#do i need to put a tw for death idek

[lains-reality]

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

[sweetlilremi]

I'd like to offer some positive advice if you would like.

I'd say the first thing you need to do is pray to God to see if this is really working out and is the best situation for you.

I for one know what it's like to have abandonment issues, you are not alone in that.

Sometimes when people tell the truth about themselves we have to believe them. For example I had my ex bf tell me that he was putting on an innocent act to fool everyone around him (there was more to it but this isn't about me) | believed him when he said it, because it was true. The mask slipped and for a moment I saw the real him, which is very hard to truly come to that realization that a person we love might not be what's best for us and truly care about us as much as we do them. Sometimes it's the best thing to let the person go. If it's hurting you in the end then it isn't worth it.

For whatever reason she felt the need to confess in that server, I'd take it at face value. It's hard to deny something like that because why would you say it in the first place? My advice is to talk it out. If she ignores you, insults you, makes you feel stupid, then maybe it's time to let go. You don't need someone like that in your life. I know it might be hard to see that now (trust me I know) but it does get better. Now maybe everything will work out. A misunderstanding, of some kind, or she really does figure out what she said hurt you. If she apologizes and truly means it then play the situation by ear. See what happens.

Either way I will pray to Jesus for you to give you peace and strength and wisdom. I advice you try to do the same and see what He might tell you.

Remember anything is possible with the Lord.

Tw: mention of death/suicide

m so so grateful for this but.. idk how to this, uhm, i woke up to this message, and I’ve texted her on everything and they were just left on delivered. I wish I could talk to her. It’s the thing i want most in the world right now. I dont know what to do. She’s either passed away, or in hospital for trying to pass away, and I’ve been crying all day. I’m not extremely religious anymore, and I don’t follow Christianity in the typical sense, but I took your advice and prayed today for the first time in months. Thank you, Im grateful for you, although I’m most definitely going to be inactive for a while. I’ve just lost my girlfriend, the one person who was genuinely my everything, my caregiver, my best friend, and I really am struggling in coming to terms with that. I hope you understand.

Edit: She replied to my messages. She isn’t dead, she just wanted to break up with me, because she has plans to commit. Idek what to do with this information I’m so confused and angry

[meangirls2004]

nct as ways they would die in the sims

ten: would be chilling at a nightclub and suddenly get striked by a meteor

taeil: would let someone do that magic trick where ur stuck in a box full of water and it would fail and he would drown

jisung: he’d try to repair something and get electrocuted bc he doesn’t have a high enough handiness skill

jaemin: heat exhaustion bc he likes heat way too much

doyoung: would die from getting too angry

kun: would die from being too embarrassed

jaehyun: would get rabid rodent fever from touching the hamsters

johnny: would get struck by lightning

taeyong: would somehow get trapped in a pool and starve

chenle: would die from being too playful :(

hyuck: fire

jungwoo: would live a quiet and peaceful life of tending to his bees and horses and would die of old age

mark: would laugh himself to death

yukhei: would go to take the cake from a cow plant and get eaten

sicheng: would eat the pufferfish nigiri bc he didn’t kno that it kills u

jeno: would eat the fatal jelly bean

yuta: hypothermia bc he never wears sleeves

renjun: would be a mermaid and forget to go in the water and would dehydrate

[rezzyromance]

Idk if you like hurt/comfort stuff but this idea has been living in my head rent free for the last week and I just have to tell someone about it. Heisenberg overworks himself and gets sick (idek if that can happen but I don’t care) and the reader goes to take care of him and he just gets so soft because no ones ever cared about him like that before and just 💕💕💕💕💕

Yess I love this!!

Taking care of Heisenberg while he's sick. (Heisenberg x GN! reader)

(Tw: hurt/comfort) He couldn't even focus his eyes on his work anymore. He was surrounded by notebooks filled with notes, ideas, blueprints, and god knows what else. He had been working nonstop for two months trying to perfect a new creation to add to his metal army. But this whole time he's come face to face with failure and malfunction. He was only working on a just a few hours of sleep. Sleep that he had accidentally fallen into. Now, he was hunched over at a desk. Sweaty, shivering, exhausted, and fighting a nasty cough that echoed through the whole factory. It was so loud even you could hear it.

You left him alone to do his work while you spent some alone time with yourself. You were lonely and worried, but he could get pretty irritable when working so you didn't want to interrupt him. You were laying on the bed that you two usually shared, attempting to take a nap, but the loud echo of Karl coughing his lungs out kept you up. "That's it.", you groan to yourself as you stand up and make your way to his office.

Once you made your way to his office and opened the door, you were greeted with an ugly sight. He had his elbows on his desk with his face in his palms. His hair was matted and greasy and his skin was pale and covered with a sheen of sweat. "What do you want?", he asks with hoarse and weak voice. "Oh Karl..", you're shocked at the state he's in. You walk over to him and take a look at his desk. There were scattered pieces of paper, some were balled up. "I'm working.", he said in a blunt tone. "No you're not. Karl you're in no shape to work right now... this last journal passage doesn't even make sense!", you point at his journal. He had written an entry, but the words slowly became scribbling messes that vaguely resembled letters.

"When's the last time you slept? Or showered? Or had something to ea-" "Did you come in here just to talk shit?" he cut you off before you could finish. "Karl I'm worried. I didn't want to interrupt you but I heard your coughing and.... you really need to rest. I love you and I don't like seeing you like this. You can't even work like this." He was silent until he started coughing again. It was a really nasty cough and when he was done he gave a deep sigh. "You're sick Karl. C'mon.", you started gently rubbing your back. The feeling sent tingles through his feverish body. "Let's get you cleaned up, get you something to eat and drink, and then you can get some real sleep.", you tried to persuade him. He was quiet again. "..fine", he said before he started to stand. His legs were shaky and his vision blurred. You grabbed his arm, scared of him falling. "I'm okay.", he says as he places his hand on yours. You then began to walk with him as he stumbled to the bathroom.

You started to fill the tub with warm water. "I can bathe myself.", he says after coughing again. "You're weak Heisy. Just let me take care of you okay? I wanna make sure you're okay." He didn't fight your words. Once the tub was filled, he began to strip. You took his dirty clothes from the floor and took them to the laundry room, setting them to the side to clean later. When you came back to the bathroom, you saw him laying down in the tub, nearly asleep. "Don't drown on me.", you joke as you grab a rag. His eyes opened at the sound of your voice. You soaked the rag in warm water and began to rub his forehead with it. His brow furrowed at the sudden sensation. "You don't have to do this.", he says, worried that he's become a burden. "I know. But I want to.", you continued to gently rub his face. Next came his hair which you wet by gently pouring water from a bucket. Then, you started shampooing his hair, massaging his scalp in the process. He felt like he was melting under your finger tips. His sickness mixed with the heat from the water made his brain feel foggy, and your touch made it all feel like heaven. He still didn't understand WHY you wanted to care for him. He opened his eyes and gazed into yours, the question still lingering in his head. You responded with a warm smile and a kiss on his forehead.

After the bath, you brought him some new, fresh clothing. "Come on. You're laying down and nothing's gonna change that.", you begin to lead him to the bedroom, taking a towel with you. "Yes ma'am.", he says as both a joke and not. Once he sat up in the bed, you straddled his lap and began to gently dry his hair with the towel. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer, resting his face on your stomach as you continue to dry his hair. Once you're done, you cast the towel to the side and hold each side of his face in your hands. "Am I gonna make it, doc?" he says with a cheeky grin. Finally, he started to look more like himself. "I'll do my best. I'm gonna go fix up some soup. Don't die while I'm gone.", you say as you hop off the bed and make your way out of the room.

He had gotten comfortable under the covers while you were fixing some food. He stared up at the ceiling, a million thoughts racing at once. "Why are they taking care of me? Why are they putting in this much effort? " There was only one answer. One answer that was so overwhelming. No one was there for him like this before. No one went out of their way to make sure he was okay, especially dealing with his stubbornness before hand. His eyes began to burn as tears started to form. He immediately began rubbing his eyes, refusing to let himself be anymore vulnerable than he already is.

You made your way back to the room with a tray that helped you carry a bowl of soup and a glass of water. "I hope it's good. I don't cook often but I tried my best.", you say before handing the tray over to him. "You're spoiling me, buttercup.", he says as he takes you by the hand. He wasn't sure of what he was doing. He just wanted to holding your hand for a second. "Spoiling you? I'm making sure you don't work yourself to death. You've already managed to make yourself sick." He laughs quietly which triggers another cough. He sat up and started to enjoy his meal while you sat beside him, resting your chin on his shoulder. You could feel his body still shivering, but not as bad as before. "Please don't ever do that again.. I mean I understand how important your work is, but I don't want to see you get hurt. You need to take care of yourself. You're important Heisy. And I love you.", Your words made him freeze. He didn't know what to do or what to say. He took a deep breath and swallowed his pride for a second. "I love you too.", his words were quiet but genuine. You knew he wouldn't like it if you made a big deal out of it, so you didn't. Instead, you smile and give him a soft kiss on his cheek. He knew you loved him. It took him until now to truly believe it, but now he knew.

[tabruzzis]

Robert Knepper | Kiefer Sutherland’s Shirley Jean

It's the last night that I see your face daydreams of you were my sweetest place time's taken its toll but I'm alright to go It's my last night and I thought you should know

[s5forsafe]

100 Ways- Analogical

Summary: This is a mess and idek how to describe it. A song fic based off 100 Ways by Jackson Wang

Paring: Analogical

Characters: Logan, Virgil, Patton, Roman, Remus, Deceit(Dolos), Thomas(mentioned)

Genre: Angst with a somewhat happy/hopeful ending

Tw: (mentions of) death, blood, various injuries and a battle

Additional tags: fem!Patton, fem!Remus, nonbinary!Deceit

As the moon hung high in the sky, four hooded figures stood around an unmarked grave on the ground. The entire area around them for miles had evidence of a battle. Weapons and armor laid about yet to be picked up. Several bodies were strewn about unburied and rotting. Scorch marks littered the ground. The scent of smoke and blood lingered in the air.

One figure crouched down and began to draw symbols in the dirt of the grave. Their burned hand lightly pushed the dirt aside to make swirls. As they worked, the others began chanting in unison. Their voices were soft but strong. The words were indistinguishable as the wind carried the noise away. A cool chill swept through the air bringing in fog.

Once they were done with the symbols, the person stood up. They joined the chanting. In sync with one another, each made hand signals. The movements were swift, sharp and fluid all at once. Each person focused their energy on the grave before them. They could slowly feel their life forces being drawn out. It was a small price to pay. Half of their lives for his.

The fog began to swirl around the grave as though it were dancing. The earth trembled beneath their feet, but they stood their ground. A low rumble sounded. Finally, the earth of the grave broke open. The hooded figures lower their arms as he rose up from inside in all his former glory.

General Logan Conroy.

You turn over the hourglass

The sand is falling down to fast

Oh, it’s too fast for you

Oh, you

Don’t waste your love, just let it last

‘Cause once it’s gone it’s never coming back

It’s true

Logan felt something… change… He couldn’t remember what happened. Yet he knew something was different. He opened his eyes to look around him. His green eyes taking in the battlefield that stretched out for miles first. Then he focused on those surrounding him. They lowered their hoods.

To his front right was Roman. He looked almost the same as he last remembered except now Roman looked worn down and tired. A long cut nearly healed ran down from his forehead to just before the jawline. Across from Roman to Logan’s front left was Remus. Her black hair was shorter than it used to be and looked uneven. Cuts and bruises littered her face. Next to her on his back left side was Patton. She by far was the one who looked like they hadn’t changed at all. Bags hung below her purple eyes which were filled with sadness. And then there was Dolos. Dolos’ appearance took Logan by surprise. Their face, hands and other exposed skin were covered in burn marks. A bandage wrapped around their head covering their left eye.

Suddenly the memories came back. The final battle. Roman and Remus had fought side by side defending one another. They always made a strong duo. The pair had taken to fighting on the left side of the field. Logan and Dolos had taken the right. He remembered watching his men fall one after another as the enemy kept coming. He remembered losing sight of Dolos amongst the battle. Meanwhile, Patton was left a mile behind to care for the previously wounded. But what happened exactly? He had to remember. He had to.

Could you love me the same?

Tell me what makes you stay

There’s a hundred ways to leave a lover

Leave a lover, leave a lover

Hundred ways to leave a lover

Leave a lover, leave a

There’s a hundred ways to leave a lover

I won’t wait a minute longer

Hundred ways to leave

But I’m the only one you need

The four began to walk in a circle around Logan. Patton was the first to step forward. She began to fasten an arm band on his right. He wasn’t sure where she got it from. Roman started to work on his left arm band. The brunette finally took notice of his appearance. His clothes were dirty and his armor was missing. He couldn’t tell what his hair looked like, but he was sure it was a mess.

Remus knelt down and grabbed one of his legs. She propped it up on her knee. Her slender finger made quick work of putting on one leg guard before moving to the other. Dolos closed Logan’s shirts. They took a shoulder plate out from underneath their cloak. Reaching around with the help of Roman, they put it on him.

Logan stood still and let them work. He moved as they wanted him to. They busied themselves with making him look presentable. He was still confused. He wanted to ask what happened. The words died on his tongue. No one had said a word since he had awoken. He wasn’t sure if he was willing to break the silence. If he was willing to find out the truth.

Now that he was thinking of it, he couldn’t even remember what the battle was over? A kingdom feud most likely. It’s always a kingdom feud. He was… What was he doing? He felt his memory slip. Logan focused everything on remembering. The memories trickled in.

A rival kingdom had wanted to take over. They were defending the land and throne. The enemy had the upper hand. This battle was only several miles from the castle.

Logan remembered pain. An absolutely horrible pain that cut through him from his back. He remembered falling. Blood pooled around him. Then darkness. Vast darkness before waking up here.

It’s the final curtain call

But if you’re ready, I will give my all

For you, for you

Let them say it how they want

If I can love you good, it’s no one’s fault

Oh

“Virgil. How is Virgil?” Logan’s voice was hoarse and rough.

Virgil Curran was the only son of King Thomas Sanders and heir to the throne albeit through adoption. Both would have been at the castle. Based on the state of the battlefield and how his friends looked, Logan was sure the news wasn’t good. He knew he should be worried for both Thomas and Virgil- and he was- but Virgil… Virgil was always his top priority. The two were lovers. As much as Logan cared for his king, he would have defended Virgil first in any instant.

Patton shook her head and began to walk towards where the castle was beyond a forest. Roman and Remus shot him sad looks. The pair followed after her leaving Logan alone with Dolos. The short blonde smiled sadly, “We’ll take you to him.”

The words and their meaning weren’t what Logan hoped for. Dread pooled in his stomach. Mindlessly he followed after everyone. The walk felt like a trance. He could barely register trees, bodies and everything else as he went on. His vision was hazy as everything blurred together.

Eventually the group came upon a beautiful tree. It had flowers blossoming on it. It stood out as an exact opposite to the bleak forest around it. At the roots of the grave was a makeshift gravemarker out of some broken wood planks. As Logan approached, he read Virgil’s name scratched into the wood.

Waves of nausea rolled over the brunette. Tears pricked at his eyes. This couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t. This was just a horrible nightmare. Or maybe this was hell. But whatever it was, it wasn’t real. Virgil wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be.

Could you love me the same?

Tell me what makes you stay

There’s a hundred ways to leave a lover

Leave a lover, leave a lover

Hundred ways to leave a lover

Leave a lover, leave a

There’s a hundred ways to leave a lover

I won’t wait a minute longer

Hundred ways to leave

But I’m the only one you need

Dolos quickly made their way to the grave. Just as before, they drew symbols into the dirt. Remus and Patton took up their spots next to it. They began chanting once more. The final pieces clicked. Logan had died and the others revived him. They gave up half their lives for him. And now they wanted to give up the other half to revive Virgil for him. Roman guided Logan to join the circle. The two joined in the chanting.

After Dolos finished the symbols, they stood back to join in as well. Fog rolled in again covering the area and obscuring the grave.�� The five started the hand motions. Logan poured every ounce of his being into the words as he recited them. His green eyes watched the fog curl around the gravemarker. As the earth shook, he closed them. He could hear rumbles and dirt shifting.

When he heard the sounds of bodies hitting the ground, he opened his eyes once more. The fog began to gather directly above the grave, taking away his friends’ bodies with it. He saw the ground crack and split open. After the smoke dissipated, Virgil stood before him.

Virgil looked magnificent as always. His shoulder length red hair pulled half back. His grey eyes closed. His freckles stood out against his pale skin. His lips drawn into a slight frown.

“Virgil…”

The red head opened his eyes and smiled at Logan.

I’m the only one that you need

I’m the only one that you need

I’m the only one that you need

He shrugged off the purple cloak draped over his shoulders. Logan watched as the other began walking towards him. After a few steps, Logan began to do the same. They circled around each other for a brief second taking in one another.

There’s a hundred ways to leave a lover

Leave a lover, leave a lover

Hundred ways to leave a lover

Leave a lover, leave a

There’s a hundred ways to leave a lover

I won’t wait a minute longer

Hundred ways to leave

But i’m the only one you need

Finally they stopped moving, standing face to face. Logan reached out first and twirled Virgil around. Instinctively, the other raised one arm up and one arm out. Dancing had always been one of their favorite activities. Logan matched Virgil’s arms before lowering his raised arm down and wrapping it around Virgil’s waist. His other reached up to hold Virgil’s hand that was raised. Virgil’s empty hand lowered to take a hold of the hand Logan had on his waist.

Logan turned Virgil around once more to face him again. He released Virgil’s hands. One arm swooped down to scoop Virgil up. He spun them around in a circle a few times. The brunette stopped the spinning when he dipped Virgil down. Their faces mere inches apart. They could feel each other’s breaths on their face.

They closed the distance between them. The kiss was soft and gentle. They didn’t need to use words to communicate how much they missed one another. Logan pulled away, resting their foreheads together. They stood still like that for a few moments before Logan stood up straight. He pulled Virgil close. The redhead rested his head against the other’s shoulder. Their arms wrapped tightly against one another.

I’m the only one that you need

I’m the only one that you need

The two both knew that the resurrected never stay themselves for very long. It was only a matter of time before Logan began to become cold hearted. So instead he made another set of hand motions. These would release Virgil’s and his spirit to be free together in the afterlife. A chill ran down his spine as the fog returned for the final time. Virgil placed his hands on Logan’s cheeks and pulled him in close for a final kiss before the after life.

The fog swept around them, curling against them. It surrounded them completely. As it disappeared, so did they.

[homestucky]

Davekat fic recs?

hrrmm wow i will have to think. ill probs just check my bookmarks which means i probably wont be able to think of many one chapter fics off the top of my head since i dont tend to bookmark them. also some that havent been updated in yrs i wont put here bcaus thats just frustrating unless theyre rlly notable and may come back i may not link them

also disclaimer that while im not super into smut so its unlikely im gonna recommend just porn fics, some may have some sexy times incidentally i suppose. also a lot of them are dave centric/dave POV bcaus hes my BOY

M.C. Escher that’s my favourite MC by Unda (COMPLETE)  is a wild ride and long but i recommend for sure, very well written n thought out. also check out the other fics in the series bcaus if i recall correctly there are some other shorter fics that unda wrote to give some background or develop characters. but theyre also really great even stand-alone! its finished now and i followed it the whole time :0. cw for child abuse and death 

Within, Without by reinkist (COMPLETE)  i actually read a long time ago so i dont remember it so well. i do remember thinking it was pretty great tho, so i do recommend it. i should probably go back for a reread some time. its just a really good meteor fic that explores everything you’d want it to, and does that well, u kno? its like the fic that u wanted to exist but couldnt find. but here it is!

Doc Scratch’s School for Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents by medical  (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED)is great, its like a multichapter magic/superhero au thing. its fun and characters in it are rlly well developed, like, i do enjoy a davekat fic which has a good and significant rose characterisation in there too. but theres some serious plot goin in in here too…. very exciting. 

To Be Taken Care Of by shitstuck  (COMPLETE)is good, its god some deep convos about troll v human culture and stuff, some rosemary too. bit of body horror but if i can handle it its not too bad. i just reread it lol. the epilogue changes the tone of things a bit n id be interested to know other peoples thoughts on that ;_;

Don’t Forget the Sun by Weevilo707 is rlly good but sadly NOT COMPLETE AND HASNT BEEN UPDATED IN AGES :@!! hope the authors doin ok  (EDIT: APPARENTLY the author is not planning on updating this one again, but i still think its a good read :^) )

Book Covers by turntechGeneticist717  (COMPLETE) is rlly great also!! big recommend. dave is lookin after a babby dirk as his big brother in college. i havent read it in a while but i remember when it was updating being like !!!!!!!!!!!Aaa!! also there are others in the series so take a look :)

The Truth is in the Eyes by AcrylicMist  (COMPLETE)is like a rlly mythological/fantasy interpretation of canon post game which is very cool????? like the world is sort of medieval or something but w the gods n magicky stuff. rlly interesting. , very dope again havent read it in a while and am running out of steam for ranting about fics but!! yea its sweet w an intriguing plot

The Eurydice Suite by callmearcturus  (COMPLETE) !!!!!!!!!!! i love this fic so much like its bonkers n i just. its like an inception sort of inspired au and i have NEVER watched inception but im just super into the concept. its just. a rlly amazing well written fic w perfect pacing and characterisation like the plot is like a beautiful spider web where time flicks back and forth yet makes perfect sense. theres such a sense of atmosphere. ive reread it so many times. also!!1111111 i love the dave in it, and i love the strilondes family relationsy stuff!! i also feel like it ties everything up rlly nicely despite having like all the main characters in it p much. hell yeaaaa. its my fav by this author whos an AMAZING writer like they just DROP U IN to the world with so much confidence and drop context and background in at a perfect pace so ur never confused but always intrigued. but often i find the atmosphere in their fics almost TOO intense u know?? like i feel like i wake up in a ditch after reading one like wh,,h who am i?? i hate using this word but the writing is weirdly like… “sensual” which i think means the writing is great, rlly strong atmosphere but im not  always 100% able to handle it. this one does not make me feel so dazed and its just.. yess

The Lucky Ones by daniomalley (COMPLETE) is another one i followed as it came out. a cool spacey au. sorry i cant think of anything else to say aaaa

Off Court by levvan (ON HIATUS?) is great tho strong themes of abuse from the start. not that none of the above have that if i havent said so uhhhh yea be wary of the tags i guess. but yes. 

three rounds and a sound by skitpost (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) is rlly great, like a magic school au. very excited to see whats gonna happen next :0

We’re All Friends & Family Here (And Frankly, We’re Sick Of Your Shit) byLandOfMistAndSecrets (COMPLETE) is TECHNICALLY a dirkjake fic but it has very cute little pastiches of other characters and the DK ones are very cute and well characterised

An Alien and a DJ Walk into a Bar (and Accidentally Start a Relationship) by Kadaaver (APPEARS TO BE ON HIATUS) i was p into when it was still updating. theres not actually MUCH relationship stuff yet if i recall correctly but still. good. and i enjoy the characterisation of dave being p socially anxious.

turntechGodhead is offline by forestknifefight (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) well relatively recently. i like this one a lot! theres some good beta kid friendship and some good karkat.

Astronomy in Reverse by PunkZucchini, sicklekind (ON HIATUS>??????) cute + features BIGKAT is i recall correctly

Bring You Down by acedavestrider (COMPLETE) idk what to say about this but thats not a criticism. its just a legit cute fic that is good for the heart. human au, earth n whatever. karkat is a student nurse!! yeaa! thats kind of incidental but i like it

Survival of the Richest by ireallyloveicecream (HIATUS???) theres not a lot of it but im so intrigued. some kind of a fae/magic fairy folk kinda thing

Californian Son by LivTC (COMPLETE BUT THERES MORE IN THE SERIES WHICH I HOPE WILL CONTINUE TO BE UPDATED ETC ETC) !! ok this one is kind of sexy n angsty and daves a REAL DICK in it but it rlly well written and i rlly wanna know more jijhihihu

First Contact by yesfir (UNFINISHED AND RECENTLY UPDATED) !! its au but like idk scifi, humans having to make a deal with/coexist with trolls. space colonies!! this one is great… good character development and plot… does that great thing of pacing the revelations of the plot rlly gradually so ur like ! somethings happening here and i must know more!!!

Feathered by AlloftheFandom  (UNFINISHED, RECENTLY UPDATED) this ones exciting :3 karkat has only just been introduced to it. its like a magicky world w a bit of mild body horror so far. some good strilondes also… has anyone noticed that i need strilonde family relations in a fic i love….

Soulmates by egossweetheart  (UNFINISHED (fairly..?) RECENTLY UPDATED) this is a souleater au which i dont know a lot about??? but its cool, i am suitably intrigued. bit of body horror. idk as always check the tags. idek why im bothering to specify that. anyways,

 Vladimir and Estragon Cope with Their Trauma by Volo (UNFINISHED RECENTLY UPDATED ETC) afterlife au. so yea TW death. im into it tho

The Importance of Being Karkat by choicescarfsylveon (UNFINISHED RECENTLY UPDATED ETC) karkat has a radioshow, dave is kind of a dick. some parts of that change. i wont spoil which. theres something deeper goin on too…….. mysterios….

anyways here are some fics that i think are cool. sorry it took ages i just wanted to give it a good effort ukno?? its not an exhaustive list but its what i found. thanks to all these authors and hey, while we’re at it, all fanfic authors!! good work and i hope u all know how appreciated it is. anyways i have a headache so i guess ill finish this up. peace!

[kyubikofang]

28 questions

Rules: Tag the person who tagged you, answer the questions and tag 20 people !

tagged by @boyfriendray SORRY IT TOOK ME AGES TO GET AROUND THIS D:

1. How tall are you? idek anymore but i’m short and that’s all you need to know.

2. What color and style is your hair? Brown with a weird red tinge that appeared after I dyed my hair black? and it’s longish like 15cm past my shoulders lmao. I really wanna cut it short again but idk what style and dunno if I wanna dye it black again and be edgy.

3. What color are your eyes? Brown. The tiniest green tinge in sunlight tho.

4. Do you wear glasses? I’m long-sighted so when I reach books or watch stuff up close I do need to wear them. I haven’t been lately and that’s honestly not good rip.

5. Do you wear braces? I used to. Thank Satan I don’t have them anymore.

6. What is your fashion style? Whatever falls out of my closet when I open it is the outfit of the day. Mostly just hoodies and t-shirts, jeans and shorts.

7. Full name? Dolores- Why you ask? :I

8. When were you born? October 5th hell ye

9. Where are you from and where do you live now? You should all know by now that I live in Aussieland, right?

10. What school do you go to? Not anymore muahah.

11. What kind of student are you? Quiet the majority of the time. Try and make the laugh class if they deserve it but most of the time I was pretty sarcastic.

12. Do you like school? ehhHhhHh It’s messed me up in a way but there was both good and bad things.

13. What are your favourite school subjects? I liked English, and any creative subject like art.

14. Favorite TV shows? UhhHh there’s a couple but I guess Simpsons, Friends, Stranger Things??

16. Favorite books? I don’t read enough so I’ll be safe with Harry Potter. BUT I’M TRYING TO READ MORE THIS YEAR!

17. Favourite past-time? Drawing duh :p and watching movies double duh :PP

18. Do you have any regrets? Who doesn’t???

19. Dream job? Animator/director

20. Would you like to get married? If I find the right person ya.

21. Would you like to have kids someday? probably eventually.

22. How many? nghhh 3 at the ABSOLUTE MOST!

23. Do you like shopping? Depends what for.

24. What countries have you visited? My home country Croatia and visited Bosnia because it was nearby, and if airports count, Singapore and Germany.

25. What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? I guess I gotta put a tw gun/death here just in case. I guess the most terrifying was being shot in the head through a car window but I was still somewhat alive after the shot but the world was just blurry? idk it was freaky and I just have had a lot of dreams about being shot.

26. Do you have any enemies? Oh yess. You’d have to be pretty bad to be my enemy tbh.

27. Do you have a s/o? :( *cries*

28. Do you believe in miracles? I believe that anything is possible, so I guess so?

It’s 1:30 am and I cbf tagging so if you see this you gotta do et soz.

[words4bloghere]

Good Boy

This, is gonna be graphic guys. I have never written something like this before and I tend to do MORE in fear of doing less. Just, TW: abuse, gore, body horror, idek what to call this

Blood belonged to the gods. That was still true today when religious sects had rules on how animals had to be killed and served. Blood was not allowed to mingle with mortal food. A sacrifice, when that sort of thing used to pass for entertainment, would be brought to the altar and have its throat slit. Blood would be collected in a ceremonial bowl and presented to their god.

This was a god who would still rain vengeance upon people, believers and nonbelievers both. It was a god who did bloody things and demanded this blood thirst be sated, even during peaceful times. The gods lived on blood. It comes as no surprise, then, that the religion that would ultimately take over half of the world, decided that their god would pay the blood tax instead.

Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's.

This altar had thirsted. This god needed to be appeased. 

Blood had spilled onto the floor and still pooled in the pockmarked places on the examination table. The body lying prone had given over to softly moaning. What gas had he even used?

In the old days, sacrifices - both animal and man - would be drugged. They would be fed a good meal and buried under the foundation, or left on the side of a mountain. Their greatest totems and most prized citizens would die, drugged and confused.

This was not a proper sacrifice. At best, the body would survive his ministrations and be deposited back in its hovel. 

Until the next time he needed to check on the progress of his experiment.

At worst, this one would die, but not in way that would please the god this altar was dedicated to.

He was a fickle god. He hated when they survived, and hated when they died.

Death had meant failure.

If this experiment was not progressing the way he wanted, he would simply let it expire. If the gas happened to wear off before that happened, more’s the pity for it.

Robots, attached firmly against the blood slicked table, held the retractors that pulled back the skin he had cut open. 

Slys didn’t bother with gloves, finding that he preferred to hold the pulsing meat and let it slide through his fingers.

He was not a medical doctor. He had picked up a few things that were necessary to his work, but he didn’t care to learn about how to deal with a broken body.

Carefully, Slys held an organic bag in place as he pressed the tip of his scalpel in. The bag burst and a clear, yellowish fluid flowed out. Not blood, so therefore unwanted, but life sustaining nonetheless. 

He picked up the small thing inside of the bag and examined it. It actually was beginning to look human. In the beginning, all embryos looked the same. Avian, Human... Reptilian. The suddenly, the body started to form and an actual human could be picked out among the smashed, fetal features. 

This, though, this looked like something better.

Slys mentally ticked off the various features he had wanted to see. More mammalian than reptilian. The skin was translucent enough that he could almost make out the circulatory system. Would this thing be coldblooded or warm? The hands and feet were too underdeveloped to really pin down, and there was still the usual embryonic tail. 

He was pleased with the progress. 

He put the thing back into the now deflated, wilted bag and reached out a hand. Another robot skittered forward, a hose protruding from its front.

Slys stuck the hose into the bag and liquid started to trickle out of it. It was more opaque, and definitely more yellow in color. As it let the thin stream fill the bag, Slys stitched up the incision with a thin, neat row. The thread was like spider silk, but would not dissolve in the body. It wouldn’t tear the fragile bag, but he wouldn’t be able to cut through it again. Each examination would require a new incision.

He stitched up to the hose and let the bag fill. The body that held the bag started to move. Slys sucked in air through his teeth and didn’t look at the body’s face. 

It was bad enough to have to stare at the stretched mound of its stomach, to push back lumpy, sallow flesh. He didn’t want to have to look it in the eyes; eyes that were puffy and red rimmed when he had shown up at its apartment. 

This thing was filth, but a perfect candidate for their project. And really, in the grand scheme of things, he would only have to interact with it for a few more months.

“Wha...? Oh God, what are.... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” It was awake. And screaming.

“MY BABY! Don’t, please don’t hurt my baby...” It tried to curl inward, to use its hands to pull out the hose. It was trying to ruin his work. With a snarl, Slys picked up the scalpel and slammed in into one of the hands moving toward the hose. It cried out, but then simply whimpered, cradling the impaled hand to its engorged chest. 

Slys gestured sharply to another robot and it moved, sliding slightly over the blood and amniotic fluid, up to the body’s chest. With one thin leg, the robot jabbed into the body’s neck. A plunger depressed, there was a slight hiss, and the body went limp. 

“Check its vitals. I need it alive until the next check.” Slys muttered. This one was working better than the last four bodies. Five was his lucky number.

The hose filled the bag and he removed it, carefully stitching the bag closed. Then he worked on the large incision he made over the lower abdomen. This was going to require mental manipulation. To have it see an old scar, the vague remembrance of a failed C-section. This incision he would have to reuse, because he wasn’t interested in turning another body into a vegetable through the manipulation process. 

After he finished sewing up the body, he left the robots to clean it up, monitor vitals, and supply the necessary fluids and medications. He turned to the door of his lab.

“Boss.” He greeted, his tone flat, as he went to the sink to wash of the blood. 

Black Hat continued to stare at the body, his arms crossed over his chest.

“How is our subject progressing?” He asked. Slys ripped off some paper towels and turned back to the table. 

“It’s female, again. I wonder if it’s the type of DNA I’m using that keeps sexing them this way.” He replied.

“But it’s healthy?” 

“Sure. It’s progressing along the normal human fetal development and thriving without a shell. It will definitely be more human than reptilian.” 

“The other way ‘round didn’t seem to work out too well.” Slys sneered as he remembered his initial attempt. 

“This is too safe. It doesn’t make sense to go through all this work if the result is just going to be a human that sleeps on a heat rock.” He said. 

“I don’t care. Now, clean it up.” Black Hat said and started to walk out of the lab.

“Flug can clean it up.” Slys muttered. Black Hat paused and rotated his head around; not quite all the way, but more than a human could twist on a neck. 

“That distresses Flug. You deal better with the mess.” Black Hat replied coolly. Slys scoffed and tossed the paper towels down on the floor.

“It’s not like we’re not the same person. It’s not like he won’t remember this.” 

“I don’t care. It’s easier for the both of you if this partition is in place. For whatever reason, it works. Make it work.” Black Hat enforced each of the last words. 

“He only does this because he can’t face himself in the mirror.” Slys rubbed his hands up his cheeks. He hated the paper bag. “Can’t stand the monster he is.” 

“Again, I don’t care. Clean it up, now. I need Flug to get back to work.” Black Hat said. Slys let his hands drop and he sighed.

“Do you even like this work?” Slys asked. “Because I don’t know why the fuck I’m bothering.” A hand was suddenly on his head, slowly sliding over the back. Black Hat’s fingers grabbed at Slys’ hair and yanked. The man stumbled, and Black Hat caught him, pulling him in.

“You have done a very good job Slys.” Black Hat said and pulled Slys’ head back till his throat was exposed. “You have made me proud.” Black Hat bent down and bit into Slys’ shoulder. Blood pressed free of the punctures and trickled down his chest.

No altar, but a sacrifice made.

Slys strained forward and Black Hat released his grip a fraction. Slys tipped forward and kissed the monster, his arms encircling Black Hat’s neck. He could taste his own blood, could feel more still falling from the wound, and he pressed against Black Hat’s body.

Black Hat responded by thrusting the man away.

“Good boy.” Black Hat murmured, and then his eyes narrowed. “Now clean this up and send me Flug.” Black Hat turned on his heel and strode out of the lab. 

Slys went to find the cracked mirror he had hidden away, and began to stitch himself up.

[guys-chill]

My Demons are PTA Moms

Hey so as you know, I love PTA mom jokes and like making names for my friends ect. Well sometimes, when shit hits the fan and there are lots of negative thoughts, so I address each thought as if it were some stuck up lady from the PTA. Here’s my “convo” that happened last night ( I was talking to my friend and basically texted her my thoughts) bc I think it’s funny. If you wanna skip the buildup and go straight to moms, skip the first bit and start where I say YOOT. Theres alot.. yall dont gotta read i know that its alot alot

TW for mentions of rape

Set the scene: My mind is wandering, open to passing thoughts

Me: I wonder why sometimes your brain thinks about nothing. Like, there are so many things to think about, yet I stare at the ceiling thinking about nothing just kind of floating in empty mind space

Me: Now im thinking about [ex bf.] and how i want to work through my [ex bf.] memories with you and [friend’s boyfriend who is also my friend] and how that’s unfair bc its like, yall dont exist to listen to my problems and im thinking i need to face them and get through that wall of pain. Like they’re motly breaking up memories atm. Im trying to avoid them because its hard

Friend: He and I are your friends and part of our job as friends is to listen

Me: :^)

Me: Ye but like no i feel so selfish when we are about me

Friend: But you shouldn’t

Me: You know that meme that’s like “I feel uncomfortable when we are about me”. Mood

Friend: No I don’t

Me: Rip. Yeet bc i wanna face them but i know it’s gonna have me breaking down and I want a hug and like yall aren’t responsible for me or like i j feel bad

Friend: It’s ok dude we’re here for you

Me: But i know i gotta face them but im putting it off rn bc i don’t wanna fall asleep breaking down but why cant i just do it like UGGGH. Like with opening up my feelings door I’ve opened up remembering that i blocked kinda or avoided ahhh lol my mind is riptastic and sad rn but my heart is only mildly and i dont wanna be sadddsdddddd and i avoid my shit. [Her bf] is right that its hard to face your shit. And I feel dumb for not. And its like just let the suffering commense, you’ll be fine later

Friend: I’m sorry

Me: Why am i so FUCKING needy. Lol sorry im like this

Friend: You’re not needy my dude!

Me: My brain is like !OOh idea! Lets want someone to love you and hug you and all this shit to be really extra even though it doesn’t even matter that much bc who gives a fuck yo people have they’re own lives but you know I think it sounds like a GREat way to make things difficult haha fuck u

Me: Lol i said i wasn’t gonna get into this but look at me goooooooooo. YEET

Friend: Oh boy you’re ok

Me: Yo its fine god im im a messsss yoot AAHH YOOT THATS SO FUNNY

Friend (Prolly like oh boyyy at this point): You’re gonna be ok I’m sorry

Me: Wanna hear my inner dialouge lol YOU KNOW WHAT IM GOOD AT MEMES YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT

Me: Ye thank you I appreciate that

Friend: If you want to share

Me: I appreciate you listening to me

Friend: Any time

Me: Why is my mind just like saying rando shit its like Haha you fucking psycho kill yourself, and its like no Pam, that’s not even what were talking about rn. Like who invited you. Yeah I know no one invited me to my own party haha funny jan. Why am I a mess. But HeY at least we’ve gotten distracted

Friend: Oh boy I’m sorry

Me: “Lol im gonna kill you” thanks maureen

Friend: Why all the suicidal thoughts

Me: Im thinking of that vine of this kid awkward dancing to like trap music and his mom walks in and you can hear her mouthing like turn it down wtf. I dont even know I dont even wanna die my mind is so unoriginal. Good to know Jan, youre worthless too

Me: Like im doing that thing where i make everything a joke to not have it hit as hard

Friend: Im sorry. You’ll be ok

Me: TW rape “Lol no he didn’t rape me in the butt you insensitive bitch (me @ Clarissa)” Haha im gonna fucking kill myself. That one was a bit more real. I suppose both but like the kill yourself bit

Friend: Oh boy

Me: I wanna die im a mess. Tw again Youre so ugly why the fuck would he even wanna rape you haha dumb bitch got raped you dummy couldn’t even get him off lol you got him off tho...SHUT UP. lol no Way hunny this is too fun you vulnerable cunt haha fucking ill whip out any insult that has to do with sexually explicit shit come at me slut

Me: Haha im sorry

Friend: Oh boy, don’t be sorry. You’re ok. What he did was on him, it had nothing to do with you it wasn’t your fault

Me: Why they gotta say rape so much like i get it gerryanna; you’re shitty at sales pitching sell me something i dont know. God i love these moods (sarcastically)

Friend: Oh boy

Me: Haha you dumb bitch like they’re not even original. Im calling the superintendent of my mind and having them all taken off the PTA board of trustees. Fuck you Helen. Not you though [Friend] your name susan helen does not apply during breakdowns

Friend: Oh boy. Is there anything i can do

Me: Im just laying here with a pained smile on my face its not even a breakdown its a roast sesh. Nah not atm besides listen and hear the dumb shit they say

Friend: Oh boy, does it help to get it out like would writing help

Me: Yeah. God you cant even type right. Yeah you’re a secretary Jan sorry I dont have a crumbling marrage and an English degree like you. Oooooh im throwing sick burns. Im not even funny im just sad. I hope you’re laughing. Genuinely I hope its a bit funny because im a piece of trash. Ok yo you didn’t need to say that last part margaree.

Friend: Omfg

Me: God hell yeah you can take me out on trash day fucking Mmm yeah you bet id like that feeling of powerlessness and suffocation of my voice please, expand uponthis trash bag fantasy joann. Ill sit on the curb and cry myself to death you right. Fuck you got me lol I guess ill just give up now. Fool im not done yet get PUNKED Pamela. Im still here to shit on your bad insults. I hate myself, yeah i hate you too Mary Sue. Go fuck yourself; I think i might give it a shot from what i’ve heard its best in the shower and i was gonna take one tomorrow...

Friend: Oh boyyyyyy

Me: Lol yall are dumb; When they try to make their voices sound like mine but you can tell the yall is just you and the’re throwing shit at you but you see it. Im great fuck you pam

Friend: Oh gee

Me: This is good, like genuinely its like a throwdown and they’re bloody on the floor (the pta council). Fuck em, yeah fuck you too janice. “I hadta do it to em”- me at my future kid asking why i did this. Yeah i beat up Suzanne but she was a bitch anyway. Ok now stop trying to get all on my side pauleenI know you’re with them. Go with the rest of em. I bought you a luxury cruise well actually yall did bc yall are selfish and feed off sadness go drink some martinis and come back but you bet ill be fucking waiting for you, yeah ik were not done donna, but ill still be there and... “I love you”- I love you too higher sweetie who sounds like [my friend’s spirit guide] no now its my higher self but also [her]? Yeet ok bye yall

Friend: Oh boy

Me: Fuck um, Patricia decided to stay behind and keep me company. Lol im a mess. How are you things have relatively chilled. And now im being told “I love you” from someone i think me a higher power that believes in me

Friend: Eh im alright. How are you

Me: Im better. Did you enjoy that little skit my ego wants to know so it can make a production and Pam can bring her friends back and then my higher self is saying just say you love me and you’re here, “and i love you”- higher bee thank you I love you too. Idek, yes I know i’m a mess pam. I know

Friend: “Higher bee” oh could you imagine if god was just a fluffy bumble bee wanting us to love ourselves. I’m sorry you’re going through this

Me: But im a mess of glitter, spilled but pretty and not going away yeah ok no pretty is not my only worthy reason for existing but thanks. Im also friendly. Awwww thatd be so sweet. Thatd BEE so sweet. She’s beautiful

Friend: Ba dum tss

Me: Its ok i find it mildly funny. “I cant drown my demons, they’re in a pta meeting atm and dont have their pool passes handy”

Friend: Lol

Me: Haha im livingg. I love you. Thank you for listening

Friend: I love you too and any time

Me: “I love you so much” thank you giant sky bee, God thank you giant sky bee godbless. Bless yourself. How are you. Im feeling loved. I faced part of the wall yoot lol

Friend: I’m glad you’re feeling loved I’m ok

Me: Like i faced something, im here and it matters. I love you. Im glad you’re ok. What have you been doing how long was that. 12:46 to 1:20. 35-40 min. Average breakdown cycle. Nice good to know. See, its all chill after 40 min

----

And thats that my guys uhh yeah i keep track of how long i break down for and it really is only about 45 minutes until your body wears itself out. I love you all 

[problematicc-favs]

water park - sincerely three x reader smut (and like 1,000 words of fluff)

request: okay but like sincerely three and reader having a waterpark day and she does something like pull connor into and he just gets pissed™ and pushes them against one of the jets and keeps teases them and keeps saying "you're in for it when we get home" and jared and evan help and then they keep teasing her on the slides and in the water play thing and when home kinky shit ensures plz plz write this i'll give u houseplants and cuddles

OH BOY OH BOY THIS IS FUN IG oh,, tags @spicy-nug-boi

Word count; 3455

TW; fem reader (IM SORRY I ALWAYS FEEL AWFUL), daddy kink lowkey, teasing!! in public!!, car rides, begging, lowkey orgasm delay/denial, idek?, poly relationship,its longer than i intended, SEX AND SMUT OBVS, PORN WITH MILD PLOT,  jared kleinmeme is an actual meme, evan is 11/10, bad comedy

When Jared Kleinman had suggested that you, Connor and Evan go to the waterpark to relax and make the best out of the final days of Summer, you had immediately thought it was a great idea. Spending a day with your boyfriends, just escaping all the stress and other shit that was cluttering your mind was exactly what you needed, and while it took a bit of… convincing to get Connor on board with the idea, he was prompted to say yes when you and the two other boys promised him to make it worth-while for him. It didn’t hurt your case when you reminded him of the prospect of seeing you running around in a bikini.

So, a few days after everything had been agreed upon, the four of you sat in the car, blasting music. It was Jared’s turn on the aux (which was something everyone else always dreaded), so the current song playing was the Little Einstein’s theme, much to your dismay. He sang along gleefully, dancing along and poking you. “C’mon y/n. Sing with me. Sing with meeee. Babe. Y/N. The song is almost over.”

You tried to ignore him at first, but eventually gave in, mumbling along to the song which you sadly knew the entirety of. You could blame Jared for that.

“Zooming through the sky, Little Einstein’s. YEAHHH!”

The song ended and he began to furiously scroll through Spotify to find the next song.

“You two are children,” Connor commented, almost endearingly.

“Got it!” Jared exclaimed after a few moments.

“Please don’t play trash again.” You begged quietly. “I never play trash. I only play tasteful, cultured music, my dear.”

There was a thick silence before you heard the unmistakable first notes of Deepthroat by Cupcakke.

No one said a thing until,

“HUMP ME, FUCK ME—”

“Oh my god Jared.”

“O-Oh. Woah.”

“DADDY BETTER MAKE ME CH—”

“Make it stop. Stop.”

“NO WAY, BABY.” Jared shook his head furiously. “YOU BETTER HUMP ME—”

“Jared I am begging you. Stop. You’re scaring Evan.”

“He’s not scaring me!”

“Fine. You’re scaring me.”

Jared turned away from you, opting to sing to Connor instead. “LICK LICK LICK LICK, I WANNA EAT YOUR DICK.”

You and Evan both buried your faces in your hands, faces completely red.

“Oh c’mon guys! It’s my favorite song. At least pretend to like it.”

When you finally arrived at the water park (after what felt like a very long, very painful car ride), you ran out of the car as fast as you could, much more excited then you anticipated you would be. The boys followed not too far behind you, and you couldn’t tell if it was because they were equally as excited or they just needed to keep up with you. Either way, when you made it to the gate of the waterpark and scanned your tickets in, you and Jared were both exhausted.

“Why the fuck is the parking lot so far away from the entrance?” You questioned, already out of breath.

“Because life is pain and the company who runs this place gives no fucks.” Jared half-joked. “It wasn’t that far. I mean it was far, but you guys look like you ran a fucking marathon.” Connor chuckled. “Nerds.”

“Not all of us have fucking tree legs, Connor.” You quipped back.

“This place looks cool.” Evan looked around. You cocked your head to the side slightly. “Ev, have you ever been to a water park before?” He shook his head gently, shrugging. “I think that I might’ve gone with um, my dad.. when I was younger? I’m not sure though.”

“So, we might be your first time?” Jared wiggled his eyebrows. “I-I guess so.” Evan laughed.

“Okay, less standing around and belittling people with short legs,” you looked at Connor, “Or making stupid first time jokes.” You glared at Jared.

“And more time stripping off your clothing so we can actually have fun. Let’s go motherfuckers.” You laughed, Connor shook his head disapprovingly, a small smile playing on his lips.

“No but for real.” You added, quickly wiggling out of your athletic shorts that covered your bathing suit. Jared began to ‘sensually’ sing the sax riff from ‘careless whisper’ as you pulled your shirt off. You shot him a death glare before fast walking towards the wave pool.

You hopped in happily quickly followed by Evan and Jared. You splashed them, giggling softly, and Evan splashed you back a bit harder. You squealed slightly, and it ended up becoming a full on war between the three of you. When it had calmed down, and you had made a three way truce, you glanced over at Connor, who was just chilling off to the side, still wearing his clothes.

“Connnnnn,”

You said mischievously.

He glanced at you, sensing the hint of mischief in your voice.

“Whatttttt?” He asked. “Why aren’t you playing with us?” You frowned childishly. “Yeah Connor. Whyyyy?” Jared whined mockingly. “Because I don’t want to.” Connor shrugged, smiling slightly. “But /we/ want you to.” You pouted.

He shrugged again, and you pulled yourself out of the pool walking over to him. “Come on. Let’s go. Now.” You grabbed his hand and attempted to pull him towards the water. He didn’t budge. Damn you were weak.

“Connor. Pleaseee.” Evan said sweetly. You glanced at the two boys in the pool, getting an idea.

You mouthed the words ‘distract him’, and Jared immediately began to bug Connor about how he ‘wasn’t any fun’. Connor was obviously getting mildly annoyed, and you were casually holding his hand and walking the both of you towards to water, and he didn’t seem notice. Thank god. After a few seconds you cut into the conversation.

“Hey, Murphy.” You said smugly.

Mid-way through his attempt to turn around to look at you, you gave him a hard shove into the pool, giggling and then jumping in practically on top of him.

When you arose from beneath the surface of the water you were met with both Jared and Evan laughing their asses off while Connor ran a hand through his hair. “Oh my fucking god, Y/N. Y-You fucking—oh boy you fucked up.” Jared laughed. And you knew he was right.

“Woops,” You squeaked out, looking at Connor.

And holy fuck.

He looked hot. Like, hotter than usual.

The thin fabric of his tee-shirt clung to his skin, his hair was soaking wet, and the look in his eyes was one of pure lust, and some anger. It took all your self-control not to kiss him as hard as you could, or pull him back to the car and let him fuck your brains out.

“What the fuck are you staring at?” His voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you looked away quickly, blushing.

“Do you think you’re funny?” Connor questioned. You met his eyes, holding back a giggle and shaking your head no.

“I think you do.” He said simply, walking towards you. You stepped back, and he took another step forward until he had backed you against the wall of the pool. “It’’s not funny, y/n.” He said softly before leaning in to kiss you, his hands pressing against your hips. You could feel some of his hair fall into his face and brush against you own. You lifted your hand to push it out of his face but one of his hands shot up from your hip and caught yours, pushing it back down to your side and holding it there.

“What if I just fucked you right here, with everyone watching. Hm? What if I fucked you until you were screaming my name. Would you like that, baby?” He growled in your ear, his lips attaching to the hollow of your neck, leaving a single hickey. “You’re in for it when we get home, princess.”

His hand slipped behind you to squeeze your ass before he moved past you and hopped out of the water. Once you recovered from the encounter you looked to Jared and Evan with wide eyes that read ‘what the fuck just happened’.

Instead of saying anything to you, they both just looked at each other with stupid fucking smirks on their faces. “Ooooh. Y/N’s in troubleee.” Jared said cockily, grabbing Evan’s hand and winking at you. You rolled your eyes and scoffed. “Fuck off, Kleinman.”

For awhile things seemed normal. Connor even decided to hang out with you on his own accord.

Every now and then, though, one of the boys would slide their hand up your thigh, or whisper all the things they wanted to do to you in your ear. It was an understatement to say that you were incredibly frustrated.

You guys had migrated to the kids play area now, because as Evan had so masterfully put it

“THERE ARE WATER GUNS AND WE’RE BASICALLY CHILDREN.”

Currently, you were deciding teams for your water gun battle. “I-I call Evan!” You said quickly, thinking that doing anything with Connor would result in more teasing, and that the situation would be similar with Jared.

“Fine. Connor and I will kick your assess.”

“Kleinman—”

“Don’t listen to him, y/n. He’s just a bully.” Evan teased, and you smiled slightly.

“Alright, bitches. 3, 2, 1, GO!”

You began to frantically run around, and just to your luck you ended up running directly into Jared. Although you were pretty sure he had run into you on purpose, because before you could start to run away he grabbed you by the waist and pulled your body against his. He moved his body against yours roughly, grinding into you. Your head fell back slightly and you almost succumbed to the feeling of someone finally giving you some sort of stimulation, but you heard Evan scream and you remembered..

You were at war.

“That’s against the fucking rules, Kleinman!” You whined, pushing away. “We never set any rules.” Connor called out. “Fucking hell.” You mumbled to yourself, squirting Jared directly in the face with the water gun before running to help Evan.

After you had chased Connor away you and Evan were ‘hiding’ behind a panel, both mildly out of breath. “Hey, y/n,” Evan said innocently. You glanced at him. “Yeah?”

“I love you.” He smiled cheekily. You chuckled and smiled back. “I love you too, Ev.”

“Oh geez, good. Because I’m sorry about this.” You couldn’t process his words before you felt someone come up behind you and kiss and press a kiss on the side of your neck, and then Evan’s lips were on yours, muffling your confused moan.

God damnit, you had been betrayed.

Evan was gently moving his fingers over your clothed clit and you gasped into the kiss. You had determined the person behind you was Connor, due to the hair and the height, and he was still working his lips down your neck and shoulders. Evan’s fingers wandered dangerously under the hem of your bathing suit bottom and you were practically dry humping his hand as you desperately searched for some form of relief. “I bet you could cum like this, fucking yourself onto Evan’s hand. That’s how badly you want us, isn’t it?” Connor said condescendingly. God, you hated giving him the satisfaction of seeing you like this. He wasn’t wrong, though.

When you thought Evan was finally going to be merciful and help you get off you heard screeching in the distance.

“Excuse me, sir?! Have you seen my beautiful significant others? Yes, I lost them! Well there’s one that’s about.. yeah like this tall, fucking very tall I know, yeah he has brown hair and it’s long. You could mistake him for a female if you only give him a quick glanc—oh you haven’t seen them? Oh. Thanks anyway.” A pause before,

“CONNOR?! EVAN?! Y/N?? GUYS I’M SCARED BEING ALL ALONE.”

Evan pulled his hand away from you and you let out a whimper at the loss of contact. “Kleinman just ruins everything, doesn’t he?” Connor joked to you.

“We’re over here Jared!” He called out, and you heard Jared gasp.

“MY LOVERS!!” He yelled dramatically, running towards you.

“We’re going home.” You said as soon as he was in earshot.

“Wait, what?” He and Evan asked simultaneously.

“We’re going home. Now.” You gulped, trying to sound firm in your words even though your legs were almost shaking.

“But babe, I’m having fun.” Connor fake pouted.

“Fuck off, Murphy. We’re going.” Your voice cracked slightly, and you were incredibly embarrassed, but you weren’t going to let it get to you. You walked away from the group, grabbed your bag that held your clothes and phone, and began to walk to the exit of the park with a purpose.

“Are you guys coming?” You called over your shoulder.

“We don’t have much of a choice.”

You made it to the car and unlocked it, hopping into the passenger seat. After a few seconds the boys all filed in, Connor opting to drive.

“You better fucking speed home, Connor.”

You mumbled, leaning against the door of the car and crossing your legs.

“Last time I checked you weren’t the one in charge.” Connor replied, pulling out of the parking lot.

You went silent, twirling your hair around your finger.

“You good, Y/N?” Evan asked, knowing perfectly well that you were not ‘good’.

“I’m fine.”

“Why won’t you come sit with us back here?”

“Because.”

“Because what?”

“Because I don’t trust you.” You half joked.

“Ouch. I’m offended.” Jared deadpanned.

Connor chuckled, placing a hand gently on your knee. You shivered slightly, and he moved his hand up to grip your thigh and pull your legs off of each other so they were uncrossed. He kept his eyes on the road while his fingers traced the edges of your thighs.

“You’re gonna make us crash.” You warned. “Pay attention to driving.”

Connor’s hand stalled its movements for a moment.

“You’re right,” he glanced at back at Jared and Evan, “Go sit with them.” He commanded.

You opened your mouth to protest but he cut you off.

“It’s better if you just comply, baby. The better behaved you are now, the less daddy will have to punish you later.”

So, without another word you wiggled your way through the gap between the passenger and driver’s seat, plopping down face first in between your two boyfriends. “Ouch.” You mumbled, attempting to readjust so that you could actually sit correctly. “Jesus fucking Christ you nerd.” Jared laughed. You felt a pair of hands help you sit up, and you sighed happily when you were able to rest your head against Evan’s shoulder. You intertwined your fingers with his, and giggled when Jared began to leave sweet kisses down your cheek and neck. “You’re gonna be so sore when we’re done with you tonight, princess.” He mumbled against your skin, and the pure prospect of it was enough to make your breath hitch. Evan hooked his fingers under the bottoms of your swim suit and ran two fingers up and down your heat. He smiled and pulled them away, holding them up for both you and Jared to see. You were almost ashamed to see that they were soaked with your arousal. You had barley been touched, yet you were somehow still incredibly turned on. “You’re so wet for us, Y/N,” Evan said softly. “Is this what kind of effect we have on you, beautiful? You’re so fucking needy for us.” Jared continued, running a hand through your hair and stopping mid-way through to tug it.

And he kissed you, roughly, a hand tangled in your hair while Evan picked up where he left off, his fingers returning to your aching core and sliding into your heat with ease. You moaned into Jared’s lips, groaning softly as you bucked your hips towards Evan’s hand for more friction. “God—fuck. I need more.” You breathed out. “Don’t get greedy now, love.” Connor reminded you. Evan was now curling two fingers in and out of you as you moaned his name, and it took a whole lot of control not to beg for one of the boys to fuck you right there.

Right as you felt your legs began to shake as you were ready to go over the edge, you heard the sound of a seat belt clicking open. “Fuck.” You gasped to yourself, knowing that it only meant your orgasm would be delayed once again. “Let’s go.” Connor instructed you and the other boys. Evan looked at you apologetically, kissing you quickly before getting out of the car. Jared got out as well, leaving you alone, breathing heavily. “Are you coming?” He yelled from the doorstep of the house. You shot him a look of pure desperation, and he laughed, walking back to you and pulling you out of the car. He pushed you against the metal of the door and kissed you, mummering the word ‘jump’ against your lips. You did as he said, wrapping your legs around his waist. He carried you inside, leaving kisses on your jawline as he did so. “You’re not as weak as I t-thought you were, Kleinman.” You teased in between moans. “Don’t make me drop you.” He scoffed.

When he eventually did put you down you were immediately met with Connor’s lips on yours. He was rough, demanding, as he pulled away and basically dragging you upstairs into the bedroom, where Evan already was, only in his boxers. Jared had apparently shed all of his clothing as he was walking into the room, because he was on top of Evan in an instant, his hands roaming down Evan’s body while Evan’s did the same to him. You couldn’t tear your gaze away from the sight of your boyfriends. When you eventually did look away you glanced to your side to see Connor pulling his shirt off, his hair messy.

Jesus fucking Christ, no matter how many times you had been with the three of them you were always overwhelmed. Connor approached you, kissing your skin as he pulled off the fabric that was covering your chest. Jared moaned Evan’s name loudly, and your eyes shot over to them. You swore you could physically feel yourself fall apart. Evan’s lips were around Jared’s dick as he contently bobbed his head, and Jared’s eyes were shut tightly as deep moans tumbled out of his lips. Connor led you to the bed and pushed you forward so that you were bended over the edge. Jared chuckled weakly and threaded a hand through you hair. You could feel Connor’s tip teasing at your entrance and you shuddered. “Please..” You begged. “Why should I, y/n. Why shouldn’t I just tease you until you cry?” Connor asked tauntingly.

“Oh—fuck Ev, just like that— come on, Connor. You made your point, be merciful.” Jared choked out. “W-What Jared said.” You agreed. “You’re lucky Kleinman is such a softie for you.” Connor mumbled, pushing into you without warning. You cried out slightly, and Jared’s grip on your hair tightened. “Fuck, baby. You feel so good.” Connor groaned. His thrusts sped up exponentially, and he gave you barley anytime to adjust. He pushed your shoulder’s down, keeping your body pressed against the mattress as he fucked you. You could hear muffled moans from Evan and not so muffled moans from Jared. From your peripheral vision you could see Evan jerking himself off and grinding against the mattress.

“Fuck, Ev, babyboy, I’m gonna cum.” Jared moaned, and his hand twitched, tugging on your hair. Your legs began to shake in the wake of your oncoming orgasm, and you whimpered loudly. “I can feel that you’re gonna cum baby. Come on. Cum for daddy like the slut that you are. Fuck, you’re so tight.” Connor rambled, obviously also close to coming undone. As you came you could hear Evan doing the same as he whimpered your name. Connor’s thrusts began to become irregular and after a few more moments he pulled out and came on your back, rasping out a string of profanities.

The four of you collapsed, gasping and laughing, high on the feeling of overwhelming love. There was a short period where no one spoke, until Connor groaned and rolled off of the bed, walking to the bathroom and grabbing a towel. “Let’s clean this up,” he mumbled to you, wiping your back off before tossing the towel to the side and wrapping his arms around you. Jared and Evan soon joined the cuddle party. You nuzzled your face into Evan’s neck happily and hummed a random tune that was stuck in your head.

Everything was peaceful until—

“Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“Are you humming Deepthroat?”