#don't expect me to make a Mariana one. she doesn't have a family for me to talk about

[laugtherhyena]

Dagger fam!! I've been wanting to settle on designs for her mom and brother for ages and hey what a better way to do that than in this editing spree I've been having recently

Stella was originally one of Dahlia's bunny girls, proficient in everything firearms related and dedicated to her position in assisting Dahlia in her missions. This all changed when she met one of the men who worked more directly under Lorenzo's influence in the Medici mafia, overtime she eventually became his lover and was given a position as a secretary for higher up members of the mafia, effectively abandoning her post as one of Dahlia's helpers. (Which upset her, but she choose to not do anything about it for the meantime, just generally disappointed in how one of her bunnies turned out)

There's a lot I've put on the image already but here's a more in-depth run of the events for those curious.

It's from this relationship that Stella had her first child, Matteo, who she decided to raise on her own after realizing that her lover didn't take their relationship as serious as she did and most likely wasn't going to divorce his other family to be with her. Besides, Stella was well aware of all the dirth the Medici's are involved with, she wanted to spare her children of going down the same path as her.

He was a sweet boy, with a love for animals and a desire to help those in need, which led to him becoming a medic and later joininythe Feral recuers. Matteo loved his mother and knew she loved and was very proud of him, even if Stella wasn't the best at showing it.

When Stella became pregnant again, from a different, less serious relationship than her last, Matteo was overjoyed about having a little siblings and swore he would do everything to protect her. He was Alessia's role model and favorite person during her early childhood, picking her up from school and spending a lot of time together playing or watching their favorite programs.

When the Grand war started, Matteo and his crew left to help the people from No man's land. Aside from working as a doctor, he also served as a caretaker for the kids they saved there, since he was used to taking care of his sister back home. He helped many people during the 3 years he worked there before sadly passing away after being crushed by debris of a falling building.

His mother was devasted. Alessia was a little too young to fully comprehend what happened, especially with how messy everything became in the following months after Matteo's death.

The ongoing grief made her performance at work worsen more and more each day, especially with how inconsiderate the others around her workspace were of her. She earned less and began to struggle financially, she woule shut herself off in her room a lot, leaving Alessia to be alone most of the time now.

One night, Stella left to talk with Lorenzo, she begged for him to think about her situation and lend her some extra money, growing more desperate as he refused. In a spur of the moment , she threatened to tell the authorities and the Renoir family of everything she knew the Medici was hiding behind closed doors, Lorenzo didn't take that well at all.

She begged for mercy, swore she would do anything and everything the Medici ordered her to if she was spared.

The next day Alessia woke up to an empty house, she waited and waited but her mother never returned. She was startled when two strange men entered the house and went after her, one wore a purple suit and the other had a brown hat and a big beard. She ran away from them and into the busy streets of new Meridian where she quickly got lost and had no idea of what to do from now on.

It was then that she was found by a group of people that comforted her, promising that they would give her a new home and make her strong if she choose to come with them, she agreed and was taken into the Silent stalkers alongside several other children that had become orphans during the war.

She would spend the next 10 years of her life undergoing the organization's heavy training to become one of their assassin's for hire, being renamed Dagger for the weapon of which she had most proficiency using.

[niuxita21]

Juan Carlos doesn’t believe me that we’re a couple. I know, Pablo doesn’t believe me, either. That’s why I think you should move in with me, that way they would have no choice but to believe us. [beat] I’m sorry, I know I was insensitive. I know you were really excited about Ferrán and you’re having a really hard time letting him go. But we have two very important reasons. We can’t split them up. We’re a family, regardless of who likes it. I know it’s been really hard for both of us having to lie to the people we love the most. Remember when our only choice was to be apart for a year. Yes, you’re right. I owe you an apology, too. I am willing to stick to the plan for our family. Thank you. I promise not to try to control everything and to trust you. 

[badger-bear]

Even though I’m not reading fan fiction anymore, I thought it would be fun to keep track of what I read each month. I bought a reading journal in November and it has changed me for the better lol it’s so much easier keeping track. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to track the books I DNF but I’ll figure it out eventually. Anyway here are the books I read this month! The title in bold is my favorite book of the month.

Wait For It by Mariana Zapata (4 ⭐️)

If anyone ever said being an adult was easy, they hadn't been one long enough.

Diana Casillas can admit it: she doesn't know what the hell she's doing half the time. How she's made it through the last two years of her life without killing anyone is nothing short of a miracle. Being a grown-up wasn’t supposed to be so hard.

With a new house, two little boys she inherited the most painful possible way, a giant dog, a job she usually loves, more than enough family, and friends, she has almost everything she could ever ask for.

Except for a boyfriend.

Or a husband.

But who needs either one of those?

Hans by S. J Tilly (5 ⭐️)

CASSIE

How to make the handsome, brooding man across the street notice me.

Step one: Deliver baked goods to his front porch, even though he never answers his door and always returns the containers when I'm not home.

Step two: Slowly lose my mind as a whole year passes without ever running into him, no matter how hard I try.

Step three: Have my boudoir photos accidentally delivered to his mailbox instead of mine. Have him open the package. Then have him storm into my home for the most panty-melting scolding of my life.

Step four: Still figuring out step four.

HANS

I'm a dangerous man.

A man who has spent the last two decades removing so many souls from this earth that it's a miracle my hands aren't permanently stained red.

I'm a man who belongs in the shadows.

I certainly don't belong in my pretty little neighbor's bedroom when she's not home, touching her things and inhaling her scent.

I shouldn't follow her. Shouldn't watch her. Because no number of cookies on my doorstep will change the fact that love isn't an option for me.

The only option left for me is violence.

The Perfect Fit by Sadie Kincaid (4 ⭐️)

One wannabe writer from Brooklyn.

Three insanely hot billionaires.

One very indecent proposal.

West Archer, Ezekiel Cavanagh, and Xander King. AKA The Unholy Trinity. Ruthless. Ambitious. Intimidating.

With dark tastes and even darker desires, they’ve been searching for the perfect woman to fit into their unique lifestyle for over a decade. But despite their best efforts, none have made it past three months. Believing they’re destined to never find the one, they swear to stop looking.

Until they meet Lily.

There’s something about Lily Sloane, something that captivates all three of them. For the first time ever, it seems like they may have truly found the perfect fit. But as we all know, there is such a thing as too good to be true.

Lily Sloane isn’t the penniless girl from Brooklyn they think she is. And with a past full of secrets and lies that she’s trying to escape, the unholy trinity might have bitten off more than they can chew. When trust is broken, is there any way back?

Knox by Kate Oliver (2 ⭐️)

Knox

When she came in to buy a gun, I knew she was in trouble. This isn't my first rodeo. What I didn't expect was to have my Daddy senses go into high gear.

Addie

My life was going well until I got the call that my past was coming to haunt me. Although I don't want it, I may have to accept help from a man who calls to my Little side. He's dark and dangerous and he would never understand my needs. But he says he will protect me and I can use all the help I can get.

Ash by Kate Oliver (2 ⭐️)

Kylie

In high school, he had saved her from a bully who had cornered her at a party that she shouldn’t have even been at. Then he called her Little Girl and threatened to spank her bottom if she wasn’t more careful with her safety. She was the dorky girl with glasses and braces, and he was her secret crush, the "bad boy" that all the girls swooned over. And even though they hadn't spoken since that night, she still fantasized about being put over his knee.

Ash

He was the “bad boy” then, and the label still fits. But now, he only did bad things to help those who needed his protection. He had been called Daddy many times over the years, but no one had affected him like the little girl from his past who was standing in front of him at the club, drunk and telling him that she had been fantasizing about him since high school.

Recipe for Love by Anne Malcom (4 ⭐️)

Nora Henderson is of the opinion that chocolate cures almost everything.

Which, among a few other reasons, is why she opened her bakery in the small town of Jupiter, Maine five years ago.

People come from miles for her chocolate peanut butter cupcakes. Customers almost come to blows over the last almond croissant. Some even say her chocolate chip cookies help ease the burn of heartbreak.

Nora’s life is good. On the surface, at least.

Underneath the frosting and the sweet décor of her bakery is a broken engagement, doubt and anxiety spirals.

In short, Nora Henderson is a mess.

Not someone Rowan Derrick would ever be interested in. He’s the gruff veteran who owns a construction company, who broods his way around town and can wear the crap out of a backward baseball cap.

He stars in almost every one of her fantasies. She expected him to stay there, to remain her imaginary boyfriend and customer … nothing else.

But Rowan Derrick has had his eye on Nora for a while. Little does she know, she stars in every one of his fantasies too. And now that the beautiful baker is no longer engaged, he’s going to make her his.

Nero by S.J Tilly (4⭐️)

Payton

Running away from home at 17 wasn’t easy. Let’s face it though, nothing before, or in the ten years since, has ever been easy for me.

And I’m doing okay. Sorta. I just need to keep scraping by, living under the radar. Staying out of people’s way, off people’s minds.

So when a man walks through my open patio door, stepping boldly into my home, and my life, I should be scared. Frightened. Terrified.

But I must be more broken than I realized, because I’m none of those things.

I’m intrigued.

And I’m wondering if the way to take control of my life is by giving in to him.

Nero

The first time I took a man’s life, I knew there’d be no going back. No normal existence in the cards for me.

So instead of walking away, I climbed a mountain of bodies, and created my own destiny. By forming The Alliance.

And I was fine with that. Content enough to carry on.

Until I stepped through those open doors, and into her life.

I should’ve walked away. Should’ve gone right back out the door I came through. But I didn’t.

And now her life is in danger.

But that’s the thing about being a bad man. I’ll happily paint the streets red to protect what’s mine.

And Payton is mine. Whether she knows it or not.

King by S.J Tilly (4⭐️) this was technically a reread but I couldn’t remember how it ended and since I read Hans and Nero, I figured I would read it again.

Okay, so, my bad for assuming the guy I was going on a date with wasn’t married. And my bad for taking him to a friend’s house for dinner, only to find out my friend is also friends with his wife. Because, in fact, he is married. And she happens to be at my friend’s house because her husband was busy working.

Confused? So am I.

Unsurprisingly, my date’s wife is super angry about finding out that her husband is a cheating asshole.

Girl, I get it.

Then, to make matters more convoluted, there is the man sitting next to my date’s wife. A man named King, who is apparently her brother, and who lives up to his name.

And since my date is a two-timing prick, I’m not going to feel bad about drooling over King, especially since I’ll never see him again.

Or at least I don’t plan to.

I plan to take an Uber to the cheater’s apartment to get my car keys.

I plan for it to be quick.

And if I had to list a thousand possible outcomes… witnessing my date’s murder, being kidnapped by his killer, and then being forced to marry the super attractive but clearly deranged crime lord, would not have been on my Bingo card.

But alas, here I am.

Gravity by Tal Bauer (5⭐️)

Bryce:

Hockey is my life. This game pulled me from my tiny Quebec hometown all the way to the NHL, and now? I’m the number one player in the league. Team capitaine for the Montréal Étoiles. I’m shattering records and packing arenas every night, and I’ve promised my team: we’re going to win the Stanley Cup this year.

But I’m keeping big secrets. I'm thinking dangerous thoughts, and dreaming about impossible things. Like how a man’s lips might taste, or how his body might feel in my arms.

I can’t go there. I’ve got to focus. Team. Hockey. Cup. What my heart wants doesn’t matter.

So why am I falling head over heels at the NHL's All-Star Weekend?

I can’t do this. I can’t fall for Hunter Lacey. He’s a hockey player. We’re both in the NHL. He’s on a different team. And, oh yeah, he’s straight.

Hunter:

I’m a middle-of-the-road, nothing-special hockey player. Good enough to be drafted into the NHL, and I’ve been on the roster for the past two years, but I’ll never make the Hall of Fame. I’m just trying to keep my head up and get through each day, until this wild ride comes to an end.

Deep thinking isn’t really my thing. Look inside myself? Lotta beer and burgers there.

I never thought I’d be invited to the All-Star Weekend, but here I am. And there’s my hero: Bryce Michel, league superstar.

Saying hello to Bryce turns into hours spent together on the ice, and then an invite to dinner, and then days at each other's side. I’m in heaven. He’s my hero, and this is the coolest—

Then Bryce’s lips land on mine, and the world turns upside down.

Ryder by Jacki James (1⭐️)

Having a meltdown in the local hardware store isn’t the best way to find the man of your dreams. Or is it?

Brennan Taylor is at the end of his rope, and the busted pipe under his kitchen sink was the last straw. He knows nothing about plumbing, or any of the other things his father says a grown man should know, but lucky for him he is about to lose it in front of the perfect man to help him.

Ryder Davis didn’t go to the hardware store intending to play hero. He went after a new faucet for his bathroom. But when he saw the angel in the plumbing aisle, it was obvious Brennan needed someone to step in and fix things for him. No problem, saving a beautiful man in distress was something Ryder was happy to do.

Fixing Brennan’s plumbing turns into fixing his employment situation, and then right on to fixing his single status. But will Brennan’s determination to be the kind of man he thinks he is supposed to be keep him from being the boy a Daddy like Ryder needs?

You Can Count On Me by Fae Quinn (3⭐️)

They say you should love thy neighbor, but I don’t think they meant it the way I want to love mine.

Miles “Rooster” Johnson: As a young single-dad with a teaching job, I haven’t had much opportunity to date. My son is my entire world, and though I would love to have a partner and someone to count on, the passing years have shown that it’s just not in the cards for me. So when the gorgeous lumberjack of a man—the same man that I’ve had a massive crush on since the moment we became neighbors—suddenly asks me out on a date, I’m completely blindsided. Trent could have anyone he wants. He’s charming, flirtatious, and outgoing—the exact opposite of my awkward, anxious self. I don’t know what he sees in me. All I know for sure is that I absolutely need to make this date go well.

Trent Montgomery: I know I have a playboy reputation in our small town, but there’s nothing wrong with playing the field. It’s worked for me so far, even if I have felt some discontent lately. My mama thinks I need to settle down and find someone nice. But she doesn’t understand that I’m just not ready. No matter how beautiful and tempting my neighbor Rooster is or how eager I am to get the silent mountain of a man to open up—no matter how adorable his little boy is, even when he’s threatening me at bat-point to take his daddy out on a date—I know I can’t be everything that they need. I agreed to ask Rooster out, but I think maybe I made a big mistake. All I know for sure is that I absolutely need to sabotage this date.

Bad Idea by Lily Harlem (1⭐️)

Roughneck Riders are not an MC club you mess with, least of all their rough and tough gang leader Heavy. But Heavy has a secret that has to be kept, no matter what—his heart belongs to a man. It shouldn’t. He’s supposed to be into women, like the other guys in the club. Junk is just too cute to resist, though. Add in his delectable body, his sweet submission and his willingness to accept Heavy’s sadism, and the couple are a perfect match.

Junk’s a probie, proving his worth to the club and demonstrating his mechanical know-how. He’s lived on the edge for a long time, flitting from one place to the next. But now that he’s settling in as a Roughneck, life is looking up. Not least because he’s in love—soul-eating, cock-thickening obsessive love. He can’t tell anyone about his desire for Heavy, but what he can do is push his lover’s buttons, all day, in full view of everyone, until he’s damned sure the night will bring a whole host of sinful delights and wicked punishments that will leave him marked, bruised and most of all, wholly satisfied.

Between Love and Loathing by Shain Rose (4⭐️)

Fake dating my enemy so I can design my dream bakery should be easy … as long as I don't fall in love with him.

Dominic Hardy might be an award-winning architectural engineer with fancy degrees and considerable accolades, but he doesn’t know a thing about baking.

He doesn’t even like sugar.

So when my late stepfather’s will states that Dominic Hardy is set to inherit the Pacific Coast Resort he’d painstakingly designed, as long as my bakery can be plopped in the middle of it, it’s no surprise he balks.

And my jaw drops when another stipulation requires us to mutually approve plans for my bakery’s design.

His stuffy taste will never mix with my whimsical vibe.

But then Dominic comes to me with a proposal I can’t refuse. He’ll give me everything I want in my bakery as long as I agree to one thing:

Fake date him for five months.

Keep his ex away by pretending we’re in love.

Smile and stare into his piercing green eyes at a gala or two.

Maybe share a kiss.

Nothing extreme.

Five months of acting in love when I really loathe him and his filthy mouth.

Even when he’s using it on me.

This should be a cakewalk.

Except there’s a fine line between love and loathing, and I think I’ve made the colossal mistake of blurring it.

Unloved by Marley Valentine (3⭐️)

We longed. We lost. We loved. Desperately.

I thought I had my life all figured out. But after a college football accident leaves me deaf, I was learning how to live all over again.

I expected the anger, the frustration, and the struggle to readjust, but what I didn’t expect to happen amongst the chaos, was to fall in love.

Especially not with two men.

Rough-edged puzzle pieces, Rhys, Samuel, and I were nothing but aching memories, painful realities, and hidden scars.

We were products of our pasts, abandoned and unloved, messy and complicated. Individually we had baggage; together we had mountains to climb.

But when the three of us were tangled up in one another, spilling secrets in the dark, hearts beating in sync, nothing else mattered but them.

We needed to break the cycle, because they deserved love… And who knows, maybe I finally did too.

On The Mountain by Riley Hart (3⭐️)

One feels he’s not worthy of love. The other fears he doesn't know how. But the sizzling chemistry between them has both tempted to explore the unknown.

Cyrus

I was intrigued by Crow at first glance. Who wouldn't be? He's a mountain of a man, who was raised in a cult, and now lives secluded in the wilderness. But the draw I feel to him goes beyond mild interest. When his intense gaze falls my way it feels like he can see into my soul, to my deepest yearnings and desires.

I took a bold chance venturing to his mountain uninvited. But I can't help myself. Despite Crow’s dangerous facade, I feel at home when I’m near him. I've never felt wanted or needed… until the mountain man took me in his arms.

Crow

The mountain is my home, the only place that truly suits me. I reveled in my solitude... until Cyrus showed up looking as lonely as I felt. The warmth in his gaze made me welcome someone into my home and my heart for the very first time.

The way he smells. The way he feels. I come apart with his every touch. The past haunts us both. Yet when we’re together the weight of them is more manageable. Cyrus is mine and I don’t ever want to let him go. Still, I fear eventually he’ll want to leave the mountain... and for the first time in my life, I don’t want to be alone.

Latte Darling by S.J Tilly (5⭐️)

I have a nice life - living in my hometown, owning the coffee shop I’ve worked at since I was 16.

It’s comfortable.

On paper.

But I’m tired of doing everything by myself. Tired of being in charge of every decision in my life.

I want someone to lean on. Someone to spend time with. Sit with. Hug.

And I really don’t want to go to my best friend’s wedding alone.

So, I signed up for a dating app, and agreed to meet with the first guy that messaged me.

And now here I am, at the bar.

Only it’s not my date that just sat down in the chair across from me. It’s his dad.

And holy hell, he’s the definition of Silver Fox. If a Silver Fox can be thick as a house, have piercing blue eyes and tattoos from his neck down to his fingertips.

He’s giving me Big Bad Wolf vibes. Only instead of running, I’m blushing. And he looks like he might just want to eat me whole.

Ruthless King by Sienna Cross (2⭐️)

Sold to the mob.

Four words I never thought I'd utter.

Worse, it was my father who did the unthinkable.

When the creditors come to collect, I'm handed over to the most ruthless man in New York City--Luca Valentino.

The head of the notorious Kings is as gorgeous as he is lethal. Dark, possessive, and violent. Nothing like the boy I grew up with, my dead brother's best friend.

And now I'm his…

The longer I spend in this gilded cage, the more certain I become he will ruin me for anyone else

One click now to devour this spicy, enemies-to-lovers mafia romance. I dare you not to fall for Luca Valentino!

Omega for the Mafia Boss by Aria Grace and Jena Wade (1⭐️)

Forced marriages usually aren't fated. Except for those that are...As the eldest alpha in his family, Andro is expected to take over control of the family when his father retires as the patriarch. But before that can happen, tradition dictates that Andro must be mated. And not just mated, but married. Only problem is that Andro has zero interest in taking a mate...or husband.Joseph is the youngest son of the Santoro family...and the only omega. He's treated like dirt but he dutifully manages the books and does what his father asks of him--legal or otherwise.When Andro gets the bright idea to kidnap the mistreated Joey Santoro and force him to become his mate, he has no idea what that could possibly lead to. Both of their lives are changed forever...and their priorities quickly shift away from the families they were raised in to the family they are raising together.

Viciously Yours by Jamie Applegate Hunter (3⭐️)

When Rennick was thirteen, the gods bestowed upon him the name of his fated mate--a human (italics) girl. As the sole heir to the Mountain Kingdom, magic bound him to his kingdom until he ascended the throne on his twenty-fifth birthday, and as a human, she couldn't cross the magical barrier separating the humans from the fae. Heartsore and consumed with thoughts of her, he did the only thing he could and sent her anonymous letters and gifts…

Until he crossed the barrier into her kingdom to claim her as his own.

Six months after Amelia's thirteenth birthday, she received a strange letter from a fae boy claiming her as his mate. Humans weren't taught much about the fae, and one look at the horrifying doll meant to be her belated birthday gift solidified her suspicions that someone was playing a cruel joke. Except the letters and odd gifts kept coming. Against her better judgment, Amelia fell in love with her mysterious admirer throughout the years, certain they would never meet. But on her twenty-fifth birthday, her walk to work was interrupted by two familiar words she'd read a million times.

"Hello, love."

[cheesybadgers]

Ahhhh Maria, bless you and thank you so much, your comment has made my day ❤️❤️

I'll put my ramblings under the cut:

I'm so pleased you noticed all the research lol...because honestly, that became such a fun part of writing this fic. I learnt so much and I was damn well going to make it everyone else's problem as well 😂

I especially wanted to do Colombia justice, because well, the show doesn't always present the Colombian POV and I feel like it ignores a lot of the country's history that explains why things ended up the way they did. Nothing exists in a vacuum after all, and the more I read, the more cans of worms fell open lol.

"You kidding me???????? I'm here for a good time with lovers showing intimacy in the most delicate ways and this was PERFECT! I'm obsessed with gentle secretive touches 🥹🥹🥹🥹"

Oh I'm glad you liked this part, I'm *such* a sucker for unseen intimacy like this (especially feet touches under the table...bonus points if the relationship isn't entirely public knowledge as well)! It's just that little reminder that the other person is there for them ❤️

"This is something that I think you've already mentioned, in fact you made it more explicit in previous chapters, but I love the consistency in reinforcing the impact that Horacio's father has on him. This is another conclusion of mine, but I think it's so significant that Horacio doesn't have a superficial relationship with his father, that he even includes him through symbolism in everyday life. This says a lot about all his decisions.

Having said that, in this excerpt I think Horacio felt a unique impact in knowing that his sister also shared that 'paternity', that she didn't need that connection like he did and that the role he thought he had to fulfill as the man of the family was a false expectation he placed on himself. I had this confirmation when Javi and she have this conversation in the kitchen..."

Ahhh I love your insights so much here!!! ❤️ I gotta say, it was a challenge padding out backstory for Eduardo and Mariana because they've been this unseen presence throughout the whole fic, but obviously, they're not around yet they're still having a profound impact on their children's lives. And up until this chapter - and the next one - all we've had is Horacio's perspective on his father. But has he always been a completely reliable narrator?

Something that has come up before in the fic is the concept of truth, and how there can be multiple truths. Hearing Alejandra's truth (and *cough* maybe Elena's in the next chapter) now paints Eduardo in a slightly more nuanced light. He wasn't a saint, but he wasn't a bad father either; he was just flawed like everyone else. I think that's been a slow dawning realisation for Horacio over the course of the fic along with the reality that they were never going to 'win' the War on Drugs. Because his job and his father became so wrapped up as one in his mind, it's like two illusions had to be broken.

And yep, Horacio has been driven by such an extreme sense of duty and expectation for so much of his life, but how much of that came from his dad (and how much stoicism and repression was passed down from his grandfather to his father before that)? How much came from the culture/society/era he grew up in, and the hyper macho work environment he was emersed in (especially considering his sexuality as well and how much he'd feel the need to hide it)? And the violent political history of Colombia and men's role in that? How much was it just Horacio being Horacio? 😂 I think it's probably a mixture of all of the above tbh.

"Can you imagine (well, of course, you WROTE this) how much Carrillo felt like a man, THE MAN, when replacing his father at such an important moment, of being needed and asked for something of this magnitude? I don't know, it seems like a turning point in his personality to me. And the fact that despite all this stupidly masculine reference and the constant need to be a force, Alejandra found relief in knowing that Javier was able, even unconsciously, to unlock this spectacular idea of ​​duties and obligations that Horacio had as a man.

For me, this is the greatest proof of love that can exist. From Alejandra in embracing Javier's presence and understanding his importance and from Javier, for giving a little of himself here and there to see who Horacio really was."

I don't even know where that little titbit came from about him giving Alejandra away, but as soon as I stumbled on that thought, I was like YES! THAT'S IT! 😂 And yep, I can imagine that being a big deal for Horacio to fill his father's shoes like that. It also felt like the equivalent moment where each sibling really stepped up and gave the other what they needed as well, like of course that memory would stick in Horacio's mind on the night Alejandra gave him and Javier her blessing. Because they were both there for each other at pivotal milestones of their lives ❤️

And ahhh yep yep yep, that's exactly it about love 🥺 I think Alejandra had known what was going on for a lot longer than Horacio thought, but her conversation with Javier, particularly when he sums Horacio up in one sentence, really solidified that this moustachioed Mexican-American man stumbling half-naked into her kitchen in the middle of the night, is the love of her little brother's life 😭😩 Especially when Javier was the only person to get Horacio out of the habit of following the call of duty to the point of self-destruction (and vice versa) as well.

Thank you so, so much for such a thoughtful and detailed comment! It blows my mind to see someone engaging with the story like this, and I always discover new things about my own writing that I wasn't necessarily aware of as well, so it really means a lot 💕😘

Narcos Fic: Old Habits Die Hard (Chap. 21)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20

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Masterlist

Pairing: Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo

Words: 7,356

Summary: After arriving in Manizales, Horacio introduces Javier to his family, leading to a long overdue heart-to-heart and a drinking game with a twist.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Discussions of coming out, grief, parental loss, canon-typical violence, allusions to period-typical prejudices, drinking game, smoking, swearing.

Notes: Firstly, I will soften the blow of leaving it so long since my last update with the news that chapter 22 will be posted within the next week or so! I decided to split it in half to give more space to the conversations between the characters. So, hopefully that will make up for my elongated silence lol.

Secondly, I finished drafting the rest of the fic at the end of last year 👀 So, I just need to complete editing on chapter 23 and the epilogue. Then, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, it will be time to leave these two messy idiots to it.

I think it will take me some time to get my head around it coming to an end, not least of all because it's been almost 3 years since I started working on this behemoth. And I can't believe how much has happened/changed since then, yet my love for this ship and this story has stayed strong and close to my heart. So, a bit of a premature thank you to anyone who has supported it at any point since March 2021, it's been quite the emotional rollercoaster ❤️ As always, I love hearing from my readers, so feel free to drop me a comment/message!

I’ve also added to my OHDH trivia post to cover this chapter if anyone is interested.

Whilst obviously I do not own Narcos or its characters, please do not copy, re-post, or plagiarize this fic in any capacity on this or other platforms. If you wish to create any fan works inspired by it, please provide a credit or send me a message if in doubt.

Chapter 21: For Old Times' Sake

A haze of mist hung low on the horizon, clinging to the rolling waves of verdant peaks that bled seamlessly together with worn asphalt until it was impossible to tell where the sky began and the earth ended.

Luckily, the tyres of the hire car were built for rougher terrain, and it wasn’t the first time Horacio had driven this route. Admittedly, it would have been easier to fly. But this had the added benefit of giving Javier a taste of undiscovered territory.

If truth be told, it gifted them more time to mentally prepare for what was getting closer with every hour that passed, each stop off to admire the view and refresh a stubborn way to prolong the status quo.

Progress had been slow for the last hour as the congested traffic crawled along the sharp angles of the road with its treacherous drops only a few inches away. They had come to a standstill behind a bus that allowed passengers off to take photos, and with little room to manoeuvre around the vehicle, a trail of cars had no choice but to wait.

Javier lounged back in the passenger seat, one foot resting on the opposite knee, his elbow leaning on the door, and the window half open.

He watched Horacio’s hands on the steering wheel alternate between clenching and tapping, a particular kind of rigidity returning to his jaw for the first time in months - if not years.

Javier made an executive decision by reaching into the glove box. He pulled out an emergency pack of cigarettes and a lighter they had stashed away before setting off from Medellín.

He lifted one out of the pack and sparked up. “So, did you say it’s a farm we’re heading to?” There was no point asking the obvious, so distraction it was.

“A coffee farm on the outskirts of the city, yeah. It belongs to Fabián’s family. He and his brother, Santiago, do the bulk of the work now their father’s winding down.”

“Sounds nice. And kinda familiar.��

Horacio’s eyes finally left the windshield and met Javier’s with a shadow of a smile. “Yeah, it does. A lot hillier than Texas, though.”

“Well, that wouldn’t be hard.” Javier held out his smoke across the car, their first one that wasn’t post-coital in a long time. But needs must.

Horacio apparently agreed as he accepted it with a huff of resignation. “Fine, one for the road.”

“I think it’s allowed on roads like this one.”

“I did warn you.”

“Hey, no, I like it. Keeps you on your toes.”

“It reminds me of when Papá drove us to visit Tia Salomé and Tio Jairo in Bogotá. He and Mamá let us have sweets for the long journey but warned us the Mareco would take them away if we didn’t behave.”

“The Mareco?”

“La Leyenda del Mareco. It was a story we were told as kids. The Mareco’s a red devil that looks like a lizard on two legs. He steals children’s candy and conjures up a whirlwind to blow them away if they don’t obey their parents.”

Javier nodded in recognition as Horacio passed their cigarette back. “La Llorona was the story used to scare me and my cousins.”

“Oh yeah, we got that one as well.”

“I gotta say, the Mareco explains a lot.”

“About what?”

“About how you developed a problem with authority.”

“What’s your excuse then?”

“What can I say? I was led astray.”

It was a blatant lie, but Javier didn’t care when it caused laughter lines to materialise in the corner of Horacio’s eyes.

“We both know you were drawn to it as much as you resented it.”

“Only where you were concerned. Anyway, you were just as bad even though you'd never admit it.”

“Maybe you were my exception too.”

A moment of silence fell as memory after memory collided, snapshots of how the push and pull between them had evolved with their relationship.

"Listen, I was thinking,” Javier started before taking a drag, “would it make things easier if you wore this? Just while we’re here, I mean.”

Horacio’s gaze drifted to Javier’s exposed skin, the taillights of the car in front catching on the crucifix at his chest. “No,” he said matter-of-factly. “It’s yours now.”

By the time their cigarette was finished, the traffic edged forward, and the road ahead and Javier’s hand on Horacio’s leg soon replaced conversation.

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Two and a half hours and several bursts of heavy rain later, the muddied hire car pulled up by a complex of buildings nestled amongst a sea of lush green and vibrant flowers. The buildings sat atop steep slopes of vegetation that led to the coffee plantations below, the foggy skyline above etched with rugged ridges and the ominous outline of Nevado del Ruiz in the distance.

Any sounds from life on a working coffee farm were drowned out by birdsong and their feet crunching beneath them as Horacio and Javier walked up the gravel path towards the main finca. It was typical in its style with a rustic tiled roof, whitewashed bricks and wooden pillars around its perimeter painted in the same shade of terracotta red as the doors and window frames. At the back of the property was a large garden with a patio area, pool and a spectacular view for miles on a clear day.

As they lugged their suitcases onto the porch, Alejandra waited to greet them at the front door. Her dark hair was styled in a bob with waves bordering on curls, the kind Javier imagined Horacio could grow if he wasn’t so insistent on keeping his hair short. At least since leaving the CNP, he had been less strict about cutting it.

The family resemblance between the two siblings was evident in their facial features, particularly in the shape of their noses, charcoal eyes and Cupid’s bows. But Alejandra was a few inches shorter, and her frame was slimmer on account of not carrying the same muscle as Horacio.

“The wanderer finally returns,” Alejandra announced as she pulled Horacio in for a long hug, neither of them keen to be the first to let go. “At least you remembered how to use the phone before turning up on my doorstep.”

“Of course. It's good to see you. But I am sorry I left it so long. There’s, erm…a lot to catch up on.”

“I’ll say.” She peered curiously behind Horacio. “But first, let me say hello to this handsome new face.”

She all but pushed Horacio to one side, forgoing any formal introductions he might have had planned. All Horacio could do was stand and watch two parts of his life converge that, for a long time, he believed would never - and could never - meet.

Javier had hung back by several feet, his hands self-consciously stuffed into the pockets of his jeans as he kept his eyes on the ground until he was spoken to.

“Hi there, I’m Alejandra. You must be Javier?”

“Oh, er, yeah, hi.” For reasons unbeknownst to Javier, he raised his hand in a stiff wave rather than the relaxed handshake he had planned and felt the heat instantly rise in his cheeks. “Pleasure to finally meet you. Beautiful place you’ve got up here.”

“Likewise. And thanks.” Much to Javier's relief, she took the lead and held out a hand for him to shake with a reassuring smile. “Although you’ve got Fabián to thank for that. He’s down there giving a tour to one of our new buyers.” Alejandra turned back to face Horacio. “Mamá’s shopping for school supplies and tonight’s dessert with Juan José, Sofía and Mateo. Ana María’s out with friends. But they should all be back in the next few hours.”

Horacio nodded but remained taciturn, keeping to himself his strong suspicions that Alejandra had made sure she was the only one to greet them upon arrival.

“Come on, you can show Javier around whilst I make us something to eat and drink.”

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It had been a long time since Horacio’s last visit, but he could just about remember the layout of the place. He took Javier through the downstairs rooms, moving from the hall to the living areas and then the kitchen, which appeared tidier now than in his dreams.

The décor was all tiled or wooden floors and earthy tones, contrasting against large airy windows that made the landscape outside seem like a part of the finca. Evidence of three generations and two cats was scattered everywhere in the form of toys, games, videos, tapes, books, various coffee products and photographs from over the years. In one corner stood a home altar containing a large crucifix, prayer cards, rosary beads, candles, and a statue of Virgen de Chiquinquirá. In the opposite corner was a shelf full of old vinyl with Lucho Bermúdez taking pride of place, naturally.

Upstairs housed six bedrooms and three bathrooms, on account of the brood of four children, three adults and a spare room. The spare room was their last stop, where they dumped their luggage, sharing an amused glance at the double bed with a smaller fold-out one laid out in the corner with a pile of fresh sheets.

“As your guest, I take it I get the bigger one?” Javier asked with a spark of mischief in his eye.

“Well, technically, I’m also a guest here. And I did do all the driving.”

“Maybe I’ll, er, flip you for it later.”

Horacio merely raised a brow at the suggestion in Javier’s tone before they headed back downstairs.

They sat under cover of the terrace in the wildly growing garden, just in case the rain returned, which was always a distinct possibility in Manizales. An impressive platter of fruits was laid out on the table alongside freshly made coffee.

“So, how was the wedding?” Alejandra asked as she poured from a pot into three cups, the dark, rich aroma diffusing into the same crisp air the beans were grown and harvested.

Horacio accepted a cup with a thanks and passed the other to Javier. “It was nice. Good to see everyone again.”

“How’s Trujillo doing? It’s been strange seeing his face all over the news.”

Rather than his, Horacio thought with a strange lurch to the gut he wasn’t expecting. “He’s doing well; he’s a Major now. He deserves some happiness after everything.”

“He’s not the only one.”

Alejandra gave Horacio a pointed look, one he wasn’t ready to entirely meet, so he reached for a slice of guayaba instead.

“And Javier...I take it this is your first visit to Manizales?” she continued, offering him the fruit tray.

“Thanks. And yeah, it is. Never got the time to explore much beyond Bogotá and Medellín.” That wasn't exactly true, but Javier didn’t think talk of Cartagena or Tolú would be welcome right now.

“Well, I hope it won’t be your last.”

Horacio could feel another look directed his way but pretended not to notice it and sipped on his coffee.

Once they had eaten their weight in fruit, Alejandra had some business calls to make, leaving Javier and Horacio to unpack and freshen up before reconvening to make a start on dinner.

Of course, it had to be sudado de pollo. Horacio and Alejandra worked as a team, issuing sporadic instructions to Javier when necessary. But he was happy listening to them catch up and reminisce.

“That smells amazing already,” Javier said as he finely chopped onions across a wooden board, gesturing to the dishful of chicken thighs that Alejandra had just finished marinating.

“Mamá’s secret blend,” she replied as she set the dish aside to move on to dicing several tomatoes.

“Oh yeah? What would I have to do to get the recipe for that?” Javier reflexively caught Horacio’s eye across the kitchen.

“If we told you, we’d have to kill you.” Horacio shot Javier a warning look that indicated he was only half joking before focusing intently on cutting up a large batch of yuca and potatoes.

“Yeah, not even Fabián knows.”

“Papá never knew either. But he was happy for us or Mamá to make it for him.”

“My Mamá was the same with her Abuela’s morisqueta. Although, not long before she passed, she left me and my Pops the recipe.”

Alejandra paused her knife to look up at Javier, the surprise on her face soon transforming into recognition and sympathy. “I bet it’s delicious. You should make it for us some time.”

Now it was Horacio’s turn to stop, his eyes travelling from Alejandra to Javier and back again as the implication of his sister’s words hung as heavy in the kitchen as the aromatic spices of her marinade.

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Once the chicken and vegetables were all prepped and placed in a pot on the stove, the front door opened and closed, a loud chatter of voices soon filling the hallway.

Before Javier knew what was happening, he was being introduced to the children, shaking hands with Fabián, then kissing Elena’s cheek.

“Welcome, Javier. It’s good to put a face to a name at last,” Elena said, thoroughly taking in his appearance, apparently satisfied with what she saw.

At last. Javier wasn’t sure whether those words put him at ease or made him more nervous, but he managed to push such thoughts behind a smile. “Nice to meet you, and likewise.”

Javier had briefly seen pictures of Horacio’s family in the past. But he, too, spent time studying Elena now that he was close enough to smell the floral notes of her perfume. Neat oval glasses and a mix of dark and light grey hair cut short and choppy framed her sharp features, the shape of her nose and Cupid’s Bow matching those of her children.

“No thanks to this one here, mind you.” Despite her chastisement, Elena embraced her son tightly, reluctant to let go. “I think he’s been hiding from us.”

“You know it wasn’t like that, Mamá.” Although, over his Mamá’s head, Horacio gave Javier a sheepish look that said otherwise. “It is good to see you. And I’m sorry I left it so long.”

Upon greeting his nieces and nephews, Horacio was struck by how much they had all grown up since his last visit. Ana María was the spitting image of her mother. Juan José was several inches taller than Horacio and resembled his father more than ever. And Mateo and Sofía had presumably become resentful of all the matching outfits in their younger years of being twins, going out of their way to dress as differently from each other as possible. Once they had said their obligatory hellos, they scattered around the house and no doubt wouldn’t re-appear until dinner was ready.

Right on cue, when Alejandra brought out steaming and brimming plates full of sudado de pollo, everyone rapidly took their places around the table.

Silence fell as they tucked in, the warmth and comfort of childhood cocooning Horacio from what he knew was inevitable. A welcomed interruption from his thoughts came with a soft brush against his leg, his instincts telling him it was one of the cats issuing their own greeting. But he should have known better.

As they ate and endured the usual family small talk, Javier's foot became Horacio's anchor, subtle and soothing rubs against his ankle unseen under the table. Steady, grounding, home. 

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Horacio carried the last few empty plates to the kitchen, where piles of dishes were already stacked high. He had left Javier with Juan José and Mateo, who were showing off the latest video games they had got for Christmas – and were comfortably beating Javier at them, too.

“I’ll wash; you dry. For old times’ sake,” Alejandra said without looking up from the sink where she was filling the basin with water and suds.

“Okay. On the condition we both tidy everything away afterwards.”

“Deal. You’ll just put it in the wrong place unsupervised anyway.”

Horacio swatted the tea towel he’d picked up in her direction, only for her to retaliate by flicking bubbles in his hair.

“We did okay with dinner, didn’t we? I haven’t made that in a long time,” Horacio said.

“You had a good teacher.”

“So did you.”

“Oh, I know. I think that’s why Papá always loved it. We were all in there somewhere.”

“Like our Christmas tamales.”

“Oh, yeah, he couldn’t get enough of those. Remember we always had to make an extra batch for him to take to work?”

“He said they were to share with his unit, but I’m not sure many made it that far.”

Now they were laughing as they worked in tandem, Alejandra changing the water as Horacio cleared the draining board, ready for the next load.

“Did you ever feel like you let him down?” Horacio asked after a long silence, both siblings seemingly waiting for the other to fill it.

“Of course. You know Papá didn’t approve of Fabián at first, right?”

“What?”

“You must’ve heard the arguments?”

“To be fair, there were plenty of arguments between you and Papá.”

“Yeah, and they were mostly about me daring to marry someone other than a cop.”

“That’s what it was about?”

“Mostly. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Fabián; I just think he had suitors picked out for me. People he knew he could trust.”

“But they got along in the end, didn’t they?”

“Once Papá had got over himself, yeah.” Alejandra let out a nostalgic laugh, which Horacio quickly joined in with. “He could be tough when he wanted to be, but…he meant well,” she settled on. “Once he saw how happy I was and how Fabián had taken after his father with the farm, he came around. It was never personal with Papá. It’s just the way he was.”

“So, you don’t think he’d be disappointed in me…” Horacio paused to swallow, his throat drier than a Texan summer. “For quitting?” he got out eventually.

Alejandra gave Horacio a look he’d seen countless times over the years. One only a big sister could give her little brother when she had to feign ignorance of something she had already discovered for herself. The perks of being the eldest.

“How did you know?”

“Horacio, are you really asking that of someone who has been surrounded by cops all her life?”

Horacio rolled his eyes but let Alejandra have that one unchallenged.

“I thought you might have been discharged on medical grounds, to be honest. I hoped you’d seen sense. Or maybe met someone.”

“I wasn’t discharged, but I negotiated a payout after my injury.”

Alejandra released a self-satisfied hum, a whisp of a smile threatening to break free from the corners of her mouth. “Two out of three’s not bad, I suppose.”

Horacio gulped hard enough for Alejandra to hear; he had no doubt about that. But no words followed, not even when he caught her eye.

“You love him, don’t you?” It wasn’t an accusation or an interrogation. In fact, it was barely even a question.

“Yes.” It caught Horacio off guard how fast he answered. How direct and concise he’d been.

“And he loves you.” There was no pretence of a question mark now, but rather a clarification of a well-established fact. A rite of passage both parties needed to hear.

“He does.”

“Enough to walk away from it all, too.”

Horacio nodded, scared the lump in his throat would give way to something else as his glassy gaze met Alejandra’s.

“His father – Chucho – owns a ranch in Laredo, Texas. That’s where I went after…” he trailed off, not wishing to dwell on the finer details of the ambush. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I hated lying after everything we’ve been through. But I figured the less you and Mamá knew, the safer it was.”

“I had a feeling you’d left Colombia. But Texas?” Alejandra blew out a low whistle. “That’s the part we’ll need to prepare Mamá for.”

“They’re Mexican-American. And the ranch is right on the border by the river.”

“I’d lead with that part if I were you. Not sure you can avoid a lecture about fraternising with Spanish colonisers, though. Twice.”

“I got that the first time I moved over there. But she went quiet when I reminded her Madrid was good enough for Simón Bolívar.”

Alejandra’s shoulders shook in unison with Horacio’s until a comfortable silence fell between them.

“So, you were there a whole year?”

“Just over. I couldn’t do much to help for the first few months - whilst this healed.” Horacio flexed his right arm to prove to Alejandra that everything was back in working order. “But it was good to have a routine eventually.”

“Wait a minute…you worked on the ranch?”

“No need to sound so surprised when you live here. I was actually pretty good at it. And I liked it.” Although Horacio understood and returned his sister’s bemusement because even he had shocked himself.

“No, I’m not. It’s just…oh, Horacio...” Alejandra broke off to bring her hand to his cheek, her brow creased, but her eyes caught between being on the brink of a smile and tears. “Look at you.”

Horacio made a show of wiping away the suds from his cheekbone, hoping he wouldn’t still have an audience afterwards. But no such luck. “It’s not what I expected to happen - any of it. But it just....felt right. I know that probably doesn’t make sense.”

“Actually, it makes perfect sense.”

“Does it?”

“Well, for starters, I can see the appeal. Obviously. Can’t blame you for going for a younger man, either. And taller.”

Horacio rolled his eyes and hoped his face didn’t look as hot as it felt. “Not by that much. On either count.”

“Hey, no judgment from me. But seriously, of course, it makes sense. I know we all used to joke about you being married to your job, but…after Juliana, I did wonder if there was more to it than that.”

“I think burying myself in work killed two birds with one stone.”

“It was killing you.”

“I know.”

“And Papá would have told you the same.”

A hollow laugh escaped Horacio’s throat, Martínez’s words from the wedding still ringing intrusively in his ears. “I’d have been kicked out of the force. He’d have made sure of that. And I wouldn’t have blamed him.”

“Right, because you were the first officer on Colombian soil to commit violence or be used as a political weapon.”

“He was against it, Alejandra. La Violencia was enough for anyone to see in a lifetime.”

But that was just another in a long line of civil wars. Even if his father's life hadn’t been cut short, he would have seen yet another bloody outbreak in which the state did more to perpetuate the death toll than bring peace to the country. And Horacio had plenty of blood on his hands. At least his Papá was spared witnessing that.

“And you don’t think he was ever put in a compromising position back then? You don’t think La Violencia was why he didn’t want the same for you? You won’t remember much, and Mamá and Papá never spoke about it around us, but I got pretty good at listening through doors.”

“He never did talk about it. Even when I was older.”

Not that he really needed to, Horacio conceded. Even though they were kept relatively safe and away from the violence in Medellín compared to other regions of Antioquia – particularly the rural parts – he had heard enough over the years to fill in the blanks.

He remembered his Mamá’s stories of helping the displaced, those who sought refuge in the city. Thousands who had been forced to flee the violence and start over again, often in makeshift housing on the outskirts, the irony never lost on Horacio that one of those neighbourhoods became Comuna 13. But for all his Mamá’s tales and the work she continued to do until she left for Manizales, his Papá never spoke about those years.

“He was protecting you. Like Mamá was with us after he died. Sometimes silence is easier.”

“I know. I get it. Before he died, the cocaine trade hadn’t got going in Colombia yet. It was mostly marijuana. But with FARC around and the gringos spreading their anti-communist propaganda, he knew it was a question of when, not if, another war was coming. I think he hoped things would be different this time.”

“You did what you had to do, Horacio. Just like he did. Just like every generation of our family did to survive. What’s done is done.”

“I’m not sure you’d say that if you knew everything.”

“You think I never heard any of the rumours out here? Or picked up a newspaper once in a while?”

“You never said anything.”

Alejandra shot Horacio a cutting glare, the kind he was an expert at delivering, but only a select few could get away with throwing back at him. “I knew you wouldn’t talk about it even if I asked.”

Horacio scoffed. Touché. “Not all of it was true.”

It was Alejandra’s turn to laugh. “Well, I kinda figured you weren’t dead after you called.”

“I don’t just mean the ambush.”

“I know,” she said briskly.

But Horacio couldn’t ignore the relief in her body language. Even though he understood it, a wave of shame hit him for even planting a seed of doubt in her – his older sister, the mother of his nieces and nephews - mind in the first place.

“But that’s all in the past now,” he concluded, shutting down his own train of destructive thought. “And you’re right; Papá’s not here. But Javier is.”

“So your future’s in Laredo, then.”

“Are you mad?”

“Am I mad that my little brother is finally getting his shit together and is head over heels in love? Oh, yeah, I’m livid.”

An inferno had spread across Horacio’s cheeks, and he struggled to think of a response. But luckily for him, Alejandra wasn’t done yet.

“It’s…safe, though, right? For you both to live together?”

“As safe as anywhere else. Every country has its problems. I’m sure there’ll always be people with something to say. But we’ve been careful.”

“Just promise me you’ll keep being careful.”

“We will, I promise.”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll convince Mamá to visit in the summer, though.”

“That’s fair. But you do think she’ll want to visit?”

“She might be strong, but we know what she lost - what we all lost. So, if there’s a chance for you to share your life with someone as she did with Papá, to be safe - to be happy after everything - yeah, I think she'll want to visit.”

“Do you think Papá would if he could?” Horacio knew it was a loaded grenade of a question and unfair to ask. But he couldn’t help himself.

Alejandra hesitated, seemingly aware she was between a rock and a hard place. “Maybe in his old age. Or if he knew Javier saved your life.”

“How did –?”

She expelled a comedically dramatic sigh. “Keep up, manito. When you called, you told me the DEA came after you that night. I don’t need to hold a badge to guess who that was.”

Horacio was banged to rights once more as he tried to recall the exact information he had relayed to Alejandra in the hours after the ambush; evidently, it was more than he thought.

“He - and his partner, Steve - went against orders and got suspended for helping me and my men.”

“So, they took a leaf out of your book then?”

“Something like that.”

Before Horacio could overthink it, he took a deep breath and told Alejandra everything. From the blackmail to his and Javier’s resignations to their year in Madrid, it all came tumbling out whilst she kept washing and he kept drying. Just like old times. Just like their Papá was in the next room along with their Mamá. And in so many ways, he always would be, not as a ghost of their past, but forever a part of their present and future.

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Arriving during the week had its advantages, as it wasn’t necessary for Horacio to make excuses to get an early night. Work and school beckoned in the morning for most of the household, so the evening had ended in a low-key fashion.

That was more than fine by Horacio after a long drive and an overdue heart-to-heart. He lay on his side, his back nestled into Javier’s chest in the centre of the spare room’s double bed. They made up the fold-out bed for pretences, but it was purely extra space to store their luggage.

A bedside lamp and hints of moonlight peaking around the edges of the curtains cast the room in soft shadows, the low murmur of a telenovela in one of the nearby bedrooms the only sound to be heard at this hour.

“How old were you there?” Javier asked, his voice muffled against Horacio’s shoulder where he’d temporarily paused his trail of kisses after picking out one of several framed photos on the wall.

“The one from Alejandra’s wedding? I’d have been 24.”

“Cute curls.” Javier’s nose nuzzled against the back of Horacio’s head, which was sadly lacking the same unruliness as in the photo.

“Fuck you.”

Javier sniggered. “Hey, I was being serious! They suit you. Plus…more to grab hold of.” He slid a hand into Horacio’s hair as his mouth resumed its work along bare skin.

Horacio’s back arched with a sigh as he leaned into Javier’s touch. “You know we can’t get carried away. Not here.”

“I know.” Of course, Javier understood. It was one thing for him to have sneaked in and out of the guesthouse back in Laredo; it was quite another to be under the same roof as Horacio’s whole family. But that didn’t stop the almost petulant tone in Javier’s voice. He was still human, after all.

“I promise we’ll make up for it once we leave.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Despite their flirtation, exhaustion was thick in their throats and pressed heavily on their limbs, pushing them closer towards sleep as the butterflies in their stomachs finally settled.

“The wedding wasn’t that long after Papá died. Alejandra asked me to give her away instead. At first, I didn’t think I deserved to take Papá’s place. But I think she needed me there with her, so, I said yes.”

“Of course you did, and I bet she never forgot that.”

“No, and I’ll never forget tonight."

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It was still dark in the spare room when Javier stirred and untangled himself from Horacio as slowly as possible. He had woken up thirsty and threw on a precautionary pair of jeans before tiptoeing down the wooden staircase towards the kitchen.

The clock on the oven read 01:30am, so he wasn't expecting to find the spotlights above it switched on. He searched through the cupboards until he found a tumbler and filled it with water from the tap, taking large gulps until the glass was drained.

“So, you’re a night owl too, then?”

“Shit!” Javier hissed, spinning around with a sharp intake of breath, almost dropping the glass on the tiled floor.

“Sorry,” Alejandra whispered. “I was just reading before heading off to bed.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I just needed some water. Didn’t think anyone else would be up.” Javier was suddenly very aware of the fact he was standing half naked in the middle of the kitchen, Horacio’s necklace like a flashing beacon at his chest. “Obviously,” he added with an awkward huff, looking down at his state of semi-undress.

“Right,” Alejandra replied with a stifled laugh. “How about you avoid catching a chill whilst I find something a bit more…authentic than tap water?”

Once Javier came back downstairs with his chest now covered, Alejandra was sat at the kitchen table with two shot glasses and a bottle of aguardiente.

“Not sure my stomach can handle any more of that after the wedding.”

“Lightweight. And just think of it as an initiation.”

Javier sighed in defeat, accepting the challenge as he took a seat opposite Alejandra.

She unscrewed the bottle and tipped measures into each glass. “Wanna make this more interesting?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Three shots, three questions each. But you can only ask a question after you’ve emptied your glass.”

Javier laughed for a second, unsure what he imagined Alejandra to be like, yet somehow, she surprised him anyway. “Okay. Already sounds better than every other icebreaker inflicted on me. Who goes first?”

“Guest’s choice.”

He stared down at his glass as though it was the barrel of a gun, remembering why he had eventually insisted whiskey was his and Horacio’s go-to drink. When he first arrived in Colombia, Horacio would offer him a shot, pouring liberally from the stash of aguardiente in his office drawer, and Javier accepted on multiple occasions. But it was over and done with like a spoonful of caustic medicine. At least whiskey could be drunk slower and delayed saying goodnight.

That wasn't the order of things now, though. So, Javier grabbed the bull by the horns and threw back his glass, wincing at the aniseed burn as it slid down his throat.

“New rule: you’ve got 30 seconds to come up with a question. Otherwise, you take another shot.”

“Alright, alright, I’m thinking.”

Alejandra’s gaze fell on the oven clock, ramping up the pressure. “10 seconds left…”

“Okay. I’ve got one. What was it like growing up with a younger brother?”

“Annoying, obviously. Especially after he got the highest grade in his English class. I don’t know where he picked them up, but he knew all the swear words. Of course. He drove me crazy testing them out.”

“He did that to my old partner, Steve - his Spanish isn’t great, and Horacio sure liked to remind him whenever he got the chance.”

“Sounds about right. No wonder he liked you - best of both worlds.”

“Maybe.” Javier knew what Alejandra meant, but it didn’t stop heat from spreading through his cheeks regardless.

“He was generally pretty quiet at school,” Alejandra continued, "but not afraid to take the lead…or break a few rules.”

“Again, I’m not surprised.”

“Nope.” They both laughed at that. “He always liked to be moving, though. Doing something with his hands. Or playing sports – he was a good runner. We used to race each other around Jardín Botánico, and he would always beat me. I think he already knew he was in training for the Academy. So, obviously, he was accepted. No doubt some thought he got a free pass, but he was determined to prove himself. Then he had to grow up.”

The joviality faded abruptly from Alejandra’s face, transforming into a wistful smile.

“We both did. But at least I’d had more time with Papá. Good job I did have those few years to myself ‘cos Horacio followed him around like a shadow. Until he couldn’t. Then he thought he had to be the man of the house. Even when there were two much more qualified women for the job.”

“He thought it was his duty."

“Yeah. He did.” There was something akin to awe in how Alejandra looked at Javier, as though she was simultaneously taken aback and impressed that someone summed up and understood her brother so accurately and succinctly.

“Isn’t it your turn, now?” Javier asked after a moment of silence.

Without further hesitation, Alejandra downed her shot. “Why Colombia?”

“Why not Colombia?” He tried a feeble laugh but knew that wouldn't cut it. “I studied Gabriel García Márquez in high school. Although, can’t say I really got him at the time. Took me another try when I was older.”

Now he thought about it, Javier wasn’t convinced he exactly got him the second time around either, considering García Márquez’s views on extradition aligned fiercely with Horacio’s. But that was the luxury of hindsight.

“By then, my Mamá had long since passed, my fiancée had just become my ex, and I had no fucking clue what I was doing with my life. Guess I needed to get lost in someone else’s problems for a while.”

“Tell me about it.” Alejandra held a book up in the air that had been abandoned on the table since Javier joined her.

“Smart move. My teacher loved telling us how García Márquez moved to Mexico and wrote One Hundred Years of Solitude over there. And with how things went down in Laredo, I could see the appeal of starting over in another country. Mexico was…too close to home. The drug war was getting out of hand. More and more agents were being transferred. And what’s the line?” Javier broke off, eyes cast towards the ceiling as he licked his lips in concentration. “‘We came’, they said, ‘because everyone is coming’.”

Alejandra let a pause of bewilderment pass between them as she studied Javier with intrigue. “You’re not at all like the other gringos he’s worked with in the past.”

“Did he bring any of them home to his family?”

“No. You’re the first. As I’m sure you're aware.”

“Maybe.”

“Drink up.”

Javier did as he was told, repressing a cough as the potent liquid worked its magic. “Why did you choose farm life over being a cop?”

Alejandra laughed a little too loudly, considering the time. “There are other career choices, you know.”

Javier gasped. “There are?”

“Hard to believe, isn’t it? But that’s not quite how it went for me. The farm came with Fabián. They’re sort of a package deal. I’m sure you can understand that.” She threw Javier a knowing smile. “But I ruled out being a cop years before I moved here or met Fabián. I knew from Papá that women in the force were few and far between back then. They’re still pretty scarce now. I wasn’t up for putting myself in the firing line being a General’s daughter. They never would have respected me or believed I got there on my own merit. I didn’t want to spend my life trying to gain anyone's approval.”

“Makes sense. It’s not easy in the force if you’re…different from the rest."

“Exactly. I’m not sure it’s what Papá even wanted for me anyway. Because he knew what it’d be like. Then there was Mamá with her social work. She was in her element. Always fighting someone’s corner, especially during the suffrage movement. I think I was the odd one out in the family, ‘cos everyone else seemed to have…a calling except for me. So, I studied, got a business degree, became a buyer for various companies and ended up in the coffee industry. And the rest is history.”

“Good for you. And I guess that explains Horacio’s, er, distaste for a badly made cup of coffee.”

“Yep. He’s got no excuse. And neither do you anymore.”

“I’ll bear that in mind. Your turn.” Javier took the bottle this time and filled Alejandra’s glass.

She downed it in one go. “¿Por qué no un llanero ahora que has descartado ser policía?” (Why not a llanero now you’ve ruled out being a police officer?)

“¿Por qué no un vaquero?” (Why not a vaquero?) Javier corrected with a glint in his eye that Alejandra returned with an eye roll. “Like you said…there are other jobs. That one was just never for me. I need more variety day-to-day. Like I’m making a bigger difference somehow. But preferably without the pretty fucking significant risk of death or blackmail.”

“A fair demand.”

“Right? It’s not like I’m asking for a raise.”

“When I moved here, I didn’t know where life was taking me, especially when the kids came along. I couldn’t keep my old job because of all the travelling…and being a mother was the priority until they started school. It took me a while to find my place on the buying and selling side of the business. So, all I’m saying is, things might get clearer once you’re settled back in Laredo.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Javier raised his glass and nodded his thanks to Alejandra, touched by her unprompted advice.

His third and final question had arrived, and the pressure to make it a good one pressed uncomfortably on his increasingly fuzzy head. “If your father was here now, what would you say to him?”

For a brief second, Javier feared he had overstepped some forbidden and invisible line and been overfamiliar with someone he only really knew by proxy at this stage.

But whilst Alejandra’s smile was permanently stained with traces of grief, warmth flickered then grew in her charcoal eyes. “I’d tell him we’re fine. That we miss him and wish he’d come back for good but that he needn’t worry. Because even though Mamá didn’t always get things right, she steered us through it as best she could. And we didn’t turn our backs on the world. That we found love in the dark.”

Alejandra sniffed and wiped the back of her hand across her nose. “Sorry. I think it’s the alcohol.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” Javier paused to clear his throat, blinking his vision back into focus. “It was beautifully said.” His hand reached for hers across the table, hoping again that he hadn’t gone too far.

But she let his hand rest there until she shook her head like a wet dog and poured her final shot. “Same question to you about your mother, obviously,” she said before downing the aguardiente in one.

Javier scoffed. “Well, I guess I deserved that.” He took his time, collecting his thoughts as though he was preparing an important speech. As though he’d been trying to find the right words for most of his life - and how rarely he’d succeeded.

“I’d tell her I miss her morisqueta. I’d tell her Pops visits her every week. But then I think she already knows that. Same way I think she made sure he never re-married.”

Javier couldn’t help but laugh, seeing with perfect clarity where his own loyal streak came from when his Pops was still as devoted to Mariana as the day they married. Siempre tuyo was no exaggeration.

“I’d make sure she knew he wasn’t alone, though. That he was known as Don Chucho to most in Laredo. That she’d be proud of him for growing the community she helped start. I’d brag about all the tamales we’ve made and quote her favourite poems. I’d introduce her to Horacio.”

He envisaged showing her Horacio’s poetry book, knowing that all it would take was for her to read Javier’s message in the opening pages to understand everything about who they were to each other. He’d even dreamed of it, waking with a ridiculous hope that she had somehow intercepted it.

“She sounds as incredible as your father. I hope one day I can thank him for taking my little brother under his wing when he needed it the most.”

“I’m sure that could be arranged.”

“I can’t – and don’t want to - imagine where he would have ended up without either of you, to be honest. He told me about the ambush…and everything else. And even though it doesn’t feel nearly enough, I just want to say...thank you.”

At first, Javier could only nod and swallow the lump bobbing at the base of his throat. “He did the same for me. It wasn’t easy walking away from my job, don’t get me wrong, but it was different for him. He felt like he’d betrayed Colombia and his Papá. Yet he did it anyway.”

“When it’s the right person, the sacrifices are worth it. And I can’t think of anyone more worthy of wearing that.” Alejandra’s sightline had fallen to Javier’s neck. His chest may have now been covered, but the silver chain still poked out from beneath the seam of his shirt.

She poured them a bonus shot each and raised her glass. “Welcome to the family.”

[vannybarber]

The Prenup: Part Four

Summary: After four years of being together and finally being engaged, Chris wants you to sign a prenup.

Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing, chris getting his ass handed to him, a lot of pain.

Part One Part Two Part Three

As soon as you heard that, you slam the door in his face.

"Y/N, what the hell? Open the door. What are you doin'?"

"No, I'm not opening the door. How are you gonna finally see me and knowing I'm upset with you, greet me with "hi baby"? You fuss at him through the door.

"I'm sorry okay! Can you please open the door? We need to talk."

"Don't raise your voice at me. You're only making it worse for yourself." You shift your weight on the other foot folding your arms. "I can do this all day."

"Come on babe, I'm serious." So were you.

"If I open this door, you better act like you have some sense."

"Alright, alright. Just open the door please."

You hesitantly walk over and open the door seeing him stand in the same position. Your face is torn up and you wrinkle it more when your eyes land on him. Although you won't admit it, a tiny part of you are glad to see him. Just a tiny part.

"Can I come in?" He looks at you and tilts his head sassily.

"Cut the attitude Christopher." You walk away towards the bed signaling he could enter.

"We're not gonna get anything solved with you acting like this" he huffs, slamming the door.

"How do you expect me to act? We wouldn't have anything to solve if you hadn't done all this. All this time you had to think and you still can't get that through your mind."

"I still don't see why you're making such a big deal. This is protecting us both. I don't touch your money, mine doesn't get touched either."

You almost slap him.

"Chris, that's if we were to divorce. We haven't even gotten married and you're already thinking about divorce?" What the fuck is wrong with him?

"You always say to be extra cautious and careful. That's what I'm doing. Megan thinks it's a good idea and when is she ever wrong?"

"You know what's sad Chris? Megan is such a bitch and you can't see it. She literally tries to dictate every little thing you do. She's your publicist, not your wife. You talk about how you love your freedom and independence, which I give to you, but when it comes to her, whatever she says goes."

His hands are rubbing his face, like usual, when he's in a predicament. He's not saying anything, which makes you even more upset, but you continue anyway.

"I truly don't think you understand how you're being right now. You're letting someone else dictate our relationship. You don't even talk to me about it, so I'm sitting on the sidelines watching you play the game. It's clear in itself that you are still not ready to be in a relationship. How? I don't know. You had fucking 4 years."

"Its not that easy, okay? You know how all my past relationships have gone. Somehow I was still being used for everything. Whether it was money, publicity or whatever. You don't get it."

You sigh and run a hand over your forehead. It's obvious you aren't going to get anywhere with this, so what was the point of him even coming here? Hold on.

"How the hell did you even find me? I haven't talked to you all day." He looks up and at the wall, bouncing his leg nervously in the chair he was seated in.

"You had your location on and I drove over here." You roll your eyes and this upsets him. "You freaking left without telling anyone where you were! You could've been hurt. Or even worse."

"I told your momma I was fine." He scoffs.

"You've got to be kidding. You just have to be."

You've had it up to here with this man. Clearly nothing was going to get resolved and both of you are stubborn about it, so you want him gone right away.

"Chris just go. You're wasting time. I told you to come in here with some sense, but you must've left the little that you had at the door."

"You're my future wife. I'm not leaving you. We need to work this out." Haha. That's funny.

"Well according to you, I'm most likely going to be your future ex wife." Okay you were being dramatic but whatever. "Let me help you understand. After 4 years of a relationship, you propose to me. Then you get a prenup behind my back by the advisory of your hating ass publicist. You signed it without even letting me know you had one. Do you not see the issue at hand here?"

You deadpan him for his reaction. You needed some form of indication that he gets what you're saying. That he realizes he's being a dick.

"I mean...I guess? I just didn't think you'd be so bothered. If we never get a divorce then it's fine. The prenup won't matter." He sits up in his chair and looks at you what looks like to be genuine confusion on his face.

Why do you even bother?

"Yes it would matter. Because it will forever be there. And in the back of my mind, I will always feel you picked your money over me." All his confusion washes away at this and is replaced with realization and guilt. "You know me better than most of my own family does. And you know what my intentions are with you. None of them require money. If you didn't have money like you did, I still would be with you Chris. Why? Because I love you."

There's a silence.

"I honestly don't know what to say." And you could tell. Any words he wanted to speak barely got through transformation because he would just clamp his mouth shut.

"Chris I just want to be alone right now, okay? I really don't need this at the moment." Yeah, the fact that you're pregnant. And he still doesn't know. You thought about telling him, but now you want to hold it off being that this didn't go as planned.

"Babe-"

"Chris please. Just do this for me. It's the least you can do." You sit on the bed and cross your legs. You were in a bind that didn't seem to be letting up any time soon.

"Well it was a long drive and I have to use the bathroom." You swat your hand to the restroom for him to go. Anything to get him moving faster. He walks in and shuts the door behind him. Meanwhile, you grab your phone and contemplate whether you should turn your location off. If you kept it on, at least they would know where you were and that you were safe. But you don't want him back here.

After 4-5 minutes or so, you didn't hear the toilet flush and you wonder what he's doing in there.

"Chris what the hell is taking you so long?" The door clicks open and you look, only to see Chris standing in the frame with a pregnancy test in hand.

He has your positive pregnancy test.

You forgot you left them on the sink counter. Fucking idiot. You internally start freaking out and you jump out the bed. He spots you and stares at you. Knowing him for so long, you had never seen this look o his face before. Turns out, it was a look of betrayal. Why would he feel betrayed?

"You're pregnant." His voice is monotonous and his eyes don't leave yours for a second.

You on the other hand, are darting your attention around the room, looking anywhere but at him. You feel a sense of guilt. Probably because you weren't telling him and he had to find out like this.

"Yes- yes I am pregnant" you speak lowly, fiddling with the end of your shirt.

"And its mine right?" That made you mad.

"Of course it is! How the hell could you ask me that?"

"Well I don't know how to fucking feel! You were just gonna let me walk out of here without telling me you're pregnant with my baby!?" Now he's out the bathroom and a few feet away from you.

"I don't owe anything to you right now. I would've told you eventually. When I was ready." He goes silent.

"Are you going to keep it?" This time his voice is meek and lower than his normal tone. You look up and his face is pained. He is all for 'my body my choice' and completely supports that, but he'd be lying if he said that the thought of you, ya know, wouldn't hurt him.

"Yes I am keeping the baby." He let's out a huge breath.

Even though you couldn't have been more than 5 weeks, you had already felt like a bond was formed with your baby. And knowing Chris has wanted kids since forever, you couldn't take that away.

"Well I'm happy." But you still weren't all the way there yet. You didn't forget what had just happen.

"You still need to leave." The little smile on his face had vanished and he looked down.

"Are you gonna come back?" He was making it slightly difficult to keep the same hardness with him. You still loved that man, even through all your anger you have with him.

"I will, just not right now. Or not today at least. I still need to think. I'll be back home eventually." As you're speaking he sets the test back in the bathroom and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

"Well I guess that's better than nothing", he replies still visibly upset. "I guess I'll just head out now." He walks towards the door and hooks his hand on the knob. You quick get up and to your own surprise, you wrap your arms around him.

He's stiff for a few moments, which makes complete sense, but hugs back. You take in his scent and you almost give in. You hadn't smelt him in a while and it drove you crazy. You pull away and adjust your shirt. He looks at you one more time.

"I love you Y/N." You nod your head and he leaves the room.

"I love you too Christopher."

But he couldn't hear you because he was already half way down the hall, thinking about how he was going to make this right.

heehee😏i think this is a little more than what i gave in the last chapter. we're not through yet you guys ❤

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