#do you think some of brian's anger over the “betrayal” was to make it easier to not miss tim?

[creative-clawmarks]

All You Have Had

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COMMISSIONS

[izzy-b-hands]

To Clear The Mind

Smut to heal the frustrated mind? This fic and I say yes. In other words, it's just that. Fucking and a smattering of feelings and domesticity with Jim and Freddie. 

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“I thought I asked you to just fuck me,” Freddie muttered. 

He was sat in Jim’s lap, grinding down, cock rubbing against Jim’s stomach with every move. His head dropped against Jim’s shoulder, eyes closed. 

“You did, but something is obviously bothering you-” 

“And I said I didn’t feel I could talk about it right now because I can’t seem to put it into words,” Freddie interrupted as he lifted his head up. “I don’t want to think, or try to parse it out. I just want to fuck, and let my head be empty, very simple.” 

“I understand that,” Jim sighed. “But this isn’t exactly helping, is it?” 

“And how do you know it isn’t?” 

“Because,” Jim murmured against his ear, a hand moving to stroke at Freddie’s cock. “You would have come by now otherwise. We’re in one of your favorite positions, and you practically knocked me over when I got home you were so eager for this. Any other time, we’d be done and cuddling, but you’re stuck right now because you won’t just talk about whatever’s up your ass.” 

“I could say a lot about what’s up my ass,” Freddie giggled. 

“You know I meant that metaphorically,” Jim smiled against his lips. “Really though...talk.” 

“I don’t know how to say it,” Freddie grumbled, almost a growl. “I thought my head would be clear enough for it after this.” 

“Try,” Jim said. “Doesn’t even have to make sense. I’ll listen regardless, you know that.” 

“It should probably make some sense if I’m going to feel any better about it,” Freddie sighed. 

“That’s a start,” Jim nodded. 

“Fine,” Freddie snapped, but there was no real anger behind it. “It’s...everything. I get home and I feel useless, nothing I write here comes easily as it should, and then none of it seems to stick once I get it into the studio, not for a solo project or for Queen.” 

“Do the lads actually say it won’t work for them?” 

“Not exactly, but you know how I know them,” Freddie replied, gasping at the sensation of Jim’s thumb at the head of his cock. “They’ve all got tells, can’t play poker for the life of them…” 

“Tell me,” Jim prompted. 

“Roger didn’t say anything,” Freddie sighed. “And if he says nothing, it means he doesn’t just not like it, he doesn’t think it’s worth even fucking around with. He’d bitch about it if he just didn’t like it, and then we’d mess about with it and make it into something he did like.” 

“And Brian?” 

Freddie shook his head. “Did that wishy washy bullshit. ‘Oh maybe it could work, eh, let’s see about it.’ But then when I’d try to start something on it, he’d change the topic.” 

“John?” 

“Can we flip over?” Freddie asked. “My fucking knees are killing me.” 

Jim kissed him softly and slipped out of him before they moved; Freddie flipping over onto his back, adjusting the pillows behind his neck as Jim slipped back inside slowly. 

“Deaky just...sat there. He didn’t even give me some snappy, cocky comment,” Freddie muttered. “Just seemed like he was bored. But he seems like that a lot, lately.” 

“Have you talked to him about it?” 

“You’re so goddamn sensible,” Freddie grumbled, but he smiled. “I fucking hate that you’re right about that. I will, at some point, talk to him-” 

Jim interrupted him with a deep kiss and thrust that made him shudder happily. 

“You expect me to keep talking with you doing this?” Freddie asked. “Not possible.” 

“That’s a lie,” Jim said sweetly. “Keep talking.” 

“I don’t know what else to say,” Freddie murmured. “That’s really it, I guess. Just...work frustrations? Fuck me, that was it? I spent today feeling so upset-” 

Jim smiled and interrupted him with another kiss. “I don’t know that it was all that. A mix of that and creative frustration overall?” 

Freddie nodded and sighed. “I love you, you know that?” 

“I’ve got an inkling,” Jim replied. “Mind feeling clearer?” 

“Make me come and I think I’ll be able to say yes,” Freddie said. “Not that I’m not close, god you’re good. Have I told you how good you are lately, how wonderful? Let me-” 

Jim laughed and kissed him again; there was no getting enough of each other at that moment. 

It was softer, warmer, easier then. Freddie’s legs wrapped around Jim to keep him close, and a moment later he was there, come spilling onto his stomach, head tossed back into the pillows. His neck was left for Jim to press kisses to, gasping into Freddie’s shoulder as he came a few moments after. 

Jim slid out and they readjusted and it was too much to do more than be close, hands trailing over skin, kissing and settling into the bed. 

“I do have to get up and deal with-” Jim gestured to the condom. “I’ll be right back.” 

Freddie whined as he moved away, and sighed happily as soon as he was back. “I’m supposed to go back to the studio tonight.” 

“Do you want to?” 

“Yes. And no,” Freddie muttered. 

“Why not do both then?” Jim asked, pulling Freddie close, letting him rest his head against his chest. “Go in, but later. Let the rest of them get there first, and I’ll call and tell them I need your help with something here. They can’t be mad if it’s me keeping you.” 

“I’d be shocked if they were,” Freddie said. “...Do you actually need my help with something, or…” 

“This,” Jim smiled. “I need you to stay here in bed with me until you feel ready to go out to the studio. I simply can’t do without your help on this.” 

“And I don’t think I could do without yours,” Freddie nuzzled against him and settled in even more. “You’ll call them?” 

“I’ll call them. You sleep, rest, whatever you want to do. Just so long as you stay here with me.” 

His hand rubbed at Freddie’s back, waiting for the sound of slow, relaxed breathing. Once Freddie was asleep, he’d call and let the lads know that Freddie was held up. That way Freddie wouldn’t have to feel guilty hearing Jim give him a clearly much-needed out. 

He didn’t need Freddie to say it; he knew that he saw it as a sort of betrayal. Of his responsibility and love to the band, to his own work in the band. And he also didn’t need Freddie to say that it was a passing pain, a flitting frustration that would flow away within the next day or two, and things would feel okay again. 

But for tonight, it was present and real, and Freddie more than deserved the kindness of a break, even if only by an hour or two.

[rogah-wrote-gaga]

the other one

chapter 2: no, he’s not as he seems...

previous chapter - next chapter

pairing: roger taylor x reader, brian may x reader

wordcount: ~1k

summary: You’d only been following them because of Tim, you told yourself. It had nothing to do with a sexy blonde and a lovely astrophysicist, so why were you sticking with them, and not him? You knew full well that Tim had made his own decision when he left Smile, cutting off his relationship with you and the boys.

What you didn’t know how far it would take you.

chapter summary:   You hadn’t eaten since the day before yesterday, it was 5 in the morning, and you were starving. The fridge had nothing worth eating inside of it, unless you were a fan of old ham. A key turned in the lock, making you jump “Roger! You scared me to deat-” You froze. The tall man standing in front of you, staring at you with a look of shock, was most definitely not Roger. “Brian?”. OR Brian is shocked when he hears of Roger’s night with reader.

warnings: none really, mentions of sex/ mild innuendo (smutty chapter coming soon) mild angst?

a/n: i’m gonna change my theme soon so this is easier to read.... sorry ‘bout that! if you’d prefer, the link to this chapter on ao3 is here.

taglist: @jennyggggrrr​ @can-i-hear-a-waho0​ please let me know if you would like to be added!

The clock on the bedside table next to you read 4:12am.  A handwritten note lay beside it. Yawning, you leant over to grab the note, squinting in the early morning light to decipher the elegant scrawl. 

 Dear y/n,

 I have an early morning class. Made you tea- might be cold now. I’ll be back at 9. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. My keys are on the table if you want to go anywhere, decided to walk today. Don’t hesitate to make yourself feel at home. I’ve left some clothes on the chair for you, not much choice though, sorry!

Love, Rog. xo

You smiled as you finished reading the message, then heaved yourself out of bed. You were still in your clothes from the night before last, and you really needed a shower. Wandering around through the corridors, you found the bathroom, and stripped off your clothes. You stepped into the shower and let the hot water wash over you as you thought over everything that had happened last night. 

A small spark lit up in you everytime you thought of Roger and his sweet little note; soft, warm, faint, but definitely there. 

Stop it, you muttered to yourself. He’s just playing with your feelings. Now is NOT the time to be harbouring a fluttery crush on someone you just met. Sighing, you got out of the shower and wrapped yourself in a towel, carefully making your way back to the bedroom. You wrinkled your nose at the choice of clothes lying on the chair: Roger had clearly tried his best, but all you could see were old lady’s gowns that probably belonged to his mum.

 Instead, you walked over to the wardrobe, pulled on one of his boxers and your bra, and settled for a plain white shirt and some shorts. Once dressed, you sat back down on the bed, rereading the note, and wondering what to do while you waited for Roger to come home. Driving back to yours was out; he probably needed his car and he didn’t know where you lived. You could always leave him your telephone number, but to tell the truth, you wanted to see him again as soon as possible. It was lucky that you had no classes that weekend.

You hadn’t eaten since the day before yesterday, it was 5 in the morning, and you were starving. The fridge had nothing worth eating inside of it, unless you were a fan of old ham. A key turned in the lock, making you jump.

“Roger! You scared me to deat-” You froze. The tall man standing in front of you, staring at you with a look of shock, was most definitely not Roger. “Brian?”

“Who are you?”

You rubbed the back of your neck, grimacing. “I’m, uh, Tim’s friend? We’ve already... met? Roger, well, he took me home… two nights ago?”

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, eyes still darting around the room frantically. “Course, Tim’s left, and I’m going nuts trying to find a new singer, and Roger misses practice again for another goddamn girl?!”

 “Another girl?”

He shifted his gaze up to meet your eyes. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t aimed at you. y/n, was it? I remember you now, the small one always hanging around with Tim. Bastard.” He spat out the name with a glare in his eyes you’d never expect to see based on his gentle demeanor. You took a step back, lost for words. Tim was highly passionate about his music, and you’d never known him to spontaneously back out of things. 

But besides that, there was that dreaded word. Another. The horrid implication that you weren’t Roger’s only girl, that he was lying to you all along

“I’m sorry, Brian, I didn’t know,” you managed to stutter. He sighed.

“S’all right, not your fault. C’mon, I’ll drive you home. Roger’s not gonna be back till late, probably off to shag another one of his classmates.” He glanced back at you with the ghost of a smile etched upon his face, probably expecting you to laugh along with him.

“He told me he was a virgin.”

“What?”

“He said, he was a virgin, he’d never had sex, because he was too scared.” 

"What?!" He uttered, more forcefully than before. "He never stops bragging about his sex life. And he told you… he told you he was a…" spluttered Brian. 

"Well, maybe he's been lying to you lot, so he wouldn't look stupid," you replied, trying to convince yourself as much as you were trying to convince him. “He sounded pretty sincere.”

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you. You’ve seen the amount of girls hanging off his arm, and he hooks up with at least half of them! I know it’s probably not what you want to hear right now, but you gotta get over it. C’mon, I did say I’d drive you home.”

With a sigh, you followed him out the door, only stopping to grab your dirty clothes and assorted possessions. 

The drive home was relatively quiet: Brian could tell that you weren’t really in the mood for a chat. You were sitting beside him as he focused on the road, music blasting from the radio. Thoughts were running through your head at record speeds; anger, betrayal confusion. Initially, you had been angry that Roger had lied to you, especially since he had gotten your hopes up by not acting like a bastard. But you were growing more and more confused. Why would he lie about being a virgin? Surely, to impress you, he’d say he wasn't a virgin? 

You instinctively wanted to believe Brian. There was something about him that made you think you could trust him with your life.

You also wanted to believe Roger. But until he could get home and give you a proper explanation, there wasn’t much you could do. So you bathed in the awkward silence, trying instead to think about how much work you had to catch up on.

[lawofavgs]

The Sacrifices We Make - Chapter 4

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 

Chapter 3

The next morning, I spent an unreasonable amount of time in my room. Everything I could think of to delay going downstairs, I did at a snail’s pace. I made the bed, with corners that would impress any drill sergeant. I dressed myself with the care of someone who had never worn the traditional 18th century garments. I finger-combed my hair, stroke after stroke, until I could no longer find a tangle. Eventually, I had to face the terrifying concept of going downstairs for breakfast – and the potential conflict awaiting me. I just had to keep telling myself the result of what I had done was worth the cost.

I crept into the kitchen, heart beating rapidly as I looked around for signs of danger. A couple of servants bustled in and out – less than I was used to seeing around Lallybroch. A sigh of relief bubbled out of me as I saw a pot of porridge still simmering. Scoping myself a portion, I turned to scurry back to my room and let out a yelp, nearly dropping my bowl in the process.

“Murtagh!”

The man in question raised two bushy eyebrows in surprise before looking at me speculatively. He took in my appearance and I tried not to shrink under his appraisal.

“Aye, and ye’re the Sassenach witch Brian’s been havering about for years,” he spoke plainly, and I expected no different. It was certainly better than the first first impression we had – him playing rescuer then kidnapper all in the span of 2 minutes. Though I was looked upon as a witch, I felt secure in the knowledge that no one at Lallybroch would have me burnt at the stake.

Save perhaps one inexplicably angry red head.

“Well, not exactly a witch, but yes. The Prophesizing Sassenach. I should take my act on the road. Though, I refuse to sing this time.”

Murtagh looked at me as though I was a loon, and I could tell he was already itching to make a hasty retreat from the kitchen. “I dinna ken what you are, truly. All that matters is that ye’ll bring no harm to the people here.”

“Never. You have my word. I just want to see everyone at Lallybroch safe,” I promised. After searching my face for honestly, he nodded once, appeased by what he saw. Without another word, he grabbed a bannock and marched out of the kitchen.

Right past a glowering Jamie.

I couldn’t understand it. What had I done to enrage him so? Not once in all the time I had known him had he once shown this kind of derision for me. Even before we were married, traveling with the rent party, it was more like gentle impatience when I refused to open up to him or accept the Highland way of life.

Hell, even in France when I tried to stop him from duelling with Randall, his rage was reserved for Black Jack. I only received his hurt and betrayal.

“You may have my father fooled, but I’m no’ so easily swayed by mysterious words and a sweet smile,” he warned before disappearing after his godfather. I was left speechless. Did saving his father and sparing him from Randall really change him that much? I couldn’t see a trace of the sweet Jamie I had known for three years.

One thing hadn’t changed though. Jamie was still a man who would defend his family against any perceived threat, and to him, that’s what I was.

Shoulders slumped, I tried once more to escape to the sanctuary that was my room. Fate seemed to be against me, however, as I saw Jenny darning socks in the sitting room.

“Dinna fash yerself over my brother. He has his own matters to deal with,” she informed me with a smile as she continued her work.

“Yes, I gathered that. He was never so....”

“Angry as a stung horse and stubborn as an ox?” Jenny finished for me. I couldn’t help the wry laugh that escaped me.

“The stubbornness I expected. That is a Fraser trait, after all.” At this she smirked and offered no argument. “The anger, however, that one is new. I thought with the information I gave your father and the moments he averted, Jamie would have had an easier life.”

“Well, I dinna ken exactly how things were supposed to go originally – Da was always vague about the details – but life has no’ exactly been easy for Jamie since that prophecy of yers. I get his frustrations. Father would barely let me cross the doorway without an escort, and always sent me to the priest hole when there were sightings of Redcoats. But for Jamie, it was worse. The lad fostered at Leoch and studied at a university in France. He was ready to be a man upon returning to Lallybroch but was instead treated as if he were a boy. Hiding from the English and never going to Broch Mordha without Father or Murtagh. He thought he would be marrit with bairns by now, preparing to be Laird.”

I started at both revelations: that Jamie had led such a sheltered life these past 6 years, and that he was still unmarried despite his status (and many other positive traits).

“I didn’t…I didn’t realize your father would go to those extremes. I thought he would just prevent the one incident I told him about, prepare for the failed uprising, and then life would go on as normal,” I stuttered, setting my now-cold porridge on a table and dropping onto the settee.

“Oh aye, it was like father changed overnight. We could see the difference in him after he brought you back to the fairy hill, but after whatever happened or didn’t happen that October, he became paranoid. His father always had an interest in the supernatural, but Da held no stock in seers or fairies or the like. It was bad enough that people called him a selkie. Once he believed what you told him to be true, it was like he feared fate would come to rebalance the scales.”

“Do you believe me? That I’m from the future?” My voice came out small, and I was surprised at how badly I needed her to say yes.

She regarded me for a moment, weighed the thoughts in her mind and took measurement of them. Finally she said, “I do, aye. I dinna ken what you are exactly, or how it works, but I ken you had knowledge of events that would come to pass and you shared that information with my father. Was it really because you wanted to help? You had no ulterior motives?”

“I swear to you,” I breathed out, “I only meant to save your family from pain.”

Jenny graced me with that typical Fraser nod of acquiescent, confident in her assessment of me, before she returned to the task in her hands. As I rose to leave, I heard her add, “Be patient with Jamie. He’s thick-heided but he’s kind. Once he figures out for himself that you mean no ill will, he’ll no’ treat you so rudely.”

I certainly hoped she was right.

After half-heartedly prodding at the congealed porridge I had brought up to my room, I managed to finish every last bite – the thought of the upcoming famine never far from my mind – and meandered out to the courtyard. The promise of summer was slowly starting to fill the air, and I considered asking Brian if I could tend to some of the gardens. If I were to take up the post of healer for Lallybroch and Broch Mordha, I would need to build up supplies and....

“What are you doing poking about?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin upon hearing Jamie’s near-accusing question. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ! Must you sneak up on people like that?”

Despite his stormy demeanor, he managed a smirk – bloody bastard was pleased with himself. “Aye, weel, if you arena doing anything wrong, you wouldna be so quick to startle.”

“I’ll have you know I was just taking stock of what the gardens need,” I informed him as I crossed my arms defensively. “There are plenty of wild herbs growing on the property that can be transferred and tended to here.”

“Ye ken what grows on the property, do ye?”

I sighed, still coming to terms with his attitude paired with such a familiar voice and face. It was a constant battle to remind myself that this wasn’t my Jamie. This Jamie cast a suspicious eye on me, wary of my intent and annoyed at the shadow I left over his transition into adulthood. I knew he blamed me for the change in his father’s personality, and despite the reason for it, it was hard for him to gain perspective.

It would be easy to think him ungrateful, given the changes made and the trials and tribulations avoided, but to him those events would simply be abstract concepts. How could one wrap their mind around terrible things that would never come to pass? The only thing Jamie knew was the sudden lack of freedom and a superstitious father. Besides, according to Jenny, Brian never went into detail about the horrors that would befall their family.

Still, it was difficult to be at odds with Jamie, any version of Jamie. I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t flutter when Jenny mentioned he was unmarried. Visions quickly flashed through my mind, of the two of us together and happy and whole, with our child on the way.

But how could that dream ever be reality when Jamie held such a disdain for me? And how do you tell a man that even though you’ve never made love, you’re carrying his child? It was a concept I could barely straighten out in my mind, and I was living it. I started to wonder if coming back to Lallybroch, if staying here, was the right choice. Once again, I had to remind myself that this wasn’t about me; every decision I made would have to be for the baby. In the end, I knew that no matter where our paths led – together or separate – I needed to end this battle.

“All right, that’s it. You and I are going to discuss this like adults. No more sneering or snide remarks. I’m sure you have a lot of questions and I’m willing to answer them,” I informed him, squaring my shoulders and preparing for conflict.

Jamie had the good sense to look at least a little chastised but shook his head. “I’ll no’ get into a stramash wi’ you in the dooryard of my home.”

“Then where would you like to go? The barn? The mill wheel? The other side of the broch?” I could hear the snippiness in my tone but I couldn’t help it. Even if Jamie was acting out over something he didn’t understand, he was still being an arse.

Surprisingly, Jamie turned with a huff and nodded towards the barn. Maybe I had expected him to refuse my suggestion of a tête-à-tête and continue on stubbornly with his bitter behaviour. It was hard to predict his thoughts and his future choices the way I once used to. Where once stood a man forced to grow up quickly, now was a lad whose protected life may have bred an immaturity I never saw in him.

When we stepped inside the barn, I held my arms out in a gesture of invitation for his interrogation. “Whatever you want to know; ask. I will try to answer as best and as honestly as I can. Someone once told me about having room for secrets but not for lies. You have my word that everything I tell you will be the truth, but I reserve the right to hold onto some secrets of my life.”

Jamie sized me up, taking pause to formulate a line of questioning – or perhaps a plan of attack. Steeling himself in a gesture I had seen before, he started, “Are you a witch?”

Suddenly I was seated under a giant tree that blocked out the sun, my dress torn and my back stinging from being strapped. Instead of a suspicious tone, I heard one of concern. I saw blue eyes that pleaded for truth, regardless of what that truth might be. I saw a man who was not looking to condemn me, but protect me.

“I’m not a witch,” I answered, the same way as the first time. “In truth, I don’t know what I am. You’ve heard of “The Woman of Balnain”? That seems like the closest explanation, though not entirely the same. The only thing I do know is when I touch the stones atop Craigh Na Dun, I travel through time. I don’t know the rhyme or reason behind when I end up. I’ve also met one other woman with the…ability.”

Geillis Duncan. Would she have met the same fate in this altered timeline? I couldn’t think of a reason why it would have been avoided. The only difference would be her going through the trial alone.

“What purpose did you have, coming here and warning my father of dark days?” he asked as he lowered himself onto a rickety old stool. Even seated, he was an imposing figure. I pondered his question, piecing out how to answer truthfully without revealing facts about the life we would have led together without my interference.

“At first, I didn’t know what year I was in. With no family to go to, I figured here would be the safest. I knew the people to be kind and trustworthy. When I met your father, I decided to warn him.” As I explained my rationale, I wondered if that was the reason I ended up in 1740. My mind and my heart had been so focused on saving Brian – wee Brian, not yet born, perhaps the stones saw fit to send me to a time where I could save his namesake instead. “How much did your father tell you about my warning?”

“I thought I was the one asking questions,” Jamie remarked with a half-smile. I must have been so starved for positive affection from him, because that small joke paired with the slight upturn of his lips had me glowing. I watched Jamie’s brow furrow as he recalled Brian’s words from years past. “All he said was a White Lady had warned him of life-altering events caused by the British army, and that the scenario you spoke to him about came to pass. He never said what was to happen, or what proof he had that you were anything but a loon. All I ken was how fearful he became every time he heard tell of Redcoats near our lands. I believe if he could have locked Jenny and I up in a tower, he would have.”

Given what Jenny told me, I knew Brian had withheld what I told him, but I didn’t realize to what extent. I was curious as to why he chose not to tell his children, even if it meant bearing their resentment or confusion. And though it may not have been my place, I truly felt Jamie deserved to know the full story. And so I told him, in general statements that were still more detailed than the information he had, about what had been prevented. I watched the colour drain from his face as I went on, confirming to him why Brian had developed such an aversion to the English.

“Please don’t be angry with your father. I’m sure he had his reasons for not telling you the whole story.”

Jamie’s gaze remained fixed on a far wall – the thousand yard stare I had seen from him many times before. I could tell his mind was working hard, turning over what I had said and moments from the past six years that were taking on a new meaning to him. Finally he looked at me, seeing right to my very soul, before standing and walking past me towards the door.

Before he could cross the threshold, he stopped and turned back to me. “I still don’t understand this, but if what you say is the truth, then I thank ye. Not just for me, but for my family and our tenants. For saving my father’s life. And…I’m sorry. I blamed you for things that werena yer doing, painted ye in a false light, and I treated ye poorly.”

With a stately bow, Jamie took his leave. It was all I could do to remain on my feet and get my emotions under control enough to head back to the house.