#do i open a kofi? please donate so that i can stop worrying about money

[wewindondowntheroad]

i need to find somewhere to work a second job that would be a flexible schedule and let me work like 4-6 hours a week (I don't think I've got energy for more than that), not a conflict of interest with my full time gig and nearish to my house so I can make an extra $300 a month

[jxckspxcer]

So here’s your Official Nightmare Update !

PLEASE CIRCULATE (use non-rp blogs if you wish).

BOLDED ITEMS FOR MAXIMUM SKIMMAGE

Current Issues in Murs Life Outside Their Control:

My STEPMOTHER, who I live with, IS GOING TO DIE. It is certain she will, they just don’t know how long it will take. It could be a month, she could make it til the summer, but we know she’s not going to make it. 

SHE PAYS A MAJORITY OF OUR BILLS and her name is on a majority of the things we have (apartment lease, the car (none of us have licenses except her), the phone, the cable, even the cat is hers). 

My dads cancer is getting better, but he’s still weak and still has COPD. He’s trying to get on disability, but I AM ESSENTIALLY HIS PARENTIFIED CHILD, because I have to take care of him (make him food, maintain the house, clean his dishes, wash his clothes, call people for him, keep track of phone numbers, organize his phone, fix electronics he doesn’t understand and deal with his constant anxiety and complaining and nagging about how shit sucks like I don’t know). 

Meanwhile I recently started antidepressants because my depression was getting so bad I was having EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWNS on a regular basis, dropping to the floor and sobbing and twitching and losing control of my mind and capacities. I also have to deal with ADHD; PTSD; Social Anxiety; Years of Childhood Neglect Making Me An Incapable Adult; the fears of being a queer, low-income, mentally scattered and addiction-prone adult—— And I’M ABOUT TO BE SHUNTED INTO INDEPENDENCE. Maybe not right away, but even now, I’m essentially the head of house. I’m the new head of house. That’s so fucked up man.

Without my stepmom, I don’t know how we’re going to do anything. WE CAN BARELY AFFORD OUR BILLS NOW. 

We’re trying to hash out what we’ll do when Susan kicks the bucket and THIS IS WHAT WE KNOW: 

When she dies, all her stuff is mine, because my dad doesn’t like material possessions and her family sucks egg. So I have a lot of furniture at least.

I can either get a new cheaper apartment with my dad (I told him I don’t want to, I don’t want to be responsible for him medically, and the idea of waking up one day to him dead in my home freaks me out. He says he could make it a few more years easy if the cancer is gone, but we’re on the fence, because the only other option is he goes into assisted living and--) Or I can get a room mate and move out on my own. 

GETTING A NEW JOB IS TOP PRIORITY. My current job keeps slashing my hours, and the hours available are already poor (2hr chunks, 3 times a day, like twice a week ? its not good money, even a full-time minimum wage job would be better). I’m sending out hella applications, but I haven’t gotten any call backs and I’m in a horrible state because of my situation and I worry I’m going to fuck up interviews at this rate.

IN GENERAL FINANCES AND OUR SITUATION ARE SO SKETCH AND TERRIFYING AND UNPREDICTABLE AND I’M LOSING MY MIND ! !!

I CAN’T PREDICT, I CAN’T PLAN, I CAN’T PANIC, I CAN’T RELAX.

Even on the antidepressants I’m starting to have nervous breakdowns again, and that’s not a good sign. I’ve also started my period, for the first time in three years, due to the drug cocktail in my body and skimping on my testosterone cause I don’t have enough ROOM on my DRY SKIN for BLISTER INDUCING PATCHES, so who knows when that’s going to stop!!!

On top of that, our washing machine is broken, I have tooth pain, I need to go to therapy and work, I need to Not Die, I need my DAD to Not Die, I have to take care of our depressed cat, and so many more minor inconveniences that my emotional dysregulation CANNOT HANDLE!!! 

Also my birthdays MARCH 7th and I’Mmmm

Did you know all my mother figures have died in my birth month ? I’m never going to be able to celebrate my birthday again at this rate !!

sO PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING TO MY EMERGENCY SAVINGS!!

CURRENTLY I HAVE $500 IN EMERGENCY SAVINGS.

I dO NOT KNOW WHAT A GOOD AMOUNT OF EMERGENCY SAVINGS IS!!

RENT IS $1600, CARETAKERS ARE $550 BUT PAID THROUGH MY DADS INSURANCE FOR NOW, MONTHLY TRANSPORTATION IS $80. BILLS?? GOD IF I KNOW, THEY CHANGE SO MUCH AND MY PARENTS CAN’T/WON’T KEEP MY IN THE LOOP, PROBABLY LIKE $400, AND IF ANY POINT THE POLITICAL SHIT GETS OUT OF HAND, OUR MEDICAL SITUATION WILL SURELY BE WORTH OVER $3000 A MONTH COMBINED, BUT THAT’S THE FUTURE SO HHH

DONATIONS AS SMALL AS $5 ARE A BLESSING AND EVEN A REBLOG GOES A LONG WAY.

PAYPAL / KOFI / IDGAF-- AMAZON

PAYPAL / KOFI / IDGAF-- AMAZON

PAYPAL / KOFI / IDGAF-- AMAZON

PAYPAL / KOFI / IDGAF-- AMAZON

PAYPAL / KOFI / IDGAF-- AMAZON

I WILL BE OPENING COMMISSIONS SOON, AND ANY KOFI DONATIONS WILL BE GIVEN A PAPER SKETCH OF WHATEVER THEY WANT. MULTIPLE DONATIONS CAN PUT THAT TOWARDS COMMISSIONS, OR EVEN A FUTURE OF  D E B T IDC MAN I NEED THIS. 

I don’t take assistance lightly, every donation is taken very seriously, and I will fucking APPRECIATE you man. If I am ever capable of helping you in the future, I will. It’s mutual aid, help those in need when you’re capable and hope that the world will help you in your time of need in return ! 

FOR THE FOLKS I RP WITH:

I may or may not disappear in the next few months, I may or may not just keep acting natural on my blog and occasionally wincing about my life, but I promise things will go back to normal eventually. Please just keep in mind this stuff is my safe place, my favorite hobby, my comfort du jour,, and my struggles do not define me, I’m still your friend and I’m still here for you, even if I’m in dire straits and the semi-responsibility of a blog (i know it’s a hobby but i want so badly to make sure we’re all having fun) can stress me out sometimes. I’m really trying to be positive, and be proud of what I’m doing in terms of taking on responsibility and keeping our life organized, but it’s... it’s hard and I don’t want to bring anyone down, but I want you to know it’s happening, at the same time.

I know the best of you can be understanding. But I’m still, sorry for all this I guess.