#doesnt it hurt so much more when u think abt how the phrase 'youre gonna miss me when im gone' has double meaning in this context

[nopeferatu]

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[toytulini]

Bitter

Hi im a Bitter Aro(tm) and, not to be, petty, and getting worked up over The Little Things, but sometimes its easier to focus ur frustrations into a discussive type piece on The Little Things than to even think about, The Big Ones, yknow? So, yeah

Devaluing of Friendship, platonic love, is so Goddamn Prevalent in this fucking society, sometimes it rly hurts to think about, yknow? And it runs so fucking deep, and its so normalized, nobody bothers to think abt it and if u point it out ppl gonna tell u to shut up, stop whining, quit being a baby, its not that deep, go outside, blah blah "IN THE REEEEEAL WORLD, SNOWFLAKE" cool beans i get it, u dont care abt me, us, this these issues!!! Im not that fucking shocked, mostly disappointed that im not even surprised !!

Like? One? Of the most obvious examples?? Literally the fact that the phrase "Just Friends" is a common thing, its everywhere, and not only does it Literally Imply Romantic relations are considered "more", its Quite Often Explicitly followed by smth along the lines of referring to A Romantic relationship or attraction as "more than" friendship, the fact that the term "The Friendzone" exists at all and Means What It Does, friendship, platonic love, its lesser, its less important, not enough, not as much, not as powerful, its secondary, etc. It Kinda hurts.

Another thing? The term "Significant Other". What did u think of, when u read it? Romantic Partner is usually the first thought in my experience. The person whos. More ~Significant~, than others in someones life. Now, i want to stress im Not Trying To Say, that ur Romantic Partner cant be like, ur favorite person in the world, that ur not allowed to like ur romantic partner more than all of or many of ur friends, i get it, okay, not every relationship is of Equal ~Rank~ and to try to balance ur life in a way that it is, especially when the feeling doesnt come naturally to u, is ridiculous. I think my main issue with the term Significant Other is that...it seems to only ever be applied to Romantic Partners, or to 'maybe not romantic' partners who are kinda treated as "okay but ur basically either romantic or just friends" but i dont think ive seen it used to describe, a Friend. 100% Platonic. How weird would it be considered, if someone's Significant Other was a friend? Especially if that person continued to be of Greater or Equal ~significance~ to romantic partners? It sounds so fucking Foreign!! Sounds wrong!! Doesnt it??? Makes me wanna say smth like "maybe we shouldnt be so explicit abt Social ~Rankings and hierarchy, doesnt it feel rude and wrong to verbally value one persons relationship with you above all others? I mean jeez?

But Why?

Why doesnt it feel so weird to casually do this the other way round? With Romance Prioritized? Why does it only feel weird if someone Prioritized their platonic relationships over their romantic ones?

Ppl fucking mock us, mock our terminology, our long ass essays trying to figure out why how what, dont make up new words, all that shit,

Ppl fucking laugh at us, they laugh over their own interpretative mockeries of what they think we are what they think we're saying, make posts abt "ur not queer for queering your friendships bc u dont wanna date" and shit like that, (what the fuck does that even mean?? Note thats not an actual question that u need to answer lmao)and like,

You know the fuck what?

Fuck you

The way i feel abt my fucking friends? Feels tangibly fucking different than the norm, so fuck you, ill queer my friendship dynamics all the fuck i want, bc Im Fucking Queer, and a good amount of my friends are fucking queer, and so our friendships? Are fuckin queer 🖕

My ideal future dynamic of relationship? Is a vaguely polyam friend group, we all fucking love each other in one way or another, those of us who are queer get to be so unapologetically,

Im, rambling and losing my train of thought here among other thoughts,, but, i guess? Just, stop fucking shitting on aro terms, aro experiences, stop fucking talking over us, stop dismissing us all,

Im so fucking tired.

[mariearmany]

Dear Best Friend, I have no ither suitable place to write this but here.. I love you deeper than I ever thought I would love you. Please don't get me wrong.. this is a message to let go, get over with whatever that's holding me back or filling me with frustration, anger, jealousy, overprotection over you or anyone who is close that much to me, Dear Best friend.. I have to let go of so much anger.. so please hear me out though you are not ever gonna read or hear this out but that's the only way out I have.. I know you well, I know you by heart. I know how your eyes sparkle, the steps you take, the words you say the way your tone changes and the way your attitude shifts. I know your vibe too well, I know you by heart. I know when you look at someone fondly and who are the ones that could take your heart away and I see it clearly. You are lovely in all and any case and God! how admirable you are! When you laugh, when you hug when your energy shifta to love.. I see you are getting to change into that energy now :") I see how interesting you are getting and just obviously you never knew how to keep things balanced.. Please don't that wrong.. It is not that I am in love, I am not there and It is not that story of that girl who falls for her best friend now. It is that I can't afford you stepping backward, any disappearences, any losing of your precious heart or of that heart being taken away. I know how fondly you love, how amazing you fall head to toe! And God how I wish you fall for someone that could just see the amazing and perfect heart they fall for! You deserve that, you deserve this perfectly and well! I honestly, wholeheartdly wish that for you, who wouldnt love to see their best friend in love and happy enough especially someone who is like you? That could actually give you what you deserve without any pain! And thats the thing, whenever you go into something you go with full loving heart.. and by that.. you are always taken away, I would never stop, damage, hurt, turn into any evil person to that but it simply hurts to see your best friend taken away :") You never do the balance.. And I always see the differences :") i notice every single detail, the undertones, the hints, the specific phrases you use to turn events around, your jokes, what you do and what you don't.. everything. I see you there talking, sitying or standing with her and even before with others and I can see how excited you are or how talktive you turn! It makes me happy that i know such things abt you, it makes me happy that you are happy but it breaks my heart how you never turn to be happy. How you dont work it balanced enough between your loved ones that when you more into someone you forget the others, your people. So, the bottom line, I hope you never get hurt, I hope you get to be happy about that, i hope you fall in love happily and joyously! I hope they deserve it, I hope they know how valuable too valuable you are, I wholeheartly wish it. I just hope it doesnt cost me you :") and if it will.. I hope the cost is your happiness and your eternal happiness than i dont mind letting you go.. just to see my best friend happy :") I might be jumping into conclusions, i might be taking things too far but I have to talk it out.. At first.. you reminded me of the moat precious person I have ever had in my life and how in the end they've hurt me in boldly and without any sense of hunanity. You remind me of hai spirit, his aura and how preciously i loved him. Yet.. you remain different, you remain to be the one who gave me unconditional love, the one who I could get close to, get through their walls and be there for them and show you how much I love you, I couldnt do that with him thought how hardly I tried how deeeaaarlyyy I always gave my heart to them I always got it thrown away in pieces. I always wished that he would love me the way he loves his othee best friends :") When I met you I simply knew youe aura, I dealt with you like I know you since forever. But you.. you are different, how you love is 100 times more tender you understand you deal your way of thinking.. you loved me :") ! And knew since day one you will be important to me and here we go :") I hope you get it fully now :") I wish happiness for you, you are my best friend, dearest best friend ever, but the fear of seeing you away eats me alive! So please, be happy, love...balance it out too? :") It hurts.. but it is okay I know it is simply my insecurities and my own problems, so I will never trouble you with them dear :") just be :") I..love.. you.. more.. than.. anything.. else.. I hate the feeling that you wont be my special person, my dear best friend, that i might lose yoir warm hig or iist wint be watm anymore like an abandonned home a home that I didnt belong to anymore, just a house.. i hate the mixture of feelings, how you nevee sttay away ftom my head, how I star all your messages, how I reread them all everytime I am down, how I look for you to assure myself i am not losing you It is like you will slip awau ftom my gands like water thats smth I cant hold.. it will jist run away from my hand and... pew.. gone.. ! I hate how when I see u with hee it hurts me because i know u never choose to stay with and sit with people unless they are special or close ones and you do that eveeyday, it terrifies me! I hate how I love you.. Dear best friend, i hope you understand.. I am sorry for being this complicated, emotional friend of yours.. I am truly sorry..