

He rushed to your figure on the ground, the only feeling in his body feeling panic. He picked you up and set you on the bed with your head on his lap and a hand on the top of your head. His thumb brushed upon your nose, eyebrows, and the other beautiful features of your face. He felt disgusted with himself. How could he say that about the person he’s loved for years? Tsukishima pulled a blanket over your figure after seeing your body shivering. Looking closely at your face, he saw the bags under your eyes and how your cheeks had gotten a bit shallow. “I’m so sorry my love,” he whispered to you before kissing your forehead. 

Slowly stirring, you adjusted yourself to the feeling of being in bed, only to realize your head was in your boyfriend's lap. You began to scooch away from him in fear of bothering him. 

“Wait please don’t. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry y/n. I never should’ve said those things. I don’t even know why I said that I was just so stressed and barely eating and not sleeping and I know those aren’t excuses and there is no excuse for what I said. I don’t think any words can show how sorry I am,” he rambled, beginning to cry. “Please don’t leave me. I don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry please y/n,” he finished, fully crying at this point.

You sat a foot away from him crying as well. Slowly you put a hand on his face. He looked up and you grabbed his hands and intertwined your fingers.

“Can I hold you?” he asked gently with his head down in shame.

“Okay,” you replied, unsure of your feelings.

He pulled you into his arms, engulfing you in a warm hug, hiding his face in your neck.

After a few minutes of hugging, he let go of you and began speaking.

“We need to get you something to eat and then you’re going to bed,” he spoke, looking into your eyes. You looked into his golden eyes and only saw the love you’re used to. You gave a soft smile and nodded your head. He stood up and set out a hand for you to hold, pulling you into his arms while standing up. He pulled you into his arms again, wanting to show you the love and affection you deserved. 

[meowtastrophe]

to my eight-yr-old self

How are you?

Well, it’s the year 2018 and I have to say --no, we don’t have flying cars yet. Well, we still have aeroplanes if you count that as a flying car-- you’ve come far. Who knows you are able to keep your life till now, right?

No, you are not taking HRM because you are not in college. 

No, you did not slack off and had to repeat high school or something. 

No, you did not stop school. 

The curriculum just kind of changed haha. The DepEd decided to add 2 more years in our high school so you are now in grade 12. It’s not too bad, don’t worry. Over the years you’ll realise that you want to keep studying so upon learning about the change, you were actually quite glad about it. 

You’ll be graduating this year so just hang in there. I still remember that ‘to my 18-yr-old letter’ you wrote me--on the diary of wimpy kid thingy--back in Grade 3. You asked me that I should take the Hotel and Restaurant Management course no matter what. Well... you kinda took a different path. In seniour high--that’s what they call the grades 11&12-- you have to choose from these 3 tracks: 

STEM, which includes sciences, technology, engineering, mathematics and all that hard stuff;

HUMSS, which is Humanities and Social Sciences, and;

 ABM, which is the one you expect me to take because it’s all about Business. 

Guess, what? You took the second one HAHAHAHA. 

What happened? 

A lot had happened, actually. Let’s breeze over it:

In grade 3, you got your period. 

     You got home from school and went straight to the comfort room as usual. When you pulled down your underwear--there, it surprised you. BLOOD. You absolutely had no idea what the heck was that. You thought at that very moment that you about to die. Mom went abroad when you were at a young age so she never got to teach you these things.  Don’t worry though because luckily, mom’s on vacation that day so she was there to guide you the essentials. You did not know how to use a pad. You opened it and well... kept on ‘opening’ it. You kept peeling the outer layer to a neverending pad of cotton. Mom saw your struggle but she just chuckled and gave you a new one. 

In grade 4, you didn’t have friend yet 

      But, you were hanging in there. Nothing happened here, really. You were still adjusting and did not have a permanent friend yet. You just watched anime, edited pictures in photoshop, and all that. You were still very very very shy around this time. You couldn’t speak at all. You were one of the quietest people in the school. You had a very bad social anxiety. You were still discovering yourself. But you hanged in there. 

In grade 5, you met Y, became friends with her and; 

      You left home. This one greedy sister of your grandmother of yours (mom side), let’s call her L, took your childhood home. You still remember what she told you “che, e ate jemima mu naman neh.’’ And I still remember how baffled you were. On how she pulled out the barangay card and showed up in front of our (you and l) home with barangay officials for some reason. On how you thought “wait what? why are getting our home? aren’t you guys rich? you have a backyard pool for christ’s sake. ate jemima’s life--your guys’ life--is so much better than us. what need does she have in our home? why ours? where will we go now?”. Fortunately you found a house near-- literally in front-- of your cousin’s (dad side) house. You tried living there. This is just the start.

In grade 6, you are still best friends with Y. However;

      It was not like before. Your dad started neglecting you more. He got depressed. But of course, you did not know that at a young age. He wouldn’t go to the house for days and leave you with no money nor food. You liked going to school because it distracted you but there were times where your dad didn’t let you go to school even if you are all dressed up because he’d go to the house drunk in the morning so he’d rather catch up on sleep rather than dropping you to school. There was even a time where you guys fought and ignored each other for a month or two and that’s where you felt alone the most. You felt like even your aunt, uncle, and cousins parallel to your house were avoiding you--which you were certain they did--so you didn’t have anyone. You were glad that you were on your school break and you didn’t have to worry about not being able to go to school with all that is happening. Most of the time, you’d have no food to eat. Your electricity was cut and you’d steal from your neighbour’s. You also won’t have any drop of water. It was no different from being homeless except, you just somehow found a long-time roof.

      It’s not all that bad though because you got to live the simple life. It was fun in a sense that since you did not and could not get everything, the littlest things were enough to make you--everyone in the family--happy.  You learned to appreciate the smallest of things. You learned how hard it so to not be able to eat a meal 3 times a day so it’s very hard for you to leave a single grain of rice on your place and you'd accept any food offered to you at the present. You learned how to live through the struggle you faced... for a short while at least. 

    Then you snitched on your dad to your mom.

In grade 7, high school came, you were not classmates with Y and; 

     You did not live with your dad. After graduating from grade school, you moved to San Fernando to live with your grandfather (mom side). You also lived with his girlfriend, let’s call her M, and M’s daughter, let’s call her N. The first few months were quite alright. They took good care of you. Made you breakfast and all that. At one point, however, everything went south and you don’t know when and how. M just managed to break you mentally. Pour salt on the already existing--but small-- wound. Well, I guess it was our (you and I's) fault. This was your first time living in with other people. You got used to relying on others. You were not used to doing chores and all that because you never had to do that back at home and at the house. M would compare you to N. Grandfather would turn a blind eye on the situation-- not seeing or hearing anything. M mentioned on how she now understands as to why your dad neglected you. As to why he doesn't like you. That hit you hard. You started blaming yourself for everything. You realized how useless you were. You started thinking that no one loves you... not even your dad. You felt much more alone.

     You regretted snitching on your dad. 

In grade 8, you met A and she helped you a lot. 

     Things got worse. You hated yourself more. You did unimaginable things; such as the vice of slice and trying to kick the bucket. However, A was there. That person’s presence comforted you. Because of that person, breath still leaves your mouth. What happened to Y? She had other groups of friends haha. It’s not her fault though. Don’t blame her. She has her own life. She has the right to choose who to befriend and who to hang out with. She was liked by people so it’s not her fault that she drifted away from you for a while. It was all fine because, at the very least, A was there. Also, around November, you moved to the house your grandmother (mom side) worked hard for. The house was much better than home but it did not still felt like home. You started living with your dad and grandfather. M went abroad and N lived with her grandmother. 

In grade 9, you were not classmates with A.

      You felt A, too, slowly drifting away from you. You felt like she didn’t want to hang out with you anymore and you thought to yourself ‘well no one ever sticks to me. not even my dad so I understand’. So you took the initiative to leave her alone. You also did not blame her and thought that same as you did to Y. And Y, well, was still living her own life but you guys are still friends. But you had a change in a group of friends too. You befriended some people in your classroom and, though it was just short-term, they were enough to fill the void of loneliness. 

In grade 10, you thought everything is finally going well.

     Until your grandfather was the one who neglected this time. He was the one in charge of the finances at the house but he used them for his vices. He did not get to pay for the house for 3 months and naturally, my grandmother got mad. She asked for my grandfather to leave and he did. My dad, this time, was determined to change and redeem himself. We both thought that he’s going to be handling the money but guess what, L--yes, that L-- was the one put in charge. My grandmother's mind was clouded. She became one of those feminists who thinks ‘men are trash’ or something. Since L lives in the same subdivision as ours she was the most convenient choice. Soon after, they also asked dad to leave the house. You got separated again, for the second time. You lived alone in the house. You would go to L’s house for meals but you still lived alone in the house. You got compared, again, to Jemima, her daughter. Well, you have always been compared to her. You are connected to her because you grew up with her. When our family sees you, they always ask you about her. About how and where she is. If she's doing fine. They never asked me tho. She was an extrovert so she had more friends, much more sociable, the family likes her more for she is much more approachable, she's much more famous, famous enough for the city to know her, and she is prettier. You cannot forget the time when Jemima had food leftovers and L was like ‘don’t you want to eat it? so that become pretty like her’.

     Around this time was also your saddest birthday. It was your sweet 16th. You did not have a huge celebration because you just planned to treat your friends. Mother sent you money, your dad gave it to you, and then that's it. However, I was alone that day. You don't know where but some reason dad wasn't there. The house was literally empty. You actually tried contacting your friends prior to the day: Y, K, and A. Yes, only 3, you're quiet picky with the people you get close with. But, they couldn't make it. Your birthday is in summer so they all have their plans. Enjoying their vacation and all that. Living their life. No one could come. And then,

     3 days later, A came to the house. Carrying McDonald's and a small cake. You... I never felt so appreciated then.

In grade 11, mom went home.

     My grandfather died due to stroke so mom had to go home. She asked dad to stay in the house for a while because he was a pretty convenient errand boy. But what’s the point of errands when you don’t have money? L was holding the money. She is a busy girl, you know. That’s why mom was having a hard time whenever she needed money because L always didn’t have the time. So Mom just asked for the card, where the money is, so there won’t be any difficulties. But L didn’t want to give it and was like ‘don’t worry, your money is safe with me’. And we were all left dumbfounded. 

   Everything changed since then. 

What changed? 

Mom put you in charge of the finances but since you were busy with school and everything, you passed the torch to my dad. My mom and grandmother let dad live with you because if not, you will be alone again. You have been living peacefully since then. And now, you are writing this blog. 

So why did I take HUMSS instead of ABM? Around grade 8, I realized that I wanted to be a psychologist. Maybe because that is what I needed the most that time. I wanted to become what I needed. At the same time, I thought I wanted to help those who were struggling like me but I realized that I just wanted to learn how to help myself. Since everyone would just leave me eventually, I wanted to learn how to take care of myself. That’s why you took interest in psychology. And over time while diving deeper into the field, I got fascinated by other mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, psychopathy, and likewise. I took interest in the mind of criminals and now, I am now aiming to become a forensic psychologist. 

This may change again, though. Everything changes. Decisions are not absolute and that is fine. Just like what happened in the past years, you’ll never know what will happen. One day it’s like this and the next thing you know everything is going downhill. But do not worry about it because that doesn’t matter. You cannot control the situation and the things happening around you. You cannot defy the natural flow of things. What you can control, however, are your emotions. You can control how you react to things. It may be easier to be said than done but it helps a lot. How you approach the things being thrown at you will help you mentally. Just keep your composure and let the time pass. Focus at the very moment. At what is in front of you. Worry about the future later when it’s the next one on the plate. Your current challenge right now is writing this blog and you should you just focus on it. But make sure that whenever you do something, do your very best on it. You just can’t do things just because you have to. Since that should be the only worry you have, give your all to it. 

Do not worry about the future. About what you want to do for the rest of your life because you have the rest of your life to figure that out. 

[kitashiwrites]

I'm sorry my post was really aggressive. I still stand by my point that it ISN'T fair to dismiss Mor's romantic feelings (or lack thereof) towards Az, but how I acted was really awful. You don't have to post this publicly, but I hope you know I'm very sorry. My intention wasn't to try to start drama, but just receive an explanation over WHY you still ship Moriel. My way of going about it was TERRIBLE. I know sorry is just a word, but I'M SORRY.

2/2 I didn’t send you three asks. I only sent you one? Just to clear that up.3/3 I also didn’t send more than one ask. :/ 

Okay Anon. While I find it extremely hard to believe because of the timing (especially because for as long as I have been on here, I have RARELY gotten asks, let alone 3 in such quick succession that are so similar), as well as the fact that you clearly don’t stand behind your words because you felt the need to do this all on anon/have to make sure we know that you still think we are wrong, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt & accept your apology.In regards to your question, why I still ship Moriel, @sarahviehmann honestly said it best in her original answer to you: “ACOMAF was written in a way that intended for them to be shipped. So those people spent a year building up their fanon and meta and so forth, only to have the rug pulled out from under them.”

(For the sake of everyone, I’m putting this under a cut. It got way long.)

I hated ACOWAR. I’ve made no secret of that. I’ve also made no secret as to WHY. I’ve been writing fic for this series for over a year, & heavily focused on ACOMAF. I started when there were literally 7 fics posted to Ao3. Basically all of my free time at home & all of my breaks at work were spent either writing fic, discussing the series/meta with people here/talking my poor friends’ ears off over dinner, or planning fic for characters I wanted to explore in POV fics like Rhys, Tamlin, & Tarquin. Hell, I still have a 10 chapter Amarantha POV pre-ACOTAR through ACOTAR fic that’s over half written at 16k that I originally wanted to try as a surprise for my readers. I read ACOMAF enough times that I honestly would have said that I knew those characters as well as my own family, knew exactly what happened in which chapters, & got many comments here & on Ao3 from people who felt I’d captured the characters correctly, so I felt pretty good about what to expect going forward.

When ACOWAR spoilers came out, absolutely nothing made sense with what we knew or had been prior established canon. Most of all in regards to Mor, Rhys, Feyre, & Lucien, but I’m going to specifically focus on Mor, since she’s at the crux of the issue at hand. In Mor’s case, we took a woman who is described in ACOMAF as “a queen who owned her body, her life, her destiny, and never apologized for it” & says to Feyre, “I once lived in a place where the opinion of others mattered. It suffocated me, nearly broke me. So you’ll understand me, Feyre, when I say that I know what you feel, and I know what they tried to do to you, and that with enough courage, you can say to hell with a reputation. You do what you love, what you need”, & in ACOWAR made her a victim in circumstances that make absolutely no sense for the character we had known up until that date. Queen of the Hewn City? She wasn’t even treated with enough respect to be prepared to go into a meeting with her abusers, let alone shown that she is in charge. The first real female friend Feyre has ever had? Regulated to acting like a jealous girlfriend around Cassian whenever Nesta got too close. And speaking of Cassian, it was pointed out in another post (I’m sorry I don’t have the link right now) that the Cassian & Mor moments read like they were originally Az & Mor moments & were hastily changed when suddenly they weren’t supposed to be even friends. Nothing in this book read like it had been edited for continuity.

There are many bloggers who are far more qualified than I am to speak on Mor’s coming out scene, & while there was a divide, there were quite a few I know & follow who felt it was poorly written/bad rep, & I agree with their reasoning. Besides the fact that I don’t believe for one dang second that no one in the Inner Circle at a minimum would have picked up on something bothering Mor in 500 years or that she wouldn’t have at least told them even if she hid everything from Keir, there is the fact of Azriel. Azriel is in love with her, no disputing it. But it is mentioned by Rhys that Az has always thought himself unworthy of her, & Mor says that she could take her clothes off in front of him & he wouldn’t do anything. Does that sound like someone who is trying to avoid him because she isn’t interested, or someone who is creepily stalking her? In the Nessian short Wings & Embers, Cassian speaks on their relationship as well: “He wasn’t stupid. He knew she and Azriel were … whatever they were. Knew Azriel had been in love with Mor from the moment she’d strutted into the war-camp five centuries ago. And Cassian had been jealous—of Mor’s shy glances at Azriel in those first few weeks, and the fact that his dearest friend and brother … was looking at someone else.”

I’m not going to rehash Wings & Embers or ACOMAF for you. But as Sarah said, it was clearly written with them as a ship in mind, & this is from the POV of a character that has known them since the beginning, not just a few months like Feyre.

Why I still ship Moriel at this point? Because I ship it in any form. I love her & Az together period, even as friends. This ship was one of the ways @illyriantremors & I bonded originally, before we found out how much else we had in common & she became as good as a biological sister to me (I call her my Threadsister for a reason), because we shipped it back in the beginning before there was really any fic for it because it was overshadowed by Feysand, Nessian, & Elucien. Moriel was our Nessian; the unconfirmed side-ship with so much potential & evidence to back it up. When Sierra met SJM at San Diego Comic Con last summer, SJM dedicated Sierra’s copy of ACOMAF to Moriel. Why the af would an author do that if they planned to destroy a ship in the next book from the beginning?

We still love Moriel because it is hard to let go of something you’ve loved that much after you’ve been strung along & then had the rug pulled out from under you with no actual basis in ACOMAF to say “oh, it was there all along”; like when rereading ACOTAR through the ACOMAF filter, as I like to say to people, & seeing the clues that were left to the deeper story for Rhys. For me, those were not in ACOMAF upon reading it again after ACOWAR. I noticed you using my tags in your defense of yourself to Sarah regarding why I wanted to ignore ACOWAR &, by your interpretation, erase Mor’s sexuality. If you had read any of my blog at all after ACOWAR, you would have read that isn’t true, but I’ll spell it out for you: I want to ignore ACOWAR & what it did to my favorite characters’ personalities/their interactions with each other. I want to forget that Mor’s agency was taken away from her & that she was regulated to a plot twist. I want to forget that Az has been made out to be a creepy stalker. I want to forget Rhys treating Mor like she would be too emotional to deal with the negotiations with Kier & Eris & so he & Az didn’t tell her. I want to forget Feyre using Lucien to make Tamlin jealous in the Spring Court while she dismantled it from within & putting him in danger. And so much more.

I personally hate the book for multiple reasons, ranging everywhere from inconsistent characterization to grammar/editing issues. But I’m stuck with the facts it gave us, which is why writing fic is so hard to even consider anymore. It made everything about the series, not just Mor & Az, something I no longer can love with the intensity I once did, & the fandom diminishes that love more & more everyday with their bullying of people for not believing exactly the way they do, which is exactly what you contributed to when you sent those asks to myself & Sierra. And honestly, I couldn’t care less what you think of me. But if you had even looked at one of Sierra’s actual written posts/answers to asks—just one—you would have seen how quiet she’s been about her love for them as a ship & how determined she’s been to not to offend people while she’s been trying to come to terms with losing something that has been a lifesaver for her, to the point she has mostly stopped contributing to the fandom at all. She posted two Moriel drabbles during her birthday week because she was inspired by the Azriel candle I got her for her birthday, & as she said to you in her response to your original message, they were her way of saying farewell to Moriel. And guess what: even though it isn’t canon, people liked them.

I view Mor as bi, & if she’s given a healthy, happy female love interest in a future installment, then awesome. I want Moriel at least as close friends because I genuinely don’t think Az (at least the one from ACOMAF that actually made sense) would begrudge her if he knew the truth. Would he be sad? Sure, but I think he would support her nonetheless, just as the rest of the Inner Circle would. But I have absolutely no faith that SJM will give Mor anything good because she can milk the drama and turmoil she’s created, & I have no desire to see the characters & ships (across the board) I have loved so much destroyed any further.

I think @my-name-is-fireheart put it perfectly in her chime in on Sarah’s post: “Also, we should keep in mind that Mor expresses sexual attraction to men, she just prefers women. How she feels about men romantically is also blurred, though it’s slightly more clear. She says she doesn’t think she loves Az romantically but she doesn’t want to try it just to see.” SJM didn’t even know how to break her own ship apart properly to fit what you suggested, which is a good chunk of why we are even having this discussion right now.

I know Moriel is no longer canon. Cazigan (Cassian/Azriel/Mor) isn’t canon either, but I still love that. I have enjoyed their interactions with each other more than anything else since they were introduced in ACOMAF. The entire Inner Circle made me so happy for their closeness & how much of a family they were. I feel for a plot twist & a couple extra Benjamin Franklins, SJM destroyed everything that made one of my favorite characters in the entire series who she was (a strong, independent woman who didn’t let her circumstances break her & showed Feyre how not to let hers break her) & made her a poor caricature of herself, & made Az something he never has been before either because SJM hastily had to make her new & poorly executed addition work.

I shouldn’t be surprised though. This is the woman who attempted to retcon Eris of all characters into a decent person. And also took away any modicum of being able to read Tamlin as the multifaceted antagonist he had been & just turned him into a completely hateful ass with no loyalty to anyone to further drive home how perfect Rhys is supposed to be (which he definitely is not in ACOWAR, & I say that as someone who loved the morally grey character of Rhys).

TL;DR I ship Mor with Az in any form, even as friends, Mor being bi is not an issue, & I have lost all respect for SJM as an author after ACOWAR for giving us a poorly written/poorly edited product after the anticipation/hype this book had. Make of that what you will; I don’t care. I’m out of effs to give, & your ask & the other Az one I received, no matter who it was from or what your intentions were, pretty much tipped the scale in favor of me wanting to step back even further & have nothing to do with this fandom ever again.

I would ask that next time you think you have a problem with someone (because I doubt Sierra & I will be the last people you do this to), please think about how it comes across & think about your target. Your original ask was terribly hateful, & there is no amount of apology that can take that hurt away. And you would be amazed how far a little kindness & grace when asking a question instead of an accusatory message can go.

This explanation is more than you probably bargained for when you started this yesterday, but that’s the last I’ll say on any of this.