#don’t want to spoil someone for october if they’re scrolling through

[thoughts-of-a-bibleophile]

Oh my god, it’s time to scream about Kasumi.

Welcome to me being Back on My Bullshit, featuring Persona 5 Royal and hella spoilers until October. On this episode, we’re going to talk about Kasumi Yoshizawa and her awesome awakening scene because I have QUESTIONS.

So, we just going with her being a magical girl now? Because that transformation scene was unnecessarily over the top and ridiculous and I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT.

Is this just the play on her being Cinderella/Cendrillon, with the fancy transformation and such? Does she have a time limit in battle or like a recharge time? Or am I thinking too much about this? Or is this just foreshadowing for future Persona games and characters to get magical girl transformation scenes? Because I am down for that. Give me DLC of Akira transforming into his Phantom Thief outfit with a good slow pan of his clothes and his hair doing the cool floopy floop in the imaginary wind. Give me magical girl Akira dammit.

The real question, though, is how she got into the Metaverse in the first place. This is all speculation on my part becuase I’ve only just gotten past her awakening scene, so I’m just theorizing what happens. Please don’t spoil anything beyond October for me. You can tell me I’m wrong about my guesses, but please don’t spoil what actually happens. Please.

Anyway, I’ve rewatched this scene a few times and paused the video to check the screen and there’s no Nav there; it’s just starting up by itself. So it makes me think there’s some sort of intervention going on that’s pulling her there because she’s supposed to meet Joker and Mona and her dead sister/her cognitive self? (And if that is her sister, that was morbid as fuck like Jesus Christ just damage the poor girl even more with a ghost of her dead sister why don’t you?) If it’s her cognitive self, then I suppose it was incentive to further step away from her perfect honors student persona (pun unintended.) Perhaps she’s another player of the game and it’s not just Akechi and Akira? She’s been way too important story-wise to just be an outside third party in the endgame. Adding on to that, the Shadow purposely killed the cognitive person in front of Kasumi, as if further pushing her to transform. And then the Shadow taunts her as well, not only with its own scorn but with the echoes of everyone’s comments. So clearly someone wants her to be a player in this game.

I just can’t tell if she’s on last boss’ side or the Thieves side in the end? Because from the first moment you meet her in Sae’s Palace, she’s not a member of the PT and doesn’t seem like she’ll be joining you either, but she also doesn’t seem antagonistic toward you, so I’m not sure what they’re going to do with her. I’m excited for whatever comes, though, because she’s been such a great, compelling character to follow. And it doesn’t look like they can really screw her up like Haru, either, even if you don’t befriend her, because she’s such an integral part of the story.

Also! It’s so weird that she doesn’t bleed at all during her transformation scene. That’s typically what happens when you rip off your mask - you bleed because you’re tearing away the mask on your heart and accepting the person inside, hence the persona. But...she just does her magical girl, yellow-eyes transformation instead. So either she has already somehow accepted her persona and is getting some weird transformation? Or maybe this was just a trick of the palace itself, making Mona and Joker see what they think they should see, another Phantom Thief? But then again she fought with you, but I accidentally saw a video titled “reawakening,” so now I can’t help but think this is all just a weird trick somehow or that Cendrillon isn’t her real/original Persona, like Robin Hood isn’t Akechi’s.

And the yellow eyes thing... Oh my god, she’s not just a part of the velvet room, right? She’s not a spirit sent down to watch over the protagonist and judge them, right? She’s clearly a human, but so was Teddie and he’s a Shadow, from what I understand. Did her sister not die actually? Or are they twins and Kasumi is taking her place in competitions and such so that they don’t fail? She did say “our dream,” after all... but then switches to “my dream” in reality. Whose dream is it? Logically it’s her and her sister’s, but i suppose it could be her family in general? Or...Maruki? Since she’s so close to him? And she’s clearly upset when he’s involved... Oh my god I really hope she’s not just some ghost that disappears at the end or whatever. DON’T DO THAT TO ME, ATLUS.

So now...I just have a lot of questions.

Anyway, I love one (1) girl and it’s Kasumi Yoshizawa. Thanks for reading and tune in next time for more screaming about fiction characters.

[carebearbro]

I'm anxious to see more Care Bears: Unlock the Magic episodes on Boomerang's streaming service.

I.  AM.  TOO. Right now there are 20 episodes that are on TinyPop that aren’t on Boomerang.  I’ve been able to watch four of them through the FilmOnTV site.  But it’s not the same as having them readily available on Boomerang. So I’m going to go on a major rant right here.  Disclaimer:  The rest of my response is just going to be me whining and complaining about this, so for anyone who doesn’t want to read it, just keep scrolling.  I want my blog to be a place of happiness and positive vibes, but I do want to blow off some steam about this. And really, it’s just a very very minor blip of irritation in my life, not a source of any real anger or frustration.  I have so much to be grateful for in my life, so as much as this response is going to sound like me being a super ungrateful spoiled brat, it’s really not a big deal, even though I’m going to make it sound like it is. I honestly don’t understand what is up with Boomerang.  There are TWENTY episodes that have all aired MULTIPLE TIMES on TinyPop.  Not only are they not up on Boomerang, but we haven’t heard A SINGLE THING about their schedule to air them.�� And Boomerang already has such a stupidly haphazard way of releasing that there’s no way to predict what they’re going to do.   The Care Bears instragram account responded to someone’s comment that there would be new eps uploaded last Friday.  But that never happened. So here we are, with absolutely no clue how they’re going to upload them.  We could get all twenty sometime before the end of the year, or we could get none.  When the beginning of January comes around, we could get one episode or many.  Or, for all we know, we may not even get one in January.  And that’s what’s so frustrating.  If only they would announce how they were going to do it, at least we would know and wouldn’t be driving ourselves crazy waiting on eps.   And the thing is...if they weren’t on TinyPop, it wouldn’t be as infuriating.  It would feel just like September or October and we’d be thinking that they were just going to keep releasing one a month (though the skipped November for who knows what reason).  But THEY’RE JUST SITTING THERE on TinyPop. It’s not even a UK based show!  Don’t get me wrong...the UK people deserve the eps just as much as we do, at the same time that we do.  Heck, I say everyone in the world should get the eps at the same time.  But why on earth should the UK people get the eps BEFORE those of us in the US when the show isn’t based in the UK?  If it was a UK show, that would make sense.  But it’s not! Granted, I know nothing about marketing.  I’m assuming Boomerang must have some financial plan for spacing out the episode releases.  Maybe this is just their way of tricking people into paying the $5 monthly fee by slowly releasing eps and not letting them know when they’ll be more to keep people from just canceling their accounts and renewing them when the new eps are released. Even so, that’s a really manipulative way to keep people signed on...especially when TinyPop just airs all of them.  It’s the most frustrating way to watch eps of this amazing show. Which is why it’s so painful.  The show is so great and it’s SO AWESOME getting fresh, modern Care Bears material that is actually good.   So yeah, I hate the situation too.  I just wan to know what the plan is.  There are TWENTY eps!   Ok rant over.  Nice to have all of that typed out so I can just move on.  

[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[gianconel]

Over the last twelve months..

It’s been over a year since I last wrote an entry on this blog, since I last felt extreme distress in life. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I have unconsciously decided to create an unofficial blog I’ll write to, whenever I’m in great frustration or sadness or whatever extreme feeling you could think of. This time, it’s completely different from the first one I had written. While the first one was about a break up with a someone I used to date, this time it’s a catching up on how far I’ve come as compared to the last time.  

Basically I’d like to highlight some significant changes in me, or in my life, that happened over the last twelve months. I don’t really have a friend or friends I could tell this to so I’m writing it here instead. Anyway, that’s besides the point. Let’s get started. 

First, my name is now longer by a couple letters. No, I didn’t get married and hyphenated my name with my spouse’s. Sadly, that option isn’t possible here. This time last year, I finally took the CPA Licensure Exam after struggling to make it out of college for five years, and reviewing independently for five more months after graduating. My break up last year with Rize happened in the middle of my board exams, but luckily, the break up wasn’t sad enough to stop me from giving my best. On October 21, 2019, somewhere around 11:00 PM, the results came out and I was shaking as I scrolled through the list of passers. I let out a huge sigh of relief upon seeing my name. “I finally made it,” I said to myself. But little did I know that was hardly the beginning of it all. 

During that same week, I also took the U.S. CMA Exam and then moving forward to December 2019, I received two emails from IMA confirming that I passed both parts of the exam. That time, I felt less pressure since it was not my primary objective after graduating college. It was more of a safety net that I was setting for myself, in case I decide to work abroad and I would have an additional credential from an internationally recognized institution that I could present, since the CPA title is not recognized anywhere else than the Philippines. However, looking back at it now, I have not fully realized the benefits of passing the CMA exam, because passing is just one thing. Before you can even use the title and get your license, you need to have two years of meaningful work experience. Although I am not entirely sure if your work experience needs to be related to specific fields of the industry. Which brings me to my second point, I am now officially a corporate slave.

Four months after passing the CPA Board Exams, or exactly February 24, 2020, I started with my first job ever as a Financial Reporting Analyst 1 for Citibank NA - ROHQ. Citi was not exactly my first choice in the list of companies where I wanted to work but the other companies did not respond to my applications while Citi already gave their job offer which is definitely not bad, so I accepted it. In my current role, when I started with my trainings and modules, it all felt like I was starting from scratch again. I was clueless 90% of the time during my training sessions with my seniors and would often zone out. The general concept of our team is related to a topic that we had in college, but the processes and the systems were all new. It did not even require a CPA license, that’s how different it is. I applied for this role thinking that it was going to be exactly like what we did in Financial Accounting and Reporting but boy, I was so wrong. I will expound further on my role and my job description later on with another post. I’m too lazy to collect my thoughts and ideas about it at the moment. 

(I had so many thoughts when I started writing this post but now I’m too lazy to continue it from here)

The last significant change that I noticed in myself is how I’m less extroverted now. I wouldn’t exactly consider myself as an introvert yet, but (wow this is getting more personal, time to play Lorde -- now playing: Perfect Places) I can say I definitely became less independent of any relationship outside of my own family. I can now spend weeks hardly talking to or having any type of interaction with any of my friends. Ironically, the song has a line that says “Now I can’t stand to be alone..” but I feel like I am the complete opposite at the moment. I am better at treading life alone, with little to no connection with anyone. Is the correct word “selfish’ if I say that over the past few months, my focus has been directed towards myself, where I’m at, and where I want to be? I don’t feel as enthusiastic whenever there’s a scheduled call with my friends, maybe because this pandemic took away from us to see one another personally. Maybe because I don’t necessarily miss talking to them, but because I miss being with them, physically, personally. I want to know how they’re doing, I want to know what’s up with them, but I don’t want to hear it through a call, I want to hear it in person, over glasses of shots or over cups of coffee. And maybe until we get the chance to do that, I still won’t be as interested in catching up. 

Speaking of relationships and friendships, I have not made any attempts of dating anyone for months. Incredible how this lockdown really spoiled dating for me. Hahaha. Like I said, I have become more focused on myself now and I don’t see the point of dating or committing to someone who you’re not sure if they’re planning to intertwine their life plan with yours. And for someone whose love language is physical touch, mere online dating really doesn’t work for me. I want to feel the thrill of going out on a physical date, seeing a film, cuddling, and etc. All of those without the fear of catching the virus. 

Anyway, as always, I have no idea how I’m going to close this post. But you got what I wanted to share already and I believe that’s more than enough. All I’m trying to say is, I’m not the same person who wrote that first post about his break up. Yes, I am still in deep uncertainty and I still have worries, but they are on a different level now. More of an adult level, lol. Byezzzzz.

P.S. Oh, and I finally started watching Rupaul’s Drag Race 4 or 5 months ago. Hahahaha it’s the best, yesss gawd mawma!!!!

[bitch-spectrum]

Two Months (first short story on tumblr)

Two months ago, and I counted the days, I met a guy I didn’t expect to befriend. I was just lying in bed, my family still thought I was asleep. Well, that’s how I liked it. I checked a social media and saw that some dude I didn’t know liked my art.  “Cool.” I think. So, I go and check out this guys profile.  “Oh lord..” I sigh upon seeing his page. He’s christian...and french. I usually don’t get along with either...The french thing runs in my family I suppose. I also see that he joined like two or three days ago. So I thank him for the like and drop him a follow. Later that night he thanks me for the follow and I reply with my catchphrase. “No problem dude :)” While I scroll through his feed, seeing what he’s posted I learn he’s really into geography and social studies. He also did some neighbourhood photography. Classic city scenes. I liked each one of them. About a week or two into it I notice that he’s updated his profile. Along with saying he’s christian he also says he’s neither for or against LGBT. So, one red flag. I knew by now that when people say that they’re usually still against it. I don’t know what I was thinking that night but i send him a message. I told him I was LGBT+ and respected his views as long as he could respect mine. I really liked his photography and I didn’t want to have to block him if he began to harass people on my page for being LGBT+. He replies almost immediately with a poorly constructed paragraph explaining that he didn’t mind it but the life style wasn't for him. He also apologised for him still learning English. I honestly don’t get why people apologise for that. You didn’t get to choose what language you learned first. Besides that, he seemed like a man worthy of respect as long as he deemed worthy. So I delivered my end and respected his views, and as did he with mine. It made me happy and I was reminded that even if a majority of a people are rude towards me, there are always those good people that are not worthy of being held in the same regards for they are worthy of so much more. Yes, I admit that he’d occasionally say something a bit too preachy for my taste. but who am I to stop a man from doing what he loves. He does not stop me for that reason. The things he preached were never to shame a person but to remind them that, and I quote from a post “God has made all men in his image. You need not change for God made you this way for a reason. It is a part of his plan.” Of course I naturally cringed a little but hey, at least he wasn’t telling all the gays to burn in hell so I can’t complain.  One day I notice he posted a small 3 sentence vent about how his family life was stressing him out. Poor guy, I message him asking if he was alright. He tells me he’s fine and that he’s just a bit stressed. I let him know that I’m there if he needs someone to talk to. Not a day later I see he’s messaged me. I open it. Again, one long ever running paragraph. It’s the story of his life. Mind you not even a month of knowing this man and he trusts me with his real name, the collage he went to, the city he lives in and the story of his life. I read through it trying to decipher the 4 or 5 confusing or oddly worded sentences. It was indeed a very sad story. He was at a point in his life where nothing mattered to him. He was at an all time low. He nearly hanged himself, and here’s the part that made me chuckle. He tells me he found the light of God. He tells me that God had pulled him out of the most miserable time in his life. That method didn’t work for me but I was happy he found something for him. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to someone’s life story over text so I say “I’m sorry for the down times in your life but I’m happy you’re doing better.”

We would occasionally message back and forth, checking in on each other, making sure we were both doing okay. He never really gained a big following. It was me and maybe 3 or 4 other people. Most of his posts only got one or two likes, usually from me. One day he makes a post saying that he was going to try to find this one girl he’d fallen in love with on an old chat app. I wish him luck. He only finds that she hasn’t been active in almost a year. It was a bit sad really. He told me about her and she seemed wonderful. 

And now it’s October. The month with the best ascetic. The month I can never seemingly be down in. That’s why the last message he ever sent me was bitter sweet. He tells me he’s still extremely stressed, especially with all the work from uni loading him down. There’s still struggles going on in his family and he said he couldn’t continue posting on this site. He gave me his watt pad, the website he’s using for uni, and then apologised. He apologised for his problems. Just like with language, there’s no reason to apologise. He also goes on to tell me that I am the only one on the sight he is going to tell of his departure. He says that I have been a good friend and was always there to back him up. I was really the only person on the site that talked to him, other than those crazy SJWs that would would harass him for being straight and christian. Basically hating him for what and who he loved..Man, that sure does sound familiar. The last things he told me were to not be sad, he promised to live his best life. So, I’m holding up my end of the deal, let’s see if he can hold his. I suppose the take away is to never look at one member of the community as a whole. After all, if you just removed the bad apple the bunch wouldn’t spoil.  “So, well, keep a smile on your face and be happy” (If you want to give criticism, reblog or leave a comment.)

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Detention

by Ronan Wills

Thursday, 11 October 2018

Taiwan's history of martial law makes for an excellent portable horror game

Oooh! This is in the Axis of Awesome!~

Horror video games are in an odd spot right now. With my beloved Silent Hill buried beneath the ashes of Konami and the genre dormant in the big-budget space (although Capcom might be giving it a sharp poke back into wakefulness, if Resident Evil 7 and the upcoming Resident Evil 2 remake are anything to go by), gamers looking for a scary good time have increasingly turned to the indie scene to get their fix.

But even that’s starting to stagnate, with a plethora of shabby titles ripping off whatever the latest big trend is. The

Amnesia: The Dark Descent

clones weren’t too bad, but things got really dire once

Five Night’s At Freddy’s

came along.

There is, however, another trend that’s flown under the radar. In recent years, indie horror games from south-east Asia have started to crop up here and there. Developed with an international audience in mind but touting their local culture and mythology as a selling point, these games stand out both due to their point of origin and because they tend to take inspiration from older, more well-regarded horror classics, instead of chasing the latest flash in the pan. The trend seems to have begun with

DreadOut

, a Kickstarted game from Indonesia heavily inspired by the Fatal Frame/Project Zero franchise, and over the last few years more and more have popped up on Steam and other digital platforms.

Jonesing for something spooky to play and realizing that I hadn’t dipped my toe into this particular corner of the market yet, I browsed the Nintendo Switch online store and spotted

Detention

, a Taiwanese game from developer Red Candle. I remembered hearing good things about it when it was released on the PC early last year, but I didn’t know much about it past the basic plot setup and that it’s a 2D side-scrolling game.

Now I’m just kicking myself for not playing it sooner. Everyone who loves classic horror games and who harbours hope for the future of the genre needs to play this game immediately.

Detention

takes place in the 1960s, during the period of Taiwanese history known as the White Terror. The country is under the rule of the nationalist Kuomintang, who use anti-Communist paranoia and tension with neighbouring China to brutally stamp out any hint of dissent among the populace. Our protagonist is Fang Ray Shin, a seventeen year old high school student on the cusp of graduation and adulthood.

Trapped in her school during an unseasonable typhoon, Ray finds herself in a nightmarish version of her familiar world, where ghostly creatures roam the halls and supernatural manifestations force her to confront the events of her recent past--events that she either doesn’t remember, or is trying desperately to forget.

If that setup sounds just a wee bit familiar, then you’ll understand why I sat up and gasped in delight more or less the moment I started playing

Detention

. It’s very clearly and obviously riffing on the older

Silent Hill

games, and unlike many horror games that have tried to do this over the years, it both successfully distills the essence of what made

Silent Hill

so memorable and also manages to retain its own identity.

Despite the 2D presentation,

Detention’s

gameplay is as familiar and comfortable as a favourite pair of slippers. You explore spooky, elaborate environments, searching for clues and items to help you solve puzzles that usually operate on some amount of dream logic. You’ll use items on environmental objects, you’ll hunt down keys, you’ll find statues that look as though they’re meant to be holding something but are currently not holding anything...it’s very familiar survival horror fare. The puzzles are uniformly clever and intriguing; as the game goes on they ramp up in difficulty nicely, eventually requiring the sort of lateral thinking that leads to satisfying “ah ha!” moments. Smart environmental design means that you’ll never fail to progress simply because you didn’t press A on the right piece of background; things you’re meant to interact with are clearly signposted as such.

Where Detention diverges from its inspiration is in enemy encounters. Realizing that combat was always the worst part of classic horror games, Red Candle decided to do away with it entirely in favour of light stealth mechanics. You’ll be looking to avoid

Detention’s

eerie monsters rather than kill them, although I don’t want to spoil the main mechanic by which you do that because it’s pretty original. Enemies aren’t very common--they show up just enough that you’re always worried about running into one, but the game doesn’t throw them at you just for the sake of creating artificial difficulty. Puzzles and plot are the main focus here, particularly in the game's second half.

Said plot is easily

Detention’s

greatest asset. From the very first scene, where a teacher is called away by the school’s political officer for unknown reasons, the game establishes a heavy atmosphere of dread. Its handling of Taiwan’s history really demonstrates the difference between people telling the stories of their own culture and an outsider doing it. A western developer would likely have gone much heavier on the White Terror angle, rather than taking the much more nuanced approach that Red Candle did.

The White Terror is both ever-present and distant. Like all people who live through history, Ray isn’t aware that her experiences will one day seem extraordinary to future generations, or that the society she lives in will come to be viewed as a transient period of darkness between relative stretches of light. This is just her life; she and her classmates and family and teachers have the same daily concerns as anyone else living at any other time, they just happen to exist in an environment where mundane actions and worries can get people killed. Feeling stifled by her surroundings and her home life and yearning to escape, but not knowing what that would look like in practice, Ray takes the kinds of reckless actions that young people the world over are prone to. The fact that her life is engulfed in tragedy as a result isn’t treated as remarkable or even unfair; it’s just the reality of the time and place she happens to live in.

If you’re familiar with

Silent Hill

-inspired games, you’ll know that they like to have Big Plot Twists of a certain nature. Very early on, I figured out what I thought was going to be

Detention’s

Big Plot Twist, but it turns out that the developers were one step ahead of me. Obviously anticipating this reaction from savvy horror fans, they de-twist the twist by basically giving the game away well before the climax. The suggestive symbolism littered throughout the personalized hell that Ray finds herself in lays out the basic fundamentals of what happened to her and the other characters and why she’s in the situation she’s in very clearly, and then a combination of cut-scenes and documents makes it explicit if you’re paying any attention at all. This turns out to be a smart move on Red Candle’s part, as trying to conceal the truth for a Big Plot Twist would likely have failed, and the exact specifics of why everything happened is more interesting than the mere fact that it did happen.

Ray herself is one of the best-written videogame characters I’ve seen in years. Initially encountered through someone else’s perspective, she comes off at first glance as the sort of timid, helpless heroine that horror likes to go in for. But as you peel back the layers of the plot, she turns out to be something very different altogether, both stronger and weaker than she appeared at first, and heart-breakingly relatable even as she’s caught up in circumstances that most of the people playing as her will (hopefully) never experience.

More than just well-written, Detention is subtle and intelligent. Visuals, music, plot and dialogue weave together in eye-opening and unexpected ways, forcing you to constantly re-examine things you saw earlier in new light. It really does reach the heights of meaningful, subtle symbolism that Silent Hill achieved at its best. At times, it might exceed it.

I’m enough of a

Silent Hill

mega fan that that’s high praise indeed. In case it didn’t come through clear enough, I loved every single second of

Detention

, from its mysterious, foreboding opening to it's heart-breaking conclusion. As far as I’m concerned, it’s the successor to the throne of the top tier of videogame horror that Konami relinquished when they started farming Silent Hill out to inexperienced studios, and my anticipation for Red Candles’ next game is physically painful.

All that aside, the game has a few irritating flaws. The English version is plagued with a number of typos and grammatical errors, including the occasional straight up missing word; judging by Red Candles’ English website, it seems like they don’t have any entirely fluent speakers on staff, and it shows. The problems aren’t enough to be a deal breaker by any means, but the mistakes are jarring given how well written the dialogue is, and it’s disappointing to see these errors uncorrected in a version of the game released well over a year after the initial PC release.

At one point, the game brings up a student/teacher relationship which (reading between the lines) appears to have become sexual. Taken at face value, the way the story leaves off this plot point could be read as alarmingly positive. Thinking about it a bit more deeply in context, the rose-tinted way the relationship is portrayed is being filtered entirely through the perspective of the student--who has understandable reasons for feeling that way and wildly mis-interprets other adult dynamics--rather than any detached authorial voice. The only third-party opinion we get on the situation comes from another adult who's generally portrayed as an empathetic type with her head screwed on straight; the fact that she basically calls the teacher involved a predator is, I feel, a pretty clear indicator of where the developers' own feelings lie (there are also some horror elements of the game that don't exactly paint the adult party in a positive light).

Still, I wanted to bring it up in case readers may be uncomfortable with the idea of playing a game that tackled this subject matter at all. Other than this plot point, the game stays entirely away from sexual violence and abuse, which I thought was an admirable bit of restraint given how dark some of the other topics handled are (this is, again, somewhere that I feel a western developer might have tripped up).

Also, the Switch version of the game chugs and drops the framerate during visually busy environments. I’m assuming this issue isn’t present in other versions of the game, but it’s something to be aware of if you’re considering where to play it.

Regardless of how you play it, I recommend you do play it.

Detention

is the best horror game I've played in years and easily one of the most nuanced, mature stories in the medium as a whole. I have no hesitation in making it my inaugural

Axis of Awesome

entry on Ferretbrain.

Themes:

Computer Games

,

Horror