#doing things because i wouldnt have a reason since i havent been diagnosed with adhd or anything even though im pretty sure i do have it.
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geodethecrow · 15 days ago
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#...............................................................#...............................................................................................#............................#..............................................#...........................................................................................................................................#gods im so done with this. i dont want to go on with this fatigue and pain and i can barely remember things like what i had for dinner#yesterday. i dont want to keep being exhausted every single day and it feels like im just being lazy and making excuses when i take so long#to get around to doing things like my chores or taking a shower. im not even in That Much pain like i could do everything the same as a#regular person if i just pushed through it except im getting weaker and weaker i cant lift as heavy of things anymore and even just keeping#at it and pulling the fucking timpani cart anyway and walking multiple miles im still getting weaker. and now i get lightheaded when i stand#up too fast and i just want to stop being sick but i dont know who i am without this and if i was better id feel even more guilty for not#doing things because i wouldnt have a reason since i havent been diagnosed with adhd or anything even though im pretty sure i do have it.#is it more noble to suffer? or to take up arms against the suffering and end it? i dont want to die but i dont want to keep living Like This#im so tired of it all and i wish i had the energy to be enamored by the world again#i want to have enough spoons to be able to love fully. that would save me i think.
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