#do we really wanna tell disabled children that they should hide their disability for the sake of love?

[gabriel-xander]

Don't Forget

[Sans x Female!Reader]

4: Reading the Instructions on the Back of My Ramen Noodles Package: "Oh, Lore?"

♪───✿⁠(⁠✧◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕✧⁠)✿⁠────♪

You and Toriel came to an immediate and silent agreement: do not leave the house alone.

She isn’t trying to keep you imprisoned, nor are you such a pussy that you’re too scared to be alone. You’re actually pretty strong since one, you thought it would be funny. Two, you used to have to carry someone your age a lot when you were seventeen, so you (had to) build some muscles to be able to do it regularly. After that, you thought it’d be good to maintain that strength.

[Your build is actually deceiving to your physical strength, though. / Most people can probably guess you’re strong from your stature.] Either way, you don’t use that strength for malice since you don’t enjoy hurting others, and one day you’ll be officially taking the Hippocratic Oath. You might as well start living by it now to the best of your abilities.

It’s already the next day since you’ve arrived in the Underground, and there have been no signs of Flowey. You’re sure Toriel must be able to at least sense him, but not even she can say if he’s watching from afar or not.

Toriel is taking it upon herself to show you around the Ruins, taking you back to the beginning.

You picked up the toy knife before getting busy. You explained to Toriel that you won't use it, but you just liked to collect things. It's not really a lie, so you didn't feel bad about hiding your true intentions.

Anyway, Toriel watches you do the puzzles on your own, surprised to see how easily you’re able to do them fairly quickly.

“Not to give myself a congratulatory slap on the a–ahh–on the back,” You quickly correct yourself since there are monsters in the room, “But I was in high honors and AP classes at University. I got a big brain in this noggin’ of mine.”

You only corrected your language to keep up the appearance that you’re a kid. It’s not ideal, but you’re not trying to blow your cover.

──

“I would… advise that you continue to wear this out should we leave the house,” Toriel had told you as she gave back your washed, striped dress, “I don’t want to tell you how you should act or talk, but it might be a little safer this way. If somehow, you encounter a fight, monsters may not attack you as hard if they believe you to be a child. You understand, do you not?”

You pouted, taking the dress, “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right. Uh, I would like to apologize in advance if I swear on accident, though. I can’t help it.”

“Oh, please. It’s not as if though children don’t have a potty mouth as well.”

──

Yeah, certainly not ideal. But you know she’s right so there’s no use in arguing with it. You and the goat mom leave the rotating rooms that aren’t actually rotating. The next room you enter is the one with the six patches on the floor, with the right switch in one of them. However, since the spikes on the ground have already been disabled, you don’t have to worry about these puzzles.

“Speaking of,” Toriel continues, walking by your side, “What was your life on the surface, my child?”

Oh, boy.

“Uh, it’s not very interesting. I’m in University to become a doctor–more accurately, I wanna get into med school to become a surgeon.”

“A surgeon? You mean those doctors that cut into bodies?”

You laugh, “Well, that’s one way of putting it for sure. More accurately, we treat injuries, diseases, and irregularities by physical removal, repair, or readjustment of organs and tissues, and that often means cutting into the body.”

“Oh, I understand more now. Is that not extremely dangerous?”

“It’s risky, for sure. I mean, unlike monsters, our bodies can handle that kind of stress of being cut open and healing after a while. But we’re still cutting into people, no matter what, there’s always some kind of percentage that something might go unplanned.”

You say “we” and “us”, but you’ve never cut anyone open. You legally can’t anyway until you get into the proper practices and have a superior watching you. You don’t know the first thing about cutting into someone either. You understand how to on paper, but that’s vastly different than actually doing it. If you so much as tried with your current knowledge, you might seriously hurt someone.

You shrug your shoulders with a smile, “It’s scary, you know, but it gives us a fighting chance rather than just not doing anything at all.”

“That’s quite admirable, [Y/n]. You should be proud of yourself!” Toriel beams, “What else was your life like?”

You wave at the three Froggits in the room you two pass through, pleased that they’re waving back. It might be from fear since they’re intimidated by Toriel, but you’d like to think it’s because they like the cut of your jib.

“I think in comparison to most people, it was pretty… wacky. My family is okay, I’m not close to my mom, but my dad is one of my best friends. I have two younger siblings, too.”

“What are your siblings names?”

“Noah is seventeen, and he tries to be a protective brother over me. But uh, he’s kind of a weenie. He means well, his heart is just really gentle. As for Alejandro, he’s fifteen. He’s really quiet and shy, but he’s got a stronger resolve than Noah. They make a pretty good team whenever I bring a date over when I used to live with them,” You roll your eyes, though you have a contradicting smile on your face, “I love them to bits.”

You don’t bring up the fact that you’re all adopted children, since that information is unnecessary. Not only that but your mom and dad would always scream “LA-LA-LA-LA-LA” whenever you or your siblings call each other adopted. You think it’s sweet they always reprime you and your brothers about it.

“You must miss them…” Toriel hums softly, a sad smile on her face.

You pass the Spider Bake Sale sign and start to go down the hall where Napstablook should be pretending to sleep.

“I do, but I miss them every day. I haven’t seen them in almost half a year because of school. I call them regularly, but we kind of have this understanding that I need to live my own life”

“Ah, I understand,” The boss monster nods, “Did you have any signi-”

“-Hey, wait a second.”

You put your arm in front of Toriel, stopping her from walking forward. She gives you a questioning look, looking over to the direction you’re pointing. It’s a ghost lying down on a pile of red leaves, effectively “blocking” the way. You could probably just walk through it and continue your day, but…

“Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z…”

“Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z…”

“Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z…”

The ghost, Napstablook, is pretending to sleep so well. He’s almost convinced you that he was napping if it weren’t for the fact that he is repeating the letter “Z” out loud repeatedly. Toriel doesn’t look impressed in the slightest, but you were greatly amused.

“This ghost is sleeping so peacefully,” You tell her in a hushed voice, “Let’s try walking around him.”

“…” She gives you the funniest side eye, “He’s clearly pretending to be asleep, [Y/n].”

“You don’t know that.”

“He’s saying “Z” out loud repeatedly.”

“It could be a ghost thing.”

You’re trying hard not to laugh at her expression. It’s like she knows you’re joking, but there’s that slight hesitation just in case you genuinely believe Napstablook is taking a siesta. Fortunately for you both, you don’t have to worry so much because Napstablook conveniently wakes up from his nap.

“i usually come to the ruins because there’s nobody around…” Napstablook opens his eyes, looking at you with a sheepishly little smile, “i’ll never forget that you had so much encouragement in my fake sleep…”

“Oh, I’m glad, then!” You smile patiently, offering him a thumbs up.

The shy ghost’s eyes flicker to Toriel, tensing up at her motherly glare.

“oh, i’m rambling again. i’ll get out of your way…”

“Wait, you–”

Napstablook doesn’t wait for you to finish. His body becomes more transparent than before until he’s gone. Oh… Well, that was disappointing. You sigh and gesture for Toriel to pass through first since the walkway is a little too narrow.

“It doesn’t seem like all the monsters are so bad,” You say offhand, “Maybe the ghost and I can be friends one day.”

“Mm… Perhaps, but…”

“I get it, I do. I’m still nervous around anyone who isn’t you right now. But you know, if we let our fear control our lives, we might miss out on a lot of great opportunities.”

Toriel laughs gently, “You are quite insightful, my child.”

“I might only be twenty-three, but I have my fair share of life experience,” You shrug, “Anyway, what were we talking about before we got interrupted?”

“Oh, yes. Did you have any significant others? Or do you currently have one?”

“HA!! As if anyone could handle my punk-ass. I’ve had a few partners before, but none that lasted for too long. I did have a first love, though.”

“Oh, dear. Did it not work out well?”

You reach the room with the mouse and the cheese. You smile softly as you two pass by the table. You hope the mouse can get the cheese one day.

“No, nothing like that. He had a skin condition that made him sensitive to the sunlight, and it made his immune system extremely fragile. He also had a brain tumor that was developing way too quickly to top it all off. We couldn’t afford his surgery no matter what we did, and he eventually passed away when we were seventeen.”

“Oh… [Y/n],” Toriel looks heartbroken on your behalf, “I am so sorry for your loss.”

Briefly, she wonders if that’s why you want to become a doctor. If he had inspired you to pursue this career for yourself… What was your original dream before that?

You shake your head, “No, it’s not–He’s not a painful memory, and I never feel bad talking about him. But… He is my first love, you know? There is some grief and that’s a type of love you never truly forget or get over, but it’s more like I’m missing an old friend. I’ve grown to be more grateful about him than bitter.”

“If you don’t mind, what was his name?”

You smile brightly, happy to be able to share him with another, “His name was Kōrenki.”

────

On the way, you DID remember to pick up the Faded Ribbon and pocket it. Toriel was worried when you purposely fell in each hole (to look for it), but you couldn't leave it behind in good conscience.

You love talking with Toriel, and you get the feeling she loves talking to you, too! You’ve mostly been talking about yourself since she is so insistent on knowing about you. You tried returning the gesture multiple times, but as soon as she answered, she would follow up with another question about yourself.

You kept out a lot of gruesome things, though. Like how you’ve been stabbed, like, eight times in the past. How you were a law-breaking kid before a Kōrenki had put you on a better path. You did NOT mention that you thought you could totally be a singer but gave up immediately because singing in front of people is too embarrassing.

Every time you tell people that, they tend to pressure you into singing so they can judge for themselves. Just as if you tell someone if you’re ticklish, they’ll try tickling you. Even if you say you aren’t ticklish, they’ll think you’re lying and tickle you anyway-

Short story long, you learned not to bring that up about yourself.

“Wow, we’ve been walking down this hallway forever,” You chuckle as you barely reach the end of it.

“This is the Hallway of Independence.”

“How ominous.”

“Fortunately, since you are older and I am also with you, there is no need to test your independence.” Toriel furrows her brows as you two near the end of the hall, “Now… as for this part…”

Ah, the spiked floor. Unlike in Undertale, you didn’t have to wait for the rooms to load to see what’s up ahead. Reaching the end of the hall, you’ve encountered the wooden platform that leads into the metal, spiked floor. You wish you could remember the pattern of the other room to do it alone, but the memory escapes you.

“This puzzle is… Hm,” Toriel holds her hand to you, “Here, take my hand for a moment. Stay behind me, won’t you?”

You take her soft hand, giving it a light squeeze, “Got it, teach.”

Toriel takes you closer to the platform, and with little to no hesitation, she takes a step forward onto the spikes on the outermost right side. Before the bottom of her foot comes in contact with the metal, it retracts into the floor immediately. You pay attention to where she’s stepping as you follow behind her; it feels really familiar to you, and you can predict where she might step next.

Huh.

Guess you subconsciously remembered more than you originally thought.

You and the monster sigh simultaneously once you’ve reached the other side, safely off the hazardous puzzle.

“Some puzzles might seem too dangerous for now,” Toriel frowns.

You release her hand and walk up to the sign that hung on the wall. The text is a little faded, but you can still read it without much trouble.

“The western room is the eastern room’s blueprints.” You hurry to the east room, grinning and weakly pointing at the carpet, “Ahh, that’s clever. How long did it take for you to memorize that?”

The Goat Mother of the Year™ simply huffs a small laugh, “Not too long. I happen to have a very good memory, especially for things that I know are very important.”

“Now, isn’t that convenient? If I had a great memory like that I wouldn’t have needed to study so much for my mid-terms.”

Now you two enter one of the mine rooms, the one with the Dummy. The Dummy looks like he’s seen better days, but is still they’re still up and kicking it. Good for them. Good for them. (Damn, these bitches gay. Good for them. Good for them.)

Toriel stops at the doorway, though. She must want you to practice FIGHTing and ACTing on the Dummy.

Here’s the thing though: You don’t fucking know how. Unlike the game, the FIGHT, ACT, ITEM, and MERCY buttons weren’t in front of you so conveniently. Sure, you can compliment a son of a bitch, but do you just… do you just say: “Alright, you’re Spared. Now give me three gold.”?? You’re not sure if that’s allowed.

Did calling Flowey a Beta Cuck count as an Action? Did telling him he was stupid count, too?

“As a human living in the Underground, monsters may attack you. As we are both aware of when it came to that strange flower monster.” Ruh roh, Toriel is giving her speech. Perhaps she did expect you to practice on the Dummy. “You need to be more prepared for this. However, the process is simple.”

You step up to the Dummy, “Really now?”

“While you are in a fight, strike up a friendly conversation! Stall for time, and I will come to resolve the conflict.”

You grimace, “And… what if you’re not where you can hear me? Or if I’m too far away?”

The other woman didn’t seem to like this possibility. Her face scrunches up as she looks away, “Well… I suppose… We should be careful should you ever want to step out of the house.”

“I’m not in a hurry to leave the Ruins, I actually like it here. But… You can’t come with me everywhere, Toriel.” You tell her, aware this might not be something she wants to hear. “This is where making friends with the other monsters would be good for me. Maybe they’d be less likely to fight me, or even want to help keep me safe.”

You continue with a smile, “Like that ghost fella we ran into. He didn’t seem like he was feeling up for a fight. Who knows? We might get along if we got to know each other.”

She looks away for a moment, “I… I suppose we will have to consider it. Especially since you don’t plan to leave the Ruins…”

“Oh… Does me… Should I leave the Ruins eventu-”

“-NO!” Toriel blushes (magically, you assume) and looks away to the far wall, “Ahem. No. I am–very grateful that you desire to stay, my child. More than you know.”

Oh, you know very well. And maybe it’s that reason that helps you accept that you can never leave this place.

“Still,” The goat mom, now in higher spirits at you confirming that you want to stay with her for a long time, walks to stand by with you, “I would like it if you would practice against the Dummy. Perhaps I can even teach you a few self-defense techniques. Ah–Not to seriously harm anyone, but perhaps something that can keep you safe enough.”

“Yeah, I’d love that, Toriel.”

[gaylactic-fire]

Thinking about the disability erasure and weird ableism in HTTYD 3 and getting violent.

[i-cant-sing]

Daniel and YN part 9 🌗🌗

“Sensei, I think we have a lead on Daniel and YN.” “Tell me more, Tomura.” Shigaraki’s spine tingles when his master speaks.

His father figure, his sensei. Desperate to please, he pulled up the file his rat in the police station grabbed. “Last week there was an incident at the cafe in the pink district. There were several vases destroyed from an unknown explosion. The windows were cracked from trembling so hard. Almost all the footage tapes were melted, melted in the camera holder. When examined, the broken materials were giving off radiation. Radiation so bad it left a cop in the hospital.” “Interesting… you said almost all the footage?” “Yes. My rat got me the only tape that survived. When I watched it, I think I saw them.” AFO tilted his head. It was progressing faster than planned, but of course he was prepared for that possibility. Daniel seemed to be more subject to his emotions than his sister. Over the years AFO did not see an improvement on his mental development. It seemed that he would need to intervene sooner than expected if he did not want to lose his child to a hero. “Sensei. There’s also news that All Might and his protege are investigating the incident.” Now that was a complication. All Might and his other child should not be allowed total influence over the two. It was time to enact a different plan. One that involved seeing his past wife. “Thank you Tomura. I want you to keep an eye out for them. They are not to be harmed. I have to make arrangements. When you find them make sure you keep a nullifier on hand. In case Daniel needs to be calmed down.” With that, AFO hung up and opened a portal to the Midoryia household. He hasn’t gone by Midoryia for a long time, but even so he did not expect a warm welcome from his past wife. And when she opened the door to him, the look of worry on her face confirmed his suspicions. “They’re not here. Izuku is out trying to find YN. You can’t lash out at him or All Might. They’re-” “I plan to find them first. Izuku is not capable of handling Daniel’s quirk if they upset him. And you underestimate YN. She is very adept at hiding and defense.” “How would you know?” “Because I keep a watchful eye on all my children.” “All your..?” “Four years before we conceived Izuku, I donated my DNA for a little… experiment. The mother had a minor quirk involving radiation. From that pregnancy cane Daniel. Four years later, months after we conceived Izuku, I had my DNA donated again. YN was born from that.” “They 're just experiments to you?” “At first, yes. I did not plan to get attached. But I did. And I have been attached since. I was there when Daniel first displayed reminances of a quirk. I was there when YN learned to balance herself on a high wire. I found them when they were lost. I arranged for her mother’s job to move her to this district and apartment building. I’m the reason you gained custody of them if you recall the deal we made.” “I…” “My point is I may not have been there for Izuku’s life but I have been there for my other two. And I don’t plan to relinquish my children to All Might or those heroes. Is that understood, All Might?” Inko turned around to see her son and his mentor standing in the doorway. Both were glaring at the villain. Ready to ounce at him if need be. But without him she would lose the children. “Mom get away from him.” “Is that any way to speak to your father Izuku?” “YOU LEFT!” Before the fighting could get any worse Inko stood between them. “My baby, my love.” She turned to All Might and Izuku. “We may not like it but he is their father. And he probably would be useful to returning YN and Daniel safely. We have to sit down and figure this out. For them.” So with great tension, Two rivals sat across a dinner table along with a green haired boy and a troubled mother. All discussing the custody of two individuals that didn’t belong to them. 🌗🌗

Daniel and YN part 10 🌗🌗

Sometimes YN wished she had made more of an effort to make friends. Yes Daniel was her best and closest friend, but it would be nice to have a girl or boy her own age to talk to. Someone that she could talk about stupid crap with. She tried being friends with Izuku when she and her brother officially moved in with the Midoryia’s, but they never saw her or Daniel as their own people. Izuku never really cared that YN was great at math. The best in her class. That she had a tiny interest in math because the answers were always exact and never had to be debated. He didn’t bother to care that YN liked reading romance and horror stories, that she really liked cheesy murder mystery movies with a twist villain hidden in plain sight. Izuku knew those things about her, but he just wrote it down in his notebook and filed it away like she wasn’t a person. They were no better to Daniel either. He was treated like an incompetant child. Like he was stupid and a baby. Sure he was disabled but he wasn’t incapable of everything. If they bothered talking and treating him like a person they’d see how complex he was. They’d see that he was so talented when he painted, that he could find a focus on the small important details. That Daniel, while he couldn’t understand complex emotions, could create beautiful things. Daniel had a delayed mind, but he loved figuring out puzzles. Daniel loved pinwheels and painted windmills, loved when they spun to beautiful colours. But did they care, no they saw only a child that needed to be coddled and kept away from how beautiful the world could be. YN couldn’t help but tear up as she held her knees to her chest. Why? Why couldn’t Izuku have been the friend she needed when her parents died? Why didn’t she try harder to make friends when she was at public school? Why did she act so introverted and angry at everyone? Just as she was about to cry, YN felt two long arms wrap around her. “Why you sad?” “It’s nothing really. I just… I really miss momma and pop. I really wish they were here.” “....Me too.” So the two hugged tightly. For tonight and every night that will come, they’ll have each other. In another place, a skinny blue haired villain placed a severed hand on his face. Determined to please his master, his father figure, Shigaraki set out to find the two troubled teens. They couldn’t be hidden forever. Besides, AFO should be allowed to see his children. He was their father, by blood. Shigaraki wasn’t an idiot though. He knew that the incident caused a commotion for those hungry for power. Ready to use quirk off the Boy. Shigaraki made sure to send some of his underlings out to gather intel and report whether or not other crimelords had their sights and claws on the teens. He had to be careful not to cause a scene and bring the heroes upon them. As the cold night blew his hair slightly, Shigaraki pondered the situation. Sensei had a wife, and three children? But not all share the same mother. He didn’t raise his three children, but he looked after them. But out of all of them Sensei chose to raise Shigaraki. He felt special. Sensei wanted to be near him. Nonetheless, these two were family. His sorta siblings. And he would bring them home. 🌗🌗

Daniel and YN part 11 🌗🌗

Young Izuku had the foundations to be a great hero. He was kind, string in heart, brave, and a little stupid. Toshinori knew that he would make a fine owner of OFA. And when he trained the boy he saw the makings of a new symbol of peace. Inko was a beautiful woman, even if she was too anxious to notice. He felt this urge to love and protect her. And over the months with her and Izuku, they formed a genuine love. Toshinori was a little concerned at first when he met YN and Daniel though. He did not really understand why they were kept so sheltered and why they were so babied. YN seemed like a capable young woman. But like with Izuku and Inko, the more time he spent near them, the more he felt protective, loving, obsessive. “Ah, good morning young YN. How was your night?” “What do you think. You stole my switchblade.” Inko seemed to bristle a bit at YN’s angry tone. “Sweetie.. We just thought that you could get hurt. It’s for the best. You know that w-” “That you only want the best for me. Yea I heard the same argument over and over again. And each time it’s still bull.” Before either could reprimand her, she stomped to her room slamming the door. Mornings usually weren’t so great. Especially when the night before they had to make big decisions regr=arding her safety. On All Might’s days off he would spend time with the Midoryia’s, sometimes it would go smoothly and sometimes the mood couldn’t surpass a funeral. All Might felt that he should’ve noticed the signs that YN was going to run away sooner. Perhaps then he could have intervened and then the whole family could air out why things were the way they were.

The first signs had to be when YN kept interfering with the way Inko felt was right to take care of poor Daniel. “Come on Daniel, It’s time to go to the learning center.” “Oh sweetie, I forgot to tell you that we pulled Daniel out of the center classes.” “What?” When YN’s face turned, All Might could see that a screaming match would begin, well not really a match considering young YN would be doing all the screaming. He was just here to pick up young Midoryia but he couldn’t help but stop in. “Well it’s just that Daniel learns so much better at a home, and the center is full of so many people that would be mean to him. Besides, he doesn’t really need to be at the center when I can take care of him.” “Yes he does! How is he gonna learn to cook and clean and manage any type of money if you refuse to let him learn!?!” “Daniel’s mind can’t handle all the new information. He might start to panic and his quirk might-” “YOU don’t know a GODDAMN thing about him! About what is best for him! You wanna do what’s best for my brother?! Than STOP treating him like he’s completely incompetent!” Before she could yell another word All Might stepped in with his trademark ‘I AM HERE’ . “Now young YN that’s no way to speak to your foster mother. She just believes that someone more personal should be teaching Daniel these things. That's not so bad is it?” “But-” “IS IT?” “Fine.I’ll get my school work done early so that I can teach Daniel in the afternoon.”

With that the argument was resolved. If only that was the last time she lashed out at them. If only he prevented the biggest fight that broke out between Izuku and YN. “Will you stop pestering him about his quirk?! It obviously makes him uncomfortable!” YN had walked into the room seeing Izuku asking Daniel all sorts of questions about his quirk and how he used it. It would’ve been fine had he stopped at the first two questions, but he kept going on and on. Wouldn’t stop asking about the destructive qualities, or about how his mind sometimes couldn’t comprehend his own quirk. Izuku didn’t notice how uncomfortable Daniel was getting. “I was just asking him some questions!” “You were being a jerk!” Before Izuku could yell at her again, the table and the mirrors broke. Both turned to see Daniel staring furious and scared, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Don’t scream at my sister!” He spoke angrily. He was so brave, so ready to defend his baby sister. Daniel could’ve brought the whole room down, had All Might in his ultimate form not stepped and stopped him. All Might should’ve known not to grab him and held him down. He should’ve known that the constriction made Daniel panic. Made him destroy more things to make it stop. The screaming continued, until YN grabbed her brother and calmed him. They barricaded themselves in her room that night. And in the morning, the three tried to act like it didn’t happen. All Might took the kids out for the day. Celebrating Izuku’s placement in the hero program. The signs were there that day. The signs that they were going to run. That they were going to leave. If only All Might had seen the signs. If only Toshinori hadn’t gotten attached to them. 🌗🌗

Daniel and YN part 12 🌗🌗

Toshinori was a good man. He wasn’t perfect but he was a good man. He had a moral code and knew right from wrong. Though selfish desires sometimes took his attention more than the moral desires. He knew it was wrong to smother and coddle Daniel and YN, but he couldn’t help wanting to protect them. Even if they didn’t want it. He felt like Izuku, YN, and Daniel were like his children. He felt just as protective over Izuku as he was over YN and Daniel. But he couldn’t coddle him like the other two. He had a duty to Nana to pass on OFA, Izuku had to live up to that power now. And he was so dedicated to being a hero. Toshinori wanted to do right by all the kids. He felt that it was his duty to find his missing kids, and bring them home. Let YN know that he didn’t feel angry that she left. Let Daniel know that he was sorry. So before he could work with his arch enemy, he decided to learn more about the two. So that when they were found again, he could show them that he was ready to be a real mentor figure, a guardian. When he entered YN’s room, it was not what he expected. He thought the sullen looking problem child would have grunge posters, a dirty room, torn up clothes and what not. Imagine his surprise when he saw colourful mini lantern lights strung over the walls. A math book along with several romance and horror storybooks. Her bedspread was a mix of several pillows and a giant comforter. Something that he’s sure would look inviting after a long day. There was a fluffy rug that cushioned his feet. The curtains were dark and cut out all light. On her bookshelf there was a collection of old murder mystery and comedy movies. When he popped one into the small tv player, he felt a stronger connection than before with her. Laughing at the cheesy twists and overacting. She was more than just a quirkless victim. She felt like a daughter to him. Toshinori never understood why he never went into Daniel’s room before. Of course Inko was there. Holding Daniel’s favorite pillow. This room, like the other, was a window into someone that Toshinori never actually knew. For some reason he thought Daniel would have soft light wall colors and some doodles on the wall. But the walls were an earthy dark blue. His blankets were patterned with prints of old paintings. There were canvases of unfinished pieces of art littered around the desk and bed. Notes and papers of unconnected thoughts all tucked away in a drawer. He spotted a framed photo of what he assumed were Daniel’s parents. Hidden under his pillows. When he saw the ceiling, it was a mix of a starry night sky but had handprints all over. In various colors. Touching his own hand to the print, Toshinori felt a connection to the boy. It was like a click happened. He wasn’t just a boy struggling with his developmental disability. Daniel saw the world in colors and was just frustrated that no one could understand those colors. Daniel wasn’t an emotionally compromised person with a violent quirk, he was a boy who wanted to be happy and understood. That day, Toshinori finally felt the wall that was preventing him from really understanding these two was finally lifted. And had he been listening to his moral side he would’ve known to not pursue them. But his selfish side won that fight. With his new understanding came an ugly obsession. A protective instinct to hold and protect them even more. Whilst quirkless YN might be strong and smart, she was too emotional and easy to provoke. Daniel might not be safe out there either. He loses control when people don’t understand. But Toshinori understood now. He would keep his children safe. Izuku, Daniel, and YN. Even if he had to work with the devil. “I’ll bring you home. Everything will be okay. Because I am here.” 🌗🌗

Amazing work as always moon anon! The story has become quite interesting! Its inspiring me to write for platonic AFO, something that I've not talked about for quite a while. Him and well, Erasermic

[timextoxhajima]

Love Me A Little Less: Chapter 6 - Misogynist

LOVE ME A LITTLE LESS CHAPTER MASTERLIST

Member: (3rd person pov) arranged marriage au with Lee Juyeon

Genre: angsty wangsty

Taglist: @hyunjaethereal @sunwoowuvbot​

“Don’t offend me.”

“No, I think the best course of action for HERA & ARTEMIS is that we not only branch out to collaborate with other companies, but also to make um… say, connections with non-profit organisations. Orphanages, charities, you name it. The publicity HERA & ARTEMIS will get after being recognised as a community-caring brand, a brand that cares no less than it’s maximum ability to about children, the elderly and the disabled.” 

“Charitable. I like it,” The Resources CEO of The Board nods with a wine of champagne in his glass. even at her own wedding, all the bride can think of is work. All she cares about is how to make sure HERA & ARTEMIS is heard in the crowd of attendees to her wedding. “Anyway, a gorgeous wedding, I must say. What made you have it at home? I’d expect that your father and brother would have wanted it somewhere more… ravish, y’know, more extravagant.” 

It takes some effort to hide her disgust at the thought that her father had a say over where she wanted to have her wedding. 

“Of course not,” The service smile almost feels surgically implanted into her face, even Jang Won herself is put off. “Juyeon and I have already planned this right off the bat, have it at Hera’s Manor.” 

“Why not at the Lee House? I thought the Lee’s would’ve preferred it there, you know, husband and all.” 

Jang Won could’ve slapped the glass of champagne out of his grasp if she wanted to, then probably break the bowl off the stem and send it into his eye. 

Misogynist. 

“We—” 

“The Lee House doesn’t have the facility and resources to hold a wedding now,” Juyeon comes round with a cup of whiskey, cheeks slightly pink from the alcohol as he rounds his arm around Jang Won, pulling her into his torso and even bothering to press a kiss into her temple. “It isn’t as presentable as you’d expect it to be. Hera’s Manor is well-kept and it looks like it’s prepped for a party every other day.” 

Juyeon smiles politely, eyes drifting from the Resources CEO to Jang Won, and for a split second, Jang Won might just feel somewhat impressed he stood up for her. “You know what they say, if you need something done, a lady will do it fast and efficient.”

The Resources CEO provides the newly wedded couple an awkward smile, not really able to spit out a proper response to Juyeon’s rebuttal. 

“Anyway, love, your brother’s asking for you in your office. Some administrative issues that cropped up,” Juyeon pulls away and turns his body, feet already pointing away from the Resources CEO. “If you’ll excuse us, Mr Teuk.” 

Juyeon lowers his head as a sign of respect, though he probably doesn’t mean it. He gently tugs on Jang Won and leads her out of the courtyard. 

“Please tell me there aren’t any actual administrative manners Younghoon wants to talk to me about,” Jang Won seethes as she walks up the yard stairs and into the main hall. 

“‘Course not,” Juyeon subtly shakes his head. “He’s having the time of his life actually, getting acquainted with the other members of The Board. Have you always been the one helping him with Artemis?” 

“In his defence, I don’t let him handle anything. It’s a subsidiary of HERA & ARTEMIS so I might as well take things into my own hands and worry about it on my own.” 

“Well, maybe you should let him figure his hand out at things. He doesn’t legally own Artemis for nothing.” 

Jang Won turns to shoot a look of distaste at Juyeon. 

“What?” He frowns, forehead creasing. “I’m literally telling you to split your workload.”

“I don’t need to split my workload. I’m doing fine on my own and frankly, I’d rather he sit back and let me do most of it so that at least I know what the Hell’s going on with my companies without worrying about any secrets.” 

Juyeon rubs the back of his neck and shoves his hands into his pockets. “In other words, you don’t trust your brother.” 

“Please,” She walks off first, heading for her office where she usually seeks refuge amongst her bottles of whiskey and bourbon and documents. “Just because I love him for being my brother doesn’t mean I should trust him with my finances.” 

“You’re literally born into a family of fortune. Even if he does mess up, you’d be able to recover from it. The consequences would mean absolutely nothing to you.” 

Jang Won pushes the heavy doors of her office open, admiring the late-morning sun that’s spilling all over her chair and her desk. 

“See, that’s where you’re wrong, pretty boy. I choose not to rely on whatever I have at birth because I always felt like whatever my dad had was just handed to him,” She reaches for the ice bucket and picks up a ball of ice, dropping it into the whiskey glass, then coats most of its surface with bourbon. “But God forsake my hard work, huh? I guess if hard work really did pay off then I wouldn’t be standing here, in a wedding-lunch dress, talking to my husband.” 

Juyeon raises both brows and throws himself into one of the sofa seats, the clinking of the whiskey decanter echoing ever so slightly throughout the office. “Ever heard of a holiday? You should go on one.”

She scoffs with exaggeration, the gentle swishing of the alcohol meeting the ice and the glass gleaming like liquid honey under the sunlight. “Yes, because I’m just like you, the one who would run away from the responsibilities he was born into whenever he doesn’t want them.”

“I’m sorry,” Juyeon grimaces, standing up and allowing the silvers of his suit glimmer as he walks into where the sunlight kisses the floor. “Which toe did I step on? I just pulled you out of a situation you would’ve otherwise not wanted to be in.” 

“Unfortunately for you, I didn’t need pulling out. I could’ve handled myself right there and then. It’s been like that for as long as I can remember - I don’t need myself a nanny to save me,” Cocking one of her brows, she gives a wry laugh before downing the shot of whiskey.

Juyeon is in disbelief in her ability to perceive gratitude - or rather, a lack thereof. 

“Maybe your father came back to save HERA & ARTEMIS from your terrible people’s skills, ever thought of that?”

“Wrong again, pretty boy!” She peels the glass off her lips and stares at the lipstick mark. “I’m perfect with the people I wanna be perfect with to get what I want, and when they are of no use to me, I’m well aware I treat them less than average.”

“There it is,” He sneers, stopping right before her as she finishes the last bit of her whiskey. “So, you’re a hypocrite.”

A smirk draws across her lips. Jang Won almost slams the glass back down in the tray of other glasses and the whiskey decanter. “And I’m proud of it. There’s nothing you can do about it, Lee Juyeon. You agreed to play this game my way and now that we’re wearing matching rings. I’m afraid you’ll have to deal with it.”

Jang Won squares up and jabs a finger into his shoulder. But Juyeon catches her wrist and holds it in place, causing her to grunt and attempt to writhe her way out, but to no avail. 

“Kim Jang Won, you listen to me and you listen well. Just because I agreed to play this game by your rules, doesn’t mean I’m your puppet. We both know who will be the more powerful one in May, so my advice?” By now, Juyeon’s nose is almost in her eye. He’s not even bothering to look at her. 

“Don’t offend me.”

Jang Won finally snatches her wrist out of his hold when she feels his grip loosen. Huffing, she stomps past him, shoulder bumping into his arm for good measure as she leaves the office.

Younghoon just about catches his sister rolling her eyes so hard, she was this close to hurling a string of vulgarities at the wooden of her office door. “Hey, what were you doing in your office? People are looking for you!”

Without a word, her eyes are locked with his in frustration. 

“What?” He frowns. 

She thinks for a moment. 

She can ruin him and destroy him by asking him to take Artemis for himself before the deal is due in June. Ask him why he was so useless and had his little sister do everything for him, never once really fighting to take ownership of a company legally his. 

“Nothing,” The brush-off is sharp and distinct as she waves him off, turning to walk into the main hall. “Go get yourself more sponsors before June, will you? I’m not sure the same people would want to keep in touch with HERA & ARTEMIS after the separation and collaboration is made official.”

Juyeon returns home later that evening, still wearing the fourth outfit of the day. It was a blue suit with a black collar and details and all he wants to do is soak himself in his bath. Maybe he could go to sleep safe and sound, and he’d wake up single and free to do whatever he actually wants to do. 

He walks down the entrance corridor, sick of all the staged portraits of him and his family hung on the walls. The main hall comes into sight, past the stairs on his right, where the television was still broadcasting bits and pieces of his wedding earlier. In the million-dollar couch sat his father, eyes and ears attentive to the screen. 

“Was it so entertaining that you have to watch it again? I know you were there this afternoon.”

His father turns his head subtly. Juyeon pulls off his blazer and removes his watch, laying the heavy clothing over his forearm as he scans the broadcast.

“The Lee-Kim wedding saw nothing short of nothing but a perfect list of investors, sponsors, fellow colleagues and leaders of several enterprises...”

He turns to look at his father, obviously still somewhat hurt that he hadn’t been officially invited by his son - Mr Ro had sent out mandatory invites to family members.

“It was a gorgeous wedding.”

“Yeah, well...” Juyeon shrugs lifelessly, already turning around to head for the stairs. “I had no say in it. It was her wedding and I don’t care, so.”

“The Board is expecting you to go on a Honeymoon, you have that in place, right?”

Juyeon gives a dry chuckle, already on the first step of the stairs. “Yeah, we’re going to Guatemala.”

“Guatemala?” His father shifts his attention from the television and looks at Juyeon, halfway up the stairs. “You’re just finding a chance to go diving in Belize, aren’t you?”

His son doesn’t falter, only continuing taking each step towards the second level, in hopes that he wouldn’t have to listen to his father criticise the only thing Jang Won let him do. At least it was some kind of freedom. 

“Juyeon-”

“Mom better not be in my room.”

The second floor corridor greets him with even more portraits of his family, most of the pictures of him when he was younger. He halts right outside his door when he notices light seeping out from beneath. 

Sighing with exasperation, he lays his hand on the door handle, readying himself to listen to his mother ramble. But his attention drifts from the cream-painted mahogany to the low cabinet next to him, the blue shade of the stingray shining under the hallway lights.

There was a ceramic statue of a standing coral frame with the stingray within the arc, and on it engraved ‘Hawaii 2018′. He smiles, remembering only fond memories of seeing a huge stingray while diving. Sunwoo had been dragged out by him - one of those times when he fought with his parents and couldn’t stand being in the same house as them. He covered travel cost and hospitality fees, ensuring Sunwoo’s parents (whose family was also on the smaller arm of The Board’s administration) that he’d take care of them. 

Juyeon got an earful from his parents when he came back. Young Jin Seol had been the one to tell his parents his whereabouts, solely because he had arranged for her to make sure it seemed like he was still doing his job at the office. So, of course, when his parents walked into office and she was doing his work for him, they had threatened to fire her. 

But Juyeon knew he was indebted, and told his parents, “No Jin Seol, then you can forget about me taking over Apple-Korea.”

Sucking a deep breath, Juyeon shakes himself out of his mental trance, and pushes the door open. 

The back of his mother seems so fragile on first sight, and he’s well aware she’s getting on in her years. For a split second, he feels emotional, possibly feeling some tinge of remorse at how horrible of a son he’s been.

Then he remembers that she’s had an abundance of spa treatments, country-club lunches with her fellow rich moms after a game of gold or tennis, and a bunch of other things she definitely didn’t need. He wish he could tell himself otherwise, that she had been born into this life and thus living anything else dissimilar to this would be tiring on her.

But he can’t.

“I’m surprised you bothered to come home,” She says without looking at him. Juyeon rests his blazer on the back of the single sofa seat that’s angled to face the one she’s sitting in. “I was wondering if I should send some pajamas over to Hera’s Manor.”

Juyeon sits in the crystal encrusted sofa seat, crossing his legs and eyeing his mother fiddle with the wedding band on her finger. It reminds him of his own. 

“You realise you’re the one who bound me to the Kim family, don’t you? You’re the one who said okay to marrying Kim Jang Won, not me.”

“It was for your own good.”

“For mine or for our family?” Juyeon leans back in his seat and interlocks his fingers, placing them in his lap. “What else do you really need from the Lee family that you simply cannot take your eyes off? Their money? HERA & ARTEMIS? What?”

Only now does Juyeon notice the cup of tea on the small coffee table infront of them. 

“A child,” She says, like it was the most casual thought one could have, before taking a sip of tea. Her son shuts his eyes then opens them with his eyebrows as far up his forehead as he can. 

Providing a dry, tortured chuckle, Juyeon blinks multiple times, wishing that it was a condition with his hearing and not just something his mother had just spat out.

“A what?” Juyeon pulls apart his hands and leans forward, fists now clenched and pressed into the cushion he was sitting in.

“You heard me,” She places the tea cup down and refuses to look at him. “A child would mean inheritance. The Lee family will inherit the wealth of the Kims and it could possibly start a new system. It could rewrite The Board. We could become The Board.”

“What the-” He finally stands, barely choking out some kind of laughter filled with confusion and utter disbelief. “You want a child just to bond our families together and take over The fucking Board? My God, why are you so obsessed with The Board?”

“Because The Board is everything! No board, no us, no wealth and comfort like the kind we raised you in-”

“Does it look like I wanted it?!” Juyeon runs his hands through his hair, pulling his hair back and stretching his hairline. 

“You ingrate-”

“So I am an ingrate. But I had no choice, I have no life of my own because guess who’s making my decisions for me? You! If I don’t even have the ability to make my own choices then how do I even qualify as an ingrate?!”

She’s silent, and very much staring at the words spewing out of her son’s mouth now. She huffs through her flared nostrils, picking up the saucer and the tea cup and standing. “I don’t know what kind of ideas Kim Jang Won has planted in your head but you are still part of the Lee family and-”

“For Gods’ sake, Jang Won has nothing to do with any of this! In fact, she can’t care less about what I’m doing, so long as it doesn’t change the course of this entire situation. If anything, she’s playing it safe; she’s playing it against her father, and not us,” The veins on Juyeon’s hands are about to rip through his skin when he cannot close his fist any more. “Her father literally climbed out the grave... and you took this chance to capitalise on that in order to make our family richer the moment you heard of The Board’s announcement regarding HERA & ARTEMIS’s ownership complications...”

Juyeon shakes his head subtly, realising that he was panting from the sheer force of anger and disgust rushing through him. 

“And she’s younger than me. Lost her mother, lost her father, who only comes back to take what she built? You know, for a woman under The Board, I’d think you’d understand what she’s gone through. I thought... I thought you would’ve known how hard it is to be the successful one in the family but cannot pass down the family name... but everytime I think the world of you, and I think you’d act a little more like the woman I thought you are... you prove me wrong.”

Juyeon glares down at her, hands holding the teacup in the saucer with some kind of disapproving, disappointed look of fury in her eyes. Then he sighs heavily, hands rushing to pick up his blazer and storms out the room before she can.

“Leave Kim Jang Won alone, or else I’ll refuse Apple-Korea. By then, you can forget about all your stupid green bills and diamond rings.”

And with that, he slams the door shut. 

Juyeon appears along the second floor hallway, visible from the first floor’s living hall, where his father was still watching the news of his wedding earlier on in the day. Of course, the door slamming would’ve caught his attention, so when his son rushes down the stairs while putting his blazer back on, the elder man removes himself off the couch.

“Juyeon! Where are you going?!”

“Don’t call me, and don’t even think of calling Hera’s Manor,” He opens the heavy front door with such determination, then slams it harder than he intends to. By the foot of the stairs leading down to the pick up point by the entrance, his two bodyguards are taken aback and flustered when Juyeon appears again.

“Uh, can I get Mr Bong around-”

The instruction through the guard’s earpiece is cut short and interrupted abruptly as Juyeon unplugs the earpiece from the transmitter. 

“Mr Lee-” 

Juyeon doesn’t hesitate to do the same with the other guard. By now, his father has gotten the front door open and yelling at him with disapproving scolds. 

Rushing around the hood of the Porsche, Juyeon steps into the drivers’ seat - an unlikely sight, since he’s been chauffeured around most of the time.

“What in the world are you two doing? Stop him from leaving!” 

The vehicle revs to life, and Juyeon fumbles under the passenger seat’s compartment box and every crook and cranny in the front of the car.

“Juyeon!”

He winds up the window on the driver’s side and locks the entire vehicle just as his father reaches the window. He tugs on the handle angrily, almost able to shake the entire car with his aggression. 

“Juyeon, don’t you dare!”

Then, he finds it. A tracking device attached to all the cars his family owns.

Ripping it off the surface it was stuck into, he rolls down the window on the passenger’s side and hurls it out, straight into the arms of one of the bodyguards.

“Juyeon!”

He starts up the car and pulls it into drive, forcing his father to back off as he moves off.

[heyheshi]

Love Me Again

2.2k words

written and uploaded: August 9, 2020

🌙 - angst

Please like and reblog! Also please don't post my writings anywhere!!

I wrote this as a thank you for your support this past month! I've been writing here for exactly a month now! Also thank you for 100 followers! I love you all!!

Y/N - your name

Y/S/N - your second name (middle name)

Y/L/N- your last name

Masterlist

_________

It has been almost 7 months since you and Harry broke up after being together for two years. You're disappointed to say the least, you thought you were going to marry him at some point in your life but then one evening he told you that your relationship was 'too much to handle at the moment'.

Of course, you being you decided to agree with him even though deep inside you don't want to break up. You understood where he was coming from, you were both still young and only at the peak of your careers and the distance often became too much.

You love him, you really do and you would have fought for your relationship if it wasn't for the look of tiredness in his eyes. You tried, he tried, but somehow in the middle, it wasn't enough - so you let him go.

It was really difficult for you to deal with the breakup - neither you or him dated other people, or at least not that you know of - having to pack your bags and move out of your shared home to a different city is already tough but you know that seeing him with someone else will shatter you.

He's more successful than he did the last time you saw him, awards after awards, deals after deals, more fans and more recognition for him and you couldn't be prouder, after all, partly the reason you broke up is his job and you'll be damned if you found out that you let your relationship go for nothing.

You're happy. You focused on your job and your family, saved enough money to buy your own car and helped at this local charity that supports disabled children but it wasn't enough. You are happy but you aren't fulfilled and you know what - or rather who - is the missing piece.

You haven't heard anything from him, only catching him on the news every now and then with your busy schedule, unlike before. So here you are now, busying yourself in hopes that you'll magically stop thinking about him every second, on a Saturday morning on your local park for the weekly charity work you do.

After your break up, you decided to help this charity to keep you busy and since you love kids, it’s hard for you to stay away. Every week, there's a feeding program for the children along with a few gifts and games for them with the help of some of the donator.

Today was like every other week, you fed the children and now one of the friend you made here is hosting a game for the kids. Later on you'll give them lunch then a guest will read them a book and bond with them before the day ends.

Speaking of the guest, you haven't met them, you've been busy with the food and you shake your head at yourself - 'I should have greeted them, shame on you Y/N, they're your guests!'

Quickly retouching your hair a bit to find the other guests, you bumped to Jessie, another helper in this charity, "oh I'm so sorry Y/N!", she frantically said, maneuvering over you.

"Hey hey, wait! Was there a problem?", you asked your friend before looking back at the kids to check if there's something wrong.

"Yes, I left something on the building! It was the prizes for the kids! Oh god they're gonna be so sad if I didn't bring it here on time!", Jessie stressed while running her fingers through her hair.

"I'll go get it. Yo-"

"It's my fault, Y/N, I'll get it!"

"I have my car", you took your car keys from you loops of your jeans and showed her, "will you take care of the food?"

Sighing in relief, Jessie nods, "of course!", she hugged you, "you're a life saver! Thank you so much!"

"It's no problem at all, now I gotta go!", you walked backwards to your car while waving at her.

That was almost two hours ago, the building wasn't far, only a 20 minute drive but the traffic on Saturday's always horrendous and it doesn't help that you forgot to ask Jessie where she stored the prizes and that no one is answering their phones.

Locking your car while you clutch two big bags full of toys towards the tent where you can see a glimpse of the children listening quietly to the guest that's reading them a story.

You found Jessie went to her, "you made it!", helping you with one of the bags, "I had to make an excuse to the children about how the guests couldn't wait to read them stories! Thank God they bought it!"

You laughed at her relief, "couldn't find it! You forgot to tell me where you put these stuff!", bumping your shoulders on hers, "I'm charging you for my gas! Traffic was horrible!"

"I know! I know! So sorry about that! By the way have you meet the guests?", her eyes went wide while mentioning your guests.

"Haven't had the time", you sigh overexaggerately, "supposed to, before I bumped in to you!"

"Come on! I'll introduce you to them!", she took your right arm and pulled you towards the kids, "they're like crazy famous and the-"

"Mister Harry Styles! You're up! Kids give Mister Styles around of applause!"

Shit shit shit shit shit, you paused in your tracks making Jessie look at you. On the background you can hear Harry introduce himself to the kids and starting to read the title of the story.

It has been a long time since you last heard his voice in person and it gave you flashbacks but you have to stay strong, you're not here for him, you're here for the kids.

Deciding that it was for the best to stay as low-key as possible, you excused yourself from Jessie and went to the other tent where the other stuff were placed.

No one here knew that you dated Harry, you opted on using your first name when you moved here, knowing his fans might notice you since you grew up with everyone calling you by your second name.

You busied yourself with everything you see, childish - it is, but you don't know if you can face him as much as you miss him.

You heard the children cheered so you went to look at the commotion. Harry just finished reading the story then one of the kids raised their hand.

"Mister Styles I'm Dolly. What is your favorite part of the story?"

"Call me Harry, Dolly. Probably the part where the character realized how wrong he was for doing the things he did...", Harry answered then another kid raised their hand, "Yes?"

"I'm Brady, um have you ever experienced that? Letting something go then regretting it? My dog had a puppy but we had to give her puppy away because we can't afford another pet and our dog looks sad all the time now."

You continued to listen to the interaction between Harry and the kids, interested on his personal answer.

"I'm so sorry about your dog and puppy and I did. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made. In your terms, I was you and the dog at the same time. I had to let someone go then quickly regret it, I was miserable but time heals and I'm sure your dog will be happy soon!"

After a few more questions, Harry stepped out of the small stage to take some pictures with the kids. You went back on the other tent to hide.

His answer on the second question made you think but as fast as the thought came to your mind, you dismissed it. 'It's not important anymore.'

"Y/N! You haven't met our guests!", Jessie yelled from the other tent making you look up to her and then closed your eyes tightly.

You saw Harry and a few other people beside him, the kids now receiving their prizes with the help of the other people who helps with the charity.

You turned your back around them to compose yourself then walked towards them as you don't want to seem rude to the sponsors.

"Mister Harry Styles and Mister Jeff Azoff, Missus Mary Richardson and Miss Lisette Raj, this is Y/N Y/L/N, one of our helpers out here!", Jessie introduced you while you smiled at the 3 other people, avoiding eye contact with Harry.

You knew Jeff, of course, you met him a few times and by the way Harry stiffens, it seems like he connected the dots even with your second name being used.

"Y/S/N, it's a surprise to see you here!", Jeff greeted you using your second name, the one everyone from before knew you by as he pulled you in a hug.

"Oh you two know each other? What a coincidence!", Jessie mused.

You uncomfortably chuckled, "yes, we do..."

"It's so nice to meet you Miss Y/L-"

"Please call me Y/N!", you smiled at Mary, "thank you so much for donating! We appreciate it, especially the kids!"

"It was always a pleasure to help! Harry wanna say something?", Lisette tried to joke but you, Harry and Jeff didn't laugh.

Harry cleared his throat and put his hands on his back, "thank you so much for having us, the kids are great!", looking at you straight in the eyes.

You shifted on your place and replied, "no, thank you.", you nodded your head and smiled tightly, "if you all don't mind I'm gonna go and check on the kids, yea?"

"We'll join you!", Mary proposed nudging Lisette. You only nodded at them and started walking.

"Wait! I- miss Y/L/N, can I talk to you for a second?", Harry's voice made you stop, turning around slowly you answered him a small 'yes' then walking back.

"I'll join Mary and Lisette.", Jeff said before he waved goodbye. Jessie looked at you questionably before joining the kids.

You and Harry walked a bit far away in complete silence until Harry started talking.

"Y/N huh?"

"Yea, it's my name."

"No, your name is Y/S/N!", Harry retorted so you stopped walking and faced him.

"Things changed.", you said looking at him in the eyes.

Harry sigh, "I'm so sorry Y/S/N..."

"Me too. I'm so sorry I fell in love with you in the first place."

"I- no! Did you regret it? Us?", Harry tried to meet your eyes but you refused.

"I don't know, you tell me", you looked at his eyes at last, "did you?"

You're met with silence as Harry pondered. You can feel your heart beating so fast, scared of what his answer might be, finally, "the only thing I regret was letting you go..."

"Oh come on, I was just joking!", you tried to laugh, "that was so long ago! Forget about it! I've moved on!", you poked his biceps hoping he wouldn't hear your uneasiness.

"Were you really? Because fuck! I'm being serious right now!", Harry raked his hand through his hair signifying his frustration, "was that it? Our two years? Have you really moved on?", his voice weakened as he speaks, quickly clearing his throat, "I mean of course I'm happy if you moved on! I just thought that maybe..."

"Maybe what?", you urged your ex.

"I don't know... what happened to us?", his voice cracked as he looked up to the sky.

"We broke up.", you deadpanned.

"I know, I'm so sorry about everything. I should have never let you go. I thought breaking up with you will make everything easier but I was wrong... so so wrong love..."

You didn't answer him knowing that you'll cry if you did.

"Are you happy?", Harry tried to coax an answer out of you.

"I am... you?", you doubted but answered anyway.

"I'm- I'm lost, so so lost. I thought everything will be fine but it wasn't.", Harry sobbed but wiped his tears as quickly as it came.

"You'll be okay, Harry. Us, you and me, it wasn't meant to be.", you tried to reason him.

He turned his body to you, "it was! But I was an idiot and if I can hold you in my arms again and say that you're mine for one last time, I'll do it in a heartbeat...", and that's when your first tear fall.

"Harry this is wrong!"

"I know! Being without you feels so wrong but we can make it right again! I'll do anything to have you back Y/S/N! I still love you.", he whispered.

"We can't."

"Are you seeing someone else?", the look on his eyes made your heart shatter, you only shake your head.

"Give me another chance, baby. I promise we'll take it slow, I'll do anything! Fuck anything love, just say it!", his desperate eyes met yours as he clutched both of your hand in his.

"But it was my fault too! I'm so sorry! But this," you motioned the space between the two of you, "I don't know!", you cried out.

Harry continued to beg, "it's okay baby but please, please, you were it for me love! I promise I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

"Harry...", you whimpered.

"Y/S/N, love me again."

_____

[mancalledmxlice]

Honorable Mentions: Somebody to Love- Queen//Fernando- Abba

War Pig: Damien Blackwell Playlist

Option 1: we’re looking to highlight the differences between your canon mythology character and the oc you’ve created and built around them. for side a, include songs that apply to the myth, for side b, songs about your own character

Side A: Deimos

War Pigs- Black Sabbath

Time will tell on their power minds Making war just for fun Treating people just like pawns in chess Wait 'till their judgment day comes, yeah!

Another Way Out- Hollywood Undead

You better run, better run, better run, yeah I'm coming after you When you're sleeping at night, yeah there's nothing you can do There's no place you can hide cause I'm coming after you

Street Fight- Adam Jensen

Try to break me, but I can't break I'm a bad dream, and you can't wake Nothing's gonna kill me, nothing's gonna stand in my way

Everything Black- Unlike Pluto

In a nocturnal state of mind Children of the night But it's the only way alive This black hole's pulling me inside Of this black heart, this black soul Underneath this black, black sky

Brain Damage- Pink Floyd

The lunatic is in my head The lunatic is in my head You raise the blade, you make the change You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane

Look What You’ve Done- Jet

Give me back my point of view 'Cause I just can't think for you I can hardly hear you say What should I do, well you choose

Gladiator- Zayde Wolf

Let me back it up to the start of the climb Faced with an army of vipers and lions I had to keep on reaching up 'cause it was my time To tear down the kingdom and call out the liars

Can’t go to Hell- Sin Shake Sin

Turn that fear into a souvenir The world is waiting and the hour's near So if you need a reason, if you need a sign Open up you're eyes, you'll see they stole your water, turned it into wine

Metal Health (Bang Your Head)- Quiet Riot

Bang your head Wake the dead We're all metal mad It's all you have So bang your head And raise the dead

Ain’t No Grave- Johnny Cash

Well, look way down the river And what do you think I see I see a band of angels And they're coming after me

Wreak Havoc- Skylar Grey

I herd 'em like cattle Cause I'm surrounded by cowards And I don't give a fuck when I walk into battle And that's why I got all the power I'm where you wanna be Ain't no one ahead of me All of my enemies made a decision It's better to follow me

Who Are You, Really- Mikky Eiko

Now you're moving idle and you say you're alone Suspicious that the string is moving your bones We are the fire, we see how they run See how they run, lift me higher, let me look at the sun Look at the sun and once I hear them clearly, say

Bad to the Bone- George Thorogood and the Destroyers

The head nurse spoke up Said "leave this one alone" She could tell right away That I was bad to the bone

For What It’s Worth- Buffalo Springfield

Paranoia strikes deep Into your life it will creep It starts when you're always afraid Step out of line, the man come and take you away

Ohio- Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young

Gotta get down to it Soldiers are cutting us down Should have been done long ago.

God’s Gonna Cut You Down- Johnny Cash

Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand Workin' in the dark against your fellow man But as sure as God made black and white What's done in the dark will be brought to the light

Side B: Damien

War- Edwin Starr

Oh, war has shattered many a young man's dreams Made him disabled, bitter and mean Life is much too short and precious to spend fighting wars these days War can't give life, it can only take it away

Hurt- Johnny Cash

I wear this crown of thorns Upon my liar's chair Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair

Pretty Fly For a White Guy- The Offspring

Friends say he's trying too hard And he's not quite hip. But in his own mind He's the—he's the dopest trip.

Funny the Way it is- Dave Matthews Band

The way your mouth feels in your lover's kiss Like a pretty bird on a breeze, or water to a fish The bomb blast brings the building crashing to the floor Hear the laughter while the children play war

For Your Love- The Yardbirds

For your love, for your love I would give the stars above For your love, for your love I would give you all I could

My Mirror Speaks- Death Cab For Cutie

And when my mirror speaks it never minces words 'Cause these eyes don't shine half as bright As they used to do and they haven't for quite a while

Sleep is for the Weak- The Dreadnoughts

Baltic is at your back You'll head towards the Black Where the river's rising high All along the countryside Enter the hyenas

Viva La Vida- Coldplay

Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listened as the crowd would sing, "Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!" One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me

Wish You Were Here- Pink Floyd

How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.

Rock and Roll- Led Zepplin

It's been a long time since the book of love. I can't count the tears of a life with no love. Carry me back, carry me back, carry me back, baby, where I come from.

Dear God- XTC

Dear God, sorry to disturb you, but I feel That I should be heard loud and clear We all need a big reduction in amount of tears And all the people that you made in your image, See them fighting in the street 'Cause they can't make opinions meet

When You Were Young- The Killers

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus But he talks like a gentleman Like you imagined When you were young

Train in Vain- The Clash

Now I got a job But it don't pay I need new clothes I need somewhere to stay But without all these things I can do But without your love I won't make it through

Wish I Knew You- The Revivalists

Oh I hope you don't mind We can share my mood Two strangers in the bright lights I wish I knew you I wish I knew you Oh I wish I knew you when I was young

The Weight- The Band

I pulled into Nazareth, was feelin' about half past dead I just need some place where I can lay my head "Hey, mister, can you tell me where a man might find a bed?" He just grinned and shook my hand, "no" was all he said

Hard to Handle- The Black Crows

I have got some good old lovin' And I got some more in store When I get through throwin' it on you You gotta come back for more

Honorable Mentions

Somebody to Love- Queen

I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life I work 'til I ache my bones At the end (at the end of the day) I take home (takes home) my hard-earned pay all (goes home on his own) on my own

Fernando- ABBA

In the firelight Fernando You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar I could hear the distant drums And sounds of bugle calls were coming from afar

[malcolmwhitly-bright]

Longing for Thing Out of Reach

(Shout out to @sonshineandshowers for all their help, this would be an even bigger mess without them)

Martin Whitly lays his young son down on the hard slab of a discarded hospital gurney. He could buy a new one but he can not afford to draw that sort of attention, so a broken one thrown out by the hospital will have to do. Throwing a glance over his shoulder, Martin pulls out the items needed for every night’s session with his son. He's not made up his mind as of yet as to what all he'll do. 

Martin’s fingers dig into Malcolm’s jaw, dejectedly he opens his mouth. Martin puts a mouthguard in between his teeth, it’s too big but Malcolm no longer gags on the rubber pushing too far back in his throat. Malcolm blinks back tears of discomfort and his silence is a moment of pride for Martin. His father is rather proud of how well Malcolm does. How well he handles the pain.

Malcolm’s getting worse and his pain tolerance getting better. Jessica is starting to notice how peculiar Malcolm is acting. While his baby sister babbles happily, tottering around as toddlers do Malcolm doesn’t speak. He’s weaker, his legs unable to hold his weight they should be able to. Martin struggles to explain why Jessica should let him handle all aspects of Malcolm’s care but with a baby and a disabled son… 

“Shh, my boy,” Martin brushes his son’s fringe from his forehead. Malcolm’s already clammy, his body bracing for the inevitable pain of the teal room in the basement. He’s making nonsense noises, his fear bubbling up when he can’t clench his teeth tight enough to dampen the sound. Martin suspects the noises are muffled cries from chronic pain and he’s not wrong. He’ll have to note that in his journal, chronic pain is a new symptom. The thought alone makes Martin smile down at his son, he is proud to be a father and he’s even prouder that Malcolm is so good at helping Martin explore his scientific curiosities. 

Malcolm is not naturally disabled. He was born a perfectly healthy six-pound baby at full term. Even had a full head of hair and stunning blue eyes. Every little scratch on his body, the pinprick scars on the tips of his fingers and scar tissue around the veins in his arms, is from Martin. Secluded to his mind, his tongue nearly having forgotten how to speak, Malcolm can’t see the abuse for what it is anymore. It’s simply what he’s known for as long as he can remember. 

Martin double-checks the restraints securing Malcolm to the gurney. He opens his bottom drawer smiling happily at the electroconvulsive device. He applies just enough lubricant to the ends needed for the machine to work. Martin’s already turning over a script in his head for tomorrow morning, planning on what to say to about the two perfectly round burns on his son’s head.

Malcolm clenches his teeth when Martin turns around with the device in his hand. He jerks his left leg hard, the restraint locking him in his prone position. He doesn’t recognize this device and the deviation from their normal night routine frightens Malcolm more than his father’s smile. The cold metal ends touch his temples and Malcolm wonders what this will feel like. 

Will it be white? The kind of pain that makes his skin cold with sweat. His arms covered in bruises as he fights to get away, only jerking helplessly as the restraints bite into his flesh. Halting his movements. Will it be red? The kind of pain that is hot. It makes his brain fever ladden and skin the color of his blood as his veins pop on his forehead. His jaw sore the next morning with how hard he bites the guard.

The shock comes sharp, Malcolm’s back arching off the bed at its force. White lightning dances on the back of his eyelids but every muscle in his body screams red. Malcolm lets his body rest for the small reprieve Martin allows as he adjusts the machine, writing a note on a spare sheet of paper. 

The second shock knocks the air from his lungs and when his back falls to the gurney. There is no lightning this time, just the red hot spasm of muscles. Malcolm has no sense over his body, eyes blinking heavy and head empty of thought. Martin curses when Malcolm’s eyes roll into the back of his head. His jaw hands open drools pooling on his Batman pajamas, body twitching as his muscles spasm beyond his control. Martin is more concerned that his night has ended so soon. 

Martin leaves him there for the night. Discarded.

Malcolm shivers as his senses slowly come back. His muscles still flex painfully, his arms and legs secured tightly to the sides of the bed. He gags on the mouth guard, his jaw sore as he chokes it up. He’s alone, like always. He knows it’s okay, he’ll wake up in his bed tomorrow morning. 

He doesn’t blame his parents. His mother loves him, her love is soft unlike his father’s. Her palms are warm, the pads of her fingers delicate as she brushes his tears away. She holds him when his father isn’t around and he suspects she might know, deep down something more is going on. He forgives her lack of curiosity because he knows that his father is pulling a long shift tomorrow and his mother will hold him through the night. She’ll brush his tears away and rub his back until he falls asleep. She won’t leave him in the basement without a nightlight or a blanket.

--------------

Malcolm wakes in his own bed. His chest is tight, his breaths wheezing. He tries not to make too much sound, he’s smart enough to know that those pained sounds are ammunition for his father. A muscle in his thigh, his father’s voice in his head supplies ‘rectus femoris muscle’, clenches tightly. He can see it’s outline in his skin. It makes his whole leg quiver and his face hot with pain.

“Malcolm,” his mother knocks softly at his door, her head peeking in. He can’t supply the words to tell her he’s in here but she knows he can’t. She comes in and he squirms on the bed, body tensing painfully. He doesn’t bother hiding the pain from her, she can help. She will help. 

He can see the tears in her eyes. He hates that she cries because of him. She steps in and comes to his bed. “Shh,” she pulls him into her arms, stroking back his hair. He uses what control he has over his body to relax, leaning his head against her and closing his eyes. He’s vaguely aware of his legs kicking out but they hit nothing. “Are you hungry?”

Jessica blames herself. She hadn’t noticed Malcolm’s decline, it was Martin who called her attention to their son’s condition. The way his speech slurred and how weak his motor functions were becoming. If she’d seen it sooner-

“Oatmeal?” She’s not worried that Malcolm won’t supply her a verbal answer. Malcolm smiles despite it all, pushing his face against her stomach. It’s all the answer she needs. She can’t help but smile too,” oatmeal then.” She’s his favorite person. He loves her and that makes her feel guilty too.

She picks him up, placing him in the wheelchair Martin brought home last month. Just two months ago, Malcolm was her shadow. He never spoke but he wanted to be everywhere she was. He liked cooking and she could stir a giggle out of him with some music and silly dancing in the kitchen. “Should we cut up some strawberries for our oatmeal?”

Malcolm tries his best to force his hand to sign his mother the word ‘yes’. She smiles and rustles his hair. Martin always doubts their son, he pays more attention to Ainsley and cheers on her little steps. Yet, Malcolm reflects intelligence. He soaks in every sign that his mother teaches him and watches intently every move she makes. 

“B!” Ainsely shouts when they come down to the kitchen, her cereal out of its bowl as she uses her fist to spoon it into her mouth. “B. B. B. B.”

Malcolm grins widely at his little sister, fingerspelling her name back at her. No one really knows why Ainsley had picked the letter B for Malcolm. She could say ‘momma’ and ‘daddy’ now and could even throw in a few more household items. She refused to say Malcolm but he doesn’t mind. 

Jessica pushes him up beside Ainsley, watching the two of them interact. They’re just children, blind to youth and disability. Ainsley clumsily feeds her brother cheerios and Malcolm is much more precise with a strawberry for her in return. They giggle over something whispered and Jessica turns to a book, letting their youth soak into the room the way the sun does. 

She spends the day with them like she does every day. She wishes this same connection for Malcolm and Martin. It’s sad that her husband doesn’t see Malcolm like this. 

“Family!” Everyone jumps at the sudden intrusion and Jessica edges out of the living room, surprised to find Martin kicking his shoes off. “I’m on call,” he says in between the kisses he greets her with. “So, I thought why not come home and visit with my family?” He goes to the living room, pressing a kiss to Ainsley’s cheek and rustling Malcolm’s hair. “Wanna go to the park?”

Malcolm hates the park.

He watches his father push Ainsley higher and higher in the swing. Her happy squeals of delight fill the chilly air. He shivers not from the cold so much as the anger and rejection burning his mind. His mother pulls his coat tighter around his shoulders dropping a kiss to his head. He tries to turn his attention back to his book but he’s read the same two pages three times now, his hand refusing to move. 

“I’ll take you to get ice cream,” Jessica promises, not missing how her son looks up again to his father and sister playing happily. 

Malcolm doesn’t care. He doesn’t want ice cream. 

The day passes much faster with Martin home. Malcolm waits on edge and Jessica worries when he doesn’t eat his dinner. Martin brushes it off as always. She’s beyond frustrated with her husband. They fight in the kitchen over his brush off, Ainsley and Malcolm can hear the whole exchange. Ainsley grows upset with the noise, their harsh words blow past her. Malcolm understands every word and his hands tremble with the fear that his father’s frustration will be taken out on him.

Jessica makes Martin put Ainsley to bed, insisting he soothe their daughter since it was his shouted outburst that brought her to tears. 

She comes furious into the living room until she sees Malcolm. It all melts when she sees the apprehension in his sad blue eyes. “Come on, baby,” she runs a hand through his hair, pressing a kiss to his head. “You have to eat,” she pleads, stroking his cheek with her thumb. She sighs and looks up as Martin carries Ainsley through the living room. She glares at him until he recedes up the stairs. She shakes her head but schools her features as she looks back to Malcolm. “Let’s get you to bed.”

She rubs his back until he falls asleep. He tries to fight the sleep weighing him down, her nails on his back making it that much harder. He’s terrified of falling asleep. He doesn’t want the night to draw any closer yet he pushes his face closer to his mother, taking in the soft scents of lavender and nameless flowers. His mother is warm, tender and he’s exhausted. It doesn’t take long, she rocks him, humming softly as she runs her hands through his hair. He drifts off.

He wakes up in his father’s arms. “- hemorrhaging everywhere,” his father tells him but Malcolm’s fighting exhaustion, his head falling limply back against Martin’s shoulder. He loses the meaning of whatever Martin’s saying. 

He wakes again as he’s being laid on the gurney, his father still talking. “My attention will be elsewhere tonight, my dear boy.” Martin unbuttons his pajama shirt and rolls up his sleeve. Malcolm watches with no general interest of helping. “You will not be forgotten though.”

Malcolm blinks away the fog in his brain, wincing as Martin fights a needle into his arm. He’s instantly chilled as the liquid flows into his arm, his father always opens the flow too much. Malcolm frowns as Martin packs up his tools, placing them in a bag. Martin winks at him, “I’ll be back soon, my boy.”

Malcolm’s… jealous. His father has paid him no attention and as the burning pain of the liquid spreads through his body, Martin isn’t even there to see it. He didn’t even put on the restraints. Malcolm flexes his hand, finding the muscles trembling but working. He struggles to sit up, his abdomen not strong enough to do the work alone. His upper body trembles but he manages. 

He slides off the side, his arm catching with the line still in place. His legs don’t accept his weight well, wobbling dangerously beneath him but he leans heavily on the gurney and finds he can stand. He grabs the IV port, using the wobbly stand to take his first solo steps in a month. The movement is nearly unfamiliar and burning but it’s freeing. 

He wishes his mother could see him. 

Malcolm falls hard. Somewhere close someone screams in agony. Malcolm can just hardly hear it and he knows, from experience, that no one upstairs has heard the interruption. It’s harder to get back up this time, his knees hurt so much. Now he’s curious. Who is his father with?

He finds his answer in the study. There’s a woman, strapped to the table and his father is standing over her. Malcolm falls over himself trying to get away. His body hits the floor in a clatter and Martin jerks his attention to his son. Malcolm’s heart races in his chest and he can’t crawl away fast enough.

Martin grabs him by the shirt, lifting him up so they’re face to face. “What did you see,” Martin demands, shaking him when Malcolm just shakes his head. “What did you see!”

Malcolm is trembling in fear. His heart pounds hard and fast in his chest up his throat.

“Dammit!” Martin lets him go, allowing Malcolm to fall to the floor boneless. Martin runs his hands through his hair for a moment, frantically trying to piece together what to do. “Dammit!” Martin picks Malcolm up, roughly pulling the IV out. Malcolm’s paralyzed with fear, shaking as his father jogs up the stairs and leaves him on his bed. 

Dumped.

Malcolm trembles on the bed, terrified. His arms hurt and his legs are throbbing with pain. He cries through the night. He knows better than to be too loud, he doesn’t want to wake his mother and fears what would happen if his father came into the room instead of her. When his tears can no longer fall he stares out his window, watching the rays of the sun peek out from the windowsill. He falls asleep, shivering with exhaustion.

His mother softly brushes a hand through his hair and Malcolm slowly blinks awake. She pulls him to her and he’s boneless in her arms. He feels disconnected from himself. She kisses his cheek and pulls him from the bed. He’s vaguely aware of her talking but he can’t catch a single word. He can’t let go of the girl. Can’t forget. She was tied down like him. His father probably hurt her too.

His mother says something about a bath and leaves him in the living room. She’s put on the Discovery Channel and sharks swim on the screen. He can hear his sister’s happy squeals upstairs. His mother laughing too. The Discovery Channel is his favorite but he finds his eyes drift from the screen.

He’s not sure why. 

He doesn’t even know what to say. 

He reaches for the phone. The line beeps in his ear and he finds his courage dwindling fast. The operator picks up on the first ring. A voice, a woman, answers and asks, “911, what’s your emergency?”

He opens his mouth to speak but the words won’t come.

“Hello?”

He swallows thickly, voice horsley wavering as he says, “my-my dad. He killed the woman in the room.”

[gdreamzseternal]

I’d like to thank

@myradfemblog for finding an extremely old porn blog of mine. I forgot it existed and it actually makes me sick to see that I was role playing such sick disgusting trauma that I went through thinking it would help when it made me so much worse. Thank you for abusing me over something I repeatedly asked you to give me the link to because I wasn’t going to go through your slander about me to find it.

I want to also say thanks because you pointing that out and me seeing that made me cry both from being triggered and realizing how far I’ve come. That I am extremely kink critical now. When I used to be heavily into it. That I don’t whore myself out anymore because “sex work makes me strong”. God I used to genuinely believe that. Makes me sick. I was so so sick. I was still victimizing myself back then...

But now.. I am a survivor.

Everyone advocated for and ignored the dangers of extreme methods of “beat the child into submission”. (Looking at you old people) It’s so sad cause I still see it now. The way a person who I had a normal discussion with suddenly gets to violently abuse me and degrade me just because they didn’t like what I had to say. Sounds like abusive parents. Everything’s cool til it’s not.

My dad beat my ass cause at 9 years old because I looked him in the eyes and told him to stop drinking cause he was being mean. Telling the truth got me abused. Look at that what a surprise.

Humans communicate differently than other creatures on the planet. Does that mean the other creatures don’t communicate? No. That just means they do things different. They don’t need vaccines because they were meant to survive and live here. If humans didn’t have their science we would all be dead! We are in a race with the planet to see who can kill who first. Will we kill the planet (which kills us too idiots) or will the planet eradicate us via disease and natural disasters and heal itself and start over (we still dead). Or do we chill on our population and help the earth heal by bein more considerate of our surroundings. Yeah none of you like me because I say it how it is without thinking about how it will affect any of you. So that means you get to abuse me. I’m not hurting anyone by simply sharing my views. Yet I am being hurt for speaking my views. I’m not actively slitting the throats of disabled people. I’m not saying we have to round up the retards that already exist and just shoot them. They should just be left in their natural form. Yeah give artificial limbs out cause that’s science but giving a nasty fat fuck a wheel chair cause boohoo they can’t loose weight? Nah true waste of resources. I’m saying we use the science that is our only advantage to prevent that from ever happening again.

All I’m doing is talking on MY BLOG. & I get death threats and told I should be raped by my father all over again. Simply for sharing my feelings on what will 1000000% save the greater good. It doesn’t even have to be permanent. Imagine if every grown man had to get a vasectomy for the next 20 years til all the excited potential parents get throughly processed to see if they are psychologically, psychically, financially and home stable to have children. Then there is a massive database of all the adorable kids waiting to find homes and they get to meet and have a 30 day period where THE CHILD decides if they like their new potential parents. Every couple/person wanting to adopt can adopt up to 2 kids and the kids get a say too.

Humans are not special and I don’t care if you disagree with me. Yet for some reason we literally act like gods gift (complete pun intended) That think who fucking cares what we do to everything around us including ourselves because this is OUR EARTH. We can do what WE WANT. Blah blah blah. Then the WHITE MEN put control on EVERYONE. Then slowly we colored folk said fuck you and made our own lives cause who gives a flying fuck about someone’s skin color except for white people. Then the humans just started literally takin over. Who cares if a bunch of birds nests lived in this tree? I want my new condo that I spend 2-3 months a year in right fucking here so the homes of those birds don’t matter. Let’s massively hunt these animals into extinction for our pleasure. (Okay Hitlers)

We are selfish

I wasn’t raised like you. I wasn’t raised by anyone but my own fucking brain. I never had any positive influences but the voices in my head. We see the world for what it is and not the false reality im creating for myself. I won’t even say ‘most’ if you were raised right because even today in 2019 the system and adults hide the abuse and damage that is really happening. Clearly this whole system isn’t working.

I was raised that literally everything in the whole world was both good and bad. So I learned to be objective and unbiased. Your feelings are what get you killed. Ask any dead kid who didn’t speak up about their abusive parents. And any bleeding out gangbanger who got felt offended by a color and killed someone over it. Someone who felt the desire to get high cause they have no self control and killed some to get $$. But it wasn’t them because even though they felt the need to do the drugs it wasn’t their fault.

So why are we going to keep adding more and more children to the solution when we don’t even know what to do with the poor innocent souls that we have now? We just pretend it’s not that big a deal and keep adding feul (the kids) to the fire (the shitty system). CLEARLY you all know there’s a problem and nothing any of you are doing is working.

So when do we take extreme measures? When do we ACTUALLY make a change. We have nuclear bombs hell ANY bomb and those are okay “when absolutely necessary” but allowing people to have kids they can’t afford, can’t raise, got raped into them, got one night standed with, can’t handle. A BOMB AFFECTS HUMANS AND THE ENVIRONMENT NEGATIVELY. Humans getting neutered (since that’s what you call it for other creatures) will effect the world positively. The bombs are okay though? We can MASS destroy life but we can’t mass PREVENT it from having to be destroyed or emotionally ruined in the first place? Not forever just til we get our shit together.

The abominations and retards. That’s EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE that’s why no one likes when you mention it. They are like the endless elephant in the room. I will die by the quote, “A few bad apples ruins the whole barrel”. We think that it’s perfectly okay to keep adding bad genes to our makeup while simultaneously praying we live forever. It’s so tiresomely contradicting.

If you can all make such a fucking effort for these retard abominations that you breed. Then you can STOP breeding COMPLETELY until you give the kids homes that need them. Those kids will be more likely to become doctors getting adopted out to good homes. Then if they get left to rot in a shitty system while they walk in a grocery store with their mean foster mom and see a happy young couple PREGNANT with their first child when they could have adopted him. If you choose to give birth instead of adopting then you might as well walk up to a kid in a foster/group home and tell them they are garbage and ain’t ever going anywhere.

I still haven’t had my question answered... why does ANY HUMAN ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET need to breed when there are already so many homeless children?

So what is it are we going to stop breeding and adopt all the kids out to good homes that have been more throughly evaluated than a simple background check and having enough beds and money?

Are we going to keep creating a whole brand new system for the retards when the perfectly able children who would flourish with good parents system is still completely fucked?

Giving whole TV shows to literal human abominations for entertainment. Or humans that are forced to overbreed or sickly do it “for religious reasons”. You get to see how much their disability/struggles makes their life so hard but they are so ~brave and strong~ because society would rather force conjoined twins to spend their lives together or die trying to separate because human euthanasia is wrong until a human kills another human???????

Where does that make sense.

We are going to keep worrying more about the dysfunctional, malfunctioned, rejects of our society before the regular ones? We are going to keep following fake gods we have no proof of so that we don’t have to accept the realities of human nature.

Are we going to not do anything and ignore all the clear issues and keep adding more kids?

The same can be said about the immigrant shit in America. We have so many problems we don’t need anymore people and this place is fucked why would you wanna come here anyway? (I digress on this)

Are we going to keep throwing children out like trash in hopes that someone else will raise the busted nut you let fester in your womb?

Like out of those which one of these which one is the best option? Because all but one are things we are already doing and it isn’t working.

So hate me for being unbiased. But as my therapist (yes I discuss this with BOTH my Ts to make sure I am not delusional) put it. I am not looking at it for the benefit of humans. I’m looking at the benefit of the earth as a whole. I don’t want humans to all die off. But if it’s what it has to take in order for this planet to survive then so be it. There are so many other species, creatures, life on this Planet.

To put it simply you’re all simpleminded.

There is no god because Humans seem to think they are god. & we can breed, have our technology, have our vaccines. But as long as we are still over breeding and not adequately using our resources....

The Human Rights we are fighting for will not matter if there is nothing for the humans to live on.

This Earth is our home and there are too many of us right now. Too many of us doing too many wrong things.

Focus on the Human Wrongs then there will be no need for Human Rights because they will realize they are all just another species on this glorious and beautiful earth.

I know none of you were take anything from this.

You all were taught one way or you think one way and that is it there can’t be any other way and anyone else who thinks differently than that is wrong but at the end of the day my ideas are what will save humanity your ideas are what will destroy it. Your safe space will be irrelevant if you have no where to put it.

A human’s need to add feeling and emotion to everything is our biggest flaw.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk Typing Podcast

[rpmusingsnstuff]

‘KHONJIN HOUSE’ ASK MEME.

SEASON ONE.

“ I think it’s time to order a pepperoni pizza! ” “ Alright, let’s try this again. ” “ Why did you hang up on me?! ” “ Do you know the toll my fucking brain has taken from you calling nonstop? ” “ I can’t fucking use my dick anymore because of you. ” “ I want you dead, you little prick. ” “ This is just a plate of spaghetti. ” “ You can’t leave like this! ” “ Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to ‘Guess the Answer You Fucking Idiot!’ ” “ Your prize for winning is: full legal authority to burn my house down and kill my family-- WHAT? ” “ I think I swallowed a bottle cap. ” “ I’ve never burned down a house before! ” “ What?! What do you want?! ” “ Do you want this? It’s my most prized possession. ” “ That’s the STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever heard. ” “ Get in the back! Right now! ” “ God have mercy on all of us. But-- but mostly me. ” “ Are you American? ” “ Who are you? Wait! Don’t tell me. ” “ Whaaat is this? ” “ It’s just a little scooty. Don’t fuck with it. ” “ Ladies and gentlemen... FUCK! ” “ So it’s come to this. You’re not winning this fight. ” “ You’re not as big as you think, broseph. ” “ The only rock you’re gonna feel is the pavement. ” “ You’re gonna foot the bill of a check your body can’t cash! ” “ The bill? The food hasn’t even come yet! ” “ Maybe if you paid your bills, your wife wouldn’t have left ya. ” “ My wife and I have a beautiful marriage! ” “ They couldn’t cheat on a math test, much less cheat on me. ” “ You’ll kill us both! ” “ Don’t worry, I know how to disable bombs. ” “ You may already be a winner. ” “ Get the fuck out. Right now. ” “ You are not the legal owner of that package. ” “ I wanna play my Gamecube. ” “ That’s not a question. ” “ Where’s my Xbox? ” “ How about you get me a PSpiece of pizza, or you can Nintendo Sixty-forget about ever surviving! ” “ Can we get pizza? ” “ Um, so anyway, uh. Call me back. ” “ That’s a lot of of people they’ve gotta fight. ” “ I just had the greatest idea ever. We should write a Broadway play. ”

SEASON TWO.

“ Hey, you! You like pizza? ” “ Can I have a refill? ” “ Get out of here, you little scumbag. ” “ I make the best pizza around. ” “ No! They’re a fraud! They’re a fucking fraud! ” “ Is it true your pizzeria has passed the local health inspections? ” “ You gotta help me, doc. ” “ I got more degrees than a thermometer. ” “ That’s a wrench. ” “ Gotta hand it to you. My dick, that is. Hehehehe... ” “ You idiot! I’ll tear your degree to pieces! ” “ I’m a Youtube celebrity! 1,000 subscribers! ” “ You are garbage. ” “ Why are these names so god damn long? ” “ If you’re such a celebrity, why don’t you go off and be famous? And never come back. ” “ What the hell are you doing?! ” “ You are contractually obligated to as a Youtube superstar. ” “ Reinforce the gate! Don’t let any of them through! ” “ Who dares trespass? ” “ You’re dead! I killed you myself! ” “ I disposed of you before, and I can do it again! ” “ How easily you forget... ” “ For your grievous error you will perish. ” “ This is true. Though I have died before, once is enough. Spread the word to every corner of this earth. This house won’t be so easi-- this is so fucking dumb. ” “ Call me immediately! I wanna know. ” “ So what do you think? ” “ How do you plead guilty? ” “ I don’t know. I’ve never been guilty before. ” “ Are we really going to believe a man who publicly admitted to killing his wife and children? ” “ What a wonderful day to be the king. ” “ It wasn’t yesterday, but that’s how it felt. ” “ I don’t live in Sacramento! ” “ I’m not looking for women, I’m looking for pizza! ” “ It’s kind of mesmerizing, really. ” “ Ah, what a wonderful day to make the pizza. ” “ You. Guard. The door. Don’t move. ” “ I despise every fibre of your being. ” “ Who the fuck is this person? ” “ Also, Wreck it Ralph is a terrible movie. ” “ What’s that? ” “ I’m not involving myself with you. At all. ” “ Any of you guys see my Chia Pet? ” “ Holy shit. What the hell happened? ” “ I feel like liquid. ” “ Hey, I found something! ” “ What the hell is that? ” “ Do I look like someone who knows what the hell that is? Because I am. What was your question? ” “ I wanna know how to get the hell out of here! ” “ I will staple your face to a beehive. ” “ How about-- a high five?” “ Oh my god. They just exploded. How is that even possible? ” “ Science dictates you can’t burst into fire like that. ”

SEASON THREE.

“ The footage was doctored! You idiot! ” “ Give me the gun. Just... give me the gun. ” “ You can’t trust anyone. Except for the one man I can trust with my whole life! ” “ Words lack the parameters to accurately describe how I feel about you. ” “ Every night, I have reoccurring dream. It's you, sleeping in your bed. And it's me, with a pair or gardening shears. And I tear that stupid-ass nose right off your face, and I put it on top of my fireplace. When your dumbass daddy comes over trying to get it back, 43 trucks fall out of the sky and land exactly where he's standing. Killing him instantly. One day, it'll happen. ” “ Turn that fucking music off! ” “ I get it! You’re famous! When are you leaving?! ” “ They’re all... gone. ” “ You must follow my lead. ” “ Welcome back everybody, my wife is a bitch, we’re here at the beautiful Nickville Square Country Club. ” “ Much like my grandfather is one stroke away from having me inherit the family fortune. Yes indeed, he procured millions of dollars as a conman. ” “ I don’t know. They’re not finished. ” “ I forgot to give them food. ” “ Take a seat under my Christmas tree! There’s NOTHING there! ” “ What are you doing here, hotshot? Get out. ” “ Shut the fuck up! ” “ You ever hear a joke about the kid who dissipated into the tides of time?! ” “ And I was an undercover cop the whole time, which is what I would have said if I was a cop, I’m a murderer. ” “ What a wonderful day not to have any Christmas money. ” “ I was looking to play cards, but you can go fish. ” “ As in, like, money? But I ain’t gonna play cards with some bitchy fishy who’s trying to swim with the sharks. So how about you grab yourself a towel, and get out of the pool. ” “ Let’s play some cards! ” “ What I’m saying is I’m going to have sex. ” “ As of three hours ago, I own the copyright on playing cards. ” “ Christmas isn’t about making money! Christmas is about making a shit ton of money! ” “ The night... had just begun. ” “ Don’t trust the streets. ” “ Hey! Could you please shut up? ” “ Crisis averted. ” “ The next moment he’s coming out from behind the counter with a baseball bat. ” “ Basically, I have no idea how to solve the case. ” “ Like a man with a credit card debt of over two hundred dollars worth of OKCupid subscriptions, I was getting nowhere fast. ” “ I found the perfect guy for the job. ” “ I knew you would return. ” “ You don’t recognize your own sibling? ” “ Just thought i’d pay you a visit... ” “ Why didn’t you call before you showed up? ” “ The fuck are you doing? ” “ Where the hell have you been?! ” “ Who the hell is that? ” “ What the hell is going on? ” “ Don’t pretend like you’re not here. I know you’re here! ” “ Come and get it! ” “ Come on. Tell me I’m stupid. Tell me I’ll lose. ” “ Show me that you’ll walk away! ” “ But you can’t. ”

SEASON FOUR.

“ Alright, everybody in the car. ” “ Can I be in the front? ” “ So, how far away is Six Flags? ” “ We’re not going to Six Flags. We’re going on a hit. ” “ That’s... strange. I could have sworn we were going to Six Flags, considering I’m already in the car, and we’re going to Six Flags. ” “ If I were a target, where would I hide? ” “ Block off all the exits! Now! ” “ I’ve got the net! ” “ Finally! I can return! ” “ So you’re telling me, if I scream once, I’m dead. ” “ Well, I am a doctor, after all. ” “ That doesn’t answer my question. ” “ Come on. This is America. You can’t just point a gun at someone. ” “ The doc says if I blow a gasket, I kick the bucket. So today, you’re not gonna piss me off. ” “ Call off the whole fucking funeral. ” “ Undertale is a shitty game. ” “ Excuse me. Move. ” “ The town’s not in the budget. ” “ You can’t spell wall without balls. ” “ That sounds expensive. ” “ No. Nevermind. Refund. Discount. ” “ I like to make it the gay way. ” “ Whaddya think? ” “ Where’s my money. ” “ Do I owe you something? ” “ Look, I’ve had a rough day. I’m not looking for trouble. ” “ You know it’s illegal to feet exotic birds. ” “ There’s no way you could possibly know that. ” “ Dear diary: today I have decided to stop wasting my time with habits that just are fucking dumb. ” “ Undertale is a great game. ” “ I don’t have your money! Now get the fuck-- ” “ Do you know why I hate Undertale? Because it’s the best game ever made. ” “ The graphics look like they were drawn by a four-year-old, with the talents of Pablo Picasso in his prime. Which is what I would have said, if I liked the graphics. Which I do. Not. ” “ It’s so quiet. ” “ And I’ll be right here, at ground zero. ” “ Um, excuse me? ” “ The prodigal son... of a bitch, returns! ” “ What the hell is your problem? ” “ I wanna kill you on the principle of that stupid-ass question alone! ” “ I don’t even know who you are! ” “ I’m sorry, but there’s an irony to be appreciated here. I know it’ll be lost on you, but... would you believe you’re not the only one who wants me dead? ” “ The next time I show up will be the last. ” “ If they’re anywhere here, and you haven’t told me, I will drag this world into the depths. ” “ You’ve wanted me dead since the beginning. ” “ Die. ” “ I’m kinda sleepy. ” “ I’m kinda pissed. Probably don’t have to tell you why, either. ” “ I’ll even put on some music for ya. ” “ Oh my god, are they snoring? What the fuck is that sound? ” “ I was having a dream about this girl with really big thighs. ” “ You are so full of shit. ” “ No, I mean it! What kind of lying scumbag-- ” “ What a wonderful day to experience an unabashedly horrifying piece of ribbon. ” “ You know what? I’m gonna turn lemon into lemonade, here. I’m going to go to the mall, and buy a purse. And then I’ll fill that purse with a copper brick, and use it to beat the ever-loving shit out of you! ” “ Don’t worry, I can fix this. Which is what I would have said if I knew how. ” “ You don’t work here! I fired you a year ago! ” “ You’re fired again. ” “ I know what I want, and I know what I deserve. ” “ I don’t know what a Gamecube is. ” “ Look, these three words are non-negotiable: Super. Monkey. Ball. ” “ I am from America. ” “ That sounds like a load of shit, I don’t really believe you. ” “ Don’t tell anyone what you saw. ”

SEASON FIVE.

“ Boy, am I hungry. ” “ My greatest wish is for you to be castrated by a scorpion. ” “ Who the hell’s throwing lamps out here?! ” “ I’ll do a tap dance on your ribcage! ” “ I love this. ” “ What a beautiful day! ” “ You gotta catch that cab! ” “ With this horse? My horse? That’s a horse. ” “ It seems like you thought I was asking for a second opinion. ” “ That’s a frisbee. ” “ That’s what I thought. ” “ I would rather die at the hands of a frisbee than chase after whatever Crazy Taxi it is you want me to go get. ” “ I’m calling your bluff, asshole. ” “ There’s still time! Let’s go! ” “ You wanna know so bad? The baby stole my gun. Okay? ” “ Shut the hell up. ” “ What a wonderful day to travel back in time. ” “ That’s a mug. ” “ Why do you care about a mug? ” “ Wait! I can save everyone! ” “ I’m not playing with you! ” “ What the hell is that thing. ” “ You’re frightening the dog. ” “ What is it? ” “ It’s a date. ” “ Wow! Our first date! ” “ Why are you wearing a blindfold? ” “ So... what do you like best about me? ” “ I really admire your dedication. ” “ It is pretty funny, isn’t it? ” “ I’m breaking up with you. Get out. ” “ ... Surpriiiise. ” “ This is a rescue operation. ” “ Who else is gay? ” “ I have... two... two mushrooms. So I’m doing pretty good over here. ” “ I’m gonna blow you away. ” “ Who is this? ” “ So that means you’re the villain. ” “ If you swear allegiance to my cause, this pepperoni pizza is all yours. ” “ Look at you. All high and mighty. Big man on campus. ” “ You need to leave, I’m doing something very serious-- ” “ Like I give a shit what your name is! You are nothing. ” “ Excuse me! The men are talking. ” “ It’s finally mine! ” “ Get out here, come on, we’re on a schedule here-- ” “ I’m looking for a man between two and three hundred pounds. A man with most of his teeth, or all of them. ” “ How could that possibly help me? ” “ Oh shit. Okay, somebody call an ambulance. ” “ If you want to be ruled by someone you hate, give them this piece. If you want to be ruled by someone who hates you, don’t. ” “ I’ve decided, since you’ve kept bothering me all this time, I’ll give you that slice of pizza. ” “ You know damn well what I want. ” “ Where the hell are we? ” “ Well, I can tell you where we’re not. ” “ What have you DONE?! ” “ No bullets? ” “ I fucking knew it. ” “ You. Should not. Have done this. ” “ Looks like you’re just gonna have to kill me. ” “ So you know where you are? ” “ You don’t belong here. ” “ Okay, so you don’t know where you are. ” “ I made here! I made these people! The only person who doesn’t belong here is you! ” “ I’ll prove it. ” “ The power that was once upon you is no longer yours. ” “ This existence doesn’t need you anymore. But ours does. ” “ Just because you lost someone doesn’t mean everyone else has to! ” “ That’s enough. ” “ Get 'em outta here! ” “ Did you just SAVE everyone?! ” “ I’ll race you there! ”

KHONJIN.

“ What a wonderful day to be at the sun. ” “ After all these years, it’s finally time for your return-- ” “ I’m getting the psychic vision! ” “ You also have the gift? ” “ How much do you know? ” “ How easily we forget: I’m a psychic. ” “ Perhaps we can work out some sort of deal-- ” “ You didn’t tell me the crab crab was a crab! ” “ Alright. You asked for this. ” “ It’s just like they say: life’s a beach, and I’m the dune who can’t sand to watch our crustacean comrades go unprotected by the long beach island arm of the claw. ” “ I’m going to die. ” “ I’m going to need to examine that bag. ” “ Man! You sure do complain a lot! But you’re never wrong! ” “ I hate it! I really hate it! ” “ And that’s basically my commercial idea. ” “ You degenerate ape-- ” “ Dear pesky plumbers, if you enter EVO, you will win ten billion dollars?! ” “ Who are you? ” “ Wait a second, EVO is basketball? ” “ Have you ever seen moves like this?! ” “ I’ll be declared guilty of being a total slow-mo. ” “ Holy shit! ” “ What am I supposed to do now?! A man with something to prove has just lost... ” “ Hi, I’d like to be the bad cop? ” “ You really saved my skin there. ” “ I see myself in you, is what I’m trying to say. ” “ Coast is clear, buddy. ” “ Officers, come on, it’s just a prank! ” “ God, this sucks. ” “ How did you end up in here?! ” “ I’d give your money back, but I spent it on this frisbee. ” “ Man... someone’s gonna have to pick up that body. ” “ We could just travel back in time. ” “ I thought you’d never ask! ” “ Gentlemen, the heist is simple. ” “ Just say yes, you dipshit. ” “ We needed Kool-Aid, and this is a three man operation. ” “ So shut your ass up, and get in gear. ” “ I’m dead, you see. ” “ If your dad believes in himself, isn’t that all that matters? ”  “ So, uh, what’s your favourite dinosaur? ”

[putris-et-mulier]

I had a hard time growing up with my father cause he does what we'd call tough love I guess, but I'm pretty sure a lot of it was abuse. But I always wanted to have kids and I am really good with em, people always point it out cause theres this idea guys arent supposed to be good with kids, that is ridiculous. But I think I just wanna prove I'd be a better father than him... All the discussion here about abortion and reasons to be a parent and wanting to be kinda savior to your kids it really 1/2

it really made me reconsider why I want to have kids. I don’t think proving I’d be a good dad is enough reason and also seems like a burden to put on the kid… idk if this makes sense. I wouldn’t ask a girl to abort cause thats her decision and I’m bi so I also think a lot about adoption. If I happen to have kids I will try my best to be a good dad but now I think I will wait and try to work out my issues first… that I don’t anything to my father and I dont have to live to prove him wrong.

Firstly, you definitely need to work on those issues before you have children in any fashion, especially adoption, because not wanting disability doesn’t protect your children from becoming disabled

Secondly, you might want to consider adopting older NTAB children because so many don’t get adopted and if they do become disabled they will still have NTAB conditioning so it won’t be like raising a child from a foreign culture but even then you have to make sure it’s the right choice for you

Thirdly, you don’t have to prove anything.

As someone who has always been in and out of hospitals and doctors offices for 30 years I can tell you that male nurses are by far the best and most any female nurse that has worked with one will tell you the same.

There is this misconception that men can’t be carrying or compassion or safe but men who go into that line of work or just sincerely want to be fathers like mine are the absolute best. I know it takes a unique person to be like this, male or female, but in this case I think masculine conditioning is actually beneficial.

Cis women are expected to bear pain better than cis men despite what the social rhetoric says and because they are conditioned to hide pain so often they have less empathy for other people in pain. They are also expected to be in those positions so they tend to be there because it’s expected, not because they actually care.

For anyone out there male or non-binary who is interested in becoming a nurse or caretaker or aides in classrooms and at disabled camps or special ed teacher, or anything involving disabled kids, please pursue this interest!

I have MD and it’s very rare in females so when I went to MDA camp there were just a few of us girls in a cabin but many other ones for the male children. Before McDonald’s bought it and used it as a way to make money off of experimenting on disabled children (I haven’t mentioned that in a while so a lot of you may not know the story) anyway, before that the counselors were all teenagers. There was an adult staff but they were there to supervise all of us, having teenage NTAB counselors be the only ones that took care of us or live with us was absolutely amazing.

We didn’t feel like we were being monitored constantly because everyone was a teenager which meant they were young and cool, everybody wants to be a teenager when you’re a kid. They also treated us like we were just kids, not disabled kids. We were cute and we were just there to have fun around our own people so they were there primarily as counselors, no one had formal training or anything so they hadn’t been taught not to listen to us yet. They all knew first-aid and were told about the conditions but they didn’t know what to do to take care of us so they asked and they listened. It was like this magical place until McDonald’s House™ bought us but things weren’t quite as good for my male peers. But let me put my epiphany in context.

Every single night the teenagers had a huge party. They took shifts on who would stay with us at night so everyone spent at least half their nights getting absolutely wasted and having casual sex in the woods.

There was always one night when the campers all had a “dance” and the counselors were always excited to give us a good time because we were so adorably excited to have our own party with them. And the counselors off nighttime shift those nights partied heavier than ever and those who didn’t want to were more than happy to just sleep with us. They weren’t buzz skills, they were helping people party.

It was the closest thing to a utopia I’ve ever experienced.

None of this would be allowed to go on anymore and it wouldn’t have been at that time either if the adults knew what was going on but we were all in it together, we were all technically kids. Even though our counselors were also kids we were always the safest when they were running things. The type of person who is going to even be interested in doing something like this let alone doing it to that extent is still that type of person even if they are away from home. They partied hard, really hard, and since they had the freedom to do so they took responsibility. Everyone had equal time at the parties and none of them resented us because we weren’t a responsibility, we were just too young to party so everyone who actually wanted some sleep was happy to be there in the cabins with us at night, it was especially fun for us in the girls cabin because each night we had different counselors telling us all the gossip so we ended up knowing everyone’s dirty laundry.

There were a very few teenage campers but they were “allowed” to go to the parties because they weren’t crippled kids, they were other teenagers. This also encouraged the older kids with MD to feel like capable human beings and so they would help look after all of us kids which is an experience every disabled child should have. They were cool because they were teenagers but they were also one of us, they weren’t one of them.

None of them did this because anyone was trying to socialize them or “make them feel important” by giving them “responsibilities” they did it because they wanted to. Everyone was in on it together and everyone wanted to have the best time possible so they chipped in during so they could party harder at night. It probably goes without saying that it was an amazing example for those of us who were younger.

We were observant so we always knew when someone was being forced or “assigned” to look after us but these guys weren’t, they treated us like little brothers and sisters because our bond came organically. We actually had role models that were one of us, going to the camp was one of the first times that a lot of kids realized that they could have the chance to be actual teenagers.

It’s kind of funny, they were young enough that they didn’t have a hard time bouncing back from a night of drinking or going without sleep but it made mornings easier for us children because a lot of them were waking up with something that felt like a bit of chronic illness themselves so they couldn’t have forced us to use all of our spoons first thing in the morning even if they wanted to.

But one night a party had gotten too hardy and so there was a shortage of capable counselors the next morning and the shortage was in the male cabins, the girls could always hang. Our counselors split up to go help get all the kids up which took a lot of time. The counselors that were best taking care of us physically split up amongst all of the cabins and that morning we had some of the female counselors from the male cabins come to help us instead of all of our usual ones.

I got a girl I eventually got an innocent childhood crush on, she was always “one of the boys” but she was so confident that no one would have described her like that, she was just herself and that made her a badass. She was also beautiful but I did have legitimate non-shallow reasons!

I was a lot stronger then so I was taking off all of my pajamas as quickly as I could because we all knew about the situation so I was trying to get undressed as quickly as possible so she could help one of the younger kids but she stopped me from taking my shirt off.

She said that I could keep it on while she was helping me into my pants so I wouldn’t be completely naked. I laughed to let her know it was no big deal and told her that I didn’t mind. That’s what I learned to say to the nurses throughout my life to make them a little less resentful about me but it didn’t work on her.

She looked extremely frustrated and I realized years later she wasn’t frustrated with me, per se, she was frustrated with what I had said. She said, “there’s no reason you have to be completely naked in front of everyone, most people don’t do that.”  I didn’t know what to do because I only learned to make “normal” people feel as comfortable as possible so I tried to tell her it was fine but she cut me off and said, “You know that I work in one of the boys cabins even though I’m a girl? It’s because there aren’t a lot of guy counselors so none of the boys get any modesty. I only help change one thing at a time so the boys don’t feel completely embarrassed and they still get to feel like boys.”

That was language I understood even if the concept blew me away and it’s something that comes to mind quite often.

I suddenly noticed that there were usually only people around us that had vaginas. That had to be weird for the guys. I then noticed that that they were treated like girls, not like NTAB boys. I’ve always wondered if it was any different for the boys who like other boys, because I figured that must make them more uncomfortable.

Disabled people are conditioned to be asexual but a heteronormative asexual. We are expected to get “crushes” and it’s completely safe because we can’t have sex. Why medical professionals think you can’t have sex because you sit down a lot I have no idea.

Imagine how little representation or participation socially that  gender and sexual minority children get, it’s a million times worse when they are disabled. There has been and always will be a huge need for people to work in caretaking positions that aren’t cis women.