#do i just hope they dont notice and give it bacj to them

[oflgtfol]

god this SUCKS i cant redo the mat to cover it bc that was the last sheet of that color that we had in stock and the scrap left behind from when i originally cut it earlier, is just 2 inches too small to be used for this. so i cant use it. so i have to deal with this. and the way/side it tore means that it casts a shadow so its even more noticeable. gawd almighty

[viridescent-lament]

;-_-; <-crying face eyes closed

my stomach hurts and i think i might cry

its not even that bad but

my eyes keep tearing even though they dont feel like they do when im emotioinal

my body aches but its not that bad

all my problems are sok minor so i dont know why it bothers me so much

ive felt so many things worse than this! but i feel ! T-T

forgot T-T existed already

i cant pinpoint a single reason why rhis feels so bad even though it barelt affects me and i can hardly feel it

headache is strong again. on the sides this time, surprising. usually its the froknt and bacj that hurts. front hurts a little but.

i know what people would say if they read this. 'ita okay that it hurts, etc. ' but i cant accept that as an answer and i dont know why.

want to get something sweet but 1) peaches are the only thing sweet enough and i already had a peach today 2) stomach hurt so cant eat 3) no drink is sweet enough to satisfy and i already had a soda even if it doesnt feel like it cuz i took sips between food

i already had jello and ice cream+brownie+strawberries+whipped cream. that should be enough. my stomach is aching so it is enough. but i need a drink and i need it to be sweet.

ive been very emotional, despite barely feeling the emotion. it affects my body and my thoughts, yet the emotion itself is barely noticeable. i nearly cried because two friends got slavmeada asks and i didnt. how pathetic.

my head hurts too much. i cant even place words on this low level feeling of self depreciation. i could type out paragraphs and paragraphs of how useless idiotic pathetic weak simple stupid 'god youre so smart but you act so dumb' never smart enough never good enough never never so pointless

but i cant think. i have no sentances or reasoning, just a background feeling thst manages to seep into anything i do

i havent even helped my love. they gave me their vent blog, they always are able to help when i need it most, abd all i can do is quietly like their posts and pretend it never happened

useless useless why can't i do something to help i know they didn't give me their bloc purely in hopes i would be useful to them but i want to help i need to help why can i never think of anything

they could probably think of something to say that wards off my negative thoughts but it seems like the more i 'improve ' the better my days are the less comfort their words bring. at first i could understand their logic and the thoughts would leave but now i can't believe I what they say i just nod and pretend it works because there's still a comfort there, the very fact that they would try to help is a comfort but i can no longer believe the sentiment behind it

I'm crying. just small tears, gently pulsating. i still barely feel it. i cant even feel overwhelmed. i can't even feel numb. just like my feelings are turned to a low brightness

i am going to find something to drink. maybe we still have apple juice or lemonade.