#does it still count as propoganda if it's not for a bracket?

[jupitermelichios]

Dr Doofensmirtz: I am too old and british to have ever seen Phineas and Ferb, but I have seen the memes, and I understand why people are picking him. As far as I know he has 0 medical training, but he lives in a cartoon, therefor the chances of you dying on the opperating table are 0. However the chances that he will replace your tits with some kind of mildly-evil science device is definitely much higher than 0. how you rate him is really going to depend on how you feel about that risk. overall, one of the 2 best options on the list, 9/10

Herbert West, the Reanimator: he gets points for being an actual medical doctor, but he looses points for actively rooting for you to die on the table. the only thing he cares about his reanimating, and he can't do that without corpses. Best case scenario, you survive but he reanimates your disembodied tits as little sentient boob monsters, like he does with that one guy's dick in Reanimator 3, and very few people want that. Either 0/10 or 3/10, depending on how you feel about reanimated titty monsters

Jared Hopworth: I have not listened to enough of the Magnus Archives to have a strong opinion on his personality, but I do have a strong opinion that you should endevour to avoid being an a horror podcast if at all possible, they're bad places to live and extremely bad places to get surgery. you will die, that is guarenteed, the only thing up for debate is whether your death is some kind of ironic punishment, or just for shock factor. 0/10

Doc Ock: this man is not a doctor! His speciality is in robotics! I do understand that some people find the risk of him replacing your tits with evil robot tits appealing, but that is objectively not top surgery! idk what it is, but definitely not top surgery. Also his workshop is not sanitary, even when he's not living in the sewers, and he usually is, plus, and I cannot stress this enough, he has 0 surgical training. If you wouldn't let the average robot wars contestant opperate on you, you should not allow doc oc to opperate on you! And the average level of evil among robot wars contestants, while not 0, is considerably lower than the average level of evil among spider-man villains! -1/10 don't have surgery in a sewer it's a bad time.

Henry Jekyll: is he a medical doctor? I honestly can't remember. either way, don't get surgery in victorian london from anyone if you can avoid it, but especially not from a man whose primary hoby is drinking 'make me evil juice' because he likes being evil. seems like an unecessary level of risk. 2/10 entirely because he's mildly less evil thatn some of the other options.

Carlisle Cullen: contraversial, but this man is the best option on the list, with one caveat. that caveat being that, while you dying on his opperating table is extremely unlikely, if you do die, he will turn you into a vampire, and you have to decide if you're okay with that. up-sides: immortality and insane amounts of money, down-sides: you have to join his cult at least temporarily, and if your skin is any shade darker than 'consumptive victorian child ghost', you will get demelinated as part of the transformation process, because smeyers is fantastically racist. However, you have to weight that against the fact that you dying is extremely unlikely, because not only is he one of the only fully liscenced medical professionals on the list, being a good doctor is like 95% of his personality, whereas normal human doctors it's only like 50% max, so I like your chances. 10/10 for anyone who likes the idea of becoming a twilight vampire, 8/10 for everyone else because even with the racism, it's still your best chance of survival.

Dr Zoidburg: I don't think zoidburg himself is the problem, the problem is that he lives in an adult cartoon from the 2000s. not only will you have to go on some kind of zany madcap adventure before you can get the surgery, there's like a 98% chance fry will do a hate crime at you so he can ultimately learn a lesson about not doing hate crimes, which is great for him, but sucks for you. Also bender will also do a hatecrime and he won't even learn a lesson about it. the surgery itself will probably be quick and relatively painless though, if ludicrously expensive. 4/10

Victor Frankenstein: also not a doctor, although he does at least have medical training. However, he is somehow all the worst parts of herbert west combined with all the worth parts of Doc Ock. Definitely the worst option on the list. You will die, and then he will use your tits to make a some kind of psychosexual patchwork monster to project all his mommy issues onto. -500/10

Bunsen and Beaker: the most important question here is can humans feel pain when they're in the muppet universe? If yes, this is a terrible option, because there is a 100% chance that the 'surgery' part of the surgery will involve blowing your tits off with nitroglycerine. But if being in the muppet bubble negates pain, you're golden. the rules of their universe dictate that the 'surgery', while alarming, will be successful, and there is a 0% change of you dying, because that wouldn't be very funny. there is a non-0 chance that you'll get turned into a wee little puppet man as a result however. personally I would miss the manual dexerity of human hands, but ymmv. -50/10 if you can feel pain, 7/10 if not. (12/10 if puppets are your thing, we don't judge here)

Dr Zed: do not get surgery in the borderlands universe. Don't do it. you will die, and your body left for players to find, probably alongside some tasteless but mildly amusing graffiti. and thpollen they'll teabag your corpse. -10/10, I cannot see any circumstances in which you survive this one.