#does anyone else even post about this game anymore? it seems like theres always so many players but the community outside of the game has

[eurobeats]

CocoPPaPlay KAWAII 💖 DINER

[symphonyofthewrite]

Saw your post, getting stuff off your chest, I just wanted to say that I haven't seen the thing with the kids mentioned by anyone and it really stood out to me, I feel what you mean to some extent, because for me it was a stronger reaction, albeit you probably won't feel the same and that's, obviously, perfectly fine. I have an instant recoil these days whenever a character is around kids for like one second and everyone instantly goes "THEY LITERALLY ADOPTED THEM/THAT'S THEIR CHILD/THEY'RE A PARENT"... genuinely sick of it, and I went white as a sheet when I heard it, I wanted to pluck my eyes out. I don't know if it's an American thing but English speaking fandoms (well, those teeming with fancops that is) seem like they cannot process adult looking characters being in any near proximity to childlike characters without automatically imposing parenthood and family dynamics and it's becoming distressing to me. I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me.

Thank you so much for the ask!! I don’t get many asks so it makes me happy when I can talk meta with people 💛💛 (Sorry I’m a bit late in answering.)

Funnily enough I actually do agree with you. I didn’t have quite so strong a reaction, but I definitely had a very similar one when I first hear it.

My feelings were and are a bit mixed. I was saying in my other post that I would have preferred that I got to actually see this interaction; see the kids run by him and call him father, and him smile when no ones looking. I still think that would have been a better, more touching way to do the scene, and would have had more chance of me liking it (though I probably still would have felt very weird about it). (I think it especially would have been better because it would show that Alucard himself liked it, not that Greta was forcing the role on him.) I know that it was meant to be something touching, and pretty much everyone seems to like it (and I have seen some cute posts about it), so I just tried to like it too, and focus on the fact that all they were really trying to say was he was having a nice relationship with the kids, and that was indeed sweet.

But yeah, when I heard Greta say “I heard some of them calling you father” for me it was less a reaction of horror, and more a “HUH??!!”moment. When I heard it I was like “Alucard...you agree with this???!! This is how you see yourself??!!” I almost expected Alucard to refute it and say he didn’t see himself as a father to them. Like I seriously do not see Alucard as anything remotely close to a father figure, and it felt weird and wrong to me.

Like when I saw him interacting with the kids the first time, I didn’t think “oh he’s a father figure to them.” I just thought “yay, Alucard’s playing with some kids, and getting out of his bubble!!” I didn’t have any thoughts as to what his relationship role was with them, I just thought that first interaction was lovely.

And if I saw him interacting with the kids again, I still wouldn’t go “father figure” I’d just be like “yay, Alucard’s playing with the kids again, how sweet!!”

Sometimes the relationship doesn’t need a role or a label, ya know?

And I thought it was especially strange because…he literally just met them?? Like how can they possibly start calling him father when he’s played with them once or twice? Regardless of Alucard’s side or things, what group of kids would randomly call a nice man they just met ‘father’? Is...Is this a normal thing??

Anyways, back to Alucard’s side of things, Sypha’s line about Alucard being a teenager trapped an adults body has always been something that stuck with me and shaped how I view Alucard. I definitely view him as internally much younger than he looks. No matter how much I might hate them for what they did to him, I think Sumi and Take are about the age he actually is, and their relationship with him made sense to me. He’s still a kid—or at least young—he still needs his parents in his life, really. (That’s part of why I didn’t like that Drac and Lisa don’t go to him at the end. I personally don’t think Alucard really got closure, and in my mind I think he still very much needed them, and that would have been the perfect ending to his story in my mind, where everything comes full circle; He was forced to lose his parents and grow up too early, and only when he’s started to truly grow up does he get them back.) So yeah, I really don’t see him like a father at all. One of my main focuses in my Castlevania fanfiction is his relationship with Dracula, so I very much see him as the son, not as the dad, even when Drac isn’t around.

(Sidenote, come to think of it, I think this is another reason why Greta x Alucard is a nope from me. She’s very much an adult, so I just see a discrepancy between them that makes me feel weird about them being in a romantic relationship. If we need a label I feel like she fits as an older sister for him, guiding him and giving him support. Him unloading all his problems on her within just meeting her makes more sense if he’s like a younger brother who needs to cry to his sister. I felt weird about it in a romantic context when it was so fast. I mean I know he was desperate to talk to someone, and I probably would have done the same, but still).

“I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me”

^^ THIS. EXACTLY THIS.

I was honestly really hoping they’d go in depth into him dealing with his trauma, and how he’s still hurting from the wounds of it, and how he needs to heal. I thought that’s what his S4 arc would be about. I don’t think they gave him the chance to really process and work through everything that happened. (Again, I don’t think him just unloading all his problems on a nice stranger is truly working through his trauma. I would have much rather watched him struggle to trust her, and him telling her about his trauma happen later, and be difficult for him, and a deep, heartfelt moment).

Like I was saying in my other post, I think if they framed his arc in how he dealt with the town collectively, I think that would have fit better, and been more touching and satisfying. I would have liked to see him struggling to trust humans, and then see as time progressed how several different people in the town liked him and meant him no harm, and how he realized he could trust them, and that he liked them too. It wasn’t that he had a bad romantic partner and needed a new one. He believed he needed to be punished for killing his father, and in his deep loneliness he let these kids into his house and heart, and they turned on him because he was half vampire. That’s something pretty deeply ingrained, and not something a new romance just fixes by existing. He needed to work through that in a much deeper way.

I know this is gonna be a very unpopular opinion, and it's totally cool if you disagree, but in a weird way... I sort of disliked Alucard’s ending. Don’t get me wrong, Im glad he’s happy, and I’d certainly prefer it to him just getting more trauma like last season (*shudders*), and I don’t think him opening up his castle (and his heart) to humanity is a bad way to end his story, certainly not. I think that fits. And my heart did melt a bit at the "I'm weirdly happy" scene. But, where everyone else is like “*sobbing* happy endings for all our faves” ...I see the creators of the show trying to wrap everything up in a neat little bow, and while that’s certainly not all bad, I don’t love every aspect of that. Theres a time and place for that, but a show based on video games, for which there’s more content in these storylines isn’t one of them in my mind.

Sometimes some of the sadness needs to linger. At the very least, let it linger at the beginning of the season so you can work through it in a powerful way, you know? It may have been tough to see Alucard be more closed off, but I think it would have been more satisfying to see him open up his heart and go back to his old self if we saw his trauma leave lingering effects at the beginning.

To me it didn’t feel like a satisfying arc, it felt like the fairytale ending of “oh look he’s not apprehensive about humanity even after what happened! Oh look he got the girl! And the Castle’s a happy place now! Look he’s not sad anymore! He’s even a father figure to these kids! He’s totally moved on!” And all those things can be awesome when done properly, and when they have depth to them. But they didn’t work through the trauma to get there, so it felt surface level to me, and too fast. I really liked that first episode, and how we saw the two sides of him—one that's become more closed off, and the other that still buries the human despite his comments—and I also really liked the first interaction with the kids, and thought that was one of the few interactions that had depth to it and fit with his arc well. Having it go beyond “they’re helping him learn to like and trust humanity again, and displaying who he really is inside” ended up detracting from the power of his relationship with them in my mind.

Having played SOTN, I think an ingrained loneliness and sadness are, in a way, a key part of Alucard’s character. That sounds really sad and awful out loud but…there are some people that just have a sadness or a loneliness to them, and that's not entirely bad. Here’s the thing…it can make them that much more beautiful. The fact that they still fight for good, even when they see all the dark, those moments when they find true friends, despite how alone they are, those moments when they are happy, are so much more powerful. They just are always a bit…separate from other people. One of my favorite lines in anything is the line "We are connected by our darkness, not by our light" in Pandora Hearts. I think it's a line that fits Alucard well, and it’s always something that’s drawn me personally to him. Don't get me wrong, I don’t think Alucard’s all dark and sad and lonely, he’s definitely got a bright side to him too, of course he does. But I also don't think he ever is able to fully accept the vampire side of himself, and I find that interesting, and worth exploring. Personally I was honestly hoping for the show makers to come up with a bittersweet reason for why he went to sleep for 300 years, (and I thought that's why they set things up with Sumi and Taka that he’d have something against his vampire nature). Personally it felt like they were trying to say “oh he’s all better now, he’ll never be sad or lonely again” and while that’s nice I suppose…for me it sort of…stops feeling like Alucard, in a way? I don't know if I'm explaining it right, or if that sounds terrible...😅

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I do agree that’s very common of fandom that people are like “boom! Just add water! Instant father figure!” and I don’t love it either. Sometimes it can be cute if it truly fits, but it doesn’t fit every relationship between an adult-looking character and a kid character, and shouldn't be the first place people go to. In the same way every relationship doesn’t have to be romantic, not every relationship has to be parental/familial either. Sometimes it feels like fandom culture isn't really okay to have some characters just be good friends. A good friendship can be more wonderful than a romance sometimes.

If we have to put a label on it, I think he seemed like a nice older brother figure to them? I think that fits who he is in my mind. But father? Nope. Not for me. And again, I don’t think it needs a label.

Thanks again for sending me this ask!! It was nice to get the chance to work through some more of my feelings here too. Sorry if I went too overboard. And I hope I don’t sound too terribly negative, it really was a great season, and I definitely liked some parts of his arc, just not all of it.

If you or anyone else reading would like to discuss with me more, be my guest!! 💕

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

if you don’t mind me asking why don’t you respect thomas as a person anymore? i’m not trying to be rude or jump to anyone’s defense, i’m just genuinely curious.

I have been getting a lot of asks like these since I mentioned that I’m still upset with Thomas and although I’ve covered it multiple times on this blog, I will go ahead an explain it again because I’m tired of people telling me how to feel.

Here I will complie a list of all of the reasons why Thomas just does not rub me the right way sometimes. That being said, i recognize that Thomas is a very good actor and is a very talented man. He may have things going on in his life that I don’t know about, but the opinion I’ve formed of him is simply based on what I’ve observed and I am willing to change that if he shows reasons for the things that he does. I’m in no way trying to “demonize” Thomas here or make him out to be some crazy, rutheless being. I simply just dont vibe with some of the choices he makes and things he does. So here we go...

1) Thomas appears to have a pretty big ego. He constantly posts pictures of himself on his social media instead of using the platforms as most youtubers would: to communicate with fans about his content. He is okay with fans contantly worshipping him like a god and living off his every word. Even during his birthday he would retweet videos of people literally cellebratig his birthday with cake and candles, and that is just so odd to me... Theres nothing wrong with having a lot of confidence in yourself, but its simply something that rubs me the wrong way.

2) Thomas is a really awful business man. As I have mentioned time and time again, Thomas is running a business here, just like most youtubers with his level of fame. He has merch, a huge following, and a membership program. Despite this, Thomas continues to act as if his youtube channel is just a fun past time for him. His schedule for video releases is atrocious and I’d be surpised to find out that the team even schedules dates for things at this point. To an outside fan it just seems like they release a video whenever they want to or whenever they finish it, with no prior end goal in mind. Thomas treats his job as if it is an opinional past time, and as someone who is in college, works in a fast food job, and has an internship I cannot respect that. The man has no work-life/personal-life separation and it shows... He’s hired all of his friends to work for him and gets work done at a snails pace because of it. He always says that the team is working hard and getting things done, but never has anything to show for it...

3) Thomas is very bad at communicating with his fans. For having such an outstanding and die-hard fanbase, Thomas takes them for granted. Instead of giving fans insight on video release dates and production, he opts to say nothing simply because he doesnt “want people to get mad at him for being wrong”. I don’t know about anyone else, but that is just so messed up to me... You keep all of your adoring fans in the dark simply because you dont want to face the concequences of you not getting your work done is a timely manner? This bothers me a lot... especially when a lot of fanders are paying to get “extra information” when in fact the livestreams are simple Joan and Thomas hanging out and joking around with a very rare, almost completely absent mention of future videos.

4) The babying issue. Thomas has to recognize that his fans baby him and treat him like a breakable doll all the time. This not only makes him incapable of taking and responding to criticism, but it makes him shrug off responsibility all together. If his fans never give him concequences for his actions and simply praise him to no end, then he just keeps going what he’s doing and ignores any ouce of negativity because of it. The fanbase has babied thomas into thinking that he can do no wrong and will never be criticized, and it shows. Never once has he formally sat down and just talked about the concerns people like me and the anons that come to my blog have.

5) This is a newer one I realized with the most recent episode. The whole Trump joke threw me off guard because, while I don’t support Trump, I KNOW there must be fanders who do. And Thomas must have known this when allowing the joke into the show. It’s very inconsiderate to subtly manipulate your fans like that when this show has frankly nothing to do with politics. Had a fan been watching that who has their reasons to support trump, they may have felt alienated and hated by Thomas and that just insnt cool. This isnt the only instance of Thomas being manipulative with his fanbase. He constantly thanks and praises those of his fans who baby him and worship him while ignoring and never talking about those who have criticisms. This make fans who have concerns feel as though their worries make them terrible people and they shouldnt say them. Is this blog is anything to show for it, fanders are scared to speak about how they feel. Thi has created an extremely toxic environment for open discussion, but thomas continues to let it go on.

6) Money. Everyone, believe it or not, but Thomas makes a LOT of money. He is not an independent creator that films and edits videos all by himself simply for the fun of it and not for the money. This is his career. He is a business man and the owner of this company. His goal is to not only produce content, but to make money. And boy does he make a lot of it... Here is some math i did on my own to figure out just how much (granted it is not perfect, but it should give everyone a realization that Thomas is nowhere near the independent artists and authors that they constantly compare him to...):

-The average youtuber with 1m subscribers makes $57,200 a year from ad revenue. Thomas has 3.36 million subscribers so 3.36*57,200 is $192,192.

-The last member livestream has 1.5k views and each member is giving thomas $5.29 per month. So per month thomas is making 5.29*1,500 from members, or $7,935. Per year, Thomas the recieves 7,935*12 from members, or $95220 (obviously this number could be a little smaller because I’m sure youtube takes some of that money)

-Apart from this, Thomas also sponsors nearly every video on his channel that is a decent length. (I’ll admit that the math for this part is up to a lot of interpretation because I have no idea how Thomas sponsorships are handled, but I will do my best). Alright so, youtubers charge brands anywhere from $10 to $50 per 1,000 views, to be forgiving I’ll do the math using the lowest price. On Thomas’ most recent blooper video, he had 736k views. If we divide that by 1000 thats 736. So 736*10 is 7,360. And that is just one sponsorship at the lowest price. I’m not really sure how many sponsorships thomas has done, but in the last year it seems like about 5 (the blooper, asides episode, gay disney prince, intrisive thoughts, and SvS). So that is 5 sponsorships per year, 7,350*5 or $36,800.

-So total income before considering merch sales and by assuming the lowest numbers for some areas is $36,800 + $95,220 + $192,192 = $324,212

Now with all of this in mind... Thomas makes so much money. Money that I could never even dream of coming by. And he does this with minimal uploads and scamming his members into continuing to pay him even through month long periods of no content. Thomas doesn’t even need to make videos at this point, the money that he drags out of his fans is already plenty. And then, not only does he have all of this money, but he uses it for fun trips and adventures those of which he brags about on his social media. He went to new york and saw three broadway shows, he went to vidcon and took a weeklong vaction there. He bought from what I saw, at least three playstations and games for different friend and family members. He is in no way struggling for money... and instead takes money from his adoring fans when he has no content to show for it.

[colourful-void]

Hoshiai no Sora Fan Movie Breakdown/Theory/I don’t know

Yeah I went mad so imma do theories now I guess. rip homework and fic.

spoilers for the fan movie, which is like 3 minutes and on youtube so just head over there, theres a link up here somewhere.

So first off, where’d the student council go?

Prez dances alone despite usually having some people watching and clapping behind her. They’re just gone!

Most of the first half is reused footage, so theres not much Ill break down, at least for now.

Once the outro is done, we cut to the final moments of Hoshiai Episode 12, as if we haven't had that scene burned into our brains.

Once that ends, we cut to this little card:

Which I think means two years later (according to this post which is honestly a way better post than mine, go read it.)

and then this card which according to google translate says ��living that time’ I dont think thats right.

Let’s note we’ve returned to black on white background, and not the coloured on black of the title card at the end.

One of the best OST’s in the show plays (imo) and we get a little montage.

Rintarou and Taiyou go to the same school, good for them! They’re trying to get members for a soft tennis team (probably) but everyone around them is uninterested. They have more colour then anyone else in the shot, and are given more detail. part of that is because no one does background characters, but I think theres some symbolism there with them having their own little world of soft tennis, especially since Rintarou and Taiyou are known as the more energetic and friendly (or colourful!) members of the team. There’s also a baseball team walking in the background which I find interesting.

Tsubasa is angry and still playing tennis. If we follow his line of sight we find he’s glaring at (or at least guiding us to) the people in the back longing around and not playing. I can think of two reasons why he’s upset. One: because of everything that happened season one, he takes the game seriously and dislikes people slaking off. or two because it reminds him of his old team. I think one is more likely than two though. yet again anyone who isnt a main character isnt coloured in.

Shingou????? Is now at a strict school I guess?? The thing that stands out here isnt really him being at this school, (his parents could totally send him off) but he looks happy. Proud even. Not only is that contrary to the Shingou we know, but look around him. The background characters dont have eyes but they sure do have frowns. they’re also really gray, unlike Shingou.

iTSUKI GOT TALLER?? Lets note some things! The background characters have gone from being tinted a bit grey to entirely monochrome. The other characters have backpacks like Itsuki (idk the name but they hold tennis rackets) by beyond that, Itsuki doesn’t fit into the scene at all. Beyond just the colour, he’s not looking at the other boys, and it doesn't seem much like the other boys are looking at him. you could crop him out of the scene and the boys would look perfectly normal. The boys are also all wearing ties where Itsuki has a hoodie, giving him another way to stand out.

Now where everyone else had a still that zoomed in, we turn to my son, Nao.

He gets 5 shots, two of which are animated.

Note that when we see Nao’s hand all bandaged, the music takes a bit of a dip, making a static noise a bit like what we hear in some Nao scenes, or like a ghost.

So: Nao doesn’t play tennis anymore, clearly he either misses it or something, but in whatever case he thinks about it, and watches the others play. More than just play, he watches them celebrate.

Now look at the other boys who approach Nao. We get a bad vibe on instinct. I could be wrong, but it looks like the boy on the far right is the same boy who watched as another bully talked to Itsuki and then got bashed for it. Mainly just due to hair and him wearing a mask around his chin, which we haven't seen a single other character do. Actually, I dont think we’ve ever seen a Hoshiai character wear a mask, so it stands out.

Now, Nao’s knuckles are bandaged, which suggests he punched someone or something. I cannot picture him doing this. WE can see the bandages aren’t even, so he probably placed them himself, who whoever did it, did with little care.

Nao says: something. I can’t read lips or speak Japanese, but im not sure what Nao says is even readable. It has no audio, but the spooky noises continue. Music is now gone.

Cut to black.

Bird noises! Maki is watching their old sitting spot from afar, suggesting reminiscence.

Maki says something! I don’t know what, According to the other post, translated here on twitter, he says:

"Let's leave it be. He probably just doesn't want to see me again"

So that’s likely refering to Touma, or possibly his father but I doubt that highly.

Note: Everyone keeps their distance from Maki, Arashi still has his tennis bag, Mitsue has a very nice uniform and Yuu has a new bag I think, which is pink. Very cute. 

Yuu is the only one we don’t see in any uniform (itsuki didnt have the tie but he had a jacket) so we don't know what school they go to, of what uniform they wear. Yuu and Mitsue stand close together, so we ca assume that friendship lives on.

I won't do shots of all of Touma’s dialogue but here's some:

And of course the most important shot,

Now: Touma is saying in this scene, thanks again to twitter, translator’s tweet is here go leave a like,

"It's pointless. He has no game sense. Why does he make the same mistakes? There's no point in continuing like this. Whatever. I'll find someone else"

So like the beginning, Touma is fed up with fellow soft tennis players.

Maki and Touma meet on a street corner and Touma frowns. Maki remains neutral.

long shot as they stare at each other and a train goes by.

credits roll.

So time for my final thoughts and theories and things I want to mention.

Maki hurt Touma with the knife. I know, its bad I dont wanna think it, but like,,, Occam’s Razor.

Whatever happened with maki’s dad, he didn’t get kicked out of school, he didn’t die, and he doesn't gotten any life long injuries

No one’s parents are ANYWHERE IN THE ENTIRE PV. for a show so dedicated on these kids relationships with their parents, that is striking. We don’t even see family members.

No teachers are seen either.

Aside from the beginning we don’t see student prez at all.

Why does Nao get extra screen time? like do not get me wrong I love him but everyone else only got one shot.

Background characters are near always painted in greys wand without eyes, except for whoever Touma was yelling at and the others in that scene. they still don't have eyes though, which is probably just because they’re background characters.

Most characters are alone, except for Rintarou and Taiyou, and the gang during Maki’s line.

Things aren’t looking good.

SO those are my thoughts/theories, hope you liked them, I'm gonna go cry over my son becoming a delinquent, good night!

[evanstanhoney]

Control.//Vampire!Shawn x Witch!Reader

a/n: this is also hockey!shawn so...theres that :) 

summary: shawn’s a new vampire and you try to help him the only way you know how.  

⚠️warnings: mentions of blood

word count:1.9k

You and Shawn had slowly created a post-game ritual. You’d meet him out in the parking lot, go grab a bite to eat at your favorite burger place (depending on how the game went, you’d add a milkshake) and then you’d head to your place and he would spend the night. Something that your friends wasn’t too keen on at first, having a newly turned vampire in a house full of witches but not so surprisingly Shawn managed to win them over with his Canadian charm and a smile.

You were laying in your bed, Shawn wrapped around you when you bring it up.

“It’s happening more often.”

You can feel Shawn’s body tense against you, and though you can't see him in the darkness of your room, you know he’d nibbling at his bottom lip, a telltale sign he knows he’s been caught.

“What is?”

“You know what.”  you scoff

A newly turned vampire is the last person who should be playing hockey. Arguably the bloodiest sport there is, but Shawn insisted on playing and you weren’t his keeper so as much as you hated the concept you never missed a game. And nearly every game, he’d have an episode. An outburst that showcased his above-average strength and highlighted his newly found bloodlust. You caught him with his fangs out on more than one occasion and of course, he denied it but you know what you saw. And if you saw it, so did everyone else, and it was only a matter of time before people started connecting the dots and realize that Shawn was no long Shawn.

“Shawn,  you’ve got to get it under control.”

“I’ve got it under control.”

“No, you don’t. I can help you,” you whisper softly, massaging his scalp.

“I told you. I got it.”  He grumbles, burrowing himself further into your chest. You tug on his hair, making him look up at you,  “And I told you, that you don’t.”  

“I’m trying.” He mumbles through a pout, eyes cast down.

“I know you are bub but we….it’s not enough,” you place a soft kiss to his forehead to soften the blow, “Tomorrow we are practicing controlling your thirst.”

“How are we going to do that?

“Let me worry about that.”

                                                _____________

Shawn complained his way up the hill and into the woods following behind you. You had no idea what you were doing, and no reason to believe your little experiment would even work, but it was worth a try. Shawn couldn’t keep having outbursts and despite how unqualified you were, you were the only one that could help him.

Your plan was pretty simple. Shawn would run past the trees further into the woods to the creek, you’d open up a fresh blood bag and time him to see how long he can last before he just couldn’t wait anymore and comes back to you. It was an endurance test. And as far as plans go….it sucked. But it’s the best thing that you could come up with.

“Honey, this isn’t going to work.” He groaned petulantly.

“Well with that attitude it won’t. You have to trust me.”

“I’ve tried everything. I can't help it.”

“First of all, you can. You walk around every day just fine.”

“But games -”

“Games are different, I know. But you have to learn how to control it. You can’t….flash fangs every time someone busts a lip on the ice.”

He takes his hands out of his pockets and you see him deflate. He knows you’re right and he sort of hates it.

“So go.” You instruct, shooting him off into the woods. You wait enough time for him to have gotten to the other side of the creek before opening up the first bag, set your timer. And he’s standing there in front of you quicker than you would have liked.

“Shawn, breathe.”

“I can’t,” he says through gritted teeth.

“Yes, you can. You do it all the time.” you soothe, taking a step closer to him a bag in your hand. He takes a step backward taking deep breaths. “Think of something else.”

He closes his eyes, trying to focus on something else, and you think it works until he’s snatched the bag out of your hands, guzzling down its contents.

“Shawn…”

“Let’s try it again. Okay, let’s….let me try again.”

So you do try it again. And again. And again. And each time ended the same. Shawn snatching the bag from your hand, chugging down what was inside. To his credit, with every take, he was able to last longer than the time before, so it wasn’t completely hopeless. You look into the cooler you’d brought with you and see there’s only one bag left.

“Alright. One more time.”

“I suck at this. Can we try something else?” he grumbled, wiping the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand, “Why can't you make me a crystal or something?”

“Those are only aids. You have to be able to control it on your own otherwise it won't do you any good. Now one more time.” he looks down at you all doe-eyed, hoping you’d change your mind but of course you didn’t. “Shawn, go.” And just like the last times, you waited a couple seconds giving him time to get to the other side of the creek, and went reaching for your last bag when you got an idea.

You picked up a rather sharp rock lying near the cooler, holding it in your hand. You take a deep breath and quickly slash it across your palm, blood constantly flowing from the wound. It wasn’t a particularly deep cut, but enough for Shawn to get a whiff of your scent from where he was. And just as you’d thought Shawn was back to you quicker than any other time today. With you technically being supernatural, your blood was special. It wasn’t like any other blood Shawns ever had. You let him feed on you once, and it was way too much too soon. But he’s learned to control himself around you and if he can do that, then he can control himself through a soccer game, you just had to show him that he could.

“Baby,” he warns, fists tight at his sides.

“Fight it.”

“What are you doing?” he growls. His fangs are on full display now and if it were anyone else, you’d be terrified.

“Fight it, Shawn. You don’t want to hurt me do you?”

“Of course not!”

“Then breathe,” you say calmly, taking a few steps towards him, palm extended out.

“Honey. Stop.” He takes two steps back for every step you take towards him, eyes screwed shut, fists tight to his sides.

“Breathe. Hey, Look at me.” He looks up at you, his face pained but still takes a few deep breaths following your lead. “What else have I told you.”

“Focus on something else like a umm….a sound or-”

“That’s right! Focus on a sound.”

He closes his eyes…..and he’s trying you can see that he’s trying but something is stopping him. All he can sense was your smell, and your heartbeat, your blood flowing through you.

“All I hear is you. You’re all I can hear babe, I can’t.”

“Alright. Then focus on me.” You say firmly.

“What? No!” He flung his eyes open wide, full of panic. The last thing he needs to do is focus on you, your the literal last thing that should be on his mind at the moment.

“Close your eyes,” reluctantly he follows your instructions closing his eyes, his body still as tense as it’s been, “Now focus on my voice okay? No matter what, try and find my voice.”

“Okay.” he agrees, still trying to follow your breathing. He waits for you to say more, but...nothing, “Honey?” He can smell you, you haven't moved, you're still standing right in front of you but… “Honey, how is this suppose to work if you're not saying anything?” He asks, annoyed, folding his arms across his chest.

“Yes, I am Shawn. Listen to me. Shawn, I’m right here with you okay? You have to listen to me, babe.”  

He tries to focus his ears but all he hears are the leaves, the sound of the creek. “This is ridiculous can we go home now.”

“No, it’s not. Now focus.” You sass back. This is your last shot. Your hail mary, and maybe you should have tried this before because it seems to be working. He seems….frustrated. Distracted. Distracted is good.

“Shawn. I’m right here. I’m right here with you just listen please.”

“Oh, so now you want to talk.” he groans, throwing his hands in the air, making you giggle, because it fucking worked!

He opens his eyes and sees you smiling ear to ear, “I was talking the whole time you just had to listen!” you giggle except…..  You're not talking? But you are? Well, Shawn can hear your voice, and your laugh, but your mouth’s not moving. Your just...smiling.  opening his eyes and sees you smiling at him.  

“What the fuck?”

“I told you. Find my voice.”

“How can… but you’re not...how can I hear you?”

“One of my witchy tricks.”

You can see him trying to talk back to you, brows knitted together and his lip tucked between his teeth making you let out a little chuckle.

“It only works one-way bub. For now at least, so you’ve got to talk.”

“Oh...okay.”

“But I told you bub! I knew you could do it you just have to really focus.”

“Umm, yeah. He can you talk now? This is kind of weird.” he sighs rubbing the back of his neck.

“Alright fine,” you smile taking a step closer to him, “Do you feel better?”

“Um, sort of yeah. Can you...here.” He gestures for you to extend your hand, and he takes his finger pricking it with his fang, rubbing the little blood drawn over the cut on your palm and you watch it heal instantly. “Now, I’m much better.”

“See. If you focus on my voice. Then you’ll be too distracted and it will pass.”

“How’d you know I could do that I’d be able to hear you.”

“It’s just something that vampires do. Before witches and vampires were at each other's necks, they actually worked well together and they used it.” You explain nonchalantly, “I knew you’d get it eventually.”

“But you're not going to be with me all the time.” He pouts, reaching out taking your hands in his.

“Well no, but I can do a spell and it will link us. We’ll be able to have a  two-way call and it can be a long-distance.” You wink wrapping your arms around his neck. You don’t like the idea of being his crutch, but for now, it will have to do. “If you're hungry. Focus on my voice. No matter where I am. Try and find me.”

“Okay.”

“You always know what to do.” He smiles down at you placing a kiss to your forehead.

“I’m magic babe. Of course, I do.” You joke rolling your eyes.

“And as cheesy as you are, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

masterlist // tell me what you think? // requests? // wattpad // ao3

[mochizuke]

A DR3 ANALYSIS

Sincerely, someone who is sick of people saying that it doesn't match up to cannon.

I decided to take this from a discord server I am in after multiple people asked me to put it online for the world to see, so -deep breath- here is my personal essay using quotes and screencaps from sdr2 as to how dr3 doesn’t stray from cannon, and sticks to the continual lore from the series. Y’all are just mean.

okay so we will start with since that seems to be the main controversial topic. first lets start with people saying it strays from cannon. it doesn't. the statement of brainwashing being what caused the remnants to fall to despair in sdr2 is clearly stated.

there's no mistake that this particular trope is taken from the final trial in sdr2 

if you want to say that how the brainwashing is brought up is lazy writing, i can tell you that adding an entire developed character to explain how such a trope found its way into the lore of the  into the anime is not lazy. character development takes a lot of time, and is in no way lazy. not to mention it also explains how the brainwashing technology found its way into ultra despair girls in the first place. (ie: the helmets worn by all of the children. With a remnant of despair in the city, it could easily be how Monaca got her hands on that technology.)

if you want to say it takes away from junkos influence as a character and makes her less powerful then i raise her character trait of using every person she comes into contact with. it is in NO WAY out of character for her to use someone else's talent for her own gain. she uses matsudas tech for wiping memory of the kids in dr1 (see dr0), she uses monaca and her position in the towa family to spread technology for the end of the world (see udg), she uses mukuro as her personal bodyguard (see the ENTIRE SERIES), she uses izuru to shift the blame from her for the tragedy so she can fly under the radar in the killing game for dr1, (see dr0 and dr3)

Going to now jump to how the brainwashing does not take away from the remnants had done as far as the atrocities they committed. The whole theme in the hope arc was redemption. The remnants in the ANIME itself go out of their way to say that they dont expect forgiveness for what theyve done. and that they only seek atonement in any way that they can when they are speaking with mitarai as he is debating shutting down the other brainwashing thing that he has set up through the future arc.

I would provide screenshots but the only version of the anime i can find online is dubbed with no subtitles. but you can feel free to watch it yourself? The episiode itself is pretty easy to find.

if you wonder how the brainwashing is undone, watch the ova. World Destroyer is an alter ego created by hajizuru himself modified to do psychodives and repair damaged psych from within the neo world program. its implied that he ran that ai on every student who died within the program who not only patched up their brain from thinking it died, but helped revive them from despair as well.for the survivors of the killing school trip, we already know that they were already on the mend from despair due to awakened hajime glitching out the program for them to create their OWN future at the end of sdr2

going onto chiaki.  just rewatched this scene so im going to type this word for word as it comes up in the dr3 dub so that i dont get anything wrong. this is the imaginary chiaki talking to hajime as they are on the boat.

"that day when you entered the neoworld program, a cutting edge ai was built. codename nanami. First, they mined your hippocampus, compiled memories of esteemed authority figures, and the idea was to fuse those memories into a single personality that you could all trust. Imagine the surprise when it turned out they didnt have to bother.one memory overrode the rest. It was the same for all of you. Strange yes, but undeniably sweet. there was one person you'd all give anything to see again."

This explains how chiaki, though previously a real person, was also given an ai version of herself within the neo world program. it also gives a lot more weight to her character in the story in general.

as far as people saying chihiro made chiaki, that is not the case. Chihiros research was used in the development of the neoworld program. as well as matsudas (as the neurologist), and gekogaharas (as the therapist) at no point did it say that they ACTUALLY worked on the program. just that their research was used. ai chiaki likely refers to chihiro as her father and alter ego as her brother because it was chihiros tech that made her life possible within the program. even in her ftes its stated that she does not think of them in the streamline way that a human being thinks of family. 

Okay so i've covered brainwashing, chiakis existence in both worlds, and the brainwashings somehow resolving the remnants of blame. (though it didnt) i think the other thing was nagitos despair? 

so the thing about the brainwashing that i think gets misconstrued a lot is that it was NOT shown to change their core personalities. but it DID addict them to despair in the same way junko was, and nagitos core personality obviously revolves around hope.

Nagito has always been a character that bordered between hope and despair. even in dr2 hajime makes a point to say that his eyes a swirling with a mix of the two in the first trial. what seems to be the case post brainwashing is that nagito is a walking contradiction. he will do things under the influence of the brainwashing and wont question them until he thinks too hard about it. every time he thinks to hard about it he seems to have a mental break.

like when izuru states in drs "if you hate junko then explain your hand"

and he goes "huh... thats strange... do i... hate her?"

queue: "huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh"

or at the end of udg where he states that he hates AND loves her more than anyone else. 

he cant coherently see what hope used to be to him anymore and for him, his ORIGINAL  want for hope was to find someone strong enough to not be killed by his luck

but that got skewed to a MUCH more junko-esque view post brainwashingh. i think those are the main topics that get debated if theres anything else you want me to lay out let me know or i can go more into detail if theres more that you want to know regarding these topics. otherwise i think i got my thoughts laid out now. You can even feel free to message me if you want a more thorough breakdown of the series. 

[mightylauren]

Avengers Endgame SPOILER FILLED Thoughtstream

Pretty much a blow by blow reaction stream straight from my mind in list form of the entire movie from beginning to end. Clearly full of spoilers so it’s below the cut and tagged to death. There’s some all caps screaming. A few keyboard smashes. A fair amount of cussing. Probably a fair amount of typos as I typed this while totally not rewatching it in the comfort of my home. 

Totally not.

I don’t really expect anyone to read all of this but it was all festering in my mind and now it’s out. 

SERIOUSLY I SPOIL LIKE EVERYTHING BELOW THE CUT DON’T CLICK IT UNLESS YOU’RE SURE YOU WANT TO SEE IT.

Who put’s mayo on a hotdog?

Oh man hawks didn’t even see it happen nooo. I knew we were opening with Barton family dusting but ouch.

Tony calling Nebula the blue meanie!

Nebula refusing the last of the food and making Tony eat it makes me love her even more. 

Tony somehow keeps his sense of humor even in the face of death. God I love him. I know he’s gonna make it off this ship.

HA, that Internet joke about Carol showing up right after the trailer scene is true. That’s hilarious.

They never explain how Carol knew to look for them, but I’m going to guess she came to earth ala the scene after Captain Marvel and then went back out to see if she could find him.

Or she got REALLY lucky

I’m unclear does Nebula need oxygen and food? Or just significantly less than a full on human? She seems much better off than him.

Steve shaving did we miss seeing the beard one last time by like seconds? rude.

OMG Rocket sitting down and taking Nebula’s hand. The last of their family. Everyone else gone. My heart is aching.

23 days so we’re less than a month past Vanishing Day

Ha Tony calling Rocket Build a Bear is my first genuine laugh this movie.

I honestly was dying on the inside the whole time Tony is losing his shit on Cap. I mean he needed to say it all but seeing how sick he is and falling apart. He rips off his reactor and hands it over then collapses.

My heart.

Rhodey man. “That’s cute, Thanos has a retirement plan.”

Man this is the least planning they’ve ever done before a mission. They’re just gonna pack up, hop in a space ship and go kill Thanos? Cool. Coolcoolcool.

Okay it’s pretty good to see a lot of that trailer stuff is from very early on in the movie.

“Who here hasn’t been to space? You better not throw up on my ship.” XD

How does this big ass planet that can clearly sustain life have no life on it? Just Thanos some birds and some Meiloorun fruit?

That’s a Star Wars reference for those of you who don’t cross fandom lines.

So his snapping arm looks completely borked.

OH SHIT THEY CAME IN SWINGING

FUCK THOR CHOPPED OFF HIS ARM DAMN

ASDFKSAJDOFIUA THE STONES ARE GONE

Wait why is Banner still not Hulking out? How is that suit still running?

Damn he destroyed the stones. He knew they’d come.

DAMN THOR WENT IN HARD.

We are like twenty minutes in and Thanos is dead? I… what?

*crumples up and throws away all predictions she had before going into the movie

FIVE YEARS LATER?!?

FIVE

FIVE YEARS

I should have brought a paper bag to breath into.

Okay there’s the support group. Yup a lot of the footage from trailers and stuff is front loaded at the beginning of this. Which is good, because no clue where this is genuinely going.

Did… did a rat just bring Ant-Man back? A rat?

Shit how long has it been for him?

Oh wait, he’s looking for his people maybe not that long.

P-professor Chang?

Can you imagine how disorienting this all is for Scott? Pops out five years after a tragedy like the snap with no idea what the hell is happening.

My sister literally turned to me and said “no trash service but they built a monument?”

Valid question. Very valid. 

OMG CASSIE IS ALL GROWN UP I CAN’T.

I don’t think he fully realized how much time had passed until he saw his daughter.

“You’re so big” just made me tear up a little.

I just had a baby daughter four months ago. So I’m trying not to imagine what it would be like to vanish along with a bunch of other people and then turn back up five years later.

CAROL’S HAIR.

I’m sorry some of this is probably going to be completely incomprehensible unless you’ve seen the movie it just needs venting.

I am liking that they’re all reporting to Nat. That Rocket and Nebula are clearly teamed up.

OMG rocket made a joke about the haircut and Carol called him Fur Face

In case you didn’t know I have a ridiculous love for Rocket so I’m just glad he’s got a support system right now with almost the entirety of his found family dusted.

Capt. Marvel is basically saying she’s out for most of this movie isn’t she? I guess that makes sense she’s OP as hell.

Rhodey is tracking Clint but reluctantly. Clint’s clearly gone off the deepens a bit. Vigilante. Nat isn’t taking it well. Oh no she’s crying. 

This movie is gonna kill me.

I’m trying to imagine seeing a pod of whales in the Hudson River and I can’t imagine it. 

Okay so I’m guessing Scott’s about to turn up covering another major point from the early trailers. Yes yes yes. This is good.

Nat explaining that the Avengers gave her a family and a life and made her feel like she was a better person. Oh girl. You’ve done enough. It’s okay.

HA THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES ARE PRICELESS

Scott doesn’t know science. He’s trying so hard. We need the Science Bros. Where are they?

FIVE HOURS

FIVE FUCKING HOURS?

HE WAS IN FOR FIVE HOURS AND LOST FIVE YEARS????

“Scott, I get e-mails from a raccoon so nothing seems crazy anymore.” LFAO

Tony has a daughter I’m dying. It had to be a little girl. 

Wait is he serious about eating crickets on lettuce? He might be this is semi post-apocalyptic.

Tony does not look happy to see them.

YES LET’S PULL A TIME HEIST. Tony isn’t feeling this but I am.

Oh, Scott, honey. Back to the Future? 

Though Tony your protege Peter used movies to make plans all the time. Maybe it’s not that laughable.

Okay I would die for his daughter. “Mommy sent me out here to save you.” Don’t think you were supposed to just say that outloud kiddo but props on a successful mission.

I know Tony too well for this. He’s saying no, because he loves his family. He needs his family. He’s scared to lose his family.

But now this idea is going to itch at the back of his brain aching to be solved.

Come on Tony lets go back to the future and pull off a time heist.

Hulk in glasses and a sweater is was not even on my theory bingo card what is happening. Is this his diner? They had to find him so he’s clearly not working for Nat right now. I have so many questions.

This whole thing with the kids is awkward. 

Come to think of it I have questions about how the infrastructure that is supporting things like cell phone networks is still functioning after the vanishing. Maybe because it’s been five years.

Is Nat flirting with Banner to get him to help?

Tony looking at a picture of Peter he’s got to try.

OH MY GOD HE GOT IT IN ONE EVENING.

EVEN HE LOOKS SURPRISED.

SHIT! 

I’m glad there is laughter in this movie and it’s not entirely heavy. I mean it’s Marvel I should have known.

He calls his daughter Little Miss. And she just extorted a juice pop out of him. I love Dad Tony. 

This is gonna hurt later I just know it. I can feel it in my gut.

“I love you 3000” My heart.

I’m glad that Tony is just going to have a straight up honest conversation with his wife about this.

He’s grown so much.

Oh Pepper, she’s telling him to do it. There’s some unsaid deep communication happening in this conversation. Bless this pair so much. She’s going to let him go and he’s going to go even though his gut his telling him that the road is not going to end well for him.

That’s why he wants to put it in a lock box and drop it to the bottom of a lake.

This is just so damn good so far. No complaints yet.

I kind of love this Hulk. He has no idea what he’s doing here but I love him. He’s like only half taking this seriously.

BAHAHAHA THIS TEST. HE comes back as a baby and Hulk is like “He’ll grow” I mean he’s not wrong but not the right answer buddy.

Another genuinely funny scene. 

“TIME TRAVEL!” With his hulk arms held wide.

Tony is literally speeding in his car there. Cap doesn’t even look that surprised.

Oh this is the Tony and Steve getting back on the same page moment I’ve been waiting for. I love it. I really love it.

HE BROUGHT THE SHIELD.

I love that it was in the trunk buried under kids stuff.

Tony is back and I love it even if I’m scared it’s gonna mean his end.

“Rhodey, careful on reentry theres an idiot in the landing zone.” As if I couldn’t love Nebula more in this movie.

Wait “New Asgard Please Drive Slowly” just threw me for a total loop. Good to know all the Asgardians didn’t actually die in that ship.

VALKYRIE!!!!

She’s like not acknowledging the Raccoon LMFAO

Holy hell what is happening here. Oh man Thor what have you done to yourself.

Actually, I get it. 

Are they playing Fortnite? 

This whole scene is super surreal right now. 

I actually kinda dig it but I did NOT see it coming. This movie has gone places I never would have predicted.

Thor kept strong for so long. He lost so much. He got all the way to the point where he’d done all he could think. He killed Thanos and there was no way to undo all that could be done so he just settled and existed. He drank and played video games with his buddies.

I get it.

Rocket just lured him onto the ship with beer. 

Was good to see Korg and Miek are alive. And there for them in their own ways.

RONIN ALERT.

Oh dude he’s just fucking people up does he even have a bow with him?

Nat waited until there was some way to undo the snap before reaching out to him. She’s just been silently tracking him waiting for a good reason to bring him in. 

In a matter of seconds Tony calls Thor “Lebowski” and Rocket “Ratchet” and I have always lived for his dumbass nicknames. 

Lebowski Thor is officially what I’m referring to this iteration of Thor.

Oh look a classic time travel trope a limit in the number of trips they can make. Makes sense though, Hank Pym was always very protective of how to make the particles so they only have what was made before the Vanishing.

I love the team debating how time travel really works. Listing all the time travel movies. Bill and Ted even snuck into the list. 

Not sure sending Clint back for the test was the best choice this is gonna be rough.

Okay he started to lose it at the end but he made it.

YES brainstorming session this’ll be fun.

Tony’s gentle handling of Thor says a lot. Tony’s been to rock bottom and recognizes the symptoms. At the same time I laughed when he offered breakfast and Thor said no he wanted a Bloody Mary.

ROCKET CALLING SCOTT AN EXCITED PUPPY BAHAHAHA

Nebula is so dramatic I’m here for it. 

Laying all over the desk brainstorming for Nat to finally figure out that there are three stones in one place at one time. This is the content I came for.

TIME HEIST LETS GO.

And just like that its 2012 this is surreal.

LMFAO HULK DOESN’T WANT TO SMASH.

Interesting seeing what the Ancient One was doing during the battle of New York. On a roof defending the sanctum from Chitauri.

OH SHIT SHE JUST PUSHED BANNER’S SOUL OUTA HIS HULK BODY

I didn’t see that coming.

Just a glimpse of Loki. :-(

It was almost cruel to send Thor to Asgard to do this. I mean someone had to go with Rocket, but damn this is tough to watch.

DAMN Rocket smacked him. And also just called Mantis “the chick with the antenna”. Pep talk’s not bad but Thor is crying I don’t think he can do this.

I don’t know why they want to do it that way anyway, Jane would have taken one look at him and known it was the wrong Thor.

Wait… they’re sending Nat and Clint to Vormir… oh God… oh no…

Okay so that’s going to suck in a few minutes lets just put a pin in that.

Nebula you waited a bit to tell Rhodey that there’s another you out there looking for the same infinity stone you’re there to fetch. 

Oh look its like just barely pre-Guardians Gamora, Nebula, and unfortunately Thanos.

I have a bad feeling about this.

OH SHIT I HAVE A VERY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.

Turns out two Nebula’s in one place is bad voodoo. She’s seeing video from the other Nebula which means THANOS can see video from the other….

Yeah this is all gonna go bad.

HAHAHA Tony just checked out Steve’s ass. 

AMERICA’S ASS!!!

It’s hard to remember that this shit is going to fall apart when I’m laughing.

Tony just flicked Ant-Man to his target and all I can think about is Gimli an “toss me” from LOTR.

Is Cap about to fuck up a bunch of people in the elevator again?

STEVE YOU SNEAKY BASTARD YOU JUST HAIL HYDRA’D AND STOLE THE SCEPTER.

2012 Time heist is about to hit a hiccup isn’t it. OH MAN they just gave Tony a heart attack.

LOKI NO

I mean yes but no. Loki just nicked the Tesseract and dipped with it. 2012 Loki is just gone.

There’s like timeline repercussions there. Not entirely sure what they are but there will be repercussions.

Cap fighting himself! CAP CHECKING OUT HIS OWN ASS!

Man the Time Heist is so rapid fire there’s too much to absorb.

“I’m totally from the future.” - Lebowski Thor breaking a law of time travel

Thor’s heart to heart with his mom is giving me feels. He needed this.

YES MJOLNIR IS COMING WITH HIM!

Ok it’s never occurred to me how ridiculous Quill would look dancing around without the music. That’s hilarious.

AH SHIT THANOS KNOWS AND HE’S THERE AND THIS IS WHERE IT GOES TO SHIT.

NEBULA </3

It’s so good seeing Steve and Tony back on the same page trusting each other. And clearly completely throwing Scott “Piss-Ant” Lang for a loop. 

I didn’t expect a detour to the 70’s. AAAND that’s his Dad. Tony’s just run into his own father. 

This movie is a roller coaster I’ll tell ya.

This is all mush if you’ve read this far you deserve an award. Or a sticker. One of those.

What a weird decision to have Tony have this whole meet up with his father here. And now Steve is taking refuge in Peggy’s office. Like this is almost mean to do this to these two. 

Why is it the Russo’s never could decide if Steve had gotten over Peggy or not gotten over Peggy. Back and forth and back again. I take it we aren’t going to see the niece at all in this one?

Alright boys lets get the hell out of the 70s this felt like a weird trip without the drugs.

Damn Nebula why is past you such a bitch when I love present you so much. I know I know that’s because you grew and what not but shit I don’t know what you and Thanos are about to do but it’s about to suck.

FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT VORMIR BECAUSE THERE WAS SO MUCH GOING ON

I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for this. I don’t want either of them to die. This sucks. No No no no onoanfnaondaksldfj;lasdkja;

God we’re going to have to literally watch them fight over which one is going to sacrifice themself.

Here it is, I’m crying now. Me and Barton are just going to cry here in this puddle if you need us. 

They’re all back, except Nat. Which means that’s the wrong damn Nebula and no one notices because NO NAT. Shit. Shit shit.

This movie is going to give me a heart attack.

“Did she have any family?” “Yeah. Us.” :’-(

Okay Thanos like fucked up a whole mining community and shut down a star afterwards to forge a gauntlet to put the stones in and here’s Tony Stark plopping them into like an Iron Man armor piece like its nothing.

Looks sleek too. I dig it.

And they’re all too busy with the glove to notice fucking Nebula. SHIT. 

Man it’s hurting Hulk just to WEAR the damn thing. Thanos was just strolling around wearing it, which doesn’t bode well considering I see Nebula is bringing Thanos here. 

Cool. That’s cool. This is fine. 

How long of a moment of joy are they going to get. Clint’s wife is calling. Birds are singing. Shit is inches from a fan.

THERE’S THE SHIT. HOLY SHIT HE’S BLOWING AVENGERS HQ COMPLETELY OFF THE MAP NOOOOOOO

There’s like a whole hour left. Tell me they all survived that. I was not ready. I WAS NOT READY.

Oh here’s that shot of Hawkeye in the tunnel. Much later in the movie than a lot of those trailer shots. Fascinating. 

So 2014 Thanos is here with his whole crew and there’s a complete gauntlet here. Shit.

Well, they’re all alive. They’re not together entirely but they’re all alive.

Double wielding dad bod Thor just braided his beard with lightning and I’m here for it.

The stakes are at maximum. Now Thanos wants to destroy it all not just half. So failure here can never be undone there won’t be anyone to Avenge anything if he gets the gauntlet this time. That’s not terrifying at all.

Fuck that’s the wrong Nebula. BUT THERE’S THE RIGHT NEBULA WITH GAMORA.

Clint is like in the middle of this stand off like “wtf is happening I should have kept my hands on the glove”

Nebula just killed her own past self. And she didn’t vanish so no Back to the Future rules here for sure.

Damn Thanos is giving the boys a run for their money even without a single stone. 

Shit is Thor gonna die?

HOLY SHIT CAP HAS THE HAMMER AND THE THEATER JUST MIGHT EXPLODE FROM THE SOUNDS OF THE AUDIENCE SCREAMING ABOUT THIS.

Damnit Thanos is calling in the whole army. Cap is like the last one standing on the front line and he’s not backing down because he’s Captain “America’s Ass” America. Thor is down Iron Man is down. The others are trying not to drown. Shit.

OMG ON YOUR LEFT I JUST MIGHT CRY.

HOLY SHIT ITS EVERYONE I’M CRYING. 

PEPPER FUCKING POTTS IS HERE AS RESCUE HOLY SHIT.

TALK ABOUT THE CALVARY RIDING IN AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND HOLY HELL.

HE’S GONNA FUCKING SAY IT

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!

It’s a good thing they sound proof these theaters now or you’d hear this across town the audience is going fucking nuts.

There’s too much to touch on all this chaos I’ll hit the highlights because it’s so much.

Pepper and Tony fighting back to back.

Thor and Steve switching weapons, Thor telling him to keep “the little one” aka Mjolnir.

Tony and Peter reuniting and the hug.

Quill seeing Gamora and it’s the wrong Gamora and actually that broke my heart a little bit because his Gamora is gone forever.

Playing hot potato with the gauntlet.

Scarlet Witch fucking Thanos up to the point he panics and starts firing on his own troops to get her off of him.

Spider getting the gauntlet and for the first time ever activating instant kill on purpose.

Peter becoming the hot potato along with the Gauntlet.

OMG ROCKET FOUND GROOT AND HE’S BODILY BLOCKING HIM FROM FIRE MY HEART.

When the ships started firing up my sister elbowed me and legit was like “She’s here.” 

All the women assembling around Captain Marvel!! Even Gamora is with them holy shit!

Damn it the glove is back within his reach and I can’t with this. 

GET HIM CAROL DON’T LET HIM DO IT AGAIN.

She took a headbutt to the face like it was nothing and he panicked like a bitch pulled the power stone and punched her with it. 

OH MY GOD TONY

My sister silently handed me a tissue and I fell the fuck apart.

I never thought in a million years they would have it go this way. Tony snapping. Dusting Thanos and his army. 

I can’t even comment more on this scene I’m too sad. Everything after is too sad. The funeral.

There are infinity stone colored stones in the “proof that Tony Stark has a heart” setting. 

I love you 3000 Tony Stark.

Thor leaving Valkyrie in charge and heading off with the Guardians.

Quill clearly looking for new old Gamora. I doubt she was dusted so she must have just faded away after the battle to do her own thing.

Glad that Nebula is with them though.

I feel a loose beginning set up for the actual Asgardians of the Galaxy.

Bucky said goodbye to Cap like he knew Cap wasn’t going to be back with them in five seconds. He knew.

We’re lucky he didn’t come back as a baby though. ;-)

I mean I’m surprised they went this route with Cap but I’m happy for him.

I’m happy for Sam too. We knew at the end of this the mantel had to get passed and here it is, old man Steve passing the shield to Sam.

I bet that show about “Falcon” and Bucky is really about the new Captain America and Bucky. Just saying.

Steggy shippers rejoice and the cries of a million Stony and Stucky shippers can be heard round the world.

Is that a sentence I just wrote? I never got into MCU shipping stuff personally.

And then all there is at the end is the distant sound of Tony forging that first armor.

A reminder that Tony Stark built all this in a cave.

From a box of scraps.

TONY….

I’ll be mourning Tony for a long while. I was always team Tony.

They did him right tough. His arc was satisfying and RDJ performed beautifully in this one.

My heart aches. They had to give him a daughter. I’m watching my daughter sleep totally not thinking what it would be like for her to lose her father. 

I’m gonna go hug my partner when I’m done with this.

Over all I am happy with Endgame. I mean with time travel they obviously left loose ends all over.

They say they can’t change time and the whole present becoming your past when you go back while the past is your future blah blah blah

But like clearly things are changed. 2012 Loki got the tesseract and escaped

2014 Thanos is no longer in 2014. So the Guardians movies happened but also couldn’t have happened? I dunno it’s confusing.

So basically the MCU has finally caught up with it’s comic book roots of being a confusing jumble timelines. How poetic.

Anyway if you read this you are amazing and feel free to private message me if you want to scream about Avengers Endgame and have no one else to do it with.

I feel better having vented this all out.

[cerulean8looded]

25!!!!!!!!

okay that one i literally made bc i look like john, love just dance, and want to be loved but here we fuckin go

25. John being a just dance twitch streamer and all the boys being gay for it i mean youtubers au

so im thinking that all of them make WILDLY different content. lets start with the beta kids.

so john has a gaming channel, clearly, and he decides he wants to lose some weight in a fun way that also helps his channel, so he starts the just dance thing. other than that, he mostly plays things like minecraft, five nights at freddys, all your basic bitch stuff, along with a fair few horror games. he really likes minecraft and sims 4 though.

rose has a witchcraft channel. she practices witchcraft and makes videos about spells and sigils and crystals and all the other cool stuff that goes along with that. i dont know much about witchy stuff anymore, its been a while since i was into that stuff, so id have to do a bunch of research for her.

dave has two channels: irony channel and music channel. the ironic one is where he posts anything to do with sbahj, and just generally fucks about, does weird trends and stuff. he never shows his face on his music channel, never shares his name, and it’s all remixes, so no one hears his voice either.

jade has the most chaotic but pure channel. she does anything she feels like doing, from kids show reviews to “Look at this cool pumpkin i grew” to “heres my favourite gun”. she has no theme, and never plans to change this.

Trolls

aradia is similar to jade in chaotic energy, but she tends to stick to stuff like creepy antiques she finds, weird animal bones from the fields she just wanders about in and that kind of odd stuff. she also talks about dark conspiracy theories a bit.

tavros mostly focuses on animals; animal care, animal facts, how to spot animal illnesses, how to deal with hostile but injured animals in the wild, what to do if you see an animal you think might have rabies, all that kinda shit. theres always at least one animal in every video, whether its a ferret in his lap, a cat walking over him, a snake around his neck, a guinea pig on his shoulder, and so on.

sollux does a gaming and tech help channel. he plays any game that people claim is difficult and tends to beat them so fast people think he’s hacking. he slaves over every fnaf game to try to beat the custom night first. as for tech help, hes basically that guy who runs the channel on how to fix discontinued apple products.

i lost my fucking karkat paragraph, im furious. basic recap of what i lost: he does general content like dan howell and phil lester kinda, with a couple staple series, such as his rant series, where his followers give him a topic and he rants about it for about twenty minutes (after editing). he also does livestream versions which can sometimes last for several hours per rant.

nepeta does cosplay videos with whoever she can rope into helping her (usually terezi, vriska, equius, or feferi) plus a lot of fandom videos in general. she usually comes off really lighthearted in her videos, but she also makes a lot of important comments about fandom culture and shipping wars etc. on her second channel she does vlogs, which exposes her absolute gremlin side. these vlogs often feature things such as her climbing up a tree, getting stuck, and screaming until equius saves her.

kanaya does makeup and fashion advice videos, mostly with a vampire theme to them. occasionally she’ll do cosplay makeup too. her favourite videos to do are when her subscribers send in pictures of themselves and their closets, along with some general information on what they wont wear and all that, and she gives them advice on how to spruce up their look a little and declutter their clothes, etc. she likes feeling like shes making a difference to people.

terezi focuses on true crime mostly; cold cases, current cases, sometimes she runs through the process of solved cases. she prefers to do unsolved stuff, since it gives her the ability to talk about her own theories on it, and she does often get it right, but for particularly interesting cases she will do a video anyway. she also does a little bit on mental health and the reasons behind crimes and shit.

vriska is another kinda general youtuber. she does whatever the hell she wants, plus anything anyone says she cant do. she also lets some of nepetas fandom stuff leak into her content. no one really knows how she got so many subscribers. she also has the most merch out of all of them.

equius makes videos on whatever happens to be his current hyperfixation at that moment. hes the most inconsistent. one week hes picking apart the homosexual subtext in certain scenes of jaws, the next hes teaching you how to put together a microwave. he does a lot of lgbtq+ videos too; his most popular video is of him and nepeta and some others at pride and most peoples favourite part is nepeta racing around a small clearing with equius on her back while vriska cackles behind the camera

no one is really sure what gamzee actually does. his videos are all filmed on a phone camera and are never edited. he doesnt have an intro or an outro. sometimes it seems like he forgot to start filming until halfway through whatever he was talking about, but he never repeats the bits the camera missed. theres no theme, no clear goal, no one knows whats happening and theyre pretty sure hes high in every video. one time he posted a video that was over 48 hours of the phone just pointing at a wall, which appeared to be covered in blood just out of sight of the screen (as in you could see the edge of it but not the actual blood) and there appeared to be a hand sitting at the corner of the screen. everyone was fucking terrified for a while, but the next video posted to his account was karkat explaining that hed had a bit of a mental break and thrown a jar of jar at the wall (the “blood”) and that the hand was just a doll. hed taken out his phone to film a vent video, but promptly forgot about it, dropped it, and went to do something else. he finally remembered over two days later, posted it without thinking and called karkat. a few weeks later he started posting again like the whole thing never happened.

eridan’s content mostly focuses on harry potter and magic (which he definitely doesnt believe in because that would be ridiculous), but he makes a lot of environmental PSA videos about littering and pollution and stuff. in his fandom videos he comes across as just really excitable and doesnt seem like he cares about much else, but he really shows off his intelligence in PSA type videos. he also posts a lot of videos of him just talking about whatevers going on in his life, usually whenever he gets a new crush. his most popular video is the one he made right after seeing johns just dance streams for the first time, because he looked like he was about to cry or scream the whole time.

and feferi! her content mostly focuses on social and political issues. she talks out against “canceled”/purity culture a lot and tends to end up involved in discourse for it. shes that person in the middle of the argument whos literally only stating facts and saying that we shouldnt jump to unnecessary conclusions, but somehow ends up being accused of being jack the ripper or some shit for it. she isnt afraid to share her honest opinions and makes sure to remain as polite and level-headed as is humanly possible when responding to others.

i was gonna do the alpha kids and dancestors too and like share some plot and that kinda stuff but this is long as fuck, so we’re gonna stop here for now! feel free to request again for even more info dumping. also i just wanna say that i planned none of that gamzee stuff i had no idea what i was doing when i started that

[izzy-b-hands]

Årsgång På Metall-Chapter One

Finally writing a Dethklok fic based off of/in relation to my love of the game Yearwalk (and Swedish folklore in general.) 

 This wasn’t gonna be multi-chapter, and I should probably really post it to AO3 too (maybe later) but here we are.

 Skwisgaar/Toki. SFW (some mention of kissing and wanting to make out only lol) for now, might get NSFW later, will mark as appropriate as we go along.) 

And yes, the title is kind of silly and cheesy and in Swedish. That’s just a bit of goofy fun for me (that technically doubled as Swedish practice, lol.)

Toki could admit when things were bad. When they had sunk their teeth into a bad idea, and were clinging to it too tightly, like a scared dog bloodying its gums to hang onto a familiar toy. 

Not out loud, maybe, but to himself, he could admit it. And this felt like a bad idea. 

It was all to get inspiration for a new album–something mystical and dark and “creepy as fuck” per Nathan’s demands. They’d all fumbled into various topics to find something good: Nathan and Pickles and Murderface dove into American urban legends and cryptids like they’d been researching them all their lives. He’d picked through books about Norwegian folklore, but hadn’t found anything in particular he wanted to use. Besides, Skwisgaar was having plenty of luck with Swedish folklore. 

Almost too much, actually. 

That was, he seemed obsessed. It had reached a point where Toki couldn’t get him to do much else other than research, albeit with his guitar balanced in his lap, the strings occasionally lightly plucked with a new melody Skwisgaar had been working on constantly. It sounded old, and almost…folksy. Like something he might have heard at a festival back home.

 Still, Toki would sit beside him and read through the Swedish as quickly as he could (not as quickly as Skwisgaar could, unfortunately), trying to figure out what pieces of research Skwisgaar might be using or discarding. 

Because he didn’t share, of course. Toki could ask as many times and in any language he liked, but got nothing. 

Until the week of Christmas, the week before they were due to share all that they’d found and how they wanted to use it or how they’d already tried to do so. 

He should have known Skwisgaar’s breakthrough would happen just as he was heading off to bed. Toki was almost comfortable, almost ready to turn out the lights and get what passed for decent sleep among them, when Skwisgaar came racing through his bedroom door. 

“I has it. Nathans ams goings to love it, once I has it all finisheds,” Skwisgaar whispered fiercely, his face lit up by the small lamp Toki had yet to turn off. The light was on a low table; its tendrils reached up to claw at the sharp angles of Skwisgaar’s face, making him look ghostly and menacing. 

Toki turned off the light and turned over. Let the asshole sit in the dark and talk to him as he fell asleep. If he wanted to share, he should have done it sooner. Now Toki was actually tired; he would have killed someone to get some sleep.

“The planes leaves now, gets up!” Skwisgaar tugged at his arm until he fell out of bed onto Skwisgaar’s boots. 

Not his usual boots. Snow boots. 

“Planes to wheres, somewheres you lets me sleeps?” Toki grumbled as he picked himself up. 

Skwisgaar tilted his head. “Maybes. I ams goings to needs you awakes for parts of this.” 

“What ams ‘this’?” Toki asked as Skwisgaar grabbed him by the arm again and dragged him out of his bedroom and down the hall. 

He barely concerned himself with the Klokateers that dressed him in winter gear as they boarded the Dethjet, pulling a sweater over his bare chest and shoving his feet into a pair of snow boots. He was far more concerned with getting an answer to his question. It was creepy, seeing Skwisgaar like this–he didn’t get this hyped up for much except their music. But his guitar was packed away in a travel case, still at his feet, not in his arms where it should have been. It was wrong. 

“I figures out the best ways to get inspirations for the albums,” Skwisgaar finally said once they were in the air. “Charles does not evens knows yet.” 

And that seemed to be true. Charles wasn’t there, and it seemed like he should be–or at least, he should have seen them off, like he would normally. Again, wrong, wrong, wrong–enough to make Toki’s head hurt. 

“There ams a ritual things,” Skwisgaar continued, almost out of breath with excitement it seemed, his eyes gleaming. “Theys evens makes a video games out of its.” 

“So we ams goings somewheres to plays it?” Toki asked, letting himself hope for a moment this wasn’t something even more Wrong. 

“No,” Skwisgaar replied. “I plays it already. It ams fun, very goods, but not enoughs. I must do the real things.” 

At that, Toki physically shook his head. Now they were entering an even more dangerous realm–Stupid and Wrong. Especially since it seemed like only a few Klokateers knew where they were, and no one else knew what they were going to do. 

Then again, Toki didn’t really know that yet either. And it was unsettling to not know, made all the worse by how…un-Skwisgaar-like Skwisgaar was acting like. He had no other words for it, not other way to describe the twist in his gut as Skwisgaar started to detail the ritual.

Apparently, it could change in bits and pieces by region, but Skwisgaar’s research had led him to some similarities that he was planning to follow. 

It had to be performed on Christmas Eve or New Years Eve. 

“I ams doing it on New Years. Wes go nows so I can prepares everythings,” Skwisgaar explained when Toki raised a hand to protest leaving so early and missing Christmas. 

It had to be done alone.

“Yous will be theres to make sure I makes it back where we ams stayings,” Skwisgaar said. “I don’t trusts the others guys–they will ruins it.” 

There was a rush of adrenaline and a flush to his face at that. To be the only one Skwisgaar trusted with this–something so clearly important to him–was a heavy but welcome responsibility. 

It was a very old, archaic form of divination, considered by some to be rather complex. Yet there wasn’t anything banning anyone from undertaking the ritual. But it was dangerous–you could see good things, bad things, run into past and previous versions of yourself, or be ensnared by various creatures from other bits of folklore–and they could do some awful or at least strange things to you. 

“I ams not worrieds,” Skwisgaar said. “I cans does this.” 

He even flipped his hair over his shoulder with that, the damned drama queen. Toki couldn’t decide if he wanted to pull that hair or braid it, for a chance to get close to Skwisgaar one last time in case of…whatever might be waiting for him out there.

He ended up braiding it when Skwisgaar flopped on the floor of the plane with a book in his hands–another book on folklore, of course. Skwisgaar didn’t even seem to notice when Toki joined him, and pushed him up so he could gain access to the tangled blond hair. 

Toki wanted to be mad. Could count every reason to be mad, to shout and demand they turn around. This was stupid, and dangerous–he could be honest with Skwisgaar on that, the innate understanding that even if no one really followed much of the old folklore anymore, there was still a respect for it, and boundary lines to be carefully kept. Or at least, that was the case in Toki’s experience. 

But Skwisgaar was so excited. He held his hand tight as they walked off of the plane, to a waiting car with the trunk full of their luggage, to a truck with snow tires that carried them to their final destination. 

A cabin. Old enough to remind Toki of home-though this was notably more of an actual home, considering his parents’ cabin in Norway hadn’t even had a proper bed for him most of the time, just a bit of hay tossed onto the floor and a rough blanket. Only a few modern additions had been made–electricity that must have been an absolute horror to wire out, and running water. Otherwise it was just them, their luggage and supplies, and the knowledge that they were on the edge of something strange and mystical. 

No Klokateers. 

No Charles. 

None of the other guys.

If he weren’t so scared Skwisgaar might not make it back home, it would have been a dream vacation. 

And Skwisgaar was still odd– much more cuddly than usual in front of the fireplace, letting Toki press kisses to his face, his lips, the tips of his cold, long fingers. It was nice, but it could have been better. It was just so evident that Skwisgaar’s mind was on the task at hand, which was precisely what Toki wanted to distract him from. With kisses and threats to pick up his guitar and play (”don’ts you evens dares”) and pulling the books out of his hands to force him to pay attention to something, anything else. 

It worked, in bits and pieces. But he always bounced back to the Årsgång. Even as Christmas Eve and Day passed with no mention, though Toki realized acutely how quickly time was moving towards New Years Eve. 

“Maybe I will sees you,” he mumbled their second night there, as they curled in front of the fireplace. “Wonders what you wills be doings, in the futures.” 

Toki resisted the urge to say ‘you.’ “Playings in the bands. Sames as yous.” 

Skwisgaar shrugged. “Yeah. But whats else? We amn’ts always playings.” 

“You almost always ares,” Toki replied. No sense in calling a horse anything other than a horse, if they were going to sit in this space of weird but welcome vulnerability and honesty. 

Skwisgaar nodded. “Trues. Maybes we wills be celebratings the new album. Wes can comes back here, takes a vacations away from those dildoes.” 

It was nice and quiet without the other guys. Nicer still to have Skwisgaar to himself, even if the circumstances were strange. He tried to focus on that, to will Skwisgaar to see it on New Years Eve when he’d be out wandering among the ghosts and grims in the woods–them, sitting in the cabin in a few months, playing and wandering the woods and making out like stupid horny kids with nothing better to do. No worries, no rituals, and nobody else to distract them. 

He tried to dream of it that night, but only got nightmares. Ones where Skwisgaar bloodied his hands to the bone trying to get back in through the cabin door that Toki couldn’t open no matter how hard he tried, forced to listen to Skwisgaar being dragged away by something unseen. Ones where he woke up on New Years Day and waited desperately into the next day, the next week, the next month, only for Skwisgaar never to return. Ones where Charles would come searching for them, only to find Skwisgaar frozen in the forest. Ones where he was left alone, and the other guys would never understand what had happened or why and would only be mad at him for letting Skwisgaar die. 

He held Skwisgaar tight, and checked his dethphone over and over again, whenever he woke, for the date: 26 December. There was still time.

Time to convince him not to do it.

Time to try and memorize every inch of his face and body. 

Time to try and pretend like everything was going to be fine.

When it all still felt so very, very Wrong to let Skwisgaar do this, even if it was for the album. 

[survivortongatapu]

Episode #2: I Never Learned How To Fuckin’ Read | Carson Chapman

Honestly Ryan. I expected this scavenger hunt to be a bit harder. No self humiliation or stripping? No needing to go to grocery stores to find things that are clearly not there, but you make us look for and ask employees anyways? Or going up to random people asking them to put on nametags that say Ryan or some other bizarre name? Drew would not be proud.

The Conor vote was an easy thing to get done. It is a blessing to have such an easy vote early on. I need to start being more active and social with the members of my tribe, though. Or else I might be the next boot. I've already set a foundation with Tim, Stephen, and Kaci. I just need to further extend my reach without being too suspicious. I might use Jordan as a number since he has come forward with being one to me. Plus a Pines shield is a nice one to have since he never dies. Everyone always wants him out, so he would be something to hide behind.

"I once shunned Samuel L Jackson." CHARLOTTE HOW ARE WE SUPPOSE TO PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED IF WE KEEP TELLING PEOPLE. AND to be fair, it was for a good cause, Alan Rickman was close by. Rickman > Jackson. (watch me have the sign backwards or some shit)

hi my name is charlotte and my entire tribe never learned how to fucking read

YOU'VE ALL BEEN IN THE COMMUNITY FOREVER HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS?? NOT TO CALL ANYONE OUT BUT CMON Y'ALL KNOW BETTER.

Anyway, now that I've yelled, I guess it's time to do a review of everyone on my tribe. Chrissa - Honestly we haven't talked much before this game or in this game. I think we actually got into a fight in the VL once. I used to think Chrissa was just the shipname for Chris and his wife and didn't realize that Chrissa was a real person. Fun fact! Adrian - We were in a BB game together but that's about it. It wasn't very memorable so I doubt they remember me. I should probably talk more to people on this tribe I don't know but we're so early in, it just doesn't seem worth it. Carson - I've played with him before so we have a pretty good relationship even if he spent half of CB calling me weird lmao. I think he would be a good person to ally with but I can never fully trust him because when I did that last time? He had a secret #1 ally the whole time. Lesson learned! Jay - I've known Jay for awhile but we've never really played together so I'm hoping we can in this game. I think it'll be interesting to see if we mesh in a game scenario so - I'm excited. Owen - I'm glad Owen is on my tribe because he seems good at challenges?? Or at least historically he has been. Whew! Antoine - THEY ARE CANADIAN!! honestly I always want to work with the canadians thats my kink. Pocket - I've talked to them a bit and they seem cool?? They at least know how to read a damn post so that puts the +1 above some of the others. Bryan - We've played games together before so they seem like a good bean but again, I don't really know them that well. I NEED to start talking to people more god this is ugly. We love a flop. Andrew - I don't know him but LA says that he's a good bean, he hosted her in Solomon Islands and again in whatever game she just died in. I need to talk to him more. Willow - I love Willow!! She's so sweet and it's kind of hard to talk strategy with her sometimes but ima try anyway!! 

Purposely sabotaging my social game to be more UTR and pretend I'm not around much anymore? Perfectly working in my new Tumblr Survivor strategy wooooooo

Honestly, I just get bored and don't entirely want to talk to some of these people that much, so I just sit here and cry when I have to talk to the likes of Tim and Stephen. I know they're really really cool people, and I like them a lot, but by having never heard of them before, it means that there's this preconceived notion, in my head, that I have to talk to them more, so instead I just dismiss them so they don't see me as a threat, and they can just have the impression that they've 99% got my vote. I'm fine being people's number. Someone just tell me how to vote and I'm more than likely to do it for the first 75% of this game, if I make it to that point. My new strategy is the best of all time. You can't beat it.... Except going off in the main chat about the challenge may not have been my SMARTEST idea, but that's because the challenge was stupid, the new scavenger hunt rules were dumb, and next time I invest four hours into something, and you tell me it doesn't count, don't expect that same motivation level to come out of my body for at least another 3-4 rounds out of shear stubbornness.

Everybody is doing their best to win the challenge and I feel a little bit bad that I'm doing something cause I'm sitting out. Hopefully, it doesn't put a target on my back if we do lose. Right now, I trying to get to know these people more and figure who I want to work with.

I guess I should make a real confessional now. I mean.... We all voted out Conor last round, which was cool. I feel I should initiate a tribe call tonight, with hopefully a win. I don't want to initiate it if we lose tonight's challenge, because then that'd be bad. I'm trying to really think of ways to keep my social game stepped up, and the fact of the matter is that I don't really think I need to do much more, it's such an overthink at this point. I know if my name comes out, I'm going to be able to outtalk a lot of people, and on top of that, I know that LA, Tim, Kaci, Jordan and Carson feel a pretty good relationship with me, and i'd kinda like to think that Stephen does too because I've just been overall active in the main chat, and talking to him a bit on the side. I'm struggling with how to connect to Raffy and JD, and kinda Rob, but not really because Rob seems to be very talkative on my end. I am going back to the thought of Jordan mentioning wanting the strong players to work together, and from the group he listed, that leaves out Kaci, Tim and Stephen, which is interesting because I like them, but they'll also have to go. I'm hoping that Jordan Pines can be the real kicker of strategic talk on this tribe, and we can see what happens. I know whenever I pinpoint targets, I make it my mission to send them out the door, and I know it's dumb to do because some people don't want it to happen, but in a tribe this big, if I talk about it with enough people, then it just happens.... Same thing kinda happened with Ruthie in Japan, where I just saw her as a long term threat, and wanted her gone............................ I'm feeling this way with Raffy. I know it's early, and I know going after him probably isn't the smartest move, but I thought he was just a nutjob from seeing him a little bit of me hosting him in Kuang Si and watching his antics in JP, and all his VL Confessionals of REALLY hustling, it's hard to want to work with him if he's actually that smart, but at the same time, reminds me of a player that is going to do himself in at some point so hmph. We'll see. I still intend on sitting back for now and playing nice, even though I want to give all these people a slow and painful death We'll see what happens after the challenge. If I were to bet, i'd bet that Kaci is going to be in trouble, but I don't wnat her to go, but also.... effort ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

The sacrifice was successful. Conor may be gone but we won the next round so yay. But still Kaci didn’t contribute so next tribal she might be in trouble. While we don’t go to tribal I’ll still maintain some social play, but will back off a tad to not seem too eager.

we lost. thanks adrian for telling Ryan you could be excused but not saying a word to our tribe! it takes 10 seconds to take apicture and i dont believe he doesnt own at least a towel. so now im stuck going to tribal and having to strategize. which.. is nice. i get to see how people play/strategize/all that and it thrusts us into strategy mode where we can FINALLY really talk game. i want adrian because its easy tbh! ------------------------------------------- [6:53:09 PM] jay: Yeah same [6:53:14 PM] jay: big andrew fan [6:53:27 PM] carson: and I trust everyone else vaguely bc like.. I haven't gotten into [6:53:33 PM] carson: deep strategy talk yet with anyone bc we haven't had tribal [6:53:44 PM] jay: we can trust chrissa tbh [6:53:59 PM] jay: and probably charlotte right? [6:54:24 PM] carson: I agree with that for sure [6:54:30 PM] carson: theyre trustable ppl just in general sdjsd [6:54:33 PM] carson: like loyal [6:54:45 PM] jay: whomst the fuck is antoine [6:56:28 PM] carson: wait no [6:56:30 PM] carson: Quebecois [6:56:45 PM] jay: pocket is hard to talk to idk i dont GET THIS who literally plays based on people they know god. LIKE ANTOINE HAS GIVEN SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN JAY and put in way more effort? like Antoine's such a nice guy and just because he doesnt know him.. SAME WITH POCKET. POCKET IS THE EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO ON THIS WHOLE TRIBE AND SO TALKATIVE??? LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. pocket is so fun and..  idk. jay when you read this i still love you but bitchwhat the fuck not sure whats gonna happen. gonna probably push for Adrian to go and get that easy vote out of the way. Pocket + Andrew offerened an alliance to me but havent said anything about it since soo.... also bryan told me to "remember to stay low" and im like ????? thats not good for my paranoia at all.like at ALl at all so now im kinda freaking out. hopefully we can make this tribal easy.. but if not theres outcast island but im not taking my chances with that.

So in typical Johnny fashion, I can't just let us win immunity and not do anything with the time we have that we can utilize to make more connections, do things to advance my game, so I go to Stephen, and pull my typical Johnny move: [1/12/18, 11:03:22 PM] ~~Johnny~~: And I know we haven’t spoken much, and you may have spoken to people a lot more than me, but I get a really good vibe from you, and in each game I play, I just pick one person that I’m like “this is my dude, and regardless, I’m going to make it happen with THIS GUY, and if they turn on me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ” and I’ve kinda wanted to ask you if you… gets down on one knee Stephen, will you be my ride or die? ;) [1/12/18, 11:03:54 PM] ~~Johnny~~: like tbh, I think you’re smart af, I can tell that you’re here to play, and I think I’m here to play too, and you always gotta survey the field before you make a leap like that, but I feel confident that you and I can really do some damage here [1/12/18, 11:04:41 PM] Stephen: haha, id be honoured [1/12/18, 11:04:47 PM] ~~Johnny~~: (party) [1/12/18, 11:04:49 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Honestly [1/12/18, 11:05:02 PM] Stephen: I do feel like you are smart too, and sane enough not to wig out early on [1/12/18, 11:05:17 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Having one connection with someone, where you know they won’t spill what you’re thinking, and you can tell an actual person who RESPONDS (fuck you RTP), is great So now I've got this relationship with Stephen, that I think is really going to blossom my game and make it grow. I am continuing to lay low, and I am going to continue to just build social bonds and not even talk game with anyone that isn't Stephen. I know he MIGHT be moderately sketched out by what I just proposed, simply because we haven't spoken nearly as much as I'm sure he's spoken to other people, but I've got faith that my relationship with Stephen is going to carry me a long way in this game, and jesus take the wheel if I can make this go well, I think I'm in a great spot. I've gotta just keep up tabs again during this 24 hour period. I didn't find anything during the idol search, which sucks. I really really really REALLY want SOMETHING, even if it's a disadvantage in the game, I'm willing to take the risk to continue on with an idol search every time because I know people are finding things and I'm not. That's my biggest motherfucking motivation to win a damn immunity challenge, but we'll see. Praying someone I don't know on that other tribe ends up going home because I need my friends to stick around. Chrissa going home before I get to her, or maybe even Owen or or Charlotte, just since they're strong players who I've either been hosted by, or hosted, and I'm just not sure about the reactions once I make my way to a tribe with either of them. Yea... Sorry for my long confessionals, but that's me, and also all you'll get for right now, but I'm sure something very minor will happen later tonight and I'll write another 8 page long confessional LMAO

So Ryan reminded everyone about alliance chats and I am *shook*. I’ve been trying to play slow but how slow is too slow? I need to calm down and remind myself that suddenly making alliances is no way to reacting to being excluded for alliances. In this scenario social game trumps strategic game. And so far its working, maybe, Johnny came to me and proposed a f2-but-not-f2 alliance and i was like sure. But he might be lying, I do doubt it though considering we won immunity. Now I just have to decide if I’m going to tell Tim. He’s my mate and I love the guy but I have to decide if I really want to tie my game 100% with his, or keep options he doesn’t know about. Then again talking to him could expose if this is a lie. hmm

So Ryans brief comment about alliance chats has sparked a ton of debate. Ive been approached by Johnny, as I said before. But we have talked about literally everyone else on the tribe, and Ive talked about a few people have JD. Johnny has a lot of knowledge and experience which scares me. But if I can use him to bring myself further then thats good, I can easily paint a target on him when i need to. Still solid with Tim, but Ive decided if people get concerned about our history Im not above voting him out.

AND I THOUGHT TONIGHT WOULD BE QUIET. Honestly, I normally write what happened, and then my thoughts about it, but I'm going to summarize because I just don't have it in me to write 85 million words for you tonight RTP - LA and JD want a four person alliance with Stephen and I, which I find funny because LA wanted this to happen right as I made my ride or die deal with him - Tim told me he thought I was cool, and tried to develop more of a relationship with me - Stephen and I went in depth with the people on our tribe, and we haven't really picked out who we do/don't want to work with, but we're laying as low as we can for as long as we can, and no one is going to know it Yea. that's cool. not as intense as I thought, but making a f2 and being in my first alliance of the season is kind of a big deal I suppose. I gotta REALLY work on my functioning relationship with Carson, because I really really really need Andrew to trust me this game, and I'm not super sure if he will. He knows how I play better than anyone in this cast (besides maybe Willow and Pocket), so I've gotta really maneuver myself carefully there.

.i feel bad now because Adrian's having an emergency ofsome kind and I'm pushing his fucking name. I'm gonna talk to him tomorrow and see his thoughts. Hope he's ok. but other than that... im playing so aggressive what the fuck. i NEVERRR play like this and i literally said I wanted to play UTR because this is Ausvivor and the merge is in like... 8 years, but I'm playing hard! Literally had basically my first REAL conversation with Owen today and it was pretty much ALL Strategy. Antoine wants out Jay. Jay wants out Pocket/Antoine probably because he said no to Adrian. Ideally, Charlotte or Adrian would go, but the push of "newbies" vs Jay is bad because it's people I could potentially trust. Also because im actually saying names is like... im super paranoid that people will be like "oh he's overplaying let's get him out." and just vote me out ughhh. Outcast Island is there though and if I did get voted out, Katie is there and I trust Katie to work with me so IDK, but I don't want to be out. Hopefully strategy will pick up steam tomorrow, and alliances etc will be formed and I can get in a good, longlasting position.

So we won the immunity challenge and I am ecstatic! We don't have to go to tribal and that's amazing. But that doesn't mean that the game stops. We got to go to reward where I and Stephen found absolutely nothing! I started bonding more with Johnny who is a very intimidating player. I'd love to work with him but I'm hesitant that If I do I'll get played. Apparently he has done his research on our tribe members and has his own assessments of each of us. To him I'm naive and doesn't know much but boy is he wrong! I may be new but I've got plenty of game to play, votes to survive, challenges to win, and strategy to form. /// Also JD thinks I'm "social". I dont know what that means but it frightens me! Does that make me a threat? does that make me an ally? Am I gonna go home for being "social"? Who knows? But at this point I'm gonna try and lay low. Until next round? (PS: I have yet to be put in an alliance chat >.>)

JD and I set up and alliance with Jordan. And we're planning to do something with Johnny and Stephen, maybe Tim as well so we'll have majority. But we'll see how this all works out. Thankfully, we won though so we don't have to worry about a vote. 

i went to outcast island for fun but these two really suck

fun suck

What up nerds. This game is lit, im a cute alliance, im putting in minimum effort getting maximum reward right now. I will start doing things later but for now.... nah

I lowkey feel that I don't connect with anyone. There's no like Eddie or something. It's just talking because we have to. We won and that's good because we took all of those advantages and such in the previous challenge. I feel that Kaci might have gone but I like her way more than LA and JD right now. However, they stepped up and I don't think they would leave tbh. Whatever

Listen! If you want confessionals you should never have casted JP and you should have cases Emily... Just saying O.O

So right now, it seems like it could be an unanimous vote for Adrian since he didn't really participate in the immunity challenge. And i'm like, really? It wouldn't have change anything. I don't think an unanimous vote is the best thing for my game right now. It would just narrow down the number without me really knowing where people's head at. I'm gonna try to make this a little more complicated for people. I'm taking risks but i'm not here to be a sheep following orders.

Hey everyone! It’s me again. Here with another confessional. Ok so like. There’s too many people on this tribe tbh. I would give my opinion on all of them but I wouldn’t be able to remember all of their names. But anyways. We lost the challenge because the other tribe took more advantages than us in the last challenge so that sucks. But it seems to look like Adrian is going. It’s too bad that he had personal stuff, but he still hasn’t really talked to anyone. There would’ve been a chance of someone else going if there wasn’t the outcast island. No one wants to cut throats cuz it could come back to bite them in the ass. I just. Gotta lay low and stay there for awhile. I’ve got some good connections on this tribe and that’s enough. I’m chill with willow, Antoine, Charlotte, Carson. Probably more. But I can’t remember them. O wait pocket too. Anyways. Until next time fellow followers!! 

So apparently I'm the name on the chopping block for tonight's Nukuleka tribe. Which is fine, but like half of these people have not interacted with me at all and they want to say that I'm a weak link? Hello, we have fucking Chrissa who really can't do shit other than apply for games and be super shady... like look down the road. We lost because I couldn't take pictures, and that most of them kept a medium-sized advantage for them and gave us large disadvantages. Pathetic really. 

We lost the challenge bc of the advantages lmao but!!! I made an alliance with andrew jay Chrissa Carson and pocket oop jdjdjd and since Adrian abstained I think he’s gonna be the vote. If it’s me then oh well grrrr. I didn’t want to work with pocket bc his hair and beard scare me but both andrew and Carson mentioned him ugh. I also like bryan and Charlotte a lot and willow tbh so like.....yeah. There’s one person I’m missing? Oh the guy that sat out he can go. JD It I guess on a more game related post. I'm excited about the group that I wanna work with. I've touched based and talked with most of them... Or LA has.. we've talked to the people anyway. We only have a chat with JP because... Well it should have happened before anyway. But we'll see how she goes! I think that our group is going to end up having me, LA, JP, Stephen, Johnny, and Tim

Made an alliance with Owen, Jay, Carson, Chrissa, and Pocket. Tryna kill Adrian. That's the tea with Andrew G! Also I'm tryna lay low on this tribe while keeping up connections with everyone. Social queen uwu

I’m glad we won immunity. I don’t think I have the social standing to avoid the target. However, the reward was interesting. I hope no one found anything immediately. That would suck immensely. 

adrian's the vote and THANJK GOD. i like adrian, he's okay, but this is SUCH a much better move for me than Jay or Antoine going. adrian isnt reall with anyone, but Jay is with all his friends from pregame, and Antoine is with Pocket/Bryan/Andrew. so this means, i cut out someone who leaves me with 2 people who still trust me.

Also, Owen added me/Pocket/Andrew/Chrissa/Jay/him to an alliance and i'm so happy? my goal for this round was to get in an alliance, and I have close alliances with Pocket and Andrew, mini-duos with pretty much everyone minus Adrian, and now a bigger alliance to help me get through. Willow not being in the alliance is gross though! Hopefully this vote goes well even though I'm stressin a bit.

It should be Adrian going tonight rip 

So i heard today that Adrian was trying to target me. We had a talk the other day and i said i wouldnt vote him. But he shouldn't take me for a fool. Im voting him and so is my new alliance of Owen, Andrew, Chrissa, Carson, and Pocket. As well as Charlotte anf Bryan. Don't try me (:

Our tribe was SUCH A MESS during this challenge JDKDKD We pulled through tho and that’s what matters. Now it’s time to begin my witch hunt for who the fuck too the tickets

I thought I did this earlier but I guess not!! Maybe I forgot to submit but anyways this round is easy we have no tribal