#does kakuzu get paid extra for this? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yowyowyaoi · 1 year

Text

*Kakuzu, out to dinner with Deidara*

Kakuzu: Are you cold? Do you want my cloak?

Deidara: N-no …

Kakuzu: Are you sure? You appear to be shaking.

Deidara: I’m not cold, I’m scared, hm.

Kakuzu: Scared? Why would you be scared?

Deidara: Come on, Kakuzu! YOU offered to take ME out to eat?? YOU’RE paying?! You must have some really bad news to tell me, hm!

Kakuzu: No, no, it’s nothing bad. It’s just … well … Deidara you’re 19 now. You’re 19 but when you joined us, you were just a kid. You didn’t really have much experience with … some things.

Deidara: Eh? I’m confused.

Kakuzu: The others thought it would be prudent to make sure … I mean for you to be well-informed about … sex.

Deidara: *blushes red from his ears to his toes* W-what the hell -!

Kakuzu: I’m the oldest in the Akatsuki, and I’m the only one who’s able to give you a straightforward, no-nonsense talk about this. We’re out to eat because I assumed it would be less embarrassing for you, if everyone else wasn’t around to hear it.

Deidara: I don’t understand … Sasori is my partner, why couldn’t he talk to me about this?

Kakuzu: Well, frankly, Sasori is the reason that we feel it time you were spoken to about this.

Deidara, blushing harder: …

Kakuzu: Anyways, I gave this talk to Hidan, and Itachi, and now it’s your turn. Before we start, I want you to know that any questions you have, you can ask. Don’t hesitate and don’t be afraid. If you ask something I don’t know the answer to, I’ll do my research on it and get back to you with the answer. Okay?

Deidara: And … and we’re talking about stuff with girls AND boys, right? Not just s-sex but like, stuff about the body, too?

Kakuzu: Yes. Everything. It’s important that you have knowledge and that you’re mentally and emotionally prepared, just in case, someday, you … well. You get the idea.

Kakuzu: *opens his menu* Now order something good, okay? Something that’ll last a while.

Deidara: Okay, hm. *scans his menu* Hmm, the veal sausages with pasta sounds good …

Kakuzu: Sausages? Perfect! Just the visual aid I need! Now if you follow that up with some kind of warm pie, this talk’ll really go well.

Deidara:

#kakuzu #deidara #the talk #implied sasodei #the rest of the group actually paid for Kakuzu to take Deidara to eat #at first they thought it’d be better to hear it from someone closer to his age #but Deidara doesn’t exactly like Itachi #and Hidan couldn’t go thirty seconds without making a wood dick joke #does kakuzu get paid extra for this?#you bet your ass

48 notes · View notes