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pilmik · 4 years ago

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No better way to start a writing blog than by writing something completely self indulgent lmao college students this might hit too close to home but in my defense the new sem started and I'm. Mess

Gen: angst ig???some fluff? hurt/comfort? Quite literally just me writing what I want to hear

CW: insecurities, negative thoughts

Wakatoshi loves volleyball

Everyone knows this

Ever since he was little, he's lived and breathed for the sport

There's nothing better to him than the feeling of the ball hitting his hand, the adrenaline rush of a scored point, the satisfaction of a game well won

He didn't get this far on enjoyment alone though

As his s/o, you know this better than anyone, save for his coaches and teammates of course

You know the effort he's put in, you know that for every second he shines on the court in front he's spent hours practicing alone or with his teammates

And he shines on the court

Watching him play will never fail to make your heart stutter and your lungs feel like they're not getting enough air

After being with him as long as you have, you know enough about volleyball to know that Wakatoshi is something special

His speed, his strength, his reliability

No matter how many times you see that spike, the sound of the ball hitting the floor stays deafening

Wakatoshi was made to play Volleyball. It's an objective fact. Sometimes you think that the sport loves him just as much as he loves it

Sometimes, you get so jealous you could scream

one of the perks of being the volleyball captain's s/o is that you always get the best seats

You watch front row as your boyfriend leads his team to victory, and he always leads them to victory.

You watch, time and time again, as he scores the match point, that sharp wham of the ball hitting the court that sings triumph

Wakatoshi isn't the most expressive person. When his team wins a game, most people would write off his impassive face as nonchalance or as vanity, thinking maybe he's won so many times it doesn't feel like anything for him anymore

But you know him. You know that if you look hard enough at the end of a game, you can see a gleam in his eyes. A gleam that somehow means both satisfaction and hunger

Because while at the end of every game means victory, the end of every game also means the start of a new one, a new challenge, a new opportunity to be on the court. He loves every second of it

You know you're probably the worst person on the world for feeling this way about someone you love, but every time you see that gleam in his eyes, any pride and happiness you feel on his behalf is stained with resentment and an envy so bitter it stays on your tongue for days

You've never had that gleam in your eyes. You've never loved something so entirely, so completely as Wakatoshi loves volleyball

You honestly doubt you ever will

It's not like you're talentless or you don't have hobbies, you have the things you're good at and you have the things you like to do but it's not the same

You want so desperately to know what he feels like, to be doing something and to think, I could do this for the rest of my life and die happy

on your worst days, you wonder why he stays by your side at all

You watch him play, surrounded by his court and his team (no the court or the team, his.) And you wonder what he could get from you that he couldn't get from the sting of the ball on his palm, or the squeak of his shoes on hardwood

He's brilliant, wherever he goes be burns so brightly you swear he leaves scorch marks. What could a forest fire possibly want from a candle?

You watch them play a game against some college team, they win straight sets and Wakatoshi dominated the court, scoring a majority of the points. you're quiet on your way home, and he asks if you were bored by the game

You immediately tell him no, because on most days you love seeing him play, and you try and explain how you feel

He doesn't understand what you're talking about, obviously

Contrary to what most people think, your boyfriend isn't stupid or dense. He has trouble understanding different social cues and conceptualizing some of the more complicated emotions other people feel, but he's not an idiot

But these specific insecurities are something he's never had to face. For him, it's been volleyball since the start. His earliest memories are of his father in the yard, tossing a blue and yellow ball into the air while he sits on the engawa, chubby hands holding tight to a pink vabo-chan plush

It doesn't make sense to him, if you don't have anything like that, then all you need to do is find something you're good at, correct? Then you'll be happy

He tells you this, in his usual matter-of-fact way. (you can imagine how that went)

He doesn't understand why your eyes go glassy, or why you tell him you'll be fine walking by yourself for the rest of the way

But he does understand that he's made you upset, and he knows that he never wants to look into your eyes and see tears that he's put there

As he walks back to his dorm, he's wracking his brain trying to make sense of how you told him you felt, and what he said in response

He's still thinking as he enters the doorway, ignoring Tendou's greeting as he neatly removes his runners and puts them away

This, of course, alerts his redheaded friend, knowing Wakatoshi was taught to mind his manners

He leaves whatever he was doing to see him at the entrance, taking in his pinched expression. He knows that Wakatoshi walks you home after every game, and it doesn't take a genius to connect the dots

He quickly presses the pad of his thumb between Wakatoshi's furrowed eyebrows, smoothing the lines there

"trouble in paradise, Wakatoshi-kun? You can't keep frowning like that you know, you'll get wrinkles! Everyone already thinks you're an old man"

Wakatoshi trusts his best friend, even if he teases him constantly. Besides you, Tendou is his main confidant

He explains what happened much like someone would explain a mission report, in perfect unbiased detail. He tell him what you said, how he thought and responded and your reaction. Tendou is always patient with him, giving him his full attention.

After he finishes his story, his friend sits on his haunches in the middle of the hallway for a few minutes, pointer finger to his chin, head cocked and eyes to the ceiling, hmmmmmming thoughtfully

Wakatoshi waits at the entrance of their dorm room until Tendou snaps his eyes away from the ceiling and onto him

"Wakatoshi kun, I'm going to need you to imagine something for me"

His eyebrows pinch together again, but he nods

"Imagine you never played volleyball, you're exactly the same in every way, except your dad never showed you so you never learned how to play. Try and imagine who you'd be"

Wakatoshi tries his best to imagine, he replaces the blue and yellow ball in his memory with a red one, the bouncy kind they sell in bins at the grocery store. He replaces vabo-chan with some kind of stuffed animal wearing a bow

He thinks about school, about going straight home after class is over, and going to the gym only on weekends

He finds he's skipping parts of his life in large gaps, empty spaces he doesn't know what to do with, his future completely blank. It's terrifying.

Tendou must see the dawning horror on his face because he jumps up quickly with a flourish, clapping his hands together once to draw Wakatoshi out of his daydream

Tendou looks at him, smiling and says "y/n-chan doesn't have their volleyball. Most people aren't as lucky as you, finding your volleyball so early Wakatoshi-kun. Some people never find their's at all"

He stands at the entrance quietly for awhile after Tendou returns to his room, thinking about how scary it felt to imagine, even for a few minutes, his life full of the blanks that his sport filled

He wonders how it would be like to have those blanks empty all the time, with not even a clue how to complete them

Swallowing his pride, Wakatoshi realizes he wouldn't be able to live like that. Wouldn't be able to go forward into such unknowable territory, under such impossible odds

He thinks about you waking up every day, seeing your life full of blanks, and still pushing forwards despite it

He doesn't get much sleep that night.

You wake up in the morning to Wakatoshi's text ringtone

7:10am Toshi <3: Call in sick for first period.

7:10am Toshi <3: I am going to pick you up at 8.

7:13am Toshi <3: I will bring you breakfast.

7:27am Toshi <3: Wear a light jacket, it's chilly.

The half of you that's still hurt over yesterday wants to tell him to shove breakfast up his ass, but then you realise something

You stare at your phone, deeply confused

Doesn't he have volleyball practice before school?

You get ready quickly, and sure enough, when you walk out of your door at exactly 8:00, Wakatoshi is there.

He's wearing his tracksuit and runners, and he hands you a paper bag from the conbini. There's an apple, a bag of grapes and onigiri. In his other hand he's holding a warm drink, written on the lid is your favourite, exactly how you like it

"I am taking you to the park."

You tilt your head up at him, confused

"don't you have volleyball practice?"

"I'm skipping. We are going to feed the ducks."

The idea of Ushijima Wakatoshi skipping volleyball practice stuns you into silence, and you simply follow his lead to the direction of the park, you walking and him doing some sort of ridiculous exercise thing that looks like it'd make you puke

When you get there, you're happy to find that your usual bench is empty.

Wakatoshi pulls a water bottle out of his ridiculously-deep men's tracksuit pockets while you take the bunch of grapes out of the bag, neatly dividing it in half. You decide to take the big half of the grape bunch for once, because he was being a jerk yesterday and you deserve to feed the ducks more than he does. You give him his half and you both start feeding the ducks in silence

After awhile, he decides to speak

"Tendou made me imagine something yesterday"

You turn to face him, but he's still looking at the ducks

"he told me to imagine my life if I'd never played volleyball"

He frowns

"he said to imagine everything about me was the same, except I never started playing. I found that it was difficult"

"there were many things I found I couldn't fill in, both in my life and in myself"

"but the worst part was imagining the future. I couldn't imagine a single thing to put in it"

"I wouldn't be able to live like that. To live every day and see blank spaces and uncertainties. It sounds terrible"

He pauses for a moment and you're like :/ wow king thanks for the pep talk

But he takes a deep breath and he continues

"I think, for a person to face that uncertainty and keep pushing forward, they would have to be exceptional"

Your head snaps to look at him so fast you almost get whiplash

Exceptional

There's a word that you've never used to describe yourself

"I think, that if I knew someone like that, I would tell them that they are strong in a way that I doubt I will ever be"

He finally turns to look at you, and you try your best to see him through the tears distorting your vision

"after awhile of thinking, I finally thought of something that I could put in that blank future. Would you like to know what it was?"

You just nod, not trusting your words. His big hands gently engulf your own and for a moment you're absolutely certain Ushijima Wakatoshi will be the death of you

"if I didn't have Volleyball, if I didn't have a single clue of what I could do with my future, if I still had you by my side, I think I would be alright"

One hit K.O.

He keeps going though, as if he didn't just kill you

"if you would have me, I'd like to be in your blank future. For as long as it takes for you to find your volleyball, I'll be there. If it's months or years or decades,"

"if decades pass and you never find your volleyball, I would still like to stay by your side. Maybe your volleyball is looking for volleyball?"

His face contorts in consideration of the idea, and you can't help but laugh wetly, your tears soaking into his jacket as you bury your face into his arm

He presses a soft kiss to your head

"I apologize for what I said last night. I didn't understand"

You only shake your head

You two sit in companionable silence for a little longer so you can eat your breakfast, then you both walk to second period hand in hand

It's only in the boredom of your math class that you realize the gravity of what your boyfriend had said to you in the park

11:08 you: Tendou

11:08 you: was I tripping

11:08 you: or did Wakatoshi /propose/ to me in the park today

Tendou is typing......

A/N: I've never posted this kind of stuff before so comments would really be appreciated! Like if there's something I could do to make my stuff easier to read or whatever I wanna hear it! Even if it's mean I promise I'll only cry a little

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incorrect-ikevamp-quotes · 4 years ago

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Hi again! I come to you today with a question that may simply be a continuity error, but I'm still interested in your thoughts! In the main story, le Comte *knows* it was MC that came through the door behind him. Yet in Comte's "One Night, Beneath the Crescent Moon" POV story, he said he "...had no idea of what would happen next... That she would end up using the same door and end up stuck on the other side." What's your take on it? Thanks in advance! 💛

Hiya! First off I wanna apologize for how long it took to reply oTL I had originally drafted a response and then lost it when I accidentally closed the tab, and whenever that happens I always have to like sufficiently mourn the words I lost 😂😂😂

But to answer your question! If I’m entirely honest, I can’t remember what it was Comte said exactly in the Main Story in regards to her entering the door. There could be a lot of explanations for him saying he “knew”: continuity error, him wanting to put her at ease by seeming “in control” of the situation (while he’s screaming internally), or maybe even him wanting to cast some doubt as to whether or not he’s a person that can be trusted (aka the whole like “MC nooooooo don’t trust me I’m a vampire very bad very scary run away” kind of like Leonardo).

All that being said, given the evidence we have and the stories I’ve read from his POV--esp that Crescent Moon one you referenced--I’m most inclined to believe that he had no idea she would follow him that day at the Louvre. If anything I really don’t think he ever anticipated any human person could follow him through the door? Because remember Sebastian (and the suitors for that matter) only manage because Comte is their escort. Sure their will to live on was strong enough that he could hear them, but they had no capacity to approach or find a door on their own as far as we currently know. The door was closed when MC found it; this suggests that Comte fully closed off that avenue to make sure nobody wayward stepped in by accident. He did the responsible thing and he left long before he could ascertain her safe journey through time, but she still managed to make it across somehow.

That’s why I think MC’s mere existence is earth-shattering to Comte. I mean we have all the good basics: a lovely lady, sweet and hard-working, means well and does her best. And these attributes all do matter, for sure. But the door is perhaps a greater catalyst in their romance than we might have first anticipated.

There will be some semi-hefty JPN rt spoilers below the cut for Dazai and Comte, so I’m just going to keep it under wraps just in case there are people who want to remained 100% unspoiled:

TW: Mentions of suicide in Dazai’s rt

The reason I say this is twofold, based on information provided by Dazai and Comte’s Main Story route. In Dazai’s route, remember that the focal point of the story is that Dazai wants to go back in time to kill himself as a baby so that he can never grow up to write his books or cause anyone pain in the near future--essentially, suicidal ideation to a frightening extreme. One of the main reasons that he fails (though MC plays a significant role in stopping him, too) is that Dazai’s will to kill himself is too weak. In simpler terms, this means that--no matter how much he insisted he wanted to die, the truth of his heart was revealed in his constant hesitating and difficulty going through with it. This is very often a reaction from people who need sizable psychological assistance to overcome trauma; they don’t usually want to die, it’s more that the pain of surviving their experiences is outweighing any possible joy they can find in living.

But back to the most important part in bold. When Dazai asks about being able to use the door to travel through time, Charles confirms that it’s possible to travel without a pureblood escort. HOWEVER. This type of travel is very, very difficult unless you have an intense sense of willpower. I imagine the implication here is that you have to have an overwhelming desire and firmly believe it’s where you want to be in order for the travel attempt to succeed at all. (I don’t think the tethering point necessarily matters, but there is a suggestion that strong bonds between people--whether platonic or romantic--can serve as powerful guideposts when the door is distorted.) In other words, the reason Dazai relies on Charles’ moral bankruptcy is because Dazai knows he doesn’t feel strongly enough to go through with the suicide. He needs someone else who has the sheer determination and unbending will to see it through when the door opens.

This is why Dazai is forced to ask Charles to accompany him, even though Charles doesn’t necessarily want to kill him. For Charles, this is less about a desperation to kill Dazai and more about his intense obsession-love for MC, and his willingness to do anything to receive her love/attention in return. In Charles’ view, since MC is ostensibly in love with Dazai, removing Dazai from the picture permanently is ideal. While Charles’ judgement is clouded and a little horrific, he is nonetheless rock steady in comparison to Dazai’s nonstop wavering. Dazai knows that he’s fickle on a personal level; one moment he wants to die, another he’s too afraid to let go of what he does care about or upset anyone. He’s at a point where he doesn’t know what’s right or true anymore and he’s floundering, which is honestly fairly common among those who share his lamentable condition. (Most people don’t have a death wish--it’s more a combination of circumstantial problems and healing that has remained in stasis that constitutes the extremity of that behavior.)

Moving right along, Comte’s route also features a similar testament to willpower, believe it or not. This happens in the last few chapters of the main story. Basically, Shakespeare dumps MC on Vlad’s doorstep and she’s more or less suffering the latter’s monologuing for a good while. Not long after that Comte appears and nearly shoots Vlad in the head, the bullet just grazing his cheek. Comte demands that he let MC go, and Vlad--in a classic sadistic act of compliance--wrenches open the door and just tosses MC into the freefall of distorted spacetime.

Now this is dangerous to MC’s life in and of itself, but there’s a key element there: distorted spacetime. In this main story the door never returns to its normal state after that first month period. Rather, the expanse of the door is too dangerous to be traveled even by a pureblood, let alone a human being. The chances MC will ever be able to escape in order to survive are closer to zero than any other number. Remember that Comte is immortal. If he gets stuck on his own, he can’t die and the damage to his body is always more than able to heal when he’s back to safety. (He even warns Leonardo in Leo’s MS that the danger of getting stuck in some kind of pocket in spacetime is still too significant to be ignored, though I can’t be sure if that’s due to Leonardo’s inexperience with time travel/requirement for an escort, or just an inevitable risk you juggle anytime you travel through the door.)

Of course Comte leaps in after her to try to save her, but presumably their entry point is long gone now (Vlad shut the door), so they’re just kind of floating in amorphous time. They do and don’t exist. Comte is understandably distraught because MC’s life hangs in the balance; if they don’t find a way out, she is almost certainly going to die. Comte admits that--while he hates the fact that his very existence is a danger to her, he still doesn’t regret finding her by any extension. MC protests, naturally, that there’s nothing to regret. Circumstances be what they may, she loves him.

Now, here is the key. While Comte is trying to think of a way out, MC is thinking hard about wanting to return to the mansion. Her mind reflects an acute, intense desire to return home to the place where they both belong. And wouldn’t you know it? They both suddenly tumble out of the door in the mansion and onto the carpeted floor, whole and alive, sputtering in disbelief. Comte is baffled at first but it can only give way to immense relief that she’s safe, and he just immediately breaks down.

The only reason the two make it out unscathed is because of--I can only assume--MC’s overwhelming will to live on with Comte and return to the mansion. While it would have been natural for her to be overcome by fear to the point where she could make no productive decision, or even humor the concept of focusing on their home, she does it all the same with immediate success. That’s also part of why I think Comte just 100% caves into both of their feelings in the next chapter. He saw firsthand that, not only does MC keep a level head under duress, but she also has the overpowering will necessary to survive amongst vampires. And it was perhaps this unshakeable will in the first place that landed her in the late 19th century all those weeks ago.

It’s interesting because, honestly? Her entry through the door is more or less a hinge point for their romance. While it obviously isn’t the only reason he cares about her, it definitely is one of the bigger reasons he even feels safe enough to court her in earnest in the aftermath. It is literally only after this event that he confesses everything. Why he created the mansion and the men. How he’s really felt about her and himself all this time. What Vlad showed her and the implications of Vlad’s existence. And finally the truth about what he wants. He wants a relationship with her, but he keeps being held back by the fear that he’s too much. That the demand of being by his side will outweigh any happiness she might find choosing him. (Granted MC and I find that preposterous given how attentive and considerate he is, but you know). But after seeing her pull off surviving Vlad and traveling through the door by her own willpower again? I think it sufficiently lessens his doubts as to whether she could handle a future with him. It gives him the courage to just ask her: Do you want a future with me? Can you handle the demands of a vampire that cannot accept a mere human lifetime to be in love?

And so this is why I have unceasing Comte brainworms ladies and gentlethem. I need to go lie down before I start crying again, I love him oTL

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savrenim · 3 years ago

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hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

#my life #my writing #ifmlam

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saiilorstars · 4 years ago

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It Had To Be You

Ch.29: Fighting Till End //

Story Masterlist // Sequel!!

Fandom: The Flash

Pairings: Barry Allen x Female OC

Pronunciation of OC’s name: Bell-en. The last syllable has an emphasis so it’s not pronounced like ‘Helen’ would be.

~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~ 0 ~

Chapter Summary: It's time for the final fight against Thawne and for Belén to decide what to do with her rogue siblings. The ending promises to leave heartbreaks.

Maritza's eyes followed her sister's constant pacing in front of her. She was sitting in side her prison pod of the pipeline. Belén was tired of crying, was tired of it all, and she just didn't know what more Maritza could throw at her by this point. Her head hurt, but she didn't know if that was because of the problems or if it was because of fact her brother had literally messed with the insides of her body only a couple hours ago.

"Belén, you're making me dizzy, just shout at me or something," Maritza wearily said.

Belén stopped and looked at her. "You think I have things to say? Maritza I have no idea how to even talk to you anymore!"

"I'm your sister-"

"No," Belén shouted so loud that Maritza flinched, "You are not my sister. My sister-" she pointed at herself, "-would have never hurt so many people and do what she did. She would have never left her own son!" Maritza actually flinched at how loud Belén was shouting. "YOU LEFT HIM, MARITZA! He has no idea what his mother has been up to!"

"I know what I did, I am not denying it--"

"Oh goodie, your redemption is on track--"

"It's not redemption!" Maritza exclaimed. She sighed, giving a light shake of her head. "I didn't turn things around because I felt like it. I'll admit Barry's words did kind of help me make the turn but...I've been lost for a while now. I've been...confused."

"But that didn't stop you from threatening me? Hurting me and my friends? Maritza, what the hell!?"

Belén stared hard at her sister with an incredulous expression. "It's funny. You don't even realize that there should have never been a moment for you to 'turn it around' because there shouldn't have been a moment where you decided to turn into...this," she made a gesture to Maritza's current predicament.

"I was not born this way," Maritza gritted her teeth together, her eyes falling to the side. "Wells made me like this. He made us all this way. He killed Chris, Belén-" her eyes began to tear, "-my husband. I lost him that night. And then he went and infected us all with these powers. He killed our dad, Belén. He took our family away."

Belén acknowledged the losses they had to suffer, but she would not allow her sister to dump all the responsibility on someone else. "Wells took a lot from many people, but the one thing he is not responsible for is how you decided to use your powers. Look at me, Mar, look at me with my uncontrollable powers. I don't blame anyone else for them. It's on me that I haven't learned to control them, not anyone else."

"You are far stronger than me and Rayan," Maritza said with a hint of pride. "You turned yourself into a hero. You pushed through and look where you are…"

Belén scoffed. "Oh yeah, I'm Queen of the world. My dad's dead, my sister and brother are rogues, and my mom is clueless about it. Oh yeah, I'm the luckiest person in the world." She waited a moment before she could speak again without shouting. They'd effortlessly put Maritza into the pipeline, a safe distance away from Thawne, and given Belén a while to cool down before she could go and talk to Maritza. "Why did you leave us, Maritza?" she finally asked the question that'd been burning in Belén's head. "I mean...were you just that big of a coward, or...?"

Maritza took the sting of her sister's words in silence. She balled her fist and brought it up against the pod's glass wall. "I needed to know where I was in regards to you and Rayan." Belén scoffed, clearly discarding that answer as garbage. "Barry gave me an ultimatum and I realized I didn't know what side I was on anymore. I love you and Rayan-"

"-no," Belén wagged a finger, almost laughing at the absurdity she heard. "If you really love me, then you wouldn't have done everything you did. And if you really loved Rayan, then you wouldn't have let him get away with all that he's done."

"Rayan is just as troubled as I am, Belén! He was kidnapped for his powers and was forced to do dirty work for a group of thieves!"

"Yeah, and as painful as I know that was for him, it still gave him no excuse to turn evil," Belén clapped her hands together. "I get he had to...kill...to survive, as hard as that sounds to me, but the moment he was free he could have come back."

"And do what?" Maritza challenged. "Go to the cops and tell them everything? He would've gone to jail--"

"HE'S GOING TO JAIL NOW!" Belén once again screamed. "At least back then he could have argued self deference! But now? Now what's he going to say? 'Sorry guys, I decided to steal and hurt people because of my troubled past'?"

"He is dying!" Maritza snapped, startling Belén into silence for a moment. "Those powers that gave you the gift of being a hero is the same thing that's going to kill our brother."

"You're lying," Belén frowned. "You'd say anything to be let out--"

"I'm not interested in being set free. I wouldn't have given myself up - I wouldn't have returned if I cared of being free. But that's one of the reasons why I came back, because I knew Rayan was going to get worse and do something stupid like he did earlier."

"What's wrong with him?" Belén crossed her arms, not entirely keen on believing Maritza but she would like to believe that Maritza wasn't that cynical to lie about something so big.

"I don't know, but if I had to guess it's the telekinesis that's messing with his head. For some time now he's been having more headaches, he's been getting tired more easily. His powers, on the other hand, are developing fast now. But when he uses them for long periods of time, or gets stressed or..." Maritza sighed, "...or when things get too tough, blood comes out of his nose."

Belén remembered what Caitlin had mentioned after being brought back into the building. Rayan had blood oozing from his nose and eyes. Oh my God, he's dying. Belén shuddered a breath. "Well, if it's the truth then he needs to be here so that we can help him."

"He's not coming here, Belén," Maritza said, hoping Belén knew this already.

Belén did, but she just didn't care. "I'm sorry but since he's evil, he doesn't exactly get a pick in medical help, does he?"

"You're being unfair, Belén," Maritza said quietly though Belén heard just fine.

"I'm being unfair? Are you serious?" Belén didn't know whether to laugh because of how ridiculous this was, or cry out of pure frustration. "I thought I could do this-" she gestured to their conversation, "-but maybe I'm not quite ready cos I still want to fight you." She headed for the control panel, deciding to continue this later when she had cooled down (again).

"Belén I know I messed up-" Maritza winced when Belén bitterly laughed but she kept going before Belén could close the pipeline, "-but I do love you and our brother, and I love my son, so please just take care of Axel for me."

"Believe me, Axel won't know any of this until he's 30," Belén spat and pushed the button to seal the pipeline. "If he's lucky."

She turned on her heels and stormed out of the pipeline. She wasn't fazed seeing Barry in the hallway near the pipeline entrance. "Your turn!" she spat, jerking a thumb over her shoulder to indicate he could talk to Thawne now.

Barry winced but decided - for safety reasons - not to say anything. He honestly could not remember her ever getting that angry, but he couldn't argue it. He felt the same rage towards Thawne.

~ 0 ~

In the cortex room, the group, with Ronnie and professor Stein, were discussing the great dilemma Wells had presented to Barry.

"The rare opportunity to go back in time and right a wrong and save your mother's life... quite the paradox Harrison has presented you with, Mr. Allen." Professor Stein truly had no words to even advise Barry what to decide on.

Caitlin, on the other hand, seemed pretty clear on what she would decide if it had been her decision to make. "The chance to be with someone you love? Seems pretty cut and dry to me."

"At first blush, Dr. Snow, it would appear so, but this gift has unparalleled risk," Stein said to her. "Barry, the night your mother died, the night you saved yourself from being killed, that event altered the timeline you were already on and changed the course of history."

"So what you're saying is we're living in a parallel universe?" Cisco tried wrapping his mind around that idea considering they were living in a third parallel universe due to the fact Barry had already altered the original parallel universe.

"Just like when I time traveled before," Barry seemed to be thinking of the same thing.

"But he... he only changed one day that time," Joe said incredulously.

"Exactly. Now imagine 15 years of compounded experiences," Stein tried making his point. "One different decision, no matter how big or small, impacts everything that follows. Moments upon moments, choices upon choices. No relationships, nothing would be as it is today, and you'd never know the difference because you'd never remember any of it."

"So if I go back and save my mom, my dad doesn't go to prison. I never live with Joe and Iris…" Barry began to make the connections.

"You might never meet me. Or Caitlin or Ronnie," Cisco added and debated whether or not he should add the third and probably the most valuable person.

Bells. Barry had to wonder if this time change would alter the day he met Belén through Iris. Because if he never lived with Iris and Joe, then it meant that there was a chance that he wouldn't end up being that close to Iris enough to meet some of her friends. He would have liked to have Belén around so that she would at least be in the know right now, but she'd gone straight home to see Axel. No one blamed her, of course.

Still, the next person Barry needed to see was his father.

~0~

Barry decided to have a talk with his dad in hopes of getting some needed advice seeing as everyone else seemed to vary in their stances. Joe said yes, Caitlin said yes, but Cisco was an adamant no. Stein was unsure and Ronnie couldn't pick a side either. Barry was so incredibly lost.

"Dad, look. I know this sounds crazy…" Barry spoke up since Henry couldn't seem to respond after being told the opportunity that Barry was getting.

"I think we're way past crazy, slugger. Look, you're fast, I get it. But turning back time…?" Henry thought perhaps this was just another trick that could hurt Barry.

"No, I wouldn't be turning time back. I would be... going back to that night to save her."

"And what does Joe think about all this?"

"He thinks I should do it."

Henry thought for a moment, his face becoming serious when he decided, "No. You can't."

Barry gave him an incredulous stare. "Dad...I can make it so that night will never have happened," he repeated in simpler terms in case his father hadn't grasped the concept yet. "We'll be a family again."

But Henry understood perfectly what it would entail. "We are a family."

"Not like this," Barry shook his head. "Not without Mom."

"Barry, there's a natural order to things, okay? Things happen the way they do. We may not know why at the time, but there must always be a reason. Now, I believe that. I've had to believe it."

Barry couldn't understand what his father was thinking in telling him all this. He was making the decision a lot harder than it should be. "I... I can save Mom."

"At what cost?" Henry challenged, hoping Barry would see what this significant change would do to his life. "You said time would change. What if it changes you?"

"I don't care!"

"I do," Henry frowned. "I am in awe of the remarkable man that you are becoming... all the things you've achieved, and not just as the Flash, but you, Barry. Your honesty. Your heart. You were always a hero. And your mom would be just as proud. And if she had a say in this, if she thought for one second that you going back to save her would mean you losing what makes you so special, she would never want that. Barry, what I hope for you, maybe the greatest thing that a father can hope for his son is that one day, you will become a father yourself. And then you will know...how much I truly love you."

Barry was in tears by the time his father finished talking. He'd come in searching for support but he was going to be leaving with far more confusion.

~0~

It was getting darker as the sun began to set in the sky's horizon. Belén sat silently on a park bench, facing the usual fountain she'd become fond of in the last year. She could see Axel playing at a distance, the little boy was happier than ever just like he usually was when he got the chance to go to the park and play. Meanwhile, Belén had spent the day thinking and thinking of her siblings. Her brother was dying. Her sister was going away forever. She was going to have to become a pseudo-mother to a four year old who didn't know he was about to lose his mother to prison.

What had her life become?

Belén shook her head at her silent question and made to get up when she saw Barry walking towards her. She felt a newsense of awful knowing that she'd basically deserted him when he probably needed her.

"Gotta thank Cisco for hacking your cellphone GPS," he admitted as he took a seat beside her.

"Sounds creepy, Mr. Allen," Belén side-glanced him with a small smile. "But I'll let it go on account of you being cute."

Barry smiled briefly then looked ahead, spying Axel trying to dip a hand into the fountain.

"Axel, don't you dare!" Belén's sudden call startled the boy away from the fountain. He grinned at them then ran away. "I haven't told him anything," Belén said quietly as if Axel would overhear. "I told Maritza I wouldn't tell him anything until he was 30...but now I wonder if I'm being just as bad as Maritza."

"Believe me, you could never be as...bad as Maritza," Barry felt bad for saying it out loud but Belén didn't seem so upset by it. Still, Belén didn't say anything. There was a mutual silence between them filled with pain and rage.

"You okay?" they both ended up asking each other at the same time.

"Of course," Belén lightly chuckled, but she sniffed a little louder than intended. "What did he say? Thawne? When you went to talk to Thawne, what crappy excuse did he have for everything he's done?" She thought listening to him could maybe give her the courage to talk about what Maritza had told her of Rayan.

"Oh, you know, the same old same old: he hated me so he thought by wiping me from existence we would be even," Barry tried to be nonchalant about it but of course it was an impossible thing to do. "Except I beat him so he decided to get back by killing my mother."

"Barry, I'm so sorry," Belén rubbed her hand against his arm. She didn't think she could talk about her siblings now, it felt so...irrelevant now. "He deserves to rot in prison."

"That's the thing, um..." Barry straightened on the bench, "He's...giving me the opportunity to go back in time to save my Mom. If I do that, then none of this ever happens. You don't get powers, you don't lose your dad, you don't send your sister to jail and you never have to go in search of your twin because he will never go missing."

"But we…"

Barry nodded at the question he assumed she was asking. "We run the risk of never meeting each other." Belén's eyes drifted to the side in thought. Barry sighed and scooted closer to her. "I need to know what you think."

Belén looked down at her lap, hiding her terrible fear. Of course she didn't want to lose him completely. But what was she supposed to say? 'No, Barry, I don't want you to go save your Mom because I am a selfish woman.'

"Belén, please say something," Barry begged, reaching for her hand. He gently tugged on it, making her look up. "I am so lost. It's the biggest decision of my life, and if I'm wrong, I can't undo it. So please, talk to me, tell me something."

"I don't know," Belén whispered. "I mean...I have my mom, and I had my dad. I don't know what it's like growing up without either. I can't imagine what you had to go through. All I know is that every single decision you have ever made is to get the culprit of your mother's murder. I don't know," she lightly smiled and looked away, "Maybe if you save your Mom you'd have your freedom. You'd get to see your mom again, your dad, have a great career in whatever you want, even get married."

"We don't know that that's going to happen…" Barry reminded. "We may not meet…"

"Or maybe we would," Belén offered a different view. "Maybe we meet somewhere else, somewhere new and we...still end up together."

"Do you believe that?" Barry asked, looking at her with a curious look.

"You once said that you believed that you would've fallen for me whether or not I had stayed with Cisco," Belén reminded, her smile infecting Barry to give his own. "So the question now is, do you believe that we would meet each other in another world?"

Barry considered the question truthfully. He stared at her waiting face, genuinely taking her entire self in. He liked her so much, he loved everything about her. From the very first time he met her, there was something...adorable about her. Her long rambling and shyness was something he would always love about her; the way she would suddenly lose all that shyness when she talked about something she truly loved. Barry thought he could never truly forget her embarrassed laughter when she felt like she didn't understand his or everyone else's scientific explanations.

"Yes," he finally said after what seemed like hours for Belén who had to endure his long stare. "I do think we would meet regardless. I can't imagine it any other way."

"Okay," Belén nodded. "So then set that aside, and do what you think you need to do. Because this isn't really about us, it's about you being happy. You always think of everyone else...so maybe this time, do what's in your heart. Do what you need to do for yourself."

Barry nodded his head, thankful for her words. Belén wrapped her arm around his and snuggled to his side.

"Do you plan on talking to Maritza again?" Barry asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"I don't know," Belén admitted. "If you do go back in time, I don't want to give her the luxury of knowing her mistakes will be forgotten." She stayed quiet again while she thought of the way she was talking about Maritza. "I've been so sad since Maritza left and now that I have her here...I'm just so angry. I don't know if I can talk to her tonight."

"Talk to her tomorrow, then," Barry suggested. Perhaps with some sleep and some more time to think she would figure out a way to stay calm while she...'discussed' with her sister.

But, Belén thought about it and she honestly believed it would have to be months before she could have a conversation with Maritza without shouts. A whole year of fighting, lies and secrets could not be forgiven in one day.

There was just one thing they could do together at this point. And that was only because Maritza knew more about it.

~0~

It was incredibly early the next day when Belén returned to STAR Labs. In her suit, she strode into the pipeline with purpose and opened the pipeline up.

"I thought it'd be longer until you decided to talk to me," Maritza admitted, and she honestly wasn't that wrong.

"I'm doing it for Rayan. Because I don't want him to die," Belén walked over to the control panel again and further surprised Maritza by opening her pod.

Maritza's eyes widened but she didn't dare step out. Belén, on the other hand, merely turned for the hallway. "Hurry up!" she spat.

"Where are we going!?" Maritza called, only taking the necessary step to get out of the pod.

"We're bringing in Rayan, what else?" Belén stopped under the threshold and glanced back at her sister. "He needs to be brought in so Caitlin can look at him."

"What - we're going to force him to come?" Maritza rushed after her younger sister.

"It's either that or he dies," Belén led the way down the hallway. One could say it was pointless going on a mission to bring Rayan back when Barry was going to reset the timeline, but Belén didn't care. She couldn't leave her brother to die on his own, not when there was still something they could do to help him. "You know where he is, don't you?" Maritza didn't say anything as they stepped into the elevator. Belén side-glanced her with narrowed eyes. "I'm not asking again."

"You're not going to like what you'll find," Maritza warned. "Rayan...Rayan isn't himself anymore-"

Belén scoffed. "Yes, I think I got that from our last fight. Luckily, I'm over it. I'm bringing him in no matter what."

"Without telling the others?"

"This is my thing to deal with," Belén looked at her sister again, "It's our family issue. But if you try to escape, I won't hesitate to fight you this time."

Maritza gave a nod. She wasn't thinking of going anywhere anyways.

~0~

After deciding to go through with changing the time line, Barry had to give each of his friends some task to do in order for things to go the right way. The most particularly difficult task was to create a time machine using the plans Wells had given them. Barry led both Cisco and Ronnie into the working room full of different parts that would hopefully put together a time machine.

"So, if Wells is as fast as you, what's he need a time machine for?" Ronnie made a face that expressed how ridiculous he thought the idea was.

"Apparently he lost his speed when he killed my mom," Barry explained. "He gets it back sometimes but only in spurts. He can't fully control it."

"So I was right about the wheelchair," Cisco beamed. "He was using it to charge himself."

"So after I open the wormhole, he's gonna need the ship to travel back to the future. He's been squirreling away the parts. Now we just need to put it together." Barry gestured to one of the tables holding several of the plans and leftover pieces for them to work on.

Ronnie moved over to study it for a moment. He picked up one of the metal clamps lying there.

"Ronnie, I love you, but this is a time machine, not a bookcase from IKEA," Cisco said as Ronnie turned over the clamps.

Ronnie ignored him and shook his head. "We got a problem. These tiles... they're made of tungsten."

"Well, tungsten does have the highest melting point of any other element…"

"Yeah, but the dust it generates is flammable. The pressure exerted from the wormhole…"

Cisco finally understood the problem. "Yeah. Yeah. It could cause a hole to be melted into the exterior. It could explode."

Barry looked from one man to the next. "Any ideas?"

Cisco shook his head but purposely started out of the room. "Let me ask Dr. Evil. Which used to be a name that made me smile."

As he went out, Caitlin came running in. "Guys!" she exclaimed, looking pretty worried. "We have a problem - Maritza's gone!"

"What?" Barry frowned and moved over to meet her halfway.

"I was coming in to give her the usual breakfast like Wells but she wasn't there," Caitlin explained. "I already checked the security feed and, well…"

"What?" Barry lowered his head at the woman, partially knowing what could have happened.

Caitlin sighed. "Belén let her go. And not just that, but she took her suit too. I don't understand where they were going."

Barry only had to think a little to realize what Belén was intending. "They're going to find Rayan."

"Woah, woah, you mean psycho brother with the power to turn someone's insides out?" Cisco crazily looked between the group. "Why the hell would she want to do that?" But of course the moment he asked, he knew. "Yeah, sorry. But she can't go after Rayan on her own."

"That's probably why she took Maritza," Caitlin bit her lower lip. "But who's to say Maritza won't double-cross Bells?"

"We need to find her, now," Barry specifically looked at Cisco for that one. "Her suit's tracker is still on, right?"

"Should be," Cisco led the way into the hallway with a speedy haste.

~ 0 ~

"Why did you decide to come back?" Belén got the courage to ask midway through their trip to find Rayan. Maritza was leading the way across rooftops since neither sister wanted attention from civilian.

"I told you, I knew Rayan was going to get worse," Maritza stopped at the edge of a rooftop and put her hands together, shooting her purple mass to the next rooftop to create a makeshift bridge.

"Is that the only reason why you came back?"

"My son, of course," Maritza stepped down the edge. "I missed him. But I knew the moment that I decided to go I'd lost him."

"Where'd you go, anyways? We searched for you everywhere and you didn't show up!"

"I knew you guys had the technology to find me so I stayed in a shady part of the city. Believe me, no one messes with Plasticine there," Maritza gestued for Belén to walk across the bridge she'd made.

"What exactly are your powers made from?" Belén asked the burning question Cisco had always wondered about since they learned about Plasticine's existence.

"At my guess, play-doh," Maritza said, sounding unimpressed with her abilities. "I was working on a craft for my students when the Particle Accelerator went off, so..."

"Makes sense," Belén let her vines start crawling over her body. "But I don't need you." She disbanded into vines and disappeared through the walls.

Maritza watched - rather awed - her sister re-appear in the next rooftop like nothing. "Alright," she muttered and hopped along her makeshift bridge. Belén was already getting a head start for the next rooftop. "Belén, wait!"

"What?" Belén stopped and turned sideways.

"I get your mad, but I need to know things are going to be okay afterwards...with Axel."

Belén wanted to stay angry but if it concerned her nephew...then she couldn't, could she? With a sigh, she fully turned around. "Axel will be fine, Maritza. It's not like I'm going to turn him over to a foster care."

"You're the only one who knows him besides me and Chris. You will look after him, right? Tuck him in...take him to school..."

"And give him his chocolate milk before and after he wakes up," Belén smiled only a little. Maritza nodded silently. "I love that little boy, Maritza. I'm not leaving him alone."

"And he loves you. You're his favorite auntie," Maritza swallowed hard then. "I don't want him to visit me in...wherever I go. I don't want him to visit me. You were right, he'll be really lucky if he never knows what happened to me."

Belén opened her mouth several times without words coming. "No...well..." she sighed. "I don't really know what would be better, honestly." She turned her back on Maritza and continued on. "Let's go."

~0~

Maritza unlocked the 20th marked warehouse and allowed her sister to go in first. Belén cautiously stepped inside and immediately saw sophisticated contraptions inside, along with countable priceless objects. She raised an eyebrow and looked at Maritza for an explanation.

"Pixel had her obsessions with jewelry," Maritza spoke quietly as she followed Belén in. "She was deranged."

"Kinda got that before you, um..." Belén trailed off when she realized they hadn't exactly talked about the fact Maritza killed Pixel. She knew her sister had already killed before, but that was before they knew who Plasticine was.

"I shot her, Belén," Maritza said for Belén. "I don't regret it."

"Not even a little bit?" Belén poked despite her own thoughts against Pixel. "I mean...we did have plans to lock her away too."

"Believe me, she would have escaped eventually. Only way to stop her was to kill her," Maritza's tone left no room for arguments. In that moment, Belén wondered how far Maritza had to have gone to be alright with murder.

"You're back," the two sisters heard from a distance. Rayan had appeared across them. His eyes narrowed on his sisters, no hint of warmth in either of them. "Traitors."

"Oh God, Rayan, you look bad," Maritza tried walking towards him but Rayan flung a hand to chuck a piece of metal. Maritza barely had time to duck and avoid being hit.

"Don't act like you care. Neither of you do."

"That's not true," Belén made her own attempt but was smarter and only took a couple steps forwards. "I know that you're sick but my friends can help you."

Rayan scoffed loudly. "Really? The same friends who want to lock me away? The same ones who told you it was better for me to be locked away? Or did you come up with that all by yourself?"

"You don't get to play victim, Rayan," Belén said cautiously. Up close she could see the hazy look in her brother's eyes. He wasn't quite there anymore. "You really don't."

"And you don't get to play hero," Rayan balled his fists and flung them to the side. Belén felt the intangible force slam her body against a crate, which then shattered around her.

Belén could feel some splinters on her arms - as well as some bruises that would be forming later on - but she pushed herself up. "You're sick, and you need help. I don't want you to die."

"No, you just don't want to see me be me," Rayan smirked. The same wooden pieces from the crate now raised in the air to stab. They slammed down but Belén rolled out of the way in time. This time she cast a glare at Rayan and whipped a vine-lasso his way, hitting him across the chest.

Rayan groaned but chuckled on the floor. "You're not so against fighting anymore."

"You never were," Belén spat. She briefly looked at Maritza who, to her credit, did look guilty. "You were my brother, my big sister, and you two didn't think twice in hurting me. Why should I have the same consideration now?"

Rayan sat up with a hand on his chest. "You're mad. That's the way to become like us."

Belén knew that game all too well. He was taunting her, and despite her restraints she was falling for it. Yes, she angry. She was so angry with her family - with her life - and that was taking its final toll on her. Her skin started turning into an emerald green, light scales forming right after.

"Belén!" Maritza called just before she saw her two siblings charge against each other.

Belén swung first at Rayan, getting him across the face. As Rayan stumbled back, he managed to pull up a loose pipe from above and shoot it down on her. Belén put her hands together above her head, creating a net of vines to catch said pipe which then crushed it. Frustrated, Rayan decided to punch but Belén was a little more skilled in hand-to-hand thanks to her training. She ducked and went with a side kick to knock her brother down.

Rayan took the blow hard but he came back stronger. Hurt and frustrated, he balled his fists just as Belén was coming again. She gasped upon feeling the same painful blow inside her body. Her eyes widened as she fell to her knees.

With a smirk, Rayan got back on his feet and towered over Belén. "For all the training you do with your Flash, it's useless against my power. I could kill you right here and now. Beat you to it."

"I...wasn't...going to - I wasn't going to kill you," Belén felt her throat tighter and wondered how the hell he'd managed to figure that trick out. "I'm angry Rayan, don't you get it? I'm sad. You and Maritza - you just left me."

"We asked you to join-"

"-YOU WANTED TO HURT ME!" Belén managed to scream. She cast a glance at Maritza who, up until now, could only watch the horror of their family's downfall. "You and Maritza just wanted me because I had powers. You wouldn't have looked twice if I'd stayed normal. That's why you wanted me to think you were dead in the beginning, right? Because I was useless."

"That's not true," Maritza slowly said, but there was a noticeable weakness in her tone.

"I wasn't useful to you guys," Belén wished she could clear the tears falling on her cheeks, but her hands were locked on her sides. "You didn't care until you found out I had powers. That's when you started coming for me. And when I didn't like your plan, you didn't hesitate to start attacking me, my friends. That's not family."

"You're not my family anymore," Rayan glowered.

"I'm not," Belén agreed. The green patches on her face got darker and her eyes glowed that magenta color of its mother flower. Rayan barely had time to think before he saw the twisting vines growing from Belén's back, forming one thick lasso which then banished him to the other end of the room.

Rayan's body crashed into several more crates, breaking whatever Pixel had stored around there. Belén got up, coughing while her insides re-organized to their proper places. Rayan started fighting against the debris over his body, flinging them to the sides as quick as possible. Belén's vines started swiping everything off the tables, crates before knocking them to the sides as well.

Rayan forced himself to stand and face his advancing sister who was intending on destroying everything inside. Once more he attempted the same body crushing trick, and though Belén fell with a scream her vines kept coming for him. He squeezed his hands to the point of turning them white, letting his twin sister's screams echo throughout the room. "You chose this, Belén!" he said in the midst of her screams.

"Rayan, stop!" Maritza begged. "You're not actually going to kill her, are you!?"

"To save myself? Yeah, I am!" Rayan only flung one hand down to keep Maritza's body down against the floor. "See this powers - while proving to be deadly - are very useful to me."

Belén couldn't stop screaming, not even to breath, which started turning her face purple little by little. Her creeping vines got slower because of her inability to stay focused. Still, things wouldn't end this way. If there was one thing she could still do was release the one thing she couldn't quite completely control. Through her screams, she started letting pink smoke from her mouth. The deadly Azalea poison filled the air fast and once Rayan began to feel it his power dwindled. The moment Belén felt a decent air hit her lungs, she jumped on her feet. Putting her hands together, she swung shards of vines like boomerangs and watched it take Rayan by the neck.

The twin brother's back hit the wall and while he intended on using his powers, Belén acted quicker again. Her vines shot forwards and cocooned him, leaving only necessary holes to breath. Rayan screamed and screamed but nothing could get him out.

Hearing Maritza coughing behind her, Belén realized her poison was still in the air. She prepared to take it all back in - if she could, since she hadn't really practiced that bit - but instead a gust of wind blew it away.

Barry had arrived in time and used his whirlwind trick to clear the air. What he found in sight was not an appealing sight, but it appeared Belén had finally put an end to her siblings' reign of terror.

~ 0 ~

Caitlin emerged from one of the siderooms where the newest residence was being kept in - still unconscious. Though, due to the pipeline being used, Maritza was left in the side room with Rayan. Caitlin walked up to Belén and Barry who were keenly waiting to hear what she had to say.

"What's wrong with him?" Belén quietly asked, her eyes briefly skipping to her sedated brother in the room.

"His powers are extraordinary," Caitlin began with the good part. "When he uses them, he literally uses the intangible energy around us, but...that's a big load."

"What do you mean?" Belén could so far understand the good part, but she wondered how she would do with the bad part.

"He has to use his brain to command this energy, and the more power he uses the more he requires from his brain."

"So controlling another person's body...?"

"Is deadly work," Caitlin finished for Belén. "He has to be in charge of two bodies: his and his victim's. Now if he's controlling more than one person..."

"It's worse, got it," Belén nodded. "So what's the damage?"

"In lamens terms, his body is reacting to all the heavy force he's been doing, primarily his brain. It's shutting down."

"Wha..." Belén seemed startled, and with good reason, even looking at Barry to see if she'd heard right. "Well, is there any way to reverse it?"

"I don't think there is," Caitlin sadly reported, shaking her head. "The process is just too far along to stop it. I mean...the best we could do is induce a coma to halt his brain from completely shutting down. It could heal him in a sense, but...that would be very unlikely."

"But if we do that then it's basically leaving him a vegetable," Barry thought ahead and missed Caitlin's guilty nod.

"Either way, he's not coming back," Caitlin said. "The Rayan that you knew is gone forever. Parts of his brain are already several damaged, like his frontal lobe that controls emotions. There's also his cerebral cortex that's responsible for thinking, reasoning..."

"Everything that would once make Rayan...Rayan," Belén knew enough to know where there was no hope.

"My suggestion is you get him to a hospital and...maybe call your mother," Caitlin felt horrible for leaving the tough decision to Belén, but it wasn't like anyone else could make it but their family.

"Thank you Caitlin," Belén nonetheless said, knowing Caitlin of course tried her best to help. But sometimes, things are too far gone.

"Bells," Barry barely said her name when the ombre-blonde turned on him with a bitter smile.

"I shouldn't have gone after him on my own, I know that," she said what she believed he'd been wanting to say since he got to them earlier. "But he was my family and honestly...I needed to do it."

Barry wasn't even going to argue. He of all people understood those moments where you felt there was only one person who should go out: yourself. So instead, he gave her the biggest hug possible. "I'm sorry," he said with a deep sigh.

"I don't even know how to tell Maritza," Belén admitted, knowing her sister was waiting in the side room to hear what Caitlin said.

"Well, if all goes well, you won't have to," Barry pressed a kiss to her temple.

He thought those would have been words of comfort, but upon further work into their task they discovered a...risk.

A black hole.

"Well, sure, there's a bit of a risk," Wells spoke through the video chat set up through his prison pod. He was looking at the rest of the team in the cortex, all seeming rather put off by his silence on this potential risk.

Stein scoffed incredulously. "I would hardly refer to possibly causing an extinction-level event as "a bit of a risk.""

"Yeah, and your accelerator's been about as reliable as the beater I drove in high school," Joe muttered.

"Let me ask you a question," Wells grew serious. "How many meta-humans... how many dangers... have we faced this year together? Or did you forget that was me fighting alongside each and every one of you? I have been planning this for almost two decades. It will work."

Cisco couldn't believe the man stayed so sure of his work. "And how do we make sure we don't open a black hole in the middle of Central City?"

"So, once the wormhole stabilizes, Barry will have 1 minute and 52 seconds to alter the past and return to this time. If and when he does that, you can close the wormhole, and we can all live happily ever after. Almost two minutes. More than enough time to save Nora."

But Barry had figured out who the real winner would be. "But not enough time to stop you from going home?"

Wells just smirked. "Everything's a choice."

"And what if I'm late?"

"You won't be. I believe in you, Barry. Always have. So I guess the question is, do your friends and family believe in you as much as I do?"

~ 0 ~

"Is that...really our only option?" Maritza was in disbelief after hearing Belén relay what Caitlin told her earlier. She sat beside Rayan's bed and glanced at her brother, despondent over his pending future.

"The process is just too developed," Belén said with her arms crossed, her teary eyes glued to her brother's unconscious form.

"It's my fault," Maritza said after a minute of silence. "Oh my God it's my fault. I-if I had taken him to a doctor or something-"

"-oh please don't do that," Belén leaned against a metal table of equipment. "It's not your fault, and it really does no good for anyone. Rayan chose his path like you chose yours."

"But he's - he's going to die!" Maritza could say she was almost outrage since her younger sister was taking things so quietly.

"We can put him in a coma but we'd have to bring him to a hospital-"

"-he'll be thrown in jail if he wakes up!"

"Maritza, he's going to jail anyways. He hurt a lot of people, orchestrated robberies and murders."

Maritza remained silent for another minute before another thought popped into her head. "What about Mom? Oh my God, she's going to find out-"

"-that you and Rayan are criminals?" Belén finished in a rather sour tone. "Yeah. You can take that one."

"Belén!"

"What!?"

Maritza got up from her stool, and since Caitlin was approaching from the cortex she thought there was about to be another fight - at least Maritza was in meta dampeners.

Belén leaned off the table, levelling her sister's look with a straight one. "What?" she spat, challenging Maritza to have the audacity to be angry with her.

Maritza knew better than that. She deserved every bit of resentment, anger and hatred that Belén had. She dropped back into her chair and watched over Rayan again. "When do I go to prison?"

Belén shifted in her spot. She wasn't going to tell Maritza anything. Was it rude? Evil even? Belén. Didn't. Care.

Caitlin cleared her throat under the threshold. She offered an awkward smile at the sisters before calling Belén to have a word.

"I just told her everything," Belén muttered as the two women walked back into the cortex. "She's taking it as expected."

"So you're not telling her about Barry changing the time line, then?" Caitlin asked.

"Nope. Feel free to judge."

Caitlin only smiled again. "Listen, Belén, I know this is probably the worst time to ask you, but...um...Ronnie asked me to marry him." Belén froze and gave Caitlin a strange look, making the scientist chuckle with embarrassment. "I know, it's a weird timing and technically there's no point but we just thought it would be a nice way to go when the time line changes. We were married."

"No, I get it," Belén said, much to Caitlin's relief. "I think it's sweet."

"Thanks," Caitlin tucked some hair behind her ear. "So, um, it's going to be short - right outside with Stein as our minister - but I would very much like it if you would be like...my maid of honor?" Caitlin scrunched her face after asking, as if expecting a huge negative reaction from Belén.

Instead, the ombre-blonde started smiling so wide one could never guess what she was going through. "Me? Seriously?"

Caitlin nodded her head. "Yeah. I don't have a lot of friends, and I think we're really good friends-"

"-oh definitely," Belén said to make Caitlin feel less nervous. It was rather funny, actually, but Belén would never say. "I would love to, Caitlin."

~0~

The team gathered outside the STAR Labs building where they had an actual green field prettying up the sight. Caitlin approached the group wearing a sleeveless wedding dress...with Belén trying to hold up the dress' tail so that it wouldn't get dirty. Belén had tried to do what she could - with Iris' help - with the short time they were given. Caitlin's hair was curled and pulled to the side with a silver hair clip, and the make up was done by Iris. The bouquet of yellow flowers were gathered up just a block away, and they looked quite pretty if Belén had to say.

Caitlin met Ronnie with the biggest smile possible. Stein took the head of the procession, and after promising that he was indeed legally able to marry them, the ceremony began.

While Stein went on, Belén wrapped her arm around Barry's, smiling genuinely. It was impossible not to think about that stupid article - hence the red cheeks they both sported for a couple minutes.

"I owe you a real ring," Ronnie held up the makeshift silver rings Cisco whipped out for them.

Caitlin couldn't stop herself from smiling. Her face may have hurt later on from it. "I don't need one. I have everything and everyone that I could ever need right here. And...if all the events of the past year have led us to this moment, it was worth it. I love you, Ronnie."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," Stein happily proclaimed.

"Stop telling me what to do," Ronnie jokingly said before kissing his wife.

~ 0 ~

"They're all waiting," Belén stood in the hallway with Barry, just the two of them for a minute before they had to go their ways. "You ready?"

"No," Barry admitted, making them both chuckle together. He sobered first and had a last chance to gaze at his girlfriend before she was wiped from his memories. "I know you're angry, you're upset, about everything that happened to you but I want you to know that out of everything that happened to us...you were the best part of my life. I don't care about my powers. You were, and will always be the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so grateful for meeting you, and I know Iris has a lot of journalist friends that I could've met but...I honestly believe it had to be you."

Belén's eyes filled with tears, bittersweet tears. "It definitely had to be you," she agreed. She reached to cup his face, smiling so sweetly Barry felt like he could have kissed her there for hours.

Barry touched her face with a gloved hand of his. "I'm going to make things better for us. You won't have to say goodbye to your family. You're going to have all of your family, you're going to write and write your articles and dance on the side-" both smiled teary smiles, "-and you're going to be happy. And even if it's not with me...I want you to know that I would be happy nonetheless...even if I can't remember it, okay?"

"Barry," Belen's lip quivered. She swallowed her tears in an attempt to talk again. "I want you to be happy with your parents. I want you to make some really good memories...until we meet again."

"Until we meet again," Barey nodded.

They pressed their lips against each other's for a final, goodbye kiss.

~ 0 ~

Barry bid goodbye to his family and friends down in the pipeline and entered the actual Particle Accelerator on his own. As the others returned to the cortex, he heard professor Stein from the speakers reminding him of the specific time slot Barry had in order to save his mother. He came face to face with Wells who was still in his prison pod.

"Well... you hold both our futures in your hands now, Mr. Allen," Wells smirked. "And I know you can do it. Now... Run... Barry. Run."

Barry sucked in a breath as he turned away from Wells. Once he felt the charge he needed he literally blasted into a run.

From the cortex, the others watched through the security cameras how things were going.

"The accelerator's structural integrity is holding," Ronnie read from one of the computers monitoring the Particle Accelerator. But just as he said those words, there was a violent rumble that swayed them all.

"What was that?" Belén fearfully looked around and saw some of the computers on the wall flicker on and off.

"Is Barry okay?" asked Joe.

"Yeah. He just passed Mach Two," Caitlin said with a mighty surprise.

In the Particle Accelerator, Barry had finally delved into the speed force which turned out to be a like blue vortex. As he ran faster and faster, Barry began to hear voices - voices belonging to his younger self, and Joe? And Iris. She was definitely there.

Along with that, he heard - through his ear pod - Wells speaking to him, explaining what he was seeing. "Barry, what you're seeing is the Speed Force: your past, your present, your future all at once. So you need to focus on where you want to go."

Barry tried to follow the last instructions but was having trouble as different images, all going at light speed, crossed his path. There was a blue-eyed, white haired woman reaching out on one side. A red smoke barely allowed for a second woman's figure to appear, with only a truly scarlet flower on the side of her head to be visible. Next was prison visit to his father. Then he saw a blonde-haired woman in an orange and gold suit followed by...Snart? Yeah, that was Snart.

Before Barry knew it, he had appeared in a darkish room of his old childhood home. He stumbled forwards but caught himself and began to look around hoping to find something to tell him where exactly he was. He heard familiar screams from the other side and hurried for the door blocking his way. Opening it a bit, he saw his mother screaming as she was stuck between his older version's self and Wells' ongoing fight. Barry quickly scanned the room for his younger self and of course found him and Henry on the other side of the living room. Just like that, his younger self was removed from the place and the force knocked out his father. Just as Barry moved to get Nora out, the other version of himself returned and gave a firm shake of his head.

He couldn't save his mother.

Although overwhelmed with the twist, Barry obeyed and forced himself to close the door. He pressed his back to it, for if he remained standing straight he would not be able to hold himself back. He shut his eyes and wished he would stop hearing the screams of his mother, but when silence fell, he wished he hadn't. Hearing nothing then, he pulled himself off the door and opened it. He saw his father was still unconscious and his mother - who had been stabbed once again through the heart - was lying on her side, still mildly conscious.

Barry rushed over and gently laid her on her back. He couldn't believe he was touching her again, he just wished it would've been a different moment. "Hey, it's okay," he said through a shaky voice, "It's okay. You're okay."

Nora spoke through gasps and a terrible pain. "Please. My husband, my son, are they…"

"They're okay. They're both safe. I promise."

Nora shifted a bit and stared at the young man under the red mask in confusion. "Who are you?"

"I'm...I'm the Flash," Barry tried to answer in one go but his own tears were getting the best of him. He knew she only had a couple of minutes, two at the max.

"I don't understand," Nora croaked. Barry saw no point in hiding anymore. If these were going to be the last moments he truly had with his mother he wanted it to be as himself. He pulled back his mask and allowed Nora to see his face. "You look just like my father."

Barry smiled and leaned closer to his mother. "This won't make any sense, but it's me, Mom. It's Barry."

Nora of course didn't understand how it was possible, but as she stared more at him she saw the traces of her eight year old son. "Barry?"

"Your Barry," Barry nodded.

There was a true delight in Nora's face as she accepted he was her son. With shaking hands she reached to cup his face. "Oh, my beautiful boy."

Barry cried at the touch of his mother. "I got a second chance to come back here and...tell you that I'm okay. Dad and I are both okay. And we love you, Mom. I love you."

Nora smiled through her own tears that pooled in her eyes. "Oh, my sweet boy. Bye…" her voice started to fade and her head began to lull. "Good-bye, Barry."

"Mom!? Mom!?" Barry called but she was no longer there. She was gone.

~ 0 ~

While Cisco, Joe and Eddie went down to the pipeline to get Wells out of there, the others remained back in the cortex watching like hawks through the security cameras. So, when they all saw Barry returning through the speedforce and shattering to pieces Wells' time machine, everyone's jaws dropped.

"He's not supposed to do that!" Belén's stomach churned wondering what could cause Barry to have enough time to stop Wells from leaving.

"We have to shut down the wormhole quickly!" Stein had looked at the timer set beside them which now only had around twenty five seconds. Caitlin and Ronnie broke into a dash for the pipeline to get it done.

"What happens now!?" Iris frantically moved closer to the computers to see what was going on down in the particle accelerator.

There they saw the two speedsters going back and forth in a heated fight.

"He's going to get killed!" Belén cried and turned to the corridors. Knowing her sister's plan, Maritza blocked the way immediately. "Get out of my way!"

"He'll kill you too!"

"I don't care!"

"Well I do!"

"That wasn't a problem last month!" Belén frantically screamed, pushing her sister away.

"Ten seconds, hurry!" Stein spoke into the comms. for Caitlin and Ronnie.

"MARITZA!" Belén tried pushing through but Maritza was stronger and kept her back. With green patches forming across her face, Belén swung a vine to knock her sister to the side.

"Three, two, one…" Stein released a heavy breath when he saw the generator had been turned off. "They did it. They cut the generator."

"I'm not letting her go!" Maritza shouted as her sister made a start for the exit.

"But what about Barry?" Iris pushed some of her hair back to see the ongoing fight on the computers.

Wells had slammed Barry into a wall and delivered several punches that left Barry in a disoriented state.

Up in the cortex, the group didn't know of they should start taking cover. Belén was ready to punch her sister. Maritza fired her purple mass to keep Belén literally frozen in place, but just as Belén ducked they all heard a gunshot.

Before Belen could assume, Iris let out a shrill scream.

"EDDIE!" Iris ran out of the room.

The remaining sisters hurried to the computers to see what had happened. They saw Eddie had shot himself and was on the floor while Wells had frozen in his mid-attempt to kill Barry.

"What's happening?" Barry raised his head to see Wells almost frozen in his spot.

Cisco was looking between Wells and Eddie, making the connections fairly fast. "Eddie's his ancestor. If Eddie dies, he'll never be born, and...he's being erased from existence."

Wells' appearance had shifted back to his original self - Eobard Thawne.

"Eddie!" Iris came running into the place, dropping beside Eddie on the floor. "Eddie, no, no. Stay with me, okay?"

"He was wrong, it turns out. I'm a hero after all," Eddie strained to speak to her.

"You are, Eddie," Iris nodded, cupping his face. "You are my hero."

"That's all I ever wanted to be. Your hero," Eddie gave her one last smile before dying.

Iris shouted frantically as she saw him die in her arms. "NO! No! Eddie!"

Wells' body was cracking as if it were land but with a bright shining light emerging between the cracks. He glanced at Barry as he began to disintegrate. "I've controlled your life for so long, Barry. How will you get along without me?" he screamed as he disappeared completely.

There were no more Thawnes.

Suddenly, the ground shook again and the wormhole reopened. It rose from the floor, getting bigger and sucking things up.

"Guys, that's not good," Cisco began to back away as parts of the time machine were pulled forwards.

Barry quickly got to his feet and rushed for the others. "We got to go!"

Joe tried pulling Iris from Eddie's side but the woman wouldn't budge. "Iris, we have to go!"

"I'm not leaving him!"

"We have to go now, honey. I'm sorry!" Joe forced Iris to get up and they ran out.

As they passed the cortex the room, Stein, Maritza and Belen were coming out as well.

"Barry! My brother!" Belén ran into him and pointed to the cortex.

"We gotta go!" Barry didn't hesitate to grab her hand and lead her out. He was not risking her staying behind for anything.

As they ran into the street they saw the massive wormhole - now blackhole - settling up in the sky, sucking anything it could tear apart.

"So that's what we didn't want to happen!" Cisco had to almost shout to be heard through the strong wind.

"What's it doing!?" Caitlin exclaimed as well.

"Feeding," answered Stein. "A singularity won't stop, not even after the earth is gone. I'm afraid the accretion disc has already assembled!"

"What?" Barry looked at him.

"The diffuse material that's in orbital motion around the singularity-"

"What does that mean!?" Belén practically screamed at the professor to get the message out already in terms everyone could understand.

"We have to disrupt the motion. Basically it's just like the tornado, only upside down," Barry finally explained better. "And bigger. And scarier."

"Barry, that event has an energy level of at least 6.7 Tera Electron Volts. It cannot be stopped," Stein warned the metahuman once he assumed Barry would venture to close it.

"I have to try," Barry put his mask back on.

"Don't go," he heard the desperate plea from Belén beside him.

He could see the fear in her eyes but it just made him want to go even more. She had suffered because of him, and mow because the time line didn't change, he only had this to make up for it. He would make it better for her. No more would she suffer because of him.

"You're going to be okay," he promised her. "I won't make you hurt ever again."

With that promise, he sped off to go save the world, leaving Belén to ponder what those words would truly mean. Because if there was one thing she was sure of, it was that that promise had not been for the wormhole.

Author's Note:

To be continued in Rise Up!!

I want to thank everyone who's read, commented, favorited and liked this story! I really hope you all move onto the second story and continue to like what you read!

P.S I'm also trying to think of a name for the collection of Belén's stories so if anyone has an idea let me know and if I do like it I'll credit you for it! :)

Sooo, just for fun, I decided to add a couple fun facts about the story while it was in its drafting stage, as well some other things I thought of! If they're boring then I'll never do it again I promise! :)

Fun facts:

1. Originally, Belén's name was going to be Maria-Belén, but was instead changed to Annah-Belén.

2. I got Belén's name off of a soap opera I was watching at the time of drafting this story, which turned out to be one of my favorite soap operas ever. The character I got the name from was an evil woman - nothing like my Bells!

3. Belén's last name "Palayta" is a play off from a favorite actress of mine, Dominika Paleta ;)

4. As of right now, I have written 3 stories - including this one - with Belén and Barry and I am brainstorming for the 4th story (4th season) at the moment.

5. Out of all of my OCs (which are about 33), Belén is one of the two main OCs who have siblings that are alive (not Rayan anymore of course).

6. I originally was thinking about adding in the Barry dating Linda plot but ultimately decided against it because I didn't want to drag out even more Barry and Belén getting together...plus, I really love Linda and I wanted to keep both girls as friends rather than frenemies.

7. Belén's powers were inspired by Poison Ivy, a character that Belén will actually get to meet in the future.

8. Originally, I intended on killing off Maritza but I felt bad leaving Belén an only child, and Axel with absolutely no mother, for no good reason.

9. I decided a while ago to introduce two new OCs in the next story that will become new OCs from two more Arrowverse shows and Belén & Barry will be connected to one of them.

10. This doesn't pertain to the story, but Belén's name is taken from a Christmas song that's usually heard in the Latin community: "Camino en Belén."

11. I discovered there's an actual song called "It Had To Be You"; I heard the song as a cover by Samantha Dorrance & Barry Hammond! Go check it out!

#arrowverseocs #ocappreciation #barry allen #the flash #the flash fics #barry allen fics #barry allen imagines #the flash imagines #arrowverse fics #oc: Belén Palayta #oc: Belen Palayta #fic: it had to be you

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stolligaseptember · 6 years ago

Note

Sorry if I'm bothering you, but I just want to ask: how accurate do you think Matpat's theory on Article 13 is? A lot of people have been panicking about it (including me), but now that I've seen your posts on the subject, I'm really starting to doubt if there is anything to be afraid of. It's just hard to focus on looking for facts when the entire website is panicking, so I hope you can kind of clear this up for me (and a lot of others). Again, I hope I'm not bothering you! Have a nice day!

It’s no bother at all! I said I was here to answer all of your questions, so that’s what I’m going to do!!

But. Oh god. This whole mess started with a YouTube video, so I guess it was only inevitable that it would finally circle back to another one.

Okay so. I’ll be honest, it took me about 3 hours to get through this video. 18, if you count the fact that I started it before I went to bed last night. And like. He’s not wrong about a lot of things. But he’s not a lawyer, or a law-maker. And he’s definitely not a European one. Which you kind of need to be to understand what the hell is going on here.

He’s just misinterpreting a lot of things. And he’s misunderstanding how the entire EU-law system, and Europe's law tradition in general, works. Which, like, he’s an American, and not even an American lawyer, so no one can really blame him for that. But what frustrates me, and what actually makes me really fucking angry, is that he’s somehow claiming that he does understand this and that he somehow holds the authority to explain it to others. Which he clearly doesn’t.

So okay. What is going on in MatPat’s video. A lot of shit.

What first struck me is that he misses the bots. Like, his entire fear mongering tactic is based in this idea that all media platform would have to develop content ID bots. And that would indeed be a bad thing. But what he forgets to mention is that the bots have been removed from the new draft text. The draft that he, by the way, quotes himself. So I don’t know if he forgot to read the entire article, of if he just forgot to mention it. That’s very unclear.

But what really struck my nerves, and what made me so upset that I actually couldn’t fall asleep last night, was that he claims that the term “good faith” is somehow too vague and is because of that bad legal writing. And I’m not going to lie, that got my goat.

“Good faith” is like the least undefined term within all of European law doctrine. It’s about the most important principle we have. Bona fide, anyone? YEAH. That’s good faith. Trust me when I say that all lawyers, and everyone that has even gotten close to working with rights, know what “good faith” means. God, we have over 400 000 books and articles on “good faith” just in my uni library. “Good faith” is so far from an undefined term.

And no, “good faith” doesn’t somehow mean that copyright holders will have the final say in what will and won’t constitute as a copyright infringement. What “good faith” means, very simply put, is that you have to have trust in each others good faith while dealing with each other. You must be able to trust that the copyright holder is indeed the copyright holder, and that the media platform is indeed able to fulfill the obligations that’s put on them. When the directive says that they should cooperate in good faith, it means that they must cooperate in a way that the legal barrier for good faith is reached. I get that this is all sounding very weird, but that is kind of what you have lawyers for. We’re supposed to have read those 400 000 and more books to be able to conclude if something has been conducted in good faith or not. But no, this writing does not in any way open up for an arbitrary interpretation of copyright law. It does make things a lot more legal-technical, but that’s the way copyright law is looking right now.

And then. I don’t know what happens next honestly. He somehow manages to connect the “good faith” requirement and the conclusion that content ID bots will somehow stop content from being uploaded??? That’s a mental jump that I really can’t follow, but okay.

First of all, because the bots are no longer on the table. Second of all, because dealing in good faith has nothing to do with the bots. But if we forget all about the bots altogether, good faith will still never give copyright holders the right to file unfounded copyright infringement claims. Either something is copyright infringement, or it isn’t, and the copyright holders and media platforms should cooperate in good faith to make sure that copyright infringement doesn’t happen, and you always have the legal framework in the back to make sure that unfounded claims of copyright infringement doesn’t happen, and that the requirement of good faith is met.

And this is complicated, I get that, but that’s what I’ve been trying to say all along. Copyright law is weird and complicated as fuck.

He also can’t make up his mind if content ID recognition is a good or bad thing. Like first he says that if they had kept the bots in the text (and that’s where he says that the bots have been removed from the text, but he doesn’t clarify that further) then everything would have been a-okay, but then like 5 minutes later he says that the content ID (which!! Isn’t even in question anymore!!!!!!!) is the work of the devil. And I’m sorry, but I’m on a bit of a personal vendetta against YouTube right now, and this is exactly the stance that YouTube themselves have taken. They’re going “oh, article 13 is literally hell brought to life!!!!” but then in the next breath they go “BUT BOTS ARE A GOOD IDEA”, and I’m getting whiplash just trying to keep up with them. It’s contradictory as hell, and I can’t even figure out what people are really worried about or not these days.

I think a lot of people are just screaming because they want to scream, but that’s another story.

He also says that the directive will be “implemented by the end of this year” which is just an outright lie. Even if you’re generous and stretch that to the end of 2019, it’s still an outright lie. The next round of votes happens in early 2019, and EU bureaucracy is a literal hellscape, so that’s just not happening.

He also compares this to GDPR, but I’ve already explained why can’t do that. Regulations and directives are completely different legal documents, and unlike regulations, directives have to be actually implemented into each member state’s national law system. And you always have an implementing period of at least 2 years for this. But like, that’s the lower bar. You can push the high bar pretty goddamn far. It’s not unusual to see member states take up to 5-6 years to implement directives, and the commission can’t really do anything about it, as long as the member state can prove that they’re working on it.

Like, I don’t remember just what it was we were supposed to regulate, but I remember we studied this one directive that Sweden took like 7, if not 8 years to implement. And we where honest to god just stalling, because we didn’t really want to regulate what the directive said that we should regulate, and we needed the time to find a way to work our way around it. So when the commission came knocking to check if we had implemented the goddamn directive yet, our government was all like “oh no, you see, this is very foreign to our law system, and we have a very hard time seeing where it could fit in, but look at all these reports we’re writing and at all these experts we’ve hired to try and work it out”, and as soon as the commission had left again, seeing how we were at least giving the impression of trying to solve it, they were all like “OKAY BACK TO STALLING”. So depending on your member state’s outlook on this directive, there’s really no telling on how long it will take before it’s implemented.

The claim that the European copyright has a narrower definition of “fair use” is also just an outright lie. This is the exceptions and limitations to copyright that the InfoSec directive allows;

(a) use for the sole purpose of illustration for teaching or scientific research, as long as the source, including the author’s name, is indicated, unless this turns out to be impossible and to the extent justified by the non-commercial purpose to be achieved;

(b) uses, for the benefit of people with a disability, which are directly related to the disability and of a non-commercial nature, to the extent required by the specific disability;

© reproduction by the press, communication to the public or making available of published articles on current economic, political or religious topics or of broadcast works or other subject-matter of the same character, in cases where such use is not expressly reserved, and as long as the source, including the author’s name, is indicated, or use of works or other subject-matter in connection with the reporting of current events, to the extent justified by the informatory purpose and as long as the source, including the author’s name, is indicated, unless this turns out to be impossible;

(d) quotations for purposes such as criticism or review, provided that they relate to a work or other subject-matter which has already been lawfully made available to the public, that, unless this turns out to be impossible, the source, including the author’s name, is indicated, and that their use is in accordance with fair practice, and to the extent required by the specific purpose;

(e) use for the purposes of public security or to ensure the proper performance or reporting of administrative, parliamentary or judicial proceedings;

(f) use of political speeches as well as extracts of public lectures or similar works or subject-matter to the extent justified by the informatory purpose and provided that the source, including the author’s name, is indicated, except where this turns out to be impossible;

(g) use during religious celebrations or official celebrations organised by a public authority;

(h) use of works, such as works of architecture or sculpture, made to be located permanently in public places;

(i) incidental inclusion of a work or other subject-matter in other material;

(j) use for the purpose of advertising the public exhibition or sale of artistic works, to the extent necessary to promote the event, excluding any other commercial use;

(k) use for the purpose of caricature, parody or pastiche;

(l) use in connection with the demonstration or repair of equipment;

(m) use of an artistic work in the form of a building or a drawing or plan of a building for the purposes of reconstructing the building;

(n) use by communication or making available, for the purpose of research or private study, to individual members of the public by dedicated terminals on the premises of establishments referred to in paragraph 2© of works and other subject-matter not subject to purchase or licensing terms which are contained in their collections;

(o) use in certain other cases of minor importance where exceptions or limitations already exist under national law, provided that they only concern analogue uses and do not affect the free circulation of goods and services within the Community, without prejudice to the other exceptions and limitations contained in this Article.

That’s way more than the few exceptions that MatPat lists. And he’s also completely incorrect in European copyright law not somehow being flexible? Like, we’re not idiots, c’mon.

EU law isn’t stagnant; they’re living instruments, and we always interpret them in the light of the contemporary time. This is a skill all European lawyers are mercilessly trained in. EU law documents are worded “vaguely” and openly because we need the space to be able to make different interpretations depending on the situation. Like, the claim that point k, that lists caricatures, parodies and pastiches is somehow narrow? No?? This is where memes, and all other forms of parodies and caricatures and pastiches falls in. But just because you call something a meme doesn’t mean that it can’t be copyright infringement. You still have to make an evaluation of the actual situation. And that’s where lawyers and judges in every single member state come in; lawyers and judges who have been trained in both copyright law and EU law, and who knows how to interpret both the national law and the directive.

Because, once again, this isn’t aiming at making Europe into one coherent law system. It’s aiming at harmonizing the European law systems, but at the end of the day, it’s still always up to each and every member state of how they want to implement the directive.

Then there was the safe harbor issue. In this he actually is correct. The very aim of article 13 is to remove the safe harbor and to put a share of the responsibility of the copyright infringement on the media platform. Like, that’s the entire idea behind the article. So, once again, if you think that this is a bad idea, then yeah, go ahead and keep fighting article 13. And I’m not here to get political, but just why is the idea of removing the safe harbor such an egregiously bad idea? You as an individual is not going to be affected by it. It’s these big, multi-billion companies that will have to pay content creators their fair share of illegal copyright infringement. And why is that bad for you? Just food for thought.

And as usual, I have no idea how understandable this whole mess is, so don’t be afraid to ask me follow up questions, or anything else that you’re wondering over, and I’ll try to answer as best as I can!

#article 13 #swearing tw #alllevelsrobin #storytelling september

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