#do nooooooot fucking come near me with that. okay.

[drkcatt]

minfilia and thancred together again!! dont remind thancred that he's technically not the older brother anymore ok

[cyanwormonastring]

Dinner With I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME, My Chemical Romance, and Ricky Montgomery (The Thrilling Sequel)

Me: Okay, let's talk a little bit about ourselves

Me: *internally* Jeez I feel like I've done this before

IDK: I'm a teenage beauty queen of sorts

Me: Uh- okay sure. Ricky?

Me: *internally* This feels like a really bad case of deja vu, what?

RM: I miss my lover, man

Me: Ummmm are you?? Doing alright?

RM: I can see the light

Me: Ricky what the fuck do you need to lie down?

RM: I'm headed straight for the floor *falls*

MCR: The floor the floor the floor

Me: Oh- um can someone help me, please?

MCR: When I was a young boy, my father-

Me: I ASKED FOR HELP NOW IS N O T THE TIME TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF, GERARD

MCR: I'm sorry

Me: Okay, so will you help me?

MCR: I. Don't. Care!

Me: Okay, fine, Dallon?

IDK: I wouldn't hesitate *makes Ricky float onto a conveniently placed couch across the room*

Me: Wh- why am I not surprised? Anyway, thanks, Dallon.

IDK: I do it all the time

Me: Like to make people float? Or-

IDK: It's so fun

Me:

Me: What was that you were saying, Gerard?

MCR: I'm not a hero

Me: Yeah, I know, you didn't help me with Ricky here, when you were literally right next to us

MCR: Teenagers scare the living shit out of me

Me: Fair enough, I wouldn't want to be near myself either. I mean, this is a dinner after all, so does anyone want anything?

MCR: If you could get me a drink of water

Me: No problem, Gerard

MCR: *aggressively drinks water* My lips are chapped and faded

IDK: Stop drinking it down!

MCR: I'm unashamed

*crash from across the room*

RM: I broke all my bones

Me: OH MY GOD ARE YOU OKAY??

RM: *mumbles*

Me: What was that?

RM: Listen close, it's a no

MCR: I'm nooooooot okayyyy

Me: I wasn't asking you, can't you see that Ricky has gone to pieces?

RM: *dies*

MCR: Did you get what you deserve, the ending of your life?

Me: GERARD, STOP BEING RUDE

IDK: *to Ricky's corpse* For you, I'd die *dies*

IDK: *carousels into grave*

RM: *revived* Is it worth it, is it worth it, tell me is it worth it?

MCR: Maybe

RM: I'm Mr. Loverman

MCR: We're just two men

IDK: *Dallon rises from the grave* I wouldn't hesitate

Me: Bitch *giggles*

IDK: *scowls* To smile while you suffocate and die

MCR: *dying* Am I losing myself?

IDK: Burn

MCR: And well I, I won't go down with myself, but I'll go down with my friends, yeah *falls dramatically, taking Dallon and Ricky down with him*

IDK, MCR, & RM: *die*

Me: Well this is very inconvenient *goes into afterlife* I'm not that great of a host, but I might as well say goodbye.

Me: So, any last words? *trying to use one of my brain cells* Why do I feel like I've said this before?

MCR: So long and goodnight

Me: The afterlife really has changed you, thank you for your manners

IDK: We're taking over the world

Me: You can't, Dallon, you're dead

IDK: Mad as a hatter

Me: That's you all right

RM: Ashes ashes

Me: Okay cool, time for me to go *transports back to living room*

Me: This place is a mess, there's three dead bodies here

*bodies disappear*

Me: Well that's very convenient

Me: Well I'm by myself now, nothing to do *remembers something I did like 5 minutes ago*

Me: *mockingly* I mean, this is a dinner after all, so does anyone want anything?

Me: Eww, why'd I say it like that, we didn't even eat anything, and all of the food is still on the table, this whole DAY has been a mess

B: Peach and lime daquiri

Me: WHAT THE FUCK IS BRENDON URIE DOING HERE, SHOO

Me: How do I get rid of this dude? *gains a brain cell* Oh I know, he'll just die like everyone else did

B: *doesn't die*

Me: Oh hey, a bat, where'd that come from? *throws bat*

*bat comes back like a boomerang*

Me: Oh no I'm dying

B: She's not bleeding

Me: Uhh, I kinda am

B: Oh, well

Me: Fuck you sir *dies*

IDK: Wave

MCR & RM: *waves*

Me: *waves*

Me: Hey what happened to Brendon?

B: Out the back door

Me: I didn't even know there was one, huh

Me: How come I can hear you?

B: I'm a diva!

Me: *blinks* What the fuck

IDK: *angrily* I'M a teenage beauty queen

MCR: They make me do push-ups in drag

Me: This is too much for me *un-dies* That's better

[jcmorrigan]

Me(n)tal Fatigue

The F/O? XR from Buzz Lightyear of Star Command. The S/I? Rachel Sparks - fifth ranger of Team Lightyear with a big heart for justice (and no glasses in this ‘verse because I suppose Nebula would surgically augment my eyes to make sure Zurg couldn’t rip the glasses off and stomp on them, which is a Zurg tactic). This one goes as an epilogue to the ep “Head Case,” and watch me project neurodivergent headcanons upon a ROBOT. Listen, I have evidence as to why he has OCD, GAD, or both and I can produce receipts.

***

       She crossed his path later that night, just after hours, in the hallways connecting the barracks. Not an infrequent occurrence, given the proximity of her barrack to his storage unit. As always, they greeted each other as friends.

           She put up her hand; “Hey.”

           He made finger guns at her and clicked his tongue, winking.

           This was the part where they would just breeze by each other and keep on going, usually. But tonight –

           “Hey. XR.”

           They’d already passed each other by a couple paces in her case and cycles in his, and XR heard Rachel’s call to him when his back was already turned to her. He turned a quick 180 to see her regarding him with an air of concern that was, frankly, surprising. Shouldn’t she be used to this by now?

           “You know, I didn’t come THAT close to dying this time,” he said, cavalier as ever, a flippant shrug punctuating it. “YOU were the one who almost exploded.”

           Oh, that realization didn’t sit well with him.

           “I know,” Rachel replied.

           The words were so hard to dig up. She knew what she wanted – had – to ask him. But was it out of obligation as a friend, or some twisted excuse to get more attention from him? She wrestled with herself in her mind over the topic. This was why having feelings for someone was horrible. You could never trust your own intentions.

           She ended up just staring at XR blankly for a minute and a half, at which point he remarked, “Ooooookay, Rachel’s finally glitched out. And here, I thought that didn’t happen to organics.” In a blink, he was up in her face, escalated to her height so he could wave a hand in her face; “HEL-LOOOOO! STAR COMMAND TO RACHEL SPARKS! IS THERE A SIGN OF INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THERE?”

           She snorted, then broke down giggling.

           “I’m not sure whether to take that as a good sign or one that you’ve just completely lost it,” XR commented.

           “I’m fine,” Rachel said, calming down. “I just…wanted to ask you something. It might not be something you wanna talk about.”

           “You grossly underestimate my desire to talk about anything for long periods of time, especially if that ‘anything’ is related to myself.”

           “Well, you’re in luck,” Rachel replied. “But seriously, if you don’t wanna answer the question, you don’t have to.”

           He reverted to his usual height. “You’re gonna kill me from curiosity, Rach. If your goal here was to finish the job XL started, you’re doing a bang-up job.”

           “I was the one he almost blew up, remember?”

           XR really, really didn’t like considering the actual implications there. “No, seriously, what’s the big, scary question?”

           “Well…”

           She had to ask. Even if it was just an excuse to get him to talk to her. Either way, she knew he needed to talk about it. If his case was anything like hers, anyway. And she knew it was.

           On impulse, Rachel repositioned, dropping to the floor to sit with legs folded in a pretzel-reminiscent configuration, making her actually have to look up to meet XR’s line of sight. “So. Everybody thought you had ‘mental fatigue.’”

           “We’re getting comfortable for this. That should be a red flag.”

           “You don’t have to answer.”

           “I at least need to know where you’re going with this.”

           “It’s just…” Rachel faltered on the wording, then decided to simply be blunt: “DO you?”

           XR flinched. “What, you think I’m some kind of nutcase? Granted, that would fall in line with your brand of affectionate insult – “

           “Just hear me out, okay?” Rachel interrupted. “It’s all these things I’ve been noticing. How you straight-up ditched the team after having an air freshener ripped out. That was the first clue. You KNOW I’ve been there. It really looks like if you think you’re not perfect, you might as well not try. And then there’s the whole NOS-4-A2 thing. You’ve been taking him…REALLY hard. And then there was that attack that kicked this whole evaluation off, and…”

           “You are reading way, WAY too much into things,” XR replied, waving a hand as though to brush off Rachel’s speculation entirely. “Everyone has problems facing down a legitimate archnemesis. The rest of that is just my lovable quirks.”

           “And that’s…fine,” Rachel said unsurely. “It’s just that…I’ve…been a lot of these places. Not all of them, but…sometimes it really looks like you’re dealing with some heavy shit. Like you’re scared. Like you feel you’re losing control. Like you’re anxious.”

           “Robots don’t get anxiety disorder,” XR said dismissively. “I am literally programmed not to have anything your armchair diagnosis has led you to believe I have.”

           “And I’m totally ready to bring out the apology train for assuming,” Rachel went on. “I just had to ask if…” She swallowed hard. “If you were okay. That’s really all I want to know. Because if you’re not, then I figured you might wa – need to talk about it. And if you do, then…I’m here. But if I’m wrong, then just tell me straight, I’ll shut the fuck up, and I’ll go directly to bed without passing Go or collecting two hundred unibucks.”

           XR regarded Rachel with mild suspicion. “And after I answer, you intend to do WHAT with that information, exactly?”

           “Nothing,” Rachel told him. “This isn’t like taping me stupid dancing. I’m not gonna broadcast it or use it as blackmail. Like I know you wouldn’t do for anything ACTUALLY important.”

           His immediate instinct was to make a wisecrack about that, but that was perhaps the one sacred covenant between them, and he knew better. She was right about that much.

           “I’m just…” Her voice was barely able to eke out the next words due to the pounding of her heart. “Worried about you.”

           The silence only lasted a few seconds, but they could both feel how heavy it was and what it carried with it.

           “Well,” XR said at last. “Don’t be, because there is nothing to worry about.”

           Rachel looked up to him, giving him a nod in response. Maybe she’d been wrong. It was entirely likely she’d been projecting.

           His smile was broad, his body language solid. “You think it’s gonna take a few near-death experiences to break XR, Robot Ranger? Well, think again, my grammatically correct friend. I’ve been on the force longer than you have, you know.”

           By a couple months, she thought, but she didn’t voice this, instead nodding.

           “And I’ve seen things,” XR went on confidently. “Things that would reduce your average civilian to tears. But me? I am resilient in all conditions! Mental fatigue? Please. At the end of the day, nothing REALLY gets to me. Only the satisfaction of bad guys stopped, a job well done, and, if the day has gone according to plan, side cash earned from a moonlight venture. Granted, it’s a fifty-fifty shot that that part ever goes according to plan.”

           Seventy-thirty, Rachel corrected internally, and not in your favor.

           “In conclusion,” XR stated, “you don’t need to get your pretty little head worried about me, because I am completely, totally, one HUNDRED percent – NO I’M NOOOOOOOT!”

           The shift had been completely unpredictable; suddenly he was shaking like a leaf, fluid welling up at the bases of his eye-lights. Rachel flinched; it was like he’d been replaced again, like an entirely different robot stood before her, but she knew it was him. And she knew it was exactly as she’d suspected.

           “I DON’T WANNA KEEP DEALING WITH THIS!” XR went on, his voice cracking. “I DON’T WANNA LEAVE DUTY, EITHER! I CAN’T HAVE ANYONE THINKING I’M NUTS! BUT EVERY TIME THAT ENERGY-SUCKING VAMPIRE REARS HIS HEAD, OR XL RIPS ME TO PIECES, I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I’M GONNA MAKE IT OUT THIS TIME! AND I REMEMBER THAT! I THINK ABOUT THAT!”

           Rachel didn’t reply. She simply listened. He had to say his piece. He’d had to say it for some time now. Though she had to admit she wasn’t as prepared for this reaction as she’d thought she had been. She had asked for candor, but hadn’t expected things to get quite this candid.

           Nor was she expecting it when he leaned right into her, his arms suddenly extending to wrap tightly around her in a desperate search for comfort, for understanding. She froze, her heart the only part of her in motion, and that dangerously so, throbbing so fast it might just explode. Feelings. She cursed them. If she didn’t have those feelings for him, this wouldn’t be so difficult to navigate, and she could just be there for him without pausing or stuttering. She could just –

           Well, realizing what a rational Rachel without a crush would do indicated what the real Rachel had to.

           She wrapped her own arms around his cylindrical body, pulling him a bit closer. Thinking about how there might not even be any benefit he’d get from that, being unable to sense tactile stimulation and all. Knowing that didn’t matter.

           “And you know – YOU KNOW – I’m only the way I am because of an accident!” XR babbled. “I got smashed to smithereens, and when they put me back together, I was me! Nobody knows how that even happened! And every time since then, when I’ve been pounded to bits, I come back as me! But what if I DON’T come back as me next time? What if I actually get deleted? Erased? Eighty-sixed?”

           Rachel had never even thought about that before, and she had to admit even she was horrified. No. She couldn’t tell him she was worried about that now on top of his mental state. She had to be the strong one here. It’s what she would want if it were her doing the crying.

           “ – and that energy-sucker’s obedience code is STILL in my data banks, and I’ve erased it THREE times since then, but it keeps reprogramming itself, and I can’t get rid of it, I CAN’T GET RID OF IT – “

           Her hand gently slid up and down his back. Now, that gesture probably was absolutely useless, but still, any way to let him know, without verbally interrupting, that she was listening, that she was understanding as best she could.

           “ – and THIS time, it was almost YOU that bit the dust, and that would’ve been on me! Forever! Knowing I let you get blown up!”

           A cold flush ran over Rachel. He’d really been that afraid for her?

           “And what kind of ranger lets all of his friends go down like THAT? Listen, I know I’m not the galaxy’s most morally upstanding guy, but – “

           Oh. He’d meant the collective “you.” That made more sense.

           This went on for a while. What he poured out, she absorbed, and soon she was the one shaking, having to hold all of this knowledge, even if it was only confirmation of what she’d theorized. Then there was silence, the pair of them locked together in the middle of a public hallway, surprisingly not having attracted any outside attention or gotten in the way of passersby. The benefits of waiting until after hours to have a breakdown.

           At last, very quietly, XR said, “I needed that,” and Rachel knew it was over. They let go of each other, slowly, and when XR met Rachel’s gaze again, his tears had dried, and he was putting on his best game face.

           “And you KNEW I needed that,” he said in an even tone.

           “I guessed,” Rachel said. The first words she’d spoken in a while.

           “And you’re NEVER going to tell anyone.”

           “No,” Rachel affirmed. “This stays between us. Unless you want to take it to anyone else.”

           “I don’t need them kicking me out for this,” XR said firmly.

           “I don’t want them kicking you out for this,” Rachel agreed. “You’re still doing GREAT. Being a little…um…”

           “Insane? Loco? Bananas?”            “…I don’t have a more polite word right now. The best I have is ‘messed up.’ But being a little bit that-stuff hasn’t really held you back that much. People get stress like that.”

           XR fixed Rachel with a particularly corrective look; “People?”

           “And robots,” Rachel said with a nod. “And you do a great job of working around it. I just know that sometimes, when it gets like that…if you don’t find a place to let it out, you’ll just collapse.”

           “Well, in that case…” XR suddenly lost a bit more confidence, tapping his index finger points together sheepishly. “I probably owe you one for being the – “

           “No. You don’t.” She was stern on that point. “Never. And I don’t wanna hear it brought up again.”

           “Right.” A double take, as though he was only just now realizing where he was, and what time it was. “Basically, this never happened.”

           “What never happened?”

           “Exactly.”

           Though Rachel couldn’t be completely selfless. “A thank-you WOULD be nice, though. That’s literally all I want.”

           “Well, thank you,” XR said, sounding completely offhand.

           Even though Rachel knew he was anything but.

           She set about getting to her feet. “Anyway, we both need to get to bed. I’m gonna hate myself in the morning if I don’t go to sleep – “ She checked her watch. “ – thirty minutes ago.”

           “As opposed to how you USUALLY are in the mornings?”

           “It gets so much worse than you know.”

           “Well, that’s not reassuring,” XR told her, completely casual now. “Meanwhile, you know the drill. Don’t need sleep; still love it.”

           She nodded. Then said “Goodnight” as though that were in any way sufficient to close out the situation that had just taken place.

           Rachel turned to walk away when she heard it:

           “Hey. Rach.”

           She turned back to see XR regarding her with a look of concern this time; a mirror image of the incident that had begun the conversation.

           “It hit me that you figured all this stuff out about ME because you were reminded of YOU,” he pointed out. “How messed up are YOU? For lack of a better term, of course.”

           She bristled. “Enough.”

           “And who do YOU talk to about it?”

           “No one,” she admitted. “But it’s fine. I’m an old pro at this.”

           “Oh, reeeeaaaaally.” The skepticism dripped.

           “Who am I even gonna talk to?” Rachel asked, half hoping against hope –

           “Well, they do say turnabout is fair play,” XR told her. “You COULD unload all your sorrows on your local sympathetic robot.”

           As absolutely wonderful as that sounded, Rachel had to call it out for the pipe dream it was. “You don’t really wanna talk about my issues. I know you’re just trying to be a good friend, and probably get me to talk you up about being such a good friend, but you don’t want to. Not really. And that’s fine. You don’t have to. You’re a good friend for other reasons. I’m the hear-you-out-on-your-vents friend. You’re the pull-elaborate-stunt-to-get-me-un-fired friend. It’s fine.”

           “Oh, yeah?” XR retorted. “You think I can’t handle your problems? Try me.”

           Well, now Rachel realized she’d challenged him to prove his worth, and he wasn’t going to back down. “Another time,” she told him, vowing to herself to never let him know when she was having such troubles. “It’s late o’clock right now, and I just want to go to sleep.” By which she meant push her curfew another hour and a half reading fanfictions and critical analyses.

           “Just know I’m here when you need me,” XR stated, all too boastfully. He couldn’t be honest about this, Rachel worried.

           “And I’m here when you need me,” she replied, meaning it deeply. “Whenever.”

           I’d probably do way too much for you, she added internally. I like you so much. I need you to be okay.

           “Now GOODNIGHT,” she asserted as she turned on a heel and briskly strode off to her barrack.

           XR watched her practically speeding away, still not really able to move on from what had just happened. He was trusting her with a lot now, but he knew she was exactly the right person for that, regardless of venom swapped between them in the past. He was perhaps just a little more fond of her now – not romantically, not in the way she’d have wanted, but he still had no clue of that.

           It was just a very, very good thing XL hadn’t blown her up.

           XR now made direct tracks for his storage unit, resolving to forget about all he’d said and all she’d listened to but immediately replaying the conversation in his mind, word-for-word, ten times at least.