#don't even get me started on amy schumer

[non-un-topo]

No form of media marketed as feminist or progressive has ever gotten as close to fat positivity & body neutrality as Kung Fu Panda. In this essay I will--

[juju-or-anya]

https://www.tumblr.com/juju-or-anya/756390418668732417/every-time-someone-says-eloise-isnt-a-real?source=share

This is so damaging!! You really hate white not skinny girls right???? The fact that Pen is white she can't suffer. Hacibg the privilege of being white make her suffering less?? Let me tell you. Pen is whire but she use consider fat. She suffer WAY much than kate who is indian bur she is skinny. Fat people suffer way more than skinny bitches who cheat their sister.

And again we bring up weight when no one has talked about weight.

If Claudia Jessie or Phoebe Dynevor were the one who plays Penelope, just as Penelope was introduced to me on the show, she would do exactly the same thing, lie, use the people she loves, play the victim, I wouldn't like her either. I can give you a million examples of thin CHARACTERS that I don't like for similar and worse reasons than Penelope, because my problem is the characters and not the actors who play them.

But since you're bringing up weight and race, let's talk about weight and race.

Let's start with race, the truth is I don't know if you are white, black, Latina, Asian or whatever, maybe you are white and you don't realize the privilege of being a white person over other races, much less the privilege of being a white woman, I don't know, I'm just guessing and I could be wrong, I apologize if I am.

Penelope would not have had the same opportunities if she were a black woman, not even in the fictional world of Bridgerton. Does that mean she doesn't have the right to suffer? Of course not, she has the right to feel sad, angry, frustrated, but it doesn't give her the right to put her own feelings on someone else and use her privileges on the other person, knowing that that other person does not have the same privileges.

And on the subject of weight, does being a plus size person give you the right to be a bitch about her because since she's a plus size person, whatever she does isn't wrong just because she's big? Because I find it fucking hypocritical. It's the justification that thin people and the media have given for years against plus size people, it's hypocritical that they now use it in the opposite way.

Am I saying that Penelope doesn't have the right to feel bad about being plus size? I'm not saying that, I'm saying that being plus size doesn't give you the right to be fucking shitty about it.

Penelope is a bad friend, quite a victim and doesn't accept when she's wrong. Does that mean she's the worst person in the world and the worst character in history? No, I have thousands of other worse examples and if you want I'll tell you about the thin ones, since it seems to be more important to you that the people I hate are thin than why I don't like them.

Penelope's problem isn't her body, because as I said before she could be played by a Victoria's Secret Angel and have the same development and writing and still be awful.

And it's not Nicola's problem, it's a problem with the character development and initial writing. Nicola can use her acting skills in an incredible way but if the character is written and developed poorly, there's not much you can do.

And I've said it before, that I don't like Penelope, it doesn't mean that I hate Nicola. I separate the actor from the character, from what I see, she seems nice, I judge some of her public displays but nothing that I don't do with other famous people, like Taylor Swift, Dua Lupa, Natalie Portman or Amy Schumer. I criticize them not for their bodies, I criticize their political positions, decisions, opinions, but I never get into their physique, because they are human descendants, I've said it thousands of times, I have no right to judge another person's body, just as they have no right to judge mine. I don't do what I don't want done to me. But you guys are breaking the balls that I don't have, that I don't like Penelope for her body. Because clearly I can't not like her for her attitude and decisions.

To be clear, I don't like Penelope, but it has nothing to do with Nicola or her body, I love Claire from Derry Girls, I like Nicola's performance in Derry Girls, I don't like Penelope. Punto.

[onmymasa22]

I started a new thing last year where i get new piercings to celebrate finishing a semester. But lifes too short, u only die once, get the freakin piercing. So we finished a stupid assignment. As a fouth year, its like- no, i dont care how its hung up on the wall. Let someone else figure that out. No, i dont know know if its good art, let other people talk about it. And while theyre sitting around in their clean clothes, i just want to create more art.

So being in art school is a blessing don't get me wrong. Its amazing to spend the day creating and researching and learning about myself and the rest of the world. And the friends i made in art school have become my people for life. But i cannot for the life of me understand

I have gone through a few different families in israel. People who have welcomed me into their life. And i stayed for a bit. And then i moved on. Or they moved on. Different amounts of time, different kinds of closeness. But life keeps going and you need to be with people who keep you moving forward, not hold you back. And you cant always apologize even though u dont mean to hurt anyone. U just need to live ur life. I was part of hodayas family. Yahels family. The lav family. Now, the girls im in college with are my best friends. And i have invested in them. And they have invested in me. I need to just keep moving on through life. To not let ppl hold me back.

2am thought. Life is weird man. Like one second u r with all these different families that kind of treat u like family and kind of not. And then ur in ur last year of college, with this whole other group of people who are like ur new family. And u dont even get to feel bad about not being in touch with the old people who used to be ur ppl, because life moves on man. It doesnt stop for anybody. So here i am, with all these people who love me and who i love. And the people who were in my past, are so in my past, i dont even recognize the life that included them anymore. Cuz i just had to learn to let go of people who didnt need me in their future just like ppl who i didnt need in mine. And honestly, im still trying to make peace in my mind with relationships that have been buried in the ground from my doing or someone elses. Its honestly easier to come to terms with other people burying me than me burying them. Cuz burying someone isnt something u can apologize for. Its just something u need to do for your present and future self. I feel like i want a tree for every relationship i buried. Because whether im evil in their story or not, my burying them connects to my growth. I need to be ok being the evil one in someone elses story. Burying them is my shade now. Its my oxygen. Im allowed to not want people in my life. The only people i can balance right now is school people and work people

Im sucj a prude

Anyone else feel like the second they come home from work its painful to be in day clothes for any extra seconds. It's like "I don't want clothes. I want pajamas. I want wings. I want an amy schumer movie". Anyone out there get me?

אוקי אז דברתי עם אבא שלי. ובעצם הוא אמר שבדרך כלל העבודה של סבא שלי הייתה משו כמו- חברה מסויים קנה איזה מכשיר יקר רצח, השתמשו בזה, רצה לעשות פרסום של צילום a4 או a3 אבל רצה שהמכשיר הזה יראה חדש והוא כבר מלוכלך. אבל החברה היו מביאים לא את הצילום בגודל a4 או a3 ולתקן את הצבעים בצילום שהמכשיר יראה חדש, הוא היה משתמש במכחול שיש בו משו כמו 3 או 4 שיערות ולתקן את הצבע בנקודות כמו פיקסלים. לא כמו צבעי מים, אלא תק תק תק בקדימה של המכחול.

[wikiangela]

starting only murders in the building s2 - post turned out longer than I anticipated so I'm adding the keep reading thing haha

(warning: don't keep reading if you like Selena, I'm expressing my opinion about her bluntly and no, I'm not interested in her defenders' opinions 😁)

straight from the beginning I'm annoyed by the cop dude 🙄 jfc kill him next lol

what Mabel said to him (the lawyer thing) was certainly not funny, and yet the lady cop laughed - they're still trying so hard to convince the audience they can do comedy huh 😂

also, oh my, Selena learned how to open her mouth wider, I'm shocked 😂

I gotta say, as much as I'm interested in the story, all of the characters are so fucking annoying oh my god 😂 (maybe except for Charles but that might be just because he's Steve Martin haha - and I liked Theo too, but the rest of them suck lol)

the "it's a callback" literally made me facepalm - i guess it was supposed to be cringy, but oh my god

Selena's actually better with facial expressions this season so far (did she see all the comments on the internet and took some acting classes before s2 lmao - and I know the comments and reviews criticizing her are there, I went looking to see if I'm the only one not enjoying her performance hahaha), though she still has only one tone of voice - also, in that scene with the cops she was opening her mouth wider, but now she's back to talking as if she was clenching her teeth all the time - it almost hurts my jaw just hearing her talk like that 😂😂 it that just how Selena talks irl? wow that's annoying 😂

why is Cara what's-her-name in this jfc 🙄 i only saw her in paper towns but I do not like her lol

did they hope Amy Schumer would make this show funnier too? that's cute 😂

can they get on with the story of the murder pls I'm bored

actually, as much as I wasn't hype for Cara, I'm enjoying her more than Selena 💁🏻‍♀️ - god, Selena's voice is so monotone she could put me to sleep (and don't start on the "it's just the character" bullshit because it's not just that, I watched a whole season of her not showing any emotions even in scenes that warranted it from even the most closed off aloof sarcastic character) - I know I'm saying a lot of shit about her but she just stands out so much in a very unflattering way lmao

I love Tina Fey, she might be the biggest reason I'm continuing with this show 😂 (aside from being interested in who killed bunny hahaha) - unrelated but: should I continue with 30 Rock? I watched like 10 episodes and it was boring and unfunny but like, does it get better or something? bc I kinda wanna see more of Tina Fey 😂😂

okay, so, I'm really interested in the story, I'm so curious about who killed Bunny and why they're trying to frame the main characters, or mainly Charles lol I'll definitely have to keep watching

it's still painfully unfunny (who the fuck writes this show, how can you claim that your show is a comedy - along with other things obvi - and have no funny jokes whatsoever - there are jokes, just not funny ones lol)

Selena is better than in s1 tbh I still don't particularly enjoy her, but at least her face isn't stuck in two facial expressions interchangeably 💁🏻‍♀️ (her tone of voice is still distractingly monotone tho)

I don't know what the purpose of having Amy Schumer in this is, because... well. I kinda liked her specials when I watched them when I was like 15 but... she's not the funniest comedian and we all know that sns - also, if your script sucks in terms of comedy, even bringing the funniest person wouldn't do much sns 😂

I liked it but I gotta say, this show doesn't have the greatest opening episodes. s1e1 was meh, s2e1 was better but only because I already knew the characters

but yeah, it was good, gotta watch the next one later or tomorrow idk (see, a good opening episode would get me so hooked I'd wanna binge it right the fuck now but while I am interested and wanna keep watching, I'm not feeling it rn haha)

[walkerismychoice]

Maybe a weird question to ask a stranger but are you ever put off by the way sex is portrayed in the media? Take Amy Schumer or Ali Wong for example: To me, the way they talk about sex makes it seem so cold, detached and frankly a bit off-putting that I think; blegh! I know they do it for comedic effect and I don't want them to stop talking about 'cause who am I? And I am also a little bit sex-adverse but the way they talk about it makes me more adverse. What do you think about it if I may ask?

This is such a great ask, and I could honestly write a 20 page paper on the subject of how girls and women from a young age on receive negative messages about their body and sex, and it takes a lot to undo do that as an adult and learn you aren't a deviant if you enjoy sex. For the longest time I never wanted to initiate because I didn't want to be perceived as a weird nymphomaniac or something because the messages I always received were it's the guys who are the ones who always want sex, not the opposite. I won't go into everything, but much of this is rooted in religion and the belief that sex is only for procreation between married people, and boys/men being applauded for their sexual conquests while women can be shamed for the same things.

It's bad enough when men make jokes about it, but when women do, even though it's a joke, it's even more harmful. Not too long ago a neighbor friend, who is actually pretty open and positive about her own sex life shared this and I was pretty disgusted:

Things like just perpetuate that mysoginsitic belief that men enjoy sex, and women just tolerate it for the man's pleasure. I took a psych/sociology class in college called human sexuality, and honestly something like that should be required sex education. We learned and did presentations on "fun" things like sex toys and porn, but also learned in detail about types of birth control, STDs, sex throughout the life span (yes seniors still do have sex and it's not gross or weird that they do), masturbation, teaching kids about sex in a postive way at an age appropriate level as soon as they start asking questions, etc and the sociological and psychological impacts of sex in general. All these years later I have still taken so much of that with me. I'm also fortunate to have a partner that has always been just as focused or more on my needs than his own and have a great group of friends that are comfortable sharing things openly and honestly. Between that and believe it or not writing and reading fanfic, my views on sex and my own body have become so much more positive over the years and I finally feel like now in my 30s I have no shame anymore, but it took a long time to get here.

[latestnews2018-blog]

We Don't Need 'Who Is America?' To Tell Us How Bad Things Are

New Post has been published on https://latestnews2018.com/we-dont-need-who-is-america-to-tell-us-how-bad-things-are/

We Don't Need 'Who Is America?' To Tell Us How Bad Things Are

His pants lowered to bare his buttocks, Georgia state Rep. Jason Spencer scuttled backward at his opponent, who was portraying an Islamic terrorist. “America!” Spencer bellowed. “I will turn you into a homosexual!” he tells the terrorist.

Welcome to the second episode of Sacha Baron Cohen’s Showtime comedy “Who Is America?” The premiere arrived last week on a wave of critical buzz, thanks to a torrent of outraged statements from conservative politicos who’d been fooled by the actor into advocating for the arming of small children.

But despite the anticipation, the debut ratings were dismal. Though the numbers edged up with encore and On Demand viewings, viewership was weak compared with the debuts of cable TV’s recent successful political comedies, like TBS’s “Full Frontal with Sam Bee” and HBO’s “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.” Even Comedy Central’s “The Opposition with Jordan Klepper,” canceled thanks to abysmal ratings after one season, started stronger than Baron Cohen’s new vehicle.

Why is “Who Is America?” opening with more of a whimper than a bang? Perhaps we’re tired of political humor, or it’s been too long since Baron Cohen’s last hit. Or perhaps this particular brand of comedic exposé has lost its appeal. After all, it’s not like we really need it anymore to grasp how bad things are.

Not that Sunday night’s segment with Spencer wasn’t jaw-dropping. The Republican lawmaker believed he was taking part in anti-terrorism training with an Israeli former military officer, Erran Morad (Baron Cohen in heavy, rather obvious makeup). Morad put Spencer through his paces, having him participate in exercises in which he yelled racial slurs as a diversionary tactic, performed an offensive parody of a Chinese tourist, and took an upskirt photo of a person in a burka to check for weaponry. 

It was an astonishing display, even for a politician previously best known for threatening a former Democratic state rep — a black woman — that she might “go missing” in the swamp due to her public support for removing Confederate statues. Spencer, who in May’s GOP primary lost his bid for a fifth term, put out a statement before this embarrassing footage aired, saying, “It is clear the makers of this film intended to deceive me in an attempt to undermine the American conservative political movement.”

But meanwhile, the party’s leader, President Donald Trump, was in the midst of a rather typical evening of tweeting: referring to his long-ago opponent in the presidential election as “Crooked Hillary,” then sending an all-caps threat of military engagement to President Hassan Rouhani of Iran. 

Of course, no statement needed to be issued to explain how the president was tricked into this unhinged behavior. With Trump leading the way, conservatives have become more and more comfortable showing their own asses unprompted. 

Sure, it’s still quite alarming to see lobbyists and congressional representatives eagerly advocate arming kindergartners with stuffed animal guns. In the most successful sketch from the premiere, Morad peddles a program, “Kinder-Guardians,” intended to solve America’s school shooting epidemic by arming schoolchildren as young as four. As a work of entertainment, the segment is masterful ― and it takes the gun debate in a daring direction by pulling in the right-wing fascination with Israel and its military culture.

Showtime

Gun rights advocate Philip Van Cleave participating in an fictional ad campaign for stuffed animal guns for children in the premiere of “Who Is America?”

The Republicans caught by the Kinder-Guardians trick are defensive and embarrassed, at least for now. Being fooled by a liberal comedian makes them look gullible. But then again, they really weren’t fooled into revealing much that didn’t already exist out in the open.

There was a moment, when “Da Ali G Show” and “The Daily Show” were in their prime, that comedy like this could be genuinely revealing. In the old-fashioned days of the aughts, seeing Baron Cohen or a “Daily Show” correspondent coax a shocking statement out of a public figure, or even a random person on the street, had the power to truly jolt us.  Comedy interviews stood to expose the depths of our fellow humans’ carefully hidden cravenness, bigotry, ignorance, extremism.

“Da Ali G Show” character Borat Sagdiyev, a Kazakh reporter also played by Baron Cohen, made a specialty of baiting subjects with his own professed anti-Semitism, racism and sexism. During a wine-tasting segment, he asked Norman Harris, the head of a Mississippi wine organization, whether the black waiter was “his slave.” Harris responded that slavery had been outlawed, which was a good thing. “For them,” he added. “For you, not so much!” Borat replied jovially. Harris agreed.

“That guy normally would never say that he thought it’s a shame that slavery doesn’t exist anymore,” Baron Cohen told The New York Times. “But because he’s in the room with somebody who’s totally naïve and seems to not mind that slavery existed, he was fully honest.”

By comfortably displaying racist views, a character like Borat made interviewees feel safe in revealing their own. In another interview, the comedian described the technique as “a dramatic demonstration of how racism feeds on dumb conformity as much as rabid bigotry.”

Now, 14 years later, that seems hard to dispute. We don’t even need to turn to edgy comedy for overt demonstrations of the phenomenon. Trump himself functions as an always-in-character version of what Baron Cohen pretends to be for a comedy show: a public figure who offers tacit encouragement for others to voice and enact bigotry by doing so himself.

Baron Cohen’s variety of comedic exposé was perfectly engineered for a time when the kind of middle-class white liberals who watched “Ali G” and “The Daily Show” weren’t confronted with the extremity of others’ views all the time. Back then, it was relatively easy to avoid people who think things were better before the Civil War or that, I don’t know, you should give high-powered weaponry to children on the cusp of learning to use a fork.

But we’re bathed in it now, in the ambient Pizzagate conspiracy theories and “build the wall” rants we face on every platform. We don’t need Borat to bust GOP officials and candidates when they’re recklessly posting racist memes to their own Facebook pages. 

As for random citizens, they easily can, and do, broadcast their own anti-Semitic, misogynistic, anti-gun control and racist views to Twitter ― no comedic sting required. During the second episode, NPR host Dr. Nira Cain-N’Degeocello, another Baron Cohen character, announces the construction of an enormous new community mosque to a meeting of Kingman, Arizona, residents. They respond with trembling outrage; one shouts that he identifies as “racist against Muslims,” and several more argue that they already tolerate black people, although they don’t like it. The scene felt gratuitously painful, an unfunny rehash of a racist debate we already know too well.

Then again, much of Baron Cohen’s shtick has always been a straightforward troll. In “Who Is America?,” he subjects Bernie Sanders to a mathematically incomprehensible presentation on how to move all of the 99 percent into the 1 percent while the senator, with a single-mindedness familiar to those who followed the 2016 Democratic primary, steered the conversation back to his stump speech. This showed nothing new about Sanders, but Baron Cohen didn’t seem to be aiming to.

Showtime

“Bachelor” star Corinne Olympios poses as an aid worker who helped combat an ebola outbreak in Sierra Leone. She didn’t perform such service, and the scene for the second episode of “Who Is America?” was filmed in front of a green screen.

Aside from Morad’s interviews with conservative officials and activists, Baron Cohen’s antics seemed tame, even pointless, compared with the charged conversations we deal with daily in real life. Take the segment in which one-time “Bachelor” star Corinne Olympios, while endorsing a fake charity supposedly providing relief for an Ebola outbreak in Sierra Leone, blankly reads a script for an ad urging people to support child soldiers by providing them with training and equipment. Yes, yes, reality stars will do anything for attention; it’s hard to recall a time when such a revelation would have rocked anyone to their core.

In “Who Is America?,” Baron Cohen repeatedly whiffs on opportunities to illuminate what bizarre things people really would support. Why send an absurd parody of a lefty NPR host to the home of GOP local bigwigs? Without exactly giving a flattering read to the Trump-supporting couple, it does offer them an opportunity to politely condemn behavior that most on the left would also decry, like forcing a young girl to stand while urinating. The takeaway is muddled at best. Getting liberals to cosign those choices on camera ― that might be a coup.

Resurrecting his particular brand of stunt comedy journalism ― honed in a very different cultural and political context ― for a Trump era already awash in gleeful incompetence, extremism and trolling, might seem like a perfect fit for the times. Instead, it’s outdated. (Perhaps that’s partly due to the outdated writers’ room, which consists entirely of men, including one who lost his job on “Inside Amy Schumer” after publicly bragging about choking his ex and sending hordes of sexist trolls after female writers.)

We also must ask whether his approach could be as harmful as it is informative and entertaining. Baron Cohen’s provocations have always raised the question of whether the end of exposing prejudice justifies the means of recreating it, and the evidence is piling up that comic bigotry may only make people more comfortable with the real thing. Take the spillage of Reddit Nazism-for-lolz into genuine radicalization and violence. Take Trump himself.

GOP politicians certainly haven’t become less openly racist, anti-Semitic, anti-Islam and sexist than they were when Baron Cohen first started scamming them in the early aughts. And given how far-right shit-posting has likely helped accommodate the country to outright white nationalism, I found myself wondering uncomfortably whether the guns-for-kids stunt on “Who Is America?” might not also be absorbed into the political debate. Maybe irony can move the  Overton Window, too. 

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[citycfangels]

text: charlie ⇄  raquel

Charlie: [to the wrong number, attached picture: http://68.media.tumblr.com/1203872c019be23dab87c12490862f3c/tumblr_inline_njjkf7zAyH1t3m33w.jpg]

Charlie: good morning ;)

Raquel: I suggest a cold shower.

Raquel: and not sending me winky faces along with dick pics.

Raquel: if you want me that bad then use your words and actually say it.

Charlie: ... fuck, wrong number

Charlie: it wasn't meant for you

Charlie: my dick isn't actually in sight, btw

Raquel: wrong number?

Raquel: fuck you Charles. I hope you really do screw yourself.

Raquel: delete my number.

Charlie: for professional reasons, i'm not deleting your number

Charlie: i'm so so sorry, Quel. i just...

Charlie: nevermind.

Raquel: professional reasons my ass Charles. You don't need to have my number. If you need to contact me you can go through plenty of people to tell me something

Raquel: don't. I don't want to hear I'm sorry.

Raquel: forget it and forget about me. There's no reason for us to contact each other.

Raquel: you have other girls to be texting.

Charlie: wait a minute, you're such an hypocrite

Charlie: do i have to remind you that not a while ago you sent me an almost nude picture by mistake because you were texting Nathan?

Charlie: and no, the rule doesn't apply right now

Raquel: You're right, rules don't apply because as far as I know we don't have an agreement any more. Or maybe the rules only apply when you want them to apply.

Raquel: You knew there would be a possibility that I would be texting my BOYFRIEND pictures like that but you're texting me when we haven't talked in days and when you've been avoiding me. Call me a hypocrite all you want but it doesn't take away from the fact that you knew what you were getting into.

Charlie: we're not fucking, therefore the rules to make that easier doesn't apply right now

Charlie: i /knew/ what i was getting into. i'm very aware that you have someone else, i'm very aware that you would send him pictures, because as far as i know, you're in a happy relationship with him, that's why i wasn't freaking out when i got that picture. because i knew what i was getting into

Charlie: what's pisses me off is that while i have to be cool with the fact that you have Nathan and i am cool with that, you're being a whiny bitch because i'm sleeping with other girls.

Charlie: tell me how's that fair, Raquel.

Raquel: you're right. I shouldn't be happy that someone else can make you happy or that you want someone else in your bed that isn't me.

Raquel: you're right that I should be happy with what I have and that I shouldn't be freaking out.

Raquel: you don't have to worry about me being a whiny bitch or about having to be cool with anything.

Charlie: you deserve to be happy, and i'm the first person who wants you to be happy. and i'm not asking you to be happy because i'm fucking someone else, because that's the only thing i'm doing. i'm not even asking you to be cool with that, because i know you're not okay with that

Charlie: i'm only asking you to not do this when you did the exact same thing weeks ago and i didn't

Charlie: we fought, we're in this situation. you don't want to continue with this? fine, we're just coworkers, exes and that's it.

Raquel: I want you to be happy too.

Raquel: even if I'm the one that wants to make you happy (deleted)

Raquel: yeah sure if that's what you want.

Charlie: i'm asking you if you want that. i don't want to stop this, but if you want, i won't say anything.

Charlie: think about it if you need it, you don't need to answer right now

Raquel: I don't need to think about it.

Raquel: that better be the last time you send me a picture meant for someone else.

Charlie: yes ma'am, it won't happen again.

Charlie: are we okay or...?

Raquel: good. Not that I didn't appreciate it.

Raquel: well... you can keep my number if you want to but there's really only one way to make it up to me.

Charlie: good to know

Charlie: yeah?

Raquel: yep. Well actually a few ways but let's see what you come up with.

Charlie: i know i can make it up for you in form of sex and coffee, but is there anything you want?

Raquel: actually I wasn't thinking about sex this time. It's not all I think about with you 😜

Raquel: I don't know but we do have a reason to celebrate and that's one way you can make something up to me. I might have sort of maybe booked a commercial so I want a big congratulatory lunch or dinner or something with you.

Charlie: oh no, i must be doing something wrong

Charlie: did you? that's amazing! congrats.

Charlie: we should do something to celebrate, and it doesn't have to involve sex... or at least not until the end of it

Raquel: or this is phase one of me getting super attached to you

Raquel: THANK YOU! It just has me driving in a convertible with someone down the coast. It just films for five days but I'm actually really excited about it. They said I had a look whatever that means. Hopefully it means that I don't look like one of the girls in ugly outfits in fast and the furious movies and more like a girl willing to drive up the coast in a top down convertible which I never would do btw.

Raquel: I'm up for the challenge of keeping my hands off you if you are. What do you want to do?

Charlie: still, it sounds like a big deal. it's a commercial, but baby steps, right?

Charlie: i like the sound of that. dinner and drinks, and whoever wins this gets to be on top and gets to fulfill a fantasy the next time sex is happening, deal?

Raquel: yeah it's actually a huge baby step but I'm just not going to get all diva-ish yet. Soon enough you get to say that you slept with the star of a national commercial.

Raquel: dinner and drinks sounds perfect. As if you don't like me being on top. I give you one hell of a view.

Charlie: mmm, lucky me

Charlie: i enjoy it a lot, but you know how much i like to be on top and be in control ;)

Raquel: very lucky you. You knew me when. And you get to flash that fan club president's badge and not have to worry about my eventual fanboys.

Raquel: okay and you haven't let me down when I have let you be in control.

Charlie: you mean the hickeys?

Charlie: i'm kidding

Charlie: i would never let you down in bed. i'm too good to fail ;)

Raquel: if you want hickeys then you'll get them.

Raquel: you sound like a student athlete. Too good to fail always hustlin' #neverstop

Charlie: too bad i can't give you any

Charlie: ha ha, funny

Raquel: yeah too bad. Or you can try to give me hickies where you think no one will find them

Raquel: I'm a natural comedienne. Way better than Amy Schumer

Charlie: if you're lucky, you'll get them between your legs after dinner while i have dessert

Charlie: you can add that to you curriculum. actress on a national commercial, comedienne...

Raquel: then consider my cake yours.

Raquel: singer, dancer, model. I'm the dream girl and the total package.

Charlie: yummy cake

Charlie: wow, you're a quintuple threat. indeed you're quite the package

Raquel: the sweetest and yours.

Raquel: now you can go back and hashtag all of your old pics of my on your instagram with #blessed because you really are that lucky.

Charlie: lucky me

Charlie: so, where do you have to go to film this commercial?

Raquel: well it's just in Santa Monica or at least we meet in Santa Monica before we have to travel but it does mean that you don't get to see my face for 5 days.

Charlie: five days? well, it could be worst

Charlie: when do you start? i should give you a proper goodbye/break a leg or whatever it is the day before or something

Raquel: yeah, I could have actually booked a job that made me move to Canada or something not that I'm opposed to knowing more about where you're from.

Raquel: break a leg or almost break something and making sure I almost can't walk? Either way I'm okay with celebrating. I start on Tuesday. You can plan my surprise for Monday.

Charlie: eh, you could, but there's nothing too interesting up there besides me a long time ago tbh

Charlie: if it involves breaking something, then i would start on Sunday. and i will, because i plan on fucking you really good before you leave

Raquel: that is where most tv shows are moving just because production costs are low, and if I go then that would be one more thing to make it interesting.

Raquel: start on Sunday. You just want to hog that much of my time. Is that your plan so that I miss you more and come crawling back?

Charlie: if you say it like that, you have a point. there's nothing much there though

Charlie: busted, that was the whole plan i had in mind. fucking you and spend all day at my apartment so you would miss me when you're in Santa Monica

Raquel: I'll take your word for it, but just know that if I'm offered some huge greg berlanti super hero show that films in Canada I just might have to take it and you just might have to follow me to the edge of the earth

Raquel: I already am going to miss you, you goof, but if you think I need you to fuck me in order to remember then you can have me sunday night.

Charlie: you'd be the wildest fantasy of every nerd if you landed one. i guess i'll have to follow you and be your cheerleader or something like that, as i am the president of your fan club

Charlie: not that i think that, but what's better than sex before you go to Santa Monica for five days?

Raquel: you're supposed to follow me to the ends of the earth. I'd keep you entertained

Raquel: eh sex in general I can be indifferent on. It's sex with you that makes the difference. Maybe the better thing would be sex with you now and then not having to not see you for five days.

Charlie: yeah? how would you keep me entertained?

Charlie: wouldn't you prefer a whole night of sex on sunday that could be extended to monday morning though? you'd get coffee and a whole breakfast too

Raquel: by bringing my full array of board games, duh. We could play one round of monopoly and be entertained for days

Raquel: you should have just said and in the morning I'm making waffles like donkey in the shrek movie. But I'm only saying yes because the food.

Charlie: Monopoly? really? that ruining relationships game?

Charlie: only because of the food? now i'm offended

Raquel: IT ONLY RUINS RELATIONSHIPS IF YOU CHEAT OR IF YOU KNOCK OVER THE BOARD!

Raquel: yep. What are you gonna do about it?

Charlie: that's why i hate it!

Charlie: i don't know, i should tie you up and tease you until you beg for that

Raquel: there are just those two rules. We always could play scrabble. Or twister.

Raquel: ropes, your ties, or handcuffs?

Charlie: twister sounds good, so does strip-poker and any game with strip in the name

Charlie: i'll let you choose, babe. just keep in mind that i only own one tie.

Raquel: well don't you know twister is only supposed to be played naked?

Raquel: one tie isn't going to do and rope leaves rope burns so I'm thinking handcuffs.

Charlie: that's why it sounds good ;)

Charlie: oh, kinky. i'm a bad influence but you enjoy it anyways

Raquel: okay but if you want to do strip poker you're going to have to teach me

Raquel: you're the worst. I used to be wholesome. You ruined me.

Charlie: why would i teach you to win when i could watch you undress every time you lose?

Charlie: shhh, don't pretend you regret discovering the wonders of sex that makes it fun and hotter ;)

Raquel: that's unfair.

Raquel: okay I don't regret it and I'll see you later tonight to discover even more wonders 😘