#do you ever think of the tragedy that is Gilear's life?

[adaines-furious-feast]

They say a parent should never have to bury a child. It’s one of the saddest things that can happen. 

As an elf, death was never something you ever really thought about. You will live for hundreds, thousands of years. It’s a length of time almost impossible to imagine. The difference between your lifespan and forever is really not that distinguishable on a day-to-day basis. Sure, accidents can happen. They have an unusual frequency in your family. But it’s just coincidence, not something to worry about. 

There is this stigma that elves are… sad. Perhaps melancholic is the correct word. If you think about it too much, it makes sense. You worked with other races, with humans, with half-elves. With people who will only be alive for such a small fraction of your lifetime. To build a relationship with a non-elf is to know that, someday, it will end. This is inevitable. 

There are some elves who live their whole lives in fear of that inevitable end. The joy that can be experienced in those 50, 60, 70 years with a human is not worth the grief you will hold for the rest of your life. Others find themselves mourning that death long before their non-elf loved one ever dies. 

You never intentionally steered clear of forming relationships with non-elves. It just so happened that the woman who completely swept you off your feet was an elf. And boy, did she sweep you. You had plans, a structure, work that meant something. You were doing something you could picture yourself spending effectively eternity doing. But she came along and in even the short time you originally planned to spend together, the thought of not being with her was just unbearable.

(Maybe you understood even then the sadness felt by those elves with their non-immortal loved ones)

So you go off with her, change your entire life because making her happy makes you happy. 

And you have a child. A beautiful baby girl.

She looks so much like her mother.

You’re going to have almost forever with her. And on dark days, days where you struggle to see the colours that make up the world, she gives you hope. Once, you thought there was nobody you’d want to spend time with more than your wife, but this girl… she is so full of life. She has an impossible spirit and determination. She is music, and art, and everything good in the world. Any doubts you’ve ever had about what your life will be like in a hundred, two hundred, five hundred years time, whether it will still be worth living, are gone the moment you look at her. Because you don’t know what the future will be like but she’ll be there so it can’t be that bad.

You never thought about having to bury her. Why would you? She’s an elf. She’ll live for thousands of years. Just like you. Just like her mother.

But then… 

Horns. 

Then the woman who swept you off your feet and changed your entire life confesses she had an affair. It was a silly, brief mistake. She wanted some excitement. The stability you provided wasn’t what she felt she deserved. She screwed up. 

And your daughter isn’t your daughter. She is. She’s not your blood. She’s not… 

It doesn’t hit you straight away. There are so many feelings. The hurt, betrayal, anger. Blaming yourself, blaming your (now ex-) wife. Blaming the other man. The other man. The other man who is not an elf.

And eventually, it does dawn on you. Even as your daughter accepts you back into her life, even as she tries to spend an alarming amount of time with you, you know this is only temporary. You’ve heard other elves call the life of a half-elf a blink of an eye. Is it really that? Her father, her biological father, isn’t mortal. So maybe… 

It doesn’t matter how long your daughter lives, because it will be nothing compared to your life span, stretching on to near eternity. And in five hundred years, she will be gone. And you… will you want to be here?

But cheer up. You can’t mourn her before she’s gone. You just have to make the most of the time you have, even if it’s serving her tatter-tots in the school cafeteria.