#dokja you are in SO MUCH TROUBLE when yjh gets out of here

[pttucker]

Her big finger poked Yoo Joonghyuk's cheek as he hung in the air. It was just a finger but it was the finger of a transcendent. Thus, there was no way it couldn't hurt. Nevertheless, Yoo Joonghyuk didn't react. 「 "The teacher and disciple. The two of you are the same." 」 They were the words spoken by one of the Murim's 10 Grand Masters, the Heavenly Demon. Perhaps the Heavenly Demon saw them accurately. "You aren't saying a word. You will be spanked if you don't talk." The Breaking the Sky Sword Saint raised the large smoking pipe. Yoo Joonghyuk's butt couldn't endure the pressure and he couldn't help letting out a pathetic sound. 'Damn Kim Dokja. I will surely kill you'. Slap! Slap! Slap!

[tls12lessthan3]

Forgive me for unloading in your asks, but your post on KDJ's suicidality finally gave me the words for something I've been thinking about for years.

The cruelest trick KDJ plays on the audience with his unreliable narration is to pretend his suicidal ideation is the same goal-driven fantastical kind as YJH. It starts from the very beginning of the story -- he lets YJH throw him off the bridge because his knowledge of the story will let him survive, and give him an advantage for the next scenario.

Even as his knowledge gets thinner and thinner, his plans becoming more and more tenuous, the illusion remains. It's all for the company, it's all to get through to the next scenario. Of course it's not permanent. Of course there's a plan, there's always a plan.

I admit, the first time I read ORV I got completely fooled, and it meant that I really had trouble empathizing with KDJs companions being so hurt by his self-sacrificing nature -- just like KDJ does. This meant that KDJ meeting the oldest dream was absolutely devastating, because it's the moment that the illusion finally, truly crumbles. There's no more tricks, no way out, no pretense of a plan. He really thinks he has to die. And in that moment, I was horrified right along with his companions.

Idk just a really neat way ORV uses its unreliable narration to put the reader in KDJ's headspace.

nothing to be forgiven! i love getting asks and i love this one in particular. i absolutely agree that kim dokja's suicidality masquerades as something much closer to yoo joonghyuk's, pretending to be simply the most practical option because after all, he can come back. its a justification that in itself betrays a complete lack of care for oneself that kim dokja (and subsequently the reader) glosses over. its true that his plans save the most lives, its true that they are often most practical, a truth which hides exactly why sacrifice is always his first instinct and makes his companions anger difficult to understand - it works after all, doesn't it? aren't they being a little unreasonable, considering that?

it is such an interesting part of his unreliable narration because when we first meet him he already gives us the clues to see his suicidal ideation for what it is - he sees himself as someone with no worth and no prospects who subsists solely off of reading a shitty webnovel, basically telling the reader to our face that he doesn't care for his life. but he acts as if that self-hatred and the resulting suicidal ideation is completely unrelated to his self sacrifice. its just always the best option, and we as readers believe him! its not until his justifications become thinner and thinner and his plans become more and more reckless that a direct cause and effect becomes apparent, and yet the narration still often brushes it off.

you're right that part of why the oldest dream is such a shock because its when the justification is at its strongest and weakest. if kim dokja/oldest dream dies here, everyones struggle will be over, its what theyve all been working for, it seems like the most reasonable plan. to make everyone continue to suffer just for him - how could that be any sort of fair? how is that an option? but he barely bothers to put up that facade, because his self-hatred is so strong it makes his justifications pale in comparison. he cant pretend this is anything but an attempt to finally kill himself permanently when his loathing for oldest dream is practically dripping off the page. especially not when, like you said, theres no resurrection plan. just a cold desire to die.

its just another way orv pulls the wool over its reader's eyes. kim dokja's self-hatred colours the narration until any attempt to save himself seems.....irrational. not worth it. really, this is the only way. which is also why seeing the companions fight for him when the pov switches in the last few chapters hits so hard! because you see from a perspective where that was never true at all........

[xkseii]

Hi! Do you take ORV requests? If so can I request KDJ or YJH x Dom Male reader and they’re fwbs or just a very fluffy scenario with them?? If you don’t, sorry for wasting your time and have a nice day :D

⎮We meet again⎮

⏤ Characters: Dokja⎮reader

⏤ Including: nsfw (-17) & sfw

⏤ Warnings: sub! Dokja, top! Male reader, size kink, belly bulge, overstimulation, dacryphilia, mind-breaking, mention of blood, creampie

⏤ 2.500 words

You have known Dokja for a long while, since the seventh grade, actually. You had always been the popular guy while Dokja was just considered as less than a support character. He had always been bullied and ignored by everyone, nobody would talk to him and if they do, it would be to make fun of him. You felt pity for him many times but never tried to do anything, like anyone else, you would let it happen since you did not want to lose your status.

One night, after school, you discovered an interesting web novel, surprisingly, before the first 100th chapter, all readers stopped reading and only one continued to. You spend days and nights reading it, in class, at home, before going to sleep till you would nearly pass out and early in the morning. As you were reading one of what seems like the most recent chapter, you unknowingly sat next to Dokja and were forced to put your phone down when the teacher arrived.

As you push your phone to the side to get your notebook out of your bag, you hear a gasp next to you. You turn around with a frown, noticing how Dokja was looking at you with stars in his eyes. It was the first time you saw him make a face like this.

“You read it too?!”

Your eyes widen as you see him point out the novel still open on your phone. And for the first time, your eyes really met, and you see an unmistakable passion in his eyes for this story. And that's how you end up talking for the entire hour, not caring about anything but this passion in common. Slowly by surely you became friends, spending more and more time together, he would still avoid you at school, so you don't get in trouble because of him, but you would see each other outside.

This friendship blossomed over a year, and at some point, the line between this friendship, sexual relation and love blurred, making you unable to see its real limit. What should be innocent meetings to go shopping and have fun, was always ending up in Dokja being bent over some furniture. Whenever someone would get too close to you, it would end up with Dokja being jealous and annoying you so badly till you would fuck him out of frustration. If he ever felt bad, he would knock at your door, ignoring the hour, and spend the night here, watching series and eating snacks before living the next morning after kissing you on the lips.

In your last year of school, your friendship has changed a bit, in a way you never thought was possible, everything turned into something more intimate. Sadly, you got separated after the entrance exam that he failed, as he got into a third-rate college, and you got into the college you dreamed of for years.

You tried to stay close, but it was difficult. After some time, you stopped talking, but you kept sending him messages in the hope he would reply, he never did. You kept trying, texting mostly about the only thing you had in common, that story, you did not care if he was not going to reply, you just wanted to show him you were still there.

You could still see him comment after each chapter was published, always at that same hour, which you understood was when he finished his work. After some time, you started to do the same, but always one hour before him, so he could see them at the end of each chapter.

-----

This day was supposed to be the end of TWSA. And it was with this inexplicable anxiety that you opened the chapter, reading it with so much joy and also pain as if a chapter of your life just ended with this novel. And finally, you were on the last panel. As you close the app, you received a message from whom you think was the author, which was thanking you, and at the same time sends you an attached file, the novel.

And that's how the nightmare started, in this car, the 3707th. The man in front of you, who seemed familiar, was Junghyeok Yu. You were shivering, was it already your end? The nightmare has just started, but it was already your turn, or you thought so. Before the main scenario starts, you run away, the door of the car in front of you half-opened. As you escape, you turn your head before leaving, your eyes meeting with dark black eyes, looking at you suspiciously. But before he could attack you, the main scenario started, and you were already out of his reach.

Surprisingly, you still felt his eyes on you as you hide in the crowd, you look back and see him standing behind the half-opened door, observing you. You can't help but offer him a big smile before giving him the finger, snickering as you run away.

Thankfully as you were panicking, you noticed a fly on a seat, and quickly, you crush it with your hand. It was disgusting, but you were alive, and you had completed the task.

-----

The first time you saw Dokja again, was on that bridge, you were hiding from Junghyeok. But you never thought you would see Dokja being grabbed by the neck, as his legs were swaying over a blank space. There was no need for you to scream as it seems they both sensed your presence, turning their head in sync, one looking at you in hatred and the other in shock, a single tear sliding down his cheek. Suddenly, he tries to escape from Junghyeok's grip, choking out your name with a desperate smile as he cries.

Too focused on Dokja, you missed the other man's expression and all of a sudden, Junghyeok lets go of him, and Dokja falls into the river, without thinking, you run to him, passing Junghyeok and jumped. Before Junghyeok could grab you, you were already falling down with Dokja, and he felt a terrible feeling take over his heart, but it was too late.

This decision would be dumb in any other situation, but you were a reader, and you knew what would happen and how to prevent it. So, before Dokja could drown, you grab his hands, pulling him up to the surface. Together, you got out of this giant sea commander, unscathed or at least, not dead.

-----

As you were resting at the Geumho station with the others, you're suddenly aware of how the feeling that you suppressed for years came back, and at full force. Your thoughts started to get mixed up, fortunately, you walked away before it could happen, so the others would not worry about you. As you lose your calm, you feel a hand run through your hair, you raise your head, eyes meeting Dokja's.

It was impossible for you to ignore the tenderness in them, it was too obvious, too powerful, and with this discreet and sincere smile of his that was making your heart warm up. And after so many years without seeing each other, he just kisses you calmly, without saying a word as if it was natural.

A gasp was heard from behind you, Huiwon was there, with her hand over her mouth, but you could still see the dark blush on her cheeks and ears. She giggles before doing a thumbs up, running away from the two of you. You stand there, as you process the information before you start to panic, you could feel your cheeks warming up as you cover them with your hands.

“Ah. I thought I left without them noticing… Whatever.

I missed you.”

His words moved you, but you came back to the others like nothing happened. You see Huiwon smirks at you but does not say anything. You send her a playful glare before sitting next to Hyeonseong, yawning as you rest your head on his shoulder, you should leave the station soon so why not take a little nap before.

-----

You had already passed the sub scenario with the illusory prison, and you were now much closer to the next station. Thankfully you knew how to get out of this zone, but it still took you some minutes, and it affected you greatly. Without you noticing, instead of Dokja walking in front of all of you, he was staying beside you, walking at your pace.

Huiwon who was behind Dokja nudged him, pointing at you with her finger and after, linked her hands together with an amused smile. As you were oblivious to what was happening, conversing with Hyeonseong, you suddenly feel something warm engulfing your hand. You did not need to look to see what it was as you just tighten your hold back, a discreet smile taking over your face as you continue to converse with Hyeonseong.

You were finally able to have a rest at Chungmuro station, the atmosphere was strange. There was this tension in the air that you could not ignore but could not identify either. The others were searching for a nice place to sit down and relax, and you also left with Dokja to do the same. But nothing looked fine, either there were too many people or it was just a disgusting place filled with rubbish.

You continue to take random turns, Dokja following closing behind you in silence, as you hope to find somewhere at least proper to rest when you stop in front of a dead-end, you sign and ruffle your hair in frustration. It felt like hours passed, and you were getting annoyed, but before you could turn around and leave, an arm wrapped itself around your waist. You feel a head nuzzling against your back, the other free hand sliding down your torso to your crotch.

Your eyes widened, body tensing up under Dokja's touch. You look around in panic, what if someone could see you?

“There is nobody here. We are all alone.

I was getting frustrated. We haven't seen each other for years…

Haven't touched each other for years… And you don't even look at me.”

You wanted to reply something, at least to calm his urges but nothing came out of your mouth. It was as if he stole your breath away at the same instant he stole your heart.

“Don't push me away. We weren't lovers before, but you loved me, right?

Ever since we started playing around…

So, why can't we be lovers now? Nothing can separate us.”

And that's you ended up with a naked Dokja, as you pushed him against the wall. Hoisting him up, and let him wrap his legs around your waist before you slid your cock into him. Your larger body hides him from possible prying eyes, beside you, he looked ridiculously small but deliciously tempting. When your cock entered him, you could only admire how his body tightened around you, slutty moans being ripped from his throat, and how you could see a lump in his stomach, becoming more pronounced as you push yourself deeper into him. What could have been a lovely reunion between old friends turned out to be a more sexual one driven by lust.

With each thrust, you would hit his prostate dead-on, not caring about how loud he was being. His tears and screams turn you on ever more as you destroyed his inside. His nails that were dragging up your back were starting to dig into your skin, and drops of blood were falling on the floor. But it was as if nothing could reach your mind right now, the pain subdued by the pleasure coursing through your veins, the only thing you wanted to do was to make Dokja forget his name. You roughly grab his face, observing how his eyes looked dazed and cloudy, seems like he would not come back to his normal state for a while.

You wanted to take revenge for all the years he left you behind, not trying to contact you again. And now he was coming back like nothing happened? You could not accept it, he had to pay. But you loved him too much to hurt him, so you did what you could do best, make his mind go blank and force him to submit to you. That thought alone made your body react on its own, you grabbed one of his legs, holding it up before plunging as deep as you could. The loud moan you received confirmed he did not mind that one bit.

You were filling him so nicely, Dokja could feel himself go dumb on your cock, he only wanted to be filled to the brim, marked by you as if he was just your plaything. Why hasn't he contacted you before? How could he let someone like you get away from him, you that he loved so dearly? He was glad you never forgot him because now, he could become yours again, and this time, he won't leave.

The next thrust made him moan out loud, he was not able to stop crying, the tears drying on his cheeks immediately being replaced by new ones. His head was blank, he could only see you, hear you and smell you. Your scent, either it was a perfume or your natural smell filled his nostril, it was suffocating him. Each thrust forced the air out of his lungs, mouth wide open to let out noises he would be embarrassed about after.

As you continued to fuck him, his eyes lulled to the back of his head, his body was on fire, and he could not think or breathe. Everything was blurry around him as came for the first time, his cum landing on his stomach, but you did not stop moving. Even after he begged you to slow down.

Some time has passed, and you had already came once in him, but it did not stop you. You could feel your legs giving out, but you refused to give up now, you were too far lost in your pleasure to notice how you had already broken him completely.

He was a mess, his body marked from his legs to his jaw, blood dripping out from the bites, the view made heat pool to your crotch. You feel your body tense up before you pump your cum deep into him, reaching places both of you never thought possible. Another load followed quickly, the previous bulge that was showing through his stomach now inflated with your cum.

His stomach was covered in a watery fluid, he cummed so many times that he was not able to orgasm correctly anymore. Only some drops would get out of his cock. The only way you knew he was cumming was the scream ripping out of his throat and how he would tighten around you as if he was trying to coax your orgasms out of you.

And suddenly, Dokja passed out, he never had enough stamina to endure you till the end. Thankfully, you were also exhausted, and so, you managed to pull out before you fall on your knees, Dokja sleeping in your arms. You clean him with the tissues that he had in his pocket before dressing him back up. You replace your clothes correctly, covering the best you could the stains of cum Dokja left on your shirt and pants before picking him up.

You lay down on the first bench you see, placing Dokja on top of you. You sigh and decide to kiss him gently before you fall asleep. Unbeknown to you, he woke up some moments before, and as you were sleeping while holding him close to you, he watches your face with a lovesick expression. He moves the collar of your shirt out of the way before biting down hard on your neck, making sure it would be a mark that will not disappear for a long while. And now, with a small smile, he kisses you once or twice, or maybe more before snuggling into your hold. Your body's warmth envelops him and coaxes him into falling asleep.

When the others came back, they were greeted with the sight of you and Dokja cuddling up on the bench. As Sangah and Gilyoung were looking at the two of you with stars in their eyes, murmuring to each other about how cute you were; Hyeonseong would just stare in jealousy on the side, him who thought you had something for him from the way you were acting. He turns around and leaves in heavy silence.

Huiwon was looking fondly at you at first before noticing something… How your hair was dishevelled, the collar of your shirt had been pulled down to expose bite marks and also the wet patch on Dokja's pants that she could see from here. With a sigh, she forced the others to let you have your privacy. When you will wake up, she plans to scold the two of you so badly you will cry.

⏤ Thank you for reading! I wish you a great day.

⏤ here is my masterlist & ko-fi ⏤

[ot3]

Sorry to bother - feel free to ignore. I’m trying to write an orv fic bc. I like them. And I’m having trouble understanding why with the regression depression it’s the happy memories that get yjh the most. Best I can figure it’s bc he can use the bad memories to propel him forward - like he’s doing this to avenge them. But the good memories force him to realize these people are gone and he’ll never see them again. Do you have any thoughts? Thanks!

i think that's definitely more or less accurate! i think the 'those people are gone and he'll never see them again' bit you've pointed out is the critical piece here. ill stick my further thoughts below the cut. this is really long because i've pulled a LOT of long chunks of text from the novel to shore up this point. i just got home from work so my thoughts are gonna be a little bit incoherent here. skip to the end if you're not interested in reading all the segments i pulled from the text. spoilers all the way up through chapter 508

first things first, let's just go back to the novel and look at all the bits where YJH's depression gets brought up

“Maybe Yoo Jonghyuk-nim has already repeated a few lives. You have fought against terrible enemies and struggled against the beings of this world to save people. Enduring alone, lonely memories… We respect your sublime spirit.”

This jerk, such skillful flattery. Yoo Jonghyuk would be moved to tears if he heard. Later when he was depressed, I would have to tell him these words.

“But Yoo Jonghyuk-nim should’ve realized it from your past regressions. Even if you have an outstanding miracle, you alone can’t fight against the disasters that will come.”

Plus, he was right.

- from ch 48

「 Everything is twisted because of this person. 」

「 It is different from what I know in the earlier regressions. The amount of information available is too limited. I can’t save the world like this. 」

What was this?

「 The reason I was hurt by the Salvation Church was because we spent too much time in the last round. It was a mistake to train for 100 years then. My mind was permanently damaged. 」

「 Maybe it was a mistake not to get the Absolute Throne.  」

「 I will start from the beginning again… 」

Dammit, the regressor’s depression had begun. Was it due to the mental attack? I cried out in fear of what he would decide. “I’m hurt you jerk!”

- from ch 140

「 Those people can’t save the world, even with 100 trucks. 」

「 Once again, the answer is regression… 」

“Now now, our Supreme King isn’t in a good mood right now so back off. Do you want to die?” I personally stepped forward to get rid of any causes of depression.

- later on in ch140 as well

This jerk, he was always so impatient. He had been given time to rest but he was still busy thinking. Regardless of his depressed state, Yoo Jonghyuk was Yoo Jonghyuk.

“Before that, let’s take a moment to breath. The view is great.” I said while sitting on the roof railing.

Yoo Jonghyuk asked me, “What are you up to?”

“I’m just looking at the world. Isn’t it beautiful?” The city of Seoul was destroyed by the monsters. I quickly added, “It was originally a beautiful place.”

“I don’t like landscapes.”

“Why?”

“They are things that will disappear someday.”

I thought I had a bit more understanding of the third regression Yoo Jonghyuk after fighting against Shin Yoosung. I wanted to believe he was a person who could love this world without giving up or feeling despair.

I told him, “However, we need to protect these things.”

“Kim Dokja, you don’t know.”

This might be my misunderstanding. Yoo Jonghyuk could give up at any time because he was still in the midst of his regressions.

In the end, Yoo Jonghyuk’s purpose was to prevent the ‘destruction of this world.’ Paradoxically, he could give up on this world at any time. His essence was regression and this fact would never change.

“No, I know,” I replied.

“What?”

“The fact that you can regress at any time means that death is meaningless.”

I looked down at Lee Seolhwa caring for the injured. Lee Seolhwa was feeding her boiled soup to an unknown person. Despite her efforts, there was a high probability that the character would die. Even if they lied now, they would die tomorrow. If they miraculously survived tomorrow, they would die the day after tomorrow.

It was the same in the fourth regression and the fifth regression. There would always be ‘death’ in the world of Yoo Jonghyuk, even after passing the 100th regression.

“If there is no sense of death then the value of life also disappears.”

- ch141

There was the vague belief that he could do better in the next round with more information. It was easy for him to give up on this regression if something went wrong.

This was the precursor symptom of ‘regression depression.’ Some of the contents of Ways of Survival passed through my head.

It was around the 48th regression. Yoo Jonghyuk had consulted with an incarnation of the constellation ‘Discoverer of the Subconscious’ on the ‘regression depression.’ At the time, he seemed to be speaking like I was now.

I continued speaking, “Yes. It might be as you say. If you repeat it 10 or 20 times then it will surely get better. You’ll be exposed to more scenarios and see more of the future. The real problem is when you someday save the world in this manner.”

“What does this mean?”

“At that time, do you really think you saved this world?”

“…”

“Do you think you will be able to keep the same mindset after repeating it 100 or 200 times?”

“I won’t regress that many times.”

I silently stared at Yoo Jonghyuk.

「 …Don’t tell me? 」 Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes slowly widened.

I kept speaking, “Are you having nightmares these days?”

“…”

“You won’t be saved, even if you save the world. The moment you save the world, the worlds you have forsaken will come to you. Despite saving one world, all the other worlds you abandoned will drag you to hell.”

- from further down in ch141

「 Yoo Jonghyuk felt lonely as he saw these watches. They got their time back but he still wasn’t

living in this time. Yoo Jonghyuk suddenly thought. If so, where do I live in those countless hours? 」

It was the monologue of Yoo Jonghyuk, who once saved the Demon World. It was also one of my favourite scenes from Ways of Survival.

I suddenly seemed to understand a bit of his mind. To the regressor Yoo Jonghyuk, the time in these worlds didn’t belong to him. In a life that could go back over and over again, the present time was meaningless.

Once this was over, I would ask Aileen to make me a watch. If he had something like this, he might become more attached to this world. Maybe the regression depression would get better…

- ch 207

A person who regressed more than a thousand times. A spirit that had become insensitive from the hundreds of suicides and tragedies that an individual could suffer. The extremely widespread regression depression…

「 Yoo Jonghyuk of the 1863rd round is the despair of the world itself. 」

- ch 285

Abnormal condition? There was no way. Who was the 1863rd regression Yoo Jonghyuk? This was Yoo Jonghyuk who was the Ruler of the East Hell and killed the Devil of Principles. There was no one among the constellations who could place an abnormal condition on the present Yoo Jonghyuk.

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes were blank.

I felt uncomfortable like something was stuck in my throat. No, there was. There was only one person who could cause an abnormal status in Yoo Jonghyuk.

+

* The target is suffering from ‘regression depression’ due to an unknown cause.

+

It was Yoo Jonghyuk himself.

Regression depression. The spirit of the man who had been broken over 1863 lives made the regression depression almost a passive, low level skill. Once he fell into the depression, his consciousness was caught in the weight of his memories and he couldn’t wake up.

[Kill him! He isn’t invincible!]

The ruthless strikes caused Yoo Jonghyuk’s body to bleed little by little. It was strange. Originally, the regression depression shouldn’t occur in this situation. In the 1863rd round, Yoo Jonghyuk had learnt how to manage this disease.

- ch 286

then this REALLY LONG BIT from 287. it has stopped letting me indent for some reason so i guess ill bold this.

I knew how to wake up Yoo Jonghyuk from his regression depression. In other words, it meant I also knew how to sink him deeper into that melancholy.

I saw Yoo Jonghyuk’s fingertips moving and opened my mouth. “Do you remember? The 33rd round. You cleared the 40th scenario and Lee Jihye said this.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes dimmed and his moving fingertips stopped.

「 “It would be nice if Master didn’t have to go to the next round.” 」

“Think about it. You weren’t always unhappy. Right? In all the rounds, there were moments when you were happy.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression was becoming stiffer.

“The 173rd round. You protected Earth for quite some time. You also saw Lee Jihye receiving her high school diploma and Lee Seolhwa smiling at someone’s child.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, are you happy that you’re alive?” 」

Every time I spoke, Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression collapsed. It wasn’t despair that broke down Yoo Jonghyuk.

“The 383rd round. You finally cleared the 75th scenario. Fortunately, nobody died in that round. That was the first time. Then Lee Hyunsung told you.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, I won’t forget today until I die.” 」

The feather-like memories sank into his head.

“Then the 498th round…”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s palms moved to cover his ears. The usual Yoo Jonghyuk wouldn’t have fallen from this much. Now it was different. I held his hands and kept talking. “That happened 10 times.”

A human sank deeper into the water just because of the weight of these feathers.

“Twenty times.”

My breath clogged up and my lungs tightened. I could feel what Yoo Jonghyuk was going through. Only I could feel it. The most primitive darkness at the bottom of one person was swallowing his ego greedily.

“100 times. It repeated over 1,000 times.”

All those words were destroyed. All the happy memories flowed back to a time they could never return to. Through the countless regressions, the meaning of happiness faded. All the values he preserved became pieces of torn paper.

“Yoo Jonghyuk.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s self was sinking into the deep sea. It was to a place that he could never come up from without someone’s help.

“Have you protected all the things you wanted to keep?”

I looked at Yoo Jonghyuk’s miserable face and thought: Don’t worry Yoo Jonghyuk. I’ll do the rest. You stop and rest.

[Your understanding of the character ‘Yoo Jonghyuk’ is increasing explosively.]

Yoo Jonghyuk’s empty eyes were showing memories of losing his master. I didn’t use Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint but it wasn’t hard to read.

「 I want to die. 」

「 I want to finish all of this. 」

「 If only I can never wake up. 」

A few drops of rain fell from the sky. It was black rain made from the blood of the demon kings and constellations. Liquid also flowed onto Yoo Jonghyuk’s face. Yoo Jonghyuk’s gaze lowered and finally fell on me.

I was looking at the moment a human’s spirit collapsed. There was a broken voice. Like a creaking machine, Yoo Jonghyuk stammered, “Wh,at… should, I, d…o?”

i think this one is obviously very important.

then, the 'have you protected all you wanted to protect' stuff obviously reaches its culmination in the finale

⸢The regression depression.⸥

That was the only weakness of Yu Jung-Hyeok, who had repeatedly regressed for a very long time.

[In the 173rd turn. You managed to protect Earth for a pretty long time. You got to see Yi Ji-Hye receive her high school diploma, and you even got to see Yi Seol-Hwa smile with another’s child in her arms.]

The light in Yu Jung-Hyeok’s eyes was wavering.

⸢It wasn’t despair that could defeat Yu Jung-Hyeok.⸥

⸢Small feather-like memories settled down inside his head one by one.⸥

The ‘Dokkaebi King’ was using the exact same method I relied on back then.

⸢The breathing got harder, and the lungs were getting tighter.⸥

⸢A man drowning in water would sink even deeper under the surface from the weight of a mere feather.⸥

I couldn’t afford to idly watch on anymore. I shouted at Yu Jung-Hyeok, telling him to wake up, and not to fall for such an illusion.

However, my voice couldn’t reach them as if a non-conductive barrier was set up between us. And the ‘Dokkaebi King’ was smiling away, perhaps to mock this entire story.

[Yu Jung-Hyeok, have you protected all that you wanted to protect?]

Slowly, Yu Jung-Hyeok’s knees sank down.

I roused the Status of Fables. I needed to undo that ⸢Stage Transformation⸥ right now, But, how should I…

Grab.

There was a hand still tightly clutching mine. It was Han Su-Yeong.

“That’s not a battle you can interfere in.”

“But, if he’s left alone….!”

“….Even a star that can’t be seen still emits light. You said that, right?”

….A star that can’t be seen?

Her words made me look back at Yu Jung-Hyeok once more.

His gaze being lowered had come to a stop. Blinding sparks were completely enveloping him.

Tsu-chuchuchuchu….

Something was waking up his fading consciousness.

[Great Fable, ‘Ones that Remember the Apocalypse’, has begun its storytelling!]

That was a Fable I wasn’t aware of.

As the sparks lessened gradually, several silhouettes revealed themselves. Now that I took a closer look, Yu Jung-Hyeok wasn’t alone. No, four others were standing beside him.

A tall man, a young man with blonde hair, a girl with a ponytail, and finally…

[[He couldn’t protect anyone. That’s why he now stands in this place.]]

….An Archangel with blindingly-pure wings.

Astonishment quickly dyed the Dokkaebi King’s expression.

The Fable from the destroyed 999th turn was now burning brightly like the conflagration of end times on the edges of the Archangel’s blade.

[[Because he believes there are still things left to protect.]]

- from ch 508

Now here's a couple of tidbits about depression when it comes up for Other entities:

The fastest thing to get shaved away after becoming a Constellation was their own ‘Fable’. The more a Constellation depleted its story, the weaker its power would get. They would grow bored, disinterested, fall into depression, or lose themselves in tedium.

Constellations would desperately seek out other Fables in order to escape from such a quagmire. In other words, they would search for a new tragedy to escape from this horrible eternal cycle, even if it was only for a brief moment.

- ch 498

⸢[Constellation, ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’s’ ■■ is ‘Something that can’t be found’.]⸥

I had read what his ■■ was from the original novel. His description showed up when he became Yu Jung-Hyeok’s ally for a little while during the 1863rd turn.

⸢The evil dragon suffering from the worst possible depression in this <Star Stream>.⸥

The reason why the ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’ believed his age to be 15 was simply that he’d not be able to continue on if he didn’t.

A life stretching for thousands, no, tens of thousands of years, made an originally solitary dragon into such a creature.

In order to stop itself from decaying, he chose not to age. He chose not to lose his curiosity of the world. He chose to torment Incarnations or play bizarre pranks. And for his final prank, he even chose to betray the ‘Absolute Evil’, too. He stood on Yu Jung-Hyeok’s side and while mocking the <Star Stream>, breathed his last.

- ch 503

okay so

i think there are a couple of different ways to look at the regression depression in line with each of orv's 'themes'. of course despair at losing his comrades is the main primary emotion here, but there's subtler stuff going on here too.

for starters, the foundational components of any creature within the star stream is its stories. the more your stories are known and shared the more powerful they are, etc, etc. time and time again their shared stories are the thing to save them and ground them. but as we see with the hellscape of eternity, yjh begins to become isolated from the interpersonal aspect of the story as he loses the people he originally formed these stories with. the stories are how people communicate. as YJH progresses through his regressions he is unable to relate to the 'story' in the way you are supposed to, and this essentially causes a complete ego death. life no longer has any meaning for him, because he is fundamentally incapable of connecting with people. the [impossible communication] of a life and a burden that can't be shared.

then there's the [samsara] aspect - being worn down by the endless repetition of fate. everything is the same, over and over again, and yet we still delve into it hoping to get something new out of it. maybe the story will be different this time. ABFD was able to stave off depression by keeping himself in a state of permanent novelty - there was still something left to discover - but as YJH progresses through the regressions and falls deeper and deeper into repeating the same pattern, the tedium becomes too much. he has nothing new to experience. he has repeated everything this reality has to offer - or so he thinks - and it shows no sign of ever changing. if it's the same every time, why stick around? why not go again? it doesn't matter. none of it matters. you are just part of the wheel.

and if we think of it in terms of [good and evil] we see yjh slowly become something that almost any human being would call a monster. as kdj says in that conversation with anna croft near the end, "can you really call someone a human if you have to look so hard to find their humanity?" as far as it goes. yjh commits some atrocities! Because of said aforementioned removal from reality and ego death, he is able to fully justify any action it takes no matter how horrendous. and yet his noble goal never changes. undeniably, what he is by the end is some sort of monster. but still, of course, just a man. and he knows this. he feels himself slipping a little bit more, every regression. he knows its coming. and he doesn't want it. he wants to maintain his humanity.

but really i think we can almost best think of yjh's regression depression as almost his equivalent to the [fourth wall]. whereas the 4th wall is a unique passive skill that protects kim dokja by preventing him from fully conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality', the regression depression harms yjh by preventing him from conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality'. in a sense, his friends and loved ones have almost become 'characters' to him as well, as he already knows the way this story happens. he is an outsider, observing these beings interact with each other but not quite the same as them. he is an anachronism. this isn't his present. this is a present, one he can take or leave at any time. the thing yjh does in his later regressions - using people as tools - is something kdj does in the beginning of his journey. because, well, it doesnt matter if this isn't the 'real world'! they mirror each other.

that ended up being so much longer than i thought it would im sorry. i hope this was even like 10% helpful.