#do not delete / /

[milkymoose]

i was thinking of deleting a side blog earlier today

it's 2024 and people are still accidentally deleting their ENTIRE tumblr accounts while trying to remove a sideblog, so... a PSA.

do not "delete" the sideblog. you have to change the "members" (admins/mods) of the sideblog to zero.

you can either do this by removing yourself from the list of members, or if you want to be extra safe you can add a burner account (ACCOUNT. NOT SIDEBLOG) as one or the members and THEN remove yourself

or, to be even safer, just set the sideblog to "password protected" - which means that no one can view it.

this website is made out of duct tape and it is very likely that if you try to delete a sideblog, you will delete everything.

[toxikgato]

hosting these here for a fic

[corrodedparadox]

⚠️

[harrowharks-earing]

My friend started weaponizing self-harm. So I blocked him.

I have this friend, we’ll call him Dylan, who I met a little over a year ago through a Facebook group for adults trying to make friends after college. I knew from the start he was a difficult person to be friends with, as he makes something of a point of oversharing, which he explained to me was his way of weeding out fake friends and people who wouldn’t like the real him anyway. He is a deeply cynical person and some of his opinions are definitely off-putting, but he was very emotionally intelligent and was good about reminding people not to go out of their way for him when he would share something traumatic and/or heavy. So I understood why he definitely wasn’t “for everyone” and didn’t blame them for not getting along with him. But it seemed like he was genuinely trying to be as authentic to himself as possible, while respecting that that meant some people wouldn’t like him. He would often mention how he had trouble really opening up or knowing who his real friends were, how friends often abandoned him if he got too real with them. But he kept telling me how he liked me because I was kind and patient, sometimes telling me I was too nice for my own good, like when we went out with our Facebook group and I got stuck with a guy talking very much at me for way too long before Dylan pulled me out. He seemed emotionally intelligent and wise beyond his years and was always there for me as a shoulder to lean on, and always aggressively on my side in any disagreements I told him about, be it an argument with my brother or getting fired from my job.

We started hanging out independently of the group and around this time he met and also befriended my best friend, who we’ll call Mary. Mary is also very emotionally intelligent, working with children on the spectrum and having a degree is psychology, and I love her to bits. But she is definitely the sort to intentionally stick her head in the sand to avoid thinking about unpleasant topics. So being out with the two of them felt like I was in the middle of two extremes. Dylan being in your face with his dark thoughts, worldview, and experiences and Mary being optimistic and whimsical if a bit willfully naive. Naturally they would butt heads sometimes and I struggled with these arguments because I only sort of understood where either of them were coming from and knew the other person had a point they were refusing to see. I didn’t like being caught in the middle but they were very good about not dragging me into their disagreements if I didn’t want to or anything like that, letting me pipe up when I thought one of them raised a good point but not making me pick a side.

This all started about two month or so ago when I returned from a family vacation in Florida. My sister had announced her pregnancy during the trip and I knew Dylan had some dark views on choosing to have kids, viewing it as a fundamentally selfish act in the part of the parents. So I was purposefully very casual in mentioning the pregnancy, dropping it in a thread about how the trip was in a group chat with the three of us and even mentioning just before that how I always love to see my little nieces. Mary liked the message and said congratulations and then we moved on. This was late at night and Dylan wasn’t saying anything, so I thought that would be it. Turns out he had missed the thread as he was out partying and I woke up to the following message “give your sister my condolences on her infestation” What the fuck Dylan?

Me and Mary tried to explain that, regardless of his opinions on babies, that was not an okay thing to say. I really want to emphasize that we weren’t trying to change his opinion or anything, only to explain that sometimes, if you can’t say anything nice, it is best to not say anything at all. But he is refusing to listen, giving me the same talking points I’ve heard from him dozens of times about how he won’t let himself be tied into knots to appease others. I told him in the future he should try asking a question about the couple to see if such a comment might be welcome. But he sees any request to restrain himself as a complete, vicious, personal attack. I still can’t hear anything about my sister’s unborn baby without remembering how he hijaked a moment that had nothing to do with him and made it all about his opinion and trauma and getting upset all over again.

(Btw I know for a fact both Dylan and Mary read that threat to their respective therapists that week, lol)

After two weeks of silence, Dylan does apologize, explaining that he was in a dark place but he is trying to be better every day. He has told me this before when we disagreed. For example, when he told me and Mary we “weren’t mentally ill enough to understand this movie”. But I believed him about trying to help better and forgave him.

But his behavior did not improve. About a week ago he and I are texting and I ask how he is supporting himself while he is abroad since I know he likes to party a lot. He told me he wasn’t really and that his lifestyle was not sustainable but he was too anxious to get a job either. I suggested he look into apps like taskrabit or instacart so he could set his own hours and earn at least some pocket money. And he goes on this rant at me about how I am triggering him.

Then, about three days ago, he texts me something out of the blue about how he thinks he’s falling in love with some girl. I am aromantic, so definitely not the best person to ask for love advice but Dylan has a track record for ignoring whatever I suggest so I tell him “Honestly at this point I don’t know why you tell me these things. We both know you’ll just do whatever you want regardless.” And he responds “Yeah. That’s because I’m not asking you for your opinion. I’m just telling you about my day :)” and he goes on to tell me he expects me to just listen without getting judgmental and maybe respond by telling a story about my life in kind.

Now I definitely get just needing to vent to a friend sometimes but he had never communicated that this was his expectation and I was hurt to learn he really wasn’t listening to any of the advice I had given him over the months, even when he later admitted it was good advice. I told him that doesn’t sound like a friendship. That sounds like you are using me as a receptive for your emotions and you would be just as well served by posting on social media or buying a diary. And we get into this argument about how he doesn’t listen to me. He again tells me he needs to speak to his therapist about this.

Then after work the next day I see this long text he’s sent me, basically explaining that he will not be changing his behavior because it’s a symptom of BPD which he thinks he might have, but he hopes I understand why and we can continue to be friends. I decided not to respond immediately and to sleep on it. I wake up in the morning to a text from Dylan, the notification of which reads “I know it’s ridiculous but I kinda want to kill myself right now”

I am stunned. That is how he chooses to respond to my lack to reaction? I know for an absolute fact he know what a shitty and manipulate thing that is to say to someone, especially during an argument. But I have work that day and know I can’t get into unpacking that until after my shift so I ignore the message and leave it unread. At lunch, I see he has texted me some attachment and I immediately know I don’t want to open it and see some guilt-trippy thing about how I am making his mental health worse by not responding. And that’s when I realize exactly what Brian is: he’s the world’s poorest little meow meow. He thinks his mental health issues give him a pass on his selfish behavior and refuses to listen or accept accountability.

I texted him to lose my number for a while, and not to respond with some spiel about how he’s such a sad meow meow. I should’ve blocked him immediately because I know he wouldn’t respect that boundary. He can’t stand to let anyone else have the last word. He responds right away with a spiel about how he’s the world’s wettest little kitten but thinks because he said vulgar words it is something different and was guilt trippy as hell.

I’m upset because he was a very loyal friend to me and I am sad to lose that relationship but I cannot tolerate that kind of treatment. The worst part is I am sure I’m just the latest of who knows how many friends he’s had over the years who he now talks about as though they abandoned him for the smallest infraction without a second thought. Or incorporates into his self-pitying world-view. I feel like a fool for not seeing the way he was with our mutual friends and letting him get away with that for so long.

[samgiddings]

@staff @support @engineering @music @books

Have you ever considered this is a really stupid layout to have when there’s no way to easily get your account back if you accidentally hit the wrong button???

[cozylittleartblog]

"content creator" is a corporate word.

we are artists.

[l3irdl3rain]

someday i'll see you all again, but in the mean time I'll be collecting some new old friends

[retquits]

[mossytrashcan]

bitch she might just be the father?????

[mildmayfoxe]

ARTISTS! UPLIFT EACH OTHER! ☞ shop / patreon ☜

[iamanartichoke]

I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -

I am fine with "the audience" -

downloading my fics

printing my fics

copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics

sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3

making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss

doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc

I am not fine with "the audience"

doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity

feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever

Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.

Enjoy the fandom things.

[hinamie]

I'm always pushing you away from me / but you come back with gravity / and when I call, you come home

[oladthepancake]

🍁🍁🍁

- Kris, shouldn't we be at school now?

👉👈💦

- Kris, why do we stand in one place for an hour and get wet in the rain?

- Kris, you know... it's almost night...

- K-kris???????-

[heritageposts]

From the ghouls at SkyNews: A three-year-old Palestinian girl is a "young lady," while the child-murdering soldiers in the IOF are "teenage victims."

[greatcometcas]

If you feel it, chase it.

[bixels]

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.