#don't be like that guy

[eri-pl]

Slim Advent calendar 23: Goldsmith

Warning: sad, or dark, or however to call it. Sauron is having the worst day of his life and we're in his PoV. No particular triggers except some fire. hmm, is self-gaslighting a warning?

Also, fire (visual)

He laughed at the sight of the puny army of so-called free peoples. They weren't peoples, just a remnant of once much greater nation. Which he'd utterly destroyed. And they still owed him for the price he had to pay for that. And they were not free either, just insubordinate. But not for long.

Anyway, this was the smallest and weakest army he'd ever seen. Good. His forces attacked and soon everything would be in order, everything in accord—

A blinding scream in the world unseen, in—

No. Not there. Anywhere but not there.

Why? Why couldn't anything ever work right? Why was there always—noise? Why was there always someone to disagree?

It had cost him his face already. Wasn't that enough?

He remembered falling and water, and his beauty, his name torn away, the sheer terror when he had seen — had seen the end of himself and realized that it was for the better and yet, it had not come.

It had not come.

So why did it come now? It made no sense. But nothing ever did.

Falling, ever falling. Anything he did had failed, even though probability and common sense said he should be winning. But what else was he to do than try again? Surrender to the chaos of small, noisy people who couldn't make up their minds about anything?

After the war had been lost, Melkor, in his usual unoriginality, had cursed him, not unlike Eöl had done to his son. So maybe he shouldn't be surprised now?

Anyway, without Melkor there was even more chaos, because nobody cared to repair anything (don't think about that wave, it makes no sense, it couldn't have happened as you remember because then you'd be dead, don't be a fool, you're being dramatic about it).

He didn't even remember much of how it had all started.

There had been conflict. And conflicts ended quickly when the stronger side had more advantage, so he had joined the stronger side.

Somehow, it did not work.

Maybe it was not the stronger side, after all? But again, this made no sense. And what would he do now anyway? It was long beyond anything— all that they would do was to destroy him— which they managed to do without his help anyway— did this mean that finally some order would be achieved?

It wasn't his problem anymore, but that was a funny thought, so Sauron laughed as he wept, until his body was broken with his falling tower and his will melted in fire.

[cuntylouis]

Ignoring the real possibility he intentionally let himself be caught from the little we know so far Luigi Mangione's case is a fascinating combination of astonishing brilliance and confusing stupidity. This young man plans and executes his assassination and escape with such a meticulous care and calmness that it's suspected that he's a professional hitman. He comes up with Riddler-sque moves like writing his manifesto poetically on the bullets and leaving his backpack behind full of Monopoly money. He carefully wears a mask to avoid being identified but removes it because a woman who was checking him into the hostel was flirting with him and wanted to see his smile. He still manages to escape the most surveilled city in the country in the midst of ongoing national manhunt only to get caught in the middle of bumfuck nowhere Pennsylvania while eating at the McDonalds. Because for some reason he had the same clothes and mask as in New York and was carrying the same gun and suppressor. And when the cops detained him he showed them the same fake id he used in New York. And oh yeah he's a frat bro gym rat who has a masters degree in computer science from Penn but reads stupid self-help books about being on the grind and is 'anti-woke' while being bisexual suffering from anxiety and wanting to end oppressive capitalism. Not even god himself could invent a person like this

[some-pers0n]

I hate how people will look at popular indie artists who had one or two songs go viral on TikTok and start making fun of anybody who listens to them. "Oh you listen to Lemon Demon, Will Wood, Jack Stauber, Glass Animals, and Mother Mother? Tsk, don't you know that is stupid TikTok neurodivergent white transmasc preteen music? It's so mid and bad you should listen to real music–" you are a pit of misery

[captainjonnitkessler]

>Join a union

>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on

>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members

>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on

[teaboot]

Okay so I'm a security guard, right

And part of why I like my job is cause I'm pretty good at deescalating conflicts without violence or police involvement

And that *might* be because my primary coping mechanism for stress is humor, and if the guy in the uniform isn't stressed out, usually nobody else is either

But anyhow today I witnessed a crime, which 911 had already been called for

And I'm telling the guy, you know, as he's running away, that nobody's gonna touch him, we don't do that here, I don't have any weapons and he can totally walk on out if he wants to

And he gives me this 'go-fuck-yourself" type answer, right? As you do

And I fucking

I fucking. Start danCING

I DONT KNOW WHY

I WAS JUST LIKE "aight guess I'll go fuck myself then, cheerio" AND START FUCKING DANCING

LIKE MY BRAIN WAS LIKE "Cool not being attacked, gotta keep the witnessed calm, gotta stay chill and breezy" AND THE PHYSICAL RESPONSE FOR THAT WAS TO SYART DOING THIS SASSY FUCKING JIG

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZR I WAS FDOUNG IT UNTIL SOMEONE POIU TED IT OUT AFTER

and it all ended fine and the dude is in custody and I get a call from my boss like "Yeah we're gonna need to send footage to police"

AND

FUCKING

THIS IS GOING TO BE SHOWN IN COURT SOMEWHERE

IM DOUNG A SRUPID LITTLE DANCE ON CAMERA AS THIS GUY LOSES HIS MIND AND ITS GONNA BE ON COURT SOMEWHERW

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING IVE WVER DONE

I HATE MYSELFD

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!

(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)

[fiddlingford]

Guys

GUYS

GUYSSS!!!!!

Climb him like a tree amirit

[penny-anna]

fanfiction writers when a character is remotely non-human

[myiliterallyhavenolifegoals]

Learn your history!!!!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hey now, Let her cook!

[gabilunaar]

Labru modern aus fics be like:

Because men, every time Kabru has a PhD, published books, goes on tv, is on the radio of your home, is a professor, rich and famous and all. Than we have Laios that works in a supermarket, plays dnd and works out.

[artkaninchenbau]

A h-heartfelt reunion..?

Bonus

[what-am-i-doing-in-this-fandom]

the werewolf stan is amazing btw thank you

No, thank you!!! In fact, here's more just because you sent this ask (and probably the other one too, I love you)!!!!! More!!!!!!!!

They are liars <3

Part one is here!! ;P

Part three is here!! 'cause I can't control myself 😔

[wewontbesleeping]

the weirdest fucking thing to me is how men will be like "it's so hard being a man. no one cares that i'm sad. the loneliness we experience could NEVER be understood by a woman" and then also be like "btw i never talk to my friends and i don't know their names and i love hanging out with men because they don't talk about their stupid emotions all the time. women could never understand a bond like this." like ???

[madamemachikonew]

"Go to hell" is basic. "Hope your favourite anime movie sequel gets cancelled after seven years in production AND getting an animated teaser." is smart. It's possible. It's terrifying. It's happened.