#do you think she remembers crucabena's harsh and punishing hands?
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thinking about esfir.....
#— sidus gelida.#do you think she remembers crucabena's harsh and punishing hands?#do you think she remembers how their heart sank the day they realized that she wasn't going to tolerate their nonsense insolence anymore?#do you think she recalls learning the hard way that she could not disobey dottore the same way she did crucabena +#+ because his punishments were so so *so* much worse than hers ever were?#do you think esfir recalls crucabena sauntering into dottore's lab and looking at them with all the false pity in the world?#do you think they recall the previous knave's cold fingers caressing her cheek with something sinisterly satisfied dancing in her eyes +#+ when esfir was too tired from the god remains experiments to even say something nasty back to her? when she was too helpless +#+ to do anything to wipe that look off of “mother's” face?#do you think esfir remembers crucabena's cruelty.#do you think that even if dottore's *punishments* were worse... esfir still feels like crucabena was more *cruel overall?*#DO YOU THINK THAT ESFIR GETS SCARED WHEN BAIZHU TOUCHES HER FACE WHEN SHE'S ILL AND TOO WEAK TO PULL AWAY.#DO YOU THINK ESFIR DARES NOT LOOK AT HIS FACE FEARING THAT THEY WILL SEE CRUELTY.#DO YOU THINK THAT ESFIR CRIES WHEN SHE DOES LOOK AT HIM AS SHE REALIZES THAT HIS FACE IS GENTLE.#DO YOU THINK SHE SOBS INTO HIS PALM TOO OVERCOME WITH FEVERISH DELIRIUM AND TRAUMA TO EVEN HAVE A CHANCE AT STOPPING IT.
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