#don’tlosehope

[hirooparikh]

જીંદગી તું જેવી છું એવી જ મને મંજુર છે.:- હિરેન પરીખ

May 1st 2021 :આજે ઉતાર્યું “*પોટલું*” મારા અસ્તિત્વનુ ,ગાંઠોને ખોલીને જોયું અંદર તો,અકબંધ મળી આવી ગડીવાળીને સાચવીને મુકેલી એ જ વિતેલા વર્ષોની ખૂબ બધી યાદો. ત્યાંજ આંખના પલકારામાં સમજાઈ ગયું સઘળું જીવન આમજ. ભવિષ્ય ઘણા બધા પર્યાય અને અનિશ્ચિતતા સાથ હાથ પકડીને ઉભું હોય છે. જેમ જેમ આગળ વધીએ તેમ‌ તેમ સંજોગો બદલાઈ જતા હોય છે અને ગમતું ના ગમતું બધું જ તાદ્રશ્ય થતું જાય છે. સમય વહેતો જાય છે સાથે સાથે…

[reeese29]

3:00 am

6:30 am, April 30, 2020

I woke up at almost 3:00am and I just cried, I tried to figure out why I was sad. I could not blame PMS for it, I never said anything annoying to my boyfriend, I didn’t hurt anyone, me and my parents were okay. I tried to look for reasons. It just felt so real where my heart was crashed and it felt so heavy and I never wanted to see anything so turned off the lights and tried to fall asleep again. I thought or maybe I felt that I overshare too much on facebook and twitter and I maybe too annoying for everyone. The thing is, I could use maybe a psychiatrist right now because it felt like my mental and emotional health is weak.

I remember way back when I was just focusing on my studies, I miss that old self. I miss how life seemed to be very easy where I just needed to start the day and I know I have classes, that was my focus and my goal was to graduate. Of course, as a young adult we experience courtship and try to evaluate yourself if you are ready because wasting time is painful and just merely a waste. 

Right now, it just felt so different. My heart bleeds for the things that I’ve done and the things that I say. What I only want in life is to be genuinely happy. I have dreams, I wanted to have a stabled job and save up for my future. Everybody wants that. I find happiness to little things like BTS whose way out of my league and I can’t help but to love them because it took only one Kim Seokjin to tell me that beyond anything else, I should love myself and put myself first because I’m precious and beautifully made just the way I am (I’m literally crying right now) and those 7 boys taught me that it is okay to struggle, overcome your fears and love yourself and their song “Magic Shop” will always have a space my heart and it goes like this,“I do believe your galaxy, I want to hear your melody,  How will the stars of your milky way embroider your sky. After my despair, I don’t forget that I found you. You're my last reason to stand on the edge of a cliff live. The day I hate being me, the day I want to disappear. Let's make a door, everything in your heart. If you open the door and enter, this place will wait. It's okay to believe it, a magic shop that will comfort you. Sipping a cup of hot tea, looking up at the milky way. You'll be fine oh this is a magic shop. So show me (I'll show you), So show me (I'll show you)” but what hurts me most is that people will never understand their impact to my life. I’m not idolizing them because they're just good looking but because they have the ability to say that everything will be fine, just be yourself, do what makes you happy and never be afraid to dream big. 

It’s 7:21am and I guess I’m okay to start the day now and I hope no one else gets to feel this way every 3:00 am. Have a nice day!

#goodday #nevergiveup #don’tlosehope #ARMY #BTS