#don’t mind me just screaming into the void

[acute-crashout-jeyuso]

Sacrifices/ BTR Book 2: a Jhea fanfic.

Chapter 12: Sago Palm

February 2nd, 2025 3:42 AM

Rhea’s body shifted restlessly under the sheets, her face contorted with a mix of fear and pain. She was trapped in the depths of a nightmare, a vivid and cruel imagination of her deepest fears. In the dream, she stood in the middle of a cold, sterile courtroom. The judge, his gavel raised high, pronounced in a booming voice: “Matthew Addams, not guilty.”

Gasps echoed through the room, but it was as if everyone around her was frozen. Her heart pounded in her chest as she tried to scream, but no sound came out. The walls of the courtroom seemed to close in around her, and when she tried to run, every door was locked. Desperation clawed at her throat, her fists pounding uselessly against the unyielding wooden doors.

Suddenly, the walls started to bleed, dark red streaks running down, and the courtroom dissolved into a suffocating void. Rhea was falling, falling endlessly—

She jolted awake with a gasp, her chest heaving as she sat upright. Her heart raced, the phantom echoes of the dream still lingering in her mind. Sweat clung to her skin, and she tried to catch her breath.

Beside her, Jey was already awake, his eyes filled with concern. “I kept trying to wake you,” he said softly, his voice thick with worry. He reached out and gently touched her arm. “You were crying out in your sleep again babe..”

She pressed her hands to her face, trying to shake off the remnants of the nightmare. “It was him,” she whispered, her voice shaky. “The judge… he said Matthew was not guilty. And I couldn’t get out. Every door was locked, Jey.”

Jey sat up and pulled her into his arms without hesitation, holding her tightly against his chest. His warmth and steady heartbeat began to ground her, chasing away the lingering fear. He kissed the top of her head, his lips lingering for a moment. “It was just a dream, baby. I’m here. He’s not gonna hurt you again. I won’t let him.”

Rhea let out a shuddering breath, the tears she had been holding back finally escaping. “I don’t know why it still feels so real,” she admitted, her voice cracking. “I know he is in jail right now but I feel like he’s still out there, waiting to destroy everything again.”

Jey’s arms tightened around her, his protective nature kicking in full force. “Listen to me,” he said, his voice firm but gentle. “You’ve been through hell, but you’re not alone in this. You’ve got me and the whole family. We’re not gonna let him win.”

Rhea leaned into him, her fingers clutching at his shirt like it was the only thing tethering her to reality. She closed her eyes, letting his words wash over her. “I love you,” she murmured.

Jey tilted her chin up so she could meet his eyes. “I love you too, Rhea. More than anything.”

He kissed her softly, a promise wrapped in tenderness. When he pulled back, he said, “You don’t have to carry this alone. We’re gonna get through it, together.”

Rhea nodded, the weight on her chest feeling just a little lighter. “Together,” she repeated.

Jey shifted, leaning back against the headboard, and pulled her to rest against him. “Come here,” he said, his hand rubbing slow, soothing circles on her back. “Close your eyes. I got you.”

—

8:42 AM

Rhea sat curled up on the couch, a cozy blanket draped over her legs as the rich aroma of hot champurrado filled the room. The warm mug rested in her hands, offering a small comfort as she spoke to her mother over the phone.

“How’s my lovely pregnant daughter feeling?” her mother asked, her voice filled with affection.

“I’m doing fine, Mom,” Rhea replied, though her tone carried a hint of weariness.

Her mother didn’t miss a beat. “Talk to me, babygirl. I can hear it in your voice.”

Rhea hesitated, taking a slow sip from her mug before setting it down on the coffee table. “I don’t want to alarm you, but I do have to ask… Did I deserve any of the things that happened to me?”

There was a moment of silence on the other end before her mother’s voice returned, firm and resolute. “Demi, listen to me. No one deserves the kind of pain you’ve been through. No one. You’ve been strong, and you’ve fought through more than most people could handle. Are you okay?”

Rhea sighed, leaning back into the cushions. “It’s just my nightmares, Mom. They’ve been getting worse lately.”

Her mother’s voice softened. “Have you thought about journaling? It helped me when your father and I were going through a rough patch. Sometimes putting your thoughts on paper can help you make sense of them.”

Rhea shook her head, though she knew her mother couldn’t see it. “No, but I’ve started gardening again. It helps, being out there, working with my hands.”

“That’s the spirit,” her mother said, her voice warm with encouragement.

Rhea hesitated again before asking, “Mom… do you think Jey really loves me?”

Her mother was quiet for a moment, then let out a soft sigh. “Honey, he was there every single day when you were in that coma. He didn’t leave your side. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

Rhea’s chest tightened, a mix of emotions swirling inside her. “I love him a lot,” she admitted quietly. “But I just don’t want to feel like I’m forcing him into this because I got pregnant.”

Her mother’s voice grew gentle but firm. “Demi, a real man steps up when it matters most. Jey is that kind of man, and you already know that. Trust in his love for you, just like he trusts in you.”

Rhea felt a small smile tug at her lips. “Thank you, Mom. I needed to hear that.”

“Tell you what,” her mother said. “Your father and I can come down at the end of the month to see your new home. We’d love to spend some time with you.”

Rhea’s smile widened. “That would be great. I’d love to see you guys.”

“Alright then,” her mother said, her tone lifting. “And remember, Demi, you’re never alone. We’re always here for you.”

“Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

“We love you too, sweetheart. Now, go enjoy your day with that wonderful man of yours.”

Rhea ended the call, setting her phone aside as she leaned back into the couch. The weight on her shoulders felt a little lighter, her mother’s words a comforting balm to her restless thoughts. She looked out the window, watching the sunlight dance on the leaves in her garden.

No matter how dark her dreams got, she reminded herself, there was always light to be found in the love and support of those who cared for her.

Liv walked down the stairs, her fuzzy socks padding softly on the hardwood floor. She spotted Rhea curled up on the couch.

“Do you have more of that cocoa?” Liv asked, her voice light.

Rhea glanced up and smiled. “Yeah, it’s in the kettle. Help yourself.”

Liv headed to the kitchen, pouring herself a cup. She took a sip and her eyes lit up, it wasn’t cocoa. “Is this Dom’s champurrado?”

Rhea nodded, her smile growing. “Yeah, he made some for me last night so I could have it this morning.”

Liv grinned. “I love it when he makes this stuff. It’s like a warm hug in a cup.”

Heading to the couch, Liv plopped down next to Rhea, pulling the blanket over her legs. She snuggled up close, and they both turned their attention to the TV, the soft glow of the screen casting a cozy light in the room.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Rhea spoke, her voice quieter. “I had a nightmare again.”

Liv’s head tilted as she looked at her best friend. “Did you punch Jey this time?” she teased, a playful smirk on her face.

Rhea let out a small laugh. “No, not this time.”

Liv gave her a nudge. “So, what was it about?”

Rhea’s smile faded as she recounted the details of her dream. “It was the trial. The judge found Matt not guilty, and I tried to run out of the courtroom, but every door was locked. I couldn’t get out.”

Liv frowned, her playful demeanor replaced with concern. “Rhea, the trial hasn’t even happened yet. There’s still time, and you’ve got the best lawyer on your side. Julian’s a shark—he helped you get your name back when Matt would not sign the papers.”

Rhea sighed, leaning her head back against the couch. “I know, but I’m worried. What if the jury actually believes him? What if they find him not guilty?”

Liv placed her hand on Rhea’s arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “That’s not going to happen. You’ve been through hell, but you’ve got everyone backing you—Jey, us, your family. And Julian’s not going to let some scumbag walk free after what he did to you.”

Rhea nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on the flickering TV screen. “I just can’t help but think about the worst-case scenario, you know?”

Liv leaned her head on Rhea’s shoulder. “It’s normal to worry, but you’re stronger than your fears. And if you ever forget that, just remember you’ve got all of us here to remind you.”

A small smile crept back onto Rhea’s face. “Thanks, Liv. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Liv grinned. “Well, for starters, you’d be stuck drinking boring hot cocoa instead of Dom’s champurrado.”

Rhea laughed, the tension easing from her shoulders. “Fair point.”

The two friends sat in comforting silence, their shared warmth under the blanket a quiet reminder that, no matter what lay ahead, they wouldn’t face it alone.

Rhea asked, “How’s your head?”

Liv sighed, adjusting herself on the couch and pulling back her blonde hair to reveal a faint bruise. “I’ve got a bruise, to be honest, but I don’t think it’s a concussion.”

Rhea leaned in, gently touching the bruise with concern. “I’m so sorry, girl.”

Liv gave a small smile. “I’m okay, Rhea, don’t worry. I’ve been through worse.” She paused, then brightened. “How about you come to the mall with me later? I need to replace a bunch of stuff—aside from my ring gear.”

Rhea nodded. “Sure, after breakfast.”

Liv stretched and teased, “Speaking of breakfast, is Jey gonna get up and cook?”

Rhea chuckled. “It’s my turn today. I’ll make us some steak and eggs with toast.”

Liv’s eyes lit up. “That sounds amazing. I’ll help you.”

The two women stood up, making their way to the kitchen. Rhea glanced at the speaker and asked, “Do you mind if I put on some music?”

Liv grinned. “Is it 70’s? ‘Cause Dom was telling me how Jey was playing Al Green the other day, saying you brought out the romantic in him.”

Rhea laughed. “You know it’s 70’s.”

Liv shook her head fondly. “You two are so good for each other.”

Rhea scrolled through her playlist and played More Than a Woman by The Bee Gees. As the upbeat rhythm filled the kitchen, the women began preparing breakfast, Liv humming along while Rhea danced lightly.

Upstairs, Jey stood in front of the mirror, pulling off his sleep shirt. His eyes lingered on the scar on his shoulder, a painful reminder of the shooting. He exhaled deeply, pushing the memory aside, and slipped on a fresh shirt.

When he made his way downstairs, he paused at the kitchen entrance. Rhea was singing softly to the song, swaying as she worked, and Liv was laughing along. The scene filled him with warmth.

Rhea spotted him and smiled, gesturing with her hand. “Come here, papi’.”

Jey grinned and walked over, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. “Y’all got the Bee Gees vibe goin’ strong, huh?”

Rhea leaned back against him. “Always. You know I love this song.”

Liv smirked as she flipped the eggs. “Your girl’s got good taste, Jey.”

Rhea turned in Jey’s arms, pulling him into a slow sway with her. “Dance with me,” she whispered.

Jey chuckled but followed her lead, swaying to the rhythm. “Anything for you, baby.”

Despite the scars and nightmares, moments like these reminded them both of the love and strength they shared.

—

As everyone sat down to enjoy breakfast, the door to the house creaked open. Jaciyah, dressed sharply in a blue polo collared shirt, blue jeans, and white Jordans, walked down the stairs. Jey glanced up from his plate and raised an eyebrow at his son’s attire.

“Where you going?” Jey asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

Jaciyah paused, glancing at his dad before shrugging casually. “I’m ubering to church.”

Jey raised an eyebrow again, eyeing his son skeptically. “I don’t believe it.”

Jaciyah tried to walk past without saying much, but Jey’s suspicion grew. He followed Jaciyah to the front door, and before he could ask any more questions, Jaciyah opened it. To Jey’s surprise, a girl was standing outside, waving at Jaciyah from next to her Malibu.

“A girl?” Jey asked, voice laced with disbelief.

Jaciyah quickly replied, “It’s Demi’s sister, Daya. I’ll be back later, dad! I promise, I’m already late!” Without another word, Jaciyah ran out the door to meet her, leaving Jey to stand there, more confused than before.

Jey stood frozen for a moment, his mind buzzing. “Demi?” he muttered under his breath. The only Demi he knew was Rhea. He’d met Rhea’s sister before, so this had to be something different.

Rhea heard the door close. She looked up when Jey walked back inside, his expression puzzled.

“Well, was it an Uber?” she asked, as she reached for a piece of toast.

Jey shook his head slowly, still processing what had just happened. “Nah. It was some girl named Daya… Demi’s sister.”

Rhea and Jeyce exchanged a brief, silent glance. Jey noticed immediately. Something was off, and he could feel the tension building.

He turned his attention to his youngest son, Jeyce, who turned unusually quiet. Jey stared at him for a moment before asking, “Jeyce?”

Jeyce looked up, eyes wide, and immediately began pushing his steak around on his plate, avoiding his father’s gaze.

Rhea, sensing the growing discomfort in the room, reached over to place a comforting hand on Jeyce’s. “It’s okay, Jeyce. We won’t be mad.”

Jeyce squeezed his eyes shut, clearly struggling with what he was about to say. Then, in one breath, he blurted out, “Daya is Demi’s sister. Demi is my girlfriend. Jaciyah met Daya when she chaperoned mine and Demi’s date to the Smiths listening party this past Friday, and that’s why we needed your Mercedes. And I’m sorry I lied to you, dad, but Demi is my first girlfriend ever, and she’s so cool, and I like her laugh, and she loves Motionless in White, and she’s the best person ever.”

The room fell silent for a moment as Jey and Rhea processed the flood of information.

Jey blinked, his mouth opening and closing in shock. “Demi? Your first girlfriend?” His eyes turned to Rhea, seeking confirmation, but there was no denying it. The realization slowly dawned on him, and the pieces of the puzzle began to fit together.

Rhea sat back in her chair, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips as she looked at Jeyce. “I think if she loves Motionless in White, she is a keeper.” she said softly while smiling at Jey.

Jeyce visibly relaxed as his parents didn’t explode with anger, and the tension seemed to ease in the room. He looked down at his plate, still feeling a little nervous but relieved at the same time. “I just didn’t want to hide anything from you guys… I like her a lot.”

Jey sat back in his chair, still processing, but a soft chuckle escaped his lips as he shook his head. “You kids grow up too fast. First girlfriend, huh? Man, I can barely keep up.”

Rhea chuckled as well. “Well, at least it wasn’t a total surprise.” She gave Jeyce a wink. “Just be careful, okay? No rushing things.”

Jeyce nodded quickly, a small grin spreading across his face. “I won’t, promise.”

Rhea glanced at Jey. “What do you think, babe?”

Jey looked at Rhea for a moment before giving a small, approving nod. “I think as long as she treats you well, then I’m good with it.”

Jeyce grinned, relieved to have his parents’ approval, even if it was a little unexpected.

“So, Demi, huh?” Jey said with a smirk, clearly still adjusting to the news. “Guess I’ll have to meet this girl soon enough.”

Jeyce nodded eagerly. “You’ll like her, dad. She’s awesome.”

Rhea shot Jey a teasing look. “I already love her.”

The moment was lighthearted, but there was a sense of understanding settling between them. Life had its surprises, and this one wasn’t as bad as they thought.

—

Rhea sifted through the clothes in the closet, trying to decide what to wear for the mall outing. Her fingers ran over the fabric as she muttered to herself, considering what would be comfortable for a day of shopping, yet still casual enough to keep things lowkey. As she grabbed a denim jacket, she called out to Jey, who was in the bathroom.

“What are you and Dom going to do while me and Liv are at the mall?”

Jey’s voice echoed back from the bathroom, the sound of a hairdryer in the background. “Well, Jeyce said something about wanting to grab a record from this old band to impress Demi.”

Rhea laughed softly, shaking her head as she imagined their son trying to impress Demi with his music taste. “Don’t you think it’s cute?”

Jey’s laugh followed her words. “My boy is growing older.”

Rhea smiled as she turned, folding a shirt in her hands. “Well, in about seven more months, you’re going to be starting over.”

The comment made Jey pause. He stepped out of the bathroom, his hair freshly styled and his eyes sparkling with excitement. He crossed the room to her and leaned down, kissing her gently on the belly. Despite her being just ten almost eleven weeks along, the thought of their baby was already so real for him. His love for her and the little one inside her was boundless.

Rhea’s heart warmed as she ran her fingers through his hair, still feeling the weight of the moment. “You’re gonna come with to the ultrasound, right?” she asked, her voice soft but with a hint of concern.

“Of course, babe,” Jey replied, his voice filled with sincerity. “I can’t wait for Friday.” He kissed her belly again, his smile wide as he spoke, “I can’t wait till you get big, babe.”

Rhea chuckled softly at his enthusiasm but couldn’t help but feel the reality of the pregnancy hit her. “Really?” she asked, teasing him. “I’m going to get stretch marks, and my feet are going to swell.”

Before she could continue, Jey stopped her, his expression serious, yet filled with affection. “And I’m going to love you every step of the way,” he said, looking into her eyes.

Rhea’s heart fluttered as she met his gaze, hearing those words still made her feel cherished. “You’re incredible, you know that?” she whispered, her fingers brushing over his chest.

Jey smiled, brushing a strand of hair from her face as he pulled her close. “It’s all part of the journey, baby. I’m here for it all.”

Rhea leaned into him, closing her eyes for a moment as the world outside felt like it faded away. They were in this together. The ups and the downs, the stretch marks and the swelling feet — it was all part of the new chapter they were about to begin.

After a few seconds of silence, Rhea pulled back with a playful grin. “Alright, well, I need to finish getting dressed before Liv comes in here and starts complaining about how slow I’m being.”

Jey laughed and nodded. “Go on, I’ll check in with Jeyce. But just so you know…” He leaned in and whispered into her ear, “You’re beautiful, every way and every day.”

Rhea smiled softly, her heart full, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before turning back to her closet. “You better be ready for me to be glowing with this baby belly,” she teased, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

Jey winked at her as he backed away toward the door. “Can’t wait.”

As the door closed behind him, Rhea sighed, her fingers lingering on the clothes in her closet. She was ready for this next chapter. And with Jey by her side, she knew they could handle anything that came their way.

—

Rhea reclined slightly in the massage chair, her feet soaking in warm water as the nail tech worked on her toes. She glanced over at Liv, who was kicking her legs slightly, clearly feeling the music playing in the shop.

“This isn’t shopping, Liv,” Rhea teased, her tone dry but affectionate.

Liv smirked, tilting her head like a mischievous cat. “Oh, c’mon, Rhea. This is essential maintnence. You think these toes just stay cute by themselves?”

The nail tech chuckled, and Liv winked at her. “She gets it,” Liv said, pointing dramatically at the tech. “We’re queens, babe, and queens don’t roll out looking busted.”

Rhea shook her head, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re something else, you know that?”

Liv grinned, leaning back and throwing her arms up theatrically. “And don’t you forget it!” She turned her attention back to the nail tech. “Make sure to give me the sparkliest polish you got. I want to blind people when I walk.”

Rhea snorted. “Subtle as always.”

Liv shrugged. “Subtle is boring.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Speaking of which, I can’t wait to rebuild my empire, you know.”

Rhea chuckled. “What exactly does rebuilding your empire entail?”

Liv’s eyes lit up as if she’d been waiting for this question. “Okay, first stop: Victoria’s Secret. Gotta keep Dom on his toes, you know what I’m saying?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “Then, Sephora, because a face like this deserves the best.” She gestured dramatically at herself. “And finally, maybe hit up Foot Locker for some kicks. My Converse are iconic, but a girl’s gotta have options.”

Rhea leaned back, crossing her arms. “That’s a lot of running around.”

Liv waved her off. “Please, you’re lucky I’m not dragging you to ten more stores. I’m being merciful.” She paused, her playful demeanor softening slightly. “Besides, after everything, a little retail therapy doesn’t hurt.”

Rhea nodded, her expression thoughtful. “Fair point.” She hesitated before adding, “I still can’t believe the car just… vanished after the accident.”

Liv’s playful smirk faltered for a moment, replaced by a flash of irritation. “Yeah, that’s some real Twilight Zone-level nonsense. One minute, we’re dealing with the crash, and the next, the car’s gone like it had somewhere better to be.” She rolled her eyes, her tone dripping with sarcasm. “Dom thinks it’s some big conspiracy.”

Rhea couldn’t help but laugh. “Dom and his conspiracy theories.”

Liv grinned. “He’s cute when he’s being a little weirdo, though, right?” She sighed, her tone shifting back to her usual playful self. “Anyway, enough about that. Let’s focus on getting you into some killer outfits too. You can’t let me outshine you, Rhea.”

Rhea smirked. “Oh, trust me, Liv. That’s never going to happen.”

Liv gasped, clutching her chest dramatically. “Oh, it’s on now, babe. Just wait until we hit the stores. You’ll be begging me for fashion advice.”

Rhea laughed, shaking her head. “We’ll see about that.”

After some shopping, while in Ulta, Liv received a call from Dominik as Rhea swatched lipsticks. Some time passed on and Liv slipped her phone back into her pocket, still chuckling as she glanced at Rhea. “Looks like I’m on a mission for Dom now. Dude can’t survive without me for five seconds.”

Rhea rolled her eyes, holding up a deep red lipstick. “Of course not. He probably panicked the second he realized his hair serum was in the car…”

Liv laughed, grabbing a couple of hair products for Dom. “You know it. Guy’s as high-maintenance as I am.” She tossed a bottle into her basket with flair. “But that’s why we work, ya know? Two divas in perfect harmony.”

Rhea smirked, swatching the lipstick on her hand. “Yeah, except you’re the queen, and he’s your loyal subject.”

Liv grinned mischievously. “Damn right.” She added a few more products to her basket. “He’s lucky I even take his calls while I’m shopping for me.”

—

Meanwhile, back in Titusville, Jon and Trinity were attempting to enjoy some quiet time at his father’s beach house. The sound of waves crashing against the shore provided a soothing backdrop, but Trinity’s mind was elsewhere.

Jon sat beside her on the couch, his hand gently rubbing her growing belly. “You okay, baby?” he asked softly, his voice full of concern.

Trinity sighed, her eyes distant. “I’m fine, just thinking.”

Jon leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple. “What’s on your mind?”

She hesitated for a moment before speaking. “I’ve just been thinking about everything that’s happened. Rhea, the baby… everything feels so heavy lately.”

Jon nodded, his own expression somber. “I know. It’s been a lot, but we’re getting through it.” He glanced out the window, where his cousins Jerome and Jacob were standing guard. “We’ve got family looking out for us.”

Trinity placed her hand over his. “I know, and I’m grateful. It’s just… I worry about Rhea. She’s been through so much, and now with the baby on the way, it’s like she doesn’t get a moment to breathe.”

Jon tightened his grip on her hand. “She’s tough, Trin. Tougher than most people I know. And she’s got Jey. He’s not gonna let her go through this alone.”

Trinity nodded, her expression softening slightly. “You’re right. But sometimes, even the strongest people need a break.”

Jon kissed her hand. “And you to babe.. now let’s just try to relax..”

Outside, Jerome and Jacob stood watch, their eyes scanning the beach for any signs of trouble. Jacob crossed his arms, his gaze fixed on a couple walking along the shore.

“Think anyone’s gonna try anything today?” Jerome asked, his tone light but watchful.

Jacob shook his head. “Doubt it. But if they do, they’ll regret it.”

Jerome smirked. “Good. Let’s keep it that way.”

—

The soft whistling continued as Luna’s tail wagged in excitement, her nose twitching at the familiar sound. She trotted eagerly toward the bushes where the figure waited, away from the security cameras that surrounded the yard and home, an eerie calm emitting them. The day was still, the neighborhood quiet, a vast difference compared to the storm brewing in the shadows.

The figure crouched down, their face hidden by a hood and dark sunglasses. Their gloved hand gently extended toward Luna, and the dog, ever trusting, sniffed at the offering—something wrapped in cheese. Luna nuzzled the small piece, her tongue flicking the cheese before swallowing it whole.

“Good girl,” the figure muttered with a twisted smile, watching Luna lap up the treat. “You’ve been a good companion, but you were never meant to be hers.”

The sago palm—the fatal plant—slipped into the dog’s stomach without hesitation. Luna didn’t seem to notice, blissfully unaware of the danger she was in, and continued to wander away after finishing her snack.

The figure stood slowly, their eyes never leaving Luna as the dog strolled aimlessly across the yard, her usual playful energy dimming. There was no immediate sign of harm, but the figure knew the poison would work its way through her system soon enough.

“She’ll never know what hit her,” the figure whispered coldly, their lips curling into a bitter grin.

Luna disappeared out of view behind the bushes, and the figure’s attention turned quickly. They darted toward the high fence, scaling it effortlessly and landing softly on the other side. The figure didn’t hesitate, sprinting toward the souped up, four by four, black truck parked just beyond the property line. The engine roared to life with an almost menacing sound as they slammed the gearshift into drive, tires screeching as they sped down the street.

The plan was in motion, and now the clock was ticking.

As the truck vanished into the distance, the figure’s thoughts turned inward, a cold resolve setting in. They weren’t going to wait until April, not now. Time was of the essence, and their target—Rhea—wouldn’t be prepared for what was to come.

[benoits-neckerchieves]

I just can’t be normal about him skjfkghsf

[champagns]

i can’t get my pinned post formatted how i like i’m about to fling my laptop off a cliff

[enbytrees]

Sometimes I get so carried away observing everything going on around me that I forget I’m a part of the things I’m experiencing.

Maybe it’s because I disassociate so much or maybe it’s because my self image is all fucked up from being trans, but whatever it is I somehow forget that other people have memories with me in them.

I think it’s because I’m non-binary honestly I’ve never really felt like I truly fit in anywhere, like the communities I’m a part of are somehow everyone else’s and I’m just there or something.

I don’t know why my brain is like this.

[jojosgaylittleadventure]

.

[dragonsareverycool]

The figure turned to look at Damian and seemed to freeze before its form shifted, rings of light covering it as it did. When the rings faded, there they floated with white hair that moved like it was uneffected by gravity and was moved by wind that wasn’t there. Freckles that looked like stars covered the beings skin, tanned but washed out and ashen, like a corpse. Wide, expressionless eyes that glowed a bright eeire green. Despite this, Damian recognized that face. He recognized that expression too. Despite looking like Tim’s dead eyed stare to most anyone else, Damian knew the expression as one of surprise, of shock. And that face was almost identical to the one in his nightmares of the worst day of his life. He knew that face every time he glanced in a mirror.

“Danyal” he said softly, his own face almost certainly in an identical expression. Despite the distance and chaos between them, Damian was certain Danyal heard him, as Danyal perked up a bit. Then, his form seemed to glitch, colors distorting as his body twitched and part of his body seemed to disappear for a moment. Then, he seemed to fade into nothing, leaving Damian to start panicking. He worried that he had just lost Danyal again.

Then he reappeared startlingly close, putting his hand on Damian’s chest “Here,” he said, the difference in how he spoke compared to Damian achingly familiar, “A drop of your blood and an offering of food if you’re feeling nice. Call my name, it may take a moment but I will appear” he removed his hand, and a piece of neon green glowing paper with strange symbols on it floated after Danyal’s hand before Damian caught it. Danyal’s form glitched again, harder, and his face set in a grimace before he faded into invisibility again.

Fun fact! Sometimes when the grief got bad enough, Damian would mimic how Danny talked and would recite stories about constellations like Danny did. He took many, many precautions to make sure that no one, not even Talia knows that he’s done this. Only Alfred the cat and maybe Alfred the Human knows, and neither will speak a word to anyone about it.

[the-bi-space-ace]

Why is Echo so important to me?

It's simple really: he is everything I want to be.

Life has a way of giving you pain you don't deserve. Sometimes people hurt you and they do so on purpose because they don't really see you as a person. They see you as a possession to be played with. A toy, if you will. Some people choose to hurt others and it can happen to anyone at any time. It doesn't matter how 'good' you are.

Echo is the ‘perfect soldier’. He's strong, brave, he follows orders, he's smart, he's loyal, he's hard working, but above all: he's kind. He wants to do the right thing. And still, he was put through torture, autonomy taken away and body changed against his will. His mind was stolen from him. No one cared about how 'good' he was.

They hurt him because they could.

This experience changed him but he is still Echo. He's still brave, he's still strong, he's still loyal and kind and all of the things that make Echo Echo. His imprisonment came with changes, physically and mentally. Outbursts when confronted with medical equipment, discomfort in solitude, a stronger distrust of Separatists, and an even stronger connection to people being mistreated or held against their will. I'm sure with that came a lot of anger, resentment, confusion. He's still him but things are different now.

Things are different and he knows that. He knows but he keeps going anyway. His heart is still kind. He's still strong and true and he still wants to do the right thing.

He was hurt, and he was hurt on purpose, but he chooses not to lead with that hurt. He chooses every single day to still be kind. His heart is still big, it's still open, he's still him.

There's something about it, ya know? Being put through the unimaginable and coming out of it bruised and bloody but still kind. There is nothing wrong with being angry, and I'm sure Echo is angry, but that anger can't be an excuse to do the same hurt to others that was done to you. Even when it hurts. Even when it's hard.

At the core of it I think that's why I love him so much. He suffered, he lives despite the suffering, and he doesn't allow his own pain to be a catalyst to harm others. He doesn't let the pain stop him. Things are different, life is different, he is different, but it doesn't ever stop him.

He's everything I want to be. He's the kind of person I wish I was. He's selfless and kindhearted. He's steadfast and brave, stubborn as all hell. He's loyal, the kind of loyal you only see every once in awhile. The kind of loyal that sticks with you. He's a promise that hardship doesn't define you. That you are not a carbon copy of those that harmed you. That you are not less than because of things that other people put you through. Your life may be different than it was before but that doesn't make you wrong or less than.

Maybe, if Echo can be brave, then I can be brave too.

[areyoudreaminof]

some word salad behind the cut

I never thought I’d ever get into writing. My self esteem is so minimal it’s nearly non existent, so I had never bothered to try. But I started writing last year and found I was enjoying it. I made grand plans to write more until I didn’t.

My passion became my poison, suddenly.

As I scrolled through endless fics and writers much more talented than I am, my anxiety perched itself on my shoulder like a crow and squawked in my ear.

“The shit you’re putting out? No wonder nobody is reading it. You’re writing boring stuff. Who gives a fuck about kids and one shots?” It would say. I’d reply that I didn’t want to write smut. I don’t like doing it and it felt silly.

“So why are you writing at all?” Anxiety Crow said, “That’s what people want. And you can’t even do that.”

It came to a head right before Elucien Week. Last year, I wrote three fics I am still immensely proud of. One of which opened a door for me with the first Next Gen characters I came up with. I had assumed that I’d have something else lined up for this year's Elucien Week.

But in that year, I had a lot of personal changes and mental health challenges that weren’t getting better. I made the mistake of starting a long fic and it became this beast that I couldn’t tame. Even one shots and snippets became a chore. I’d have to force myself to finish a chapter, to try and translate the images I saw in my head to paper, but it wasn’t working. This coincided with my depression peaking in early 2024, in which I got suicidal and had to seek help.

By January, I’d gotten more frustrated with my writing, by June, I despised writing in its entirety. Three days before Elucien Week was due to begin, I hovered my mouse over DELETE ACCOUNT on AO3 and nearly trashed a year worth of work. I decided to take a step back to clear my head and to put a stop to this toxic competition I had with myself. I didn’t want to lose the hobby I’d grown to love and destroy the new friendships I’d made. I was absolutely terrified of losing those wonderful friends I’ve made and I felt so guilty and angry at myself for fumbling the bag and not writing anything.

I can’t even tell you why I obsessed over it, I may never go back to writing at all, but the weight of that self hatred has eased up from my chest. It’s not eating me alive anymore. That’s not to say it’s gone of course. Just the other day I had another major moment of doubt, and nearly trashed everything, again. I’m trying to parse through my own mind constantly to sort out my own spirals and triggers. Some days it’s working, others it’s not.

I think I’m now telling you about it, because I’m sure you’re feeling it too. People reached out to me to check on me when I left and others to let me know they were having the same problems. The feelings of inferiority among fandom, the nagging expectations we placed on ourselves. Never mind any of the challenges we face in our daily lives. What’s the worth of my mental health and happiness and why the fuck do I keep measuring it like this?

Whatever comes of this break, I hope that all of us can find our self worth, wherever it is. I see so many incredible artists, writers, and people that inspire me to want to keep going. If you’re reading this, you’re one of them.

Take a breath and take a break. We’ll figure it out.

[dead-chela]

I HAVE SUCH STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS CHAPTER FROM TRIGUN MULTIPLE BULLETS OHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDD WDYM THERES A FUCKING STORY BOOK OF THE FUCKING TRIGUN PLOT AND AND AND MILLY READS IT AND AND-

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

casually spending the evening breaking my own heart by writing a baby milex france fic

[fuckyeah-bears]

Well I guess the good news is that the mental illness has been conquered to the point that I can have awful things happen and not actively want to die as my first response. at least there’s fucking that

[astrobei]

ARGEGGHHFHHHDBBGGNGNBBBNFNSNDNGNN

[glitchyghoul]

Undertale x Danny Phantom (because I’m internet trash)

Frisk finally finishes their last True Pacifist run and is ready for another True Reset when the world starts to glitch. The next second they look back and the button is gone and the town looks a bit different than it did a moment ago.

Team Phantom is so over impromptu time travel. They aren’t even sure if this is the 4th or 5th time they have been displaced by time shenanigans but they were really hoping that after staring Dan and Vlad’s redemption arcs (and also accidentally destroying the multiverse but who cares about that) that their storylines would at least stay linear. But no, now there are on the run again and Vlad is back to being no help when it comes to hiding from the police (I mean GIW). Well at least Wulf has been nice and has been giving them wilderness survival training on the weekends so the four of them can definitely survive by themselves on this world’s conveniently placed mountain range. I mean it’s not like they are some little kids who are scared of monsters Danny is a ghost for crying out loud! There’s no way they’ll get lost on Mt. Ebott right?

[xthemandylorianx]

Apparently men can’t be friends with women anymore. I’m so done getting ghosted just because someone gets into a relationship. Like literally mid conversation and then I just never hear from them again. It makes me feel fucking worthless and like they never even gave a single fuck about me as a person at all. If you can’t maintain a friendship with me even when you’re in a relationship then do not even bother talking to me in the first place. In fact, don’t bother anyway. I will not be talking to anyone new on here because I’m fucking sick of it so if you were thinking about messaging me, don’t.

End of rant byeee✌️

[beardedsadboigardens]

You ever get so good at wearing the mask that people just brush off your mention of being depressed 🤔……round 3000 something (cuz I lost count 😅) and awaayyy we goooo!!!

[musings-of-the-void]

I hope

That when I fall from this

Pedestal

Where you placed me

You’ll be

Standing there to catch me

I hope

That I’ll be made real

In the falling

Instead of crumbling to

Dust